⚽ You Get What You De Zerbi ⚽

We're on a short break for half-term so you'll have to excuse the lack of topical football reactions from this weekends results. In the meantime we go through some of your lovely listener correspondence and discuss the 'String Bean 11', the worst football merch tat you've ever bought, and is the Ballon d'or a load of crap? Enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show you can; Email us: [email protected] And follow us on Instagram and Tiktok: @footballinghell FPL team -⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ join the Footballing / Parenting Hell mini league ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ LEAGUE CODE: 1a5fc7 Leave us a 5* review and subscribe to the podcast please. You know the score by now. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Footballing Hell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Monday (don't worry - it's business as usual on Tuesday and Friday with the usual Parenting Hell episodes) A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• 2:11Speaker 03

  Hello, this is Football in Hell with

• 2:14Speaker 04

  Rob Beckett and Josh Whittlecombe.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  You're fucking kidding me. That is a brummy. So can we hear it again?

• 2:22Speaker 04

  Rob Beckett and Josh Whittlecombe.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  Is he joking? He's doing it as banter, I think.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  He better be. Otherwise I'm going to knock his bloody block off.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  It's not Jack Grealish. We had Jack Grealish before.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  Is it, who did I guess last time? Tyrone Mings.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  You can't just keep guessing Tyrone Mings, hoping to get it.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  Mrs. Mings is around.

• 2:42Speaker 03

  Mrs. Mings. That's a horrible surname for her, isn't it?

• 2:45Speaker 04

  It is, isn't it?

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Are you going to take his name? No, I'm fucking not.

• 2:50Speaker 05

  It's not Tyrone Mings, no.

• 2:52Speaker 04

  Which is Swift becoming Michael's catchphrase.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  I'd rather keep my maiden name, Rotta.

• 3:00Speaker 04

  How many times did you expect this year to say it's not Tyrone Mings, Michael? Because it's more than you'd anticipate.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  It's not Dion Dublin, is it?

• 3:08Speaker 04

  Oh, no, it's not Dion Dublin. I recognise this one.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  Right, I need a clue. That's too odd. I love this game. Can I just say, I love this game, but also I love this feeling of not knowing but about to know more than actually knowing. Can we sit in it for a bit?

• 3:21Speaker 04

  I need to do some research on Tyrone Mings.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Let's find out if he's married. You can't take Mings as your surname.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  I mean, I don't think this has ever been Googled before. Is Tyrone?

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Mrs. Mings. Mrs. Mings. Poor woman.

• 3:33Speaker 04

  He's not married, though he's kept his personal life very private. He's in a long-term relationship with the British singer Frankie Rose, formerly of the girl group M.O.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  She's called Frankie Rose Mings on Instagram.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  Oh, is she? Oh, right.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, you'd have to go Rose Mings. Rose Mings sounds all right, but just Frankie Mings.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  Is that being called Charlie Stinks?

• 4:07Speaker 03

  Mrs. Stinks, Mrs. Mings. So she's gone for Frankie Rose Mings.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Michael, I don't know if this would be weird. Could you DM Frankie Rose Mings and ask her if she could do a voicemail with, a voicemail with Tyrone Mings?

• 4:19Speaker 05

  I'm definitely not doing that.

• 4:21Speaker 04

  What?

• 4:22Speaker 05

  I'll try and get to her a different way, but.

• 4:24Speaker 04

  You can do it from the Footballing Hell.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, Michael, probably a fucking effort.

• 4:27Speaker 04

  Not WhatsApp, Instagram.

• 4:29Speaker 05

  I thought you meant me personally, her getting a DM from an account that hasn't posted in eight years.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  With no face.

• 4:35Speaker 05

  With no face, just an AI bicep.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  If anyone's got any access to the Mingses, let us know.

• 4:41Speaker 04

  Do you know what, Michael? I don't, I don't want to come out and say this, but.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  You're going to.

• 4:45Speaker 04

  People have a lot of go at me and Rob, but you've got to say it starts, I'm going to go full Lisandro Martinez on this. Jason Wilcox would definitely DM Tyrone Mings as well. Not in that way, not in that way. I'm not casting aspersions on it.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  You're saying he's tapping up Mings? You say he's got his grubby little winger things on Mings?

• 5:03Speaker 04

  From a Minger to a winger, he'd say.

• 5:05Speaker 05

  He'd try and tap up Tyrone Mings, but he'd end up tapping up some inferior Aston Villa defender.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  His wife.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  I'm going to play it one more time to refresh your memories.

• 5:16Speaker 04

  Rob Beckett and Josh Whittlecombe. And that's definitely not Tyrone Mings because it sounds exactly like him.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  He's about 45, 50, this guy.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:26Speaker 03

  The fuck was that?

• 5:28Speaker 04

  That was my weekly screen report, sorry.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  You've got a screen report?

• 5:31Speaker 04

  It just comes up on my laptop if I'm on at this point and I don't know why, how to turn it off.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  You're always on.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Always on.

• 5:37Speaker 05

  Okay, first clue. You won't get it from this, but just a little bit of texture and context.

• 5:41Speaker 03

  I might.

• 5:42Speaker 05

  All right. I was born 5th of December, 1965 in Rowley Regis, England.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Could you at least give us where Rowley Regis is?

• 5:53Speaker 05

  West Midlands.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  West Midlands.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  So he's 60, 60 years of age.

• 5:57Speaker 04

  60 years of age.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  He played for Birmingham.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  They were playing in the mid 80s to the mid 90s.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  It's a bit old for me.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Is it Steve Ball?

• 6:08Speaker 05

  Incorrect.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a great guess, though.

• 6:10Speaker 05

  Bully's even more black country. He's so thick.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, yes.

• 6:14Speaker 05

  As in his accent, not his intelligence.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  Shots fired. Not the ball.

• 6:21Speaker 05

  I don't want Tom Parry coming after me.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  Steve Ball.

• 6:24Speaker 05

  Michael, he's fucking idiot.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Oh, thick as shit. Barely fucking speak, the geezer. Great finisher though, but oh my God, you give him a shopping list, leave him in a shop, he'll never come out. Just up and down, up and down, staring at all the shapes.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  This is my era, I should get this.

• 6:44Speaker 05

  I began my career at West Bromwich Albion.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  Steve Ball. He's back in the game.

• 6:50Speaker 05

  Starting as an apprentice in 1983. In 1989, I signed for Sheffield Wednesday for £750,000.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  I know who it is. Do I?

• 7:01Speaker 03

  How?

• 7:02Speaker 04

  I think I know who it is.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Kevin Pressman?

• 7:05Speaker 04

  No.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  I think I've got it.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  It's Carlton Palmer.

• 7:12Speaker 05

  Correct.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Take a bow, son.

• 7:18Speaker 04

  It had his voice. The moment you're like that is Carlton Palmer's voice.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  He's great value on football podcasts. Have you seen some of his stories? He's wild, isn't he?

• 7:27Speaker 05

  He doesn't give a shit.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Well done, Josh. Was there other clues?

• 7:30Speaker 05

  I was just going to go through his career on Wikipedia.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Right, fair enough. Okay.

• 7:34Speaker 05

  In 1994, Howard Wilkinson signed me for 2.6 million.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  No, that'd have been a good one.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  England, would you have gone with England?

• 7:39Speaker 03

  I reckon I might have got him from the, I was trying to work out who plays for Leeds.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Clue four, I probably would have said all of his England caps came under Graham Taylor.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Also, he veers into the territory of massive bastard.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  He does, doesn't he? Gangly massive bastard.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Oh, gangly is a bit unfair, isn't it? That's a bit harsh.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  I think if Carlton Palmer is one thing, it's gangly.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Is there a subsection of massive bastards that's not gangly? It's almost like thunderbirdy, you know? String beans, string bean bastards.

• 8:04Speaker 04

  The string bean 11?

• 8:05Speaker 03

  I'll give you one. Patrick Vieira, string bean bastard.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  Vieira and Palmer.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  Yaya Torre's got a bit, no, he's quite a solid guy.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  Peter Crouch up front.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  He's just.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  He's a string bean.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  He's a string bean bastard, you're right.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  We've sorted out the central midfield, Palmer and.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  David de Gea, David de Gea in goal. He was quite gangly.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  He's a string bean bastard, yeah.

• 8:27Speaker 04

  Difficult with the wide players, isn't it?

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Havertz, gang, string bean bastard.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Do you remember Ian Ormondroid, Rob? You're not going to remember Ian Ormondroid.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  I don't know how, because we're the same age. I don't know why. I swear you're like Nicholas Lindhurst. You went back in time to watch the eight.

• 8:40Speaker 04

  You know what? Nicholas Lindhurst, he wouldn't be bad for a string bean 11.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Bellboy, little shit.

• 8:48Speaker 04

  Google Ian Ormondroid, Rob. Have a look at him.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Ian Android, what?

• 8:52Speaker 04

  Ormondroid, O-R-M-O-N-D-R-O-Y-D. Go to Google Images.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Ian Ormondroid, oh, yeah. His face would get in as a string bean bastard. Long boy, isn't he? Yes, he's, he's the poster boy for it.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  I don't remember him playing, but I had him as a, I had him as a sticker and I remember vividly him being.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  He's definitely in the string bean, any more string bean bastards, let's send them in. We've got massive bastards, little shits. And also, I was trying to think of a name of it, but I can't work out the name, but you know, like footballers that you watch, that you think deep down don't care if they win or not?

• 9:26Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, that's good.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  A bit of a Jimmy Bullard, Jack Grealish, you know, those players that sort of float around, Ben White.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's a footballer that didn't like football who played under Harry Redknapp.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Esa Okoto.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's it, yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  I don't know what we're going to call those.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  How'd you get in that position?

• 9:42Speaker 05

  David Batty, David Batty famously.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  David Batty.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  David Bentley.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Don't really care, the don't really cares.

• 9:49Speaker 04

  Who really cares?

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Hi, Rob and Josh. I thought I'd bring this to your attention. Apparently there's a big shift happening in the changing rooms of pro football teams right now.

• 9:56Speaker 04

  Yes, please, this is what we want to hear.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  This is from a recent podcast featuring German pundit and ex-player Chris Kramer.

• 10:02Speaker 04

  Never heard of him.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  He was in the Germany squad that won the World Cup in 2014.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  All right, I should know him.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Back then, we all showered naked.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  Have you heard of Chris Kramer?

• 10:11Speaker 03

  I thought he was in Seinfeld.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  Michael, have you heard of him?

• 10:15Speaker 05

  No, no idea who that is.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  I mean, it's mad he's got a World Cup medal, isn't it?

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Do you get on to being in the squad even if you don't play?

• 10:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, you've got to get one for the whole squad, surely.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  He said, apparently, back then, everyone showered naked.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 03

  Now, at least 80% shower wearing boxer shorts.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  No.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  It really is a generational thing. Towards the end of my career, when 12 men were showering at the same time, two of them were naked and they were usually over 30.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, I thought everyone showered naked.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  I personally don't shower naked in front of, I hate.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  No, no, neither do I, but I thought if you're a footballer.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  I wouldn't want, I think I'd wear shorts. I don't want, I don't want to see everyone's cock, I don't want them to see my cock. I don't like it. I don't want to shower with loads of men naked.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  No, I know. But I just thought if you're a footballer, you were so used to it.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  The bath they used to have is mental. Don't want someone's knob to float onto my leg. That's fine. You can say that.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  It's not going to become disconnected.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  I don't know. Seen some of them. Some of them, I reckon. Imagine the string beaners.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  In a almond droid. You're climbing out.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  The almond droids coming for you like a shark.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  We should caveat, Josh, that we are filming this in advance because it's half term and we're not going to be able to do a reactionary one. So if there's huge football news that have happened, apologies.

• 11:38Speaker 04

  Shall we just pocket some reactions? I'm going to give you some events and I just want your reaction.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  Okay, go on.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Man, you have sacked Michael Carrick.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  Shame. Thought he was a great manager. He deserved more time. I found it mad that Jason Wilcox has appointed himself as the new manager.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Bold move and he's put Martinez as captain and up front, but can't wait to tune in for Super Sunday.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  Man City have admitted, you're right, it was a fair cop. It's a fair cop.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, fair. Fair play, actually. They burst all the bananas and they took the hit.

• 12:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  I can't believe Tottenham won 3-0, Benton cause got a hat trick and then Deserby sucked him off in the middle of the changing room.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  You get what you deserve or you get what you deserve.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  You deserve it.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  You get what you deserve. That's what he says. His flash is coming. You get what you deserve.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you... No, no, I fuck that. The pun doesn't exist now because the word's need.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  The thought of the Tottenham players coming in after every win and him looking around the players going.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Who's getting a kiss now?

• 12:44Speaker 04

  Who's about to get what he deserves?

• 12:47Speaker 03

  Who deserves one of these? One of these smackers? People are pulling out of challenges so they don't get gobbled up by Deserby in the dressing room. It's a 50-50. I think I'll leave it. I'm going to have that little goatee rubbing my chin.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  Okay, so we've covered that. We've covered that.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Hi, Robert, Josh, Michael. Loving the podcast. Longtime listener of both. Started in the Netherlands during Covid with one child. Now relocated to Denmark to work for Lego with two kids. Anyway, one massive bastard for you. Jan Koller.

• 13:16Speaker 04

  Oh, yes, he was a massive bastard.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  He was so good on Pro Evo. Do you remember him on Pro Evo?

• 13:21Speaker 04

  Yes, he's a Czech guy, yeah?

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Yep, played for Dortmund. Oh, this is my era. When people say, what do you remember? Jan Koller's my era.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  It's easy to get him confused with another massive bastard of the time who was Karsten Yankar.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, but Jan Koller was six foot eight.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, Jan Koller was massive, but Karsten Yankar, Karsten Yankar kind of represented this period on Germany were total shit. So they had to have Karsten Yankar up front.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  He was six foot four.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  So who did he play for? Borussia Dortmund?

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Jan Koller did, I think, for a bit. He played for Bayern Munich was his big club, Yankar, and then he moved around Italy.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Oh, Yankar, but what about?

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Koller played for Dortmund, under 38 appearances, 59 goals, then went to Monaco, then Nuremberg, bit of Anderlecht. But yeah, he was an absolute whopper of a guy.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Oh, there's a photo of him with Peter Crouch having a big massive bastard photo.

• 14:14Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 14:15Speaker 03

  They played in a charity game together.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  Pop him in the team. Pop him in the team. He was a massive bastard.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  But also of Crouch is obviously now in the string bean 11.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, maybe Crouch has been moved to the string bean 11.

• 14:25Speaker 03

  He's out. He's not a massive bastard. Massive bastard. This is for massive bastards. Stig Tofting.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  I was going to say Stig Ingeby-Ornabe is not a massive bastard. Stig Tofting.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  He looks like an absolute brute.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Oh my God, look at him.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  I don't know if he's big enough. He's only five foot nine.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  He's little shits, Stig Tofting.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  He's a little shit.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  They call him the lawnmower because I think he just hacks people down in.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  I love him. Look at him.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  He's got absolutely no neck.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  Okay, but I can't say nothing. People in glass houses. Shakiri's, he's a bit of a Shakiri build, isn't he?

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Shakiri is an incredible shape, isn't he? Shakiri is like no other footballer. He's got the squareish shoulders. He's built like kind of incredibly hard fallback from the kind of 80s, 90s, but he's a...

• 15:14Speaker 03

  He's mad. He's mad, but he's so stocky and broad.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  He's so stocky.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  I still think I'd look like Shakiri if I actually got in shape. Like, that's how my body would go. I cannot get narrower. I've got such massive shoulders, but obviously I don't look like that because I'm not in shape. But I think I'm one of them people where I can, I don't think Shakiri can get lean. He's just either overweight or massive. He's a human chode.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  What's a chode?

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Chode's something as wide as it is long.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 15:43Speaker 03

  That's what a chode is.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  No.

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• 17:04Speaker 00

  Disney's Hext, now playing only in theaters.

• 17:10Speaker 00

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• 17:43Speaker 03

  Okay, irrational team rivalry, Josh?

• 17:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  I understand when kids pick things based on the colour of their football team. However, my 37-year-old partner supports Aberdeen and simply must have red things and refuses anything green or blue.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  Oh, that's so difficult.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  I think he's very pathetic.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Also, they're not even your rivals, Aberdeen. You haven't won the league since the early 80s.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  You last won the league when Alex Ferguson was the manager. Rangers and Celtic are not your rivals.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  This even extends to the colour of his toothbrush.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 18:24Speaker 03

  He often ends up with a pink or purple toothbrush if there are no red ones in the shop. He once got gingivitis but didn't get it treated because he enjoyed seeing the red blood in the sink.

• 18:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  I'm joking. I'm joking. I made that up. Also, one of Aberdeen's nicknames is the dandies. Are they the dons?

• 18:42Speaker 04

  They're the dons, aren't they?

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Why are they called the dandies?

• 18:44Speaker 04

  What's who won't read the beano? He reads the dandy. What's?

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Can you find out why they're called the dandies, Michael, please? There's a few interesting nicknames in Scotland. Hibs are called the cabbage.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Are they?

• 18:55Speaker 03

  My favourite is Breckin City, aka the hedge men, as there is a hedge running around a length of the touchline.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  Thanks a lot. And I'm fairly clueless about footy, especially English football. I'm still enjoying the bants, Rosie from Aberdeen. I get not wanting green or blue stuff, but making it red's a bit much, isn't it?

• 19:13Speaker 04

  I don't even get not wanting green or blue stuff.

• 19:16Speaker 03

  And I'd say you are more drawn to green than white, though, than you are red. I never see you in red, really.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, but that's because of my skin tone.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  Oh, there is a hedge right on the edge of the stadium at Breckin.

• 19:26Speaker 04

  Is there?

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Looks just like someone's fancy garden. Oh my God. This is the best pitch I've ever seen. I'm actually attracted to it. So up in Breckin City.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  Wow, look at that hedge.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, but look at the actual pitch as well.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  That mowing?

• 19:38Speaker 03

  July 2019.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  So where is the hedge?

• 19:41Speaker 03

  It actually looks a bit like an asshole. So the hedge is on the right hand side.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  We've got to go. Where is Breckin?

• 19:47Speaker 03

  You ain't going there. It's miles away.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  I'd love to go to that. Breckin.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  No offence, I'm not going to Breckin to look at a hedge. That's mental.

• 19:55Speaker 04

  So I'm currently in Cornwall as this is being recorded.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  I mean, what's that? It's in between Edinburgh and Aberdeen.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  12-hour drive. I could be there by 9:46 this evening.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  Well, you can't. If you've got an electric car, you'll have to stop for half an hour to recharge.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  Oh my God, Breckin is halfway between Glasgow and Aberdeen. It's actually closer to Aberdeen. It's so far north.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  I think just stick to the Google image. What shirt are you wearing today, by the way?

• 20:20Speaker 04

  I'm wearing St Pauli today.

• 20:22Speaker 03

  Oh, a little hipster one. Show us. I can't really see it properly. Can you stand up?

• 20:26Speaker 04

  It's brown and white.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  What are you wearing? Sunderland?

• 20:31Speaker 03

  No, this is an Olympiakos 100 years anniversary shirt.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  I remember you celebrating that, actually.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We went out with smashing plates, had a couple of dolmas and a...

• 20:42Speaker 04

  You, Fletch and Simon Jordan.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Done a big Yamass.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  You said like Simon Jordan, still didn't know his name.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Smashing plates, dancing. Stavro flatly came out. I think, is this that veering on the races? Just any Greek things I can think of?

• 20:57Speaker 04

  I went to a Greek night on holiday. They smashed plates. That's fine.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  That is a thing they do, isn't it?

• 21:01Speaker 04

  I mean, I don't know. They just do it for tourists, if I'm honest.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think they might have done it years ago. I think it's probably a bit like Morris dancers.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  I see it at events, but it's not part of my sort of... Culture and upbringing and history of.

• 21:15Speaker 04

  All mine and I live in Devon.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  We've got like a little local magazine that gets sent out to like the area, like the villagey area.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:21Speaker 03

  And uh, there was a local guy on it that had a, his whole body painted green, dressed as a Morris dancer. It's some sort of tradition.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  That's a bit weird.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  Green face paint, Morris dancer. Some border Morris dancers have switched from traditional black paint, face paint, oh god, to green to avoid, oh, that's better.

• 21:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  So they're still sort of doing the sort of cultural thing of painting their face, but they've gone green instead of black. Is that good? That's good, isn't it? That's better.

• 21:49Speaker 04

  That's good, that's better, that's good.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's good, that's good, that's, that's progression.

• 21:53Speaker 04

  The Aberdeen fan wouldn't like it. He'd actually prefer the, the other option because it's not green like Celtic.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  He'd have to go red, he'd go red.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, you'd go red.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  You're just looking embarrassed all the time, but if you're Morris dancing, you probably are.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  Okay, what we got next, Rob?

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Right. Worst football merch or memorabilia you own? I told you I've got a Snickers France, uh, nineteen ninety-eight World Cup watch.

• 22:16Speaker 04

  Oh, nice, lovely.

• 22:18Speaker 03

  Do you wanna see it? Have I showed it to you?

• 22:19Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  I can go and get it. This will be good, you'll love this. And then, and then I'll read out the email.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  Shall we have a bet, Michael, on where he got it? Do you think it's eBay?

• 22:28Speaker 05

  Hundred percent eBay, yeah.

• 22:30Speaker 04

  Shall we put a price on it? I think six quid.

• 22:33Speaker 05

  Hmm, I think a little bit more.

• 22:35Speaker 04

  Twenty-five.

• 22:36Speaker 05

  No, that's too much. I'm gonna, I'm gonna say with postage fourteen.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  And I'm basing that on tat, World Cup tat that I've bought recently.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  It's brand new.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  We were just discussing, did you buy it on eBay?

• 22:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  And we were discussing how much, oh my god.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, do you like that?

• 22:56Speaker 04

  That is nice.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  You can watch it on the video, Snickers. Is it back to front on there?

• 23:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  It's never been worn.

• 23:03Speaker 04

  You mean there wasn't someone that was wearing a Snickers France ninety-eight World Cup watch?

• 23:07Speaker 03

  But it hasn't even got the film remove thing.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  Oh, wow, it's nicer than I expected. I mean, it's not, it's naff as hell.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  Can you see it like that, see?

• 23:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  I fucking zoomed in on that, well good. The stopper is still in the.

• 23:22Speaker 04

  Uh, that is, I mean, that is.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  Thing. So you can see Snickers in the middle with the logo at the bottom.

• 23:26Speaker 04

  Touch a glass, Rob.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Quite a nice watch.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  How much did you spend on it?

• 23:29Speaker 03

  I don't think it was about forty quid.

• 23:31Speaker 04

  More than we expected.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  I'd actually wear that out. Shall I start wearing it?

• 23:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  Why not?

• 23:36Speaker 04

  Cause it's unworn. It could only go up in value.

• 23:38Speaker 03

  I don't think I paid a lot for it.

• 23:40Speaker 04

  I've got an Italian ninety swatch, but I'm not at home.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  Mars nineteen ninety-six written on the back.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  Are you aware of the Italian ninety, uh, cars, Rob?

• 23:49Speaker 03

  I didn't know about Italian ninety cars. I'm, France ninety-eight is more my World Cup that I got obsessed with.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Cause you're ninety-eight seven, you were born.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  Eight-six, I'm a bit younger than you, old heads.

• 23:58Speaker 04

  Rob, Google Italian ninety Fiat. How many are there in existence, Michael? You know about this, don't you?

• 24:04Speaker 05

  I check it once.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 24:06Speaker 05

  That's my dream car. The classic football shirts, guys, I've got one, I think. I think one of the owners or someone who worked there bought it in Italy and drove it back to the UK as a sort of pilgrimage.

• 24:16Speaker 04

  Italian ninety Fiat Panda.

• 24:18Speaker 05

  I've never been more jealous of a car in my life.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  Do you drive?

• 24:21Speaker 05

  Nope.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  You've got to get one. It's just stick out the drive.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  They're impossible to find. I've got like alerts set up on AutoTrader and all those websites.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  Rob, look at the wheels, look at the wheels.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  Well, there's a YouTube video of a guy that had it fully restored. What's on? Oh my god, the wheels are footballs.

• 24:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  And they've got the logo on the front. Oh my god.

• 24:40Speaker 05

  The problem is the body, the chassis of those cars was so shit, they've just all rusted away and died, like in the subsequent decades.

• 24:47Speaker 04

  Oh my god. If anyone drives one of them, let me know.

• 24:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, and if anyone wants to sell one, I will buy it. I've just put a picture on the WhatsApp group, talking about your France ninety-eight watch, Rob. This is a T-shirt that I'm, I would genuinely.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm wearing a France ninety-eight Coupe de Monde T-shirt.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  Oh, France ninety-eight Coupe de Monde. Love it, I see, I see how much my Snickers watches, I mean, who's gonna buy it?

• 25:09Speaker 04

  Send in your bids. Rob will sign it.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Oh, they're up to a hundred quid now, brand new ones.

• 25:15Speaker 04

  Do you know what? Better to put your money in, in Snickers watches than bricks these days.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  Now, all I wanna do is just go on eBay and buy a lot more stuff from France ninety-eight.

• 25:21Speaker 04

  It's an addiction. It's an addiction.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  Hello, gents. Listening to your chat about the pathetic yet pricey piece of, piece of Old Trafford turf. Made me think about the worst, stupid and most terrible football-related item I've bought. I have many boring football autobiographies and worse being a tough choice between Theo Walcott and Alan Smith. Some terrible handmade models of Ian Wright and Martin Hayes, faded tea mugs, football cushions. That have been relegated to the basement in a bin bag, but most.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  Model of Martin Hayes is hell of a thing. He wasn't even a big player.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  No. Egregious is a key ring. This is no ordinary key ring. It's a weighty fake gold number in the cumbersome shape of the Emirates Stadium. With the pitch being a piece of match worn shirt from the handsome striker Olivier Giroud. From a game against Leicester in twenty seventeen. It's horrible. They cut up hundreds of tiny little rectangles from his shirt, glued them to the key ring as the pitch. And then charged one hundred pounds.

• 26:25Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  For this esteemed rarity. Obviously, I wasn't stupid enough to buy this initially. But I was stupid enough to grab it at the discounted price of only fifty pounds. Literally two weeks later, Olivier Giroud joins Chelsea.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  That means that it's a limited edition thing.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he's just got a Chelsea player shirt in the.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  I know.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  And like months later, he scored against Arsenal in the Europa League final and later went on to the Champions League for our heated rivals, hated rivals. At this point, it became clear the key ring was cursed, so I threw it out. Things have steadily got much better for Arsenal and much worse for Chelsea since then. So I feel vindicated. I've attached some pictures I found online. And I'm interested in the worst tut the lads have bought. There we go. It is awful. Cause it's like, the, the shirt is like a random bit, it's a bit white, a bit red.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause it's not pitch coloured.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  No, and also the Emirates Stadium is such a uninspiring shape. It just looks like a general pendant that you'd put a photo of like a dead nan in.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  I, I think we should.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Not the nan dead, but the nan when she was alive.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

• 27:28Speaker 03

  Cool, just checking.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, just got a little eye, a little eye shut, laying down.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  To the police. While you're dealing with the crime scene, could you just, um, could you print me off one of those photos, please?

• 27:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, sling me the JPG, will you, of a.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  I could get there in time, but if, if the old bill are still there, if I can snap a quick one and send it on. So actually, don't put it on WhatsApp because they'll compress it. If they could then attach it as an email. Be a better quality for the, uh, pendant.

• 27:59Speaker 04

  I think an email should be not, who's got the most uninspiring stadium? Because then you'll just get fan slag of other fans. I want emails from fans saying, I think my team has the most uninspiring stadium.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Or the worst bit of your stadium.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, so not the hedge, the hedge is the best. We want that. The least characterful stadiums.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  Well, a good example of that is, um, this is from my time listening to David Earl's football podcast.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  The Exeter's gap at their stadium.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Oh, so the houses can watch?

• 28:29Speaker 03

  There, there's no space to build a stand, so they had to build a little, have you not seen it?

• 28:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've been there.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  But it's a massive gap.

• 28:34Speaker 04

  Where?

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Google Exeter City Stadium.

• 28:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  There's a bit, there's a bit of land that they don't own, and then there's a massive gap in the stands.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Are you sure?

• 28:44Speaker 03

  I'm not talking about a court, like the whole, like, the lengthways bit of the stadium, there's a gap.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, there is at the end.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  They should have a full stadium for that club size, you know what I mean?

• 28:53Speaker 04

  Well, you know, really.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  They don't own that bit of land or something, so they can, they can only build half a stand.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  So at the end, at the other end, I'm looking at a picture, I.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  There's some houses in Exeter that can see the pitch and you would see people in the windows watching the matches.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  Did you go and watch Exeter then, when you was at uni, uni there?

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Right, I wasn't at uni in Exeter.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  Why are you keeping going to Exeter to watch football?

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Well, Plymouth Argyle.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  Right, ah, but you, you're in the away end.

• 29:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I, I've been to some home games at Exeter, cause it's the local team, one of the local teams, I'd just go to games.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  But yeah, worst bit of your stadium from the fans, not opposing fans.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  This needs to be, you are a whatever, like Sunderland fan and what you don't like about your stadium.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  Rob, are you aware of, that Michael Jackson, David Blaine and Mohamed Al Fiyah did an event at Exeter City in the early two thousand?

• 29:43Speaker 03

  And Yuri Geller.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  And Yuri Geller, yeah.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  What is it that brings those kind of people to that club then?

• 29:50Speaker 04

  Yuri Geller, his son was an Exeter fan because I think, uh, he lived, lived in Exeter in a past life, I think.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  When you say past life, when he was younger or?

• 30:01Speaker 04

  No, I mean, literally in a past life. It's, we're talking Yuri Geller.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  So Yuri Geller, one of his previous lives was him living in Exeter?

• 30:08Speaker 04

  No, no, his son's previous lives.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  So his son lived before?

• 30:12Speaker 04

  I think so, yeah. Daniel Geller, he was called.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Right.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  And so Yuri Geller's kind of became attached to Exeter.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  Daniel Geller, he's a lawyer and trainee barrister.

• 30:21Speaker 04

  Right, in this life.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  His son looks exactly like him. Can't believe I'm looking at pictures of Yuri and Daniel Geller.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  There was a lot of publicity at the time because his father Yuri Geller planted energy infused crystals behind the goals to help the team.

• 30:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  Not buying that.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  The energy infused, nah, nah. Did it work, did it?

• 30:51Speaker 02

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• 31:36Speaker 02

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• 31:53Speaker 02

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• 32:12Speaker 02

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• 32:18Speaker 03

  Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  Josh, faking knowledge about football, weird backroom staff.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Well, that's fun. I didn't know that.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  Well, let's do this. Faking football knowledge. Hey, Rob, Josh and Michael, just listened to the latest episode. I wanted to chip in with a term I use to make people think I know more about football than I do. I'm more of a rugby league fan in brackets. Sorry, Josh.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  I prefer rugby league to rugby union. I think it's a better sport.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  And also it's more working class.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Union's a bit posh.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  He's loud, isn't he, your boy?

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's not ideal.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  No, he's right. It's quite funny. If someone made a comment about a player whilst watching a football game, I'd say, yeah, but he's no Teddy Sherronham. I don't even know where this came from, but I actually got away with it a couple of times. Someone even agreed with me.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  She, this is Amy from Hull. I think she's got to upgrade that reference.

• 33:41Speaker 04

  Well, yeah. So what context would it work? Talk about any striker, I suppose.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  But he's no.

• 33:49Speaker 04

  I think Teddy Sherron's known as a bit of a swordsman as well, isn't he?

• 33:52Speaker 03

  It depends what you're watching, isn't it? If you're watching Love Island, you could still use Sherronham.

• 33:56Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 34:00Speaker 03

  Have you got any more you could share with listeners to fake their knowledge? Loving the podcast so far. Stay sexy, relatable and unscripted from Amy from Hull. He's no Teddy Sherronham.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  I think you just need a general points like.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  I think formation, if you go, honestly, I just think the way they play now, they've overcomplicated. I think a four, four, two might be more effective because it's so direct.

• 34:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's good.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  Something like that. Saying a four, four, two is like, you can't beat four, four, two.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  I think this would work with any discussion. Just say, I just think you've got to always remember, form is temporary, class is forever.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  They've got to knuckle down to the fundamentals.

• 34:35Speaker 04

  All right, Shirley Ballas.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  They've just got to keep it simple.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Shirley Ballas always talks about the fundamentals. Sorry, I'm going into my other job there, Rob.

• 34:42Speaker 03

  Sorry, sorry about that. But yeah, but that's why it works. You can use that.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Any general complaints about modern football? Just a kind of generic, the players are.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  They're just, they've become sort of like, like robot, robotic, sort of media trained machines now. I preferred it when there's more personality in the game.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I preferred it when there's more personality in the game. That's, that's good. That's good.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Weird backroom staff featuring ex-players. Hello, you sexy beast and mysterious Michael. I support Peterborough United, who have just appointed Robbie Savage as manager.

• 35:14Speaker 04

  Of course, yeah.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  They're kicking off about that, aren't they?

• 35:16Speaker 04

  Why?

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Imagine arguing over having Robbie Savage.

• 35:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  We want him. Anyway, it's not gone down well with fans and came very, very left field. Please can I have your opinion on this and ex-pros as manager? I know Josh has firsthand experience of this with Rooney. Love you both. I'm very excited. You now have parenting a football podcast. Emma, a Peterborough fan who is strapping in for a ride with our new manager.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  Just enjoy it. It's going to be mental. He won his first game, didn't he? I don't know what his second result was.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  Is he doing well? I, I thought the, the drama was that he got sort of tapped up from Forest Green.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  He's got quite a good record in the non-league area. Oh, Robbie Savage, from what I've read. He drew two, two with Burton in his second game with a 96th minute equaliser.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  He left Macclesfield, went to Forest Green, now as a Peterborough.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  When we appointed Wayne Rooney, I'll be honest, my initial feeling was, oh dear. And then I was like, look, we've got Wayne Rooney as manager. This is fun. You've got to enjoy it. It's great.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Did you get a Rooney shirt?

• 36:25Speaker 04

  No.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  No. Did anyone have a Rooney shirt at the ground?

• 36:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, probably. But I mean, obviously he wasn't playing, although he probably, probably could have. I think you've just got to enjoy it. You get these big name managers. At the end of the day, Rob, it's an entertainment product. Do you know what I mean?

• 36:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. Can you teach people to be good at something just because you're good at it?

• 36:50Speaker 04

  Well, that's what they say, isn't it? Good footballers make bad managers because it's so effortless to them that they can't understand how these people are finding what they did difficult. So they can't teach it because it's like you teaching stand-up to some rubbish. You'd be like, but it's simple. You do this.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  With Rooney, the best he was, was when there was no thought, it was all instinct and yeah, natural, not, not, and I'm not downplaying him. I'm not saying because he didn't think about it, it wasn't good, but he had such a natural instinct to like, when he scored that halfway line goal for Everton, he hit that immediately, but like, there, there was no time to think about what to do. His body just knew to do it and how to hit it. And even with his best goals, like his long balls, he was so underrated for long balls.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  I always fear this is a slightly problematic term, but he's, what you was often described as a street footballer, isn't he? Do you know what I mean? Like a kind of player who has learned it on the streets more than like in an academy or whatever.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  Well, look, I think street football's a, a, a derogatory way to, to go. You can train players all you want, but if you've got enough raw ability, you're going to have something so special that you could never train anyone to be it or deal with it. And they had that.

• 38:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  But that's what Messi, don't call Messi a street footballer. Even though he's a similar player to Rooney in a way. Obviously he's a better player than Rooney, but it's a similar.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  I think because Messi was in the Barcelona academy, wasn't he famously, he was kind of brought across very young to Spain, wasn't he?

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Didn't they offer a growth hormone as well?

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was injected with growth hormones. I feel like Cristiano Ronaldo and Frank Lampard are sort of like players that knew exactly what they needed to do, worked really, really hard and would set little goals of, I need to do this and to do that, to do that, to improve and become a complete footballer. And they did that. Whereas someone like Rooney, I felt like it was just, the, the less he thought, the better he was. He just felt it.

• 38:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  More, he's more of an artist than a footballer, but because he's got a shaved dead and he's hard and he's from Liverpool.

• 39:05Speaker 04

  Would you compare yourself to Wayne Rooney, like a natural stand-up?

• 39:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd say I'm better instinctively more than sitting down thinking about it.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  You're a street stand-up, Rob.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  I'm a street, I'm a street stand-up. I just learnt on the street.

• 39:18Speaker 04

  You learnt on the street.

• 39:19Speaker 03

  I learnt on the street as opposed to going into.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  The rest of us did the clubs. You'd just pop a mic down under the underpass and do 20 minutes, wouldn't you?

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, you guys, you're, you're in the classroom. You're, you're, you're writing stuff down. You've got pen and paper. I'm just there with work. I'm just, I'm doing key P uppies with vocabulary.

• 39:36Speaker 04

  Exactly. Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Okay. Ref watch, meeting referees in the wild, if you want that one.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  Can you even ask that?

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Hi guys, just following up your discussion about Mark Clattenburg and his infamous tattoo. Last year I was on holiday in Mal Bay at a pool party when in walked a group of 15 blokes from a stag do, led by none other than Mark Clattenburg. One of his mates was having a drink and messing around in the pool. Mark sat on his sunbed and was not really getting involved. As the day went on and many drinks were consumed, me and my friend decided to approach Mark and asked him a few questions about football and what certain players were like. It was a good sport before my friend asked what was the best game he ever refereed. At that point, he got up to head to the bar before pointing to his arm with the tattoos of the Champions League and Euro finals and said, take your fucking pick.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  Take your fucking pick.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Are you tempted to get a tattoo of the best gigs you've ever done?

• 40:38Speaker 03

  About a BAFTA award. Shall I get a BAFTA tattooed? It's equivalent of like winning, I know, like, oh, it depends. Like, is a BAFTA that impressive as winning the league or something like that? I don't know. It gives out what, but it's like getting a BAFTA tattoo. I mean, what else is there to win in my, our profession? Is like Oscars or BAFTA?

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Well, it's because ours isn't about winning, is it? I suppose. Certainly wasn't in my career at the BAFTAs, but.

• 41:02Speaker 03

  Or get a picture of that to Hammer Swift.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, Apollo or like the O2 Arena.

• 41:07Speaker 03

  The Palladium. Shall I get?

• 41:09Speaker 04

  With all the dates. Yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  Should I get Palladium? And like every day I did the Palladium on my arm.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Or the O2 Arena. We should get the date of, we should get a tattoo of the O2 Arena and the date we sold it out.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  It's quite iconic image, the O2 Arena with the date below it.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  Imagine the comedian WhatsApp groups if we had the O2 Arena tattooed on our arms, matching.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Michael McCarthay would look like a fucking, some sort of gang prisoner if you had all his.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  They're like Memento.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  Michael, what would you say if me and Josh went, oh, we're getting matching tattoos? Do you want to get one?

• 41:50Speaker 05

  I would politely decline.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. You don't want a tattoo of the famous Millennium Dome on your upper arm?

• 41:56Speaker 05

  I, when I was 14, I genuinely, like, if you could get tattoos at 14 legally, I was going to get Cantona and seven on my back, like in the same size and placement as you would on the back of a football shirt.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  I wish you'd done that.

• 42:09Speaker 05

  When I was 14, I was actually mad that I couldn't get it done. I loved him so much. Obviously I would have had it lasered off since then.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Would you get a small Cantona tattoo?

• 42:19Speaker 05

  I would not get any kind of tattoo. No, I would never get any tattoo.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  Why don't you get a collar turned up tattoo on your neck?

• 42:26Speaker 03

  With the right shade in it, it'd look like him.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  I don't want to sound like an old person, but Edison's neck tattoo always made me think, this is a bit much.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  You do sound like an old person.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  Loads of people have neck tattoos though, don't they?

• 42:39Speaker 04

  I know. I'd go arms. I would go arms.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  Now, look, I think only a World Cup or Champions League. Now, I think World Cup's the only one a footballer should get tattooed on him.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  What about Nations League?

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Well, would Christian Kramer get a World Cup tattooed on him? Because he was a reserve goalkeeper in 2014 for Germany. You'd be mad, you'd be like, why you got that on you? Because I won it. Did you? You're not even a footballer, are you?

• 43:06Speaker 04

  You basically went on holiday to Brazil for two months.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  What about Ballon d'Or? Get that tattooed on you?

• 43:16Speaker 04

  I, I hate the Ballon d'Or. I think the Ballon d'Or is such a load of crap.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  A bit of a PR swizz, isn't it?

• 43:22Speaker 04

  It's so cra- yeah, it totally is. And it didn't used to matter. And now they're fucking saying, your Mao's gonna get it over Kane because he's got this PR behind. You're like, what is this? It's mental. Who cares?

• 43:35Speaker 03

  It's like Oscar's buzz.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  It is like Oscar's buzz. It's crap, the Ballon d'Or.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  Kane can't get any Oscar's buzz going. He cannot get Ballon d'Or buzz.

• 43:42Speaker 04

  No.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  That man, I love Harry Kane. I've met him, I've watched his content and it looks like he's been held hostage. Just let that man play golf and football and never speak to anyone ever again. Because he doesn't want to.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  He doesn't want to. He just-

• 43:54Speaker 03

  And fair enough, he's got, he's a lovely man. Unbelievable footballer, got a lovely family.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  He's the best England player since we won the World Cup.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  I've chatted to his wife before, she's absolutely lovely. All his family lovely.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Did they all give their names when you met them?

• 44:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, they did. Hello, I'm, you know, their full name. I'm Harry Kane's father-in-law. What's your actual name? No, just that. That's my name, that's my full name. And that's a shame really. I hope he wins it, Harry Kane.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's the biggest load of bollocks. The Ballon d'Or is crap.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Also, what I love most about Harry Kane being so good is it shows you that it isn't a surprise Tottenham are shit now. Because he carried them for so long.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  Imagine if Harry Kane weren't at Tottenham over that last 10 years.

• 44:34Speaker 04

  Care for what you wish for with Bruno Fernandes leaving, Michael.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  He could be your Kane.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  He could be your Kane. I think, Rob.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  We done?

• 44:43Speaker 04

  That's covered everything. Shall we just do a couple, just end on a couple of other potential football stories?

• 44:48Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 44:49Speaker 04

  Thomas Tuchel has quit as England manager.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  He's gone.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  He's gone.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  Who's taking over? Eddie Howe? You don't like Eddie Howe, though?

• 44:56Speaker 04

  I don't mind Eddie Howe. I don't mind Eddie Howe.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  You just doubled him at Man United.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Florian Wirtz scored a hat-trick, Rob.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  No, he didn't. He won't. He can't. I don't think his legs are strong enough.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  He'll do a little soft assist, but his legs aren't strong enough to score a hat-trick in the Premier League.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  I'm sorry. I don't want to be an avert hater, but he's not a bad footballer, but he's not delivering for that price. That's all I'm saying.

• 45:23Speaker 04

  There we go. See you next week.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  See you next week, mate.

• 45:38Speaker 03

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  I'm Dexter Morgan. I've been killing killers for half my life. It gets to you. You're having a midlife crisis. I'm not ready for that.

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