Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me MTGM EXTRA! "Valuable travel information..." About this episode This weeks emailer has some sage advice for anyone thinking of visiting Dubai... You need to know this. Plus, Vogue's continued feud with Noel Gallagher (which he doesn't know about) and why Joanne should wear more wigs.
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This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.
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0:59 Speaker 01 You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.
1:22 Speaker 01 Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.
1:31 Speaker 02 This is a Global Player original podcast.
1:39 Speaker 03 Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes to Me with me, Vogue Williams and
1:45 Speaker 04 her teammate extraordinary, Joanne McNally.
1:54 Speaker 04 Joe has just spotted a lawn mower out of the corner of my camera and he's identified it and I didn't even see it in real life and I've been in the kitchen for 48 hours. You are such a dad, Joe. This is insane.
2:07 Speaker 05 Tell me if it's a fly mower.
2:08 Speaker 04 Does that just happen? Have you started exposing your arsecrack now during the day as well?
2:13 Speaker 03 Joanne, you've probably walked around that lawn mower in your kitchen and not noticed it.
2:19 Speaker 04 I didn't even know what it was. I could be mowing the lawn and I wouldn't know what I was doing.
2:22 Speaker 05 I was always a dad, I'm just only recently a father.
2:25 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a...
2:26 Speaker 05 You have to look at it for me though. Is it a fly mower?
2:29 Speaker 04 Is it a fly mower? Is it a fly mower? Hold on a second. Where do I find that information?
2:33 Speaker 03 Do you know what my toxic...
2:34 Speaker 05 Something will be written on it.
2:35 Speaker 03 My toxic trait is that I'm like, I wonder how much a fly mower is.
2:39 Speaker 04 It's not heavily branded. It's a lawn mower, Joe. Come on now.
2:43 Speaker 03 It's a Black and Decker.
2:45 Speaker 04 It's not even... I don't know why she... Do you know what's so interesting? I've just realised. There isn't a bit of grass in this whole house or garden. So I've absolutely no idea why she has it.
2:56 Speaker 05 It might be contracting.
2:57 Speaker 04 That means she's cutting other people's grass. That means she's out in the cul-de-sac dragging that across, you know, the front bit of grass.
3:05 Speaker 05 That's worth money.
3:06 Speaker 04 Oh my god.
3:07 Speaker 03 No, that's being a kind neighbour.
3:09 Speaker 04 Is she doing like a paper round for, like, but with cutting grass? What do they call that? A lawn mower round? What do they call it?
3:16 Speaker 05 She's doing a local handy one.
3:18 Speaker 03 Baba job. A baba job. Did you never go around? We used to go around to neighbours in our estate and ask if they needed any baba jobs.
3:24 Speaker 04 Yeah. We used to sing when they'd open the door and then put our hand out, put our little hand out for cash. Imagine the arrogance of that. They'd open the door and we would just gait, like, we'd just start singing. We'd just like splatter going, it's not terrible. And then we'd just put our hand out.
3:37 Speaker 03 They'd tell you to fuck off where I was from. I wasn't from Collinney.
3:41 Speaker 04 From the block, yeah. You're from the block out there in Houth, yeah.
3:43 Speaker 03 It was before I moved to Houth.
3:44 Speaker 04 The flats.
3:45 Speaker 03 No, it was before I moved to Houth, thank you.
3:51 Speaker 03 Come here to me. I think I have secured, I think, it's not 100% sure. I might have secured Spencer an Oasis ticket. The only.
3:59 Speaker 04 Very good.
4:00 Speaker 03 The only fault is that he'll be on his own.
4:03 Speaker 04 Oh my god, are you serious?
4:05 Speaker 03 Anyone would want to swap rows with Spencer.
4:09 Speaker 04 Do you know what? There's a lot I do on my own and I think I am quite an independent person. But I don't know if I'd go to an Oasis concert on my own.
4:17 Speaker 03 I'd go to, I'd go to every single Oasis concert on my own. I wouldn't care. I wouldn't, I wouldn't need anyone. I, Jo, have just found out, I know somebody who is working on the Oasis tour. That's not how I got the ticket, by the way. One of my best friends has an insider on the tour. And she didn't tell me. I was like, excuse me?
4:38 Speaker 04 Well, hold on, what's she, what's she doing now? Is it, is she doing styling?
4:42 Speaker 03 Oh, no, she's doing, yeah, proper. Like, she's proper in there. Like, there is a chance.
4:47 Speaker 04 Well, apparently, well, what are you, what are you suggesting that you might get to touch them in the real world?
4:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, I just want to touch them. I want to touch, I won't, I won't say anything. They don't like to be spoken to. I'm fine with that. I would just like to gently touch Liam's cheek and walk off. Liam, obviously. I don't give a fuck about Noel. He ignored me. A glass of grape.
5:07 Speaker 04 I forgot you're fighting, I forgot you're in a celebrity spat with Noel. I was about to call him Noel Edmonds.
5:13 Speaker 03 Do you know, do you know who hates Noel Edmonds?
5:17 Speaker 04 Sorry, I forgot I'm fighting with Noel Edmonds. Ever since he set up that animal radio show. Didn't give me a gig on it. Do you remember he set up the animal radio show?
5:25 Speaker 03 No, no one remembers that.
5:27 Speaker 05 Radio for dogs, wouldn't it?
5:28 Speaker 04 And remember, we did, I think we definitely discussed it on the pod before where he set up, because he's as mad as a box of spanners. And he set up a business where he'll ring your animal and kind of talk them through if they're having a bit of a bad day. And he's, you know, he's away with the fairies. I think he's a bit of a tinfoil hat man. I think there's a bang of Jim Carrey off him.
5:47 Speaker 03 If there's anyone in the world Neil Wilson cannot stand, like absolutely. For no reason to spices, Noel Edmonds. And the worst, the worst thing about it is that I, and I don't know if Neil's noticed this, but they look very similar. They're like the same.
6:09 Speaker 04 I, I've studied Neil's face because me and Neil always end up sitting beside each other at events and I don't see any similarity there, Neil.
6:16 Speaker 03 Come on, Google it, I swear.
6:20 Speaker 03 To God, I'm telling you.
6:21 Speaker 04 Really?
6:22 Speaker 03 I just found it so peculiar because he doesn't like him so much that then I was like,
6:26 Speaker 04 He's projecting. He's projecting. Why the disdain from Neil towards Noel Edmonds? Is it the cancer thing?
6:34 Speaker 03 There are certain, there are certain things that are unexplained with Neil.
6:40 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's.
6:41 Speaker 03 Don't tell him about the cancer thing. That will send him off the edge, whatever that is.
6:44 Speaker 04 Do you remember? Do you remember we went on this morning and he was basically like, you know, if you have a positive, you know, that the, one of the ways to catch cancer is to kind of have a negative outlook. Do you remember this? He's one of those, yeah. He's like, chin up, you know? Who needs chemo? Just.
6:59 Speaker 03 Oh, no.
7:00 Speaker 04 Take a brisk walk in nature. Eat buttercups. He's one of those.
7:04 Speaker 03 No, I don't even think Neil knows any of those things.
7:07 Speaker 05 For what you say is the greatest physical comedian of all time.
7:11 Speaker 04 He is, yeah. But I don't know how much he had to do with Mr Blobby. I don't think Mr Blobby was his brainchild.
7:15 Speaker 05 Oh, maybe not. Maybe they just collaborated.
7:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, I, I have a feeling.
7:18 Speaker 03 He just got lucky.
7:19 Speaker 04 I think he got lucky and I think he, I think he actually had it. I don't think he, if, if memory serves me correctly, I don't think he liked working with Sir Blobby, as I call him. Sir, I call him Sir Blobby. Because he hasn't been knighted and I believe that's because he's a minority.
7:34 Speaker 03 You're the reason that I'm being held back in TV. Go on, wear some kind of suit and make it happen for me. Get some kind of suit and dress up and don't say anything.
7:47 Speaker 04 You're right. You know, you're right. I need to be, I need to be more side kicking. I do. I need to be more side kicking.
7:52 Speaker 03 I want her in a suit, Jo. Blue, blue will suit her. Blue with spots.
7:57 Speaker 04 Do you know what? I was only thinking the other day, I was like, I don't wear enough wigs.
8:01 Speaker 03 I was actually, that kept me up last night. I said to myself last night, I said, Jesus Christ, Joanne doesn't wear enough wigs. And then I couldn't sleep a wink.
8:08 Speaker 04 Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't take advantage of the, the comedy of wigs enough.
8:15 Speaker 03 You have too much hair. You, you wouldn't, you wouldn't be able to hide your hair.
8:18 Speaker 04 I'd have to, I'd have to shave it. Yeah. I'd have to shave it. Because when I was at our mutual friend Martin's fortieth in Puglia, there was a, a kind of a Princess Diana wig going around and everyone had a go of it, except myself, which is one of my biggest regrets. And the photos are still floating around the WhatsApp group and like every single one of them is hysterical. And there must be 50, 60 photos of people in that wig and every single photo is comical. And I said to myself, Joanne, you need to get up, you need to up your wig game.
8:44 Speaker 03 Back to Noel Gallagher. So, yeah, I'm, I'm. I'm going to feel uncomfortable going to the Oasis gig, obviously because me and Noel have had a heat falling out when he ignored me at Glastonbury when I said.
8:54 Speaker 04 What a little bitch.
8:56 Speaker 03 I had plucked up the courage to say hello to him and it wasn't like, there wasn't really many people around. I just walked by him, like it was one of those like, hi. And I mean, he's Noel Gallagher. So actually that was a compliment that he ignored me because if he was nice, it would have been weird and probably would have ruined the vibe. But now I don't know how we're going to be when he's on stage and he sees me.
9:13 Speaker 04 I think, to me, that reeks of sexual tension, if you don't mind me saying. My experience is the more a man ignores you, the more a man ignores you, the more he wants to ride you stupid.
9:26 Speaker 03 Are you telling me he wants to marry me?
9:28 Speaker 04 Yes. Oh, no, no, no. I, I, I don't know. Is he the married? Is he not divorced? I don't, look, I am saying.
9:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, he got divorced. He's single. He is divorced. Liam, who I would have had my sights on, he is not single, so.
9:39 Speaker 04 I'd say Noel, I'd say Noel, I'd give you one. And he was embarrassed. That's the way I look at life. I walk out through my door every day and say, all these lads, they're, they're all ignoring me because they want to ride me stupid.
9:51 Speaker 03 Oh, are you saying he was intimidated by me?
9:53 Speaker 04 Yep, I am.
9:54 Speaker 03 Thank you very much.
9:56 Speaker 04 He's not as hard as you think he is. He's off, he's off the gear now. So he's probably, you know, more kind of trying to work through his feelings.
10:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was either, he's, he was either deeply intimidated by me or he really just had a disdain for me. We'll never know.
10:09 Speaker 04 We'll never know. And you know what? It's none of our business.
10:13 Speaker 03 It's none of my business and I'm, I'm willing to let, bygones be bygones, I'm going to his gig.
10:18 Speaker 04 Yeah, of course.
10:19 Speaker 03 That he, he's not put off when he spots me.
10:22 Speaker 04 He needs the support. He needs the support. God love them.
10:25 Speaker 03 I didn't let them down. I couldn't let them down.
10:27 Speaker 04 God love them. Yeah.
10:27 Speaker 03 And it's not, it's not Liam's fault. Me and Noel are fighting.
10:30 Speaker 04 I had, I had a similar, I had a run in with the, with, not a run in, but I had a, a kind of embarrassing interaction, I would say, with a celebrity at Glastonbury, who I, in my.
10:45 Speaker 04 Half cut state on my Cray Davids.
10:49 Speaker 04 Cause we have mutual friends, kind of in my head assumed, cause so often in the business, you kind of just know other people who are similar floating around at the same level. You know, you just do. It's just kind of general osmosis. And I, and she, she actually walked towards me. I was at the bar. I didn't, I didn't kind of like, shouldn't actually like throw myself across the tent to her, but it became, I was like, hi, let's call her Margaret. I said, Margaret, hi. And well.
11:19 Speaker 04 Margaret was not up for the chats. My God. I, it was like, it was, do you know what it was very much? It was like if you'd tried to touch Harry Styles. She'd no bouncer, but she acted like she was her own bouncer. Like she just kind of gave me this insane like smile of very much, you're like, you know, no. And then just kind of touched my hand and just gently pushed me away from her.
11:46 Speaker 04 It was, it was actually so, do you know what's something so embarrassing? It's immediately funny. Like it's not even, you don't even have to wait. Usually comedy is tragedy plus time, blah, blah, blah. This was instantly hilarious. It was like I was trying to score her. It was like I was trying to grab her breasts. It was like I was trying to jock her. Like even if I was.
12:05 Speaker 03 Did you grope her?
12:06 Speaker 04 A fan, just coming up as a fan. I am a fan of her. I am a fan of Margaret. Anyway. It was, it was quite the computer says no moment. It was, it was quite something. And then I acted at A for Vogue a couple of times after, cause I had to really demonstrate the smile. Cause it was.
12:21 Speaker 03 It wasn't great.
12:22 Speaker 04 It was, yeah, it was pretty bad. I was certainly put back in my box, I can tell you.
12:26 Speaker 03 I know. And then it kind of puts you off people. Like when I, when that happened to me with Deirdre at, at Glasson, remember I told you about her? And I was going.
12:34 Speaker 04 Using fake names, yep.
12:36 Speaker 03 I was a big fan and I was like, I really loved your work on something. And Deirdre was not kind to me. And I'm like, oh my God. Deirdre, as soon as I turned around, I was like, I am unfollowing you, Deirdre. And you didn't know what hit you. It's it, Deirdre.
12:49 Speaker 04 I know.
12:50 Speaker 03 And I really felt like I took a bit of power back. A bit of the embarrassment went away. Once I unfollowed.
12:54 Speaker 04 Yeah. Because you're like, I'm not your groupie anymore, you know?
12:58 Speaker 03 Did you unfollow Margaret?
13:00 Speaker 04 You've humiliated me. You've humiliated me.
13:05 Speaker 04 In front of my close friends and family. In hindsight, I mean, it was like 4am in like the Arcadia area in Glastonbury. I probably had six eyes, do you know what I mean? Like it was a long days in Glastonbury.
13:18 Speaker 03 I think that's worse.
13:19 Speaker 04 If only I could see through her eyes what was coming towards her. Do you know what I mean? I mean, they say there's three sides to every story. There's yours, there's theirs, and then there's the truth. And I'd say Margaret is off saying, that nut job tried to rugby tackle me at Annie Mac in Arcadia.
13:35 Speaker 03 What I'm saying, Deirdre, it was obviously not Deirdre Arcane because she's a complete legend and we love the balance of her.
13:41 Speaker 04 We just aren't, we don't, there's no point. We don't use your names because like, why would you?
13:45 Speaker 03 If anyone asks me, I'll tell you in real life.
13:47 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah.
13:49 Speaker 03 Particularly after a couple of drinks.
13:51 Speaker 04 You'd want to hear.
13:52 Speaker 03 I'll give you Joanne's number as well.
13:53 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Add them to the WhatsApp group. Any girl who catches me after a show, she catches me out the back having a cigarette after a show and I'll tell them anything. Anything.
14:06 Speaker 03 Anything at all.
14:06 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:07 Speaker 03 Two drinks, I'm anyone's. Yeah. Perfect.
14:13 Speaker 01 You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.
14:36 Speaker 01 Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.
14:49 Speaker 04 Folks, this is only the bonus. I know we don't have time, but on the main, we need to get to the bottom of. Conor McGregor's dick pics to Azalea Banks, the couple that you sent me who were cheating, of course cheating on the jumbo monitor at Coldplay. I would also like to discuss Jojo Siwa and her fucking pivot into trad wifery. With that mental cover of Betty Davis eyes, I've never heard anything like it. And I'm convinced now she is just here for the rage bait.
15:15 Speaker 03 About three times a week.
15:19 Speaker 03 Clear your throats. Like three times a week, Joanne sends just Jojo Siwa hit to the group. And we haven't done it yet. We have, okay.
15:28 Speaker 04 She's a marketing, she's a marketing genius is what she is. And it needs to be discussed.
15:34 Speaker 03 I've never been so insulted by a dick pic in my life, by the way. I honestly, that was, if I, he is the last dick I would like to see on earth. Of all the dicks in the whole of the earth, we'll talk about that on the, on the main. Hard hitting pod.
15:49 Speaker 04 Hard hitting news. That's all we deal with, Vogue, as well, you know. We're the newsagents. I'm actually surprised we haven't been asked to cover them. Yeah.
16:00 Speaker 03 Tell Emily Maitlis to watch her back, Joanne's coming for her.
16:03 Speaker 04 Yeah. Does Emily know much about Jojo Siwa? Has she talked about, have they just, have they covered that on the, on the newsagents?
16:09 Speaker 03 I think John Soffel does that kind of stuff. He does more of the like, the Jojo Siwa vibes.
16:15 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:16 Speaker 03 Emily would cover Conor, I'd say though.
16:17 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:18 Speaker 03 On the dick pics.
16:18 Speaker 04 I wouldn't mind doing a little celebrity section after they kind of, you know, dig through the Middle East, then I could just pop in with a little.
16:24 Speaker 03 A lightner.
16:24 Speaker 04 Tick or tape, yeah, about Jojo Siwa. It's all lies. I also don't think she's actually going out with that quite Christopher Watts's face either. Think it's all a setup. Think it's, it's all a PR stunt. Think it's all nonsense.
16:35 Speaker 03 There is so much, I have to say, there is so much nonsense in the industry that we're in. We are just on the sides of it. Like, that's probably why all the famous people are ignoring us.
16:46 Speaker 04 Oh, we're scum. Yeah, of course. We know that.
16:49 Speaker 03 But we're on the sides of it. But I hear of all the bullshit, and I know when certain things come out about people in the press, there are other people that could be behind it, pushing it because they're trying to hide something of their own. So.
17:01 Speaker 04 Yes. Vogue, it wouldn't kill you to sell a story about me now. Wouldn't kill you. Have a tour coming up. Like, you wouldn't kill, you love a bit of cash, you're well connected, it wouldn't kill you to sell a story.
17:12 Speaker 03 You don't know the pictures I found from you at Glastonbury.
17:16 Speaker 04 Good, yeah, fucking come on. Whatever those photos are, Vogue, I'd thoroughly, I'd encourage you, in fact, I'd beg you to sell them and they will use the money and go to Sushi Samba.
17:26 Speaker 03 Well, I'd love to go back to Sushi Samba. We'll order as many cocktails as we want.
17:32 Speaker 04 Ring up the Daily Mail.
17:33 Speaker 03 You know those naked, the naked pictures you sent for approval? They're going out.
17:38 Speaker 04 The photo of me trying to take in the vitamin D through my anus? What a thing that the wellness celebrities do.
17:43 Speaker 03 Ass glaring or something, ass gazing. There is, it's a real thing. They tried to make us, they tried to make me and Joanne do that on a show together. Put our arse holes up to the sun. And then we both said we wouldn't do it. And then I said I'd pretend to do it. Because as you know, you can pay me to do anything.
18:04 Speaker 04 I was like, Vogue, no, you're not doing it. I said, stop offering her more money. She's not doing it. Vogue, get up.
18:14 Speaker 03 Seventeen year old fifty, done.
18:16 Speaker 04 She wouldn't even spank me. Do you remember? You wouldn't even spank me properly.
18:19 Speaker 03 No, I didn't like spanking you. I just didn't.
18:21 Speaker 04 They were trying to get us to write, ultimately, weren't they?
18:25 Speaker 03 It started off with like, pawn, pawn away ourselves in a room. We're like, no, like, no, who does that?
18:32 Speaker 04 That's why we didn't, that's why it didn't get made. They're like, these two fridge up Irish bitches aren't going to do anything we want them to do.
18:39 Speaker 03 You know, I've, loads of people, loads of friends of mine have had sex in the same room as me when I'm there. Like, I'm probably, I've only been awake for one of them. Awake with my earplugs and eye mask on, waiting for it to finish.
18:52 Speaker 04 You're a soundproof sleeper. I know, you're like, you know, you're like, the rhythm's quickening. You're like, come on, lads, come on.
18:59 Speaker 04 Do you know what I mean?
18:59 Speaker 03 Moving along. I gotta go to the toilet.
19:02 Speaker 04 I'll throw in some dirty chat myself, just to keep it going.
19:08 Speaker 03 Hello Joanne, Vogue and Joe. I've been a long ti-
19:13 Speaker 04 Did you have that on yourself, Joe? No, I didn't, thank you.
19:18 Speaker 03 Shut up, you. You've been campaigning for Joe to have a camera.
19:22 Speaker 04 I did think we should mic him because it is annoying when he's kind of muffling away off, off mic.
19:27 Speaker 03 You should mic. And if you're getting a camera, you have to give the light. Come on. I've been a long time listener of the pod and have had this story saved up for a while, but this week I booked to see Joanne in Dubai again.
19:37 Speaker 04 Brilliant, thank you.
19:38 Speaker 03 So I thought it's time to share some valuable travel information for her upcoming trip.
19:42 Speaker 04 Okay.
19:44 Speaker 03 Oh my God. Oh God, here Joanne.
19:45 Speaker 04 Oh God.
19:46 Speaker 03 I'd say you've left a decent scattering of these in Dubai already. You may or may not know that sex toys are illegal in Dubai.
19:55 Speaker 04 I did not, I did not know that. Probably best to know, isn't it?
20:01 Speaker 03 What are you gonna do with your hands? You can't bring those hands in with you.
20:04 Speaker 04 Ring the airline.
20:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't need the 60kg's anymore.
20:10 Speaker 04 Carry on, fine.
20:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, no, we get, carry on, we'll be fine, Lauren, thank you. And I've, I've heard one too many stories of women having to reveal their toys at the airport to Arab men in police uniforms to ever consider bringing one here myself. However, this story took place when I was pregnant with my third child and like Vogue, I get an insatiable horn, horn when impregnated.
20:33 Speaker 04 Vogue, everyone fancies me, Williams.
20:41 Speaker 03 Vogue, I'm on fuego. Because my husband works away a lot, I had no choice but to take my chances and attempt to procure some electronic assistance. Luckily, the Amazon sellers here have creatively named such items here so they can be sold to the masses and delivered next day, including calling them lactation, lactation massagers. And despite them being intimately shaped and bright pink in colour, they seem to be getting away with it. There you go. So it goes on, don't worry. So I was super happy when I ordered my lactation massager on time.
21:17 Speaker 04 Very clever.
21:18 Speaker 03 And when I got the delivery notification, I thought nothing of it and resolved to have an evening with myself when I got home from work. Oh.
21:26 Speaker 04 Okay.
21:26 Speaker 03 That was until a few hours later, when I checked the notification to see that the delivery driver had left the box on my doorstep. And to my horror, it was in the original box with another packaging. The one time Amazon don't overpackage something. Oh, my God. In full view of my very conservative neighbourhood.
21:46 Speaker 04 No.
21:48 Speaker 03 Is my not so discreetly disguised lactation massager, complete with seven vibration modes and varying speeds for maximum milk production, of course.
21:59 Speaker 03 Oh, no. I couldn't get out of the office quick enough and my heart sank when I wasn't, it wasn't on my doorstep by the time I got there and that my cleaner had not only brought it inside for me, but helpfully left it on my bedside table.
22:12 Speaker 04 Oh, dear God.
22:13 Speaker 03 Cue me frantically trying to explain that I was planning to breastfeed and wanted to stimulate my milk at four months pregnant.
22:19 Speaker 04 Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, the nipples are kind of like clit, so this all makes sense to me. That's it, like, to be honest, especially she's, I'm surprised she wasn't dragged out of the place and locked up. I would know that I'd even be embarrassed having that come through the door, even in London. Do you know what I mean? Because women's, women are, we're taught to be ashamed of our own pleasure.
22:43 Speaker 03 Well, do you know what has, do you know what I realised? You know, the way we're trying to sell our apartment and we had viewers over and like just people coming in into that house, Spenny's dressing room, I never really go in there. There's nothing I want in there, so I'm not usually in there. And I went in after, let's say we've done like.
22:58 Speaker 04 Oh, God.
22:58 Speaker 03 Seven or eight viewings. On the ground, Spenny did, Spenny did this job with love, honey, this job with love, honey, this like, and they were like, they gave all this stuff for me, but remember I was meant to give you, one of it was like a selection box of dildos.
23:13 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah.
23:13 Speaker 03 And then maybe about 12 other dildos, all stacked on the floor in his dressing room. They must be like, these absolute weirdos. No, I gave away, now you're taking too long to pick them up. I gave away the selection box.
23:27 Speaker 04 No, don't you dare, folks.
23:30 Speaker 03 Selection box is gone, there's about six devices there for you and you can leave them wherever you like, at your own pleasure.
23:36 Speaker 04 Thank you, thank you, because I'm sick and tired of using my toothbrush. But this is good now, I'm glad you told me that about Dubai. Although I don't know when I get the chance to even go near myself over there. It's going to be a very tightly scheduled day, but thank you for the tip.
23:51 Speaker 04 If I don't, if I don't turn up for the second show, no, I have been arrested.
23:57 Speaker 04 For having a go at myself in the green room.
23:59 Speaker 03 It's a bit odd that that would be one of the things that they have over there, but there's so many people moving over there. I'm like, I heard that like, yeah, I know, but I heard that like other stuff is, is on the rise in Dubai. So I'm surprised they even give a shit about.
24:12 Speaker 04 Once you get in there, it's, everything is everywhere. It's the same as it is in all countries. It's just underground. You have to find it. Do you know what I mean? There's probably like fucking sex shops and all sorts. In fact, I'll Google it.
24:22 Speaker 03 Do Google it. You might find yourself a sex dungeon somewhere. Perfect.
24:26 Speaker 04 It'll be my, it'll be my version of Joanne McNally undercover, like when Phil Mitchell did it. Do you remember?
24:32 Speaker 03 Oh no, that's Grant Mitchell. No?
24:34 Speaker 04 Yes, that's Ross Kemp. Ross Kemp. That's Grant, yeah. Yeah. Like the way Ross Kemp went into Afghanistan. I'll be in wearing secret cameras. Yeah, going in buying vibrators in Dubai.
24:47 Speaker 03 Do you know, um, I had Adam Kay on Never Live It Down this week.
24:51 Speaker 04 Oh yeah, I love him.
24:52 Speaker 03 Absolutely brilliant. And he used to work as a doctor and he was telling me that like, people would obviously come in with things stuck up their arse. And he said, once someone came in and they had all these burns up in their rectum, like all these little dots. They'd put Christmas tree lights up there and turn them on. I swear. And then he told me that one guy came in and he was like, and sometimes he was like, cause they always had an excuse. So sometimes he said that he would believe them. And this guy came in and said that like, he was naked after a shower and he sat on the remote on the couch and it went up. And then when they took it out, it had a condom on it.
25:29 Speaker 04 Oh my gosh. Do you know what's gas? I guarantee if he's straight, I guarantee trying to get a condom on him in a, in a, in a casual one night stand situation is hell. But he had he'll wear one on a remote control riding himself. Men are gas. Do you know what I mean? The amount of enticing that has to go on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Cause it's his own safety then. It's his own sexual health. Trying to get a condom on a man, it's like trying to get a snake out of a basket. Trying to like whistling them away. Come on, come on, shimmy into that there.
26:04 Speaker 04 People are obsessed with sticking stuff in the side. This is my, my biggest fear is that that comes from boredom of living alone. That's my biggest fear, that some night I'll have to ring in sick to the podcast because I'm in A and E. Because there's a box of cereal up my arse or something because I just got bored one night.
26:23 Speaker 03 No, I think some people are just ingrained in them. He said one, the most damage that was ever caused was someone came in with a toilet brush up their arse. The wrong way up. Like and to try and get that.
26:34 Speaker 04 Oh, God.
26:38 Speaker 03 And on that note.
26:40 Speaker 04 You know what? That's because the G-spot's up the arse. Isn't that what that is, Jo?
26:43 Speaker 03 You've had a toilet brush, like, he must have started with a toothbrush and then thought it's not enough.
26:48 Speaker 04 Yeah.
26:53 Speaker 04 Thank you for the travel tips.
26:54 Speaker 03 Thank you. Yeah, that's very.
26:57 Speaker 03 Joanne, we look forward to the documentary and I can put you in touch with the embassy in Dubai if you'd like.
27:03 Speaker 04 I'll be in to be a part of that. I'll be tunneling into sex shops dressed in full combat gear with like a hard hat and all.
27:11 Speaker 05 We can post your bail when you get arrested.
27:14 Speaker 04 That'd be good. That'd be good crack now, wouldn't it? That'd be good content for the pod.
27:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, do something for the pod for us. Come on, for God's sake.
27:21 Speaker 04 I'll have to now because you refuse to sell stories. So I'll have to do something big.
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