Spain, Wimbledon & Glastonbury

Like they were never away... Vogue & Joanne return with so much to talk about. How many times did Joanne go to Wimbledon? What really happened with the Glasto ticket and how does Vogue manage to work in Spain? If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com Joanne's comedy gigs: www.joannemcnally.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:31Speaker 02

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  Hello. Welcome back to My Purpose Ghosted Me with me, Joanne McNally, and my co-host and trad wife, Vogue Williams.

• 1:59Speaker 04

  We're back.

• 2:01Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 2:02Speaker 04

  We're back.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  We're back. Vogue, I'm sorry. I can only apologise on behalf of myself and Jo, but you're back looking at us. She couldn't wait to get away from us. How do you feel? You've been away from us for two weeks. Do you feel good?

• 2:15Speaker 04

  I'm trying to be on holidays, please. I think that the break, well, I mean, we've spoken to each other and we have been out with each other. So to be quite honest with you, Joanne, there wasn't a real break.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Well, I've loved us. I've woken up every day and said, thank God, I don't have to see those two pricks.

• 2:37Speaker 05

  Not no more.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  But we're back. We're back. Jo, did you do anything nice?

• 2:43Speaker 05

  I just made preparations for our episodes to be in full video, which they now are. You can watch them on YouTube and Global Player on Monday.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  We're in full video. You're just feeding us into YouTube right now. Is that right, Jo? We're going live.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  We're feeding it in, just feeding it in.

• 2:59Speaker 04

  I love how we were like, right, we're doing YouTube, sorry, but we're getting full hair and makeup because we're not having full videos up without hair and makeup. I saw Joanne and you did look very well, so I didn't even have mascara on to begin with. So the effort from my side has already been minimal.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  Well, you're on holidays. You know what I mean?

• 3:19Speaker 04

  This is true.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  And I've been up icing my puff face for the last 45 minutes, holding the ice cubes in my bare hands. In my bare hands. Because I lost my, I refused to buy those plastic bits of shit off TMA. So I've been ice rolling, I've used under eye patches. I even slept so I could keep in my space buns that I got done for a shoot yesterday. Now, this is episode one. Trust me, by the bonus, in two days' time, I'll be back in my pyjamas.

• 3:46Speaker 04

  I have to say, I was quite disappointed to see the way you turned yourself out today because I thought we were on the same page.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  But. But you have a natural way about you. I've been in 12 hour shifts.

• 4:01Speaker 04

  Excuse me, I had eye patches under my eyes this morning, thank you very much. Sometimes I actually put eye patches under my eyes before I even leave my bedroom because my eyes are so black that like some mornings are blacker than others. Like I have such bad circles that I'm like, I'll just put on an eye patch so I don't have to frighten anyone at 7am.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  You need to learn to use that weird green concealer that comes in every little concealer box and no one ever knows how to use it. It's something to do with colouring. Oh, speaking of heavy hitting news, did you hear toner's back? Did you hear where tone, did you?

• 4:32Speaker 04

  No, come on. How did you ever tone?

• 4:34Speaker 03

  No, no, I don't know what it is. No, I never toned. Back when toner first came on the scene, I was still using nail polish to clean my face, but so no. Toner's back.

• 4:43Speaker 04

  Who told you toner's back? Amber's still using face wipes.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Dr Katrina Ryan, our in-house dermatologist, told me the toner's back. So I've been.

• 4:53Speaker 05

  For any uninitiated listeners that don't know what that is, what is toner?

• 4:57Speaker 03

  No idea, Jo.

• 4:58Speaker 05

  All right, okay.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  It's you do, you do cleanse and tone.

• 5:02Speaker 03

  It's part of the system.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  It goes in a, yeah, it goes in a row. It's just this water, but I like, you're meant to cleanse and it opens your pores and then tone and it closes your pores. That's all I remember it from my clearest old days.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  I'm happy to tone my arse. I've now interested in tone in my face, but I am willing to give it a go because I do everything Katrina tells me to. But anyway. Vogue, tell us, how's your holiday?

• 5:24Speaker 04

  I have to show you. You're talking about tone in your arse. I have to show you this picture from yesterday. It was like, what the fuck? I have worked so hard on my arse. Wait until you see. It's like, it's like it goes back legs. There's no, like, wait, you see this picture?

• 5:45Speaker 05

  Have they got you again? Oh.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  Look, no, I got myself. Look at that arse.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Is it because it's quite flat? Is that it?

• 5:54Speaker 04

  I think it's because I was tensing forward, you know what I mean? I was tensing my arse and pushing forward.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. So you're saying that the arse isn't the size that you think it is in real life?

• 6:03Speaker 04

  I know, and I've been going for hill runs and stuff, hill runs, not even walks. And I'm like, my arse is going to be massive. And then I saw that picture yesterday and I was like, Bridie, if you're going to post that picture, cut out the arse.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  It's hard, it's hard being a white woman.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  We have our own challenges, okay? We don't get enough, we don't get enough sympathy for them. And building the arse is one of the obstacles in the way. I could squat all day and all night and I still have a pathetically flat arse. Doesn't matter what you do, we need to go for BBLs.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, but I see some white men with fantastic arses. One I saw walking around the hills, that's why I started running around the hills. I saw him walking around the hills here and I was like, look at that arse. Where did he get that from? And he was ripped everywhere else and just this gorgeous arse.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's gay, he's putting in the work. That would be my take on that. When I'm in the gym and I see the lads focusing only on the arse area, I'm like, hiya. See you down at the George.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you need to take on, you need to take on the fitness regime of a gay man. They're all about the buttocks. Glutes galore. Speaking of naked fit gays, you'd wanna see, like, obviously I live in Clapham Common and it's, the sun's out, the buns are out. There is more torso than a slaughterhouse at the moment. There isn't a top to be seen. And when I say, these lads, I know, everyone's like, oh, the Clapham gays, I never see them. Do you know why I don't see them? Because they're in the fucking gym. I have, there are biceps and triceps and tits and nips. Even their nipples are ripped. They're not for me, they couldn't give a shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. But it's impressive. It is impressive.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  I'm in Spain, I'm having a great time. I love it. It's kinda like, I don't really like to say full holiday because I am working here. I just kinda relocate for the summer because my mom goes away. She actually, she tried to drop the bomb yesterday. She was like, we might not leave as early next year. I thought, sorry? Yes, you will. You'll get out of here. When we are, the swap is happening, Sandra. She even kindly made the tiniest bit of wardrobe space in her wardrobe. And when I say the tiniest bit, she has, this place has got four bedrooms that she owns. And every single wardrobe is filled to the brim. She's a room outside that's a storage room, full of hats. She must have 250 hats. And she's asked me about more packages that are, yeah.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  She, I didn't lick it off the ground, she has a serious shopping problem. I'm actually, I'm worried about her. That's how bad it is.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Check her in somewhere, get her sectioned.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  It is just too much. But anyway, yeah, so we're having a great time down here.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  What's been going on? Nothing really. Amber's here with us. I've been going for runs with Penny, had a couple of drinks. Just, you know, yourself.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Chilling.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  I've only, I've only been here for a couple of days.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Chilling.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  I'm already getting the messages. What does she even do?

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Really?

• 9:01Speaker 04

  That's why I had to.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  That's record time, is it?

• 9:04Speaker 04

  All they do is go on holidays. I'm not on holidays. It's a working trip.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  I'm just working remotely in an exotic country. Well, it's not, it's Spain. It's not even exotic.

• 9:14Speaker 04

  I know. I tell you what, I feel like I'll end up, like, I'm gonna start spending more and more time here. It's just so relaxing. You can actually work here. Cause you know, when you, I've said it before, when you go to certain places and they're too, like, not saying that Spain isn't nice. Spain is gorgeous, but like, it's not like when you're away in the Caribbean or something and it's like, I can't possibly work here. It's too, like, I have to get out and like feast my eyes on the landscape at all times. Here you can actually sit and work. And I just feel like, in the winter-

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Are you saying it's in bits? That's why you're gonna-

• 9:42Speaker 04

  No, it's not.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  That sounds like that's what you're saying. Spain is so obvious-

• 9:46Speaker 04

  It's not.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  That I can get loads of work done, is kinda how that sounds.

• 9:49Speaker 05

  There's nothing to look at.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's nothing to look at. It's such a shit hole.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  It's more workable. It's more, well, maybe it's just me.

• 9:56Speaker 05

  Cause it's only down the road, isn't it? That's, it's more accessible, I think is what you mean, isn't it?

• 10:00Speaker 04

  I just feel more work, worky here. Do you know what I mean? I just feel like I can actually sit in and do jobs, whereas I can't really, if I'm on, if I'm on an actual holiday.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Vogue Williams calls Spain a kip, says easy to get work done, cause nothing to look at. I wrote it there for you. Are you drinking? I'm on, I'm on the keratene.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  What's kerat- for your hair?

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Sorry, no, that is what that is. So I'm on the creatine.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  Oh, it was only a matter of time before she went on the creatine. I actually read something somewhere and I bet you saw the same article and I looked at it and I said, Joanne's gonna be on that in no time.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  Well, you know, one of my biggest fears is Alzheimer's forward slash dementia. I don't know the difference between the two.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  And apparently, and as we discussed before, it comes in through your teeth and it goes up through your gums. It's all about, apparently it's like, do you know that, um, stuff that builds on your, on your, on your, on your teeth? Plaque. Apparently it comes in through the plaque and it, anyway, goes up into your brain.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  What?

• 11:01Speaker 03

  You know, whatever. Yeah, according to the hospital I follow on Facebook, Jo, okay?

• 11:06Speaker 04

  Oh, right, okay.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  And apparently creatine is really good for staving off dementia. Now, I know I'm starting to sound like Joe Rogan and the toilet duck and the Covid, but genuinely, there is actual scientific proof to say this. It's really good for stimulating brain, neuroplasty and memories. So I'm strung out on the shit.

• 11:26Speaker 04

  Not a medical podcast, do consult your medical professional.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Well, I'm more consult your trainer, I don't think it's really a medical thing.

• 11:32Speaker 04

  I thought, oh no, I'm thinking of pre-workout. I do, I take supplements and stuff like that, though. I like, I think it's important to take brain health stuff.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Got to look after the brain. But I did hear that about the teeth, because I know somebody who got their teeth done because of Alzheimer's. But like, I don't know how much, again, we're not a medical podcast, but it is interesting, because I have heard that before, that it's got, it does have something to do with your teeth.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Something to do with the teeth. Will I tell you my, will I, like, will I just, I've all glassed me in Wimbledon and everything, so we might as well just get into it. Will we get into it?

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Well, Wimbledon, I mean, how many times did you go in the end? It's over now, are you still hanging out over there? Or like, what's happening?

• 12:11Speaker 03

  I went twice to Wimbledon. Once I was a guest of Vogue Williams at a very fancy Emiratis party with Hello magazine, and she got a plus one, and she very generously took her little peb pleasant friend, Joanne, and I went, apparently in the wrong outfit, according to my mother.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  Your mom said that, she, I thought you looked lovely.

• 12:32Speaker 03

  I sent you the photo, I thought I looked great, I thought we both looked great. We got in Hello magazine, I'm a Hello girl now, yeah.

• 12:39Speaker 04

  Joanne, I saw someone comment on our post, I think it was you and me standing at Wimbledon, and they were slagging your outfit, then they were like, and look at Vogue, and on cheap polyester.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  Excuse me?

• 12:51Speaker 04

  They really did you, it's on one of our posts, and I actually thought it was so funny that I was like, I'm not actually going to delete that, but they were basically calling us cheap bitches.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  I mean, you can put a lot of caviar in their mouth, but ultimately, do you know what I mean?

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• 14:14Speaker 00

  Observe. The North American dad. 50s, great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, "Dang, that's a good offer." The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him "boss." He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 14:50Speaker 04

  I thought your dress was lovely. I thought you looked lovely. Sorry, but obviously we're a bad judge. Apparently not.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  So I sent my mum the photos because she likes to get photographic updates of everywhere I go when I'm out and about and she, there was silence then, there was no, she didn't reply to the photos and I of course didn't think anything of it because I don't think. So I just moved on to the next project of the day. And then she knew I was going back to Wimbledon with WME, who are the American agency, and she said that, she was like, "What are you going to wear?" And I said, "I hadn't thought about it." And then I got a very, very well curated text that I'd say she's written a couple of times to make sure that I didn't start an argument. I'll read it to you. "Me and my mum, we're very, we're much more diplomatic with each other now, like it's a more thought out, like we don't lose the rag with each other as much and when we

• 15:48Speaker 03

  do, we're quicker to come back and make peace." We went to a phase where she was like, "I can't say anything to you." But I was like, "Everything you say is massively offensive." So that, do you know what I mean? And then she'd be like, "Sure, I'm only making conversation, where did she get so sensitive? It was all that." So we went through a phase where everything was war, do you know what I mean? And I felt like she was, that thing that you feel your mom, I felt like she was picking at me all the time.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  And so then when you feel like you've been picked-

• 16:13Speaker 04

  I do think they go through phases of that though, moms do.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, they probably do. And then it's just, you know, you're just fucking rubbing each other up the wrong way. And I was living at home at the time and everything was a bit of a drama. But now, so she's much better. So she says, she opens the text going, "Don't explode." So, you know what I mean? So she's like, "Calm down." And then she said, "But," in capitals, "I'd just love to see you in a dressy trouser suit or a long skirt dress for Wimbledon this Thursday with a kind of a sad blushy face. I know you don't do frilly flattery, but you look so elegant in long lines."

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  What do you mean nice? Her mom's calling her a whore. Complimentary. You look nice in. You look nice or you look. Elegant in long lines. I don't even know. Cover up. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, possibly we could read that. I love the mini. Of course I do. She doesn't. She's just again, this has been very well curated. But just the other one, but the other one can be more dressy for a specific occasion. And then she wrote at the end, cool can be done in the heat, you know. Ooh. Thanks, Anna, I went to work. I think you might as well run for political office. Yeah, it was very, it was a very carefully written message. But basically it's like, put some trousers on your slag is ultimately what she was, is the message there.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  So then I was freaking out and I was like, I don't know what to wear. And then Sophie, who came with me on the Friday, came over and I was in a Supreme. You know Supreme? I was in a basketball top. Yeah, same. And she's like, you're not wearing that. Anyway, I ended up wearing what I thought was quite feminine. It was like a pink frilly dress with like little.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  Fair play to Sophie. I wouldn't, I wouldn't cross you like that now. If you came out in a like, remember when Gemma, what's her name? Gemma, what's her name?

• 18:09Speaker 03

  Collins?

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Collins, yes. Remember when Gemma Collins came out in that like, almost like NFL outfit?

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Where was that? Was that for Halloween?

• 18:20Speaker 04

  I don't know. It wasn't for Halloween, but she came out and it kind of went everywhere. If you came out to me in that and you're like, I'm going to swim build into this with you, I'd be like, okay.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, you wouldn't say anything. You wouldn't. To be fair, but you would advise if I was looking for advice. And it was very clear when Sophie came in, it was very clear Pat had.

• 18:37Speaker 04

  That you were looking for it.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  She fucked with me psychologically. She got in my head and I was lost. And I didn't know who I was or what I was gonna wear. I was having an identity crisis in the bedroom. So she guided me gently towards the pink frill.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  You know, when you know someone doesn't like what you're wearing though, like yesterday I went to the supermarket with Amber and I was wearing what I thought was the most sun-ey face that anyone has ever worn.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 04

  And when I looked at her in her shorts, I thought those shorts need to go with the bin.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 04

  So I had judged her mentally.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 19:08Speaker 04

  But I was wearing this outfit and I was like, hmm. And I got in the lift and I was like, oh, unusual. She didn't tell me I looked great.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  So she always would tell you, you look great. That's sisterly love for you.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  Well, no, not just that. The outfit in my mind was so good that I couldn't believe she hadn't just automatically said, right.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course, yeah. And then we were getting back to the supermarket, we were standing in the lift and I just looked at her and I said, you don't like this outfit, do you? And she just started laughing. There I was, sauntering around the supermarket thinking I was brilliant.

• 19:45Speaker 03

  Well, folk, now more than myself, and I will put myself in this conversation, we both can be a little hit or miss. And, you know, that's, Jo is, Jo always hits, but Jo doesn't take risks.

• 19:57Speaker 05

  Oh, no, there are no risks.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, sometimes some of your darkness t-shirts aren't my favourites.

• 20:02Speaker 05

  They're just very old, they're very, very washed, many, many times.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  You don't, you don't just, you, you, you know, when you, when you take, when you take risks, you're gonna hit or miss, you know what I mean? And I know what my style isn't for everyone.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  No. But you. Excuse me, Joan, our style is fantastic. When you're as fashion forward as us. They're just, people are just.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  Just look at the Wimbledon, Barry.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  People, you're polyester, yeah, polyester's gonna be in next year, okay?

• 20:30Speaker 03

  What is poly- I don't even know what that is.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  I don't know. I don't know. And it wasn't polyester anyway, it wasn't.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Once no one turns up in linen, it's all, I just, I can't bear linen. I went on a date with a guy recently and he wore.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  I have three linen shirts here with me.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  No, please, just, just don't show me them.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  Fashion forward.

• 20:50Speaker 03

  You know, you can't wear, you can't wear white linens and call yourself fashion forward.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Since our break, I've been on a couple of dates. It's letting the world know I'm back in the game.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  Go on, go on, tell us, tell us all.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  Well, one, like I said, one wore linen and like, it's, it's, it's terr- and I don't, but I've, I'm no longer going down the road of icks and red flags and all that stuff. I'm, you know, I'm Buddhist now, so I don't agree with any of that shit, but I, I can't stomach linen, okay? So, and also I realise that men's fashion, it's, it's more like a jumping off point because as a woman, I know I can, I can change that.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  I'm gonna send you a picture of Brad Pitt in various linen suits that you will, I'll convert you.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  I can't, I can't with the linen, it's awful.

• 21:38Speaker 04

  So what kind of linen was this fellow wearing? Linen trousers and a linen shirt?

• 21:41Speaker 03

  A linen shirt. It was a matching two-piece. No.

• 21:44Speaker 04

  It's 32 degrees in London, I think that you're being very unreasonable.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  You have to defend these people because these are your people.

• 21:52Speaker 04

  These are my kind, yeah.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  They are.

• 21:54Speaker 04

  I like a man in linen.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  You engage with the linen people.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  You like Anslow. You like a man in an Anslow top. I like a linen man.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  I do, I like a mesh tank, a Popeye tattoo, yeah. Ill fishing, like, kind of O'Neill's tracksuits, you know, there's a certain kind of Irish hooligan that I am very attracted to. So he was a non-runner and also he was, it was the rugby vibes and I, I don't know why, I was fooled, I didn't realise, he wasn't clear that he was rugby on his profile and then I went and once I spotted the linen and then he started talking, I was like, okay, I know where I am now and it's not my world. But at the point I was like, Joanne, do you know when you're like, have you ever had a phase, well, no, neither of you have, but have you ever had a phase where you're like, if I don't engage with the opposite sex, because obviously I'm straight, at some point soon, someone is gonna come and take my jandals off me and be like, you're wasting these, we're gonna give them to somebody who's gonna use them. Has anyone, anyone ever had that?

• 22:50Speaker 04

  No, but you, you have given up on, on the other sex for quite some time.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  I have.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  I'm glad that you're back in the game.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm, I was at a loss for a little while of like, what is the fucking point of this? But I am, I do, do you know who I spoke to? Do you know who I spoke to? And I don't know if she's gonna wanna put this on the pod. I spoke to Gina, your aunt.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  What do you mean you don't know if she's gonna wanna put it on the pod? She's not gonna have a clue.

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Okay, perfect. Let's give her out her eye band, her blood type.

• 23:15Speaker 04

  Gina, what, Gina?

• 23:18Speaker 03

  When, when I, when I-

• 23:19Speaker 04

  What the hell did Gina say?

• 23:20Speaker 03

  When I popped into Gigi's birthday party. She says smuggling.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  She pumped in.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  With presents.

• 23:25Speaker 04

  Gave a bag.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. Gave a little handbag, which when I, obviously Gigi was predictably bored by and started crying because one of her nails popped off. I was like, why do I bother with this child?

• 23:37Speaker 04

  You got her, you got her at the wrong time. That was the third time the fake nails had come off. She couldn't take it.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  And that was a designer bag that was gifted to me, but it's too girly and tiny. And I gave it to a child, which in hindsight was a terrible mistake. And I will be taking it back.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Sorry, it's already found a new home downstairs in my wardrobe.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Do you know what? I'm actually so glad because as I handed it over to her, because like, do you know when you're, I was like, oh, I just, I had this moment of real love for Gigi. I was drunk on a plane and I was like, I want to just give Gigi loads of presents. I was having one of those. Every time I fly in the sky, I drink and I cry about not having kids, blah, blah, blah. I do it all the time. And then I get, I feel a lot of love for the kids that are in my life. And I wanted to give Gigi this little designer handbag. As I handed it over to her, I realised with her little, little, little, little face, her little face, which is about to crunch up over her popped up nails. I was like, this child doesn't want this bag. This is such a waste of a bag. So I'm so glad you took it.

• 24:32Speaker 04

  It's not that it's a waste of the bag. When a child, I find at parties, like they get too many presents.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  They don't know, it's too overwhelming for them. They don't know what to do with this.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. And when Jane, Spencer's mother, came over, she goes, God, I'd love that bag myself. I realised I was making a huge mistake. Handing it over to this little, her little, I was going to say chocolate covered hands. Her hands actually weren't, her hands were perfectly manicured, obviously, because she is a tiny drag queen. But anyway.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  I didn't touch anything because in case a fake nail had fallen off.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  I know.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  Do you want some cake now?

• 25:42Speaker 03

  With me, Joanne McNally, and my co-host.

• 25:45Speaker 05

  Vogue Williams.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  And that predator in the corner, Joe Attiewell.

• 25:49Speaker 05

  Oh, thank you. That's excellent. That's really good to put that out there.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  So me and Gina were sitting on the couch together. And Gina asked me, she's like, you seeing anyone, etcetera? And I was telling her, and I was like, I've absolutely given up. I said, I'm dead inside. I said, there's no point having genitals anymore. The vagina's like, she's deceased, needs fucking resuscitated, blah, blah. And I said, I'm not arsed, don't need them, blah, blah, blah. And Gina said to me, she's like, if I were you, I'd make an effort now. Because she was like, when you get to my age, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, and I didn't make the effort. I was exactly like you, and I didn't make the effort, and I really regret it. And I thought, you know what, you're dead right. So I went home, did a shift, put a shift in on the hinge and the raise, and set up two dates. Linen Man was number one. And then the second guy, I felt very sorry for him. Because do you remember recently I was saying I had a habit of paying for men's,

• 26:41Speaker 03

  of paying for men's dinners on dates? As some sort of weird, as some sort of weird paraflex on my part going, I don't need your fucking money. And then the second I pay for their dinner, I don't respect them anymore.

• 26:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  And I spoke to a friend of mine, Tom, and he said, stop paying for men's dinner on dates. So I went into the second date, and we were going for dinner. And I went in with a very intentional decision that I was not going to put my hand in my pocket at the dinner.

• 27:05Speaker 05

  This day two, okay.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  This day two. So we had, and he was a very nice guy, but I knew it wasn't a runner. And I still, I was like, he was like, oh, I'll get it. And I said, thank you so much. And he went, oh, usually people like kind of pretend that they're going to pay half. And I said, I'm absolutely not going to pay half. I'm a forward-thinking feminist. I am a progressive woman. I'm an independent, I'm a lone wolf, problematically independent, pay my own way, blah, blah, blah. But there's something shifts in my neuro-

• 27:35Speaker 03

  Area. Where on the, the brain, I believe it's called. Yeah, that's the boy. Yeah, that when, that when it comes to paying for something on a first date, if he doesn't pay, I don't respect him. I don't know what it is. I can only blame my cave wiring. I don't know what it is. I, I don't know what it is, right? And if we go splits, I'm like, good luck. But if you want to be, it's, when a man pays, it's so old school. I'm embarrassed to even admit it. But I do kind of need them to pay for dinner on the first date. I do. It's, it's, it's a story as old as time. But I knew, I did, I committed the crime. I did what I, I, I don't know why I did. I knew I was never gonna see him again.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  I knew I wasn't gonna ride him. He'd already tried to score me and I'd recoiled.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Oh no. Tried to score you on the first date. How does that work then? Go on, I can't remember anything. Like I'd, I'll never have that.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Well, we don't fucking like it long.

• 28:32Speaker 04

  We don't, we don't know. We actually, we don't know.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  He, he tried to score me on the first day. And I, I, I've been in that situation before where men will go in because they're just like, and this is the bit where we score. This is the part where we score.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  So are you sitting at a dinner or are you having drinks and then he goes in to try and just score you like that?

• 28:50Speaker 03

  We'd had dinner and then he went to score me after.

• 28:53Speaker 04

  Where'd you go for dinner? That's a very, that's a very full on date vibe, isn't it?

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Well, it was pretty busy in town. Dinner's the only way you can actually chat to someone, to be honest. It's Saturday night in town. It's fucking, it's a wall to wall. You know what I mean? I'm 42. I wanna sit down, eat. I get, I have to get my protein in or I'll get muscle atrophy. I have to eat all the time now.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  And I do love sitting. Like I really, I can't be going somewhere where there's no seats. I just can't do it. I can't, I can't stand up for that long. Not anymore.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  Exactly. He went to score me and it was one of those things where you could tell, there was no real, there was no real sexual chemistry between us at all. But he was going in for the wear anyway because he was just doing that thing that some men do where they're like, this is the bit that I wear. This is the part where we wear, where we wear, which is Irish for score. And I went, no, no, no, no, because I'm, I'm done with scoring lads who I know don't wanna score me. I'm over it. I had that with that fucking, your man, the. The, one of the Vogue notes I'm talking about, the big lad.

• 29:48Speaker 04

  He was really, real, real grim.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  It was like, you score me like I'm your mother, you don't fancy me, leave me alone, go away. And this, I sensed that this was exactly what it was gonna be the same again. I was like, no! And he was like, oh, I didn't rea- I didn't realise. It's almost like they're like, I didn't realise you had to fancy each other. It's like, yes! You're not fucking putting your, your tepid tongue in my grown ass woman's mouth. Take your dusty tongue elsewhere. You don't fancy me.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  You don't fancy me and I don't fancy you.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Doja Cat.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  Well, no, in fairness, I made it clear in the moment. Doja Cat pretended she was all about it and then went and slagged him off online.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  I have to say, I've said this before and I know how bad it's going to sound, but like, I, I've been married for like seven years. So maybe it was my immaturity back then or whatever, but like, if someone went to score me, I'd be like, oh, this is awkward. Okay, fine, I'll do it.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  I know. Yeah, I know. Sure, I've had sex with people out of, so I didn't, because I didn't want to embarrass them by saying no. It's insane. That's true. I'd say most women have done that. I really think most women have just ridden someone because they're like, oh. He's kinda, you know, he wants it and I don't want, I don't, I don't wanna make it awkward. It's my job to kinda give him what he needs and yeah. So no more. And this is the attitude I'm taking into the dating world, which is why it's not gonna work, but no more.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  Get your dusty ass pig tongue out of my mouth.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  I'm not, I'm not receiving tepid tongue anymore. I'm only receiving tongue if it's hot, sexy, lusty tongue. I'm not doing tepid tongue anymore. I'm out.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  Oh, a little like wet tongue, yuck.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  I committed, I committed a carnal crime. I let the lad pay and I knew full well I was never gonna see him again. And you know what? I've thought about it. I feel so bad about it. I feel so bad about it.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  Why don't you rav him? Rav him.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  That's actually not a bad idea.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  Rev him for half and be like, dude, I actually feel really bad that I didn't pay half. And like, and now in fairness, I think that'll be nice some too, because I remember, I'm not going to mention whose name it is. And he was going on a lot of dates and he was like, it's costing me a fortune. And I actually don't have the money to be going out for all these dinners. So he did switch it around where he started taking girls for coffees and walks. Because he was like, it's actually becoming too expensive. So I think that man would be very, very happy if you sent, if you revved him half the money for the date. So he could go and take someone else out.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  You're so right. Now, I don't think he's short of cash. I got the impression he had a bit of money. I took out the, what, what I'd done on previous dates, I brought in, I brought in energy from previous dates and dumped it on this poor bastard. And I, and Jack, if you're listening, I can only apologize. And I, I, I, I probably won't rev him, but yeah, but look, the thought was there.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  I have to give an update on Glastonbury. I have to.

• 32:33Speaker 04

  Daylight robbery.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  As we knew, last time we spoke, I was, we were debating whether or not I was being scammed. Wasn't that correct?

• 32:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:42Speaker 05

  It was.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  And I was being scammed.

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Pretty, I have to say it was a pretty good scam. It wasn't, he made a lot of money from that scam.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  He did, you know, and this was, you know, I've been scammed a couple of times, but this is definitely the biggest one. You know, this is kind of, this is like 6,000 smug cattles.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  That was an expensive scam. I, I, I've been scammed before with something like that, like with a pretend trip to New York and like hotels and flights included. And then it wasn't the trip to New York.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  If it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  They were like, you know, you're going to York and you're like, oh.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  I wasn't even going to York. I went nowhere. I got you a fridge magnet from New York. Okay, thank you.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Um, this guy ran a private concierge company. Now, listen, I don't know a private, I don't, I don't know what that means. But it means Glastonbury gives a certain amount of tickets out to these kind of companies every year. And then they sell them privately, right? So it's a bougie way of doing it. And this was my punishment. This was the punishment for it. Gave him two grand.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  And then, so it turns out he got two grand off 50 of us. Which is.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Good scam.

• 33:49Speaker 03

  A hundred grand. And not only that, but he put his parents' house address down as his business address. So the night before Glastonbury, when the people. And some people, some people did get their tickets off and this was a really confusing thing. Some people got functioning, working tickets, but Glastonbury didn't honour any of the tickets then. So even if you got your ticket off and you weren't getting in. I know, you'd be raging, wouldn't you? So anyway, a couple of people go out, Ross, my friend, who, because he organised the ticket, I think he felt guilty, went out to the house, his parents' house, it was his mother's birthday, she's crying in the hall.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  No.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  Grim. The mother takes her handbag, goes down to the police station to report her own son for fraud. The father's sitting in the hallway while people are queuing up and he's taking notes on how much money his son owes. Isn't that so sad? Something, something about the mother taking her handbag out in the car to tell the police really, made me really sad for.

• 34:41Speaker 04

  I mean, how could you do that to your parents? Like, like to do it to people that you don't know, like people are bad people, they're frauds, they do stuff like that. But to do something like that to your parents and have people.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  I know.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Arriving at their house and they were probably older is just shocking.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  He says he owes the money to Albanian drug lords. Now, he's throwing the Albanians under the bus. Everyone's throwing someone under the bus here.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  He's like Frank Abagnale from Catch Me If You Can, he's full of shit.

• 35:11Speaker 04

  Well, I don't think he's as intelligent as Frank Abagnale, in fairness.

• 35:14Speaker 03

  Actually, that's, that's true, yeah. Yeah, Frank Abagnale surely wouldn't have put his parents' address down as his business address. That's not something Frank would have done.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  What an absolute pig.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  Also, then Ross and him, start, Ross, he's my friend, start up this kind of conversation. They're in communication and then Ross, he, Ross rings him, he answers. Ross is like, where's the money, where's the money? Ross records the phone conversation, puts it up on TikTok and then this guy, whose name is ****, messaged Ross and said, I've seen you record my phone conversation, do you know that's illegal?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  This guy is, is teaching Ross the law and the morals of the whole thing. He's like, you could get in real trouble for that. You're not allowed to record phone calls. You're not allowed to rob a hundred grand.

• 35:58Speaker 04

  But you know what? I think there's loads of opportunists when it comes to, um, to Glassbury because I was trying to get you a ticket, a ticket off my cousin Killian. But not, Killian wasn't scammed, but a load of his friends had been scammed by this other girl, same kind of deal. And they had other tickets. And then he had given his tickets to, to them.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  I'd be a terrible drug dealer because, well firstly, we should be going to drug dealing though, because it's a very male dominated industry and it probably needs more women in it.

• 36:26Speaker 04

  We need to be more feminist about that.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  We do. We need, it needs more women in it. But also, I would never, I would never kneecap anyone for cash. I'd be like, look, we'll work out a payment plan. Don't worry about it. If someone was like, my husband left me, I would take the bag for free.

• 36:38Speaker 04

  I just, I wouldn't be able to keep tab of all of that, all of the outgoing.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  You would. You'd be all over it.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  I'd have to get Neil involved. Neil would have to get involved. I said, Neil, I don't know how much cocaine I'm supposed to put in this bag.

• 36:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I'd be like, please use the new anxious preoccupied little baggy bags that I've brought out with the, with the little sandwich bag, the tiny anxious preoccupied bags, which for our drug dealing now, it's all going to be heavily branded. Yeah. Heavily branded, little metallic sandwich bags, please.

• 37:09Speaker 04

  And if you buy 10 bags, you get one, one free fake tan.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  Swipe up, yeah. Swipe up for 20% off, girls. 20% off for shrimps.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  I told you what I did with Spencer. I insisted on half, half, half with everything. And do I deeply regret it to this day?

• 38:05Speaker 03

  You do.

• 38:06Speaker 04

  I do.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  He's held you to it. Yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 04

  Still bloody half. I take it back.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  That is desperately sad.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  I posted a video of me on the last day of Glastonbury.

• 38:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  With saying, kind of like, this is how I've survived Glastonbury. And I was, I'd had a couple of Craig Davids at that stage, which is double tequilas and pineapple juice. So I was a little squiffy, as Bridget Jones would say, even though I hate that term. And I posted the video and the amount of people riding underneath accusing me of being on drugs. It is like, it's, you know, it's all, it's all, yeah, they're like, look at your eyes, your eyes. I was like, I'm just pissed. I'd hardly, I'd hardly do a lot of drugs and then put up a TikTok about it. Do you know what I mean?

• 38:47Speaker 04

  I saw that video of you and honestly, I was like, first of all, she looks like a supermodel on day four of Glastonbury. I hate her guts. I was like, I can't tell you how many people I showed that video. I was like, look at this. Look at her. This is day four. I was like, it doesn't make sense.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  I pulled it off. But do you want to see me after Wimbledon? I was more hungover after our day in Wimbledon than I was after four days at Glastonbury.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  I, um, I, I said to Joanne, I was like, that's it. The next time I go to Glastonbury, because obviously I had horrific FOMO and I'm definitely going the next time. I was like, if I even wake up and whinge once, I'm just going to say, what would Joanne do? Cop on to yourself and get out there. Have a double tequila and go online so everyone can accuse you of doing drugs.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  Yes. You're going to get up, you're going to mainline three Craig Davids. You're going to get out, going to get out there and make a titty yourself. That's what you're going to do, folk.

• 39:37Speaker 04

  And I'm going to look every second of it. I can't wait.

• 39:40Speaker 03

  But people love, everyone who's at a festival, they just, everyone loves accusing them of being on drugs, right? But then you mentioned a waste.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  Because it's the biggest insult. It's like, God, what's wrong with you? Are you on drugs?

• 39:50Speaker 03

  It's really, yeah, because it's really like you've let yourself, you've lost control of yourself. Do you know what I mean? It is, it's quite the, it's quite the heckle. But Noel was saying that, Noel, my friend Noel Gallagher, by the way, there's an amazing podcast on BBC Sounds about the rise and fall of Oasis. It's fucking brilliant. I highly recommend five stars. Anyway, when I was listening to that, day at Glastonbury and Noel did so much drugs, he forgot that he was on. And he was walking around the festival and someone was like, you're on in an hour. And he was so high, he went, no, no, I did it yesterday. And they were like, no, you didn't.

• 40:20Speaker 03

  You haven't done it. But he was on mushrooms, he said, but he was saying that when he was walking through, they'd just gotten really famous and they were big and they were like real like rock and roll, like drink drugs, alcohol, all that stuff. And someone was like, look, look, he's even got cocaine in his hair. And Noel was like, how dare you, that's psoriasis.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  I know. I was like, we just love accusing people of doing drugs. And I was like, well, and then I didn't post, anyway.

• 40:47Speaker 04

  Psoriasis?

• 40:49Speaker 03

  Psoriasis, I go, so Jerry, that's actually psoriasis. I was just watching the whole thing roll out and it was very exciting and very thrilling, but the whole ticket system was very stressful and I was like, I'm not getting involved. But now that the clips have started and I'm listening to the podcast and I'm seeing the tour start, now I'm like, I've, I've big pho- I've big, not even phono, because I am going to miss out. I'm just mo.

• 41:10Speaker 04

  Oh no, you've got to try and get a ticket, but then you're like, there is the chance of... Well, to be honest with you, I tried to get Svenny another ticket because I'm still, I've got, I, I managed to get, I did get four tickets. I know I'm very lucky to have gotten four tickets, but I had to give them to my siblings. And I know that Svenny is going to be absolutely raging on the night in Dublin. And we're like, bye, put them down at seven.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, that's shit.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  No, but I can't, it's, it's, it's really difficult to try and get anywhere tickets.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  I need to go. Like, I, they're my, they're my ideal, firstly, obviously I want to see Oasis, but also, I am, I have an, I have, I have, I am weak for a lad in a Ben Sherman shirt. There is nowhere where there's going to be more Ben Sherman shirts shirting around than an Oasis gig.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  You'll really miss out.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right. I need to get on. Do you know what I'll do? I'll ask the concierge guy if he has any, has any tickets going. He's in prison now.

• 42:07Speaker 04

  I'm sure he will.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Surely changed his ways.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  Did you see Little brought out a parka, like an Oasis parka? And Aldi have called them Alda. Aldé, A-L-D-E-H, they've renamed themselves Aldé.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  The accent.

• 42:20Speaker 05

  That's how Liam and Noel always say it, Aldé.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, riding, yeah, they're riding the wave.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can't imagine we're gonna ever find them in an Aldé themselves, but still.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  They're riding the wave.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  Everybody's catching on to them.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  This is, the ways to start what Brat Summer was, except bigger, I think. This is like, it's their summer.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  Oh my god, this is way bigger. They are like, but when are they, when are they, when are they playing till, Jo? Like, October or something like that?

• 42:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're still into November. They're playing in Brazil in November. They're still going.

• 42:47Speaker 04

  Oh my god. Remember Madonna did that concert in Brazil and like, she had a free concert and over a million people showed up?

• 42:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, Lady Gaga did it as well. She did her sound check or something. I think it's something to do with pride.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  Well, I think Lady Gaga actually had the most amount of people, even more than Madonna. And she's playing, by the way, Lady Gaga, and it's on my birthday, I'm just saying, okay? It's on my birthday.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Do you wanna go? Do you want a ticket? I didn't get.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  I want us all to go to Lady Gaga.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  I was slow to pick up on that.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  I'll get us, I'll get us tickets.

• 43:25Speaker 04

  No, because I, because I finally got, I've got a, I, I got my present off Joanne and it's a really good present. I got the, I got the North Face jacket she got me and I got a really nice print that she got me. So I'd rather you didn't get me the tickets because I know you'll get me something.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  Vogue.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  Don't get me the tickets.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  I got you, that was your Christmas present that I delivered in July. Because that's how I roll.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  It was amazing.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  It was a great present, yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, that's it for today. We're back. We are back. I'm thrilled to be back. I feel like invigorated. Do you know what I mean?

• 43:55Speaker 03

  Good.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  I feel like I've had a break, even though I've been doing other podcasts. It's not the same without you.

• 44:01Speaker 03

  No, thank you.

• 44:02Speaker 04

  Not the same. You knew I was excited to come back, you did.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, she likes her little cherub faces.

• 44:07Speaker 04

  I do. I like spending time with you guys.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, she does, she does. We have her in the bag, Jo. She'll never leave.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  Oh, I'll never leave.

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• 45:02Speaker 06

  Whether you're building a roster or a business, great talent can come from anywhere. Pebble helps companies hire and support employees across 185-plus countries. Pebble believes you don't build a winning team by limiting where you look for talent. That belief is at the heart of their new partnership with Bay FC, and the way Pebble helps companies build their own teams every day. With Pebble, companies can hire in over 185 countries, bringing everything together in a single platform that integrates with the tools teams already use. The result is a global team that's actually set up to succeed, with accurate pay, real benefits, and the support they need to thrive wherever they are. Bottom line, great teams can come from anywhere. Pebble helps companies build them. Special offer for podcast listeners. Pebble is normally $399 a month per employee.

• 45:47Speaker 06

  Already a no-brainer for what you get. But right now, there's a limited-time offer on their site that makes it even easier to get started. Go to hellopebble.com/sports before it's gone. That's hello, P-E-B-L dot com slash sports. Terms and conditions apply.