MTGM EXTRA! "Am I turning my boyfriend into my Dad?"

Joanne reckons it's time for a new item on MTGM... Welcome to "The Culture Pocket". Who knows whether it'll last, but it's something to do. Plus, a couple of fantastic emails about a dating fail (classic) and someone who seems to be turning her BF into her Dad... If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com For more information about Joanne's gigs, just visit www.joannemcnally.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes With Me with me, Vogue Williams and

• 0:15Speaker 02

  Joanne McNally.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Hello, we're just talking about that time when my brother walked into my room and he shouldn't have walked into it. Now I've decided I don't remember it, that it never happened because it was the only way to get through it.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  We're just, we're just taking a sweet walk down memory lane, aren't we?

• 0:34Speaker 01

  I'd rather it was you, Joanne.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  I know, no, no, there's something, there's a brother, sister, sibling situation that just never needs to enter the bedroom. My poor brother, I don't know how he holds his head high in the office with all the talk I, all my riding talk that I do, even at the show and all. I sound like I'm riding rings around myself. Not, really not. Oh my god!

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Actually not that busy, no.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  To tell you, I went in for bloods because I have, I've been scrolling so much TikTok that I was like, I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  You told me privately, but you haven't told the listeners.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  I'm perimenopausal. I'm perimenopausal.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  I was engaged with a man.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  Sexually.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  He gave her a ring and everything.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  I was in a tryst. I was in a tryst and, and the sex was, it wasn't good. It just wasn't good.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  It wasn't good?

• 1:33Speaker 02

  It wasn't good. Vogue, why are you pretending to be surprised? You're such a pro. You know every inch of this story.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  No, in my mind, it was, I thought you enjoyed it.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Hold on a second now. With your man, with the last lad? Are you out of your mind?

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Oh no, not that one.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  No, I'm talking about this guy. I'm talking about that lad. Yeah. Not the other one. Anyway, we're gonna need an Excel doc to keep up with this.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  I'm not riding rings around myself. Are you sure?

• 2:06Speaker 01

  No, not that one.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Eh, not that one, the other one. And she's like, oh yeah, she knows straight away what I'm talking about. And anyway, I got it into my head that it was all my fault and went in to get bloods and I was like, I'm perimenopausal. And the doctor was like, Joanne, you're, you're not actually. And she's like, do you think maybe you just don't fancy your... The minor sleepin' whips. And I was like, oh, I, that, that literally had not occurred to me. Because the female angle on it is, well, I'm with someone, so I'm just gonna, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me, it's my fault. It's I'm, it's my hormones, I'm obviously falling barren. But yeah, I'm glad, just didn't fancy your man. Gosh, isn't it?

• 2:45Speaker 01

  It is gosh, you kind of, you do kind of tend to be like, oh, well, maybe, why am I not into it? What's wrong with me?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Maybe I'm not into it because it's crap. I think even in marriage, like, Spenny and I, we have great sex, but sometimes we don't. Sometimes it's just like, and I'll literally be like, what was that?

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Well, but at least if you have, if it's good, you know, if it's more good than bad, fine.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh, yeah.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  But this was just all bad. And I, I don't know why the two of us stuck it out. I'll, I'll never know. I don't think he knows either. It was very strange. It was like we were trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Because other things really worked very well, but that just didn't work. Honestly, I didn't fucking trust him. That's the bottom line. And if my body doesn't trust you, my body's not gonna, it's not gonna lean into you. It's not gonna give, you know, it's not gonna do what it needs to do, or it's not gonna do what it wants to do if it doesn't. If it's like, nee, nee, nee, nee, that's, and that's ultimately what happens.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Trust your guts. I would like to clear up, I don't want to say Spenny's bad in bed because he's not bad in bed. He couldn't possibly be bad in bed. If he was bad in bed, there'd be real problems. After the life he's led, if he was bad in bed, I'd be like, ah, hang on now.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  Do you know what? A high body count does not a good rider make. Sometimes.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  He's a good rider, I'd have to give him that, he is. I'll give you, I'll, I'll, listen, I, I'm gonna give him 10 out of 10. You give him a go later and tell me what you, and then Joe, maybe on Friday, you pop over and you can grade him. And we can all come back together and give a proper mark.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  I imagine me and Spenni would struggle with the same issues as me and this gentleman struggled with. It would be, it would be very strange and like.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Oh, hello. Oh, do you mind if I just?

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Close your eyes. No, we try, I tried that with the last lads, it doesn't work.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Don't you want to pretend you wasn't there?

• 4:27Speaker 02

  We were both like, okay, what if, this is the lad, he's like, I don't know how to access your feminine energy, he was like, that was the problem. He's like, I was like, what if we turn off all the lights, cover the key house, there's no lights in the room, you know what I mean? And you can pretend I'm someone else and I'll pretend you're someone else. This wasn't happening for us, sadly. Not a runner.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  So anyway, back to the perimenopause.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Sorry, don't have it.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  I like, I think.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Just didn't fancy your man. Gas.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  People give me the absolute fear about that I have to say, because mainly some people are like, oh, well, if you're anxious now, wait till you hit the perimenopause. And I'm like, that's a really mean thing to say to somebody. Like, stop saying that I'm literally terrified of it. My mom was okay. I don't remember, she doesn't remember going through anything too bad, so I'm hoping.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Really?

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was all right. She got on the HRT stuff, though.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Well, that's the thing. The thing is, the second, like, so I speak to women who are a little older than me about it now, because obviously I'm 41, so it's my new concern, you know? Because there's no, you don't, the story goes, because remember on All Fours, the Miranda July book that I read? That was all about the menopause and how she lost her mind, but she didn't realise why she was losing her mind. So, and as someone who has previously lost their mind, you don't realise you've lost your mind, because it's your reality. Do you get me? And it's only when other people start saying, I think you've lost, I think you've lost your mind. And you're like, what? So, apparently it's the same with the menopause. Anyway, the plan is, I'm gonna keep going in for these tests and they'll look at my hormones. And then

• 5:56Speaker 02

  the second it looks like it could be the beginning of something, I'm gonna pump myself full of the HRT.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get in ahead of us. I'm gonna nip that in the bud.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  I'll keep an eye out, too. It's coming for us.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  Coming, yeah, you can, yeah, anything I do now, they'll be like, have you had your hormones checked? It's the time for the HRT.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  I'm gonna open my bedroom door now and the Perry's just gonna be waiting on the other side of it. Start.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Joe be like our gaslighting husband to be like, girls, I think it might be time for the HRT.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  I heard it affects sleep as well. I'm not bringing up sleep, but that would be one of my very, very large concerns around it.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  I'm silencing.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  I can deal with it. Sleep, I can't. I can't.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's all ahead of us. It's all ahead of us, Jo. Not you. Not you, Jo. Not you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not me. Well, do you know what, actually, do you know what you're doing very well with? Because men, it's hair. Hair loss, I think, is the big issue for men. That's something I do kind of feel a little sorry for lads.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  I know.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  I feel very lucky in that. You have a full head. You have a great head of hair, Jo.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  You have like three sets of men's heads, really, in the one head, which is particularly lucky and greedy. Joanne, we never spoke about, oh, you and I were like, this is a great thing to bring to the pod and we were really excited about it and then we never did it. What was your name for us? What was your name for us? We had a name for it.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  The Culture Pocket. No, Culture Pocket.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Culture Pocket, yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  Culture Pocket, yeah. I was like, let's start a Culture Pocket where we recommend what we're just gonna like, you know, what we're listening to and, well, that's it. Reading, listening to with our eyes and ears.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Culture Pocket. Now, it's mainly gonna be in the main episode, but considering we forgot it because we went on a tangent of Eho Watness, so we want to talk about the Culture Pocket now?

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah. Hit us.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  So.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Vogue, what's in your pocket?

• 7:43Speaker 01

  In my pocket?

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  I have no TV currently. I haven't even started watching The White Lotus because I'm judging the book awards in London and I have to read six books in a month. So I've started doing what you're doing, which is one of the best things in the world, by the way, listening to a book in your ears. I love it.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  I know, yeah. Fly through them. And then you can kind of listen with your ears when you're out and about. And then if you want to kind of, a more immersive experience in the evening, you can kind of check back into the book. And yeah, it does speed the whole process up. Well, Vogue, I'm very much looking forward to having these book recommendations from you once you're finished reading them. And I will come down and I will, I will, I will steal them from you.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  But you have to put them back because, you know, I like to collect my books and put them in, I have bookshelves and I like to go and sit and look at my books and go through them.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  Bookshelves, no less.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  I've got some bookshelves, yeah. Actually, do you remember a couple of years ago I wasn't even reading? Look at me now.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  She's quite the rebrand, Vogue. Quite the rebrand.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  I'm writing, I'm reading, I'm non-stop with the books.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  She's got shelves now, she's got bookshelves.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Look at all of them.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. She's got a Pulitzer on the way.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Sell them.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  I'm reading So Thrilled For You by Holly Byrne. I call her Byrne. Actually, do you know what? I don't think so. I think she's English. Although Marion Keyes, she has a quote from Marion Keyes in the book, but Marion Keyes does, she's very generous, she does give a lot of quotes. Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Thoroughly enjoying it. That's what's in my pocket. Do you know what my pocket reminds me of? Do you know a bandit man? It's the, he's the Irish kind of hip-hop comic who like raps comedy. He's actually Irish. And he has a song, he has a song, he improvs. Improvs hip-hop, I guess is what you call him. I never really understood how to explain a bandit man. He's really sound, he's good. But anyway, he has this song, "What's in your pocket?" And then everyone at the show, like he pull out what's in your pocket and then he raps it, like he kind of puts it into it.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  It's so good. So every time I hear "what's in your pocket", I think of a bandit man, just in case he tries to sue me for plagiarism. Rob, I do, I am aware, it's kind of your thing. But you can't own pockets, Rob. Okay? You can't own pockets.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  I don't feel like he might be able to own pockets by the sounds of it. Now, I haven't seen him personally, but yeah, okay, fine. Yeah, Rob, you can't own pockets. Not right to ask.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  It's all right now. You've got to share pockets.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Will we do some listener emails?

• 10:02Speaker 02

  We will indeed.

• 10:09Speaker 03

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• 11:15Speaker 01

  Hi, Bogan, Joanne, long time listener, Salpentine's sister. Oh, love.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  A poet who does not know us. I might have resolved this by the time you ever read this, but I just want to check if I'm being unreasonable or perfectly sane. I'm an attractive, successful woman in my early forties and I've been dating the cesspool of men for a long time, but I have not had to divorce or bear children for any of them. And I count this as a blessing. I like this woman already. I found that a trigger I have recently is getting to third, fourth day territory and allowing the lads back to mine for stimulating conversation and a life fondle. I find myself seeing rage clouds when they come in, presented with large swathes of swats. Swats? Swats or swathes?

• 11:59Speaker 02

  I like swathes.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Swaths of my, of my personality on display in the form of art, photos, books, all over the place. And do any of them notice anything? And ask the question to get to know me better? No. Now I must caveat that I have gotten better at choosing the less narcissistic, sociopathic types. And the last few have been your classic nice lad, but my God, they're dull.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ, I could have written this myself.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  My God. This is so weird. This is like a Black Mirror episode. It's like, it, it, this is, this is the, what age is she? Forty one.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  In her mid forties.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  So this is the future me. This is me. I figured I'd time travel.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  This is you next year.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Back through a wormhole. Yeah. This is, I met my younger self. It's that, that trend that's going around. Anyway, go on, focus, sorry.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Should I just chill the fuck out and give them more than, more time than four weeks? As a current example, and one that's prompted me to email, I told current nice lad, forty four year old divorced dad, that he needs to plan date five because I love a man with a plan and I plan everyone's lives for a living and I'm tired. I'm the planner. I plan everything. Anyway, his suggestion was I go to watch him build his fucking Star Wars Lego.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Oh, here. Bang it in, sell off that now.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Think of it, it is like she's, he's not even inviting her to like, do it with him, like just to watch him do it. He has this for his 13 year old son, but even when I said I wouldn't help, but would drink wine and point out everything he's doing wrong, I don't think he understood my absolute sarcasm. Now I have to tell him point blank that watching live Lego masters is absolutely not what gets a woman seduced. I'm so exhausted. Am I being unreasonable? I would find that very unusual now if somebody asked me to go and watch them play Lego.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  Couple of things. I think this woman, she reminds me of myself. She's at, she is probably got her own space. She is what I call problematically independent. She's not malleable. She's not willing to bend. She's not, she doesn't need someone to make her complete, which makes meeting someone much harder because you don't really need them. Because relationships, a lot of it's about swapping resources and stuff. So you're like, I don't really know. This is, and I'll tell you this, he does notice the art in your house. He does. Because I've had that with lads who come in and they'll say nothing about it. And actually, sometimes, and then the ones who come in, oh, I love this and that and that. But sometimes, there was one guy who came in and he was actually playing

• 14:29Speaker 02

  me a little bit by not acknowledging anything in the flat. It was all very strange. But then asked if he could move in when I was in the states.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  He didn't. He didn't acknowledge that giant lamp, the giant one.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  That wasn't here when that particular gentleman was calling. What I mean is, I think men, it's, it's a mess. When you get to your 40s and you're self sufficient, dating gets gnarly. It gets tricky. It's not like it was. You're not, you're just not, you're just super duper.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  I know, but.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Picky now. And you need someone to match your level. You're like this, you're bringing nothing to the table. Unless you're bringing something I don't have to the table, you're bringing nothing to the table. And also, I don't eat at the table. And the problem is, when you're in your 40s, you start bringing a lot of shit to the table because you're 40 years behind you.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  I know, but you want, I mean, come on, for anyone, it doesn't even matter regardless. If, if I'm 28 and someone asks me to go play Lego with them, I'm going to say, dude, like, come on, like, go play Lego with your friends. He's going to invite you to the Warhammer shop next. You've got to be careful. Do you want to play some Sega Mega Drive? No, I actually don't, not today, thanks a million.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  I think this might be the-

• 15:34Speaker 01

  I got you Nintendo Switch for your birthday.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  I know. I just think there's, I think that maybe the Lego is the straw that's broken the camel's back. There's, there's more going on here. She's bored of these lads. They're not, they're not stimulating her. And now she's like, Lego. He probably sees her apartment, thinks she's quite artistic. She enjoys art. He's like, oh, what can I do to bring something like new to this woman's life or something interesting? You know the way lads, God love them, they're always trying to kind of think outside the box with stuff. We're like, I just want to get pissed at dinner.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Get back in your box.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't want to build the box. I don't want to build it.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  If, if he's, if everything else is good, maybe keep him on board for a little while longer, but be like, I'm actually all right for the Lego. The Lego was really, I don't, I think you're going to be having sex and you're just going to start thinking of Lego.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Cut him. This has to, this, this has to go. It's not for you. You can, I can hear it in her voice.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Which is your voice. I can just hear it in the town, which is your town, but I just know this isn't, this isn't, this isn't right. This is, this is exactly like me going in, getting tested for the fucking menopause. This is the same thing. Cause you're like, this is on me.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  It's not you, it's him. It's definitely him.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  It's the system.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  I need some advice on what might be daddy issues or just my relationship in general. I've been my boyfriend for four years. He's great, super kind, really nice, but lately things have felt a little dull. Hmm, how, four years, okay. Recently I had a weird realisation. I've kind of started dressing him like my dad.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Okay. Now you're talking. Love it.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Little sports, what a fantastic sports coat you have on.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Little pair of driving gloves. Those are the driving gloves that men wear.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  Dad's love, Dubarry's as well, deuce.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  When they're having a breakdown, those little gloves, yeah.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  It got to the point where when we all met up, they accidentally swapped coats and neither of them noticed for months.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  Oh my god, my dad's a BA pilot, so I've grown up flying business class. What? And enjoying all the perks. There's been many occasions I've thought I've been born into the wrong family. And again, I feel like I've been born into the wrong family.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  I want to know what the business class flex has to do with her wanting to ride her dad. Keep talking, please.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Anyway, we don't have, we don't have the best relationship, but it's okay. Here's where it gets even weirder. I've always joked that my boyfriend would make an amazing pilot. And now he's actually applied for the BA sponsorship programme. I'm over the moon and would marry him in a heartbeat if he gets in. But is that a red flag? Well, no, because she's mentioned the business class, so like, I completely understand.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Hundred per cent, hundred per cent.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  I felt like that about chiro factors. I just have a thing, I'm like, wouldn't it be lovely every day to wake up and get cracked? Yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  That's such a good idea. I didn't, yeah.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Is it strange that my boyfriend is slowly morphing into my dad? Am I subconsciously manipulating him into my father? Or is his life just a bit dull? And I'd rather he came home with exciting stories and keep the staff travel benefits. Would love your unsolicited advice on this one. Thanks. Maybe you just want the best for him. Maybe that, maybe he, maybe you're just offering him advice on something that he could really enjoy. And he might enjoy being a pilot and then you get to fly business class at the same time.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Love is about safety. So it makes sense that you fall for people who feel like home. They say like, so it's familiarity, you know? They say it's actually pure narcissism because you know the way people are like attracted to people who have loads in common with themselves? Like, we have so much in common. Basically, what you're saying is, I'm mad about myself.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Although Spencer did start wearing Cool Water perfume and Neil wears that. And I was, that was very off putting for me now, I have to say.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, that does make sense because that, because the smell is such a trigger for a memory. And if your, if your husband smells like your dad, or if your husband smells like your stepfather, that is definitely an issue. But no, I think this is fine. I think it's nice that if I was her father, I'd be chuffed. I'd be like, oh, this is really sweet. My daughter is trying to turn her boyfriend into me.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  I think that's very, I'm just fucking raging that I didn't marry a pilot for god's sake.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Do they get the perks that we think they do?

• 20:00Speaker 01

  I don't. Well, in fairness, my mom still gets some perks from Erlingas for when she works there.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Does she?

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Nothing like that, though. I haven't heard any of the, I haven't heard any of the business class stuff. I would have remembered that.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  But no, I think it's really lovely. I'd love to meet a man who is basically the exact same as my mother.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  I would. That's how I know I'm going to get looked after.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  When Pat passes, who's going to look after me, you know? I'm hardly going to start doing it myself, so.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  I feel like, I feel like that's going to be my, my torch to bear.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  She'll just come down with all her bags and her black outfit.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  I'm glad you called it a torch to bear and not a cross to bear.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  It's kind of a mix there of like pride, but also sadness.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Todd, tear shut, Todd, tear shut and down, all right?

• 20:58Speaker 02

  What?

• 20:59Speaker 01

  Todd, tear shut and down.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  Folks, I don't speak German. I've told you. I, I, I don't know what you're saying to me.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Jo, you should know that if you've been working on your Irish Duolingo.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've not got to that bit yet, but I will know soon.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  The tiredness of the world is upon me. Not nice.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Very dramatic. I think it just means I'm late in Irish.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  We love a drama. We love a drama. The language is very dramatic, I will say.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe and tell your mates about us if you think they might like to listen to us also.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  Tell your mates. That's very good. Yeah. Goodbye, everybody.