Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me Lady Lambeth About this episode Something has happened.... It's something that we've all been waiting for and it's definitely for the best that it's happened. BUT WHAT IS IT?! Suffice to say that both Joanne and Vogue are equally pleased. There's a lot to discuss, with Vogue's research on psilocybin and Joanne's latest house challenge...
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Transcript 10,150 words · 3 speakers
0:02 Speaker 00 You're a mother.
0:05 Speaker 01 I'm a mo- I'm a mo- mother.
0:07 Speaker 00 You're a MILF.
0:08 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you.
0:09 Speaker 00 Are we allowed or are we not allowed to talk about it?
0:11 Speaker 01 What do you want to say about it? Go on, say it. She is trying to make me unrelatable again, Joe. I won't have it.
0:16 Speaker 00 No.
0:17 Speaker 01 Not when she, well, not when she sits on this plot of land.
0:26 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome home.
0:27 Speaker 00 Hello and welcome home to you.
0:29 Speaker 01 How are you feeling?
0:30 Speaker 00 I feel great. I really do. How do you feel?
0:32 Speaker 01 I feel shite, but I'm really happy to be here.
0:35 Speaker 00 Well, enough about you. I have huge news.
0:38 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:40 Speaker 00 It's MAGA.
0:42 Speaker 01 You're doing another three arena.
0:45 Speaker 00 No, that's not the news.
0:45 Speaker 01 I know. I'm waiting for you to just tell me you're not because I'm waiting to decide which date I'm going with all my friends and I need seven tickets.
0:51 Speaker 00 You'll get your seven tickets. You know you will. You'll milk me dry. I won't have an ounce of milk left in the tush. You should just put on the third arena for your family and friends and hoes.
1:03 Speaker 01 I think that you should. I can fill it for you. What is it? Nine thousand people? I'll fill that.
1:07 Speaker 00 I think you would.
1:08 Speaker 01 Easy.
1:09 Speaker 00 Just with your aunts.
1:11 Speaker 01 And they'd all love, it'd be your favourite show.
1:13 Speaker 00 It actually would.
1:14 Speaker 01 There'd be a turn.
1:14 Speaker 00 Okay, Gina. I'm bringing them up on stage and it'll be great crack. Um, big news.
1:21 Speaker 01 Bigger than the three arena?
1:22 Speaker 00 Bigger than the three.
1:23 Speaker 01 Okay, go on.
1:26 Speaker 00 They collected my bins.
1:29 Speaker 01 Now I have to say I'm not surprised because I did get out of my car and I actually looked in the bins.
1:33 Speaker 00 I saw you.
1:36 Speaker 00 I watched you rummage. I said, she's not going to be able to help herself. She's going to lift the lid there. And I actually pulled it back in to the driveway because I was like, I don't want to ruin the big surprise, but you found the bin anyway and you rummaged.
1:45 Speaker 01 As soon as I got out, I was like, God, the, the, who was probably looking at me like, why is she looking in that person's bins?
1:50 Speaker 00 I saw you on the ring doorbell. I was watching you do it.
1:53 Speaker 01 I was so excited.
1:55 Speaker 00 Who's that pregnant woman in the, oh, you're sad.
1:57 Speaker 01 It's only because my bins got collected today. I was coming up to gloat.
2:04 Speaker 00 Imagine you brought your empty wheelie bin.
2:07 Speaker 01 I don't even have a wheelie bin.
2:09 Speaker 00 Do you not?
2:10 Speaker 01 No, I have like bin bins, like, you know, like, like.
2:13 Speaker 00 Like Sesame Street, all school.
2:14 Speaker 01 That's exactly.
2:15 Speaker 02 No. Metal dustbin.
2:17 Speaker 01 No, it's not metal, it's black, but like Sesame Street, but black plastic. They're not my bins, they're my landlord's. Yeah, I know. I don't know why he doesn't have, because it's very small, the area at the front.
2:29 Speaker 00 Oh, but it's not a size.
2:30 Speaker 01 I don't have acreage, like you at the front.
2:34 Speaker 00 I see what you're doing here. Oh, I see what you're doing.
2:37 Speaker 01 We're squeezed in.
2:39 Speaker 00 Do you know, then actually, do you know what I actually want, I actually want to talk to you about something that happened during the week that I was like, I don't know why I feel so weird about that. But before, it's about money, but before we get to that, I, yesterday, I was like, okay, it's, I've obviously had to go private with the bins, as you know.
2:53 Speaker 01 Oh, so is this a private collection?
2:54 Speaker 00 No, no, no, that was, this was a public collection. This was the lads.
2:57 Speaker 01 Okay, the lads are, the lads are here.
2:58 Speaker 02 Free at the point of use.
3:00 Speaker 00 Free at the point of use.
3:01 Speaker 01 How much money was on top of the bins?
3:03 Speaker 00 I know, yeah.
3:06 Speaker 01 How did you make friends? This is really.
3:07 Speaker 00 I have a, I have a hairline fracture in my arm from the amount of hand jobs I had to do this morning to get those fucking bins across the line. I am exhausted, so sorry if I don't have a lot of energy today.
3:15 Speaker 01 Fair fucking play to you. Who does hand jobs anymore?
3:17 Speaker 00 I do.
3:18 Speaker 01 Do you?
3:19 Speaker 00 The lads wanted.
3:20 Speaker 01 My god.
3:21 Speaker 00 The lads wanted. It's what the lads wanted. It said, there's only one way. We're taking these bins. You know what to do.
3:28 Speaker 01 I don't think anyone.
3:28 Speaker 00 So I got on my knees and they went, no, just recycle properly, you fucking nut job.
3:32 Speaker 01 Anyone over the age of 25 that's doing hand jobs, fair play to you. Joe, that's not you included, we know you're doing them.
3:39 Speaker 00 Do you not, do you not, do you not, do you think they are age, hand jobs are age specific?
3:44 Speaker 01 They were a very rare thing to do a handjob. I'd be in for other stuff before the handjob and Sven would prefer other stuff. And I just feel like they can do it better anyway, so.
3:52 Speaker 00 Yes. You're right. Why take the job from the person, you know what I mean? Who can do it better? You shouldn't be taking the job.
3:59 Speaker 01 He doesn't want a handjob.
4:00 Speaker 00 Just another white woman stealing employment from someone else. Let him wake himself up. He's better at it. It's his thing. Let him do it. You shouldn't, you're right. You're right. You are coming from a position of privilege and it's not fair.
4:09 Speaker 01 Because it disappears under my hand. I told you that. It's massive.
4:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:15 Speaker 00 God, does he mind? Anyway, sorry. So yesterday, right?
4:17 Speaker 01 He doesn't see any of it. Thank God. He's not on Instagram anymore. So he doesn't see my new ride of the week.
4:24 Speaker 00 Um, so yesterday I came in, I said, Joanne, it's time to woman up here now and get these, get this job across the line. So I, I chatted to Chat GPT for a little bit and then I was like, break this shit down for me. I gave it my postcode, my address. I said, what do I have to do? What goes in each bin? Break it down.
4:44 Speaker 01 Does Chat GPT know all that?
4:46 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:46 Speaker 01 What is it? Cause you're in La, you say Lambeth. Lambeth's massive, John.
4:51 Speaker 00 I know, but I wouldn't bother. I wouldn't bother.
4:52 Speaker 01 You've said, you've said you'd live in Clapham.
4:54 Speaker 00 Is Clapham, is Lambeth bigger than, is it? Is Clapham?
4:57 Speaker 01 Lambeth is like everywhere.
4:59 Speaker 00 Fine.
5:02 Speaker 00 I don't know. I'm not from here. I live in England. That's all I know.
5:06 Speaker 01 Don't say London. I live in the England area.
5:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, I live in England, County England. I don't know.
5:13 Speaker 00 Warkhamshire.
5:14 Speaker 01 Don't say Lambeth. She's practically given her postcode on this podcast.
5:18 Speaker 00 It's wild how little I know about this country, considering I've been here nearly five years. So anyway, last night I was like, right, I went in and I, when I say I was like Einstein trying to solve gravity, I was like, it was like, do you remember your man? Um, do you remember the film?
5:32 Speaker 01 Rain Man?
5:33 Speaker 00 No, with the math one.
5:35 Speaker 01 Oh, with, with Russell Crowe?
5:36 Speaker 00 No.
5:38 Speaker 02 Apollo 13.
5:39 Speaker 00 Nope. That's not a ma, that's space.
5:41 Speaker 01 House sitter?
5:42 Speaker 00 House sitter.
5:45 Speaker 01 Yes, house sitter.
5:48 Speaker 00 Marvel three, yes.
5:49 Speaker 01 What are the lads who do the?
5:51 Speaker 00 Well, good hunting.
5:52 Speaker 01 Ah, yes, that's the one. Yeah, okay.
5:54 Speaker 00 Remember he did the big sum on the board? That was me. And then I woke up this morning, I heard the truck coming. I told the window was open. And I got up and I watched from the bathroom window and he came over and he's like a genuine, he didn't, he looked, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He rustled. Like you, he rustled through. You could see him checking to see had I done a cracky.
6:15 Speaker 01 Cause you've got a name for yourself.
6:16 Speaker 00 I've got a name for myself. In the Lambeth area.
6:19 Speaker 01 In the Lambeth area.
6:20 Speaker 00 Apparently, that's where I live.
6:22 Speaker 01 She's just gonna start telling people she's from Lambeth now.
6:25 Speaker 00 I am, I, I, yeah, I, I am a great at Lambeth's, um, I don't know, it's about thirty-three, thirty-four. It's a long time ago now. Anyway, and I said, oh my God, oh my God, I was on the edge of my toilet seat, I can tell you. And then he, I was like, is he gonna do it? Is he gonna do it? And I, I could see, yeah, and then he, it was like slow-mo.
6:41 Speaker 01 How long did you spend to work on it?
6:42 Speaker 00 I could hear the national anthem of Lambeth playing as he just emptied the bin in, but he was, he was, he was looking for an excuse not to take it.
6:49 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
6:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:50 Speaker 01 Fair play. I like that they're so thorough.
6:53 Speaker 00 Do, do you?
6:54 Speaker 01 I do, because I think people like you, people like you ruin, ruin recycling for the rest of the world. Why do you think we're in a heatwave? You, you and your bloody, dirty pots.
7:04 Speaker 00 It is, it's my, it's my yoga curtains. It's nothing to do with fossil fuels. It's me in the Lambeth area.
7:09 Speaker 01 It is, it is.
7:10 Speaker 00 It's me in the Lambeth area.
7:11 Speaker 01 I've started using coal again because it is you, it's not me.
7:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, there's no point, yeah. So anyway, I, I, when I say it was, it was, it was great relief.
7:20 Speaker 01 Well, I'm really happy for you.
7:21 Speaker 00 Thank you.
7:21 Speaker 01 What has happened to me this week?
7:23 Speaker 00 I love that you actually checked on your way in.
7:24 Speaker 01 I know.
7:27 Speaker 01 And then Joanne, Joanne said to me, she accused me of being a mom. And I was like, oh my God, I didn't think you saw me like that. But then actually I did come and look at your pins.
7:35 Speaker 00 Accused her.
7:38 Speaker 01 But you know what I mean? I don't wanna be like, oh, there's that ma.
7:42 Speaker 00 No, I know. You're not a ma.
7:43 Speaker 01 No, I'm wearing like tiger trousers. I'm not a ma.
7:46 Speaker 00 You're a mother.
7:47 Speaker 01 I'm a mu- I'm a mu- mother.
7:48 Speaker 00 You're a MILF.
7:50 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you.
7:50 Speaker 00 You're a yummy mummy. You're a delulu lemon.
7:52 Speaker 01 I appreciate that. Uh, so my week, what has been, oh my God, I got you a present.
7:56 Speaker 00 Is it a Dyson Hoover?
7:58 Speaker 01 No.
7:59 Speaker 00 Is it a facial?
7:59 Speaker 01 You have a thousand Hoover's. Everywhere I look, there's a Hoover in the corner.
8:02 Speaker 00 I love Hoover, I love Hoovering.
8:03 Speaker 01 Who, Joe, is that your coffee? Look how nice that looks.
8:06 Speaker 00 I, I did order large.
8:07 Speaker 01 Thank you so much.
8:08 Speaker 00 If Joe was listening from Joe and the Juice, I did order large. I don't know why they're so small. Is it just because they're in your hand? Are they actually large?
8:15 Speaker 01 It's actually a full pint.
8:16 Speaker 00 It's a full pint, yeah.
8:18 Speaker 02 That's two litres.
8:19 Speaker 01 A full, do you know Amber tries to slag my hands? And I'm like, hang on a second, you're only five foot eight and you've got massive bloke hands and hers don't even look as feminine as mine.
8:27 Speaker 00 She's got a great body. Oh, her tits are massive right now. So our iced coffees have just arrived. I am hosting my tits off this morning. I have three people downstairs, three women.
8:37 Speaker 01 How's it taking six weeks now? This is the first coffee I've been offered.
8:40 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:42 Speaker 00 I have three women downstairs.
8:44 Speaker 01 And a dog.
8:45 Speaker 00 And a dog and a mouse. There's a mouse in the house.
8:47 Speaker 01 Is there definitely a mouse?
8:48 Speaker 00 For Joe, madam, this morning.
8:50 Speaker 01 Really? A little mouse? Just one?
8:51 Speaker 02 Are you all right about mice?
8:52 Speaker 01 I don't mind mice at all, no.
8:53 Speaker 02 It's directly underneath you.
8:55 Speaker 01 Oh, God. The poor little shit's probably nervous.
8:58 Speaker 00 I, I don't really care. I should. I thought he'd moved out. I did have a suspicion he was here.
9:03 Speaker 02 He does sound like he's sort of nibbling stuff, so he probably does have to go because otherwise your house might catch.
9:07 Speaker 01 Oh, God, I know, but it's not great.
9:10 Speaker 02 Wallboards, wires, we don't know.
9:12 Speaker 01 The problem is I wouldn't leave a poison because then he'll go somewhere and die. And then there's the stench of dead mouse. That's the worst.
9:19 Speaker 00 I, I'm sorry to say, I just did, I ordered a couple of traps.
9:22 Speaker 01 Traps are better than poison because it's quick. It's, it's, it's just done.
9:26 Speaker 00 Mum, I said to my mum, she was like, I was like, I think I have a mouse. She goes, don't tell anybody.
9:31 Speaker 01 Why?
9:32 Speaker 00 She's like, people will judge you.
9:33 Speaker 01 No, you live in London. Everyone has a mouse.
9:35 Speaker 00 Everyone, if you don't have a mouse, it's weird.
9:37 Speaker 01 If you don't have rats and mice in London, like, hello.
9:40 Speaker 00 I live alone. I wouldn't mind the company. I'll leave him there for a while.
9:42 Speaker 01 It's the nice, now I swear I hear it. It's the nice garden that you have.
9:46 Speaker 00 He sounds like he's typing down there, doesn't he?
9:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's doing.
9:49 Speaker 00 He sounds like he's typing.
9:50 Speaker 01 You could have a pet mouse. I was offered a gerbil for the summer. No, a hamster.
9:56 Speaker 00 Is that the school? Do you remember when you were in school and they gave you the hamster for the summer?
9:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, but it's somebody in the class's hamster that they're offering up. And I'm like, I don't, I'm just worried about taking the hamster in case then the kids want a hamster and I don't want a full-time hamster.
10:07 Speaker 00 Do you do the hamster thing in Lambeth in County England?
10:11 Speaker 02 As in, I, I don't know if they still do it now in schools.
10:14 Speaker 00 I don't know if they do it now anymore.
10:15 Speaker 02 Probably not anymore.
10:16 Speaker 01 What do you mean, do what? Theodore or no, Otto, Otto has two bunnies, Fortnum, Fortnum and Mason.
10:22 Speaker 02 What, and they let them take them home?
10:23 Speaker 01 Well, I don't know what happens to the bunnies. And I don't take the bunnies. And they have turtles as well in the class.
10:27 Speaker 00 You mean in his class?
10:28 Speaker 01 In his class, yeah.
10:29 Speaker 00 Wow. Oh, my God. Wow.
10:31 Speaker 01 They're nice bunnies, I have to say, actually.
10:32 Speaker 00 We had acorns and one hamster that I'm pretty sure died every three weeks and was replaced.
10:43 Speaker 00 Sorry, park all this animal chat. I'm basically running a zoo. I have a chihuahua downstairs and a mace under the...
10:48 Speaker 01 I hear the mace. I definitely hear the mace.
10:50 Speaker 00 He's typing. He's working down there. Leave him off. Leave him off. Come here. She's actually here to present for me.
10:55 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So, in honour of not... No, I haven't got it yet. In honour of not ever being pregnant again, I had a body scan this weekend. Yeah?
11:09 Speaker 00 Oh, my God. Are you giving me your womb?
11:11 Speaker 01 Tits and all. I'm gonna give you... See that body over there? I'm gonna give you one of my pregnant bodies and you can have that forever.
11:20 Speaker 00 Hold on, hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry. I was... Sorry. I was distracted by the noise here, man.
11:25 Speaker 01 I'm giving you a nude.
11:27 Speaker 00 Are you having your body painted?
11:30 Speaker 01 No, I'm sure you're...
11:30 Speaker 00 Are you having your body turned into a pot?
11:32 Speaker 01 No, my body is being turned into... Did I take a phone? I did take a phone. Look, I'll find it. She was a lovely girl.
11:39 Speaker 00 Who was that? Will you Google? Who was the... Was it Demi Moore or Demi Moore?
11:43 Speaker 02 That's exactly what I'm thinking.
11:45 Speaker 00 Oh, and she was front of Vogue or Cosmow or Where To You Guide?
11:48 Speaker 01 No, but wait. Velvet and Fox, they're in Ireland and they do a pregnancy sculpture. It's a sculpture.
11:55 Speaker 00 Are you going on the front of the Where To You Guide? Is that what you're doing?
11:57 Speaker 01 No, I'm just getting one for your house for you.
11:58 Speaker 00 I would...
11:59 Speaker 01 And you can be like, there's Vogue.
12:01 Speaker 00 Is it gonna be actually you, though? Because...
12:03 Speaker 01 It's me. And I thought, I'll get two. What would you want?
12:06 Speaker 00 I'd honestly love that. Honestly. Jo, do you want one? Look.
12:11 Speaker 02 Well, it's good that you want it.
12:12 Speaker 01 I think Jo's wife might be a bit freaked out if he arrives home with a pregnancy statue of me.
12:17 Speaker 02 It's good that you want it because in a way, if you didn't, it's sort of like unsolicited nudes, isn't it? It's like...
12:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:23 Speaker 02 I didn't consent to you saying that.
12:24 Speaker 01 I honestly was getting it done and I thought to myself, Joanna, I'd like that.
12:27 Speaker 00 I actually would. Can I have a yellow one?
12:28 Speaker 01 You can have the... No, it has to be bronze, black or white. Maybe black?
12:35 Speaker 00 White. Sorry, I'm delighted for you that you're documenting your last pregnancy.
12:39 Speaker 01 Look, this is the last one. I'm just making sure, like, this is the nail in the coffin. It's the last one. It's not me.
12:43 Speaker 00 You haven't really acknowledged the fact that I asked if you were going nude on the front of the Where To You Guide.
12:47 Speaker 01 As soon as they asked me to, I'm going full nude, yeah.
12:49 Speaker 00 Thank you.
12:50 Speaker 01 Just with a leaf over the front.
12:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, thank you. Just you and the fair cities, fucking storylines down the side. I can't wait.
12:57 Speaker 01 I'm doing a Hello Mag shoot.
13:00 Speaker 02 I guess, like the TV Times, but for Ireland, I'm imagining, yeah.
13:02 Speaker 01 I'm doing the Hello Mag shoot and they've asked if I'll go on news.
13:05 Speaker 00 Are you doing Hello?
13:06 Speaker 01 No, I'm not, no. Why don't you do it? You're going to Wimbledon with them today, no?
13:09 Speaker 00 I don't think.
13:10 Speaker 01 Are you going to Wimbledon?
13:11 Speaker 00 I'm going to Wimbledon today.
13:12 Speaker 01 And Harry Styles today?
13:13 Speaker 00 Harry Styles today.
13:13 Speaker 01 And who is, are you sure you're able for that?
13:16 Speaker 00 No, I'm not. I'm gonna have to come home after Wimbledon, have a little nap and then go back into Harry Styles. Cause I wanna see Shania as well. So it's gonna be a very early start for me.
13:23 Speaker 01 So who, who, who's going to all these things?
13:25 Speaker 00 So Sophie's coming to Wimbledon with me.
13:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:28 Speaker 00 And I'm going with Hello Mag, like we did before. And then.
13:32 Speaker 01 Are you going into that nice area or no?
13:34 Speaker 00 Yes, going into the nice area. Yeah, yeah. I'm a posh bitch now. I'm posh. Don't tell them about the mouse.
13:41 Speaker 01 Where are the bins?
13:42 Speaker 00 I'm at where the bins.
13:43 Speaker 01 Don't tell them about the mouse at the bins.
13:45 Speaker 00 That's why I have a mouse, Jo.
13:47 Speaker 02 Because they haven't collected your bins.
13:49 Speaker 00 Cause they wouldn't collect the bins.
13:49 Speaker 02 It's not your fault.
13:50 Speaker 01 It's, it's never cardboard bins. It's nothing to do with the mouse.
13:53 Speaker 00 Oh, it's full of food.
13:54 Speaker 01 It's your garden. You never close your door. It's your garden. You're gonna have birds in here as well soon.
14:01 Speaker 01 I saw a girl and there was a pigeon in her house when she woke up because she'd left the windows open because it was too hot.
14:05 Speaker 00 I'd love a pigeon. Do you remember I came back from the States and the two pigeons were riding out the back on the, in the old apartment? And your man, I don't even need they were there because the, the male pigeon starts clapping after he comes.
14:14 Speaker 01 Oh.
14:15 Speaker 00 Do you remember that? I was like, what is that noise? And he was like, two, and, and she was just lying there looking at him. And I was like, this is a terrible woman I stand.
14:23 Speaker 01 I'm looking.
14:23 Speaker 00 And they, they clap after they've sex, the pigeons. And then as soon as they knew I was home, they left us. They moved out. I was like, Jesus, I. You're, you should, you should, yeah, you should go.
14:32 Speaker 01 Have you ever seen hyenas? I told Amber about hyenas. Female hyenas basically have like what looks like a giant flaccid penis that just like hangs around and flaps around the place. And that's where the male hyena has sex. And then it's meant to be the most painful birth because then the female hyena gives birth through this long tube. God, they're not great looking animals, are they?
14:54 Speaker 00 I'm gonna need to fact check that, Jo.
14:56 Speaker 01 No, I swear to God.
14:57 Speaker 00 It's okay, it's okay. Well, we believe in fact check though.
14:58 Speaker 01 The only person that needs to be fact checked in this room is you.
15:01 Speaker 00 Fact check that, Jo.
15:02 Speaker 01 You don't even know how to see your own bins.
15:03 Speaker 00 What's she said there about me?
15:04 Speaker 01 Um, people keep spitting on me this week.
15:11 Speaker 01 Spenny.
15:11 Speaker 00 As like it for luck?
15:13 Speaker 01 No. So I was at the races on Sunday and I was standing there and it was really windy and someone was trying to put my hair down. And she goes, do you mind?
15:20 Speaker 00 Someone was trying to.
15:21 Speaker 01 And she licked her hair and tried to wipe my hair and I was like, no.
15:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:25 Speaker 01 I don't think that you know me. I don't even share drinks. I cannot bear.
15:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:28 Speaker 01 Any spit from anyone near me, particularly not on my head.
15:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm gonna ask you my mother.
15:34 Speaker 01 No, no, not even my mother. I don't want anyone spit in my head. And then Spenny tried to do it to me yesterday. I'm like, why is everyone spitting on me this week?
15:41 Speaker 00 That's, that, he is your husband. I mean, I'm not one to, I don't want to.
15:45 Speaker 01 What? So I have to go around with someone's smelly spit hair?
15:47 Speaker 00 I remember Nikki, who's actually downstairs, who I do anxious be occupied with. Um, I was doing a photo shoot and, um, like full, you know, full glam and everything. And I did a little like fly away and Nikki did the same thing. She licked her fingers and tried to pat down my, um, pat down my hair. And I was like, Nikki.
16:05 Speaker 01 No.
16:05 Speaker 00 I've gotten glam. I'm like, but she's a mom like you. It's an instinct.
16:10 Speaker 01 I, I, I don't spit in people's heads. I just think it's wrong and your spit smells. Uh, I'm actually going to Wimbledon next week, so without you. And I got to.
16:20 Speaker 00 It is actually Wimbledon is a competition.
16:21 Speaker 01 But we are actually, yeah.
16:24 Speaker 01 Who's playing Joan today? Who are you gonna see?
16:26 Speaker 00 I knew you'd do this to me. I knew you'd do this. And so I'm not taking the bait. Tennis is playing. That's what's playing. And I'm gonna watch the tennis.
16:34 Speaker 01 How much tennis are you gonna watch? You're so excited.
16:36 Speaker 00 I'm gonna, I'm gonna watch all of it.
16:37 Speaker 01 You must know, but I saw you put some of it Naomi Osaka and her outfits, which is so cool.
16:41 Speaker 00 Naomi, what's her name?
16:43 Speaker 01 Naomi Osaka.
16:44 Speaker 00 Naomi Osaka. Look at her outfit. It's insane. I know.
16:49 Speaker 01 Why is Serena Williams back?
16:50 Speaker 00 Well, I guess because she's like one of the best tennis players in the world. She just, like, do you think that she should be?
16:56 Speaker 01 No, but I just thought like, I, I just thought she'd be like, right, I'm done now. I've, I've done my tennising.
17:00 Speaker 00 I know, but she's like, I think there's some people who will kind of give up when they feel they have enough money and they're ready to do it. And there's other people who will work until they'll work. You will work yourself into the grave.
17:11 Speaker 01 Oh, I'll be.
17:12 Speaker 00 Happily so.
17:12 Speaker 01 Well, no, I won't be. There'll be more holidays if you can.
17:15 Speaker 00 You'll be collabing on your deathbed.
17:16 Speaker 01 I'll be, I'll be fitting in some more holidays.
17:18 Speaker 00 You're like Juleepa. No one goes on holidays more than you.
17:23 Speaker 01 And I don't even get offended when people are like, she's on holidays again. I'm like, yeah, I know. But I also, I've worked to go on holidays.
17:30 Speaker 00 Google who's playing today, will you?
17:32 Speaker 02 There's an Italian guy called Sinner.
17:34 Speaker 00 I love him.
17:36 Speaker 01 Do you? Yeah.
17:36 Speaker 00 Yeah. What, is he, what's he, is he in the main course?
17:39 Speaker 01 Did you see who was?
17:40 Speaker 00 Is he centre court? Fantastic.
17:41 Speaker 01 Did you see who was playing?
17:43 Speaker 00 Sorry to interrupt you, but I'm sorry now.
17:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know what you're gonna say. Who was, who was in the royal box?
17:47 Speaker 00 Did you see David Beckham catching the tennis ball with one hand?
17:51 Speaker 01 No, I saw, I did see David Beckham in the royal box, so.
17:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, he was in the royal box. Someone hit the ball up, obviously one of the players, I'm assuming. And he put his hand up and he was caught it with one. I was like, fuck off, take a day off, will you? Take a day off.
18:05 Speaker 01 Supposedly David Beckham is becoming really loved by the younger gang now. Not, it's not just, it's not our generation anymore.
18:10 Speaker 00 He's got cool kids now. He's got cool kids.
18:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, but like, like all the.
18:13 Speaker 02 When they fancy him.
18:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, all the younger people fancy David Beckham now. And I just think, do you know what? Back off, right?
18:17 Speaker 00 He's pickled, like he hasn't.
18:19 Speaker 01 Did you see?
18:19 Speaker 00 She's the same. She hasn't aged. She is like, I don't know, like she is, I mean, that's.
18:24 Speaker 01 Who? Oh, Victoria.
18:25 Speaker 00 They just, the two of them, they're, they're right. They know they are. They know they're, they know they're right.
18:29 Speaker 01 Here's a story I heard that's probably complete bullshit, but like, I'll say it anyway. Supposedly David and Victoria were nearly breaking up at one point. And David was a bit naughty and she was also naughty supposedly.
18:41 Speaker 00 Are we going down this road?
18:42 Speaker 01 Well, this is.
18:43 Speaker 00 I'm sorry, Victoria, if, if you're listening, I want nothing to do with this. I, I want nothing to do with this. I do feel I'm gonna meet her one day and I'm sorry, I do feel like we are gonna get on. And I don't wanna be brought down with you talking about their marriage. So Victoria, if you're listening, I have nothing to do with this.
18:57 Speaker 01 Victoria won't wanna touch you off you've got a mouse in your house. You've got a mouse in your house. She's not gonna wanna be around you.
19:06 Speaker 00 Sorry, she lives in the Cotswolds, okay? I think she's very used to animals.
19:09 Speaker 01 Look how lovey and dovey they are all the time now. It's like they have rekindled their relationship. It's like they're going back to being teenagers.
19:16 Speaker 00 They do have a bang of makeup sex off them at all times, don't they?
19:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:19 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:20 Speaker 01 And I love her and I love, I love, I love both of them equally.
19:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, I love them too. I was, there was, oh yeah, speaking of makeup sex, segue. You know the way my stenos turned into seven girthy fat dreads and they had to go in and be sheared? Yeah.
19:35 Speaker 01 You look like you still have them in your hair, I can just say.
19:37 Speaker 00 I feel bald after. I feel really.
19:39 Speaker 01 You literally have enough for three people's hair in your head.
19:41 Speaker 00 I feel very bald. I'm full of shame.
19:43 Speaker 01 I actually think you should be off the monoxidil. You've got too much hair.
19:46 Speaker 00 The monoxidil's for the hairline.
19:47 Speaker 01 Okay.
19:48 Speaker 00 Cause unlike Leandro's.
19:52 Speaker 02 There he is again.
19:54 Speaker 01 Did you see they adopted a dog?
19:56 Speaker 00 Unlikely entries, I can't grow my hairline back by doing hard time in a do by person.
20:01 Speaker 01 I could sort that out for you if you wanted.
20:03 Speaker 00 Are we allowed or are we not allowed to talk about it?
20:04 Speaker 01 What do you want to say about it? Go on, say it.
20:06 Speaker 02 We, what, let's make money out of it. She has to pay each of us 10 quid.
20:10 Speaker 01 If you want to talk about it, 10 quid. 10 quid. Pay for our parking. This place is a fucking rip off.
20:16 Speaker 00 I know. I sent you that message. I had a handyman in the other day doing some bits and bobs.
20:20 Speaker 01 I told you.
20:21 Speaker 00 Seven, he sent me the bill and I was like, God, that's kind of spicy. So I looked at it. 70 pounds parking. 70 pounds.
20:28 Speaker 01 I had to pay 20 quid. Why do you think I'm always cycling up here now? I refuse to do it. I don't mind paying money for something, but it's not worth 20 quid. I'm not in the middle of Soho.
20:43 Speaker 01 So will I tell you what I'm doing this week? I haven't told you. I'm going to the Grand Prix on Saturday. And then I'm going to Wimbledon. I'm doing loads of day events.
20:51 Speaker 00 Lovely.
20:51 Speaker 01 Well now, I'm only going to qualifying because it's Chi Chi's birthday. I forgot. I've everything organised for Sunday. I'm doing a party for her. And I forgot and I'd booked to go to the Grand Prix on Sunday. And that's when he was like, are we not meant to be at Chi Chi's party? And I was like, you are correct.
21:04 Speaker 00 So what, have you cancelled the party?
21:05 Speaker 01 Cancelled the party, yeah. Cancelled Chi Chi's, no, I did not cancel the party.
21:08 Speaker 00 Kids are great because they don't know when their birthday is. You could just tell them.
21:10 Speaker 01 I did not cancel the party. I've organised, there's someone going to do hair braids and everything. No.
21:15 Speaker 00 I'll bring, I could come. I'll bring the mouse.
21:18 Speaker 00 Like a petting area.
21:19 Speaker 01 Oh, we have a little circus with Joanne.
21:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'll bring the mouse and the chihuahua downstairs. Yeah, I'll bring the animal.
21:25 Speaker 01 You are, I've invited you.
21:26 Speaker 00 I'll bring the, did you? I didn't see any invite coming in.
21:28 Speaker 01 I did invite you.
21:29 Speaker 02 On the podcast.
21:30 Speaker 01 On the podcast, yeah. I didn't see any invite coming in. Would you get lost? We don't, it's paperless posts.
21:34 Speaker 00 Do you remember the old school? Do you remember the, oh my God, do you remember you going to school and you'd get the little birthday invites? And they'd be all the fancy paper. Oh, it was so cute. And then your mum would put it on the fridge. And then you'd go to the party and you'd bring a present and you'd get it and you'd get a party bag at the end full of like shit.
21:51 Speaker 01 I don't do party bags. I've said that before. I don't do them.
21:54 Speaker 00 God, you're very tight.
21:55 Speaker 01 No, it's not about being tight. I give a full big gift.
21:58 Speaker 00 Bear by Vogue, she's like, bear by Vogue for all the kids.
22:01 Speaker 01 Now with the serum, don't forget to wash your hands after.
22:06 Speaker 01 No, I give a gift because I buy them.
22:09 Speaker 00 I don't know what it is.
22:10 Speaker 01 I buy them one gift each. So they're all going home with like a potion making set. So they have one thing instead of like a paper airplane and a lollipop and like stuff that they won't actually use. I give them one present each that they all get to take home. And because it's 30 degrees, I'm getting buckets of water. Like I have these big buckets, boxes that I'm going to fill up with water and I've bought water guns so they can all have a water gun fight at the end.
22:33 Speaker 00 You're going to waterboard the kids for the afternoon. I'd, I'd go to that. I'd go to that for the potion and the waterboarding.
22:37 Speaker 01 I want you to come towards the end. I'll have to order another potion.
22:39 Speaker 00 I am actually around, I am actually free on Saturday.
22:41 Speaker 01 No, it's on Sunday.
22:44 Speaker 00 I believe I am also free on Sunday.
22:45 Speaker 01 Come on Sunday, there's going to be champagne and wine.
22:48 Speaker 00 Oh, stunning.
22:49 Speaker 02 I think you might be free on Sunday, mightn't you?
22:50 Speaker 00 I'm, I'm free on Sunday.
22:52 Speaker 01 You're free on Sunday.
22:53 Speaker 00 I do love a little, I do love a little glass of champagne on a Sunday.
22:55 Speaker 01 You can pop down.
22:56 Speaker 00 And, and, and I will want my potion at the end.
22:58 Speaker 01 I will get you a new box potion. I've also, do you know what else I've been doing this week? I'm turning into a vigilante. I'm going to stop. It's happened again.
23:06 Speaker 00 Are you complaining? What are you doing?
23:08 Speaker 01 No, I'm just turning into one of those people. Like I'm going to start setting up a bike and going around filming people on their phones in their cars soon because like it's just, it's, I'm, I'm going too far. I'm actually going to get a slap in the face, I think, soon. I was basically walking back from the kids' school again.
23:23 Speaker 01 And this girl, but she was like 16 or 17 and she just threw two pieces of rubbish and I was like, oh.
23:31 Speaker 01 And I was like, excuse me, will you pick up your rubbish there? That's not a bin.
23:34 Speaker 00 Maybe she's in the Lambeth County Council and she's trying to get rid of the shit that they won't collect, even though she's paying her council tax.
23:41 Speaker 01 She was like, no. And she kept walking on. I was like, okay, cool. I'm just going to go to your school with you then. And then I'll tell your principal that you threw the rubbish there.
23:49 Speaker 00 Hold on, hold on, hold on. What age was this person?
23:51 Speaker 01 16 or 17.
23:52 Speaker 00 And she was in a uniform?
23:53 Speaker 01 And she was in a uniform.
23:54 Speaker 00 And she was near the school area.
23:56 Speaker 01 School area. Yeah. So I was like, okay, cool. I'll just go to your school and tell your principal that you're just littering on the road.
24:01 Speaker 00 I love how you opened today's podcast like, I'm not a normal mom.
24:06 Speaker 00 I'm like a killer.
24:06 Speaker 01 This is more like a vigilante thing I've started. But then I was like, and Svenny was like, well, she's just gonna do it anyway. And I was like, but she won't, because now I've embarrassed her in front of her friends. Telling her to pick up her rubbish. And she's had it. And then her mate's like, is she trying to kidnap you? I thought, I fucking am not.
24:21 Speaker 00 She's, what, they started kidnapping you?
24:23 Speaker 01 I was like, no, no, thank you, pal.
24:26 Speaker 00 Is she trying to kidnap you? Were you in a van? Were you wearing your body clav?
24:30 Speaker 01 I wasn't even near her. I was like 10 metres away from her. And then she, her mate's like, oh no, she's not trying to kidnap me. And I was like, I wouldn't want to kidnap you.
24:39 Speaker 00 You're a letter book.
24:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. I've already taken this too far. Yeah, but I was thinking to myself, I'm gonna be one of those people that'll eventually get a dig off someone. I will, won't I?
24:49 Speaker 00 I have a friend, they have a real bee in their bonnet about four by fours. Because they think that they're like not necessary and, you know, unless you're like driving over land in Scotland. Like, you don't need a four by four.
25:00 Speaker 01 It's probably true, but they do, like, has she ever seen a Defender? They look really nice.
25:04 Speaker 00 Well, she has seen a Defender, yes.
25:05 Speaker 01 I'd love to have a Defender.
25:07 Speaker 00 Her vigilante vibe is she's, she emails.
25:12 Speaker 00 I think she leaves notes. She leaves notes on four by four windows.
25:15 Speaker 01 No, she doesn't.
25:16 Speaker 00 I think, I think she, I think she does.
25:19 Speaker 01 That's hilarious.
25:20 Speaker 00 And she has an email account set up, but she'll email the council and say if they're, if they're parked and. So when did this podcast turn into a neighbourhood WhatsApp group?
25:29 Speaker 02 Just a couple of weeks ago, I think.
25:30 Speaker 01 You did it. You did it with the bins. Yeah. By the way, we never mentioned that Bad Bunny was in Wimbledon.
25:38 Speaker 00 Okay, so you know the one going to Wimbledon? Do you remember that? Do you remember going to Wimbledon? And I was, I used to be publicist. I used to be publicist. You know, they're my things.
25:47 Speaker 01 Did you used to work in a hotel?
25:48 Speaker 00 I used to work in a, I used to do things in a private castle. Thanks for asking, Joe. It was English Sensiology, and I did come for a swim here. Thank you.
25:55 Speaker 01 You said it's a long time.
25:56 Speaker 00 Wimbledon, no need, no need for that, no need for the adults. Wimbledon, so remember last year when we went and I.
26:03 Speaker 01 Sweat, oh my god, what are you wearing?
26:05 Speaker 00 There you go, there you go.
26:08 Speaker 01 What are you wearing?
26:09 Speaker 00 I got griefed last year because I wasn't dressed appropriately for Wimbledon and I'd just come back from Glastonbury and I was hanging out of a handbag and I wore a miniskirt and like platform heels and I looked, I was a little emaciated because we'd obviously walked 60 billion steps over the weekend. And of course Pat was like, please, please, next year, like, get your shit together, like, you need to wear a long A-line, you need to wear something a bit more glam. Anyway, I hadn't thought about Wimbledon because I was just busy and then I was like, oh shit Wimbledon, I have nothing, I tried to order something off ASOS. Anyway, I'm going this year, the skirt's even shorter, I have it upstairs, it's green though and I thought, that's sporty. Yeah, I'm going even shorter this year.
26:48 Speaker 01 I was trying on my Wimbledon outfits yesterday and then I was dressed a bit like a tennis ball, so I'm not wearing that, but I could have brought you a really cool two-piece, we could have just both worn the same thing.
26:55 Speaker 00 But would I, I just feel like I'd look like someone who's robbed their mother's wardrobe.
26:59 Speaker 01 It's a Serena boot, right.
27:00 Speaker 00 Anyway, my point is.
27:02 Speaker 01 That you're just.
27:03 Speaker 00 I can't wait to show you.
27:04 Speaker 01 You're going slaggy again.
27:05 Speaker 00 I'm gonna, I'm gonna be slagger this year at Wimbledon, yeah, and I can't wait for you to see my little slaggy outfits.
27:09 Speaker 01 Oh my god, imagine they don't let her in.
27:11 Speaker 00 I'm wearing a bikini made of tennis balls.
27:13 Speaker 01 Like Lizzie Cundy at Ascot when she got turned away because she wasn't wearing the appropriate clothing, there would be no funnier moment.
27:20 Speaker 00 I'm wearing a bikini for just two half a tennis balls and then the contaminated sticker from the bins over my badge.
27:26 Speaker 01 Perfect, actually that will look really well, you'll get invited into the Royal Box.
27:30 Speaker 00 I'll hit Centre Course.
27:31 Speaker 01 Are you going to the Royal Box?
27:32 Speaker 00 I wouldn't engage with the Royals or their boxes.
27:35 Speaker 01 Or their boxes.
27:36 Speaker 00 I wasn't invited. I don't, actually, I actually don't think I would go in there, you know.
27:40 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm going to the Royal Box.
27:41 Speaker 00 I got invited to some Royal event the other day and I was like, no, no.
27:45 Speaker 01 What, Russ?
27:46 Speaker 00 I'm Irish, in the Lambeth area.
27:47 Speaker 01 What Royal event, I'm not going to the Royal Box, Joe, cut that out. And was, because Johan didn't take the bait.
27:56 Speaker 00 Because, oh yeah, but it wouldn't surprise me if you were going to the Royal Box.
28:00 Speaker 01 I'm not a Royal, Johan, stop.
28:02 Speaker 00 No, I, no, I'm not.
28:02 Speaker 01 She is trying to make me unrelatable again, Joe, I won't have it.
28:06 Speaker 00 No.
28:06 Speaker 01 Not when she, well, not when she sits on this plot of land.
28:12 Speaker 01 Joanne owns the Lambeth area, she doesn't just.
28:16 Speaker 00 Lady Lambeth, everyone knows, that's my name, Lady Lambeth.
28:19 Speaker 01 Lady Lambeth.
28:21 Speaker 00 This is what I wanted to say. So I did a podcast, actually, Kane Brown and Christopher Savage do a podcast called The Rated Show, right? And I went in as a guest. It was ages ago I filmed it. And they've just released it, but one of the clips, they were like, would you mind? And I was kind of like, I was like, oh, I don't really know if I want that clipped up. But I was like, yeah, fuck it, go on.
28:42 Speaker 00 But the clip was me talking about money and I was so awkward about it. Did you see it?
28:48 Speaker 01 No.
28:49 Speaker 00 Because you don't pay attention to anything I do. Did you see it?
28:50 Speaker 01 I see your fucking stories all the time.
28:52 Speaker 02 But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna see it.
28:54 Speaker 00 So we were having a wider conversation about dating and comedy.
28:58 Speaker 01 Oh, and you were talking about going to pay the bill?
29:00 Speaker 00 Yes.
29:00 Speaker 01 Yes, I did see it.
29:01 Speaker 00 You did see it, yes, thank you so much. And I was saying that, money's funny, money is funny. And I know we always tease you about having billions of it and stuff. And I was obviously came from like mushrooms coming out of my toilet, et cetera, blah, blah, blah. But obviously now I make, I have an income. And I was saying that when I go on dates with lads, that I assume I kind of, I'm earning more. Now, the reason I assume that is because I date like normal lads. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm not dating like crypto bros, like I'm not doing that. And I was saying that when, so when I feel guilty at getting them to pay, so then I end up paying on the sly. And then I lose all respect for them. And the lads were like pissing themselves. I thought it was hilarious because they were like, that's not his fault.
29:42 Speaker 00 And I was like, I know. But I was so weird about it because I was like, do you know when you're like, I just don't want to sound like a dick? I don't know, just like, it felt like kind of crass or whatever. And they were like, no, no, no, it's fine, it's grand, it's funny or whatever. And I was like, ugh. It's more so that I was just like mortified to admit that I have an income. Do you know what I mean? And like, what's that about? Because I'm a woman? I don't know. It was like, I had to do some self-reflection on it.
30:07 Speaker 01 I think next time.
30:07 Speaker 00 I had to give it space. I had to give it space. I was like, why am I so uncomfortable with this?
30:13 Speaker 00 Video. Do you know what I think? I think I feel bad for always slagging you about having money.
30:17 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you. So it's an apology.
30:18 Speaker 00 I think it was, I think it's an apology.
30:20 Speaker 01 Thank you.
30:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, because I always, I, yeah, I always enjoyed being the underdog and I, and I remain to be the underdog and I know I always will be. But I was, I, it's, I'm sorry I'm always slagging you about being loud.
30:32 Speaker 01 I think that is kind of fair enough. It's, it's funny.
30:34 Speaker 00 Thank God.
30:35 Speaker 01 Spenny's the one that drags me down with that accent, for God's sake.
30:38 Speaker 00 He is, he's quite the peasant.
30:40 Speaker 01 I'm telling you about a wine crime, a crime against wine. And you love wine.
30:44 Speaker 00 I do love wine.
30:45 Speaker 01 This is, okay, so there was a woman, right?
30:46 Speaker 00 It's not to love.
30:47 Speaker 01 She was on a one-year contract with a winery in Spain.
30:51 Speaker 00 Is this the woman who gorilla glued her fellow's ass together?
30:55 Speaker 01 No, I checked that. That was unfortunately a.
30:57 Speaker 00 Oh.
30:58 Speaker 01 I know, I know.
31:00 Speaker 00 The robots, they're fucking ruining it.
31:01 Speaker 01 I know, honestly, and it was such a good story.
31:03 Speaker 00 Sometimes I think it's better not to check.
31:04 Speaker 01 God, we could, we could get so much out of that. Yeah, I know, but people, our listeners mail in and they say that that's wrong. So no, this is right. I've checked it. So she was working at a winery in Spain and they didn't renew her contract. Like, they didn't fire her, but she worked there for a year and it was just one of those contracts that it wasn't permanent.
31:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, politely, you're not coming back.
31:24 Speaker 01 She snuck into the winery and destroyed 2.7 million dollars' worth of wine. She was, she basically opened, you know, the big wine vats? Huge wine vats. So she just opened, she got through three of them. She was trying to do all five, opened it and all the wine just went to the ground.
31:43 Speaker 00 She should have, I'm sorry now, and like, I, I accept what you're telling me, but she should have just urinated in them all and let them bottle it and sell it. That would have been much better revenge.
31:52 Speaker 01 Well, I don't know, because there's, she's lost them nearly three, they would have sold it for $3 million, all that wine. I know.
31:59 Speaker 00 Well, I was working, recently working with Casillas and they're a gorgeous wine, rosé.
32:05 Speaker 01 I should have actually got them to send some for the party because I purchased.
32:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, Gigi, I'd say Gigi would love a rosé. She's almost a.
32:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, her friends are really into rosé. They like the, the soft notes of a rosé.
32:14 Speaker 00 She, I'd say she's, she's gonna be in a groundy girl.
32:22 Speaker 01 Another story that I have for you is about mushrooms.
32:24 Speaker 00 Okay.
32:25 Speaker 01 Joe's worried. Scientists have proven that magic mushrooms reverse cellular aging by 57%.
32:33 Speaker 00 Sorry, did I not tell you about the one with dementia?
32:35 Speaker 01 Scientists, Joe.
32:37 Speaker 00 Someone who has dementia has dementia. Is this the story you're talking about?
32:41 Speaker 01 No, this is a different story about aging, how magic mushrooms actually reduce cellular aging. Joe's freaked. It's true, Joe. That's what the scientists said.
32:49 Speaker 00 Joe, come on now, mushrooms.
32:50 Speaker 02 Don't take drugs.
32:51 Speaker 00 She's not saying gear.
32:53 Speaker 02 Certainly don't pick mushrooms from the forest.
32:56 Speaker 00 Are we even calling mushrooms drugs?
32:59 Speaker 01 They're a vegetable.
33:00 Speaker 02 Yes.
33:01 Speaker 01 They're one of our five a day.
33:02 Speaker 02 They're classified drugs.
33:04 Speaker 01 So they exposed human cells to psilocybin and they found that the cells slower slowed down in their cellular aging. Less inflammation. So I think that we will all be, I did some benefits, benefits of magic mushrooms, number one.
33:20 Speaker 02 Before she says any of this, in England at least, they are class A drugs.
33:24 Speaker 01 Class A drugs.
33:25 Speaker 00 Well, I'm in charge of Lambeth and I've legalized them here.
33:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, Lady Lambeth said it's fine.
33:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, Lady Lambeth, I have a vegetable patch out the back full of shrimps.
33:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're free, you can pick them.
33:34 Speaker 00 A lot of neighbours licking their cheeks.
33:35 Speaker 02 You can face up to seven years in prison for possession.
33:40 Speaker 00 That is ridiculous.
33:41 Speaker 01 Okay, number one benefit of magic mushrooms, it's not cocaine. Cocaine is a bad drug.
33:47 Speaker 00 That's a really good point.
33:48 Speaker 02 I think that's something we can all agree on.
33:49 Speaker 01 Yes, cocaine is a bad drug.
33:51 Speaker 02 Like all drugs.
33:51 Speaker 01 Number two, it's a vegetable, so it's part of your five a day. Number three, the effects wear off.
33:55 Speaker 00 Don't say anything bad about coke, we might do a collab at some point.
34:00 Speaker 02 Fuck's sake.
34:01 Speaker 00 We might want to work with them at some point, don't say anything bad.
34:06 Speaker 01 I've been very careful.
34:07 Speaker 00 The coconist who comes to us and the money's right, you know.
34:10 Speaker 01 But when you look at magic mushrooms, people use them within therapy.
34:13 Speaker 00 And there was a woman who had dementia, Alzheimer's I guess, and she hadn't said, she was non-verbal for several years and they put her on the shrimps.
34:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:21 Speaker 00 I mean, the ethics, I don't know. The ethics are none of my business, I read some article. And she started speaking. Now, I'm not going to say she kind of snapped back to life, but her cerebral, her cognition came back to a certain degree. What are your other points?
34:35 Speaker 01 That was it, there was just three. But what I will tell you about shrooms is the drug resets part of the brain associated with depression, allowing neurons to form new healthier connections, reduced anxiety. So some people do, what's it called, microdosing?
34:49 Speaker 00 Yeah.
34:49 Speaker 01 And it helps with their anxiety.
34:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, I can't, I would be up for that. Would you?
34:53 Speaker 01 Now, I have read stories about mom groups, now I'm not in any mom groups, that are doing shrooms together. Did you never read that?
35:01 Speaker 00 No.
35:01 Speaker 01 Joe, I have read stories about that, where moms are basically going out and doing shrooms together.
35:05 Speaker 00 Don't blame them. At lunchtime. Life can be very repetitive. There's anyways.
35:09 Speaker 01 So I think that we should actually go down to that baby group down the road.
35:12 Speaker 00 There's a baby cafe down the road. They just serve babies all day. I went, I went in, I tried to get an ice latte and they're like, this is a baby shop for babies. And I was like, well, okay. They actually did give me an ice latte, but it was very clear I wasn't welcome back.
35:24 Speaker 01 Seventeen buggies, not give it away?
35:25 Speaker 00 No.
35:26 Speaker 01 I looked in and I was like, oh, I used to be, that's why when I drove by that today, I was like, oh no, I'm just not like, I'm not a mom mom like that.
35:33 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:34 Speaker 01 But I actually did used to go to all those kind of things.
35:36 Speaker 00 The buggy farms, isn't that what they called them at the front? The panta, I was rife with them at Christmas.
35:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, the panta.
35:41 Speaker 00 Miles and miles of buggy farms.
35:43 Speaker 02 The woman with Alzheimer's did start talking again, it's in the new Scientist. She also had urinary incontinence and regained the control of her bladder.
35:51 Speaker 01 Because of shrooms?
35:53 Speaker 02 Apparently because of.
35:54 Speaker 01 That's unbelievable. Psilocybin.
35:56 Speaker 02 Psilocybin.
35:57 Speaker 01 Unbelievable.
35:59 Speaker 00 Well, I'm sorry, you know I have a weak pelvic floor, so I am claiming medical reasons.
36:03 Speaker 01 Well, I am literally, I am.
36:05 Speaker 02 Please consult a medical professional, never take anything without the advice of a medical professional.
36:09 Speaker 01 I'm up two or three times a night doing Weesner with this pregnancy, so. Chat GPT, Joe, see if pregnant people.
36:17 Speaker 00 Nibbling on my vegetable patch out the back. You'll never piss again. Sorry, I am telling you now, I have been talking about this for ages.
36:28 Speaker 00 Before 2027 begins, I am going to have done ayahuasca.
36:35 Speaker 01 No, this has been going on for years.
36:36 Speaker 00 I'm not gonna tell you when I'm doing it, but you will know because I will be a completely different person and I may be wearing a crucifix.
36:41 Speaker 01 It doesn't last. I had one of Spence's friends who used to go out and do ayahuasca and he came back to our house full of kids with a fucking book. And he sat on our couch and started reading a book and his voice had gone down to a whisper. So now he spoke like this and he was so chilled out from ayahuasca. And then he went on an absolute bender like two weeks later.
37:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, a lot of addicts go in because it does kind of, they're looking for a bit of a reset.
37:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, but I'm not going in for addiction reasons. I'm going in to have my horizons broadened.
37:09 Speaker 01 Are you gonna go here or go abroad?
37:11 Speaker 00 I feel like I could go in the Lambeth area. There are, there are.
37:15 Speaker 01 Just Lady Lambeth, get a discount.
37:17 Speaker 00 You can get it.
37:18 Speaker 01 Just Lady Lambeth, get a discount.
37:20 Speaker 00 I assume so.
37:23 Speaker 00 Me and the bin man tripping balls out the garden.
37:26 Speaker 01 That is a surefire way to have them on your side.
37:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, they don't look like good time guys. They're not party boys.
37:32 Speaker 01 They're not party boys?
37:33 Speaker 00 No, you'd know.
37:34 Speaker 01 So are you actually gonna do ayahuasca this summer?
37:37 Speaker 00 Why are you saying ayahuasca? Do you know something I don't know?
37:40 Speaker 01 What are you calling it?
37:41 Speaker 00 Ayahuasca. I mean, this is probably a surefire sign.
37:44 Speaker 01 I just love cleaning as you know, so.
37:46 Speaker 00 You love what?
37:47 Speaker 01 Cleaning, as you know, so I call everything that I can.
37:49 Speaker 00 Ayahuasca. I think it's gonna be, I'm gonna broaden my horizons. You can do it in the UK, you can do it in Ireland, you got a shaman. But I think if I'm gonna do it, I might as well go large and go into the Amazon.
38:00 Speaker 01 Are you gonna do like a group though? And then you have to be surrounded by everyone vomiting and shitting. I couldn't, I couldn't stand it.
38:08 Speaker 00 That's an expel mic. I don't think that's gonna bother me.
38:11 Speaker 00 Like the old days, oh, the glory days.
38:13 Speaker 01 Oh my God.
38:14 Speaker 00 I'm telling you now.
38:14 Speaker 01 The memories. It's unlocking core memories.
38:18 Speaker 00 Oh, the golden years.
38:19 Speaker 01 I'm very excited.
38:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm telling you now.
38:22 Speaker 01 Joanna's cancelled her holiday in Spain with me and now I know why.
38:25 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm not going anywhere until August. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go and do Io.
38:29 Speaker 01 Io Wasca.
38:30 Speaker 00 Wasca in August. And I'm telling you now.
38:33 Speaker 01 Costa Rica has a good spot to do it in.
38:35 Speaker 00 There you go, I'll go there. And I'll expense it.
38:39 Speaker 01 How are you gonna expense that?
38:40 Speaker 00 Because I'll do an interesting story from Costa Rica. That's all you have to do then. And I write it off. Wherever, wherever the stuff goes and you write it off into the thing.
38:48 Speaker 00 Wait till you see me when I come back.
38:50 Speaker 01 We have the same acquaintance now. You're not gonna get away with that.
38:54 Speaker 00 He's no crack, is he?
38:57 Speaker 00 I was like, I'm writing it off. I remember there was a, there was a clip of, there was a clip in Schitt's Creek where Eric David was talking about writing stuff off and his dad was like, do you know what that means? And I was like, I've never felt more seen. I say write it off about seven times a day. I haven't a clue what I'm talking about. I, like, what am I writing? What's off? Where's it going? What are you doing with the day, Joanna? Mostly just writing things off, really. What are you doing?
39:18 Speaker 00 Once it's said, you can't unsay it and it's written and it's off and that's it. No one can argue with that. Uh, like, do you know what I mean? And I hope the revenue is listening to this because I've written it all off and there's nothing you can do about it.
39:30 Speaker 01 There's a lot of things that they can do about it, sadly.
39:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, they're like, you can do three to five years, Joanna. That's what you can do.
39:39 Speaker 00 I'm telling you, I was very, I very clearly wrote it off.
39:46 Speaker 00 Someone messaged me there going, are you ever gonna write that book? I said, I don't have time to write the book because I'm writing things off.
39:51 Speaker 01 Excuse me, I'm going to Wimbledon followed by Harry Styles.
39:55 Speaker 00 I'm writing things off.
39:56 Speaker 01 Did I tell you I might be going to Wilderness to see Carl Cox?
40:01 Speaker 00 Does Carl know this?
40:03 Speaker 01 I don't fancy Carl. I just think he's so cool.
40:06 Speaker 00 He is really cool.
40:06 Speaker 01 Even T thinks he's cool. T comes in from school and he's like, can I see that man going on to the stage when he does a shoulder? You know what? Because I've been watching it so much. Have you not seen him go on stage? Oh my God, it's so cool. Everyone's like, God, he's.
40:22 Speaker 00 Are you gonna go to Wilderness?
40:23 Speaker 01 I think I'm gonna go down and back in one day, but I only fly home from Spain that day. It's a lot to be thinking of, but I think I might go down and back.
40:30 Speaker 00 Joe, I, I wouldn't mind going to Wilderness.
40:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't remember seeing the text about that.
40:34 Speaker 00 I don't.
40:35 Speaker 01 Okay, guys, I was actually finished my sentence there because.
40:37 Speaker 00 Say what you want, but I did not get an invite for Gigi's party. No, I was busy writing things off, but I would have noticed that.
40:43 Speaker 02 We can go back to that in the podcast. There you did, yeah.
40:46 Speaker 01 And Joe, you can obviously come with your kids if you want, but like, no one wants to go to kids' parties.
40:51 Speaker 00 Is it a drop off? I know this from motherland. Is it a drop off? I like a drop off. Is it a drop?
40:57 Speaker 01 It's not full drop off because it's in the car, it's in the, it's in the park. It's not full drop off.
41:01 Speaker 02 Semi drop off?
41:02 Speaker 01 Semi drop off. I was up last night and I was like, Jesus Christ, have I told everyone the right day? Have I told everyone the right day? And I was like, oh, fuck, there's a dairy free. There's a dairy free.
41:12 Speaker 02 Child.
41:13 Speaker 01 Yeah. So you gotta, yeah, I gotta organise some dairy free bits.
41:17 Speaker 00 So what was it? What was it? What was her mother pumping?
41:20 Speaker 01 Do you want to see it at the table? Like with the kids? Are you coming full on for the whole day? Are you gonna do your little arches?
41:24 Speaker 00 I'll be writing things off, so I'll just nip in and nip out.
41:29 Speaker 01 Do you think I can write the party off?
41:35 Speaker 00 I'll just do an Insta story with Gigi.
41:36 Speaker 01 I'm not, no, we're gonna get looked at. What's that called? Investigators. I'm not writing anything off. It's her.
41:42 Speaker 00 She's flat out writing everything she wants to write. She's a pen in every hand, every hand on her toes. Look at her.
41:47 Speaker 01 Wesley Snipes went to jail for like 20 years or something over time.
41:50 Speaker 00 He obviously didn't write it off properly because I'm, I'm.
41:53 Speaker 01 OJ Simpson got away with murder, but he didn't get away with writing stuff off. That's what he went down for.
41:57 Speaker 00 They always get the mafia on the tax in the end, don't they?
41:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:01 Speaker 01 So there you go. Good job, everybody.
42:03 Speaker 00 That's mad. So I could kill somebody and get away with it, but if I write stuff off.
42:08 Speaker 01 Big trouble. I wouldn't be writing stuff off.
42:10 Speaker 00 Maybe people that I have.
42:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think so.
42:14 Speaker 01 So you're coming to Gigi's party on Sunday, correct?
42:16 Speaker 00 Yes. And then, as you know, it's a big day for me.
42:19 Speaker 01 Oh, we have our watching party.
42:21 Speaker 00 We have our watching party. Unacceptable, the new panel show on TLC with me, Ed Gamble and Richard Iwobi starts this Sunday on TLC at 9pm.
42:29 Speaker 01 And we should all be watching it. We're very excited.
42:31 Speaker 00 Well, I, we had the screening last night.
42:35 Speaker 01 Thanks for the invite, by the way. Did you get an invite for that?
42:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, I didn't see the text for that one.
42:38 Speaker 01 Did you see how many people were at the screening? It was in a full cinema.
42:40 Speaker 02 It was everyone, yeah.
42:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, there was hundreds of people at it, actually.
42:43 Speaker 00 You know, where's your press pass? Where's your press pass?
42:46 Speaker 01 Don't worry, no, it's okay, Joanne, I don't want to host this, that's just what I do for my job, that's fine.
42:50 Speaker 00 You just hate it.
42:51 Speaker 02 Do you know what I really hate? Free champagne.
42:54 Speaker 01 Can't bear it, actually, Jo.
42:55 Speaker 02 I hate it.
42:56 Speaker 01 Can't bear it.
42:56 Speaker 00 Sorry, I don't want to-
42:57 Speaker 01 Can't stand a special night out, no.
42:59 Speaker 00 It was a work event, I don't want to put the pressure on either of you to come to things like that.
43:03 Speaker 01 Okay, thanks, well, we had a great time.
43:05 Speaker 00 We had, we had, we did have a great time, and then, Richard, Richard has very cleverly-
43:10 Speaker 01 Did he not do that either?
43:11 Speaker 00 He doesn't, he's had it in his contract, he just doesn't do any brands.
43:13 Speaker 01 Fair play.
43:15 Speaker 00 Now, I actually like to impress, I don't mind it, but yeah, he's like, he actually said to me recently, because I was, I was kind of like teasing him about it, and I was like, Jesus, I haven't seen you in, me and Gl- I had her glued to the hip, we were on everything going, and he went, um, "I'm just so bad at it, I will end up telling people not to watch it." He's like, "I will end up talking people out of watching it," and I was like, "Fine, fair enough," and he's great.
43:33 Speaker 01 Well, if you don't invite me again, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
43:36 Speaker 00 Well, you're inviting people.
43:37 Speaker 01 I'm gonna put it up on my Instagram, I'm actually gonna main page it, I won't even put it on stories, it will be a main page post, telling people exactly what I think of you.
43:44 Speaker 00 I'm quite nervous about it.
43:46 Speaker 01 That's gonna be brilliant.
43:48 Speaker 00 Oh, well, that fixes that, fixes that, thanks, Jo.
43:50 Speaker 02 Just chill about it.
43:50 Speaker 00 It stopped feeling it, yeah.
43:51 Speaker 01 Exactly.
43:52 Speaker 00 That's not how feelings work, Jo.
43:54 Speaker 01 Well, I'm anxious, and Spenny says, "Don't be anxious," I'm like, "Okay."
43:57 Speaker 00 Oh, great, thanks, why didn't I think of that?
43:59 Speaker 01 Perfect, you should go-
44:00 Speaker 00 This was my only option, I didn't realise, like, it does not feel like this.
44:03 Speaker 01 You should go into therapy, honestly.
44:04 Speaker 00 Anyway, Unacceptable this Sunday on TLC.
44:06 Speaker 01 I'm really excited to watch that, well done, congratulations.
44:09 Speaker 00 Thanks, comedians discuss unacceptable opinions.
44:13 Speaker 00 That's all I have.
Previous MTGM EXTRA! "My body took over and I left." Next MTGM EXTRA! "Sail on Queen... That guy is a LOSER." Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated