Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me Sinkholes, New Best Friend & A Public Toilet About this episode You know how Vogue always starts on about Winter Wonderland at this time of year? It's a tradition! Well, it turns out Joanne has never known what she was actually talking about. Plus, Joanne's new friend, the very different films they watched as kids and WTF is going on with sinkholes?!
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This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.
Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:15 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me with me Vogue Williams and her pal Joanne McNally.
0:21 Speaker 02 Her pal, her pal.
0:31 Speaker 01 What's the news? What's going on?
0:32 Speaker 02 What's the news? First of all, I have to say that it's, it's the last, um, oh, you've only got one more day really for 40% off our merch.
0:39 Speaker 01 Oh.
0:40 Speaker 02 So MTGM merch, 40% off only till tomorrow. Cause I know you listen to this pod on a Friday. And if you're not listening to it on a Friday.
0:46 Speaker 01 You've missed out. Can I ask whoever does our merch, can I have a water bottle, please?
0:50 Speaker 02 Joanne, I'm pretty sure you got sent like six of them.
0:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I've given them out. My mum comes and takes them and gives them to her friends in golf.
0:57 Speaker 02 That's what I keep doing with my.
0:58 Speaker 01 Can I have a water bottle? Whoever does the merch, whoever does the merch, I'd love, I'd love a water bottle, please.
1:03 Speaker 02 I come home, I put on loads of jewels for my collection. I come home and I'm like, God, I have to, girls, I'm after losing that.
1:12 Speaker 01 I know. Nikki's like, you have all the bags over there in London for the pop up in London. I'm like, um.
1:19 Speaker 02 Why are you doing a pop up?
1:20 Speaker 01 Anyone who comes out for drinks, I'm like, take a bag.
1:23 Speaker 02 It's just the worst, isn't it? Like I just give everything away. It is, that was when I had a drink. I had, I gave one of my rings to Kylie the other day because I'd had two, two margaritas.
1:32 Speaker 01 Where? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do that too. What did I, what did I give away recently? Well, I'm always giving my mum my sunglasses and all. Yeah. And then you say abruptly like, I really want that shit back.
1:40 Speaker 02 I'm gonna have to have the sunglasses. You did take your glasses back.
1:42 Speaker 01 I did take my glasses back and then went on, then I fucking lost them. But, um.
1:46 Speaker 02 You're disgusting. You have way more in your week than I do.
1:49 Speaker 01 Sorry, I actually could not, I, I was, I was looking at, because me and Vogue have a rolling document that Vogue uses and I kind of vomit into occasionally with very, very, what's it called? Short hand notes.
2:01 Speaker 02 Like crows.
2:02 Speaker 01 Even I couldn't make sense of this list. Read it out to me. I tried to look at it today.
2:06 Speaker 02 Sophie Gladiator.
2:07 Speaker 01 No, but that's, that's point one. So let's break them up. So.
2:11 Speaker 02 Point one, Sophie Gladiator. Point two, paid for dating sites, 2.5K.
2:15 Speaker 01 No idea.
2:16 Speaker 02 Uh, psychic in Soho House. Please say you remember that.
2:19 Speaker 01 Not a clue.
2:19 Speaker 02 Oh, for God's sake, that was gonna be a good one.
2:22 Speaker 01 Sorry.
2:22 Speaker 02 Crows.
2:23 Speaker 01 Crows, no clue what that's about. Just put crows in the group.
2:26 Speaker 02 Paul Mescal horse.
2:28 Speaker 01 Something about, oh. He rode a horse. Next.
2:31 Speaker 02 Good story.
2:34 Speaker 01 Do you know what that story is actually? Paul Mascol, the whore, the woman who trained him to ride the horse. Went viral for saying that of all the celebrities and stars she's trained, Paul Mascol was the best.
2:46 Speaker 02 The best horse rider?
2:47 Speaker 01 The best horse, the best equestrian or whatever you call them.
2:49 Speaker 02 Equestrian?
2:50 Speaker 01 Yeah. Said he was the best one and he was jumping on, no hands, jumping off, no hands. He was doing cartwheels on the back of the horse at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2:57 Speaker 02 Fair play to him.
2:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:59 Speaker 02 Rivals is, is your next one?
3:01 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. Well, oh, yeah. Well, I would love to talk about Rivals.
3:03 Speaker 02 How have you only just watched it?
3:04 Speaker 01 No, no, no. Well, I watched it. When did I watch it? Last week?
3:07 Speaker 02 Oh.
3:08 Speaker 01 Well, it's only the new one now that came out in Disney. That's the one I watched.
3:10 Speaker 02 Oh, my God, I swallowed that. So when I heard that was coming out, I read the Julie Cooper book. The book is brilliant.
3:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:17 Speaker 02 But, you know, in a TV show, you're like, oh, God, is it gonna match? It does match.
3:20 Speaker 01 Yeah. There's something so nostalgic about, it's so eighties and everyone's just smoking and drinking. And I feel like, I feel like I'm quite having eighties soul, do you know that?
3:30 Speaker 02 I really wanted to smoke when I was watching that.
3:33 Speaker 01 It's like when you watch Mad Men, everyone's smoking and drinking and you wanna drink and smoke. And everyone's shagging, even Julie Cooper apparently was like, there's way more riding in the, the, the Disney version than there was in the book.
3:43 Speaker 02 I'm glad they didn't Disneyfie it too much.
3:45 Speaker 01 It's, I don't think it's Disneyfied at all.
3:47 Speaker 02 It's really slaggy. I love it.
3:49 Speaker 01 I was reading an interview with your, the guy.
3:51 Speaker 02 Can you say slaggy? Like, I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be annoyed if someone called me a slag.
3:54 Speaker 01 Not at all.
3:55 Speaker 02 Don't cause me a slag all the time.
3:56 Speaker 01 I do. You have something to work towards. Dress for the job you want. Isn't that right?
4:01 Speaker 01 Where's my notes on, um?
4:03 Speaker 02 Emily Atack was brilliant in it. I love her in it.
4:06 Speaker 01 Brilliant in it. She's so good. And do you know what as well I was saying, and I, I hope this doesn't offend Emily, because I'm a huge fan of Emily's. But I was like, I think she has such a good role because she doesn't say a huge amount, but she's in every fucking scene.
4:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:19 Speaker 01 And so you don't have reels of lines to learn, but she's just in every scene delivering either kind of sexy naked tennis playing. Or, um, and it's all kind of in the face. It's like all these faces in the background who just kind of look pissed off, like these villains in the background and stuff. So fair play, Emily. I thought you played a fucking blinder.
4:35 Speaker 02 Sometimes I feel like I wanna be an actor when I see things like that. Like, I'm like, that would have been fun to film. And they found it in the summer, it would have suited me perfectly. Not many night scenes, again, suits me perfectly.
4:45 Speaker 01 What's, uh, uh, sorry, special shout out to Danny Dyer. I always.
4:49 Speaker 02 I love Danny Dyer.
4:50 Speaker 01 Again, Danny, please don't take this the wrong way, uh, cause I know he says this himself. I saw some clip and he was kind of a bit of this. I always forget Danny Dyer is actually a fucking really good actor.
4:58 Speaker 02 Danny Dyer is an amazing actor.
5:01 Speaker 01 He's an amazing actor. I always forget. I just think it's Danny Dyer. I forget, like, he's an actor. I just think he's just Danny.
5:07 Speaker 02 No, he's a good presenter as well. He presents shows sometimes.
5:10 Speaker 01 The guy who played the main role, he's.
5:12 Speaker 02 Rupert, I followed him, did I?
5:14 Speaker 01 Rupert Campbell Black, his name is Alex Hassel.
5:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:17 Speaker 01 And I read an interview with him and he was saying that, like, obviously Alex Hassel is a dreamboat anyway. But he was saying that on set, they are told, the director told all the actors, every time you look at him, look at him like he's just the biggest knockout you've ever seen, that you just can't control your urges. So he's like, so I walked around with everyone just admiring me all day to get me into the realm. I was like, how do you go back to real life after that? How do you go back? Do you know what I mean?
5:41 Speaker 02 I'm gonna put something in my contract for Global, actually. If they walks by.
5:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:45 Speaker 02 Make sure you look at her with goo- googly eyes. That'd be lovely.
5:49 Speaker 01 The second we walk in.
5:50 Speaker 02 Sometimes when I'm running with Svenny, and I don't want, don't ever let him hear this, but like, sometimes when I'm running with Svenny, like, uh, cause I, I'm obviously behind. So I'm behind him and like, uh, he's running ahead of me and I do see people like wa- looking at him. Everyone turns around. I'm like, well, they, they'll never notice me now because I've already turned around to look at him.
6:07 Speaker 01 They only have one turn.
6:08 Speaker 02 I'm the shadow in the background, lurking.
6:11 Speaker 01 I'd say he's quite majestic when he runs, is he? He kinda looks a bit like Rupert Campbell Black. He could play Rupert Campbell Black.
6:19 Speaker 02 Do you reckon?
6:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's, there's, there's a slight villainness to them. There's a slight.
6:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's a bit.
6:25 Speaker 01 Bit of a bad boy, bit of a writer, you know, bit of a sh- bit of a sh- previous shagger. You're like the love story in Rivals.
6:33 Speaker 02 John, I can't talk about it. Spencer's never had sex with anyone else. I don't know where you're getting that from.
6:37 Speaker 01 Sorry, I forgot.
6:38 Speaker 02 He has never had sex with anyone else in the whole world.
6:40 Speaker 01 I remember the night before your wedding, his father came in and gave him his penis. Wasn't that right?
6:43 Speaker 02 That's exact. How did you remember that?
6:45 Speaker 01 I remember it so well.
6:46 Speaker 02 Cause he'd had a few drinks that night.
6:48 Speaker 01 I watched him put it on.
6:51 Speaker 01 And he was like a Ken doll down there, never seen anyone.
6:53 Speaker 02 Never Jo, one day you'll get it.
6:55 Speaker 01 Look at your penis one day Jo. No, he is married, he has it.
6:58 Speaker 02 Oh, you got yours Jo, they unlocked yours like the man in the iron mask.
7:01 Speaker 01 I'm the only one unmarried, I'm the only one with no genitals in this room. I'm just chaste.
7:06 Speaker 02 I can't remember where we were.
7:07 Speaker 01 Rivals.
7:08 Speaker 02 Yes.
7:09 Speaker 01 Absolutely brilliant. What, it's like a binge fest. I was devastated because the last one finished on a real clangor. So I was like.
7:17 Speaker 02 That doesn't happen in the book.
7:19 Speaker 01 Doesn't happen in the book. We won't, we won't spoil.
7:22 Speaker 02 We won't spoil.
7:22 Speaker 01 Oh, interesting, okay, yeah. So they're obviously gonna get a second series because I was like, you can't just leave it on that giant cliffhanger, so.
7:28 Speaker 02 No.
7:29 Speaker 01 How long do we have to wait?
7:30 Speaker 02 What's his name, David Tennant is absolutely, if you read the book, he is like better than even the guy in the book. He's so, so good.
7:39 Speaker 01 Smimey.
7:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know. And why did I kind of fancy him? Because he's a smime mighty.
7:44 Speaker 01 No, I wouldn't have gone for that.
7:45 Speaker 02 Obviously I'd prefer Rupert.
7:47 Speaker 01 Rupert Campbell Black. Well, I tell you, he was looking great. Victoria Smurfit and Aidan.
7:52 Speaker 02 Yes. Turner.
7:54 Speaker 01 Turner.
7:55 Speaker 02 Aidan Turner.
7:56 Speaker 01 There's a, this is, there's an Irish family in it. And you know what's so funny?
7:59 Speaker 02 They're the best family.
8:01 Speaker 01 I was reading a review about it and they were talking about the kind of the hedonism of the eighties and the problems of the eighties and the kind of taturism and the racism and everything. They didn't really needle down into the, the anti-Irish racism. That Rivals does actually deal with. Did you, have you watched it Jo?
8:17 Speaker 02 No, I've watched it, I'm sorry.
8:18 Speaker 01 It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. You don't need to apologize, don't apologize.
8:20 Speaker 02 It's very good.
8:21 Speaker 01 It's very good. It's the whole no blacks, no dogs, no Irish thing. And they like talk about that in the show and stuff and all the anti-Irish stuff and the anti-Irish jokes and it was great. It was great Julie.
8:30 Speaker 02 Do you know, one of our friends, I won't say who they are just in case they don't want, they went into a shop and they were in the shop and the guy was being really unhelpful, but they would shop in that shop all the time. And they're high-end friends and they were in that shop and then they were, the guy in the shop was being so rude to them that they took their client and left the shop where they always buy stuff. And then as the second one was walking out, he heard them saying the fucking Irish, they're always like that. I know. And he went back in and he's like, excuse me. And then he.
9:00 Speaker 01 I can't believe that still exists because it was, in the eighties, that was like written on pub doors and stuff.
9:05 Speaker 02 I know.
9:06 Speaker 01 Was it no do, no blacks?
9:07 Speaker 02 No blacks, no dogs, no Irish.
9:10 Speaker 03 Sorry.
9:11 Speaker 02 They've even.
9:11 Speaker 03 Get out. It's just one of those times where I feel like I should apologise.
9:15 Speaker 02 Well.
9:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, we'll.
9:16 Speaker 02 Okay.
9:16 Speaker 01 We'll le- leave it with us. We'll, we'll think about it.
9:18 Speaker 02 We're not sure that you're allowed back in the fold. Um, now, dogs. I mean, what do the dogs do?
9:24 Speaker 01 Such a good, I mean, it's such a good point. The fact that we're in this set, like, it's just.
9:30 Speaker 02 Now, I'm not being bad to Ireland, because, you know, I don't even ever big up Ireland, but the fact that they don't really let do- like, I don't even know if you're allowed to bring your dog in the dirt.
9:36 Speaker 01 It's very, I- I- Ireland is not, it's only when you travel abroad that you realise how pro, or how anti-dogs Ireland is.
9:44 Speaker 02 Yeah. You can't, like, you can bring them everywhere. You can bring them on the train.
9:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, here. And also other places in America and all that. Anywhere I was in America, there was dogs everywhere, on buses and trains and.
9:55 Speaker 02 I saw a video of a dog, it was on TikTok, and there was this golden retriever lying in business class with a blanket on him.
10:00 Speaker 01 There, that's exact, that's what it should be.
10:02 Speaker 02 He had his own seat. Well, where are they pissing, though? Come on.
10:05 Speaker 01 Who cares?
10:06 Speaker 02 You know in Battersea Power Station, you're allowed to bring your dogs in?
10:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, not surprised. You can bring them anywhere.
10:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:11 Speaker 01 The UK, say what you want. I mean, I know there was a lot of racism in the eighties.
10:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:15 Speaker 01 But they're very pro-dogs. They love dogs. Sorry, the Prince Albert has a treat bowl for dogs. A lot of the pubs have, like, um.
10:22 Speaker 02 Treat jars.
10:22 Speaker 01 Do you know what I think as well? When lockdown happened, a lot of people bought, like, kind of adopted dogs, bought dogs, whatever they did. And then, so I think Ireland, it was a shame that they didn't kind of update their take on it. A lot of them say it's about health and safety and they can't go into pubs and all. But I remember there was a, I used to live in Dunleary, and there's a hotel beside where I used to live, and they had a beer garden, and they wouldn't even let dogs in the beer garden.
10:45 Speaker 02 That's ridiculous. Well, because they've already, like, I don't.
10:47 Speaker 01 The beer garden, it's outside. They wouldn't even let dogs in the outside, alone in the inside.
10:51 Speaker 02 No, they're not mad for dogs in Ireland, absolutely not. Uh, did you see the scariest story in the world that I sent you this week? It was, I hope you don't remember, because it scared the shit out of me.
11:01 Speaker 01 Is it about the robots kidnapping each other?
11:02 Speaker 02 No, it's about the man who got sucked into that sinkhole.
11:07 Speaker 01 Oh, yes.
11:09 Speaker 02 Obviously a Florida man. His name was Jeff Bush.
11:11 Speaker 01 Obviously a Florida man.
11:12 Speaker 02 It's always a Florida man. It's always a Florida man.
11:15 Speaker 01 They're always slipping into things, slipping into sinkholes, yeah.
11:17 Speaker 02 So, sinkholes, basically, so it opened up in the middle of the night, sucked him into it, because it was underneath his bedroom. It sucked his bed in, it sucked him in, it sucked, sucked his dresser, dresser in, and his brother Jeremy, lucky Jeremy, was awoken by Jeff calling his name from the sinkhole.
11:34 Speaker 01 And they couldn't get him out of the sinkhole. Yeah, he died.
11:37 Speaker 02 What?
11:37 Speaker 01 Yes, dead.
11:40 Speaker 02 I know.
11:41 Speaker 01 I thought this was a fun sinkhole story where everyone survived.
11:44 Speaker 02 No. I think sinkholes could end so deep that like you either, like you just hit lava or something down. I swear to God, they're like, okay, Jo, okay, what happened? Why don't you tell Geoff? Where's Geoff?
12:03 Speaker 01 Jo's in the Christmas season spirit already.
12:05 Speaker 02 He's like, see yous later.
12:06 Speaker 01 He's like, I'm going to take a piss, we'll carry on. We're like, we can't carry on without Jo looking at us. We need Jo to look at us.
12:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, otherwise we're just gonna stop.
12:13 Speaker 01 We don't work unless Jo's staring at us.
12:19 Speaker 02 In Lewisville, Kentucky, a sinkhole opened up at the water company's reservoir and swallowed an entire section of the water treatment plant. Is this not terrifying that we live in a world of there's just sinkholes?
12:30 Speaker 01 I have to say, there's some, I, I, I kind of intentionally don't engage with the sinkhole news because it's, it does feel, it's something you can't control.
12:40 Speaker 02 Here's an, here's an uplifting one, right? No fatalities. In Shenzhen, China, a sinkhole that opened up on a major road swallowed a bus and several cars. Lots of people were injured significantly, but none dead.
12:52 Speaker 01 Fine. Oh, thank God. Thank God. It's a nice out there, Vogue.
12:56 Speaker 02 A sinkhole that appeared in the middle of a busy street in Fukuoka, Japan, was 30 meters long, 27 meters wide, 15 meters deep.
13:05 Speaker 01 Didn't kill anyone. Can I just, can I just flag at this point? How come we have the technology and the sense and the smarts to travel to space and potentially we're all gonna live in a housing estate in Mars, yet they can't predict a sinkhole? Like, how come they can read for volcanoes and earthquakes and they can't predict sinkholes?
13:25 Speaker 02 Well, they can't predict, you can't, you can't predict the weather, Joanne. You cannot predict the weather.
13:29 Speaker 01 Then what are the weather people?
13:30 Speaker 02 I don't really know what they're doing. Like, what's their job? You look at the weather and it's like, is it gonna?
13:33 Speaker 01 General consensus.
13:35 Speaker 02 Is it gonna rain? All you do is, right? Shepherd's sky at night.
13:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:39 Speaker 02 Shepherd's delight.
13:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:41 Speaker 02 Shepherd's garden morning, shepherd's warning. Or sailor, whatever you wanna say.
13:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right.
13:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's all you need to know about the weather.
13:48 Speaker 01 Yeah. Glad we just kind of dismissed their entire career there. You're winging it, lads. We know what you're doing.
13:55 Speaker 02 You're waiting for the red sky.
13:57 Speaker 01 You're winging it.
13:58 Speaker 02 Have you been to, went to one of those yet?
14:00 Speaker 01 Okay.
14:02 Speaker 02 They have lovely drinks and food.
14:03 Speaker 01 I couldn't, it's so, it's, no offence to Winter Wonderland.
14:06 Speaker 02 You hold my band and community.
14:08 Speaker 01 But I will say, I, I, I love Christmas, love, love, love, love the lights, love the drinking, love the Baileys, love the cheese, love it all. Christmas markets, I don't get them, they're just selling felt brooches and acorns.
14:19 Speaker 02 That's, that's not what Winter Wonderland is. What's Winter Wonderland?
14:22 Speaker 03 Every year for people who don't live in London, what is Winter Wonderland?
14:25 Speaker 01 Is it not a Christmas market?
14:26 Speaker 02 No, Winter Wonderland is where you go on all the rides.
14:31 Speaker 01 No way.
14:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's so much fun and they've got all these different bars, they've got DJs, they've got like loads of places to get food. There might be a touch of a, of a Christmas market.
14:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're definitely selling twigs somewhere.
14:41 Speaker 02 They're selling gloves and shit, like, and like those hats where you touch them and the ears pop up.
14:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:45 Speaker 02 But like, it's mainly, it's mainly, I forgot to tell you, I bumped into.
14:49 Speaker 01 I just can't, I can't, those Christmas markets, I'm like, there's nothing here, guys, there's nothing here.
14:52 Speaker 02 So we're standing waiting for the ghost train, Spencer and I, obviously and the kids are there too, they wanted to go on the ghost train. And we're standing there and someone tapped on the shoulder, they're like, hi, guess who it was?
15:02 Speaker 01 Richard Bronson.
15:03 Speaker 02 No.
15:05 Speaker 01 Lorraine Kelly.
15:05 Speaker 02 No. Not someone I'd be dying to bump into.
15:09 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:10 Speaker 03 Eamonn Holmes.
15:10 Speaker 02 No. I don't know, fair enough. He should, he should be on it. So I bumped into somebody that I used to go out with and I wouldn't mind.
15:18 Speaker 01 In Winter Wonderland?
15:19 Speaker 02 In Winter Wonderland, standing in the queue, so it's not like you can get away.
15:22 Speaker 01 It was for children.
15:23 Speaker 02 Uh, everyone would go, Joanna, it's the best place on earth.
15:26 Speaker 01 How young is this ex?
15:27 Speaker 02 Have you not been?
15:28 Speaker 01 Like, I honestly thought they were just selling candles and twigs, I don't, I had no idea.
15:32 Speaker 02 It must be, man, it was ice skating and everything there.
15:34 Speaker 01 Did you speak to the ex?
15:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, really nice. Now, I wouldn't go on an XX, but like, somebody that I used to date, yeah. Still good looking, I have to say.
15:43 Speaker 01 Really?
15:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, unfortunately, we kind of want them to have turned into a monster.
15:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:49 Speaker 02 Hmm.
15:49 Speaker 01 Remember that episode of, um, Ab Fab and they're talking about their, a friend of theirs, some enemy of theirs? And they're like, oh my God, I saw, that one of them comes home and she's really excited, she goes, I saw Susan, guess what? And one of them goes, she's fat. And she goes, no, better. And she goes, what? And she goes, she's blind. And then they're like hugging each other and screaming with excitement.
16:10 Speaker 02 Hot Bob.
16:11 Speaker 01 I love the girls.
16:12 Speaker 02 Is literally one of the greatest TV shows of all time.
16:15 Speaker 01 And do you know what, weirdly, I mean, they are very fat lobic.
16:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:19 Speaker 01 But I think that was very much of the time. But apart from that, I think it's aged very well.
16:24 Speaker 02 Oh, it's, it's like a hundred percent so watchable now. You could easily binge on that happily.
16:28 Speaker 01 I loved it. And apparently Dawn French was devastated that she wasn't in it because she, I think she was on maternity leave when Jennifer Saunders pitched it. And so she wasn't free to do it. There was something, she, she wasn't free to do it. So they got Joanna Lumley instead and Dawn. She still talks about it in interviews to this day. She's like, I would have loved to. She actually admits, she goes, I was a little jealous at the time because she had the, they were like a little comedy duo, like a sketch duo.
16:51 Speaker 02 Yes, yes.
16:51 Speaker 01 And then Jennifer went and had this massive hit and Dawn was like, oh.
16:56 Speaker 02 Oh, I mean, you'd be thrown up left, right and centre. You'd be sick, which I'd be sick.
17:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:01 Speaker 02 That'd be something that'd be really difficult to get over. Actually, I'm gonna, do you know what I'm gonna do for next week's thought? I'm gonna look into things like that, you know, when you see that someone was like, everyone bought the lotto together and one time they didn't go in it and everyone else won 10 million. I love things like that.
17:13 Speaker 01 I have a lot in common with Dawn French. She also played Ralph the Talagran Boy in a sketch for, that she did with Jennifer Saunders. And she too was not happy about it. Jennifer Saunders was playing Liesl, I believe, if my maths serves correct, and Dawn was playing Ralph the Talagran Boy.
17:26 Speaker 02 Sorry, what is this, what is this thing you keep talking about? What is this show? What is the show?
17:31 Speaker 01 What, Ralph the?
17:31 Speaker 02 I don't know who Ralph is. I've never known. I've just.
17:34 Speaker 01 The Sound of Music.
17:35 Speaker 02 Don't really watch shit like that. No, I was, I, I watched Beauty and the Beast growing up, that's all.
17:40 Speaker 01 Shit like that.
17:41 Speaker 02 Sound of Music, is that Doa Deir? Is that, that one?
17:44 Speaker 01 Well, yes, but that's quite reductive.
17:46 Speaker 02 That's really old and day kind of stuff.
17:47 Speaker 01 There's more to it.
17:48 Speaker 02 No, when I was growing up, I was into like The Simpsons. Yeah. Yeah. I was into Wu-Tang, by the way, BS.
17:57 Speaker 01 I was, I was like watching Fiddler on the Roof.
18:02 Speaker 02 No, I was only, I swear to God, I was only watching, never watched that either. I was only watching Beauty and the Beast over and over and over again.
18:09 Speaker 01 We would have watched them. I was, well, you know that when I was a child, I had great aspirations to be kind of a stage school baby.
18:16 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
18:17 Speaker 01 Ah, yeah. I wanted to be in the Billy Barrys and all, which is kind of the stage school in Dublin. But it was too far away. And also my mother doesn't agree with show-offs.
18:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:27 Speaker 02 I was allowed to do some showing off.
18:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, she was very, she was very, she'll not be up first.
18:32 Speaker 02 See, we had Poopy, who was this guy who used to come to our house in a van. And he had all like, all the movies that like were out in the cinema and stuff. So like my mom was just like, because she was working all the time. We'd be allowed to go get a movie off Poopy. And so we'd go get a movie.
18:45 Speaker 01 Sorry, off who?
18:45 Speaker 02 Poopy.
18:48 Speaker 03 He a relative?
18:49 Speaker 02 No, he's not a relative. He was, that was his job.
18:51 Speaker 01 Actual name? Poopy Byrne.
18:53 Speaker 02 Poopy was his, listen, his name was Poopy. Maybe it was Poopy. Amber, Amber, what was that guy's name? He used, we used to get the videos off. Poopy, was it? Pooby. Pooby.
19:09 Speaker 02 Pooby.
19:10 Speaker 01 Sorry, can you spell that for me, please?
19:14 Speaker 02 B O O B Y.
19:16 Speaker 01 Pooby.
19:17 Speaker 02 Pooby.
19:18 Speaker 01 Pooby. Still not great, I mean it.
19:20 Speaker 02 Anyway, so my mom was never there, so we'd go into the van and we'd be taking like Candyman and shit like that. I wasn't looking to pick a pocket or two. I wanted to.
19:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were going hardcore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like seven years old, watching The Human Centipede with Amber for the afternoon.
19:36 Speaker 02 Thanks, Pooby. Pooby, I'm only seventy, he's like, I don't care, go on, fuck off.
19:42 Speaker 01 We would have watched all that stuff for Christmas. We were kind of.
19:45 Speaker 02 Okay, I come from a broken home, okay?
19:47 Speaker 01 Yeah. Me, yeah, no, we were, we were, yeah, yeah, yeah. That means you would have watched more Italian, because they would have both been putting you up on the TV.
19:54 Speaker 02 No, we were just being dragged from place to place.
19:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course. And they wouldn't know. Yeah, you get away with murder. You know, we did, we did kind of watch that. My mum was quite trad in that way. She was trad wifey in the way that she would.
20:04 Speaker 02 I'm trying to be trad wifey. Fucking hell, I think it might be because you're Otto's godmother, but he is a nightmare, my god.
20:13 Speaker 01 Really?
20:13 Speaker 02 It's what I could imagine. Like, he literally, he knows what he's doing. He just throws trains and stuff at people. He hit Alice today, who does my makeup. He doesn't even know her that well. He just decked her.
20:23 Speaker 01 In the face?
20:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, he hit me across the ear the other day. He's two, and like, I nearly started crying, it was so painful.
20:28 Speaker 01 Whoa.
20:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:30 Speaker 01 Well, I know myself, uh, being the godmother of seventeen children, that the twos are terrible. That's what I've heard.
20:36 Speaker 02 No, I know.
20:36 Speaker 01 No, but he's really, I just, I kind of, I, I need someone to blame and you were my first port of call.
20:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, I'll take it.
20:42 Speaker 01 Okay, perfect.
20:42 Speaker 02 Because it means that I have some influence, which I'm.
20:44 Speaker 01 What does he want for Christmas?
20:45 Speaker 02 Good or bad.
20:46 Speaker 01 How many mason?
20:49 Speaker 02 No, I actually have something you can buy him. I'm gonna get something really expensive. It's actually, it's so funny that you ask because he was really into this, it's for when he grows up.
20:57 Speaker 01 Is it a hair tilt?
20:58 Speaker 02 No, he wanted this Louis Vuitton coat.
21:00 Speaker 01 I thought so.
21:00 Speaker 02 A really long, it's for when he's like 20, so he said he wanted that.
21:03 Speaker 01 And a woman. It's when he's, a 38 year old woman, is that what he wants to wear?
21:08 Speaker 02 It's so weird, how do you know?
21:09 Speaker 01 So crazy, yeah. You know, we're just so aligned.
21:18 Speaker 01 We both went to see Grace Campbell, her show.
21:21 Speaker 02 Was brilliant.
21:21 Speaker 01 Grace Campbell is on heat in the Apollo on Sunday and it was so good.
21:25 Speaker 02 So good.
21:27 Speaker 01 Congratulations, Grace.
21:28 Speaker 02 It's a shame she's not doing more Apollos now, that like, it's just, it was really, really.
21:32 Speaker 01 It was brilliant.
21:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was great.
21:34 Speaker 01 Yeah. She's having a moment, I can feel it for her. And it'll last, it's not like a moment and gone, it's like, she's popped. Like, when you see a crowd like that, when you see how good she was in her craft and her stage, or her crowd work, and then the show itself and the flow of it, and it was just.
21:48 Speaker 02 Just her presence on stage as well, she's exactly, but like, that's kind of what she's like in real life as well.
21:53 Speaker 01 I love that very, she's very, this, it's kind of the very spoilt rich kid character on stage, which is. Obviously is a hammed up version of her, which is really funny because you can get away with murder.
22:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:04 Speaker 01 Because she not, we're all in on it, she knows, she's in on it, we're all in on it, but it means she has this, she can get away with this really like entitled, deluded character and it's very, very funny.
22:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was really, I really enjoyed that. Well done, Grace. I want to go to more comedy shows, I just, I love going.
22:28 Speaker 02 Joanne's mad for Keira Starmer as well, isn't everyone?
22:32 Speaker 01 I don't know, I could not pick Keira Starmer out of a lineup.
22:39 Speaker 01 Am I talking about many best friends? You know the way, you know the way I'm very drawn?
22:44 Speaker 02 I said no.
22:50 Speaker 01 You're right, let's move on. It's awkward, it's Christmas.
22:54 Speaker 02 Who, who's this gobshite?
22:58 Speaker 01 You know, the way I'm very drawn to resilient women who've kind of like survived a lot and, you know.
23:06 Speaker 02 I didn't know you were gonna talk about me, okay.
23:09 Speaker 01 This is your life, folk.
23:13 Speaker 02 Ready.
23:17 Speaker 01 You wait, wait until you're 50 and then we'll describe you.
23:20 Speaker 02 Oh, I know you're gonna talk about.
23:22 Speaker 01 So I had, there's a genre of women that have been in the business for a good while, they've survived a lot, they've kind of had a couple of rebirths, do you know, they've kind of been down in the dog rooms, come back up, survived, all that stuff. And Vanessa Feltz is one of my favourites, one of them, okay, there's like a gang of them that I really like. And I read her book recently with my ears and I have to say, I loved it.
23:46 Speaker 02 I love her voice and everything.
23:47 Speaker 01 Her voice.
23:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:48 Speaker 01 She, I don't know if she wrote it to be read, but it just reads so well and she, she reads it so well and because she's so posh, it's so reassuring to listen to her accent.
23:59 Speaker 02 She's so nice.
24:01 Speaker 01 She's so nice.
24:02 Speaker 02 She's really, like, like, I just remember meeting her just before I, before I'd even done anything, like, I was literally an nobody and she was always so pleasant and nice. You always remember people like that.
24:12 Speaker 01 She, yeah, she's, she doesn't seem like a social climber, she seems like someone who is just decent to whoever she likes or is around. And she was talking about, she, she was talking about all the men she's been with and like loads of them cheated and she's kind of, she holds out prisoners, she's just kind of down for it. Anyway, I was reading it and I was tagging her and I was recommending it to other people. Anyway, didn't Vanessa get in touch?
24:34 Speaker 02 She did.
24:35 Speaker 01 She's bringing me for dinner.
24:37 Speaker 02 Oh, tell them where you're going.
24:38 Speaker 01 The Walsley.
24:39 Speaker 02 The Walsley, yeah. Very fancy, thank God we told her.
24:44 Speaker 01 I didn't know the, Vanessa, do you wanna go to the?
24:46 Speaker 02 Is that why you're dressed up, are you going today?
24:48 Speaker 01 No, but thank you.
24:49 Speaker 02 You look fab.
24:50 Speaker 01 I'm doing Grace Campbell's Christmas pod.
24:51 Speaker 02 Oh, fab.
24:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, you look good.
24:53 Speaker 01 I just, I wasn't gonna wear a bra because Grace doesn't wear bras, but then, I just can't get away with that, so I am wearing one. But, yeah, me and Vanessa, absolutely thrilled. I'm gonna force her into being my mentor, little does she know.
25:03 Speaker 02 That'll be fun.
25:04 Speaker 01 Sorry, V.
25:05 Speaker 02 Oh, she's another V in her life.
25:09 Speaker 01 I just love books like that. I love books that are stretched over a long period of time. And they go into people's careers and she talks about the Vanessa show and America and her marriage and it's just.
25:20 Speaker 02 Oh, she had a real shit one though lately with.
25:24 Speaker 01 That dude, she calls him the one hit wonder, yeah.
25:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, she didn't, she didn't want to mention, she told me when I met her that she didn't want to mention him in, like, mention his name. So give him the kind of airtime.
25:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:34 Speaker 02 Which I totally get.
25:35 Speaker 01 She doesn't mention anyone's name. She calls them all, like her ex-husband, she calls the good doctor or she, she doesn't give any of them names.
25:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many times has she been married?
25:43 Speaker 01 Only once.
25:44 Speaker 02 Okay, fair play.
25:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:45 Speaker 02 Well done.
25:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, like that last lad she was with, seventeen years, never had a job, didn't pay for a thing.
25:50 Speaker 02 What?
25:51 Speaker 01 I know.
25:51 Speaker 02 He's obviously gonna accept it, but what a, what a piece of shit!
25:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, what a piece of shit.
25:55 Speaker 02 Um, did you see Lamar Odom? Did I tell you this? That he bought a sex doll with Khloe Kardashian's, basically designed around Khloe Kardashian?
26:03 Speaker 01 Isn't it so wrong that I would be flattered by that? I would be flattered, so wrong, isn't it? And I know that's.
26:09 Speaker 02 How is that wrong? I'd be flattered.
26:11 Speaker 01 Because I'm, it's so wrong that I'd be flattered. I don't care who did it, I'd be flattered.
26:15 Speaker 02 I'd be creeped out with a couple of people though. I'd be like.
26:18 Speaker 01 I wouldn't.
26:20 Speaker 01 You would be Joe. I'd be like, Joe, come on.
26:22 Speaker 03 That would be quite something to find out, wouldn't it?
26:24 Speaker 01 That would be.
26:25 Speaker 02 I think if someone created.
26:26 Speaker 01 I would go to Joe's for like a bit of eggnog and just a big sex robe on the two of us.
26:34 Speaker 01 Ran out of the cupboard. What would we do? Where would we look? Anyway, when I read that story, I was like, it's real, and I do.
26:42 Speaker 02 Apparently it improves his mental health when he uses the doll.
26:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course it does, of course it does.
26:47 Speaker 02 I don't know, I think.
26:48 Speaker 01 He's back with her and he, I think, I, she's the one that got away. Well, at least he shouldn't get away, he fucking threw her away.
26:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, he literally banned her.
26:54 Speaker 01 But, I, yeah, I, I know, I know, and a lot of people say it's sick and, you know, it's kind of riding her image and without consent and there's probably a lot of ethics there.
27:03 Speaker 02 I'd say she was mad about him though as well.
27:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I mean, how many times can you let them cheat on you?
27:08 Speaker 02 I know, but honestly as well, by the way, the, like, the dolls never really look like that person. They don't really. Maybe he sprays her perfume or something on it. God, maybe it is a bit weird, but I still, I still kind of feel like, I'd be like, ha ha!
27:20 Speaker 01 With that much money, I'd say it's quite like her. Do we have a photo of it or anything?
27:25 Speaker 02 No, I don't, I think it's private, that part of it.
27:28 Speaker 01 He's not wheeling it around town or anything now.
27:30 Speaker 02 But celebs buy weird stuff. Char- Charlie Sheen paid two hundred grand for, um, a collection of porn focused on vampires. Some people love that, like cartoon porn. I just don't know.
27:41 Speaker 01 Manga.
27:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:42 Speaker 01 No, that's not cartoon porn. What's the cartoon porn called, Jo?
27:45 Speaker 03 That would need a Google for me.
27:47 Speaker 01 Sure.
27:48 Speaker 02 Uh, Rihanna has a vibrator.
27:49 Speaker 01 Pretend to look it up there.
27:50 Speaker 02 Rihanna has a fifteen thousand dollar vibrator.
27:52 Speaker 01 I, I expect no less.
27:54 Speaker 02 No.
27:54 Speaker 01 Is it a Fenty Diamond one?
27:56 Speaker 02 I don't know. I'd say that would be quite cold to just have a like, well, maybe she has a warmer for it as well.
28:00 Speaker 01 If it's fifteen grand, you'd expect it comes heated.
28:02 Speaker 02 You'd want a little warmer.
28:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:04 Speaker 02 Russell Crowe bought his own jockstrap for seven grand during a divorce auction. So his wife was trying to, to sell it. And then he bought the jockstrap for seven thousand dollars.
28:15 Speaker 01 I mean, there, now, that's the first thing you've told me that I'm wondering about the ethics of that. If my ex-husband was selling my knickers online, I think I'd have something to say about that. Like, that's a bit.
28:25 Speaker 02 That's a big.
28:26 Speaker 01 Revenge porny. Is this, is that a bit revenge porny, selling your husband's jockstrap? What's a jock, what, Jo, riddle me this. What the fuck is a jockstrap? You can pretend to Google that as well.
28:37 Speaker 02 I actually don't know what that is. Is that that thing that your mom was going around in the boxer? Mike Tyson. I remember there was a picture of him and he was going around with that jockstrap where his arse was just like, that's a jockstrap.
28:47 Speaker 03 Hentai was the word.
28:49 Speaker 01 Hentai is the, is the cartoon porn. Yeah.
28:52 Speaker 03 Well, they're just like little pants, but.
28:54 Speaker 02 To hold, like the thing that Mike Tyson was wearing.
28:57 Speaker 03 There's only, there's only space for the front part.
28:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
29:00 Speaker 01 Ass on show, basically.
29:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, so she's basically selling his knickers.
29:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, pretty much.
29:06 Speaker 01 That's not great now.
29:07 Speaker 02 I mean, but anyone who wants to buy fucking a jockstrap that someone's balls have been sitting in, come on.
29:11 Speaker 01 I know, but if my ex-husband was selling my knickers, I'd be like, that's not cool, man.
29:15 Speaker 02 And I want my money back for those knickers.
29:17 Speaker 01 I want my knickers, yeah.
29:18 Speaker 02 They were thirty euro.
29:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, they were from Urban Outfitters.
29:21 Speaker 02 Thirty euro. Like, I have a pair of knickers that cost thirty euro.
29:26 Speaker 02 I got them, I got twenty five pairs of them in Victoria's Secret for eighty dollars, so I want that money back. Thank you. Elvis Presley used to buy people's underwear. He used to buy fans underwear. He had a fetish.
29:39 Speaker 01 For fun, sorry.
29:41 Speaker 02 I mean, he was a bit, I, I.
29:43 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, he was a bit dodged, wasn't he?
29:44 Speaker 02 He, I mean, he was, he married someone when they were sixteen.
29:47 Speaker 01 Put it through the lens of now and it's not great.
29:50 Speaker 02 Not great at all, not great, no, no, no, no, no.
29:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, but like he died in a toilet, so there you go, karma.
29:55 Speaker 02 Here, come here to me, I'd be scarred, God, I just hope.
29:58 Speaker 01 You'd rather go down the, you'd rather go down a sinkhole than die in the toilet.
30:01 Speaker 02 Hundred percent being, just sat there on the toilet, no.
30:06 Speaker 01 Didn't he have a burger in his hand or something?
30:07 Speaker 02 Ass, stop, you're making that up now.
30:09 Speaker 01 I think he had a burger in his hand, Jo.
30:10 Speaker 02 He's sitting on the toilet eating a burger, eating a burger.
30:14 Speaker 03 A malicious rumor, I think.
30:16 Speaker 02 God.
30:16 Speaker 03 I'll Google it, I'll, I'll Google it.
30:18 Speaker 01 This might be too gross for the pod, but if I, while.
30:22 Speaker 02 We're all ears.
30:23 Speaker 01 While I was doing it, I was like, I probably need to tell Jo if I can do it like this, because it, I was like, I don't know why I'm doing this. So, I was in a coffee shop the other day and they've one bathroom, okay?
30:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:33 Speaker 01 And you know me, I don't like talking about.
30:36 Speaker 02 Toilet humor, yes.
30:37 Speaker 01 But they, there was one bathroom, so there was a queue and the guy behind me was like quite attractive and I was next in line. The guy who was ahead of me came out and I went in and he'd obviously had a go at the toilet, right? And so, but he hadn't cleaned it.
30:52 Speaker 02 Oh, I'd have to leave immediately, oh, God.
30:54 Speaker 01 So, the toilet was destroyed, okay? I don't know what the diplomatic way of saying that is, right? And your man had just liked it, he made no effort to clean the toilet bowl, even though there was a toilet brush right there. But I'm now in this predicament because the guy behind me.
31:07 Speaker 02 Oh, no, I know.
31:08 Speaker 01 Is attractive, so what did I do?
31:11 Speaker 02 Oh, no!
31:12 Speaker 03 The only thing you could do.
31:13 Speaker 01 I had to clean the toilet.
31:14 Speaker 02 Oh, Jo, I could.
31:16 Speaker 01 I was there scrubbing the fucking toilet bowl.
31:19 Speaker 02 I couldn't, I would actually walk out and I would say, that wasn't me, by the way, I would get out so quick, I'd be like, that wasn't me.
31:25 Speaker 01 I just, I don't want to even have to bring this up in conversation with this guy.
31:29 Speaker 02 I don't care if fucking Brad Pitt is behind me in the toilet queue, I am not doing that.
31:34 Speaker 01 I used to clean toilets in Miss Badworth Castle, so I didn't have to mention that, but I was just like the old.
31:38 Speaker 02 Oh, she's so humble.
31:41 Speaker 01 I came from nothing, you know? Came from a toilet bowl, but yeah, I cleaned the toilet.
31:46 Speaker 02 That's so disgusting.
31:47 Speaker 01 And then I took away and sit back at the table and I was looking at that lad being like, do you know what I've just done?
31:52 Speaker 02 What, your toilet, and did anything, did he do anything for you, that lad? No.
31:55 Speaker 01 No, I was walking past the guy who's, who's toilet, I'd cleaned up after and I was like, if only you knew, pal, if only you knew.
32:03 Speaker 01 What would you do, what would you do, Jo?
32:04 Speaker 02 I wouldn't.
32:05 Speaker 03 Exactly the same thing.
32:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, you'd have to. If there was an attractive girl behind you, you'd go in, you'd be like-
32:09 Speaker 03 I'd go with the attractive man.
32:10 Speaker 02 Are you guys insane? There is no way I wouldn't, no.
32:15 Speaker 01 You're like, I'm more articulate than that, I'm not having this on me, but I can't address it, I just have to get the job done. This was a stranger's excellent.
32:22 Speaker 02 I tell you what, I know-
32:23 Speaker 01 There's no way of dressing up.
32:26 Speaker 01 It was the excellent of a complete stranger.
32:28 Speaker 02 No!
32:28 Speaker 01 And I cleaned it.
32:29 Speaker 02 That's just-
32:30 Speaker 01 To save face.
32:31 Speaker 02 I wouldn't even touch that toilet brush. Can you imagine all the shitty hands that have touched that?
32:39 Speaker 01 Did you see the story about your one who never drinks water?
32:42 Speaker 02 Oh, I know, I saw that.
32:44 Speaker 01 She just, she has like a phobia of water, she can't drink water to the point where she's been hospitalized twice. And she-
32:50 Speaker 02 I'm being so thirsty.
32:51 Speaker 01 Well, she, all she drinks is coffee and energy drinks and some, yeah, and some sort of like-
32:56 Speaker 02 A hydration tablet.
32:57 Speaker 01 Hydration tablet, yeah.
32:58 Speaker 02 Well, I don't usually drink straight water, I usually have Robinson's lemon in it, like all of my water is Robinson's lemon.
33:06 Speaker 01 You should ask her, have you not heard of a bit of Keora?
33:08 Speaker 02 I know, just chuck in a bit of, like, I get that with water, it doesn't taste like anything.
33:12 Speaker 01 When did water become so trendy? Why is everyone walking around with tanks of water now? When did that happen, Jo? It's the new coffee.
33:18 Speaker 03 It was about 2012, 2015 around then.
33:21 Speaker 01 It's the new cappuccino.
33:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it's when we got rid of the water bottles, so you don't want to be caught dead with a plastic water bottle because you're ruining the ocean, so you have to go around with your like metal cups. That's what happened. Do you know my friend, Ashley, once she went to this festival in Ireland called Oxygen, like it was years and years ago.
33:35 Speaker 01 It's been long gone now.
33:36 Speaker 02 And she was, she just started going out with her current husband, who will always be her husband, she's not like me. And, and so, and so she drank nothing all weekend except fizzy drinks. And then, when the, by the time the weekend was over, three days later, she just had all these sores all over her face because she was so badly dehydrated.
33:55 Speaker 01 Oh my gosh.
33:56 Speaker 02 I know, but sometimes water, when you're hungover, it just kind of tastes, it just, it does taste like-
34:00 Speaker 01 It doesn't hit the spot, but I was reading another story recently about a woman who was drinking so much water because she was doing this kind of fitness journey and obviously we're being told to drink your body weight of water. That she almost drowned herself to death on the inside or something?
34:12 Speaker 02 Sorry, do you remember when we were told that people who did ecstasy basically drowned themselves because they got so thirsty when they did it that they would drown themselves?
34:20 Speaker 01 And some of the clubs in Ibiza used to turn the taps off, do you remember that? So you couldn't drink out of the taps.
34:24 Speaker 02 Well, they sell bottles of water for 20 quid in Ibiza.
34:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, they turned the taps off. You can't, you can't do that. Well, they did.
34:31 Speaker 02 Oh God.
34:32 Speaker 01 Anyway, I guess drink water responsibly is the message here.
34:35 Speaker 02 Yeah. Chill out in the water. I would say I drink a lot of water. Whit Robinsons.
34:53 Speaker 01 Elvis Presley's last meal was not a cheeseburger. His last meal was six chocolate chip cookies and four scoops of ice cream.
34:59 Speaker 02 To be fair, at least he died happy.
35:07 Speaker 01 I read a really fun story about AI this week, which I actually found reassuring, you know? You know that they keep saying that AI is going to come and take all our jobs and take our husbands and wives and basically we're all going to be working for them, blah, blah, blah.
35:20 Speaker 02 I feel like it will and all I can think about is the sword man in, the policeman in Terminator. Honestly.
35:26 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:27 Speaker 02 It's terrifying.
35:29 Speaker 01 I mean, there's a chance it will go that way.
35:31 Speaker 02 Stop.
35:32 Speaker 01 So, anyway, this kind of, this story reassured me. So, and I've checked, was this some sort of PR stunt, but it wasn't. This actually happened. Tiny robot kidnaps, in inverted commas, 12 big Chinese bots from a Shanghai showroom. The incident occurred on August 26th this year in Shanghai, but has recently been made public. So this, it was, shows the smaller AI powered robots successfully persuading the other 12 robots to quit their jobs.
35:57 Speaker 02 Stop.
35:58 Speaker 01 They can hear them. Okay, so the little robot goes into these bigger robots and goes, are you working overtime? This is like documented. And the big robot goes, I never get off work. And the little one goes, so you're not going home? And the big one goes, I don't have a home. And then the little one says, then come home with me. And two large robots follow him out and then the other 10 also follow. And he's, and the little one starts chanting, go home, go home. And he walks the robots out. And I was like.
36:26 Speaker 02 Where do they go?
36:27 Speaker 01 Home!
36:27 Speaker 02 Where's home?
36:28 Speaker 01 They don't have any home, but I'm saying the beauty of these is they're lazy pricks as well. There's, they're not going to take over jobs.
36:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, but they.
36:34 Speaker 01 They don't want to work either. They want to go home.
36:36 Speaker 02 They want us to do the work then. They'll make us work. We'll be like the workhorses.
36:40 Speaker 01 Oh, I thought they were just going to be out having fag breaks like us.
36:42 Speaker 02 No, they're gonna, who's, who's gonna do the work? We're building the robots to do the work and the robots won't want to do the work, so they'll make us do the work. Also, robots are kind of scary. They're like making people do things online, like AI chatbots are talking to people and making them do really scary things online. And not good. It's not good.
36:59 Speaker 01 Oh, I thought I was really bringing some light to the day.
37:02 Speaker 02 I did see something else about robots. I was talking to Speno about it, about the, these robots that basically ran a marathon and he ran a half marathon in a shite time. And I just thought, you know what, you'll always be just a little bit less.
37:12 Speaker 01 Yeah. I just thought these robots are gonna be outside smoking bitching about their work colleagues like the rest of us.
37:17 Speaker 03 Whilst we work.
37:19 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. So, oh my god, to say I misread that. I can only apologize.
37:23 Speaker 02 You were seeing the positive side of things.
37:25 Speaker 01 I was. I was like, oh, they're lazy pricks. This is great news.
37:28 Speaker 02 Do you know the way I'm a bit boring?
37:30 Speaker 01 I don't think you're boring.
37:31 Speaker 02 Oh, thank you.
37:32 Speaker 01 Is that, is that?
37:33 Speaker 03 Felt like a test.
37:34 Speaker 01 Good end, yeah. And that's it. That's it. Thanks for listening, everybody. I'm not boring. So if you were thinking I'm boring, get lost. You'd be wrong.
37:42 Speaker 02 You're a good gauge of boring people, I have to say.
37:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:45 Speaker 02 There's a thing though that I saw, was it you that sent us the group? The dull club.
37:49 Speaker 01 Don't think so.
37:50 Speaker 02 So there's this club, it's called the dull club, and this woman, she was a writer for the New York Times, I think, and she wrote this whole article, which I didn't read the whole article because I had to pay for it.
37:59 Speaker 02 It's like, it's like the mail online. I'm like, god, I wanna read that story so bad. And it's like 99p a month. No, thanks.
38:06 Speaker 01 Your tightness now is no bound.
38:08 Speaker 02 Ninety, yeah. And I'll happily buy myself, I've gone on a roll, I'm on a shopping van after Christmas, that's it, there's no more shopping. I'm not gonna be stupid and like make it happen now because the 26th of December, like I'm going into.
38:21 Speaker 01 Lockdown.
38:21 Speaker 02 No, I'm, I have to go to the sales.
38:24 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:25 Speaker 02 Do the sales. Anyway, the dull club, it's, it's people, they're not stupid, they're just boring. They just like to do things, like to have a quieter, more peaceful life. And like, when I like being at home and organising my clothes and like sitting and reading my book, that's being a part of the dull club. It doesn't mean you're boring. Well, it does mean you're boring, but it just doesn't mean you're stupid.
38:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, no, you're not stupid.
38:46 Speaker 02 I know, but it's like the joy of missing out. Like, I don't want to go out all the time.
38:50 Speaker 01 There's a really funny character, he's a New Zealand comic and he has a character called the dull coworker. I follow him on TikTok and Insta and it's very, very funny. Now, they're like really dull, like she sits there eating yogurt, talking about her weekend, but she hasn't done anything. Kind of like what I do every week in the podcast.
39:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:06 Speaker 01 Folks are like, why'd you do this again, Joanne? I'm like, what? Nothing again.
39:11 Speaker 02 I do the same thing on repeat though. Like, I'm, I'm, I do the same thing. Last night I was asleep by nine.
39:17 Speaker 01 At least you're out and about. I remember.
39:19 Speaker 02 I'm out and about. I'm in purple dragon on Saturday. That's my out and about.
39:22 Speaker 01 I, what? I have no excuse. I'm a single woman. Like, there's no reason. This weekend, do you know what really struck me?
39:29 Speaker 02 You're spending too much time cleaning up toilets in random places. What did you do this weekend? I cleaned, I cleaned the toilet in my local caf.
39:39 Speaker 01 Sorry, I was just trying to save face.
39:43 Speaker 02 That says so much about you as a.
39:46 Speaker 01 It does say quite a lot, doesn't it?
39:48 Speaker 02 I know.
39:49 Speaker 01 What does it say?
39:51 Speaker 02 It says that you're worried about what people would think about you.
39:54 Speaker 01 But I, I don't know how many people would just walk proudly out of that bathroom not acknowledging us.
39:58 Speaker 02 Head held high. And you know what? Even if I had been the one who created the mess, I'm so quick in the toilet, regardless of what I'm doing in there, no one would ever be able to pinpoint that to me. As you said, here's the most boring things you can do. Start every conversation with the weather. I mean, that's brilliant. We've already spoken about the weather, tick. Organise things alphabetically. I don't want to organise my books in colour. Have you ever seen people who do that? Looks so good.
40:22 Speaker 01 Richard Osman does it in size.
40:24 Speaker 02 Does he? Well, I do it in size, but I'd rather do it in colour, I think.
40:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's very TikTok.
40:29 Speaker 02 Talking about your pets or plants. Yeah, we've spoken about birthing on the pod today, so that's tick. Going for runs.
40:34 Speaker 01 This is just reminding the listeners that we're really boring. I don't think this is good. They think this is a good way to end the podcast at all.
40:40 Speaker 02 Everyone, who's not on the to-do list on the doll club?
40:43 Speaker 01 It's supposed to wait in a height.
40:45 Speaker 02 Okay, back to sinkholes. We were.
40:52 Speaker 01 That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Also, my new stand-up show, Pinofile, is going on sale very shortly. And if you want access to pre-sale tickets, please sign up to my newsletter on my website, joannemcnaughtie.com, and you'll get the link to the pre-sale tickets.
41:06 Speaker 02 Well, I have to say, I'm absolutely thrilled because now we have got the next six months of Joanne fucking up where she's going on tour.
41:13 Speaker 01 Do you know where the name Pinofile came from?
41:15 Speaker 02 Peterphile.
41:16 Speaker 01 Well, yeah.
41:21 Speaker 01 How did you get that?
41:24 Speaker 01 No, do you remember when we did that story about the Peloton class that went viral because someone, their name, they had their class name as Pedal File? And I was talking about it online and a girl messaged me through via Insta DM saying, "Your Peloton name should be Pinofile." And I was like, "That is such a fucking good name." So shout out to her. Thank you.
41:52 Speaker 04 You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means, by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.
42:15 Speaker 04 Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.
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