Vogue's Hit, Joanne's News & Pavarotti's Cake

Vogue's had an incident, Joanne's got something to tell everyone and Pavarotti had a cake named after him. These are the facts in todays episode. Besides that, Jessie Buckley upset the cat community and there's a tour coming to Australia and New Zealand (and the USA... AND Canada). If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] You can now watch FULL video epsiodes of My Therapist Ghosted Me! Visit www.youtube.com/@mtgmpod and remember to subscribe! Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com https://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/ Joanne's comedy gigs: www.joannemcnally.com https://www.joannemcnally.com/ This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Are we starting?

• 0:16Speaker 02

  We're starting.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Okay, we have begun. Fantastic.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  So I was involved in a hit.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  And run.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  No, I did not run.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  But there was a hit.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  And walk.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  And I was unsure of whether, do you know why I was unsure if I should post it, if I should mention it on the pod? Because remember that time my basket hit somebody's car door of my bike? Well, this turned into a whole thing and I ended up having to pay basically for two new doors for him when I, when it was a wooden basket. And I was like, I have got to stop being so fucking honest because not everyone's honest. There are liars and takers.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  So I was, I was going to get my brows done and Kim in the Dublin, in the Dublin makeup academy in Dublin. I was only whizzing in.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Have to give her a shout out. I was only whizzing in because it wasn't a full treatment. It was a tidy because my eyebrows, like the hairs will grow up to my, the hair on my head. They're so long.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  They are. It's fabulous. It's giving Wuthering Heights.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  I can't bear it. I wish it was my eyelashes, but it's my eyebrows and they go all rotten. And someone said to me, they were like, oh my God, oh, what's the story with a despicable me brow? And I was like, wow, someone on Instagram. I was like, I need to get them sorted. Anyway, so I went in, I was on my way to a different job and I ran, it was raining and like I stopped outside. You know, it's on, it's on Fitzwilliam Road or whatever it's called. And I just walked and I did not know it was a cycle lane.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  There's cars and then there's parked cars and then there's a cycle lane and then there's a footpath. So obviously there's the parked cars. So you're just like, oh, I just walk onto the footpath now because that's the usual way of things.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Knocked over, fell on his bike.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Hold on, you knocked him over or he knocked you over?

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Well, we kind of knocked each other over.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Yes. Was he wearing a helmet? Is there a, is there a, is there, is there a law case coming our way?

• 2:15Speaker 02

  He was not wearing a helmet, but that is.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Well, then, you know, it can't, it can't be helped.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Now, I don't want to throw him under the bus because we both, we were both in the wrong, we were both in, I didn't see a light on the bike either, I must admit.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Was there a bus involved?

• 2:30Speaker 02

  There was no buses involved. It was just me.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Oh, fine.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  And a, and a gentleman who was drenched from the rain and I was trying to like wrangle his bike off his foot because he'd gotten caught in the pedal. And then he was, he was in a lot of pain and, and I was like, all I could say was like, like, I was, excuse me, I was in pain too. I had sore elbows because I fell. And, but I'm pretty tough.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Did he know who you are? Is he a fan of fairy?

• 2:57Speaker 02

  So I was like, oh my God, are you okay? And I had a taxi waiting for me and I was like, can I get my taxi to bring you home? Like it's, it's like your trousers are wet, you fall in the puddle. And he was just like, he was in a lot of pain. He was like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I was like, are you sure? Please can I just, I feel really bad. Like I can't just stand here and leave you here. And he was like, honestly, I'm fine. And then he was like, oh Jesus, I have a dentist, my hand. And I was like, oh no.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Ah, let the litigation begin.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Now, it wasn't a high speed collision at any rate. So, so I was like, anyway, he was really nice about it because you know the way some cyclists, I've had two incidents with cyclists, another one where there was a cyclist behind me and, and I, I turned and he was like, whoa, whoa. And then by the time I turned, he'd hit the back of me and he had those clips on his feet. So fell off the bike, but he was like, sorry, my fault. And I was like, really?

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Fine.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  I cut you off, but sure, whatever.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  You're never supposed to say it's your fault, even if you drive straight into someone's sitting room and your car is in their, in their oven. Never. I don't know, I don't know whose fault this is, but I, I'm calling my insurance company immediately. You never say it's your fault.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I've learned my lesson. Anyway, your man on the bike was so nice and he was like, listen, I'm totally fine. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So he cycled off on his merry way. And I was like, what a nice fella. And then he mailed me, this is why I didn't mention it. I was like, I'll just wait to see what happens. And he mailed me the next day and he's like, right, it's raining today. And I was like, oh jeez, I haven't taken a dentist off, off the list. But yeah, I just thought, you know what, in the piss and rain, and we both banged into each other and you were still saying about it. And I just think, shout out to that dentist, if you're listening.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Hmm. I wonder if it was Joe that cycled into him, would he be as forgiving? Joe, what do you reckon?

• 4:40Speaker 03

  No, absolutely not. He'd have probably knocked me out.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Hmm. I agree.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  And you would have deserved it.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Yes, it did.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  On the other hand, did not.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Because it was.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  It's, I call it pretty privilege.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Well, will I tell you what I think?

• 4:52Speaker 01

  No offence, Joe.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  No, look.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Now, in fairness, in fairness.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  Let's call a fucking ugly spade a spade, shall we?

• 4:59Speaker 02

  I'm worried. I wouldn't easily agree with you, but I was wearing a sequin number.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on now.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Makeup done, like I had made the effort, you know?

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Sometimes our womanly ways are a massive benefit. I'll be totally honest. I can slip it into feminine gear when I need to. I can bat those eyelashes.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  When he was on the ground, I was like, you all right? I'm like, hurry up, it's raining on my hair. I just got a, you all right? You all right?

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. When you drive pissed into a garden station by accident and you're just batting your eyelashes and they're like, go on, on your way there now. It's nice. A woman like you got a record. I'm joking. Obviously I don't drink and drive, nor do I drive into garden stations.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  She doesn't even drive.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  I don't even drive.

• 5:38Speaker 03

  No danger.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  I barely drink.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  I mean, you don't even drive.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  You're like a virgin who can't drive. So two, two things you've made me think of by telling us the story where, um, you got away with murder there on the cycle lane because you're hot. Now, one.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Do you remember, and I've told the story before, but again, I'm not even apologising for repeating stories at this stage. How long have we been doing this podcast? 20 years? I.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  I couldn't remember actually. How many years is it? I, I said that yesterday. I said five yesterday.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Approaching its fifth birthday.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Joe, have you had the bland for us, Rentho? No?

• 6:12Speaker 03

  I, I, I text you about it. I asked you, when are you flying to Australia? Because we need to have its fifth birthday before you do that.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  I didn't see that. Oh, speaking of Australia, thanks for the segue, Joe.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Nice. Glad to help.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  I said to Vogue, I said, I'm sorry Vogue, but there's gonna be some violent plugging on this podcast.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  I dressed up as you today because I knew we were gonna plug. I'm wearing Joanne's stage outfit, courtesy of Lifestyle Sports. I'm sure they sell it in other places, but Lifestyle Sports basically do Joanne's. And I was like, I'm gonna dress up as this bitch for Halloween. Stop, stop.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  You need to get the varsity letters, the pen file written on the back.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  And I'm also gonna get a big sage plant and just walk around. I'm just gonna do like, I'm just gonna be a hypocrite. So I'm gonna have like, I'm gonna have weights in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other hand.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's actually quite a bit of weight in a bottle of wine, just saying. Could be 1kg, just saying.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  There is, there is. Sure, during lockdown, when you couldn't buy weights anymore because everyone bought them, I was using like tins of beans and stuff and bottles of water. They do the same job.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Of course it was. Bear Grylls over there. Just Australia. Oh, thanks for mentioning that, Jo. Just some pluggy plug plugs there. Melbourne, so we've added some extra dates, just letting you know. 7pm, 12th of April, Melbourne. What else have we got here that's in red? Oh, Perth, 23rd of April, 6.45. What else, what else, what else? Oh, final Sydney date, 29th of April, 6.45. That's it, then I'm out. Also, America's now on sale and I'm going all over.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Do you know what, do you know what I'm raging about?

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Jo, what did you say?

• 7:59Speaker 03

  That's it, then it's all done. Apart from the entire North American community.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Also, New York is on the way, but it's part of the New York Comedy Festival that has to go through their.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  I was wondering, I was like, what did New York do to her? Fucking hell. I was very disappointed to see the second three arena.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Very disappointed.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  Only because.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  So was I.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  Only because I was devastated. I was so heartbroken about not being able to buy the 50 tickets for the first three arena. So when the second one came up, I was like, oh, they're now available.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  I said, I said, I said to Vogue, I sent you the link, I said, you'll notice now, Vogue, there's no need for complimentary tickets now at this stage. The production seats are no longer yours. Here you go. Bit of business, thank you.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  I know.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  I'm having my girl's Christmas party. I thought there's devils.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  And you'll be paying for it.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  I certainly won't. I certainly won't. I'll be arriving in this track and I'll say, "It's my show, get out of the way."

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'll be sitting side of stage, but your friends will be fine. I was saying on Insta the other day, there was a lot of messages.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  If Amber asks you for a free ticket, please, just for fun, tell her no.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  I'll charge her, I'll charge her double.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Send her a link.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  I said, "If you don't mind, I'm kind of looking for more kind of a highbrow audience now, so I've kind of, kind of moved on. It's kind of a private event now. I've invited Victoria Beckham, etc. The Corrs, yeah. It's more like a, it's more like a press event, really.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  You should get, because you do have a big, the three arena, like, that's gotta, you gotta go bigger. So I would suggest a bit of, Michael Flatley on stage would be fucking brilliant if you could get him on stage.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  But this, this has to stop.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  No. Joe, how, how unexpected to have all the, listen, okay, fine, you've asked, that's fine. I will be on stage.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Oh, God, no. No, no, no. I, I was like, she's gonna read into this. She's gonna think it's an invitation. She's wearing a costume. She's gonna wanna be, she's gonna wanna be lowered down on strings as the finale. I know she is.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  No, I'll pop up through the middle. God, you don't have to pay any extra cash. I'll pop up through the middle.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Fo, fo, Pat's popping up in the middle.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  For fuck's sake, Pat, she's always trying to steal my thunder.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  She doesn't know that yet, so maybe cut that out, Joe.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  It's sport's greatest soap opera.

• 10:25Speaker 04

  And we've got your VIP pass to all the drama.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  This is Up to Speed, your new Formula One podcast. With me, Will Buxton, David Coulthard, Naomi Schiff and Jolie Sharp. Expect unfiltered race reactions, behind the scenes insight and blockbuster interviews.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  Plus answers to the questions you've always wanted to ask. Like, do everyone drivers pass their driving test first time?

• 10:49Speaker 00

  Spoiler, they don't.

• 10:51Speaker 04

  When the race weekend's over, we're here to keep you up to speed.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  Listen and watch today. Search Up to Speed on Global Player.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  Up to Speed.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Have we spoken about boiling bodies?

• 11:11Speaker 01

  We have.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Is that a beauty thing? Or is that a body disposal thing?

• 11:14Speaker 02

  No, it's a beauty thing.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  I just always assume it's like the most thing that you both do.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  We've, we've definitely done boil in the bag body funerals. Telling you now, we have.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  I'm gonna say, my skills come out in strange ways. And one thing I have a great memory for is topics on the podcast. And I am telling you now, on my mother's life, which I'll be honest, I'm very quick to bet on.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  A boil in the bag funeral coming her way if you want me to.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  I'm very quick to bet my mother's life on things, so don't take it. No, you're waiting, no. I'm almost, I'm 87.5% sure we did boil in the bag body funerals before.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Okay, listeners, if we've done boil in the bag body funerals, let us know because it's something I am, I'm deeply aroused by and I'd like to talk about it.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  Because it's, it's, it is the way things are going because we are gonna run out of like land and.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Do you know what? No, they're always saying that. They're saying we're running out of space for humans. Now the population is in decline. Like make your mind up. Honestly, it's always one way or the other. And I'm just, I've had it up to here. I'm pointing above my head.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  Either we did it on the pod or I wrote it into my will. One way or the other, I've definitely dealt with boil in the bag body. So I was like, you're like a bag of rice that just boil you to death and off you go. That's what it is, isn't it?

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Joanne, have you written a will and I haven't written a will? You've written a will.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  I'm in the, I'm in the middle of writing a will.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  You both need to write a will. You both have assets.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, but just go, yeah. Joanne's goes to me and mine goes to my kids and bypasses Spencer.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I just don't want, I just, I just don't want Otto getting any of my money. So that's why I need to be very clear that I need to write a will now to write all my godchildren out of it because I've about 19 of them. Jo, two things to say to you. One, I did an interview yesterday and the first question they asked me was, she was like, I told my friend I was interviewing you and, and she asked me to ask you, do you ever speak to Jo? Do you ever text Jo outside of the podcast with anything not to do with the podcast? And I had to think really hard and I said, no.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Joe's a man, though. Men don't do that. They don't just text each other to say, hey, how are you? Like, I'll send you on things. And I'm like, did you see what I sent you on Insta? We need to discuss it now. We need to, like, boys don't do that.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Anything we and Joe discuss, it's podcast. So if it's something about a me, a topic, it's always podcast related. So I'm sorry, Joe, because I think we give the impression that you are the victim of kind of an abusive relationship. So we're, we're sorry. I'll send you some memes. Secondly.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  You're grand. I'll put you on the meme list. It's my love language.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  I'd be careful, Joe, at the weekends. It gets rather busy on there.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  Around 3 a.m.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Because I don't, because I, I don't like to socialize in real life, so I just send memes and then get replies and then that's my social battery charged.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Fine.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Second, Joe, I have some news that Vogue already knows.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. This is like heartwarming news.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Bit of news. I bought a house.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  I'm finally on the ladder, like the rest of you.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  She's on.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  The one. I bought the house. Yes. Now, firstly, I was, I was, I was unsure whether to say this on the podcast, because I'm very aware with the housing crisis and everything. They don't want some bragging bitch going on about her buying a house. But I will say, it took me, it's taken me a very long time to do it.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  And as a single person, it's fucking hard buying houses, especially in London, when you're like, you want how much for this, looking out on a load of bins with a spare bedroom? That's basically a wardrobe. I was saying to Pat, you're going to be asleep standing up beside the fucking Dyson when you come over. But I managed to pull it off. But do you know what I was thinking? I was like, it's so crazy. Like, my mother, when she bought a house, she's a boomer.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  There were twenty grand back in the day.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  A shilling and a fucking bag of rice.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  I know, they didn't know how lucky they bloody had it.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  A satsuma and then they sent to sell it for billions of pounds and now we're looking at houses. And I genuinely was, because I've never been in the market to buy a house before, I've been renting all my life and house sharing and all that jazz and kind of swinging back and forth to pass.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  My God, think about this now and like you think back to the mushrooms, that just doesn't feel that long ago.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  I know. And now if I've mushrooms, it's by choice.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Now, I don't want to take loads of credit, but I mean, I, Joanne and I went for a walk at the weekend and we went, we walked by the house and I, I felt like, I, I felt, I felt, you know, I feel inside, this is for you. And I feel like I brought a blessing to the sale.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  You did, you did bring a blessing, you did bring a blessing. The owner saw you. No, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  I was like, Vogue, would you sign a headshot there and send it through the letterbox? Might help move things along.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  I think it might take you in the wrong direction, actually.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  They're like, that riffraff.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  It do, it did feel like your house, like it's, it's beautiful.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  It's very pretty, it's a Georgian house and it's turnkey. And when I say, someone was saying to me, a friend was saying, would you not look at getting like a door opener? And I was like, are you, I, I don't even want to turn the key, do you know what I mean? I'm not even ours turning the key. I want an automatic door that I just put my face, my eyes, read my eyes, just walk in. It's, it's beautiful. The woman who owned it before me, she renovated it. It's stunning. So I'm so, so pleased. And it has a garden, so I'm gonna get a load of rabbits.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Oh, Jesus.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna get ra, I'm gonna start with rabbits. And also I did a shoot yesterday and the photographer had a chihuahua, so I think a chihuahua. But then, then Gero was saying to me that rabbits, he was like, it's, it's, it's quite as sad because they get eaten all the time by foxes and dogs and all. He said, if you're, you're gonna be bringing in heads every second week to boil them.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  I tell you what, I had to babysit a rabbit one night, I'm not joking, just in the last apartment there. And I was like, I don't know what to do with the rabbit. So I just put the rabbit in the bathroom at night. Like, obviously it was great when we were all awake and we're all petting the rabbit. And then I put him in the toilet and then I, like, I put out water and stuff like that. Holy shit. When I went in the next day, there was shite all over the toilet. It had ripped up my basket, it ripped up all the toilet paper. I was like, I am not ever getting a rabbit. They are trouble.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what Grace said. He said it's a heartbreaking life. So I now have a substantial mortgage. So if you see me doing a little more collabing online, I want, I want no judgement from anyone, from anyone.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  We're gonna, Joanne's gonna-

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Whatever I'm collabing with, just let me off. I'm a single woman with a mortgage. Dignity is no longer something I'm leading with. I don't care what I'm collabing with. Remember they tried to get me, do you remember that, that odour company where you pop the thing down after the toilet and it's-

• 18:22Speaker 02

  They tried to get you to do that?

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'll be selling cigarettes. I'll be selling anything, hand grenades, you name it. Yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  She'll be out, she'll be out on your street corner in a Ford Fiesta. You'll have to hop in the back to buy her goods.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  I'll be, I'll be the face of lost Marys or Proud Marys. One of those vapes. What are the vapes called?

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Philip's go field.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  And I want no judgement. It's hard out here, you know, as a single woman.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Listen, it'll be worth it with the new house. It'll be worth it.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  I'll be, I'll be collabing with Sheen. What's that factory that they just-

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Boo-hoo, is that not Boo-hoo?

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Boo-hoo. I'll be the face of Boo-hoo.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Do you want, no, you'll just have a new line out with them.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  They're not children, they're just petites. Let's ruin the environment together.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, fast fashion. Have you thought about it? I'm just flagging it now. There might be an increase in some collabs.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  And there would be no responsibility behind any of it.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  And I will expect to be supported as it'll, I'll be, I'll be vaping, I'll be, I'll be plugging vapes on International Women's Day because I'll be hiding behind the fact that I'm a single woman trying to buy a home. There you go.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Oh, God, that's, that's actually brilliant. It's great. It's very good news. And I do, and it's also four minutes away from my new house.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  It's four minutes away. We are a stone's throw.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  I'm absolutely thrilled.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  I'm just gonna come in, I come into my kitchen one morning, my mom will just be sitting there vaping, obviously, with her new collab.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  With my new collab. Someone has to mind the rabbits. It's not gonna be me, I can tell you.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  The second I buy the house, I have to go to-

• 20:05Speaker 02

  You can get a dog, you can get a dog because I do want a second dog, but I don't want to have the responsibility of the second dog. So I, I saw a dog on a rescue site last night and she's, no one wants her. I'll send you a video of her, you can get her and then I'll share her and I'll take her when you go away.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm a, I'm a rescue.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  You are a rescue. They got lucky with you.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  They did. Pat really hit the jackpot. I'd love her. Um, but the second I move into the house, I have to go to the States for two months, so it's not, it's not ideal.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  Oh my God, have you got a move-in date and everything?

• 20:39Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, but I guess it's going to roll pretty quickly. It's going to roll pretty quickly.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  I'd be putting the call to Kevin Carey.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Poor Kevin.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  I've started, I've started sending Kevin some memes just to get him on board because he, Caroline is, will be heavily involved.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  I'd give it, I, I, he needs a couple more months to recover from what I've just done to him. So I just hold off just a couple of months, wait till it's signed.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  I'll start, I'll start sending nudes now to Kevin from Caroline, just, just to get him oiled up.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Marie will love that.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  Because it's a Georgian house already, I'm like, I don't know how they're going to get the shit up the stairs. Anyway, look, not my problem, not my problem. It's Kevin's problem.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Joanna's just gonna, if Joanna had to move around, she'd just start throwing sofas out the third floor window of that block you're in.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Wouldn't be arsed.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  Are you watching on YouTube? Because if you are, then please do subscribe because that's very important to you. So you're the first ones to get our videos.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I had a bad dream and I think it might, was it you who put this in my head about people throwing stuff at me? Cause you know, you know the way I'm, I'm doing this, yeah, I'm doing this in Patrick's Day Parade next week.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  No, no, I didn't say throw, I said assassinate it.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Assassination.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  I said you, I said you needed, at the Pope Mobile, I said you needed to have a bulletproof and, and, and, and a helmet and a gum shield and arm bands and you need to be fully protected because there's a chance you could get shot like JFK. I'm saying it here. I've actually put a baton in Paddy Power's, I hope you don't mind.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  It is, it's seeping into my dreams, Joanne. I was, I was having, I was sleeping away, having a nice time, and I had this dream that I was in, in the, in the, in the mobile. I don't know what kind of car I'll be in. I'm hoping now it's a closed roof. And that someone threw a potato at my eyebrow and it burst my eyebrow open. So I was literally like in the dream, I just had all the blood running down my face because people were throwing potatoes at me. I can only assume, I call potatoes because they're hard and they're Irish.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Irish people would hardly use potato, like we'd hardly represent our own, the racism level.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  We're not, we're not very gunny, right? So I'm hoping that, that like.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  We're not heavily armed. We're not heavily armed. No, I'd say something to be else. I'd say there'd be bottles of piss or something, if I was to just take a guess.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Could be bottles of piss, no, in fairness, thank you.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  And that's why I want to be sitting beside you in the open top car. So when you get shot, the blood spatters on my outfit and then I sell it.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  You sell it.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  That's my plan.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Well, you have to wear it for 24 hours, obviously.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Yes, like JFK is one of your names.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Jacqueline Kennedy, Jacqueline Kennedy. Jackie Onassis then.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Jackie Onassis.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Do you know she's, can I say, she's, do you know she slept in, in my bedroom in our house in Houth? Is that not the weirdest story?

• 23:29Speaker 01

  What?

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. So we used to live in this house in Houth. It was the big house in Houth.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Sorry, can I, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Before we start this, can I just say, 20 years we're doing this podcast, we've already admitted, we've already admitted we're now repeating stories and you're saying Jackie O. Nasa slept in your house and you're only telling us this now?

• 23:45Speaker 02

  It hasn't come up before. When has it ever come up?

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Whatever, whatever, nothing naturally comes up. You just fucking plumb it in like your eyebrow, woman.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  It just did naturally come up.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Probably could have chucked it into episode one, I'd say.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, she slept in my bed in Hoth, because we used to live in this house and the Hunts used to live there and they owned the Hunt Museum. And when they were living there, Jackie O came to stay and she stayed in in my room, actually in the bed that my mom still owns.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Different mattress.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, you should kind of dry ride the bed like Barry Keoghan did in Saltburn.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  I have. My mom walked in and she said, what are you doing to my bed, Vogue? And I said, mother, mind your own business.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  I'm riding Jackie Onasa, if you must know. Thank you.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Have you watched that show?

• 24:30Speaker 01

  I'm so sorry, Vogue. I haven't watched that show. I'm really, really sorry. I will watch it. I know that it's on my homework to do list. I I got a little bit into Love is Blind. These women, some of them bought their wedding, the one I'm watching, she bought her wedding dress before she even started on the show. They're dying to get married. They're crying with their mums, they've got their garter on, their granny's giving them heirlooms. And they're like, this is the most important day of my life. They're in the wedding dress, all their family's there. And then they walk up the aisle and they go, no. And they know they're gonna say no. And they still treat it like it's their wedding. It's wild. But I will watch that show. I promise I will.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Watch that show. But you know what I started watching last night, which is now available? Oh, listeners, actually, I have I have homework for us all. We have to watch Louis Theroux's Manosphere. It just landed today. I saw that. Have to watch that. But I was watching, I started watching, I swear, last night and oh my god.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Oh, your momma's a rat.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  I was bawling crying.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Really? Okay.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  It's just so sad to start with. It's really, really great. And I think it's getting to it. But like, he just seems like such a nice person. And Jesus, you just, you don't know how debilitating it is. And like, but back in the day when he he got it, everyone was just like, what's wrong with you? Like, why are you saying that? Like, and he kind of just had to grow up with just all those tics and the mad stuff he was saying.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  That BAFTA thing was such a shit show. My god.

• 25:53Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I feel sorry for everyone. Yeah. Big time.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  I know, it is. Why the, why didn't they take it out?

• 26:01Speaker 02

  I don't really know. I think I just, they said it was a tight turnaround. I mean, it's not that tight. That's literally the worst word of all the words. Like, I know, well, it was.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  I must watch, I swear, though. And I love that actor. He was brilliant.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Oh my, he is unbelievable in it. It's a really, really good watch.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Speaking of actors.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Is Timothy Chalamet okay?

• 26:26Speaker 02

  No, he's not.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  I think he's finally, I think he's finally, oh, by the way.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  I don't, I, you know, I don't think he wants the, he doesn't want the Oscar. That's what's happened.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  He's like, I've no space. I don't want the Oscar. How can I blow myself up?

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. All he, like, it's all, I, this is kind of what his whole world has been, like, working towards since the, this Oscar.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Now, he hasn't done that well at all the other award seasons, though, so maybe he's like, well, fuck it. I'm not gonna get it anyway, so.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  I'll explain what happened. Timothy Chalamet was speaking to Matthew McConaughey and he was talking about, cause he, you know, takes himself very seriously. He's an actor and he believes in the work and he's all very, kind of, you know, high-end artiste. And he went, you know, I wanna be involved in something that matters. I don't wanna do something like ballet or opera where it's like, no one gives a shit, basically. And then, and do you know what the gassing is? His mother and his grandmother are dancers. Anyway, it's like, Timothy, hold on, hold on a little bit. If you're in the arts and you want us all to take you very seriously, you can't be shitting on other art forms. Also, as I sit here in my stunning hotel room in the Conrad, looking out at the National Concert Hall, there's people going in and out of that place constantly.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Now, I don't know what goes on in there, but I'm assuming it's something operatic.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  There is, listen, Joanne and Jo, as an arts lover myself, particularly in the classical space, as you know,

• 27:52Speaker 02

  I found this particularly insulting. I just think we will all have our ballet and opera era. I mean, Andrea Bocelli, who doesn't love Andrea Bocelli? And when you watch the, the like, the blood, sweat and tears ballet dancers put into their art and, and you're just.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Their toes.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  As an ex-ballerina myself, from the age of seven to nine, I found it highly offensive. I'm a huge fan of opera and my favorite was that giant man who died.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Pavarotti.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  Pavarotti.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  I'm sure he'd love to hear himself being described as that.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  They named a dessert after him.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Did they? Pavarotti?

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Are you thinking of Pavlova?

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Pavlova, I am, Jo.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  I am.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  In fact.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Australia's national dessert, Joanne, for when you're over.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 28:38Speaker 02

  Pavlova. It's the one thing, when I'm looking at a menu, it's the one thing, if it's on the menu, I'm like, fuck it, I have to get the Pavlova.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  That's gas. I'll try the Pavlova when I'm in Melbourne on the 12th of April at 7pm.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  I think that's my ex's birthday. Why is that date so, so?

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Because I've said it 19 times on the podcast, because I'm trying to put it. Would that be why? It's resonated?

• 29:02Speaker 02

  I think that's my ex's birthday. Let me check.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  I'll try the Pav-

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Pavlova is not named after Pavarotti. However, the chocolate Pavarotti cake is.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  That is my ex's birthday, so, Joanne, you could actually send him a ticket.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, you have so many exes, and I do have a lot of tickets to sell, so that would work.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Excuse me, I don't have.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  I could fill the place with your husbands. Will I send them to your ex-husbands?

• 29:28Speaker 02

  Just the ex-husbands, don't, don't branch out any further than that, there'll be too much.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  I think it's a thousand seater, so that would work, actually. That would work. There might be some overspill. There could be a couple of ex-husbands having to wait in the lobby.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  I'm glad that you think that about me, because I am really concerned, and so is Spencer, that I'm going to turn around one day and be like, I haven't lived enough. I need to get out there and be more, be more worldly, as we like to say. I've told you about my, I'm worried it will be a deep regret on my-

• 29:53Speaker 01

  It won't.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  I might, I might move into swinging. I don't know, because it feels like that's on the, on the rise.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  As someone who's out here in the trenches, I'm telling you, the grass is always drier, I can tell you.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  You just, you were, you were, you just rebuff all the people I bring to you. You had no interest in Penisea Del Toro. I, I, you're scoffing at Michael Flatley, and I just, I can't be the go-between anymore. I refuse to do it because your standards are too high.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  I told you, on a sexual, a sexual sabbatical, I plan to resuscitate myself on June 1st. Until then, I am chilling.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  June 1st? What's happening?

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Like chilling, chilling like a frigid villain.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  God, you lucky bitch, I just couldn't be arsed at the moment myself, so I'm just like.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  It's not the season, it's not the season. So, obviously, Oscars, it's all about the press, and it's all about building traction for yourself, and they're all in these, like, the huge press store, and obviously Timothy wants this Oscar, like, and, and fair enough, like, whatever, of course he does, he wants the Oscar.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  He, well, he's a great actor. You have to give it to him, but like-

• 30:51Speaker 01

  He is a great actor.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  And he goes out with Kylie Jenner, so like, I'd probably give it to him just for that.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  But I think he's actually kind of shying away from that a little bit now. I think he brought his mother to the last words. I think he's been quite strategic now. Also, fair play to Kylie Jenner. Charli XCX has a film out at the moment called The Moment, which is kind of a take the piss documentary style. You know the way a lot of, like, acts make documentaries about their tours?

• 31:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  And Taylor Swift did, and so Charli XCX did one, but it's a kind of a tongue and she kind of take the piss. And Kylie Jenner has a little cameo in it. She's very good.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Kylie Jenner is, I'm telling you, this-

• 31:28Speaker 01

  She's very good.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  She seems like great crack as well. She has, like, she's nailed, she's, like, he's lucky to have her.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  He's lucky to have her, and I know, and people were surprised that she was a good actress, but in fairness, she's been front of the camera since she was a fetus, so it kind of makes sense. But this is what I was gonna say. Jessie Buckley, as we know, made a heinous mistake by saying she didn't like cats.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  I love Jessie Buckley. I don't give a shit. I wouldn't care if she doesn't like dogs, that's how much I love her.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Her and Paul Mestle were on their press tour for Hamlet, that book that we've been threatening to read Vogue, and it'll be embarrassing.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  It's right here!

• 32:02Speaker 01

  I know, but that, I have it here as well. It doesn't mean we've read it. Just because it's in our hands.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  Well, I have bought Cathy Burke's autobiography that you told me to, it just arrived today, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna ease in with Cathy Burke and then I'll Hamlet.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  If I were you, I'd audiobook Cathy's. It's better than audiobook.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  I'll re-gift, I'll re-gift.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  I'd audiobook it, I'd audiobook it. It's, because I had, I'd the book and I started the audio, I was like, oh my god, I should have done this in the start, because she's, she's a brilliant narrator. But Jessie Buckley came out, she was doing Hamlet promo, said she didn't like cats, and of course, all the cat women of the internet obviously picked off.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Went, whoa, and?

• 32:36Speaker 01

  They're like, she hates cats. So now she's come out, and she was on Jimmy Fallon, she's issued a public apology and statement, and she's like, no, no, no, no, ah, I, I really like cats. I'd say I'm a quarter cat, three quarter dogs, because they were asked in the Hamlet promo, are they cat or dog people? And then she was like, I auditioned to be a cat once. She's really pulling the back.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  I am cat, I am cat.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  I love cats. Some of my best friends are cats.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  She's just gonna start posting herself licking her hand, so she's gonna go full cat.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Full cat. She auditioned for Cats the Musical, which she obviously says she didn't get, but shall we know that? No more than me announcing I didn't get the job in Motherland. We know you didn't get it, Joanne, or you'd be in it. But yeah, no, she's really, really rolling back. So some of her best friends are cats. She's very cat focused. And she auditioned to once be a cat. So she's, hopefully now she's back in the running.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  You were such a dog person that when I met up with Joanne, before she even gave me a hug, she took the lead off me.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Bertie, yeah.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  I'll drive.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll drive. And then I took a Vogue friend in to get a coffee and Bertie was like, he was so upset that he was left with me and he was kind of looking, kept looking for Vogue to come out. And I thought it was really cute. So I posted a video over to Instagram. I was like, oh, look, I'm waiting for Vogue to come in. And then a woman messaged me and she's like, Joanne, I'm pretty sure you've just posted Vogue's mobile number to your Instagram account.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  His name and her mobile number is on the side of his little harness. I was like, oh, yeah. 10,000 views. Uh oh. I took it down. I took it down almost the second she said it. I only left it for another half an hour. Then I said, no, no, no, stop to come down.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  Not trying to get some kudos, but I actually am a cat lover and I have had many a cat. Sorry, Joanne, why are you looking at me like that? My first cat was called Monkey. I had him when I was eight. Her when I was eight, Monkey.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Well, Vogue, I'm delighted to let you know, you are now back in the running for the Oscar, because you said that.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  And I also am a big fan of opera and the ballet.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  I have Pavlov's albums. I listen to them relentlessly.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  I'm listening to her right now, actually. I can't even hear you guys.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  I saw this thing about petty sexes and I just, it's, it's, this guy and his wife were fighting over custody of his beloved German shepherd that he brought to the marriage. She fought and fought in court to get the dog. They ultimately had to split custody, but she got the dog first since he was settling into his new place. When it was his turn, he went to get the dog and she handed him a box. She had put the dog to sleep and cremated it. That has stayed with me for over a decade.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Vogue, you know, this attempts to be a comedy podcast.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  Okay, Joe, Joe, put this one up the top. Maybe don't start with the dog. Don't start with the dog.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Bloody hell.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Russian police went to arrest this guy at his birthday party. He was having a big birthday bash in St Petersburg. And they went to arrest him because he hadn't done conscription. So he basically was avoiding it.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, it's ridiculous, but yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  Like, yes, I would actually have to agree with him there. Anyway.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  MIA, it was MIA, yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  They were all celebrating and then a load of officers arrived and then there's just this video online. So some of the officers are starting to arrest your man. But there's a video online of one of the officers just standing in the middle of the room while all this chaos is going on around him. And he has taken the guy's, the birthday boy's headset, VR headset, and he's put it on and he's basically playing a VR headset game and just standing there while the rest of the police are doing their job. And he's there just borrowing the headset.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. So he's obviously someone who also doesn't want to be part of this institution, do you know what I mean?

• 36:20Speaker 02

  In the conscription.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  This is why you need people who want to be in the realm because otherwise that's what you get, do you know what I mean?

• 36:27Speaker 02

  I mean, it's, it's very, you see a headset on the ground, it's, it's half used, you're, it's, it's tough not to want to put that in your face. And it reminded me of when the police came to my house in Aberdeen, remember? They gave us a lift home. Yeah, I told this story, definitely I told this story. I was out in the piss in Aberdeen and we were absolutely drained. We bumped into two police guys. They gave us a lift home. They're in their uniform. And then they came up to our house and like they stayed for an hour or so.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Well, I knew a policeman. He was, he was a friend of a friend who's now in prison for drug dealing.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  The police, that is.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Is that, is that a good contribution? We should contribute to that story.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  He's making you a hard time. Yeah.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  He must have really fucked up to get caught. I mean, how do you get caught from the inside? Come on, dude.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  I genuinely, if memory serves me correct, which it never does, I genuinely think he was selling drugs that he had taken of other people. That, that, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Of cour-, Joanne, I, I had to do, when I was doing, I was doing a show on drugs and I basically went to this like

• 37:30Speaker 01

  About drugs, I think is, you need to be clear.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  I was doing drugs.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  I was on drugs and filming a completely unrelated TV show.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  I remember a reality, so I was coming up, yeah, I was coming up on camera, yeah, do you remember that?

• 37:43Speaker 02

  It was, you know, it was back in the days of the head shops. We were actually trying to do like real drugs, but it turned into, it turned into something about head shop drugs. But anyway, I had to go to this like Gardi headquarters and he was showing me around and they had loads of drugs just in there. So they would test them to see how much of what is any, and I was like, which is the highest grade? Go on, pop it in the bag there.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's like, do I get a doggy bag? Can I, what's a crack?

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Where's my party favourite?

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, your party favourite, yeah. I'd say if people knew what's in that shit, like, I mean, it's like, you always see stuff online.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  Supposedly it's nine percent cocaine and the rest is shit.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Like tyres and glass and all sorts of shit.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  What's that stuff from the dentist that makes your teeth go numb? Novocain, Novocain, all that crap. And paracetamol and just like shit.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  People have been trying to escape their own minds since time began. I'd say they were snorting lines off Stonehenge, do you know what I mean? It is what it is.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  Don't do drugs.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Obviously, obviously.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Well, how do you think they, who found out that heroin was in poppies? Isn't that where it is? Like, who was that person? I know we could talk about things like who, first of all, fried the egg? Like, how do they know to crack an egg and fry it and then eat it? But really, who found heroin in poppies? And cocaine and cocoa plants? Who the fuck was that person?

• 39:06Speaker 01

  There's, you should Google this, folk. This is a good, this is a good Google hole for you to go down and then you can teach us about it.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  I wonder if they won a Nobel Prize or probably not. They probably went to prison.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  Nobel, Nobel crack prize.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  Nobel off your head prize.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Jokes, jokes.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  You are the winner.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Obviously jokes.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  I bottled it on International Women's Day. The pressure got to me, the pressure got to me. I was like, the pressure got to me. I forgot it was International Women's Day. I woke up, thank you folk, thank you so much. It was lovely, it was lovely to get tagged.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  I was awaiting my post, but whatever. You had suggested we were doing a post and then I didn't see yours.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  And then I bottled it. I spent too long scrolling and people were like, it's not about you. It's about the politics. It's about moving females forward. It's not about your friends. I was like, oh my God, do I post my friends? Do I post my mother? Do I post Michelle Obama? Who do I post? So I was paralyzed in fear and I posted nothing.

• 40:00Speaker 02

  Well, do you know what? Last year, was it last year or the year before, I didn't post you. And oh my God, people were like, have we fallen out? And then this year, I forgot to post my best friend, Ashley, so I quickly popped her up on stories. There's too many.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  She got her own story frame, but I was like, I fucked it. I forgot to put her in the main page.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Do you know when you're like?

• 40:20Speaker 02

  There's too many people. Oh my God, my sister-in-law, I didn't put her up either. Jesus, I'm, I'm sorry.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  It's too much. And then you're kind of scrolling through and then it just feels like it's getting very performative. And then suddenly it's about brands being like, oh, 50% off for International Women's Day. And you're like, oh, this has just been hijacked now. This is not, this is supposed to be about like female politics and kind of moving the movement forward. And then, and then when I was, I was actually giving out to someone about the fact that brands have hijacked us. And I had to really check if I just preoccupied had done it, any sort of sale.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  I'm trying to think, did Vera do it?

• 40:53Speaker 01

  I know, it's like, oh, thank God.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  That's in the past now, that's in the past now.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  I was like, thank God. Yes. Do you ever get that in your head though? And you're just like, oh, this just feels really performative now and I just don't want to be involved. Anyway, I'm not, I'm not a woman anymore. I've, I've lost my labia as a result. It's been taken away.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  As you saw, my mother reposted you to her story and said, I, Joanne, I think she thought you were Amber.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  I think she did too.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  I think she did too.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  She thought it was Amber and so she reposted.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  I was delighted to get the nod on Sandra's story. So she reposted the post, Vogue did. But I'm obviously the first frame. So, and of course I messaged her. I said, Sandra, this is so gassed. And Sandra, as Sandra goes, I should be on the stage with you. I said, you should Sandra. You absolutely should.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  That'd be gas, actually, in the arena. Just have Sandra come out and do one of her eight foot of the days and then just like walk off into the wings.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  She's, she's dragged poor Neil up. There's this place called, I'll take you when you come to Spain. It's called La Canyada and it's about 45 minutes from, from where we stay. She drags Neil up there every Thursday. She's just told me she's on the way up. Neil doesn't like her suede trousers. She has them in the bag. She's not sure she's gonna bring them back. So she goes up, she spends two hours there and he sits and has a coffee, just waits.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  I don't know how he does it.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  I think he enjoys it. It's his new life.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  I did a shoot yesterday, gorgeous hair and makeup, flew into Dublin after the shoot, it's late, and then I'm filming something again this morning and the makeup was, when I say perfect, and the mascara, a little, I, I fell asleep on the plane and the hair was a little, a little ruffled.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Were they real lashes or your lashes?

• 42:36Speaker 01

  Jesus, how much minoxidil do you think I'm taking? They're obviously fake lashes.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  They were very nice lashes.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  Very nice, yes.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  I thought that, that's why I mailed you. It wasn't being shady. I said, you should get, you should get like fake lashes that stay in forever. You know those ones?

• 42:48Speaker 01

  I, I always think they look fake though.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Kelly Brook had some on in the jungle and she didn't look fake. Hers looked amazing.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Really?

• 42:56Speaker 02

  You have to lie there for an hour though and you, you have to have your eyes closed. Yeah. And your eyes closed.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  You'd have to put me under. I couldn't do it. But, but anyways, I was like, I was like, what? Could I, could I keep the makeup? Could you just like, I mean, what? Society says I have to clean my face. Fuck the patriarchy. Will I just keep the makeup on? And how bad will it be if I just kind of sleep sitting up? And then I was talking about it and someone said Miriam McCallahan, who I'm a huge fan of.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  I love Miriam.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  She's got five, five, five daughters. A few of them have come to the shows and they're so lovely.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, hyper intelligent, like just really like a boss biatch. I don't even wanna call her a biatch, a boss lady.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Woman. Yeah.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Full of integrity. She, she wrote a memoir and didn't slag anyone off. That'll tell you what a good person she is. I don't know how she got through the word count, to be honest.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  But anyway, they were saying Miriam gets her makeup done on Tuesday for primetime, her, her eye makeup and keeps it on all week.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  Now, I don't know if we should be spreading rumours about Miriam like that, cause I just don't think Miriam does that. Cause I've seen her eyes and they're not red. Cause I've kept my makeup on one night and my eyes were like red fire.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  This is from the horse's mouth.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Miriam said that.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Miriam said this. So then. Then I did a little shout out about for any sort of hair and makeup tea on Insta. And there is that thing, we've, we've, again, spoken about four days, where people do get, I remember a makeup artist telling me before, he had a woman come in on Friday, she was getting her hair and makeup done for an event Saturday and she was hoping to get the Sunday out of it.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  What?

• 44:26Speaker 01

  A lot of people do it. They spray, they sit up straight, because sometimes these professional makeup artists, they're so good at what they do. Now, I find it kind of scratches my face a little bit after a while.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  I'd miss my skincare routine. One of my favourite things to do at night is to sit there with my hairband on and do my whole little facial routine and I'd, I'd miss that. I like having, I like my face being clean.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  Oh, well, I heard the other day that Niall Horan of One Direction fame, and now obviously his own, his own fame, has a 20 step skincare routine.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  He has great skin though. Look at his skin, it speaks for itself.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Now, whether this is true or not, because I also heard someone messaged me last night saying, Missy Elliott apparently has her makeup artist come in at night when she's sleeping and does her hair and makeup, which then I had to obviously Google and that is not, that's, that's fake news. But apparently Niall Horan has a 20 step skincare routine. I mean, what?

• 45:19Speaker 02

  I can't, there's not really 20 steps you can be doing, honestly. What would you be doing for 20 steps? I'd say like maximum, you just need a serum, a moisturizer, cleanser.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Katrina Ryan, who is our, like Ireland's top dermatologist, said to me, less is more. Less is more. Don't be putting all this shit in your face. Like you said, keep it simple. Bit of serum, bit of SPF, throw in your fake freckles and go. Anyway, if I do bump into Niall at any stage, I will be asking him to explain himself. He must go to bed at 4pm.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Tell him I got my first dog in Mullingar, okay? There you go. There's a bit of, you know, like, oh, look, we know the same people. We know the same people kind of thing.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  That's a great icebreaker. Thanks. I'll write that down.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  It was a doberman, so you are welcome for that.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Everyone, thank you for listening.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Second three arenas on sale, America. Check out the website. I'm kind of going all over the place. And New York, you're on the way. Okay, bye.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  This has been a Global Player original production.