S12 EP50: My daughter broke her arm

In this episode we're in the midst of the summer heatwave... Josh's daughter has broken her arm! And elsewhere Rob and Josh record a pilot for a new TV show and Beryl the cat goes missing. It's been one hell of a week.... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• 2:02Speaker 03

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with

• 2:05Speaker 04

  Oh, that won't play.

• 2:07Speaker 03

  You were texting.

• 2:09Speaker 05

  Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh? Josh. Whiddichen. Josh Whiddichen. Very good, well done.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  Right, that was actually solid, that, unless you tell me they're nine.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  Who's turning two on Sunday. Been listening to the podcast from the start, this is our girl Effie.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  Effie.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  F I E, is that short for something?

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Effie, well Effie's beer, Turkish beer, that's what I think of when I think of Effie.

• 2:38Speaker 04

  Do you've never heard of that?

• 2:39Speaker 03

  Effie's beer, you don't drink, but in a Turkish restaurant, if you order draft Effies, sometimes a bottle of beer comes with drafter in on it.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  Oh no.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  And I've never really understood that.

• 2:50Speaker 04

  Are you one of those people that cares whether it's out the tap or out the bottle?

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Yes, I am.

• 2:56Speaker 04

  Which is the one you want?

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Draft is, oh god, so dismissive, so I feel like a little pauper just at the bottom of a hill while you stand there with your big iron bit of you nuts out.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  I could never decide, do you know why I'd go for the draft rather than the bottle?

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  Because there was more, it was a better value.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, that really does explain your drink issues.

• 3:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, you'd get more for your money, so you'd be more drunk.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe, I've never looked at you like that, with a, I don't, personally, I think we discussed it before, a full pint is slightly too much sometimes, but I prefer it from the tap, I don't really like bottled, push me in a corner, I'm going can over a bottle.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  I thought people that drunk bottled beer were insane, anyone that went into a pub and ordered a bottle of beer, it blew my mind.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, not for me, not for me, but anyway, sorry Josh, carry on.

• 3:49Speaker 04

  Sorry Effie, we are hopefully going to narrowly miss having two under two, if I can avoid going into labour with our son. On her, uh, our son on her birthday, stay sexy and relatable. Rosie James and Effie from Teddington, South West London. Oh, imagine being pregnant in this heat, Rob.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  Oh, but imagine being pregnant ever, right, guys? Us, us dudes just don't get it.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Well, we don't, to be honest, it looks absolutely shite.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Awful.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Awful.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  I do think, but some people like actually love being pregnant and it's, but are they just convincing themselves? Or are they well into it?

• 4:23Speaker 04

  I know that were I a woman, I would, wouldn't be one of those people that was embracing pregnancy. Cause I like comfort over feeling like, you know, my body's doing something miraculous. I'd rather just feel the right temperature and not have back pain.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  And if he was pregnant, you just even you'd put, you'd put aside the miracle of birth and make it a baby. Because you like being comfy. I'm, I can't get beyond you being a woman. I think you'd look like a lovely, dependable, strong woman.

• 4:56Speaker 04

  Much different.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  I'd think I'd look like a monster.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Do you think it's fair to say it's lucky that your, uh, your parents had, had boys?

• 5:08Speaker 03

  Me as a woman, I think would be really intense.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  Can I be honest, this morning?

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Oh, I'll go straight in with one of his, one of his sayings.

• 5:15Speaker 04

  I don't think, I'm just looking at what I've written down. I've got so much stuff that's happened to us, but I'm going to start by saying, I don't know when I decided this was a good idea. But eight AM is the most insane records time I've ever picked.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  I think you was pushing it as well.

• 5:34Speaker 04

  What a fucking error because.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Set the, set the scene, it's a middle of the heatwave.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Is wake up at seven.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 04

  Out the door at eight.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Why are you doing this now then? Eight thirty would be better, wouldn't it?

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Exactly. In terms of no buffer life, it's absolutely insane to be doing a podcast. Exactly the moment that you just like hustling the kids out of the, of the building.

• 5:57Speaker 03

  Well, can't you just walk downstairs, let Rose get up the kids, you go off back quarters away, walk in the kitchen, goes, where me cup of tea, babe? Slap her on the arse and sit in here and you've got ten fifteen to have a drink and get ready to perform. You've got a, you know, you're the England team out of the World Cup, they're not doing the score run, they're just focusing.

• 6:14Speaker 04

  I know, but I get, I'm, I'm, I'm Rob getting results.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, you are true. Yeah, well, this is middle of the heatwave. It's 35 today in the south of England. And England drew 0-0 with Ghana in a very boring game.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  Very boring. I'm gonna, I'm.

• 6:31Speaker 03

  Have you got World Cup fever?

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I love the World Cup.

• 6:35Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm, I'm not as in, I, I think it's because it's, now you're at night.

• 6:39Speaker 04

  I'm not, I've got, not got World Cup fever in the way I used to. I'll be honest.

• 6:43Speaker 03

  When the games are on.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  When I stopped drinking, my World Cup fever changed.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, 10 pints really does help with fever.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, it used to be. I, I wondered whether actually what I liked was the excuse to get completely fucking smashed with my friends. And now I'd quite happily watch the England game on my own. Do you know what I mean?

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Well, I am. I, at the moment, I, last night I watched England draw 0-0 with Ghana, eating a protein yogurt whilst Lou went to bed early.

• 7:13Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  And I just thought, this isn't fever. This isn't World Cup fever.

• 7:16Speaker 04

  This isn't World Cup fever.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  But I can't invite anyone round. Like, the game, the, the next game's 10pm. Imagine someone arriving at your house at 10pm to watch football.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Fuck that.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  But it'll be like, oh, it'll be fun. And then as they arrive, you're in a carpool, like, oh, for fuck's sake.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  What the fuck are they doing with their lives?

• 7:33Speaker 03

  People coming around to watch England, Panama.

• 7:35Speaker 04

  Yeah. No, I, but I'm enjoying it. That's, that's my World Cup fever.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  You're gonna watch the 1am game. If we get through, there's a 1.30am game. I'm, I, I honestly, I won't be able to watch it.

• 7:46Speaker 04

  I know, because what am I gonna do? Set my alarm or stay up?

• 7:51Speaker 03

  But then if you're going to bed at 10, this is pathetic, by the way.

• 7:55Speaker 04

  Who are we? I remember when, when the World Cup was in Japan and it was the end of my first year at university.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  And England played Argentina at 7am and I started drinking at 7am. That's.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, yeah, but that, that, that's fine.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  And then I went through.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  That's fine. Well, no, that's not fine, is it?

• 8:13Speaker 04

  But now, if England were playing at 7am, I'd be listening to it on the radio while making pounds. Pancakes.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Oh, I'd love it. I'd love it if it was seven AM. That'd be a great time.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  And I'd be searching the house for a pair of shoes while England scored. Do you know what I mean? I wouldn't be.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  No, I'd, if England played at seven AM, I'd just say to the kids, you're not going to school or you're going in late.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  Oh, these poor fuckers whose school has been, Rob, it's been a smug old week for those of us that have moved out of London in the last year. Fuck here now.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Some schools cancelled then. Mine, mine's, they're going in at mine. They've cancelled, this annoyed me. I missed the last two sports days. Yeah, last two years. This year, I've had it in my diary for ten months. I, I actually contacted school and went, look, I've missed the last two. Can you just give me at least like a ninety percent idea what it was? They gave me the date. I've had it in. I've had filming Robin Ramesh built around this day off so I could do sports day. Yeah. Get to it, cancel to op. Fuck you. Fuck you, universe. Fuck you.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  So when is sports day?

• 9:13Speaker 03

  Monday, can't do it, filming Robin Ramesh.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  Amazing, amazing.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  Absolute classic.

• 9:18Speaker 04

  It's Roman day today. My daughter's dressed as a fucking Roman.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Good weather for it.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  I know, exactly. But yeah, her old school in London's closed, um, which obviously I find hilarious.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  That, yeah, because you're, you're very, um, I'd say you're like the Sol Campbell of transfer moves from the city to the country. Where, yeah, yeah, I love it. Where Sol Campbell famously left Tottenham to join Arsenal, their fierce rivals on a free. And where some people, if they leave a club or go somewhere, they're quite respectful with it. If they score a goal, they don't celebrate.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  I'm celebrating their face.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  You're Eddie Bior.

• 9:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm running down the end.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  You're running down the M4 and then doing a knee slide in East London.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  Fuck you.

• 10:03Speaker 04

  I bet you're not even able to sleep under a fucking sheet because it's so hot. I bet you're having to sleep naked on the mattress.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  I know what Hackney is like at the moment. It is furious. Everyone is furious.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  That London is hot as well because of the tubes and the buildings.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  The tubes or the buildings. London is the worst place in the sun. It's like.

• 10:31Speaker 03

  Here he goes. He's off. I love it.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  I honestly, it's in my house here. Yeah, it's a bit hot.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  I love the way you're pretending your house is like the Arctic. So.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  But I'll be honest with you.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  It's nothing compared to when we lived in Hackney. Oh my God. When we're not having to close the curtains during the day.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  I think, well, you're not doing that now then. Is it not that hot where you are?

• 10:56Speaker 04

  Not too bad. No, it is hot outside, but our house, it doesn't heat up in the same way.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  That, oh, yeah, you've got a bigger, you're bigger, wider windows. We're using a terrace house. You're getting heat from all sides.

• 11:06Speaker 04

  You're getting heat from all sides, Rob. And then, and then the school closed at 1:30 yesterday. So you're having to drive through the Hackney traffic to get to school, to pick up a child that's coming home early. And then, I'll be honest, our friends who've still got kids at the school were like, yeah, they've said they'll let us know what the score is with tomorrow or the next day. You're like, it's fucking close, mate.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Don't let them have hope.

• 11:33Speaker 04

  No.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  There you go. Loving life, loving life down there.

• 11:37Speaker 04

  Well, I'm not, Rob. I've had such a fucking dramatic few days.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  Fuck me. So on Thursday, um, my daughter broke her arm.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 11:49Speaker 04

  Here we go. This is what people are listening for.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Right. Is she okay? To be honest, you did tell me when I saw you last week, but then I forgot. So my response there was half genuine, half, oh yeah, I remember he told me last week, but I didn't get full details because we said we're going to do it on here. First things first, is she okay? Is she okay?

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's fine. She's got a cast on. We're going to the hotel hospital on Friday to, you know, have the checkup to see when it comes off stroke, whether you can get a shorter cast, all this kind of stuff.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Is it over the elbow at this point?

• 12:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  Oh, not over the, that's the funniest one, isn't it? Over the elbow.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  I mean, it looks rubbish. She's taking it very well. It's her right hand, but she's actually, turns out she's quite good with her left hand now. She can write with her left hand, it turns out.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  Well, do you know, that's what happened with Shane Warne.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Jane Moore broke, I think he broke both his ankles, I had injured his legs. So for about six months, when he was about three or four, he had this little like trolley thing that his mum and dad put him on. He'd use his hands to pull himself around.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Play outside of it. So that's why he's got, he had such strong wrists and hands and big hands because he spent, you know. So maybe you might have a, you know, she might be an unbelievable.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  A left-handed spin bowler.

• 13:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, they're good. You need them.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course. Especially, you know, you know, in India on those dusty tracks, those are the, they're the bowlers that you need.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  I was watching my daughter play cricket and she bowled someone out.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  And I saw it because I was behind the stumps. I went, yeah, like that. I was the only one there. And then the, the people taking the scores, the umpire was like, oh, and because they couldn't quite see. So they said to the other girl, did it bounce off your leg or did it bounce off the stumps? She went, leg. I was like, oh, lying bitch.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  No, but what do you mean? No, but that's still LBW.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Well, either way, I saw it come off the stump and she said it come off her leg. But you could argue it's only LBW if it's definitely, so I think with LBW.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Did they give it out LBW?

• 13:48Speaker 03

  No, well, I, I, it's quite, that's quite a big concept to give them at this stage of their cricketing career.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  So I think they were like, I've hit your leg, then we'll just let that, that, but I was like, it got the stumps. And she was buzzing and I was like, I don't want to start kicking off.

• 14:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you did.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  I was like, no, inside I did, but I didn't, I held myself back. But I was like, but also that kid, now I hate that kid forever.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  But she's from, she's from another school, so.

• 14:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, fine. So it's fine.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  I, I do, I do know.

• 14:13Speaker 04

  Do they bowl overarm?

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  It's mental, isn't it? My daughter's playing cricket and bowling overarm.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  They're playing softball still because hardball's mental. I don't, I don't think they should do hardball like professionally. It's just not, it's not worth it.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  It's a piece of fucking wood.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  It's not worth, it is not worth it. It's not worth the hassle.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  Sports people hurting each other. It's just mental. I, I tried to listen to, I like this, you know, the Stick to Football podcast with Gary Nevilley and Ryan Roy Keane. The greatest three.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  Minds of our generation. I love them.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Right. They had Tom Brady on, you know, the American footballer. Jesus Christ, have a laugh, mate. What a fucking serious bore.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  He was talking about how much he enjoys, you know, how there should be contact in sports. Cause you know, then you can use it. I was just thinking, fuck it out. Chill out. Do you know what? There was this bit and he was like, our manager, he made us feel uncomfortable every day. So then we won on Sunday. I was like, well, I'd rather not win.

• 15:25Speaker 04

  I'd rather not win the Super Bowl than be hit into by lots of people and have a manager who's basically bullying us.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, and be unhappy seven days a week.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  Be unhappy seven days a week, then I get to win.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, but is he happy now?

• 15:40Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know. I, I know because he's obviously just madly competitive, but sees that as a good thing. But you're just like, anyway, I don't know why I'm saying that. Oh yeah, yeah. Just sports where they just hurt each other.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  Well, I think Cristiano Ronaldo, I saw him on, you know, he didn't score in the first game. This is very World Cup heavy, but he didn't score in the first game, but then Messi did, his great rival, who he refuses to talk about in interviews when anyone brings it up. Um, and also Mbappe's been scoring, Haaland, Kane. So like, these are the big players at the World Cup. In his second game, Ronaldo scored two. As he's walking off the pitch, this is a 41 year old billionaire that has played at the highest level, is arguing maybe the greatest footballer of all time. Okay, he's 41.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  He's not, yeah.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, he scored two goals at the World Cup. As the camera comes to him, he screams in it, I'm back, I'm back. And I thought, man, he's pathetic.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  You sad ****. Also, you were playing as Beka Stan.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  You're not back.

• 16:42Speaker 04

  What's wrong with you?

• 16:45Speaker 04

  You're 41. You've got kids.

• 16:50Speaker 04

  And let's be honest, the pictures you put up with them on Instagram are weird enough as it is.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  He hasn't got kids, he's got proteges.

• 16:55Speaker 04

  He's got protege. Oh my God. People are weird. Anyway, my daughter broke her arm doing a cartwheel.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  So I was away working. So Rose calls me. She's broken her arm. She has, do you know what, she was hard as nails, she had to go to the hospital. Proper breaks.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  No operation or anything?

• 17:18Speaker 04

  She had to go under.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 17:20Speaker 04

  To have it reset.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Oh, oh.

• 17:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, proper, proper bad.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Just by doing a cartwheel at a wrong angle, basically.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, her friends were quite affected by it. They both cried after school, the ones that saw it, you know, like when it not, not more sports references. But you know, when, when footballers see a bad injury near them.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  David Boost, Eduardo, Ramsey, yeah, gotcha, gotcha. I actually saw a, a, a greenage once. We were sledging and there was a metal and wood sledge coming down and it went down with a bloke on and it went into like an eight year old's face.

• 17:53Speaker 04

  Oh my God.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  And it was just blood everywhere. It was awful. And I'm not saying it's worse to me than the eight year old.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Then I, every time I shut my eyes, I saw it for about a week. So for a little kid seeing their friend hurt their arm.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  This episode is brought to you by Tesco Clubcard.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  Josh, huge news for staycation fans.

• 18:16Speaker 04

  Well, I'm listening, hit me.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  Tesco Clubcard members can make an additional saving on their next break with either cottages.com or host seasons. And that's on top of getting twice their club card voucher value.

• 18:27Speaker 04

  Amazing, amazing. I love a staycation. You know that about me, Rob. I just don't want to have a holiday that's more tiring than my actual life.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  It is great when you're abroad and you've got the weather and the pool and stuff like that, but no airports, no train stations, no ferries, no car. You are already there.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  Totally agree, Rob. Totally agree. Also, no worries that you're going to get caffeinated tea because the, the language barrier has caused a problem, Rob.

• 18:55Speaker 03

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• 19:07Speaker 04

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• 19:17Speaker 06

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• 19:46Speaker 02

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon Fall Drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's Fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece, and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 20:19Speaker 04

  This is on top of, Rob. Then Beryl gets ill, right?

• 20:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. Is it time?

• 20:25Speaker 04

  What? No.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 20:32Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 20:34Speaker 04

  It's Saturday, yeah.

• 20:36Speaker 03

  She's a lot more ill than not ill, though, isn't she, Beryl?

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Friday, yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 03

  Let's be honest. She's pissing on your clothes, she's always got her kidneys flushed or whatever it is.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  Well, the kidneys flushed isn't that she's ill, it's that it's keeping her not ill.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Well, exactly, but then, you know, how much do you do that for? You know what I'm saying?

• 20:53Speaker 04

  Well, just the rest of her life.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 20:59Speaker 04

  We've got pet insurance, Rob, it's free.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  Fair enough.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  We are... I'll be honest, my friends...

• 21:04Speaker 03

  You've got the new two, though, don't you, no?

• 21:05Speaker 04

  I won't name them, but we are in absolute profit with Beryl.

• 21:09Speaker 03

  Are you the kind of person that when, if, when or if, Beryl passes?

• 21:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  Fingers crossed, no.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  She won't ever die.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  Would you phone in sick from work or not do a record?

• 21:20Speaker 04

  No, no.

• 21:21Speaker 03

  You wouldn't be that kind of person.

• 21:23Speaker 04

  No, I'm not that guy. So Friday, me and you do a pilot in the blazing heat for 11 hours.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  That was fun though, I enjoyed that.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  It was really fun. But then I've got to get back from Canterbury to London, Canterbury to Exeter.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Well, can we explain what, we're probably not allowed to explain what it is.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Well, it's been in the papers.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  So basically, the pilot is me and Joshua arrive, I arrived in Canterbury about 8am. I think you were there the night before?

• 21:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Stayed overnight. And then we, basically in the morning, us and some other famous people get these giant balls, like inflatable balls, and we have to get them from one part of Canterbury to another. The idea of the show is you move around the country, going to different places. And you have to move it around and there's loads of little games, like a Saturday night fun family TV show, very statistic, very silly. And it was exhausting. We did 16,000 steps pushing this ball around and running around and it was 30 degrees. And by the end of it, I had sweat marks where it was all white around my tits and back where the salt had come out my body.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  It was mental.

• 22:23Speaker 03

  And I couldn't walk for two days after. But it was fun to do, but it was exhausting.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  Anyway, my car doesn't make it through because of the fire on the M25.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  So we finished at seven o'clock, did we? Six o'clock?

• 22:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I got back at 11.30. Rob, I did something bad on the train.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  What did you do on the train?

• 22:41Speaker 04

  I was so fucked. I was so tired. And there was no one near me in my carriage.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  And I was on single seat with a single seat opposite.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Table?

• 22:53Speaker 04

  Table, but just singles. No one near me in the carriage, yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  Facing forward?

• 22:58Speaker 04

  Uh, I always face backwards.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  That's, that can not sum me and you up. Yeah, I know, that could, it's so funny that what we are absolute chalk and cheese. I can only go forward. We've discussed this, carry.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  I know, that's not just on a train, that's in life.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  Empty carriage, you've chose single seat backwards?

• 23:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Arguably the worst seat.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  On an empty carriage, you might go forwards with two seats.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  It's not a single seat with a seat in front of you. It's a single seat with a facing seat.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, but what I'm saying is on a completely empty carriage, you might roll the dice and take a fourth seater.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  Then someone might sit on the floor with me if it feels like it.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  No, but that would be insane. If you're in there on your own, you can go four seat a table. And then if someone else comes in, they can go single seat. If they come on the fourth seat. Also as well, if they do come on the fourth seat, there's nothing wrong with you going, this is mental, I'm going single. What's wrong with you? And then shifting.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  So I did something bad.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  I went shoes off.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Right.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Feet up on the opposite seat.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  Socks on or off?

• 23:56Speaker 04

  Socks on.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  I think socks off, unacceptable. Socks on, due to the level of tiredness, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna let you off this time.

• 24:03Speaker 04

  Good, good, good, good, good.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  And you took your shoes off, that's fine.

• 24:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. Um, so then.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  Your socks must have stunk.

• 24:10Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  I genuinely, I don't know what you look like, because we didn't see each other much due to the format. I genuinely couldn't have gone into public looking how I looked. I'd been rescued from the street.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  But I'd gone missing for two days on a stag thing. It was disgusting.

• 24:27Speaker 04

  I was so tired. I was so tired. And the next day, get straight up, barrel's gone missing.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  Then we'd go around a friend's house, um, and then, I, I, do you know what I did, Rob? I watched some of the rugby.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  Oh no. Oh, you're gonna be an exit Chiefs fan soon, aren't you?

• 24:48Speaker 04

  It was the Chiefs.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Go Chiefs.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  No, I'm not a Chiefs fan.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  You've got loads of rugby, posh rugby mates.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  No, I haven't really.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  Who are your friends? Who's your friends?

• 24:56Speaker 04

  This is the weird thing about where I live. It's the one negative. People talk about rugby.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Like it's a sport.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Like it's an equivalent of football.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  It's mental. I, I'd have to just go, shut up everyone.

• 25:09Speaker 04

  I've never heard this before, but you'll go, are you enjoying the World Cup? Oh, I'm more of a rugby person. So what?

• 25:16Speaker 03

  Conversation end.

• 25:18Speaker 04

  It's like saying, do you like the Beatles? No, I'm more into S Club 7.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like DJ Otzi.

• 25:24Speaker 04

  Yeah. What is fucking going on?

• 25:27Speaker 03

  How do you know these people? They are they new friends?

• 25:30Speaker 04

  What, these are just everyone. Loads of people are into rugby. It's mad.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  So are they, are these people's house?

• 25:37Speaker 04

  Because the Chiefs are huge, Rob.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  No, they're not.

• 25:41Speaker 04

  Well, not in the wider world, but they're the, they're like one of the best teams. So I'm, I'm cursed with living in a city.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  They're essentially like-

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Your son might, or daughter might play rugby.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  No, they're not gonna.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  I, I don't think it's gonna suit your daughter. She's, she's struggling with a cartwheel.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  She doesn't need a Joe Marler type running at her. So the Exeter Chiefs, I'm on their Instagram now. They're, they're the big club in. So was it a big game though? Was it a final or something?

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was the final of the rugby.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Right.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  The Premiership final.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  Are these new school friends?

• 26:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, because it was like, uh, well, we're just going around for the kids.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  This is now, this is when the old East London crew perk up. Sure, it's cooler, but would you want to sit in a cool room talking to someone about rugby, watching rugby? Or be sweating your tits off watching football in a pub in Hackney? I know what I'd pick.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  I, we did go, we then did watch the football, Holland versus Sweden, sorry, Netherlands versus Sweden.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  How do you, how does one watch rugby?

• 26:42Speaker 04

  Well, I ask a lot of questions.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  I think I've, you know what? I don't mind rugby league. I've always been put off by rugby. One, because I prefer football.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, two, because it's posh.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Two, I can't work out what's going on because it's sort of a bit of, a lot of it's a big bundle. Um, and three is that I've got the working class chip on my shoulder. It's for posh people.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've got that chip on my shoulder. Even though I'm not really working, I'm not working class.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  No, but you are, you are a lot less posh and middle or upper class than people think. You're just, you've just got no accent like me. And you are quite intelligent. So people just assume you're from a rich, posh family. But actually you're from a, you know, rough little scuzzy farm lot, aren't you really, deep down?

• 27:23Speaker 04

  No, I'm not from a rough little scuzzy farm lot, but I went to a, a solid comprehensive school, although we did play rugby and I found that awful.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  You're just like one of the Dingles deep down. You know, you give it large, large one, but you're, you know, you're sat there, little Zach Dingle, whatever his name is, Kane Dingle.

• 27:38Speaker 04

  Kane Dingle.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  Josh Dingle.

• 27:40Speaker 04

  But I hated rugby and I still don't like it.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, rugby's hard, hard going.

• 27:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. So then it's so hot by this point. Beryl's gone. We get back, we find her, but she's not very well. We're gonna have to take her to the vets. Are we gonna take her to the vets? Let's give it another day. Next day. Fluffball comes in.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  She's panting like a dog.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  Is she a dog?

• 28:06Speaker 04

  She's not a dog.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  How's Dean during all this?

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Dean's fine. We Google fluff, we Google pat panting like, panting like a dog.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  Cat panting like a dog.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, take her straight to A and E. That's really bad. That's really bad.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Give her a biscuit, take her for a walk.

• 28:26Speaker 03

  Sorry, I'm sorry. Is she all right?

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Please don't tell me Fluffball's dead, not now, not after what all of us have.

• 28:32Speaker 04

  No, she's not. I have to take her in. They're like, she's got a heart murmur.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  Oh, what? Is that genetic or is it just for the day?

• 28:41Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Oh, you don't need another. Why do you all have ill cats?

• 28:46Speaker 04

  They put her in an oxygen chamber.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  Fucking hell, what is that? What?

• 28:54Speaker 03

  How does oxygen help your arse for your lungs, isn't it?

• 28:56Speaker 04

  Because she's panting, they put her in an oxygen.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Right, to calm her breathing down because her arse is shit.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  Yep. They say come back later, we're gonna do some tests. Then later on, they're like, this heart murmur's gone. We've done a scan of the heart, we can't find anything wrong with it, but we've got a heart specialist in on Tuesday, bring her back in.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  Oh, brilliant. Yeah, five hundred quid, even though the heart murmur's gone.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Don't worry, mate, pet insurance.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  So if anyone's got any shares in a pet insurance companies or the industry, get, take them out now, but because the Whittaker's absolute sick notes, everyone's, everyone's ill.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Oh, get this. By the way, it's Father's Day at this point.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Oh, God, and you're in the vets?

• 29:36Speaker 04

  I'm at the vets. I haven't had, you know, it's, it's not a classic Father's Day. Oh, so I get to the vets, right? I, I don't want to be graphic about this, Rob.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  But when Fluffball got ill, I was, I was about to have a shit, so I'm desperate.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  So you're desperate, so you're absolutely desperate. So basically, you're about to have a shit, the cat's panting, and then you rush, and you need to can't have a shit at the vets, can you?

• 30:01Speaker 04

  I'm like, have you got a toilet? Because I'm waiting. They're like, yes, outside.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Also, vets are small. Everyone's in there looking at Joshua Lickham.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  Well, no, it's Sunday because it's an emergency, so there's no one else there.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Oh, that's okay. Oh, that's worse because they'll know it's you.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  It's round the back.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  All the staff will know you dropped a dirty. Because there's no one else to blame it on.

• 30:22Speaker 04

  No, they've got their own staff toilets.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  They'll, they'll know. If George Willacham came to my vets and he went, I'm going to the toilet and he was gone ages, I'd go in there, come back out and tell everyone, he's had a shit.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  But it's totally natural.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  It's totally natural, but it's quite funny. If you worked in a vet and a famous person off the TV, if, look, you're the hostess strictly now. Imagine you run a vet, it's back in the day, Bruce Forsyth's coming on his own, goes to the toilet for 10 minutes, comes back, absolutely reeked, you're telling everyone Bruce is done.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  I don't reek.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Every, come on mate.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  Well, the good news, Rob, is the toilet is outside. So the toilet is-

• 30:59Speaker 03

  So dingle, you are so dingle now.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  Round the back of the vet, right?

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Right.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  In a kind of, you know, those, those kind of buildings you get backstage at festivals, those kind of toilets?

• 31:09Speaker 03

  Right, okay, yeah. So like a little cabin?

• 31:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, she says it might be locked. I go around the back.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  Outside sort of festival toilet?

• 31:16Speaker 04

  I know, I don't know why.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  I go, I go around the back, it's, it's locked, it's behind a padlocked gate. I have to come back through. She's like, okay, I'll come out and undo the padlock for you.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  Right? I'm like, this is degrading.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  It is, especially when you're desperate.

• 31:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  And it's, um, Fluffball's still panting in a cat carrier.

• 31:39Speaker 04

  She's in an oxygen chamber. I'm waiting to be told whether they can go in.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  The staff will have to get in that oxygen chamber once you're finished.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  We've worked it out, no heart murmur, but you've got to stop having a shit near the cats, they can't cope.

• 31:53Speaker 04

  There's no, there's no window on the toilet, Rob.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  I go in, oh, by the way, I've, uh, my phone's about to die as well, so I've left it charging behind the desk in the vet. I go in, there's no light switch, it's totally dark.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  I look outside, I look inside, there's absolutely no light switch. I move around, it's not, I'm like, well, I can't go back in for a third time and say there's no light in the toilet.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  And I haven't got my phone to create a light.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  Oh, so it's pitch black?

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Pitch black shit.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Right, pitch black, okay.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  Like total darkness.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, because it's like one of them cabin things, there's no windows.

• 32:35Speaker 04

  There's no windows, it's just total darkness.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  This is Father's Day.

• 32:42Speaker 03

  But what I would say is, you can work out where it all is if you're in there.

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  You can't, well, the only way to double check you've fully cleaned is sniff, but I'd say, roll the dice, finish it off when you get home.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Then I finish it off, flush, stand up and the light comes on. Unbelievable moment.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  For some reason, finally I've activated the movement sensor light.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:08Speaker 04

  So then I go back in. Fluffball's got to stay in. So then they phone us later. Fluffball's fine.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  They, they said, I can't explain what's happened. Is her heart murmur's gone. It just would never happen normally like this.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Uh, okay, I, I, I want a bit more info.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Well, that's why we're going, returning to the heart specialist Tuesday.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Makes sense.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  So take her into the heart specialist yesterday. Everything's totally fine. No one can explain what the panting was. But they think it's probably the hot weather.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  Right. So who introduced the heart murmur thing?

• 33:47Speaker 04

  No, there was a heart murmur, but they think it's probably related to the hot weather.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  Right.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  But I, I think she basically had a panic attack because of the heat.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Oh my God, even your, you, what's that? Are they getting it off you?

• 34:05Speaker 03

  You can't have a cat having a panic attack. I've never seen a cat panic.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  Oh, by the way, we've also got cluster flies. So get this.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  You are so dingle.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  We haven't got.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  What are cluster flies?

• 34:18Speaker 04

  Basically got one room downstairs. Yeah.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 34:23Speaker 04

  Because of the building work. Yeah.

• 34:26Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, we've just got one.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  Oh God, cluster flies horrendous.

• 34:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, one sitting room. That's all we've got downstairs and that gets cluster flies.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  Oh no, how'd you get rid of cluster flies?

• 34:37Speaker 04

  Well, it turns out you open the window and they go.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  Oh, so how many are we talking?

• 34:45Speaker 04

  Fifty.

• 34:46Speaker 03

  Fifty flies?

• 34:48Speaker 04

  No, maybe thirty.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  So what, what, what, oh, I think I've had a cluster fly in my house, but only one.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  No, that's a fly.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  So they're only called cluster flies as they load together?

• 35:03Speaker 04

  Because that's the cluster bit, yeah.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, that does make sense, actually.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  They lay their eggs in the window.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Oh, and then they all, and then you open the window and they go out?

• 35:11Speaker 04

  They lay their eggs in the window in winter or whatever, and then when it's hot, they all hatch at the same time and suddenly you've got.

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Cluster flies. So you just open the window and they'll go?

• 35:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, we didn't know that for a day. We couldn't open the window.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  What do you mean you didn't know that?

• 35:24Speaker 04

  Well, we did know that, but we didn't. We couldn't open our windows, so we had to get the building.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  Open your window?

• 35:30Speaker 04

  We didn't know how to open the window because it was locked. You know, when a window's locked, we've never opened the window, have we?

• 35:38Speaker 04

  I'm still sleeping on the floor, by the way. Like, this is not Father's Day.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  I, I mean, I, I had a terrible sleep. You know, when it's, do you get the storm where you were?

• 35:48Speaker 04

  No.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  We got this horrendous, like, I got woken up by the rain and then the thunder and lightning. So my daughter came into my room, the eldest one, like, Dad, Dad, I'm scared, I'm scared. And I'll drop me to lie with you for a bit. She went, yeah, all right. So I went in, she doesn't like anyone sleeping with her, or she's very good at going to bed on her own. So I'm desperate to go to sleep. So I get into her bed and I just go to sleep. And she's just talking to me because she's scared and doesn't want to go to sleep. So I'm like, fine. So I just chat to her. Then the storm stops after about an hour. She goes, right, can you go out now? What? Can you get, can you get out now? I want to go to sleep. She doesn't want to, I'm like, all right, okay. So I go, go to get in my bed. The younger one's got in my bed. So then I, I end up getting in, uh, the younger one's bed, right?

• 36:28Speaker 03

  Then at six in the morning, I get woken up because my daughter goes, the youngest goes, can you get out now? I need to get dressed. So she gets me out and I go and get back in my bed for 10 minutes before I get up for the day. I'm like, this is not, this isn't living. When does it stop? And so why are you still on the floor?

• 36:47Speaker 04

  We're having the other bedrooms done.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Right.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Yeah. And so we've only got one bedroom on one sitting room.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Got you.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  That's phase two. Phase one will end, uh, phase one ends at the end of July and then we've got 75% of the house and the last 20, we're currently living in the 25% of the house that is phase two.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  Right, okay, that is phase. So, and you're, all this work's going to be done before Strictly starts?

• 37:12Speaker 04

  Probably not.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  No. Okay. Do you know what, though? At least you're realistic now.

• 37:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  So when will you get in bed? When will you get to go to bed?

• 37:22Speaker 04

  When phase one ends.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  End of July. Perfect. So just another, another five weeks.

• 37:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  Do you feel all right? Enough energy? Or do you like, have you got a mattress now yet?

• 37:33Speaker 04

  No.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  Why haven't you got a mat? Just, this is, why not just a comfy mattress?

• 37:37Speaker 04

  Because I'm busy. I'm so busy.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Can't you take a mattress out the other room?

• 37:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, probably. I just never get round to it.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  Right, okay. So what are you sleeping on? A futon?

• 37:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  This isn't okay, Josh. No wonder you're tired.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  I'm not tired.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  No?

• 37:54Speaker 04

  Actually, I'm fine energy-wise. Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  I think you could, your life could be better.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh yeah. I agree.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  I agree, Rob. I totally agree.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, why don't you do that and set a bit of time to just take a mattress out of your daughter or son's, because what's she sleeping on? The futon with you?

• 38:14Speaker 04

  No, she's got a mattress.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  So she's got a mattress?

• 38:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:18Speaker 03

  You haven't got a mattress?

• 38:19Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  Go and get a mattress.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  I know, I just.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  Or just order a cheap one for the next five weeks.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, maybe we will. Maybe we will.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  You're not going to, are you?

• 38:27Speaker 04

  No. Oh, this is the other thing.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  What's the futon? Have you got a fuck?

• 38:30Speaker 04

  We've got a holiday booked and she's got a broken arm and the holiday's all about the pool.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  Oh, no, bless her.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  It's just, and you're just like, that's just gonna be.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  It's gonna be so hot and sweaty.

• 38:42Speaker 04

  So hot and sweaty, you know. Oh, do you know what she's got into? Minecraft.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah, my daughter's like that.

• 38:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's good, isn't it?

• 38:52Speaker 03

  It's better than Roblox. I don't like Roblox.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  Because it's like educational. They're like building stuff and stuff.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, but sort your privacy out. There's always a pedo lurking. Oh, we all talk about the social media ban.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  She's got this educate. Oh, yeah. My friend's twelve-year-old came home and said, have you heard the news? Keir Starmer's banned the internet.

• 39:14Speaker 03

  Well, he's gone now, anyway.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  He's gone now, anyway. Andy Burnham might reverse it. How do you feel about the social media ban?

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Into it. I think, well, me, I'm absolutely addicted to my social media apps. So is Lou. We're setting a terrible example for the children. If anything, they're setting a better example for us. Adults need to do something about it. I think in years to go, people look back at photos of everyone with their neck all bent up, with their arm bent up, looking at their phone for hours and hours, like we look at photos of people on the tube smoking.

• 39:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 03

  I think it's absolutely awful for your mental health and your happiness. I've actively got to sort that out, but I think it's a really good idea. Obviously, you can just go, people will get around it and get VPNs. But then, you know, when I was 12, people would pay older kids to buy them cigarettes. There's always a way around it.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  You might as well not ban anything, because you might as well go, well, people will get around it with murder, because they'll manage to.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  They'll manage to commit a murder without any evidence, so just do a drive-by shooting.

• 40:12Speaker 03

  And it's not allowed. It's not allowed. It's against the rules, actually.

• 40:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  The murder.

• 40:17Speaker 04

  It's about what it fucking does to your brain, about this endless scroll, about this, how I feel when I go on social media versus how I feel after I've left and how it tends to.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Social, social circles, people liking comments, not liking comments.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  You're liking all those things. I think that's more toxic than this, oh, we're just protecting them for that reason. Can't we just put, can't we just do normal social media, but with, with tightened controls on pedos? It's not about that.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  No, it's more, I think your child are probably more at risk of bad mental health and sort of peer group problems than a media pedo. But obviously is that, but I think, I think it's, I think it's a really good thing. I think, I feel a bit bad for certain parts of YouTube. Like if it's quite a, a good creator that's, heart's in the right place and all that, but it's like, there's so much weird stuff.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  YouTube kids, right?

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. So I think it forces creators on YouTube to be a bit more strict and disciplined with, with content of stuff, as opposed to just see what I can get away with. But like, when they, my daughters have been on like the reels and stuff and, or the YouTube shorts. And you just get, they, it just drags you into a horrible. Stuff he didn't even search for in the first place. So I, um, yeah, I think it's a really good thing, the, the ban.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. So, so that is our viewpoint.

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Next on the agenda, Jeremy Doku, the Belgian footballer, he, his wife is pregnant and he said he's gonna leave camp.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  If the baby, if the wife goes into labour, um, I think, yeah, definitely.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  Of course. Tell you who probably wouldn't think that. Tom Brady, because he takes sport too seriously.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  Are you really gone out for Tom Brady, haven't you?

• 41:55Speaker 04

  Well, I just found him unbearable.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  You, but you hate American things as well.

• 41:59Speaker 04

  No, do you know what? I don't hate American things. I like a lot of American bands.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  Fair enough. Who's your favourite American band?

• 42:07Speaker 04

  LCD Sound System.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Are they American?

• 42:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're from New York.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  We do need to talk about Michael's hotel room in America.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  Oh my God, yeah. Oh no, I was gonna talk to you about, um, I, I'll save these for the next one, Rob. Do you wanna hear about Paddington the Musical?

• 42:23Speaker 03

  Uh, yes.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  Or do you wanna hear about my daughter getting into the World Cup? Or do you want to hear about me getting a wallet?

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Well.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  You get a. Here's another one. And these are all trails for next time.

• 42:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  I've had a session with a running coach.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  Okay. Well, first pick for that would be you getting a wallet, but I think because it's World Cup fever, maybe you don't get into the World Cup. I can raise you a couple of things that I've got here. I've got, um, uh, ma- a horrible man at Victoria Station.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  Yes, please.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Um, I can give you that now quickly if you want.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  On.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  Just, um, walk along, bloke shouts at me, "Oi Rob", lass, it's up midnight on a Saturday. "Oi Rob, you all? Hello, you all right?" A bit drunk, fair enough. He's a bit loud, but whatever. He's shocked to see me, standing like, "Well, hello mate, you all right? You live in Portsmouth?" I went, "No, no, I don't live in Portsmouth." I'm going back to Bromley.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  Of course I fucking don't live in Portsmouth. Look, the Victoria Station goes to so many different places.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Yes, but I think what I'm learning about people is that people are very much in their own world and everything revolves around them, which is understandable, but just assumes if he's going there from that station, then so am I. And I'd argue, even if I was born in Portsmouth, I probably wouldn't live in Portsmouth. No shade on Portsmouth, but there are lots of other places in the world and also terrible for logistics if you're trying to be a comedian. So I'll go, "No, I'm not in Portsmouth." He went, "Oh, okay." They're walking along.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  He goes, can you settle an argument between me and my girlfriend? And his girlfriend's sort of walking with him, but two steps away, sort of not enjoying this interaction. I'll go, oh, do I have to? It's a bit like, it's quite awkward to settle, you know. And also, we're just like walking, I'm like, we're in motion. I went, oh, do I, do I have to? I don't want to get involved in, you know, you know, domestics. And he went, well, yeah, basically, she's a.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  And like in front of her, and I just stoned, I didn't laugh. I think he thought I was gonna laugh. So I didn't laugh, and I'd have said, that's just not a nice thing to say.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 03

  But like deadly serious like that, which was really, it felt awkward to do, but also felt.

• 44:39Speaker 04

  What did she react?

• 44:41Speaker 03

  She said, yes, you are right. It is a horrible thing to say.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  Jesus, well.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  I went left, they went right.

• 44:49Speaker 04

  Fucking hell.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  Did it look like they were having a really big argument and they hated each other?

• 44:58Speaker 03

  It looked like he was a drunk idiot.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  She, long suffering girlfriend, probably close to tapping out of the relationship. Or they've maybe got a couple of kids and she's.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  But she was at least gonna get back to Portsmouth first.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  Yes, but she was a bit more switched on and looked more sober. I imagine he wanted to go and do something that she thought wasn't the right thing to do. And was more sober and measured and mature. And he was throwing his toys out the pram. Um, but, um, I, if I, if that was my daughter and I saw that interaction, I would say, leave them. I've never in my life, I've been absolutely paralytic, drunk. I've never said anything close to as awful as that. Not just to my wife or Lou, like, well, she's my wife, but not even like in private. Never mind to a complete stranger in front of everyone at a platform in Victoria. And I was like, that is awful. That's why I thought like, I'm not gonna sort of laugh it all.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  Cause sometimes you sort of go, oh, I was like, no, that is just awful.

• 46:00Speaker 06

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• 46:29Speaker 02

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• 46:59Speaker 07

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• 47:33Speaker 04

  If they are listening, I'd love to hear.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  He's not listening. Even if he's got kids, he don't care about this.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 47:40Speaker 03

  He's absolutely no interested in anyone other than himself.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  If you're listening, leave him.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  Right, if you are listening or if this gets back to you, leave him or email in and tell us why you're staying. We'll keep anonymous, but we'll give you advice and we'll guide you through it. We're here to help.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  No, two more quick things. One, I've got a wallet. Two, Michael's been in the worst hotel room on earth. So I've got a wallet, Rob.

• 48:05Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  I've had to go back to the wallet age.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, why is that?

• 48:10Speaker 04

  I thought I was never going to have a wallet again.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 04

  But you have debit cards.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  Also, you've got your Exeter Chiefs membership card.

• 48:20Speaker 04

  So anyway, I've had to go back to having a wallet because I keep, because even though I've got Apple Pay.

• 48:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  Occasionally you need your debit card and then I don't know where it is.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Yes, and then it's, yeah. So when do you need your debit card? Like if you're buying something over the phone or online?

• 48:36Speaker 04

  If you need cash.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 04

  Or if sometimes like, yeah, if you just need the number on your debit card for some reason or whatever.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  I'm struggling to uh get into this story because you're you're sort of explaining what everyone already knows.

• 48:52Speaker 04

  I know, but.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  You're the anomaly, not like, hi guys.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  Generation. Now I've I've had to re-embrace having a wallet.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  Which is weird because actually.

• 49:00Speaker 04

  I'd lost my debit card. So I got my debit cards.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  Right.

• 49:04Speaker 04

  Which has been a nightmare because obviously I have to go a week without debit cards.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:09Speaker 04

  Get them back, put them in a wallet.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  So you've got a wallet now?

• 49:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, put my wallet in my pocket.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Is it a material one with Velcro and Umbro written on it?

• 49:17Speaker 04

  No, it's not. It's leather.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. So what else is in your wallet?

• 49:23Speaker 04

  Uh, my, um, what else in my wallet? My driving licence?

• 49:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a good place to keep it all.

• 49:29Speaker 04

  Exactly. So there it is, right?

• 49:31Speaker 03

  There is also, Josh, a phone case that Lou's got that's leather.

• 49:35Speaker 04

  I know.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  That you've got a little thing at the back and a little clip and it doesn't make it much bigger and it has like space for three cards.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, maybe I should do that because this is what happened, Rob. I went to do the school pickup. I thought I'm going to keep my wallet, keep my wallet in my pocket. You know, this is the new.

• 49:52Speaker 03

  This is, this is, it's like someone explaining like breathing.

• 49:56Speaker 04

  Is this the worst anecdote of all time?

• 49:58Speaker 03

  No, it's not worse, but it's just, it's so funny that for you, this is such a, but most people do just pick up their wallet when they go out.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 03

  Anyway, so you got, let's get back into it. You've got your wallet in your pocket.

• 50:07Speaker 04

  Go and do school pickup.

• 50:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  Uh, walking home with my daughter. What's that on my, what's that on the pavement?

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Your wallet?

• 50:15Speaker 04

  My wallet.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  From the way, when you walked in?

• 50:17Speaker 04

  I don't know how. I'd already lost my wallet. I'd already dropped on the floor.

• 50:23Speaker 03

  So this is why people have man bags now.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  Wallets are too bulky in your pocket, aren't they?

• 50:29Speaker 04

  I know. It's too much. And they stick to your phone when you take your phone out. So they just flip out of your wallet, out of your pocket. Cause they're a kind of sticky leather.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  What about a, but then I think if you've got a card thing, that'd be even smaller and then you'd lose that as well. So you need maybe a bigger wallet, a man bag or a phone case that you can put some, how many cards are in your wallet? One debit card.

• 50:48Speaker 04

  The, the big three, two debit cards and a driving licence.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Solo, joint, driving licence.

• 50:54Speaker 04

  Personal, business, driving licence.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  Sorry, personal, business, driving. Yeah, I think you need to get a phone case that has three slidy slots in, cause.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  I do, but I like my phone case.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  And what about your phone?

• 51:06Speaker 04

  It helps me find my phone.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Right. And what about your, your, your keys to get in?

• 51:12Speaker 04

  I've got keys.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  You've just got a set of keys?

• 51:15Speaker 04

  I've got a set of keys. I've got a big one. Is it the Chubb? And then I've got a Yale and there's attached to a beeper. Well, I don't think that's, I don't, I don't mind.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  No, I just don't know if people want to hear about every key that's on, but you've just got a set of keys.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  Two keys, Chubb and Yale.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Chubb and Yale.

• 51:31Speaker 04

  And, and it's got a beeper that is meant to help me find them if I lose them, but I've never managed to activate it.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  Sure. I've got a wallet that I put my door key in.

• 51:41Speaker 04

  That feels like too much of a gamble to me.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Right, okay. But then there's only one thing, yeah, because you could lose it all.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  Anyway.

• 51:49Speaker 04

  Anyway.

• 51:50Speaker 03

  Well, let us know you get on with it.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I will. Well, I'm thinking now, I'm just gonna keep my wallet in a drawer.

• 51:57Speaker 03

  Why? So you just know where it is if you need it?

• 51:59Speaker 04

  So I know where the stuff is if I need it, but I don't take it out and about.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  So if you go to an event and you've got your tickets on your phone and you need ID, like sometimes you need ID to collect your tickets or get into a game or something. You just have to make sure you've got, you, you took your.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  It wouldn't be the first time that I've had to Google myself to show people who I am.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  What, to get in somewhere?

• 52:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't want to be doing that.

• 52:19Speaker 04

  No, but sometimes desperate times lead to desperate measures.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  From a desperate man.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  From a desperate man.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  Shall we do a small business?

• 52:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we'll do Michael's hotel room next time.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah. We, we'll put that picture up and.

• 52:32Speaker 04

  Oh, by the way, do let us know if you've had a towel hotel room.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  Oh, photos of worst hotel rooms. Great. Your one had no window.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  Okay, here we go. Let's do a small business shout out. Hey, I've been listening from day one. I reckon one of your first ever listeners. I would love a shout out for my good friend Marguerite's Gelato Business, Villagio Gelato. She makes it all herself from Italian recipes passed down through generations. Villagio Gelato is based in Winchburg, Scotland. However, Scotland, Winchburg. Edinburgh, Edinburgh. So it might be Winchburg. It's Burg at the end. W I N C H B U R G H. So it's Edinburgh, Winchburg, Scotland. However, she has now started churn your own kits.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  All you need is your own ice cream machine. Each kit includes, oh, we just, Lucy's bought an ice cream machine, actually. The kit includes all the dry ingredients, ready weighed for convenience, a list of fresh ingredients to add and easy step by step instructions to help you create our delicious, authentic gelato at home using your own ice cream machine. The kits are available for delivery across the UK. Her website is villagio gelato dot shop. That's V I L L A G G I O and then gelato, G E L A T O.

• 53:59Speaker 03

  I don't know, it's so hard to dissect it. Instagram is Villagio Gelato. Never stop the podcast. You guys are brilliant. Thanks, Angela.

• 54:08Speaker 04

  There we go. There we go. Small business shout out.

• 54:13Speaker 03

  There you go, is you holding airtime to find a small business.

• 54:17Speaker 04

  I know, because it was open and then it closed.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  Oh, Josh. Like most small businesses. I'm all right.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  Oh, there we go.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 54:26Speaker 04

  Do you know, you'll like this, Rob. You'll like this one. You'll like this one because it's in Little Hampton, West Sussex, which is from your beloved London, Victoria. You live in Little Hampton, don't you?

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I always go there. Put on my Portsmouth.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  Hello, hello, hello, Rob and Josh. I've got the most delicious small business shout out. Cat Burglar Donuts in Little Hampton, West Sussex. A vegan donuts delivered now. I know what you're thinking. Vegan, bog off. But as an avid meat scoffer, I'd go as far as to give these, as to say, these give Krispy Kreme a run for their money.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  Woo.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Owned by Emma, you can find them in the local markets, but can order them online at www.catburglado.co.uk. Is that right?

• 55:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. Catburglado.co.uk or check them out on Instagram at CatburgladoCo. They can also do giant donuts for weddings and parties. If having seven siblings didn't already scare me off having children, then this podcast definitely has. Yours sincerely, Kira in Little Hampton.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  Um, Josh, I'll speak to you soon. I enjoyed this lovely little cat.

• 55:36Speaker 04

  Pleasant, it was pleasant.

• 55:38Speaker 03

  Enjoy the Arctic temperatures in Exeter?

• 55:40Speaker 04

  I know, I might have to go and put a jumper on.

• 55:44Speaker 03

  Right, see you next week. Oh, a quick shout out to Sumo Donuts and Curry Smugglers, two Canterbury-based companies that gave us some freebies and snacks when we were out doing that pilot last week. So big up to them.

• 55:57Speaker 04

  There we go.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 56:04Speaker 06

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• 56:34Speaker 07

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