Rhys James

Top stand-up, ‘Mock the Week’ regular and Ed’s unofficial little brother, Rhys James is this week’s guest diner. And he’s invented a dessert. Rhys James’s book ‘You’ll Like It When You Get There: A Life Lived Reluctantly’ is out now. Buy it here https://www.waterstones.com/book/youll-like-it-when-you-get-there-a-life-lived-reluctantly/rhys-james/9781035420414. Watch Rhys’s special, ‘Spilt Milk’ on YouTube here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=741wWjQmAHA. Follow Rhys on on Instagram @rhysjamesy https://www.instagram.com/rhysjamesy Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube now https://youtu.be/X-7ZikiVHC4. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:16Speaker 02

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the salt and vinegar crisps of conversation, opening that bad boy up and throwing in the pickled egg of humour, shaking it around and getting involved. People do that.

• 1:29Speaker 03

  Do they do that?

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  I've never heard of that before. I immediately want to do it.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it sounds like I'd like to do it as well, doesn't it? People do do that, they pop a pickled egg in a bag of crisps.

• 1:40Speaker 03

  Something.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think, yeah.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  That's a gamble money.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  I saw that happen on your face, so you're like, hmm?

• 1:46Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, to begin with, I thought, I don't know what he's doing here, is opening a bag of crisps.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  When you popped a pickled egg in there.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  I thought, very whimsical. And I thought, hold on a second.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  That just might work.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Peter Piper popped it in there.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Shout out Peter Piper. That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week, we invite a guest who we ask for their favourite ever start, main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  Reece James. Reece James, the little oik, the little oik of British comedy.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  A fantastic comic, very funny man.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Cheeky, cheeky.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  Just the other day, my partner was scrolling through something and a clip came up of you and Reece.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Trading blows on Mock the Week back in the day. And I forgot how funny that dynamic was between the two of you.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a great, he's a great comic. He's a lovely comic foil for me.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  My little brother. And that was clip would have been to promote me interviewing him about his book.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  His new book, You'll Like It When You Get There.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  Yes, and I will like it when I get there, Reece. Thank you.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  I have not read it yet, but I will because I'm interviewing him in two days about it and I can't wait to read it.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  Uh, do you remember that Coolio song, I'll See You When You Get There?

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  If you ever get there.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. Maybe Reece is talking about that in the book.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Listen, we like Reece, huh? When you get there.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  If you ever get there.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  See you when you get there.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  So pointless. So why are you saying it?

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 3:16Speaker 02

  Why are you saying it if you don't know if they're gonna get there or not?

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  How about you make arrangements to make sure they get there and then you don't need to say, I'll see you when you get there?

• 3:24Speaker 03

  But isn't he talking about heaven?

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Probably.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  I think he's talking about heaven. So I think it's like.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  Well, that's really bad to say.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  I'll see you in heaven if you don't go to hell.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  Burn for all of eternity.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, why is Coolio so sure he's gonna be there?

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, listen, Reece, you're a nice guy, but um, if, if you say the secret ingredient, we're kicking you out.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. And the secret ingredient was easy this week.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Reece's pieces, Reece's pieces, because he's called Reece.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Your name is Reece. I mean.

• 3:53Speaker 02

  And he's a piece of shit.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  And you're a piece of shit.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  The blows don't really work when there's only one of us here.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, when it's a.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Well, I was gonna do like my Mock the Week.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  And then he would say like, yeah, yeah, I'm a piece of shit.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  That's what you're gonna say about me, isn't it? And then you'd be able to do an even worse one. And go, no, or something like this. And then bury him.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  And then he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now he's not here.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, feels bad.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  And you're just calling a man a piece of shit.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Feels bad. Feels bad. But, you know, I think he deserves it. He's a little piece of shit. Yeah. So hopefully he doesn't say Reese's Pieces, although he's a funny one to kick out. Yeah, it'd be very funny to kick him out, uh, cause he's such a little shit. So like, that'd be great. Also, it must mean that when we had Reese Shear Smith on, we didn't choose Reese's Pieces. Yeah, weird. So I guess, but I guess we went for some like. Did we go special stuff? League of Gentlemen. Yeah, we went special stuff. Yeah. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. Reese James doesn't have the body of work. No.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  That Reese Shear Smith has. We don't have to go for his name. Matt, I can't believe how much we're roasting Reese before he's, he's even come on. Well, it's rare that you know that the guest will listen to it. Yeah, yeah. So we know that Reese's gonna hear all this. Yeah. And it's really fun to lay into him. Yeah. And he's got to sit there going, oh, fuck's sake. And whenever this comes out, he'll message me going, thanks for that. And I, well, I won't, I won't even remember what we said. Yeah, yeah. This, this means nothing to us, Reese. This roasting of you. It's like when Thanos is confronted by Drax. And he's like, you killed my family. He's like, I don't even remember. Yeah, yeah. And you think that's cold. Yeah. That is like, that's the worst thing you could say to him. It's like that with Reese. Reese, what we're saying right now, you can text me and go, oh, that Thanos thing, you're a dweeb. I'll be like, I don't even know what you told me.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, with Thanos. Yeah, with Thanos. With the podcast Thanos. Yeah. If we click, half the podcast will disappear. Yeah. Click our fingers. That's goodbye. No, it's his fingers are fish. Goodbye. My dad wrote porno. That's not on anyone. Goodbye babysitter boys. What? The one that Rob and Josh do. Right. Babysitter boy? Yeah. Babysitter boys. This is the off-menu menu of Reese James.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  Welcome, Reese, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you very much. Welcome, Reese James, to the Dream Restaurant. This has been a good one.

• 6:14Speaker 04

  An honour, what a great honour that I've been waiting for all my life, all my life. When you first launched this podcast, six years ago?

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Twenty eighteen.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  Seven years ago?

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Seven, we're knocking on for seven now.

• 6:25Speaker 04

  Probably nine by the time this comes out.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 04

  I've been sat by the postbox like a Labrador ever since, waiting for that invite to come through the post.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  We do it in emails.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  It's emails.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why you missed it.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  Check my laptop nine years ago.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  We made it to you every week.

• 6:39Speaker 04

  I could have been on week one.

• 6:40Speaker 03

  No reply whatsoever.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  It was me or Mike Skinner in that first series, wasn't it?

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, yeah, yeah.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  Mike checks his emails, modern guy.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  He is a modern guy, Mike Skinner.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  I bet he doesn't check his emails.

• 6:49Speaker 04

  No, but he'll have someone.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't have someone.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  I don't have someone.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  What a sad way to start.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  I don't have anyone.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  You don't have anyone, do you, Reece?

• 6:58Speaker 02

  I don't have anyone.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  That's kind of what your book's about, right?

• 7:03Speaker 03

  You'll like it when you get here. By Reece Jane.

• 7:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Fair.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  It's there, actually, yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  Well, I half read it.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Well, that's the aim. That's what I hope for most of the audience.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  I don't think reading it is important with books, is it?

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Just buy it, genuinely, at this stage, just buy it and leave it anywhere.

• 7:18Speaker 03

  I had that one, so I went on a, first book came out and I went on a show.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  First book?

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Will Gompers was hosting it.

• 7:24Speaker 04

  Who's that?

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Bookman.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  But I got a quote from Dara on the front that, you know, it was something like, um, no, sorry, that's not, that's not what it was, forget it.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Another great story from the, from the brain of James Acaster.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  The book's out in August.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  You've got a quote from Dara as well.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  I've got a quote from Dara on the back of that book.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  You've got a quote from Dara?

• 7:42Speaker 04

  What's your quote from Dara?

• 7:43Speaker 03

  I did have a quote from Dara, I can't remember it, but I remember it wasn't the quote from Dara that you got wrong. It's a cry for help, but it's a very funny one, that's what Dara says about your book.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Do you want to say about my book? Nothing, turned me down for a quote.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  Turned you down for a quote?

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Said he was too busy, done too many of them.

• 7:56Speaker 04

  Too busy, done too many.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  Unbelievable.

• 7:57Speaker 04

  Well, I'm at that stage now, I'm sort of after a generation of people who'd have asked Dara for quotes.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  So he's probably, he's probably begging to do quotes for books at the moment, no one's got one.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  I mean, it's better that he refused the quote before, he'd not read it.

• 8:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  That would have been awful if he'd read it.

• 8:11Speaker 04

  I've chased him quite a lot. Sent him a book and then I was like, you know that weird thing that came through the post with my face on it? Have you read that? And he kept being like, oh, I'm going to Nottingham tomorrow, I'll read it then. And then I'd be like, what did you think? And then he was like, how's this? And then sent me basically that non-committal quote.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  I like it. I like that quote.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to respect it.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  So a lot of good quotes here. Pascoe said, as witty and clever as Reese's stand-up, but you can take it in the bath.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  True.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  Oh, Benito was Googled, the front cover for my first book.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  What's the Dara quote? Should we guess?

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:40Speaker 04

  This is classic scrapes.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  No one scrapes like Jimmy A.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Oh, I like that.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  A great, a great book, very enjoyable.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  He's better than that.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Do you know what? I don't know why we've included the full quote. I think we should have clipped off this first bit. He's written, it's just my opinion.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  It sounds like he insisted that was there.

• 9:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  So I don't want it out there that everyone thinks this.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. But James is the funniest of all these comedians you haven't heard of yet.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  Fairly, okay. He's a bit, he's spiky in these quotes.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  There's always a bit of a nag in there, isn't there? Always a cry for help from this dweeb. Or, yeah, you've never heard of this loser. And by the way, it's not a fact. It's just my opinion.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  Just my opinion.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  He's the funniest of a very narrow category.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Of everyone you haven't heard of. You haven't heard of yet, but you've got a book out.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. If they look at the book cover, Dara, they've heard of me.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Automatically.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Which font was bigger, your name or Dara's quote?

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Because if that's bigger, they're reading that first.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  They read that first, go, oh, no.

• 9:42Speaker 04

  Never heard of it. Oh, Jay, Jay, I've got a thumbnail, really.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. Like me, there's a little picture of me and then Dara.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  That was whole quote.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  This is very exciting though, Reese. You've got a book out.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  You're excited.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, we're excited like this.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  What's the book about?

• 9:56Speaker 04

  Don't make me say it.

• 9:57Speaker 03

  It's a guide to life from somebody who doesn't want to do anything.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Thank you, yeah.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  There we go.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  So if you don't ever want to, so you try and avoid doing stuff as much as possible?

• 10:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's my default, how I feel default. It's sort of quite introverted, the build up, just it's dread, it's a dread memoir. The build up to everything is dread, don't want to do it. I, you wouldn't think I was an introvert if you went to the pub with me. I would seem like an extrovert because it manifests in speaking too much.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  It's not fun. It's just, it's just, it's just a lot.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  I will speak too much and I'll think, I've got to fill all of this, there can't be a silence ever.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  Et cetera. That's why I speak really quick on stage as well.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  You're the anti-John Robbins.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  Yeah. I thought, because I'd said to be quick on stage, you were going to say Kerns, you were still on the pub thing.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I was still on that. No, yeah, yeah.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  Quite happy to switch off, shut down, in the corner.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, wants to go to the pub, doesn't say anything.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't want to go to the pub, says everything.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, great.

• 10:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, if me and John are in the pub, it's an absolute nightmare. It's just us two killing time.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  How much did you want to come and do this podcast then?

• 10:53Speaker 04

  Well, that's, you know.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  You know you can be honest with us.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  In terms of the pantheon of things I will have to do to promote this book.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  I wouldn't even put this in a have to. This is a want to. But there's certainly things that I will be doing that I, you know, that I have to.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Hmm. The tux won't come out for those.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  Tux isn't, I'm not wearing the tux on Sunday brunch.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  No.

• 11:11Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  You should though.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  You should do.

• 11:12Speaker 04

  All right, I will. There we go, sold.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  For the listener, Reece is wearing a tux.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  Lovejoy will not get it.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  No, god, no, they've got no chance.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  He will be baffled.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, good point. For the listener, I happen to be wearing a tux.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  If you're listening to this, Reece is our first ever guest who has turned up wearing a tuxedo.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  This is a big podcast, this is a fancy restaurant.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  You've had a lot of fancy guests, a lot of celebs in this restaurant.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  I thought I've got a, you know, this is, this is the red carpet, effectively, this podcast.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  It is, yeah.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  So, someone's got to make an effort at last, haven't they?

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, appreciate it.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  I'm a fancy guy as well, you know that, about me. When I do bother to turn up to stuff, I do it in a very, very fancy way.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  Would you, would you say you seem reluctant to agree?

• 11:52Speaker 03

  I mainly ever hung out with you at gigs and TV shows, I wouldn't say you out fancy people at those.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  Rude, rude.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I wouldn't say fancy is the first thing that I'd describe.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  What's the first thing?

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Pale?

• 12:06Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  Quite pale.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  No one pale in history's ever been fancy then? Sorry, may I remind you of the, one of the old centuries where they're all pale and fancy.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  They're all pale.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  Couldn't think of one.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  One name.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  Couldn't think of one. But, you know, I'm thinking of like, you know, those films based on the past.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  The films based on the past.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  Where they've got it all, where they've painted a beauty mark on their cheek.

• 12:27Speaker 04

  Exactly, and they're all very pale dandies.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  They're dandies.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Fine, I think of you as a dandy.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, fine, I'll take that.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  I would think of you as a dandy more than a fancy, fancy guy, yeah.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  To me, that's changeable.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  If, if we, if it's back in the day and we were all in the same episode of Mock the Week and one of the runners come up to me in the corridor and was like, I've lost the, the dandy. I'd be like, oh, okay, yeah, he's down there.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's down there, it's Reece James.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  Put his tux on, he's saying.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, fair enough.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Do you think wearing a tux to a restaurant is dangerous? Because I think you should not be the fanciest per, the waiter should look fancier, don't you think?

• 13:00Speaker 04

  The waiter may feel I have cosplayed as him.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  I don't get the logic of the waiter being fancier than the guests. Why would that make sense?

• 13:10Speaker 02

  It depends. If it's an old school fancy restaurant, you want to feel like.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  I don't want to feel like I'm intruding on these fancy people who, what, live there? If they work there, you know what I mean? It's like, no, I'm the guest. I should be the fanciest one.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:22Speaker 04

  If they were there, they should look like shit. They should dress down.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't want to go in as a guest and feel like you're not good enough to be in this place.

• 13:31Speaker 04

  Exactly. We don't want them to be snooty and sort of looking down on you for being there because of what you're wearing. And that's why I always wear a tux.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Always.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  So it can't happen.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, the Nando's tux.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  Straight to Five Guys.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 04

  In my tux.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, I think you look very, very sharp.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, you look very nice.

• 13:44Speaker 04

  Oh, thanks.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  And it is also for the listeners, quite a hot day outside.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  We've already recorded an episode in here today and it quite quickly got boiling hot in this room. But he was an all he can to air the room out. Right now, it's, it's fine.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:57Speaker 04

  Let's see how much of this tux makes it to the end of the episode.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  But yeah, you're going to be dripping by the end.

• 14:01Speaker 04

  I didn't wear the waistcoat.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Oh, that was, that was an option.

• 14:04Speaker 04

  I took the waistcoat. Yeah, no, two piece.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  I wish you'd won the waistcoat.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  Two piece.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  I would have loved to have seen the waistcoat.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  To go halfway through and then take the jacket off and be wearing the waistcoat.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, and a cummerbund.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  Like a teddy bear. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, on the way to prom.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Now, that is the energy you bring.

• 14:17Speaker 04

  On the way to prom?

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Is that because I pulled up here in a limo?

• 14:20Speaker 03

  And you just.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  Always in a stretch limo and I was at the sunroof.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  You bought a corsage.

• 14:24Speaker 04

  Oh, man, yeah.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Papa Doms, please.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  And that girl waiting through there.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  And the corsage.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  They have a gown.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  You're just told to wait for you while you do a podcast.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, and a parent, obviously.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Picking her up.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Yeah. Dad trying to intimidate you.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Yeah. Not scared of him. Wearing a tux.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  You wouldn't be scared.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  You ever been scared of anyone while you're wearing a tux?

• 14:43Speaker 03

  No, actually.

• 14:44Speaker 04

  You just wouldn't be, would you?

• 14:45Speaker 02

  Hmm, good question.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  This is why fancy people, AKA dandies, are so confident.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  I've done corporates in tuxes before and I've been very scared during those.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Good point, actually. Did a corporate for three hundred plumbers last week.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  What was a corporate?

• 14:55Speaker 04

  Three hundred plumbers last week. I'd say I did a joke about, uh, trains. One of my first joke, I just mentioned, getting the trail, like rail card expired or something. I'd say in the first minute, heckled with train wanker, biggest laugh of the night, unrecoverable.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  You don't, you do not book a dandy to do a plumbing corporate.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  It did go alright at the end, but I never got quite to that level.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  But so you said I got a train?

• 15:18Speaker 04

  I said, yeah, something like, oh, yeah. And I was, I was, I was building tension on purpose because I was about to call them van people. That's where I was going with it before I had a chance. They saw the, the, the comic gap I was leaving.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 04

  To go rail cards expired. Of course, you don't relate to this. You're all van. And I was gonna go in that, I was gonna go hard like that. But I couldn't because before I could do anything, train wanker, everyone losing their minds. And I said, wow, you think, you think they're stereotypes, don't you?

• 15:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  But you think they're stereotypes.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  The problem is, that is really funny.

• 15:47Speaker 04

  It's really funny.

• 15:47Speaker 03

  That is the thing.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Well, it was one of those, you know, sometimes you get a heckle and you think, you know, immediately I need to come back and shut this person down.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:53Speaker 04

  That was almost like, well, I have to laugh.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Let it roll around the road. You've got to get involved in that.

• 15:57Speaker 04

  I was thinking this could kill a good five minutes.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:59Speaker 04

  They're just laughing nonstop. I've only got to do 20 minutes.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  Sure, at a corporate?

• 16:02Speaker 04

  Yeah. They had told me before this corporate, oh, it will be more, everyone will be in black tie and it will be more the sort of suits of the plumbing industry rather than the polo shirts of the plumbing industry.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Oh, interesting.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  There was not a single person in the audience not wearing cargo shorts. Every single, got there, every single person had a stained polo shirt. It was set up like a black tie event, a big fancy round table.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  That's amazing. And they'd all come straight from work?

• 16:24Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's like they all expected there to be a leak at any moment.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  And you were in the tux?

• 16:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Oh, tux wanker.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  Train wanker.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  To be fair, there is.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  First class wanker.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  To be fair, right? There is a leak because you've come on this podcast and told us that something's happened.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  That's good. And he doesn't get booked for corporates. Can you imagine?

• 16:41Speaker 03

  I've done a corporate.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Done our corporate, just one?

• 16:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I know what corporates are like.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  What was it for?

• 16:47Speaker 03

  It's just like all, all corporates, you, you do it in a cinema and they let you see a film that night for free. And they give you some food to eat before having a full meal and you, you can just wear your normal clothes. You don't have to wear a suit or nothing.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  The one thing I wouldn't want to do after any corporate I've done is go immediately to the cinema for the rest of the evening with all the people who were at the corporate.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  I didn't watch it with them.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  All right, fine.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  They're just like, whatever film you want to watch.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  Tell you what, I don't want to be in a cinema with 300 plumbers.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  No.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  Watching Trainspotting.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 17:20Speaker 04

  That's gonna take forever.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Watch Super Mario.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  Super Mario Brothers, there we go.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  Sorry, I spoke over that.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  They're not heckling that.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  They wouldn't dare. It doesn't work like that.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, be applauded that.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  He's not even qualified.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Oh, by the way, I'm very excited to hear your menu.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah?

• 17:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, because as far as I'm concerned with you, you eat like a child.

• 17:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. You know, you, um, I'd never seen an avocado until you.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  Until me?

• 17:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Sorry, I keep dropping this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  It's playing with a coaster for the list.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Sorry, I dropped the coaster out of shock.

• 17:52Speaker 04

  I was aware of the, I'd heard the name.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  Ed Gamble.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  I'd heard the name Ed Gamble, so I was aware of your work and I knew you loved avocados.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  The phrase, "I'd never seen an avocado until you."

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Never seen one. You introduced me, man. And I now.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  When was this? Was that that song, "I never knew I was looking for love until I found you"? It's a bit like that.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I never knew I wanted to crack a mole until you came into my life.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  So what was this occasion?

• 18:15Speaker 04

  We were in Manchester doing the student gigs.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:17Speaker 04

  And, um, you opted for a home salad instead of eating on the curry mile or whatever, as we would normally do on those trips. And part of that salad was an avocado and you were holding it and I was like, "What the hell is this?" And you said, "This is an avocado." I said, "Oh, great. I've heard of these. I've never seen one."

• 18:33Speaker 02

  That's wild.

• 18:34Speaker 04

  And I sort of like, like a child stood on a stool next to the sort of kitchen side who's trying to observe anything. I was like, "Show me, Ed. What is it? What's inside this?" And you cut it open and like you were talking to a two-year-old. You were like, "So you cut it open and then there's a stone inside?" And then you revealed it and went, "And yes, look, that's a small one. So that's really good because it means you get more avocado."

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 18:53Speaker 04

  I remember this so vividly. And then I was like, "C- c- can I try a piece?" It was like that level of.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  You like all that archive footage of kids in the war singing bananas for the first time?

• 19:03Speaker 04

  Dandies.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, dandies.

• 19:05Speaker 04

  Little dandies.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Great. That is great.

• 19:08Speaker 04

  So, so, you know, I can see why you might, you don't even remember that, but I seeped in somewhere and that's why you think I might have that kind of menu. But I'm fancy now, I changed.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Definitely happened because he said, "This is a good one because it's smaller, so you get more avocado."

• 19:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Above the stone, that's definitely a gamble.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is me. Also, if someone said, "Quickly tell me a Reese James joke." The one that sticks in my mind as the Reese James joke is, "I'm growing up, I've stopped eating chicken nuggets and I ate chicken gougs."

• 19:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Which felt very. Very you.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  Genuinely your diet.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, and that kind of switch from the nuggets to the goujons is the switch from like t-shirt and shorts to tux.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  To me. And that's why.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  That's a big, that's a big move.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  Fancy growing up, goujon, it's a French word.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  So that's why I'm, because I'm fancy now. So maybe it will be a childish menu. It's up to you to decide whether you think it is. Personally, I think it's pretty grown up menu.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Well, we've had, look, we've had lunch, we've had lunch before. I think.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  I've had lunch before, yeah.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, me and you together.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  We've had lunch together before, yeah. You took me to a metal restaurant once.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  A metal restaurant?

• 20:05Speaker 04

  It was a restaurant where they play metal so loud.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  It was Bone Daddy's?

• 20:09Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. It was Black Axe Mangal.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:12Speaker 04

  Black Axe Mangal? Mangal. It's next to the Hen and Chickens in Islington.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  It's an amazing restaurant.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  It was really good. Food was amazing, but I couldn't hear a word.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  They play loud music.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  They play loud hip hop and loud metal.

• 20:23Speaker 04

  Very scary music.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  But it's a fantastic restaurant. Huge, huge shout out to Black Axe Mangal.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  They won't be featuring on this menu.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  The food was great, but. Yeah, yeah.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  We had a patty melt together once.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Oh. Did we?

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:34Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 20:35Speaker 02

  You were excited. You said, we should go here. I want to have a patty melt.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Patty melt?

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  That like a sandwich that's like a burger?

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, great, great.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  In that hotel in Hoban.

• 20:42Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that the Hoxton?

• 20:45Speaker 02

  The Hoxton.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  Tried to do a sandwich review series for your Radio X show of their Christmas sandwiches. Did two. They were both bad. Stopped sending them in. Didn't want to go anymore. Had a loyalty card. Still didn't bother. Well, they read out the first two on the air. So everyone knows you quit. Yeah, I slammed these sandwiches and then it's like, I'm not doing this anymore. It's Christmas.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  We always start with still the sparkling water, Reece. Do you have a preference? Look, I'd like still water. I'm having sparkling, okay? What? Really? You can't, you've got to have bubbles in a tux, I'm afraid. You can't walk into a restaurant like this. Yeah. And say, yeah, just normal tap. Yeah, it would look weird. I'm going with sparkling. It would look weird if you were. But can I both? No. Okay, sold.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  Everyone else gets it, dream restaurant, can have what you want.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Suddenly, I bet the secret ingredient is bread in this one, by the way. You're desperate to kick me out, especially if I want to wear this.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  Funny.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Do you want both?

• 21:40Speaker 04

  Yeah. Little cup of both.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Little cup of both.

• 21:43Speaker 04

  Little cup of, because San Pellegrino, the green glass San Pellegrino bottle, that's a classy, now that's a classy bottle.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  Tennis. Fair to say?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  What, it makes you think of tennis?

• 21:50Speaker 04

  Fair to say tennis?

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's fair to say tennis.

• 21:52Speaker 04

  Makes me think of tennis.

• 21:54Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:54Speaker 04

  But I want a little glass of that to start, and then I want to move on to the still version of San Pellegrino, which I think is called, it begins with a P, doesn't it? It's not Pellegrino. It's, it's the orange logo, it's got an orange logo, it's like patter or something like that.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  Well, I don't think I knew this, you know?

• 22:09Speaker 04

  It's what you would have seen it, white bottle, orange logo, sorry, not white, clear.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 04

  Water, white bottle would be mental.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Really playing up to being a little kid who thinks that clear thing is a white.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, little white bottle, it's nice and warm. Panna, Aqua Panna, Aqua Panna.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Is that the?

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Oh, I've seen Aqua Panna.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Is that the same company?

• 22:31Speaker 04

  That is the sister drink of the bubbly San Pellegrino, yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  Sister drink.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  There you go, actually more of an adult than we gave you credit for.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  Because you've seen water before.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  You know about the sister drinks?

• 22:41Speaker 04

  I know about the sister drinks.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, we'll let you have some Aqua Panna and some San Pellegrino if you like, brother and sister.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Brother and sister.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  Yes, please, yeah, I love the brother and sister of water, yeah. What's the mum and dad of water then?

• 22:50Speaker 03

  Well, I guess you will be the water daddy in that situation. If you, if you, if you've got, if you've got both, you can call yourself.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  Ah, then I'm the water.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  You can be like, I'm the water, you can just call yourself the water daddy.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then you've got to drink your own kids.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  That's weird, right?

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Would you drink your own kids? We never asked anyone this before.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  Hmm. Look, I don't want kids, so I guess so. Is that's going to get rid of them?

• 23:11Speaker 03

  No harm, no foul.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Oh, you see that as an obliteration of your children?

• 23:15Speaker 04

  Obliterates the kids, if I'm drinking, yeah, I'm drinking, well, I'm drinking them to death presumably.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  You are drinking them to death.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  They live on through piss. I think they live on through piss, don't they?

• 23:24Speaker 03

  If you drink anything like that.

• 23:26Speaker 04

  Piss, you know?

• 23:26Speaker 03

  I think, I think they're dead by the time they're pissed.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Rest in piss.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  Dead by the time they're pissed?

• 23:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:31Speaker 04

  Hmm. Rest in piss. Fuck. Sorry for stepping on it. It's fantastic.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  It's alright, it's out there.

• 23:35Speaker 04

  It's fantastic.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah. Kill the kids, rest in piss. That's a fair description of my relationship with not wanting to be a father.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:43Speaker 04

  Pum- pum's on bread! Pum- pum's on bread, Reece James! Pum- pum's on bread! I bet it feels good, doesn't it?

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Shout that?

• 23:49Speaker 04

  To, to have someone that you don't respect in the chair, okay.

• 23:54Speaker 04

  You've had two, but you've got two. The podcast has got too big for how much you like shouting that.

• 23:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  So there's too many people that you're like, oh, I'm not shouting it.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  But it is fun, it is funnier when it's someone that James really respects and he has to sort of semi shout it.

• 24:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's nice for you to get it out of your system every now and then so that you can go, and I presume it's Al Pacino next week or someone that you're not going to say to Joe Pesci's in, I imagine.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Well, I have to change my, my mind because, you know, when it, when it was De Niro, I was like, I don't want to do this.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  And then you have to go to yourself, no, like, listen, this is really funny that you're going to shout it. So I have to change my mind, but I have to forcibly do it. It's not, not a natural thing.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  He's an old man though, right?

• 24:29Speaker 03

  I have to be like, come on, this is funny to shout.

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Even forgetting that it's Robert De Niro.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:33Speaker 04

  How do you feel about screaming that at an old man?

• 24:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  Anything could have happened.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  There is almost, it's on a knife edge when, when they're old. And when, when, when we do get an old one in, I am thinking like, if, is this the one where I'll finally kill someone?

• 24:45Speaker 04

  Would you drink your heroes?

• 24:47Speaker 03

  I'd drink my heroes.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Rest in piss, Mr. De Niro.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  Rest in piss, Bobby De Niro.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  Oh, all the things he survived in films and stuff, for that to be the thing that really kills him.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Things he survived in films.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  In films, yeah.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  Come on, that's how we see him. I don't know what he survived in his life, but I imagine it's similar, isn't it?

• 25:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  He can, well, you know him. You're mates with him. Does he carry himself like that?

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Everything he's done in films, he's also done in real life.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, he does. He's, he's method.

• 25:14Speaker 04

  When is the bit of this podcast where you pitch stuff for me, by the way, and I choose what I want? When you do that. Gougeons, please.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, whatever. I tell you what, if you did choose to play it like that, we can't tell you no.

• 25:24Speaker 04

  There's precedent now.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  It would be funny if we just.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  No one has to press anything.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  We're not doing that, Reece. You either choose it or we're not doing this fucking podcast, okay?

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Get a couple of Oscars under your belt and we'll do it.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, until then. I think we would say that to Reece though, you know.

• 25:37Speaker 03

  What would say?

• 25:37Speaker 02

  If Reece started going, "I have whatever's good." We're like, "You fucking just pick something."

• 25:41Speaker 04

  Of course you would, because in the same way you just screamed that at me as loud as you've ever screamed it, because you don't respect me. And I respect you for not respecting me, of course I do, because I wouldn't. Why do you think I've worked so hard on the outfit? I'm desperately trying to get a crumb of respect. But I'm waiting for the moment I say bread and you say unlucky secret ingredient, goodbye.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  You put that on for nothing.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  What, do you wanna pick then?

• 26:01Speaker 04

  Well, okay. It's bread.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  Get out.

• 26:05Speaker 04

  God damn it. It's bread and what I want for the outfit, for the whole vibe, is, you know, sort of like fancy focaccia with oil and balsamic vinegar.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 04

  And as a dandy, who has been a dandy my whole life.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:18Speaker 04

  I did used to go home from sixth form and have that for lunch.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  You had focaccia for lunch?

• 26:22Speaker 04

  With the oil and the balsamic.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  And you never saw avocado until you met Ed?

• 26:26Speaker 04

  I know.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  This is amazing.

• 26:28Speaker 04

  I had quite beige diet for a very long time.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  You went home.

• 26:31Speaker 04

  I would take friends there as well.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Who?

• 26:34Speaker 04

  Take friends there?

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 26:35Speaker 04

  So my house is quite near the school.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Couldn't believe that you had friends, did you?

• 26:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  Who? Who are you talking about? Who's friends?

• 26:39Speaker 03

  Friends? Who were your friends at school?

• 26:40Speaker 04

  I took my friend Sam there.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Monica.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  I took my friend James and Ed. I took my friend Sam there once and was like, "Mate, let's go have lunch at mine because my house is quite near the school. Sick of this canteen nonsense."

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:55Speaker 04

  And the starter would be, I'd have some nice fancy bread and I would do olive oil and balsamic in a little dish and we dip it in there while waiting for our dippers to cook.

• 27:06Speaker 04

  Our dippers would be in the oven, we'd watch an episode of Flight of the Conchords dipping our bread.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:11Speaker 04

  And then we'd get our lager and we'd dip them in ketchup instead.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Did Sam like Flight of the Conchords or were you being like Sam?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  You always focus on the weirdest bit of the story.

• 27:21Speaker 04

  He was quite happy with the dippers and the bread situation.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  Absolutely fine with Reece being at school and going home to dip balsamic oil for capture. He goes, I'll fly the Concorde, tell me more about Sam.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  It just feels like this whole thing is like Reece has curated the lunchtime.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  I see where you're going.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  And that Sam is having to go along with everything.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  He's having to get involved, yeah.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  And I'm wondering if you're also like, you know, as a comedy nerd, you're like watching all that stuff, but your friends are like, wow.

• 27:47Speaker 04

  No, I think they were, he was into Flight of the Concorde. We liked Flight of the Concorde. We both liked it.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  How did he feel about the oil and vinegar?

• 27:53Speaker 04

  I think he, that was one of those things where I was like, mate, have you had this? The thing that you get at the start of every meal if you ever go out. You have this, you've got to have this. So it's like, the promise, I didn't sell it on that. The promise was.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  I knew, I knew that he'd love, have you had this? You've got to have this. But he, instantly laughing to himself.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  The way I would get him back to the house, not to sound so creepy.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:14Speaker 04

  But it's to be like, I've got chips and chicken nuggets at my house. They're not doing proper chips in this canteen.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, come back.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  Come back to mine. We'll watch Flight of the Concorde. We don't need to be around these other guys. We'll just hang out at mine, you know? These guys are bullies. They won't even let you wear what you want to wear.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Seems like you're trying to get off with them.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  Quite sinister, yeah. Wasn't trying to get off with them actually, I swear. And then we would.

• 28:36Speaker 04

  And then I'd put those in the oven. You've got to have something while you wait.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 28:40Speaker 04

  And the natural thing for me was fancy bread. And I, I was, when I first experienced the sort of oil by balsamic thing in a restaurant, I was like, this is the best part of the meal by miles.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  It's so delicious.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Look, you're preaching to the converted.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  But they've changed, you don't get it so much anymore.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  The, the day I got a panini maker at home was the day I became the most popular guy of the year.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  Oh, did you?

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Who'd you have home?

• 29:01Speaker 02

  Uh, Josh.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  You're for Josh?

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 04

  Well, all back to yours. What, what was in the paninis?

• 29:07Speaker 02

  Uh, whatever, whatever I wanted.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  Cause that's like, I can, Breville toastie maker, a hundred percent know what you're getting at. Cheese toasties, those little triangles.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  That's popular.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  I love, I've got one of those now.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  I've got, I've got.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  Can't believe you.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  I cannot, I cannot wait to break out the Breville.

• 29:21Speaker 04

  It's amazing, isn't it?

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Come winter.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  Oh, really? Seasonal for you?

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Uh, what? I mean, we've just had a heatwave, but it's 2025. Um, we've, we've just had a heatwave. I don't know what year you're listening to this.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 04

  2022.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Rest in peace to Reece James. I'm not streaming that. That's where we'll be putting it out.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, rest in peace.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't, I can't be eating one of those, those pockets of fire in the summer.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  You could wait a bit, wait for it to cool down a bit.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  No way.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  No.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  Then that's all, that's all the fun gone.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Blanket, no, we'll not be waiting for anything to cool down ever.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  No, it was, it was like a flat top panini maker thing. So like a press, like a press. No, not with the stripes, just flat, completely flat.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  Oh, no, thank you.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  That's how you make paninis.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  Not eating that. Don't rate it, need the stripes.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  The stripes attacking.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  It's like my tracksuit bottoms, gotta have the stripes or people will slag me off for getting a fake market.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Adidas panini.

• 30:11Speaker 04

  Adidas panini, please. What's a tiger without his stripes? Exactly.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  A lion.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, that is better.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  Master improviser. Oh, God.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  No, like probably just mozzarella and ham I'd put in there.

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Fair enough. And ham, I know the cheese gets hot, but like other ingredients in a toastie or panini do become hot in a way that is, I've never seen before in any meal.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Well, the tomatoes.

• 30:34Speaker 04

  The tomatoes are classic. It's like molten lava. Yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  But I'm not putting fresh tomato in a panini.

• 30:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  It's too much water in it.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  I've heard you say that before on this podcast.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  You seem to think tomatoes is really water based.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  They're very water. If you put them in a panini and then heat them up, waterlogged, rain, you know.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  Rained off.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  Rained off.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  Panini's been rained off.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Play cancelled. Yeah, it's Wimbledon. We've just had Wimbledon in 2025. So do you want the focaccia with the oil and Basam vinegar for your, for your dream bread?

• 31:03Speaker 04

  I either want that. I don't know what the rules are in terms of how far I can deviate from just bread. Because what I want is the chili cheese toast from Dishoom.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:13Speaker 04

  As my bread course. Oh, that's what you want? That's what I want. But I'll happily have the focaccia and oil if that's more in the bread family. Chili cheese toast.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  It's bread.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  Bread. Yeah, it's cheese as well.

• 31:22Speaker 02

  We've had people push, push the boundary way more than that.

• 31:25Speaker 04

  I've only listened to the Robert De Niro episode.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  The chili cheese toast from Dishoom is a great bread course.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  It's fantastic, isn't it? Only on the breakfast menu, as far as I'm aware.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 04

  And it's with eggs on it.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 04

  I don't know if you can even get it on its own, but I love it so much.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  No, I think you can get it separately on, on the menu, yeah. But with not, without eggs on it. I think you can get it on the regular menu.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  Eggs on it in this.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think the regular menu.

• 31:50Speaker 04

  Eggs on it. That can't be what, if you're having bread before a meal, you can't just have, can I have eggs on it?

• 31:55Speaker 02

  Well, but yeah, but I guess the bread course is like the breakfast of the meal, right?

• 31:59Speaker 03

  We'd let you.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  I don't want to. Well, is this how it works for me? So Robert De Niro, you go, you go, oh, what about this? And he goes, yeah, okay. If it's good.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  Catch, weird catchphrase. For me, you go, no, you have to have eggs on it, by the way, every course.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  That's a good idea.

• 32:14Speaker 04

  You have to have a couple of eggs on it.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  And by the way, the secret ingredient is eggs.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. We got you.

• 32:18Speaker 04

  Punkt.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  It is on the menu, isn't it? But without eggs on the regular menu. Yeah, chili cheese toast from Deshume.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  Fantastic.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, have that.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  And I love that, but I always overorder at Deshume. Um, and it, or the cheese on toast always feels like a step too far. You're like, I've ordered all of that and now I'm having cheese on toast.

• 32:35Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, because of the chili, it doesn't feel like cheese on toast to me for some reason.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  But it is, isn't it?

• 32:40Speaker 04

  But it is just cheese on toast with chili in it.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  But it's so delicious.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  What type of bread is it?

• 32:44Speaker 02

  It feels just like quite a regular bread.

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Normal bread.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Normal bread.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  Which is right up your street.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Normal.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  White slice loaf.

• 32:50Speaker 04

  White slice loaf.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Classic. Can't argue with that.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  I've never had it. I mean, I've been to Deshume a lot, love it, but like, yeah, I've never had this.

• 32:55Speaker 04

  Have you been to breakfast there much?

• 32:57Speaker 03

  No.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  No, I prefer.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  I've not done a breakfast.

• 32:59Speaker 04

  I think I prefer going there for breakfast than.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Would you want the eggs on this?

• 33:02Speaker 04

  I don't want the eggs. Stop making me have the eggs. I know it's a secret ingredient.

• 33:09Speaker 05

  Welcome to 215 Maple Drive. We just put this property on the market.

• 33:14Speaker 06

  Love the crown molding.

• 33:16Speaker 05

  Oh, wait until you see the walk-in closets and the bathroom tile.

• 33:20Speaker 06

  Does it have Verizon FiOS? You know, 100% fiber internet.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  No FiOS, but it looks like it's got cable. Let's check out the kitchen.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  No FiOS? Yeah, no, thank you.

• 33:30Speaker 05

  Don't you want to see the rest? Okay, bye bye.

• 33:33Speaker 07

  Get Verizon FiOS because when you're moving, it's 100% or nothing.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  Soft, cushy, plush, cozy. Soft, smooth, buttery, marshmallow-y, warm, soft. Socks, underwear, tees and more. Bombas, everyday comfort worth obsessing over. Visit bombas.com/audio and use code AUDIO for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S dot com slash AUDIO. One purchase equals one donated, always.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Your dream starter, Reece James.

• 34:15Speaker 04

  Okay, from a place called Billy's in Harpenden, I would like...

• 34:22Speaker 02

  A culinary hotspot.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  They've got a Zazar. They had a Subway for a while.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  You know where I go...

• 34:29Speaker 04

  Protested about that in the town, by the way.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  You know where I go when I want a great meal? One of London's satellite commuters.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  Can't get a McDonald's off, can't get a McDonald's there.

• 34:39Speaker 03

  No?

• 34:39Speaker 04

  Every time, they're like, that, my whole childhood, every time any shop closed down, there'd be a rumour, that's gonna be a McDonald's. And then a week later, there'd be another rumour, ah, the parents shut it down. They wouldn't let it happen.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  They protested, yeah.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  The Harpenden parents.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  And I think my mum was spreading that rumour, going, oh, you know what Harpenden parents are like? They wouldn't let you have a McDonald's here because of the litter. And then I'd sort of go, can I check your emails?

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Specifically, it's just her all the time.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Cheers, yeah. She's got a thousand email addresses.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, it doesn't want a McDonald's there, but we did have a Subway and that was very exciting for a time. That was, that was huge.

• 35:14Speaker 03

  I was very excited when Kevin got a Subway.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  Really excited.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  How is Subway better, in terms of the parents? How is Subway better than McDonald's, do you think?

• 35:21Speaker 04

  They, because they hadn't heard of it.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  Because it felt like, when it, when it came to Harpenden, it felt like it had come direct from Los Angeles.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  It's like, I'd never seen one before in England. And it wasn't a burger, it was a sandwich.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Sandwich.

• 35:33Speaker 04

  And they can't argue with sandwiches because they've been putting them in your packed lunches.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  They can't exactly be like, the sandwiches are unhealthy. You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this twist? It's like if they opened a malt loaf restaurant.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  And there's veggies, like, visible when you go in.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, the salad, yeah. Even though there's salad in a Big Mac as well.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, and, and a burger's a sandwich.

• 35:51Speaker 04

  And burger's a sandwich.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  Although, is it, I, I genuinely was in the shower the other day and probably had 10 minutes thinking to myself, do you classify burger as a sandwich? He has a podcast of his own. Yeah. I don't need to start.

• 36:04Speaker 04

  He's always thinking of content. This guy lives and breathes.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  The acoustics are good in there. Yeah.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Food questions.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  I wasn't doing it out loud.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  What about hot dog then?

• 36:10Speaker 02

  So surely. So this is where my mind went.

• 36:13Speaker 04

  Oh, but maybe the.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  It's a hot dog sandwich.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  So maybe it's if the bread doesn't touch. Hear me out.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  Hot dog, it's like a U.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:20Speaker 04

  Of bread.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  It's a U of bread.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  That's you. That's not a sandwich.

• 36:22Speaker 02

  But then what's.

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Pizza is not a sandwich filled. It's not a sandwich.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  It definitely is.

• 36:26Speaker 04

  Nah, the bread's touching.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Definitely is.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  If the bread is separate and there's stuff between it, a sandwich it shall be.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  It's a burger sandwich.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  You're saying it like it rhymes. That doesn't rhyme.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  I hoped it would. As I was speaking, I thought, I hope this rhymes.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  May I take you back to the panini? Or a roll, a filled roll.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Quite often, they will just slice into the roll. They'll leave a hinge.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Negligent.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  They'll leave a hinge and then they'll fill the roll. Is that a sandwich? Or is a roll a sandwich?

• 36:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, because it is still a sandwich.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Did you say hello in your head when you were doing this to yourself as well? Yeah. Every now and again, hello? Yeah. And then I tried to wash the bottom of my foot and nearly fell over.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  And Subway, actually.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Did you try to wash the bottom of your foot? Yeah, I tried to wash the bottom of my feet, obviously. And then you put the foot down and you're like, this is going to be a really tense minute while I'm slipping around in shower gel here. Yeah. And I picked the other foot up, so I'm just on one slippy foot.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  But and you're still thinking of the sandwich thing at this point.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  Well, I'm trying to, but I can't keep the episode on track because I'm too worried about falling over in the shower like an old man.

• 37:28Speaker 04

  Well, it's good to hear you write for these.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 04

  This level of prep.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  I didn't know. It really does feel like Mott on the Wii. It's like, yeah, it's like. Yeah, me washing the bottom of my feet is not a scene you'd like to see.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  Oh, yes. Love that. Love that.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  Smooth. No, not smooth at all.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  They do hinge the Subway sandwiches. So, and that is.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  That's a sandwich. All right. I concede.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  Well, in any case, I want to go to Billy's, not Subway.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Sorry, Billy's isn't happening.

• 37:54Speaker 04

  Billy's doesn't exist anymore. It's also closed down. They probably think it's going to be McDonald's there, but it isn't. I'm telling you, it isn't. Billy's was, for all intents and purposes, a bad pub.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  It was really fun, but I was a child.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  So I thought it was amazing. And actually, when I would eat, what I'm going to have as a starter, which is the buffalo wings and nachos. I want both of them as the starter. There was a year when I was 15, when my parents separated for one year and.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Just for one year?

• 38:22Speaker 04

  For one year.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  They got back together. They had a Rumspringer.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  What's that? Is that a sandwich?

• 38:27Speaker 02

  No, it's the Amish tradition of you get to leave the community for a year and go and do whatever you want, as long as the promises you come back and become Amish again. Yeah.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  I did know that about the Amish. I didn't know it was called that. And I didn't know anyone knew this much about the Amish.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  I love the Amish.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  I keep getting TikToks at the moment of people going to Amish communities and saying, you have to prepare. The zombies are already in the cities.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  And the Amish people will be like, what? And they're going like, honestly. And then there's other ones of them showing brain rot to Amish people.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  Like weird memes that it just don't make any sense.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  Of like AI stuff.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  How do the Amish people know about zombies?

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, maybe there's some explaining they do before it. So there's this thing called zombies. That's the, that's dead people walking around.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:11Speaker 04

  But you wouldn't be scared of it. I saw one, he had an AI video of cats in the Olympics and he showed it to an Amish person and it was all cats going off diving boards and doing flips. And what's interesting about that one is the Amish person is not buying it one bit. They look at it like, yeah, so what's this? This is obviously, the guy's like, look, you wouldn't expect a cat to do that. Like three flips.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  And the Amish person is just like, yeah, it's just in an apple shop. So basically, sorry, as in literal apples. It's not a genius bar.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  They're actually selling apples. I like that.

• 39:42Speaker 02

  The apple store.

• 39:43Speaker 04

  It's not the apple store.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Must have been on his year off.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  Do not, yeah, yeah.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  That's where they go immediately. Their first, as soon as the first day of their year off, straight in the apple store, their head starts vibrating. Oh, I can't, they can't take it.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  If you took your laptop to the genius bar and someone was dressed like an Amish person there, you'd be like, oh, I'm fucked. I'm never getting that laptop back. They're not gonna know what to do.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  I, sometimes when I see AI videos, I'd feel like an Amish guy.

• 40:05Speaker 04

  Because you think that's real?

• 40:06Speaker 02

  I fall for it. Yeah, yeah. And I have to check with Charlie what's, what's AI and what's not. I'd be like, come over here. How can a horse be this small?

• 40:16Speaker 04

  Come over here. How can a horse be this small?

• 40:19Speaker 02

  It's AI, Ed. All right. Well, then I, then I'm, I'm gonna be dead in a year.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Because I can't tell whatever, what anything is anymore.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  When you fall for an AI thing, it does feel like, well, it's game over for my brain, isn't it?

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  It's when your parents send you one, you're just like, oh, God, this, we're different planets now.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Well, my mom got into like using ChatGPT to make, uh, like pictures of our cat, my cats, and send them to me. So she would just, but she would just speak into it. So it wouldn't look anything like them. But she would just say like, a sphinx cat next to a Maine Coon cat and it's their birthday.

• 40:53Speaker 03

  And then she would send me, and there's two cats wearing party hats, I don't know about my cats, I'll be like, what was it with this? She's just like, and she told me about, she was like, it's this website, and you just tell it stuff.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, it is exciting. I got sent, my, my girlfriend's mum sent me a song about my cat that she'd made on AI. Where she just typed, she found an app where they just make, sings you a song.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  I've never used AI. I can't believe there's parents using AI, I've never used.

• 41:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was like, and I immediately was like, I was making a Radio 4 show at the time, and I needed some songs in it. And I immediately was like, what is this website? This is incredible. She didn't even write the lyrics, she just said, there's a boy called Reece. And he's got a cat called Tabitha, she's a ginger cat, she's crazy, write a song about that. And it was like a country and western song. That was like exactly the tune you'd expected.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was like a theme tune for the cat, basically, that it came back with. And I, I also, it's like, completely out of the blue, you get that text from your girlfriend's mum, so what?

• 41:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  I'm just like, what do I do, thumbs up it and never reply?

• 41:48Speaker 03

  I thought your cat, I mean, maybe this was a different cat, but I thought Bob Mortimer named your cat?

• 41:53Speaker 04

  Bob Mortimer named my cat, Tabitha Lightsource.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, there you go.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know you expected sort of like Mike Twat or something like that.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  No, no, I knew it was something like that.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  It's disrespectful then to not say Tabitha Lightsource every time you talk about your cat.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  Do you think?

• 42:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 42:06Speaker 04

  Hmm, okay, fine.

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Especially if you've got Bob Mortimer to name your cat.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  It's kind of a waste.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  It is a bit of a waste, I should go tab.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, fair enough, okay, Tabitha Lightsource.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Tabitha Lightsource.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  And I'll, I'll release the theme tune.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  So these buffalo wings?

• 42:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  Bad?

• 42:21Speaker 04

  No, they're actually, the food was amazing in this place. So this place was a, like, plastic, red and white, chequered tablecloth place. And I actually don't think the food came in a basket, but if it did in that kind of diner way, it would not be incongruent with the vibe.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  And I knew it as a place that my parents, it was like the place people went out at night. But I'd not done that.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:45Speaker 04

  But it was also the place you'd go in the day.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Never been out at night.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  No, I was fifteen, so I hadn't been.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  No wonder you're pale.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  This was like the cool bar you could go to.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Doesn't make sense.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's the opposite.

• 42:55Speaker 04

  They don't, they're not. Some of them are a swing in a minute. And you've got to accept that in the. Sometimes he has to stop and wash the bottom of his feet. Sometimes. So he's not always on, he's not, he's not firing the mop. You were metaphorically, you had the soap on toe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fair enough. But it's, uh, but the food was amazing. I would go there, we'd go there every Saturday pretty much with my dad in the separation year. Yes, the separation year. Me, him and my brother would get.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  It's such a dad separation place.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  Sometimes you don't realise that you live in a stereotype until years later. You don't realise you're in a, a trope.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  It's crazy. My dad, my, my dad always used to take me to Ed's Diner.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  Oh dear. It's too on the nose, isn't it?

• 43:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's good, but it was good back in the day, Ed's Diner.

• 43:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, it was also, it was the first one, wasn't it? I used to go to the diner all the time in London when I first moved to London. Cause it was like, there was nothing, except Ed's Diner. There was nothing close to it. And now that's all everything.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Well, there.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  Sort of smash burgers and stuff like that, it's sort of every place.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Back then there was Ed's Diner on, I think it was on King's Road and Johnny Rockets. Now Johnny Rockets was my favourite, but Johnny Rockets is gone now.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  In Billy's, you had to sign a contract if you wanted a rare steak. Wow.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  What are you talking about?

• 44:00Speaker 02

  What are you on about, mate?

• 44:01Speaker 04

  I think this was the thing at the time.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  It wasn't.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  No.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  It wasn't, but carry on.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  No, it wasn't the thing at the time, but. The fajitas were loud, the vibes were electric and you had to sign a contract if you wanted your steak rare.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Fajitas have always been loud.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, not as loud as this place.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  What are you talking about?

• 44:17Speaker 04

  That, I've never heard them louder. Not before, not since. I was gonna do another attempted rhyme then and I could see that it wasn't gonna rhyme. Black Axe Man Gal, as, as loud as that music? Not as loud as that music, but louder than their fajitas would have been. I'm not saying it's the loudest sound of all time. I'm saying it's the loudest fajitas. You wouldn't know how loud the fajitas at Black Axe Man Gal.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  How were they making the fajitas louder than other fajitas?

• 44:37Speaker 04

  Good question. Plate's hotter, that's gonna be louder, it's bound to be louder.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Hmm, yeah.

• 44:42Speaker 04

  The more wood you throw on, the bigger a fire gets, louder it is.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  Bigger plate, massive plate of fajitas.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  Are you sure it's not?

• 44:50Speaker 04

  No further questions.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  Was it the first time you'd heard fajitas?

• 44:52Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  So it's the memory, it's the memory of them.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  Only time I've heard fajitas. Yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, really loud though, never heard louder.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  The first time you hear them in a pub as a kid, it's just like, everyone stops, everyone looks, you can't believe how loud that thing is.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, it's like, it's a bit like when a sparkler is coming in like TGI Fridays or something.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  And the sparkler's in a thing, and you're like, what the hell is going on? Food shouldn't make noise like this.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  And the fajitas is the exact same, except there's no fire. So you're like, what is the source of this sound?

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Was your dad trying to explain to you why, why him and your mum had split up and that you couldn't, he was having to speak over the fajitas?

• 45:25Speaker 04

  Son, it is your fault.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  Just for a year though.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Whoa, what's all this racket? This is incredible. Yeah, well, at the time, they didn't know it was just for a year. They didn't go into it going.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Let's do one year on, one year off.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  So he's fully committed to like.

• 45:37Speaker 04

  We're done.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  The stereotype.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  I've moved out.

• 45:39Speaker 03

  We're going to Billy's.

• 45:39Speaker 04

  I'm now your dad, I see you on the weekends, and we either go to a football match, or we go to the pub, and we have always same starter, buffalo wings, best buffalo wings ever, yes, first ones I've ever had, also the loudest buffalo wings I've ever had. Nachos, classic nachos really, got all, all the trimmings.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:56Speaker 04

  And then for a main course, I would have a no kissing burger.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Oh, so, sorry.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  That was the main course.

• 46:01Speaker 03

  That's what you would do at Billy's?

• 46:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, Billy's, I would have a no kissing burger.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  Not for this, not for this dream menu?

• 46:05Speaker 04

  Not for this, don't want it for, just want the starter. The starter is the wings and the nachos. We do share that, the three of us.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:11Speaker 04

  Uh, I'm gonna say, if we're doing dream restaurant, I can have whoever on, I'll let my mum get back involved. She's welcome back, actually.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  No, it's not the same.

• 46:18Speaker 03

  I, I don't think it'll be the same.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  I think we're gonna put our foot down and say that your parents are still separated.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  For the start.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Fine, fine with that.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  For the start, your parents are still separated, isn't it?

• 46:26Speaker 04

  Didn't affect me really, fine with it.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  Um, got an iPod that year.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 46:29Speaker 04

  So, you know, pretty good year.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  What's a no kissing burger, Rhys?

• 46:32Speaker 04

  It's a burger with, uh, caramelized onions in it, so you shouldn't be kissing after it, is what, is how they were branding it.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  What? I would kiss someone after caramelized onions.

• 46:40Speaker 04

  Yeah. Not in Billy's, you wouldn't, mate.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  Raw red onions.

• 46:42Speaker 03

  Raw, it's like raw red onion or anything.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  I'm just telling you the facts.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  But do you believe now that a, a restaurant that might call a far, completely fine to kiss burger, a no kissing burger, might have the loudest fajitas in the biz?

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  This is now possible. This is a novelty restaurant.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah, it's a novelty restaurant.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  Yeah. And it was a restaurant I associate with kids cracking their head open. Now, I think that's.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  The problem with this episode is everything you say is another five minutes of chat.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  I think that is a, that is a thing that happened a lot and has stopped happening.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 47:14Speaker 04

  When I was a kid, everyone was cracking their head open every day.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  So true.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  Every time you went anywhere, kids were running around and the parents weren't looking and someone would fall over and crack their head open.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Or knock a tooth out.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  And I would, I assumed skulls are made of nothing. They are paper. I, that's why, you know, I'm so cautious and I'm a dread guy because I see kids all around me. Kids' skulls are opening and I'm thinking, well, I'm sitting still, I'm not going anywhere.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Do you crack your head open ever?

• 47:37Speaker 04

  Never. Of course not. Never broke a bone. Nothing.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  Well, I'm worried about cracking my head open in the shower.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  Of course, you should be.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  You're on the cusp.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  But now, my brother has kids, I'm often at things where there's loads of kids running around, no one cracks their head open ever.

• 47:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:51Speaker 04

  Wow. What's going on? Have the skulls got thicker? Do we think?

• 47:55Speaker 02

  They must have done.

• 47:55Speaker 04

  Are parents just more attentive? It must be that.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  Maybe, yeah. I crack my head open.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  How many times?

• 48:00Speaker 03

  Once. Tried to get away from my dad when he was washing my hands and.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  And I slipped on the water.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Slippery hands. You put your hands down.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  Slipped on the water, slipped straight out of the door of the kitchen into the, into the corridor, still flying. And then flew headfirst into the side of the radiator.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 48:20Speaker 03

  And then I stood up, thought, fucking shook that chump, sat down in the living room with my brother and sister, my mum and everyone, watching TV. And then one of them, I can't remember who, went, you've got blood pouring down the side of your head.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  Wow. What a badass.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  So I have.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Do you touch the blood?

• 48:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  So then you've got to wash your hands again.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  Probably. Yeah. Tried to get away.

• 48:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. Bite my nose.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Vision just went slowly red like the start of James Bond.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  All the blood coming down your forehead.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  Your dream main course, Rhys. We had a lovely trip to Billy's there. It was very nice.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  I will have birria tacos.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  Very nice.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Specifically from Big Feastival. Have you ever performed at Big Feastival?

• 49:09Speaker 02

  I have. Worst gig I've ever done in my life.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  Really?

• 49:12Speaker 02

  It was really, it was very far back in the day. So now it's run by, is it Alex James?

• 49:18Speaker 04

  It's on Alex James's farm.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  Yes, it wasn't, it was on Clapham Common when I did it. And it was Jamie Oliver's thing.

• 49:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:24Speaker 02

  And they booked the comedy for When The Gates Opened, and I was on first, on the main stage.

• 49:30Speaker 04

  On the main stage?

• 49:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Absolutely brilliant.

• 49:32Speaker 04

  Opening the main stage, opening at the moment the gates opened.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I could just see families coming in from a mile away. And I had to beckon them forward to banter.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  Great. My god.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Really bad.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  Impossible.

• 49:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  Impossible. So when I say it's the worst gig, it's the answer I give when people ask me, what's the worst gig you've ever done? In reality, it was quite fun because it was impossible, so.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Your ceiling becomes very different for what you imagine this gig can be.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  And it becomes, well, this is 300 plumbers, so I'm happy with.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  Any laughs.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  But we all have to do that. We all get asked what the worst gig we've ever done is. And we have to give it, basically, the most entertainingly unplayable gig we've ever done. Because actually, if we all just say, this is a gig I was really looking forward to and it really meant a lot.

• 50:14Speaker 04

  And it went okay.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  It meant a lot to me. And they basically just didn't laugh. And I just felt like fucking jumping off a fucking building afterwards.

• 50:20Speaker 04

  A gig where it was all set up to be great, and everyone else did great, and I sort of did fine.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  They're the worst ones.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  They're the worst ones.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I felt like shit.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  Those ones where something crazy happens and it's like, well, this was never going to be more than a four out of 10, and I kind of got it to there.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:34Speaker 04

  That's when you're like, well, whatever. Great.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  It's funny.

• 50:36Speaker 04

  You switch it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  Loved it.

• 50:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. So that's what I want.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:40Speaker 04

  And I'd love, actually, if this is the dream restaurant, to be able to watch that before I have this.

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 50:45Speaker 04

  Because when I had this, Natasha Beddingfield was just there singing Unwritten as I was eating this. So that was pretty special. Special for you. That's pretty special.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  That is the dweebiest thing anyone's ever said.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  But she was miles in the distance, so I could only sort of hear it. I had had a fantastic sex.

• 50:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  Great comic. Yeah. And I was, also, I was in a comedy tent.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  And it's like a proper festival tent. And so, and it was like really busy and nice. Yeah. It's on just after Marcel Lecomte. Yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  We.

• 51:10Speaker 04

  He had talked about wine quite a lot, cause food festival.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:13Speaker 04

  I thought, I've got no food stuff. Did the Gougeon's joke, obviously, not insane. Brought that back 10 years later. Yeah. Then mostly just bants and then got off and then they give you one food token from one stand, even though it's a food festival. So it's like, the whole point is go and sample loads of stands. And I just said, what's the best one? And they said, oh, that beeria right there. Everyone's just talking about that. And I went there straight away and they gave it to me and they give you the dipping thing as well, like the thing that they make it in. Yeah. This sort of soupy thing that they cook beer in. They give you the dipping thing of that, some sort of pickled red cabbage on the side. And then I was eating it and cause I was doing it just outside the comedy tent, I was eating this and everyone was coming up to me out of the comedy tent going, we just saw you in the comedy tent. And I go, yeah, yeah, you've got to get this. You've got to get this. It's the best thing I've ever tasted in my life.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  But do you think all the compliments made it taste better?

• 51:57Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, I want to be complimented non-stop while eating it.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  While they're dying on his arse. It's dying on his arse over there. Beddingfield's somewhere in the background.

• 52:04Speaker 02

  She's smashing it.

• 52:05Speaker 04

  Smashing over there.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  And people are flooding from your stage to Beddingfield's stage, ideally.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Well, there was never enough people watching me at this gig for there to be a flood.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  Okay, fine. There's a stream of people. There's a trickle.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Even a stream, yeah.

• 52:18Speaker 04

  Didn't get stream level.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  There's a drip of people.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, a drip of people, yeah.

• 52:22Speaker 04

  And they're walking past and they're throwing compliment to the dandy and then I'm telling them, they've got to eat there. They're going, we're going to go there later because your recommendations mean something to us.

• 52:32Speaker 04

  Carrying on to see Beddingfield singing.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  What meat is it?

• 52:36Speaker 04

  It varies. I think I've only ever had it be beef. I think it can be goat.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  I think it's traditionally goat.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think it is. But I've only ever had it be beef and it's.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Would you have it if it was goat? I'm trying to work out how adventurous you are.

• 52:49Speaker 04

  I would, yeah, yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 04

  I am actually quite adventurous. The problem is, I went to Mexico at the start of the year, and my choice of birria is not from Mexico, it's from Alex James's farm, which I do appreciate is mental. Yes. That's because got really ill immediately in Mexico, didn't eat any. Oh mate. I, not instantly, I had about five days in Mexico City eating everything, but then one of those things was a street taco from a place called Jenny's Casodillas, which everyone says, you've got to go to Jenny's Casodillas, it's the best thing in Mexico City. And so we did go to where it said that was on a map, ate there, were like, everyone there was horrible, the food was terrible. It just seemed, the whole thing just seemed implausible. This was like a recommendation from people I know. Yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 04

  So we were like, all right, let's not get a second one. Went to a different taco place, like a bit more of a chain, but like that was really busy and sort of happening. Started eating in there, it was great. While we were there, my girlfriend looks up the Google reviews of Jenny's Casodillas. All the ones in the last like two months are like, this isn't Jenny's Casodillas, Jenny has moved, this made me the illest I've ever been in my life. Oh no. So you knew it was coming. So we've just eaten there, and I'm, I've written a dread memoir, I am a dreadder. Yeah. So I'm immediately like, my girlfriend's just like, ah, whatever, just like we, you know, it's either gonna happen or it isn't, nothing we can do about it. It's too late to like throw it up or anything like that. So we're just gonna have to try and enjoy ourselves. I'm immediately like, I might as well be ill now, because I can't do anything. Yeah. So it might as well happen immediately, because I'm just like so stressed, I'm barely eating the thing in front of me, I'm thinking, I don't, I don't know what to do.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  Oh, I am feeling actually, now you say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, immediately as well, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, then it just went, it sort of descended from there. And then it got to a point when I was like, all right, I'm going to the hospital. Yeah. It was because stomach, it was like stabbing pain in the stomach. So this is days later, so bad that I'd be on the toilet at 3am thinking, like quickly urgently putting towels down in front of me, because I thought I will faint, fall off this toilet and crack my head off.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  I'm scared of cracking my head off. I may as well be in Billy's right now. Yeah, running around Billy's like an idiot. Yeah, so I was doing that and I went to hospital, obviously language barrier. Basically pointed at my stomach, did a thumbs down and was like, grr. And he just, I'd say within 10 minutes, he wrote me seven prescriptions. Um, he spread bet on what it was, and one of them, one of them worked, and then I was fine. You're lucky that worked out. You could have gone under the knife, woke up with a fake six pack. Oh yeah, like, like wrappers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, this is, this is, oh right, this is bad. I know, just the thing. I'll sort you out, spread bet.

• 55:13Speaker 04

  He either has a stomach infection or he wants abs.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:16Speaker 04

  And we don't know which one, so we're doing both.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  Have a little look. Yeah, he needs abs.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  Do you remember that man on Celeb Big Brother who had that? He was a paparazzi guy. And he was like a huge guy, like he had Elon Musk body.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  But he had a fake six pack at the front, but it was like, it was crazy. He'd had it like put in.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  But then if you like, just go, I'm just gonna eat whatever I like then.

• 55:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Do you end up with a big stomach?

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  And then does it push the six pack to the front of the stomach?

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. So the six pack stays there no matter how large this guy got. And he's quite a large guy.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  It was amazing.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  That's hilarious.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  It was an extremely simple thing to happen in real life.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:49Speaker 04

  It was fantastic. And he had a big like pink Mohican, didn't he?

• 55:52Speaker 03

  I think, yeah. I only remember the six. I remember people showing me the six pack thing. It was crazy.

• 55:57Speaker 04

  This guy, he's fantastic. I don't know who he is. He's probably ethically all over the place because he was a big.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I imagine so. He doesn't seem like a good guy.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  I like him.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  Not enough people get plastic surgery for a laugh.

• 56:07Speaker 04

  Exactly. You know what my dream is? Is to disappear from the comedy scene for a while and come back with a BBL. I would love to come back with a big fat ass and just be like, and not reveal it. And I'll walk up to people face on.

• 56:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 04

  And they'll be like, oh, I've just dropped something.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  Well, every gig you'd have to come on right from the back of the stage.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  And then your first big laugh, you turn around to the side.

• 56:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just turn around to the side. Knock over the mic stand accidentally on purpose.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Turn around to the side.

• 56:33Speaker 04

  And then never, never reference it.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  Well, you'd have to do gigs in like three sided audiences. So you get a massive laugh three times.

• 56:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 04

  That's the dream. So if ever you sort of don't hear from me for a while, that's what I'm doing.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, we'll know. If you, if you say like, you know, I've quit, we'll be like, makes his family only quit for a year.

• 56:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  It'll be back.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  He'll be back in a year with it.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  He's healing is what's happening.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  He's healing the bum scars.

• 56:58Speaker 03

  Those tacos sound great. That's a great main course. They're grown up as well.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  Thank you. It's, it's still a sandwich arguably. Would you say a taco?

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Oh, I see that now. No, surely not.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  Ooh, I find interesting.

• 57:09Speaker 02

  Well, it's not bread, is it?

• 57:11Speaker 03

  Has to be bread.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  You're saying it's not bread? Is it not bread?

• 57:14Speaker 02

  It's more of a wrap.

• 57:15Speaker 04

  What's a wrap? Is wrap not bread? Is wrap not bread?

• 57:18Speaker 02

  No, tortillas not bread.

• 57:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay, it's corn.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:22Speaker 04

  But they also, with birria, which I don't think they do with other tacos, they dip it in the soup as well to fry it. And they fry it in that, don't they? And so the whole thing is just the most flavorful thing in the world.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  Oh my god, it's just so good.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  So good.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  But you can't really get a good one in the UK, except from Big Feastival. I think it's called Bab House, they're called. And I genuinely don't think you can get them anywhere else.

• 57:41Speaker 03

  I think you can get other ones in the UK that are good, not just at Big Feastival.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  I saw you have birria tacos.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 04

  Where was that?

• 57:47Speaker 02

  At the Lone Star in Buxton.

• 57:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, and that's in the UK.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  And that was amazing?

• 57:50Speaker 03

  And they were absolutely amazing, yeah. And we were on the run.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  And we only got, he only got halfway through them because we had to leave.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  Did it feel better because you were on the run, though?

• 57:57Speaker 03

  No, no. It felt better because...

• 57:59Speaker 04

  That's a risky genre of food to go for on the run, Mexican.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  I thought, I thought we'd all chilled out for a bit. So it felt better because I was like, we're all relaxing.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  And then we had to, then we had to run back to the scout hut to get all our stuff.

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• 59:21Speaker 02

  Your dream side dish, Reece.

• 59:23Speaker 04

  Well, this is from Mexico.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  Is it poopy food?

• 59:25Speaker 04

  This is in the, well, in the, so, a little bit, my, my palate, so we then went to Oaxaca City after Mexico City.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  This is very, by the way, a lot of the things you've picked are way spicier than I thought you'd go for.

• 59:35Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, you haven't heard of all these dishes.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  Well done, young man.

• 59:38Speaker 04

  You're not gonna like all these dishes one bit. But towards the tail, we went to Oaxaca City, right? And I'd been really ill. And so my palate for Mexican food, also, Oaxaca City is the home of mole. You know, mole is like incredibly rich, often quite spicy, and the last thing you want if you've been shitting your brains out for the last week. And my palate has changed to not want the taste of Mexican food.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:58Speaker 04

  And now I'm in Oaxaca City, which is a city, but is much more of a remote feeling place than Mexico City. They have a lot more traditional dishes and you can't get, it's not like being in London or Leeds, where it's all the same things you can have. You can't get loads of that stuff.

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  I've not been to Oaxaca City, but I understand it's not like London or Leeds.

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  It's not like London.

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  The two most metropolitan cities.

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  Between London and Leeds, yeah.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. I thought, I thought you were giving two examples of metropolitan cities.

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  No, what I meant was, you can leave London and go to Leeds and get all the same stuff.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  Yes, okay.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  But just different versions of the same stuff. But five guys will be in both, for example. This is not like that. It's like leaving London and going to Oaxaca City.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:36Speaker 04

  It's completely different stuff.

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  We've got Oaxaca in London.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  I'm struggling. Yes, not like that. And it's spelt differently as well.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 04

  O A X. But, so what I did for sort of safety for a bit, but also because of how my palate changed, I was like, right, I wanna have pizzas. So I would just have a pizza. Then I found out there's a certain type of cheese in Oaxaca City that isn't pasteurized. And so our stomach can't process it and it made me way more ill.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. The Oaxaca cheese.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, Oaxaca cheese is delicious, but it's illegal to bring to the UK.

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  Because it's not pasteurized in the right way and it can, I don't know.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  I don't know anything. But something like that, you can't get that cheese.

• 1:01:12Speaker 02

  I think you can get it in the UK. It's America who have different rules on pasteurization.

• 1:01:15Speaker 04

  Right, okay, fine.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  You probably can't get it in America.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  But either way, it was.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  It made you sick.

• 1:01:19Speaker 04

  Fucking with me even more. And I didn't know what was going on and why, because I thought, but I'm playing it safe. Then we went to this really fancy restaurant on the last day. Also, my girlfriend's fine throughout all of this, by the way.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:01:29Speaker 04

  Of course she is. Called Lavundra de Ola. And it's really interesting fancy Mexican dishes. But I was try really trying my best because it was the last day and it was just like, whatever. And this one that came out was just every type of tomato in Mexico. And they came over and it was like, it's the most amazing plate of food I've ever seen in my life. Even though it's just tomatoes, which you think I had a plate of water.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  But it was the freshest. They were on a.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Was it in a panini?

• 1:01:56Speaker 04

  It was, they weren't hot.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  Then shut your mouth.

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  Secret ingredient, hot tomato. They were so amazing and they were all like, there were green ones, there were red ones. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a blue one on there.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. I would, I would be, yeah.

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  No, there wasn't a blue one. They came along and they were like, those ones will be sweet, those ones will be sour, those ones will be in between. They were just describing and with better language than that, frankly.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 04

  But it was basically star mix, but for tomatoes.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  I see.

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? I was like, I had a whole.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  Is that how they said, described it to you as well?

• 1:02:28Speaker 04

  These are tank fast dicks.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  They said, they said one look at you and they, they went, I recognize him from the packet.

• 1:02:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. And then it was on like a, underneath it was like a beetroot puree thing. It was also quite sweet. And just every single one, like, you know, they were having fun because we're going, what's your favorite one? Oh, I like those ones. Oh, you, and they also.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  The fact you have to say that about your girlfriend.

• 1:02:49Speaker 04

  We were having fun.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  And then we're having fun.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  Then we're having fun.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  Because we manufactured a conversation about the dish we were eating.

• 1:02:54Speaker 04

  What's your favorite one?

• 1:02:55Speaker 02

  Hello darling, what's your favorite one?

• 1:02:57Speaker 04

  My dad took me to Billy's every Saturday. He said, what's your favorite wing? What's your favorite wing? What's your, I know me and you, I'm not together anymore, but we can still have fun with food.

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  And then, but they were all different shapes as well.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Some of them were flower type shapes.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  What's your favorite shape?

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  Some of them were circles. What's favorite shape, favorite flavor? Yeah. And then some of them were little tiny, little tiny sort of pellet sized tomatoes.

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:20Speaker 04

  Some of them big slices.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  It sounds genuinely incredible.

• 1:03:24Speaker 04

  Would you like to see a picture?

• 1:03:24Speaker 02

  I would, actually, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  Is this gonna be a joke?

• 1:03:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, not if your dad cracking his head open at Billy's.

• 1:03:30Speaker 02

  Wow, that is beautiful.

• 1:03:32Speaker 04

  Real nice.

• 1:03:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 04

  That's what it looks like.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  I'm into it. Benito loves it.

• 1:03:36Speaker 04

  Absolutely amazing. Yeah. That's what I want as a side dish to the, so Mexican themed, but only one of them actually from Mexico.

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  Your dream drink?

• 1:03:49Speaker 04

  Kel's orange soda.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. Finally, someone picks this.

• 1:03:54Speaker 02

  Finally.

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  No one before?

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  No one's picked Kel's orange soda.

• 1:03:58Speaker 04

  I don't know whether I want to be Kel for it or not.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  I don't know, his life seems pretty stressful.

• 1:04:03Speaker 04

  But this is a soda that has defined a man.

• 1:04:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 04

  His one character trait of this guy is he likes this drink.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  And everyone thinks he's dead all the time.

• 1:04:12Speaker 04

  That's in real life.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:04:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  If you have him on.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  Since Kel's dead.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  If we have him on.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  If you have him on this. Oh, you have him on this. What drinks are you gonna pick?

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  No, we can't have him on. He's dead. He's died.

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  He hasn't died. That's like the Frosties kid. Frosties kid? That your generation?

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  Frosties kid? It's a tiger race.

• 1:04:28Speaker 04

  It's the kid who was in the gonna taste great advert. Remember him?

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:32Speaker 04

  They're gonna taste great.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do remember that.

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  But everyone says he's dead.

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  He's dead. Killed himself. That's what everyone said at school. Said he got so much abuse of people taking the piss out of him in the playground, saying he's gonna taste great, that he took his own life. That's what people said at school. And then another rumor went around like, no, he just moved to South Africa.

• 1:04:48Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:04:50Speaker 04

  That's what went around my school, yeah. It must be the same as the Kel one, that Kel's dead. That must have gone around school.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  Kel being dead, yeah. It just rounds every, every couple of years.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:00Speaker 04

  Every couple of years? Still going?

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  People still go on about Kel's being dead.

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  But it's getting to a point where it's not that, you know, he's getting to an age where it's not that shocking.

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  No, and the real sadness is that Keenan's on TV all the time.

• 1:05:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  So we can never, we can never suggest he's dead.

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  Well, Kel's an addict, remember. He's addicted to this orange soda in his whole life, so.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  He is.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  He's let it get the best of him. And that's why I would like to experience it as me first, to be like, is this man insane?

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:05:25Speaker 04

  Then I'd like to be Kel, because just to love anything as much as he loves this thing.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:29Speaker 03

  I mean, his character is certainly eccentric. He's not like, he's a bit bonkers.

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  So like, you gotta expect.

• 1:05:37Speaker 04

  Take him with a pinch of salt.

• 1:05:38Speaker 03

  Expect it's gonna be like, I mean, it does look like a brighter, more vivid orange than any other orange soda I've seen. It does look.

• 1:05:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, thanks, Jamie, I love it.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  He paid to that in this country, didn't he?

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Speaker 04

  The Sunny D days growing up, it feels like a sort of similar colour to those.

• 1:05:55Speaker 02

  Were you a Sunny D kid?

• 1:05:56Speaker 04

  Look, I don't think I was allowed Sunny D.

• 1:05:59Speaker 02

  I wasn't allowed Sunny D.

• 1:06:00Speaker 04

  I wasn't allowed to watch 15s and I wasn't allowed Sunny D.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  I had one sip of Sunny D once. I thought it genuinely tasted like piss. I'm not going, I wouldn't, I didn't go near Sunny D after that.

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  Really? It did taste delicious. My issue was all the taste.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  It was really horrible.

• 1:06:12Speaker 04

  It was amazing, but I would not have been allowed that, no way.

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  I loved the Florida one. There was Florida and California flavours.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Of course, you know the different flavours.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  And, um, but like, we had to really pest to our parents for a long time before we got a Sunny D. And even then, it was like, okay, one a year, like you're not having enough, like, like that's not, we're not going nuts with this. This is crazy.

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  I would have been the same, I think.

• 1:06:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:34Speaker 04

  Same with, uh, yeah, things I pestered my parents for of that and can I see Austin Powers? For the main things that I spent begging my parents to let me do.

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  The first one or the second one?

• 1:06:44Speaker 04

  Dunno. For, I think when Austin Powers first came out, I would have been just absolutely, there's a thing in the book about how much I used to lie specifically to my friends about how I've seen bits of Austin Powers.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  Because they would go, oh, have you seen? I'd go, yeah. And then they'd go, have you, oh, this bit when he goes down? I'd go, oh, yeah, I've only seen bits of it. And that's not one of the bits. Even though it was only out in cinemas.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  You invented TikTok.

• 1:07:03Speaker 04

  So, yeah, exactly. I watched it in YouTube Shorts.

• 1:07:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Speaker 04

  But it was only in cinemas. So, you know, if you see a bit, you've only seen bits of it, then you're running out of the cinema every five minutes.

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 1:07:11Speaker 04

  So it makes it, the line never held up. But I would have done the same with, I'd have been like, oh, Sunny D's well nice.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:15Speaker 04

  Because I would have saved face, non-stop, still do that. But I would have saved, I've never had those tomatoes in my life. But I would have saved.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  Oh, I've been done by AI again, haven't I?

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  AI tomato.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  AI'd be a head.

• 1:07:25Speaker 04

  There's only one type of tomato head.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Chat GPT, show me a plate of lovely tomatoes.

• 1:07:29Speaker 04

  Show me loads of tomatoes, all the different colours. Chuck a blue one in there. Kell's orange soda though, I feel like, it's, I think you do see that colour orange in different countries still.

• 1:07:38Speaker 03

  Maybe, yeah.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Well, we've, we've talked about Nigerian Fanta on the podcast a lot.

• 1:07:42Speaker 04

  So it's probably that, isn't it, effectively?

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Speaker 04

  It's probably unbranded for the sake of Nickelodeon. It was the colour of the Nickelodeon logo.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:48Speaker 04

  Was Keenan Kell on Nickelodeon? Is this all going to be a secret brand title?

• 1:07:51Speaker 03

  Cause it was a.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  We've been duped by a secret brand title.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was definitely on Nickelodeon because they had the Nickelodeon, yeah, they said that Nick the Nick Nick fig in their theme song, didn't they?

• 1:08:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, filmed in front of a live studio audience. I feel like it was then just straight into Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Speaker 04

  It's the same colour as the nickel. I can't believe we've been duped.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  This is standing as a whole different podcast. This is an investigative podcast.

• 1:08:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is This American Life. We're changing to This American Lifestyle Podcast.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  What do you imagine it tastes like? Or do you just want, you want to be that passionate about something?

• 1:08:22Speaker 04

  I do want to be that passionate about something. I want to love something as much as, as Kel loves that orange soda.

• 1:08:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Right, I mean, you've got a girlfriend. Yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 04

  It would be psychotic.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, it'd be weird.

• 1:08:30Speaker 04

  To love her as much as Kel loves that orange soda.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  That would be wild.

• 1:08:32Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm done with my girlfriend. Just running around screaming about how much you love your girlfriend to everyone.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel I forgot how much Kel loves orange soda.

• 1:08:39Speaker 04

  When people love another person, they say I do once. Kel says it six times every time you ask him, sorry, sorry, sorry. I do, I do, I do, I do. Imagine saying that in your vows. Kel, if you married Kel, you'd feel so disappointed because he would just go, yeah, I do.

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  If that guy's married, there's no way he didn't do that.

• 1:08:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  He can't.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  I'd imagine his partner had a word with him beforehand and went, please don't make this all about you.

• 1:09:04Speaker 04

  If I was marrying him, I would do it before he could. So it's like, you get the laugh.

• 1:09:07Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, that's better. If when they got married, his partner did it.

• 1:09:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  Great.

• 1:09:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  Everyone would be like, that's funny.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  Keenan rolling in the aisles.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, if he does it, it's like, oh no. Keenan was probably the celibate.

• 1:09:19Speaker 04

  Why?

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  Best man minimum.

• 1:09:21Speaker 03

  Best man minimum.

• 1:09:23Speaker 04

  His catchphrase was why?

• 1:09:24Speaker 02

  Was it? I never really watched it.

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Watched it all the time.

• 1:09:27Speaker 04

  So it's this show, there's a guy and his main thing about him.

• 1:09:30Speaker 02

  I like the front of curtain stuff. They did front of curtain stuff at the top, didn't they?

• 1:09:33Speaker 04

  Mighty Bush.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  Very, well, no, it's a music all tradition.

• 1:09:37Speaker 04

  My first time I saw it, Mighty Bush. No, it was Keenan. Yeah, I think it would just be, it just must just be really sweet.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  Oh, it'd send you mad as well.

• 1:09:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  Like E numbers and like, just like, oh.

• 1:09:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. There's a real chance I'm cracking my head open after drinking it because I'm sprinting around.

• 1:09:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  I think, is that be a good thing for you?

• 1:09:56Speaker 04

  Crack my head open?

• 1:09:57Speaker 03

  I think you've just got to get it done and then you won't be scared of it anymore.

• 1:10:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  I'm breaking a bone. I'm the same. Never broken a bone.

• 1:10:03Speaker 04

  And do you feel like it's holding you back?

• 1:10:05Speaker 02

  I worry about it every day.

• 1:10:07Speaker 04

  Does it stop you doing certain activities?

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  Like, what am I doing now?

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  Bungee?

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  No, I wouldn't do bungee anyway, stupid.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  Skydive?

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Wouldn't do it anyway, stupid. Also, if I'm doing a skydive, I'm not worrying about a broken bone.

• 1:10:21Speaker 04

  What are you worrying about?

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  Well, if I hit the floor, it's not just gonna be my bones that are broken.

• 1:10:24Speaker 04

  I've broken my bones.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  Oh, no, my bones are broken.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  I've broken my toe because I landed from a plane jump.

• 1:10:30Speaker 04

  Okay, fine. What about certain sports? You wouldn't, don't wanna do them anyway?

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:10:34Speaker 04

  You could break a leg playing football.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I wouldn't do that anyway, but I think I'd.

• 1:10:38Speaker 03

  You went to his mate's stag do and didn't play football when everyone else was playing football?

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  I was, I was injured. I, I do, I do.

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  From what?

• 1:10:43Speaker 02

  Uh, deadlifting.

• 1:10:45Speaker 04

  So you were deadlifted?

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  I was deadlifted, but how you break a bone deadlifting?

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  You injured yourself.

• 1:10:50Speaker 04

  Lifted too hard, drop it, drop, lift it wrong, move weirdly, quickly, decide to wash your foot while you're doing it, drop the weight on your toe.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  I do, but the idea, I, I don't worry about doing things because I might break a bone. I worry about what it would feel like if I broke one.

• 1:11:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:09Speaker 02

  I don't think I'd be able to cope with it.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  Bad. I think it felt bad.

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:11Speaker 04

  Have you ever broken a bone?

• 1:11:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I broke my arm when I was a kid, pretended to be a zombie walking down the stairs.

• 1:11:16Speaker 02

  Amish?

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  Scamming the Amish, just scamming the local Amish people.

• 1:11:22Speaker 04

  How did that happen then? So you, and then you fell on the arms?

• 1:11:24Speaker 03

  My arms out, pretending to be a zombie.

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  We've not heard this before, have we?

• 1:11:28Speaker 03

  And then, and I fell, fell down the stairs, broke my arm, so, because I didn't, I didn't change how my arms were.

• 1:11:34Speaker 04

  That's mental though.

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  You committed so hard to the zombie that you didn't move your arms when you fell down the stairs.

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:40Speaker 04

  But you, the whole point of like, arms, is that it breaks your fall. So you wanna get them out quick. If you're gonna fall, you wanna get your arms out quickly.

• 1:11:47Speaker 02

  You don't start.

• 1:11:47Speaker 04

  The position they'd already have been.

• 1:11:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you don't start with them like that.

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you've got them locked and loaded, ready to go to, to break your fall.

• 1:11:54Speaker 02

  He broke his arm.

• 1:11:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, he did in the end.

• 1:11:57Speaker 03

  I was too young to understand what the term break your fall means. I didn't even remember it. I just told it by, you know, I, it's like, I've never seen photos of myself with a broken arm as a little kid and had to ask what happened.

• 1:12:08Speaker 04

  What's going on there?

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  And they were like, you've been a zombie.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  So he broke your arm? Yeah. We were sick of it. We broke your arm.

• 1:12:17Speaker 04

  That's the only bone I broke, so I think.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, there was just like, it was always, it always seemed like, and this probably isn't true, and is another fake school memory, always seemed like there was like a kid at school who had a bone sticking out of their leg. So I don't mean generally, I mean, it's like, have you heard Tristan fell over this morning and broke his leg? And a bone, the shin sticking out the top of it. And that would just go around and then what happened is you'd imagine that and make the thing you imagined your memory of it. And think, I saw that and it was awful. So now I know that can happen, even though it didn't, and it was just a fake memory.

• 1:12:47Speaker 02

  I think I have said this on the podcast before, but I'm going to say it again, just in case. My mum, you know that thing of, if you don't make that stupid face, if the wind changes, it'll stay like that.

• 1:12:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:56Speaker 02

  My mum, for a long time was like, that happened to a girl at my school.

• 1:13:00Speaker 04

  Wait, and but genuinely believed it?

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was like.

• 1:13:03Speaker 04

  Let herself believe it into adulthood.

• 1:13:04Speaker 02

  She went, she, we all broke up for the summer, we came back and her face was different because the wind had changed.

• 1:13:10Speaker 04

  And when, at what point did she clock that it was?

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  I don't, I think she still probably slightly maintains that.

• 1:13:15Speaker 04

  You've taken the piss out of her for it, but she still harbors a belief that that's real.

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  If you don't want to believe it, you don't have to, but it definitely happened, like that sort of.

• 1:13:23Speaker 04

  I love that. Oh my God, yeah, eyes go square in front of the TV kind of thing.

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would be crazy, wouldn't it?

• 1:13:31Speaker 04

  It'd be brilliant. When I was told stuff like that, I would think, this would be amazing. I'd be the only one with square eyes. Everyone's going to think I'm so cool. Really? You, you, you're someone. But everyone would go, oh, cool, Lisa's got square eyes now. I wanted braces when I was a kid because I thought braces are sick. Braces are so cool, but it's because I was 10 and teenagers had braces, I think. If there was a teenager with square eyes. I did have braces. Yeah, it's the straightest teeth I've ever seen.

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  And how did you feel when you got the braces?

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  I protested and said, I like my teeth as they are. I like looking distinctive. Did you? Yeah, but it was a lie. The last thing I wanted to do was stand out at that time, once I'd become a teenager. But I just was scared of getting the braces on. So I just said. Got some good news for you. You're still a distinctive race. It's thanks to your teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've maintained, but they didn't finish. He said it was never finished. I kept breaking it because I would chew pens and stuff. And I would always break the brackets off. I got to 18 with them on.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:14:29Speaker 04

  Or like about to be 18 in a week or something. And then he was just like. I'll just take him off.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:34Speaker 04

  They're good enough, I'll take him off. But he did say, they're not done yet.

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:37Speaker 04

  And I'm sort of like, what, what else can you do?

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, you're straight as ever seen.

• 1:14:42Speaker 04

  They are straight. I think they stick out a bit like that.

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  Oh, is that what?

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  I think it must be that.

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  So you can't see it from the front. It's like Brazilian butt lift, you've got to turn to the side.

• 1:14:49Speaker 04

  Turn to the side.

• 1:14:49Speaker 03

  And then we can see.

• 1:14:50Speaker 04

  All my secrets are revealed. If I turn to the side, you know everything about me.

• 1:14:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:54Speaker 04

  As long as I'm face on, I'm concealing, I'm concealing a lot.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  Your silhouette when you get that butt lift.

• 1:14:59Speaker 04

  Smile with the butt lift. Teeth poking out the front like a beak.

• 1:15:04Speaker 04

  Butt lift. Like, I just look like a duck.

• 1:15:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:06Speaker 04

  That's just exactly the shape of a duck. I've got the exact silhouette of a duck.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  People go, that's the, everyone says this comedian should have a distinctive silhouette.

• 1:15:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. But only side on.

• 1:15:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:14Speaker 04

  Normal default guy.

• 1:15:16Speaker 03

  That's me.

• 1:15:16Speaker 04

  Side on, duck.

• 1:15:18Speaker 03

  Everyone is saying, sorry, that's me.

• 1:15:19Speaker 04

  So my Richard Osman's House of Games thing, you're like, that could be anyone.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:22Speaker 04

  But suddenly, if you, but hole in the wall.

• 1:15:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:25Speaker 04

  It's gotta be a duck shaper, I'm not getting through it.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  Your drink is a.

• 1:15:32Speaker 04

  Well, I want butterscotch angel delight, but that was a, David Tennant had that, and there are loads of people have had that, so I won't have it. I'll have another thing that I used to have a lot when I was a kid and that I invented. And that is oven Yorkshire puddings.

• 1:15:45Speaker 02

  Oh, God. Here we go.

• 1:15:46Speaker 04

  Oven. Is this the, is this secret ingredient, Terry?

• 1:15:49Speaker 03

  No, Ed famously doesn't like Yorkshire puddings, hates them.

• 1:15:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:52Speaker 03

  So you've got a lot to do here to convince him.

• 1:15:54Speaker 04

  You hate them on a roast or something.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I think I'm gonna hate them here as well, but carry on.

• 1:16:00Speaker 04

  May I introduce you to someone called Aunt Bessie? Okay.

• 1:16:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:03Speaker 04

  Little packet of oven Yorkshire puddings. They're sort of like smaller than hand size.

• 1:16:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  Three of them, scoop of vanilla ice cream in each. Golden syrup over the top of them, and on the side, I want a punnet of glassy cherries.

• 1:16:17Speaker 02

  So you invented this?

• 1:16:18Speaker 04

  I started this.

• 1:16:20Speaker 03

  Has it got a name?

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  It's a Dutch baby. Look it up. Bonito, look it up, Dutch baby.

• 1:16:25Speaker 04

  Dutch baby?

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  Look up Dutch baby. Dessert, Dutch baby dessert.

• 1:16:29Speaker 04

  It's a Dutch baby?

• 1:16:30Speaker 02

  Well, it's similar. Carry, carry on.

• 1:16:32Speaker 04

  It's all similar, yeah. So I didn't, so, so I did invent it.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Well, the cherries and the maple syrup, I guess you'll, you'll throw in.

• 1:16:39Speaker 04

  Golden syrup, I'm talking Lyle's paint tin of golden syrup.

• 1:16:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  That takes ages to drip on the thing.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  Well, it takes ages to open if you used it once.

• 1:16:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  Because what's in the tin seals the tin.

• 1:16:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a seal, it's resealed itself, and it's completely stuck to the back of it.

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  Bonito, look up Dutch baby.

• 1:16:55Speaker 04

  And I. Glassay cherries would not be on top. I'm not putting them on top, I just want glassay cherries as well.

• 1:17:00Speaker 03

  He's doing it.

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  I do wanna check, so I think I might be wrong.

• 1:17:03Speaker 03

  I think, for me, I'm a dessert boy, I love desserts, but um.

• 1:17:07Speaker 04

  This sounds terrible.

• 1:17:08Speaker 03

  I was very excited at the Yorkshire pudding with the ice cream in it, and then when you added the syrup and the cherries, I thought that's.

• 1:17:14Speaker 04

  Cherries are not on it. Cherries are aside. Cherries are on the side.

• 1:17:17Speaker 02

  But you're eating them.

• 1:17:18Speaker 04

  I'm eating them, but not at the same time. Pop a cherry while I wait for the bessies. First bessie down, palate cleanser. Second bessie down. No, I don't need one for this time, and then I'll finish the punnet afterwards. Glassay cherries are the most delicious thing that's ever been invented, and more food should be glassayed.

• 1:17:34Speaker 02

  I do like glassay cherries. I do like them. I like the, my favourite, I don't know what the cherries are that they put in cocktails, I like those ones the best.

• 1:17:41Speaker 03

  They're better.

• 1:17:42Speaker 04

  That's glassay, isn't it?

• 1:17:43Speaker 03

  No. Glassay ones, you're thinking of like, glassay ones are the ones on top of a Bakewell tart.

• 1:17:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. That's what I would have in the Angel Delight if I had that buzz, I'd have that, and I'd have like hundreds of thousands or something like that, but is this a Dutch baby?

• 1:17:56Speaker 03

  Dutch baby pancake.

• 1:17:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's, but.

• 1:17:58Speaker 04

  Oh, pancake. Have I said the word pancake at any point? I think so.

• 1:18:00Speaker 02

  Well, what, what do you think Yorkshire pudding is, you absolute moron?

• 1:18:03Speaker 04

  Uh.

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  It's pancake batter. It's pancake batter without sugar in it.

• 1:18:07Speaker 04

  Oh, then we're back to is this a sandwich, are we? Or is this a pancake?

• 1:18:10Speaker 02

  No, this is what I wanted to check.

• 1:18:11Speaker 04

  Oh, you know what I'm gonna have on my roast? Yeah, I'm gonna have a lovely joint of beef, I'm gonna have carrots, I'm gonna have potatoes, I'm gonna have a pancake on there.

• 1:18:17Speaker 02

  Rest my love, will you just read out the first paragraph?

• 1:18:19Speaker 04

  I'll never read anything. A Dutch baby pancake, sometimes called a German pancake, a Bismarck, I'm not saying that, fuck, that's genuinely a slur. A hooligan or a hootenanny is a dish that is yummy.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  No, read out the.

• 1:18:33Speaker 04

  Similar to a large Yorkshire pudding.

• 1:18:34Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  Doesn't have ice cream in it.

• 1:18:36Speaker 02

  You can put ice cream on it.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  Oh, what, so, sorry. I'm not, I'm not claiming to have invented the Yorkshire pudding.

• 1:18:41Speaker 02

  Last time I had a Dutch baby, I had ice cream on it.

• 1:18:44Speaker 04

  I didn't say, that's saying.

• 1:18:45Speaker 03

  Oh, so Ed's had, well, don't start bury the headline here, Ed's had a Dutch baby and he comes to hate Yorkshire puddings.

• 1:18:52Speaker 04

  Oh, a Dutch baby lover.

• 1:18:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had it because I was with Chloe Pats and she wanted to have a Dutch baby.

• 1:18:56Speaker 04

  Did she even read the description of what it was, or did she just go Dutch baby having that?

• 1:18:59Speaker 02

  Dutch baby having that.

• 1:18:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, fair enough.

• 1:19:00Speaker 02

  It was at One Club Row, which is an excellent restaurant, and it was quite delicious.

• 1:19:03Speaker 04

  I've had it there as well, actually. Oh, and I've had that, and it's nothing like this, it's nothing like this. I've had that. I got the Dutch baby there for that exact same reason. And when I got it.

• 1:19:11Speaker 02

  Sorry, so you have had a Dutch baby?

• 1:19:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is, yeah, but there's nothing like what this is.

• 1:19:15Speaker 02

  But the base is a Yorkshire pudding.

• 1:19:17Speaker 04

  This tastes more like, at Mr Wong's in Melbourne, they do deep fried ice cream. I'm sure they do this loads of places. It's the only place I've ever had it. And it's like a ball of ice cream that is in batter.

• 1:19:25Speaker 02

  Sydney.

• 1:19:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:26Speaker 04

  Is that in Sydney?

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 1:19:28Speaker 04

  Could there be more than one?

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  Could there? There definitely could be, yeah.

• 1:19:31Speaker 04

  Let us find out. We Google Dutch baby. We can Google Mr Wong.

• 1:19:35Speaker 00

  South Acton.

• 1:19:36Speaker 04

  It's in South Acton, sorry. At Mr Wong's in South Acton.

• 1:19:42Speaker 03

  All right. You've got, you've got to keep yourself in.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  You've got to keep yourself in. That's so funny.

• 1:19:46Speaker 03

  You've got to keep yourself in. It's going to be in this episode.

• 1:19:53Speaker 02

  While me quibbling over where Mr Wong's.

• 1:19:55Speaker 04

  Anyway, yeah, it's so, yeah, it, but they, also the ice cream fills the, so the Aunt Betty's Yorkshire puddings have like a, the valley of them is very uniform because they're frozen Yorkshire puddings that you heat up. And it's just like the exact size of a scoop of ice cream.

• 1:20:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 1:20:11Speaker 04

  So it completely fills it. And then you can, you know, I was knife and fork, actually, I think for this, in a bowl, chasing it around the bowl.

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  Wearing the tux.

• 1:20:18Speaker 04

  But sometimes, you know, if I felt like it, I'm having it like a sandwich.

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:21Speaker 04

  And yeah, I will accept that it's a sandwich, even though it's hinged at the bottom.

• 1:20:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:26Speaker 04

  That, the most incredible flavour. It's got to be basic vanilla ice cream, like the most basic possible. I tried it with that Madagascan carton one. It's just too bougie.

• 1:20:35Speaker 02

  Oh, really? You can't have the bougie ice cream with it?

• 1:20:38Speaker 04

  It's got to be like, basic, like supermarket vanilla, cheapest one in a Tupperware that might, yeah, yellow. Yeah, like kids want.

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  The flavour is yellow.

• 1:20:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's perfect. Because the flavour's coming from the syrup, really.

• 1:20:51Speaker 02

  Like, or that ice cream, there's some ice cream that's so bad that it's vegan. But it's accidentally vegan. It's not like this is vegan ice cream. It's just, it's marketed as ice cream. It's not marketed as vegan. There's just so little in it. That's just like, this is vegan.

• 1:21:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, that one tends to be like stark white.

• 1:21:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, so white. It's called like Swedish block or something.

• 1:21:11Speaker 03

  Awful. Very disappointing when you're an ice cream addicted kid and then you get given that and you're like, here we go. Best part of the day. What the fuck is this?

• 1:21:18Speaker 04

  Swedish block. A Swedish block on your Dutch baby.

• 1:21:22Speaker 04

  We're back in the EU.

• 1:21:24Speaker 03

  Back in the bloody EU.

• 1:21:27Speaker 04

  That's why we left, because of all that red tape from the Swedish block and the Dutch baby. People in previous generations had too many bad experiences with desserts and weird definitions of them.

• 1:21:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:35Speaker 04

  And what is a pancake then? And we just went, forget it, let's get out. If they'd said that in the campaign, I'd have voted leave.

• 1:21:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:41Speaker 04

  If they told me that, if I'd had this conversation where you've accused me of stealing from the Dutch.

• 1:21:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's a Dutch baby.

• 1:21:47Speaker 04

  It's not a Dutch baby. It was a Dutch baby in that one restaurant that says, Wikipedia says a Dutch baby is just the Yorkshire pudding. I did not say, I am Aunt Bessie. I said, I've invented.

• 1:21:57Speaker 03

  Wind it back.

• 1:21:58Speaker 04

  This combination.

• 1:21:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:59Speaker 04

  All right, well.

• 1:22:00Speaker 03

  I hope that after this podcast has gone out, that people shout Dutch baby at you in the street. Because I think people who haven't listened to the podcast will think it's an appropriate insult for you as well. You do look a bit like a Dutch baby.

• 1:22:12Speaker 04

  You could be a Dutch baby.

• 1:22:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. You've got to admit it.

• 1:22:15Speaker 04

  I've had Haribo kid and Dutch baby.

• 1:22:16Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:22:17Speaker 04

  Dandy.

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  Not called you a ghost the whole time.

• 1:22:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:20Speaker 03

  You get called a ghost sometimes.

• 1:22:22Speaker 04

  He likes to call me that, yeah. He likes it.

• 1:22:26Speaker 03

  I do like it.

• 1:22:27Speaker 04

  Why don't you call me ghost of a boy who died in a coal mine when?

• 1:22:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:30Speaker 04

  Ghost of you, ghost of you when you died in a coal mine when you were 12.

• 1:22:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:33Speaker 04

  That's what he called me on national television.

• 1:22:35Speaker 03

  Quite complicated, but it made the edit. That I did, it's all good, it's all good.

• 1:22:38Speaker 04

  He didn't want to have to talk about Jeremy Corbyn.

• 1:22:41Speaker 04

  Jeremy Corbyn comes up, picture of him, he's got nothing to say about that.

• 1:22:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:44Speaker 04

  He goes, we look like brothers. We look like brothers, don't we? 10 minutes of the show down, that's all in the edit. Loved it.

• 1:22:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I remember the Corbyn years.

• 1:22:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:54Speaker 03

  Always straight into something about someone on the panel instead.

• 1:22:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:57Speaker 03

  Um, make some region menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. You would like, you're going to be double part here, the San Pellegrino and the Aquapana.

• 1:23:04Speaker 04

  Yes, please.

• 1:23:04Speaker 03

  The water daddy. Poplums or bread, you want the chili cheese toast from Deschum. Starter, buffalo wings and nachos from Billy's in Harbington. Main course, birria tacos from the Bab House, house at the big feastable. Side dish, Wahaqin tomatoes with beetroot puree from.

• 1:23:24Speaker 04

  Lavundra de Ola.

• 1:23:25Speaker 03

  Lavundra de Ola. Drink Kells orange soda.

• 1:23:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:29Speaker 03

  Dessert, free Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire puddings, a scoop of vanilla ice cream with golden syrup and glassy, glassy cherries. Glassy cherries, AKA.

• 1:23:39Speaker 02

  A Dutch baby.

• 1:23:39Speaker 03

  No, I was so happy about the menu until then.

• 1:23:43Speaker 02

  It's a really nice menu.

• 1:23:44Speaker 03

  You happy with that?

• 1:23:45Speaker 02

  Well, but hand on my heart, even just before James read it out, I would have said it's going to be a bad menu.

• 1:23:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, having sat through it all.

• 1:23:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, having sat through it all.

• 1:23:54Speaker 03

  This will be terrible.

• 1:23:54Speaker 02

  Really fun chat, but very chaotic. At no point during it did I think Reece is doing a good menu here.

• 1:23:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:59Speaker 02

  And it's been read out. It's really nice.

• 1:24:01Speaker 03

  Apart from the start, though.

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  The chili cheese toast.

• 1:24:03Speaker 03

  No, the wings and the wings and nachos.

• 1:24:06Speaker 02

  I bet they're great.

• 1:24:07Speaker 03

  They're lovely.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  Sometimes you just like.

• 1:24:09Speaker 03

  That sounds great.

• 1:24:10Speaker 02

  I love fake American food.

• 1:24:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to be out of baskets.

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, you won't like it because it's nostalgic for us because our dad's left.

• 1:24:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. But only for a bit, my back. My dad's still around. Shout out to your big guy, if you're listening.

• 1:24:23Speaker 02

  Reece, thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant.

• 1:24:25Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me and thank you to my dad for coming back.

• 1:24:28Speaker 02

  All right. Thanks to my dad as well. It worked out fine in the end.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  Thank you, Reece. Thank you to your dad.

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  Well, thank you, Reece. Thanks for coming on.

• 1:24:40Speaker 03

  Thank you for coming on, Reece.

• 1:24:41Speaker 02

  And thank you for wearing a tux, finally.

• 1:24:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, actually.

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:44Speaker 03

  It was nice to have this podcast shown the respect it deserves by a guest, finally. Your little tux looked very nice.

• 1:24:51Speaker 02

  The sort of one you you could put on a ventriloquist dummy.

• 1:24:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, and like, look, I don't want to be rude, but he looks like one.

• 1:25:00Speaker 02

  We didn't roast him this much on the episode.

• 1:25:03Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 1:25:03Speaker 02

  We didn't even roast him this much when he was here.

• 1:25:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Well, he's a very quick-witted man.

• 1:25:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's best to just do it from a distance.

• 1:25:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't want to know that I'm going to get roasted in return. He's probably going to say some really cutting stuff.

• 1:25:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, really horrible stuff.

• 1:25:15Speaker 03

  But this way, we're safe.

• 1:25:17Speaker 02

  So much easier to bully someone when they're not in the room.

• 1:25:19Speaker 03

  Behind the bomb-proof glass, we're fine. He can't get us.

• 1:25:23Speaker 02

  Reece, of course, did not say Reece's pieces.

• 1:25:25Speaker 03

  No, I wouldn't have expected him to.

• 1:25:28Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  Actually, maybe. He could have written a joke about it and goes, I'm going to say Reece's piece.

• 1:25:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:34Speaker 03

  Make the dessert all about my name. I think it would have been out. So I don't think it's out of the question.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  Shame, which means we can promote his book.

• 1:25:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:42Speaker 02

  You'll like it when you get there. Available now.

• 1:25:44Speaker 03

  We're promoting it.

• 1:25:45Speaker 02

  We're promoting it. He's a brilliant writer. Look, the book's going to be fantastic.

• 1:25:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it will be.

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  Go and buy the book from wherever you get books from.

• 1:25:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's up to you. It's your business.

• 1:25:55Speaker 02

  Audio book as well?

• 1:25:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can listen to him.

• 1:25:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  He's got a lovely voice. You've heard it.

• 1:25:59Speaker 02

  Lovely voice, yeah.

• 1:26:00Speaker 03

  So if you want to hear that voice for six hours, I guess.

• 1:26:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:04Speaker 03

  Get the audiobook.

• 1:26:05Speaker 02

  I'm touring Europe in November, America in February next year. Pop yourself on to my website, edgamble.co.uk.

• 1:26:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:26:13Speaker 02

  And go and buy yourself a ticket.

• 1:26:16Speaker 03

  I'll do it.

• 1:26:17Speaker 02

  Thank you for listening to Off Menu. Goodbye.

• 1:26:19Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 1:26:35Speaker 05

  Welcome to 215 Maple Drive. We just put this property on the market.

• 1:26:41Speaker 06

  Love the crown molding.

• 1:26:43Speaker 05

  Oh, wait until you see the walk-in closets and the bathroom tile.

• 1:26:47Speaker 06

  Does it have Verizon FiOS? You know, 100% fiber internet?

• 1:26:50Speaker 05

  No FiOS, but it looks like it's got cable. Let's check out the kitchen.

• 1:26:54Speaker 06

  No FiOS? Yeah, no thank you.

• 1:26:57Speaker 05

  Don't you want to see the rest? Okay, bye-bye.

• 1:27:00Speaker 07

  Get Verizon FiOS, because when you're moving, it's 100% or nothing.