S13 EP29: That's the end of that anecdote

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... The studio was HOT today so the guys came up with a rather unconventional solution... enjoy! If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. And now Footballing Hell is also available every Monday. A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Observe: The North American Dad. 50s, great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, dang, that's a good offer. The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him boss. He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 0:31Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  This episode is presented by TUI.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  Look, you've got to love a family holiday, Josh.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob?

• 1:06Speaker 03

  You know what the problem with the holidays is, right?

• 1:08Speaker 02

  You don't get enough of them. That's the problem.

• 1:10Speaker 03

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• 1:26Speaker 03

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• 1:31Speaker 02

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• 1:40Speaker 03

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• 1:46Speaker 02

  Atol and Abta protected.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to...

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Leave that in. Yeah. Got to.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  It was the angle of the legs and pizza socks.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, sorry.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  That is fine. I didn't bother me. It just made me laugh.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Let's do the intro like this.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Okay. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with...

• 2:14Speaker 04

  Betty, can you say Rob? Work. Beckett? Bucket. And can you say Josh? Josh. Widdicombe? Biddicam. Good girl.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Very cute.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  Can you say bye? Bye.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  That's very cute, baby.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  There we go. There we go.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Shoes off.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  Shoes off? Why not? We're comfortable with each other.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  You always have to do shoes off after, don't you? I remember when we did a long day and Shaun Walsh came in and shoes off, no offence, implies to me you've slightly given up on the day.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  No. It implies that I'm comfortable.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  You're comfortable.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  I'm not.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  Shall I go shoes off?

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Trousers off? Trousers off is too much.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  I don't think it is. Shall we do this trousers off?

• 2:56Speaker 03

  Well, shoes off is not... I can't do... My thighs are too thick and my pants are too small. It would be horrible.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Whereas I'd be fine. Basically wearing a skirt. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Here's our two-year-old daughter Betty giving it her best go at saying your names.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  Betty.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Her older sister Etta was quite confused about what we were asking Betty to do until we explained that Rob and Josh are people in the photo in our kitchen. What?

• 3:23Speaker 02

  We brought Etta to a Parenting Hell book signing and she was two and have proudly displayed the photo of Etta giving the middle finger behind Josh and Rob's smiling faces ever since. Fair enough. We've now gone full circle, putting names to faces, just in time for Etta's favourites here and Strictly Come Dance, coming back to the TV. She's loved your first show, Josh, and gave you a 10. Lovely. Keep podcasting, keep dancing, we love it all. Fran Lee, Etta, Betty from...

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Franny Lee?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Franny Lee.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  From Broadstairs?

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Broadstairs in Kent.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Oh. Morelly's, Morelly's Ice Cream down there. Unreal. Love Broadstairs. You been to Broadstairs?

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Ah, yes, beautiful. Broadstairs, isn't it? So nice.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  Very nice.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  I once did a gig in Broadstairs and the compa hit his head on a metal beam and cut it open and almost collapsed in the break.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  So there we go.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Yep. That's the end of that anecdote.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  I've got anything on any town you want. Give me a town, I'll tell you an anecdote.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Ramsgate?

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Not Ben.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Okay. Lincoln?

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Lincoln.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  I once...

• 4:27Speaker 03

  You did that politician then? Lincoln. Little thinking.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, Lincoln.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Give you some clues. Drill Hall.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Drill... Oh, yeah, I know it well. I once got lost on a run in Lincoln.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 4:42Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  There you go. Good place to run, flat?

• 4:45Speaker 02

  No, quite hilly.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  No.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 4:47Speaker 03

  It's not.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  It is.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  Lincolnshire's known to be flat.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  I wish you'd tore my bloody legs because of that.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Okay. Stourbridge.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Not Ben.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Market Drayton.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  So let's get on with the emails.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Listening to your recent episode where Rob talked about coincidences and thinking he might be psychic.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think I've got an extra sense.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, do you?

• 5:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. I can pick up on energy. I get a feeling.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  How would you rate yourself on the woo-woo scale? Zero to 10?

• 5:22Speaker 03

  I'd say I was zero on woo-woo.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  As I've got older, got slightly more spiritual, maybe around the three. Like, oh, I feel like there's something out. I always just...

• 5:34Speaker 02

  I think you're a five to a six on woo-woo.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, no, but let me finish. I think I'm about a three on actual spirituality, but after paying attention to my special powers?

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:46Speaker 03

  It's pushed me to a six, seven.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  You're ESP.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  And that is me having to accept the fact that I have special powers.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  So, I don't remember this, but it was related to a blue tech discussion that you were...

• 5:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Here's my more than just a coincidence story.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  I was on a train travelling to Ream with tours booked by Verve, Cleco and Tattinger.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  To pass the time, I listened to a current, at the time, Parenting Hell episode where Rob talked about a recent holiday that included a stop in Ream and a visit to two wineries.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  You're probably thinking, well, that's not really much of a coincidence.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  But the thing is...

• 6:25Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  I live in New Zealand.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Right. Sorry.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  I travelled to the other side of the world to be there, having booked the tours months in advance, sitting on a train, listening to a, in quotes, parenting podcast that basically listed my day's itinerary. It was like being in the Twilight Zone.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  I actually paused the episode and made my mum listen to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  Wow, okay.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Coincidence or maybe Rob does have some sort of extrasensory perception?

• 6:58Speaker 03

  I wouldn't, I wouldn't fall that under my special powers. That I'd call a coincidence.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Would you?

• 7:04Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  A good old-fashioned coincidence.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  Do you think?

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I mean, it's not like I went somewhere that niche. I literally went to the first place on the way through France, but bless you.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Bit sneezy.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  I am a bit sneezy.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  Do you know what? English people go, oh, a bit sneezy, oh, bless you, move on. Americans go, my god, my allergies.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  They're obsessive about my allergies.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  My dust, my, oh, my allergies. Yeah, I don't know, I don't think that's a part of my... I accept I don't have special powers and that's something I live with now.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  But with, as once great philosopher, Spiderman's...

• 7:47Speaker 02

  You didn't start off Ebenezer Good by The Showman?

• 7:50Speaker 03

  No, no. What I was going to say is with great power comes great responsibility.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  And Peter, Peter Parker's uncle, Uncle Phil said that.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  He did?

• 7:59Speaker 03

  I think his name's Uncle Phil.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  No, that's the uncle.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  That's the Fresh Prince.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  The Fresh Prince of Bela, yeah.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  It was his uncle. Michael? Ben, Uncle Ben. Uncle Ben.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  He wasn't Uncle Ben.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  And then Uncle Ben got shot. But it wasn't the man that did rice.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  It wasn't, it was his uncle.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  That's Uncle Ben's.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Uncle Ben's.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  But I don't know if Uncle Ben's is his name or that's big pluralised because of his rice.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Right. Okay.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  And why is loads of rice rice and what is one grain of rice?

• 8:26Speaker 02

  We stoned.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Hey, just part of my power.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Just part of your power.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Right, here we go. Temporary permanent. Hello, first time emailing. I had to email you for this feature. Our bath plug was one of those that pops up and down. One night the...

• 8:40Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't like those ones.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Do you know why I don't like those ones?

• 8:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Because they're too easy to accidentally...

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Pop up?

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Pop up.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  With your butt?

• 8:49Speaker 02

  With your butt.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  What have you got on a chain, old school?

• 8:52Speaker 02

  No, I think we have got those ones.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  Oh, right, but you don't like them?

• 8:55Speaker 02

  You'll be bathing your child...

• 8:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  And they'll just move on to... They're not thinking. And suddenly, yeah, you've got half an empty bath.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  A hundred percent, I totally agree.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Okay. Can I get back to...

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, go on.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Sorry, I was just trying to give added value.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  Absolutely, but I didn't know when the value had ended.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Or begun.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  No, I didn't say that. Okay. Anyway, one night the spring broke, we couldn't fix it. Being parents of a boy, bath time was non-negotiable. Hmm?

• 9:23Speaker 02

  What?

• 9:24Speaker 03

  Let children, girl children fester?

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Not for you, girl.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  Now, I didn't know what to do, but when I came upstairs... Can I say something now?

• 9:36Speaker 02

  I think she means that he's a messy player. So he's a boy, so he's skidding around on his knees.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, but can I say something now? As a parent of two girls, I don't want to be like, you know, triggering parents of boys.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Speaking of a parent of two girls...

• 9:51Speaker 03

  I think sometimes, like, people that have got boys are a little bit like, oh my god, you wouldn't understand because I've got a boy. And I'm just like...

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Are they busier or do you just excuse their dickish behaviour because they're boys?

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Well...

• 10:04Speaker 03

  Where actually, if a girl was doing that, you'd go, don't do that because of patriarchy. Am I right, ladies?

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Sorry, I'm just being an ally. Your response?

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Well, if you want nagging, then have two girls, am I right?

• 10:19Speaker 03

  So what are you doing? Misogyny?

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. Bit of fun.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  Bit of added value.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Bit of added value.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  Right, anyway. I didn't know what to do when I came up the stairs. My husband had run the bath. I thought he'd fixed the plug and congratulated him, but in fact he'd used the top of a plastic ice cream cone from our son's toy kitchen. It fit perfectly.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Oh, there we go.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  I can't remember how long ago this was, but we now have another son who is eight months old. We are still using a plastic ice cream top as our bath plug. Perhaps if this email gets read out, it will prompt us to finally change it. Siobhan in Leeds.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  This is the thing about temporary permanent.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  You're never gonna get around to changing it if it works.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Because all these people emailing in have got kids, they've got busy lives.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  When are you gonna go, "Oh, I should get around to changing that thing that's not causing me a problem"?

• 11:08Speaker 03

  I've got another temporary permanent I forgot about.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Um, we've got like, in our garage, there's a like, you know, if you need to get like, power to somewhere outside or something, you have like a tube and they pull it through.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Sorry, what?

• 11:24Speaker 03

  So, we have got a bit of a back bit of a house that if we want to at some point, we could extend into.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  Right, a little old stables thing, yeah. And when they've had the house done, they built this little tube thing that like, power cables could be dragged through, so that then we could, if we get permission, we could put it in there.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  But there was a, and they covered the end of it, um, but it was like with masking tape to stop water getting in and stuff, right? So it wouldn't matter if water got down, but then water was getting down because the masking tape went a little bit and it made it a bit smelly. So what I found was two plastic pint cups that I just put in each hand.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  And now, it's, the pipe's still there for if we need it, if we do the work, but it's to stop the smell.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 12:05Speaker 03

  Temporary permanent.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Temporary permanent.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Do you want to have a temporary permanent?

• 12:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  Hi, Rob and Josh and Michael, sexy relatable trio. My temporary permanent is, um, the envelope in my annoying living room door. The door makes a weird noise with any draft. Clearly needs to be tightened or something, but as me and my husband are shit at DIY, we temporarily put in an unopened letter to stop it moving. Nine months on and we both still put the letter in the door when we close it. Oh my God, so they do this every day?

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Sorry, say this again.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  So basically, when they shut the door, it's rattling in the draft.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  If they put this letter in, it stops a rattle. I thought it was wedged in 24/7. No. Every single time after they open or shut the door, they wedge it in.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Oh, my word.

• 12:48Speaker 03

  So this is nine months in, and every time we open the door, we put the letter in like it's normal. We get strange looks from friends when they come round, but hey ho, it does the trick. Weirdly, we have never opened the letter. Love you both, Josh and Rob.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  Oh, that's interesting.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  I saw you both in Belfast. You were hilarious. Thanks for love, Cathy. And here is the letter.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, please.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  We'll put that on the video. Nationwide bank letter.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, make sure we don't dox them.

• 13:14Speaker 03

  Right. Do you wanna do one? You like the niche kid stuff, don't you?

• 13:17Speaker 02

  What's the niche kid stuff? Oh, I love this, yeah. My nephew's obsessed with, my nephew's obsessed with King Charles. Do you know what I'd hate to be?

• 13:25Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 13:25Speaker 02

  A royal. It looks fucking shite.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Just absolute dog shit.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Oh my God, you have to wear shit clothes. Do they choose those clothes?

• 13:36Speaker 02

  You wear shit clothes.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Uncomfortable clothes.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  You don't want to go to. How often does Prince William look at his diary and go, "Fucking get in. Today's gonna be brilliant"?

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Ah, they seem to enjoy the Royal Variety Performance when I say that.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Like, think about it, like, even if you're going to the FA Cup final, you're not going to the FA Cup final in a fun way.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  No, you've got to watch Chastain Villa.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  Bit of fun. Save it for the football. Come on.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Sorry, save it for the football.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  Can I ask you a question?

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:10Speaker 02

  Are you eyeing a nighter? Is that what this is all about?

• 14:12Speaker 03

  What's the one above nighter?

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Um.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Well, you go OBE or MBE first, don't you?

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Would you take one?

• 14:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. Bit of fun, isn't it?

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Who do you think?

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Day out of the middle.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  Of the people we know, who's the most likely to get one?

• 14:24Speaker 03

  Oh, they're gonna be all over Ramesh.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Hundred percent.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  I'd be surprised if he hasn't been offered one within five years.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Hundred percent. He does, he's run the marathon for charity. He does loads of, he loves people on the BBC. There's loads of BBCs.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  Do you think?

• 14:37Speaker 03

  I think I'm too much of a risk for him.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  I'd love to disagree.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  What? You think I'm to?

• 14:44Speaker 02

  I think you're too edgy for the royal family.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying. I think I'm too much of a risk, yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  I said I'd love to disagree, but I can't.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  Right, okay, sorry, yeah. Yeah. I think you'll get one before me.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  No, I'd turn it down.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 14:54Speaker 02

  No, I didn't. I would.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Would you?

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Just so that I could tell people I've turned it down. I think it'd sound cool.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  No, I think I'd just, I'd just gobble it up.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Gobble it up.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  Get on me knee, like, can give me one of them. I'd quite like to do it when it, um, when it's William or Harry, though.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  It's not gonna be Harry.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  No?

• 15:11Speaker 02

  He doesn't do that anymore. He might start his own awards.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  So, yeah, no, but I'd have taken a real, real weird route if I win something at the Invictus Games. I, um, no, but it won't be Harry. But even, no, because if, say, William, something happens to William, Harry can't be, no, it goes to William's son now, doesn't it?

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Oh, so it goes all that way. So even if Prince Harry was still involved, it would still have to go Charles, William, George, and then Louis?

• 15:43Speaker 02

  Louis, Charlotte.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  Charlotte, oh yeah, then Charlotte. Right. Did you do things they're into?

• 15:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  What was it?

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Oh, we never finished, we only did one sentence. King Charles. We've said the words King Charles. Right. My nephew's obsessed with King Charles. He learnt both verses of God Save the King before he was two years old.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Gotta blame the parents. And learnt Zadok the Priest from watching The Coronation on repeat on YouTube.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  I, I feel like they've pushed this on him a little bit. What two-year-old's asking for that?

• 16:16Speaker 02

  He had a photo of the King in his pile of family photos, a life-size cardboard cutout of King Charles at his second birthday party, and would dress as a Grenadier Guard at every opportunity, including a bearskin hat.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Please never stop the podcast, Hannah.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  I would love to, Hannah, could you tell us how he got into King Charles? Because I, like, that's cool, but like, it must have had to...

• 16:34Speaker 02

  It's not cool, but I like it.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  Today's episode is brought to you by Halib Orange.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Now, you probably know them for kids vitamins, but these days, they're looking after grown ups too, Rob.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  Well, someone needs to look after the parents.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Exactly. Multi-vitamin softies for them, adult multivitamins for you. One for me, one for you. Halib Orange supports everyday performance. It's the little wins. For example, Rob, in our house, do you know what we do, Rob?

