Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me MTGM EXTRA! "He hadn't mentioned going for a massage..." About this episode Men's brains and women's brains are different. In this episode, MTGM investigates exactly that. Plus, the menopause, Vogue's new boob trick and whether or not a happy ending is a problem.
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Transcript 0:01 Speaker 00 This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:10 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me The Bonus episode with myself, Vogue Williams, and herself, she's not on mic, Joanne McNally.
0:25 Speaker 01 I'm absolutely disgusted with you actually, Joanne. We haven't mentioned this yet.
0:30 Speaker 02 Vogue and I both had our biological molecular ages tested for Catherine Ryan's new podcast about aging.
0:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:39 Speaker 02 And I, I, I've had my results.
0:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:43 Speaker 02 They will appall and shock. My outsides are 42 officially. I'm now the proud owner of a woman's 42 year old body.
0:52 Speaker 01 Yeah. Looking good. Looking fantastic.
0:56 Speaker 02 Spanking with a little help from our team.
0:58 Speaker 01 Wouldn't, wouldn't change, her ever growing team.
1:01 Speaker 02 Ever growing team.
1:04 Speaker 01 Wouldn't change a thing. Wouldn't change a thing this year.
1:08 Speaker 02 Just drinking water, girls, and a bit of SPF. That's all there is to it, you know?
1:12 Speaker 01 Get your eight hour sleep, you're done.
1:15 Speaker 02 Just get a good night's sleep, girls, and 60 billion grams of Botox in it. Anyway, I'll wait until, I'll, I'll tell my age when Vogue gets her results.
1:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, fine, whatever.
1:26 Speaker 02 Jo, oh, actually, Jo, you should do a two for fun.
1:30 Speaker 03 Well, no, no, because already on the outside, I now look older than both of you. So Christ knows what's going on in the inside.
1:38 Speaker 01 Well, what I will say is that like Jo has a newborn at the moment, so his isn't going to be great because sleeping is like, sleeping will change every, once you get enough sleep, you're really giving your body time to recover and all that kind of stuff. So if you sleep a lot, you're, you're doing well in life.
1:55 Speaker 02 I think we should get Jo tested.
1:57 Speaker 01 Well, you can get an at home test for 70 pounds and it tells you most of the infections.
2:02 Speaker 02 Really?
2:03 Speaker 01 Yes. Well, the sexual, I'm talking about the SDI test here.
2:06 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, yes. All right.
2:09 Speaker 02 Sorry. Imagine they came back and they're like, well, your molecular age is 35, but you've got syphilis, Jo. What would you do? You'd be like, I didn't even test for that.
2:17 Speaker 03 It would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?
2:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:20 Speaker 02 No, Jo, don't STI shame.
2:23 Speaker 03 No, sorry. I'm not saying it's embarrassing to have syphilis. I'm saying it would be embarrassing, given my monogamous state.
2:29 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. But I'd say, Josie's riding rings around you on this like.
2:31 Speaker 01 A hundred percent. Joanne, have you?
2:34 Speaker 02 That woman's got game.
2:36 Speaker 01 Joanne, have you got, there's on, on, on your whoop, you've got, it will tell you how much younger you are.
2:42 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
2:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. It will tell. Yeah, it does. Spenny did it when he was, when he's really, really fit and he's gotten down to seven years younger than his actual age, which is obviously horrifying to me. But I'm working on it. I'm gonna start running a bit more and.
2:58 Speaker 02 What's, what's yours? Does yours tell you yours?
3:01 Speaker 01 Four years younger.
3:03 Speaker 02 Ah, Jo, I'm sorry. Now, you're bordering on athletic. Like, how could you only be four years younger? You barely drink.
3:09 Speaker 01 Ah, to be honest with you, I've been, I'm trying, I've become quite a fan of the, of the, of the weekly margaritas. I have. But you know why? Because I decided to myself, even if I'm being insulted by my whoop and my aura, both are equally insulting to me, I don't care because I could, I could walk outside right now on this quiet cul-de-sac that I'm on and get hit by a car.
3:30 Speaker 03 Bang.
3:30 Speaker 01 You know? And then I'll say, when I'm up in heaven, I'll say, you should have, you should have had that margarita.
3:35 Speaker 02 Yeah. Obviously now, as a, as I said, the proud owner of a 42-year-old woman's body, I woke up and immediately was like, gotta get tested for the menopause. Let's see where these hormones are lying. Let's crack me open and do a, what do they do in the cars, Jo?
3:55 Speaker 03 An MOT.
3:56 Speaker 02 MOT.
3:57 Speaker 01 MOT. Open, open the hood, see what's going on.
4:00 Speaker 02 Let's crack the hood, folk. See what's going on in there.
4:03 Speaker 01 Crack the hood, check that oil. Make sure that you've got washer fluid where the windscreen wipers are.
4:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:10 Speaker 03 They're about in the gearbox.
4:12 Speaker 01 Absolutely. Check those brake pedals. Ha ha.
4:16 Speaker 02 Yeah. Let's keep hammering this car analogy. It's working for us.
4:20 Speaker 01 How are the alloys looking? Hmm.
4:24 Speaker 02 What gear is she in? Reverse.
4:28 Speaker 01 How did you go? I would say that you have the eggs of an 18 year old. I'm just gonna go with it.
4:34 Speaker 02 Well, I am fertile. I think I'm lacking in progesterone.
4:40 Speaker 01 Which one's that now?
4:41 Speaker 02 Having a clue.
4:43 Speaker 01 Oestrogen?
4:44 Speaker 02 No, I have oestrogen.
4:46 Speaker 01 Okay, that's, that's the, that's, I think that's the one more important.
4:49 Speaker 02 That's the main event, as far as I'm aware. But I'm gonna maybe bang in a bit of progesterone so that when I do get my Scandi sperm donor.
5:00 Speaker 02 Next summer.
5:01 Speaker 01 Are you going Scandi? Definitely going Scandi.
5:03 Speaker 02 I'm going Scandi. I'm gonna go Scandi, yeah.
5:04 Speaker 01 Good choice. Good choice.
5:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
5:07 Speaker 01 Characteristic, six foot four, green eyes.
5:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. And a bit of a thinker.
5:14 Speaker 01 Bit of a thinker.
5:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:16 Speaker 01 It's nice that you would consider that. I'd be more into the looks myself.
5:19 Speaker 02 I'd like a thinker, good style. You know, I want that baby born in like our max. I don't want to have to dress it myself. I want it to pop out fully clothed.
5:26 Speaker 01 Good style. Joanne's baby will arrive in a little baby grown. She'll be like, oh God, what is that?
5:32 Speaker 02 Yeah. No, I want it. I'd love it. I'll put it in a little boiler suit.
5:36 Speaker 01 Perfect.
5:37 Speaker 02 And I'll get a toe ring immediately. I want, I want a styling baby. Little fat feet, little toe ring on it. But anyway, sorry. So I went in the Avoca clinic where I usually go and get bits and bobs done when I'm home.
5:47 Speaker 01 Where is that? And I don't mean to say, is that in Wicklow or where is it?
5:50 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, they have a couple of, they have a couple actually, but they're the one that I went to, the one, they have a new one in Kirkwood. And they have a menopause clinic within their clinic because menopause is huge right now. It's really having a moment. It's like protein. It's just everywhere. Everyone's talking about it. Everyone wants a piece of us. But the problem is it's, women don't know. It's like this untang, it's like this spooky
6:13 Speaker 02 boogie. Is it Boogeyman?
6:14 Speaker 01 The Boogeyman? Can you say that now? The Boogeyman. The Boogeyman. He's the Boogeyman.
6:20 Speaker 02 Boogeyman. Boogeyman, no. So you don't know, you just apparently go insane. This is this kind of, this is the general narrative about.
6:26 Speaker 01 Some people go insane.
