Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue... About this episode Joanne has pulled out all the stops for Valentines Day and everyone around her is being showered with love... Sort of. Also, Vogue bought a glass of champagne this week and wished she hadn't. Plus, your "when I knew I was the problem" submissions and why the scooter might have to go.
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This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.
Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Observe. The North American Dad. 50s. Great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, "Dang, that's a good offer." The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him "boss." He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.
0:32 Speaker 01 This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:45 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to my therapist ghosted me the Valentine's Day special.
0:49 Speaker 03 Happy Valentine's Day darling.
0:50 Speaker 02 Happy Valentine's Day honey.
0:51 Speaker 03 Happy Valentine's Day Poppet.
0:53 Speaker 02 Thank you.
1:01 Speaker 02 You found your hat!
1:03 Speaker 03 I didn't lose this hat. I'm wearing my cock baseball, le cock hat. No, I didn't lose this hat.
1:08 Speaker 02 You lost the cock for a while.
1:09 Speaker 03 Did I?
1:10 Speaker 02 You did, yeah. You were very upset about the cock.
1:12 Speaker 03 Yeah. What's that? Did I lose? Are you sure?
1:15 Speaker 02 You lost the cock.
1:16 Speaker 03 What did I?
1:17 Speaker 02 For sure.
1:18 Speaker 03 Were you... I don't... Was I not just going through a breakup with an actual man? Are you sure it was the baseball hat?
1:23 Speaker 02 It was the hat. It was definitely the hat.
1:25 Speaker 03 We don't call it cock. We don't call it cock. We never call it cock.
1:29 Speaker 02 Only when I'm trying to be a dirty bitch.
1:31 Speaker 03 Yeah. Never to me, only in the presence of your own.
1:34 Speaker 02 No, I wouldn't ever speak to you like that. Rude. Penis. Penis.
1:38 Speaker 03 No, yeah. Whenever you address your cock to me, it's always penis.
1:42 Speaker 02 I don't come in swinging my dick, I come in swinging my penis.
1:45 Speaker 03 No. We have big dick energy with no dicks. That's the way you want. That's the perfect, that's the female status. Do you... What about you, Jo? Would you say you've got big dick energy?
1:53 Speaker 04 No, in this podcast I have no dick energy.
1:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:56 Speaker 02 No, that's mean. That's mean of us. No, you don't. There's no point. There's no point.
2:02 Speaker 03 No.
2:02 Speaker 04 Absolutely none.
2:03 Speaker 02 Not gonna make it up.
2:03 Speaker 03 No, you're a little eunuch over there. That's how we like it.
2:05 Speaker 04 That's fine.
2:07 Speaker 02 Happy, happy Valentine, happy Valentine's Day.
2:10 Speaker 03 Happy Valentine's Day to all who celebrate.
2:13 Speaker 02 How sweet.
2:14 Speaker 03 Happy Galentine's and Palentine's Day, Vogue.
2:17 Speaker 02 Why is it Galentine's, what's Galentine's?
2:20 Speaker 03 Galentine's is the girlies and Palentine's is pals.
2:24 Speaker 02 Insane, no.
2:26 Speaker 03 So I tell you that pals annoys me now as well. I don't know what's going on with me. I think I'm near death.
2:30 Speaker 02 Amber, Amber keeps saying Sammy and I can't bear it. She's like, oh, I just made myself a toast at Sammy. I'm like, what? And she's always saying it.
2:40 Speaker 03 I did the Sheer Looks podcast recently and they asked me what, what annoys me the most and I said abbreviations and I'm sorry Vogue, I threw under the, I threw under the bus.
2:48 Speaker 02 I don't care. I'm actually gonna text them right now and get myself on that pod.
2:52 Speaker 03 It said us. I said when she said, I said when Vogue said us. I was like.
2:56 Speaker 02 Sorry, Joanne, do you remember Joanne forgets things when she decides she wants to abbreviate? What was that thing she kept doing? Hundy P.
3:02 Speaker 03 I've told you, I am a raving hypocrite. I've, I've held my, I've held my hypocritical hands up and said two hands to the hypocrite. It's like when I was smoking, when I smoked, it was cool chic and Parisian. When anyone else did it, it was trash.
3:15 Speaker 02 Oh my God, I went out, I went out on Saturday smoking and I was only having a cup, well, I was meant to have no drinks, first of all. And to say I took smoke and to, I was like, heck it, I'm hate. I went to see Jason Manford.
3:28 Speaker 03 Oh yeah.
3:29 Speaker 02 In the Palladium.
3:29 Speaker 03 Good old Jason Man.
3:31 Speaker 02 I am petitioning Jason Man. Yeah, I take, I've called that a lot.
3:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, Jay.
3:35 Speaker 02 I'm petitioning for you to do a matinee. I think you should. I, I think that you should consider it. You've lots of nights on the tour. I think one matinee.
3:45 Speaker 03 I know.
3:46 Speaker 02 For us in London, one matinee in London, one matinee in Dublin.
3:48 Speaker 03 I do feel you. There's times where I'm like, I would love to do a matinee.
3:52 Speaker 02 I don't think you're taking it on board though.
3:53 Speaker 03 But I will tell you this, I've done matinees before and as much as it would suit your timings, because I know you like to be in bed by five P M. Home by six, in the cock by six thirty, but the energy is not the same at a matinee. It's really not. They're kind of just waking up. And for stand up, you kind of want them a little oiled, a little Lucy.
4:14 Speaker 02 I never even considered you, to be honest.
4:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, of course. Oh, no, no, no, no.
4:18 Speaker 02 I don't care. I don't care if you die on your arse to a matinee.
4:22 Speaker 03 God forbid the entire experience of the show, Vogue. But it's kind of embarrassing when you have to admit that you're better, you're, you're perceived to be better at your job and people are pissed.
4:32 Speaker 02 Oh, sorry. Everything in life is better when you're two glasses in.
4:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, two, two, two glasses. Yeah, you're right. Two and a half, two, three. Then it starts kind of, things then start to go the other way.
4:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, two, two for me and I go.
4:44 Speaker 03 Matinees in the Edinburgh Fringe were like, some of them, you're, you're, it's like pulling teats. It's not the same vibe. But then it hits a certain, then in Edinburgh, there was a show called Late and Live, which started at midnight. And that was carnage, like absolute carnage. So there is a middle ground. There was a Goldilocks comedy time, which I think is eight P M.
5:03 Speaker 02 I'm just saying that I think that you should consider for the Apollo and for the Olympia in Dublin that you should do a matinee.
5:11 Speaker 03 Was Jay, was, did Jason Manford do a matinee or?
5:13 Speaker 02 Yes, he did do a matinee. Why do you think I was there?
5:14 Speaker 03 Oh, what?
5:15 Speaker 02 A three P M matinee. He did two shows in a day.
5:18 Speaker 03 Ah, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.
5:19 Speaker 02 Three P M matinee. But anyway, I went in and I, I love that venue. But I was like, I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna drink. And then my friend was like, I will have a drink. And I took I, two I wills and I said, okay, I'll have one drink. And I was like, I'm not hitting the, I'm not hitting the hard stuff. I'm not going for the vodka. I'm gonna have a glass of champagne.
5:34 Speaker 03 Gorge.
5:35 Speaker 02 Great. And she's like, oh, we're gonna have to put that in a plastic cup. And I said, not great, but I'll, I'll accept.
5:39 Speaker 03 It's not the same. Even I, and even I with the, with the palate of a bin bag, know that champagne and wine out of plastic, not the same.
5:47 Speaker 02 It's just not the same. Anyway, so I was like, do you know what? I'll treat myself, have a glass of champagne. And if you're usually at a show, you're like, I'll get the bottle, but my friend wasn't drinking champagne on the wine. So I was like, I'll get a glass of champagne. To my horror, they started pouring it into a measure. A measure?
6:05 Speaker 03 The champagne?
6:05 Speaker 02 The champagne into, they measured my champagne and I was watching the bubbles empty from the measure. And then, and then she poured it into the plastic cup where more bubbles left the champagne.
6:20 Speaker 03 Hold on. So she was pouring it, so she poured froth into a beaker for you?
6:24 Speaker 02 She poured it into a measure like you do vodka and then from the measure into the plastic cup. And I was like, well, what's the point? Why don't you just piss in my glass?
6:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's a disgrace.
6:34 Speaker 02 I couldn't believe it, but I was like. Sorry, I I I know we're big drinkers in Ireland, but like, there should be rules. Like, you don't need to measure wine and you don't need to measure champagne.
6:43 Speaker 03 I've never heard of anyone measuring champagne.
6:45 Speaker 02 I nearly fell down the stairs and died.
6:48 Speaker 03 The second, the second I see anyone, it the the the measurements, the wine, the drink measurements. And I know, look, I know it's my own problem. Immediately, I'm I I'm just angry.
6:58 Speaker 02 I I was, it was honestly, it was
7:00 Speaker 03 I'm not a child!
7:01 Speaker 02 Two sips, like, how bad are you at measurements that you can't just measure out a glass of champagne? Like, don't worry, don't give me the whole bottle or anything, but like, I used to, sorry.
7:11 Speaker 03 Stop cattling, calm down.
7:12 Speaker 02 I know. And like, when I used to work in a pub, yeah, fine, I might have given extra measures to people, but that was my own prerogative. If I wanted to steal for them, that was down to me. But like, I just think, don't be so scabby with the champagne.
7:25 Speaker 03 I know.
7:25 Speaker 02 Lesson learnt.
7:26 Speaker 03 I hear you. Yeah, don't leave the house again. Look, you learnt your lesson.
7:28 Speaker 02 I did learn my lesson.
7:29 Speaker 03 Maybe it was because it was the matinee. They were like, this girl's gonna get fucked up and she's got kids. I recognize her.
7:33 Speaker 02 I'll tell you what.
7:34 Speaker 03 Maybe she was doing you a solid.
7:36 Speaker 02 I'm telling you what.
7:37 Speaker 03 Maybe she was like, if I hear a vibe going on about anxiety from alcohol one more time, I can't listen to it. I'm gonna measure out this woman's champagne.
7:44 Speaker 02 There was not one, one iota of anxiety the next day. And I wasn't even drunk and I used to get drunk on a glass. Not one bit drunk.
7:51 Speaker 03 The anger, obviously.
7:53 Speaker 02 Oh, God, I couldn't. And then I sat down and there was these two women sitting beside us and I was like, your glasses are so full. They're like, oh, we bought the bottle. And I was like, that makes sense.
8:02 Speaker 03 I do know, I hear you. There's nothing, it's discombobulated when the measurement comes out, it's.
8:07 Speaker 02 Anyway, great show, great show.
8:10 Speaker 03 Nothing so far about Joyce Manford, but.
8:12 Speaker 02 He did have a man on before him that was, um, very funny, his warm-up.
8:17 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:17 Speaker 02 But he was wearing skinny jeans, but not the kind of skinny jeans that like have a little, like, painted on skinny jeans. And I just thought, it's such a heavy fashion statement, like the neon you're wearing today. Wouldn't be for everybody.
8:33 Speaker 03 Sorry, when I came at you, excuse me. Let's just have a little description of what it is. For the people at home, which is everyone else.
8:38 Speaker 02 Our high viz.
8:40 Speaker 03 I'm wearing an American vintage sorbet lemon. Okay, fine, high viz, high viz. Gillette.
8:49 Speaker 02 Sorbet.
8:51 Speaker 03 Gillette, Joe came in and he goes, wow, that's yellow. And I said, I think what you mean to say is, wow, that's gorgeous. He went, yeah, sorry, I meant to say, wow, that's gorgeous.
8:57 Speaker 02 It is. I, I didn't say it wasn't gorgeous. It is gorgeous, but it would be for only certain people. Like those skinny jeans. I couldn't take my eyes off his caps. I was like, I just, I couldn't stop looking.
9:08 Speaker 03 Who was it? Name and shame. Name and shame.
9:10 Speaker 02 Emmanuel.
9:11 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, I know Emmanuel.
9:13 Speaker 02 Was he wearing skinny jeans when you saw him?
9:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, he always wears them. They're like his look.
9:17 Speaker 02 I just thought.
9:17 Speaker 03 Huge lad. He used to, he used to be a bouncer, you know?
9:19 Speaker 02 I know, I know. Like, I mean, his body is fantastic.
9:23 Speaker 03 The first time I ganged with him, he kept opening the door for me to go in and out. And I thought he was the bouncer. And only when he went on stage, I was like, oh, fucking hell.
9:32 Speaker 02 He was very good, but I couldn't take my eyes off the skinny jeans. And I just thought, it's such a, it's such a big fashion statement. Like, remember that picture of the four boys who were wearing the skinny jeans and everyone like was laughing at it for ages and ages? Like, he could pull them off, but I just thought, I don't even, I don't know if this will sound bad, but the guy that I was with, I was like, if you were wearing skinny jeans when I first met you, I don't know if we would have like clicked as quickly.
9:54 Speaker 03 It's because, it's because Emmanuel's so jacked. He's absolutely huge. He's like six foot 12.
9:59 Speaker 02 Maybe they were flares and he's just so rich.
10:02 Speaker 03 Maybe they were colossus and he just is so huge that they're, he can't get baggy jeans.
10:08 Speaker 02 That's what happened.
10:09 Speaker 03 He definitely shops in the big and tall shop, but even still, he's like, these are like pedal pushers, but, no, sorry. Like their baggy trousers to him are pedal pushers. Now, I know Emmanuel, and I would say, and Emmanuel, correct me if I'm wrong. I would say, because skinny jeans are back in fashion, but if I know Emmanuel, then I think I do.
10:28 Speaker 02 I haven't seen anyone wearing them, by the way. You only saw them in stylist.
10:30 Speaker 03 Well, do you know, no, no, no, that's not true. Gessie's wearing them all the time.
10:34 Speaker 02 Who?
10:35 Speaker 03 And this is why I have to take them seriously. Claudia Winkleman is wearing them all the time on Traitors.
10:39 Speaker 02 She's covering them up with boots.
10:41 Speaker 03 Doesn't matter. They're still a skinny jean.
10:43 Speaker 02 Oh, my God.
10:43 Speaker 03 I know. And they're back and I read an article the other day, I was like tips on how to wear them in twenty twenty five and I was like, don't, that's the tip.
10:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, the tip. I'm sorry. I was really happy when they disappeared because honestly, I don't really have the legs for skinny jeans.
10:55 Speaker 03 No, and that's the problem. When you don't have the, when you don't have the body or the physique to fit the fashion, but you do it anyway because you're, you're just on the hamster wheel.
11:04 Speaker 02 You just wanna be involved.
11:05 Speaker 03 You just wanna be involved. And then you're, it was the skinny jeans for me was the constant ass crack. That was the humiliating part of it. I have an ass. Now, it's not a great ass. I wish it was bigger and rounder, but I do have an ass.
11:18 Speaker 02 An ass peeking out.
11:19 Speaker 03 You know, I have curves and stuff. Well, I probably used to have more, but the ass was, it was very, and you'd be, you'd have to, you'd have to, you'd have to bend down from the front, if you get, like from the back. Do you get me? You could never bend over. You'd drop a cigarette in the ground and you'd be like, you'd be, you'd be kinda trying to lie down backwards to connect it.
11:36 Speaker 02 I just don't want them.
11:37 Speaker 03 To not show your arse.
11:38 Speaker 02 I feel like my vagina sighed when I threw all them out. It was literally like, oh.
11:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're too tight. And apparently on men, they affect fertility.
11:56 Speaker 02 Some people do have two vaginas, by the way, so.
11:58 Speaker 03 They're never the same size. I have a friend with two vaginas. Sorry, no, two wombs.
12:05 Speaker 02 Did I tell you I've become a trad wife?
12:07 Speaker 03 Tell us.
12:08 Speaker 02 So I really have. And people keep saying to me, oh my God, you're so domesticated. I said, I know. No one's, I made a chicken pie.
12:17 Speaker 03 Whoa, wow.
12:19 Speaker 02 I don't like pie, to be honest with you. I actually don't like pie. And I forgot that I don't like pie. Everyone else loved it. But they won't be seeing that again for another six to eight months because I don't really like pie. It's too, it's too, it reminds me of when my mom used to make us eat stew. And that's why I think I don't like mashed potato either. I don't wanna eat stuff like that, but everyone else loved it. So I made a chicken pie. I made a curry last night. I'm making something else tonight. I'm on fire. I'm a trad wife.
12:44 Speaker 03 Fire. What, what happened that you decided to make a chicken pie?
12:48 Speaker 02 I saw it on James Cavanaugh's boyfriend, William's Instagram, and I thought, that looks absolutely delicious.
12:53 Speaker 03 Right, yeah, that's how social media works.
12:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, and I just feel like I'm copying loads of people's recipes. It started with fairy cakes. Remember, we used to make fairy cakes? But none of this bullshit, like, healthy fairy cakes. I want the ones where you used to get the yoghurt, you'd pour the yoghurt in, then you'd fill the yoghurt with sugar, you'd pour the sugar in, and it was kind of done like that.
13:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:10 Speaker 02 And I made those fairy cakes and they were so good.
13:12 Speaker 03 Amazing.
13:13 Speaker 02 And then I started, and then I, I tried healthy banana muffins, not good.
13:17 Speaker 03 Okay.
13:17 Speaker 02 And I, so I'm just going through the list. Svenny, Svenny was like, why don't we get a cookbook and follow it like Julie and Juliet, I thought.
13:23 Speaker 03 Why don't you bring out a cookbook?
13:25 Speaker 02 I have enough shit going on. I'm not bringing out a cookbook. I'll bring out a microwave book.
13:30 Speaker 03 A microwave book, yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:32 Speaker 02 Put the chicken pie in the microwave.
13:34 Speaker 03 I'll be bringing in an air fryer book. Actually, I won't even use that. I fucking, I have two drawers sitting on an Ninja air fryer and I've never, I tried to cook eggs in them, I've never touched it since.
13:42 Speaker 02 I'm a trad wife, also made a Brussels sprays salad there, I'm done.
13:44 Speaker 03 Good for you.
13:45 Speaker 02 Thank you.
13:46 Speaker 03 What do trad wives do? Do you do it really slowly and then speak really suggestively and really fucking annoyingly on the air?
13:51 Speaker 02 Well, I was thinking I might do that.
13:53 Speaker 03 Today, my children wanted chewing gum, so I started with a base.
13:58 Speaker 02 Sorry, did you see her one making paper?
14:00 Speaker 03 I shot a pigeon in the garden. What? She went paper. That's, she's taking the piss.
14:04 Speaker 02 Paper. Did, did we speak about this? She made pa, my kids wanted to colour, so I decided to make them paper and crayons. Go to the shop and buy paper. Like, I don't want to do, it's like, and you want to see how long she spent making this shit paper that looked shit as well?
14:19 Speaker 03 Is this your one who's married to that lad Lucky?
14:21 Speaker 02 It was a different one.
14:23 Speaker 03 Because some of them are taking the piss.
14:24 Speaker 02 No.
14:24 Speaker 04 It's rage bait, surely.
14:26 Speaker 02 It was, it was this, it was another woman who was like this. She just smiles with her mouth closed and just has this little smirk going up the side of her mouth and that's it.
14:33 Speaker 03 I think she's right, I think she's fake.
14:36 Speaker 02 No.
14:37 Speaker 03 White woman has an apron, obviously, yeah, that's, yeah.
14:40 Speaker 02 I'm gonna try and be like your one, the other one who's married to Lucky. I'm gonna start doing videos like that.
14:44 Speaker 03 Okay.
14:45 Speaker 02 About, like, when I do my, um, when my cupcakes and stuff, and I'm gonna wear sequins.
14:49 Speaker 03 Nice.
14:50 Speaker 02 And I'm gonna talk about like this.
14:52 Speaker 03 It's the voice.
14:54 Speaker 02 Four hundred gallons of sugar and there.
14:57 Speaker 03 I can't bear an effect. A voice like that, it drives me insane. It makes me wanna punch the screen.
15:01 Speaker 02 I do look at her Instagram and I'm like, I don't like, I'm awful. I, I really, I, I, I text you when I went into a deep dive about her. I couldn't get out of the hole. I was watching her for over an hour and I don't mind that, but I don't want people like, I like, there's no way anyone's life is that perfect. I'm sorry, you don't have time to do all that.
15:17 Speaker 03 Chances are he's cheating and she's probably got a yeast infection. Like, nothing is ever the way it seems.
15:23 Speaker 02 No.
15:23 Speaker 03 And we all know that. I think we just accept now that social media is fake news, really. She's running a cooking show. Sorry, can we, can we, can we speak about, speak of the fake news and people cooking? The thing that's got me through the entire weekend.
15:36 Speaker 02 What?
15:37 Speaker 03 I was gigging my tits off, but I spent most of the weekend watching apple cider vinegar and hacks.
15:43 Speaker 02 I'm gonna start watching hacks.
15:45 Speaker 03 Perhaps, brilliant. Apple cider vinegar is a Netflix show about, it's a series about Belle Gibson, who is an Australian influencer who we've spoken about before.
15:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:56 Speaker 03 Who basically faked cancer to set up a kind of cookery.
16:02 Speaker 02 Healthy eating.
16:03 Speaker 03 Healthy eating. And she said that she cured her brain tumors through kind of healthy eating and good lifestyle and juicing, basically, like through cabbage. She basically said she fucking cured it through blueberries and cabbage and she was raising money for kids that never got it and she was keeping it all herself.
16:18 Speaker 02 It was bad.
16:19 Speaker 03 It was so bad. Anyway, so there was a ser-, there's a six part, seven part series about it on Netflix and it was brilliant. Cause sometimes they don't do good jobs. Like Sweet Bobby, the podcast was much better than the show. The TV show was shit, I think, in comparison.
16:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:33 Speaker 03 It didn't get into the nitty gritty, whereas this was really, really good. I'd highly recommend it. She is.
16:37 Speaker 02 So I'm sorry, this new one is a six part series?
16:40 Speaker 03 Yes.
16:40 Speaker 02 Cause they already had something about her, which I thought was a really good watch as well, but I haven't started watching this one.
16:45 Speaker 03 This one is fake. It's like, it's fictionalized. It's not, it's not like a doc-, it's not a documentary. It's like a fictionalized series, but it's so good. And do you know what I felt for her, which I really didn't expect to feel for her? I felt so sorry for her. She seems very troubled, very troubled.
17:02 Speaker 02 I mean, if you go do some stuff, stuff like that, it's, it's really quite bizarre to be like that.
17:06 Speaker 03 And then the interviews where they're like. Belle, your brother, she's like, well, yeah, things were hard because my brother's autistic. They're like, Belle, we just interviewed him. He's very sure he's not autistic. And she's like, well, yeah, he has to say that, like, because, you know.
17:18 Speaker 02 Oh, God.
17:19 Speaker 03 And then it comes to her brother being like, I'm not autistic. I'm not autistic.
17:23 Speaker 02 It's also like stealing from charities and stuff like that.
17:25 Speaker 03 And it's also like leading very ill people down a fake path where they're turning. People were turning down treatment and stuff because they're like, well, look at Belle Gibson. She's glowing and she's cured all her brain tumors and everything. Anyway, I, there, there seems to be a lot of stories about women faking cancer for attention, sympathy, money, kudos, status. Kind of fascinates me.
17:47 Speaker 02 I know, but also, and do you know what, it's, it's, I don't want to generalize it just being women, but the stories that we hear are of women. Did you see that?
17:54 Speaker 03 It's very much a woman's crime. It's like poison. It's very much a female way to murder is poison. A woman's crime seems to be to fake terminal illnesses. But there was definitely something going on. She has that, she has the munchausen.
18:06 Speaker 02 The munchausen?
18:06 Speaker 03 She has the munchausen.
18:07 Speaker 02 I don't even know, I don't think it's the munch, oh, maybe it is the munchausen on herself.
18:11 Speaker 03 You're going on there.
18:11 Speaker 02 Did you see that girl who was basically online and she was making her child sick to try and get people, so she was munchausening.
18:18 Speaker 03 Munching, munching.
18:18 Speaker 02 Munching her child. Yeah, and she got caught out, didn't you?
18:21 Speaker 03 I don't know, and like, I'm no, I'm no expert on the munchausen. I'm sure there's men who suffer from munchausen as well, and munchausen by proxy, I never know the difference. But it seems to be all, the ones that I read online are all women.
18:33 Speaker 02 Let me see, do men suffer from munchausen? There are, there are two separate groups of people affected by munchausen syndrome. There are women who are twenty to forty years of age, often with a background in healthcare, and unmarried white men who are thirty to fifty years of age. Yeah.
18:47 Speaker 03 Weird.
18:48 Speaker 02 So watch out.
18:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
18:51 Speaker 02 I'm nearly out of that anyway, because I've only got a year left, not even.
18:54 Speaker 03 And then you're out of the, you're out of the potential munchausy bracket.
18:56 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
18:57 Speaker 03 No munching for you.
18:59 Speaker 02 The munching will be over in about eight months' time.
19:02 Speaker 03 I can start believing you again when you say you're ill. It's been very ropey these last couple of years that she's writing the demographic company of words inside of her mouth.
19:12 Speaker 02 She's munching herself again, yeah, you've got the flu, Vogue, sure you do.
19:16 Speaker 03 Munching away down there.
19:17 Speaker 02 Chomp, chomp, chomp.
19:19 Speaker 03 Chomping on the attention, look at her down there.
19:23 Speaker 03 Don't believe her word, she says, she's right in the bracket for the munching.
19:25 Speaker 02 No, everyone's a shower of bastards when I'm sick, I'm convinced of it, no one gives me any attention.
19:30 Speaker 03 The most famous story of munching, munching housing was...
19:33 Speaker 02 Eminem, or The Sixth Sense.
19:37 Speaker 03 That was Paranormal Activity, Vogue.
19:41 Speaker 02 The Sixth Sense, when the girl comes to him and she...
19:44 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, sorry!
19:45 Speaker 02 And is puking in a pot and she's like...
19:47 Speaker 03 You're so right, yeah, sorry, I was like, no, no, no, no, no.
19:50 Speaker 02 And Eminem rapped about his mom being munching as well.
19:53 Speaker 03 Did he?
19:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's how I found out about it, I found out all my news from Eminem.
19:57 Speaker 03 From Eminem, I totally forgot about your one who was, yeah, she was getting munched up in her room, yeah, Sixth Sense, what a great film, what a great twist.
20:04 Speaker 02 What a terrifying movie.
20:06 Speaker 03 I see dead people and then...
20:07 Speaker 02 Oh, stop it, give me some soda.
20:08 Speaker 03 We don't want to ruin the end, but...
20:10 Speaker 02 I'm sorry, if you haven't seen A Tough Look, spoiler alert.
20:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, fine, well, it's Bruce's dad, anyway, sorry.
20:16 Speaker 02 That was a bit far, actually.
20:18 Speaker 03 Bruce's dad in the end, turns out Bruce thinks the kid's dead, turns out the kid's alive, Bruce is dead, like Vogue said, if you haven't watched it at this stage...
20:24 Speaker 02 Tough Look.
20:25 Speaker 03 Tough Look.
20:26 Speaker 02 No, Titanic, what happens there?
20:29 Speaker 03 Well... I can't remember, does the ship go down in the end, it's so long since I've seen it.
20:35 Speaker 02 I, I, I don't know, I might be mixing it with somebody else, but I think that the ship goes down.
20:39 Speaker 03 I think they save the boat.
20:40 Speaker 02 Do they?
20:41 Speaker 03 I can't remember, yeah.
20:42 Speaker 02 How long was the movie for you, 35 minutes?
20:43 Speaker 03 My summary of films has to be questioned, but I think they save everyone in Titanic in the end.
20:52 Speaker 03 I wrote poems for you both for Valentine's.
20:54 Speaker 02 Oh, go on, Jo's first.
20:57 Speaker 03 Jo, I wrote this for you.
20:59 Speaker 04 Thanks, mate.
21:00 Speaker 03 You haven't heard it yet.
21:05 Speaker 03 Joe, roses are red, violets are blue.
21:08 Speaker 02 I'd say it's so familiar, actually.
21:10 Speaker 03 I made that one up. I coined that. Yeah, what are you saying?
21:13 Speaker 02 Okay.
21:14 Speaker 03 I coined that.
21:14 Speaker 04 No, no one's saying anything.
21:15 Speaker 03 Roses are red, violets are blue. I may not know your children's names, but I also don't know you.
21:22 Speaker 04 Nice.
21:22 Speaker 03 This is good, isn't it?
21:23 Speaker 02 Very good.
21:25 Speaker 03 That ongoing joke that I don't know you. I wrote another one going, roses are red, violets are blue, Joe, who the fuck are you?
21:30 Speaker 04 Nice.
21:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I thought, no, let's bring the children in, it's Valentine's Day.
21:34 Speaker 04 It's fun.
21:35 Speaker 03 Vogue, I obviously wrote one for you.
21:37 Speaker 02 Okay.
21:39 Speaker 03 Her name was Voguea, she was a showgirl with yellow ribbons in her hair and her dress could dance there. She did merengue and do the cha-cha. And while she tried to be a star, Tony always turned to bar. But then it turns out someone else wrote something similar. So I've written. So I've written.
21:56 Speaker 02 I, I, I love it.
21:58 Speaker 03 You know that song.
21:59 Speaker 02 Her name was then, yeah, Lola.
22:01 Speaker 03 Okay, so here we go. Roses are red, violets are blue. Hold on, hold on, that was scrapped. I realised that one wasn't. Here we go, here we go. Roses are red, violets are blue. Vogue is my one and only, apart from obviously no grownie.
22:18 Speaker 03 You like that?
22:19 Speaker 02 I did like that.
22:19 Speaker 03 It's good, isn't it? Yeah.
22:22 Speaker 02 I look forward to my college.
22:23 Speaker 03 Here we go again, here we go. Vogue, roses are red, violets are blue. My partner in ghosting who takes a beautiful roasting.
22:33 Speaker 03 Good, isn't it?
22:34 Speaker 02 That's very, now we know what she does with herself.
22:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:37 Speaker 03 Just doodle.
22:39 Speaker 02 My partner, he goes, what are you doing for Valentine's Day?
22:44 Speaker 03 Drinking in the bath, like I do over here. I have to, I don't.
22:47 Speaker 02 It's lovely. Do you know what I want?
22:49 Speaker 03 I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I never did.
22:52 Speaker 02 I want a hot tub for the balcony. Imagine we could hot up.
22:54 Speaker 03 You already have a cold tub at a fucking sauna.
22:56 Speaker 02 I don't do the cold tub.
22:57 Speaker 03 You have a letter centre going on at that place.
22:58 Speaker 02 I said, I don't like, do you know what I said to myself? I said to myself at the start of the year, I said, I don't like the cold. And I don't like getting in that ice bath. I don't see any results from it. And I'm not doing it anymore. And have I done it once? No. And I don't want to do it.
23:11 Speaker 03 Apparently it doesn't do anything for you.
23:12 Speaker 02 I did. My face in it one day when I was very hungover, but that did help, I must admit.
23:17 Speaker 03 Very twenty twenty three.
23:19 Speaker 02 Yeah. Had to do it, had to do it.
23:20 Speaker 03 Kate Moss was out of pregnancy, when she was getting ready for shows, she would dip her face in a belt of ice.
23:25 Speaker 02 Did you see that thing online where Korean people put elastic bands on their ears for ten minutes and it reduces all the bloating? And somebody put it on one ear and like you can see all the bloating go from this side of the face. I thought the person actually looked better with a bit of bloat.
23:39 Speaker 03 It triggers lymphatic drainage.
23:41 Speaker 02 So let's hold our ears for the rest of the pod.
23:43 Speaker 03 It triggers lymphatic drainage, which is something I get regularly, which is because of wine, but I tell myself it's hormonal. So if you're, if I come to your house and you're wondering where all your hair bobbins are going, they're on my ears.
23:53 Speaker 02 But a hair bob in work, I was gonna buy.
23:55 Speaker 03 It's anything to trigger the lymphatic drainage. Anyway, let's go back to her.
23:59 Speaker 02 A lot about stuff like that. So Joanna, if you don't mind, I'm trying to lymphatic drain my face. Oh my God, oh, do you know what? I've given up the scooter as well. Something bad happened, something real bad. I came into Global yesterday on my scooter because it was raining and I thought I'll treat myself and get the tube. So I scooted to the tube because I'm not near a tube. And I came into Global looking a bit frazzled, dragging my scooter up the stairs. And I walked in and who do I bump into? Sitting on the couch on my scooter, Keith Lemon, Emma Bunton from the Spice Girls.
24:30 Speaker 03 I know who Emma Bunton is.
24:31 Speaker 02 And Jade, her husband.
24:34 Speaker 03 So what's wrong with scootering?
24:35 Speaker 02 Oh, come on, in front of those three and I bump into them in a scooter, on a scooter. I was, and they all laughed at me.
24:41 Speaker 03 They did not.
24:42 Speaker 02 Emma didn't laugh, the other two had a giggle. I allowed them to laugh. I was like, don't worry, you can laugh.
24:46 Speaker 03 I think there's great street cred in having a scooter.
24:48 Speaker 02 I don't know about that now. It's at home. I don't know if it's gonna make its way back out of that home.
25:03 Speaker 03 If someone likes me that much, I just feel like they're ill informed. Do you know what I mean?
25:09 Speaker 02 What self-confidence?
25:10 Speaker 03 I know, I'm like, oh God, no, like, pop on.
25:16 Speaker 03 I've also been up to bits and bobs.
25:18 Speaker 02 What were you doing this weekend?
25:19 Speaker 03 This weekend, I was gigging, but I also, I'm in this weird scrap. So, there's a, there's a couple of coffee shops in my local area. I, I, there's not a huge amount of them, but I kind of spread myself around maybe three of them, right? And one of them, the manager doesn't like me. Now, I'm in there, I use it as a workspace, but I eat and drink all day. Joe, just for clarity, I'm not just sitting in there like over an Americano. I'm talking breakfast, then an hour later, I'm on my lunch menu. I have coffee, I'll have a glass of wine, like, it's not like I'm sitting there, I spend money in that place.
25:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:51 Speaker 03 I spend money in that place. I've been working, I, I worked in there until I started seeing a guy who lived above us. And he started bringing, I was dating him and he was also dating other people. And he started bringing his dates into the coffee shop and then the waitress told me. And so I had to abandon the coffee shop, but he's now moved away, so I'm back in the coffee shop. I've taken it back in the divorce.
26:09 Speaker 02 He wasn't what you'd be looking for?
26:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, he wasn't, we weren't looking for the sign there. Uh, anyway, he was looking for a woman with 16 vaginas. Uh, so, anyway, the manager hates me. Now, I've suspected he's hated me for a while. I don't know what I've done to deserve it.
26:26 Speaker 02 How does he show that he hates you?
26:27 Speaker 03 He very mu, he's very mean to me, he's, he's dismissive.
26:32 Speaker 02 I bet he's not mean at all, what has he done to be mean?
26:35 Speaker 03 They were, I was like, the wifi's shit in there and I was like, can I get the wifi code? Like, I'm in here every day, it's basically my office. And they're like, the manager said he won't give a shit. And I was like, come on, I've spent pounds and how's it depends in here?
26:46 Speaker 02 He's probably one of those people who thinks that like, you're gonna like, I don't know, get something off their website or some bollock.
26:51 Speaker 03 Oh, I, I mean, I, like, I'm sitting there on my P-.
26:54 Speaker 02 He doesn't know your letters on your computer.
26:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, I should probably show on my phone.
26:57 Speaker 02 I don't even have Word.
27:00 Speaker 03 I don't even have the World Wide Web. I write a book in calligraphy. Um, but anyway, so I was in, I went in on Saturday and Saturday's really busy, obviously. And I went in, I said, type for one please. And he was like, are you willing, like straight away? He didn't want to see, he was annoyed I was in. And he's like, are you willing to wait over forty five minutes for food and over thirty minutes for drinks?
27:21 Speaker 02 He said that to you before you sat down?
27:23 Speaker 03 And I went, well, no. And he goes, well, that's what it is, love. It. No. You did?
27:27 Speaker 02 Love.
27:28 Speaker 03 You love, no, but he's Italian or something. So it's like, it's what it's doing. He goes, well, that's what it is, love. We're in our, this is our busiest time.
27:34 Speaker 02 Sorry, thirty five minutes for a drink?
27:36 Speaker 03 Over forty five minutes for food and over thirty minutes for drinks. And I was like, well, no. And he goes, well, that's what it is, love. This is our busiest time. And I went, okay. And he goes, well, okay. And I left. And then I remembered, one time, one fucking time, I said, I'm waiting on a coffee. One time. I said, I'm waiting on a coffee. And he was so pissed off about it. So now I'm scrapping with them. If I saw him, I think I would say, what's going on with us?
27:55 Speaker 02 I, I.
27:56 Speaker 03 I feel like there's a weird vibe and I, I'd love to just, I'd love to just chat it out.
28:00 Speaker 02 I would, to be honest with you, I would actually just say to him.
28:03 Speaker 03 I hate finding the lads.
28:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I'd just literally be like, I, like, I love coming in here. Like, I really enjoy coming here. I love the food. I love the drink.
28:10 Speaker 03 I don't actually, the wifi's shit and it's overpriced. But yeah, go on.
28:12 Speaker 02 Go to the, what's it called? The Pear Tree in Battersea Park. Very accommodating.
28:15 Speaker 03 I, the next time I see him, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna have a glass of wine. Cause I can't, I know, I am very bad at conversation.
28:20 Speaker 02 Do you want me, do you want me to come down to every? I'll say, what's my friend doing? What has she done? Tell mama, what has she done?
28:27 Speaker 03 He's gonna hate you, yeah.
28:34 Speaker 02 Valentine's.
28:35 Speaker 03 It's today. It's literally, we're going, we're airing on the national day of love.
28:41 Speaker 02 No one does anything on Valentine's Day.
28:43 Speaker 03 No.
28:43 Speaker 02 I, I mean, I'll be on a, an aeroplane on Valentine's Day.
28:47 Speaker 03 Where are you going?
28:48 Speaker 02 Joanne, I haven't been away in three weeks.
28:51 Speaker 03 God, I know. Do you even know where you're going? Or are you just getting on the plane? Is it just time to get on a plane?
28:56 Speaker 02 I'm dead. It's half, it's half term with the kids. We're going skiing. Sheep, sheep.
29:00 Speaker 03 Oh my God. She's only back.
29:03 Speaker 02 Joanne, I will not have you speak to me like that.
29:10 Speaker 03 I'm, I'm a po- is there any snow left though?
29:13 Speaker 02 I'll tell you what.
29:14 Speaker 03 Have you not shoop shooed it all away?
29:16 Speaker 02 Haven't shooed it away yet. And do you know what else? I've also booked a holiday for after the holiday because at least I now know that there's another holiday coming. So I'm sorry.
29:23 Speaker 03 I remember my, in my midterm, we were sent out the front of the house with a stick.
29:27 Speaker 02 So, I'm making up for that.
29:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, we were never, we were never as entertained as these children.
29:35 Speaker 02 Joanne, I come from a broken home. I want my children to have a better life.
29:39 Speaker 03 I don't think rich homes can be broken.
29:42 Speaker 03 I just don't think they can.
29:43 Speaker 02 It wasn't rich at the start.
29:45 Speaker 03 It wasn't rich at the start. Oh, Mr. God, we were lucky if we went to Trebogon.
29:50 Speaker 02 Oh my God, I don't think I ever got to go to Trebogon. I do, I do remember, I, we went to the Rainbow Rapids. That was close to the house.
29:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they, it was so, it was so hardcore, the Rainbow Rapids. They were like little tubes that they'd push you down. Water slides, I guess is what you call them.
30:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:05 Speaker 03 And there'd be all like kids' toes stuck to the last property board and everything. It was carnage.
30:08 Speaker 02 But imagine some like Centre Parks when you were younger. Like, we never had anything, we were put in cold water a lot.
30:13 Speaker 03 Well, my, I wish my mother had been a podcaster, forward slash writer, forward slash presenter, forward slash collaborator, because she would have had more free time. Sadly, she had a nine to five. So we were just pushed into a fucking babysitters for the week.
30:27 Speaker 02 We used to have.
30:27 Speaker 03 Pat wasn't collabing with Disneyland.
30:30 Speaker 02 You got a babysitter. We were just shoved out onto the street. I'm gonna be cycling around in my knickers.
30:37 Speaker 03 Covered in round pieces.
30:39 Speaker 02 No, we were always clean. Naked, but clean.
30:42 Speaker 03 We had, um, we were sent to childminders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.
30:47 Speaker 02 Well, we had a no-.
30:48 Speaker 03 Peas and fish fingers and a weak ribena and it was all that, you know.
30:51 Speaker 02 Weak ribena, my God.
30:54 Speaker 03 Really weak dilute, really weak dilutant. Like it was just water with like a, like a teeny tiny bit of flavour in it.
31:00 Speaker 02 We used to have that and then obviously when we met Neil, our lives kind of turned around a bit because Neil had a bit of cash. And Alexander used to try, used to drink straight. My waddy wouldn't know.
31:11 Speaker 03 Jesus, that man was living. That's living.
31:14 Speaker 02 There was no constraints for Alexander.
31:16 Speaker 03 I love that that's like the high, that's like the highest level of luxury. That's like me using eye cream. Me using eye cream on my whole face. That's what I aim for. That's what I want to work towards.
31:29 Speaker 02 Come on, also don't bother with the water, don't bother.
31:31 Speaker 03 That's so funny. He's like, I've made it now, girls.
31:35 Speaker 03 Look at this.
31:36 Speaker 02 We were still rationed, though. We were still rationed, because we were used to that.
31:39 Speaker 03 Anyway, Valentine's Day, are you romantic yourself, though, would you say?
31:44 Speaker 02 Am I romantic myself? I think that I am romantic. Going back to the chicken pie, I thought that that was romantic of me to, like, I think cooking meals, I am romantic in those kind of ways. Or like, if somebody tells me like, something that they really like, I'll, I'll remember it and like, I'll get it for their, for their birthday or for Christmas or something like, so I'm not just romantic with partners.
32:07 Speaker 03 Your love language is acts of service, I believe.
32:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's actually not so bad. Are you romantic?
32:13 Speaker 03 No.
32:14 Speaker 02 You're not at all.
32:15 Speaker 03 I can't stand it. Not even when I was with, not even when I had partners, not even back when I was in the rat race, the romantic rat race, was I ever actually romantic? I like to pine, I like to be the admirer. I don't enjoy being admirer to, like, per se. And I knew it was a con. I remember very well, I was in bed with the boyfriend of mine at the time.
32:37 Speaker 03 And I actually wrote a piece about romance for the Irish Times. I took this out for legal reasons, but I'll say it on the pod.
32:43 Speaker 03 I was in bed with this guy and we were going out, we were living together, and he turned to me and was like, I'm really sorry, there's a band I want to see and they're only here for, for Valentine's Day. Would you mind if I wasn't here on Valentine's Day? And I was like, I've never expressed an interest in Valentine's Day. I don't know why you think I'd care. And he was cheating on me at the time. And I was like, I'd much rather you weren't riding your trainer, but sure, okay. Yeah, I didn't give a shit.
33:10 Speaker 03 Go see your band. I was like, why would I, I don't care about Valentine's Day. That's what I knew. I was like, this is an absolute con.
33:14 Speaker 02 It is. Do you know, I used to try and make something out of it. And I remember like, when I was younger, when like, if you had a boyfriend, you had to be going out on Valentine's Day. And I remember when my.
33:22 Speaker 03 Oh, the pressure was big.
33:23 Speaker 02 Hmm. So I had a boyfriend at the time and he was painting, doing a job painting somewhere. And I was going out with my dad and I went out with my dad. I know, I went out with my dad, a man of very few words.
33:35 Speaker 03 Oh god, no.
33:37 Speaker 02 I went out with my dad because I thought it was cute and then I was like, this is actually a bit weird now that I think about it. Now that, now that we're here amongst all these couples in love. Anyway, we went out, got a range and then like went home and my, my boyfriend at the time came to meet me and like, we ended up having a massive fight and he left and he wasn't even drunk.
33:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, Valentine's Day, it's, it's, I'd say people thought you were Freddie's date, from what I hear about Freddie.
34:00 Speaker 02 I think, I get it, you fancy my dad, for god's sake.
34:05 Speaker 03 I believe that we would have had a vibe, I've said that repeatedly.
34:07 Speaker 02 I, I, I just think, yeah, Valentine's Day, I'm not, but when you were younger, I feel like you were really worried about not having something to do with it. And that's why, like, I like the idea of Galentine's and Palentine's, but like, who actually cares?
34:17 Speaker 03 Valentine's Day, I'm just gonna fucking call it, it's embarrassing. Even my mother was saying.
34:21 Speaker 02 It's shit.
34:22 Speaker 03 It's shit. My mother was saying, she, my dad one time sent her in, because she, she was a nurse, she was retired now. He sent her in like a big thing of roses into the hospital and she was so embarrassed that she covered it with a bin bag to get it out. Because she didn't want, she was like, that's not how I present in work, like, I'm hardcore, like, I'm Sister McNally, like, I don't, I'm not romantic, you know.
34:43 Speaker 02 I laugh in the face of death.
34:45 Speaker 03 There's, exactly, yeah. I'm not gonna like gush over a rose, that's not how we, that's not how I roll. She covered it with a bin bag.
34:51 Speaker 02 I know, but I do like a flower. Remember I said years ago I didn't like a flower? I do like a flower. I bought.
34:56 Speaker 03 Growth.
34:57 Speaker 02 Three bouquets of flowers, if that's what you call them, in a shop around the corner for people in my life. And I thought that that was a nice thing, Valentine's Day roses. But then I said to Sven last night, because you'd asked me this question, if I was romantic or not. I said, are you romantic? And he goes, yeah, I am. And I was like, how? And he was like, well, sometimes I buy you flowers. I said, yeah, but that's not, that's not that romantic. And I was like, tell me other things. And he was like. Well, I don't know. And I was like, oh my, oh my God, you're not romantic, but we have been filled into thinking that he is romantic, but actually.
35:30 Speaker 03 You don't think he is?
35:31 Speaker 02 I don't think so.
35:32 Speaker 03 Flowers on occasion, as someone who has, who isn't like, has, as someone who, I don't buy into romance at all, because it embarrasses me, which is my own problem. I'm gonna see a specialist about it, actually. Someone reached out recently. Trying to help you through this.
35:47 Speaker 02 Dark time.
35:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, this very dark time. I was like, yeah, fuck it, go on. Cause it's all like, they say it's, it's just embarrassment. It's being Irish. I think a lot of it's being Irish. But I think flowers are romantic.
35:56 Speaker 02 Like flowers are romantic, but like, I mean, I don't think that like, I, like he said, like, I'll tell you something, somebody did that was romantic for me. I remember I was going out with this guy and I, like, I think it might, it might have been either Valentine's or an anniversary. And he got me this big, huge box and inside the box, he'd made this box. There were loads of different compartments. And in the compartments, like one compartment was balsamic vinegar, cause I love balsamic vinegar. Another compartment was this hairdryer I really wanted. And another compartment was like a flump or something. So like, all these things.
36:26 Speaker 03 That's so nice.
36:27 Speaker 02 That's really romantic.
36:28 Speaker 03 Cause there's thought in that. They're like, oh, I know that you like these little things and it's not a big expense.
36:33 Speaker 02 Well, the hairdryer, it was a paradox. That was, that was expensive first.
36:36 Speaker 03 I mean, if someone gave me a flump now, I'd be like, cheers. Thanks.
36:40 Speaker 02 I love flumps.
36:43 Speaker 03 I mean, if some, if someone gave you this Valentine's Day present, I'd be like, you're a tight bastard.
36:48 Speaker 02 It was the, it was the whole mix of it. But like today's funny in I R and T school and they were like, they, some of the kids had made Valentine's cards that they were selling. Really nice ones. And I was like, here, we'll get those too. So we basically bought our Valentine's Day cards together. Now we have to fill them out, but like, that's about it.
37:02 Speaker 03 Nice.
37:02 Speaker 02 That's about it. Like, I suppose you have to just kind, like.
37:05 Speaker 03 I know. I just find it all a bit embarrassing. And even set, I get secondhand and like, if, if, if Spencer sent flowers in here now as some kind of gesture. I'd be embarrassed for everyone. I would just get embarrassed. I don't know why. It just embarrasses me. Even seeing women on the train with flowers, I'm embarrassed. I don't know why.
37:25 Speaker 02 Women on the train with flowers.
37:27 Speaker 03 Flowers, it's like a thread. I just embarrass me.
37:29 Speaker 02 You see, I look at it and I'm like, ah.
37:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, I don't know why. And like I say, it was even when I was in relationships, I found it embarrassing. Do you know what I've started doing? And I don't know why. And I spoke to a lad about it recently and he told me to stop doing that. When I go on dates with guys, I've started paying for the dinner. So I keep paying for the dinner. So like the first date, I'll like make sure I'll go up and pay and all.
37:51 Speaker 02 Why?
37:52 Speaker 03 I don't know. I think I tried to unpack it and I was like, it's obviously some sort of financial flex that I'm saying, I don't need you. I don't need your money. I'm gonna do this thing. But then it kind of upsets the whole dynamic of it all. And then I don't really respect them anymore. Isn't that terrible?
38:11 Speaker 02 You don't respect them because you haven't given them a chance to pay for the dinner.
38:15 Speaker 03 Well, some of them I have given a chance. And I'm like, no, I'll get it. And they're like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, I'll get it. And I'm like, I will get it.
38:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, but sometimes when you do that.
38:22 Speaker 03 But I would judge you for letting me get it.
38:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, but sometimes when I've been out with you, you're like, no, no, no, no. And you're quite insistent that you'll get it.
38:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, but that's different because it's you.
38:31 Speaker 02 I know, but I wonder if you're doing that with fellas. I.
38:33 Speaker 03 I am. But I don't respect them after. And that's not so terrible. Like, I'm the one forcing myself to do it. But there is a point where they could, they could stop me. They could slap my hand away.
38:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, like, I mean, I, like, Spencer, for instance, he used to say to me, he was like, oh, I always pay for everything. And I was like, no, me, you don't. And like, I really was against that. I was like, no, I'm paying my way. And my God, do I regret it now.
38:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:07 Speaker 03 I'm just gonna say, hey, can I speak to you for a second? I always think that's a really good way to start a conversation because you know, something serious is about to happen. Can I talk to you outside for a second?
39:14 Speaker 02 Oh God, I feel like I'm getting dumped.
39:19 Speaker 03 I did a call out for the moment when actually, because we're all about growth and accountability. As much as we love to call all our exes narcissistic, asshooting bastards, sometimes we do have a role to play. Sometimes, not always, sometimes.
39:33 Speaker 02 Narcissistic. I used to have a friend that used to call all of her exes, oh, well, he's gay. And I was like, how are they all gay?
39:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're not all gay. Do you know what I mean? It's like, we all say, we all tell ourselves what we need to hear to make it all okay.
39:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, he's not well.
39:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, maybe he's a narcissistic gay man. And then there's nothing, I couldn't, if there was nothing I could have done there, you know?
39:55 Speaker 03 And a lot of them, so we, I did a shout out saying, tell me the moment you realised you might have been the problem. Or relationships where you realised you were the problem. A lot of people writing back going, how dare you? I've never been the problem.
40:08 Speaker 02 Fair.
40:08 Speaker 03 Touche. Getting banned from KFC for throwing chicken in his face. Now, there was, there was quite a lot of altercations.
40:19 Speaker 02 Okay, okay.
40:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, a lot of like people throwing things at their car and, you know.
40:23 Speaker 02 Violence is not the answer.
40:25 Speaker 03 It's never the answer. But chicken in the face in KFC is surely fine. That's just a passion.
40:30 Speaker 02 I don't think I've ever even thrown a drink in someone's face.
40:34 Speaker 03 Oh, you should. Once, one, one drink in the face. I've never done it either, but I'd hope that it's, the option isn't over.
40:41 Speaker 04 Do it to each other.
40:42 Speaker 02 No, we respect each other far too much to do that.
40:44 Speaker 03 Yeah. You wouldn't waste a drink.
40:46 Speaker 02 No. I'd be licking it off her face. I'd be like, don't waste it, Rob!
40:52 Speaker 03 Trying to funnel it back into the bottle.
40:55 Speaker 02 Wringing her hair out.
41:01 Speaker 03 I realised I was the problem when I couldn't go a day without him. I realised I was the problem some hours.
41:07 Speaker 02 That's a really good one, when I couldn't go a day, if you get too obsessed.
41:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like codependent, isn't it? Or sorry, it's not codependent, you're just, you're the only one dependent.
41:15 Speaker 02 You're like a little barnacle clinging on for dear life.
41:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. But then I always wonder, people talk about codependency, I'm like, is that not just what being in love is?
41:24 Speaker 02 I know, but you know what? Because I'm so obsessed with death, I'm like, I don't want to like, like, I think about things, I'm like, okay, if Spencer wasn't around, like, would I have enough people to hang around with? Like, I do consider that.
41:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:35 Speaker 02 And I do, so we're fine.
41:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, you do, yeah. Just do a rackie every now and again. I'm like, oh yeah, if he died, I'd actually be fine today.
41:40 Speaker 02 Yeah. Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah, still fine.
41:43 Speaker 03 I'm building a circle of friends for when Spencer dies. Would you like to join?
41:48 Speaker 02 Get my ducks in a row.
41:49 Speaker 03 Pressured him into talking about his childhood trauma when I wasn't a therapist and I absolutely broke him.
41:54 Speaker 02 Oh.
41:55 Speaker 03 Got drunk, got drunk, fell over backwards in the bedroom, never saw him again. The vis- the visual of a woman falling backwards, like that's quite the fall. Like usually gravity would take you forwards, falling backwards is, it's a statement, it's a statement.
42:08 Speaker 02 Do you remember you stood on that glass with your foot?
42:10 Speaker 03 Oh.
42:10 Speaker 02 Yeah. That's like a story that I'll always remember.
42:13 Speaker 03 Yeah, and me and my ex tried to wrap it up and then he was like, you're really bleeding out there.
42:17 Speaker 02 It was really bad.
42:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was really bad. Still really scarred. Quite cool, I think. When I threw his I'm sorry cake out the window, I mean, that's, I think that's actually fine. Loved picking fights with my ex secretly wanting him to dump me so I get pity for my friends. When I threw a chair at him for not making me dinner.
42:35 Speaker 02 This is very progressive that people are thinking of the things that they did wrong possibly.
42:41 Speaker 03 And then the micropenis guy always mails me about his micropenis, obviously just came in going, do you want to see my micropenis? Um, I'd, uh, can you say yes? I would like to see the micropenis. Tell him to. I should actually, I should just respond.
42:53 Speaker 02 Well, you send him my, uh, send him my.
42:55 Speaker 03 Details, like your folks' private details. You know the way I have that person who sends me meow all the time?
43:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:00 Speaker 03 I've someone started out sending me woof.
43:02 Speaker 02 Oh, very nice.
43:04 Speaker 03 I insisted on staying in his bed while his girlfriend from London was downstairs. He left me there. Lol.
43:10 Speaker 02 Oh man.
43:11 Speaker 03 Replying good morning like I'd just woken up and I was still actually on an online bed.
43:16 Speaker 02 Oh, is that your man who mailed in for the bonus last week?
43:22 Speaker 02 Morning. We've all done that. That's not being the problem, that's being smart.
43:26 Speaker 03 That's just being smart, come on.
43:28 Speaker 02 Come on.
43:28 Speaker 03 They don't own all your time.
43:30 Speaker 02 The only thing is like if you're like, if you do spelling mistakes and stuff like that and you get caught up with that.
43:36 Speaker 03 Someone wrote this. After four dates, I bumped into him in a bar on another date and I joined them for a drink.
43:43 Speaker 02 Oh no.
43:47 Speaker 02 I don't, I, I actually think, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
43:51 Speaker 03 Really?
43:52 Speaker 02 It's really embarrassing, but it is like something you would do when you're younger.
43:56 Speaker 03 Dave, what are you doing here? He's like, oh, this is Rachel. You're like, and you're trying to make it okay. So you go, you go too hardcore. And you're like, I'll join you. And then.
44:06 Speaker 02 Ah, lurking around. Come on, we all do really embarrassing stuff like that, like.
44:10 Speaker 03 And then Dave is praying that it kicks off and he brings them back to the room that they really get on. Dave is like, oh my God, my fantasies have all come at once.
44:16 Speaker 02 Spencer once got, wrote me a song. That's right. And he filled a bath with rose petals. It's written down here. I just forgot.
44:23 Speaker 03 Jesus.
44:25 Speaker 02 That's quite good. I mean, he wrote, he wrote me a song. He paid someone else to write the song.
44:29 Speaker 03 He outsourced because he's a businessman.
44:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:32 Speaker 03 Trust me, I, I outsourced that Negroni thing.
44:35 Speaker 02 Did you? No, you didn't.
44:41 Speaker 02 I'll be asking for my money back.
44:42 Speaker 03 Imagine if that was Chachi BT's best effort out of love, out of sonnets provoked.
44:53 Speaker 03 That's it for this week. We hope you filled you with bisherness and romance.
44:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, our favourite things.
45:00 Speaker 03 A bisher romance, a bisher sense of romance.
45:04 Speaker 02 Thank you for my poem.
45:05 Speaker 03 You're so welcome. Jo, anything you want to say?
45:08 Speaker 04 Thank you for my poem.
45:09 Speaker 03 Jo, I don't know who you are. Stop trying to make it happen.
Previous MTGM EXTRA! "I don't hear from him for a solid 24 hours." Next MTGM EXTRA! "I won't feel that excitement again in this lifetime." Page updated November 4, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated