Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me MTGM EXTRA! "I text him: Do you want to die alone?" About this episode Joanne and Vogue profess their love for David Attenborough this week - but we all love him, don't we? Plus, dog shampoo, dog CBD oil and an ornamental pear.
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Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:10 Speaker 01 Welcome to My Purpose Ghosted Me with myself, John McNally, and my partner in crime.
0:15 Speaker 02 Beau Williams.
0:16 Speaker 01 Williams.
0:17 Speaker 02 I like what you did there. You shook it up a bit. Well done.
0:19 Speaker 01 I did. I'm always trying to spice it up, you know yourself.
0:25 Speaker 02 I've done my usual and I told everyone I was off the booze for like, I was like, I'm just gonna go off the booze for a couple of months. I have never been met with such resistance and unsupportive people in my life. Everyone's like, shut up. And the girls are like, ugh. And I had to actually say, okay, I'll have a couple.
0:42 Speaker 01 Do you know what, though? And I'm gonna, I'm gonna call this now. I'm gonna say this because it's announcing you're going off the booze. It's up there with announcing you're taking a break from social media. You're making people, you're making boozeers around you feel nervous and judged. Just do it. Just do it with silent dignity.
0:58 Speaker 02 I wish I had.
0:59 Speaker 01 And stop making your drinking friends feel judged and guilty. Sorry, there's children everywhere. Is that, are you both keeping your kids under the tables? What's happening?
1:07 Speaker 03 Oh, no.
1:07 Speaker 02 I don't hear any kids.
1:08 Speaker 03 There's coming out here.
1:10 Speaker 01 Oh, so it's, it's from me, is it?
1:12 Speaker 03 Well, it ain't.
1:13 Speaker 02 John, maybe you wanna put your kids away, right? And stop sagging us off.
1:16 Speaker 03 Try and control your kids down, please.
1:18 Speaker 01 Had a baby again without my own, without knowing. Hold on, they're in the drawer. Hold on. I'll put them away.
1:27 Speaker 01 Maybe I'll have one of those diseases where I just hear kids cry. Do you know, do you know what I, I went through a phase recently. I was like, I wonder if there are a name for this. Where I kept thinking I saw Denise Welch from Loose Women.
1:39 Speaker 02 That's so random.
1:42 Speaker 01 Yeah. I was like.
1:43 Speaker 02 Maybe you did though. Maybe she lives near you.
1:46 Speaker 01 I was like, Chat GPT, what do you call it when you keep thinking you see Denise Welch, Welch from Loose Women? I just, I kept thinking I saw her, but I didn't. Anyway, it's not, it's not a real illness. Oh, the kids, stop crying. Oh, great.
1:59 Speaker 02 Maybe there was a job. Thank you for listening out for my children. I appreciate that. I know what you're saying though about the booze and I feel like I did make a mistake and Amber is for one fed up of listening to it. But I pulled it back a bit because I'm like, oh, I'll have a couple. I don't mean I'm not having any at all. So I'm just like, I won't drink, but I'll have one or two and then I'll just, at least people won't feel judged.
2:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, drinkers do not want to feel judged by non drinkers. It's up there with veganism and Episcopalians.
2:23 Speaker 02 I know, but people drink better than I drink is the problem. If I could drink like other people drink, then I wouldn't need to always want to go off it.
2:31 Speaker 01 You need to go to some Bear Grylls camp and just grow another labia and just warm it up.
2:36 Speaker 02 I've, I've been there.
2:38 Speaker 01 And get ready for spritz summer. Spritz summer is upon us. Me and Ross, my friend Ross, he was over the other night, we were editing videos and we were like, we're gonna really take it easy now. We're gonna turn our lives around. I'm gonna go back to the fitness. And he's like 100%, he's like, no more drinking, just like herbal teas. And, and he was like, but like, obviously we'll take the summer. And I was like, of course we'll take the summer. And then I was like, well, then it's Christmas. You know what I mean?
3:02 Speaker 02 And so then. That's a problem.
3:05 Speaker 01 We're like March 2026. That's the detox. That's where it's all happening.
3:10 Speaker 02 I actually have to wholeheartedly agree with you, but then there's St. Patrick's Day and then it's coming into Easter and the Lord has risen. We have to toast to that.
3:19 Speaker 01 There's a bit of losing on St. Patrick's Day. You can get involved in that without drinking. I'll lose.
3:24 Speaker 02 I do agree with you though. I think that, and the summer goes on till October, really. Doesn't we get our best weather?
3:30 Speaker 01 Yeah. And sure, then it's Halloween. And sure, what's that? Only a giant session for the ghosts.
3:36 Speaker 02 Remembering of the dead. We're only remembering.
3:38 Speaker 01 There's no time. There's no time to dry out. There's no time, Jo.
3:42 Speaker 02 I wish, I'm, I'm taking it back. I take it back. I'm gonna really try not be that person. I'm gonna go onto Instagram now and cry in a minute and then I'm going, I nearly cried the other day on Instagram.
3:50 Speaker 01 Get that ring light, baby. Get that ring light on those tears.
3:54 Speaker 02 I'm gonna cry and then I'm gonna say that I'm having a vacation from Instagram.
3:58 Speaker 01 Do you know what? And I, I said nothing about it. I said nothing about it. But I deleted Instagram for 24 hours. When I say I'm a different person, it was like I'd done ayahuasca.
4:13 Speaker 01 The piece, I lay in bed all day, no Instagram, and I read, I'm reading The Gathering by Anne Enright. I just read, I didn't engage with the internet at all. And when I say, it was like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am hooked on Instagram and I don't think it's for the better.
4:32 Speaker 02 Did you have the TikTok on the go?
4:34 Speaker 01 No, TikTok doesn't engage me in the same way, but it does, do you know the way if you need a hit of something, it does, it's like a nicotine patch. It'll kind of give you a bit of a hit, but there isn't like the same interaction on TikTok for me. So it's not, it'll give you some, it'll give you the kind of fake scroll, do you know what I mean?
4:52 Speaker 02 I'm not mad for TikTok because I haven't got my algorithm. You know, when they like, you have to swipe videos to get the videos that you start liking and then it shows you the video. So I haven't got to that, so I don't know how to do that and I just stay away.
5:03 Speaker 01 TikTok is just people, they're ratting each other out, but they're not saying who they're ratting out. They're like, wow, wow, wow. Wait until I tell you about this famous influencer with blonde hair that I met today. And she was an absolute key bag. And then everyone's like, huh, and they're jumping in the comments and trying to decide who it is. It's so toxic. Instagram is lovely. Instagram is just like kind of a digital cloud of fun for me, but TikTok is.
5:24 Speaker 02 I agree.
5:25 Speaker 01 It's just apologies and people ratting each other out. It's grim.
5:27 Speaker 02 But you remember, remember that TikTok thing that I found really funny? There was an influencer supposedly that was pretending to run 5K and she was starting recording the first of her 5K. And then she was driving to the next place and recording it like, even if someone did that, I think that that is so brilliant. And why anyone, why anyone would give a shit? Why do you care if she's pretending to run 5K? And why do you care if someone drinks when they're, when they said they're not drinking? So what? You're not in charge of them, get lost.
5:55 Speaker 01 Because we love to police each other. We love it. We're all just huge guardies with fucking taser gun and hats. We love.
6:03 Speaker 02 I can't bear it.
6:03 Speaker 01 We love spying on each other, catch each other out for lying and policing each other. We love it.
6:09 Speaker 02 Now, there's one thing though, like I've seen this, I think I said it to Amber before. I know a person who basically has gotten a puppy and like was posting all about the puppy and posting about the puppy. And then all of a sudden the puppy was gone. And then the puppy, turned out it wasn't their puppy, because the puppy was gone. Everyone's like, where's the goddamn puppy? And then only a few years later, they got another puppy. Another puppy. And then that puppy, gone.
6:34 Speaker 01 Are they eating the puppies? Where are they going?
6:36 Speaker 02 I don't know, but they got away with it. I, I think the puppies are going to the farm, but the actual farm.
6:41 Speaker 01 People don't like when people, when people hand back dogs. It gets, it, it honestly, it ignites more hatred than passing back children as far as I can see. Remember Lily Allen got blasted, blasted for handing back a dog. She's like, look, we just couldn't handle the dog. Isn't that what happened?
6:59 Speaker 03 She took an adopted puppy.
7:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:01 Speaker 03 And it ate her family's passports, uh, so she had to return.
7:05 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, I remember she gave that back.
7:07 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, people went through her. Like, I, I understand, I get it. We don't like to see animals disrespected in that way. But also, you know, we have to fucking rein it in. I guess because they're so vulnerable and stuff. That puppy that you tried to get me to adopt, I did go in, I was having a little look at her and she's gone.
7:22 Speaker 02 I warned you, I knew she was hot properly. As soon as I saw her face pop up, I thought Lulu's not gonna have a problem.
7:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:28 Speaker 02 And with a bio like that sold.
7:30 Speaker 01 A looker like that, when you're that hot, the world is your oyster.
7:35 Speaker 02 I mean, I have to say.
7:36 Speaker 01 It's the halo effect. That's, it's the halo effect.
7:39 Speaker 02 And she's six.
7:41 Speaker 01 Jesus.
7:41 Speaker 02 A toilet train can go in and out of a cat flap. No wonder she was snapped up. I even said, I was like, I, I know, I was saying to Svenny, I was like, ah, would we, would we take Lulu? And he goes, no, we could have Lulu if Winston bit the bullet. And I do, for a split second, I was like, God. I went and looked at Winston and then he's, he, he was kind of just lying there. But all of a sudden, he just like jumped up and started wagging his tail and I was like, damn it. And that's when I knew Lulu was out of my reach.
8:04 Speaker 01 D N R, do not resuscitate Winston. D N R, baby. We've got, we've got fresh meat ready to come in. We've got a young hot dog. She's hot, she's fertile, she's got a great, she's got a great bob or something going on.
8:21 Speaker 02 She's absolutely beautiful. Her ears look like a bob. But I'm sorry, have you seen Winston? When I trim Winston's ears, he looks 10 years longer. It's like he's had botox. I trim the end hairs off his ears and he looks fine. Even the bob's looking good now.
8:32 Speaker 01 Stretch now, I think that's a stretch.
8:35 Speaker 02 Uh, Winston is then, he's the nicest dog you could come across, but Lulu did put a spanner in his works for a split second.
8:40 Speaker 01 I get on very well with Winston. We have a nice understanding. We don't, he doesn't bother me and I don't bother him. I used to babysit him, do you remember?
8:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, but now that Winston's completely deaf, he's got a great life because he doesn't hear. See that noise that you heard earlier? He doesn't hear any of that anymore.
8:55 Speaker 01 And he's not on Instagram anymore.
8:57 Speaker 02 He is.
8:58 Speaker 01 Is he still on Instagram?
9:00 Speaker 02 Sometimes I pop him on Instagram. Oh, that account that was made, I had nothing to do with that. I don't have time to have accounts for my dogs, I'm sorry. Fuck, it's time for that. I'm gonna go put, I'm gonna go put him on Instagram right now after this.
9:12 Speaker 01 Did I tell you?
9:12 Speaker 02 Every time I do, I get sent broken hearts because everyone thinks he's dead.
9:15 Speaker 01 Yeah. Well, it's, it is, it's, it's like every time I see a photo of David Attenborough in the news, they're like, oh no!
9:23 Speaker 01 And then it's like, oh, it's just David giving out to us again about the environment. Thank God. Thank God. David's like, every time he pops up my feed, I'm like, David, no!
9:35 Speaker 02 That's what people do with Winnie.
9:37 Speaker 01 Dad's dead. And then it's just David going, I'm gonna be dead soon and you better look after the envi- That's, that's what he's doing. He's warning us, feral children, to look after the environment, to look after the animals.
9:49 Speaker 02 He's preserved. He's gonna go, I'd say he'll be like one of those 120 year olds. We'll, we'll be gone before him. Are you mad?
9:55 Speaker 01 He's the, oh, David Attenborough is the only man alive who I would say has never had an affair.
10:02 Speaker 02 Oh, definitely hasn't. And loved his wife so much, and when she died, he has never had a partner since.
10:07 Speaker 01 If David Attenborough passes, if he decides to go, because it will be his choice, because that's how powerful he is.
10:11 Speaker 02 A hundred percent his choice.
10:13 Speaker 01 And something comes out about him, some sort of sexual scandal.
10:17 Speaker 02 No.
10:17 Speaker 01 I will hang my hat, whatever that means. I will hang it.
10:22 Speaker 01 On something.
10:22 Speaker 02 You're gonna put your hat, you're gonna put your hat up there.
10:24 Speaker 01 Whatever that saying means. Like, the hat will be hung.
10:26 Speaker 02 No, that couldn't be. That would be desperate, couldn't possibly be. I mean, there's loads of people that you're like, oh God, waiting for it. You're just waiting for it with some people, not with him.
10:35 Speaker 01 He is. Someone we trust and love and I just.
10:38 Speaker 02 Please, God.
10:40 Speaker 01 Don't let us down. Hide the evidence. If that is, if there is something that you know is, is gonna come out, just hide the evidence. Take it to the Arctic, take it to the North Pole, next time you're going, just set it free. All the paperwork, let it go. We just can't cope with it, couldn't cope with it. He's like, just the whole, he's just wholesome. He's like strawberry jam, tea and toast. He's wholesome, he's reassuring. He is, I've never had a child, but I'm told that after you give birth, they give you tea and toast in the hospitals. And that it's, the girls tell me, it is the most delicious meal you'll be ever given. And that is David Attenborough to me for now. Unless something comes out about him and until he destroys the evidence in the North Pole. He's an oog boot. I'm trying, I'm trying to, I'm trying to communicate the comfort that he brings me.
11:25 Speaker 02 Who knew, who knew Joanne had such a thing for David? Here I am handing out names, left, right and centre, and it's been David Attenborough all these times.
11:32 Speaker 01 He's, he's a water bottle on your premenstruals.
11:34 Speaker 02 He is, he's so kind, his voice is so soothing.
11:37 Speaker 01 He's the cranberry juice to your UTI. Am I communicating myself clearly?
11:42 Speaker 02 I think he would absolutely love to hear that analogy himself, to be described as that.
11:47 Speaker 01 He's the caniston to your thrush, it's just.
11:49 Speaker 02 Oh, that's even better.
11:51 Speaker 03 You know she doesn't like that word.
11:54 Speaker 01 Caniston?
11:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:58 Speaker 01 Do you know, everybody at Chelsea, the time I sat hungover, I brushed my teeth with caniston instead of colgate.
12:05 Speaker 02 No, that is absurd. Sorry, do you not remember you sprayed your whole mouth with dog, dog food CBD? Do you remember that?
12:15 Speaker 01 I totally forgot about that!
12:17 Speaker 02 That was so.
12:19 Speaker 01 It's not yours!
12:21 Speaker 02 No, no, it was yours, someone sent you dog, I don't know, or maybe.
12:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, I got some press back from fucking, who, like pedigree or something? How did I end up with dog CBD oil?
12:32 Speaker 02 How did I work, how did it end up in your mouth?
12:35 Speaker 01 She was like, oh! Anything in my mouth!
12:37 Speaker 02 I was like, God, that reeks.
12:39 Speaker 01 Anything lying around, just put it in.
12:41 Speaker 02 I remember I was using dog shampoo for ages when I was, I was staying with this, um, people that we know in France. And I was like, shan! And I was like, wait, I know that word, shan! But I thought it was that C N, you know, C I E N. And then I was like, oh, that's shan! That's a dog!
12:58 Speaker 01 I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say that's bad, you know?
13:02 Speaker 01 Well, I wouldn't really, I got out all the grease, that's for sure.
13:14 Speaker 01 Guys, I can't stick around, I've got a gig to go to. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to Wide Out. What's it called?
13:20 Speaker 02 It's definitely not called Wide On.
13:22 Speaker 01 Wake Up.
13:24 Speaker 02 Wake Up Festival.
13:25 Speaker 01 Wake Around. What's it called, Jo? Can we get a fact check there?
13:27 Speaker 03 I don't know, mate.
13:28 Speaker 02 Probably Wide, would it not be called Wide Awake Festival? Now, are you gonna go and see any bands?
13:33 Speaker 03 Wide Awake Festival.
13:34 Speaker 01 Wide Awake Festival!
13:36 Speaker 02 Wide Awake, well, you are a cra- what a crazy person.
13:40 Speaker 01 I'm just mad. I'm just a mad bitch, you know? Outliving my life. Sprit summer, baby.
13:46 Speaker 02 I can't wait to hear you, how you get on at this festival for a few hours, because then you can really decide about your Glastonbury trip.
13:52 Speaker 03 It's a good test.
13:54 Speaker 02 It's not really a great test, Jo. She's in the middle of London at a festival for a few hours and she's going home to her bed.
13:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, but if she hates this, she'll really hate Glastonbury.
14:04 Speaker 01 It's roasting, but I'm going in full Rangier. I've got a poncho, I'm ready to go.
14:08 Speaker 03 Nice.
14:09 Speaker 01 I have 3% battery. What could go wrong?
14:12 Speaker 02 There's, you're better off without the phone, you don't need it. Make sure you bring a card for your bits and bobs, that's all you need.
14:17 Speaker 01 A card? What do you mean?
14:19 Speaker 02 A credit card. If your phone goes, you need to have something. No one ever goes without a card.
14:23 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm bringing three grands in cash.
14:30 Speaker 01 And I'm on a promise, that's one of the kneecap lads.
14:33 Speaker 02 On a prom- are you going to meet them?
14:35 Speaker 01 They don't know that, but yeah, sure.
14:37 Speaker 02 Just, just going to watch them in concert counts as meeting them?
14:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:41 Speaker 02 Yes, it does, Joanne. Yes, it does.
14:43 Speaker 01 I'll be right up on the, I'll be right up in the fence. I have, I'm gonna get into the photographer's pit. I have contacts.
14:49 Speaker 02 Do you really? You'll have no interest in being in there. Joanne, I think I know you better than you know yourself.
14:53 Speaker 01 Folks, you underestimate me. I am mad.
14:58 Speaker 02 No, you love comfort. You love comfort so much.
15:02 Speaker 01 Okay, fine. I used to love going out and I've kind of dropped the ball on it and I'm trying to re-engage with the world. And so this is a journey for me.
15:11 Speaker 02 Well, do you know what? I'm actually, I can't wait because I can't wait to hear you get on because I, I believe that you and I need to stop being losers and we can't do it alone. We have to, this is a team effort. And I was out last week, remember, at the Flower Show. So that was my doing and now it's your turn.
15:25 Speaker 01 We're ta- we're tag teaming. Yeah, yeah, we're tagging. You do, you do, you do Flower Show, I go see kneecap, then we tag back. Next week, you go see Prodigy and I'll do a crocheting course. Yeah, we'll kind of, we'll keep the balance.
15:39 Speaker 02 Yeah. We don't get, we don't want to get too used to the one thing. Okay.
15:43 Speaker 01 No, keep us on our toes.
15:44 Speaker 02 Email. Pettiness over a pear. Hi, Joanne and Vogue. Now, just a quick question. I don't know if this is about a pear or not, but would you eat a pear? I'd never think of even looking at a pear.
15:57 Speaker 01 One of my friends' boyfriends cheated on him and as revenge, my friend scrolled on to his boyfriend's headboard, Cheater, in, like with the scissors or something.
16:09 Speaker 02 Oh, I thought you were going to say with a pear.
16:11 Speaker 01 No, but he sent, he sent me a photo of the crime scene to say like, look what I've done. And the bed was perfectly made and Cheater was like etched into the headboard. And there was what I thought was a decorative pear on the pillow. And I was like, wow, I, I can't believe in his moment of rage, he made the bed and put a decorative pear. But it turns out the decorative pear was actually a douche.
16:36 Speaker 02 Oh my God.
16:38 Speaker 01 So it was a shady, yeah, it was a shade, but I thought it was a decorative pear. Sorry. Does that's when you say petty pear, that's what comes to mind.
16:45 Speaker 02 Oh my God.
16:46 Speaker 03 Maybe that's where we're going.
16:48 Speaker 01 They're douching, which is probably what straights should also be doing. We're more spontaneous, which isn't, doesn't bring great results. Doesn't bring great results.
16:59 Speaker 02 I'm not having this conversation again. I, I, I thought I should-
17:04 Speaker 01 That's all I'm saying.
17:05 Speaker 03 We can only go down this road once a year.
17:07 Speaker 02 I'm not going down anymore.
17:09 Speaker 01 Have we, have we, okay.
17:11 Speaker 02 Well, I haven't personally done it. Is that what you're asking? I haven't done it this year.
17:15 Speaker 01 No, no, no, I'm not asking if you've done it. I'm just saying.
17:19 Speaker 01 When you look at the work that the gays put in versus the spontaneity of the straights.
17:25 Speaker 02 Okay, I thought I should share an example of my own petty behaviour. Please let me know if you approve or if you think I've become a little unhinged.
17:32 Speaker 01 I approve already. Carry on.
17:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, me too. Well done. No, wait, actually, maybe I won't. I'm a full-time mama and a part-time teacher, so I spend all of my waking hours and sleeping hours with babies and children. I would say I'm a fairly patient mother, wife and teacher. I have very few bugbears, my main one being losing things. I can't stand toys with missing parts or incomplete sets. Joanne, I say the odd little prayer for all your lost AirPods and water bottles. God love them.
18:00 Speaker 01 It's more the designer sunglasses, but yeah.
18:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, passwords, it's not gonna, it gets a lot worse.
18:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:08 Speaker 02 I'm surprised you haven't lost your apartment.
18:10 Speaker 01 Blood results.
18:14 Speaker 01 No, no, it was definitely here, guys. It was definitely here.
18:18 Speaker 02 Imagine Joanne parking at long term in the airport. She didn't ever find her car again.
18:24 Speaker 01 I left the flat in a taxi. I'm absolutely fuming.
18:29 Speaker 02 My husband was in charge of our 14-month baby when I took a 10-minute shower, 10 minutes. He decided to let her play with an ornamental wooden pear made up of two parts. It doesn't sound that impressive, but it's particularly precious to me. I love that wooden pear. I returned to find all the baby's toys strewn across the floor and half of my wooden pear missing. I lost my shit. He said it didn't matter and that I should stop being a Karen. I stormed out and ameet- Yeah. I, oh wait, this has escalated quite quickly after the pear. And I stormed out and immediately hit his car keys, toothbrush and just one of his work shoes.
19:11 Speaker 02 I considered taking his fancy carbon fibre insole out so he could at least put that in his spare work shoes. But then I got a grip on myself and thought, fuck it, hide the whole goddamn shoe. I then texted him from the other room saying, do you want to die alone?
19:28 Speaker 01 Wow.
19:29 Speaker 02 I want to see a picture of this pear.
19:31 Speaker 01 Wow.
19:33 Speaker 03 This has gone naught to a hundred.
19:34 Speaker 01 Is this like the original pear? Is this like from, is this Adam and Eve pear? Like what? How is it so valuable?
19:42 Speaker 02 All for a wooden pear. Is that too petty? Or is it your husband's douche?
19:48 Speaker 01 Is there more to the story? Is it just a wooden pear?
19:53 Speaker 02 Maybe it represents all the missing parts of myself I have lost to motherhood. And I'm raging that he won't help me find those pieces to put myself back together again. All the best. Gee, I think we all have it in ourselves to lose our mind every so often over a wooden pear.
20:08 Speaker 01 I think this is what they call in the business, the straw that broke the camel's back.
20:12 Speaker 02 Yes, yes.
20:13 Speaker 01 Do you know what I mean? You hold your shit together, like you, you, you keep it all together. The dog dies, one of your kids gets expelled. Your husband has an affair. You keep it together. You're like, no, no, no, I can handle it. I can handle it. We move forward. And then someone breaks the wooden pear and you're like, it's carnage. Yeah, this is what this feels like.
20:31 Speaker 02 I really can hold it together. Like I can hold it together a lot, a lot, a lot. I don't lose my temper often. But when I get to that point, I, things end up broken and then I'm pissed off myself that like I broke my phone screen or something like that. Like it happens maybe once a year. That's how bad it can be, but that sounds like one of those situations.
20:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, this is the pear that broke the woman's back, I would say. Yeah, yeah.
20:55 Speaker 02 I, I think that my kids have one of those pears and I wouldn't mind. I can, I can post it to you if that would help.
21:02 Speaker 01 You should actually. That's a really nice thing to suggest.
21:05 Speaker 02 I'll find the pear. God damn it. Imagine I could only find half. It wouldn't matter if I only find half because then you'd have two halves of a whole pear.
21:11 Speaker 01 Send her a douche for the crack.
21:13 Speaker 02 I will also, and why don't you send her the spank paddle that you were meant to give to me? God knows where that is.
21:19 Speaker 02 She has the spank paddle. She has it right beside, remember that?
21:21 Speaker 03 Been here the whole time.
21:22 Speaker 02 Remember, remember the North Face jacket I got for Christmas? I was so excited for.
21:26 Speaker 03 You're still here, bro.
21:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
21:28 Speaker 03 Yeah. Your, your, your photo, your painting is in the frame house.
21:35 Speaker 02 I was gonna say, her spank paddle. She's probably lent it to someone. There's probably pubes on it.
21:41 Speaker 03 That's so weird. It's here. She ain't got shit on.
21:46 Speaker 02 What a likely story, do you want?
21:50 Speaker 02 Listen, go off, enjoy your festival, have fun.
21:53 Speaker 01 I can't walk because I spanked myself too hard and my arse is full of splinters. But I'll get it fixed and sent back to you.
21:59 Speaker 02 So come here to me, I'm staying in London tonight. So when you inevitably come home from the festival in two hours, just give me a buzz. I'm here, okay?
22:09 Speaker 01 How dare you? I'll only be getting going.
22:13 Speaker 02 Okay, cool. See you around half seven?
22:15 Speaker 01 I have therapy at nine in the morning, so I was like saying to the lads, I can't have a leg one. I can't have a leg one. I've got therapy at nine in the morning.
22:20 Speaker 02 Has your therapist ever given therapy to somebody who hasn't been to bed yet?
22:24 Speaker 01 No, every time I text my therapist, she assumes it's an absolute crisis. She's like, I'm free in 40 minutes. Because I only go out for when things are like, but I'm, do you know when you're like about to spiral? Like, I'm about to have a pair. I'm the pair.
22:36 Speaker 02 Oh, no.
22:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. But in a nice way, it's good to feel your feels and fucking get it out.
22:43 Speaker 02 I agree, I agree.
Previous Facelifts, Resharing & Doing More Things Next Big Mouth, Berghain & Biting Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated