Jada Pinkett Smith : ON How To Heal Your Past & Love Yourself Again

Jay Shetty and Jada Pinkett-Smith sit down and discuss how her childhood shaped her in good and bad ways. After leaving home for Los Angeles at age 18, Pinkett-Smith had to learn how to allow herself to lay down her ego and live with an open heart. Everybody has a story, and Jada Pinkett-Smith has developed the unique ability to take any life experience and find the good in it. Watch the episode of On Purpose to learn how Jada Pinkett-Smith was able to overcome her past and thrive. 👉 Get Jay’s Best Podcast Collection 👇 https://jayshetty.me/bestpodcasts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 2:01Speaker 01

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• 2:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Where I grew up, you weren't allowed to be open and loving.

• 2:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 2:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, it's like, that'd get you killed, basically. What you had to be was sly, slick, you know what I'm saying? You had to have one up on everybody else, right? And so...

• 2:50Jay Shetty?

  It's such a tough way to...

• 2:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is.

• 2:58Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you. I'm so amazed at how you're all so committed and dedicated to listen, to learn and grow every single week. And I truly am grateful to each and every one of you that's listening or watching right now. And today, my heart is filled, literally filled with gratitude, with joy, with a deep sense of appreciation, because I'm getting to have a conversation with someone who I have admired and respected from afar for so much of my life.

• 3:40Jay Shetty?

  And within the last year, I'm honored, genuinely honored and privileged to call a dear, dear friend. And even though we've only known each other for maybe about a year now, I feel like I've known her for lifetimes. And I mean that literally. I feel like I've known her forever. And today's guest, as you know already, is none other than Jada Pinkett Smith. She's an incredible actress, producer, creator, musician, mother, philanthropist, and so much more. She's the host of the number one show on Facebook, as we all know it. It's been nominated for tons of awards, Red Table Talk, where they dive in into this table of purification, this table of transparency, as she calls it,

• 4:22Jay Shetty?

  and shed light on these tough topics that we never get to speak about. And she's one of these people that, from the moment you meet her, her whole energy will just captivate you and embrace you, like you'll feel this big hug. And I felt that way from the moment I met Jada, and I'm so grateful that today she's on on purpose. Jada, thank you for being here.

• 4:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Aw, Jay, don't bring me the tears.

• 4:44Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I meant, you know.

• 4:46Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I know, I know.

• 4:47Jay Shetty?

  You know, I meant to, I send you these long, like, deep messages every time we exchange, because it's just who I am. I can't not tell you how much I've loved you from afar for so long. And now to be your friend and to call you family and someone that, since I've met, I feel like I've known you like for lifetimes.

• 5:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It does feel that way, and you've been so instrumental in my growth and, you know, we just really vibe in some places that you can't really share with everybody, you know, just where you're willing to walk with me on my spiritual path. And I, I just appreciate you for that, you and your beautiful wife.

• 5:22Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yeah, I wish she was here today. She's in London, so she doesn't get back till tomorrow.

• 5:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Got it.

• 5:28Jay Shetty?

  And so, yeah, she would have loved to see you. When I told her you were coming on today, she was very happy. Yeah, you've, you've really, I still remember that day when you surprised her of being on the show.

• 5:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:38Jay Shetty?

  Because I, I just want to start there, because so, so I met Jada when I was asked by Facebook to host the launch of Red Table Talk.

• 5:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 5:46Jay Shetty?

  And we met behind the scenes for a few moments, and that became this conversation that connected us.

• 5:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 5:51Jay Shetty?

  And then we went on and, I mean, Red Table Talk is just phenomenal. We all love it. We're so happy you're doing it. I want to dive into that. But then we come to the show and literally that whole morning, my wife's like, what should I wear? And I'm like, you're not even gonna be on camera. Like, I was just like, Jada's interview, like, I was like, I'm going on camera, you're not gonna, I did that whole man thing, right? And I was just like, you're not even gonna be on camera. I was like, why are you worrying so much?

• 6:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 6:13Jay Shetty?

  And we get there and then you're like, you, you know, you and your team are like, well, you should both do it.

• 6:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, I was like, you have to, you gotta, you gotta come on.

• 6:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm holding my head in my hand. Anyway, but you've always been so loving to both of us and we've learnt so much from you and the family. And anyway, thank you for being here, but I want to start off with talking about your childhood.

• 6:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Okay.

• 6:31Jay Shetty?

  Because we've talked about it a bit before as well.

• 6:33Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 6:34Jay Shetty?

  I want to hear about what was so formative about your childhood into who you are today. What are the experiences that form, form the parts that you love, form the parts that you're working through, form the parts that you're editing?

• 6:48Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 6:48Jay Shetty?

  Let's start there.

• 6:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's so funny because the components of my childhood and the experiences that I had in my childhood that have formed what I love are also the same experiences that have formed the characteristics within me that aren't so pretty, right? So I had a lot of adversity during my childhood, you know? And my mother was a heroin addict and my father was an addict, alcoholic, criminal, as he would describe himself. And so I did a lot of growing up, having to teach myself, let's say,

• 7:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  the ways of the world were kind of thrown at me in the streets of Baltimore. You know what I mean? And I think that because I had such independence at such a young age, I really, I could really see who I was and who I wasn't, right? There were a lot of strengths I was able to acquire at a very young age. A lot of what we would call mother wit, you know what I'm saying? It's like that knowledge that you don't learn in, you know, the textbooks at, at school, but through life, right?

• 8:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And so I would say that I got prepared for a lot of things at an early age, you know, that at, at a point of time in my life.

• 8:25Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I didn't necessarily see it as a gift. So I went through a lot of depression in my early twenties. And just feeling like life isn't supposed to be this hard.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, so true.

• 8:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, you know, and I really, as life has gone on, I just realized, mm, that's kind of what life is. And that you're not unique.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:53Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, that people are suffering everywhere. Everybody has a story, you know? And then I was able to take my life experiences and find the good in it, which was, that's the very thing that made it possible for me to come to LA by myself at the age of eighteen.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:11Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And work out a career for myself and craft a life for myself.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I mean? But I have been working through and am still working through, you know, and understanding that life is not an enemy, you know, and that adversity is not meant to steal things from you. It is actually meant to help you find the things within you, that help you find the giant within, actually.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, but that, and just learning how to lay down my warrior. You know, yeah, man, yeah, that's been a consistent struggle.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Because as soon as I'm in trouble, as soon as I feel hurt, the first place I go to is fight.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? And so, yeah, I've had to really learn how to lay down that warrior, and even in my, within the biggest hurts.

• 10:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Sit with that pain with an open heart. And that is woo Jay.

• 10:26Jay Shetty?

  That's the hardest. Yeah, we already like holding on. Yeah.

• 10:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, so that that's, you know, I I I love the warrior within me.

• 10:37Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 10:38Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And specifically the spiritual warrior that has, you know, come out of my life experiences. But that street warrior.

• 10:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That street warrior is a hump doozy.

• 10:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, and and she can be cruel and she can be deeply unloving.

• 10:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 10:57Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I mean? And so that that that's the shadow area within myself that I am at least now far more conscious of than I've ever been. And even if she comes out, I can grab her quick before she's.

• 11:11Jay Shetty?

  You gotta move.

• 11:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right, you know what I mean? And so, you know, it's all about just getting to those deeper levels of consciousness. You know, you you you might not necessarily be able to dissolve those aspects of your, you know, shadow as quickly as you want. But as long as you're, you know, as I get more and more conscious of those shadow aspects,

• 11:38Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I can just get the reins of it a bit faster and replace it with.

• 11:44Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 11:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Something that's closer to love.

• 11:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 11:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, but I also realize that I'm. I think one of the biggest realizations that I've made is that I'm actually learning how to love.

• 12:02Jay Shetty?

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• 12:32Jay Shetty?

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• 13:17Jay Shetty?

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• 14:02Jay Shetty?

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• 14:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I think that a lot of us, yeah.

• 14:19Jay Shetty?

  Both yourself and others.

• 14:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 14:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 14:24Jay Shetty?

  This is Jade, everyone. You have a show where you interview people. And I'm so glad that we get there. The tables have turned today. There's no table, but the tables have turned today. And I'm so glad that we get to hear you. Like, just in five minutes, you've basically given us a whole thesis on how to grow in our lives. I'm so glad we get to just hear you talk. I'm just listening today. I'm like, I just wanna listen because the world needs this and it needs to hear you say, you're so kind, you're so patient with everyone else. It's like, yeah.

• 14:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Thank you, Jade.

• 14:52Jay Shetty?

  I wanna dive into, you know, I was just saying that you're so patient when you interviewed me or whenever I watch any of your interviews. You're just, you're such a listener. And the best quality I take away from you, Willow and Adrian from that day was just, you three are like the best listeners. You engage people in a way that makes them find stuff they didn't even know that was in them.

• 15:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 15:16Jay Shetty?

  And my only hope, and I'm asking you to bless me to do this. I'm trying to do the same back for you today.

• 15:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You always do it, though, Jade. Just 'cause we're in front of cameras today.

• 15:25Jay Shetty?

  No, I mean, seriously. But I mean it, I really mean it. But let's dive into what you said because, I mean, there's tons of stuff from what you just said. Life is not the enemy.

• 15:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 15:34Jay Shetty?

  Such a powerful statement.

• 15:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 15:36Jay Shetty?

  I feel like, from what you just said you went through with your mother and your father.

• 15:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 15:41Jay Shetty?

  There are people who are listening who have similar experiences. There are people who have no idea what that feels like. But all of us, in our own way, like you said, feel life is the enemy at some point.

• 15:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 15:52Jay Shetty?

  How did you face that feeling that life is the enemy? How do you face that in the first instance? You've talked about the transformation. But when you first get a grip through that, how did you grapple with that?

• 16:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I really started coming outside of myself and looking at the world and having conversations with people about their life. And realizing I wasn't the only one that was hurting.

• 16:19Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, so powerful.

• 16:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I mean? In that mostly everybody that you'll meet is hurting in some capacity. But hurt is hurt, so everybody's trying to measure. You know, hurt as much as I did.

• 16:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, hurt is hurt. And so, once I realized that that was the thing that we had in common, you know, that, and that's not the only thing we had in common, but that's usually, you know, those trauma patterns are usually the things that we run into fiercely, that, that create more suffering and more conflict between people, right? And so, I really started looking at that and realizing, oh, wait a minute, hold it, hold it, hold it. Okay, now you have to get out of your ego. You have to stop thinking that you are so special, that you're the only one that hurts this way.

• 17:12Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 17:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Because that's ego on the other side. I think that, you know what I mean?

• 17:16Jay Shetty?

  Yes, that's exactly it.

• 17:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, and I, like, I had to really confront how egotistical I was in my martyrdom.

• 17:25Jay Shetty?

  Yes, thank you.

• 17:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right. We never really talk about that side of ego. We always look at the boisterous, you know, full of themselves, kinda, but that other spectrum of the ego, that to me can be a bit more insidious because it's not, it's not recognized in the same way as how we identify.

• 17:52Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 17:53Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Ego. And when I came upon that one, and I mean fiercely egotistical, and, oh, how I suffer, and no one suffers like me, it was like all of that. And bringing more suffering into my life in order to prove and to build on that martyrdom. And I, I, I mean, I was floored. I was floored in that discovery of myself and that face of my ego that had really...

• 18:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Taking the lead in of my life.

• 18:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love the way you just put that. I, I think you're, I, I completely agree because the ego wants to be the most anything. So we look at the ego, like you're saying, we look at the ego as like, oh, I'm the best at this.

• 18:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 18:48Jay Shetty?

  I am the most accomplished.

• 18:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 18:51Jay Shetty?

  But then on the flip side, what you're talking about, which is the insidious, as you said, ego, it's the, I'm the most pained.

• 18:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 18:58Jay Shetty?

  I'm the most hurt. I've had the most wrong done to me.

• 19:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 19:02Jay Shetty?

  And so exactly, it's that ego just pushing it aside. And unfortunately, like you said, because we don't think of that as ego.

• 19:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 19:08Jay Shetty?

  We actually, and, and what you said, which, which really just blew my mind now, you're like, actually, we go and collect more pain to prove that we are the most pained.

• 19:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That was my life.

• 19:18Jay Shetty?

  That's crazy.

• 19:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And that, and you put it, that's exactly what it is, crazy.

• 19:24Jay Shetty?

  I didn't mean to say about you. I'm not saying about you. I'm saying about myself.

• 19:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No, crazy. You can call me crazy any day, Jay, because it's, you know, it, it, it is a level of insanity. And I had to really look at that.

• 19:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, me too.

• 19:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, and I, I had to

• 19:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  make a lot of changes in my life and have the courage to make those changes.

• 19:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Because you know, more than anybody, it's not easy to grapple with those ideas and energies within.

• 19:59Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 19:59Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 20:00Jay Shetty?

  And that's, that's really, the second thing that really stood out when you were, when you were sharing the earlier notes with us, when you said you had to lay down the warrior. And when you say that, what I hear is I hear so many people thinking like they're fighting for justice.

• 20:18Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 20:18Jay Shetty?

  Or they're fighting for justice for themselves. We're fighting for what we think is right. We're fighting for what we believe is right. And when you say I had to lay down that warrior that always wants to fight and get going. That sounds like a very tough thing to do again. Because everything about you when you're fighting feels like you're doing what's right. Like I hear that so often where people are like, but I know I'm right and I know they're wrong. And it's like, we know, we're like so, it's so factual in our head.

• 20:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 20:45Jay Shetty?

  But you're actually talking about actually laying down the warrior has given you more peace.

• 20:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 20:49Jay Shetty?

  So tell us about that process.

• 20:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, and it's not even, let me tell you what's deep about that inner warrior when it comes to.

• 21:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Specifically dealing with

• 21:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  relationships that are close to you.

• 21:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, whether they're friendships, whether they're marriages, whether they're parent-child relationships, right? For someone like me, who's dealt with a lot of loss and heartbreak in my life,

• 21:25Jada Pinkett Smith?

  one of the things that I did in order to survive it was to create this wall and kind of this invincibility.

• 21:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That warrior, right, that comes and goes, "You can't take me out." So bring it. Right? So now, when you are confronted with heartbreak with someone who you say you love,

• 21:54Jada Pinkett Smith?

  and the warrior wants to come and go, "What's up?

• 21:59Jada Pinkett Smith?

  What you got?"

• 21:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  So that's not loving, and it's surely not going to create more love.

• 22:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  But it's been the defense mechanism that's protected me from the wolves, the bears on the street.

• 22:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 22:18Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Where I grew up, you weren't allowed to be open and loving.

• 22:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 22:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, it's like, that'd get you killed, basically. What you had to be was sly, slick. You know what I'm saying? You had to have one up on everybody else.

• 22:41Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? And so...

• 22:42Jay Shetty?

  It's such a tough way to do it.

• 22:43Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is, and you definitely, you know, you also have to, in order to protect yourself in the war zones that I grew up in, it's like, you know, there's a little killer that's inside of you. You know what I'm saying? And so, all of these

• 23:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  aspects of my personality that have been nurtured, and even coming out to LA at a young age and dealing with all these all these suit, what I call pseudo-wolves.

• 23:15Jay Shetty?

  They're not even there.

• 23:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I'm like, please, right? Um, but yet and still having to have that killer instinct on point.

• 23:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, and that's kind of where Will and I connected.

• 23:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 23:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That inner killer.

• 23:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 23:33Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I'm saying? It's like, we know how to fight.

• 23:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I mean? And so, um, so then when it's time for he and I to actually have some openness.

• 23:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? Because of what we've nurtured.

• 23:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 23:54Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I have a lot of people around me that I have relationships with that come from those kind of backgrounds, environments, and it makes it very difficult to get to loving, kind, compassionate, gentle spaces within and without. Right? And so even learning to have that, because that killer instinct will turn on you. And that's what you don't realize. It's like, you think you're protecting yourself from other people and from the world, but at the end of the day, you're shutting yourself from yourself.

• 24:34Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 24:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 24:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And to the point, you don't know, you, you, you're not even connected to your soul, your heart, your like, and when, when I had to wake up and out of that fog of how I had been operating and my heart and spirit weren't actually in the lead. That is such a hard confront.

• 25:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  When you have to look at the things within yourself that don't confirm.

• 25:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Who you thought you were.

• 25:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:11Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And then you have to look at how it's affected people you actually care about. But that's the work.

• 25:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:18Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That's the work.

• 25:19Jay Shetty?

  But it's beautiful that you could see it and separate it.

• 25:22Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 25:23Jay Shetty?

  Because I think half the time, the challenge is people just see it as them.

• 25:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's not.

• 25:26Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like that feeling of like, I am just this. And like, if you had just accepted, you're like, oh, I'm just Baltimore. I'm just street. I'm just, this is just who I am.

• 25:35Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, no.

• 25:36Jay Shetty?

  And, and I can't change it because it's who my conditioning is. But that's what I'm saying. Like, it's, it takes such a moment to be able to separate and go, wait a minute, I can either lead from the heart, I can lead from this, or I can be led by whatever it is, right?

• 25:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 25:52Jay Shetty?

  Like the opposite. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget, and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality,

• 26:34Jay Shetty?

  so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation, and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles.

• 27:18Jay Shetty?

  It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods, Market, in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer.

• 28:01Jay Shetty?

  Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 28:07Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I think it was really my... I guess when I turned forty, I really got serious about my spiritual practices and my spiritual connection. I always knew that there was a power higher than me, but I wasn't connected. So it's different knowing that there's a higher power and then actually taking the time to cultivate that relationship. You and I have talked a lot about that. And once I started really cultivating, and that takes such a discipline and such a deep trust, right?

• 28:46Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Cultivating that relationship with that higher source

• 28:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  and started to realize the beauty and the depth of love that was in that, that's in that source. I said, well, this is what I am. Because this is where I'm, this is what I'm made for. All this other stuff has been acquired.

• 29:07Jay Shetty?

  Wow. Yeah, this is actually where I'm from.

• 29:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right, this is actually, this is, this is it.

• 29:12Jay Shetty?

  But I think I'm from this.

• 29:13Jada Pinkett Smith?

  But I think that I'm of Baltimore. No, no, no, no, no. I'm of the source, right? And so I've been stepping towards, you know, shedding all the ideas of what I believe that I am. So it's just been a lot of ego death. You know, it's a constant...

• 29:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Ego death. I feel like every day, some aspect of myself is dying. And that I completely understand, you know, why some people just choose not to do it.

• 29:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, because it's almost like a part of you mourns every time even a bad part dies, right?

• 30:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Because they're good friends.

• 30:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 30:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Believe it or not.

• 30:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. They feel close.

• 30:07Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 30:07Jay Shetty?

  They feel close because it's been a part of you for ten, twenty, thirty, forty years, whatever it is. And so every time it dies, you feel like you've lost a part of who you are.

• 30:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 30:15Jay Shetty?

  But we're saying that it's not really.

• 30:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Really you. You know, so it's almost like you have to send off those aspects of yourself with, and one of the things that I've learned,

• 30:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  you gotta love those shadows. You gotta love them.

• 30:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  They might, you know, it's like,

• 30:43Jada Pinkett Smith?

  those shadow pieces got me, they helped me survive. Maybe not at the highest level, but I'm here.

• 30:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 30:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And you know, you just send them off with thank yous. You know, for this next part,

• 31:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I just don't need that. But thank you for all of it. The good, the bad, the challenging, the, you know, the joyous, just for all of it. And so I feel like in the bigger scope of the spiritual spectrum,

• 31:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  when we can embrace our own shadow.

• 31:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It decreases, it dissipates the, that like negative energy that's put into shadow, right?

• 31:38Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yeah.

• 31:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes, yes. So ultimately, in the collective shadow, we can help.

• 31:45Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 31:46Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Bring light.

• 31:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 31:48Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, as we're dealing with our own personal shadows.

• 31:52Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for that, that, the thank yous to your shadows, like that love to your shadows, that is so powerful because I feel like if you try and drop something out of haste.

• 32:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 32:03Jay Shetty?

  Or out of like resentment.

• 32:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 32:05Jay Shetty?

  You just pick it back up as quickly.

• 32:06Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You do.

• 32:07Jay Shetty?

  Because you don't really detach. And so when, that's so powerful, thank you for that. Like just that, just as simply as you put it, of just, just love your shadows and love them to leave.

• 32:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 32:16Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like love them as they leave, not, not this like, not this like resentment, like, oh, I don't need you anymore.

• 32:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 32:24Jay Shetty?

  Get out of here, like that, that kind of warrior again.

• 32:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Absolutely.

• 32:28Jay Shetty?

  Thinking that you're protecting yourself, but actually you're just making it easy for them to creep back in.

• 32:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That aversion is just, yeah, is just as, you know, I've, listen, I've learned that any extreme, you know, I, I was the queen of extremes.

• 32:43Jay Shetty?

  The queen of extremes, I love that.

• 32:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Queen of extremes. And now I'm trying to be the queen of neutrality.

• 32:48Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I like it.

• 32:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 32:50Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 32:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, no, no big highs, no big lows, you know, because it's all on each, on each side is pitfalls.

• 32:58Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 32:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, and so, um, you know, for me to just, I'm, I'm always trying to

• 33:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  find that mental place for right perception. You know, so any extreme gets us into false ideas of some kind.

• 33:20Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 33:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 33:21Jay Shetty?

  It's so true.

• 33:22Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is.

• 33:22Jay Shetty?

  It is so true. You're so right because that, i- in the Gita, it said that attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin.

• 33:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah. You know, the Gita is my book.

• 33:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I know, I know. It's my book too. That's right, yeah. It's my book too.

• 33:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 33:36Jay Shetty?

  Uh, it's, yeah, and, and that, that statement is so powerful because we think, oh, those who are attached. Are going down the wrong path.

• 33:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Mm hmm.

• 33:44Jay Shetty?

  But it's also those who are falsely averse. Uh, or what sometimes the books call it as monkey renunciation.

• 33:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 33:51Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like a monkey just like playfully will say, oh, I don't need that banana. I don't need that. But really, in its heart, it's like craving it.

• 33:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yep.

• 33:58Jay Shetty?

  And it pulls it back into its life. So, yeah, that's a really.

• 34:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's a tricky dance.

• 34:04Jay Shetty?

  Dance, that's, I like that.

• 34:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 34:05Jay Shetty?

  But I like that word. Because when you take, see it as a dance.

• 34:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is, it's a dance. All of it is, you know, I mean.

• 34:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Just realizing that, you know, the, the, the other thing. You know, the, we're having this conversation days after. You know, the tragic death of Kobe and. The feeling and the idea of impermanence is absolutely terrifying.

• 34:35Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And the ego. And I even went through this after. Hearing about Kobe. And having certain situations in my life and realizing how the ego just came in and. Shut me down. People were talking about how they were opening up. And what happened and what I realized is now. Having in my life right now, having to deal with the idea of impermanence. How, so not only do you have to walk in this life with. Openness. But knowing that there's no ground underneath you. And the way in which the ego wants it to, to be.

• 35:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 35:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  So as soon as that happens. My ego came in and said, we gotta get control.

• 35:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 35:28Jada Pinkett Smith?

  We gotta get control.

• 35:31Jay Shetty?

  Just like.

• 35:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, shocked into. Get control.

• 35:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 35:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I was like, oh. But it was such, it was like, it just showed me that next level of. Purification that needs to happen within and the acceptance of impermanence. And knowing that. I don't have the ground under my feet. And the way in which my ego wants, but what I have learned is that. The ground under my feet is that of a higher source.

• 36:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That's the only ground to walk on. It's the only ground.

• 36:10Jay Shetty?

  It's the only safe ground.

• 36:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's the only safe ground. It's the only thing that one can truly rely on. And that our human interactions are for our lessons.

• 36:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Not for reliability in that way. You know, if you come across relationships and people that you can rely on fifty percent of the time, sixty percent of the time, seventy percent, that's a win.

• 36:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's huge.

• 36:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's huge, it's huge. Yes, and I think that oftentimes we come into these false ideas of what our human relating is supposed to be about.

• 36:48Jay Shetty?

  Ah, yeah, tell us about that.

• 36:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Okay.

• 36:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, tell us about that.

• 36:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  This is probably one a lot of people are not gonna wanna hear.

• 36:55Jay Shetty?

  I think it's good, I think the more we talk about, and this is what, you're, you're an expert this, and, and you do it out of compassion.

• 37:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 37:02Jay Shetty?

  We're talking about these things as people who've, who are going through it too. Like, as in, you know, we've always talked about it in that way, like, when you're saying all of this, I'm like, oh, I did that, I did that, I did that, I do that, I still do that. Like, you know, it's, it's, it's not coming from a place. So yeah, tell us from that place, where.

• 37:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  So, from that place and just recognizing that

• 37:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  what I've learned, and I've learned this from my own faults, and where I think I've shown up for people, or, you know, or where I've failed people, you know,

• 37:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  and realizing in, in my own relating with people that relationships

• 37:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  are simply there to show us ourselves.

• 37:56Jay Shetty?

  Wow, yeah.

• 37:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I think a lot of times, we go into relationships, you know, we gravitate to friends, or we gravitate to lovers, or husbands, or wives, and what have you. And we're like, this person is supposed to know how to love me.

• 38:15Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 38:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? And so when the inevitable disappointment comes up.

• 38:23Jay Shetty?

  Inevitable.

• 38:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Inevitable. You know, of how this person has failed you, how this person has hurt you, how this person has betrayed you, how this person hasn't been the most integrous. We could go on and on and on, right? Now, we are taking it personally, and we're looking at something is wrong with me, or something is wrong with them, but something's wrong.

• 38:46Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 38:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 38:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Once again, the ability to lay the ego down and look at the mirror, right? And say, what is this showing me about myself?

• 39:04Jay Shetty?

  So hard to do.

• 39:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's so hard to do, because at the end of the day, no matter what's happening. Now, I'm not talking about people have been victimized in a certain manner.

• 39:14Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 39:14Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? I'm talking about, right, I'm talking about consensual relationships that go awry.

• 39:22Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 39:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No matter what, I've had to realize that no matter what circumstance I'm in, and no matter what's happened, I have to take responsibility.

• 39:36Jay Shetty?

  This is gonna help a lot of people push through that.

• 39:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, that's a hard one.

• 39:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it is hard. And I guess it's even harder when you have kids.

• 39:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I think one of the most difficult aspects in my history of relating, in those moments that I wanted to hang on to victim, or I wanted to hang on to blame. I would have that moment where I had to look at the situation and go, well, you let this into your life. So why?

• 40:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Let's look at that because at the end of the day, Jada, that's all you have control over.

• 40:14Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 40:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 40:18Jada Pinkett Smith?

  So when I had to start looking at how I was relating to people, how I was being affected and how I was affecting them, but then making the choice to only look at my part?

• 40:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Ooh, JJ.

• 40:35Jay Shetty?

  Oh, that responsibility.

• 40:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That level of responsibility. But what it reveals to you about why you're making the choices that you're making and inviting certain dynamics and people into your life. Because at the end of the day, it's your invite.

• 40:57Jay Shetty?

  Wow, yes. It's you invited them into your life.

• 40:59Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You invited it. You chose it. So now you have to look at the why. Because that same saying of nobody can do to you what you don't allow.

• 41:15Jay Shetty?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 41:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Well, when I tell you that's a painful one to have to, ooh. Because first of all, it goes against everything we've been taught about what love is supposed to look like, what romantic love is. Right?

• 41:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's like, I don't need to look at me.

• 41:33Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 41:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  He's the one that went out and did da, da, da, da, da.

• 41:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, but she chose him, so let's talk about it.

• 41:41Jay Shetty?

  So well put.

• 41:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 41:43Jay Shetty?

  It's your invite.

• 41:43Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It was your invite.

• 41:44Jay Shetty?

  If someone comes to a party at your house.

• 41:48Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 41:48Jay Shetty?

  And you didn't like how they behaved. You could be upset with them or you could be like, but I sent them the invite. Right? Like, that's why I love the word invite. Because it's that same thing, but you've got to look at the fact, I invited them. I'm the one who told them to come.

• 42:00Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 42:01Jay Shetty?

  And maybe in the back of your head, you even knew that they would probably do something like that, but you still invited them.

• 42:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yep.

• 42:06Jay Shetty?

  Whether it was an obligation, expectation, whether it was lust, whether it, whatever it was.

• 42:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes. And that part, what you have to really look at is like, I invited this person in because of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then when you look at why they were invited in the first place, then you realize why the circumstance is what it is.

• 42:29Jada Pinkett Smith?

  But I realized in my own life, if I wasn't willing to take responsibility for that, my life would not change.

• 42:36Jay Shetty?

  100%.

• 42:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And we stay stuck in certain patterns when we're not willing to look at ourselves.

• 42:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 42:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 42:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's a hurt piece.

• 42:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that is, that's, that's, I mean, that is the best way I've ever heard it being put. Because I think we, we hear that self-reflection piece a lot, but it's, it's really that, what you've just put the like, the magnifying glass on of just, it's your invite, you made the choice, you selected it. And when you realize why you did that, that's what your actual enemy, like, that's what you're actually up against.

• 43:13Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 43:13Jay Shetty?

  You're not up against that person, you're up against this conditioning or habit or pattern.

• 43:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 43:19Jay Shetty?

  That is making you choose that type of a person in your life.

• 43:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And it's never the person. That's the thing I realized.

• 43:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's always me.

• 43:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's always me.

• 43:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I can make a choice. And what I realized is that that's self-love.

• 43:41Jay Shetty?

  That's real self-love.

• 43:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That's real self-love.

• 43:44Jay Shetty?

  It's not just.

• 43:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  When we can have the love, love ourselves enough to have the courage to look at ourselves and be honest, look at our patterns, look at our creates,

• 44:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  and then make the changes, have the courage then to make the changes that we need that reflect a more loving embrace of ourselves. Nobody can do that. I don't care how much they love you. Now, what we can do is be responsible enough to bring people in our lives who do, um, who assist in nourishing.

• 44:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That self-love, but people can't create it. And I think a lot of times we try to look for relationships that buoy us up. Relationships that confirm ideas of what we think we are.

• 44:46Jay Shetty?

  Okay, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 44:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And we rely on people to confirm us.

• 44:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Versus relying on ourselves and the self-love patterns that we have the courage to create to confirm us.

• 45:12Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely, absolutely. And I've heard you say that, that actually when you surrounded yourself with people who are honest with you.

• 45:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 45:19Jay Shetty?

  That that's what really helped, right? Because if you're always surrounding yourself with yes people or confirmation people, then you're just creating that bubble of confirmation.

• 45:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 45:30Jay Shetty?

  But but you actually were saying that, how but how do we? There's two things there because I find like attracting people to be honest with you requires two things. One is that you're ready.

• 45:43Jay Shetty?

  We all say like, I want real feedback, right? But it's like, do I really want real feedback? Like, how? And and that's why you've got to ask that to the people that you really want it from. Like, you can't just throw that around. Like, you don't just go out of the streets and go, give me feedback.

• 45:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 45:56Jay Shetty?

  But but one thing is you've got to be ready for honesty. And the second thing is you've got to be able to give honesty to others and yourself too. Because if you're struggling to give honesty, then how do you think that person feels about giving it to you or to anyone? And so we create this cycle of of this circle of dishonesty. And even if it's not dishonest, like, we're not trying to lie to anyone or manipulate. It's just, I'm just gonna hide it and harbor it.

• 46:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Exactly. Where that that's a lot of what happens in relationships. That people spend a lot of time figuring out how not to be found out.

• 46:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? So whether it's like, oh, I don't want this person to know, you know, this person I really care about to know that I'm actually scared in this area. I don't want my friend to see that, uh, I actually don't, don't know what I'm doing. Whatever it is, you know what I mean? We spend so much time masking. You know, feeling as though we need to be something. You know, one of the things that I will say.

• 47:00Jada Pinkett Smith?

  About long-term relating.

• 47:07Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Is that you do get worn down to a place where things can get so raw

• 47:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  in the most beautiful way. That there's just no more room for pretending and that you know each other so well. You can't hide. And then you come to a place in your relating where you go. Now, am I just gonna leave this and then go someplace else? Create another relationship where I can be more confirmed on what I'd rather see myself as.

• 47:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and create more of a buffer.

• 47:48Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right, a buffer to hide it, or am I gonna stay in this?

• 47:53Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And get to my true self.

• 47:55Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 47:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And that's usually what the decision comes down to, right? And it's a hard.

• 48:06Jay Shetty?

  It's hard.

• 48:07Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Confront and you know, even in when I see that people decide to go their separate ways, I go, I get it.

• 48:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 48:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I get it, because it's it.

• 48:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Is so excruciating. You know, but if you can find the friendship. And that's another thing you there, there's this friendship that that blossoms. You know, that super, you know, just basically

• 48:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  exceeds whatever romantic ideals or, you know, I whatever fantasies that you had about your relationship. Right? And there's this this friendship and this this this spiritual partnership. That starts to be created once you are willing to

• 49:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  walk the landmines of the traumatized child together.

• 49:14Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Because that's all it is. That's what it comes down to.

• 49:16Jay Shetty?

  It's two traumatized.

• 49:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Two traumatized kids trying to figure it out.

• 49:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, what are they gonna figure out?

• 49:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And when you sit down and you go, okay, we're gonna walk this landmine together, now you might lose a couple limbs. You good with that?

• 49:29Jada Pinkett Smith?

  They'll grow back. They'll grow back. You know what I mean?

• 49:34Jay Shetty?

  They'll be better.

• 49:35Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, and they'll be better. They'll be better. They'll be stronger, you know, but it's.

• 49:40Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's the challenge for so many people that, and I think this is not, this is not mutually exclusive, but it's like, I think, feel, I hear a lot of this, and tell me if you feel the same way. I hear a lot of one partner trying to go on this path.

• 49:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 49:56Jay Shetty?

  And one struggling.

• 49:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, it's always that.

• 49:59Jay Shetty?

  Like, it's always kind of like that. It's rarely that it's like, oh, here's two people. And, and you know, with me and Radhi, it was very much like, we did, we did some processing together, but we also did a lot of processing separately.

• 50:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Have to.

• 50:11Jay Shetty?

  And I wasn't even conscious that she was doing it.

• 50:13Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 50:14Jay Shetty?

  I didn't even know. Like, if I'm completely honest, I'm like, there were times when we were just distant and working on stuff independently.

• 50:22Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 50:22Jay Shetty?

  And then when we both figured out our own time, we came back in our own timing and continued to push forward. And so, but I find for a lot of people, they, they feel that they're trying. They're trying to face themselves. They're trying to take on those lessons, but then they're like trying to pull someone up.

• 50:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 50:38Jay Shetty?

  And, and then they're like trying to get everyone through the landmine.

• 50:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 50:40Jay Shetty?

  And, and it's kind of like, it feels like a lot of pressure. That, that sounds like a hard place to be. What's your thoughts on that? Like, what have been your realization? I'm not looking for a solution.

• 50:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 50:50Jay Shetty?

  It's like, what's been your reflection or realization, seeing people go through that, hearing that, and wanting to support and help them too?

• 50:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I would say that in relationships and when it comes to growth, it's that seesaw.

• 51:04Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 51:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  There are times when, you know, sometimes your partner is gonna have to pull you.

• 51:11Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 51:11Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Sometimes you're gonna have to pull your partner. Sometimes you do have to go your separate ways. And figure out a whole lot of things, because the first thing you have to figure out is who you want to be.

• 51:20Jay Shetty?

  Definitely.

• 51:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Who you want to be.

• 51:22Jay Shetty?

  Definitely.

• 51:24Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That's what it comes down to.

• 51:25Jay Shetty?

  That's what it comes down to.

• 51:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  What kind of life do you want to have? Who do you want to be?

• 51:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and then you can actually communicate that.

• 51:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 51:31Jay Shetty?

  Because half the time, we're just expecting people to be mind readers.

• 51:33Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 51:34Jay Shetty?

  I felt like that for so long. I just wanted people because, and it was because my mom could always read my mind. And this is what really helped me. I just started to look at, and this is something that really helped me, which I hope it helps anyone who's listening or watching right now. Like, I sat there and I was like, what do I emulate that my parents did with me? That I am now projecting onto my wife or my partner, whoever it is. And when I started to do that, I started to see all the good things and all the things that I don't want to be. But I'm like, oh, because my mom could always predict and read my mind when I was young. I always expected my partner to be able to do that same thing.

• 52:14Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 52:14Jay Shetty?

  With no information, with no communication, with no, with no help from me, they should just know.

• 52:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I had the opposite.

• 52:22Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 52:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I wanted to have that mirroring from my parents. And because I didn't have it, I expected it from Will.

• 52:29Jay Shetty?

  Right. And it's so, we end up doing the same.

• 52:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You're definitely doing the same thing, whether you have it or whether you don't. You know what I mean? And so, the, it, it, it comes down to that, like, us coming out of our, you know, what do you call it, that the, the, the, the child.

• 52:47Jay Shetty?

  Traumatized child.

• 52:48Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, traumatized child, or, or, you know, uh, in your case, you know, it, you had a, you actually had an experience that you were trying to recreate.

• 53:00Jay Shetty?

  Repeat.

• 53:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Repeat, you know?

• 53:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 53:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And so, a beautiful one at that.

• 53:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 53:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And.

• 53:05Jay Shetty?

  But a rare one too, like, hard to predict. How can I just, you know, so you can't just be like, you can't, you can't expect anyone to live up to that. You know, it's, and, and, and also, it's like, what are you expecting that person to live up to? Why?

• 53:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right. But you know, that's a part of all the, the, the, uh, ideas of romanticism too. And when somebody really loves you, they know.

• 53:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know?

• 53:31Jay Shetty?

  They just know.

• 53:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  They just know.

• 53:33Jay Shetty?

  If they don't know, then it's not love.

• 53:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Exactly.

• 53:35Jay Shetty?

  It's not true.

• 53:35Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's not true, but so many of us operate off of that idea.

• 53:40Jay Shetty?

  Movies, media and music.

• 53:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes, it's just, ugh, they just, it's a lot of fantasy.

• 53:47Jay Shetty?

  That's such a great point. You so expect that.

• 53:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You really do.

• 53:50Jay Shetty?

  You expect them to know and you're like, and, and this magic fairy dust of them knowing. And, and then you put it all on that. So even if someone treats you really badly, but they knew what gift you wanted or they knew what you wanted to do on your birthday. You take that as this.

• 54:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  The thing.

• 54:06Jay Shetty?

  The thing, even if they treat you like.

• 54:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Crap.

• 54:08Jay Shetty?

  Crap in between.

• 54:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yep.

• 54:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it gets messy. You've defined for us so many words today. I feel like you've really given us either defined or you've, you've deeply taken us to the, you've really taken us to the depths of so many words today, like genuinely, like when we talk about ego, we talk about self-love. What is your, and you asked me this too, and I'm intrigued by yours. What is your most current, and I say most current because we're trying to evolve.

• 54:35Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 54:35Jay Shetty?

  What's like your most current definition and understanding of love? Like what, where, where is that at right now? And, and how is your viewpoint of where it is?

• 54:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Well, I can tell you probably more clearly what I know love isn't.

• 54:51Jay Shetty?

  Let's start there. It's a good place to start.

• 54:53Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, because I'm still, in all honesty, Jay, I'm still trying to figure out what love is.

• 55:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, me too.

• 55:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, you know, and I think it's a journey and I think that right now where I've started is self-love. You know, and like, ugh, on the deepest, most excruciating level ever, right? But I, what I'm very clear about is that I have no love to offer anyone if I don't love myself.

• 55:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I'm talking about on a very deep level, right? Through and through, because I just got to a place where I wanted to heal myself so that I have that to offer. Instead of all my trauma, I'm tired of hurting people. And that all comes from.

• 55:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  My traumas. And so I was, I've made it a point to just do some really deep healing. Cause for this next part of my life, I just, I, I wanna leave a legacy of love. You know what I mean? Um, and so what I, what I have realized love is not, is uh, romanticism.

• 56:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 56:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  When I tell you I've thrown that out the window.

• 56:14Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I'm like, that ain't it.

• 56:16Jay Shetty?

  Yep.

• 56:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 56:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 56:18Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I don't want any parts of it.

• 56:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, the false, the fake.

• 56:22Jada Pinkett Smith?

  All the false, magnified, projected. I need you to be this, I don't want it. Um, and so what I'm, what I'm looking to do, you know, I'm in the process of learning to love myself and love others. And I know that true love is not unkind. I know that true love is compassionate. True love is not always easy.

• 56:56Jay Shetty?

  That's for sure.

• 56:57Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? But it's not cruel. An ego has no place. So that's what I know it's not.

• 57:10Jay Shetty?

  Love that.

• 57:11Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 57:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Um, and what I do know also, and this is just me, I feel as though true love has to go from here to here to there. So it's actually that, that higher source, it has to come from my connection to my connection.

• 57:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Through the highest source.

• 57:41Jay Shetty?

  Back.

• 57:41Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Back. Cause this right here, I'll mess it up every time. Believe it. Believe it. I'll mess it up every time.

• 57:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And it's, and it's not in, like, it's like, uh.

• 57:54Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's just, it's, it's, and I, I, I think it's a brilliant design.

• 57:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:59Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Of the highest.

• 58:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 58:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You wanna love, you better come know me.

• 58:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 58:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You really wanna love somebody, you really wanna know yourself, really wanna love yourself, you better come know me.

• 58:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 58:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You could try this.

• 58:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 58:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You could try acquiring all these things and, oh, I'll give you all the riches you want. Oh, you can have all that. See if it buys you love. See if it gives you the love you're looking for.

• 58:26Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. And it doesn't.

• 58:28Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's a brilliant design.

• 58:29Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. And it's masterful because it works for anyone and everyone.

• 58:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It does.

• 58:34Jay Shetty?

  That's when you know it's a design. Like, I love that you.

• 58:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 58:37Jay Shetty?

  I've, I've never heard it put that way, but you've really, when you describe it as a design, almost like a law.

• 58:43Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 58:43Jay Shetty?

  It's like a law.

• 58:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's a law.

• 58:45Jay Shetty?

  It's a law. And so that law is so, when you think of it as a law, you just realize that there is no, like, because I feel like when, when you first fall in love.

• 58:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 58:57Jay Shetty?

  You, you think you're the exception.

• 58:59Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You do.

• 59:00Jay Shetty?

  Like, there is no couple who does not think that they are the exception, me included.

• 59:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes, me included.

• 59:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, when I first got married, I was just like, yeah, I'm the exception.

• 59:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 59:08Jay Shetty?

  You know, like, I'm like, I'm like, you know, like, my ego is, like, really proud. Like, I'm like, yeah, I did it differently. I got it wrong. My friends got it wrong, I'm gonna get it right. You know, that feeling.

• 59:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yep.

• 59:17Jay Shetty?

  Then you get into it and you're like, oh, okay. Because it's a law.

• 59:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is.

• 59:22Jay Shetty?

  It's not, it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter how evolved you think you are, it doesn't matter how spiritual you think you are, like, if you think you are all those things, then you've missed the whole law. You missed the whole goal.

• 59:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes, that's it. You've missed it.

• 59:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you've missed it. And and I love that you've said it's designed and it's law. When when we look at those language, it's just so clear, like it's designed this way. Don't try and be that one person who breaks that design or avoids it. It doesn't work like that.

• 59:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That's the ego and the arrogance that comes with it.

• 59:53Jay Shetty?

  Thinking I can do better.

• 59:54Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, I can do better and, you know, I know better. I'm smarter than.

• 59:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 59:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And then, you know, all those kind of romantic feelings, they're so powerful and so strong that, you know, you've, it makes you feel like you've reached an a height that is beyond what it actually is.

• 1:00:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:14Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's actually not, it's a heightened state that's not in the highest ranks of love.

• 1:00:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's actually in the, in a pretty low rank, you know, once you really get into it, you know.

• 1:00:30Jay Shetty?

  And how have you changed that imagery? Because I feel like with you and, you know, I recently you were in Vietnam.

• 1:00:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:00:36Jay Shetty?

  You know, I know that you travel through, I know we want to go to India together.

• 1:00:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 1:00:40Jay Shetty?

  Like, there's just, you've started crafting your life in a way where your imagery is changing. What I mean by that is like, we have, like, when when we hear the word love, we have a mental picture based on movies, media, music. When you have a, when you think of romance, you have a mental picture.

• 1:00:57Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:00:57Jay Shetty?

  On what it looks like because of movies, media, music. Like, we have these mental pictures, but you've been changing where you visit, what you read, who you spend time, like, you've, it's not just like you're just, you're not just thinking about this stuff.

• 1:01:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No.

• 1:01:09Jay Shetty?

  My point is that you're making a real effort to travel, but also travel internally.

• 1:01:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:16Jay Shetty?

  With books, with listening, with teachers, whatever it may be, to to go there. It's not just like, you don't, you can't just start thinking this and then it happens, if that makes sense.

• 1:01:24Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Jay Shetty?

  Does that make sense?

• 1:01:25Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It makes a lot of sense.

• 1:01:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Tell me about any experiences that you've had where you've you've traveled or you've been that have just left like a, or even, and it could be traveled through a book, like, anything that had left a big impression on you where there there was something which gave you more faith in what you're saying, that gave you even more strength in what you're saying about how love goes up and then back, if that makes sense.

• 1:01:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It makes all the sense in the world. And I would say,

• 1:01:59Jada Pinkett Smith?

  my deepest travel has been.

• 1:02:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  In my bedroom in meditation.

• 1:02:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, meditation, people think about it in really lofty terms, right? So I'm gonna take meditation out for a minute and just say, "In my bedroom in stillness."

• 1:02:21Jay Shetty?

  Love it.

• 1:02:22Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Because if you can just be still, right? And in stillness is where I learned to have a very intimate relationship with myself. And a very intimate relationship with the higher source, right? In those moments when I'm in a deep, painful struggle, and I have to sit in the fire of that pain.

• 1:02:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I have to look at what's coming up, why it's coming up, and just have the patience to sit with myself. And eventually, that higher source comes in with an embrace of some kind that helps me understand why I am where I am and helps me see what I need to change within, whatever trauma pattern within that I need to change

• 1:03:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  in order to dissolve a cycle that I'm in, a cycle that I'm trying to get out of, or a pain that I'm in. Usually when I realize if I'm in an enormous amount of pain of some kind, then I have a false belief. So I sit in stillness and I listen until I can recognize the false belief. And it may not come in one sitting, right? It might take two, might take three. But it always comes. Because once the universe knows your intention, you know what I mean? And what you're in search for, honestly what you're in search for, the universe gives you the answers.

• 1:04:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? And so that's been my biggest travel is inward.

• 1:04:27Jay Shetty?

  Best answer because that's available to everyone.

• 1:04:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 1:04:31Jay Shetty?

  That's what I love about it. As soon as you said that, it's available to each and every one of us. It's not about going, you don't need to go anywhere. And I've often, you know, like, I've often said, like, a monk is simply a traveler, except the journey is within.

• 1:04:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:45Jay Shetty?

  Like, that's the real travel.

• 1:04:46Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That's the real travel.

• 1:04:47Jay Shetty?

  And you don't need to. And what you just said so beautifully about stillness, and the way you describe it, and what you were saying that if I, you just said, if I, you said, if I'm experiencing any pain, it's because of a belief.

• 1:05:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 1:05:02Jay Shetty?

  Right? It's because of a belief that I have. And that's so powerful. Like, that is so profound. And when you went a step further, it's like, it has to be, what you said about intention with the universe, it has to be a request, not a demand. Usually, our question to the universe is not a question, it's rhetorical. It's like, why is this happening to me?

• 1:05:24Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:05:25Jay Shetty?

  That's not stillness. That's not what you're saying. It's, you're not, you know, when you're sitting there and you're just like, why is this happening to me? What's going on? Like, why am I, like, that's not stillness. That's not a question. A question is like, where's this pain coming from?

• 1:05:38Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes. Why?

• 1:05:39Jay Shetty?

  Why does this belief exist?

• 1:05:41Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Show me.

• 1:05:41Jay Shetty?

  Show me.

• 1:05:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I'm all, yes.

• 1:05:43Jay Shetty?

  With someone I was speaking to the other day, they called it an innocent request. Like, you know, it has to have that, that intention of that innocent request.

• 1:05:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Jay Shetty?

  Please tell me.

• 1:05:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Just exactly.

• 1:05:54Jay Shetty?

  Don't like, tell me.

• 1:05:55Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No, it's gotta.

• 1:05:56Jay Shetty?

  Tell me now.

• 1:05:57Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Because that's that energy that closes us. It has to be the most, the thing that I've realized in my journey is surrender.

• 1:06:09Jay Shetty?

  So true.

• 1:06:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? And I'm only at a very elementary level of surrender, you know, and trying to get to.

• 1:06:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I'm, I'm, every day, Jay, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm trying to deepen my bow, you know, to my heart, to the heart of others, to the highest.

• 1:06:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Just trying to find those levels of surrender to bring me

• 1:06:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  the peace and the love within that I can share with others, you know? And I think for me too, I've learned that love is not red, it's blue. Love is really cool.

• 1:06:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's all fiery and passionate, you know? It's like you can have moments of that, right? You can have moments of that. But if you expect your foundation,

• 1:07:13Jada Pinkett Smith?

  love has to be calm,

• 1:07:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  gentle, and it has to have a certain stillness in order to really penetrate in a way in which you can embrace all the beauty and all that's ugly as well. And I think that people think love is supposed to just be beautiful and fluffy. Well, when we get to true love, yes! It is, all of it! You can smile at it all, right? That's what blue love gives you. Red love, all kinds of aversions. All kinds of, nah, not that, no, uh-uh, you can't be that.

• 1:08:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Uh-uh, that's not acceptable, uh-uh, it's got so many conditions.

• 1:08:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, I say blue love is the unconditional love, and that's where I'm trying to live, you know? And it's, it's, it's a headache getting there. You know, but that's one of the reasons why I'm looking forward to

• 1:08:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  our trip to India. You know, I'm, I'm gonna have to put my good, my big girl pants on because, you know, India is one of those, but, yeah, I know! But, you know, India is one of those places that you gotta embrace it all. It's so, it's a lot of suffering. I mean, I have a very, very difficult time.

• 1:08:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Looking at and being confronted with suffering.

• 1:08:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:08:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And India has a special kind.

• 1:08:52Jay Shetty?

  It does.

• 1:08:53Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? And I am looking forward to that confront, you know, because it's going to be

• 1:09:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  that next place within me to be able to, that blue love I'm talking about. When you look at it and you understand that in the

• 1:09:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  in the, what I call the spiritual ecosystem.

• 1:09:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  There can be no aversion.

• 1:09:22Jay Shetty?

  No, there can't.

• 1:09:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, and so, you know, just being able to embrace it. But it also has shown me that that's where my codependency comes from. Always trying to prevent suffering. You know what I mean? And only to create it.

• 1:09:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 1:09:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And only to create more, yes.

• 1:09:41Jay Shetty?

  That is so interesting.

• 1:09:43Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yep.

• 1:09:44Jay Shetty?

  All of us wants to prevent suffering, but actually that is what ends up us creating more suffering. Wow, that is so, I never thought about that.

• 1:09:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I've created a lot of suffering in my life.

• 1:09:54Jay Shetty?

  Me too, yeah.

• 1:09:55Jada Pinkett Smith?

  With people that I care about in trying to prevent their suffering.

• 1:10:00Jay Shetty?

  Their suffering.

• 1:10:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Only to create more.

• 1:10:02Jay Shetty?

  Oh.

• 1:10:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, it's a pain. That's been a jagged pill to swallow for me, you know? But it's lessons, really painful lessons I've had to have in order to see my codependency. I couldn't see it.

• 1:10:14Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 1:10:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I was like, what? How do you hurt people by helping people?

• 1:10:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, how does it make sense? It doesn't.

• 1:10:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Let me show you. Bow.

• 1:10:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  How does that feel? I don't like it. There you go.

• 1:10:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And that's the amazing thing about India, what you were saying, to go back a few steps was like, India is a place where nothing's hidden.

• 1:10:37Jay Shetty?

  You see someone being born on the street.

• 1:10:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yep.

• 1:10:41Jay Shetty?

  And you see like people dying and suffering.

• 1:10:43Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:43Jay Shetty?

  It's like nothing's hidden.

• 1:10:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And it's this extreme.

• 1:10:46Jay Shetty?

  And it's the extremes.

• 1:10:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You have the, you know.

• 1:10:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Beauty.

• 1:10:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And rich and you know, in India, everything is right. I mean, the extremes of it all.

• 1:10:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I mean? And it, it, it's a lot for me.

• 1:11:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's a lot to have.

• 1:11:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, but it's, it's, it's where my lesson.

• 1:11:08Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 1:11:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know.

• 1:11:09Jay Shetty?

  Everything, everything.

• 1:11:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, just trying to like.

• 1:11:11Jay Shetty?

  Back like a boot walk away from like, you know, yeah.

• 1:11:14Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, to just be able to walk in it and have it and.

• 1:11:17Jay Shetty?

  At the right time.

• 1:11:18Jada Pinkett Smith?

  At the right time, yeah.

• 1:11:19Jay Shetty?

  We have to, we have to recognize that too, that it's again, the extreme point comes back to everything because it's like, you can push things too far.

• 1:11:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Jay Shetty?

  And you can do things too soon.

• 1:11:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:28Jay Shetty?

  And, and the right time doesn't really exist, like there's never going to be a right time, but it is, you know, you have to take that sense check. And the more self-aware you become, you know, when you're stronger and readier and you're prepared. And so how have you done this with Willow and Jaden? Because I think, you know, I've, I've had the fortune of spending some time with Willow.

• 1:11:46Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:47Jay Shetty?

  And she's an old soul.

• 1:11:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  She is.

• 1:11:49Jay Shetty?

  Like she's incredible and I've got to spend a little bit of time with Jaden.

• 1:11:53Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:54Jay Shetty?

  And I look at him more from afar and the work he's done. And I'm always telling you how impressed I am and how, how incredible it is to see the work he's doing for the world.

• 1:12:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:03Jay Shetty?

  And, and so for me, it's like, how did you? And, and again, like, and I know you don't see this way and that's why I'm setting it up. It's like, I'm not asking this from the point of view of like, Jada, you're perfect and how the kids perfect. Like, I'm not, I'm not asking from that perspective because I know you wouldn't want that either.

• 1:12:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:12:16Jay Shetty?

  I'm asking it from the perspective of like, when I met them, they seem like people who are curious. They're, they are knowledgeable for sure, far beyond their years, but they're experimenters, they're open, they're not, they're not fearful. They're okay with getting it wrong, you know, there's, there's an openness and a playfulness in a, in a, in a good way. Uh, and, and I've just been deeply, and I wouldn't even use the word impressed. I think I've just been so in awe when I'm with them. And and just that the humans they are.

• 1:12:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:45Jay Shetty?

  And how they connect and interact. And and so, I mean, of course, you should be very proud that they're just such unbelievable. And this, we haven't even talked about their talents.

• 1:12:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No.

• 1:12:52Jay Shetty?

  But I'm talking about them as people.

• 1:12:54Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:54Jay Shetty?

  Like, how how have you tried and how have you and Will tried so much to give them the values of curiosity, of gratitude, of love, of kindness? Because they're aspiring for these same things in their own ways.

• 1:13:07Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:07Jay Shetty?

  But they're aspiring for these same, they're not aspiring for other stuff.

• 1:13:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:11Jay Shetty?

  From the conversations I've had with them, like.

• 1:13:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No, they're.

• 1:13:13Jay Shetty?

  They're aspiring for what we're talking about now, in their own way, in their own time, yeah.

• 1:13:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Own way. Um, I I I wish I could take credit for for all of that, but they they really came to me.

• 1:13:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, they were given to me. Ma, let me even change that.

• 1:13:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I've been, they were born through me.

• 1:13:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  They aren't mine.

• 1:13:40Jay Shetty?

  Oh, beautiful, yeah.

• 1:13:41Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Um, but they came like that.

• 1:13:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:45Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, I I would have to say a lot of that is the blessings of the highest, you know? And um, I will say that Will and I, in regards to the foundation that we created for Jaden and Willow, and I'll talk about Trey after.

• 1:14:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  One of the gifts that my mother gave me, even in the chaos of addiction, was that she stood out of my way.

• 1:14:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:22Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I was allowed to self-actualize early.

• 1:14:28Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? And try a lot of things out, you know, and and and and, you know, win and fail by my own hand.

• 1:14:38Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:14:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And Will and I wanted to offer, we offered that to Willow and Jaden as well. They self-actualized.

• 1:14:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:48Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Very early, right? Uh, my my belief is the greatest gift you can give a child is to give them to themselves as fast as possible.

• 1:15:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 1:15:02Jay Shetty?

  And that's scary too.

• 1:15:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's

• 1:15:03Jay Shetty?

  For a parent with the control with the trying to prevent suffering. I mean, that's why I asked it straight off because I'm like

• 1:15:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's been, you know, and it's trying.

• 1:15:11Jay Shetty?

  As a parent.

• 1:15:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, it's been really trying. But you have to have the courage to be, you know, I look at the one of those little bumpers that are on the, in the bowling alley.

• 1:15:24Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:25Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Where the bumpers up, so the ball's not gonna fall in the gutter.

• 1:15:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're not gonna go that far.

• 1:15:29Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Exactly. So as they were growing up, just realizing how close the bumpers needed to be, and as they got older, just being able to move them further, further, further, further, until now they're just

• 1:15:45Jay Shetty?

  Now they fell up. Now they can play without them.

• 1:15:47Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You got it. You know what I mean? And trusting that the same, the same source that, that looked over me and has protected me is the same. So there's, let me tell you something, there's no better parent.

• 1:16:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I got that firsthand.

• 1:16:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:06Jada Pinkett Smith?

  So I, because of my experience, because I was really parented by when I didn't even know it.

• 1:16:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:14Jada Pinkett Smith?

  When I think back on my childhood and the kind of crap

• 1:16:21Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I was into, how many times, how many situations I put myself in that would have me being here is a miracle, and I'm not just saying that to be like on some whatever, right? That's real talk. That goes for Will and I both, right? And so when I started to look at my life in that way, and how I've been protected and the harsh lessons I had been given, I was like, well, the source is a far better parent than I ever could be. Let me just fall back.

• 1:16:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And just, you know, we can put these, right? And put these bumpers up and just witness, you know? And, and the great thing is, is that when things get real for them, they call us.

• 1:17:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:17:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And they ask.

• 1:17:10Jay Shetty?

  Of course. But they have that friendship with you.

• 1:17:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  They have a friendship with us both and, and a real trust.

• 1:17:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  A real trust that I'm so grateful for. And I think it's because

• 1:17:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I never really treated my kids like children. I didn't even know how to do that because that's not how I was raised. You know, I, I just didn't. You didn't? I didn't relate to them like that because I wasn't related to like that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My father at seven told me, hey, listen, I'm an addict, I'm an alcoholic, and I'm a criminal. I can't be your dad. Wow. At seven, right? And so I had a lot of respect for that. Because I was like, okay, I know what it, thank you. At seven? At seven. Seven. I was like, oh, okay. Okay, cool. It wasn't like, oh, I can't have my dad, right? It was like, oh, oh. I know where you're at. Right. He verbalized it. He verbalized it. He didn't play no games.

• 1:18:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I, and till my, till today, that's how I am. If you could just be straight up with me, we're good. That's amazing. You know what I mean? And so I did not play games with my kids. I didn't really know how to be a kid parent. Yeah. You didn't test them. I didn't, yeah, it wasn't like, who, you know, it was just like, hey, listen, we in this together. Mommy's gonna make some mistakes, you know what I'm saying? So what's poppin? What's going on with you? You know what I mean? It's like, and I just kept them at my hip. They went where I went, they would, they were just at my hip constantly. But I didn't do the like, I wasn't the soccer mom. I wasn't like the, it was like, look, um, mom's got a gig in Australia.

• 1:18:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  We're all packing up and going to Australia for you, and you rolling with me. Yeah. You gonna be on set with me? You know what I mean? And they, you just said mommy's hip. They just, when I went on tour doing my metal music, hey, mommy's going on tour. Yeah. We about to be doing some metal stuff. Wicked wisdom. Yeah, wicked wisdom. Um, it's a new experience. This is gonna be good for everybody. Um, you rolling with me. So, you know, and just living life together. Yeah. You know, and allowing them to.

• 1:19:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Experience and express

• 1:19:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  and make decisions about their lives at very early ages, even like Jayden's always been a night owl.

• 1:19:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Could never get him to go to sleep at a, you still can't. He would never lay down until I did. And as he got older and, you know, he'd be working or he had school or what have you. I wasn't gonna fight him about going to bed at a particular time. I just wasn't. We would, we would negotiate how long he could play video games. You know?

• 1:20:03Jay Shetty?

  I remember those conversations.

• 1:20:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, you know, but I would have, I would go, so you know, I said, I want you to pay attention to your

• 1:20:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  your level of energy throughout the day. You know, with you going, you go to bed whenever you want. But you have to be responsible for that.

• 1:20:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:24Jada Pinkett Smith?

  So he would go to bed and then, you know, figure out his bedtime.

• 1:20:29Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:20:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right? So it would be even just little things like that at like eight, seven years, yeah. Eight, seven years old, or if there was a violation. You know, not asking them.

• 1:20:41Jada Pinkett Smith?

  What do you, what do you think we should do about, if, if you were the parent in this situation? How would you handle?

• 1:20:48Jay Shetty?

  I like that question. That's a great question.

• 1:20:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I told you off the video games at eight, you tried to be slick and you played till nine. You violated our agreement. What would you do in my position?

• 1:21:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Oh mommy, I think

• 1:21:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I'd probably

• 1:21:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I'd probably tell my kid they couldn't play video games for two weeks.

• 1:21:14Jay Shetty?

  He just put himself into it.

• 1:21:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That works for me. Does that work for you? Yeah. I said, okay, are we in agreement? No video games for two weeks? Yeah. So also, instead of me putting boundaries in on them, teaching them how to do it for themselves.

• 1:21:30Jay Shetty?

  Wow, I love that.

• 1:21:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Which I think is a big one.

• 1:21:32Jay Shetty?

  That's huge. I mean, as an adult?

• 1:21:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:34Jay Shetty?

  Most of us don't know how to put boundaries on ourselves.

• 1:21:36Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And not trying to put shame on mistakes. That was another big one. I hate it. Being felt, I hated feeling like I had to have some kind of shame on mistakes I made as a child. And so I really, I always told my kids, like, tell me the truth and we gonna work it out.

• 1:21:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And we always did. So I never had to

• 1:22:02Jada Pinkett Smith?

  punish in a certain way. It was just like, we're gonna talk about this and then I want you to tell me what boundaries you would put on, in on yourself.

• 1:22:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  In an honest way.

• 1:22:10Jay Shetty?

  That's such a powerful way.

• 1:22:11Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:12Jay Shetty?

  There's so much self-development and self-growth in that for them already.

• 1:22:15Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:16Jay Shetty?

  I mean, that's, yeah, that's, I, I look at my parenting and my parents were always, how I described them with me at least, like, until fourteen, it was, there was a lot of pressure, there was a lot of, uh, what's the right word? There was a lot of constraints and like what I was meant to be. And then when I turned fourteen, for whatever reason, I started to rebel and get stuff wrong and make my own mistakes and fight for my independence.

• 1:22:41Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:22:41Jay Shetty?

  And from that day on, my parents started to slowly back away and be supportive from a distance.

• 1:22:46Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:46Jay Shetty?

  And that's what my parents have been since that day. But that's because my parents were waiting for me to be able to tell them that, hey, look, I'm ready now.

• 1:22:53Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yes.

• 1:22:53Jay Shetty?

  I don't really want you to be that for me anymore. And, and I wanna make my own decisions. And so when people talk about how was it becoming a monk or like doing this, it's like, actually, it wasn't that hard because my parents were just supportive from a distance. They've never really, they've never really tried to make my choices for me after fourteen. Up until that point, they were very involved.

• 1:23:11Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:11Jay Shetty?

  And then when they saw that, oh, he's not gonna listen, like, he's not, you know, they're gonna let me. And so it's interesting how, but I love what you're saying this about self-boundaries, self-discipline, because that's what it is. It's called self-discipline.

• 1:23:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's self-discipline.

• 1:23:24Jay Shetty?

  The only way you're disciplined is by someone else.

• 1:23:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Exactly.

• 1:23:27Jay Shetty?

  In your life, growing up. So you never know what self-discipline is.

• 1:23:30Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is.

• 1:23:30Jay Shetty?

  You've actually helped your children learn self-discipline.

• 1:23:33Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Absolutely. And

• 1:23:35Jay Shetty?

  That's huge.

• 1:23:35Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You talk about at fourteen, your, your parents backing off.

• 1:23:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Jaden, at fifteen, made a request to leave the house.

• 1:23:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That was one of the most excruciating decisions I made in my life, was letting him leave.

• 1:23:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:49Jada Pinkett Smith?

  But I knew he needed it.

• 1:23:51Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:23:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I knew, and I told Will, I said, we'll be lucky to keep him in this house till he's sixteen. I knew that when he was three.

• 1:23:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I'm saying? And so at fifteen, and very

• 1:24:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Respectfully was like, it's time for me to go. I need to go out here and feel the rain. And I knew he was right. And I had to let him go at fifteen. Yeah.

• 1:24:19Jay Shetty?

  And that's always hard for a parent.

• 1:24:20Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is. Best decision I ever made.

• 1:24:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, still, yeah.

• 1:24:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I always knew that. I mean, I was in the rain at twelve.

• 1:24:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:26Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I was like, if he can't, if he can't survive the rain in Calabasas at fifteen, I will survive in the rain at twelve in Baltimore. You know what I mean? And so I also love that I had the experiences that I had and the extremes that I had because I have been willing to allow my kids to engage in life in a certain manner

• 1:24:54Jada Pinkett Smith?

  without being utterly fearful. Like, some parents, like, people were saying to me all the time, you let him go at fifteen, like, yeah. Yeah. He had the resources.

• 1:25:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  He made his own money.

• 1:25:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:06Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I'm saying? It's like, if he can't, if he can't survive in, in, in, you know, what's been created for him and what he's created for himself, then...

• 1:25:16Jay Shetty?

  That's a beautiful way of looking at it.

• 1:25:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, I'm like, he, I was like, I completely utterly trust that he, he's got this.

• 1:25:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:25:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And he did.

• 1:25:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. He did. And he is.

• 1:25:25Jada Pinkett Smith?

  He is. He's cool, you know?

• 1:25:28Jay Shetty?

  I love that. When I'm hearing you talk and everyone is listening to you talk, what I want everyone to realize today is, what I love about when Jada shares about what she's going through and going through still and what we're working through and we're working together, it's like,

• 1:25:42Jay Shetty?

  and I, and I don't like using this because it's so cliche. I'm trying to find better language for it so we can do it together, but it's like, it's the real deep work. Like, it's, it's not, this isn't like...

• 1:25:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  That fluffy...

• 1:25:52Jay Shetty?

  It's not fluffy like self-care, like, just tell yourself you love yourself every day. Like, it's not that. Like, please do not, when, when Jada talks about self-care, if you've listened to this episode, you know it's not that. Like, this isn't just the, like, be nice to yourself. Like, being nice to yourself means looking at all your demons and your, and the pains and the, like, that's what it really means to be nice to yourself. Like, if you're being nice to this room, you clean it clearly. You go into every corner.

• 1:26:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:26:16Jay Shetty?

  You don't just say, oh, you're a beautiful room. You, you, you clean it and you purify it in every place. And when you talk about Red Table Talk is the table of purification.

• 1:26:24Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:24Jay Shetty?

  And the table of transparency. For me, it's like, what I see you doing is... Everything you're doing, even Hala, you know, it's like all the work that you're doing now is like, it feels like you have infused all of what you've learned and grown in and you're now trying to share it.

• 1:26:39Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Trying.

• 1:26:39Jay Shetty?

  Through your work.

• 1:26:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:40Jay Shetty?

  No, but you'd, I mean beautifully sharing it. Like, I mean, the conversations you've had at the table, Hala, like all the work you're doing now, it's, it's just completely infused with purpose and with, with a desire to help, but not preach. You're not preaching. There's no, there's no.

• 1:26:55Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I can't preach.

• 1:26:57Jay Shetty?

  I mean, you can preach. You can preach.

• 1:26:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I can't do that.

• 1:26:59Jay Shetty?

  You can definitely preach, but you're not, you're not doing it in that way. You're doing the most compassionate kind of, I've only ever met this Jada.

• 1:27:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:27:05Jay Shetty?

  Right? So it's like for me, when I'm looking at you, I'm so, and that's what's always, and I said this to you and I said it to Will and, you know, when we were together, I was like, what, what you both do with your platform and the growth you've had and the incredible careers you have, but the fact that your heart is doing this, like to me, that's, that's what excites me so much. Like that's what gives me so much faith and hope and like, just, just so much like vigor to even do what I do.

• 1:27:31Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right.

• 1:27:31Jay Shetty?

  When I see both of you do it and I'm like, despite everything, you could do anything you wanted right now. You could do anything and you know that you could do anything. You don't have to do anything, but you want to do this.

• 1:27:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:40Jay Shetty?

  And that just shows how important it is.

• 1:27:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, I feel like, I just feel like um, the more that we can share about our journeys, you know, it's like, because we're all journeying, you know, at some capacity. And so it's just like, I know that in my life, when people had the courage to really talk to me.

• 1:28:06Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:28:07Jada Pinkett Smith?

  And I'm saying, really, talk to me.

• 1:28:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It helped change the trajectory of my life with a conversation.

• 1:28:18Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:28:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  But it has to come from real places and experience, you know.

• 1:28:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Clarissa Pincola has this, um, this saying, the, the, uh, the well-written-upon woman, right? And I look at people in that way. It's like, people sometimes are so shameful or feel so ashamed about experiences that they've had or, um, things that they've done or pitfalls and, um,

• 1:28:52Jada Pinkett Smith?

  I always say you have nothing to share if you haven't been through something.

• 1:28:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:28:56Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:28:57Jay Shetty?

  It would be such a boring story.

• 1:28:58Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, and it's like, that's where we get the real deep lessons, you know? And I had a friend of mine who's, who's going through a really bad divorce and I was telling her, I was like, man, just know this, there are some really powerful blessings on the other side of pain. I promise you, you know, if we're, if we're willing to embrace the experience in that way.

• 1:29:24Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 1:29:25Jada Pinkett Smith?

  You know, so.

• 1:29:26Jay Shetty?

  Amazing. Thank you, Jay.

• 1:29:27Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Thank you, Jay.

• 1:29:27Jay Shetty?

  You're an amazing interviewer. Is there anything that I have not asked you that you wish I did?

• 1:29:32Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No.

• 1:29:33Jay Shetty?

  And you're like, Jay, if I was sitting here, I would ask you this, right? Cause you're an amazing host and amazing interviewer.

• 1:29:40Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, no, this has been great.

• 1:29:41Jay Shetty?

  No, thank you.

• 1:29:42Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It's always so great talking to you.

• 1:29:44Jay Shetty?

  All right, I mean, my conversations with you are by far some of my favorite conversations that we've had and we've talked for hours.

• 1:29:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  We have. We can go, that's for sure.

• 1:29:53Jay Shetty?

  So we end every interview with a final five.

• 1:29:55Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yep.

• 1:29:56Jay Shetty?

  And these are rapid-fire questions.

• 1:29:57Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Okay.

• 1:29:57Jay Shetty?

  So you have to answer in one word or one sentence maximum.

• 1:30:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Okay.

• 1:30:01Jay Shetty?

  So we're gonna find this hard.

• 1:30:03Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Okay.

• 1:30:03Jay Shetty?

  Because we can talk. And I also will go off on a tangent. So these are your final five.

• 1:30:09Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Okay.

• 1:30:11Jay Shetty?

  Uh, what's something you once took for granted that you value now?

• 1:30:16Jada Pinkett Smith?

  People.

• 1:30:17Jay Shetty?

  Beautiful. Uh, what's the one question you ask yourself the most?

• 1:30:23Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Probably would be, who are you?

• 1:30:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, beautiful, okay. Question number three, what's the best advice you've ever received or read or heard or been given?

• 1:30:34Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Laugh now, cause you're gonna laugh later.

• 1:30:36Jay Shetty?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:30:37Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Ruby D.

• 1:30:38Jay Shetty?

  Nice, I liked it, okay. Question number four, the worst advice you've ever received?

• 1:30:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  The worst advice I've ever received is from myself.

• 1:30:49Jay Shetty?

  That's how humble you are. That's beautiful.

• 1:30:51Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, anything that you say to yourself.

• 1:30:54Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah, it's like, it's, I've given myself some of the worst advice, Jesus. Yeah, just like, you know, go in here and show them, you know, who's boss, you know, whatever. Like, all that, you know, it's just the worst advice.

• 1:31:10Jay Shetty?

  That's, that's, that's special, though.

• 1:31:12Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:13Jay Shetty?

  That's special, though, that you can say to yourself. That's a show. Most people will remember something bad they've been told, but.

• 1:31:18Jada Pinkett Smith?

  No, I've given myself the worst advice, yes.

• 1:31:23Jay Shetty?

  A fifth and final question. If, if you could give everyone one practice or one habit that they should practice in 2020, every day, a daily practice or daily habit, and a simple one, it can be anything, what would you want the world to do?

• 1:31:38Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Stillness. Any amount of stillness you can give yourself, whether it's five minutes, whether it's three hours. Go someplace, be quiet, turn your phone off, turn off everything, and just sit in stillness so you can hear yourself. Right? And if the longer you stay, you will hear beyond yourself.

• 1:32:04Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Right?

• 1:32:04Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:32:05Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Into those higher.

• 1:32:08Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Reach into that higher, right? But that would be my advice, just find the courage to be still.

• 1:32:16Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:32:17Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:18Jay Shetty?

  Love that. Thank you so much, Jada.

• 1:32:19Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Thank you.

• 1:32:20Jay Shetty?

  This has been so wonderful, like, I, I feel like everything you shared today, again, as always, was just so open, so honest. You're so able to just go there and talk about all your

• 1:32:33Jay Shetty?

  beautiful parts that you've taken within, and thank you for taking us on the journey with you, but thank you for doing this.

• 1:32:38Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Thank you for having me, Jay.

• 1:32:39Jay Shetty?

  So grateful to have you as a friend, and so grateful to have these exchanges, and for many more.

• 1:32:44Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:45Jay Shetty?

  To keep, you know, for a lifetime of working through all this purification. Purification is the best word.

• 1:32:50Jada Pinkett Smith?

  It is.

• 1:32:51Jay Shetty?

  It's the best word. It's, it's not pain, it's not healing, it's purification.

• 1:32:55Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Purification.

• 1:32:55Jay Shetty?

  We need to, you know, yeah, thank you so much. So grateful to you, and I know my audience is very grateful too, so.

• 1:33:01Jada Pinkett Smith?

  Well, thank you for having me. I'd love talking to you and.

• 1:33:07Jada Pinkett Smith?

  This was a much-needed conversation today.

• 1:33:09Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:33:10Jada Pinkett Smith?

  A nice way to start my day, Jay, so thank you.

• 1:33:12Jay Shetty?

  No, I'm glad. It needs to work. Thank you so much.

• 1:34:08Speaker 03

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• 1:35:08Speaker 05

  Mr. President, my company foreme of the explosion on our rig. On October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:35:24Speaker 06

  What would happen if I stopped moving? You stall, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 1:35:29Speaker 05

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:35:32Speaker 06

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:35:33Speaker 05

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.