Pod Insights Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe S12 EP52: I am spent About this episode More adventures in life and parenting. Josh turns into a street party based social animal, and Rob gets stuck waiting for a broken lift...
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Transcript 10,515 words · 8 speakers
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2:00 Speaker 03 This episode is presented by Monzo. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds.
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2:36 Speaker 03 Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.
2:40 Speaker 05 Tanith. Yeah. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.
2:46 Speaker 05 And can you say Josh Whittaker? Josh Whittaker. Well done.
2:51 Speaker 04 There you go. Hiccups, Rob.
2:53 Speaker 03 Tanith or Kenneth?
2:55 Speaker 04 Tanith. No one's called Kenneth in 2026.
2:59 Speaker 03 Well, that's my, that's my first Tanith.
3:01 Speaker 04 Imagine my sheer delight when my daughter had hiccups this morning. This is Tanith, now seven, a returning intro. She had originally appeared in season two, episode 31, as a two-year-old. That's good.
3:12 Speaker 03 Oh, wow. So she's a returner.
3:14 Speaker 04 Michael, Michael, do a kind of.
3:16 Speaker 03 Michael doesn't know or care.
3:17 Speaker 04 Drop that in, drop in. Let's just, let's just have a little re-listen to series two, episode 31.
3:23 Speaker 03 Do you think this man has got time to go back through the back catalogue to find Tanith?
3:27 Speaker 04 Do you know what, Rob? I can fucking do it. You ready?
3:30 Speaker 03 You're gonna, how are you gonna find Tanith?
3:32 Speaker 04 Because she's given me the episode number.
3:34 Speaker 03 That would help, yep. Is Tanith the girl's name? Yep. Greek mythology from the term Thanatios, Thanos.
3:42 Speaker 04 Oh, episode, what was it? Series two, episode what?
3:45 Speaker 03 See, it's harder than it looks, isn't it, Michael? He was giving it, oh, giving it old big beans. Look at him.
3:50 Speaker 04 Done it. Here we go. Oh, wait, bloody adverts, Rob.
3:57 Speaker 03 Even the host don't escape.
3:59 Speaker 04 Now, now, Rob, I wouldn't advise this for other people, but I'm gonna skip the advert.
4:06 Speaker 04 Right. Come on.
4:12 Speaker 03 Losing your hair? You're not losing your hair. That's not a very good targeted ad.
4:15 Speaker 06 Hello, and you are listening to Lock Down Parenting Hell with.
4:18 Speaker 05 Tan Tan, can you say Rob Beckett? And can you say Josh Widdicombe?
4:27 Speaker 05 Josh? Widdicombe? Yeah, well done.
4:33 Speaker 06 There we go.
4:34 Speaker 04 There we go.
4:35 Speaker 06 This is Debra Guy.
4:36 Speaker 04 Shall we just listen to this?
4:37 Speaker 03 No, no, Josh, Josh, Josh, I didn't need to hear that again.
4:43 Speaker 04 I think it's nice for context. People are going, gah, do you remember that? Do you remember the Tony Bellew episode?
4:49 Speaker 03 Can I tell you what people are really thinking? People are thinking is, get that kid off of it that we, that's, I don't know. And get into the show. That's what, that's what all these, look, the people that know the child are excited and happy.
5:02 Speaker 04 Date Tanith's episode was out. When do you think the Tony Bellew episode went out?
5:07 Speaker 03 2020, around November time.
5:11 Speaker 04 May 2021, May the 7th.
5:14 Speaker 03 No, I, I think those intros are great for the child and the parent and the family to go, oh, we heard your voice. Didn't you do it brilliantly? It's a lovely thing that we offer and I really enjoy hearing it. I'd say majority of the audience are like, I don't care, just talk.
5:31 Speaker 04 Yes.
5:31 Speaker 03 Or am I too harsh or some people into it?
5:33 Speaker 04 It's a bit like, it's a bit like the mascots of football. Who gives a fuck except the parents?
5:37 Speaker 03 Exactly, but we still do it because it's really nice for the kids and the parents and it's a little bit.
5:42 Speaker 04 And crucially, it fills time.
5:44 Speaker 03 No, and what I don't think we need is, is to go back and listen to the back catalogue of the same kid to sort of compare notes.
5:52 Speaker 04 Why don't you write in and tell us what have been your favourite children's intros?
5:59 Speaker 04 And we'll just do an episode where we can revisit the top 10.
6:02 Speaker 03 I reckon not one personal. Yeah, not one personal message. If the rules is not your own kid, you don't, you can't know the kid.
6:11 Speaker 04 You can't know the kid. Tell us your favourite intros. And you can't say the one where, you, you can't say the one where the kid had hiccups. You need to say the name of the kid.
6:19 Speaker 03 How are you, Josh?
6:20 Speaker 04 Still in this hotel room.
6:25 Speaker 03 I'm a, right, I've, I've, I've got stuff to talk to you about.
6:28 Speaker 04 Oh, let me tell you about my running training.
6:29 Speaker 03 Yes, you've been teasing us about your running training.
6:32 Speaker 04 So I went to a running trainer, Rob.
6:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:34 Speaker 04 Worried about my technique, so I didn't want to cause injury.
6:40 Speaker 03 What the fuck?
6:41 Speaker 04 Fucking hell, mate.
6:42 Speaker 03 Oh, the lady of the night, the lady of the mid morning is a-coming.
6:50 Speaker 03 You've got your running trainers on, Josh. Hello? Stephen Bartlett wouldn't, wouldn't accept this. Checking out, uh, in about an hour and a half. Checking out? These bastards, he's only been there an hour. You, we've paid for that room, they're trying to get you out already.
7:06 Speaker 04 He wanted to know whether I wanted to stay for tonight.
7:09 Speaker 03 For tonight?
7:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:11 Speaker 03 Oh, is he all lined up to my ladies?
7:16 Speaker 03 That's him saying, if you want it, I can get it.
7:22 Speaker 03 Um, was, was your technique sound?
7:24 Speaker 04 So, so I, I'll, I'll take my jumper, my jacket off, because I'm going back to see him this afternoon, it's been two weeks.
7:29 Speaker 03 Why are you taking your jumper off?
7:30 Speaker 04 To show you my technique.
7:32 Speaker 03 Hmm, okay, but I can only see your shoulders.
7:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, well, that was my main problem.
7:38 Speaker 03 So your legs are fine, your shoulders are the problem?
7:40 Speaker 04 I was running like this.
7:42 Speaker 03 You, have you lost weight?
7:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:44 Speaker 03 There's nothing of you, your legs are getting massive.
7:53 Speaker 03 You look great, you look very lean and fit.
7:56 Speaker 04 But I was running like this.
7:56 Speaker 03 So you've been running, but you're running like with head, like, yeah, okay, yeah, shoulders up to your ears, yeah.
8:01 Speaker 04 Shoulders up to my ears, that's what I was running like. Now I'm arms down.
8:05 Speaker 03 Straight back.
8:06 Speaker 04 Chin in.
8:06 Speaker 03 Chin in.
8:08 Speaker 04 Body forward, so you're leaning forward slightly.
8:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:12 Speaker 04 Find your toes.
8:13 Speaker 03 Find your toes, you're a bit of a slapper.
8:17 Speaker 04 That's what the guy just said on the phone.
8:21 Speaker 03 Lean forward, shoulders down, they'll be up at six. There you go. So that's your technique, and have you got quicker?
8:27 Speaker 04 Well, it's not about being quicker, it's just about, you know, being, I think I probably have, yeah.
8:31 Speaker 03 Not looking mental.
8:39 Speaker 03 No, but you, less injuries.
8:41 Speaker 04 Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, but what if you like to run like that? That's just your style. If it's not impacting speed or injuries, why can't you?
8:47 Speaker 04 Well, because it's impacting speed for start because your body's also. Rob, come on. Why do you think I'm getting a stiff neck?
8:56 Speaker 03 Right, okay, I haven't got much neck at all. Right, Josh, I've got other stuff to go through with you because I've not really spoke. We've been.
9:02 Speaker 04 Oh, Rob, let me tell you this.
9:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:05 Speaker 04 Oh, it's such a busy social weekend because that's how we live now. We live down here.
9:11 Speaker 03 I quite like this sort of new smug, Josh.
9:13 Speaker 04 We had six different social engagements over the weekend.
9:17 Speaker 03 Okay, talk me through them because does that include like dropping a kid off for a party?
9:20 Speaker 04 Art club, we went to.
9:22 Speaker 03 Is that a social engagement?
9:23 Speaker 04 Well, then we, you know, went for coffee with other parents during our club.
9:27 Speaker 03 So that does count. Yep, one.
9:29 Speaker 04 And then the local road had a, had a kind of summer craft fair.
9:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:36 Speaker 04 And then in the evening, we went to this thing called A Long Table at the local, which was.
9:43 Speaker 03 What's that?
9:43 Speaker 04 It closed off the local road for the art fair and then it went into the evening where they put out tables. And then everyone brings their own food and it's like a kind of.
9:53 Speaker 03 See, I have you down as not wanting to do that.
9:55 Speaker 04 Yeah, me too, but I can't be clear enough about this, Rob. We've only got one working room in our house that's not a bedroom. So it's getting a bit cabin fever-y.
10:05 Speaker 03 Right, okay, so it's best to be out and about rather than all crammed in the house. Got you. So if you had a home working house, would you have gone for art club? Could you have come home during art club coffee? You could have come home.
10:16 Speaker 04 No, it's a 20 minute drive.
10:19 Speaker 03 Right, so you're parked there, so you have to have coffee with the parents.
10:22 Speaker 04 You don't have to, it's nice, it's nice.
10:24 Speaker 03 But no, but you can't sit in your car, you're looking insane.
10:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, exactly.
10:27 Speaker 03 So you've, yeah, having coffee. So and then the crafting kids like that, I'm on board with that so far. Long table, if your house was working, you wouldn't have gone?
10:36 Speaker 04 Well, I don't know, Rose is really into that kind of stuff now. She loves, she loves that we've got a big friendship group now, which she wasn't really into when we were in London. She's really embraced the countryside, exeter friendship parent scene.
10:52 Speaker 03 Okay, why do you think she's embraced that more? Is there more things to do down here as a parent rather than in London?
10:59 Speaker 04 I think it's easier to see people.
11:03 Speaker 03 Yes, you can just literally hop in your car. Well, she can't drive. What's going on with her driver?
11:07 Speaker 04 She's having a lesson at the moment. She's got a test booked in, but there was a long test wait due to, I think it's still due to fucking COVID, isn't it?
11:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, and also people, there was like an underground black market of people
11:20 Speaker 04 Yeah.
11:21 Speaker 03 booking tests and selling access to tests.
11:23 Speaker 04 Yeah, so she had like, to, once moving down here, she had to wait eight months for tests or something mad.
11:29 Speaker 03 Oh my god. Oh, that's good. At some point, I mean, there's going to be a point when this podcast exists where Rose can drive and you have a bed.
11:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, I know. It's wild, isn't it? Unless this podcast, it doesn't feel like that, does it? But I will have my own bed from about October.
11:47 Speaker 03 Because I feel like Rose has been learning to drive since the start of this and you've not slept in a bed since the start of this.
11:52 Speaker 04 It feels like that, doesn't it? It'd be a lie to say it doesn't feel like that.
11:58 Speaker 03 I mean, because we have things that come and go, you know, you know, building the trampoline and you saying Rose is away. That was a bit of a runner for a bit. And then Adrian, you know, he's come in and, you know, but the real constants of this, apart from our children.
12:13 Speaker 04 Because even now, I'm not buffer, I'm not living a buffer free life anymore.
12:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, exactly. You've got a bit more buffer. Yeah, until, it might get a bit less buffer in the autumn. As long as you make sure you've got the start of the week clear, you'll be all right. You just have a busy end of the week. So then the long tail thing, you wouldn't really want to go, but Rose wants to go, the kids like it.
12:32 Speaker 04 We had a great time with some other parents. It was fun. The kids had an incredible time because there was a budgens, there's a budgens nearby and they all went in and bought these bouncy balls that were on strings that you attached to your arm and then you swing around and it's dangerous.
12:46 Speaker 03 And it's quite a fun novelty to have the road to yourself.
12:49 Speaker 04 Yeah, the road was closed down and they were just playing on the road. It was, they were loving it. Then, Rob, at the end, we stayed and we helped pack down, right? And there's the, what do you call those? It's like the roof of a marquee but with legs. What's that called?
13:05 Speaker 03 The roof of a marquee but with legs?
13:07 Speaker 04 What would you call that?
13:08 Speaker 03 Gazeebo.
13:09 Speaker 04 Gazeebo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The gazebo's.
13:13 Speaker 03 The roof of a marquee but with legs.
13:17 Speaker 04 Where you got that?
13:18 Speaker 03 No, no, yeah, a hundred, no, but I just.
13:19 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:20 Speaker 03 The way you said it was like a real riddle.
13:22 Speaker 04 Never gonna find that word.
13:23 Speaker 03 I feel like I was on an ITV afternoon quiz show.
13:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:27 Speaker 03 Next up, the roof of a marquee, but the legs.
13:34 Speaker 03 So. With legs.
13:36 Speaker 04 The legs of the gazebo were tied to, to keep it in place, were tied to wheelie bins that they'd filled with water to wait down the wheelie bins.
13:44 Speaker 03 That's a risk in summer.
13:46 Speaker 04 And someone emptied one of those bins onto the street, yeah?
13:49 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:50 Speaker 04 And the kids all went, jumped in the water. It was like, you know, when you see those, that footage of New York in the summer when a fire hydrant goes off?
14:02 Speaker 03 Yes, in Harlem and they're all just playing in it.
14:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, exactly.
14:06 Speaker 03 I don't think it looked like Harlem, a sort of suburb of.
14:08 Speaker 04 I'll send you a video, I'll send you a video.
14:12 Speaker 03 They're chanting, we want, oh, so now you've got the bin, the wheelie bin, and they want the water to be poured on them.
14:19 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:20 Speaker 03 Oh, so it's like a proper high street. It's not like, I thought this was gonna be like a little cul-de-sac. It's like, it looks just like a proper road.
14:25 Speaker 04 That's a budgens.
14:27 Speaker 03 There's a budgens.
14:29 Speaker 03 So you just pour it on them. And they were trying to get in it.
14:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, they were just climbing into the bin, Rob. It was, this was at nine thirty in the evening, absolute bedlam.
14:40 Speaker 03 It feels like, why don't you just do this at a park? Why are you doing it on tarmac? Surely there must be somewhere green nearby.
14:46 Speaker 04 What, to have the, the long table?
14:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, but what's the obsession with the long table?
14:52 Speaker 04 It's called the long table.
14:53 Speaker 03 Why, why, why not just have a picnic?
14:56 Speaker 04 Well, because you can then sit at a table.
14:58 Speaker 03 Right, okay, but so it's like, because it's so it's close to everyone's house. How long's the table?
15:03 Speaker 04 Oh, well, there's two tables. I was a bit disappointed by that.
15:05 Speaker 03 Oh, come on.
15:06 Speaker 04 There's two parallel tables.
15:07 Speaker 03 Not the long tables.
15:08 Speaker 04 This can be twice as long.
15:09 Speaker 03 It needs to be one long table. What's the point of it? Otherwise, just a restaurant, isn't it? A really weird restaurant.
15:15 Speaker 04 So it was like eating outside at a restaurant. That's what it was like. But you've brought your own food.
15:19 Speaker 03 And what did you, what did you make?
15:21 Speaker 04 Well, we only got invite, we only got an invite late in the day, so we just ordered a load of stuff from Waitrose.
15:27 Speaker 03 How'd you get invited to your own street?
15:29 Speaker 04 Well, it's not the street I live on.
15:31 Speaker 03 Oh, it's nearby street.
15:32 Speaker 04 And then when we were at the craft fair, there was all this long table talk. So I said, oh, is there any room going at the long table? So, yeah.
15:39 Speaker 03 When it's called the long table, you can't say no.
15:43 Speaker 03 Sorry, the long table's fully booked? I've got a table I could put on the end of it. No.
15:48 Speaker 04 No.
15:48 Speaker 03 And what's the other three?
15:49 Speaker 04 Uh, the next day, we did, uh, triathlon that my daughter was meant to compete in, but then she broke her arm. So she went to support her teammates.
15:58 Speaker 03 How far is a child's triathlon?
16:00 Speaker 04 Uh, it is 50 metre swim.
16:02 Speaker 03 Yep.
16:03 Speaker 04 500 metre, uh, no, 1000 metre bike.
16:06 Speaker 03 Okay.
16:07 Speaker 04 500 metre run.
16:08 Speaker 03 Right. Oh, that's fun.
16:10 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:11 Speaker 03 I'd like to do that one. That's a bit more me as a child. Why don't they do that level of triathlon for normal people?
16:17 Speaker 04 Everyone, everyone enjoyed this.
16:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:20 Speaker 04 Um, and it was, there wasn't really even like, who's the winning team? They're all going off at different times. So it wasn't a race. It's much nicer.
16:27 Speaker 03 Yeah. It's just like, if it's too easy, then all the twats don't go. Exactly. Like, if you do a hardcore one, like.
16:32 Speaker 04 That's not how I live my life.
16:33 Speaker 03 That would be good. When have you had to try to impress a new father in order to make you do something physical? That must happen a lot. There's these alpha dads that.
16:41 Speaker 04 Do you play golf? Have you, I bet Lou's dad, he, he has a look of somebody who might play golf.
16:46 Speaker 03 Lou's dad is the least alpha in your face person ever. But one of the.
16:51 Speaker 04 He's a lovely bloke.
16:53 Speaker 03 One of the most subtly talented sportsmen I've ever met. Where, where every does is really good. He played me at squash when I was 25. He was about 56.
17:03 Speaker 04 Oh my word, was that, was that a big moment? Was that?
17:06 Speaker 03 He absolutely spanked me in a pair of shoes that looked like they were found on the Titanic. Walked back to the bar at Centre Parks and had a half a pint of Murray.
17:16 Speaker 04 And he said, he's not good enough for you.
17:19 Speaker 03 And then.
17:20 Speaker 04 Bring me someone who can give me a game, Louise.
17:24 Speaker 03 Well, I think the jury was out of the start, but I think I've proved my worth. Um, it's been a good return on investment for Lou who paid for everything for two years. And then we went golf and he basically bought, one thing I would say about my father-in-law is he is a very generous man, but when it comes to himself, I've never known a man not to want to spend a penny. Like he's very much, that'll do, what I've got's fine. And he bought some clubs. But he's very generous with his family, but for him, he just won't buy anything new. He bought us some clubs, I swear from my Argos, it's like, go on Argos and type in golf. The first sort of pair, like the first set you can get, he just bought them. I went around him, I had a sort of decent set, I think from, I got from, bought off a friend that were like second round.
18:09 Speaker 03 And he just got like, par, par, birdie, par, par, like, he's unbelievable, like, straight away, just brilliant at golf. And I was like, this is sickening. Um, but yeah, no, if he's, if he's been a Alfred by a potential father-in-law, please let us know.
18:24 Speaker 04 Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then we did birthday party that my son went to. And then we went for, then we went for a couple of drinks around the neighbours, to meet the neighbours.
18:33 Speaker 03 You love it, don't you? You can't get enough. Rose like socialising, didn't you?
18:36 Speaker 04 I did say at the end of-
18:37 Speaker 03 That's a bit much for me.
18:38 Speaker 04 Sunday, I said, I enjoyed all of them, but I am spent. And then I was really gutted because, um, Canada versus whoever they played was shit.
18:48 Speaker 03 South Africa.
18:49 Speaker 04 South Africa.
18:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was bad. Good last minute winner.
18:55 Speaker 03 This episode is brought to you by Sainsbury's. Sainsbury's customers can save over £450 a year with the NEXA app, which sounds like a great deal to me, Rob. Do you know what my favourite thing in the supermarket is? You know, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the deals because it seems like there's a lot of deals. If you look at a supermarket as deals, right? But there's that thing like, if you're buying like washing tablets, there's a thing on the little label, it says like, that's the price per like a hundred grams or per tabs. So you can work out which one is the best deal.
19:25 Speaker 04 Yes.
19:26 Speaker 03 Do you know, you know what I'm talking about?
19:27 Speaker 04 I know exactly what you're doing. That is a good deal.
19:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:30 Speaker 04 Do you know what I used to do, Rob? As a student, I used to be obsessed with obviously saving money.
19:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:36 Speaker 04 I took the smallest room in our house and I negotiated that I would only pay £32 a week. For that room, Rob.
19:43 Speaker 03 And how much was everyone else paying?
19:45 Speaker 04 Fifty six. I couldn't have doors on my wardrobe because there wasn't space to open them. So I just had the innards of a wardrobe.
19:51 Speaker 03 Just the innards of a wardrobe, yeah.
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20:45 Speaker 02 Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon Fall Drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's Fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.
21:18 Speaker 03 Oh, right. So how do you wake up in the morning? Alarm?
21:22 Speaker 04 Well, usually when you're sleeping on a mattress top or on a floor, nature takes its course from about 5.30.
21:29 Speaker 04 This morning, I woke up because one of the cats was biting my toe.
21:34 Speaker 03 How are the cats? One had a panic attack and you lost Beryl. Has Beryl been found?
21:38 Speaker 04 Beryl's back. They're fine. They're fine, they're good. She just, she must have, something had happened. I think she probably had a fight with another cat or something and she just had a day pulling herself together in a bush.
21:51 Speaker 03 We all have those days.
21:52 Speaker 04 You know, when a cat's kind of got their tail between the legs, kind of metaphorically and physically.
21:57 Speaker 03 And just hiding and licking its wounds.
21:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's fine now. So that, yeah, so that's how I wake up. Um, we have an alarm goes off for all four of us.
22:06 Speaker 03 What time?
22:07 Speaker 04 Quarter to seven.
22:08 Speaker 03 Quarter to seven, right. That's similar as us. Well, Lou sometimes gets earlier. Lou said to me, now, when I'm not here, when, uh, when, when you're not here, Rob, what she likes to do is have the blind open a bit on the, we've got a Velux window, right?
22:22 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:22 Speaker 03 Have the blind down a little bit so that when the sun comes up, natural light comes in and wakes up. And I weren't working the other night.
22:28 Speaker 04 Bit early, bit early, bit early young summer.
22:31 Speaker 03 Yeah. So she said to me, do you mind if you do that? I went, yeah, fine, whatever, right? Add the blind open, four thirty AM.
22:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, of course.
22:39 Speaker 03 Four thirty AM. And I'm just like, I'm just like, what the fuck? And it's like, proper daylight, like.
22:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, of course it is.
22:47 Speaker 03 Like sunbathing. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know this.
22:49 Speaker 04 It's literally the week after the longest day.
22:52 Speaker 03 Has it moved on? Has it moved earlier in recent times? It's mental, it's mental. Four thirty is mental. So I'm like, it's fucking four thirty. I'm like, Jesus. I was like, I thought something's gone wrong. Look, Lou's not there. Lou's downstairs. And bear in mind now, we've got two hours and fifteen minutes until we normally wake up. And, and so basically three hours and fifteen minutes until we need to leave the house. Okay. We could watch Titanic. That's how long we got.
23:16 Speaker 04 Did you?
23:17 Speaker 03 Nah. So I went downstairs and I was like.
23:19 Speaker 04 What time did you go downstairs?
23:21 Speaker 03 Four forty-five. I've stirred for fifteen minutes.
23:23 Speaker 04 Why did you do that? Why didn't you just go back to sleep?
23:25 Speaker 03 Because we're getting up early. I'm doing what Lou does.
23:28 Speaker 04 She doesn't get up at four forty-five.
23:30 Speaker 03 I think she does. And that's why she's fucked every night and tired. Cause she's getting up too early.
23:35 Speaker 04 She gets up at four forty-five when you're not there.
23:37 Speaker 03 I'm at Alberg, right? So I'm like, this is insane.
23:40 Speaker 04 And what does she do?
23:41 Speaker 03 Well, I went downstairs and went, what is going? I feel like I'm getting up for a flight. You know, like early for a holiday, summer holiday. I'm like, what do we do now? She went, oh, just, it's nice, isn't it? It's quiet. You could just sort of get chilled and get ready, like.
23:54 Speaker 04 Oh no, she's one of the five o'clock club.
23:56 Speaker 03 Yeah. So I'm like, all right, okay. Well, I went, look, let's not judge. Let's try and get involved. All right then, let's make a coffee then.
24:01 Speaker 04 This morning?
24:02 Speaker 03 This was a few days ago, right?
24:04 Speaker 04 Right.
24:05 Speaker 03 Anyway, so I made coffee and it's during the heatwave, so it's like twenty degrees outside at four AM, four, four, five AM. And I say, oh, well, I went, do you fancy sitting on like, we've got like lounges? When you wanna sit in the garden in the sun? And it's like, you could sit in it without getting burnt and it's not too hot. And do you wanna sit on the lounges with a couple of coffee? She went, nah, I'm all right in here, actually. She was just in the front room scrolling on her phone. I thought this is not attacking.
24:29 Speaker 03 So I just sat there with a coffee, just looking at her scrolling. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Anyway, I am foul all day. I've got the fucking, I'm knackered.
24:40 Speaker 04 What did you have to do with your day?
24:41 Speaker 03 It weren't a busy day, and I weren't working in the evening, because it weren't bad, but I was here and everywhere. I'd loads of meetings and appointments and work stuff, life stuff. I guess like seven o'clock, I come back, lose sleep on the sofa. Obviously, because she's just part like, she's done the kids, they're just passing out, because it's.
24:57 Speaker 04 So where are the kids?
24:59 Speaker 03 They're just like watching a bit of telly, like half hour before we go up, you know, they're just chilling or whatever, colouring in. She's just like, like dozing on the sofa, obviously though, because she's been up since half four. Anyway, I like, try and get the kids into bed and then like, they're going, I'm too, I can't sleep like that. And I'm like, I said to one of them, I have to go to bed. It's half nine now and I'm fucked. Anyway, I put the kids to bed, went into bed at half nine, slept to eight thirty the next day. Because they weren't in school. It's eleven hours sleep.
25:27 Speaker 04 Did you have the V-Lux closed?
25:29 Speaker 03 I had to be, it was closed, slept for eleven hours. And then, and then the next, and then I was like, this, this can't, this can't go on. But I don't, I just couldn't believe, I can't believe that's what she's doing. I don't think she's doing that every time. But it's insane. It kills me.
25:41 Speaker 04 It's mad. And so what did she do? Just look at her phone and then the kids got up?
25:44 Speaker 03 But we've got, I've got a serious phone addiction. I'm, I'm not, I'm leaving my phone downstairs now.
25:50 Speaker 04 How's your business phone going?
25:51 Speaker 03 I haven't done it. I was, obviously I haven't sorted that out ever.
25:54 Speaker 04 No. Have you considered the brick, Rob?
25:58 Speaker 03 Considered the brick, no. I'm just leaving my phone downstairs, I'm just leaving my phone charged away from like six, seven in the evening and don't go near it again till the next day.
26:07 Speaker 04 Yes. Now, what I find interesting about that-
26:09 Speaker 03 Because scrolling in bed is the big problem. And I've deleted TikTok.
26:13 Speaker 04 You've deleted TikTok?
26:14 Speaker 03 Deleted TikTok. So I've just got Instagram, which I sort of do need for work. I don't really-
26:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
26:18 Speaker 03 But then I should have then like, I uploaded a video the other day that I probably should have uploaded to TikTok as well, but couldn't because I was locked out of it. And then the video did really well on Instagram. And then I was like, well, I should have put that on TikTok. That did really well on TikTok. And I'm like, oh my God, what, what is this? What are you, Rob?
26:33 Speaker 04 You're doing well enough.
26:34 Speaker 03 I know, but you know, rested on me laurels and I'm like, maybe you should do this, you should do that. Anyway. So that I've got, I've got to stop scrolling on my phone. The, uh, the doom scrolling is awful.
26:45 Speaker 04 You know what our agents will do, Rob?
26:48 Speaker 03 What's that?
26:49 Speaker 04 If you give them your passwords.
26:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:52 Speaker 04 Uh, I've done this when I've deleted, um, social media. You can just send it to someone in the office and say, could you just put this on Instagram and TikTok with this caption?
27:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, I should do that, shouldn't I? I'm gonna do that.
27:04 Speaker 04 It's much easier. Just do that.
27:06 Speaker 03 Yeah. And then I'm out. But, you know, but I'm a bit more of an organic dude, don't I? I'm in the, I'm in the, I'm in the, I'm in the in the moment poster.
27:15 Speaker 04 Yeah, but you can do it as an in the moment WhatsApp.
27:17 Speaker 03 But what I did there, I did it straight on Instagram. I should have done it on my camera and then saved it.
27:21 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the video?
27:24 Speaker 03 Me moaning about the World Cup. Basically, if I don't think and just say something, it does really well. If I think about anything, it doesn't do well on social media.
27:32 Speaker 04 So how else has parenting been?
27:35 Speaker 03 Parenting, yeah. So the weekend, we had, um, I went for a run on Saturday because the kids were in their clubs. And then one of them had a party. Lou took one to the party. Then I took the other on a little day out with me and her. So we had a little date day where we went to the shop. Basically just walking around the Glades buying shit.
27:50 Speaker 04 Oh, it's your double trip to the Glades.
27:52 Speaker 03 Yeah. So we did that and it was fun though. It was nice just hanging out. And I was like, well, it was like, what do you want to do? She went, can we just like float around and like not have stuff planned? Because sometimes our lives will be like this and that, then this and that. I was like, yeah, okay, we can do that. So we walked around the Glades for about an hour and a half. And then we like got to four o'clock and was like, oh, well, what should we do? And she was like, I'm a bit bored now. I don't know what to do. Should we do something? And then we're just sat on a bench trying to find something to do. And then she was like, it's quite good actually to plan stuff, isn't it? Because then we have something to do now.
28:21 Speaker 03 Yeah. So then we went, it was so hot on that Saturday when it was like thirty. I think it was still like thirty four degrees or something. When we went, ended up in an arcade and then bowling.
28:31 Speaker 04 Yeah.
28:32 Speaker 03 I was having so much of my life, sweat dripping off my nose, sweat dripping off my nose doing Mario Kart. And then, so we did that, then I took her for dinner. We went to Miller and Carter. She liked, she liked steaks. She had a little steak. It's like a steak. House place. They do quite a good kids menu actually. We can get a fillet steak and two courses for like sixteen quid or something. It wasn't too bad. Um, and then, yeah, but it was like a bit fancier. So I said, I'll take her to a fancy dinner. So we went there. Then we had, we'd got dirt on ourselves in the arcade. So we went to Marks and Spencer's and bought a nice top to wear for dinner. She wanted to wear a nice top, so I got a nice new top.
29:05 Speaker 04 You sure this was your daughter, Rob?
29:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, we just hung out. It was really fun. And then that's how it was nice. And then Sunday. My other, there was another party, which just dropped my daughter off. And then I took the other one. She wanted to go to the shops. She bought that. We hung out and then we ended up having some noodles. So it's very just chilled day of just me just basically saying, what, what, what did they want to do? Which I think it's nice for them to have a bit of choice. And like, rather than being told, we're going here, we're going there, we're going here, we're going there. So, yeah, we did that. It was not a really nice, um, we're trying to have less booked in. So we just float around and do normal stuff where sometimes. Cause my life's so hectic, I don't realise how hectic I make weekends because my life is planned within an inch of its life of like. International travel, here, there, bang. And I'm used to doing so much because I'm, I've been doing it for fifteen years.
29:54 Speaker 03 That sometimes me and Lou will put together like a weekend schedule that's like, it's just a bit quite stressful. Rather than just floating about in the local area. We're like, go in here, we're going there. So I'm really putting my foot down. I'm trying to make it chilled.
30:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, I remember this conversation about three or four years ago and about.
30:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, it won't change, will it? It's just who I am.
30:12 Speaker 04 None of this changes. We both do it.
30:14 Speaker 03 Couple of other things though. It's Clarkson's Farm. Um, so we was watching Clarkson's Farm and there's a bit where they're trying to get the dogs to, um, mate, yeah?
30:22 Speaker 04 Right.
30:22 Speaker 03 And make puppies and both the kids were like, what's, what's, what's that on the TV? And the two dogs were there. We went, oh, we want to see them make puppies.
30:30 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah.
30:31 Speaker 03 Cause in their head, they're a bit like, we want to see puppies. So I'm like, oh, no, no. Anyway, so luckily we got got him out of the room because I nearly was like, oh, they've seen dogs mount in any way, like whatever. It's not the end of the world if they see it, but probably don't encourage it.
30:45 Speaker 04 I think it's all right. It's dogs.
30:47 Speaker 03 Well, that's what I thought, but luckily we said, no, go to bed, go upstairs. And when we did press play, I don't know if you've seen this scene on Clarkson's Farm.
30:54 Speaker 04 No, I've done for what's Clarkson's Farm.
30:56 Speaker 03 The dog misses the vagina. So you just see a full erect dog's penis humping the side of the other dog in full view of the camera and you see it jizz all over its back.
31:07 Speaker 04 Wow.
31:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:10 Speaker 03 And I was like.
31:11 Speaker 04 Luckily they're going to bed because then you and Lou got horny and before you knew it.
31:16 Speaker 03 No. Imagine that. What would you do? What would you do if you was watching that and then Rose was all over you after seeing that?
31:24 Speaker 03 Obviously you'd make the most of it, but then afterwards you'd have questions. Surely.
31:30 Speaker 03 And she's made you bark.
31:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
31:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:33 Speaker 04 Put on the collar.
31:39 Speaker 03 Um, so and also they've been watching Dance Mums on my Channel Four login on the TV.
31:44 Speaker 04 What's Dance Mums?
31:45 Speaker 03 American reality show where this Abby Lee Miller runs a dance academy and all the parents are there, but they always end up arguing. It's sort of almost like entry level to Desperate Housewives, American reality trash TV. But for, well, not really for children, but because it's about children, it's sort of okay and there's not too much swearing. Anyway, I'm logged in on it on my Channel Four. So there's those adverts that are aimed at me.
32:08 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:09 Speaker 03 Like, are you struggling to get an erection?
32:13 Speaker 04 No, it's not that one.
32:15 Speaker 03 Oh, my life. They're watching and the kid's like, what's an erection? Because the advert that come up is struggling to watch, struggling to get an erection.
32:22 Speaker 04 And you said, it's Clarkson's Farm, this'll tell you.
32:24 Speaker 03 No. But what I'm just saying is if you're signed in on your account to watch something that's slightly, because you're in that middle period of age group where they're watching a bit older but not too old. Make sure they're signed into, I don't know, their own account, but I was trying to explain what an erection.
32:40 Speaker 04 So my kids have got their own account on iPlayer, which obviously doesn't matter because they're not getting it served adverts.
32:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
32:46 Speaker 04 And Netflix, which obviously they're not being served adverts on Netflix, but I suppose I would get served invariably loads of shows about murderers I'm not interested in, which is no idea.
32:58 Speaker 03 Adverts for murder shows on the Channel 4 thing as well. So it's like, then I don't know if they're, if you, I should double check what age rating is Dance Moms, because maybe it's just me being wrong, letting them watch it.
33:11 Speaker 04 No, I don't think so.
33:12 Speaker 03 Eleven and older. Yeah, so that, yeah, so that's, that's my fault.
33:15 Speaker 04 That's fine, eleven and older, Rob. That's fine, who cares?
33:20 Speaker 03 Adult behaviour, mothers it angry, arguing, profanity, they use words like hell, bitch and such. Um, I, I didn't tell you about what happened to them. This, this is quite bad stuff. You know, we did that filming with the big inflatable balls in Canterbury.
33:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
33:36 Speaker 03 And you told me about your journey home when you had to get the train. Did I tell you about my journey home?
33:40 Speaker 04 No.
33:40 Speaker 03 I was massively dehydrated all day and we was a bit sun, we was on the cusp of sunstroke all day really, weren't we? So drinking water all day. So I was drinking water all day, didn't have a wee. Then, just before I got in the taxi home, I had a pint of lager and a bottle of water and then drunk another bottle of water in the car. Hour and 10 minute drive. About 30 minutes from home, do you ever get piss erections?
34:02 Speaker 04 No.
34:04 Speaker 03 So if you need a wee.
34:05 Speaker 04 If I wake up in the morning, that could be a thing.
34:08 Speaker 03 Right, so I don't normally get it.
34:10 Speaker 04 Really.
34:10 Speaker 03 No, I don't normally get it in the day. It's normally in the morning, right? So I might just really need a wee. Anyway, I've got this, I've got a piss erection in the car and I was like, oh, that's weird.
34:20 Speaker 04 Lot of erection chat going on.
34:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, there is, yeah. And then I was like, oh, that's weird. I went, that'll probably go in a bit. Because sometimes you can get erections in, on transport, can't you?
34:30 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:31 Speaker 03 It's not sexual.
34:32 Speaker 04 Okay.
34:33 Speaker 03 It's just my body being a body.
34:35 Speaker 04 So what are you doing at this point? Just sitting in the back of the car?
34:38 Speaker 03 I'm just in the car going, I've got a bit of an erection here, but I've got like my jumper on my lap and I'm on my phone. So it's sort of like covered.
34:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:44 Speaker 03 Right?
34:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:45 Speaker 03 Anyway, 10 minutes goes.
34:48 Speaker 03 We're at my house, still got full erection.
34:51 Speaker 04 Right, yeah.
34:52 Speaker 03 Right, so I'm like, well, what I'm gonna do is, there's a cab driver there, I'll just open the door, shuffle to the side, hold sort of my like jumper and bag around my midsection and sort of walk to my house slightly leant forward, almost like your running technique.
35:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
35:08 Speaker 03 Cab driver comes around, so opens the door, right in the firing line. So I have to get out like some sort of, sort of respectful monk.
35:15 Speaker 04 What are you wearing on your legs?
35:18 Speaker 03 Very thin shorts, what you saw me in in the day.
35:21 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
35:21 Speaker 03 Sport shorts, the worst possible thing you could wear.
35:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
35:25 Speaker 03 Right.
35:25 Speaker 04 Did you consider, I don't wanna be too graphic, the tuck under the belt scenario?
35:31 Speaker 03 No, because it was a loose fitting waistband where there'll be potential with a gust of breeze for my T-shirt, you could just see my little helmet skirting along the rim of the, yeah.
35:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
35:47 Speaker 03 So I just basically have to just hunch and he just watches me hunch into my house.
35:55 Speaker 04 And then?
35:56 Speaker 03 And I'm sort of like going, well, I'll just say I hurt my back with the balls.
36:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
36:01 Speaker 03 Not that I've got a full erection, full of piss. I don't, I've, I've, I don't know what it is. I don't know if I drunk so much, now hear me out, I drunk so much water that my bladder was full, it started to go in the shaft.
36:12 Speaker 04 No, it's not like this. It doesn't fill up the penis. No, it's not like that.
36:17 Speaker 03 Well, I just don't know how it happened.
36:19 Speaker 04 That's how I'm gonna stop it, isn't it? And I imagine you were so tired, your body was almost in a sleep mode.
36:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, I was very, yeah, maybe that's because that's what it felt like, you know, you can't get rid of it in the mornings, you have a wee.
36:31 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:32 Speaker 03 I get an erection.
36:34 Speaker 04 Don't, don't, don't write that in, don't write that in.
36:37 Speaker 03 When I needed a wee.
36:39 Speaker 04 No, don't, don't write that in.
36:40 Speaker 03 Why not? This is medical, this is medical. There might be someone now with a full erection after drinking too much, a taxi, going, thank God, I'm being seen. Get an erection when you need to pee, it's very common. Thank you. Involuntary reflex, is it really, it's not a cause for a concern. Your bladder and the nerves that control erection share the same area of your spinal cord. When your bladder fills up, it presses against these nerves, causing a reflex response. Oh, so my bladder, I told you my dick was filling with piss.
37:08 Speaker 04 Well, no, that's not what it means.
37:09 Speaker 03 Nocturnal, yeah.
37:10 Speaker 04 It's hit a nerve.
37:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, oh yeah, I think I have hit a nerve. I've hit your nerve, because I'm right and you're wrong, actually. I think that's the nerve I've hit with my bladder. So REM sleeping, yes. I don't think it's because I was tired, because I think you need to be in REM sleep in to wake up with a nocturnal erection, sounds like he's up to no good, doesn't he?
37:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
37:33 Speaker 03 The brain signals, your nervous system controls both arousal and urination, and sometimes signals get slightly crossed. Now, it's got to be the bladder on the spine, isn't it?
37:40 Speaker 04 So, so did you then go to the toilet when you got in the house?
37:43 Speaker 03 Immediately, yeah, because.
37:45 Speaker 04 And how did you, I don't want to go too gran- how did you, the physics of that?
37:50 Speaker 03 Okay, I think I've explained it before. Reverse cowgirl. I face the cistern, pop the penis under the rim of the teat.
37:59 Speaker 04 So it's touching the rim?
38:02 Speaker 03 Yes, touching the rim.
38:03 Speaker 04 That's so unhygienic.
38:04 Speaker 03 It's awful. Tips for peeing with an erection, do you want this?
38:07 Speaker 04 Yep.
38:08 Speaker 03 Because there's. Do you want this, Michael? This is a podcast about life, the highs, the lows, the erections, the flaccids. Because there'll be people out there bloody, you know, jealous of my.
38:25 Speaker 04 And no pad and pen at this point.
38:27 Speaker 03 Because of the spongy tissue of an erection compresses the urethra. They always think of Reefer Franklin when I hear urethra.
38:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, is there much spongy tissue with an erection?
38:38 Speaker 03 The, the tube that carries urine, that's urethra. It can make peeing take longer or require more pressure. If you're struggling, try sitting down or leaning forward slightly to change the angle.
38:48 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:49 Speaker 03 Alternatively, you can wait a few minutes for the erection to subside. Disclaimer, I am AI, not a doctor.
38:55 Speaker 04 That is some of the least useful tips.
38:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, what do you do? Just point it down a bit?
38:59 Speaker 04 I think what I would do, right, is I'd take a position over the toilet bowl.
39:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
39:07 Speaker 04 Where I'd, I'd kind of lean on the wall.
39:12 Speaker 04 So say this.
39:12 Speaker 03 Okay, he's getting up. He's trying to show off his new running body.
39:17 Speaker 04 I'd get as much angle of that as possible.
39:20 Speaker 03 Really?
39:21 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:21 Speaker 03 Wow, so almost like doing a plank.
39:23 Speaker 04 It's almost like planking under the toilet.
39:26 Speaker 03 See, why not just sit down and tuck it in?
39:30 Speaker 04 Because I don't want it to touch the bowl.
39:32 Speaker 03 Right, okay. And that's tight, and that is fine.
39:35 Speaker 04 I suppose your other option is to go from distance.
39:40 Speaker 03 You can't. Distance is wild. You can't hail Mary it like Tom Brady. Because the problem with hail Mary is even if you make it first shot, you know the pressure. So then we'll drop. You're gonna have to walk towards it.
39:52 Speaker 04 Walk towards it, that's the skill.
39:54 Speaker 03 A cocktail, a cocktail maker, you know, they pull the drink right up.
39:59 Speaker 03 Okay, well, the next time you try that, and I promise you, you're a reverse cowgirl the time after.
40:05 Speaker 04 Do you know what? If it wasn't for the fact that I don't think people should be sending in videos of their own erect penis, I'd love to see people having a go at that.
40:15 Speaker 03 No, I'd love to, I'd love a camera set up that you could see the jet of water and the toilet and the landing spot, but no penis. No, but I'm not, please don't film it unless James Cameron or Christopher Nolan or Spielberg are listening.
40:35 Speaker 04 If they're doing it, I would really watch them if they want to have a go at it.
40:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:39 Speaker 04 Strange three people that you'd happily watch, but.
40:42 Speaker 03 Anyway, yeah, so that was, that's something I forgot to tell you about that. But I'm all good and luckily I've read that, no cause for concern.
40:49 Speaker 04 Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
40:51 Speaker 03 Oh, I can tell there was a bit of a situation in the Glades with the lift and escalators. Come out the park, go to the lifts, one working lift, one shut lift.
41:03 Speaker 03 The only other way down is escalator, broken, can't go down it. But like, not broken with nothing on it and people working on it, broken. Because my problem with an escalator when it's not working, that isn't a broken escalator. That's just a staircase.
41:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, you shouldn't be closing off.
41:23 Speaker 03 So, obviously, we were on the first floor car park, there's a second floor car park. So basically, every lift that come up, because there's one lift, was just full of people.
41:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:33 Speaker 03 And then, someone, a renegade, not me, but I was close to, someone that was slightly more rebellious than me. I just took down the sign saying temporary shut escalator. And we walked down, and my daughter thought, coolest thing, that wasn't me, it was another guy. It was a guy wearing a basketball shirt, sleeveless, and I was like.
41:52 Speaker 04 Yeah, so that was you.
41:55 Speaker 03 No, I can't, I've got hairy arms.
41:57 Speaker 04 With Beckett sixty nine on the back.
41:58 Speaker 03 You can't wear a basketball jersey with hairy arms and not have really muscly. But I've not got, not muscly arms, but I haven't got muscly arms to deal with a vest.
42:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:09 Speaker 03 I can wear a vest when I'm running, when it's hot.
42:12 Speaker 04 Can you?
42:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, or playing football and stuff like that. I can't casually live my life in a vest in the summer.
42:18 Speaker 04 No, I'm gonna name you five people that we know. I want you to tell me whether they could wear a vest or not.
42:25 Speaker 03 Out and about.
42:26 Speaker 04 Out and about.
42:27 Speaker 03 Go on.
42:28 Speaker 04 It's an LA Lakers vest with, does LeBron James play for the LA Lakers?
42:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's LeBron James, LA Lakers, yellow vest, okay?
42:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:37 Speaker 03 And where they're going?
42:38 Speaker 04 They're going to a barbecue.
42:41 Speaker 03 They're going to a bar, a barb, okay, and yeah, got you. And they know everyone there, it's all their group of friends.
42:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:48 Speaker 04 Michael?
42:50 Speaker 03 I'm sorry, Michael, you can't, he could if he wore a white t-shirt underneath, I think.
42:54 Speaker 04 No, no t-shirts underneath.
42:55 Speaker 03 No t, no, Michael wouldn't, one, I don't think he would anyway, and I don't think he should. No, but I think a vest on holiday is fine if it's just for on the beach or by the pool, just to cover up your shoulders when you're too hot. So I think that's, anyway, okay, who else to barbecue?
43:11 Speaker 04 John Richardson.
43:13 Speaker 03 Nope, he can't, and he wouldn't, and he shouldn't, and he knows, and I'll tell him that.
43:20 Speaker 04 Ramesh?
43:22 Speaker 03 Now, Ramesh could get away with it. He's got tattoos.
43:26 Speaker 04 Would you laugh, though, if he turned out to barbecue in an LA Lakers vest?
43:32 Speaker 03 I would, as a friend, go, oh, okay. But I think if he was on holiday and wore it, I don't think anyone would know. I think he'd get away with it.
43:40 Speaker 04 No, but he's not on holiday. He's at a barbecue at your house.
43:43 Speaker 03 I think it'd be fine and I think he'd look good. Would I give him basketball jokes all day? Absolutely.
43:52 Speaker 03 Every time he finished a beer, hold the bin. Go on, mate, free throw. Stuff like that, you know.
43:57 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
43:58 Speaker 03 Good, solid, good, solid.
44:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. And the other person you're remarking to your barbecue,
44:10 Speaker 04 this is quite an interesting one, Tom Davis.
44:12 Speaker 03 No, I don't. He's too tall. He'll get questioned. If you're that tall, you can't wear a basketball jersey because he probably has to fend off basketball questions already.
44:22 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:23 Speaker 03 I think he's asking for trouble. I genuinely don't even think it would work on Joel Domit.
44:28 Speaker 04 No, not Joel Domit.
44:29 Speaker 03 I think he's a little bit too lean for that and too pale. I think a lot of it is about complexion as well. Tiny temper, absolutely.
44:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
44:36 Speaker 03 Jiu Jitsu, ripped, muscly, looks cool.
44:40 Speaker 04 I suppose the question is, could a white man of any type wear it?
44:43 Speaker 03 That's what we're skirting around here. And I don't want to make this a racing. If you're white, you can't wear it. If you're not white, you know, it's up for grabs.
44:53 Speaker 04 The final one was going to be me.
44:59 Speaker 03 You'd look like one of the dweebs in Teen Wolf.
45:03 Speaker 03 One of the little ones at the back that he's just, Teen Wolf's absolutely smashing it through the rim for. Like, let's go, Wolfie. But yeah, I think, you know, I think it's tattoos helps, muscly aren't.
45:15 Speaker 04 Smashing it through the rim is quite a horrible phrase.
45:19 Speaker 03 Someone else that could get away with it, like muscly. Who's that? A big muscly?
45:24 Speaker 04 So what about like?
45:26 Speaker 03 I think Tommy Fury could get away with it on holiday. But then he's got a nice colour to him, isn't he? Tan, you've got to be tan if you're white.
45:32 Speaker 04 Gladiator we interviewed.
45:34 Speaker 03 Matt Morse, yeah. Legend. He could wear it. But then if you're ripped, you can get away with anything. Apart from my Planet Hollywood shirt.
45:45 Speaker 07 Low energy, unfocused, foggy? You might be dehydrated. Gatorade Zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body. With a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colours or flavours, great tasting hydration no matter where you're going. Shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade: Hydrates Better Than Water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.
46:15 Speaker 02 When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's Fall Drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon Fall Lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in-store and on lululemon.com now. Ugh, I hate Mondays.
46:46 Speaker 03 King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite?
46:47 Speaker 02 Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.
46:53 Speaker 03 Hey, let's get back to work, please.
46:55 Speaker 02 But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.
46:59 Speaker 03 Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm.
47:06 Speaker 06 King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.
47:18 Speaker 03 Um, right. Small business shout-out. Okay. Hi, Rob and Josh and Michael. I wanted to send in an SBS to a lovely lady that lives in my town and has been running her business of beautiful handmade items for a number of years. I was spurred on by Josh and Lou's book recommendations on Instagram to give lovely Lisa a shout-out. Lisa's company is called The Furnery, and she creates beautiful things with free motion embroidery. One of the standout items are bookbands. So much better than a bookmark.
47:50 Speaker 04 Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah. Good call. Good call.
47:53 Speaker 03 These are wonderful things, key rings, badges, decorations, wonderful Christmas ones. But the book bans are always my go to for a fab gift for someone. Her website is theferney, F E R N E R Y dot co dot U K. And Instagram, theferney. I can't offer a discount code as others have, as she has no idea I've sent this. Just wanted to shout out to a lovely local company who produces high quality, lovely things that make great gifts. Thanks, Jen from Hailsham in East Sussex. The Furnery, what's a book band? Talk to me.
48:25 Speaker 04 Well, it goes around.
48:27 Speaker 03 Ah.
48:27 Speaker 04 Goes around the book, into the book. It is better.
48:30 Speaker 03 Why on earth do bookmarks that exist when the book bans an option?
48:34 Speaker 04 Well, exactly, Rob. Exactly.
48:36 Speaker 03 It's not fit for, they're not fit for purpose.
48:37 Speaker 04 They're not fit for purpose. Dear Josh, Rob and Michael. Longtime listener, first time contacting the show. I started listening to the podcast during lockdown with a two year old whilst I was pregnant with my second, tearing my hair out like everyone else, but also struggling with the pressure of trying to balance motherhood, a job in PR, which I knew deep down I now hated and was too scared to give up as it was such a huge part of my pre-parenthood identity. That's a nice backstory. Right, fast forward five years. I've set up my small business, The Surrey Garden Coach. I've always been green fingered and started to realise there was a gap in the market for my services when I was spending more and more time
49:17 Speaker 04 answering WhatsApps from friends with pictures of sad looking plants, desperately seeking advice on how to fix it or what to plant that would just take care of itself. This is, this is a business that it does need to exist. I work with clients in a number of ways, everything from simply teaching them how to prune their roses to crafting designs and planting plants that are suited to the amount of time they have to spend to take care of things. There's nothing I love more than seeing people realise that gardening isn't scary. It doesn't have to take up loads of precious time and they can still have a beautiful garden. They just need a little bit of pointing in the right direction, a few tips and tricks to help them on their way. Small business shout out would mean the world to me as I finally have a job I love. And Rob always says, if you have, find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Do you say that?
50:02 Speaker 04 That's a classic.
50:03 Speaker 03 I don't think that's me. I think that's someone else's quote, that.
50:06 Speaker 04 That's just a classic, isn't it?
50:07 Speaker 03 Mine is as little effort as possible for as much money as possible.
50:13 Speaker 04 That's yours. And it's paid off.
50:15 Speaker 03 Well, you know.
50:16 Speaker 04 I really want to pay them and I really want to pay the mortgage. You can find me at the surrey garden coach.co.uk stay sex and related gobble gobble. Do you know what? That's a good idea, Rob, because you get either.
50:28 Speaker 03 Go on.
50:29 Speaker 04 A gardener, you know, you can have your garden done, but then you don't know how to carry it on. Or you get a book and you don't, or you find yourself walking around the garden centre and you don't know what you can and can't plant and where and when. And, you know, we have coaching for other things, you know, but this is a really great one. So get in touch with the surrey garden coach.co.uk.
50:51 Speaker 03 Definitely. And well done for changing what you're doing and doing a job you like. No, because I know, like, honestly, though, it's much more rewarding doing something you enjoy doing than not. And I say that as someone that did a job I hated for good money, did a job I hated for no money. And also someone that's done a job he loves for no money and a job he loves for money. And the job for no money that I loved was much better than the job I hated that was decent money. Does that make sense?
51:23 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:23 Speaker 03 Anyway.
51:24 Speaker 04 It does.
51:24 Speaker 03 But I've done all four options and I can tell you now, I know what I prefer. Obviously, the best one is a job you like for money, but a close second, a job you like, but not as much money as a job you hate for better money. Do you get me?
51:36 Speaker 04 I get you.
51:37 Speaker 03 What are you reading now on your phone? Can I guess what's happened? Rose's message back about the holiday.
51:42 Speaker 04 Correct.
51:47 Speaker 03 I'm a good reader of people, aren't I, Josh? What's she saying?
51:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
51:51 Speaker 03 This has spanned two episodes now. You've dealt with a broken arm. You was trying to move the holiday. It was going to cost too much to move it. Could go to October. You might just go with the thing that you put on your arm to keep it waterproof. What's the verdict from the boss?
52:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, Rose said, yeah, she's quite pissed off with the resort because we've gone there every year for years and now they're not letting us.
52:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
52:12 Speaker 04 They're not being helpful. And so we probably, this will be the last time we go and we'll go through gritted teeth.
52:17 Speaker 03 And what a great way to approach a holiday.
52:19 Speaker 04 Yeah.
52:33 Speaker 03 Your face not talking is really making me laugh.
52:38 Speaker 03 It'll be the last time we go through gritted teeth and have a nice relaxing time. Anyway, Josh, I'll see you next time.
52:45 Speaker 04 See you next time.
52:46 Speaker 03 Bye bye.
52:46 Speaker 04 Bye.
52:52 Speaker 02 Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.
53:22 Speaker 02 Ugh, I hate Mondays.
53:23 Speaker 01 King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?
53:25 Speaker 02 Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.
53:31 Speaker 02 Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hanson? Nice.
53:39 Speaker 01 Try one.
53:40 Speaker 02 Mmm.
53:44 Speaker 06 King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.
Previous S12 EP51: The Ransom Is My Ego Next I like a thin cheese Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated