Kunal Nayyar

Kunal Nayyar – star of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ and new movie ‘Christmas Karma’ – has a table booked this week. But is he drinking water or vodka? Kunal Nayyar stars in ‘Christmas Karma’ which is in cinemas now. Follow Kunal on Instagram @kunalkarmanayyar https://www.instagram.com/kunalkarmanayyar/ Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast on Thu 20 Nov Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/, and Felipe Franco. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the porridge of conversation, adding the jam of humour and drizzling over a little cold milk of friendship, James. People put cold milk on porridge, right?

• 0:27Speaker 01

  That is Ed Gamble, my name is James Acaster.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  You never want to chat about those, you always just want to get into the episode, don't you?

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and we ask for their favourite ever, start, a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order, and this week our guest is Canal Naya!

• 0:44Speaker 00

  Canal, of course, is a fantastic actor, James, known for his role in the huge Big Bang Theory.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  But also now known for his role in Christmas Karma, which is out now.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  A new Christmas movie, James. We love a Christmas movie here on the Off Menu Podcast.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  It's a twist, it's a twist on Christmas Carol.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  It's a Twismus.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Oh my god! People have started saying that.

• 1:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, Twismus.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Twismus? Well, when people do a twist on a Christmas classic, it's a Twismus. That is good, man.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Sounds a bit how like if someone was doing an impression of you, they might say Christmas.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Absolutely. I'm James Acaster, I like Twismus! Yeah, yeah. I love, I love Twismus, man! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's exactly what they would do.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  You little punks who are listening.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, Craig.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  But we're going to talk about Christmas Karma.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  And learn more about that. Danny Dye's in that as a cabbie.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  Is he?

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Friend of the pod.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  Amazing. Any other friends of the pod in there?

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, one friend of the pod in whose episode never went out because we weren't able to put it out.

• 1:48Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  And so people can guess that, people can listen to, people can go and watch Christmas Karma and guess whose episode. It wasn't, by the way, the reason we didn't go out was not because of anything dodgy.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  It's because what it was promoting wasn't then happening.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:01Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  So they will come back on. They will come back on. We would love to have them back on. It was a great episode that we could have put out because we talked so much about something that didn't happen in the end.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  Yeah. And hopefully that doesn't happen with this one, otherwise you won't be hearing it.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Oh, man, imagine if it's like...

• 2:16Speaker 00

  This is going to happen because...

• 2:17Speaker 01

  If there's a ripple effect.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, but come on. What are they going to do? Cancel Twismus?

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can't cancel Twismus.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  And not in a, not in that way.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 2:26Speaker 00

  I'd imagine they're trying to cancel Twismus now, aren't they?

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah.

• 2:29Speaker 00

  You can't even call it Twismus anymore.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Every year, every goddamn year. Can't say Merry Christmas anymore.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, me and James are Twismus adventurers now.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're Twismus adventurers. How's St Nick? Um, very excited to have Canal on the podcast, but if he says the secret ingredient, an ingredient we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out, even though it's Christmas.

• 2:50Speaker 00

  Yes, it's Twismus. And the secret ingredient this week is bang, bang cauliflower. Benito's suggestion because of the word bang.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Big Bang Theory.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  The word bang.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Bang, bang cauliflower. You can also get bang, bang cucumbers. I guess we keep that in the back pocket for if we get another Big Bang Theory.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  You can get bang, bang chicken.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Bang, bang chicken, of course. A few things bang, bang.

• 3:12Speaker 00

  Do you want to know my Big Bang Bang Theory?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  It's my favourite side dish.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  My Big Bang Bang Theory, best thing at Wagamamas.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  That's your theory, is that it's your favourite thing?

• 3:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. No, no, that it's the best, is my theory.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  Your theory is that it's the best?

• 3:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  That's my Big Bang Bang Theory.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Has any scientist ever gone into a lab and go, I've got a theory that something's the best?

• 3:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Okay. No examples?

• 3:39Speaker 00

  No, no, no. There's so many examples, there's no point giving one.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  That scientists have said, I've got a theory that's the best. This is the best.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  We'll have to get Brian Cox back on the podcast and ask him this.

• 3:49Speaker 00

  He's not coming back on, man.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Professor Brian Cox will come back on. We learnt a lot, and he learnt a lot from us as well. I think he'll, he'll admit it was a two-way street.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  We got on his nerves so much, and that's what happens when we both act like that, which is why often I need to be a go-between. But when we both go in double-footed.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Don't be a go-between. With Canal, I need you in my corner for the whole thing.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  Well, let's see what you do first.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Just promise.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay. And don't forget, this is on YouTube tomorrow, if you want to see everyone's faces.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, if we want to see all of our faces and our bodies.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  Me and James love that it's a video now. We never complain about how we look.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  No, we never complained about how we look. We weren't texting this morning saying that we look like a body dragged out of a lake in a scarecrow made by a child.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  Yes. And you can work out who's who.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can work out who's who.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  This is the off-menu menu of Canal Now.

• 4:43Speaker 00

  Welcome Kunal to the Dream Restaurant.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Welcome Kanania to the Dream Restaurant. We've been in Spadiva for some time.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. Thank you so much for honouring my reservation.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  That's good. Have you ever been to a restaurant and they've not honoured your reservation?

• 4:57Speaker 02

  No, because usually my assistant calls.

• 4:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, we love it.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  That's terrible. I'm joking.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  No, we love the Hollywood honesty.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  I'm actually genuinely joking. That was just, that was a joke I said.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Best hat we've had on the podcast so far? I'm in many episodes in now.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Only hat?

• 5:12Speaker 01

  No, we've had some hats, but they've all been pretty embarrassing.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Really?

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Compared to yours, yeah.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Okay, good. Well, I, I, I'm honoured again. There's a lot of honouring going on.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is fantastic. Rarely has someone been so honoured to be in the Dream Restaurant.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  That's true, actually.

• 5:27Speaker 00

  Normally annoyed, jet lagged, forced.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  I've been to a sixth day of the press tour. Where everyone loves to see us on a press tour. We're like the cool guys.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's why. You've probably heard that.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  That's why I'm here, really. I cancelled everything. I even cancelled Graham Norton just to be here.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, Graham Norton's, you know, dead in the dirt. No one wants to be on that show anymore. It's all about off-menu. Where you get to be the only guest, you know? You don't have to sit on the sofa with some ragtag motley crew.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 5:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 5:56Speaker 00

  Where you have to learn who loads of British people are to sit on the sofa.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  And you have to always do accents.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  They love that, don't they? They do accent supercuts online. Is it all the people who did accents on the show?

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Something like that, yeah. I think that they, they, they like Americans doing British accents. They love that, yeah.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  We should do that, Benito. We should do a supercut of people doing accents on the podcast.

• 6:16Speaker 00

  But it's only you who does them.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Oh, so this is a self-promoting activity of you doing, being good at accents?

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm very good at accents. And the supercut would be all my accents, I guess. It would be pretty good.

• 6:28Speaker 00

  This is one big casting tape for James, basically. Thank you for joining us.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. I'm here to promote James's accent.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  A podcasting man. Kunal, I wanted you to come on this so you can just tell me how to get out of podcasting and get into Hollywood, please, man. Well, we'll talk about actors. Let's get into your new film, Christmas Karma.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Very excited about it. Love a Christmas film. I mean, you, you must as well. Said yes to this.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Do you have favourites in the past?

• 6:53Speaker 00

  Is Love Actually a Christmas film?

• 6:55Speaker 01

  It is a Christmas film.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  I think so. I mean, there's

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 6:58Speaker 00

  There's a lot of sort of chat around what's a Christmas film and what's not. I think anything that people regularly watch around Christmas every year, I think has to be considered a Christmas film.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Die Hard?

• 7:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, I thi- I think so.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  I even get the debate around that. It's clearly a Christmas film.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  I think so too. I think so too. Well, I mean, to be honest, Love Actually probably is always.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Oh, that's super Christmasy.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 7:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  My, my generation's Christmas movie.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I, I did a, a panel show with the, and I'm so, sorry if you're listening, because I can't remember the actor's name, but the kid, the little kid in Love Actually is now that I can't believe this happened, an adult.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Yes, exactly.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  And is like.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  It's awful when that happens.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Evolution.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  A ton of stuff.

• 7:41Speaker 00

  To be fair, he still looks really young, that guy.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, he does look pretty young still, even when he's got facial hair in some of his roles. You're like, what a kid from Love Actually.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  Wearing a fake beard.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  Yeah. Tell us a bit about Christmas karma though, because it's not, it's not Love Actually.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  No, no, it's based on Dickens' classic, Christmas Carol and, but you have a South Asian Scrooge. Although his name is not Scrooge, his name is Soo, then, you know, he's a businessman and he's miserable. And it's the classic, literally the classic story. But you have Eva Angoria, Billy Porter and Boy George as the ghosts of Christmas present.

• 8:12Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Past and future. And then you have, it's a musical written by Gary Barlow and Nathan Sahani and Chesney Lewis. And it's got Bangra, it's got hip hop, it's got Gary Barlow ballads. It's got dancing and singing and also a lot of pain. And you realise why Scrooge is Scrooge, where his pain comes from. So there's also stories about immigration and losing family. And so it's really everything. And it's Gurinder Chaddha, who did Benedict Beckham. She's an incredible director. And I hope everyone goes and watches it because there's nothing like it ever made, in my opinion.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  I mean, yeah, just you reeling off those names. I never thought I'd hear those names in the same sentence.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  And Pixie Laut, Pixie Laut is in it and she sings beautifully and Leo Suter sings beautifully. So there's some great, great actors and the music is phenomenal. It's like, it's a great film. I'm, I know, I know, I'm, it's, I'm plugging it, but I'm not, it's, I would go and watch this film.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  And it is rare that we have people on who genuinely seem like they enjoy what they're doing.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  No, come on, don't lie.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Ourselves included.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Really?

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Did you have to sing in this film?

• 9:21Speaker 02

  I, no, I didn't have to, so.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  Was there a discussion about that at any point?

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Not really, not really. It's just that Scrooge is, you know, he's, everything's happening around him and so he doesn't really do much singing.

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Also, it's Scrooge, right?

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:32Speaker 00

  The vibe is, he's not, I wouldn't expect to see Scrooge.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, all summer I was doing this, you know, and just talking like this. It's great being grumpy, though, I'll tell you, because being a grump on set, everyone just leaves you alone and it's, and you don't have to apologize. My biggest, like, my biggest nightmare is being rude to someone and being unaware of it, you know, so I'm constantly apologizing. But the greatest thing is for one entire summer, I could be on set and be a grump and come home and be a grump and no one said anything about it.

• 10:02Speaker 00

  You went method for Scrooge.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  It's liberating. It's so liberating. I could be an ass to everyone and it just didn't matter.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Sorry, I'm still in character.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm still character. Bring me my sushi now.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  You must have hated the days where you were filming where, like, he's had his revelation.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  I know, he's super happy. But you know what's interesting about the film, and we talked about this with Gorinda when we were actually trying to mold the characters, that even, what I never understood about Scrooge or understood about the Christmas Carol was that he's like this and then he's like, ah, he's like this, and I don't think that that's the truth. The way we really played this, there's still this, like, visceral anger in his joy, like, it's like a primal yell, you know, it's like this, like, he can't, he doesn't know how to really channel that joy. It still comes out as, like, just passionate screaming, which I think is more true to someone who's had a revelation as opposed to someone who hasn't.

• 10:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not gonna be a sudden flip into.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  No, yeah, you don't go from this to like, hey, man, how's your day going?

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Good point, actually. I think, yeah, sometimes like Christmas stories, they're really heartwarming but can give us unrealistic, like, expectations for our lives.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Yes, of course.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  We suddenly can't go, everything's perfect and happy. So that's nice to, like, yeah, like, give a more, a more realistic version of that.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it was fun. It was really, I mean, we shot it during spring, which is still cold for, you know, us people. Uh, but we should, we had to pretend like it was Christmas, which was interesting, you know, which always happens.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Um, we, we have to do that sometimes with, uh, with, um, panel shows. End up filming them early in the year, the Christmas special. And it's like March and they're doing that. And the, the big one was when, uh, I think it was, um, eight out of 10 cats did their Christmas special for 2020. But they did it in February.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Uh, before everything kicked off and they didn't think that there was going to be a.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  Well, you don't, you, you don't think there's going to be a pandemic.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  No, I guess they didn't think that, but very early.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  Now we do. Yeah, now, now I'm constantly worried.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, now I'm like, uh.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  Now everything I do, including this, so we should probably say there might be a pandemic on right now.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Oh God, that's terrible.

• 11:58Speaker 00

  So how are you dealing with the pandemic?

• 12:02Speaker 00

  Just to cover us off, we'll take it out in the edit if there's not a pandemic.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  We enjoying lockdown? It can be a grump, it can be a grump.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I sit on my patio all day and think about my good fortunes.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  Scrooge famously thought that, uh, one of the ghosts could be a bit of undigested beef or something. Um, is that going to be on your menu today?

• 12:21Speaker 02

  No, it's not. I grew up in India, so we didn't actually eat beef growing up.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure. I real, I realized as soon as I said it.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  But now I love steak, so it doesn't matter. But I still can't, I mean, I'm the, I'm the annoying customer at a restaurant that always orders beef well done.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  I thought I liked you and now.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  I know, I'm sorry. It's just, we didn't grow up eating it and then it's just, I don't know, I don't get that, you know? For me, it's like, uh, everything we grew up eating in New Delhi had to be like cooked because we didn't have great sort of infrastructure for cold storage. And we just didn't know, especially with vegetables and everything in terms of water and bacteria. So everything was cooked, right? So it's, it just, just bear with me. I have to have it well done.

• 13:04Speaker 00

  Look, we'll bear with you. Absolutely. That's, that's, that's what you want. And you've given a fantastic reason that we absolutely can't take the piss out of.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  No, you can't actually make fun of it. That was so coherently logical.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  And if you do anything, it'll be construed as racism.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  Yeah. 100%.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Oh, this is great.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  Do that for everything, all of your choices now. Build a fortress of racism around it.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Say, in New Delhi, we used to do this. And then we'll just have to go, yep.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Good on you, that sounds delicious. Were you born in Hammersmith? I was, yeah, I was born here. I moved to Delhi when I was three years old. But I lived in Hounslow. When I was three, which of course.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  Were you born in Hammersmith?

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Yes, and then.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  Really? Same hospital?

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Probably. I think, I've checked with my parents, which hospital I was born in.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  I'm just gonna say it's the same one.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. That's cool. That's our claim to fame.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  That's my claim to fame. Hospital buddies? Yeah.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  Well, we always start with still or sparkling water. Oh, this is gonna annoy you, but it's a mixture of both, fifty fifty. I love it. I love it. Do you? Because I learned it from a friend and I made a lot of fun of him. And then I started doing it as a joke, but then it's stuck.

• 14:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  So now I'm just like. You need to make fun of him. Oh, God, can you imagine me at a restaurant? Can I please have half and half? And then I'll take my steak, well done, thank you. Yeah. And leave me alone.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  This guy's so weird.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's so strange. Don't be old screech, what's this half and half?

• 14:28Speaker 00

  And is half and half something that you would do in New Delhi?

• 14:30Speaker 02

  No, half and, there's no, there's no sparkling water in New Delhi.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  Right.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  Because why would you put? Yeah. Why would you put bubbles into water? It makes no sense, what's wrong with it?

• 14:39Speaker 00

  I thought we had, I thought we had a reason to stick this out.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  You've really let yourself down there.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  And now, oh. Finally, I was looking for my, I was looking for my inn and now.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  What about you? Do you like, do you order sparkling water?

• 14:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like, I, now more and more in a restaurant.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  I think it's a flex to just say a bottle of each.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  That is a huge flex.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  That's cool. You know what I mean?

• 14:59Speaker 00

  And then are you mixing it yourself?

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Uh, yes, then I'll mix it myself or if them do it, then I'll ask them to mix it. But I think a bottle of each sounds great. It's an extra four quid, but it sounds cool. If you're trying to impress someone, you know? When you're mixing it, which do you pour in first? So you pour in both at the same time? Always sparkling. Yeah, gotta be. You don't top it off with sparkling. Otherwise it's too bubbly forward. Yeah, that'd be crazy to put the still in first, but.

• 15:21Speaker 00

  So when you're ordering this, do they know what you're gonna do? Or are you ordering?

• 15:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  And when you actually do it?

• 15:27Speaker 02

  It's confusing if their English isn't great.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:30Speaker 00

  And then you're mixing it together?

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, just mixing it together.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  This guy's a mad scientist.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  I do like this answer because the amount of times we've asked still or sparkling water, there's only two answers, really.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:42Speaker 00

  So we have to muster enthusiasm for either of those things.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  But this answer is giving you some life.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  This is something new.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  This is good. I mean, you have no idea how happy we are.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. I can tell from you.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  We've been annoyed for years that we've even included this question.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  It's a great question.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Because we're asking people to reinvent it for us every time. But you've actually done that.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  It's not something that you, I think it's a British thing, like a UK, like a European thing, sparkling water and still water. In America, it's not so, not to piss off the entire country, but I don't think that it's, I've lived there 20 years now, I don't think sparkling water is as big as it is, as it is in Europe.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  Hmm, that's interesting. Yeah, I'm trying to think of, maybe not, no. Because I mean, ice water is like the thing, right? They'll bring over the ice water.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Well, the craziest thing I remember about when I moved to the States in 99, when I was 18 for college, the amount of water, the students would be carrying these jugs of water everywhere. And I was like, what is this? Like, why are people drinking so much water? Because growing up, when you were thirsty, you'd drink water.

• 16:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, that's how you, you know, but then if you say that in America, the answer you get all the time that makes you want to pull my eyes out is, well, if you're thirsty, it means you're already dehydrated. And if you want, if you, if you want to hear a story about this, um, if it makes the podcast or not, but I'll tell you a true story.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  Please.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  So I get this, like, some special, this lady comes and she's like this, like, she's draining some lymphatic whatever, and she tells me, look, you're severely dehydrated and you need to drink two liters of water a day. Man, you know, I keep hearing this in, in America, I'm just going to do it. So I started drinking like two liters of water a day. And I'm in, I'm peeing a lot, you know, every hour, whatever, whatever. Secondly, I begin to feel a bit uncomfortable, I'm feeling a bit depleted and I'm feeling like, oh my God, I have to pee, but I can't pee anymore and I'm feeling uncomfortable. I call my doctor and I don't know what's going on. He said, what's changed in your life? I said, I've been drinking two liters of water a day for the last 48 hours. He says, where are you? I said, I'm, I'm home. He's like, okay, can you, can you drive? I'm like, yeah, I'm just a bit tired. He's like, you're coming to the hospital right now.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  What?

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Takes me to the hospital, puts me in. Apparently, I had drunk so much water that I had gotten rid of every nutrient in my body.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Not only that, I also had like a point zero zero zero zero zero one like brain swelling. Cause I had so much fluid in my system that my brain got this well. So they had to keep me in the hospital for eight hours and give me like six IVs.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying. And all because I was tired of hearing for 15 years that if you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated. And then that was the final straw, this masseuse.

• 18:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  So that's a very long story to tell you. Just be normal, man. When you're thirsty, drink water.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  Just be normal. That's wild.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  Isn't that crazy? And that's a true story. So. No, I'm not saying don't drink water if you need it. I mean, cause I'm not a doctor, but just, I just didn't understand.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Just don't chug water all day suddenly after not, you know, only drinking water when you're thirsty.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  Isn't that crazy?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  That's good. But I love that you led up to the story with, I don't know if this will make the podcast or not. That, your, your brain's swollen up. That's making the pod. We haven't had any, anyone with us with a brain.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  That's a clip. I've never seen you sort of wink in this podcast ever. It's like mind blowing.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  I'm going back, I'm going back to hibernation after that, but that was great.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  And that makes so much sense. Cause you know, there's people who walk around with a big massive jugs of water.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  Whenever I speak to those people, it does seem like their brain's swollen a bit.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah. They got swollen brains.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  I gotta hijack. Yeah, I gotta. I don't know hijack, you gotta hijack.

• 19:13Speaker 00

  Oh, brain swelling.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Put that in the accent clip. Can I, can I, can I go in the accent, in the accent?

• 19:17Speaker 02

  I don't think that should make the podcast. That could, that could hurt someone's feelings.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  Oh, well, no, these, these people don't have feelings and they don't listen. Exactly.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Papa the bread, Papa the bread, can I hear? Papa the bread.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Obviously Papa Dom.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm saying.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  I mean, that's, I mean, you can't even, that's not even, that's not a question that would work.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  We got Cindy V coming in this afternoon.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  And?

• 19:35Speaker 01

  And she told me off last time because she said, you say Papa Dom, Papa Dom's are bread to people. And you should say Papa the bread to people. And then I said to her, I'm gonna do that next time. And that was over a year ago. And then I've never done it. And cause she's in next, I'm like, I'm gonna do it in this one. And it just so happens that you grew up in New Delhi.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  So I look like I'm being ultra cool.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  No, it's like, yeah, exactly. Papa the bread.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  You got it.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  And you said, that's not even a, that's not even a choice really.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Not for me.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  I mean, if a restaurant is offering Papa the bread, I'm gonna eat Papa the bread.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  And what kind do you want? Cause there's a lot of different kinds, right?

• 20:09Speaker 02

  Ah, such a good question. That's a really good question. Have you ever had the, the white airy ones with all the bubbles? The really big, or you've probably had.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We, I think they were one of the ones that Jamie Oliver bought.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Jamie Oliver bought.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  But like, yeah, the, the ones that are quite, they're like just bubbles.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly. Yeah, that's the one I love.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's great.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, really good.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  You don't get them in many places here.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  No, you don't.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Which is a shame, cause there is really, they're, they're very tasty.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  The one, um, the one bread that you don't get much of in restaurants outside of India is rumali roti, okay? And I'm telling you this because next time if you're in an Indian restaurant, you should just go to one if they have rumali roti. Rumal means handkerchief. And rumali roti is a bread, like an Indian bread, like naan, cooked in the lur, but it's, it's like a handkerchief thin.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  And they fold it up and it's the greatest bread, Indian bread you'll ever have in your life. So if there is a restaurant, I'm trying to think who does it in London, but I'll, I'll send you guys an email and you should go.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  Rumali.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Rumali roti. Roti means bread.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Rumali. So we should, if we go to an Indian restaurant, ask for rumali roti, don't accidentally just ask for rumali, cause they'll just bring us a handkerchief.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Yes, well, if you're rumal, yeah, if you go to a rumal, they'll be like.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Here's a, here's a, why do all, so when you go to a restaurant in London, a lot of people are wearing navy blue pants and navy blue jacket, right? That's standard.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  That's not an observation.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  That's not funny. That's just, that's just normal.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  That's funny to us. Yeah, it's funny to us that that's something you've noticed. Yeah, when people notice stuff about the UK, you don't live here, it's funny, cause we don't notice that.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I'm saying everyone, like, if you're in the city and you go to London, so, but they give you white napkins.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Hmm, yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  And white napkins give white linen on blue suits. So I never understood why more restaurants don't have black napkins. Have you ever thought about it?

• 22:07Speaker 01

  I've never thought about it, but I'm a hundred percent on board with it immediately.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 22:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I, I would much rather that now. The white napkins.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Give you white linen on blue pants.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then if you get something on your napkin, people can see how messy you are, or mucky pup you are.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  So.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  What's the word you said?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Mucky pup?

• 22:26Speaker 02

  A mucky pup?

• 22:27Speaker 01

  A mucky pup.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Mucky pup?

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Or like you're, you're mucky, like you're.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  A little doggy. A little.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  What?

• 22:33Speaker 01

  A little, a little baby dog.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  A little baby.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  That's been rolling around in the mud.

• 22:38Speaker 00

  A messy baby dog.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  Or a pup that is rolling around in muck.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, mucky pup.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  That's not, is that like a real?

• 22:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's a phrase.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  That's a real phrase.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Okay, that's not just something you made up for the podcast.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  No, no, no, that is a phrase, mucky pup.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Mucky pup.

• 22:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  In what context can I use it so that I'm not in trouble?

• 22:53Speaker 00

  Whatever.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  It sounds cool.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  If you spill something on yourself, um, go, oh, I'm such a mucky pup.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  See, it sounds nice in your accent. If I say, oh, I'm such a mucky pup, it sounds a bit weird.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  I think that sounds nice.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  I'm a mucky pup.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Sounds kind of sexual. I'm a mucky pup.

• 23:07Speaker 00

  Well, that is also like, be careful in the context you use it. If you're, um, heading down to like a pride parade. That's also like a subsection.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 23:15Speaker 00

  The pup, pups.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  I don't know this.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, the guys who dress in the ma, the dog masks.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  What?

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Oh, good on them.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's like a set, there's, I think there's a whole separate parade in London Pride.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Is there?

• 23:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they get, they can get mucky, I suppose.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  They can't.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  This is definitely off topic.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  It's off topic for sure. But yeah, the, the white napkin, people can see quite how messy you are. What a mucky pup you are. And a black napkin.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  They can't see.

• 23:40Speaker 00

  They can't see.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  No one can see anything.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, that's just, I just had to get it off my chest.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  I agree with you that it should, maybe each restaurant should just have a range of napkins. And they can bring them out and match them to your, your trousers.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  So whatever, what you're wearing, whatever suit you're wearing or dress or whatever, they can like, put the napkin on until they get one that matches, then go, there you go, you can.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  I would be, I would be on board for that.

• 24:02Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  That would be really nice. There would be like a napkin sommelier.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  Yeah. It feels, that's just around the corner, surely. That's definitely gonna happen.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  That's right up there with mucky pup. Next garage band.

• 24:14Speaker 00

  Mucky pup could be the name of the napkin restaurant where you get the napkin sommelier.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Mucky pup. You know who I would love to be in napkin sommelier? Billy Porter.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Billy Porter. By the way, also in Christmas Karma and a great actor.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, fantastic actor.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  I, I've, I've shared a screen with Billy Porter, of course.

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Well, you haven't really.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, I, I acted to a tennis ball and then Billy Porter. Acted to a different tennis ball and then they put it together.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  That's great. I'm gonna go home and watch that scene.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, Cinderella.

• 24:43Speaker 02

  You should, I mean, once you watch that scene, you'll wanna watch the whole film.

• 24:45Speaker 00

  Okay, that's great.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it'd be impossible not to watch.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Send me the timestamp where it is.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You got it. It's a, it's a great scene.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Today's episode of the Off Menu podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Ah, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan, do you know what I mean?

• 25:05Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company and makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofas, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the set in, the vibe. And Cozy's modular customisable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room, and I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful, cosy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 26:00Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs, you telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere, don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 26:15Speaker 00

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  And because it's Cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Visit Cozy today, that's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com and make yourself at home.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Your dream starter.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Should I make my menu entirely Indian? I mean, is that okay? I feel up to you.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  If that's your dream.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  If that's your dream menu, if that's what.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  It's gonna have to be grills, like it's gonna have to be tandoori chicken, chicken tikka, kakuri kebab, which is a kebab that melts in your mouth. And so it's gonna be all protein grills. I'm gonna say kakuri kebab, chicken tikka, tandoori chicken, malai tikka, all of the tikkas right there.

• 27:23Speaker 00

  The kakuri kebab, did you say?

• 27:25Speaker 02

  Kakuri kebab.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  What makes that?

• 27:27Speaker 02

  That's made out of lamb usually, and it's like, it's, it's, it's, I don't think it's like, it's like a seeka bar, but it like melts in your mouth. It just melts. It's very, and it's time consuming to make and the people who make it well, it's just delicious.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  How, i- is it because of the fat content that it just melts in your mouth?

• 27:43Speaker 02

  No, I just think the way the tender is the meat.

• 27:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  That sounds incredible. I want everything to melt in my mouth, man.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  Do you?

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, everything. Name, name something.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  Well, I'm sure there's foods that you don't want them out on your mouth. What about like a salad? You wouldn't want a salad to melt on your mouth.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Yes, please.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  I'm not chewing salad, man.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  Really?

• 27:59Speaker 01

  I'll just let it melt in my mouth.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Do you like salads?

• 28:02Speaker 01

  No, why?

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Do you like, when you go to a restaurant, do you order a salad?

• 28:05Speaker 00

  Depends what's in the salad, but yeah.

• 28:07Speaker 02

  Like what?

• 28:08Speaker 00

  I love, I love a Caesar salad.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  I like a Caesar.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  I'd say it's up there in my, see, I've already turned you into a salad.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  No, I like a Caesar salad. They say only, or like a good chop.

• 28:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, chop salad, all of that stuff. I like salads with like a bit of, you know, a bit of heft to them, maybe with just, you know, some sweet potato in there, some grains. It's tasty, but also you're like, I'm doing some great stuff for my body here.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  Yes, I, I do agree.

• 28:32Speaker 00

  But don't eat it every day because it'll make your brain swell.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  Yes, oh my god. Jesus, what a story, huh?

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Anything healthy makes your brain swell? I didn't know that. I thought it was just the water.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  Before the podcast, we were talking about the, the taste profile of beetroot and how to me, it tastes like nothing. But then people backstage were saying it tastes like the earth.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  And then someone said very astutely that if you put vinegar on it, it takes on the flavor of vinegar. Because it's quite soluble. So I, I have nothing else to say about that.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  That's like an actor.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. It's very soluble.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  You try and make yourself just like as partly, just like the earth as possible.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  Yes, like water.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  And then if people, but then you add stuff and then you take on the flavor of that.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 00

  You should be an acting teacher.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  You add the grump.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  And then you go, now I'm taking on the flavour of the grump and now I'm gonna be Scrooge.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Can you imagine if James was an acting teacher, you turn up on day one and he's like, you're a beetroot.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Be a beetroot.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Forget everything you know about being a human. You're a beetroot.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  That'll be great.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  That, that's good acting. I'm sure there are acting teachers with similar mad things, aren't there?

• 29:39Speaker 02

  I'm sure, I mean, I've had my share of them, but that's the first time I've ever heard food in a context of acting training.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Hmm. Well, if you ever, if you come across it now in the future, you've got to call the people out that they're ripping me off.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  That's true. I will. I'll say, oh, okay. I've heard that before, but not from you.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, but not from you. From somebody who played John the Mouse in Cinderella.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Yes, across Billy Porter.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. It was a tennis ball. Who was a tennis ball? Yeah, that's, that's, that's good acting.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Has anyone ever played a tennis ball in a film? Imagine playing a CGI tennis ball.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Cause then the tennis ball they would have for the actors to act to would actually be quite helpful.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  It's actually more realistic.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're like, this is great.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Against the actor, yeah.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  This is perfect.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'm just looking directly in the camera, thinking, is this really happening?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Welcome to our world.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  Your dream main course?

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Ooh, staying on the same cultural trope that I'm on, I would say butter chicken.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Doll McNeely, which is Black Doll, and buttered non.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  I love this. I'm in heaven here.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  Is there somewhere where you've had the best versions of these? Is it a restaurant? Someone you know who cooks it at home?

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Yes, in New Delhi, there is a restaurant growing up called Muti Mehel. And they are under actually litigation right now. All the brothers are fighting about who actually invented butter chicken. Oh.

• 31:11Speaker 00

  That makes it more exciting, doesn't it?

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I'd say that. And I'll say like, you know, you can't go wrong here with the Jim Connor, with Koteer. There's so many good Indian restaurants. In my opinion, outside of New Delhi, London has the best Indian restaurants in the world.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. Not even a question.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Not even a question. You're welcome.

• 31:30Speaker 00

  We worked really hard on those restaurants.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 31:33Speaker 00

  Thank you for saying that.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  No, I mean, I, the thing I don't understand is when people say, well, you know, the food in England is not. The restaurants in London are phenomenal.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  Phenomenal.

• 31:42Speaker 00

  I think what people, people get mixed up quite often, or they're, they talk at cross purposes where they're like, British food is awful.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  And then you wanna go, yeah, but the restaurants in London are amazing, but very rarely are they restaurants that do British food. They're just good examples of other, other nations food.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  What's a dish, what's a British dish that you find not awful?

• 32:02Speaker 00

  Like a Sunday roast? Yeah, good, very good examples of British dishes. But that works for anything, right? So an amazing Sunday roast, an amazing like shepherd's pie.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  What makes it, what makes a Sunday roast phenomenal? I'm curious, actually. Is it the quality of the meat?

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, the meat's definitely gotta be like, not too dry, loads of flavour to it.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  Um, I mean, you know, the, the potatoes are crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  The gravy, the gravy's gotta be super high quality and not like, yeah, not sludgy. Just all of, if all of the individual components are very well cooked and very high quality, it's a fantastic meal.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  So you're saying a posh Sunday roast is the best Sunday roast?

• 32:42Speaker 00

  Not even posh, just high quality. It doesn't need to be posh. It can all be like, just a bit like hearty and ready to go, but it's just, it's, it's so easy to get wrong because there's so many components, I think.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  I understand.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Like, yeah, and like, you know, the seasoning of everything when you're roasting it and whatever.

• 32:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Actually pay attention to it.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Is there, is there one that is like the quality Sunday roast in London?

• 33:04Speaker 00

  The thing is, everyone would just say, it's, everyone would say, you gotta go, you gotta go home to your mum.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  Go to Ed's.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  Ed's my mum in this case. Go to Ed's house for the Sunday roast.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  You're saying my mum's roast?

• 33:15Speaker 01

  No, your roast.

• 33:16Speaker 00

  My roast?

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Ed makes it.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  You make it?

• 33:18Speaker 00

  I've made a roast before. I don't know if it's quality, I can't, you know, I can't.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't, uh, it's subjective.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, the potatoes, I can't do them as well as my mum does the potatoes.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  But everyone's mum does the best roast potatoes.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Hmm, not my mum.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  It's terrible.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  She will hear.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  She listens to every episode of this.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Just up your game.

• 33:37Speaker 00

  What? What's wrong with your mum's potatoes?

• 33:40Speaker 01

  What's right with them?

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Just, yeah, just put the effort in.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  She knows. She's listening to this. She knows. You know, you know what you did.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  There's a, um, there's a pub, an Indian pub called the Tamil Prince. That's all the rage right now. And they do an Indian Sunday roast.

• 33:57Speaker 00

  I've still not been.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  I haven't been. I just see it on Instagram all the time and I haven't been yet.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I, I would absolutely love that because the Sunday roast is like not my, it's, it's like Christmas time. It feels like I wouldn't have it every week. It's very, it's very heavy meal. But I think the, the Indian Sunday roast at the Tamil Prince would be like.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Yum.

• 34:14Speaker 00

  I would love.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Yum.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  You know what I would watch is the film of all the brothers fighting over who invented butter chicken.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I think there's a couple of scripts floating around.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  That has to be.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's still in litigation. It's going to the Supreme Court.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's when you know you've got, it must be hard if you're like going to court against people and you've got a whole trial going on or whatever it is. And then you hear while you're going through this process that some people are buying the film rights to this. You must get in your head about it. When you're going into court, like this, this is gonna be in a film one day.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, I mean, it's like the, like the House of Guinness.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Right? Yeah, yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  This could be the House of Butter Chicken.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. House of Butter Chicken, man. I, I would watch that.

• 34:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Would you be in that?

• 34:55Speaker 02

  I'd, yeah, of course.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  I would be the butter chicken. No, I would not be the butter chicken. I would be the head of the butter chicken household.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. You can't play the butter.

• 35:04Speaker 00

  You can't play the butter chicken and people acting against the tennis ball.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Can you imagine?

• 35:09Speaker 01

  You could. That would be a good, I. Canal, I don't wanna. That's pretty good. But that was pretty great.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  That's pretty good.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  That was pretty great doing a little butter chicken.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Multi, multi fascinated actor.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  Oh God, my team's watching this and saying, what are you doing?

• 35:26Speaker 01

  They're watching this and they are getting right on the phone to Hollywood.

• 35:29Speaker 00

  Do you want us to send you that video and then you can, you can send that?

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Use that for my next casting game for the next Pixar Butter Chicken animated movie.

• 35:36Speaker 00

  Because we can add, Ben, we can add like a dish of butter chicken around Canal's head, can't we? For when he pops up and then we send it to a casting director. Nice.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  You know that they're not talking to anyone, right? There's no one sitting there.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  There's just no one there.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  What a twist that would be that he's never been here.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  We could be in it.

• 35:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, we could be in it. Yeah, sure. Like, like, what, what, what role would we play, though?

• 35:57Speaker 00

  The rice.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. White boys play the rice.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  That's what I was thinking.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  Absolutely, we would play the rice.

• 36:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  I, I would love it if there was a twist and Benito's never been on the pod. He's never existed. Would be funny if, like, he's never actually been here. And, like, we've made such a big deal over him.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  That's hilarious.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Been on the pod for ages. We were said about how he doesn't speak.

• 36:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  And then it turns out he was never here.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 36:18Speaker 00

  And that's a movie.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  And that's a movie.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  Dream side dish.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Now, this is, uh, well, not controversial, but going away from the Indian, it's gotta be french fries.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 36:35Speaker 02

  It's gotta be french fries. It's gotta be, but I like, I don't like them, I like the long, thin, soggy ones.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Like, you know, when you order McDonald's and you get them and you, I'm always looking for the long, thin, soggy one.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Why do you like that one? Because a lot of people.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  That's, that is controversial.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. I like it like that. I'm not a big crisp, they have to be thin, no matter, I'm not a chunky chips guy. They've got to be super thin and super long.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  And not overtly crispy, for me.

• 37:02Speaker 01

  Wow. What, so what, what do you not like about the crispy ones? Is it, is the flavour different for you?

• 37:06Speaker 02

  That's a really good question. I haven't really thought about it. Because I do like crisps. I like crunchy things.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  But I don't know why. I just like the long, soggy, what do you call them? French fries. Yeah.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  That's good. If you're, if you're sharing a bunch of french fries with people, they're gonna let you have that one. Not a lot of people like the long, soggy one.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  Hmm. Yes, that's true. That's my favourite side dish. That would be my favourite side dish.

• 37:27Speaker 00

  I like this as well because you're, are you then dipping the fries in the, in the butter chicken?

• 37:32Speaker 01

  That's what I was gonna ask.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Oh, that's good. I didn't think about that. Not really.

• 37:35Speaker 00

  No?

• 37:35Speaker 01

  No?

• 37:36Speaker 00

  Fair enough.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  Like, I don't like ketchup. One thing about me is I don't like ketchup.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  There's something about ketchup that just gives me the ick. I use it, gives me the ick. I told my niece I was gonna use it because she said that once and I was like, what does that mean? And she said, it makes you not feel like, nice about something. And so, and I used it.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  You used it?

• 37:55Speaker 02

  And it seemed like it was coming out of my mouth like naturally, right?

• 37:58Speaker 01

  That seemed completely natural. That didn't seem like you were putting it in there.

• 38:01Speaker 00

  Until straight afterwards, when you went.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  I know, I know, I know, I know. Sorry. But then you cut that part out. Yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. Is this what you like when you're, when you're doing, like, shooting a scene? You do it and you go, that came out of my mouth like it was natural. You all, you all heard that, right?

• 38:12Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, after every dick.

• 38:14Speaker 00

  I'm like a bean trick.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  Guys, I did it. That sounded just like Scooch.

• 38:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  You all heard it. That's natural.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  Have you ever had a moment like that when you've like been filming something or just doing any sort of acting? Where like in the moment or afterwards, you were you literally think, oh my god, that was.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  That was good stuff.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  I really like outdid myself there.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's rare.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  But they have, of course, you know, because as you know, we like to torture ourselves so much about the work that we do. But for me, I have had a few moments and then I watching the TV show or the movie and I'm like, they didn't use that take.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know what I mean?

• 38:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  The interesting thing, as you know about acting, is because we're seeing everything just through our own entire sort of i- identity perception is that we think that when we watch the movie, the the camera's not going to cut to someone else while we're talking. We think the camera's always going to be on us while we're talking.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  And then, of course, you have to cut away for reaction, you have to cut away to piece away the story, but you're like, oh, my god, I remember seeing that line and just my eyes and feeling everything and then they cut away to the other person. So I'm seeing the lines off camera so you can get their reaction.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  What about me?

• 39:23Speaker 02

  I know. I know, it's really, it's really, so, yes, I've had those moments, but not all of them have ever, when I'm watching them, felt like the way it felt when I was doing it.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  Has it, has there ever been a film that uh anyone knows of where it is all just filming one actor?

• 39:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  And everything else is off.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Son of Saul.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 39:42Speaker 02

  Yes, about a a man in a one of the concentration camps and the whole film is just, I think, a one on his face.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  And it's very intense film.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  And uh, yeah, that's the only one I I know of.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  It's a one, it's one take as well.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  As far as I I, it's my memory of it.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  I don't, what if you need to burp during that?

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  And it's just trained on your face the whole time.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Just your cut.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then start again.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Oh, there's so many tricks to stitch it together.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  What if you're burping an hour and twenty minutes into that? What if you get hiccups?

• 40:14Speaker 02

  What if you get the hiccups, man? I hate getting the hiccups. If I get the hiccups, they last forever.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  No, seriously, I get chronic hiccups. I don't get them much, but if I get them, they last forever.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  That's a nightmare.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  And they hurt as well after a while, I bet.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  No? Hard man.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Sorry, mind.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  He's a hard man.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  The hard man, yeah. No, I'm not a hard man, I'm saying that my hiccups don't hurt.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  All right, man.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  Do your hiccups hurt?

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, if they're like big hiccups, yeah, they kill.

• 40:43Speaker 00

  No, no enough.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  No.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  Where do they hurt?

• 40:46Speaker 01

  They kill.

• 40:47Speaker 00

  Chest.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  It kills.

• 40:49Speaker 00

  Throat. They kill me, man.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  It kills, doesn't it?

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  And what do you have to say to people who've got laid others' kills?

• 40:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it's absolutely.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  Well, you're hiccuping.

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Do you have comments on the off, on the podcast? Someone should comment about this. Does anyone else hurt? And there's never hurts.

• 41:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, everyone else, all the comments will be like, I agree with Ed, they really kill.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Really? I have to believe him. I'm not on social media, so Ed just tells me the comments. So Ed's like, yeah, everyone agreed with me again this week.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  I'm gonna go off of this drops and I'm gonna go.

• 41:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. All the comments will be saying, Ed's right, these two are a couple of hard men.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Really?

• 41:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  What's a hard man?

• 41:21Speaker 00

  Like a tough guy.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  Tough guy.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, tough guy.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  That's a good tale by my.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Fuchsia sweater.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  Your dream drink?

• 41:34Speaker 02

  Ooh, Vespa Martini.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Woo, lovely, classy.

• 41:38Speaker 00

  Talk us through the Vespa Martini.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Three parts gin, one part vodka, lily or koki, whichever you prefer. Shaken, freezing cold, lemon twist.

• 41:48Speaker 00

  Beautiful.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Freezing cold is important. Cold is like, yeah, I don't, I don't like a room temp martini or anything.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  You know, also at the Dover in London, which is now a really nice martini bar, halfway through your drink, they give you a new ice cold glass and pour it back in and it's delicious. Now, the thing, the problem with the Vespa Martini is that one is great, two is like, and three is finished.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  So you have to have like one and a half to feel great.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  Two, you're not feeling great. I mean, you're feeling great, but the next day you're not feeling great.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  They're very, very strong, so please drink them responsibly.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, the outside car sometimes with a.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Well, here in London, the way the martinis are half the size. In the US, the martinis are in that like fishbowl kind of thing and a sidecar. So, and here they come in the very beautiful, small, elegant glasses. But I never understood like how British people, British people can drink so much beer, like pints.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  The guy friends who can drink five, six, seven pints and feel great. If I had two beers, I'd be hiccuping.

• 42:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, sure.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  I think it's because you guys just grew up drinking it. It doesn't make you feel.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  I can't do it anymore.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  They all feel awful, but we're just used to always feeling awful. So it's like they just don't. So you you notice like, yo, I feel awful.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  All of a sudden.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Because you're not in a constant state of like, just hating yourself.

• 43:08Speaker 00

  The weather's bad.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Whereas here, everyone is just, we're all used to the base level is we feel bad.

• 43:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  So then.

• 43:16Speaker 00

  And when we feel normal, we're like, God, I'm so happy today.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  And then you suddenly feel guilty for it.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  Then you start questioning it.

• 43:23Speaker 00

  I better have nine pints.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, about nine pints and get back to feeling.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Awful again.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Kills me, it's hilarious.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  Well, I used to drink a lot of pints, but now I don't. I just get full straight away. I just feel so full.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  But are you with me on the Vespa martini? It's a great drink.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, martinis in general is like one of my favorite drinks, because.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  What what is, do people drink your gin more or vodka?

• 43:47Speaker 01

  I like the vodka ones more, but Vespa would be my preference as well.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  With a twist or dirty? Well, Vespa you can't do. Vespa you have to do with a twist.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Either with a twist or I like filthy martinis. Like, absolutely going nuts.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  I don't like savory in my drink. Like a Bloody Mary to me is just gazpacho with vodka.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Oh, sounds great.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  You want to hear a good gazpacho story?

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  It's not a great story.

• 44:09Speaker 00

  You don't take it too late.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  No, this is.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Brain turned into a tomato.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  I started doing this as a joke and I don't, no one in my family thinks it's funny, but I do love gazpacho. Like, I really love gazpacho. When the sun's out, I order gazpacho. And I always do this trick where the gazpacho comes and I take a sip and I spit it out and I say, this is cold.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Send it back.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  And the waiter's like, what? And I'm like, got you. And then they're like, usually they think it's kind of funny.

• 44:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  It's a, that's a good.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  But then, but sometimes.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  You're an actor, you've got to be careful with that, with your powers there.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Because they could burst into tears because you've acted it so well.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, usually I wouldn't, I wouldn't do it at a place that I didn't know the server or something. I wouldn't like, you know, hurt someone's feelings who who felt sensitive that day.

• 44:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. And what if they rush back to the kitchen?

• 44:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I have to, you have to time it out perfectly.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  Before, before they knew it was a joke, and the next thing you know, that's your rep, that's your rep.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  I know. Oh, my God.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  I would never happen. I don't think I could be rude to someone like that, but that would be terrible. Who did that happen? Didn't?

• 45:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, that happens to people. I don't wanna get, I would never, I would never be mean to us.

• 45:12Speaker 00

  I think it's good to have like jokes that you do in every restaurant.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:16Speaker 00

  You think? Yeah, it's a little routine. Well, I mean, the classic is when like a big massive plate of stuff arrives that's clearly for sharing. What's everyone else having?

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, funny.

• 45:27Speaker 00

  That's a good one.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 45:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. And they, uh, maybe when they pour water or whatever for you, I'm like, you pretend it's vodka. That's funny.

• 45:36Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 45:36Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 45:37Speaker 01

  Just, just a glass of vodka, that's a, yeah, yeah, you have a water.

• 45:42Speaker 00

  I don't know this one.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  And not while they're pouring it, but like, you know, people are saying, why, why are you not drinking? And then like, oh, yeah, yeah, this is vodka. And then you put it, put the water and go, this is a glass of vodka.

• 45:54Speaker 00

  Something a six year old would do.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  I still don't understand it. I, I'm sorry, sorry for your mature joke that you're gonna eat the whole plate of food.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  You're looking for more, you're looking for more in the joke than actually exists, I think.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  So you, so they're pouring water and you're saying this is vodka?

• 46:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:07Speaker 00

  That's it.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  That's a funny joke. When everyone else is, is drinking alcohol and they go, oh, you're not drinking. And then you go, yeah, I am, this is vodka, this glass of vodka.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  That's a joke. People do that. People do that joke.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Can I not have made it up?

• 46:22Speaker 02

  No, no, I believe you. I'm still just trying to understand it.

• 46:24Speaker 00

  I've never seen someone do that joke.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  But I might imagine if you had, like, imagine a glass of water like this I've got here.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  If that was all vodka, that'd be mad.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course. That's funny.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, yeah, if you're, if you're suggesting to someone, if they're like, oh, you're not drinking. And then you're like, yeah, I am, this is, this is a glass of vodka right here. Then they're like, whoa, you went from not drinking to drinking a whole glass of vodka and having a problem with alcohol. That's funny.

• 46:52Speaker 00

  How would that go down if you were at dinner, do you think?

• 46:55Speaker 01

  First of all, I, it would take thirty minutes to explain.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  I'm not trying to be rude. I'm saying that that's not the best joke I've heard. I'm sorry. Not the best restaurant joke I've heard.

• 47:05Speaker 01

  That's good restaurant joke. You try, next time you're in a restaurant, you try it.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Cause maybe it's cause it's outside of the usual setting that it's not landing.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  But like in the.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Yes, if, if, if everyone's ordering a drink and I already have a glass of water and then someone says, you're not drinking it. And they said, oh, well, this is vodka.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  That's good. That's good stuff. The way that you did it just then.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  I think it's good stuff. I, I don't know. I could, I'll, I'll try it. This is vodka right here. Some comments on the.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  This is vodka I'm drinking.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Imagine if you drank that much vodka, like one guy who you poured that, you'd have a problem.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  I just liked it when I've.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Like a.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Clean my plate.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  Tragic problem.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  Back over, I say, oh, I didn't like that.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, that's classical.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Hmm. And I'd say, I drank my vodka. If I had an empty glass of vodka, that was vodka, but I just drank that to the way.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  And they go, no, it's not. It's water. I've been topping it up the whole time.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  I'd be like, yes. And I'd say, yeah.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's good.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:55Speaker 02

  I'm sorry I brought up the gazpacho joke.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  There was a weird out of that. But going back to my original thing, I mean, like Bloody Mary is just gazpacho with vodka.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Yes, but that, yeah, that does sound, that does sound nice to me, but you don't like the savory.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  I don't like savory.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  I saw this appetizer the other day, and you will not like this if you don't like dirty martini.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  Anchovy vermouth to put in martini.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  I would like it.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  Or like a Gibson with a pickled onion. Not my thing.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  I love it. Blue, blue cheese stuffed olives.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  No way, dude. Oh my god.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  Oyster. I've had an oyster martini before with a whole oyster in it.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  Yuck.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  I hated it. Doesn't like any of these things. You're not gonna land on one that's nice.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  So what, you went at the end of the martini, you just had the oyster as well?

• 48:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  And the shell's in it as well. It's got the shell and a whole oyster in it. Yeah.

• 48:41Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  What if you drank that and then said that was water?

• 48:44Speaker 02

  What?

• 48:44Speaker 01

  Like you do the flip around of it.

• 48:45Speaker 02

  James, please.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  So what if you just had a, like a seafood cocktail like that, you say that was water I just drank?

• 48:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Thanks. Lovely glass of water.

• 48:53Speaker 02

  But what, what, what reaction do you expect from anyone for that? Lovely glass of water. What do you, what do you want them to say to that?

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Well, they'd say that, that was alcohol.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then, and then what? That's that. Done.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, a few people would get a kick out of it.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Here's another restaurant joke. Are you, any allergies? Only allergic to a good time.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nice. Only allergic to vodka, a pint of vodka?

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  That's what I would say.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  Right.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Or if you're in a seafood restaurant and they say any allergies, you go, yeah, seafood.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 49:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Or a sushi restaurant. Do you have any allergies? Yes, anything raw.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

• 49:31Speaker 00

  Water as well?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  No, shut up.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  Shut up.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  The moment has passed.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  Your drink dessert. Oh, uh, vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce all over it.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  More hot chocolate sauce than ice cream.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  The hot chocolate sauce is a lovely touch.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Uh, I love it. Like, and also mel- it has to be almost soup-like.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  I like it super melty. I like it super melty. Like, when I eat ice cream, I take it out of the fridge and leave it for like thirty minutes and then I eat it. Almost soup-like uh consistency.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I I remember once having a house share with someone who did not like to eat ice cream like that and I couldn't get my head around it. They were like, I like it as hot, solid as possible. Really? Like, pop a scraper off the top and I was like, what?

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Really? I don't understand that. It's gotta be super melty. Like, obviously not soup-like, but just melty enough, right?

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  I like it somewhere in between. I don't want, you know, too melty, but I can't be doing with rock-hard chipping away at it.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  No.

• 50:31Speaker 00

  Because you know, I can see there's ice cream there, but I can only have tiny little shards of it. That's awful.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  That's awful. But I don't want nuts, almonds, nothing on it. Just literally vanilla ice cream and like hot chocolate sauce.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Chocolate fudge sauce or just hot chocolate sauce? Just hot chocolate sauce.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Hot chocolate sauce.

• 50:45Speaker 00

  Because that's, if it's already melty, if you've already left it out of the freezer for a little bit, you're putting the hot sauce on top. It's, but it is basically completely melted, this, isn't it?

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're getting a little bit of the soft consistency, but it's pretty much soup-like. Um, also, I love Nutella.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Nutella on white toast.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  Ooh, we could put a little bit of that on the side for you, for dessert.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  You want like a little triangle of toast with the Nutella on it?

• 51:07Speaker 00

  How thick are you spreading the Nutella?

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Or like, very, very, very.

• 51:11Speaker 00

  Give me a.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  Like more Nutella than bread.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  And it's gotta be thin white bread.

• 51:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Thin white bread, huge scraping of Nutella. Just sort of gumming up your mouth a bit.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Yes, yes. Sometimes I'll throw away the bread and just eat it with a spoon.

• 51:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think, I think that's the way to do Nutella, to be honest.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  I mean, I've, I've probably shouted the guy out before, but yeah, I watched a video on YouTube once where a guy just speedy in a whole jar of Nutella. And uh, he was really amped up by the end and pretty happy with it.

• 51:39Speaker 00

  The whole thing?

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, the whole jar. They speed up the footage, but he just does it all.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  Is it Eric the Electric, that guy?

• 51:44Speaker 01

  I don't know if his name is Eric the Electric, but at the end of it, he uh, he, he says to the camera, I ate a whole jar of Nutella today. What have you done?

• 51:55Speaker 02

  And how did that make you feel?

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Well, I said, well, I've watched a video of a guy eating a jar of Nutella. That's what I've done.

• 52:00Speaker 00

  Which is as much of an achievement, I think.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got to the end of that video and I didn't expect the sass at the end, but it was, it was nice to watch him do it. And I felt pretty good about myself afterwards. So I was like, well, I didn't do that today. So I feel like I've had a healthier day than that guy, even though he's probably, he looked like he was in good shape. So I imagine the rest of his life is balancing out.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  So that he can take the hit on that.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  It's like Nathan, the hot dog guy.

• 52:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:24Speaker 02

  It's ripped. Who's that? He's like the, he's the hot dog eating king.

• 52:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's a, there's Matt Stoney.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Maybe his name is not Nathan.

• 52:32Speaker 00

  No, I think Nathan's is the name of the competition, right? Yeah, there's the.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  There's the famous guy. There's a Japanese guy, I think, and an American guy.

• 52:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's Matt Stoney, who does very well at that sort of stuff.

• 52:43Speaker 02

  Competitive for eating.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  Randy Santal, of course. I watch a lot of this.

• 52:49Speaker 02

  Sorry, I did not know this was your.

• 52:50Speaker 00

  Everything's worth checking out.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  How do you know these people?

• 52:53Speaker 00

  There's Beard Meats Food, who's the, you know.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  I'm familiar with Beard Meats Food.

• 52:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, Beard Meats Food.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  What? Beard Meats Food.

• 53:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Well, he doesn't mean to eat.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, but the name of the channel on YouTube is Beard Meats Food.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  It's making sense. Someone should tell him that.

• 53:10Speaker 00

  And it's M E A T S as well.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, which is clever.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  What are you talking about? That's not clever. They're always eating meat. I've seen them eat stuff that isn't even meat before.

• 53:17Speaker 00

  So you can't say something's not clever when you've just done a 15 minute joke about vodka being water.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  Good joke. And I made it last 15 minutes.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  And it's not over, I have a feeling. That's the concern.

• 53:27Speaker 00

  You're completely correct.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  The classics never are.

• 53:29Speaker 00

  You've, you've got the measure of him.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  The classics never are over.

• 53:34Speaker 00

  If you were eating a whole jar of Nutella, what do you think would kick in first, genuine sickness or shame?

• 53:40Speaker 02

  Hmm, sickness, yeah.

• 53:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  Sickness before the.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  Shame, you'd have to just, you know, bury it down. You have to be like, I'm just going for it.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Imagine if you had to phone the same doctor. Who would treat you with the water going, hey, I'm feeling.

• 53:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:54Speaker 02

  What's changed in the last 48 hours?

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Eating a whole jar of Nutella, space.

• 53:58Speaker 02

  Where are you right now? Can you drive? I don't know. Okay, come to the hospital.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  That's funny.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  I would phone that doctor and I'd say, I've drunk so much water that I'm ill. And then I'd go, guess what? It was vodka.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  That's the way to come full circle. Yeah. Yeah. And then he'd say, can you drive? Yeah, yeah. If I say, basically, he goes, hold on a second. Seriously, if you drank two liters of vodka, I'm like, yes, right. That's right. This is no laughing matter. Yeah, see, that's not a joke. I'm gonna have to come and get you, right? Yeah, exactly. That's actually, you shouldn't have done that for a joke. Wild. I'm gonna read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Okay. You would like fifty fifty for the still sparkling water, which is maybe even a first. Pop on a bread, you said, you would like the white bubbly pop. Yeah. Starter, all of the takers. Yes. Main course, butter chicken, black dal, buttered naan. From? Ooh, Moti Mill.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  Um, side dish, french fries, especially the long, thin, soggy ones. Drink a Vespa martini. Dessert, vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce. And on the side, we're gonna give you Nutella on white toast. Yes. Feel good about that? Is that one of the best ones you've ever had? I would go crazy on that menu. I would love to eat that. Yeah. Right? It'd be a good menu. Yeah, really good. Cause I could have said, I don't know, steak tartare and caviar and roast chicken. These are all options open to you, but I think, I think you've picked the best. This just felt like the right moment. Yeah, I would be dipping the fries in the butter chicken. I would be doing that. Um, and maybe even in the dal, just to see, but definitely in the butter chicken. That dal, I can't wait to have dal again. Yeah. That's how I feel right now. Yeah, exactly. We can't wait to go and have dal. It's good stuff.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  It does make you wanna go and have Indian food right now, doesn't it? Yeah. I had, I didn't eat food last night and we, we haven't got a, a kitchen at the minute. So we, uh, we ordered in and I ordered some, uh, paraffa. I was very excited about it. And then it arrived and it was the only thing on the takeaway that was like, oh, you've got to cook this. Oh, God, that's hilariously confusing. I ate, I ate it raw.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  Yuck. I just did it. Calling your doctor. Calling my doctor, I just ate it raw. What's changed in the last one, you know, with James? I think it's raw bread. I've lost my kitchen and I've eaten raw dough.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  You ate it raw? I had a mouthful of it, just to test if we could. And could it? Oh, I finished it. No one else had any.

• 56:20Speaker 00

  Has anyone had a menu and you're like?

• 56:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 00

  Oh, we've had some.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  But what could be bad about it?

• 56:26Speaker 00

  No, like, give me an example, not example of the person, but what could, what does a bad menu look like?

• 56:30Speaker 01

  One guy, for his dream drink, ordered a protein shake.

• 56:35Speaker 00

  No.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  As a joke?

• 56:38Speaker 01

  No, it was not a joke.

• 56:40Speaker 00

  That's what he ordered.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  No? No, it wasn't a joke.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  Ripped, buff?

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, he is, but like.

• 56:45Speaker 00

  He loves strawberry protein shakes. It's his favourite drink.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  His favourite drink in the world.

• 56:50Speaker 00

  Oh, interesting.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  So there've been plenty of people who have ordered awful stuff.

• 56:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  That we've had to, one guy ordered sloppy stuffing. We had to sit here and talk to him about that. That wasn't nice.

• 57:01Speaker 00

  That was Nick Mohammed. I'll shout him out.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Hello, Nick.

• 57:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, lovely guy. Terrible tasting food.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:06Speaker 00

  That's terrible.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Terrible faithful. But yeah, so that, that, it's not always we get a nice menu. So we're very, we're very happy.

• 57:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, very grateful that you've, uh, you've chosen a delicious menu. Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Canal.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Thanks for your time.

• 57:19Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Really fun, really fun. Thank you so much. I've learned a lot about your culture. Do the, do the vodka joke. Let me know how it goes.

• 57:35Speaker 00

  Well, there we are, James. Lovely to meet, Canal.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  I love that menu. I think that's a delicious menu. I would like to eat it.

• 57:41Speaker 00

  I did have Indian food the other night, but no, you know, it's rare I go all in on Indian food.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 00

  Maybe once every three months, I'm like, here we go, here we go.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  I'm pretty regular.

• 57:51Speaker 00

  Overdo it. That's the problem.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know when to stop ordering.

• 57:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I do want all the tickers. I want, I'm desperate to get some dal. Some dal, Mark me.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Oh, I want to dip some french fries in some curry now.

• 58:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  That's what I want.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  Some soggy ones?

• 58:06Speaker 01

  There would be by the time I'm finished with them. Oh, that sounds dirty. I'm dipping them in the curry now.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  We always say this now after episodes, but we should have gone harder on him about those french fries, but.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I guess so, but like, you know, the guy had been very open about like his medical history and stuff like that. And I appreciate that vulnerability.

• 58:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  So I don't want to go hard on someone after.

• 58:24Speaker 00

  I love that he was like, you might want to cut this out the podcast.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:28Speaker 00

  You know, what are you talking about?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  We're leading with that.

• 58:30Speaker 00

  The brain swelling, that's the clip.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  That's the clip.

• 58:32Speaker 00

  That's the clip.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  We know a clip when we see one these days and you can watch them on YouTube because Benito loves it so much.

• 58:38Speaker 00

  The tabloids, they're going to be all over that.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  The tabs are going to be all.

• 58:41Speaker 00

  The global tabs.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:42Speaker 00

  They're going to love that.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  The global tabs are going to be all over that. It's going to be absolutely everywhere. And then the podcast is going to get massive finally.

• 58:51Speaker 00

  Canal did not say bang, bang cauliflower.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Yes, did not say it. Thank you, Canal, for not saying that.

• 58:56Speaker 00

  Theory is that he wasn't going to say that.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Oh, was that your big bang bang theory? Was that he wasn't going to say the secret ingredient?

• 59:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  That's more of a big bang bang theory. That, that I think is fine to predict. That's a prediction.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My big bang.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Not just that something's the best.

• 59:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, but also that, that is my other big.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  You didn't back me up on that, on, on, on that episode. We were going to go in as a united front.

• 59:14Speaker 00

  Hard to back you up sometimes.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  You did not back up to the vodka joke.

• 59:17Speaker 00

  But I didn't understand it.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  You say you've never heard someone do that joke before.

• 59:21Speaker 00

  Yes, I, I, I.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  This is vodka.

• 59:24Speaker 00

  Kids, maybe like little kids being like, I'm having a vodka, like.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  But adults do it. Oh, you're not drinking tonight? Yeah, I am. This is, this is vodka.

• 59:30Speaker 00

  No, I've never heard that and you know, I've never heard that.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  That's like a standard joke. Everyone does it.

• 59:35Speaker 00

  On the spot because you spent the whole episode testing to see if Canal could put up with your bullshit. And then when you worked out he could, you went in and then I had to be there in the middle like some putts. Like just trying to make sure he was all right.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  You were throwing out phrases like mucky pup. You, you come out of this smelling of roses.

• 59:51Speaker 00

  A real phrase.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, come out of this smelling of roses, brother.

• 59:53Speaker 00

  Interested to learn about mucky pups.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Hmm. Did learn about it, I guess, but like still you came across as an eccentric weirdo. And I was trying to hold you up throughout that episode.

• 1:00:04Speaker 00

  Right. Well, let's not argue because.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  It's like sitting at a Willy Wonka.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  It's the complete opposite. You are Willy Wonka.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  Pure imagination.

• 1:00:11Speaker 00

  I'm a body that's been dragged out of a lake.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  I'm a scarecrow, my bad, child.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  Don't forget to go and see Christmas Karma.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't forget to go and see it.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  It's in cinemas now, of course.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  It is in cinemas now. Also, I am on tour in the new year round America.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  Fucking hell.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, we go to America in January and February. James Acaster dot com for tickets. I'm very excited about it.

• 1:00:37Speaker 00

  Hey, and if you live in America and you're like, wouldn't it be great to see the Off Menu Boys?

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 00

  Sort of quite, probably quite close together within a month.

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:00:45Speaker 00

  I'm there in February.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Literally, I believe the day I fly home.

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Ed flies to America the next day.

• 1:00:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  So with ships in the night, planes in the sky.

• 1:00:54Speaker 00

  Edgamble.co.uk for tickets for my show. I'm going to lots of different places in America. I'm doing loads in New York. I'm very excited that people in New York want to come and see me. So I can just go to loads of restaurants the whole time.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you can do your New York. You can do Edwin Coffee the whole time you're there.

• 1:01:09Speaker 00

  Course I can. Yes, he's back. Give me a fucking coffee.

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  Step with coffees here.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  You know the Starbucks lady?

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:17Speaker 00

  I fucked that lady.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:01:19Speaker 00

  You don't remember that? That's part of his backstory.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  He fucked the Starbucks. Oh, he fucked the Starbucks lady on the, yes.

• 1:01:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  On the logo. Yeah, yeah. I thought that was bad, but actually, yes, he fucked.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  The lady on the Starbucks logo.

• 1:01:33Speaker 00

  I think it's a mermaid, actually.

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it's something like that. It's something to do with the sea.

• 1:01:36Speaker 00

  Put it in a blowhole.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  You guys don't get me.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  Is that it? Have we finished the episode?

• 1:01:44Speaker 00

  Thanks very much for listening. We will see you again next week. Thank you to Canal for coming on.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 1:01:50Speaker 00

  Bye.