• 17:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  We've got into timing my daughter's hair brushing because she likes the competition of it. It becomes its own little win and then she does it quicker.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  In our house, Josh, we're up early. Breakfast, hair brushed, shoes, bag, car, school run, done, bang.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Whatever everyday performance looks like for your family, start bright with Halib Orange.

• 17:27Speaker 05

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece, and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  How about a latte? Maybe dark roast? Vanilla? Caramel? Blueberry?

• 18:01Speaker 06

  You could get them to agree on one flavour, or give everyone what they want. With Keurig, there's over 500 K-Cup pie varieties of fresh, flavourful coffee. No effort, no grind, no settling. Great coffee without the grind. Keurig.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, this is, uh, Solidarity or Solid Karen. I heard a story about a couple who went for a night out and hired one of their children's daycare minders to babysit. The lady in question is Spanish. Story took place in Ireland. They told them she would need to leave at 7.30 as it was the night of the World Cup final. The couple organised for the granny to be there to take over at 7.30pm, but for whatever reason, she got delayed by half an hour. The Spanish babysitter, true to word, left at 7.30 to watch the football, leaving a five-year-old and a two-year-old alone in the house. I have no info on whether the kids were in bed slash safe in a car. Is this acceptable in your countries in a World Cup final? If not, under what circumstances would it be acceptable?

• 19:12Speaker 02

  It was a bad World Cup final. She didn't, she wouldn't have missed anything.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  No, well, you can't, I don't wanna be a square, but you can't.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  You can't predict that.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  I don't wanna be on the sniff on OBE here, but you cannot leave children unattended.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:28Speaker 03

  Have some respect, yeah?

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:30Speaker 03

  And as a charity fundraiser,

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  I'm gonna start slipping in stuff I've done for charity.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Mastermind.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  Haven't done that.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  Tipping point.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Haven't done that. So, anyway, so-

• 19:40Speaker 02

  What have you done for charity?

• 19:41Speaker 03

  Catchphrase, fifty grand.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  The Cube, fifty grand.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  The Cube?

• 19:46Speaker 03

  And they don't repeat that much.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  So why did-

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Golf. At Wentworth, I raised fifty thousand pound for golf.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Why did they get rid of the Cube? Because the Cube was great, and then it just disappeared quite quickly.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  What else about, um, The Chase, I raised thirty or grand for charity?

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Yes, ITV, I will bring the Cube back. I'd love to. I loved the Cube.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  I wanna do Family, okay, I would like to do Family Fortunes.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  I'd like to the Cube.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, so, you cutlet, I'm gonna tell you, no idea what delayed the granny, blah blah blah. The granny, uh, my partner and I've enjoyed debating over it, so I'm curious your thoughts. You cannot, there's never an excuse to leave a five year old.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  There's never an excuse to miss the World Cup.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  No, no, don't stop, because I was gonna say that.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's never an excuse.

• 20:22Speaker 03

  Thank you, yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  If, if your team's in the World Cup final, you've gotta leave to watch it.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  That's what we both agree.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  It's on terrestrial TV, she could have put the kids in bed and then watched, it didn't start till eight, did it? Now, what time was it on?

• 20:35Speaker 02

  It's difficult to know, isn't it?

• 20:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think the game was on at eight.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  Eight, eight o'clock.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  Uh, you just watch the first half there and then go off to the pub or the, wherever you're going after.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  To the, you know.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  To O'Neill's.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  The Taverna, that's Greek, isn't it? It's a spadega, it's a Spanish bar.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Is there a Spanish bar? I suppose if it's Dublin, yeah. I mean, if she's in Cork, how good's the Spanish v Argentinian atmosphere in the pub anyway?

• 20:58Speaker 03

  I don't know, I'm not gonna speculate.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Could be a thriving Spanish scene.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  Could be a thriving Spanish scene. Um, yeah, obviously she can't leave, that's bad. I think, really, if I'm being honest-

• 21:12Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm still trying to do a pun on Cork in a Spanish word, but I cannot think of one.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  El Corkio?

• 21:18Speaker 03

  As in what?

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Dunno.

• 21:21Speaker 03

  I nearly said pork vov.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  Pork vov?

• 21:23Speaker 03

  Cork, but it doesn't work.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, um.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  I've never done a pun that worked.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Potato bravas.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  We need a, what? It is good enough, actually. Well, I tell you what, they'll be the judge of that. Yeah, no, no, no, we're gonna, look, no.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Hydro and peppers.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  No, but we've gotta stay away from P, we need to have a C, Cork.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I'm just working through words that I know that are Spanish.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  La cucaracha, la corkaracha.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  What's la cucaracha?

• 21:50Speaker 03

  I think cockroach.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Okay, good. The corkaracha. Good.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Um, I hope Mark Corkarella scores.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Here we go, here we go.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  I don't know, I'll take it.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  That would be good, actually, that would've been good.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  That, if we'd done that straight off the back, that would've been great, and everyone would go, oh, Rob's quick, isn't he?

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Cork Fabregas.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Five minutes. No, because it's not the same.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  It doesn't work at all.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I imagine Michael's sitting on a couple. Michael?

• 22:15Speaker 03

  Michael? You've had a long time of thing, Michael. If it's not good enough, why don't you chip in? Ham on corquettes. Ham on corquettes, as in croquettes.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Not bad, actually.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  That's not bad, actually, it's quite annoying.

• 22:27Speaker 03

  Let's change the city.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Dublin.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Limerick.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  Okay, go on then. The Irish and Spanish language, they're fluent, isn't it? So that was bad.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  That's bad, yeah, we've agreed. I don't think that-

• 22:40Speaker 03

  But there's no excuse ever.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Can I just offer an opinion?

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  I think seven thirty wasn't enough of a buffer.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  No, she needed to have said I can do till four, five or six.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. At least, in a recent app where you discuss things, weird things kids are obsessed with. My daughter, who is five, is fascinated by Henry VIII's final wife, Catherine Parr.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  How do they find these people? How old's the kid?

• 23:03Speaker 02

  She even dressed up as Catherine Parr for World Book Day of her reception year. It started, this is good, getting to the-

• 23:10Speaker 03

  Intel.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Uh, as loving Six the Musical.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  Oh, that's brilliant. Have you taken your daughter to that?

• 23:15Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  And some?

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Or some.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  And some.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  And some.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  And some. And progressed into a full-blown interest in the surviving wife. Thankfully, live only twenty minutes from Catherine Parr's Beryl site, so we visit regularly.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Regularly? Once enough, isn't it?

• 23:32Speaker 02

  Stay sexually relatable, Georgina. Love these.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  Wow. You know, well, after going to Six Music, it's par for the course.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Oh, here we go.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  That's fascinating. Can you actually take that out? Bleep that. Can you bleep that? Because it was bad.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Do you know the thing about her grave?

• 23:49Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Six feet under Parr. She's six feet under.

• 23:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Parr. Under Parr.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, golf, and I like golf.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Normal people with famous names. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael, huge fan of the pod. I first found it when I was recovering from a postpartum hemorrhage. Fucking hell. Sorry, I needed something silly to get me out of my own head.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Thanks for making me piss myself laughing through the highs and lows of parenting. I thought you'd really enjoy this one. There's another mum in the village where I live.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  No, come on.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  There's another mum in the village where I live called Jackie Chan.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  I imagine Jacqueline Chan. I bet you're rolling the dice on Jacqueline Chan, aren't you? She's actually a really lovely lady.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  No, no, no, actually.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  She's not. Apart from she occasionally runs up Rawls and kicks him in the head.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  She's actually a really lovely lady, see.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, unfortunately, Chris Tucker follows her around shouting at people. She's a lovely lady and she does so much for our community, but obviously her name is still hilarious.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  You never get over Jackie Chan.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  So is she married into the Chan name?

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Um, I'm, I'm not sure, um, the thing is, because it is like a village, I'm imagining sort of like it's quite a twee, middle-class lady called Jackie Chan, which is obviously totally separate from the Jackie Chan we know, which makes it funnier, doesn't it? Now, this isn't technically a celebrity name, but I thought I'd throw it into the mix. There's a mum in the village, she's called Crystal Poon.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  What a village.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  It's like Stella Street.

• 25:38Speaker 03

  Mrs. Poon.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Mrs. Poon.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  I still can't say that laughing. Hope these make you giggle as much as me. Stay sexually relatable, anonymous mum in Oxfordshire. Oh, she can't, I'm not being funny. You've given up your location-

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  With Jackie Chan and Crystal Poon?

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Miss Poon.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  She, maybe she's anonymous because she too has a hilarious name.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  Maybe her name is Anonymous.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Anonymous.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  Okay, um, Beyond, let's say, Beyond Boomer, this is good.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  This is grandparenting. Beyond Boomer grandparenting. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. My dad's aunt told us this just before she passed away five years ago.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  It's hot air, isn't it, Rob?

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is, well, I think it's affected our psyche.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  I wanna pour this over my head, I mean, I'm not gonna-

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Pour it over you.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  No, I can't.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  Look, I don't know if we should do it, but I'd love to see it, it's handy.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Shall I just do it?

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  That feels so good. Oh, that feels so good.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  I'm actually jealous.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  Oh, I'll move the mic away.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  Oh, I've got that left. I was gonna do it as well, it's in Son of Derry.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Oh, that is good.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Because you used to wipe water on your face when you started in comedy.

• 26:48Speaker 02

  I could hear it fizz when it went in my ear.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  Oh, here, oh, is this yours? Oh, here we go.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Here we go. Just do it.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  Pumps up, just doing it.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, that's lovely. Oh, I felt, oh.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Right, let's, let's fucking pod.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Oh, is my hair all frothing up?

• 27:10Speaker 02

  I feel like a sober Stephen Bartlett, I'm ready to pod.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  My stuff's coming out of it, my, it's all white.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  Oh, no, it's stinging. Oh my god, right, okay, oh, oh god. Do you know what's funny about this? Do you know what's happening in the other room?

• 27:26Speaker 02

  What?

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Roy Stewart and Alissa Campbell are interviewing the Home Secretary.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Shabana Mahmood.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Mahmood's out there, talking about all sorts.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  My dad's aunt told us, that actually calmed me down.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel great. We should do that more often.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  I tell you what, though, when we go through security at the airport, we ain't gonna look like sneaky Sasquatches, we're gonna look like men with stuff to hide.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  You're a bit nervous. Okay, that was great, though, great for morale, anyway.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Really good.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  Anyways, I love the way we did that after someone just told them that us, their aunt's dead.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, sorry about that.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  Sorry about that. Anyway, my dad's aunt told us this just before-

• 28:05Speaker 02

  Do you know what the problem is? The moment you say, I feel like I'm gonna pour this over my head, you box yourself.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  You box yourself here, haven't you? You box yourself into a corner.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  I might eat a book. Bring it over.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  Sorry, okay. My dad's aunt told us this just before she passed away.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Apologies.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  Deep in sympathies. Sorry, sorry for your loss. I know, even to that day, didn't see an issue in what they did. When they ju— so this is what the aunt did. When— my eyes are actually stinging from hair products.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  If we had a minute's silence now. Do you think people would listen through or do you think they'd skip?

• 28:49Speaker 03

  I mean, if you—

• 28:49Speaker 02

  I think they'd be so excited to see whether we could do it.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  I mean, if you've got through the Spanish cork pun section, you could sit through anything. You could survive a nuclear apocalypse. Also as well, for the people that didn't sit through it, didn't get the water on the head stuff.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  So they've missed out. Do you know what? Fuck them.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  Fuck them.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. My dad's aunt told us this just before she passed away five years ago.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  When their children were very young in the early 60s, they lived in Southampton, but his family lived in Glasgow. Each month, they would do the 854 mile round trip, weekend trip to— Each month—

• 29:25Speaker 02

  What?

• 29:26Speaker 03

  Each month, they would do the 854 mile round weekend trip to visit. So they'd go there and back once a month. But they would give the kids sleeping pills

• 29:39Speaker 03

  and take uppers themselves to get through the trip. They were chemists, they felt qualified to do so. My dad's cousin never knew. They only found out they'd been drugged, a big portion of their childhood, when she told us his story. They wondered why they never remembered the journey past a certain petrol station.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Oh my—

• 29:54Speaker 03

  That's awful.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  So every month that would happen.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Keep being sexually relatable. C— C E R I.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Carrie?

• 30:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you want. Um, right, should we have another one?

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's— that's wild, isn't it?

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Do you want another boomer?

• 30:08Speaker 02

  I'll have a boomer.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  Do we still— or do you want it?

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Oh, shall we do a what's this really about?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, yeah, should we— should we do it for ourselves with the water?

• 30:17Speaker 02

  Lack of content?

• 30:18Speaker 03

  No, I think it was the temperature. It's been a long day in here, the air con's not quite working. We got a little bit heavy, we got a bit slow, the puns weren't flying, so we rallied. We were 2-0 down at half time, it's 2-2.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  So now—

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Let's get the winner.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  Let's get that cork puns back out, let's do a few more.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  I think cork puns are difficult, okay? Can I have a moment to think— Give me some Spanish things. Cork and Mindy, but they're not Spanish, are they?

• 30:40Speaker 02

  I forgot the Spanish side of it.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Okay, give me somebody Spanish.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Um, Jose Corksarias.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Right, again, I think we are— I think we've just conceded. It's 3-2.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:52Speaker 03

  We need to—

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Really thinking of Spanish footballers and musicians.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, Spanish footballers and cork. Corkarella was a good one.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  We've done that one.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  Um, uh, um, no, he's— he's Portuguese. Um, Ica Corkasias.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  I think it's impossible to do a Spanish cork pun.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  Oh, the comments will be full of them.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  There'll be a Reddit thread.

• 31:23Speaker 05

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 31:53Speaker 05

  How about a latte?

• 31:54Speaker 06

  Maybe dark roast? Vanilla? Caramel? Blueberry? You could get them to agree on one flavour or give everyone what they want. With Keurig, there's over 500 K-cup pod varieties of fresh, flavourful coffee. No effort, no grind, no settling. Great coffee without the grind. Keurig.

• 32:19Speaker 07

  Price Line Negotiator. It's me, the— Price Line Negotiator. We don't need the jingle twice. What about a third time? Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights and rental cars. Seems like they just started. Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to 60% off hotels in the Priceline app. Time to read the timeline. Fine, no one deals more deals than— Priceline. Please stop. Priceline. Touche. Priceline. Priceline. Hello, Jonathan Ross here. I've spent most of my life watching, talking about and quite frankly obsessing over films.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  And I'm Honey Ross and I've spent most of mine listening to him talk about them.

• 32:59Speaker 07

  You are welcome.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  So we thought the perfectly normal and healthy thing to do was to start a podcast together and that's exactly what we've done.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  Yes, on Real Talk, we cover everything from cinema blockbusters to streaming hits. We discuss the films we love—

• 33:13Speaker 03

  And the ones we definitely don't.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  So what could possibly go wrong? Listen to Real Talk with Honey and Jonathan Ross wherever you get your podcasts.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Hi Rob, Justin Michael. When you asked for what this really about stories, I had to tell you this story that still infuriates me to this day. Just over two years ago, my wife and I took my daughter, who was three at the time, to the Habberley Trail. It's basically a nice countryside walk with random interactive things to do along the way. When you check in on reception, you collect, amongst other things, a wooden ball for the giant marble run. About halfway around the trail. But as it was a busy day, all the balls had gone. At this point, I'd like to mention there was no deposit for the balls. Just an honesty policy.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  So this is just thing like, it's like in the countryside where you— they build in a marble run basically, and you get a wooden ball and it rolls down, the kid follows it round and you can do a nice walk.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  You just take a ball, put it back.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  I've never done this, it looks fun.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. Halfway round, my daughter took a particular interest in the giant marble run, so I tried to improvise with a pine cone, but it wasn't working. So we moved on with a disappointed girl, that sounds like a nightmare. Just along the way, near the giant seesaw in all its glory, was a wooden ball on the floor.

• 34:26Speaker 03

  Ah, lovely.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  I told my daughter to pick it up and we could go back and do the marble run. As my daughter picks up an unattended ball, a grown woman runs over to her shouting, "That's not yours, give it back", proceeds to grab my daughter's arm, hold it firmly and snatch the ball out of her hands without giving her an opportunity to hand it back herself.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  No, you need to go to the parent.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  In shock but furious as to what I'd just witnessed, I tried to remain calm and explained there was no balls left for reception and my daughter would love to do the marble run. I politely asked if we could have the ball and we returned it to reception. The answer was no and she stormed off.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  It's quite bleak, isn't it?

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  And we've got another cup of water. We spent the rest of the afternoon awkwardly following the ball snatcher around the trail as she clutched onto the ball firmly despite not needing it for anything else.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  So she wasn't using the ball— she wasn't putting—

• 35:20Speaker 02

  They'd already gone beyond the marble run.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  They'd gone beyond the marble run?

• 35:23Speaker 02

  My daughter quite clearly—

• 35:24Speaker 03

  So you— yeah, like no deposit, so she doesn't need to keep hold of it to get the money back?

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  She's just walking along holding it?

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Quite clearly upset from the encounter was asking every activity. Am I allowed to do the sack down the slide? Am I allowed basketballs to throw? Sounds like a good event though, to be fair.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. Close on.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  Just need more balls.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  I've been asking myself ever since why she acted the way she did.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  I think she's a fucking bitch.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. Bullseye.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  Well, it's— there's just no— there's mental— unless she thought maybe the kids— her kids want to do it again later, but it's just selfish.

• 36:00Speaker 02

  People are weird, aren't they?

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Really weird, it's exhausting.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  I think people take life too seriously.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Give me some water. We're pretty chilled dudes. Do you know what? I think they do take too seriously and I think if people are a bit more like us, there'd be less problems in the world. I suggest three cups of water, we go into the politics room.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Okay, so we go into the politics room and we say—

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Say, "Don't worry about stopping the boats, so stop the podcast, let's get the water out".

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Let's— let— this will help. Who do you think would be the most likely to do it out of Rory, Alistair and Shabana Mahmood?

• 36:33Speaker 03

  I— I think— I think Alistair, but we'd have to say that we did it really quickly and then it would get competitive. And they'll go, "I did it even quicker". I don't think Rory and, uh, the Home Secretary— who is the Home Secretary?

• 36:46Speaker 02

  Shabana Mahmood.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Mahmood, yeah, I don't think—

• 36:48Speaker 02

  She's also got a very sculpted, sharp haircut.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  And you're suggesting Rory, Stuart hasn't?

• 36:56Speaker 02

  What I'm suggesting is,

• 36:59Speaker 02

  I saw her in— through the door and I thought, she is— that haircut, there's not a hair out of place.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Well, because Rory's posh—

• 37:06Speaker 02

  That's not the kind of person you want to be pouring a bottle— a cup of water over their head.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Well, I find posh people—

• 37:12Speaker 02

  They're quite messy.

• 37:14Speaker 03

  I think posh people, like Rory Stewart, Boris Johnson, Ivo Graham—

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  I think they forget they've got hair.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  It's like, "Oh, what, that?"

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  You know, it's always a forget that they've got it and it does— and, you know, I'm very much aware that mine's a mess at the moment, but like, it's like, they're just sort of go— and then it's got— it's like, I don't know, do they get it cut or does it just grow once and stays?

• 37:37Speaker 02

  I don't know is the answer. I don't know.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Well, I think it grows, it definitely grows, yeah. I think that's— we can be sure of that.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  Rory's is thinner, isn't it, than the other two? The other two have got very thick hair.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  But Rory's still got that, you know, intentionally unkempt look.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, um, Ivo's hair's really thick, Boris is thick.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  Boris is thick.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Because I went to a university in Canterbury.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  His hair is thick, I should say, he's a very intelligent man.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  I'm not very intelligent. Um, and there was a school called like Kings in Canterbury?

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  Which was like a really expensive, posh, private school.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Full of thick hairs.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  Honestly? All we used to say is, "I think their hair is—".

• 38:12Speaker 02

  They've got such thick hair.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  They've got such thick hair, haven't they?

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Why have poshos got such thick hair?

• 38:16Speaker 03

  Is it so the crown sits well?

• 38:19Speaker 02

  You'll find out when united.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  I tell you what, I'll go— well, ironically—

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Prince Charles, sorry, King Charles, I'll never get used to that.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, um, well, Queen Camilla, no chance. Actually, quite right as well, for all the work she's done.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Hosted the Royal Variety for no fee.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  You did?

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, for the charity. Another charity, right?

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Another charity thing. Yep. So there you go.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  Where's my bloody MBE?

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, another one.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  Why don't we end with a blue tack one, Rob? My son's primary school also does the blue tack fidget thing.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Similar to the other podcast callers, the kids all seem to love it.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  However, the blue tack situation very quickly started to resemble a sociology experiment. The kids began trading small pinches of blue tack between themselves in return for favours, physical goods or blackmail purposes.

• 39:12Speaker 03

  No. Blue mail, surely. There we go.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  Put that on your L cork board.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  You what?

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Dunno. You don't need blue tack for cork balls, do you? It's pins.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  That's a shame. Just really wanted to get a cork pun last time, got one.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  That's good. It was good.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Put a cork in it, Rob. Want to play with us? That'll be one pinch. It's just a phrase people say, isn't it?

• 39:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, put a pin in it.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  No, put a cork in it is a phrase.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  For talking too much.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, put a cork in it, like, shut up.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Put a pin in it, we'll go back to that.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  There's no blue tack one.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Put a blue tack on it.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  No, put that up with blue tack. That's just an instruction.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Want to play with us?

• 39:54Speaker 03

  Can't believe this is going out.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Imagine if we walked next door and we opened the door and Rory and Shabana Mahmood were trying to come up with cork puns.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  I don't think there are any.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  And then you'd go.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Spanish cork puns don't exist, we're trying.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  And then you'd go, do you know what? I have got supernatural powers.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  I've managed to transfer my thoughts through the walls to another room.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  Where's the Spanish nanny from? Corkdober?

• 40:27Speaker 02

  What?

• 40:27Speaker 03

  Corkdober's a place in Spain. Okay, nah.

• 40:30Speaker 02

  Want to play with us? That'll be one pinch. A bite of the school cake and custard, two pinches.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  Go fill up my water cup and you can have half a pinch. I'll tell the dinner lady you threw the football on the roof if you don't give me three. Fire again and I'll find you two. All this kind of stuff.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Oh my god, this is toxic.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  The supply of blue tack was controlled enough that it got lost.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Is that cigarettes in prison?

• 40:52Speaker 02

  The supply of blue tack was controlled enough it got lost or went through our washing machine to prevent oversupply and rapid inflation.

• 41:00Speaker 02

  The playground was the trading floor of the stock exchange. Only the kids understand the value of everything in relation to blue tack. Stay S and R, Rachel Thompson, 513 months. Plumstead, SE18.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Plumstead? So I took my daughter to Harvester, right?

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  And she went, look at this dad, and she had a fork in the blue tack.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  In the blue tack?

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Like she was gonna eat it. And I was like, well, take that off her and change the fork. That blue tack's been in your hand, all rubbed around the school, on the wall, on the floor. Disgusting.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Do you know what?

• 41:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  I'll bring you to these lovely places, these high, high end.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  Hey, don't you, don't you have a go at Harvester?

• 41:40Speaker 02

  Shall we do small business?

• 41:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  Here's small business.

• 41:46Speaker 03

  It's now time for small business shoutouts, brought to you by VistaPrint, your expert print partner to help bring your ideas to life. For example, polo shirts, sweatshirts and hoodies. Branded clothing is great for small businesses because suddenly everyone looks like part of the team and you'll never again accidentally ask a customer where something is. Great idea, we should get some, Josh.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, we could wear them on a show.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Little P H hoodie, so we know what we're chatting about.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Shall I do one first, Rob?

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Go for it, mate. Give it to me.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. I know Rob loves Lego, so I'm hoping he would love to visit and give a shout out to the Little Brick House Cafe in Ramsgate. It's Kent's first Lego cafe.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's fall drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy to layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store and on lululemon.com now.

• 42:55Speaker 04

  In this life, you can't win. When the world gets you down. No! Escape to Pluto TV. This is objectively fantastic. Relax into the movies and shows you already know and love, all for free. Shwing! Even our news is uplifting. You stay classy, San Diego. Watch School of Rock, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The X-Files, Wayne's World and so much more.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  We're not worthy!

• 43:17Speaker 04

  The best things on TV really are free.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  You just have to know where to look.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 43:24Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Owner is a sweetheart. She offers loads of Lego sets that you can build plus food and drinks. There's special events for adults and children with S E N D and home schooled children. Can't recommend highly enough. They're on Instagram at thelittlebrickhousecafe.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Little Brick House Cafe.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Give them a shout out. Thanks, Kylie.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. I'd like to give a small business shout out to my friend Dave's Mobile Mini Golf Rental Business. What the putt? Whattheputt.co.uk or whattheputt underscore UK on Instagram. Covering the south of England, perfect for weddings, birthdays, corporate events. I've seen Rob putting on Let's Golf and I'm sure he could borrow a few of the holes for a bit of practice. Oh, so you have events in the garden and he brings the golf to you so you can

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  do little puttting challenges, chipping, mini golf. He can bring a whole nine hole golf course. Oh, that's fun.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  We should do that.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  Who doesn't want that? VistaPrint.co.uk. Print your possible. To get 15% off your first VistaPrint order, visit vistaprint.co.uk and use the code PARENTINGHELP15.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  Thank you for watching, we'll see you next time. Hasta la vista. Corky. Baby. There's only goodbyes in...

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Can't believe it.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  No, he's finished.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Oh, look, he's poking out as well.