Gwendolyn Markievicz McNally

The Christmas decorations are barely even down (Vogue's are... Obviously) and they're back to it. Joanne has tales from a mad Christmas lunch whilst Vogue plans to spend it all alone next year. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com For more information about Joanne's gigs, visit: www.joannemcnally.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Welcome to 2025, my therapist ghosted me with myself, Joanne McNally and my co-host.

• 0:21Speaker 02

  Vogue Williams.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  Happy New Year.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Happy New Year.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  New Year, new us.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Happy New Year. Just spent, what, the guts of 45 minutes trying to figure out how our laptops work again?

• 0:39Speaker 03

  New Year, same old shit.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  Doesn't matter. I was gonna, Joanne and I decided to swap roles in 2025 where I was gonna fuck things up and she was gonna be ready and organized with the headphones sorted and everything.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Well, and that didn't happen either. At one point Joanne was like, Joanne, you've no mic. I was like, oh my God, it's ready to go. Not a mic to be seen. No, I'm not that bad.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  It's so hard. It's hard to get back into things.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  It's like I'm learning to walk again. Like, I have to say, so we're doing a morning record and it's a gorgeous morning. It's all frosty and stuff. Have you seen outside?

• 1:10Speaker 02

  I have seen outside. I have seen outside. My kids have been outside pretending ice skating.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  It's gorgeous outside. It's, it's very wintery. It's very, well, wintery, I guess.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  I don't.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  See, this is what happens when it's a morning record. Wintery, that's all I have.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 1:28Speaker 03

  The same days, it'll still be wintery.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  It's still beautiful, wintery, gorgeous morning. Joanne just says she can't say autumnal anymore.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  I can't download another word. I can't, there's, I've no other way of describing what's going on outside except wintery. I have, I need more coffee. Hold on. I should have had nine Red Bulls.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  I had to have a, oh God. Anyway, we're back. I hope everyone's finding it easier. Well, to be honest, people aren't really back to work till the 6. I just found out today. Louisa, my manager, was like, why are you ringing me? And I was like, uh, just like ringing to chat about a couple of things. She's like, I'm not back to work till Monday. I was like, well, why am I back to work?

• 2:03Speaker 01

  I know. He's like, the entertainment business doesn't sleep. Why are you all sleeping? Clear up.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  And then she was like, well, I work till the 23rd of December. And I'm like, oh, all right. Are you flu shaming me now because I couldn't work when I was sick?

• 2:15Speaker 01

  I'm surprised Louisa's not on it. Like Louisa, for anyone who doesn't know, is Vogue's manager. Yeah, of course she is. And that woman, at one time I actually said, Louisa, when do you sleep?

• 2:25Speaker 02

  She doesn't like it.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  She's never off.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  She's like a vampire.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's never off.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  She eats her dinner at nine o'clock. Weird. That's weird. And like, she doesn't eat breakfast till like 11 in the morning.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Very bad for the gush. Very bad for the gush.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  Bad timings. Strange timings. But like, I can't imagine what your schedule is, Joanne. Like, what time do you eat?

• 2:46Speaker 01

  It's pretty laissez faire. I've no strict dining times. It's more just kind of as they find me. Although, I will say, and the same in, same as everyone else, over the festive season.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Despite my best efforts to control myself or have some dignity, I have, I think, if I counted up my calorie content, I'm basically, I'm half woman, half blubberfish now. And I've no regrets. I've no regrets. I've no regrets.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Oh, I've got to be honest, I didn't, there was not one moment from when I started feeling better in December till yesterday that I was, I never felt hunger. There was no hunger to be felt. I just kept topping off. Even when I woke up in the morning, and you know when I wake up in the morning, I'm starving. I'd wake up in the morning and I'd be like, oh God. All that cheat, like the cheat, it's the charcuterie boards, Joanne. They really get me.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Of course it is.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  They get me.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  It's the sharkers. Sharkers will get you.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  I'm back on like, I am back on sort my life out. I was telling Joanne, I was, I, I got straight on to Debbie Thomas, my facialist yesterday and I was like, I don't know if there's anything you can do to help me.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  It's an emergency.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  But I will be in stat.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, after hours. Like, it's like an A and E for the face, basically. Just women like us sitting there all night on a trolley waiting to be seen.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  I had to wait six hours.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's four hours. Debbie, there's anything you can do for me. Is it too late?

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Take the face off, Debbie. Take it off.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Put it in a bell jar. Regrow it like a clone. Put it in a tube. And just bring it back fresh, like a test tube baby face. I, my mother was with me at Christmas. And at one time she was like, Joanne, the flat is really cold. But I was, I had so much, um, kind of, what would you say? With the blubbering that I, I felt no cold. You could have put me in the forty foot, you could have put me in the sea. I would have thought it was a bath. I had so many layers on the inside.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I'm, I'm, I'm sunning, I'm full of, I'm full of hope for this year. I'm, I was still sweating in bed though last night, you know? The over indulgence, the one thing that bothers me most about it is the excessive sweating at night. Cause your body's like, now that's what you get. Like I had to change, I usually wear my pyjamas two nights in a row. I don't know if anyone finds that disgusting, but I wear them two nights in a row. Not last night. Yeah, I wear them two nights in a row.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  No, I'm saying, why is that disgusting? Or like, what, who doesn't, who changes their pyjamas every night?

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Two weeks.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Well, I used to wear.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  In condition. I mean, and even then, I don't know.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  I used to wear my pyjamas three days in a row and my friend Rona said to me, are you wearing your pyjamas again? When she was staying the night, she pyjama shamed me and I was like, why? How often am I meant to change the pyjamas? Cause I thought every third night was grand. She's like, ugh, every second night at least. And then like.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  People have such weird ideas about things. Like that is, to me now, I'd go back on her and I'd go full Greta, I was gonna say Greta Gerwig, that's the Barbie woman. I go Greta Thunberg on her and be like, washing clothes that do not need to be washed is terrible for the environment. Back in your box.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  I know, get lost.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Your hygiene shaming gee bag. Yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Now, the only thing is, as you know, I am an ambassador for fairy, so it's very important to me to discuss all my washing habits and how often I wash clothes. And how I never want to wash clothes again after washing clothes in Ireland for everyone, because when you start.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  I'm lost. Is this a paid for, is this, what's this, what's happening?

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, they paid me privately.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Hashtag ad.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  I've never seen it. How come I'm involved in these fairy chats and I've never seen a penny of this money? Have you, Jo?

• 6:27Speaker 03

  No, not a cent.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  Not, not a cent. Am I not an ambassador as well by default?

• 6:32Speaker 02

  I think, I'll get, listen, I'll get them to send you a box, right?

• 6:36Speaker 01

  What? The box? That'd be lovely, yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Well, what washing powder do you actually use, your trader?

• 6:40Speaker 01

  A face of arrival washing powder called Wizards.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  You don't even know what another one is called. Go on, what's another, what's another?

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Well, fairies.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  What one do you use?

• 6:54Speaker 01

  Whatever's on sale, baby. Whatever's on sale. I have no loyalty. I have nothing. I just go where stuff's scribbled out and a new price underneath and I'm like, boom.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  It's, the beauty of it is, it's always on sale. So like, I have this pre, oh god, this is such a sad conversation. I have this, I do this shop on a card.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  You started.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Every week, right? Here's a trick. I have a trick and a tip. So I do my shopping on a card every week and it does your regulars into my basket, which is fine. But then what I do is I unclick the fairy and then re-click it and magically three quid off. And do it with all those bits, do it with your dishwasher tablets and do it with your like vanish powder or anything else that you use. Gone.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  What?

• 7:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, because everything's always on sale. I've never paid full price for scent boosters.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  So you unclick and click because they think it's like hinge, they think you're gonna leave so they give you a better deal, is that it?

• 7:45Speaker 02

  No, because like they'll have put it in at the previous week's price and then maybe that week they put the prices down. So I'll always have a little, always have a little look around for dishwasher tablets and your washing tablets. There's always, some of them are always on sale.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  God, you're like a little shopping shark.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Jo. All the tricks of the trade. Anything to save a dime.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Anything to save a dollar, it's fantastic. Well, I need to, I need to after Christmas. I'm going away for Christmas next year. I'm going away alone and I'm gonna save myself, I'm not, actually I'm not gonna save myself any money because I'm gonna spend it all on myself on my holiday, on my own.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  The children do, I mean, I had a very chilled Christmas. Pat was in London with me. No children. I mean, not that I have anything against children, I'm very fond of them. But when there's no children around at all, it does create quite a peaceful vibe. Just two women.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  I had.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Sipping champagne, reading, lounging on the couch, watching TV. It was lovely. It was lovely.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  I saw your reading post and I was like, that lucky bitch. Imagine reading during the day.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  It was lovely.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  We went away and when we went to Glen Africa and like when we were in Ireland, like I just assumed, like I have friends and family there. I just assumed one of them, one of them might say, do you want me to take the kids off for, for a walk for half an hour? Not once. Yesterday, I was like, just spending, I was like, I think I've hit the end of the road here. I had like my mind.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  And T had started doing this thing where he just walks around screaming the whole time or making these insane noises. So it's, there's never one tiny moment of quiet. And now I'm like, I know. Well, I actually was so glad to have the time off work and I was like, this is great. I can, look at me playing hide and seek with my kids. I'm never playing hide and seek again.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Is that not how you get away from them though? I'd just be like, I'm hiding and seeking back in London.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  I did find, I did find.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  So long, Scotland. Mommy's hiding and seeking on the, on the PJ and then she's hiding and seeking in her bedroom in London.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  I've had a great spot behind this door that they've never found, you know, just on the Daily Mail app for like 20 minutes. Keeping myself up to date on celebrities' Christmases. Like I needed to know what the Beckhams were up to. Looked lovely. Looked lovely.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  They're still dancing, you know, it's like, all right, grand, we liked it at the start. Would you, come on, stop milking it now. They're always dancing. Remember they danced in their documentary to that Fleetwood Mac song? What was it? What was the joke? Can we get a fact check joke? Can we get a fact check?

• 10:11Speaker 02

  I'd be surprised.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Island in the stream. Sorry, it was, it was Dolly Parton. They had a moment and it was really sweet and cute, but they keep recreating it. You're like, all right, come on now, you've milked it enough. I saw them on the Daily Mail.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  The Fleetwood Mac song.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  I saw us outside Super Value there the other day. And my little niece Jeannie was like, oh, look to her mum, oh, look, there's Vogue and her therapist.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Shut up. No way. That is so funny.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  I texted her that yesterday. I was like, oh, God.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Hilarious.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  If and when I have my child, which would be an individual girl, who will look exactly like me and dress like me, that's the dream. I will, kind of, I won't be a consistently good mother. I'll let other people in her life shine, right? So then.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  I don't think anyone's good all the time.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Well, you obviously are because they always want to be around you. Whereas my daughter, Gwendolyn, when I have her.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  I'm not letting you call her Gwendolyn. I'm sorry. It's a no.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Gwendolyn.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  No, it's not being called Gwendolyn. For anyone who's called Gwendolyn, it's a lovely name, but it's not the right one for Joanne's baby. Your baby needs to be called like Blaze or something.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  No, it's going to be Gwendolyn Markovich McNally.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Okay, lovely. Okay. I didn't know about the Markovich. Now that makes sense.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  After the Countess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have it all planned out. The only thing I miss is this sperm. I have a nanny hired and everything.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  I told you, take Spenny down to your gaff. Take Spenny down to your gaff for a few days and he'll sort it out.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  She arrived, she goes, where's the baby? I'm like, a baby.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  You're starting on me. I want to make sure you're good.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  I'd be fed around five and again at six. Put everything up real small like a choke. When I have Gwendolyn Markovich McNally, I will set it up very smartly so that she'll love me, of course, because I'm her mother. But she'll also, when she's around other women, she'll prefer to go to them, just so that she's not around me all the time. So I'll love her inconsistently. It's like a trauma bond, more than a parental bond.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  The thing that people don't tell you is that, like, even though, like, yesterday I had had it up to there, like, today I couldn't wait to wake up and see them. So you'll want to see Gwendolyn every day.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll zoom in. I'd be like, folks, send me, send me a link. I'd like to see Gwendolyn Markovitch McNally.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  How did she sleep last night, folk?

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll zoom in.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  While you're breastfeeding her. And I'm like, this all seems fine. Yeah.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  How goes the sleep training?

• 12:51Speaker 01

  How goes the sleep training? Mine's going really well, Vogue. Yeah, I'm sleeping straight through now.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Have you weaned her yet? Have you weaned her? They're the two worst jobs.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Bring her back when she's toilet trained. But still a virgin, whatever age that is. Seventeen.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Fifteen.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  I did this call out for, sorry, hang on, can we first talk about what, what did we do on New Year's? Jo, you look like you were sick in bed, were you?

• 13:22Speaker 03

  I didn't make midnight, mate. It didn't go well.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Did you not? Oh, poor Jo.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Since the 28th of December, it's not going away. It's quite the malady.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Least you made Christmas. Least you made Christmas. That's all people kept saying to me. You made Christmas, you're fine.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Christmas, I was all right. On Joanne's, like, reading Christmas, I would say for people who have kids, remember that audiobooks exist. I've just, I've spent Christmas listening to Jeanette McCurdy's, I'm glad my dad.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Oh, I love that book.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  I know, you've spoken about it before. So I got to it. It's amazing. And I just, I was listening to that whilst I was peeling spuds on Christmas Eve.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Did you, did you preorder my audiobook or what's the correct?

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Oh, you, you bet, what, um, yeah, let me just check on that, actually.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Have you recorded it yet?

• 14:02Speaker 02

  No, I haven't recorded. I sure haven't finished the book. I'm in the middle of editing it.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Right, you need to get around to that.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  I, I know, because I thought I was like, I'm gonna work over Christmas. What are you talking about? No, no, no, not a tap was done. And then trying to get me back here today. That's why I think there needs to be a warning for people who are taking a lot of time off. It's very difficult to get back on the train. And to be fair, I'm only talking to you and I like you guys, so that's, it's a nice ease into it, you know?

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not like we're sitting on a Tuesday at 7am going to an office. I literally, I was still, I was still kind of mooching when I linked, when I zoomed in here. Like I was still, my eyes were kind of, still kind of stuck together, slowly opening. I did a shout out yesterday for good audiobooks because I'm, I'm really in the mood to power walk around and kind of shake the shackles off. And now that it's all wintery outside, I want to really get amongst it. But I can't, every time I go onto Audible, my brother got me an Audible voucher for Christmas. It just keeps recommending the same books and they're, they're just, I don't particularly want those particular books. So I did a shout out about for celebrity memoirs, Jeanette McCurdy kept coming in.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I loved it.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  But there's a couple of recommendations, because we like a book rack. There's some of them I've read, but still, ones that I was like, oh yeah, they're a really good recommendation. Sinead O'Connor's book Remembering is a really good one. Julia Fox's autobiography is really good. Now, everyone recommends it. I actually couldn't finish it. I didn't like it. Didn't think it was great.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  Which Julia Fox's?

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  You loved, and don't forget your best friend. You loved her audiobook.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Vanessa Phelps?

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah. I mean, Jesus, I think Vanessa's blocked me at this point. She's like, okay, I get it. She's into the book. Chill. That kind of thing. Then a friend of mine recommended Ryland's memoir. I just, walking around, I like a celebrity memoir.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  So I did a shout out for New Year's stuff. That's why I wanted to know what you did for your New Years.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  I went to a party at Great Rock. It was a late one. All the, all the, all the kind of standard, classic things. It was actually really good fun. We danced loads, shouted loads.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  You danced?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. We were raving away.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Oh my God. Well, I was in a-

• 16:06Speaker 01

  You're kidding about me, you know? I do love a dance.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  I don't. I was up in Glen African people. We moved the tables where everyone could dance and then they're like, come on, let's go dance. And I'm like, no, listen, I've already warned you guys. I'm not, it's not what I'm mad for.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  It's not the dancing. But we, we got, we went kind of wild, not too wild, because obviously the kids wake up at 7am. But I did a shout out for some New Years. What other people got up to New Year's? Because I always love hearing people's plans because I think it's always such a tough one to like with New Year's, you feel like you have to, oh, Joe's got his glasses on now. Where's mine? With New Year's, I feel like you always have to have like some amazing plan or something. Everyone just, oh, next year I'm doing zero. When I hear of Joe being asleep before midnight, I'm like, that's what I want to do next year.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  When you're young, do you know what's a funny thing is you get older, the, the occasion matter is less as like when you're young, if you've nothing to do on New Year's Eve, you're like, oh my God, I feel really left out or it's like your birthday. Do you know what I mean? You can feel a bit sorry for yourself. But when you're, when you get a little older and wiser, the idea of waking up sprightly on New Year's Day fills you with great joy. Cause you feel like you've gotten one over on the rest of the world.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're always, I even remember back to the millennium. Do you remember that? And every, like, I just remember going drinking in the streets because we were that age. And some people had a very good one. This girl went to see Fred again in Galway and I thought, oh, I know you would have loved us. This was one of my favorite.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  I'm a big Fred fan.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Ah, he's amazing. He's amazing. My house nearly burned down on Christmas day. Four fire engines. All good though.

• 17:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 17:41Speaker 02

  What a positive person.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Four fire engines? Were they bored?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  For a house that didn't burn down?

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Well, it didn't because of them. Okay, look at this one. Hello, I have one, but please keep it on. It involves mushroom chocolates. Ate far too much and hallucinated a stain on the floor under the table. Spent two hours on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor. And even when my friends took away the sponge, I started to pretend scrub. I flashed my whole bum to everyone at the dinner. I was wearing a short black dress. That was, that was all the same girl. That sounds like a pretty impressive.

• 18:17Speaker 01

  I mean, as trips go, cleaning is not the worst. You know what I mean? There's people pulling their eyes out with pliers and stuff. I think cleaning is.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Remember I told you about that person who peeled themselves like an orange?

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Well, apparently, apparently, because sometimes we'll talk about stuff on the pod and then people who listen will send in like a kind of a conclusion to the story. And apparently that is an urban.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  It's like the ones that you, well, did the man ever eat that fellow's face then in Miami or was that not?

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's, there was footage of that. Which obviously I saw.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Oh my god, Joanne, I wouldn't, honestly. By the way, I've been watching this show, this is like-

• 18:52Speaker 01

  That's why I need the nanny to just read me stories to put me to sleep so that I don't- so I'm not free to Google this shit.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  New year 2014, out and wasted. Girl wanted to try on my glasses in the bathroom, gave them to her, went to the loo and forgot. Went back to my pals and he asked where they were, suddenly realised I was absolutely blind.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  What?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Had to wear my prescription sunglasses until the opticians opened on the 3rd. Was called Stevie Wonder and working thereafter.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Oh, he borrowed, he lent his glasses and didn't get them back?

• 19:23Speaker 02

  I didn't get them back and had no glasses.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  What bastard is going around, well like, you always know when someone's really blind when you put on their glasses and you can't, you can't see, let alone see better, you can't see at all. Imagine being like, yeah, this seems perfectly okay to keep these. This person's obviously crawling around on the ground, do you know what I mean?

• 19:40Speaker 02

  You'd be thinking they might have a spare pair if things were that bad, do you know what I mean?

• 19:44Speaker 01

  Well, he did, but they were sunglasses.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  They were sunglasses. I made an idiot mistake of voice recording 23.45 minutes of my family New Year's Eve party and sent it to the guy I fancy.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  Ordered Domino's two for Tuesdays, even though it was only me. Wild. I'd say that you were literally so thirsty the next day. Whenever I have Domino's, I wake up and I'm like, oh, I'm so thirsty.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Is it salty?

• 20:12Speaker 02

  It's so, so salty. It's obviously delicious, but that's why.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  I've no time for pizza.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  I have a bit of news.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Jesus, go on.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  It's getting announced today, it's so exciting.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Well, you'll be happy to hear I'm finally putting my degrees to use.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  My construction degree. Do you remember that time I had to go down to, what's it called? Cornwall, remember?

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  So I was recording a sizzle for Channel 4, which is basically like a little show to see if it will go out. And now it is going out.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  Are you building, are you building houses?

• 20:49Speaker 02

  I'm building, I'm back to building. No, so basically it was a show, it's already a show, it's called Renovation Rescue. And there's new hosts on it, so I am one of the new hosts.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  And also a DIY expert, Luke. So we will be around to fix your window boxes in the NY, okay?

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Flowers.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Your window boxes, we'll come and fix them.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry, mine personally, sorry.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  So it's basically, it's a show, it's a show on Channel 4. It's about builders who've basically fucked people over and wrecked their house.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Oh, very good.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  And we're going in and showing them how they can fix things themselves and do little bits themselves. So it like lessens the cost because they've already lost loads of money. And like, it's one of those, like, here's our house when it's like in bits and here's our house when it's amazing. So I'm so happy.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. Yeah.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Finally, finally.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  We love to see it, we love a bit of tally under the belt.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  How many years is that, how many years is that now I've been trying for that?

• 21:43Speaker 01

  Well, to be fair. Sorry, you had, you had, but you had Vogue Investigator, that, you had that series where you were in. You're always dabbling, you're always kind of, you're always kind of in and out, you're always dipping the toe in and out.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  I know, but I always did want to have like a show to do it like renovation and stuff like that. So it's really exciting to do this.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Congratulations, wow, what a great start to the year.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  A fantastic start to the year, I'm bloody delighted.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fantastic.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Twenty-five, Survive and Thrive.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  No?

• 22:20Speaker 02

  No.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  That was a lot of Christmas, as we've said. First Christmas hosting, I say hosting, I didn't obviously host, I took her out for lunch.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Now, we all know, Christmas dinner, the markup is deranged, right? So you just expect it. And what we did was, I actually sold my car in Dublin and we used, well, and my mum obviously helped me sell it because I don't, I no longer live in Dublin. So we were like, look, let's take the money from the car and like just have a really good Christmas, right? So it was like. You know.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  So we were like, right, let's, so we booked this Christmas dinner in the, in this very fancy hotel.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  It's actually known for its food as well, this, I'm so surprised.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Anyway, we paid a lot of money, right? A stupid amount of money to have a dinner there. Went in, it's like a set menu kind of thing. The food, I mean, when I showed Vogue the photo of the dinner.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  I have it, I have it ready. Look at this.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  That we got.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  At that slop.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Now, obviously people listening can't see it. It was, do you know what it looks like? And this is exactly how I describe it. It looks like I made it. And I think anyone who knows anything about me will know what I mean when I say that. Do you see it, Jo?

• 23:32Speaker 02

  It's like, were you not starving?

• 23:32Speaker 01

  I didn't even know what that brown thing on the left is, and I ate it.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Were you not absolutely starving after that, though?

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Well, there was a starter and I, I didn't have a dessert as my mother tells, I went, do I didn't have a dessert? But, so they came out and was, the meat was there grand, and then the roast potatoes grand and roast carrots grand. And I have weird hangups about food. There's one thing I will not eat is roast potatoes. I just won't eat roast potatoes. Just pizza and roast potatoes. They just never came back into the system after all the madness. So I was like, oh, can I get a boiled potato? No, that's it. Now, I want to tell you, Jo, I don't know whether I'll keep this in or not. How much we paid for two slabs of meat, that brown lump on the left and roast potatoes with no room to move to a boiled potato.

• 24:16Speaker 03

  Does this include wine?

• 24:17Speaker 01

  Not a drop of alcohol included in this.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  I feel desperate. I can't believe that happened to you at that place. Go on.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Five hundred and seventy pounds.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  No, come on.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  So break that in.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Each, not each.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no. For the, each, between the two of us. So what's that? Two, three, five each. Two hundred and thirty five pounds. For what Vogue has just showed you there. Like ludicrous, ludicrous money. Not even a fucking boiled potato. Not even a glass of champagne. Nothing.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  There's so much space on the plate. Why didn't they put it on a stone?

• 24:54Speaker 01

  I don't know. It was awful looking. It was terrible.

• 24:58Speaker 02

  I don't even want to stick up for them, but like you, honestly, Spenny and I go there and we're like, oh, let's go there for food. Yeah, let's go and have, because it's so delicious.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  It was cra, it's the closest thing I've ever experienced to planning a wedding. Because, do you know when you're getting married, from what I hear?

• 25:15Speaker 01

  That every, the markup is like, oh, it's just, it's wedding, it's wedding. So everything's like six times the cost. And obviously that was the crack with the Christmas day thing. I mean, it was. When I say rip, and listen, I complain to you, I don't complain outside of, I don't really complain. I can't bear the confrontation. I couldn't be arsed. It's not worth it. It's never personal. Everyone else there on the day had the same thing. But I think I'm going to contact them. Complain is too strong. I think I'm going to contact them. I think it has to be said.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  I think that they want that feedback though. They want that feedback.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  I'm still sore about it. I'm like, that is an insane rip off. Insane.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  I had a great full circle mount with Pat in the house.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  Which was what?

• 26:06Speaker 01

  We went to leave the house. She came out of her bedroom, which is obviously my bedroom. And I was like, mo- mother, I said, you have every light in the house on. You have every light in the house left on.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  You know how often she has said that to me? It's like the Liverpool, what does she call it? The Liverpool, what do they call it, Jo?

• 26:23Speaker 03

  Liver building.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  I have no idea. I have no, I have no idea what you're talking about.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Illumina- illuminations, the Liverpool illuminations.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Blackpool illuminations.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Blackpool. She's like, it's like the Blackpool. I was like, I couldn't believe I got to say these words. We've done a full 180. You have every light in the house left on. I said, well, I know you're not paying the bills now. You know, you're not paying the bills.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Does it not worry you? Like that, like when you realise that you're turning into your mother? Like I, I've realised that, like, I realised that about a year ago. When Alzo and Svenny stand in the kitchen bitching about me because I've, I've given out about something. Like they just permanently bitch about me because I'm like the mom of the house. Fucking wrecking everyone's head.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, the mom, there's a, but you, but you are the mom of the house and I'm the mom of my house. That's what happens. We're running homes now. We're running homes.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  When are you taking your decorations down? Your tree's still up there behind you. Mine are gone.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  I'm waiting for someone to do it.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  I'm waiting for, isn't it January 6th? Isn't it a little woman's Christmas?

• 27:32Speaker 03

  12th night, isn't it?

• 27:33Speaker 02

  I, I, to be honest with you, I can't even stand the sight of people's outdoor lights anywhere. As soon as it was the 26th of December, I was like, get them out.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  Vogue, you're very lucky I didn't put in a complaint to you because I was convinced that your Christmas lights were broken, not realising that they were timed to keep me alive.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  So they kept turning off and I was like, Joanne, Vogue, I said, she's lucky now I should pick up the phone really a little now that she's lent me a substandard product.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Hang on, Joanne McNally.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  It's a fire safety issue.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  I don't think that they're my lights. I think you bought your own lights and I just gave you the decoration.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds familiar, actually. Yes, you're right. Somebody bought the lights.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Joanne going around fucking kicking shit around her apartment, being pissed off at me, that little bitch.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  Lauren, you're right. Lauren got the lights. Lauren, my handler.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Vogue lent me all that cheap shit.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Well, I was actually like, isn't Vogue very thoughtful then? I went, when I realised it was a safety situation. It's very thoughtful to keep me alive like that. Meanwhile, I'm going to blow myself up with those eggs in the air fryer. I don't know what the fuck that's about.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Couple from Barnsley left, gutted, gutted in caps, after husband ordered diamond studded Faberge egg for 20 year anniversary, only to be sent a potato with plastic earrings stuck in it.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Howie Felter Snatch, 59, said, I wanted to get Betty something special and whilst I was sceptical at the price tag of 59.99,

• 29:10Speaker 01

  could have been the sale. I never dreamed I would be stuck with the Maris Piper potato. They've ruined our marriage, says Howie. I mean, I don't think it was the most solid of unions, if that's the case. Betty Felter Snatch, 42, said, 2024 has been awful year. Sorry, 2024 has been an awful year and this is just the cherry on top. I don't think that's the right use of that. I can't put, I can't put this on display. It wouldn't be right.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Now, when I say the potatoes, it's the grossest thing I've ever seen. I don't know my potatoes. I wasn't, I wouldn't know Maris Piper from just a fucking whatever, random potato, like, but it is disgusting. It's got little silver legs on it. They put it on a little stand. And then it's covered in those, you know, those diamond earrings that give babies?

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  It's covered in them. It kind of looks like an infection. It's disgusting.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Do you know what though? I don't understand, like, why would you want to, I, I actually genuinely wouldn't want a Faberge egg. I'd be like, what do I do with that? Like, how can I?

• 30:18Speaker 01

  You put it on display.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I wanted to be on, if, if you're spending that much money on something, I wanted to be on display on my, on my, on my person.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  I, I'm so bad at returning things. Even if I paid full whack for it and it came as a potato, I probably still wouldn't send it back. Do you know what I mean? They're like, that's 20 grand on a Faberge egg and it was a potato. I'd be like, oh fuck, I'll just put it on the shelf.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  I don't imagine those potatoes.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Office. Oh, doing it to return forms. Ugh.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  I don't think you're gonna manage to get a return off the potato people anyway. It just seems like a slight bit of a scam. One of my.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Very negative attitude, though. Maybe it was a mistake?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Could have been a genuine mistake.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Did you see the, there was a headline, right? So there's loads of things, you know, all those predictions. I love the New Year's predictions. But there was a, there was a headline in 2016 and a prediction said that women would be having more sex with robots than men by 2025. Now, obviously we're still not riding robots. Well, I don't think so.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Well, I'm in.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  But there's a rumor, there's a rumor going around about Kim Kardashian. And so she basically has one of their Optimus, one of the Tesla Optimus bots. And she keeps putting up these like kind of mad photos that look like thirst traps. She's kind of all over the robot. And everyone's kind of saying now that she's having sex with a robot.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  She's holding his hand and stuff, like, it does seem a bit much, like.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  She's flirting, I've seen, they have it, there's certainly a chemistry there, I've seen it.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  They do get on very well.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  He's given more than the lad I was seeing, to be honest, I was seeing, he was technically identified as a human man, but was very robotic in his behaviour, that kind of like, what would you call it? Avoidant attachment style, probably would have got more from that Tesla thing. To be fair.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  I'm gonna buy, I'm gonna buy you a Tesla.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  Robots are reliable, aren't they?

• 32:12Speaker 02

  I just don't fancy them, though.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Why are you throwing eggs in the air fryer?

• 32:25Speaker 01

  I've got an air fryer, Jo, and I'm beside myself, can't leave the thing alone. Putting everything in it.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Folks, I meant to say to yous, you know the way I'm trying to experiment with AI?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  No, which is worrying, she's on the dark web and she's experimenting with AI now, it's all getting a bit much and a bit scary.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  I was trying to kind of get a handle on ChatGPT and also, because I was asking it for recommendations for things, right?

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  Books and restaurants and obviously I'm going on holidays, Cape Town, I was asking for that. And I was like, I wonder, does it recommend us to anyone?

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  Like, does it recommend the podcast? I said, can you recommend a good pommy, pommy? Can you recommend a good comedy podcast for women? Absolutely, says ChatGPT. Here are some excellent comedy podcasts that cater to women and offer a blend of humour, wit and relatability. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12 pods listed. No sign of ghost. I said, okay, I said, okay, we're obviously under something else. Can you recommend some irreverent comedy female podcasts? Oh, yes, says ChatGPT.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  If you're looking for irreverent comedy podcasts hosted by women, here are some standout options that are bold, unapologetic and hilariously candid.

• 33:51Speaker 02

  Here we go.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. No sign of ghosted. I said, okay, ChatGPT, give me Irish comedy podcasts. Let's really whittle this down.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  Are you just, what's, what's the fucking story behind this? Are you trying to make me feel bad in the new year? I already feel anxious and sad.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Oh, please. Here are some fantastic Irish comedy podcasts to deliver laughs with a mix of wit, charm and cultural flavour.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  Can't miss.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Comedy Irish podcasts, not a fucking sniff. Ghosted.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Did you look up like therapy, therapy podcasts?

• 34:36Speaker 01

  I said, okay, ChatGPT, who the fuck are my therapist ghosted me? Oh, my therapist ghosted me as a hilarious and irreverent podcast hosted by Irish comedian Jona Mcnally and TV presenter Vogue Williams. Mix of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I said, why did you not recommend my therapist ghosted me as an Irish comedy podcast? ChatGPT, you're absolutely right. I apologise. It should have been included in the list of Irish comedy podcasts. It's one of the most popular and hilarious Irish podcasts, either blending unfiltered, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was like, there's no point apologising, it's too late.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  The damage is done. I feel hurt.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  The damage is done.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  I'm hurt.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  The damage is done.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  We're obviously shit.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  We, we have done, I don't know what you've done Vogue in your private time to piss off ChatGPT, but it is not on our side.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  Well, I haven't been saying, in fairness, I haven't been saying that nice things about it because I don't understand it and it scares me.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  Well, we clearly scare it or we're completely invisible to the internet. Anyway, I was highly offended. I couldn't, I didn't think ChatGPT was allowed to make mistakes and apologise. Frankly, I found that terrifying. Just get it right, you're a fucking robot. Like, how hard is it?

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Well, that just goes to show what I've always said. Doesn't work.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  That we're shit.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  No, that AI doesn't work. It's not true, it's not right, it doesn't work.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Doesn't work? That's it, you're right, there's a flaw in the system.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  It's not us, it's, it's the AI.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  ChatGPT, can you please recommend a comedy podcast by two Irish women, one comedian, one presenter? Yes, no problem. Nineteen pods later, still no answer from me about, okay, don't worry about it.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  Okay, cool. ChatGPT can like write a book for people, but it can't, can't do its real job.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Like, we're being ignored. That's all I'm gonna say. Feels like an inside job.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Do you know, I know you do, because you just know everything that is on the internet, I believe. You should, you should be working for Tesla and anyone AI. You know the whole internet. You know everything about it. Do you know Baba Vanga?

• 36:36Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  So that one who does all of her predictions?

• 36:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  She is, she is a woman. She lost her size at 12 after a freak storm but claimed her vision of the future grew stronger. And she basically, she does get some things wrong, but some of her predictions have been brilliant. But do you want to hear her predictions for 2025?

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  Okay. 2025 will see earthquakes ravage the world.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  I mean, she's, that's fucking, I mean, that's, you know, that happens every year. But come on.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  Europe will be rocked by a devastating war.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  I'm not feeling so positive about the future.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Has she had the good to say?

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, we'll have the hottest year on record. Woo!

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Juan hasn't been washing either yogurts again.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  Oh my God. I watched By Now on Netflix. Have you seen it?

• 37:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  About fast fashion. It's terrifying. Go on, what else did she say?

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Aliens are going to make contact during a major supporting event.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Oh, sporting?

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Supporting, supporting. They must be having some kind of festival.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  Are we having a festival? The aliens are supporting event? It's not sporting event.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  No, it says supporting. I can't imagine the aliens are coming over to play football.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Well, I just don't know what a supporting event is.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  I don't know. Maybe we'll just team up.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  It is time. I mean, the aliens, they are coming at some stage, so it's worth her while saying it's this year. I don't think it'll be this year.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  I don't know. I think it kind of could be. And supposedly, human telepathy will become a reality.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  That'd be interesting, wouldn't it?

• 38:20Speaker 01

  This woman's insane.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  I'd be very concerned now if people could see what I'm thinking or know what I'm thinking. I wouldn't like that at all.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  No. I think the, I think the world would grind to a halt, to be totally honest.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Kind of frightening.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  It'd be like the vaccine, everybody, everybody rushing to try and make something to stop that being done. And no one would leave the house, you'd have to stay inside.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Do you know what?

• 38:44Speaker 02

  The vaccine I saw, you know, when you see like, when you're just looking through your, your, you know, likey things. And sometimes you see comments that you wouldn't have seen. There was another comment about like, oh yeah, like I'm buying someone off that woman who was paid a fortune to promote vaccines. Why does everyone think I'm pushing vaccines? I haven't got paid once for any vaccine ever. I've never been paid for a vaccine.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  Why do they think that you were?

• 39:08Speaker 02

  I don't know, but like, I keep seeing that. I'm like, why does that? I think it's because I did, like, I posted when I got my COVID vaccine. But like, I'm not like, I don't get the COVID vaccine anymore. I was just, sometimes I like, if there's a bandwagon, will I jump on it? Yes, I will.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Again, the vaccine was a pretty big one, you know? We were entitled to jump on that one.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. They told us we were gonna die.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were trying to save the human race. It's herd mentality. We were trying to be responsible members of the community, you know?

• 39:38Speaker 02

  It was a herd mentality, but I know somebody who gets them every six months and I'm very close to that person. I'm like, you can't be telling people that, come on.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Gets a COVID vaccine every six months?

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, every six months, yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  I know.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Oh. I've got three heads and a pair of titties.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Kind of look like an octopus now.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  One every three months, only the nine arms.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Well, if you need any more medical advice, please do get in touch. And Pfizer, I'll be on for my fee, thank you. What was the other one? And AstraZeneca, I will be on.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Johnson, Johnson.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  AstraZeneca, I'll be in in contact too, thank you.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Bill's gotta be paid, virus has gotta be squashed.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Thank you everyone for listening. We're in a strange form today, I'd say, but it is our first day back to work and we will see you for the bonus next week.