MTGM EXTRA! "The Priest shushed me!"

Before Vogue & Joanne head on a short break (don't worry, they're back on July 18th!) they needed to investigate the possibility that Joanne had been scammed with her Glasto ticket. If you've seen her Insta, you'll already know how it turned out, but it could have been very different! Tickets for Joanne's tour Pinotphile are now LIVE: www.joannemcnally.com If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:32Speaker 02

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  Hello and welcome everyone to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  When the podcast comes back in a couple of weeks' time,

• 2:00Speaker 04

  everybody that listens to it will also be able to watch it, full episodes, on YouTube. What about that?

• 2:07Speaker 05

  What?

• 2:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:08Speaker 05

  No, don't, don't, don't. No one tell me that.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  Don't.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  We told you last week.

• 2:13Speaker 05

  No, you didn't.

• 2:14Speaker 04

  Why it's important that your microphone's the right way up, because it's really gonna upset people.

• 2:18Speaker 05

  I'm going live on the internet!

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, you are, mate.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 2:21Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 2:21Speaker 05

  Full whack! I assume we have a full glam squad team?

• 2:25Speaker 04

  Oh, you wait until they turn up, mate.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  That will last about, that will last one record for us, Joanne, and then we'll be like, no, can't be ours.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm like, this means I have to stand top my roots on my nails. I don't know about this. I don't know about this. Ever since I went brain, Keeping Up With The Roots is a full-time gig. And I'm exhausted already.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  Just start podding in the dark again, that really works, that time that you did it, so I just reckon just pod in the dark.

• 2:51Speaker 05

  So if we're in studio, can we just light one side of the studio and keep me in behind some sort of cloth curtain situation?

• 2:58Speaker 04

  No, we've done the witness protection thing before. It's been done, we're not doing it again.

• 3:02Speaker 05

  I'd like my eyes pixelated out, Jo, I'm entitled to my privacy as well.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Joanne's after picking up one of Nigella Lawson's swimsuits, so she's just gonna start wearing that on the record.

• 3:13Speaker 05

  Oh, would she have that kind of, I don't, I don't, I don't know what the official term is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the whole...

• 3:19Speaker 04

  Neck down.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Cover, a cover everything.

• 3:21Speaker 05

  Well, I'd more be, no, I'll get one of the kneecaps balaclavas, mate, that's what I'll get, a good Damonte balaclava.

• 3:31Speaker 05

  I booked tickets to go and see, now that we're continuing with Culture Corner, Pocket, whatever we said, I booked tickets to go and see Fran Lebowitz.

• 3:40Speaker 05

  But she, I, I was, I'm a fan of hers, firstly, she chain smokes, but I always think it's kind of iconic in people, because, I mean, it is basically self destruction.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Smarter.

• 3:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's kind of, you're, yeah, it's, there's just something, I'm, I'm, I still think on older people, it's kind of cool.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  But it's true, and smoking's very dreadful and don't do it.

• 3:58Speaker 05

  Yeah. Jo, we're not, we're not a child, we're not, this isn't Peppa Pig.

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Hey, you don't know who's listening, they, they might be influenced by what you say, imagine that.

• 4:07Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm. That is true, I know that some mothers do have a son in the background, and some kids are generally, like, absorbing shit they shouldn't.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Start on Marlboro Gold because they're lighter.

• 4:18Speaker 05

  No.

• 4:18Speaker 03

  Don't hit the Benson and Hedges first.

• 4:21Speaker 05

  It's a dying art.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Don't make my mistake and hit the Benson and Hedges first.

• 4:25Speaker 05

  Too soon.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  It's just not worth it.

• 4:27Speaker 05

  And stay away from the Johnny Blue and the Carols. They'll really fuck you.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:31Speaker 05

  If you want a long smoking life, start slow.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  No, no. And you can't buy 10 packs anymore, whereas in our day, that's what we lived on, 10 packs.

• 4:40Speaker 05

  There was a time you could buy individual cigarettes. You go in and go, you'd buy one.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Really? I don't know about that.

• 4:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, you'd buy one fag and a Mr. Freeze.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  A corner shop you could, but it was bad.

• 4:52Speaker 05

  But I think it was the corner shop guy deciding to sell individual fags to kids.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 05

  He's like, this kid won't ha- they can't handle a whole pack, but I've still gotta pay my bills, so I'll sell them individual fags and flumps.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Annie Leibowitz, please.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  Annie Leibowitz, who was a big fan of holding grudges, which I also think is quite admirable in this day and age when we're, you know, it's not, it's not the dumb thing to admit that you hold a grudge, but I read an article recently, the longer you hold a grudge, the more mentally ill you are.

• 5:27Speaker 05

  There was like, there's a direct correlation between the longer you hold a grudge, the more mentally unwell you are. And I was like, wow, wow, wow, that's a sobering read.

• 5:38Speaker 03

  We should probably check ourselves somewhere, immediately.

• 5:41Speaker 05

  We should be sectioned, all three of us.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  I actually, I'll tell you what I think about that. I think that's a load of horse shit. I think if you hold a grudge, I think that it shows real grit and determination. And I think that.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  You're dead right, yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're really delving deep and the longer the grudge, the better. And I just think, what a fantastic person. It's one of the things I like most about you.

• 6:02Speaker 05

  It's commitment. It's commitment. That's why men don't do it as well, because they struggle with commitment, Jo. That's why you don't hold grudges well, because you're a whore. Ultimately. That's why. We are loyal to our grudges.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Peter, you're a whore. What's that movie? What's that movie? I love you, man. Peter, you're a whore.

• 6:24Speaker 05

  It sounds kind of Will Ferrell vibes. It's a Will Ferrell.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  It's your man, the guy, he actually has a massive penis. What's his name? He flashed it. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. God, what's his name? It's kind of hot guy.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Hold on, hold on.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  And he used to be in all the best movies.

• 6:42Speaker 05

  Not the main.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Jason Segel.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Jason Segal. Yeah.

• 6:47Speaker 05

  Oh, I could not.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  Segel, Segel.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  You couldn't picture him. I love him.

• 6:52Speaker 05

  I couldn't pick him out of a lineup now.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  Like, he's pretty hot. I think he's pretty hot, but I think everyone who's tall is hot. Anyone who's tall, sorry.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  He's very tall.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  You are a walking wide on. We need to get you spayed.

• 7:04Speaker 03

  I'm not. I just, I just, I just, I'm, I think that it's nice when people are good looking.

• 7:10Speaker 05

  Well, yes. It is always, it's, you know, you know when they watch a lot of true crime and it's a terrible thing to admit.

• 7:19Speaker 05

  My boyfriend pulling up in his Harley. Did you hear that?

• 7:24Speaker 05

  Can't stay on long, guys. I'm on a promise. Oh, you are like, what was that dog we said you looked like?

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Afghan hound. Thank you so much.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  You're like an Afghan hound on heat. That's what you're like.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  I'm not, I don't want to do anything. Go look at him. Now you're going to agree with me.

• 7:39Speaker 05

  I'm going to take you to the vet and get you fixed.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  Oh dear, I think your boyfriend had an accident.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  Uh oh, he's after coming off the bike, guys. I gotta go.

• 7:48Speaker 05

  Gotta go and resuscitate him, guys. Gotta go.

• 7:53Speaker 05

  Running onto the street with my defibrillator. Not again, Darren.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Don't bother. This is your way out. Leave him to it.

• 7:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's like, I wasn't into commitment anyway. I was just having a bleed out in the street. Jason Segel.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's exactly who I thought you were talking about. And I say this out of love for Jason because I, now that I see his face, I realise I am a fan.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:14Speaker 05

  He, he kind of, no, he's quite sexy there. Yeah, he's looking at me. But he does play kind of, sorry, I'll turn that wind out of there.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  Shut up, Dark.

• 8:28Speaker 05

  It's all about him. Such a narcissist.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  That really helped. It's actually gotten worse.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  I'll bring him later. Make sure his organ scouts will go to him. Jason Segel, he does, he plays kind of silly characters. He kind of plays a bit dumb, no?

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Hmm, he does, yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  A bit, a bit like...

• 8:51Speaker 03

  A bit like a teenage girl hanging around with a teenage boy and you're like, I don't know.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's not, you know. So some actors who are so famous, but you'd never know their names. It must be really frustrating for them.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  Well, we kind of did know his name, but he hasn't really, well, maybe he's done loads of stuff and I just haven't noticed, but like, he was really in that era of like, of I love you, Sarah Marshall, I love you, man, and you know your man who's in everything. What's his name? God, again, I forgot his name. He's in everything. He's in everything.

• 9:22Speaker 05

  I didn't, I didn't know you were such a big Jason Segel fan, Vogue.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Anyone told.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  Why just go and ride him? You're obsessed with him.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Okay, maybe I will.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  Also, I think the listeners should know that today is, this episode is finally, Vogue's dream come true. It is our break. Vogue has been pouring herself with anticipation about the fact she's not going to see myself and Jo for two weeks and has been bringing it up on the podcast every week for the last month about the fact that we're almost on a break and how thrilled she is and how everyone needs a break from each other. And me and Jo just sit there clueless, like, watch you do it.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  I, I need a break from, I, I need a break from life. I'm gonna, I need to, like, I am counting down the days until I'm going away on holidays because it's feeling pretty fun at the moment. I'm like, oh. So that's what I mean. But you guys are like one of my favorite joys of the week, podcasting, where I can sit in my gaff, I just, I just came in from the kitchen after having a salmon bowl and then I came in here and look at you, you two are just sitting there. My friends are here. Whereas tomorrow I have to travel to Cornwall.

• 10:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, and do actual work outside of the home, I know. I didn't leave, I couldn't leave my house all day today, for reasons I will explain now, but I was due to train with Olivia and I was like, you're gonna have to come to the flat, I mean, to do some squats in the hall, and then I got her to move some of the furniture around, because my god, that woman is jacked. You know, I got this big Italian coffee table thing delivered for this interior show I'm doing. And the two lads who delivered it in were, when I say sweating, when they were coming up the stairs, like, it's bigger than I thought it was gonna be, the huge. And they're like, you're not, they're like, god, good luck, anyone moving that again. And I said to Olivia, Olivia came in, I was like, would you mind, I said, you're never gonna move, and I turned around, she didn't even need my help, and she had it pushed into the corner on her fucking baby finger. Yeah, she moved it with her toe, like, she is.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Fair play.

• 11:10Speaker 05

  She is wall to wall muscle, it is insane. The reason I had to stay in all day was because I'm due to go to Glastonbury tomorrow morning at 11am. My ticket was due to arrive yesterday at 9am. My ticket, my, there is no ticket.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Hmm, that's just not gonna really work.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  It's not gonna really work, and I was originally, I was like, I said to Ross, my friend who kind of sorted it, I said, I said, Ross, I'm not worried, I'm not worried. He goes, well, you do kind of need one to get in.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. You, you can't, you. So, hang on a second, it, it was meant to be delivered yesterday morning at 9am, but it's delivered in an envelope, did they not, they obviously didn't do registered post, nothing like that?

• 11:52Speaker 05

  Nothing registered post, I think, I think this is, I, I think I've been smacked, I think this is, I think I've been scammed.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  No, you couldn't, no, because if it was one of Ross's friends, it couldn't be, because where's his ticket?

• 12:06Speaker 05

  He's, he's, he's, he's a, he's not one of Ross's friends, he's one of, he's a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of an uncle's friend's cousin's wife's marriage's husband's affair.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  How much, how much did you have to pay for that?

• 12:17Speaker 05

  It was expensive, it's spicy, it's spenny, as the Brits would say, yeah, so, I'm, you know, I'm a good, good chunk of cash down, and. Oh, do you know what I said to you, Aunt, you know, you're just, you know, you're, you're, you've got your health.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  You've got your health.

• 12:37Speaker 05

  That's all you need.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  If you looked on the bright side of things, you would say to yourself, your favourite thing about Glastonbury would be to sit in your apartment and watch Glastonbury and just have a few drinks on your own, and go to your own bed.

• 12:52Speaker 05

  You greatly underestimate my appetite for adventure. Sorry, I'm sorry, I've just been living on a barge on my own, okay?

• 13:01Speaker 03

  How many restaurants, how many restaurants did you visit in Amsterdam? Did you just go to the same one like South Africa where you only had one restaurant where you went for your lunch and dinner?

• 13:13Speaker 05

  Sorry, what is wrong with connecting, having a rapport with the waitress?

• 13:18Speaker 05

  There's nothing wrong with a bit of rapport, Vogue. I have no children, okay? I have no husband. If I get, if I get any sense of connection during the day from anyone, I will return to that spot day after day after day.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  Just the one then.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  Joanne left my house one day and she's like, I'm going for breakfast at my favourite spot.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  And I walked by her and I was like, this is where you've been going.

• 13:42Speaker 05

  You didn't even stop. You just sped past on your scooter and laughed in my face and kept going. I think even Theodore laughed at me. I was sitting outside the greasy Spoon and Battersea, I love it. They do a great scrambled egg and I know what I'm getting.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  They just throw a few spinaches on top. It's not even cooked spinach, just a couple, like three spinach leaves.

• 14:00Speaker 05

  Raw spinach is on the top, yeah. And, and yeah, and I have a great rapport with the waitress. We've got a vibe, so I, you know. And also she's not over the top with me, like, we're not, like, it's clear we're connected in a way, but she doesn't, we don't, we don't have to admit it, do you know what I mean? We just kind of privately know. Anyway, the point is, I'm after giving a chunk of cash to a stranger on the internet again, and I have nothing to show for it once more.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  This episode's out next Wednesday, so by then, by now, we'll know whether you went or not.

• 14:29Speaker 05

  We'll know.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, this is exciting, isn't it? We're looking into, we're looking into the future almost. How exciting. I'm gonna say you will, you'll figure it away, you'll figure it away.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, I'm not, I'm, yeah, hopefully, hopefully. I mean, I do, you know, I've made some arrangements down there.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Have you now?

• 14:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've made arrangements.

• 14:53Speaker 05

  I've got meetings and, you know, I'm meeting friends and.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  I will be a hard.

• 14:59Speaker 05

  Charité.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  If you don't go to Glastonbury, that's, my week's ruined. Like, if you don't find that stupid ticket, my week is ruined.

• 15:08Speaker 05

  Is ruined. Well, your man is, he's kind of like, oh yeah, it's on the way. And I was like, is it? Yeah.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  Dude, dude, I'm leaving tomorrow. It's not on the way.

• 15:16Speaker 05

  Am I packing my silver space jumpsuit or not? Like, what's happening? Am I shaving my legs or not? I don't want to start grooming. Like, here's me sitting with my acid house bucket hat like a loser. And also, the money that I spent on the ticket, I mean, the amount of money I spent under the influence in Amsterdam on those ridiculous outfits that I couldn't return because Perni Punk rave shops don't open at nine AM on a Monday. So I'd no way, I'd no way returning them.

• 15:46Speaker 05

  Now I just own them all.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  I mean, you kind of look like, did you ever see the, the, the music video Starlight? That's what you look like in one of those things. You look like, do you know what? Go out to Covent Garden for the weekend and stand on a box.

• 16:01Speaker 05

  It's very, um,

• 16:04Speaker 05

  we play in the soundbells down in Covent Garden. It's very middle aged woman, drinks bottle of white wine and goes to music festival. That's very much, that's very much, it's very coded in that way. But that's the truth. So, you know, you've got to lean into your true authentic self. But yeah, so I'm crossing my fingers and toes for this, um, ticket. But I do, I think in my heart of hearts, I know I am the victim of an online scam.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Do you think you're gonna go?

• 16:31Speaker 05

  Um, no, not having a ticket, it's kind of going to put a dampener on things.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  No, having a ticket is probably not great. And like, if that includes your teepee, I mean, what?

• 16:41Speaker 05

  I know. Ross is like, come anyway. And I was like, Ross, I'm not going to go down and scale the wall. I'm 42. And I'm wearing full fluorescent. I'd never get away with it. What I should have done, if I'd known there was an issue with the ticket, is I would have gone down and buried myself on the land before they built the set and then just tunneled up.

• 17:01Speaker 03

  You should wear.

• 17:02Speaker 05

  Into the artist area, like Wednesday, 5pm.

• 17:06Speaker 03

  Go down in your spacesuit and your hat and just walk by security and be like, I lost my ticket. And they'll feel sorry for you and they'll let you in. They'll be like, she's made the most effort out of anyone we have to let her in.

• 17:17Speaker 05

  No, they'll be like, Jesus, Jemaraquai looks mental.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'll just flash a lanyard.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  Joanne's taking this absolute winter suit to 30 degree heat in the middle of Somerset. Good luck, my friend.

• 17:32Speaker 05

  Good luck, Joanne. That's a lanyard for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Get the fuck out of the queue. What are you talking about? I'm performing.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Hey, girls and Joe. Had to input about cloning because the thought of Joanne cloning her mother is hilarious. When you're cloning something, which they don't ethically do really, you actually start the process from an embryo which needs...

• 18:33Speaker 05

  Hold on a second. How did Dolly, or if they don't do it, where the fuck did Dolly the sheep come from?

• 18:38Speaker 03

  Well, I think that, yeah, I think that ethically they can't just start cloning loads of people.

• 18:45Speaker 05

  Oh, I see what you mean. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, fine.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  I mean, I just, I personally think we should... Yeah, but I think we should clone the good ones. Like, I get that we don't want to clone everyone. We're not asking to clone everyone. We certainly don't want to clone everyone, but like, the good ones, we should.

• 18:59Speaker 05

  Going back to Jason Segel again? Are we going to try and clone a Jason Segel?

• 19:04Speaker 03

  I don't know if he's clonable, to be honest with you. I mean, it has to be the really, it has to be the really high enders. Like, is he getting to be cloned?

• 19:11Speaker 05

  He's the size of three kids in a raincoat. He looks like, do you know any three kids who stack themselves up on a raincoat and one little head will pop out the top?

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Okay, you actually start the process from an embryo which needs to be implanted into a uterus. So Joanne cloning Pat would mean birthing her and raising her.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  I would think you could do that. You would birth Pat.

• 19:35Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no. Oh, I'd birth her, but she'd be on her own then.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  She'd be sent to live with me.

• 19:43Speaker 05

  Go on, baby Pat. Yeah. Pat's fine. You're here now. Come back to me when you're older than me again. You can be my mother again. I'm not engaging with you as a child.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  Well, speaking, speaking of ethics, like, you know, the way some people in America, you can go and choose the gender of your baby. And you can't, you can't actually do it over here. But I know somebody who had three boys and really wanted a girl and went and, and did it in America and got a girl.

• 20:08Speaker 05

  Oh, listen, you know, you know that I have a secret plan for myself that is the opposite of secret because I've, I tell everyone about it all the time and I've talked about it on the podcast.

• 20:18Speaker 05

  I just, I have a loose relationship with secrets, but my plan would be to go to the States and.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  It's, you know, it's 40 grand.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  Get a girl in a tube. Get a little baby girl in a tube.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Forty grand though. Forty grand.

• 20:33Speaker 05

  I'll sell Pat's organs. If I decide not, if I decide not.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Sell half your Adidas collection.

• 20:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. I'll make it work. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I'll forfeit the house. I'd love a little baby girl later and, and then you, you know, you're getting a little baby girl, you know?

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know. I know. I just. Every child's a blessing. But yeah, I, I remember when, when we were told, first of all, that she was a boy, we were like.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  And then we found out from the test, it was actually a girl and you've never seen someone so excited.

• 21:08Speaker 05

  And she is, she is all girl. She is the most girly girl, girl. Jo, look at you. The, the absolute audacity of you. You've birthed two girls. You did nothing.

• 21:19Speaker 04

  International Women's Day as well. Oh, don't worry.

• 21:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, look at you there.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Well done.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  All right, feminina. Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 04

  I am the best thing to happen to feminism since.

• 21:29Speaker 05

  You don't deserve two girls. You did nothing. You did nothing, Jo.

• 21:33Speaker 03

  You're absolutely right. No, you're right.

• 21:34Speaker 05

  You did nothing. I'm off to try and cook one up in a lab in America. You did nothing.

• 21:40Speaker 05

  Put no effort in at all, it just happened to you.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  Totally, totally.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  Do you know you can try and get a girl, now this is one of those old wives tell, if you, if you, if you don't have sex till like the last day of your cycle, because then it lives inside you for five days and that's the one that comes out late.

• 21:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, and if you rub a toad over your clitoris, I've heard them, I've heard it all.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  No, it's when you get a toad, a toad to lick it, to lick it.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  That's what it was.

• 22:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:07Speaker 05

  Your husband comes home, you're like, whoa honey, I'm just trying to guarantee you, girl.

• 22:13Speaker 05

  And I couldn't find a frog, so the neighbour had to do, I'm sorry.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Okay, do we have time for one more email?

• 22:22Speaker 05

  Was that the end of that clowning thing?

• 22:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was it.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was it.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  She just wanted to point out that you need to raise Pat as your own. Let's go, let's have one more, it's the last day of school, let's have the last.

• 22:32Speaker 03

  It's the last day.

• 22:33Speaker 05

  Just an image of baby Pat with her grey hair and all, ah.

• 22:37Speaker 03

  Cute little baby Pat.

• 22:39Speaker 05

  And her glasses.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  Okay, hey girls and Joe, speaking of receiving the holy bread, my youngest daughter, who was about five and a real little holy Jo at the time, insisted that we go to Christmas Eve mass, because all her pals from junior infants class were going.

• 22:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Fast forward to Christmas Eve, the church was jammers and it was time to get, go get the bread. I always choose to sit it out. It's not for me, but my mum playing, I mean, to be honest with you, if I'm found in a church, if you have to go to a church, it's something to do, I'd always take it. It's something to do, it breaks up the time.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  Gets your steps in, do you know what I mean? If it's a big church, yeah, you've got a couple of steps, a couple of laps, yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  And I'm always trying to choose, you know, I get real picky, I'm like, if I'm doing it, I'm getting the priest, I'm not having that pleb. She's not a priest, she's just part of the congregation, I don't want her.

• 23:31Speaker 05

  The sacrosanct, the sacrosanct. I will say, I will hold my hands up and say, even though I don't believe in anything, I do enjoy a Christmas mass.

• 23:41Speaker 04

  The songs are nice.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  There is, and I'm all, you know, I'm all about the sense of community and camaraderie. And there is something lovely about the carols and all.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  I always find myself engaged on Christmas. I never have the time, never have the time for the baby. Okay, I always used to sit it out, but my mom, playing into the whole Holy Jo thing for my daughter, went up to get the bread, not realising they'd run out of bread because it was so packed. Oh no. She's stuck.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  She stuck her tongue out and the priest blessed her tongue with his bare thumb.

• 24:26Speaker 03

  My mom was gagging and screams at me, laughing, roaring throughout the church so much that the priest shushed me. It was the very last time my mom stuck out her tongue for the Holy Red. I always.

• 24:39Speaker 05

  What a pro that priest. Like that, like what, the improv of that, I love it. What a pro.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Disgusting. Having someone touch my tongue with their dirty fingers. No.

• 24:50Speaker 05

  But the arrogance of that, he's like, oh, you know, if it's not the body of Christ, I'm the next best thing. Yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Bless you, child.

• 24:57Speaker 05

  Yeah. He's like, I'm practically, Jesus, I'm an apostle. Yeah.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  The tongue out, I can't believe people still do that. That's a game we do. We're like, the game we do, we're like, dare, stick your tongue out, stick your tongue out, stick your tongue out. Someone stick their tongue out. No one sticks their tongue out. Now we know why we shouldn't.

• 25:14Speaker 05

  Oh, sorry, you forget the disco biscuits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  We're in mass, you're like, go on, I dare you to stick your tongue out.

• 25:19Speaker 05

  That's gas. You see, I'd be thrilled with that now because like I say, I'm all about the human connection.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. A priest thumb down the throat.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  I'd be like, well, well, well.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Father.

• 25:33Speaker 05

  Say no more. I'll meet you in the hearse.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  Do I just wait behind it?

• 25:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. Where do, where do the chosen gals go?

• 25:47Speaker 03

  Do you need help with your gown, Father?

• 25:57Speaker 05

  That's it folk, you made it. Are you absolutely thrilled? You're on a break from me and Jo now for two weeks.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Don't call me, don't text me.

• 26:08Speaker 05

  Not at all.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  What are you talking about? I'm gonna be on to you tomorrow. I can't wait to find out what happens with glass to break. I'm sure I'll be at the splash park if it all falls through. I'll see you on Sunday.

• 26:17Speaker 05

  Oh, for God's sake.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  I'm gonna be in your neck of the wind spuds on Sunday. Come and see me Sunday.

• 26:23Speaker 05

  In my bejeweled cape in the splash park.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  You can't wear that suit, you'll get us thrown out.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  Uh-oh. Has she got a camera out?

• 26:34Speaker 05

  They'll be like, "Very suspicious adult behaviour over there."

• 26:39Speaker 05

  With my crack pipe.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  I hope, I hope you go.

• 26:41Speaker 05

  I really hope, I hope I go. Yeah, I really do.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  Return on the 18th of July in full video on YouTube.

• 26:49Speaker 05

  Whoa!

• 26:51Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 26:51Speaker 05

  On YouTube folk.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 26:53Speaker 05

  On the YouTube!

• 26:55Speaker 03

  That's not great. My kids look at YouTube, they can't see that, can you? Is it over 18s?

• 26:59Speaker 05

  We're like Joe Rogan.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 27:03Speaker 03

  Are we?

• 27:05Speaker 05

  We're like, we're just like Joe.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Any conspiracies, Joanne?

• 27:08Speaker 05

  Well, listen, Joe edits them all out. I'm always banging out conspiracy theories on this thing and then... And then the rare time I listen back, I'm like, "Oh, okay, editorial decisions were made behind my back, I see."

• 27:21Speaker 03

  She swore she won't wear her MAGA hat when we start, when we start YouTube.

• 27:24Speaker 05

  I just see, I just like to see some proof that Australia exists. That's all I'm asking for. Just some geographical proof. Now one can show us.

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