Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me MTGM EXTRA! "I'm sure the sex will come back." About this episode Joanne went to a very fancy restaurant this week, but she and Vogue agree that when it gets too fancy, it's a bit much. Plus, a husband who didn't deserve the heat and some advice from a listener who might actually be onto something!
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Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:10 Speaker 01 Oh, you've gone.
0:12 Speaker 02 You're on mute, Vogue. You touched your mic, I think.
0:16 Speaker 01 Do you not think the pod would be better if I just kept my mic on mute, no?
0:21 Speaker 02 Should a mic be able to be muted that easily? Surely that's a flaw in the microphone. We accidentally mute it about nine times a record.
0:30 Speaker 01 All the time, Joanne, I got really embarrassed this morning.
0:34 Speaker 02 Oh, brilliant.
0:35 Speaker 01 So you know the way I try to not let my mom and stuff listen to the podcast because it's like, anyway, I was at T school and there's, I think that's like security, but they work in the school anyway. And they just, they stand at the door and like, they obviously do stuff during the day, but they let everyone in in the mornings and let everyone out. And one of the guys was like, oh, I'm loving your podcast. And I was like, which one? Obviously thinking he wasn't listening to this. And he's like, the one with your funny friend. I was like, oh.
1:04 Speaker 01 So now I can't do skill drop off anymore.
1:10 Speaker 01 And I was only thinking to laugh when he goes like, oh no.
1:12 Speaker 02 I love it.
1:15 Speaker 02 Why do I get such a kick when straight men listen? Was he straight?
1:19 Speaker 01 Straight, yeah, straight.
1:21 Speaker 02 How do you know was he straight now? Was he, like, do we know?
1:24 Speaker 01 Because he was wearing a shirt.
1:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, grand fur.
1:32 Speaker 01 That's actually what I said. I was watching it.
1:37 Speaker 02 He was wearing a flannel shirt. That's how we know. And drinking a Coors Light.
1:41 Speaker 01 He had slacks on. He had slacks on his shirt.
1:49 Speaker 01 I was watching it. I was watching Susie Ruffel, who's a comedian. I was watching her. Her insa, yeah, and she was saying that like she knew she was lesbian when she was watching the Titanic, she went like seven times to see Kate Winslet, but then she was like, when the Spice Girls came out, we all just loved like Sporty Spice, because like we just like, it was like our culture, it was like track bottoms, high pony and just like working out. And she's like, that was like, and it was so true. And poor Sporty Spice, not poor Sporty Spice, but she wasn't a lesbian, but everyone was like, oh, the lesbian one.
2:22 Speaker 02 She definitely, now more than myself, Mel C always had a slight lesbian tint to her, but apparently she's not. Although you know yourself now, I do believe you all have three lesbian affairs in us, but that's.
2:32 Speaker 01 Well, Amber told me something about lesbians that I didn't know before, because we were doing our pod, Amber's doing our pod now, and, and she, there was a girl who wrote in and she was a lesbian and she was like, I really like this girl, but she's got a really, really long nails. I never thought about it, but lesbians, yeah. And she's like, I can't tell her to cut her nails, but like, I also don't want to be gouged.
2:56 Speaker 02 Ripped apart, yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that. You see, I just didn't think about it, but there's an Irish comic called Catherine Bowhart, he's gay, and she opened one of the proseccos, she opened one of the proseccos in Fickert Street, and she was doing stuff on stage about nails, women and lesbians and nails. And I was like, of course, never thought of it, never thought of it.
3:17 Speaker 01 And you can get a lesbian manicure in tropical popco. Supposedly it's a thing, oh, I'll have the lesbian manicure.
3:23 Speaker 02 Right down to the nub.
3:24 Speaker 01 I would be, until you touch skin and it's just slightly stingy.
3:31 Speaker 02 You've one of those. Look at your nails.
3:33 Speaker 01 I always, I can't, my nails are so desperate. I'm actually ashamed of my nails. When I, like, like, look at your, you've obviously just had your nails done. And I look at people like, yeah, and then I'm like, my hands start going inwards. I'm trying to tuck them into my jumper.
3:46 Speaker 02 The shame, but like, so I go through phases of self-care and kind of looking after myself. It's very much swings and roundabouts. And sometimes I'm really across the grooming and the keeping on top of things. But as we know, it's a fucking full-time gig. And so my nails can sometimes get to the point before I get them done again, where they're, they're gross, like, they're absolutely gross.
4:09 Speaker 01 Where you have to spend 400 quid on them.
4:12 Speaker 02 Well, yeah. When they get to that point of no return, but they're so bad and you go in and it's like, it's like having a, it's kind of like having what I imagine, well, no, because a lobotomy actually isn't really that good for you, but it's like a therapy, when you come out with the nails, the, with the Manny and the Patty did, oh, the sense of achievement, sack through another one.
4:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm getting them done tonight and I found this thing, what's it called? Biosculpture, I don't know if you've used that one, three weeks it lasts on your hands.
4:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:45 Speaker 01 If I can get something that does that, then I'll have at least three weeks of good nails, which kind of suits me down to the ground.
4:50 Speaker 02 My nails underneath all the neon shellac, et cetera, they are, when I say the weakest things you've ever seen, yeah. Honestly, you couldn't, they're like a sponge, gross, I've ruined them.
5:09 Speaker 02 It's raining in Cape Town, it's been raining for 48 hours. I know, where do I complain? Where do I complain? We went to this foodie, so one of the guys that's here with us, Josh, he's a real foodie, whereas me and his boyfriend Ross are very similar, as in like, like we were talking about, like we need to spam from a tin, couldn't, couldn't care less.
5:31 Speaker 01 Oh god, yeah.
5:32 Speaker 02 But Josh, Josh somehow convinced us to go to one of these tasting restaurants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's, it was, the dinners are booked up till June, but we managed to kind of wangle in for a lunch thing and everything is teeny tiny and they come over and there's a half an hour introduction to each course.
5:54 Speaker 01 No.
5:55 Speaker 02 Everything is like minute and things like frog foam and all this, and they do a wine tasting and then because, oh, I had my first oyster.
6:06 Speaker 01 Oh, your first oyster.
6:08 Speaker 02 I would rather gargle silage. What the fuck?
6:14 Speaker 01 Ah, you didn't do it right, you didn't do it right.
6:16 Speaker 02 Ah, sorry Vogue, I did do it right, I did it under strict supervision. Josh is a, he's an oyster guy, it's like his thing, right? So he was like showing me how to eat it and I was like, eat it, you're lucky I fucking swallowed it.
6:30 Speaker 01 Oh, you did get it down.
6:32 Speaker 02 Well, I only. I was it. It's a two star Michelin restaurant. I wanted to fuck, I wanted to spit it out.
6:38 Speaker 01 You had to swallow, you had to swallow.
6:40 Speaker 02 But even I, even I have decorum in those situations and I had to swallow it down. And Ross was, so I was trying to swallow the oyster. Ross was trying to swallow some fish creme brulee thing.
6:50 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
6:51 Speaker 02 Between the two of us. The only person who enjoyed himself was Josh and everything is absolutely tiny. So Ross went, Ross left and we had a McDonald's, but Ross had a McDonald's.
6:59 Speaker 01 I can't bear that. Like, that is, going to a tasting menu of like seven, eight courses is my idea of hell. I just want piles and piles of food. And to be honest with you, oysters are touch and go. I had a brief love affair with oysters. It lasted six months. Ate one on the mountains. Through my guts. Yeah, I, I only had my oyster in late in life too. And I was like, these are delicious. And I was going around slurping those snots away, like it was no one's business. And then I got sick on the mountain and I tried to have one after and I was like, I literally can't even look at them now.
7:32 Speaker 02 They're sick. How unfair for oysters. Like, you think, and I'd say if oysters could think, which they probably can't. They're like, look lads, we taste disgusting. No one's gonna wanna eat us.
7:42 Speaker 01 We look even worse.
7:44 Speaker 02 Here they all come now with their teeny tiny forks, fucking scooping us out, putting Tabasco on us and gargling us.
7:53 Speaker 02 I was just dying for a chicken salad and a white wine. I was like, this is, it's just, it's out of my league. It's out of my palate league.
8:01 Speaker 01 Do you know what? There's one Michelin star restaurant that I went to and I, and Joanne, you would love it. What's it called? What's it called?
8:07 Speaker 02 Oh, Pret a Mange.
8:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:10 Speaker 02 I'm a basic bitch. I've got a basic tongue, a basic belly, you know?
8:15 Speaker 01 I think though, listen, so this restaurant, right, you go in and you get piles of food. It's got, you can wear your tracksuit in there. It's really relaxed. It's a very good atmosphere.
8:26 Speaker 02 Me and Ross, we were so desperately trying to look like we knew what we were doing because Joanne saw me trying to spit out the oyster. So then we were like the, the feral table, you don't get it. Do you know what I mean? They're like, oh, these don't get it. They're like blowing, so off the tour bus. They don't get it. So she's introducing us to the wines, of course, like every wine is obviously getting a full introduction, et cetera. And she's, this one was called Honey Bunch. And she was talking about like the honey notes and everything. And Ross, like, oh my God, yeah. When she came, he kept trying to tell me and Josh that there was, he could taste the honey.
8:56 Speaker 01 Please.
8:58 Speaker 02 He's like, I can taste the honey. And she came back, God love her. You could see she was rage and she had to come back that he was like these morons. And Ross is like, oh yeah, the honey and that, oh, you can really taste it, yeah, the honey. And she's like, there's no, there's no actual honey in it, yeah. It's called, it's called notes.
9:16 Speaker 02 She was just kind of blinking slowly at us and being, Ross, toasting what we believe are liquidized jars of alcoholic honey at each other.
9:24 Speaker 01 Would you have any Castello di Diablo, please?
9:28 Speaker 02 Like, have you any Blue Wicked?
9:33 Speaker 01 Now, do you know what I do think you can taste? You know, if you, if you smell or taste whiskey, it does taste a bit like muck, like Pete. You can smell Pete mucking whiskey.
9:43 Speaker 02 Yeah. Can you? Yeah.
9:46 Speaker 02 I'll go with that.
9:47 Speaker 01 If you smell, if you smell a whiskey on its own, that's what you smell. It's like, oh God, muck. No one has a fucked up.
9:54 Speaker 02 The less stars for me, the better. I like a starless dining experience. I like a minus star dining experience. One that's kind of barely alive. One of those restaurants that's barely keeping its head above water because it's had some hygiene issues. That's where I like to go.
10:07 Speaker 01 Chiriguito on the beach is what you want. Like one of those little restaurants, a Chiriguito on the beach. Those pop up restaurants. Everyone has a Chiriguito.
10:17 Speaker 02 What the hell is a Chiriguito?
10:19 Speaker 01 A Chiriguito.
10:20 Speaker 02 I need to know.
10:21 Speaker 01 So like, let's say, if you come to my mom's house in Spain, right, you go down the beach and there's a Chiriguito. It's a little restaurant, but they kind of build it for the summer and then it comes back in.
10:30 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
10:31 Speaker 01 But it's like, it's like calamari, prawns, pil, pil. You've got your tuna salad. Like, that's what you want.
10:38 Speaker 02 Oh, I didn't know. I'm a Chirigito gal. I didn't know.
10:41 Speaker 01 You're a Chirigito gal. It's written all over your face.
10:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a Michelin star gal. It's just not my vibe. Okay?
10:50 Speaker 01 Okay, well, actually, you know, a bit of a bone to pick with you. We asked for content yesterday. There's not one. You didn't post. Not only did you not show us your outfit, your shoes, nothing, you posted nothing. Zero. Your stories have run out. Is your phone broken?
11:04 Speaker 02 Ross stung me. Ross has a video of me after our conversation yesterday where I found out the shocking news that I'm a 4.5 rating on WikiFeet, where you are 5. Ross caught me getting, trying to get some very sexy foot content up the mountain.
11:22 Speaker 02 Very much kind of swooping in, swooping out, trying to pretend it was being recorded by someone else. It's very delicate foot content, which I will be posting shortly.
11:32 Speaker 01 Well, I'm getting a manicure, a pedicure tonight, so my feet will be trotting around the place naked for the foreseeable future.
11:39 Speaker 02 My WikiFeet page is now going to be a 30-page thread. I'm going to be posting so much foot content. You wait.
11:45 Speaker 01 Well, all my hashtags are going to be like hashtag nude, hashtag no clothes on.
11:52 Speaker 02 I was dripping the oysters through my toes. I was like, look at this.
12:09 Speaker 01 Girls, your pod should come with a warning. I've just spent the week being the coldest bitch to my husband because I caught him being secretive with his phone.
12:18 Speaker 01 I walked into the kitchen. I could see, by the way, he clicked a close that he didn't want me to see it. Cue a whole week of fishing for clues. Going through his phone. Yes, I fucking did that. Listen, that's okay. For messages, I'm wondering.
12:33 Speaker 02 I mean, yeah.
12:34 Speaker 01 Did you hit the, did you tap into the emails too?
12:37 Speaker 02 Ooh.
12:39 Speaker 01 I've got Svenny's laptop in front of me like right now, and I would have no interest in even bothering to look at his emails. Anyway, yes, I fucking did that for messages. I'm wondering who he's been seeing behind my back. This weekend, he took me to a spa hotel for a January blues present, and that's what he was hiding from me. Oh, no.
12:57 Speaker 02 Oh, God.
12:59 Speaker 01 Bet you wish he was cheating now, you absolute bitch.
13:04 Speaker 01 No cheating, no secrets. But here I am, listening to you two every week and all the stories that come in. So that's where my mind was.
13:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:11 Speaker 01 There should be a disclaimer that says something like, just because other people's husbands are shy bags, it doesn't mean yours is necessarily. Please keep me in on, I don't want him getting any more heat than I've already given him.
13:22 Speaker 02 That is, that's a sweet story. That is, is a really sweet story. What I would suggest is you just didn't find them.
13:29 Speaker 02 I would say there is a folder.
13:31 Speaker 01 Shut up!
13:32 Speaker 02 There is an email account that he has. You know, you can hide entire WhatsApp conversations.
13:38 Speaker 01 No, how do you do that?
13:39 Speaker 02 But like I say, I'm, I'm not the person to speak to you about this because I am wildly paranoid and, and traumatised. So like, there's no point talking to me about this stuff.
13:48 Speaker 01 And you know what? Also, we need to put a warning in here for women who, who have, who are going through the same thing, but they're not greeted with a, with a January blues present. They are actually being cheated on, so just beware.
13:59 Speaker 02 Do you know what as well? And I've been doing a lot of thinking over here.
14:02 Speaker 01 Oh, fuck, I hate when she starts thinking.
14:05 Speaker 02 I've been doing some thinking.
14:06 Speaker 01 Always worrying. Oh no.
14:08 Speaker 02 I'm up to about four minutes a day now. And I was like, Joanne, maybe it's not all the men. Maybe it's just the men that you are allowing into your life that behave like this.
14:23 Speaker 01 Joanne, that's very good, thinking of you.
14:25 Speaker 02 Yes, that's what I thought. And then I went, Joanne, don't be ridiculous.
14:29 Speaker 01 You're great.
14:31 Speaker 02 It's all of them. No, but seriously, I, I am going to start, I've bought a book, um, one of these, um, like The Untethered Soul or The Road Less Traveled, one of those ones. Like I say, of course they aren't all at it. I just kind of deal with a particular type of man, I think. I think that's the problem. I think I have to hold my hands up and say, it's not that I attract them, I appear to go looking for them myself.
15:00 Speaker 01 Hey gals and Joe, I want to give some info and advice for the married man who wrote in about the lack of sex with his wife, based on my own experience as a mother. Ooh, god, this is gonna be good advice, unlike ours. After having kids, your wife probably doesn't want to be touched for several reasons. Breastfeeding, constantly having kids hanging off you, exhaustion, body image feelings, lack of self-confidence due to body changes, not feeling sexy anymore, hormone changes, or even depression or anxiety, the list goes on. I would recommend to do as much to help her as possible in the household with childcare, etc. The sexiest shit my husband can do is put the baby to bed, load the dishwasher, put stuff away and do the washing. I literally just said something like this to Spencer the other day, because he's like,
15:43 Speaker 01 "Oh, I just want to sit down and hug." And I was like, "Do you know if you just did some of the extra stuff, then I wouldn't be rushing around like a blue arse fly and I'd be so thrilled." Seems stupid if you do these things without expecting praise, she would appreciate it. To me, it shows that he values me. We both work full time. Yes, I tend to do all the majority of the house child stuff. So when he does this stuff, especially without me asking, then maybe I'll consider letting him have two minutes of my time. Ha, she's joking. If you're not sure what she requires to be done to take a load off, then just ask her. But I think this is one of my things that annoys me as well. You should know what needs to be done. You're in the house as well. You should know that that needs to be done. She might just even need more sleep. I can only dream of
16:28 Speaker 01 the day that he notices we need to buy more toilet roll and actually does it himself. If you're already doing your fair share of the household duties, then I think therapy is the only other solution. Find out why she's not feeling herself. She might feel embarrassed or even guilty. Mums have guilt about everything. You could both try love language tests to see how you both tick. My younger child is one and a half and I can safely say I had zero interest in sex until she was one. My other children are much older, but if I had toddlers too, I imagine this would have taken much longer this time around. If you make your feel valued and appreciated, I'm sure the sex will come back. That's one reason, but there could be other reasons as well.
17:04 Speaker 02 Who's this ninja? She seems to know what she's actually talking about.
17:10 Speaker 01 She's a professionally trained psychologist, I think.
17:13 Speaker 02 Whoa, I have blown away.
17:16 Speaker 02 What's her email? Send her to me. I have loads of questions for her.
17:18 Speaker 01 I do think that that is very true because like I would be like I, I work, but I do all the household stuff as well. And sometimes it does feel overwhelming and it's nice. Like, like when Svenny goes, like last night, he just went and took the dogs for their last walk. Like he always does it, but I didn't have to ask. And I was like, oh, that's good that he's gone and done that now.
17:37 Speaker 02 Well, I, which probably won't surprise you, but when I have been living with partners,
17:45 Speaker 02 it always felt like I was the problem really, not them domestically.
17:49 Speaker 01 Oh, domestically. I love you so much, John, but yes, I would agree with that.
17:54 Speaker 02 Yeah. There just seems to be some glitch that I just don't really get it. So I don't know why. So like, while I'm nodding away about like how men don't do anything around their house, sort of like the slow reality of, hold on a second.
18:10 Speaker 02 It's me. Oh, hold on a second. Most and all of our arguments when I was living with them was about me not doing anything around their house. But yeah, but the problem, I don't know how to explain it. I don't see the, I don't see it.
18:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:25 Speaker 02 I don't see it.
18:26 Speaker 01 Some people are just like that though. It's not your fault.
18:29 Speaker 02 I don't get it. And then like to get, to clean it or tidy it takes me hours. I don't know. It's just, it's like a handicap or something. I don't know what it is. Domestic blind spot or something. I don't know. So that's why I have to live on my own. So I just don't anger anyone. But anyway, yeah, this, this husband should, yeah, up his game.
18:47 Speaker 01 Up your game.
18:49 Speaker 02 Up your game around now.
18:56 Speaker 02 That's it for this week. We'll chat to you soon. Thanks for listening as always. All our love. Goodbye.
19:02 Speaker 01 Goodbye.
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Previous TikTok Trolls, 'Queueing' & Feet Next Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs Page updated November 5, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated