S12 EP51: The Ransom Is My Ego

Josh lives a holiday booking nightmare in real time, Rob stealth buys a swimming pool and gets into some Park Run beef. Enjoy! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:00Speaker 01

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• 1:31Speaker 02

  From the creators of Zootopia and Frozen comes Disney's Hext. Welcome to Hext and enter the world of witches, where it was foretold that an ordinary girl would become an extraordinary witch and save the world of magic. Disney's Hext arrives in theaters this Thanksgiving.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with...

• 1:57Speaker 04

  Oh, for fuck's sake.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  What's happened, mate?

• 2:02Speaker 04

  Well, I'm using my headphones.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  Oh, no. Why are you back to Why the Wired? What's hap- we were at rest.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why in a minute.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Okay, tell me why.

• 2:13Speaker 04

  I can play it now.

• 2:14Speaker 05

  Rory, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Effie, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. All right.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  There we go.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  There we go. Who's that?

• 2:36Speaker 04

  That is five-year-old Rory. Let's hope he doesn't grow up to be quite rude to other people in the Spotify podcast area.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  The good thing about this podcast beef is no one, even with seven degrees of separation, listens to this that knows Rory Stewart due to his background and demographic.

• 2:57Speaker 04

  Exactly, exactly. And let's be honest, I'd say there's seven billion people on earth, and the last person to hear about this podcast sub-beef and understand it will be Rory Stewart.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  What about, why don't we do a thing called Justifiable Podcast Beef? And people message in about people they've met that do podcasts that are twats, so that we've got a reason to... Because really Rory Stewart was sort of having quite a loud interview. He was, without backing down, now you're...

• 3:21Speaker 04

  Well, is he? There he is. He's not, he's not.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Well, no, he's not a lovely man.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  Right, what's Rory saying?

• 3:30Speaker 04

  I mean, the moment when I'm on Instagram and Strictly unveils it's eighth dancer and it's Rory Stewart, I'm gonna shit myself.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  The last one I saw was the makeup person. Is there, has there been any more since?

• 3:41Speaker 04

  Kim Kardashian's hairdresser.

• 3:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, since that?

• 3:44Speaker 04

  That's the last one. He's got four million followers, Rob.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  I'm surprised. By the way, Josh, there's a lot of unpacking.

• 3:50Speaker 04

  Look at my hair.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  We need to sort out your hair. We need to sort out what I'm doing. I look like I'm having a breakdown and I didn't realise it until I sat down. Your skin looks great. I don't know if it's your appointments or if it's the lighting.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  It's my appointments. It's both.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  You, you look great. You look younger.

• 4:04Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  You look, you look unbelievable. I, I feel like this is probably one of the worst I've looked on the podcast. I look like...

• 4:09Speaker 04

  No, I don't think, I don't think that's the case.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  I look like a disgraced children's TV presenter that's on the comeback trail.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  This, by the way, sorry if you're listening to this, is worth seeing how awful Rob looks and how mad where I am.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  You look great though, you look great. You look great. Your hair was big, but your hair looks good. It's had a bit, it's gone a bit blonde from the sun. Your skin's looking great. You look like you've got up, you've hit the gym this morning. You've got, you're in a beautiful hotel room or a house, it looks like. You, you look great. The asthma pump on the bed still brings you back to reality, so we know you're a normal guy at heart.

• 4:45Speaker 04

  You know, I don't know how many stairs you had to climb. That's so suggestive.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  Look, if we're bagging, I'm gonna need to pump. Is that okay?

• 4:52Speaker 04

  When they're pumping, there we go.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  The more we pump, the more I pump. Okay? We're pumping iron and air.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  Pumping iron?

• 5:02Speaker 03

  Pumping iron and, oh no, not iron. No, that's not set.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  It's the gym.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  Every night's a workout with you, babe. Stuff like that.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  Too, right. Well, that sounds like she's, that's like she's.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  What? She's, she's the big old you.

• 5:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I may, yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  I'm a really difficult or like, anyway.

• 5:23Speaker 04

  Can I just finish this email for Rory and Ethel?

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, sorry.

• 5:31Speaker 04

  Started listening after Rory was born in 2021 and caught up on the back catalogue in the depths of newborn stage. I've listened to Friday's episode, was excited to hear another Effie. Can we short for Elizabeth or Euphemia?

• 5:44Speaker 03

  It can't, sorry.

• 5:45Speaker 04

  Euphemania? Euphemania?

• 5:47Speaker 03

  I'm gonna stop you there. It can't be short for Elizabeth. It's Lizzy, Liz.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  Libby.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Libby, Effie.

• 5:56Speaker 04

  Ours is, ours is just called Effie. We like the name. So these are two things I've never watched, Rob.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  I think double down. If you, if you like the name Effie, don't try and give Elizabeth to sort of distract.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, she hasn't. She's gone, this is called Effie.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  This is, this is a compliment.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's from two TV shows that I haven't watched, apparently.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  What, Effie?

• 6:15Speaker 04

  Skins. Did you watch that? I didn't watch that. And The Hunger Games. That's a film.

• 6:20Speaker 03

  I watched The Hunger Games, yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  We saw Rob back in Kendall in March 25 and we were hoping to see Josh but never got around to booking tickets for fuck's sake.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Did I do Kendall? It's a leisure centre.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  It's a sport hall, sports hall.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  Sport hall, yeah.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Maybe next time. Rory is really looking forward to seeing Josh and Strickley this year. No, he's not. He's five, surely. Well, thank you though Rory, thank you. Really love listening to the pod. I've even been caught laughing out loud whilst I work in the office. Keep it sexy and relatable. Rosie, 365 months. Ricky, 454 months. Rory and Effie.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  There we go, Rory and Effie.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  Describe your look for the people at home.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  So my look is, I'm currently, my office is currently getting renovated, well, I've not checked, but the builder said it is. So I'm, I'm in a makeshift studio.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  There's some banging going on in there, am I right?

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, you better believe it. So I'm in a makeshift studio and I've got this weird thing behind me just because it's easier than tidying up.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  Every time, do you know what I mean?

• 7:16Speaker 04

  You slightly look like, on the one side, the way you're posed.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 04

  It does slightly look like that you've been taken hostage.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Have I been taken hostage? Big question, that. On, on a level, yes. I've been, I've been taken hostage by my own need for attention. My own sort of.

• 7:43Speaker 04

  And when did the hostage takers arrive for that one?

• 7:45Speaker 03

  They arrived probably since, probably about the age of five or six internally, and now the ransom is my own ego. So will I ever release myself from this? Who knows? Time will.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  Time will tell, Josh. I'd argue we're all, us podcasters, we're all hostages of our own ego and our wants and needs.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  I don't think you're ever going to be reunited with your family.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  I don't think.

• 8:09Speaker 04

  Your, your family is in a piece.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  My, my ego cannot afford the ransom. So that explains that behind me. It's easier to have this behind me, it look a bit shit than tidy up every time before a podcast because well, this room's sort of being used as a bit of a storeroom while stuff from the office. Boring.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Is it, is it lose Pilates room?

• 8:27Speaker 03

  Well, it should be, but I put all my shit on a Pilates thing. There is also, and I don't want to throw you under the bus here, there is also a couple of mad TikTok purchases that don't ever get used. Pilates bed gets used. The sort of travelator little walk-in thing, you know, like not, not big enough for a treadmill running, but one, a walk-in pad of TikTok.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  Right. Why, why not buy a treadmill?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Well, the treadmills are too big and too expensive. This is cheap and small. So you can just walk on it while you're like watching the telly or something or doing your.

• 8:57Speaker 04

  Just never ever gonna be used. Just never ever gonna be used.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Yep. And then also a machine that you stand on and just like wobbles you a bit. I don't really know what that is.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  Right. Yeah. Yeah.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  And in the top, I'm trying to get some World Cup fever going here because we're well deep into the World Cup. I'm not really enjoying the England games, but so I've got, I thought you lads would like this. You're looking at your phone now, Josh. What's going on?

• 9:17Speaker 04

  I was just seeing how much treadmills are.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  Thousands and also they're massive and you can't move them. This thing.

• 9:23Speaker 04

  Fucking hell, they're expensive.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  You can move around your house quite easily. I think it was a hundred quid.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. But you, yeah, it was how much?

• 9:28Speaker 03

  Can I be honest? I've got no idea much it was. I just guessed.

• 9:31Speaker 04

  A walking pad.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  Is it called a walking pad? Yeah. So you can get them from Decathlon for 90 quid. This is a TikTok shop job. So I reckon it was cheaper than that. Probably that I'm talking.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  So what's his top speed? So, so just to be clear, Lou's watching TV while just walking on the spot.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  She's not. She's not doing any.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  No, no, in theory.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  In theory, or you've got a high desk.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  You're watching England versus Ghana while you're walking on the spot. Yeah.

• 9:57Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, or you've got a high desk and you're walking on the spot doing emails or writing a book.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  Right. Come on now.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  So people do this in offices. They have a walking pad that they walk on as they're working. So they could be walking as they're doing this. I could, I could be walking on it now, talking to you, which I don't think in my current state would add to the chaos of what's going on. Cause you've not even addressed my top yet, which, but, but can I just show you this so we can get this out of the way? This is the most American thing I could find to give you some sort of World Cup fever that I thought you and Michael would appreciate.

• 10:25Speaker 04

  It's awful.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Now, try and guess the, what, what, what I'm wearing. At the moment you can only see my shoulders, which is just red, white and blue stars and stripes.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  An American, it's an American football jersey that is styled on the stars and stripes.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. But can you, I'll give you a clue. It's after, it's a restaurant.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Planet Hollywood.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  Correct. London.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  Oh my God. That is so bad. I just tried to name the naffest thing I could think of and it was correct.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  I saw it in a charity shop, not a, well.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  No shit. No shit.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  Oh, I've gone red. Give me your geezer's number, I've soaked my skin out.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  So, I'm in a hotel, Rob.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, why are you in a hotel?

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Because the building work is on deadline and I can't tell them to stop for two hours.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  What does deadline mean?

• 11:20Speaker 04

  The first phase is finishing at the end of July.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  So that needs to be done so other people can come in?

• 11:25Speaker 04

  No, that needs to be done so that we get our first two thirds of the house done and then they move on to the second.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  I've got the first fix and then the second fix?

• 11:34Speaker 04

  No, they've done, no, no, it's not fixed, the first phase.

• 11:37Speaker 03

  Phase, okay, so that then, so by the end of July, you can get your whole, two thirds of your house back?

• 11:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then they move on to finish the other third.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  So you'll be in your bed then, next week?

• 11:47Speaker 04

  No, because our, no, no, because our bed is in the other third, isn't it? Because we're in our bedroom at the moment.

• 11:53Speaker 03

  Right, so you're in your bedroom, so then when your bedroom's getting done, you'll find another floor?

• 11:57Speaker 04

  So we'll be in the spare room.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  So you're gonna be in the bed next week?

• 12:00Speaker 04

  I haven't got so used to sleeping on the floor that I've started.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  You're, next week, you're gonna be in a bed, sleeping?

• 12:08Speaker 04

  No, no, end of July.

• 12:09Speaker 03

  End of July? When is it? What is it now? I'm all over the place, Josh.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  Beginning of July, it's the beginning of July.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  I'm in a really weird headspace, I'm all over the place.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  Let me tell you about my morning. So I've had to come to this hotel, which Michael's booked for me in town. I arrive, they've obviously, he's booked it for last night, yeah?

• 12:27Speaker 03

  And you've not turned up, yeah?

• 12:28Speaker 04

  So they've marked me as a no-show, straight away. I can't help but show the disappointment on my own face the moment she says that. And then I feel bad.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  No, no, no, this no-show thing, I've booked a room. When I use it is when I use it. You can't start like trying to recently, I'm not getting it done. It's my room until 11 a.m. It wins, check it out.

• 12:48Speaker 04

  Exactly, that is true, yeah. If you, if I want to rent a house, I don't have to be in it the whole time.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  Well, you don't, yeah, also you don't like after 20 minutes of a comedy gig go, oh, March was a no-show, you're not allowed in?

• 13:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  People actually do do that though, don't they?

• 13:03Speaker 04

  They do, but that's bad.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that's bad when they say, what about latecomers? Some people don't let anyone in.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  You just come in.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  Disrupt your art, Josh. They might disrupt your art.

• 13:14Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, sorry, yeah, well, that is a worry.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  If I'm asking someone from Kendall what they do for a living?

• 13:21Speaker 04

  I don't ask a couple why they're late. Which, let's be honest, is gonna be easier.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  I do this when they're late, give them a quick sort of like recap of what's happened at the gig so far.

• 13:31Speaker 04

  Oh, that's fun.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Then what you do is, you basically just list all the callback punchlines really fast. So the people that already heard it find it quite funny that you're sort of bottling up five minutes of chat into one line. And then the people that come in all look bemused and then you can give them a load of shit. So that's quite a good technique for that.

• 13:47Speaker 04

  But you can't do that now, can you? Because everyone's listened and they've gone, oh, he does that everywhere. That's a shame.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then they'll get to see it live. Look, people know that Michael Jackson's song beat it. They heard it on the radio. Anyway, we teased some stuff. What was we talking about before that came up?

• 14:01Speaker 04

  I got to the hotel. I got to the hotel.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, sorry.

• 14:04Speaker 04

  So I got to the hotel.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Because he still needs to be Michael's window.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Then I got in, she, she said, then I have to go, well, no, I'm using it this morning. And then I'm like, it sounds like I'm shagging.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Oh, so you're, I need to use it this morning. So like you're meeting up with like.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  No, don't worry. Yeah, I'm using the room this morning. And then I'm like, for work. And then it sounds like, and then I'm like, oh, are you allowed to use it for work? Do you know what I mean? I'm panicking. She definitely thinks I'm shagging.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  She's not shagging herself, she's not booked it for a wank. I mean, there's no one in there, no one's come up.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  No, but then what would happen, Rob, I don't want to point it out, is that, you know, a lady of the night would arrive separately, wouldn't she?

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Well, of the mid morning.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Of the mid morning, a lady of nine AM. A lady of mid morning. A lady of mid morning would arrive separately and she'd, I'd have given her the room number. That's how it would work.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  She was like, look, all we've got available now is a, what are they called? An accessible room.

• 15:06Speaker 03

  Oh, yes.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  And I said, that's fine. And then she went, well, the bed will be a bit lower. And I'm like, I'm not using the bed.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  It doesn't matter to me.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  You should just go.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  However high the bed is.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  I said, the bed will be fucking lower after I've finished with it. I tell you that.

• 15:26Speaker 04

  Be like a futon on the floor once I've finished with it.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Just how I like it.

• 15:31Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, by the way, I'm not sleeping on a futon, it turns out. Rob said to me, just a mattress topper.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Oh my God, that's even worse.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  It's so bleak, it's so.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  No wonder you're tired and moaning. No wonder you're like.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  I'm not moaning.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  No, but you did. You used to just yawn through episodes and just tap out. You can't be sleeping on a mattress topper. On, is it carpet or wooden floor?

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Carpet.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Car, that's at least, it was a bit of soft.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  Carpet, that is so dirty that if my asthma's come back.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  I love you going to like the asthma specialist. What do you think it could be? I'm face down on a carpet on a mattress top. It's insane you've not got a mattress, Josh. Why haven't you got a mattress?

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Well, I'm moving into another room in five weeks, which is fine.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  You've got another mum?

• 16:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  You should buy a mattress.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  I don't need it.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  You can't, Josh, Josh, if someone told me, I know you've done it for ages, if they tell me, Rob, you're gonna be sleeping on a mattress topper on top of a dirty carpet that's making your asthma bad. I would be ordering a cheat, the cheapest mattress I can find immediately, just for the next few weeks.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  Well, you could order a more expensive one.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Or whatever, but why, why not treat yourself to a.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know if there's room for a mattress. I'm quite wedged in the corner.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  This is no way to live.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  No.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  Do you ever get in the bed a bit, like early or late, or if like, if your son gets up and Rose let you have a line, do you ever get in?

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Father's Day, I got to move into the bed.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  Oh, well, wow. What a treat. Any other special things happen for you that day?

• 17:08Speaker 04

  No, it was quite a stressful day, actually, yeah. All in. It was, it was the day that, um, Fluffball had a panic attack.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  I don't know how you're living more.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  I've, genuinely, I'm feeling great at the moment.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  You look great as well. It's the best I've seen you in ages.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  It's because I don't live in London, Rob.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  I don't think it's that. I think it's you're not touring and doing last leg.

• 17:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, it's partly that, and I don't live in London.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  And of course, the London bit as well. The fact that you're driving around the country four nights a week.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I'm in this hotel room. It's quite, it's quite very pleasant. Um, I, I haven't had my breakfast yet.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  Porridge?

• 17:48Speaker 04

  Yeah. I haven't had my breakfast yet. Yeah, a bit of porridge. I'll have that between the episodes.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  Well, we're gonna recall for next two hours and you've just got a cold pot of porridge next to you. What are you?

• 17:56Speaker 04

  No, I'm gonna have it between the episodes.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  You can have it between the episodes.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  Um, do you wanna hear something funny?

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:03Speaker 04

  Started giving my son, uh, pocket money.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, so he's on, the same as my daughter, because you can't, you can't not do that. So he's on £5 a week, right? Which feels excessive at that stage, but what are you gonna do? Pay him less? It feels unfair.

• 18:18Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, I mean, it does, the thing is, it does amp up, it, it, it amps up quickly. That's £20 a month, £40 a month you're doing.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  No, I'm not.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  But then they don't spend it, and all of a sudden they're like £400, because also he's so young, what is he spending on? For her, if she wants my son.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  I'll tell you, I'll tell you what he's spending it on, Rob.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Ready?

• 18:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 18:38Speaker 03

  You've got a megaphone?

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Hello? How's it going?

• 18:42Speaker 03

  He's bought a megaphone?

• 18:46Speaker 03

  That's awful.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 18:48Speaker 03

  That's gonna make people crash their car.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  How's your parenting week been, Rob?

• 18:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's been all right. So why, why did he want a megaphone?

• 18:56Speaker 04

  He just said he wanted one, and then they're £11 online, so it only took him two and a bit weeks to save up for it.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  Right, got you. That's, that's quite a fun present. My kids are still obsessed with, um, squishies and Nidos.

• 19:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Still a big thing in London.

• 19:09Speaker 04

  Medo, the former Egyptian Spurs striker.

• 19:11Speaker 03

  No, no, no, uh, Nidos. Is it, has that not got down, I don't think, I think you spoke about it, I don't think it's got down to ecstasy yet, has it?

• 19:18Speaker 04

  No, if your daughter was obsessed with Medo, would you see that as a good thing or a bad thing?

• 19:23Speaker 03

  Um, I think it's good to have role models, and I think Medo's, you know, apart from playing with Tottenham, has done nothing too bad.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  No, it'd be quite weird, wouldn't it?

• 19:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, Medo, yeah, I mean, he's a very niche player. Let me see if there's any controversy on his Wikipedia, um, before I can give you a full answer. So Medo, um, he's a player for Ajax, he put on a little bit of timber in retirement, but who doesn't?

• 19:43Speaker 04

  I remember that, yeah.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Six foot two, 43, played for Roma, Ajax, yeah, I get a Roma shirt, probably not Tottenham one.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Um, again, played that good career, Middlesbrough, went to Wigan, but finished at Barnsley. In January 26, Medo sparked controversy after claiming on a podcast that magic and mercury and religious figures influenced the Africa Cup of Nations team rituals and squad selections, suggesting this affected his exclusion from the 2010 squad. His remarks were criticism for questioning the legitimacy of Egypt's achievements. Leading the Supreme Council for Media Regulation to bar him from media appearances pending an investigation.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  Oh no, media.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  He defended his comments, so I'm not taking that context. I think that's fine. It's a little bit of beef with the powers that be. So yeah, in answer the question, I'd be absolutely fine with my daughter absolutely loving Medo instead of Needos.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  How would you feel about your son absolutely loving Megaphone, the Spotify podcast RSS link system?

• 20:46Speaker 04

  Well, it'd be good for me because obviously I've got an in, so I could probably show him around the offices, I reckon.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, because there'll probably be a few Megaphone branded, like, notepads, pens.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. On the way days. Turn around the offices, yeah. Probably get him a meet and greet with Rory Stewart. He'd be stood on a corner doing an interview. What I was positive about it is in the future, if he continues with this, an interest in new media is excellent for a future career.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  I'd argue that if my daughter was obsessed with Medo, the ex Egyptian Tottenham Roma footballer, I'd, apart from having a great hobby, I don't know what's bringing it, you know, I'd say Megaphone's your best option.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  So.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  I think you were about to throw it out as a feature. What is the weirdest, nicest thing your child's become obsessed with?

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Well, that, and also if anyone from Megaphone or Medo's offices are listening, would love a Medo shirt, if you've got one, and would love any Megaphone, the podcast hosting platform that Spotify use.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  Yeah. Can I also add, for all that, that since the last episode, I, DHL have got in touch with me.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Oh, brilliant.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  You remember this, my son being into DHL vans.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's obsessed with it.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  DHL have been in touch and they've offered for them to deliver some DHL toys to him in a DHL van that he can then have a look around.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Ah, well, I mean, it would be absolutely mental for them to deliver it not in a DHL van.

• 22:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  You should write down, can Yoda send it?

• 22:21Speaker 04

  I can't believe I'm saying this about a DHL, there's some DHL toys in a DHL van. You worry about him being spoiled by getting all of his dreams when he's five.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  I mean nepotism is a big thing and you can't, you know, this boy's got to live his life and realise not every day is like this.

• 22:40Speaker 04

  Exactly. But before you know it, before you know it, you've got a Brooklyn Beckham situation on your hands.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  Exactly. He's doing a DoorDash advert.

• 22:54Speaker 04

  This episode is brought to you by New Purcell Non-Bio Ultra Stain Removal Capsules.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  Josh, how much washing do you think you guys get through?

• 23:03Speaker 04

  Oh mate, so much because you're kids, right? Obviously, it's not like they're keeping their clothes clean is their priority. Do you know what I mean?

• 23:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  Having fun is their priority.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:12Speaker 04

  So, so you could be getting through more than one outfit in the day because, you know, they'll go play in the garden, they'll jump on the trampoline, but it'll be muddy to get to the trampoline or whatever. But you've got to just accept that because that's being a kid. Do you know what I mean? You don't want to be going to your kid, oh, this is important. You want them to be enjoying their life, right?

• 23:31Speaker 03

  Well, and I've got my daughter that hot chocolate. She had like a white jumper on and was driving along. I was like, have some hot chocolate if you want. And I was like, she's definitely going to spill that on her jumper. But I'm like, do you want to be the dad that's like, take the jumper off, put it to the side because you might spill it, drink it, you know, no, just let her learn, let her dribble down the top, we can wash it when we get home.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Exactly. Because that stain, Rob, says I'm having a fun time.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Your grass stains on your trousers, they say I've had a fun time outside.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Now, if you have all this wonderful chaos going on in your house, give Purcell's new Non-Bio Ultra Stain Removal Capsules a whirl. They're designed to be gentle for the whole family.

• 24:06Speaker 04

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• 24:15Speaker 03

  Even when you're covered in hot chocolate.

• 24:17Speaker 04

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• 24:57Speaker 02

  From the creators of Zootopia and Frozen comes Disney's Hext. Welcome to Hext and enter the world of witches. Where it was foretold that an ordinary girl would become an extraordinary witch and save the world of magic. Disney's Hext arrives in theaters this Thanksgiving.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  Anyway.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  What were we talking, how did we get on to that?

• 25:23Speaker 06

  How's your parenting week been, Rob?

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Do you know what, very busy with parenting, actually. Loads have been going on. I did two days in a row at Bromley Glades because we.

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Oh my word.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  It was.

• 25:34Speaker 04

  Oh, was your school closed due to heat?

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Oh, so we were all smug last time I was on air saying ours are still open. An hour after recording, we got the email there.

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Oh no.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  Your childrens can still come to school, however, if you didn't want to send them in, it wouldn't go down as an unauthorized absence.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  They're going in.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  No, well, not the first day, because you can't be the parent that goes, wow, it's a day off from the heatwave.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  And we've just got a big paddling, also I've got a padd, I've got a big pool, but not a big paddling pool. A basically impulse pool, a 500 quid, massive 12 foot pad, well, it's not.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Do you know what, pound for pound, a better, a better investment than the walking pad.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  A hundred percent, yeah.

• 26:17Speaker 04

  Just so you know, Lou, I, Lou, if Lou hasn't already sent a voicemail about this, defending herself, no, she will when she hears this podcast, Rob, and I'll feel bad.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  She's at Sports Day and I can't do sports.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  She'll have, she'll have got to this point. Why can't you do Sports Day? Are you working?

• 26:34Speaker 03

  I'm doing it for you now.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  We could have moved it.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  We couldn't. I've got, I'm too, it's too busy. Michael's in America and then I'm going away. I've got to work, I'm going to, I'm going to America tomorrow for work.

• 26:46Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're doing.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  With Gary Lippika.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  You were going to do the rest as football.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  We got a paddling, oh, I can't remember what I was talking about.

• 26:55Speaker 04

  You've got a paddling pool?

• 26:56Speaker 03

  We've got, well, it's not a paddling pool, it's bigger than a paddling pool, but it's not a swimming pool. It's like a massive, like, I can stand up to it and it goes over my nipples.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  That's a swimming pool.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  That's a swimming pool, I'd say.

• 27:07Speaker 04

  That's a temporary swimming pool.

• 27:09Speaker 03

  That's an above-ground temporary pool, right?

• 27:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Anyway, so I built it on a whim when it was really hot in May and then the builders that do in the office.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  How long does it take to fill?

• 27:19Speaker 03

  It took about, it took ages. I did it before the hosepipe ban, before anyone comes for me.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  And how does it, how do you empty it?

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Well, you don't, you just leave water in it. And then, but so this is what I didn't realise, it's got a filter on it, so it's got to be plugged in.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  What, so now you've got a temporary swimming, so now you've just got a swimming pool forever that just happens to be in it?

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, basically, until I stab it and all the water goes everywhere and floods the house. But it's basically, um, yeah, so now I've got to put chlorine in it. So it's basically.

• 27:45Speaker 04

  This is a swimming pool.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, but then also it was all right last week, but if you want to use it, you've got to buy a heater for it.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  What?

• 27:51Speaker 03

  And then you've got to plug it in. So it's like, it's basically a swimming pool. But I didn't really know what I was doing. So now I've got a, I've got to put chlorine in it and now lose all of the things to clean the bottom of it. I was like, we've bought a swimming pool by stealth here.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  But you can't leave it in your garden forever. This is a thing with swimming pools, Rob. They are generally permanent.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, but I didn't, I thought it was a paddling ball. It is massive.

• 28:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, so what are you going to do with it at the end of the summer?

• 28:17Speaker 03

  Maybe, I don't, empty it and then fold it up.

• 28:23Speaker 04

  How are you going to empty it? It's a swimming pool of chlorinated water.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you siphon it, you put a hosepipe in and suck it in and it comes out.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  And then where are you going to pour it?

• 28:33Speaker 03

  In the garden, but it comes out slowly. So it's watering the plants.

• 28:37Speaker 04

  For two hours, you're going to water the plants?

• 28:39Speaker 03

  Oh, no, no, just leave it on the floor. It'll take, it'll take about two days. It's 20,000 litres.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  Is it not going to ruin your lawn?

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  You're going to have no, you're going to have no grass with this swimming pool.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  You've got to grab a ladder to get in it. It's a bad, the kids love it, but it's mainly.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  Did you buy a ladder?

• 28:56Speaker 03

  No, ladder comes with it.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Fucking hell.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  Shall we just send you it?

• 29:00Speaker 04

  What was that sound?

• 29:02Speaker 03

  That was a plate on my table.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  Is that metal?

• 29:05Speaker 03

  No, no, no, that's like fabric, grey fabric, and then they're plastic tubes. And then you get a little ladder that goes in with it.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  That's so big. It looks like that swimming pool when um.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  I know. I didn't understand how big it was.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  When Bart breaks his leg in The Simpsons and then they get that swimming pool next door. Is that next door? It looks exactly like that one.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  Basically, I'm just gonna stick chlorine in it, ride it out for the summer. And if it's a nightmare, get rid of it for like.

• 29:31Speaker 04

  It comes with a ladder?

• 29:33Speaker 03

  You can spend a fight. You could look, they have, the kids have already had, I'd say, four days of mad fun in that. So pay per use at the moment.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  I'm not saying it's a waste of money.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  No, no, but I'm just saying.

• 29:47Speaker 04

  Investment, but I'd say it's a mad thing to have in your garden. It's so weird.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it looks, looks really rough and ready. I would say I'm not a lose not, and I'm not a massive fan of the aesthetic at the moment.

• 29:58Speaker 04

  No.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  It's, the kids are loving it and it's been hot.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  It's solar powered?

• 30:03Speaker 03

  Well, it isn't. You've got a cover for it, but it like, it heats up the first inch of water and the rest of it's like minus twenty. What are you reading, Mike, Josh?

• 30:11Speaker 04

  Oh, we've got this, I've just found, there's this nightmare situation with, um. You know, my daughter's broken her arm.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  So we've got, we've got a holiday booked for July, start of the summer holidays.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Some, like summer.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  I've been waiting to find out how this plays out. I just saw that I'd got a text about it. Bit of a problem, really, Rob. Bit of a nightmare. We could either go to this swimming pool, a holiday that is about swimming, yeah?

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  With my daughter with her arm in a cast.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Not ideal. Total waste of money.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, yeah, pretty much, yeah.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, could we move it to, we've got these five days in August we can move it to. It'll be, because we've booked the holiday out at the start of, at the earliest we can do it in July. Not the start of July, the earliest we can do it in July to get the cheaper rate. So to move it to mid-August is an extra two grand on flights. So fuck that.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  Yes, that's insane.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  So then we went back and we said, can we move it to next year? They've said, no, you can't move it to next year. So what about October, what about October half term, but I don't think the weather will be good enough, will it? It's a fucking nightmare. I don't want to, I don't want to spend all that extra money on a holiday. It's already an expensive holiday.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  Well, basically, what they, what they do with changing flights last minute, flights last minute, is that they know that no one's doing it out of choice. It's sort of like a situation like this. So they just go.

• 31:46Speaker 04

  It's not even the flights that, it's totally understandable. The hotel, the reason we booked it when we did.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:52Speaker 04

  Is because then we didn't want to go in August because it's, it's too expensive in August.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Because it's a kid's summer holiday. So if you go, if you, you get that cheaper one just before, if you take them out, yeah.

• 32:03Speaker 04

  Exactly. Yeah. So, oh, what would you do in that situation, Rob?

• 32:08Speaker 03

  No, I wouldn't change it to August. I'd go, I'd try and move it to October if they'd do that. Or if not, um, just think of activities you can do that isn't.

• 32:18Speaker 04

  Oh, but then you're paying, you're slightly, right? If you're not paying the extra money for August, you're like, I'm already paying quite a lot of money for a bad holiday. I'd, do you know what I mean?

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:32Speaker 04

  You're like punishing yourself. You're like, you should really throw good money after bad to make this a good holiday.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  What could you, so say for example, you're booking a holiday now and she's got a broken arm. Would you just not go on holiday, do you think? Or would you try and find a different holiday?

• 32:45Speaker 04

  I wouldn't go to a holiday which is all about the pool.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  And she wouldn't be able to go on a theme park ride with a bad arm, would she? Either? They wouldn't let her on.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  No, but it's fine because we can do other holidays. Do you know what I mean? In, in August, we could do a cheaper holiday in August.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  Can you not, and you can't cancel it?

• 33:02Speaker 04

  Oh, Rob. Rob, Rob, Rob.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  That's not the news you wanted, is it?

• 33:09Speaker 04

  No.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  There's so, it's so much more. That's like a costly holiday.

• 33:15Speaker 04

  Because you're, you're adding it on to the holiday. Do you know what I mean?

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Do you know what I'd say? What I'd say, Josh, is I'd get one of the castings because they're like 30 quid. They can go over the arm and she might not be able to swim, but like, it's not like, she's not Rebecca Adelton doing Lems. She's just gonna be playing with toys and she'll get used to it and not even realise it. And then you can go in and out. She can still do sandcastles with her left arm or whatever and that protects it.

• 33:39Speaker 04

  Would that, or Rob?

• 33:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Would it be better to do 25 degrees?

• 33:46Speaker 03

  In October?

• 33:48Speaker 04

  In October.

• 33:49Speaker 03

  I'd, I'd push to October. If it's, if you can for the similar price or?

• 33:53Speaker 04

  Average, average of 21 degrees?

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Hmm, no, no, thank you.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  What's 21 degrees like?

• 33:59Speaker 03

  That is.

• 34:01Speaker 04

  You'll enjoy five to six hours of, of bright sunshine daily. Expect roughly five to six days of rainfall throughout the month. Fine.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  How long are you going for with this soon holiday?

• 34:12Speaker 04

  Oh, the water cools down, but that, no, that's the sea. That's the sea.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  What, what, what, how long is it? A week's holiday?

• 34:21Speaker 04

  Layers. It's, it's. Five nights.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  Five nights. I think just go for it. Put the little arm thing on her. If it was two weeks and it was a big mega holiday somewhere, but like.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  Oh, Rob, it's so difficult, isn't it?

• 34:34Speaker 03

  I think get the cast thing for five nights and because if it's, it'll be a novelty. Getting in the pool with it on, she'll probably find it quite funny and like it. And then by the time it's really annoying because she can't swim, swim, you're coming home anyway.

• 34:47Speaker 04

  Would you give it, would you give it a run out in a pool over here?

• 34:52Speaker 03

  No, I'd give it a run out over there.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  So it's all or nothing on day one of the holiday?

• 34:57Speaker 03

  You're not gonna, you don't wanna go, it's too much money. It's, it's gonna cost too much money in August. It's, you don't wanna go there in October. I think go there. And also there's like other things you can do with her. You, you don't like the sun and the, the water too much either. You could go on little day trips out and about.

• 35:11Speaker 04

  She doesn't want to go on that. We're not a day trip. We're not a day trip family, Rob. We are a holiday where we don't do stuff.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  You don't be, I thought you'd be a bit more get bored of that, wanna be out and about.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  Fuck that.

• 35:25Speaker 03

  Really?

• 35:26Speaker 04

  We go on holiday to not do stuff.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  Right, okay.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  I don't wanna go on a day trip. I don't wanna go and see a historic fort. I don't want to.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  That'd be right up your street.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  No, that's my day to day life, Rob.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  On holiday, you wanna just kick back with a bucket of woo woo juice and a sex on the beach?

• 35:46Speaker 04

  Well, if I'm lucky.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think go with the Arm Caste cover.

• 35:50Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  I think she'll find it funny and she's, she's seven, eight, she's like, and it doesn't hurt her anymore, does it?

• 35:57Speaker 04

  No, I think it'll be fine. I think it'll be fine. I think we go beginning of July.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  And even if she has to just sit on the edge with it on and she's all playing with toys and stuff like that, I think, and there's other stuff you can do and mess about with.

• 36:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  You know, is it a right or left?

• 36:11Speaker 04

  It's a right, Rob.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  And that's her dominant hand?

• 36:14Speaker 04

  That's her dominant, although actually she's proved to be very good with her left hand in terms of writing and drawing, surprisingly. Which is, you know, a good discovery.

• 36:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, ambidextrous. There's a positive spin on it. Also, you could get to, you could spend all that extra money, get to August, and she could have an earache and not be allowed in the water anyway. You know what I mean?

• 36:37Speaker 04

  There we go. No pun intended.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Now, Rob, it is a special part of today's show. Summer shenanigans, and that's a good sound for summer shenanigans. Where we give our best advice for not just surviving, but having an actual blast during the six week holidays.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  And it's brought to you by Monzo, who with their free kids account are helping children become more independent with their money.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Do you want my tips for the six weeks holiday?

• 37:09Speaker 04

  Go on, hit me.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Pace yourself.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's long, it's hot and it's hard. Sometimes it won't even be hot.

• 37:14Speaker 04

  Here's a little tip.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Do not take your holiday, if you're doing a holiday away.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  Don't cash that in week one.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  Unless you.

• 37:25Speaker 04

  You can save money.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  You can save money because of your term date. Say sometimes kids have like earlier breakups. So if you can fly on that date, but then you're staring down the barrel of a five weeker.

• 37:36Speaker 04

  That's the equivalent of Chesney Hawkes coming on, opening with I am the one and only, and then doing the rest of the set.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  But when I saw Chesney Hawkes, he opened with it and closed with it.

• 37:45Speaker 04

  Exactly. If you can afford two holidays, have one each end.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  We like to call that the Chesney.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Start with it and end with it. Or what other tips? Just never go camping ever.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  That's not really a tip, it's sort of a personal mantra of mine.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  What do you do if you need to work and your kids are in the house during the summer holidays?

• 38:04Speaker 03

  I like to give them a little thing called a device.

• 38:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 03

  Which is slightly frowned upon, but I wouldn't do it every day for six weeks.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  But I watched a lot of TV in the summer, Rob.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  Yes, but I would say you watch too much TV. You've become completely obsessed by it. Your only knowledge base is an eight year period where all you did was watch TV. And you've since gone on to use that as reference points for a very good career in the media, but also written a book about it. And I would say that's great because it's work for you, but I would say you are the exception, not the rule.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay, fair. Well, let me put it this way. There's a halfway house. What I would say.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  What's that, a 90s TV show?

• 38:42Speaker 04

  What I would say.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  And I'm liable for this, yeah? And Rose has brought me in on it. Don't overplan the summer. It is a holiday for them. You can't just back to back to back to back stuff because you're worried about them being bored.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:56Speaker 04

  Sometimes kids have to find their own entertainment.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  Experience buffer. We need buffer. I mean, you're the worst for no buffer.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  Here's another tip, Rob.

• 39:05Speaker 03

  Go on, go on, tip me off.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  If you're looking for summer clubs.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  I started a WhatsApp group with the parents of my daughter's friends and said, what summer clubs is everyone doing? So that then they're much easier to sell to your child when you go, your friends are already doing this. Do you want to join them?

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  Yeah. I would say kids are more interested in what their friends are doing than what the actual content of the club is. Look what their friends are doing and. Then offer that to your kids. That would be my tip.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  The other good thing to do is, this is a tip that we've done before. Find friends with the kids and then if there's four of you, you can almost split a week up where you go. I'll take Wednesday off and have all the kids with me on Wednesday and have a day with them. And then if the other two or three people take the Thursday or the Tuesday or the Friday off. And then the same four kids just get moved around from house to house.

• 39:53Speaker 04

  Perfect.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  That's a good system.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  What about days out, Rob? What's your stance, your stance on days out?

• 39:59Speaker 03

  I'm a big fan of the old trip to the seaside, fish and chips on the coast. But then it's difficult, the British seaside, because you want it warm, but you don't want it too hot.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  You don't want a 30 degree or in dim church.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  What you don't want, Rob, is one of those days that's so hot that a picture of the beach you go to ends up on a tabloid newspaper with what a scorch are written on.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  No, the worst case scenario. What you, what you want is you go, do you know what? I'm not sure about the weather. I'm going to take a jumper, but that jumper never gets worn.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm feeling quite confident for the summer holidays. We've put in enough things, but we haven't overpacked it. We'll see how it plays out, Rob.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  The holidays are a great chance to teach your kids about money as well, aren't they? A Monzo Kids account lets you schedule pocket money, gives the kids their own card, a child-friendly app view, and gives them fee-free spending abroad.

• 40:49Speaker 03

  With the added security of parents seeing spending notifications in their app too.

• 40:54Speaker 04

  Monzo's award-winning kids account, search Monzo. For children aged six to 15, parent or guardian account needed first UK residents only. Ts and Cs apply.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  New and exclusive holiday decor just launched online at The Home Depot. Check out the viral Grand Duchess collection with smart holiday lights you can control from your phone. Easily customize the twinkle across trees, wreaths and garlands to match your holiday vibe. Create stunning light effects, then switch it up with the tap of your fingers. Even the man in red will be impressed. Shop the holiday decor you want, online only, at homedepot.com.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  From the creators of Zootopia and Frozen comes Disney's Hext. Welcome to Hext and enter the world of witches, where it was foretold that an ordinary girl would become an extraordinary witch and save the world of magic. Disney's Hext arrives in theaters this Thanksgiving.

• 41:58Speaker 00

  Parenting unlocks some pretty impressive skills like carrying grocery bags, a soccer ball and a sleepy kid all at once. Good thing the newly designed Chrysler Pacifica has a few tricks of its own. Hands-free power sliding doors and liftgate, rear seat entertainment and stow and go seating and storage that adapts faster than your family's weekend plans. Visit Chrysler.com to learn more. Chrysler is a registered trademark of FCAUS LLC.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Oh, I tell you this, we've got a little bit of time on this one. I've got loads more to tell you. I've not really spoken about parenting for ages. So I went to the, I went to go for a run around the park on Saturday. Yeah.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Get there, quite a few people. There's always fun runs or stuff going on at the weekends at this park.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  Park run.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  Well, I didn't know about park run.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  I didn't know about park run. Where have you been living, under a bloody rock?

• 42:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I didn't know park run was a thing. I just, there's always different fun runs for kids, for adults at the park, right? Anyway, so I'm there, loads of people. We get there about half.

• 43:00Speaker 06

  It's starting in one minute, park run. It's brilliant.

• 43:04Speaker 03

  So what time does it normally start?

• 43:07Speaker 06

  9am.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  So, so I get there with my mate and we go for a run. And I've never run with anyone before and I was a bit scared.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  It's not for me.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  No, but he was very kind and slowed down and just went at my pace. But we did, I did 5k in 32 minutes.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  Solid, very good, very good.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  Thank you. You're my sort of resident cover star of running. Anyway, so we do that and I'm following him along. I didn't know about park run. We get there at 9:30. So there's a few people about, but not loads.

• 43:36Speaker 06

  For the record, Rob, that would put you just below medium on a park run.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Medium, just below medium, okay. But I didn't get there at the start time. I got there at half nine. So most people had finished or whatever. So I didn't know I was going, I was like a fun run. And then I'm running around, there's a lady like high vicious there. She goes, this is Hannah and I, I didn't know what park run was. She goes, you doing a park run? And I went, yeah.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. She went, what? I went, yeah, yeah, yeah, doing a park run. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, obviously.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  I'm in a park and I'm running.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Like, why, why, why is she asking? This is like, you know, it's like I was walking up to someone going, are you breathing?

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And I went, yeah, yeah. And she went, are you there or not? I went, yeah, I'm in a park running. She went, oh, yeah, good one. I was like, what?

• 44:32Speaker 04

  It's usually much friendlier than that.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know. But she thought I'm trying.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  It's famously inclusive of a run delay.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  Absolutely. But I think I imagine she might be, might get a little stick of people that just run and don't want to do a park run. Kind of thing, right? I'm oblivious to this. So now she's up in my grill.

• 44:47Speaker 04

  So what time is it? So people finishing at this point?

• 44:49Speaker 03

  This is like nine forty five because I'm fifteen, twenty minutes in.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  The slow coaches are finishing.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, so she probably wanted to get going. She's probably looking for the last person.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  So she can go, right?

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  Also, she's stood, the, the way I run is literally just a, just a, a loop, right? The only other way to go is, yeah, but the only other way to go is the main road. Or you stay in the park. Right? And she's like, this way? I'm like, there's no other way. Like, if, if you got lost on that park run, you should not be allowed out the house on your own. If any park run didn't need a marshal. Right?

• 45:28Speaker 04

  People love marshalling at their own.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  They do that. And, and then she was like, yeah, good one. I was like, no, I wasn't trying to be funny. Anyway, so I do that, go in a cafe, then this happens, right? And this is a sayback and I don't want to look needy, but I feel like I had that woman that told me I wanted to run it before. Someone's slagging me off for me new shoes. I had a bit of back and forth with park run lady. Now, I'm in a cafe with my mate, um, on the hottest day of the year and I had porridge trying to be healthy. Never been so hot in my life. I'd run a five K and started eating porridge. Anyway, so I'm sat there and, and at the end of my run with him, I sprinted. I went, oh, let's just sprint the last. And I was really out of breath at the end. I was really happy myself, fastest one I've ever done. Anyway, so I'm in the cafe, this lady comes up to me, she goes, you need a personal trainer.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  Same woman?

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Different woman.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  Bloody hell.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Now, in, in what world can you ever say that and it be the right thing to say?

• 46:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  That is one thing you can't say to anyone ever and it's not, there's no caveat there of what, because even if you, you know, if you think someone does.

• 46:26Speaker 04

  Maybe if, if you were in a gym.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 46:29Speaker 04

  And someone's technique was bad.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  You might go, do you know what? I think you need a personal trainer because you're gonna do yourself an injury.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, or, or they come in with, oh, and this happened to me before, when I was trying to do pull ups. He said, big muscle man went, oh, you're better off coming down slow and rather than just like pulling yourself up and dropping, come down slow because you work the arms on the way back and then you'll build up from there, I, you know, and, and I was, oh, thanks mate. And then he could go, I do a bit of personal training, I've, I've got more tips, you know, not in my conversation. You need a personal trainer. All right, yeah, that, that one's for free, but come, and I, and I sort of was like, oh, okay. And then she went, yeah, I saw you running and being out of breath at the end. And I was like, well, surely you need, you should need a person trainer if you're not pushing yourself.

• 47:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  If I weren't out of breath, then I wouldn't, I wouldn't push myself hard enough. So I don't, anyway. So I was like, all right. She went, yeah, she went, yeah, we were watching you. This is two ladies there. And then I was like, and I said, well, okay, well, next time you're exercising, I'll watch you from afar. Then I'll come over with feedback. Yeah. And see, and then I said, and then I'll see how long it takes you to ring the police.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  He's bit.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  I've bit, I've bit big time, right? And I've, I'll just give you a bit back, right? Then she went, I used to be a personal trainer. And now this lady, I'd say was older than me.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  And I said.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  I, I regret it slightly, but okay. She went, I used to be a personal trainer. And I went, well, I can see you've retired.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. Felt a bit mean because that's double that.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  Let yourself go and you're old too there. I've done it with her and I, and to be fair, she did look older, but she didn't look like she let herself go, which is annoying. But yeah, she was really, really in really good shape actually, but let's forget that. I thought, I'm just going out for the age. I was like, just fuck off.

• 48:15Speaker 04

  And what did she say?

• 48:16Speaker 03

  She was like, ah, what I think's happened there is she thought she was doing banter, she misplaced it.

• 48:23Speaker 04

  And then she was doing banter. Before she knew it, she was doing banter.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  But bad banter, bad banter. Didn't hit the mark. I felt like saying, who goes up, someone says you need a person. I was like, fuck off. I'm trying my best. I don't have much time. I've run the fastest I've ever run. I'm feeling really good. Don't tell me I need a personal trainer.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Let me eat my porridge in the heat.

• 48:44Speaker 03

  You get me sweat into my oats, okay?

• 48:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  I don't go up to people, I don't ear with conversations in the pub and go, oh, you need, you need an anecdote trainer, you boring.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. You do though, don't you?

• 48:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, some, some of them.

• 48:57Speaker 04

  Seen you do that a couple of times.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  I don't say it, but my eyes tell the story. And I go, yeah, yeah. Were you waiting for this set up when they added extra info you don't need yet?

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  Keep going, mate. Anyway, yeah, so I've got more parenting stuff to tell you, but I thought I wanted to get that off my chest.

• 49:14Speaker 04

  Do you know what I'll tell you about, Rob?

• 49:15Speaker 03

  Was I too harsh going in on it? But I just felt like.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  No, I don't think so.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  I think, I didn't want to have a conversation.

• 49:21Speaker 04

  Do you want to hear a, a, a link to the next podcast?

• 49:25Speaker 03

  Did we cover all the stuff that we teased last time?

• 49:28Speaker 04

  No, I'm going to tell you about going to a running trainer.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Yes, okay, we'll do that next time.

• 49:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Small business shout out?

• 49:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, why not?

• 49:37Speaker 03

  Oh, no, it's a word I can't say. Hello, I've been listening since the very first episode and love the podcast. Could you give a small business shout out to my girlfriend Georgina and her new venture? The Fa- Fauve Palette. F A U V E, what's that? Father?

• 49:53Speaker 04

  F A, F, sorry, say that again?

• 49:56Speaker 03

  F A U V E.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  Ferv?

• 49:59Speaker 03

  And then palette, the ferv, favo, the fav, favuv. F A U V E. Palette, P A L E T T E.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  That's palette.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  She's a qualified art teacher who is running a number of different fun and creative art workshops. Yeah.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  She's a qualified art teacher who is running a number of different fun and creative art workshops for children and adults over the summer from Merton, Abbey Mills Market, covering Merton, Wimbledon, Streatham Sutton, Kingston upon Thames. Her workshops are open to all school levels and focus on creativity, confidence, having a great time. She'll updating the Instagram with more events. You can find her at the Favve. The shout out would be amazing. It would mean the world to her. Thanks for all the laughs over the years. Thank you for the last Oscar. Now, I literally, I know I'm dyslexic and I'm not a French speaker, but I just think that is a a mental name of a business that I literally can't say out loud.

• 50:58Speaker 04

  Is it a me problem?

• 50:59Speaker 03

  The ferve.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  Well, to be fair, she's got a lot out of us.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Well, she has.

• 51:05Speaker 04

  We've said it a few times.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  F A U V E palette. The ferve palette.

• 51:11Speaker 04

  There you go.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  But good luck.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  Good luck. Hi, Rob, Josh and Mike. I'd, Mike, I'd love to give a genuine shout out.

• 51:20Speaker 03

  He does not like being called Mike and I don't know why.

• 51:23Speaker 04

  Brilliant local business. Three nines training. It's run by my son-in-law, Matt, who's also a serving firefighter. And what I love most is that his passion for safety doesn't stop when his shift ends. He gives his time freely at his local football club, inviting supporters to have a go on the CPR dummies and learn what to do in an emergency. He also visits schools, teaching children simple lifesaving skills, building confidence from such a young age. For him, this isn't just a business, it's a real commitment to helping people feel capable and prepared, just like us, Rob. Through three nines training, he delivers high quality first aid and fire safety training across the southwest. Yes.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Bringing real life experiences and a genuine passion for delivering lifesaving skills that truly make a difference. If your workplace needs training or you're due to refresh your certification, visit three nine, the words, not the numbers. Three nines, as in nine nine nine. Yeah. Three nines training.co.uk.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  So is that just the, the digital?

• 52:27Speaker 04

  No, it's not three nines, it's the word three and then the word nines. Training.co.uk.

• 52:34Speaker 03

  God, I'd say like, I'm not into advertising and branding, but I think both of these could do a little tidy up.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  It'll be very safe hands.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't want to be too brutally honest, but that is a red flag for me. And I think you're great guys and you've got great businesses here, but make it easy.

• 52:49Speaker 04

  Three, the word, nines, the word.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Three and nines.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  Training.co.uk.

• 52:53Speaker 03

  And ferve, F A U V E palette. The ferve palette.

• 52:58Speaker 04

  This is the way, this is the way to get us to repeat it though. Keep your podcast, keep up the great podcasts, Alison.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Ferve in English. Ferve, I mean, I've gigged and lived and know people from Streatham.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  Goodbye. I'll see you next week.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  It's fawn. Oh, fuck me. Bye.

• 53:17Speaker 04

  Goodbye.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  It's fawn, what's fawn? I don't even know what it is in fucking English.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  New and exclusive holiday decor just launched online at The Home Depot. Check out the viral Grand Duchess collection with smart holiday lights you can control from your phone. Easily customize the twinkle across trees, wreaths, and garlands to match your holiday vibe. Create stunning light effects, then switch it up with the tap of your fingers. Even the man in red will be impressed. Shop the holiday decor you want, online only, at homedepot.com.

• 53:58Speaker 02

  From the creators of Zootopia and Frozen comes Disney's Hext. Welcome to Hext and enter the world of witches, where it was foretold that an ordinary girl would become an extraordinary witch and save the world of magic. Disney's Hext arrives in theaters this Thanksgiving.