Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me The Boffice, Saturday Night & Mariah Carey About this episode What's a 'boffice'? Step into Joanne's and she'll explain. Plus, WHAT was going on in Leeds when Vogue was there and what do we make of the Ibiza Final Boss?
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1:32 Speaker 02 This is a Global Player original podcast.
1:45 Speaker 03 Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.
1:52 Speaker 04 This is like an ASM War episode, really, with the rain. Can you hear the rain?
1:57 Speaker 04 Can you hear the rain, Jo?
1:59 Speaker 05 There's gonna be a lot about the rain today.
2:01 Speaker 03 Just love the rain as much as you do. Right here, how much this girl loves the rain.
2:06 Speaker 04 Do you know why I'm such a big fan of the rain? Because I'm such a house rotter, bed rotter, and I call my bed the Boffice, because it's my bed office and I work from it so much. Do you like the Boffice, Jo? It's good, isn't it?
2:17 Speaker 03 Boffice is really good.
2:18 Speaker 04 I was like, can I see you in my Boffice for a second, please? If there's a hair issue, I'm like, please, meet me in my Boffice.
2:25 Speaker 04 When it's raining, I don't feel guilty for not leaving the Boffice. I'm like, I can stay in my Boffice, because no one else is leaving the Boffice today. You know.
2:33 Speaker 03 Bed sores McNally is just...
2:36 Speaker 04 A ring bug. I'm like, send Gigi up to turn me. I've been on my, I've been on my, flat my back for four hours now. Someone needs to turn me. I need to get put on a pig spit in my Boffice, and so someone can just come in and turn me on a stick.
2:49 Speaker 03 She has a gorgeous, what's that thing called that you piss into?
2:52 Speaker 04 Commode.
2:53 Speaker 03 She has a gold commode that just sits beside her in the bed. She started out with one of the...
2:58 Speaker 04 A catheter. Oh, the catheter.
3:01 Speaker 03 She started out with one of those cardboard boxes from the, from the hospital that you get to vomit, and now she's moved up to a catheter.
3:09 Speaker 04 I'm a catheter, because I'm a CEO, okay? I don't have time to leave the Boffice to use a human toilet. I'm just flat out closing deals and changing lives.
3:20 Speaker 04 My cleaner sometimes is like, oh, could you not use the catheter today? No, it's just, just fell out of it. Like, sorry, girls. Just flat out, just flat out being a business bitch.
3:33 Speaker 04 I actually am in good form today.
3:36 Speaker 03 Oh, I love that for you.
3:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, how's your, what's the cra- I actually am, I'm in good form, yeah. I don't know why, I've no reason to be, but I am.
3:44 Speaker 03 Just life sometimes has you in great form.
3:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, and it's funny, because I...
3:50 Speaker 04 Like, like I say, there's nothing wrong with me, but sometimes you wake up and you're just, you feel like you have the world on your shoulders. And other times you wake up and you've not, you have nothing on your shoulders at all. And there's no explanation for it. I'm skipping through the parks. Don't know what's going on.
4:02 Speaker 03 I'm having one of those strange days. I'm not in a bad mood, but like, I just feel, I feel like I'm in a rush. I'm in a rush, a permanent rush since I got back. I feel like I went on holidays and now I'm getting like, it's like I'm almost in trouble for it. There's so much stuff that I have to catch up on.
4:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're in catchy up you mode.
4:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't know. I don't love it.
4:20 Speaker 05 Let's change down a gear for the next 40 minutes.
4:24 Speaker 03 Oh, let's just chill with each other.
4:27 Speaker 04 Can I just start the conversation by saying?
4:30 Speaker 03 I love you too. I love you too.
4:32 Speaker 04 Yeah. And I forgive you for telling me and Jo to go fuck ourselves before we started recording.
4:37 Speaker 03 Did I?
4:38 Speaker 04 You did with your eyes, yeah.
4:42 Speaker 03 I don't remember that, but I could have said it.
4:43 Speaker 04 No, you did. Your eyes said it and it's fine.
4:45 Speaker 03 Okay, okay, okay.
4:47 Speaker 04 I, so I'm in London where there is this weird microclimate that I've been actually Googling of late because it gets so hot in London. And as a Dublin girl, I, I find it suffocating. As a white Irish person, obviously I'm not equipped. And I, when I say like, I, obviously we know Vogue has a touch of the Prince Andrews, but like real Prince Andrews, as in like not fake Prince Andrews, she doesn't sweat.
5:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, okay. Yeah. Just the sweating part of it. Thanks. I'm glad you, I'm glad you confirmed us.
5:13 Speaker 04 Sorry. The other bits that, the other similarities in character.
5:16 Speaker 03 Go on, how's the other bits?
5:17 Speaker 04 Hasn't been confirmed with Vogue, but she does have, she is royal adjacent, so you wouldn't fuck her now. She's probably been knighted on the sly. She just hasn't told us. But anyway, I
5:28 Speaker 03 Oh, I Bob Geldof'd. Of course I did.
5:30 Speaker 04 You Bob Geldof. I sweat like a motherfucker. I sweat everywhere. Like it's, I've discussed this before. It's like I've done a spinning class and all I had to do was just move anything over 12 degrees of I just, any quick movement from me and I'm just like gushing in all the wrong places. Okay. So then today I was out in the, I was out doing, pumping a bit of ass with Olivia. Oh, in Vogue, wait until you see my ass is grown one millimeter per buttock cheek and you're gonna be fia fia fuming with jealousy when you see it.
6:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm not gonna, well, to be honest with you, my arse has looked worse.
6:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, fair. Okay.
6:09 Speaker 03 When it, when it had that rash from holidays. And then I'm back, the rash is gone. It looks great.
6:17 Speaker 04 Did you see my Instagram story of me dropping my, dropping my squatting? Building my bedunkadunk. Did you not see it?
6:23 Speaker 03 No, you've always been a good squatter.
6:25 Speaker 04 Hmm, I have, yeah.
6:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:28 Speaker 04 Is this because I, is this because I used to live in your basement? Is that what, is that what you're getting at?
6:32 Speaker 03 No, I actually wasn't. Remember we trained with John and John was like, oh my God, Vogue, do this, do it like Joanne. And I was like, pardon me?
6:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, I go deep and anything I say and I say it's like, as a, like sexual.
6:44 Speaker 03 I mean, you're talking about gushing and going deep. Like, where is it going?
6:48 Speaker 04 I can't help it. I'm, I'm, I told you, I'm an incel now. Any opportunity to make any sexual innuendo and I'm, I'm like this Brown's voice, it's so embarrassing. Or it's, I don't even mean to say it. Anyway, I was squatting and growing my bedunkadunk in the, in Clapham Common. And like I say, I'm making good progress. And next thing, the sky opened and the rain came and it was like a scene. Oh, camera's gone again.
7:15 Speaker 03 A pop, a pop a lip, a pop a lip, apocalyptic.
7:18 Speaker 04 It was apocalyptic. It was stunning. I could hear the thunder coming. It was the, the clouds were rolling in. It was, it was like a scene out of Pride and Prejudice. I was, I was moved by it. I was moved.
7:30 Speaker 03 I wasn't moved because I was in the park when that happened as well, collecting the kids from camp. And so we all had to hide in a bush. And then I told you and Joe thought I was dogging, which I wasn't. I was collecting my children from camp. I don't dog during the day, Joe.
7:46 Speaker 04 Inappropriate.
7:47 Speaker 05 Daylight, that's how it is.
7:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't do it during the day. It was awful. I just had a blow dry and I was like, I thought I was like looking great. And I was like, God, this is great now for the pod, for the YouTube. I've, I've had a blow dry and stuff. And then I just was like a wet dog.
8:00 Speaker 04 You know, you actually look fine. But I just, I did, I did like it. It was quite, it was like something from The Lion King. It was just, it's giving. Do you know what I mean? The we, the weather has broken and I, can I just say, as a white Irish person, I am, I could not be more thrilled. And I was gonna, I was thinking I was gonna have to buy a coffin freezer and just live in it for the summer, for the rest of the summer. I couldn't cope.
8:22 Speaker 03 Joanne and I just have different sweat levels. So yesterday I was in Dublin and I was filming.
8:26 Speaker 04 You've no pores, Vogue. It's weird.
8:28 Speaker 03 I don't, I just had my hair and makeup done, right? And we had an hour. We were in the, there's a hotel called The Leinster there. I have never eaten so much food in my life. The food is so good there. Anyway, so they'd rented out this room and we were filming, we were shooting there and I was like, ah, I have an hour in between and the gym in that hotel is like top notch. Like, I don't know, like I assume Equinox or something would be one of those really expensive gyms. And so I said, I'll take myself down. Now I've, I've got a spare 40 minutes and my,
8:58 Speaker 04 Jesus Christ, you're someone.
9:00 Speaker 03 My cousin was doing my makeup and I was like, Rebecca, don't worry, I won't sweat. And I went down, I did the workout, came back dry as a bone.
9:08 Speaker 04 It's insane. Two, two parts to that story. Most people overeat and they just roll around on the couch like a slug. You're like, the way you're driven with the exercising, it's so impressive, Jo, isn't it?
9:19 Speaker 03 It's incredible. I, You have to see the gym. I've tried exercising. It just makes me angry. I hate it.
9:24 Speaker 04 You hate it, Jo. Yeah.
9:26 Speaker 03 But I really want to like it. And I know that as I, as I edge towards 40 and 50, I know I've got to do something, but I, I can't.
9:33 Speaker 04 Do you know what, Jo, Jo, your main concern when you're edging towards 40 is protein. Listen, it's all I eat day in, day out. I'm up in the middle of the night, I'm setting alarms, I'm up at 3am. I just ate a whole turkey there. I'm actually, I'm just, I just ate 60 kilograms of turkey when I came in and I'm just like manifesting it straight to my ass cheeks. Cause that's when when you hit 40, it's all about the prots, the gains, the strength training.
9:56 Speaker 03 It is, but no one knows what that is. I think it's about the collagen. I'll do the protein as well, but I really, but then you tell me about the creatine and I was like, am I supposed to be on this? But now you're talking about protein.
10:06 Speaker 04 It's also about the pension. Like there's so much going on. There's so much paperwork to do, you know, you can't keep up. But my trainer, Olivia was saying to me, she was like, are you on the creatine? I said, you know, I'm on the creatine. And I said, and I said, Olivia, why am I on the creatine? And she said, because it's good when you're repeatedly training day after day. And I said, yeah, so why am I on it?
10:26 Speaker 04 I'm not training day after day after day. There's really no need for me to be on it. But listen, I do as I'm told.
10:32 Speaker 03 I might get myself on the creatine, my God.
10:39 Speaker 03 Talking about turning 40. So Amber and I, I have this list for my party and I sent out an RSVP and obviously no one bothers their hole.
10:47 Speaker 04 Of course not.
10:48 Speaker 03 Getting back to it. So there was like 35 people that got back to it and I was like, hmm, that's not so bad for the party. I hope there's more. And then Amber was like, wait, we should write down who's coming.
10:57 Speaker 04 Uh oh.
10:58 Speaker 03 I have made, oh no, it's not good. Oh no. If everyone comes, I'm fucked. If everyone, it's bigger than my first wedding.
11:07 Speaker 04 What?
11:08 Speaker 03 Yes.
11:09 Speaker 04 Are you serious?
11:10 Speaker 03 Yes. I'm terrified.
11:13 Speaker 04 Oh dear.
11:14 Speaker 03 Ah, oh my God. You're gonna be on, this is like Fire Festival, or you're gonna be on that series called Trainwreck where there was an episode where someone, someone put their party on Facebook and their house got rinsed. No, it's, it's gonna be, what's it, is it Inbetweeners? What's that film where they all go and they're, and they're, what's it called, Jo? You know, it's of your generation. They're all jumping off the roof into the pool and all. Come on.
11:36 Speaker 04 Oh, I know that. I know that.
11:38 Speaker 03 Come on, Jo.
11:38 Speaker 04 And it's got that really good song in it.
11:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:42 Speaker 04 Is it a Boys No, I only know the Boys No.
11:44 Speaker 03 It's that song.
11:45 Speaker 04 Which sounds like Twinkle Twinkle.
11:46 Speaker 03 Steve Ioki or Boys No?
11:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
11:47 Speaker 03 Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Yeah, but it's Steve Ioki. Sorry.
11:50 Speaker 04 Jo, that's so exciting.
11:52 Speaker 03 Well, yeah, it is exciting, but like, there's, now I'm like, oh my God, like, I have to actually, like, I had to order, like, cushions for outside for people to sit on because there might be 100 people in my house. And then I know that I've forgotten. If anyone is friends of mine and I've forgotten to invite you, don't just be in a suck. It's like, I can't control it. I, there's too many people that I might not invite that I've forgotten to invite.
12:15 Speaker 04 It's gas.
12:16 Speaker 05 That's an open invitation now. That's, that's Ireland.
12:18 Speaker 04 Beep beep beep, hoat road, hoat.
12:21 Speaker 03 There, there is going, I had, I got security. I have security now. I'm like, I didn't know.
12:27 Speaker 04 You did?
12:27 Speaker 03 No.
12:29 Speaker 04 Oh my God, this is so Celtic Tiger. This is security. Oh my God, is Ronan Keating going? What's happening there?
12:36 Speaker 03 Are the cores going? Yeah. Are you paying for them? Because if you are, then yes, I'll get the cores. Happy birthday to me.
12:44 Speaker 04 What do you mean? Are they not up for a swipe up collab? I'm absolutely shocked.
12:49 Speaker 03 I was gonna say 20% off the next gig. There you go. Well, 20%.
12:51 Speaker 04 Well, as we're speaking about it, I have some bad news that I've been very much dreading to tell you.
12:57 Speaker 03 What?
12:57 Speaker 04 I can't go.
13:00 Speaker 03 Oh, that's bad.
13:01 Speaker 04 I know, I know.
13:02 Speaker 03 You confirmed.
13:03 Speaker 04 I know.
13:03 Speaker 03 You confirmed.
13:04 Speaker 04 I confirmed.
13:05 Speaker 03 No, you have to tell me what's, what's getting in the way of it.
13:07 Speaker 04 I'm filming that interior show and I didn't realise it's on the same day.
13:12 Speaker 03 Do you want, if I was you, I'd move that.
13:14 Speaker 04 I know, I don't know what to do.
13:15 Speaker 05 Oh, take sip of drink.
13:17 Speaker 04 Because I can't.
13:19 Speaker 03 The present would want to be fucking substantial.
13:22 Speaker 04 I'm so sorry and it will be because you know it'll also be your 50th.
13:24 Speaker 03 On time.
13:25 Speaker 04 It'll be your 50th by the time I get around it. I was actually so nervous when I saw it. Thank God, that's one off for this, 99. I was really nervous when I saw it. I was like, oh no, oh no, this is so bad, I can't go. But now that you've made that statement, I'm like, she'll be thrilled.
13:40 Speaker 03 I, listen, anyone else wants to cancel, feel free.
13:44 Speaker 04 And you can.
13:45 Speaker 03 It's fine.
13:45 Speaker 04 You can half the drink quota now because I'm not going, if that makes you feel any better.
13:50 Speaker 03 I'll get to bed before two. It's all good news.
13:53 Speaker 04 This is good news. You know what I mean? If I were you, I would have given me a fake date anyway, to be honest. I like to keep a party going. Now you'll just be, you'll just have, you'll just have a little garden party in the afternoon with the petting zoo, like the kids.
14:06 Speaker 03 I would be love, well anyway, I'm really excited for it. I'm like, I'm nearly done with all the organising. And by the way, it's not the only party I'm going to have because I just thought, I never drag out birthdays. And this is my 40th and I'm going to drag it, drag it out.
14:18 Speaker 04 You should. It's a big age, but I'll tell you this, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Best decade of my life. Now I'm only two, I'm only two years in. But it is the best decade of my life so far.
14:30 Speaker 03 I think, I think, listen, I think it will be too. By 30, I was getting divorced and I had no kids. I thought I'd have kids by the age of 30. And now by 40, I just feel like, I feel like things are settling a bit more.
14:41 Speaker 04 Your twenties and thirties are for learning everything you need to know. And then your forties are for just kind of sitting back and implementing everything.
14:47 Speaker 03 Do you know how I knew I was really coming into my forties? So I had to go to Leeds on Saturday to film. And I got up to Leeds and it was like nine o'clock at night and I was in the train station and I was like. What the hell is going on? There was people in fancy dress. There was people crying. I saw someone puking. I saw a girl fighting with her fella on the phone. I was like, oh my God, what is happening? What's happening in Leeds?
15:09 Speaker 04 What a buzz.
15:10 Speaker 03 I know, but I was like, oh, I feel a little bit nervous. This is a bit, is this dangerous? Why is it so dangerous at nine o'clock? And I got into the taxi and I was like, dude, I was like, what the hell is going on? Like, what's, what's happening here? He was like, what do you mean? I was like, why is there so many people? He was like, it's, it's Saturday night. And I was like, oh my God, am I that much of a sad loser that I don't even know what is sad? He's like, how do you not, how do you not know? I was like, I was like, I thought there was a festival. And he was like, when was the last time you were out? I was like, I don't really go out at the weekend.
15:43 Speaker 04 Yeah, like March nineteen ninety seven?
15:48 Speaker 03 But I honestly felt uncomfortable. And I was like, trying to figure it out. I was like Googling these. I was like, what is on in Leeds today? But it was like, and he said it was a tame Saturday night as well, because all the students aren't there.
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17:16 Speaker 01 Already a no brainer for what you get. But right now, there's a limited time offer on their site that makes it even easier to get started. Go to hellopebble.com/sports before it's gone. That's hello, P E B L dot com slash sports. Terms and conditions apply.
17:37 Speaker 03 Not bad, Cosia. Nothing with the wear you get out of it. Paid for itself.
17:42 Speaker 04 Paid for itself, over and over and over again.
17:51 Speaker 03 Did you hear Gigi on my Instagram? Did you see that video of her?
17:55 Speaker 04 No, what'd she do?
17:56 Speaker 03 I thought you'd absolutely love it. I have to find it for you. Did you see it, Jo? And I never realised that she had such a Irish accent.
18:04 Speaker 04 This whole episode has just been a slow admittance that none of us look at each other's Insta stories.
18:09 Speaker 03 I usually look at yours, though. Jo, I would have after. Did you not see it on my stories? He's like, oh, yeah.
18:15 Speaker 04 Sure, I guess I must have.
18:17 Speaker 03 Well, you see, you rarely miss something. A Gigi now, I have to say. I'm surprised you missed her.
18:22 Speaker 04 Okay, here we go. Hold on a minute.
18:25 Speaker 07 Thank you, Nanny Sandra, so much.
18:28 Speaker 03 What?
18:28 Speaker 07 I love my outfit.
18:30 Speaker 03 No!
18:33 Speaker 03 Oh my God, is she putting that on? Oh, no!
18:37 Speaker 04 Ah, here, Vogue. This is too much. Come here.
18:40 Speaker 03 Listen to how she says Sandra, though. She doesn't say Sandra.
18:44 Speaker 07 Thank you, Nanny Sandra, so much. I love my outfit.
18:49 Speaker 04 OMG. I... She sounds like the children in Mary Poppins.
18:55 Speaker 03 Honestly, when she said it, I was like, where did she get that from? I was proud of the Sandra, though, because sometimes it could be Sandra.
19:03 Speaker 04 She's like, thank you, nanny. Sandra.
19:09 Speaker 04 Sandra. Sandra.
19:11 Speaker 03 Titor, where are you?
19:15 Speaker 04 Oh, wow. You've looked on a number on her, haven't you?
19:19 Speaker 03 I don't know where she got it from.
19:20 Speaker 04 Where's she got it?
19:22 Speaker 03 No, not for me.
19:22 Speaker 04 The land she's in. But that's what's in there. That's extras. Ben almost be taking her out in the sly, giving her elocution lessons or something. That's insane.
19:29 Speaker 03 I know. Maybe it's the school or something. I don't know where she's learning it.
19:33 Speaker 04 Wow.
19:34 Speaker 03 I know. So we're moving home. I have booked Kevin Carey. He's collecting all my stuff next week.
19:38 Speaker 04 I was gonna say. If you want any chance of a career in Ireland, I'd be bleeping that out, Jo.
19:46 Speaker 04 I'd be bleeping that out.
19:50 Speaker 04 A quick one I would like to reflect on, if you don't mind. Have you seen, did you see Mariah Carey floating around the internet? She was on with Scott Mills and he's really, he was really sounding really funny, by the way. Not that that's a surprise to anyone, but I did his podcast at Ryland. They're very sound, very funny. But she was on with him and he just threw it into conversation, as you do, threw it into convo that Katy Perry had been to space. Because it's just assumed one knows that.
20:16 Speaker 03 Everybody knows it, like.
20:19 Speaker 04 The same way you know the earth is flat. It's just, everyone has that in from...
20:22 Speaker 03 The earth is flat?
20:23 Speaker 04 Everyone has that in from... Oh, sorry, round.
20:27 Speaker 04 Shit, I meant round.
20:28 Speaker 03 She's exposed herself. Joanne, I told you not to tell anyone.
20:34 Speaker 04 She says shoveling all her crystals out of you on YouTube channel. Oh my God, I, I, I meant round. I actually did mean round. I don't know where that came from.
20:44 Speaker 04 Well, actually, we don't have any proof either way. So, you know.
20:50 Speaker 04 This is how I now have to shut the laptop at night when I've just gone down too many holes. Do you know what I mean?
20:55 Speaker 03 Don't start talking to her about 9/11.
20:58 Speaker 04 Vogue, you know that was an inside job. I've made my points very clear there. And you can't rebut them. But she was on with Scott through into conversation saying, Katy Perry went to space. And Mariah genuinely, and you never know with Mariah, if she is doing it on purpose, if it's in character, or she's genuinely that out of the loop. She was like, went to space? Like, this was complete news to her. And I was like, Mariah, obviously it's hilarious and it went viral, which maybe I'm like, maybe that's like, unless you're, there's things that you're like, oh, unless you're living under a rock. But like, unless you're living in Middle Earth, you know that Katy Perry went to space.
21:36 Speaker 03 But maybe she's one of those people, right, that she's, because she's so hyper famous that maybe like, honestly, she's, I just don't imagine her sitting there scrolling. I think she's got better things to do. Like, none of us have better things to do. We love sitting and scrolling. But maybe she just doesn't give a shit.
21:52 Speaker 04 Unless she's living in an apocalyptic cave underground, like a bunker. Unless she takes in no media whatsoever and no one speaks to her at all. And she just lives in a soundproofed boot and just comes out at Christmas to sing, ahhhh, and then does the odd interview. How could you not know? She does it on purpose. The same way she pretended she didn't know who J Lo was. And I love it.
22:15 Speaker 03 She kind of, well, that was shade, obviously, but I think the Katy Perry thing, but she was kind of like, about Katy Perry. Good for, good for her. That's really amazing. It's like, is it? And she was like, what do you mean they went to, she went to space? It's like, no, she actually left the atmosphere. And she's like, wow, good for her.
22:36 Speaker 04 I'd say Katy was like, for fuck's sake, the story has just died. And now here we go again. Mariah Carey has accidentally resuscitated us with Scott Mills. I just think the power of a viral moment, similar to that guy Vogue that we were talking about, your man with the Lego haircut in Ibiza.
22:55 Speaker 03 Ibiza boss? Is that what he was called? The Ibiza vinyl boss? He looks, do you know what? If you came home with him and brought him to my gaff, I wouldn't be surprised.
23:06 Speaker 04 No.
23:06 Speaker 03 I wouldn't be surprised.
23:08 Speaker 04 You wouldn't be surprised. He's right up my alley now, right up my alley. Yeah. I do, I, no, I do think the hair is a little severe. I, I don't know what, I don't know. Have you seen this guy, Jo? You've seen this guy? Even I.
23:20 Speaker 03 Um, Mariah has seen him.
23:24 Speaker 04 I was like, I have nothing, don't know anything about Katie in space, but I would like to speak about the final boss. I beat the guy.
23:31 Speaker 03 There's Lego made after him and like, he's, I saw him standing beside Solomon, this massive DJ who I absolutely love, in a Vetha, just standing there, like in the booth with Solomon, just dancing. People are paying him to go to their clubs and party. He was basically filmed at Ocean Beach and he was dancing, but he had these like shades on and like, just not a funny outfit, but the whole, the whole thing together and the hair.
23:57 Speaker 04 It's a Luke, as they'd say, as the kids would say, it's a Luke, it's a, it's a Luke. It would be a great, yeah, it's, it's a real Luke, yeah.
24:05 Speaker 03 Just his dancing and his face was so serious and it was so repetitive that he was just standing there doing it and it's.
24:12 Speaker 04 It's the hair. He's got this insane haircut and we, we, it's an.
24:17 Speaker 03 So do all his friends. That must be the new, it must be the new do or something. I think that like, Joe, I'm telling you, you're gonna start flattening that, that hair on your head. His name is Jack, by the way, he's only 26 and he's from, oh, he's a Georgie.
24:32 Speaker 04 Is he Georgie? Yeah, he's Newcastle. He's like the Newcastle version of Anna Wintour. Do you know what, Anna Wintour has this really kind of distinct bob and haircut. She's basically like the Georgie version, the male Georgie version of Anna Wintour.
24:46 Speaker 03 It looks like someone put a bowl on his head and just trimmed around it. Like when, when they were younger, you used to get that done.
24:52 Speaker 04 It's so rare you see a man with such a statement hairpiece. We've had the blob with Victoria Beckham, the, no, the blob, what's she called her? The long bob, the lob? We had the lob with Victoria Beckham.
25:03 Speaker 03 The blob.
25:06 Speaker 04 Jennifer.
25:11 Speaker 04 What's wrong with me today?
25:12 Speaker 03 Eric gets very blobby, isn't he?
25:14 Speaker 04 Very blobby. Then we had Jennifer Aniston had, she had the 90s and
25:19 Speaker 03 Feathers, gorgeous.
25:20 Speaker 04 Feathers and then Farrah Fawcett had, and we've had nothing since. Jack Kay is his name, I believe.
25:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
25:27 Speaker 04 He's doing it for the lads. What I want to know is, what do you ask for when you go into your barber? You know the way like, I'd say a little shaping around the face or, you know, like some layers? Like what is he, what do you ask for?
25:40 Speaker 03 I want to look like the Lego man. I want to look like the Lego man. That's it.
25:44 Speaker 04 It's also mixed with the teeth and the big glasses. It's quite the look. But like I say, I'm fucking here for it. He looks like he's great crack. He's already brought out a single, apparently.
25:53 Speaker 03 Shut up. I'd say, honestly, I'd say he's great crack.
25:58 Speaker 04 Apparently it's questionable, the quality, but who cares?
26:01 Speaker 03 There's nothing wrong with a questionable single, Joanne. Huh? People in glass houses, right?
26:07 Speaker 04 He's all over the Daily Mail with photos with his barber, the two of them with their arms around each other and his barber's like, I don't know what all the fuss is about. It's like, dude.
26:15 Speaker 03 Do you know what I love about him? I have to say. He just honestly, he's just out there and he just looked like he was having such a good time. And he went and he like, he has, as you said, he has this look and he loves the look and he's out there and he's just having fun and it's so nice to see.
26:30 Speaker 04 It's great to see him immediately flying private, bringing out singles.
26:33 Speaker 03 Flying private.
26:35 Speaker 04 He's flying private.
26:37 Speaker 03 Who flew him? That's a DJ that flew him out, obviously.
26:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, okay. And so he's, yeah, and he's releasing singles and all. Had I known it was that easy, here's me breaking my hold, doing clubs and touring. Had I known all I had to do was go and visit that barber in Newcastle, I would have done it five years ago. Unbelievable stuff. We're all out here working our hold off and he just gets a dodgy haircut and he's done.
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28:34 Speaker 03 I think she looks like a Kardashian.
28:37 Speaker 04 She'll say anything to get me to perform.
28:41 Speaker 03 I've never seen you look better or be in better form.
28:46 Speaker 03 I actually wanted to talk to you about something that I saw in the press, right? And only because it's for some reason, it's come to relate back to me. Did you see?
28:55 Speaker 04 Fab.
28:56 Speaker 03 I know. It's always, it's always me. I'm fed up of it.
28:59 Speaker 04 Listen, I know, and it is tough that it's you, but you are the media darling and it does drive traffic back to the podcast. So me and Joe are always fake sad for you when you get a bad headline, but really we're like, thank God.
29:11 Speaker 03 Well, I was with the tampon story on the bonus. I was really considering, I was like, I don't know if I should put up the tampon story because I just don't want that to come out. But anyway, there was another story today that I saw, and Spencer hasn't come at me for it. Vogue Williams reveals she's quit alcohol after teetotal husband told her to try to lay off the booze.
29:33 Speaker 04 Is that true? How dare he control you? This is coercive control and I will not stand for it.
29:38 Speaker 03 So I was basically doing Never Live a Day with Sean Walsh. That's when I had gone on one of my trips where I was like, oh no, I'm not drinking, not drinking for three months. No, Spenny said it's a great thing to do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I saw that and I was like, oh shit, because the episode just came out. I have drank a lot since then. But Sean, obviously, Sean didn't know that I always say that.
29:59 Speaker 04 Of course. Yeah, he took you seriously. Yeah, I know, because he doesn't drink. Yeah.
30:04 Speaker 03 No, but, but that's not the headline. So did you see all that stuff going on with Miley in class?
30:09 Speaker 04 I did. Now, you're gonna have to explain that delicately, delicately enough.
30:12 Speaker 03 Well, I'm just gonna explain it for, for kind of what it is. So basically, Miley in class came out and said that there was somebody in the public eye that had slept with her husband when they were together. Now, I don't know if Miley's gonna ever say who it was or anything like that, but guess who's been getting DMs?
30:31 Speaker 04 You!
30:32 Speaker 03 Me! I know. It's actually quite nice to be like, seen as that for a moment in time because
30:42 Speaker 03 it's never been me to be the cheaty one. But yeah, people are like, oh, I heard, did you not see they commented under like one of our videos? As well as someone else did, saying it was me. And I was like, oh, this is quite funny. And then I was like, actually, hang on, I don't know how funny this is. Like there's, I've, I've had about eight DMs about this now.
30:58 Speaker 04 Do you know what I find a little ill thought out or problematic, I would say? When, when celebrities, and like, we all love a bit of drama. We love a bit of tea, love a bit of, love the juice and all that jazz. When they tell a story about, and they say, they imply, not imply, they basically say like someone in the public eye or another influencer or someone who is really well respected or somebody who's very well known. And then they just leave it there and as an anonymous story. And then everyone's jumping in, tagging people they think it is and accusing people. And it's like, you're just, like, listen, I understand why Miley in class did it. She's obviously fuming about it. And it's obviously something that's really stuck with her. And I would be the exact same. And it's frustrating for her because she wants that person to suffer, but she knows she can't really out them because it's just not the done thing.
31:43 Speaker 04 It's a bit tacky if you just kind of name and shame them. But you are also dragging all these other people into your drama. They probably don't deserve to be there. TikTok is full of us at the moment. I've kind of given up on TikTok. It's just people. It's so annoying.
31:56 Speaker 03 Oh my god, I haven't even looked at the TikTok, it's probably gone for me there. And by the way, I was gonna come out and say, well, I've never even met him, but then I was like, no, I'm too scared that like, what if we'd ever been at the same event and like, he was
32:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:06 Speaker 03 in the background or something, there's like, oh, there's another lie, I would just like to say, swear on my dad's grave, is that bad? It wasn't me.
32:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, but you know what? Someone did something really bad to Myleene Class, well, two people did, her husband and this other person, it was really bad. But like, some of the stuff that's going on on TikTok at the moment, they're basically saying, this influencer who I really liked unfollowed me and I'm just disgusted by it. And everyone's like, who, who? And they're just jumping and it's like, she unfollowed you? Like, there's, a lot of it's just non-stories and they're kind of, I don't know, it's just like, it seems a bit juvenile to me, to be honest. But in fairness to Myleene, I will say, that I do get, fair enough.
32:42 Speaker 03 I, I kind of, I kind of get that in a way, but I, I wouldn't, I, like, even with people that have cheated on me, I'd rather just not, like, I just, I just wouldn't.
32:52 Speaker 04 Oh no, like, we've both been cheated on by people and we just vent to each other about, because we know who they cheated on us with and we just vent to each other about it and slag them off. But we don't, we wouldn't be honest doing it publicly because, like we say, it's just not a good look, some shit's better on the insides.
33:08 Speaker 03 Even though it probably feels good to out
33:10 Speaker 04 Of course it does.
33:11 Speaker 03 It's never.
33:12 Speaker 04 And actually, I'd say for Myleene, she probably wants to poke the bear bit, she probably wants to, you know, make your one a little nervous, whoever it is. Um, but yeah, what are you gonna do? Men are gonna men.
33:22 Speaker 03 The men are gonna men and those are the things that happen. And also, P S, it's not me, so like, stop mailing me about it. And stop, and stop leaving comments under my, under my posts, it wasn't me.
33:33 Speaker 04 I think you do protest too much. This is like when someone tells you something and they're like, don't tell anyone, you're like, sure, who would I tell? And you, and you already have the full list of who you're gonna tell straight away. You're like, I know exactly what I'm gonna tell.
33:44 Speaker 03 If someone, if someone tells me a secret, I'm like, I know, I swear. No, I won't, no, I won't, I won't tell anyone. But I will tell Spencer and Amber. I'm like, just so you know, I will tell, I'm telling Spencer and Amber, we'll know.
33:54 Speaker 04 Of course, and me if I get a drink into you.
33:56 Speaker 03 And some, yeah, and sometimes, do you know what?
33:59 Speaker 04 Sometimes I will, God, if she gets a drink in her, she'll tell me something, yeah.
34:06 Speaker 04 While you were getting that folk, while you're getting DMs accusing you of being involved in a quite high-class love triangle.
34:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
34:13 Speaker 04 I've been dabbling back on Hinge of late.
34:15 Speaker 03 Okay.
34:16 Speaker 04 The usual, you know, the summer existential crisis. It's almost cuffing season, I need to get back in the game, I have to remember now it's gonna break into my door.
34:23 Speaker 03 And you're looking very well.
34:24 Speaker 04 Thank you, thank you. I won't deny it, I've been squatting like a motherfucker.
34:28 Speaker 03 The bum is ready.
34:29 Speaker 04 As I've previously told you both, in private and also publicly on the pod, one of my prompts on my dating profile is, it says, "Name one thing I'll never do again", and I have your father, because I think it's a nice icebreaker, I think it kind of gets the chat going, and then they usually come back saying he's dead, and then I come back going, "Give me the coordinates, I'll dig him up, blah, blah, blah", and it just gets the conversation going, and it weeds out the week.
34:50 Speaker 03 What a sexy girl.
34:56 Speaker 04 Tanya.
34:58 Speaker 03 Give me the coordinates.
35:00 Speaker 04 That's why I'm squatting so hard, because I have to have something to offer, and it's clearly not my character.
35:04 Speaker 03 Don't give them the Insta, don't give them the Insta.
35:09 Speaker 04 I know, I never give the Insta, I don't give the Insta.
35:17 Speaker 03 My god.
35:19 Speaker 04 So, anyway, so I said, "Your father", which, again, like I say, it's a bit like, you know, it's a bit tongue-in-cheek or whatever, anyway, his profile says, "I take pride in", that's his hint, that's his prompt, and he says, "Being a loving, connected and emotionally aware dad, I have an adored 10-year-old daughter who lives with me half of the time. P.S. Have shaved my beard off so main pic is the only up-to-date image. His response to me underneath your father: Is that because he wiped his cock on the curtains after banging your mum?"
35:45 Speaker 03 What? Sorry? What?
35:53 Speaker 04 So I got that first, and then I read the, "I take pride in being a loving, connected and emotionally aware dad. I have an adored 10-year-old daughter who lives with me half the time."
36:02 Speaker 03 Oh my god.
36:05 Speaker 04 I know.
36:06 Speaker 03 Why did you write back?
36:07 Speaker 04 I didn't write back anything.
36:09 Speaker 03 But I feel like that's like the modern-day flasher, like, you know, that they just, because they get a rise out of you, so that, so they can't flash their dick, well, they can, I suppose, but like, instead of doing that, he just tried to really sh-sh-shock you.
36:21 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's a metaphorical mental dick, I guess he has flashed. He's flashed, well, what he has done is flashed his personality, and it's quite something.
36:28 Speaker 03 How does that even like come into your brain to say something like that?
36:32 Speaker 04 How can you say that and in the same breath talk about how you take pride in your daughter? Like, it's so mad.
36:38 Speaker 03 Imagine someone speaking to your daughter like that, dude.
36:41 Speaker 04 I know.
36:43 Speaker 03 Absolute sicko.
36:44 Speaker 04 What did he say? Hold on, what was it? Being a loving, connected and emotionally aware dad. And then to me.
36:52 Speaker 03 Oh, I would have had to have sent him back his, uh, his profile. I would have just screen grabbed it and sent it back to him.
36:57 Speaker 04 Is that because your father wiped his cock on the curtains after banging your mum?
37:02 Speaker 03 But again, it's why I don't like you touching hotel curtains either, because I do believe things like that go on.
37:07 Speaker 04 They do. And I would suggest both of you stay firm in your marriages, no matter what happens. Stay locked in there, guys.
37:14 Speaker 05 I don't know if it makes it, it doesn't make sense either, though.
37:19 Speaker 03 I don't know what, I don't know what he was trying to say about it.
37:22 Speaker 04 I think, okay, let's unpack it. You're right, guys. Let's, let's dig into this.
37:25 Speaker 05 Just saying something aggressive, it doesn't even.
37:27 Speaker 04 Name one thing you'll never do again, and I have said, your father. Okay? Now, I think it's, I think it's.
37:33 Speaker 03 Oh, we're unpacking, we're unpacking.
37:35 Speaker 04 We're unpacking. I think it's understood that I've never met said father and this is just a kind of icebreaker gag. Like I say, weed out the week. His response.
37:44 Speaker 03 Sexual in nature as well to show that, yeah.
37:47 Speaker 04 It's kind of like your dad. It's one of your dad, it's like, you know, one of those your dad jokes. It's like, look, I'm not here to show off cocktails and bikinis. I'm not here to fuck around. Okay?
37:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:56 Speaker 04 I'm here to connect on a spiritual level. That's why I've written this prompt.
38:02 Speaker 03 I don't know what the fuck I'd say. What would I say on my profile? What would I say?
38:07 Speaker 04 I'd write a warning that we'd both die alone.
38:10 Speaker 04 So I say, your father. Name one thing you'll never do again. I say, your father. His response. And I guess he's saying, is this because, is this, his response is why I won't do his father again? Is that because he wiped his cock on the curtains after banging your mum?
38:26 Speaker 03 Oh, okay, I get it. Cause his dad was rude and, and was very, did not use tissue for the semen. And wiped it on your mom's curtains instead.
38:36 Speaker 05 I feel like he's. And his dad did you and your mum.
38:39 Speaker 04 Your mum. Now I hate to bring Pat into this.
38:42 Speaker 05 He did.
38:43 Speaker 04 But he started this.
38:45 Speaker 03 Poor Pat. I honestly hope Pat doesn't listen to it. What were we talking about the other week? About sexual charades or something like that? Something really weird again. And we dragged Pat into that, too.
38:54 Speaker 04 We just don't talk about the podcast. It's just better off, whatever. It's just, we just don't mention it, do you know? Less said, soon is mended.
39:02 Speaker 04 Do you know?
39:02 Speaker 03 I know that my mom's up to something, though. I know. She knows how to listen to podcasts, which does worry me. But I'm hoping she doesn't have too much time on her hands to start listening to ours.
39:14 Speaker 00 You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.
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39:45 Speaker 04 Jo just tried to explain my camera to me earlier and said, you know, the way your laptop can open and close. And I was like, yes. That much I do understand, Jo, so fast you will. Thank you very much.
39:54 Speaker 03 The part that I was trying to explain, it didn't make sense to explain it that way.
39:58 Speaker 04 You might explain to me, you might explain that my laptop opens and closes. And I was like, I get that.
40:06 Speaker 03 I saw you. Do you know what I have to say as well? I have to throw myself under the bus. I saw you sitting with an Apple remote on your Insta stories last night. And I'm like, I'm surprised she knew how to connect.
40:16 Speaker 04 Lauren set it up for me.
40:18 Speaker 03 I knew it. I absolutely, I saw you on your stories. I was like, that's unusual now. How did she sort that out for herself?
40:25 Speaker 04 In a way, I'm a very modern woman. And then in another way, I'm like an elderly man. It's very strange.
40:33 Speaker 04 Beau, do you have anything for the Culture Pocket?
40:35 Speaker 03 The Culture Pocket, I just started reading Dolly Alderton's books and I'm obsessed.
40:42 Speaker 04 They're great.
40:42 Speaker 03 So I'm now, I'm now on Ghosts and I lo-, I just love the way she writes. I just think she's so brilliant. And I've just read one about a breakup. I forget what it's called. Do you remember what that one's called?
40:51 Speaker 04 Ghost, that is the one about the breakup.
40:53 Speaker 03 Joanne, I haven't read it yet.
40:55 Speaker 04 I thought you said you had, that you said you started. Sorry, spoiler alert.
41:01 Speaker 03 Dolly Ald-, Dolly Alderton, Good Material was the one I read that I absolutely, like I flew through it. I just loved it. So that's my Culture Pocket and Ghosts. I'm putting her up for two.
41:11 Speaker 04 It's a male stand-, it's about a male stand-up, which when I first started reading, because I love Dolly Alderton's books and have read them all also. Everything I Know About Love is one of my favourite books of all time. But when I started Good Material, Good Material, Bad Material, I didn't realise it was about, it was written from a man's perspective. And I was like, oh God, immediately I was like, oh Dolly, what have you done? But then I actually really enjoyed it.
41:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's so good. I loved it.
41:35 Speaker 04 Do you know the way I love a female whack job?
41:37 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, yeah.
41:39 Speaker 04 I love a female nutter and female nutters, and I'm, I think I have come almost to saturation point about female nut jobs. Because it's always the same, they always do the same thing. It's always the same pattern of behaviour. Anyway, do either of you remember, Jo, I'm including you in this out of politeness, because, but I know you won't know anything about it.
42:00 Speaker 04 Go on, try me. Do you remember there was a wo-, a woman went viral on TikTok a while back for crying while cooking her own cupcakes? Baking her own cupcakes, I guess you would say, because she was saying, this is what it's like being a single mum. Because you're, you, you, you have to bake something for your own kids to give you something on your birthday because they want to give you something. And I'm a single mum and this is how hard it is, et cetera, et cetera. Do you remember her?
42:21 Speaker 03 Yes, I remember that, yes.
42:22 Speaker 04 And it went viral and everyone was like, oh my God, your fellow's a wanker, blah, blah, blah. Like, it was, it was a real puller of the heartstrings.
42:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:32 Speaker 04 Then, want to skip a few, her ex-husband came back with receipts going, no, no, no. We have joint custody and in fact, she doesn't even take them the days that she's supposed to take them. And then it turns out they're in this huge, big war and she's an absolute whack job. And now there is a podcast about all the things she has done, all the things she has lied about.
42:54 Speaker 03 Oh no.
42:55 Speaker 04 It's very Scamanda vibes, but I will say it's not as good as Scamanda, I would say. But it's called Elizabeth, which is clever, of course, because she's a liar.
43:03 Speaker 03 And is it him who's created this?
43:05 Speaker 04 No, it's a production company that's made it. He's actually not involved, but he's given them the tap of approval, but he's not actually involved in it. But he has put all his information out on the internet, all their legal courts.
43:17 Speaker 03 Oh god, you'd feel sorry for the kids, though.
43:20 Speaker 04 Money she's stolen, all that jazz.
43:22 Speaker 03 Elizabeth.
43:23 Speaker 04 It's called The Cupcakes That Broke The Internet.
43:26 Speaker 03 That really was, it was hugely viral.
43:30 Speaker 04 It was huge. It was huge. And another thing that I was listening to, and then I'm done with nut job women for a while, I think. I'm going to move back to nut job men, just for inclusion, I guess.
43:40 Speaker 03 Balance.
43:42 Speaker 04 For balance. Do you remember the story of... There's a documentary called The Perfect Wife on Disney, which actually a follower put me on to, she listens to the podcast and to DM me. And it's about Sherry Papini, who was a wife of a man who went missing a couple of years ago. She was abducted, allegedly.
44:05 Speaker 03 Oh, she, okay.
44:06 Speaker 04 Off the side of the street in America. And they kind of found whatever it was, her mobile and her iPad Nano, I can't remember, her headphones or something like that. And then what happened was this huge manhunt for whoever had taken her and to get her back. And they thought her husband did it. Anyway, it's a true story. It's a documentary about that. And again, if you're into female whack jobs, it's quite a good watch. That's it. Now I'm back to Jeffrey Dahmer, I'm over it.
44:30 Speaker 03 That's it. I'd never watch that. I can't watch stuff like that. It makes me too sad. I just, I'm going to go back and watch Caribers or something. That's all I can take at night.
44:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, well, you mix it in with a bit of, you know, a bit of light, a bit of Curb Your Enthusiasm or something like that, and then it's fine. But yeah, women are, god, we really, we really, when we go, we go. We go hard. As men do, obviously. They go harder, actually. But we go pretty hard ourselves.
44:57 Speaker 04 That's it for this week. We'll chat to you soon. And just remember, always like and subscribe because it does help us get our numbers up. Very honest of you. Were we?
45:37 Speaker 00 You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.
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