No Bra, Ice Skating & Big Mouth!

Just before they headed out for their Christmas do, Vogue & Joanne had things that needed to be said... Why would someone take you ice skating on a date? How did the Strictly Christmas Special go? How long is the Wicked movie? That sort of stuff. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. Getting my tree today. Oh, also said my first happy Christmas the other day. It felt really good.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  I have a question for you, Joanne McNally. When you walk into Global, there's photographers there all the time. And Matt the pap said that he saw you sprinting down the road. What was that about?

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Well, today or the other day?

• 0:44Speaker 02

  Today. He was like, I just saw your friend sprinting down here.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Was I sprinting? God, I'm just so fit these days. I don't even know if I'm doing it. So just sprinting, was I?

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Sprinting.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  That's doing an Ironman on Leicester Square. Me and Matt have a lovely relationship where-

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Where he leaves you alone?

• 0:57Speaker 01

  He leaves me, yeah.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Well, you know what?

• 0:59Speaker 01

  I mean, who would he say? Where would he go?

• 1:02Speaker 02

  Deli Miller into you now.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Are they indeed? Am I not still a guest on your, are you not still a regular guest on my podcast?

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. So they've always preferred you, but I walked up the thing and I was like, oh, my coat's nice. Oh, I'm kind of all right. And then I walked to the door of Global and I was like, oh shit, I forgot about my hair. Cause I have my strictly hair in.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  You have your strictly hair.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Cause I slept in it last night and I was like, I'm too tired to change it.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  So not like you. It's a very me thing to do. Your hair, for people who can't see you, it's hill, well, not hillbilly. What do you call it, Jo?

• 1:29Speaker 02

  Fifty, fifty.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Look what you have. Rockabilly. Rockabilly. You're like Jo.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  She's hillbilly. She's got a mullet again.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  It's rockabilly.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  You look like one of the girls in Grease.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  They actually wanted to do this other thing where it literally looked like there was pubes on my head. And I was like, girls, I'm sorry. But like, I don't, I already don't have enough sequins and you're not putting pubes on my head for strictly. I'm not doing it.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  I'm sorry now. What? Can you describe what that, what that was?

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Like very, very tight curls. Like someone, someone messaged me and was like-

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  You look like you're going to your comedian followed by your fesh, the Irish dancing festival.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  Fesh, fair. I think it really suits you. You filmed your finale.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  I filmed the strictly Christmas special yesterday. So we were there all day. I mean- When I say I'm tired, I hate being one of those people, but I am so tired from doing all that because it's very full on.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Had a lot of fun. I had a lot of fun. Oh my God, something happened last night. So there's a bar, right, at at Strictly. Which I found confusing because it is the BBC, but there's a bar at Strictly. And the people that are sitting in the audience, they go into that bar and I didn't know that they have to pay. I thought that they all just got a little glass of wine and stuff like that. But they have to pay for drinks, but I didn't know that. So myself and Tamsin, who was one of the dancers, I I'd wait, she's a she's an actress. And we were like so, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were so excited after our dance. And we're like, let's go, let's go get ourselves a drink. So we went, we got a drink and this man came over and he's like, excuse me, what are you doing? And we were like, oh, we're just getting a quick drink. Like a tiny vodka. And he goes, like, I'm a small business owner and you're just here taking drinks. And I was like, sorry.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Oh my God. We were like, we didn't know.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Usually in those situations, there's a little free bar backstage.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  He flung the small business owner straight at me and I was like, oh my, I was like, can I pay? And he goes, wha- what? I don't have a card machine. And I was like, well, I don't understand how your small business works.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  How are you supposed to pay for it then?

• 3:26Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't know. I honestly was so confused by it. I just took the vodka and left. He said, just take it, just take it. I was like, God damn it, I feel so bad.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  This is gonna be the next story now.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, Vogue is stealing off small business owner. Small business owner. But anyway, we had a lovely time. I had one drink, obviously, because I couldn't have any more. But we're at Strictly. And I met Claudia Winkman.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  I am the fringe.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  I have never seen such shiny hair in my life. Her hair is like, it it's glittering. It was so clean and just sparkling shine.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  I hate to dampen your.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  What's the saying?

• 4:10Speaker 02

  I thought it was rain on your parade.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  That's it, sorry. Well, we're going with damp in your squib, Vogue. I hate to damp in your squib.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Have you guys already been drinking or something? What's happening?

• 4:20Speaker 01

  You know I have, Matt Claudia. She is a personal private friend.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Oh, sure. When? Well, she didn't mention you not once.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Did she not? Because we're a personal private friend. We don't, we don't, we don't shout about it.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Like Gary Barlow, yeah?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Well, Gary Barlow did send me his wine. Yes. Gary Barlow sent me his wines. And then I tagged him in his wines and it was like, Gary will not accept this request. He doesn't accept requests from people who don't follow him. No, I don't follow him either. Gary, but I declawed his radio show. I've seen him up close.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  That's so funny. Actually, I always imagined Gary Barlow sitting there packaging up his own wine to send it to people.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, crushing the grapes, his little feet and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he really knows me. I said, it's not Christmas until me and Gary swap presents.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  What did you send Gaza?

• 5:01Speaker 01

  Zaravajer.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Oh, that's really kind.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  All the men in my life get a Zaravajer. Joe, yours is on the way.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  I thought you sent him some heels. I sent Gary an actual crack about that.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  That's what I did. All my jewels arrived today. I've got my jewellery collection. I'm just gifting it to everyone. But I'm actually paying for it, I would like to point out.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah. No, I'm not paying for the bags. I'm not going to draw, I'm not going to draw.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  No, see, that would be included because my family know that I get sent stuff, so they know what's free stuff.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  This is what I was saying. Vogue sent me when I was, it was actually in the gym, making, okay, there's a guy in the gym on it. We're making some intense eye contact. Anyway, back to, we'll get to him in a second.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  One second. Why is it so cold in here? I feel like I'm in Iceland.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  I have no control over the temperature, I'm sorry.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  I'm actually very warm and I would also like to let our listeners know, I'm not wearing a bra today. And the reason I'm not wearing a bra is because it's our Christmas party. So I have to come in on the tube at the crack of dawn in a chain mail gold top with my tits hanging out. And I make, I don't regret anything.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Joanne let us know right when we were all about to leave the house that we all had to get dressed up and informed us she wasn't wearing a bra.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  I told everyone I'm not wearing a bra.

• 6:07Speaker 02

  I took my bra off. That's how I got dressed up. I took my bra off, so now I look like I'm going inwards.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  That's why you're so cold. You've lost any padding you had.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  My bra, my Victoria's. I nearly wore the Victoria's Secret bra, but then I thought you'd start telling me I was pregnant.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Why? Because it's that make your tits so big?

• 6:24Speaker 02

  So big. Like, I had to take it off for TV once, because I was like, that's too much for TV.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  I actually went, I went on a date last night, which we'll also get to, and like that, I had a Victoria's Secret bra on and like a

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Too much.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Body top. And I was like, this is actually too much. So I took it off and I didn't wear a bra to the date either. It's Christmas. It's the festive season.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Christmas for him it was.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Tits out for the lads. I don't think he even noticed, to be honest. So I was, I was going, he's a really nice guy, but he suggested we go ice skating, went down to Battersea Power Station.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  He took you ice skating?

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Well, he didn't, obviously, because I was like, come here. I said, like, there's no way.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Why doesn't he take you to play tennis?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  The last

• 7:00Speaker 02

  You're so good at tennis.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  I love tennis. Some Christmas tennis. The last time I went ice skating, I said to him, I had to use one of those penguins to push myself around. And I said, what is the opposite of an aphrodisiac? It's a middle-aged woman pushing a penguin around a fucking ice rink.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  There's no one looks good. He's obvi- he must have been like trained as an ice skater or something to want to take you there.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  So this is what I was saying. So we go down to the ice rink and we just pass a, thank God, on the way to the bar. I was like, thank you. That's how I date. I don't do activities.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  That's a bit much. What date was that? You can't be taking someone ice skating.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Bra on, really? You want to ice skate?

• 7:34Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  You should be trying to fill me up in sushi and sticks, whatever it's called. Anyway.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Sticks and sushi.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Sushi. We walk

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Somebody went for your date, that's random.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  We're going for sushi today. Why'd you double sushi?

• 7:44Speaker 01

  I'm, it's not like you turn into a fish.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  You are, you are not.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  You're allowed as much sushi as you want.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  You're gonna die.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  She's got gills.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Oh, gosh.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  So we walk past the ice rink and I look up and there are hordes of people, not a single penguin in sight. They're all functionally ice skating. And I was like, how the fuck does everyone know how to ice skate? Is there some sort of underground Illuminati? Ice rinking, competition, training programme going on all summer. And then they all graduate and they all hit the ice rink and Battersea Power Station. How am I the only person who needs to push a penguin around for support? A penguin, I'd rather a zimmer frame, it'd be less embarrassing.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  I'm not showing off.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  I can ice skate.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Of course you can, but you're, you're, you, you're an activities person. Is everyone an activities person? Where did you learn to ice skate? Where? France, St Bart's?

• 8:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  The Olympics.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  France.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Where?

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Because I can rollerblade, so if you can rollerblade, you can ice skate.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  You probably did a collab with the Alps or something, did you?

• 8:49Speaker 02

  I did a collab with Somerset House.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Well, that's what I was wondering. I was like, I was saying to my gentleman friend, I was like, are they, I said, Isaac, how the fuck do they all that? I'd ice skate. And he's like, oh, everyone could. I was like, no, no, no, no. These people, they are all ages, all demographics, and they're all doing fucking half axle pirouettes on the ice.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Oh, I can't do that, I can't do that. Maybe it was the professionals' time.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Well, okay, they weren't doing that, but they were just kind of standing up, which I find, they might as well be, Torvaldi, as far as I'm concerned.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  It's like, you told me you could roller skate.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  Well, I could as a child, and then I tried again as an adult and I'd lost the skill set completely. Couldn't even get across the patio, couldn't even get across the grass, which is naturally gripped.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Joanne, it's the same as cycling, you just pick it back up. I think that you, I think that you've seen other people do it as children, and I think that you think that you did it, but I don't know if you did do it.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  You're right, I might have collected a memory, but my memory is that I was firing around the town on a pair of roller skates.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  I just don't see that for you, I don't. I think that you were more of a like, hang around walls kind of girl. Do you know what I mean?

• 9:52Speaker 01

  I do, and you're, you're not completely wrong. I had my brothers hand me down BMX and I used to play petrol stations. That was my favourite game, where I'd cycle around to all the bushes and stick leaves in the spokes and call it petrol and then cycle on. It was a lonely time.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Does Joanne have to collect? Joanne's collecting leaves, she'll be back in a second.

• 10:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's off to, she's off doing the rounds of the petrol stations. And do you know what that BMX did to me? I know I've told you this story before, but I mean, we're doing the pod for years, there's going to be repeats. And I only have three stories.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Why didn't Joanne have a BMX? Did you have pegs at the back? Yeah, for your tricks.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  What?

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Don't be jealous, I was a cool kid. Um, in my brass jeans, I wore some hand-me-downs that my mum had.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  She just pushed it around as well.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  I was a great little cyclist, great little cyclist. And, um, but the, the saddle was kind of like dodgy and because I was genuinely doing one of a little trick and the saddle had come off and I sat back down on it. Yeah. And to this day, I have a scar in my vagina. No, was it bleeding? Hardcore, like a fucking pirate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mum had to come up, scoop me up. I remember I was bawling crying. It was like blood coming out of me.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  Oh my god, terrifying.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  And I have a scar on the outside for where I had that precancerous mole removed. Tell you, my vagina is hardcore.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Your vagina, you had one?

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, on the, on the mound.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  You never told us about that, on the mound.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  What's the fucking medical name for the mound?

• 11:21Speaker 02

  I would have just called it the front.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  I think it's genuinely called the mound, Google it, Jo. Is that a work laptop? Are you allowed to Google it?

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a work one. I'll get sent on a course.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, Lauren, get sent to a course, some sort of gynaecology course, come back and teach us. We're as clear as you are. Yeah, I had a little mole removed. Well, it wasn't a, it was a, it was a proper mole. It was all changing shapes and winking and all, so they ripped it off.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  I've never had a mole removed and there's so many on over me.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  I was like, you have loads of options. Did you get them checked?

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I have to go back again. I haven't been in a while, but you do, because there's loads, I have so many moles.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  I am a mole.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry, the manus pubis, sorry.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  The manus pubis.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  I've been, I'm going with red mound.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  I prefer mound. I do. I didn't like mound to begin with, but if it's between those two, I'll take mound.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So anyway, now every time I have a smear test, I tell them about the store. I say, can you feel it up there? Obviously they're down with their hands up, but I tell them about the BMX.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Did you win?

• 12:24Speaker 02

  I can't tell you that, Stuan. Why would I ruin, why would I ruin Christmas Day for everyone?

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Why would I ruin it?

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, you're right.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Obviously, and I'm a fantastic dancer, as you know, so what do you think?

• 12:39Speaker 02

  I went to see ABBA, Voyage.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Oh, go on!

• 12:42Speaker 02

  It is spectacular. Oh my god, because I was like, what could they do with like holograms? Unbelievable. Oh my god, I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it. You know, when you're at a show and Svenny didn't even really want to go because he's like, what is this gonna be? And I was like, I got, I got tickets, I took Gina and Cass for Gina's birthday, took Svenny's mom. Now, it's not cheap, and I took T and Gigi, it's 90 minutes long. It was amazing. There was a man beside me crying. I had goosebumps, like, I'm getting goosebumps now, maybe it's the cold studio though. It was so brilliant. I couldn't believe it. Like, I want to go again, I'll go with you again.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Really?

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Really, really that good. I mean, I wish it was closer to where I live, but like, that was the only...

• 13:23Speaker 01

  That was what turned me off.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, it does take 45, 50 minutes to get there. Well, not if you live beside us.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  But their holograms, can we not just get them to beam into Battersea or whatever now?

• 13:32Speaker 02

  I think they really have to set up a big studio. I just want them in the house, to be honest.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, the production can't be that big, it's only, it's only ABBA.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  The light show.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  It's only an ABBA hologram, how hard can it be? Get them to zoom in, we can zoom in.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  It was so good, you have to go, the light show, everything was amazing.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  Okay, if you're on your deathbed, you can only see one more show, is it ABBA or Magic Mike?

• 13:53Speaker 02

  ABBA. Yeah, it's ABBA, sorry.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Oh my god, Mike, I'm sorry if you're listening.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Oh my god, I hope, well, oh god, I don't want to see those men because they're real people.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  No, ABBA, I just, I just had so much fun and it was such good crack.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Apparently it's gonna have to run for years and years and sell out every night to ever even break even. Apparently it's like a massive money pit.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  I heard they were making an absolute fortune off it.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Because it's one of their sons who made it, it's one of their sons, Bjorn.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Well, they've just booked it for another two years, it's booked out all the time. I don't know if that could be true because the tickets...

• 14:22Speaker 01

  The technology, it's cost a lot to develop. Yeah, it's cost a fortune, they've never done it before, it's like the first of its kind, blah, blah, blah. Well, that was something, I listened to a podcast about it maybe a year ago, so maybe it's...

• 14:31Speaker 02

  Google it, because the tickets are very expensive.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  I think they're doing an Elvis one as well, which I'm very excited about.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Oh my god, the Elvis one. I heard that they're gonna do a Kiss one. I prefer Elvis, Elvis would be amazing.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  That's because you've got the hillbilly hair and you've gone into the.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  I've gone on Elvis.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, you and Joe were like bonding over that.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  But only like three of his songs.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Elvis, come on.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Tina Turner, they should do Tina Turner.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  I mean, how lazy of Abba, they're still alive.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  That's what I thought.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Fucking hell.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  I was Googling during it and I was like, what the fuck, they're still going.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  They're still going. They couldn't be arsed.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  They didn't even do the dancing for it. They got other younger people to do the dan- now, what age are they?

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Oh, they'd be well, they'd be well cracking on. Would they be 70s now?

• 15:09Speaker 02

  They could do one show and just get the holograms to copy them.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  I think that is what happened.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  No, they didn't even do that. They literally did nothing.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Ah, they'd have to have done something. They'd have to be on a green screen.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  They weren't on a green screen, they didn't.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Are you sure?

• 15:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then one of the guys looked exactly like the boy from The Sixth Sense. And it's all I could see during it was the Sixth Sense boy, but there was a man bawling crying beside me, like, I was like, dude, it's a computer.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Get shit together.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Bjorn is 79.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Okay, fine.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're not going on the road.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  They're like beating me up.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe they were still alive and they used to, they, they used to be a couple, the two of them used to be a couple. I did, I thought that, I was like, this lazy bastard. It's like him taking four weeks paternity leave. I'm still not over that.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  I know.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  What the hell is going on?

• 15:50Speaker 01

  You're fucking pissed there, yeah.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  God.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  We can still negotiate. You can negotiate me down, if you want.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  No, I wouldn't do that to you.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  It was like having a free house. We're like, freak off!

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Although I listened back to the last app and we were like, where's Joe? What will we do? Joe's not here.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, me and Joe, me and Bo just sitting in silence. We're like Furbies until he comes back in the room, we'll react about it.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  We're like, what happens now? Joe's not here. Giving us immediate feedback.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Speaking of crying, I took one for the team and went to see Wicked.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Did you cry?

• 16:24Speaker 01

  I did not. I'm bitterly disappointed.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  With the movie?

• 16:29Speaker 01

  No, movie was good. Film was good, film was good. Ariana Grande.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  Just good?

• 16:34Speaker 01

  It was, do you know what? Couple of things. One of the most embarrassing things, and Joe, may or may not, I don't know if I'm just alone in this, until I, until about seven minutes in. To the Wicked, the film. I did not realise Wicked had anything to do with The Wizard of Oz.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, it's a prequel.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Now, bearing in mind, I've been to the musical and I still did not know that it had anything to do with The Wizard of Oz. And it was only started, I was like, and Roxanne, who I went with, she was like, yeah, it's like The Wicked Witch. It's like how she became problematic. And I was like, I had no fucking clue. Right, now, that was embarrassing enough. Anyway, Ariana Grande, hilarious, proper comedy chops.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Cynthia Erivo was amazing. They were both spectacular and it's their, their dream part. So I understand why they're crying and all that stuff. I kind of get it now.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  But honestly, I was like, the end was not sad enough. Nobody died. Now, I know they can't because it's a prequel.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a two-parter. There's, there's more to come. It's only halfway done.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Oh, well, that makes more sense, Jo.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  The end of the film is half-time of the musical.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Oh, I did leave a little unfulfilled. But you know what the best-

• 17:40Speaker 02

  But I still shouldn't leave it like that. I'm sorry, there's been such a build-up to this. I want to be in, like-

• 17:45Speaker 01

  I, I, I went in wearing waterproof outfit. I was like, I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna swim out of this place. The release, the crying, it's gonna be next level. Didn't cry once. Do you know what was really fun, actually? Because the cinema, my, my local cinema was like a little indie cinema and it was absolutely rammed. I don't think the cinema's been this full since Titanic or Barbie, maybe, which is great.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  People going, so, but you know what the best thing about the whole thing was? I was like, I love this. It was an hour and 15 minutes.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Oh, that's brilliant.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  There wasn't an endurance test. I didn't have to take breaks and do laps at the lobby. I didn't have to get deep vein thrombosis. You were in, you were out.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  That's perfect. Sometimes I think going on like two, three hours for a movie is too much.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  Oh, hold on, Jo's saying something. It was two hours 40.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  We did have drinks.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  I would just like to say on this podcast, we are very unsure of what Joanna's, if she's telling the truth or not. Throughout the entire-

• 18:42Speaker 01

  I didn't go to Wicked, I just made it up.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  Of course I went to-

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Tell you what, folk, this is, this is for you, folk. Ride up your street, I've got a treat for you. Just missed an hour and 20 minutes.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  I thought I was trolling you and I was like, you should go. It's real.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Two hours forty, I'd be sitting there with the kids, I'd be like, well, we'll take them to the six o'clock show, it's only an hour.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  I did leave, I did, I did take a call in the middle, I didn't think it went on that long, though.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  Are you sure you weren't watching Moana two, that's an hour and forty.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  That sounds more like it, Jo.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  What happens in Moana?

• 19:17Speaker 02

  It's a cartoon, I think you might know.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Oh, I was at Paddington.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  You didn't take yourself to Paddington?

• 19:23Speaker 01

  No, he didn't, I'm joking, I was that wicked, and well, but you know what, if it is two hours forty one minutes, Jo, that's true.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  It flew by.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  It flew by and fair play to them. It was wildly entertained, it really just popped along really nicely.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  I had a cup of gin and tonic in the handbag.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  I fell asleep for something.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  I've even tracked in your sleep and stuff on that watch.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Well, I have.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  So I got a Garmin, um, I said, I said I'd treat, I'd treat myself.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  Treat yourself again, she hadn't treated herself in a couple of days.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  It'd be a couple of hours since I treated myself, so I went and treated myself again, and I got a Garmin watch, and, uh, cause my trainer, Olivia, who went away, went away for the weekend, so I put on half a stone, but I mean, that's another story. Uh, she was like, get a Garmin, they're the best ones, went and got the Garmin, it's so complicated, it's got a life of its own, it's basically just telling me I'm a lazy bitch. So, the sleep, woke up one morning and I was like, couldn't wait to get stuck into the sleep, because you've ruined me.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  I can't wait.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  It's the worst influence of all the influence you've done on you.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Ten hours twenty five.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  You just, that's, sorry, you slept for ten hours twenty five?

• 20:34Speaker 01

  Ten hours, unless it was half ten when I woke up, I can't, I don't know, it's hard to read the watch, either I woke up at twenty five past ten, or I slept for ten hours.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  No, I, no, I do, I do think she sleeps for that long every day, I do.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  Uh, it was ten hours twenty five, right?

• 20:50Speaker 02

  That's why she's never gonna die, that's why, that's why you're so healthy, that's why your HRV and everything is the way it is, because you sleep so much.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  Hmm, yeah.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  Now, I'm so talented at sleeping. That's, do you know how unbelievable that is? But I'd have to take, honestly, I'd have to take two sleeping tablets to get that.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Well, I, in the interest of full transparency, I did take half a melatonin, and I had a red for the bed.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  A melatonin, well, that's nothing.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  And a red for the bed, I'd have half, half a melatonin and a red for the bed, but it's ten, ten hours twenty five, but.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  That's not medical advice.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  I think that's great. That's actually good advice, to be honest with you. If you're struggling.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is when you're a woman in your 40s, Jo, okay?

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you're struggling with sleep.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  Don't man-splain to me how to sleep. So, anyway, but then it was like you slept for 10 hours 25, fair play, but the sleep was bad.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's too much. You don't need that much sleep.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  I'm getting sleep-shamed by this watch.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  I need more sleep, daughter, for us.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  I don't know how to access it.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  That is unbelievable.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  I was getting the lad on the date last night to show me how to work the garment.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  Again, I'm just not completely sure of the truth of this.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Well, it's there. I do have the watch.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  That's unbelievable.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  But 10 hours 25, I swear to God, I couldn't believe it either. I was like, what?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  How do you not know your timings? I don't understand.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  Because I don't take note of when I'm going to. I don't care. I just fall down and sleep and then get back up and get on my day. I don't look at... Like, I'm not like going, oh my God, it's 8.06.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  That is fantastic.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Do you look at the time when you go to bed?

• 22:14Speaker 02

  This is exactly the kind of shit I wanted anyway, actually.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  Do you check? Do you go, it's 10 o'clock, I have to go to bed? I'd be aware of the time, not sort of...

• 22:23Speaker 02

  I would be like, oh shit, it's 9.20, I need to turn off my goddamn lights. I would be very aware of the time.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  No, this morning, I was like, shit, it's 25.2 in the morning, I need to go to bed because I'll be up in the morning.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  25.2 in the morning?

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't know how, I don't know where the night went.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  I would be like halfway through my sleep cycle then. That would be it. I'd be halfway through. Don't forget, I'm getting up just crazy early. I don't like being up late. You like being up late.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  I do. I like pottering around.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  On Strictly yesterday, because we were filming the Christmas special, everyone kept saying, "Happy Christmas", for ages it didn't click. There was Christmas dinner. And I was like, what are they doing? And then I was like, oh, it's the Christmas special. I had a really embarrassing moment last week.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Thank God.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  I actually haven't, I haven't done anything about it because I was like, if I do anything about it, it will make it worse. But like, Alison Hammond, I love The Great British Breakoff, and I loved watching it. And whenever she's on it, she's like, "Bake!", that's her bit. And then I saw her sitting in Global, and like, because I watched her so much, I just was like, I know her, but I don't. So I literally just screamed at her. I waved and I said, "Bake!", and she was like, "What?", and I was like, "Bake!".

• 23:34Speaker 01

  You're like, oh God, I'm doubling down, I'm doubling down.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  And then I was like, oh my God, sorry, I've been watching you on Bake Off. And then I was like, well, I mail her about it. And I was like, if I mail her about it, it will make it worse because like, then I'm bringing it up again. It's so embarrassing. I don't know her. I've never met her.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Did she recognise you, though?

• 23:51Speaker 02

  I hope so.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'd hope that she would.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  I couldn't be a hundred percent sure.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  You'd hope she would.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Bike, shut up.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  But surely she's well used to that.

• 23:59Speaker 03

  In a brummy accent, did you do that?

• 24:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did the accent twice.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  It's not a brummy accent.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Bike, yeah, because it's bake.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  No, I know.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Oh, now I understand.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  I know, but I'm still so embarrassed about it. When I think of it, I'm like, oh, God.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  You lost her, kill.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't think I've met her, and it happened before. That thing doesn't happen very often, but it's the problem is when you insta-talk people.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  And it happened with Peter Andre's wife, who I don't know at all, and she, she was in Zara. And I just started waving at her and I was like, oh, my God, I've just been watching the reality show and I don't know her.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  That's happened to me before. In Dublin, I remember trying to talk to someone and it turned out she was an actress in Fair City.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  Oh, God, yeah. Are you watching Fair City?

• 24:47Speaker 01

  I was back in the day.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  My mom loves Fair City.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  We need to call out awkward celebrity encounters.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Look at you fucking, you finally do a bit of work at the end of the year.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  We're finished, Jo. Second last half and he's decided to chip in.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  Thanks for that intense brainstorming session. We could have done that, we could have done with that in January.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  That's a really good shout. We should ask the listeners. Jo, you ask, because it was your idea.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Send in your awkward celebrity encounters. Hello at mtgmpod.com.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  Oh, God, I'd love to hear them. They'll make me feel better as well. Should I mail her or not mail her? Leave it?

• 25:18Speaker 01

  I'd leave it.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  She's a personal private friend of mine, so when I speak to her, I'll tell her.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Oh, they're all private friends of hers. So I have some news.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Oh, hit us.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  I am, well, I have written a book.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  You have? She's written a book. She's written a book.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  The book is done.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, done, dusted.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I started writing a book in September and it is almost ready to go, not ready to go. It's not going to be released till, till May.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  It's called Big Mouth.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Good name.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Really good name.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  Good name.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, because you do a huge make and it's kind of, it's a multiple entendre.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, and there's lots of like, there's lots of life stories, there's lots of opinions on different things, it's, it's really fun, it's really, um. I just had a lot of fun writing it, I loved it. I think it's gonna be, uh, I think it's gonna be nice read.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Is it? It's the tapped plug of everything.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  I just don't know what to say about my own story.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  I wrote a book, it's exceptional.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  I know, I, do you know what, I've really enjoyed writing it, I've been laughing along while I'm writing it, I'm going in deep on some of the stuff, it's nice to get loads of stuff down on paper, but like, it's just been really fun and I'm really glad that like, it's gonna be, uh, it's gonna be coming out in May.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  It's a big achievement, congratulations. So it's like a memoir.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  It's kind of, it's not, I wouldn't call it a memoir, it's not an autobiography, um, it's kind of like, you know the way Nick Grimshaw wrote his book and stuff like that, it's like, it's a collection of stories.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  It's not like, hello, I was born in, like, all the boring shit's gone. I didn't want to put the boring shit in, do you know what I mean?

• 26:44Speaker 01

  No one cares where you were born.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  No one, no, and no one will, ah, listen, I've written about health, obviously.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I mean, that's different.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Few bits about health, but it's more about mad funny stories. I didn't want to put, and there's nothing boring in there.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  Great.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  If there is, you can sue me.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Well, I look forward to reading it and, and me and Jo are happy to give you quotes if you require. I look forward to being in the back page, arse of the book like I was with the children's book.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd love to ask for a quote, your quotes, I'd say to her children's book, shit, she wants to murder people.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  I didn't say it was shit, I said it was exciting when she murdered people, that was what I said. I said I loved the murder at the end and they, and your editor said we're not putting that on.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  I did, I, I did shoot the cover and everything like that, so it's, it's actually finally ready to go.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  This is very exciting.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  I know, but for me to actually not have told anyone is like, amazing. I've been putting up little snippets on Instagram. Um, but no one asked because I write a column as well, so it could have been to do with that, but, um, it's all to do with the book.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Congratulations, folk. We look forward, we look forward to reading it.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  I'm so excited, yeah.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  And you get to do the audible.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  I do get to do an audible, yeah. Actually, I think it's on pre-sale. It is on pre-sale.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 27:45Speaker 02

  It's on pre-sale now.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Oh my god, amazing.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was going to say, sorry.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  I mean, I assume.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  I've done a terrible, I've done a Joanne, I've done a Joanne-style sell on my book.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  My book is out, it's coming soon, and there's a pre-sale. I'm gonna put the link up on my Instagram. We've shot the cover. I've written ninety-nine percent of it. It's coming very, very soon. It's, it's meant to be fun, uplifting, light.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  And then you get to do nice book tours and you'll be at literary festivals and all that jazz.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, that's what happens. You're an author now. You're an author now.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  I'm an author. Like, that's what I said for the quote for the book. They were like, what do you want the quote to be? And I was like, well, people are always asking me what I do, now I'm gonna say I'm an author.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, great, yeah. You can finally be like, look, I, I have a job.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  I've got a job. I'm actually really proud of it, though, I have to say, I am, because it's, it's, it's, as you know, time-consuming to do that kind of stuff.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  I couldn't believe how quick you fucking got it down.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  I just love sitting there writing and being left in peace. It's, it's, I fa- I finally found something to, to like calm me down. It's just writing. Sitting down and writing calms me down, and I'm thrilled. So that's it.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Well, I'm not obviously paying for it, so. I don't know why. You don't need to send a pre-sale link or anything. I'll just, I'll just wait until it arrives.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  I'll send you the link, I'll send you the link.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. And also, my own little, my own little plug, Pina Farm, my new stand-up show, is now on sale. It's on general sale. Ireland and the UK, twenty twenty-five, a little bit of twenty twenty-six, and all the tickets are available at joannagnari.com or Ticketmaster. That's it.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  I'm not paying for that either, then.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  And I want, and I want plus three.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  You're not having that.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  I am having plus three.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  You're gonna have half.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  No, and I'm going twice. I wanna go London and I wanna go in Dublin.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can come to Dublin.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  I'm not paying a single cent. And I'm not, and I'm not paying for drinks either.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  And I'll come back and give you notes at the end.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  Sit in a wild box. Yeah, come back and give me notes. I just don't think that bit really worked.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  Taxis as well, get taxis.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  She wants taxis, yeah.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I want cars in an eight. No, it's fine, it's fine, I'll drive, but I want to know where to park.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Now, just this time, because I know you like to leave a little bit early.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Excuse me, I went twice.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, and left halfway through. So I had a great joke about Vogue at the end, and he never saw it, Vogue.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  Okay, there better be a joke about me in this one, and I was, and I went three.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  I'll have to put it up the top before she leaves.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Just before she goes, guys, sorry, I know you haven't finished clapping, I've just walked out.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  I went, I went three times.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  She's a three-minute gal, so, Vogue, oh, she's already gone, sorry, she's gone, there she is.

• 30:16Speaker 02

  I went three times, I was very supportive.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you were.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Did I go three times? I did go three times. Probably because it was like when I had that Nando's card. Everyone wanted to go to Nando's, and then when you went on tour, everyone wants to go to your tour, and everyone's just asking me. So I had to go all the time.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  You came loads of times, yeah. You were there more than I was.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  I know.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  I was like, how can you listen to this shit again?

• 30:36Speaker 02

  I got sick of Nando's, and I got sick of Joanne.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  I heard that Nando's have, is this true, Vogue? I feel like you're more in this scene than I am. They have a black card, which is.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  I just told you.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  That's the one.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  That's when I'm comparing your show to a black card.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  You had a Nando's black card?

• 30:50Speaker 02

  I had a, see, this is the problem.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  I remember, it's like a kind of a collab card.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  No, this is the problem, look how excited you got. There was somebody who abused the system.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Someone abused the system, yeah.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Someone abused the system, and they took their whole family, like, every single day.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  And they ruined it for everyone else.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Ruined it, that's probably why my card's gone, because they said, she's had another kid, take the card back quick.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  It was like the person who fell down the stairs after they had their blood taken, and they stopped giving the pint of Guinness after. They ruined it for everyone. Back in the day, when you gave blood, they used to give you a pint of Guinness, rebuild your iron, so you got a free pint of Guinness. And then some idiot fell down the stairs, and everyone was like, oh god, we can't give them Guinness now, and ruined it for everyone. So it's the same with the Nando's card.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Well, to be fair, that man did not ruin it for me, because now they give you sweets, and I prefer the sweets. And a fizzy drink.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Do you know, I've never given blood, isn't that terrible?

• 31:34Speaker 03

  We should do it.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  We should do it, Jo.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  I feel like I've just shown off there, but like, I've only given it once.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's once more than me or Jo.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  I know, but it's desperate. What if you're going around looking for some blood?

• 31:44Speaker 01

  I know, it's on that kind of weird, long, spiritual to-do list.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Now, in fairness, I don't have an organ donor card, but like, if you don't have one, they just take it, that you're just giving everything, yeah, so. And I've even, I've even decided that they can have the eyes.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  They can have the eyes. And imagine how many people will get the mouths. They could share that around, six or seven people.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  Bit of Vogue's mouth for a fully formed child's mouth. Twelve children now have mouths because of Vogue Williams.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Um, I've decided I'm finally getting my tramp stamp.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Oh god, please, no, don't say to Spencer, don't say a word to him.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Why?

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Because he wants a tattoo and I don't want him to have one.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Where are you getting one?

• 32:33Speaker 01

  You know me and Spencer are gonna get matching tattoos.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  I know, you're gonna go together, you go together.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Like when we stand together, our dolphins turn into a heart.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Vogue's just vomiting out her huge mouth. It'll be quite the day.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  What are you gonna get?

• 32:49Speaker 01

  I just can't stop thinking about it. I'm like thinking about it.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Please don't get a Chinese symbol, please.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  No, god, no. I'm gonna get a big smiley face and acid house thing.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  Oh, that'd be quite cool.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I'm gonna get like a...

• 33:00Speaker 02

  An anchor?

• 33:01Speaker 01

  No, I'm not gonna go trad.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  I'd kinda like an anchor on my finger. I'd love a snake on my finger.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Oh, please, no.

• 33:08Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  I just love tattoos. I love tattoos a lot.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  I love them on someone else, I just don't think that they'd look good on me.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  I love a tattoo on a lad. It's, if he's a six out of ten, he's now a twelve.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  No, I don't love them as much as you. I won't let Spencer get one. I'd rather he didn't get one. He's too late, he's too late to the party.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Vogue, I have news, you're not gonna like it.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  What? Who, who?

• 33:39Speaker 02

  Who?

• 33:40Speaker 01

  I bought you another Christmas present. I know of two Christmas presents for you. And do you know why I'm doing it? It's passive aggressive purchasing.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  To show off?

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we're now in a present war.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Well, I lent you my decorations, so that's part of a present.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  No, it's not a present, that's a lend of a decoration.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I pledge. Okay, don't lend them.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  And the presents are so nice and they're really thoughtful, sorry.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Oh shit.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  SARS. You're gonna have to add me to that list. Sorry.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  What am I gonna get? Her!

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Two presents, both really nice. Joe, you've nothing.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Okay. Happy Christmas.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  What are they? Give me the level, give me the level.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  They're really nice.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  No, how nice?

• 34:20Speaker 01

  Look, you're just getting really annoyed.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  How nice?

• 34:23Speaker 01

  They're really special.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  Oh, really? Are they? Yeah?

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  Okay. Is one of them a fucking metallic bag?

• 34:29Speaker 01

  No, actually, no. So now I've got three presents for you.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  What are they?

• 34:36Speaker 01

  I'm not telling you, because I'm gonna wrap them and everything. Well, you've seen one of them, it's the, it's the, it's the really nice kind of cartoon painting.

• 34:43Speaker 02

  Okay, now I have to try and find something for you. I think I know what I'm gonna get you.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  I'll send you a list, I'll register somewhere.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  No, I know what I'm gonna get you, I just think they're always sold out. I'm gonna get myself a couple too, because I wouldn't like to see you just have them and not me.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Well, one of the presents I got for you, I also got for myself.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. I know what I'm getting you. Um, oh, damn it, that's a lot of pressure now, God. Well, actually, no, because you didn't get me a birthday present, and I got you one. What did you get me?

• 35:10Speaker 01

  I can't remember now, but I'm...

• 35:11Speaker 02

  No, you didn't. You said you were gonna take me out for dinner in New York, and you didn't.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  You went out for dinner in New York in the end?

• 35:17Speaker 02

  No, you didn't.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Did I make a prayer for your birthday dinner? Bury me, bury me, bury me.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  I was like, oh, it's happier as well, and she's still not offering.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Grab that to me, Vogue, yeah? It's a hundred times.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Um, you remember last week, you were talking about Dawn French, and she, uh, and she missed out on a fab?

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  And she was really upset about it. Someone mailed me, and she said that her boyfriend, um, back in the day, he was asked to give a thousand pounds to, to invest in a sandwich shop that was his friend's sandwich shop. It was Pret a Manger.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  And he didn't do it.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  He didn't do it. I'd have to throw up everywhere. I'd be sick. Now, in fairness, we actually don't know what those company accounts are like. Maybe they're not great, but I doubt that. Well, I mean...

• 36:02Speaker 01

  There's one on every street.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  It's literally more...

• 36:05Speaker 01

  I mean, they've expanded quite quickly.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Than human beings.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Speaking of sandwiches, Butler has got in touch. Butlers, as a little refresh, I was given out saying I got into the airports and weighed the sandwiches because that's how boring and pigish I am. And Butlers got in touch and they were very nice and they were like, I'd actually kind of forgotten I'd fucking given out about the sandwich. And they're like, Joanne, just, you know, we haven't changed the recipe, but they're made on site and it might have just been that day that there was a little less ingredient in the sandwich. So I apologise. Correction corner, I stand corrected. Butlers have not done the shrinkability thing that Jo was talking about.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Oh my god, I'm absolutely mortified that you've done that to us.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  I apologise, Butlers.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  I love Butlers and then I just get dragged under with her.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  Awful.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  Oh, and they said to Tavok to go fuck herself.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Oh, did they? Yeah. No. Anyway, other people that missed out and stuff. John Travolta was meant to do Forrest Gump, turned it down.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  What an idiot.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, he said it was lame. That's why he turned it down.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  We used to watch Forrest Gump in religion class. That's how unlame it was.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Oh, Forrest Gump, it's so good. Gwyneth Paltrow was meant to be Rose in Titanic.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  I don't believe that.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry, no, I was thinking of Cameron Diaz. Gwyneth I can believe, yeah. I was thinking Cameron's a weird selection. Gwyneth, yes.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  She turned it down. I don't think that would have been very Gwyneth.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Kate Winslet is, she's doing a lot of press at the moment. I think she was in that film Lee, I think she actually produced that film Lee.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  She's amazing.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  She's amazing, but she was talking about the kind of abuse and the trauma that she went through when, earlier on in her career, about her weight and her body and being fat shamed and all that stuff. And she said, and she was actually, I saw some clip of her and she was actually going kind of emotional in it and she was talking about the impact it had. But when she met those journalists, they were like, did you ever say anything? She goes, yeah, I really went for them when I, when I met them. I told them how badly what they'd written had affected me and stuff. And I was like, fair play to you, Kate.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  I think, yeah, but people just don't realise when they say awful things about people that it's just, it can really upset people.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Well, that kind of pile on from people, and at that early stage in her career, she's so young. Like, not that there's any correct time to be, have strangers call you fat in a very derogatory way, but yeah, she was, we love Kate. She seems just like, kind of, very down to earth, I would say. Earthy.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I really like her. But you know what? I actually, I love the idea of Reese Witherspoon. And Speny said that-

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Just as in like that she agrees?

• 38:37Speaker 02

  I just think that she seems really nice as well, like along, like I like to hang out with Kate Winslet. I'd actually like to hang out with Gwyneth Paltrow. And the same goes for Reese Witherspoon. And then Spen said one of the rudest celebs he met was her. She was a bit mean to him.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Who?

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Uh, was Reese Witherspoon.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  What?

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was quite rude to him, like, kinda like, uh, I, uh, like, just, just putting him down a little bit and he was just like-

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Hold on, when did he meet her and what was the context?

• 39:03Speaker 02

  When he was doing his old pod and they were having a chat with her about her movie and she was just a bit snidey. And he was like, and he was really excited to meet her as well and she wasn't that nice.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  Let's just, look, no one's perfect all the time.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  No, well, he should kinda be nicer when you're doing your press tour. If there's any time to be nice, it's kinda that time.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  They're all having to apologise now and Hathaway has to apologise.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  But I thought that that was nicer for her to apologise, but that was mean. She was rude to that girl.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  She was, yeah.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, it was actually, it was, it was kind of uncomfortable to watch.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  It was, yeah.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Just like, oh my god, don't be so mean.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  God, what are you doing?

• 39:37Speaker 02

  She's just trying to do her job. It's like sometimes when, um, when I do those red carpets. And like, like celebs are there, you're there because you're, you're promoting something and you're doing the red carpet and they just kinda like ignore you and run by and it's like, just like-

• 39:49Speaker 01

  If you're doing a fucker to do a job, this is the problem. If you blow enough smoke up someone's hull, they will turn into a balloon.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, well, that's a nice thing, way of putting it, yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Did you wanna hear- Don't dampen my squib. That's my other one.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  That's a great one. Well done for both of you for coming up with that. Um, do you wanna see songs rejected by artists? TLC got offered Baby One More Time. Turned it down. Also, I don't think that would have worked for them. As a music producer, as a musician.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, as an ex, yeah, well, folk has had a number one thing in the first-

• 40:18Speaker 02

  As a pop star and dancer.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. Brittany Spears turned down Umbrella, ouch, she could have done that.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  Easily.

• 40:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  No offence Rihanna, sorry.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, and Rihanna keeps rejecting Ed Sheeran's songs. Shape of You and Love Yourself, but she turned them down.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, because Rihanna's sitting on all that Fenty cash.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  She's so rich, she's like, couldn't be arsed.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Couldn't be arsed.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  And did you see Talisa came out and mentioned her fight with Will I Am?

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I saw she did Fern Cotton's podcast.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  And she was talking, she was saying Will I Am, basically was like, I'm giving it to Brittany. But she said now, she sued him, but she says now it's really worked out because she's sitting on all that sweet royalty cash.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, she just makes, but she said to herself that maybe back in the day, she was just being really funny about it and she probably should have just given it to Brittany. But he basically just took it and gave it to her when it was in his position to do it.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  So she's making loads of money. I like Talisa.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  So do I, I'm a huge fan and she seems to be, she's kind of back.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, she did slow.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  Now come here, but she's come out of the jungle and she's deleted all the photos that she, all her jungle Insta photos, she's taken them all down.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, what is it? Tell us. Hang on.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Did not appear on the spin off, I'm a Celebrity Unpacked for personal reasons. And was also notably absent when the evicted star had gathered to meet Melvin on his exit. I'm just doing a little video to clear up a couple of things. Just so you know, when I came out of the jungle, I felt fine first of all. And then that evening, my friends went to bed. I was on Instagram trying to have a nice little scroll at some funny stuff. I was getting a lot of attention, a lot of bombarding in the most positive way, but because it's been a while for me, I can get overwhelmed quite easily. Fair enough. And I just started to feel overwhelmed. I thought, you know what, I just really need to take time out for me and just chill. It's feeling a bit much. I'm just going to archive all my stuff to do with the jungle.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Teen Talisa.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Look after.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  You archive that shit, gal, whatever you need to do.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Like and subscribe.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Thanks, everyone. And we'll see you for the bonus on Wednesday.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, make sure and preorder Vogue's book, Big Mate. And don't forget, Penophile is now on sale, so get your tickets.