Ski Angels, School Nicknames & The Privilege Package

If you went to school any more than 10 years ago, the nicknames afforded to girls schools in Ireland in the 80s and 90s will be of no surprise to you... It was a very different time. If you're a younger listener, strap in. Vogue is on the slopes which means she's wearing a ridiculous hat and Joanne is wearing sunglasses, which either means she's been engaging in wellness activities, or taking advantage of the free bar. You decide... If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com https://www.mytherapistghostedme.com/ Joanne's comedy gigs: www.joannemcnally.com https://www.joannemcnally.com/ This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  I'm gonna address the elephant in the room. Happy New Year, Happy Christmas, blah, blah, blah. 123, skip a few. Vogue.

• 0:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  It's very clear. There's information required. What are you... Talk, talk, listeners. What are you wearing? What are you wearing, Vogue?

• 0:32Speaker 02

  I bought this hat off a company called Wolf and Badger last year.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Oh, I know them.

• 0:36Speaker 02

  I didn't get the wear out of it. Yeah, I didn't get the wear out of it. Does it suit me? Not really. But I said to myself, I'll bring it away again and I might wear it this time. And I haven't worn it yet, so I said, you know what? I'll wear it on the pod so everyone knows I'm skiing.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Once again, Vogue has forgotten that this is an audible platform and has not explained what she's wearing.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Of course I have.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Strong start to the year, Vogue. We are nothing if not consistent.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Never change.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Vogue's like, I'm a TV star, okay? If they can't see it, it's not my fucking problem.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Juman obviously fucked up with the setup, got locked out of her room. And yes, I'm explaining things, but no, nothing behind it.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Okay. Vogue is wearing quite a large...

• 1:12Speaker 02

  Oh, the lights went off.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, what just happened there?

• 1:15Speaker 02

  The lights keep going.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  They're scared.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Ooh, it's a ghost in the house.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Vogue is wearing quite a large, high, white, traditional, culturally inappropriate skiing hat.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  I don't think it's culturally inappropriate. It's, it's a skiing hat. And am I regretting it 1 minute, 47 seconds into the pod? Yes, I am, because I'm fucking playing.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  It looks native to me, Vogue. I'm just, I'm just gonna call it.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  It's, it's not native.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  It looks, it looks native to me.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  That's like saying you shouldn't be wearing those glasses because you...

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Flies.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Are trying to look like that penist. What's his name?

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Are you talking about blind people?

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Stevie Wonder?

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Fair. Oh, touche. What an excellent comeback.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  How dare you.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Don't worry, I'm gonna get a dream catcher tattooed on my lower back and then we'll all be fucked.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Do you remember dream catchers? I used to have a dream catcher. I don't think, this is not culturally inappropriate. This is like, you wanna see the ones that he has.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  No, it's not. I'm only joking. Sure, there's every influencer in the Alps. Any influencer eating alp and in their own home is wearing one of those hats this season. They're huge right now and it suits you.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  I did the biggest beep beep on the slopes the other day. Nearly I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. It was so embarrassing.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Was it for the tan?

• 2:33Speaker 02

  It was for the tan and they told me in a meeting pre-Christmas, they were like, our best performing post of last year was when you went skiing and you did a picture in the bikini. And I said, you know what?

• 2:42Speaker 01

  No way.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and top that bad boy.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, fair play. Listen, business is business. Sales need to be made.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  So I've been out humiliating myself on the slopes and it doesn't matter because I have a helmet and goggles on, so no one knows who I am.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Listen, you're not doing anything there. Like, I'm chronically online. This is classic winter behaviour in the influencer world. And let's face it, you have a finger in that world. You have a finger in, not a whole toe, not a whole hand, but you do have a finger.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  So I've seen people do the full bikini down the slopes and I admire them greatly. I just couldn't do the full bikini. Maybe pre-Christmas, I would have liked to have done the full bikini. And, well, no, I don't think so. It's just, it's really cold. It's minus 14. I've done what I can do. Next year, if this one does better than last year's post, then I, maybe I'll do the whole bikini. And then the year after that, nude. Okay?

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Why not? Pixlet out your tits. Won't take much.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  I, I asked, yeah, won't take much. That would be an easy, you won't have to. Someone like, who's that bloke going down the hill? I'll just wear board shorts.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Isn't it great the way people can be anything they want these days?

• 3:49Speaker 02

  I asked Benny a very important question. Joe, maybe you'll answer it today on the slopes because it is quite cold. I said, because I have the funniest information that I found out today. And I said to him, if you fell asleep on the side of the slope in the sun, like you just fell asleep, but your dick was hanging out, how long before you'd get frostbite? Isn't that an interesting question? How long if it was, if that was the only bit hanging out?

• 4:13Speaker 01

  You'd lie to yourself.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  I'm really bringing stuff to the conversation here.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  I feel like the marriage is running a little dry, is it?

• 4:25Speaker 01

  There's been a lot of family time. There's only so much Uno you can play before you have to start re-engaging in actual conversation.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  A whole lot. Penny had to say to me the other day, he was like, I was, we were going for a run together before we came here and he was like, do, does your mind, is it ever quiet in your head? And I was like, no, because I was like talking about Christmas next year, this year now. But I was like, it hadn't even turned into 2026. And I was like, and next year we'll do this. And he was like, what is wrong with you? Is it always like that in there? I was like, yeah.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  It does seem like it's busy in there.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  It's always busy.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's a good thing though, I think. But I do think.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  But it doesn't bother me because I'm used to the busyness and I like planning a year in advance.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, why not?

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Well, it's Nulla Gnomon today. It's, it's Women's Christmas joke. I don't know if you're aware of that because you're not because you're a male, you're a misogynistic prick.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Before and I have researched it. I have a pair of Women's Christmas. Merry Women's Christmas.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  That's why I'm coming to you from Paris Square Hotel. I've just had a facial that was near enough a religious experience because it's Nulla Gnomon. And my God, did I put a full shift in in that all, all-inclusive buffet. I am exhausted. So traditionally, the sixth of Jan is when women kind of finally get to sit down because they've done all the work for Christmas. But I mean, it's a bit rich, me celebrating Nulla Gnomon, considering I literally was drinking Carver.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Waited on hand and foot.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wasn't exactly stretching myself in any capacity. I revelated my two nephews' money. I didn't even do a single shop. I didn't buy anyone a present. Just rev them up cash and sat back. But I am a very, because I love beauty and I love facials, I consider myself almost like a sommelier in the facial world.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  So do I. So do I, I have to say.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  We fucking love a facial.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  There's nothing I love more.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  So sometimes people invite me in to have facials and I go in and facial's very, this one I had, the Blue Diamond, like props. It was, there was, at one point I was like, this feels almost like Reiki. Like I was like, I think I'm going to levitate. There was like a L Tibetan thing playing. I was tripping. Yeah, I was tripping. I was tripping a bit, which is why I'm here in sunglasses and everything. Because I've just, I've just come, I'm just, I'm just fresh faced.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  It's just why I'm here in sunglasses. What about all the other times?

• 6:38Speaker 01

  New year, new me folk.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Now it's because I'm doing self-care, not because I'm hungover. New year, new me.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  When I say I did the dog, when, 12 dogs, I did 12 dogs on it. I kept, I was circling the fucker button. The first two weeks I was like, no.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  So what do you mean? Over Christmas you did the dog?

• 6:59Speaker 01

  I did the dog on it. I'm going to tell you about that now, but that's when I say, I was speaking to Vogue yesterday. She knew I was in a bad place. I was, I was, I just wasn't ready for the year to begin. I just wasn't ready. And then I was like, oh, no, look them on. Grant. 24 more hours of drinking and eating cheese and hotels. Perfect. Tomorrow I'll be ready, Jo.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Tomorrow. Just crept up on you. I, you're talking about.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Really crept up on me there.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  You're talking about your facial. I got offered my first, I felt, I was so excited by it. I got offered my first boob job in Turkey. Actually a boob job and a brow lift I got offered by a company in Turkey on Instagram. And I thought, oh, wow. How kind. Didn't know I needed the brow lift as well, but I appreciate the offer.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  It's like when you go in for a facial and they're like, do you want a bit of dermal plating, which is female for shaving, Jo? And you say, well, clearly I.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Dermiplating, yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Dermablating, dermal.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  I sliced my neck yesterday from that. So when he comes in, he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, nothing. Dermiplating. What's all that in the sink? I'm like, dermiplating.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  It's a completely different process to shaving, Jo. And by that we mean it's completely the same, but it's been feminized. How dare you accuse me of shaving my.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. Little pink shavers is what we have and they don't look like bick razors. They're just little shavers.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  It's none of your business, Jo. If you see a woman dermiplating, just walk the other way. It's none of your business. I'm going to talk about you and the dog again. I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to now.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  Can we talk about the dog? Because I'll tell you about the dog that I did. The last dog that I did was the dog with you when we were all together and I was like, I'm going to call down to Joanne. And I did call down to Joanne and I tell you what, I won't be back.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  We had a lovely evening.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  We had a.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  It saved my Christmas, Joanne McNally.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  You're welcome.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  It was such a nice night. We literally solved every single problem of the world.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  We did. We put the world to rights. We needed that. We needed a real face to face, a solid 16 hour chat session. Do you know what I mean?

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Oh my God. Did it end? It didn't end until a very late time. And then I actually was so shaken by it after, after the fact. Cause I actually, I wasn't even anxious after anything like that. I didn't feel that bad, but it was only a few days after.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  We had our shooting up here. We were just fucking, we were just drinking bits. We were just drinking bubbles, as the women say.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  We had tequila as well. And I was like, oh jeez. But then it saved my Christmas because I was like, I so put off booze and I still am. And everyone's like, come on, you're not gonna have some drinks now that we're away? Cause we're away with loads of friends. And I'm like, I can't, I still can't.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, that's where we massively differ.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Because you have a limit, which is impressive. Whereas I, you know, get a sniff of it and I'm like.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  So I kept my shit together for a couple, the first I'd say until about maybe, well, no, I went to Lanzarote with my family, which was actually lovely. We went, my brother and his sister, not his sister's wife, sorry. Marriage is confusing, isn't it?

• 10:03Speaker 01

  My brother and his wife and their kids, they didn't want to do the all inclusive because my brother was like, the kids only eat the same stuff all, all again. But I did the all inclusive. And then when I got there, I upgraded myself to the privilege package. Do you know why, Jo?

• 10:14Speaker 02

  The all inclusive. So were you just going eating dinner and lunch and stuff on your own?

• 10:17Speaker 01

  On my own.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Because they were going out to restaurants. So you went on a family holiday, but very much stayed alone.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  Throwing rolls out to the pool. Here you go peasants. Brett to the family.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Feeding the ducks, feeding the ducks.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I tell you, they want to keep. So I upgraded to the privilege package, right? So basically you've got a wristband with privilege written across it, which as a white woman isn't ideal, but there you go. And then.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  I was like, this is, this, this system has been here long before I arrived, guys. I'm just like you. I upgraded myself to privilege because I am a child free woman with no dependents. And while I will have no one to visit my grave when I die, I holiday well. Kate, my sister in law, when we arrived at the hotel, she had a lot of information about the hotel in the local area. And I was like, Kate, how do you know so much? And she was like, well, I joined the Facebook group. And I said, excuse me?

• 11:07Speaker 02

  What?

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Now, this is, you think you're organised folk.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  That's impressive.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  You're carnage compared to this woman.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  The difference between me and Kate is I probably don't want to do the same things. Like, I don't want to go and, I just don't want to do anything, nothing if I, if I can. I'll go out for the day and that's it. And I sit by the pool and then I want to go home. I'll, I'll privilege with you.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, gotcha. But it's not like she was like bouldering. It was more she just wanted, she's two teenage kids. She wanted like the local information and everything. But she kept on my, and I was like, I joined the Facebook group and I couldn't stop laughing. I was like, we couldn't be more opposite. Anyway, as part of the, as part of the privilege package, along with the culturally problematic, inappropriate wristband, there was a box, the privilege box you could go into was a glass room that you could go into, it was very small. And it had free pastries and a free bar, which you could help yourself to. Right, so I just sat in my little box of privilege. And Kate said she'd read about the box of privilege on the Facebook group and people had said that they, people in there looked quite ostracised. And I certainly did. Pat broke in twice.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  She buzzed, she, she got in under full, she buzzed her way in. I was like, Pat, you've no wristband. You've no, you can't be in here. This is the privilege box.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I'd be shitting myself. Fair play to Pat. I wouldn't be going into the privilege area with no privilege. I'm just, I'm a real follower.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  So am I, but she's in her 70s now. She's fucking shit up. She, Pat, if she, she's due a Harley any day now. Then she started offering Connor and Kate food out of the privilege box and I was like, you're gonna get me kicked out. But I will say.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  You can nick the pastries in fairness, you can. It's like when you go for breakfast in the hotel, you're like, I'll just make a little sandwich.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Ah, yes.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  But I definitely used to do that.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  I was bringing bottles of Cava down to the pool and all. Like, it was chaos.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  I'm surprised you didn't turn into Cava when you were there. And do you remember you went off Prosecco because of the Prosecco Express and everyone kept giving you Prosecco? Cava's not in the same game as that.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  It was all they have over there. It's Christmas, not gonna drink water.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Anyway, we got stuck in. It was a lovely holiday. Everyone got on really well. Everyone kind of, you know, hung out and then took their breaks, as you do, but it was lovely. The weather was nice, all very relaxed, lovely bonding session. But there was obviously, you know, it's an all-inclusive and you're either, you're stuck between either the money's gone, so everything's free, or the money's gone, you need to get your money's worth. Either way, you're stuffing your face all day. Chris Kent is a comic.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  I'd say they deeply regretted selling you a privilege band. Oh my god.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  When they let me into the privilege box, I was like, oh dear. Oh dear, dear, dear, dear.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Has the restaurant, has the hotel gone into receivership now, yeah?

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. Oh dear. I'm still drinking some, but I brought it back in the suitcase.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Pat complained. She went full Karen, complained every day of the holiday. She moved bedroom about four or five times and eventually they just gave her a suite. They were like, please, please, leave us alone. I think when you hit a certain stage in life, you're like, I will, I will deal with no discomfort. I will deal with not a single issue and I want my money's worth and I'm willing to kick off at any time of the day or a night. So we just used to see more around.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  I think that happens above the age of 60.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  We just used to see Pat being like led around the hotel by various bellboys dragging her bags from one room to the other until eventually they got her a suite. She went mute for like the next 14 hours and then we left.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  I was like, hey Karen, how's it going?

• 14:32Speaker 02

  I committed to the hat. Is it really bad if I take the hat off now? I'm absolutely, it feels like I'm in a sauna.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  Sorry, look at the glow.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Now, we could spend 15 minutes looking at Joanne's glow here.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  I've no ring light on me, Joanne. That's just my, my natural face.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Cava, cava, cava, cava, cava. Right, it's, it's Lanzarote. It's, it's what you do. Everyone's out there having a ball. It's Christmas, so it was very much mobility scooter land. It was like elderly people out there. It's great for the joints. Even my mother, who has a bit of arthritis, arthritis in her knees, was like, she's fucking doing backflips out there. The sun's great for joints and all that jazz. Cava, cava, cava. Lovely, lovely time. Then the day we were flying home, Lanzarote Airport. Not the most relaxing place in the world. My family were all flying separately because obviously I live in the UK. And everyone was gone and it was, you know, it was just a bit of a like debrief. So I had, now Jo, just bearing in mind, I had, I didn't even have cava. At the, the last morning, I didn't have cava at the breakfast, okay?

• 15:36Speaker 02

  What?

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  What's your habit?

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Great restraint. I just threw two tequila shots in my eyes.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  No cava for me, guys. New year, new me. Just, just two tequila shots.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Gonna be wicked!

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Right in the eye sockets. Right. Got to the airport. It was all a bit stressful, like finding flights, blah, blah, blah. Mum's a bit wobbly now, it was all just, whatever. Anyway.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Decided, I was like, I have one cava, I'm on my own. I have one cava for the road. Fuck me.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  You're pissed?

• 16:08Speaker 01

  No, my body just went, no.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Don't you dare.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Don't, you, you've taken the piss. I was projectile vomiting, oh, yeah, all over Lanzarote Airport. I couldn't keep water down. I couldn't keep anything down. It was one of the worst days.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  You can't blame one glass of cava on that, Joanne.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  When I say, when I say worst days of my life, now I know, people are dying, Kim, as in the words of a great philosopher, because Jenner, I understand, it's like, but in my life, and there's not a single chemist in the departures in Lanzarote Airport, there's no pain relief, there's nothing. I was so sick. I was pushing people out. I was like, and like projectile, I was trying to drink water to hydrate, projectile vomiting. I was then cleaning the toilet cubicles up after myself.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  It was, my flight was delayed for four hours.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Vomiting in the airport for four, that's, okay, that's how I felt after our night out, you know what I mean? So that's why I couldn't touch it anymore.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  I know, it was so well.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Takes you three weeks to get there, but I'm glad you got there.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  I got there in the end. I went around, I was asking complete strangers for pain relief. I was like, do you have any, any painkillers? Like, I have nothing. A woman came up to me and she was like, are you okay? And I said, I'm not actually, I'm not okay. I'm on my knees here. And she was like, do you want some morphine?

• 17:22Speaker 02

  No, she didn't.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  She did.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  She's obviously, fuck off.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Now, I told, I told, I told a little porky on Insta and I said I didn't take it. I did take it.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  You took morphine?

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Took morphine.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  You'd be mad to turn that down.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  And do you know what I did with the morphine?

• 17:35Speaker 02

  I'm really good at operations.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Do you know what I did? She handed me two tablets. Now, I mean, this woman is a queen. This, like, this is next level. In my head, I was like, morphine? I don't, I'm too sick to unpack. How, how she clearly needs it more than I do, do you know what I mean? I was so desperate. So she handed me two tablets of morphine. She's like, 12 hours apart. 12 hours apart. And she gave me a very knowing look.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  She gave you two tablets of morphine?

• 18:04Speaker 01

  She's like, I know you'd take them sooner. And do you know what I did? I took one tablet of morphine. And do you know what happened?

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Double dropped, you took another one?

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Didn't, I puked it up.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Oh, did you just fish it out? Did you fish it out?

• 18:17Speaker 01

  Fuming. And then, I tried to, I tried to, I tried to hold, I've, I've just taken morphine, like, this is, this is high end.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  It's not gonna happen for a long time again, forget it.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  I'm Kate Moss at this point.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  This is not a medical podcast, please consult a medical professional before taking morphine.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Did you save the other one for our next party?

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course, I have it at my, I vomit everywhere. I'm trying to like, I'm trying to hold my hand in front of my mouth so that I can somehow save this little morphine capsule. But it was gone, it was goose. It's sitting beside a tampon, a tampon bin in, in Lanzarote Airport at this stage. But also, shout out, there was a couple of Irish women who followed me on Insta who happened to be in Lanzarote Airport, who also I met up with and they gave me tablets. So, and I took every single one of them, every single one.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  Do you want, I was just going around Lanzarote Airport like Pac-Man.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Every single one, yeah, I was. I was so desperate. I was in so much pain. And I was so, I felt so embarrassed. And I was like, you've done all this to yourself. So, bottom line, I don't think people like me are made for all inclusives. But Chris Kent, he's a Cork comic, had a great description about all inclusives. He's like, it's like a really posh prison, because you're just queuing up, you're just queuing up for food all day and all night.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  For me as well, it's like, I just need to get, I want to get my money's worth. I'm like, I gotta get the money's worth, even if I don't want something. I don't like things like that. It's, it's just like, and do you know what else? I find Christmas, we had, we had a lovely Christmas. We were in Spain with my mum.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Oh, so did I. I mean, don't let the, don't let the projectile vomiting morphine incident get in the way. I had a gorgeous Christmas.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, that sounded lovely. I, I will tell you, I thought that that sounded fantastic. It sounded very much like a flight with three kids.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  And very similar vibes, actually, very similar. But I went away with my mum and we just chilled. But I even find like on Christmas Day, I'm like, oh God, you have to finish all the leftovers. Like, I just couldn't bear to leave it. I was eating ham at 11 o'clock at night and then I'm waking up every hour because I'm just dying of the thirst because it's so salty.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Ham.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  Joan, I told you.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  That's your weakness, ham. You had a heavy protein meal in the evening and you're like, oh God, the shame.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Joan, you broke me. I was broken, okay? I couldn't, even when I was drinking expensive champagne, which I wouldn't turn down ever. I was like, I can't drink it. It doesn't taste right.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  That's like me going, I'd an extra, I'd an extra glass of whey on Christmas Eve night. I can't, can't get over the shame or the guilt of it.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Joan.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  You're just a healthy bitch, you can't help it.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  I went to Loretta Dorky.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  Is that the brown uniform or no? No, yours was the teal.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  Loretta Fox Rock is the brown. Loretta Dorky is green with the gabardine, like they'd be dragging along the back, like you wouldn't even see your ankles.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  We were very chased. Dublin uniforms are usually, I remember seeing a Cork school uniform once and I was like, Jesus Christ, you can see what you had for lunch. Whereas ours were very long and yeah.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Very, very long.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  But anyway, there was a, there was a video of Loretta Dorky floating around on the internet today and I reshared it because it's actually a stunning location for a school. Like we were, it's basically on the sea.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Wow. Oh my God.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was our school.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  What, oh, sorry. Can someone knock that down and build a apartment?

• 21:44Speaker 02

  What a waste.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  Just see a ring and nail there. You're like, I've just seen a huge financial opportunity for us.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  I've found the perfect plot.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  There's one nun left there alive, hanging on, I'd say, higher cheese, keeping that place going. But anyway, so I reshared it because it was like, obviously quite nostalgic for me. And I was saying that the lads used to call us, there was a boys' school down the road and they used to call us whores on the shore or virgins on the rocks, depending on what caliber of school girl they were dealing with.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  So I posted this and anyway, girls started coming into the DMs. They're like, oh, we were called this, this and this. And then I was like, oh my God, I'm going to do a shout out for what boys called girls schools. Now, they are all insanely problematic and toxic. Okay.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Do you know what I was called in school?

• 22:34Speaker 01

  A little bit, a little bit fun. Go on, what?

• 22:37Speaker 02

  I was, so we used to have a green uniform and I was just called the green giant. Like you know the green giant from the, from the sweet corn tin? All the time, everyone just called me the green giant. Not bad.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  But that, you were in an all, all girls' school, were you?

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's why they were, like, every version of what came into my DMs was basically just young boys calling girls whores.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  It was whores on the shore. If the school had a slight incline, it was whores on the hill. There was a lot of whores on the hill. One girl messaged, she was like,

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Just whores.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Just whores. One girl, there was virgin mega stores.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I like that.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, pill hill for sign hill and because they were seen to be more promiscuous in what way? I have no idea. Like, who fucking knows? Hold on, I'm going to get them up here. Hold on.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  The gas thing is that men calling women slags, like you're the ones who are trying to ride us all the time. Like, there's a lot of hypocrisy there, but look, that's for another day.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  One girl just messaged me going, "Our local boys didn't have much of imagination, they're just called us sluts."

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Do you remember how bad it used to be to be called a slut, though?

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Well, yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  And you'd be absolutely...

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Because you're 14!

• 23:56Speaker 02

  And I actually, I am disgusted by that because if that hadn't been so strong and gone around, I might have been more worldly. Terrified of being called a slag. No, I would have been more... I'm talking about from 17 up, come on.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a girl who messaged me saying their school was called Christ the King, the local boys' school rebranded them as Christ You're Ugly.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Oh, that's me.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  That's horrible.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  You'd never get away with it, no.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Absolutely not.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Collaps up, knickers down, the purple virgins, whorehouse.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Raphael's in St. Lurgan was called Reservoir Dogs.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  Reservoir Dogs!

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Someone said they called our school the Pound because we were all dog ugly, apparently, according to the local boys' school.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Mount Anvil was apparently called Mount Anything, again. Slut chiming, yep.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Various fun puns of calling tiny women whores. Presentation College was called Pregnantation. Guaranteed there was maybe one teen pregnancy in 20 years of the school and the lads were like, "Fucking slags."

• 25:06Speaker 01

  Loretta Wexford, where the collars go up and the knickers go down.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  I've heard that a lot.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  Holy Child Kilani was called Have a Child Kilani, again. Men impregnating women and then judging the women for getting impregnated even though the man didn't use protection, standard practice. A lot of virgin megastores, Pill Hill. Salerno Sluts, Taylor's Tarts.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Sluts on the Slope, don't know what school that is.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  That's me now.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  There's not much deviation from whores and sluts though, I mean.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  It's very sexually promiscuous focused.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Glenn Moore was called Glenn whore. Yep. There's a, there's a theme.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Tic, tic, tic.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  There is a theme. I just thought, what a lovely throwback to a simpler time, you know?

• 25:54Speaker 02

  What a way to open 2026. Thank you so much, whore of.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  It was pretty me too, you know, it was just simpler times, you know?

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Vogue, Gladiators.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Gladiators.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  You won. Well, I knew you'd won.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  I won.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  I did win.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Now, do you know what? I was so, right, when, when I was doing it right. So last year, when Joel and Rob Beckett and stuff did it, now no shade. There's no shade.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  When I watched it back.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  That means there's shade. Leela and Joe.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  When I watched it back, they all used a ladder to climb up instead of the rope. And then they didn't use the monkey bars to go across. They used, they just walked across a bean because they're really hard things to do. And as someone who has no upper body strength, I struggled with the rope. I was like, I can't get my body up because, and they were like, use the rope. It's, it's in the rules. Use the ladder.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  It's in the rules.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  So we're talking about ladder gates.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Ladder gates, yeah. So use the ladder, it's in the rules. And I was like, no, I want to give the ropes a go, just in case I'm able to do it on the night. And you can have a ladder at the side. Like, I'd rather give it a bit of a go. In the rules, I would like to repeat. Anyway. So I was, I had a great day, but I was quite far behind Nicola. She gets, she got to start, I think she got like a 20 second head start or something like that. Cause she had beaten me on some of the things. And then anyway, I couldn't get up the rope, so they gave me the ladder. And Nicola was like practically on the, she was practically on the travel ladder at this stage. So I had to like completely fucked it and I was way behind her. And I caught up and I won by one two hundredth of a second. And there was a few people who commented saying, you're a cheater.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  And I said, no, I'm not actually a cheater. It's in the rules and the ladder was offered to everybody.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  So I am not a cheater and I love my trophy and I'm going to post it on Instagram just to piss people off.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Let the record show.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  It was with the ladder, it was within the Gladiator rules.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, within the BBC rules. I didn't break any rules.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  You're probably the only person.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  If anything, you'd say I was a good sport.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  You're probably the only person on the BBC who hasn't broken any rules in 2025. So let the record show, she was allowed to use the ladder, she used the ladder, she won.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Either. It is what it is. You're an athlete.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  I still couldn't, I still couldn't walk for two days after Gladiator. Do you not remember me in Spain? Well, you didn't see me in Spain. It was one of those times where you can't squat on the toilet. You just have to try and drop down because I was in such bitch. Actually, I'd say it was like three or four days. I could not walk properly after it. Like, and do you know what the worst thing about Gladiators was? When I was watching it back, I was like, I did really well in this. And then I'm watching it back and I'm like, oh my God, how shit do we all look? I thought we looked brilliant. And then I watched it back and I was like, hang on a second. Everyone looks shit, except the Gladiators.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Why do they look shit?

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Everybody has it.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Why do you look shit?

• 28:52Speaker 02

  I don't know. You know when you think you just look better than you are? It's like when I do the dancing, I'm like, I look way better than I am, but I'm not.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  I used to think I was way more attractive than what I actually am when I started doing, well, this.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  And all the videos started coming out and I was like, who's that pig? Oh my God. Yeah. It's good though. I think it's good to have a high opinion of yourself, you know?

• 29:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. Well, it's good to have, and then to realise that actually, hang on a second. You look like complete garbage.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  What next? You've won Bear Grylls, you've won Celebrity Gladiators. What next? Celebrity Love Island?

• 29:29Speaker 02

  No, I'm gonna, I'm holding it, I'm holding it for a while. I'm not, there's nothing in the pipelines with that. Although I start my new job next week, not next week, the week after.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  So I am going to be reporting the entertainment on Lorraine every Wednesday that it's on.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, that's great news. Yeah, yeah, we had discussed that.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  So that'll be quite fun.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  We had discussed that privately, Jo, without you, without your little ears.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, Jo, you don't even know about that because you're not in the gang.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  That's fantastic news, Val. I'm delighted for you. I think it's a great move.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  You're moving, you're shaking.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  I have to tell you about this thing that I found out on the ski subs today that I never knew about.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  We got on a lift and we were, these two young people got on the lift and we were like, oh, what is up to there? Like, oh, we have a gap year and, and we work from three to nine. And we were like, oh, what do you do? She was like, well, I used to be a medical student. Well, I am a medical student and I'm taking a gap year. And we're called Ski Angels and we work for this charity. And I was like, oh, wow. What, what does it involve? And she goes, well, between the hours of three and nine, we help really drunk people get down the slopes.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  So she's like, sometimes we find people unconscious on the side of the slopes. And they have to get them all down because people get re, like people apres ski, ski, like they're really apres ski. And then they can't get down the slope. And so there's actually people who go around up and down the slopes till nine o'clock at night, making sure that nobody is lying on the slopes about to die.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Skiing is, they're doing God's work. Skiing is incredibly dangerous. Like, I heard that the, the travel insurance for skiing is through the roof. There was a girl that I did my masters with who died, um.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  Jesus, I'm currently on a ski holiday, please.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  I know, everyone, I, I do, I'm always, I always kind of like to wrap up a conversation with a death at the end. It's very Irish.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  I call Amber, Amber's called the grief gazette because she's always talking about people who've died. I'm like, Christ, here we go.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  That's exactly what I am, the grief gazette. But this gorgeous person, Maria, she died snowboarding. She was killed in an avalanche. It's very, very, very, very, yeah, I know, I know. And she was, and it was only when we just finished college. She, she wouldn't have even been. Twenty five, twenty six, I'd say, or finish the masters. I know, so be careful out there, Vogue.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, she, that's, when you do skiing, off-heat skiing, people wear these backpacks that actually have like avalanche things. And basically, if an avalanche comes and you can hear it behind you, you press this button and this big thing like inflates like an airbag almost. So it pulls you up so people can find you. Did you see that video online? And it's not AI because it came out ages ago. I'm really pissed off with the AI bullshit. And it came out ages ago and there's this girl and she was like getting her helmet and stuff ready. She was on a snowboard and she was really off-heat and filming herself like in Osmo. And there's a bear coming after her, but she had headphones on and it was only when she got home, she noticed the bear was coming after her.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  I think I did see that, but is that, was it real or is it not real?

• 32:21Speaker 02

  When I heard about the ski angels, I thought we could get you on up here. Do you know what? And you'd love to afre ski. You would. You just have to do a bit of skiing in the morning. And then you'd find yourself at a very long, long lunch and the ski angels would get you down.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I'm open to it.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Can I just say how adorable and gorgeous Amber looks dancing?

• 32:44Speaker 02

  We have to talk about Amber dancing. Amber, my sister, is on Dancing with the Stars in Ireland. And now, let's call a spade a spade. Amber and I are not great dancers and she was a bit like the Tin Man, a little bit rich.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  No, well firstly, it's her first time dancing on the TV.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  I, I've been very vocal about the fact that I can't start dancing in public. I need to start dancing privately and then move into the arena.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  Or move in focus while dancing. I thought she did fucking really well. And also, she, what, the, the key that she has is she's on a journey. So if you start really, really, if you start like you're just like banging it out of the park, there's nowhere to go. So she started as someone like a normal woman who's like, I don't dance really, but I'm here for the fun. I'm here for the crack of it and I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna get involved. And she's woman on woman, which is interesting and, and fun.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  I, I, and she looked so cute.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  Stunning.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Stunning, stunning, Anki.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  She's had, she's had mean comments and she's not used to them because like this is just not her arena. It's her first time doing it. So I think that they're upsetting her.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  But I think that she is on a journey and she's never performed anywhere, not just like dancing. She's never done anything like that before. She doesn't even like getting up in public speaking, so. She went on, she did it. And if you can vote for Amber, please vote for Amber because she is putting in a lot of effort.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  I mean, talk about going from zero to 100. She's gone from like, not so much as doing like, a local feat. To like Dancing with the Stars in Ireland. It was quite the jump. Fair play to her. What a swing. Do you know the way it's, when you, because me and Vava were talking about this and she was saying she's getting like, you know, she's getting trolled, whatever, like it's just part and parcel. But I was like, I feel so bad for her because you get used to it, but when it, when it starts, when it happens at the start, you're just not used to it. And you, it, it can be really hurtful and you, and you, you believe it at the start. Or you do what I do, which is trying to defend yourself to every single person who says anything negative about you. And which also obviously gets you in a lot of trouble. But like, I've noticed for my personal growth.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  So I did a video about Venezuela the other day because then obviously like Trump invaded Venezuela, took your money, blah, blah, blah. High dramas. And I was, I was, because you know the way everyone likes to think that there is, there's a cohort of people on the internet who, whenever something like this happens, there's a real cycle. There's like a cycle that happens.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  People form an opinion very quickly. People get on board very quickly. Then other people start criticizing them for having ill-informed opinions. And where were you 10 years ago when Venezuela needed you? It's all, it's the same. It's always the same. So I was taking the piss and I was like, I did, I did a video where I'm typing frantically and I'm like, trying to figure out what the fuck Venezuela is. So I can pretend I have a formed opinion on it and start retweeting the appropriate memes. Wow, wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  Well, when I saw that, I thought, when is she gonna delete us because she's gonna get her parking?

• 35:35Speaker 01

  It's fucking taking the piss out of that, like that, what goes on on the internet around these huge global events. Like, do you know, there's a, there's a panic that you feel ill-informed. You inform yourself. It's all, there's a lot of performative nonsense that goes on on the internet around these things. But like, when, when I say, I realized, I was like, oh, I'm hardcore now because it didn't matter what they said.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  I was like, I just, you just don't get me and I don't get you and it's grand. But I, that's why I felt bad. I do feel bad for Amber because.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  I know. She's, she'll, she'll get there. I, I saw my blocked list. I've got 749 people blocked and counting.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  How many people?

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Anyone, it's 749. Anyone who says fucking boo to me now, I'm like, see you later. No, sorry, I'm not here for this crap. Anyone who says anything negative or mean, unless it's like, it's not like, I'm not going for absolute, but anything really insulting, I'm just like, see you later. I'm hoping to reach a thousand by the end of the year. One of my resolutions.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  I hope you do. And then I want to see you with a 1K inflatable balloon photo. Hit 1K, guys.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Oh my God, yes, that's what I will do.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  The 1K 20 year.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  I saw a meme the other day and it was like, um, it was a cartoon woman drinking a glass of wine going through her phone. It was like checking my blacklist to see who I'm gonna let out in bail for 2026.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, I'm not letting anyone out. Everyone's, everyone's stuck there.

• 37:02Speaker 01

  I remember like, I've had my like run ins with the internet and, you know.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  I've had people mail me asking me to get you to unblock them. I'm like, oh, she's blocked you. She's blocked you for a reason.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  Do you know when people are like, oh, you're deleting, you're deleting comments? Yeah, yeah. I'll delete what I want. I'll delete myself if I want. I'll like, I can, it's my Instagram account. If I, if someone's giving me.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Why don't you go off Insta for two days and give them a real fright you have?

• 37:29Speaker 01

  It's not a flex for you to come back and say, oh, you've deleted my comments. Yeah, you're being an asshole. Although Julia Fox, now in fairness, she was, was a message to everyone. She's like, I don't delete any trolley comments. Cause she's like, it's their mess. I'm not cleaning it up for them. Let it sit there, which I thought was good.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I'll delete anything I want.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  I nearly, I actually screen grabbed somebody's and I was nearly gonna post it with her name on it. And then I was like, oh, I actually won't, but I, but I should do.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  There's a lot of that going on at the moment, or maybe it's just my algorithm and it is fun. People posting the profiles of people who trolled them.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Putrid high was changed to poofrid high.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Same assumptions of slappers.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  My New Year's resolutions. Jo, have you got any?

• 38:29Speaker 03

  The same ones. Try and drink a little bit less. Try and exercise a little bit more.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  I enjoy it. Yeah, I like those ones. I like them. Well, I have one exactly like that. It's one I use every year. I have no intention of actually doing it, but it sounds good. So I am planning to be more chill this year.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're having a lobotomy. Can't wait. I'll do the procedure myself, if you don't mind.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  I'll take the hammer from here, doctor. I'll take the hammer from here.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  While I'm at it, I'm going to start manifesting and I'm going to do a vision board.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  There's a lot of witchy witchy woo woo chat this year about vision boards and manifesting.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  New year, new me. Joanne, would you like to come over for a cacao and sound bath ceremony?

• 39:19Speaker 01

  I would not.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  I would not.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  Me neither.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  No.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Okay, here's my other resolution, which is a pretty serious one.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  I'm gonna try and get the Beckhams back talking. What do you think?

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  Basically, Brooklyn blocked his mom and dad and the son Cruz, because the papers were like, oh, Victoria and David unfollowed Brooklyn. And then Cruz's son came out and was like, no, they didn't unfollow their son. He blocked them as he blocked all the rest of us. He blocked them all.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  It's a classic case. Now, I obviously have an opinion on it with, and I like, as always, the opinion is stitched together from zero factual information.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  I would like you to keep in mind that we are desperately trying to be members of the Beckham family, so.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  Oh, I know. Sure.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  You're on side of Victoria.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Don't get me wrong. I'm waiting to get my Ouija board so I can take over Harper Beckham's body. We know this. But and then live my most glorious.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  And we'd have the youth on our side as well.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  What?

• 40:25Speaker 02

  She wears a privilege badge every single day.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  She does indeed. Yeah, she doesn't have to give it back at the end. She doesn't have to give back at the end of the holiday.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  She's certainly not drinking cava.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, and her mother has one as well. She's not just breaking into a privilege box. Um, mind, okay, so it's a tale as old as time. Man meets woman, man abandons entire family for a woman. Woman gets blamed for man abandoning entire family. It's a tale as old as time. We hang out the lady, we hang out the woman, we think, we assume there's some fallout between Victoria and is it Nicole, Nicola?

• 41:01Speaker 02

  Nicola.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Nicola. He fucking married well, that man. I mean, it's not like he's coming from squalor either, but Jesus Christ. They make the Beckhams look like peasants.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  They're like squalor. Yeah, I know, I know. They do. That's the thing. They are, they are ultra, like ultra rich.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  What I would say to you, Brooklyn, is as a woman in her 40s now.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Family becomes insanely important the older you get, like wildly important. When you're young, it's all about friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, relationships, blah, blah, blah. And then suddenly you hit a stage in your 40s where your mortality starts setting in and your parents are maybe not as healthy as they once were. And you start looking at what your future looks like without them. It's all about the family, Brooklyn. It's all about the family.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  No, but you know what? I do, in all honesty, it's such a shame.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  What idiot would turn their back on Victoria Beckham as a mother? You fucking idiots.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  I know, but isn't it such a shame because they did seem like a really close family? Supposedly it started because, because all of last year, he, Nicola and Brooklyn didn't attend any of the events. Like when, when David became like, what, what did he knighted or something? Brooklyn didn't go for all Victoria's fashion show, all the things that you would like show for family. But supposedly it started at the wedding when Nicola was meant to get a dress designed by Victoria. Didn't end up getting the dress designed by Victoria. And then Marc Anthony, who they had saying, you know, J Lo's ex? He called Victoria.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, the gay guy.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, he, no, he's not gay.

• 42:33Speaker 01

  Who am I thinking of? Ricky Martin. Sorry, go on.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  And supposedly he called Victoria the most beautiful woman in the world on the night of their wedding. And so Nicola felt very upset and slighted by it. Now, this could all be complete bollocks. Anyway, and then they had a falling out and this is where-

• 42:49Speaker 01

  We don't fact check folk. This to me now is gospel. So go on.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Okay, complete gospel. I do agree.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Ricky Martin came on to Victoria Beckham at the wedding. Hit me.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  I'm writing this all down.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  And he wanted, and she was gonna use Victoria Beckham to design her wedding dress, but she ended up using Karl Lagerfeld, but unfortunately he had passed away, so she used the cat. And that's who designed the dress and she wasn't happy about it. And then, so then the whole thing happened over Christmas. And then also there was another thing where David did a recap of 2025. David, like I'm friends with him. He did a recap of 2025 and, and he didn't include Brooklyn, but Brooklyn wasn't in the 2025.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  I do think it is very sad because the Backons always have seemed to have been very family orientated. And-

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Listen, I would just like to put my name in the hat. You have a spare room now. You have a spare space at the dinner table.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 02

  And I am happy. I'll drop my whole family. All of them. I won't speak to them again. I'll drop them all. I'm a hot snort.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  I'll tell you, I've been in relationships where I'm like, you're all I need. I need nothing else. And then you see, that runs its course. That runs its course. Look, unless your parents, unless your parents have been keeping in a basement for the last six years. I also think there's an awful trend at the moment, and I blame Oprah Winfrey. There was a trend of like, oh, if your family have pissed you off in any way, cut them, cut them. Boundaries, boundaries.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  You have to. I feel like you've got to, I think that we work on-

• 44:22Speaker 01

  It's an unhealthy message. It's a really unhealthy message. Unless there's like serious abuse going on, like families, family, people upset each other and piss each other off all the time. You fucking work through it. They're all you have at the end of the day. That would be my opinion on it now. Like-

• 44:35Speaker 02

  And I think if you're lucky enough to be able to be close with your family, which he obviously was, and it's not, it's not the case for everybody. I think that you should really, but like, I mean, when I say I'm invested in this, it's really, it's quite unusual how much, how much I am-

• 44:48Speaker 01

  A reunion is needed.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  -trying to dive into it and figure it out. And I really felt like over the Christmas break, Joanne, that you would have spent so many hours on the internet that you would have cracked that for me.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  I was too busy in my privileged box.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Well, everyone, thank you so much for listening. That is the end of the first episode. Mount Sackless.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't know. Are lads not supposed to have sacks? I don't know why that's...

• 45:18Speaker 02

  Well, listen, I'm just glad for the for the non-repetition, actually. Okay, I think that's, yeah, that's it, really, yeah. That concludes the pod. 2026, we're in. First pod of the year. Thank you, everybody, and we'll see you for the bonus. Mount Mantle.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  We'll see you for the bonus, but me and Joe might be here for quite some time. Lads, we are Louis, our lady of losers.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  This has been a Global Player original production.

• 46:07Speaker 04

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