6:28 Speaker 02 Yeah. So, exactly. So I spoke to the doctor in there and I was like, I'm just, you know, am I just insane because I'm insane? Is it the progesterone?
6:38 Speaker 01 Progesterone.
6:40 Speaker 02 Well, it's like throw a bit of testosterone in there while you're at it, will you?
6:43 Speaker 01 Women do.
6:44 Speaker 02 Not enough to, not enough to grow a beard, but just enough to give me a bit of attitude.
6:49 Speaker 02 And she was saying, she was like, people are so scared of them. She said, there's a lot of fear mongering. She said, ultimately, like, the severe symptoms are about 25% of people get them, or less even. I think she said even less. And also, she was like, you're way too young. I was like, am I Perry? Am I Perry? Am I dead? Anyway, like you say, I'm just gonna, I went in for a consultation. I'm gonna go back and get bloods done next week and just see, see the lay of the land.
7:12 Speaker 01 I think it's, do you know what? I honestly think it's always a good idea to do that. I did that about, I just did that for fertility. I told you, it's, I think it's really good for women to go and do that. Because I think people worry so much about it. Like, I have friends who haven't even had kids yet, and they're like, oh, God, we're probably gonna really, it's gonna be really hard. And I'm like, well, you're not gonna know if you don't just go in and get checked. Just do it. Just get it done. Also, men, do you know, do you know, men, Jo, when you get older, you lose loads of testosterone. And so you should be.
7:37 Speaker 03 The Instagram ads that I'm increasingly being served suggest that I have almost no testosterone left whatsoever.
7:44 Speaker 02 I'd love to be a boy for a day, Jo. What's it like? What do you think about just tits?
7:49 Speaker 03 I think it's broadly a lot simpler than being a woman, from what I've heard.
7:54 Speaker 01 Sometimes there's a quiet in your head.
7:58 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, much quieter in the head. There's an awful lot of silence.
8:00 Speaker 01 Really? Just complete silence in there?
8:04 Speaker 01 That's amazing. Just wandering around. Yeah, wandering around with no, no concerns or anything.
8:10 Speaker 03 Yeah. If you, if you could sort of visualize my brain, my brain's sort of kicking a football gently against the wall most of the time, just.
8:18 Speaker 02 Josie's gone to the brains behind the operation, as, as the wife usually is. Let's be real.
8:24 Speaker 01 I described my brain in my book as, as Burgheim. You know, that, you know, that place that you go raving in Berlin?
8:32 Speaker 02 I do indeed. I do indeed.
8:35 Speaker 01 That's what it feels like in here sometimes. So I'm glad that you're having such a holistic retreat, Jo, in your mind.
8:41 Speaker 02 You're like powder. You're like chalk and cheese.
8:45 Speaker 01 Joanne, you're a bit purgatory yourself.
8:47 Speaker 02 Bo, chronic over thinker. Jo, chronic under thinker. Thank God I'm here.
8:54 Speaker 03 We balance very well as a.
8:56 Speaker 02 I'm here just to mediate, to be honest.
8:59 Speaker 01 You've got to keep this shit calm.
9:02 Speaker 02 Well, I would say if I had to describe my brain, which I have had to do a bit recently for various appointments.
9:14 Speaker 02 It's like, do you know, have you ever seen a moth keep banging into a light bulb? I was like, that's how my thoughts is with the, the next, yeah, nothing fully formed. Yeah.
9:27 Speaker 01 You just move on to the next one very quickly.
9:29 Speaker 02 No, back into the same light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Light bulb, different thought, same light bulb. Yeah, yeah. So look at the three of us. We're a right pair, the three of us, as they say.
9:42 Speaker 01 Did I tell you about my new boob trick that I'm doing?
9:45 Speaker 02 No.
9:47 Speaker 01 Well, they, they feel a bit bigger today, but someone told me if I ate more sunflower seeds and if I had loads of collagen. Okay, Jo, don't you dare giggle for, give me two, two months. And she said, this girl that I know said she, her boobs went up two sizes from eating loads of collagen over this period of two months. So I'm on a journey. I'm on a journey.
10:09 Speaker 02 When she says collagen, does she mean chips?
10:11 Speaker 01 No, collagen. So I have collagen in my.
10:14 Speaker 02 This sounds like some classic weight gain folk.
10:20 Speaker 01 She might be pregnant and she doesn't know. Imagine she's going to announce her pregnancy next month and I'll be like, I stuffed in my face with sunflower seeds. Why isn't it happening?
10:29 Speaker 02 I think if sunflower seeds were the key, we'd all be on the seeds.
10:34 Speaker 01 I'm trying it out.
10:35 Speaker 02 The packaging would just be tits. Like they'd be really using that as a, as a USP, I can tell you. But good for you.
10:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:45 Speaker 01 I was on to.
10:46 Speaker 02 You're standing between a small-chested woman and her sunflower seeds.
10:49 Speaker 01 Exactly. I was on to you and I said, I said, Hugh, what can I do? Come on. I was like, I can't, I don't want, I'm too scared to get surgery. What can I do? And he was like, I was like, is this true about the sunflower seeds? And he was like, Vogue, I'm not even answering that. I'm not. But anyway, I'm going to show him and his doctor friends that actually.
11:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:07 Speaker 02 Make a wish while you're at a pot- plant a potato in the garden and then it rains.
11:11 Speaker 01 I've done it.
11:12 Speaker 02 Say a prayer. I do not want to.
11:14 Speaker 01 I've done a lot of 11 elevens on it as well. So I'm never going to know. Is it the 11 elevens or is it the sunflower seeds? I just don't know. I just know a lot of massive boobs.
11:21 Speaker 02 Yeah. Maybe your Mercury's in retrograde. You just don't know.
11:25 Speaker 01 That's what I think. If anything goes wrong, I Google, I'm like, is Mercury in retrograde again?
11:30 Speaker 02 Yeah. Mercury's in retrograde again. For God's sake.
11:45 Speaker 01 Now, would you like an email?
11:47 Speaker 02 Sure.
11:48 Speaker 01 Hi Joanna Vogue. I never thought I'd be emailing you. Never mind with the question I'm about to ask. Please keep me anonymous for obvious reasons. I'm 43, female, was recently on my husband, 45, male, phone, looking up details of his nephew's communion. When I stumbled upon a message to a masseuse in inverted brackets.
12:10 Speaker 02 Oh God.
12:12 Speaker 01 It was a very generic message, but he hadn't mentioned going for a massage to me. So I thought it was weird. So I looked up the massage parlor and it's a Thai massage parlor and has a very dodgy looking Facebook page with no female comments or likes, et cetera.
12:28 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
12:29 Speaker 01 Do you or your listeners have any experience with Thai parlors? I mean, we'll finish the email, then we'll go into that. I just find it weird. He never mentioned going for a massage. So why keep it a secret? He does have a bad back, but it all seems weird to me. Things have not been great between us. We're together for 25 years and married for 17. But I never thought this would be the sort of thing that would happen. Please help. I don't know what to do. Should I confront? I feel like you might have really. Jumped to a very big conclusion, just because it says massage, Thai massage, like, I think a Thai massage parlor, and I think of people walking on my back and stuff and
13:09 Speaker 01 like reefing my arm back beside my head. I don't think of, of happy ending massage parlors.
13:16 Speaker 02 That is because you are a woman. This woman who was emailed in has jumped to the correct conclusion. Come on, Jo.
13:27 Speaker 01 You just don't know.
13:28 Speaker 02 This isn't, I know that I have a tendency to assume, but I'm assuming correctly here. He's definitely getting an old hand shandy, as they say. And you know what? Fucking let him off. Like, as in, you're married 25 years, he's not having an affair. If my husband, if I found out he was going, the amount of shit.
13:47 Speaker 01 I'd be thrilled I didn't have to do the wanking.
13:52 Speaker 01 Wanking. I just feel a bit like, oh, here we go.
13:56 Speaker 02 Yeah. You're like, I've got shit to do. You'd be arning with the other hand or whatever. Do you know what I mean?
14:02 Speaker 01 Jo, Jo, like, how, how is wanking to you, Jo? If someone else does it for you, are you kind of like, will I just do it? Like, I'll just, I feel like that about myself. Like, I know you have to have foreplay and it is great and it gets you kind of into it, but like, I'm not wanking till the end.
14:18 Speaker 02 Exactly. Men think that having this long staying power, like not ejaculating too soon is some sort of superpower. It's not. Get in, get out.
14:28 Speaker 01 Honestly, if it's like, the whole 10, 15 minutes max is like a great time for all.
14:36 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Sorry. Everything included. Not like a handjob. I was like, oh my God.
14:40 Speaker 01 A 10 minute handjob. My, oh my God, I'm in, I'm in a child's bedroom.
14:46 Speaker 01 Screaming about wax. Sorry, I'm filming somewhere and I am actually, I'm, I'm actually going red because in case the owners of the house hear me.
14:55 Speaker 02 This is the kind of high end stuff we cover.
14:59 Speaker 01 I told them, I said, they said, where are you going? I said, I'm going upstairs to do a podcast with my classy friend, Joanne.
15:05 Speaker 02 Thank you. And they went, oh, indeed. Dutch ass Joanne. We've heard of her.
15:11 Speaker 02 She's all, she's big into Atticus. You do know her, you know her. Yeah.
15:14 Speaker 01 Hi. Um, John is actually part of the Irish royal family. That's where her blood dates back. Um, I know somebody who, her fella was, she found out that her fella was going to these massage parlors. And obviously they had a big falling out over it and stuff like that. And she felt really upset by it. And, but they were able to get over it. So I think even if it is something that he is doing, like it's, it's absolutely terrible, but he would be like, in a man's brain, I think he would be viewing that as a service, like as a part of the service and he wouldn't be viewing it as a sexual act. So for him, although there is an end to the happy ending, I think it would be him just thinking, am I right, Jo, that it's just part of the service in a man's brain?
15:58 Speaker 02 Hmm.
15:59 Speaker 03 I mean, you're talking to me like I've been to one of these massages, but I've had one above board massage in my whole life.
16:05 Speaker 01 And how was the happy ending?
16:06 Speaker 03 No, there was no, that's the most awkward experience of my life. I'm never having one again. So I've never done the.
16:12 Speaker 02 Why was it awkward?
16:14 Speaker 03 I just hated it. It was all touchy and silent.
16:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, and it's not, it's not, it's not often I would suggest bringing back this saying, but what Foga just said there, I would have to say, hundy pee. It's been a while. It's, I feel like it works here. You're so right. I think.
16:33 Speaker 01 We agree.
16:34 Speaker 02 As crimes against monogamy go, getting a handjob out of a massage parlor seems very low to me. Like very, not a huge crime is what I'm trying to say.
16:43 Speaker 01 But also, but also, first of all, we're not a hundred percent sure he's done it. And we can also see why that would upset you because that would upset me as well. I wouldn't like.
16:52 Speaker 02 Oh, it's not ideal.
16:54 Speaker 01 It's not like get divorced territory, but it's certainly.
16:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't think so.
16:57 Speaker 01 Not ideal. And if you want to talk to him about it, I think that maybe just bring it up and kind of figure it. I wouldn't go straight in with the handjob thing. I'd go in.
17:08 Speaker 03 Startlight.
17:09 Speaker 01 I'd, yeah, startlight. Be like, oh, I didn't know that you were going for a massage. Like, is this something that you're doing a lot? And kind of like see the lay of the land that way to see if he kind of like, look at his face and you'll know.
17:22 Speaker 02 I mean, married, man married 25 years, attends Thai massage parlor without telling wife. I mean, you don't need to be poor. Oh, come on.
17:33 Speaker 02 We're not experts, we don't know.
17:35 Speaker 01 We actually don't, I actually, genuinely, I wouldn't be a hundred percent sure that that is anything, he did anything below, below board. I honestly, I genuinely, I just wouldn't because I just think he's gone. I go for massages and telltale span.
17:50 Speaker 02 I actually said, what's wrong with me? Because I'm like looking at the two of you like you're,
17:56 Speaker 02 like that you've got like one brain cell between you.
18:01 Speaker 01 You always look at us like that though.
18:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's true. That's why I have to wear the sunglasses.
18:06 Speaker 01 You don't want us to infect you and make you stupid too.
18:11 Speaker 02 Berghein and fucking, Berghein on one side and tumbleweed on the other. I'm like, guys, come on.
18:17 Speaker 01 Tumbleweed.
18:19 Speaker 02 Join forces here. Your man's getting wanked off in the massage parlor. Fine. Let's not blow smoke up this woman's hole. It's clear what's happening here.
18:31 Speaker 02 I went there meeting a friend, a friend of mine, married male friend, in a dodgy part of town. And I was like, oh hi, what are you doing here? Now, I'm being honest when I say I can't remember what I was doing there. I actually can't remember.
18:45 Speaker 01 I can probably have a good guess of what you were doing there, but anyway.
18:48 Speaker 02 I honestly couldn't tell you what I was doing there. And um,
18:53 Speaker 02 I was like, oh, what are you doing around here? And he was so, and there was like a kind of infamous massage parlor around the corner. And he was, he was like really flustered and blushing and awkward and everything. And I was like, ah, okay, yeah. You know, he kind of gave it away. He kind of, there was some telltale signs, but he was, he seemed embarrassed. But like, I think, I think that's, I think it's kind of common practice amongst your kind, Jo, is it?
19:18 Speaker 01 I don't, I don't think it's common. I think it's a very like, because I think, oh, I don't know. It's like you have to, like the whole act of it is just very, I told you about that man. There's a man who goes around and does it to women, like high powered women. But like, I'd find that, remember we nearly did it together? Remember? No, we didn't nearly do it together. Remember we were filming that pilot for the TV show and we went to this thing in like, where we were basically kind of doing yoga. And at the end of the yoga class, where like you're meant to just get yourself off in the room full of people. And you and I were like, yeah, we're, we're not going to be doing that together today. Do you remember that?
19:52 Speaker 02 Of course I remember. I think about it all the time.
19:57 Speaker 01 An else moment.
19:59 Speaker 02 It was a Ibiza Wellness Show.
20:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:02 Speaker 02 The cameraman, I got really annoyed because the cameraman, like, she was like, "Oh no, basically, like, paw yourself off." And then the cameraman just stayed on me and I was like, "You can fuck off now if you think..."
20:16 Speaker 01 I said to them before we filmed, I was like, "She's more inclined to do that, so stick on her."
20:20 Speaker 02 That I'm gonna get fucking myself for Channel 4, you can...
20:26 Speaker 01 Well, do you know what, Joanne? We might have got a series out of it if you hadn't been so selfish.
20:32 Speaker 02 That was it. They said, "We would have commissioned it." I was like, "She wouldn't just wouldn't wank herself off for us?" And I was like...
20:36 Speaker 01 She's no crack.
20:38 Speaker 02 No, yeah. How dare she?
20:40 Speaker 01 She's meant to be a comedian, for God's sake.
20:42 Speaker 02 Notion's 11 over there.
20:46 Speaker 02 Not even put her hand down her round pants for the TV.
20:49 Speaker 01 Dare you.
20:55 Speaker 02 That's it from us for now. We'll see you on the next one. Like and subscribe. I've been Vogue Williams, she's been Joanne McNally, he's been Brandon.
Previous Babysitting, Running Trainers & Peanut's Law Next School Nostalgia, Dancing & Crying On A Plane Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated