Seat 1A, Bunking Off & A Sexy Priest

Has the world not moved on from sexy priests? Absolutely not... Plus, an epic story of two young Irish lads on an adventure, a triggering recommendation from Joanne & why Vogue needs to be on the "A" side of the plane. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com Joanne's comedy gigs: www.joannemcnally.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Observe. The North American Dad. 50s. Great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, "Dang, that's a good offer." The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him "boss." He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with myself, Joanne McNally, and my confidante, co-presenter and sexy work wife, Voguen.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  I have a culture corner recommendation that is so gruesome, I actually don't think I can start with it, but I'm dying to tell you about it.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Oh, is that a little tease? Are we doing like they do on the radio? Is this a little tease for the end?

• 1:13Speaker 02

  Sure. Yeah, let's tease.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  Stay tuned, because that's...

• 1:16Speaker 04

  Well, I actually...

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Putting out a little cultural suspender there, a little suggestion of something.

• 1:23Speaker 04

  Well, no, I don't think everyone on the edge of their seats completely, but I too have a little cultural corner for you coming up.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Do stick around until the end.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Well, I guarantee you, fucking wait until you hear mine.

• 1:38Speaker 04

  Joanne, wait until you hear mine.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  All right, go on.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  We're teasing, we're teasing.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry, I forgot about that. I've no sense of delayed gratification, sorry.

• 1:51Speaker 04

  I have some shameful, shameful news.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  So I know-

• 1:56Speaker 02

  My favourite kind of news.

• 1:59Speaker 04

  Well, I have been flying quite a lot of late, back and forths to Ireland. And I've been hopping on the Ryanair train, because you know I'd usually hit up Aer Lingus, but I've been going from Gatwick and stuff like that, and the timings have been better. There's a couple of things that I have an issue with Ryanair. First of all, it doesn't take an hour and a half to get to London. I think I said this last week, that's how much time they give you just so they're on time. And secondly-

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Vogue, I have to interrupt you there, that's depending on the wind.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  No, no, no, it's either 50 minutes or it's an hour.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  If the wind is behind you pushing you along, it's quicker.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  If the wind's behind you, it's 50 minutes. And if the wind, if you've got a headwind, it's one hour.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  I know, I know. I'm telling you, so.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:39Speaker 04

  But they put an hour and a half, no, it's because I fly all the time. It's because they put, not that you don't, but like, you're a space journeying, I'm not.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  I, yeah, I know. I have no concept of time. I once woke up, I thought we were taking off-

• 2:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, I remember wicked.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Do you remember, remember I woke up once, I thought we were taking off and we were landing, do you remember that?

• 2:57Speaker 04

  Oh my god, that's so lucky.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I was in the middle seat. How I managed to do it, I do not know. And I wasn't even drinking, I was just absolutely wrecked.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  That's so, that's like time travel.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  I was like, I'd say the jaw was hanging off me and the fucking eyes rolling in the back of my head.

• 3:14Speaker 04

  You didn't even do it, you didn't do one of them?

• 3:17Speaker 02

  No, nothing, I was, I was, I'd been gigging the night before, I'd done it for three shows and a half. I was absolutely wrecked, and I woke up and I was like, oh, here we go. I was, I was out waiting, I had the eye out for the drinks trolley, and next thing people were buckling themselves. I was like, what happened?

• 3:33Speaker 04

  They must have been raging though, they see you getting the flight and they're like, we'll make a fortune off this now.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  And you sleep all asleep.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Damn it, she's so locked, she's the one, she buys scratch cards, no, she doesn't know what she's doing.

• 3:46Speaker 04

  No matter what I do, if I sleep, if I sleep sitting off on flights, like, I'll always wake up. I think it's because of the weight of my jaw, because my mouth is so big.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, fair.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  And it drops so, and I'm like, ugh, and pulls my whole head down.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, that 10kg has to go into your seat, love, you're like- Won't fit, it won't fit. Like, it's attached to my jaw, and there's nothing I can do about it. See Ryanair trying to get you to fit it into one of their little bad fitters.

• 4:13Speaker 04

  Good luck, my friend. It's not going near that.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  So, sorry, go on.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  Anyway, here's my shameful, my shameful story. So basically, like, I always fly and I like to sit on a window seat because it's for, for sleepage. So if I'm not flying with the kids, I'll always be in a window seat. Now I've upped my game and I realised this from the last time I flew home, I flew over Houth. If you sit in the left hand side of the plane, you can see it, you fly over Houth. But I was in the other side of the plane and I wasn't flying over Houth another time. So I did both last week and I was like, huh, I feel a bit more sad today. And I was more sad because I hadn't flown over Houth. So I had to mail my manager and tell her that I knew I was being an insane diva, but I would like to be in the ABCs.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Okay. Well, you mean the As?

• 5:06Speaker 04

  No, because it goes A. I don't care if I'm one to 20, A, B or C, fine, whatever.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  So you take the aisle so you can see Houth?

• 5:15Speaker 04

  No, I take the window seat, but you have to be on the left hand side of the plane, which the seats are all one, A, B, C, two, A, B, A, C, three, A, B, C.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  You need A, you have to be A.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  You couldn't be C. Oh, well, yeah, that's what I mean. Just basically, I want to be on that side on a window seat. That's where I have to sit.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  So it's A. Just so we're, just so we're clear about the alphabet here, you mean A?

• 5:34Speaker 03

  B and C don't, they don't work.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Because if Louis.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Two A as well. If I, if I have to be close to two A.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  If she books you, I'm just worried she'll book you a C and you'll fucking blow the plane up. I'm just worried she'll kick off.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  I'd be extremely confused if I was sat in an aisle seat. I would be extremely confused.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  There's nowhere.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  Upon landing.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  There's nowhere to fly a plane into in Ireland, really, is there?

• 5:56Speaker 04

  You could still do the Cip too building. The Cip too building is still pretty big.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Molly Malone's chest.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  Mm hmm. Very buoyant. It would just pop back out.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  You've made your needs clear. Hopefully they're respected.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  There's not much else I ask for, just coffee and that, that's all I want and I'm a happy person.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Speaking of aviation disasters, Vogue.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, well, it was.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Having to look at the other side of Dublin.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  Not happy, I was a happy girl.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Did you see the hilarious forward slash gas story of the two Americans who went viral during the week? Who were backpacking around Europe, as Americans like to do. And they were going from Italy and they wanted to go and visit Nice in France. And they turned up the airport and they missed their flight. So they went up to an Italian, I think this is the information, Italian ticket desk and said, we'd like to go to Nice. And the woman went, no problemo and booked them two tickets to Nice. They only they realised that on the back of the airplane seat, you know, they have like the destination, it has Tunis, like T U N I S. Off they go to Africa.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Tunisia.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Tunisia. Yeah.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Quite different culturally, different places.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  But actually, because I was like, oh my God, you know, the way you wouldn't know what the fuck, because I didn't, I'm so thick, I didn't cop Tunis is Tunisia. Because I was like, I thought they were going to be fucking dine out in cheese boards, where did they end up? But Tunisia's actually, like, it's actually got a great reputation.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  It's a good holiday destination, but like, I mean, it's not great if you're looking for Nice. Nice has a very different vibe.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  It's a very different vibe, very different vibe. But anyway, off they went. They landed anyway, they were like, oh, we're in Africa. And they went up to a desk and then there was a bit of a language barrier. And even though people were going mad online, be like, it's fucking Americans and all, but it actually wasn't their fault in fairness. I know Americans can be a little loose with the geography, particularly when they refer to Europe like it's just one housing estate. Instead of like a billion different countries, they're just like, we're going to Europe. But in fairness to these girls, in their defence, the woman at the ticket desk, yeah, had obviously had, I don't know, I don't know what she was up to. Or was she taking the piss out of them or she genuinely misunderstood, but she sent them to Africa. My, the thing that I thought, do you know what I thought? I was like, they're obviously loaded if they went, if she was like.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  They probably maybe don't understand your hour or something.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Maybe it's to do, I don't know, maybe, I don't know, maybe we, I think we get ripped off for flights, but I think we get ripped off for flights in the UK, even in comparison to buying somewhere, a flight in Dublin. So maybe it was much cheaper for them and it's kind of similar to an interrailing vibe.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Maybe, maybe, maybe. To be honest, the Tunis and Tunis thing, I was like, how has that not happened more? Do you know that there's, especially when people have drinks in the airport, like, you know, I'm surprised, there's a Dublin in Australia and I'm honestly surprised I haven't ended up there at some point. In Australia in particular, because obviously so many Irish went over there, there's roads and towns called Kilkenny and Carlow and Armagh and all sorts of kells and all sorts of places. And all it would take is a couple of wine, a couple of breakfast wines and a bit of a language barrier with the ticket person.

• 9:23Speaker 04

  You're screwed. Do you know in Austria, they actually have a specific desk for people who thought they were going to Australia and have landed in Austria. Like it happens, it's actually not even about, remember that time I got on the plane that was not bound for Malaga and I was standing on the aircraft?

• 9:40Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  And I was just, no, no, did I, I must, I told you that story, I did, I did tell you that story.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Did you tell us that story?

• 9:48Speaker 04

  I was flying from Aberdeen.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Had you been drinking?

• 9:52Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, I hadn't been to bed yet.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  I remember that story.

• 9:56Speaker 04

  But I was at, yeah, I was at Aberdeen Airport and I actually boarded a flight that was not going to Malaga. And they were like, as I got on the plane and I gave my ticket, they were like, where are you going? I was like, Malaga. And they were like, this plane is not going to Malaga. Who let you on this plane?

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Well, that's, that's the question because, you know, who let you?

• 10:14Speaker 04

  Who let me on the plane?

• 10:15Speaker 02

  That's a huge security breach. I have to, I have to, I have to fact check you Vogue, you're not going to like this, but I have to fact check you. That Austria, Australia thing is, it's an urban myth. It was a marketing campaign from, it's not actually.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, sadly. It was just, it was like, do you know one of those marketing campaigns that just goes viral? Would you remember, it was like the ad for, remember the story that went around about the Korean man who divorced his wife? Because when he married her, she was really hot and when they kids, the kids were ugly.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  And they had, is that not true either?

• 10:43Speaker 02

  It was a PR stunt for a facial clinic, like for facelifts.

• 10:49Speaker 04

  What?

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. So the Australia marketing thing, I think was an ad for, I think it was a marketing campaign for Austria back in the day that kind of grew legs.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Boss.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  That's ruined for me.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  I know, sorry, I'm sorry.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  But they do, but they do do that. I was on a plane again last week and I did find it funny that the person was like, we're going to this place, going to London Gatwick. And I'm looking at him like, why does he keep repeating the fact that we're going to London Gatwick? But obviously it must happen quite often where people just kind of break through.

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• 12:20Speaker 00

  Observe. The North American dad. 50s. Great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, dang, that's a good offer. The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him boss. He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  Supposedly, a lot of people mix up Budapest and Bucharest as well, which I think is...

• 12:58Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  I, I actually think that's fair enough. I do think that that's fair enough.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Folks, you might know the story. Joe doesn't know it. It was a famous story. RTÉ did a radio documentary about it. It's called Don't Go Far. So it was two young Dublin lads, 1985. One's called Keith, one's called Noel. They're best mates. They're hanging around outside the front of the house. Their mother's like, well, one of their friends, they're not brothers. One of their mothers is like, I'm putting your dinner on, don't go far, right?

• 13:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  They were a bit of, they bunked off. You know what bunked off means, don't you, Joe? They went on the hop a bit, which is Irish.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  I'd use the same term.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  We're culturally not that different.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  We're not at all, Joe.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  Bunked, do you ever say Mitch? Remember some people used to say Mitching off school? That was my mom's generation, I suppose.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  I don't know that one.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  We'd say the hop. We were like, we're going on the hop.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Skiving is another one.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  We hopped.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  If I wasn't bunking off, I'd be skiving.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Skiving.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  I was in Bristol at the weekend, Joe.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, they definitely skived down there. That's what they.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  That's where you're from, isn't it?

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little bit further, but yeah, you're in the one.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  Somerset, Noel, Somerset?

• 14:08Speaker 02

  That's enough information, Joe. Let's keep it loose. Let's not make this personal. It's a business relationship. Don't be giving us your life story. Anyway, so the two young lads, they were hoppers, they were bunkers, they were skivers. So they decided to walk off to the dart station and they bunked on a dart and got out to Delery. Now, bearing in mind, I think they were 10, they were 10 years of age. They got out to Delery.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  There's nothing around. They're bored. They're like, this is shitcrack. They hop a bunk on to the ferry to Holyhead.

• 14:40Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. So they get on the ferry to Holyhead. And they'd done it before, but the last time they had been stung, when they landed, they'd been sent back, right? This time they landed, they were not stung. They ended up bunking onto a train to London.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  My God.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Their mothers are at home going, where the fuck are the lads? They got talking to a fellow train passenger who kind of was like, oh, these guys, what are they up to? Now, it was eighty-five, you know, different time.

• 15:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  This lad kind of admired their skill set and was like, he can stay in mine tonight if you want. Because obviously they were like, look, we've got plans for ourselves, you know, we're gonna see how far we can take this. So they stayed in this random person's house for the night, got up the next day, bunked on a tube to Heathrow. Now, there's not a penny in their pockets.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  This is the Irish charm for you, Jo. This is where the cultural differences do.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, it's a little kid charm, though.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  I never did this.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  So off they go to Heathrow. No one's been at it to them. No one checked their tickets. They walk through all the checkpoints, telling everyone, anyone they're asking, they're like, oh, my ma's behind me. They're like, okay.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Straight through Heathrow International Airport. Sorry, they did, they'd moneyed that they nicked from one of those fountains, the charity fountains, you know, that everyone puts.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  The thing where you used to put it, and it used to go round and round and round, you put it in the go around that ball.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  No, I think it's an actual fountain, like where people throw money into the water. I think they just scooped a couple of quid out for themselves.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. Okay, go on.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  So anyway, and then they, they were walking kind of alongside with this passenger, they're like, where are you going? He's like, I'm getting on this plane to New York. So the two lads were like, okay. So they walked onto the plane.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  No.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. They sat in two people's seats. The people came up and they're like, you're in our seats. They're like, no worries. They just walked down to the back of the plane and stood there. So they weren't even sitting down and taking off.

• 16:34Speaker 04

  Stop. They took off.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  On an Air India Boeing seven four seven.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  An Air India Boeing seven four seven had blown up off the Irish coast two months before, killing everyone on board. So they'd assumed that security was going to be tighter on these planes. Doors closed, plane takes off. Couple of minutes later, they're off to JFK. They land in JFK. They get off the plane, still no one notices. And the only person that stopped them was they went up to a policeman, forward slash cop, and said, which is the most Irish thing ever, how did we get into town?

• 17:11Speaker 02

  And he said, where have you come from? And then they're like, all right, the jig is up. We've come from Dublin. We've come from, yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  It's such a fun story.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  The furthest I ever got, do you ever remember when you were younger and you'd be like, I'm running away? And you'd pack a bag full of complete shite, like you could have a mug and everything. And you'd go off and you'd go down the road. I'd sit at the bus stop. That's as far as I'd ever get.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Oh, that is so weird.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  To New York.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  That is so weird that you say that because I, so I remember the first time I ran away and it was around the time where those see-through bags were really in fashion, those plastic see-through bags. And I got up as far as, my mother used to call it the ginnel. It was an alleyway up the top of the, the top of the cul-de-sac. And, and like that, it was just full of plates. Why did I bring plates?

• 17:57Speaker 04

  I used to bring really random stuff that you wouldn't need, like absolutely nothing. No toothbrush, no knickers for the next day or anything like that. Just random crap.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  I guess we were setting up shop. We were like, we're setting up a home in the alleyway. So I'm gonna eat my mother's delph. I took my favorite like, I always was like, where was I going with the delph? I had no money, you know?

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Those kids getting to New York, that is absolutely wild.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Maybe we only thought Pat and Sandra would notice or something they really cared about when missing, like their plates and cups and forks.

• 18:30Speaker 04

  When we were gone, it was like, it was probably quite the relief, actually.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:34Speaker 04

  The only time I kind of, I, I kind of ran away, I suppose, but I was like 16, but I basically, I told my mom that I was going over to stay in my dad's house. I told my dad I was going away with my friends' family. And then my friend told her parents that she was going away with my family. For some reason, no one rang each other and off we went to Ben and Medina together for, for a full week.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  That's fun.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  On a packet of holiday.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  That's fun.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  We had no money by the last day, so we had to just share a packet of salt and vinegar crisps and a, instead of getting water, we got two litres of coke.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  That's the joy of having parents who can't stand each other. Sorry, Sandra. I hope that's not.

• 19:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  I'm not crossing the line there.

• 19:13Speaker 04

  I don't even know if she fully knows that that whole thing happened. I don't actually think I've ever told her. She was, I'm sure she'll know now if she's listening, but like, we had a great holiday away. We went, we used to get the bus up to Marbella because we couldn't afford to get a taxi. Like, we'd, I think we'd about 300 euro each for the week. And, well, we made it last.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  I, I watched, I was watching, I was scrolling through the talk the other night and I saw there was a video of a woman who, the first, the first image on the video was of a child, like if, she could have, she's smaller than Gigi. So whatever age that is, I don't know, walking up the street, like this housing estate street. And the mother's filming her and she's like, I'm gonna kill her. And then it cuts to the fact that she put her to bed during the day. In this, in her, I think her, like the mother's bed. And the daughter was supposed to be napping and she got out of bed, opened, unlocked the patio door. And just left.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  What?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:09Speaker 04

  Did she, did she get her back? Yeah?

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, because the first image was of the girl coming back down the road, but the mother didn't even know she was gone.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  She was looking out the window and she saw her coming back and she dragged her in by the ear and then everyone was saying she was, she was abusing the kid and all. And she was like, I'm trying to teach her a lesson that you can't just bail. Like, you're four, do you know what I mean?

• 20:29Speaker 04

  My god.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  The last thing you want is a child with an adventurous spirit. I want a child like me who's just gonna rot in its bed all day.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  No, listen, I'd be doing that too. But it's, it's, it's funny because T, T is when he goes over to my brother's house, like he's allowed, he's allowed out onto the estate and they kind of play and he is, like, that is the joy to him. And he comes back and he tells me, he's like, I was like, oh, we were on our own, mummy. We were, and he's like, my brother said that they keep going up to people and he was like, hello, nice to meet you. And puts his hand down to shake her hand.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  What?

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  I'm like, oh god.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  Oh my god, how embarrassing.

• 21:08Speaker 04

  Because they do it, I know, because they do it in school and I'm like, oh my god, the Irish must be like, what the hell?

• 21:14Speaker 02

  You need to teach them how to glass people.

• 21:17Speaker 04

  I'd say just give, box them, box them.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Just chest pump, just chest pump right there. Chest pump them, theatre.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Those lads were Keith Byrne and Noel Murray. We should get them on.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  It's a great story. It's so, and the radio documentary is really, really well made. It's really, really good. It makes me miss the eighties, even though I don't remember the eighties, but I just, that kind of laissez faire attitude of like just kids running around unbelted on an airplane. I just, it's like, while everyone's just chain smoking and doing shots through their eyes. The glory days.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  We should ask people for any emails, if any, if anybody's got any stories of, of running away.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  Running away, yes.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  Send them in, hello at mtgmpod.com.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  Dot com. Yeah, great idea. Yeah. And, and explain to us, was anyone else taking Delph with them? I don't know why, I've never heard. That was a strange, I'm, I'm, I feel kind of seen that Vogue was doing it as well.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, I used to take my OMC, How Bizarre, just the, just the cassette, no cassette player, I think, but it was my favourite song, so I'd take that with me.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Do you remember those Fisher Price cassette kind of box speaker player things and you'd, and it had a mic on.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  It had a mic on a curly string attached to it and you could go around the board and you'd, you'd press like record on the cassette thing and then you'd be like, one, two, one, two. And you'd like, I'd sing and interview people and stuff. I bet you Pat's so, she hasn't an ounce of sentimentality. I guarantee she never kept any of those tapes. Probably, probably comedy gold and those things.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Say she couldn't wait to get rid of that child. Do you know what you were saying there about like being a child in the eighties, like, Amber asked me a question, what, what did you used to do when you were bored as a child? And I actually thought about it and I was like, we were never bored because we'd go outside, we'd all be playing manhunt or we'd be playing tip the can. Curbs. No one plays curbs anymore. Do you remember how good that game was?

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Curbs. Was that with the golf ball or something?

• 23:17Speaker 04

  Person. No, each person stood on a curve. You had a ball, so you were across the road. And you threw the ball and you had to see who hit the curb first. And then you were allowed to move closer and closer and closer. And then there's the winner. I was playing England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, inside, outside, inside scales with the kids the other day out of elastic bands. Do you remember that?

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. That is the most triggering thing I've ever heard. How do you remember that?

• 23:43Speaker 04

  Because I bought elastic bands for something and I was like, I can't waste these. And I was like, oh, my God, England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  This is the problem.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  And they loved it.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  We should be passing this stuff down like the Celts did. Do you know what I mean? We're supposed to be passing stuff down. Yeah, you should be passing tradition down to your younger kids. Not just handing them Peppa Pig and an iPad. In saying that, if I had a kid, I'd say, I'll have to get two tiny iPads and attach one to each eye. And take them off when it's 17. So like, don't get me wrong. I get the power of the iPad. It's like Valium for kids.

• 24:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, do you know what? It brings free time for parents, but another great game.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  So does England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, inside, outside, off the rails.

• 24:25Speaker 04

  And do you remember you put it up to your knees and you put it up on your thighs and you put it up to your waist and you see who can get the highest. I was playing Hangman.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Are we being abused?

• 24:32Speaker 04

  With the kids. No, we were not.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  What was going up and down our legs?

• 24:38Speaker 02

  The elastic bands. Thank God. Okay. I just wanted clarity on that. I just, the 80s were a lose time. I just wasn't sure.

• 24:47Speaker 04

  I was. Another game that I was playing with the kids was Hangman because I was trying to think of like ways that I could like do a bit of learning as well. And anyway, Gina was there when I was doing it and I'd spelt out something like birthday.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Birthday.

• 25:00Speaker 04

  And T, birthday. No, I spelt it normal, but like T had gotten loads. There must have been like at least five letters there. And Gina, for the fucking life of her, couldn't, I'm like, Gina, how? You not see that that's birthday? I think T got it in the end and she's like, oh, T, sorry, I can't tell if you're there.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Because Gina's ageless. She's too classic for birthday.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Joe has just sent me a photo of that Fisher Price cassette thing I was talking about.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Show me, send it on.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  To say I am thrown, Joe. I am thrown. And I would press, yeah, you just record yourself chatting in the paper.

• 26:17Speaker 04

  Do you know what else I miss? I miss pranks. Do you remember, like, I used to do pranks all the time. Uh, I remember once bringing my dad on April Fools' Day and telling him his house had been robbed. And I was sitting upstairs in the window and I was crying on the phone and everything. Like, Dad, it's, everything's gone. And he flew back and came in the driveway and I just died laughing.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  You're like your man from Jackass.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  What's his name?

• 26:43Speaker 04

  I love pranks.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  I can't stand pranks. I couldn't, like, even, you know, those prank shows that they have? Or even the Jeremy Beadle stuff? I can't stand it. I couldn't watch it. Any hidden camera TV shows. I remember bawling, crying on my dad's lap on April Fools', I thought my granddad was gonna die. And he's like, it's not like that. It's like, you know, because he was trying to explain April Fools' to me. And then I was upset.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  Why do you think your granddad was gonna die?

• 27:12Speaker 02

  I don't know, but it's one of those really clear memories where I remember him trying to console me because I was like hysterical crying that granddad was gonna die. I mean, he did, obviously, since. Yeah, spoiler.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  You're that?

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Dad's like, they're not gonna die. I was like, the fucking two of them died.

• 27:31Speaker 04

  But that's a terrible thing. You have to, you have to realise that someone's gonna die when you're younger.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Stop, I know.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  I can't, I can't lie to tea. Like, he knows it's gonna happen. Like, sometimes they'll be crying over me dying and I'm like, I can't, I'm like, I did say once, I was like, I'm not gonna die. He goes, yes, you are. And I was like, well, yeah, I am.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Speaking of deaths, can I please now?

• 27:54Speaker 04

  My favourite topic.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  I put up this post on my Insta and I was like, look, throw all your recommendations in under here and I'll pin it and we can just come back and use it. And it's been, I've been, it's really useful, but one of the recommendations on it was a podcast called Noble. And she was like, I don't, the woman who kind of, kind of threw it in the mix, she was like, I don't know how it hasn't gone viral. It's brilliant. So I was like, oh, okay, gives a bit of that. Started. Aye. Like, it is not for the faint-hearted and I would not recommend listening to it if you've just lost somebody. Like, not like as in, in a, in a car park. I mean, lost somebody via death.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  It's a true crime podcast hosted by Sean Raviv that investigates a 2002 case in Noble, Georgia, where 300 bodies were found on a property belonging to a well-known family. The podcast-

• 28:44Speaker 04

  I can't remember that.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  Do you? I've never heard of it in my life.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  Oh, I heard about the news story, yeah. I never knew what happened. Oh my God, I'm deaf and it, what? Oh, you can't tell me spoiler, damn it.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  It's gruesome AF. So it's like the podcast tells into the history of the property, the fate of the bodies, sent to the tri-state crematorium and the man at the centre of the case while exploring the fundamental question of what the living owe the dead. So basically, this family who were in charge of the local crematorium, like as a business, basically weren't burning any of the bodies.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Their machine broke or some shit. I don't know. I'm on, I'm on, I'm just about to start episode five.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  That's what happened.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  And so I'm just warning you now, what I'm about to tell you is quite gruesome. If you're, if you're squeamish, I would skip. That's what I would say. Trigger. There's a trigger warning here, I think, because even I, who I'm quite a morbid Mary and, and I kind of am morbidly fascinated by this stuff. Even I was like, Jesus.

• 29:45Speaker 04

  So they, so they, it's like, they must have just been giving the families just pretend ashes.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  A hundred percent. There was, like, the whole thing obviously blew up, but there was people whose, whose family members were then identified as still being in the crematorium, who had, six years ago, spread their husband's ashes over his favourite fishing point. And they're like, so who the fuck was that?

• 30:09Speaker 04

  Oh my god. But did you not hear that? There was somewhere in the UK that a funeral home was doing something like that as well. And they got in massive trouble because there was just like loads of bodies left in freezers and stuff, that they just hadn't bothered doing anything with because they were basically saving costs. That's dark. That's like, ugh.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  It's so dark. And basically now it's like, what is the crime as such? Because they didn't kill them. It's just like, kind of professional misconduct.

• 30:42Speaker 04

  It can't, it can't really be just professional misconduct, no, because there's something about tampering with a dead body or something like that.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  Well, the, the problem was they didn't tamper with the dead bodies. It's like the opposite.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  Well, they kind of did by just chucking it in a mass grave. You can't just bury people in mass graves. That's like against laws.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  No, they weren't, they weren't buried at all. So they were basically just caskets and caskets and caskets on top of each other. Or some people still had their like hospital bracelets on them and stuff. Yeah. So, so the, the, when you get over a kind of.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  So they just left them out in the open? They just ditched them in a field in the open?

• 31:16Speaker 02

  No, sorry. It wasn't a field. So basically, my understanding is from listening to the podcast, that this local crematorium, the family who kind of were the cremators of this town in Noble.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  Owned, like they were kind of owned this kind of sprawling warehouse area. And then they would bring these bodies, it was a business ultimately, and they would cremate them in the local crematorium and they'd give people the ashes. And there was someone delivering gas because they need gas for the machines. And when the person delivered the gas, they spotted like a leg bone where they, they pulled up to the wrong place and, and yeah. And they're like, what's, what?

• 31:57Speaker 04

  There must have been an odor there, surely there was.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  No, well, they said when they went in then, when the police went in then, then it all kicked off. They were like, and yeah. So, so the, the episode I'm on at the moment is them trying to just. I know, yeah. But, but weirdly, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But, but they're trying to decide what the crime is as such, because it's never. They're like, they're like, we've never seen this before, so we don't know what to do. And then it's just on the episode where the, the local, the, the solicitor, one of the solicitors in the town has decided to take the case for the family who owned the crematorium. And yeah, and it's all kicking off. But when I, it, like I say, if you've recently lost somebody, I wouldn't listen to it.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Well, mine's a lot lighter than that. Um, I was watching the new, yeah, I was watching the new Charlie, Charlie Sheen documentary.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  Which is actually, have you watched it?

• 32:50Speaker 02

  No, I haven't watched it yet.

• 32:52Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm on, I'm, I'm nearly finished the second app. I think it's only, it is only two episodes. I actually, like, he would have been an absolute nightmare to have been married to. He had seriously bad, bad, bad addiction problems. But I actually, he's very, I, I like him. Like, he's not hiding anything. He's allowing everybody to be interviewed. Even if they're going to say bad things about him, he's just, he's actually really an open book.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess at this stage, what else does he have? I just saw some headline where Denise Richards was making his, his.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  I say his hookers sandwiches, it's probably not the most diplomatic thing to say, but I think that's what she was calling them, wasn't it? She went over and he'd allowed his sex workers in the house and she was like, she made them all lunch and stuff like this. I think they might have been separated at that point though. But yeah, I mean, I think he, I will watch it. I will watch it. I, I, yeah.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I actually, I quite liked him. And there's, there's a programme called The Girlfriend that's meant to be amazing, but I think it's on Amazon Prime, but I'm going to watch that next.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I heard someone recommended The Girlfriend to me. We should watch that. We should watch that together, Vogue.

• 33:55Speaker 04

  That's the homework.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, that'll be the homework.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  That's the homework, everyone. The Girlfriend. And last thing I want to say is Elizabeth Day, One of Us, her new book. And I think it should be out now. It's really good.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Oh, great.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  She's a great writer.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm really enjoying it.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  We're fans.

• 34:15Speaker 00

  You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you, which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Did I miss the goodbye?

• 34:50Speaker 02

  You missed, I did the intro.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  I knew you were up to something because I could see your hands flying all over the place. I was like, oh my God, what's going on?

• 35:00Speaker 04

  Okay, I want to tell you about the hot priest.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Hit me.

• 35:03Speaker 04

  It's a sexy priest and he basically has, because I know that you, that loads of people love God now supposedly, you've told me.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  He's huge, God, Jesus is having a comeback. Yep.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  But not in the sense that it's not like a, it's not the second coming.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  No, it's the best. It's the, it's the only comeback he's ever going to have.

• 35:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last week we were talking about that.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Which is not a, not a real comeback. Yeah.

• 35:23Speaker 04

  No, we were talking about that. And I suppose like you wonder who is joining the priesthood nowadays. Well, I can tell you who, Father Jordan, but he's a vicar. So that means that like he said, I get married and stuff, doesn't it, Jo? If you're a vicar.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  I'm gonna say yes.

• 35:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so. I'll just say that anyway.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, you are. They, they, the vicarage, the Protestant, is it vicar Protestant? They understood that if they stop men having sex, that they will go insane. So it was, it was a good choice, I think. Yeah. Love God and love, you can love Jesus and love riding and the, the two things can exist at the same time.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  God invented shagging, so.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  I know. I know.

• 36:11Speaker 04

  No, celibacy is not for everybody. Well, this fella, he was only introducing his new, his new church. And he went online and everyone just went mad. He got these, he basically went viral. Some of the comments that I liked were, I'm Muslim, but Jesus Christ.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Me and Jo wrote that together, didn't we, Jo?

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Very pleased with that one.

• 36:33Speaker 04

  Jo, I think this one was from you. See you on Sunday, Daddy. I mean, Father.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  Down on your knees with your tongue out for communion.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Imagine putting communion on your tongue, you're like, oh, sorry, I was, that's disappointing.

• 36:51Speaker 04

  He told me to come, so I did. Like.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  Gross, but amazing.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  He was like.

• 36:58Speaker 04

  Oh, I've never really prayed, but I'm on my knees. People were getting really, I can feel the atheism.

• 37:07Speaker 04

  I'm kind of, I'm kind of into God now.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  The, oh, the internet's so funny. I really do. I love an afternoon on worldwide web. It's really funny. But also, when you see a hot priest like that, ultimately, when you break it down, people are like.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  I know.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  What a waste.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  I know.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  And, and you're like, there's no way a man that hot isn't getting around if he can. There's just no way.

• 37:29Speaker 04

  He's a vicar, though. He's not a full priest, so he probably. He probably, eh, no, he's not. Well, I mean, he's a kind of type of.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  Careful, don't they?

• 37:39Speaker 04

  He's a type, he's a type of priest.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's not guaranteed going into heaven, eh, because he's riding.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  It's very much like when we give medical advice, that you can, it's the same for any religious advice. We don't really know, but I do, but what I do know is vicars are allowed to have sex with other people.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:53Speaker 04

  And that man, for all we know, is having sex with everyone.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  And that's why I think they lead a more normal life and the vicars will probably, they have more longevity professionally. You know, they don't, because priests are riding, priests are, like, remember that huge, big bishop in Ireland who, he had like a love child with some woman, like, one of his herd, or whatever they're called.

• 38:16Speaker 04

  Flock.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  Flock.

• 38:17Speaker 04

  His flock. He had a love child with the flock?

• 38:21Speaker 02

  With the woman from the herd, yeah!

• 38:24Speaker 04

  Stop.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  Yeah!

• 38:26Speaker 04

  I mean, he is a bishop, he is a bishop, that's, there's a lot of power in being a bishop.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Men are men.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  I want to be buried by a bishop.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Men are men, are men, are men, are men. And women are women, are women, are women, but if a nun said she had been celibate her whole life, I'd, I'd more believe her, with a bishop, you're like, pull the other one, John.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Where's all the money going that we're putting in the baskets on Sunday, paying for your kids' education? Fine, but tell us where the money's going.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  That will be the end of our religious discussion today, before Joanne McNally gets us into any more trouble.

• 39:05Speaker 04

  God bless.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, as you leave the church, you're like, love to the kids.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Send your wife and your family my regards, Bishop.

• 39:19Speaker 04

  Do you know what's coming up? The 7th of October, Joanne's gonna be in Dubai. She's got two shows. Now, the 6.30, as, as assumed, is gone, because it's a fantastic time.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  If it was an earlier show, that would also be gone, but for the 9.30 lovers, there's a few tickets left. Not many. Not many, but if you're in Dubai, it's gonna be a great night out. Get your little touches there.

• 39:39Speaker 02

  I think there's a good chunk left, actually. Do you know, do you know, I have gotten so-

• 39:42Speaker 04

  Don't say that!

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Sorry, sorry.

• 39:44Speaker 04

  There's a few tickets left.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  There's a sprinkle of tickets left, Joanne.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Sorry, sorry, there's two, there's only a half a ticket left, girls.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  You'll have to share a seat.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Stop it!

• 39:56Speaker 03

  Get them while you can.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  But I, do you know, I've had a lot of messages from women who were like, oh, please, a matinee would be lovely. They're like, we agree with Vogue completely. Yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 03

  We've had many emails.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Have you?

• 40:07Speaker 04

  Girls.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Many.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Joanne, I told you.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  I'll do it.

• 40:10Speaker 04

  I'm taking a cut, 20%.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  I'll do it. You're in your health. Okay. Bye, guys.

• 40:15Speaker 04

  No, I can't wait. I have one thing. I have one thing to plug. My book is on, is half price on Amazon at the moment. Big Mouth.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  Oh, go on.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, 40% for the same thing.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  I might buy it now.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  I might buy a few myself.

• 40:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  Buy one for the kids. Whack it up those charts.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. The Christmas stocking.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would suggest, it's time to get the Christmas presents on the go, everyone. So I would suggest a copy of the old Big Mouth.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  100%, 100%. You should have done, you should do a small, fatter version for a stocking. Like, because it's too obvious it's a book in a stocking, because we used to, we used my father's hiking socks. Anyway, that's a different story. But you know what? I got an absolute buzz.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  What did you fit in a hiking, what did you get, like a pen?

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Well, no, because it.

• 41:00Speaker 04

  What was in there?

• 41:01Speaker 02

  We'd book it out. There was chocolate coins in the, in the, in the toes.

• 41:05Speaker 04

  Satsuma?

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Okay. Chocolate coins. No, no, no. We're, we're, no, no, we were like, we're high end, Jo.

• 41:10Speaker 04

  In the forties, Jo. No one's got an orange.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  A Mandarin father. He's just come back from war.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  A little mince pie for you, sir. But seriously, a hiking sock.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  Huge, big, white hiking socks. And there would be chocolate coins in the toes. And then the gifts would kind of like get, you know, like kind of like painting kits and all that kind of jazz. But nothing to, a book is so physically obvious that it's a kind of a bit of a, you need to, you need, do you know what you need to do? You need to write a book in the shape of a Terry's Chocolate Orange, because then it could slip into stockings. And no one will know, because they'll just assume it's a Terry's Chocolate Orange.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  I, I don't think a hiking sock is my concern anymore, because I think everybody has these like, absolutely. Like, if I have a stocking at the end of my bed, I'm expecting a fucking laptop in there or something. Not a chocolate coin.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, sorry, sorry. Yeah, no, sorry. Sorry. It was the 80s.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  Observe: The North American Dad. 50s. Great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, "Dang, that's a good offer." The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle, no one called him "boss." He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.