Pod Insights My Therapist Ghosted Me Bonnie Blue, Aliens & The Man Who Slipped On The Ice About this episode If you aren't Irish, you may not be familiar with the man who slipped on the ice. Give it a quick look. Plus, can Vogue get through a hangover whilst Joanne obsesses over Bonnie Blue and is the world ending in November?
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1:02 Speaker 01 This is a Global Player original podcast.
1:15 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to my therapist ghost of me, me, Bob Williams and Joanne McNally.
1:27 Speaker 02 I was just reading, do you follow, de moi, does a pope defecate in the woods, as they say?
1:33 Speaker 03 Yes, that is the saying, I think. Actually, it's a much better saying than than the original, so.
1:38 Speaker 02 Does the pope have a bowel movement in the forest, if you will?
1:43 Speaker 03 Joanne McNally, you are a hoot. A hoot.
1:46 Speaker 02 Stop the lights. She'll have a degree in English, folk. There's loads more with this guy.
1:51 Speaker 03 This woman is a mad joke, I'm telling you.
1:55 Speaker 02 Mad, she's a mad bitch. Look at her there with her two words.
1:58 Speaker 03 Mad as a box of frogs.
2:00 Speaker 02 Does a pope ejaculate in a bush? Not quite the same. We've hit our, we've hit the wall. Okay, let's carry on.
2:07 Speaker 02 Do I what? Does the pope comb in a sponge?
2:14 Speaker 03 I was absolutely revolting. The new Pope is quite young, isn't he?
2:21 Speaker 02 I'd say he's.
2:22 Speaker 03 He probably does come on a sponge.
2:23 Speaker 02 He's old enough to come, I can tell you, or he wouldn't get the job.
2:28 Speaker 03 Anyway, last of the Pope cum chat. So there's this, well, there's a bit of cum chat here. Domois has this page where basically people send in celebrities that they've been kissing or slept with and they rate them and they send in this whole thing. So like you can read about like all these hot celebrities and what they're like in bed and how they kiss.
2:49 Speaker 02 Oh.
2:51 Speaker 03 And I thoroughly enjoy it.
2:54 Speaker 02 Are we in it?
2:56 Speaker 03 Oh, no, I am, I am hoping I don't appear because it would be 10 out of 10 kissing for sure. Absolute wet fish in bed, didn't move.
3:05 Speaker 02 Well, that's, you're, you're, you're defamatory a wet fish because all they do is flop around. That's basically their gig.
3:13 Speaker 03 A dead wet fish then.
3:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, there you go. There you go. Yeah, that, that's what's important.
3:21 Speaker 02 I've had, well, we've spoken about this before, but like I've had sex with people that I didn't want to. Now, I'm not, I'm not saying it was as dark as that sounds. I mean, like obviously consent was given, but I just, the vibe was not there for me. And I kind of did it out of politeness, really. There's like a sexual etiquette that I felt I had to abide by. And I can only imagine if they did a sexual yelp on me, the, the rating would not be great.
3:49 Speaker 03 Well, Joanne, do you know what? I actually find that insulting. That was one night and I was really tired.
3:54 Speaker 02 No, no, no, Jevon, I said, no, no, no, I said, I wasn't up first.
3:59 Speaker 02 You're always up first. That's why we do the, that's why we do the pod remote now.
4:05 Speaker 02 It's a safety issue for me. Yeah. Yeah.
4:11 Speaker 02 I thought, I know we're here to have a good time, Vau, but it's not what I call having a good time.
4:17 Speaker 03 You have led me on in the past and that is why I always think I'll just give it a go. I don't know what kind of mood you'll be in today. You never know. You never know.
4:24 Speaker 02 Leading you on by laughing at your jokes, indeed. That's literally Jeffrey Dahmer's pick up line.
4:33 Speaker 02 You bloody loved it.
4:36 Speaker 03 Ryan Gosling, surprising, he is a great kisser, lazy in bed.
4:41 Speaker 02 I just, in defence of Ryan Gosling, and I don't know the man, I've never met him personally or non personally, but what I will say is, if someone is taking your sexual activity to a website to review it, and you know I'm not a fan of reviewers, I'm not going to take it at face value. I would say, Ryan, I'm sorry to whoever wrote this review in, I'd say he wasn't feeling it, that's what I would say. I have a sexual bipolar disease, I would say. If I'm into it, I am beyond into it. If I'm not into it, my god, it's hostile.
5:19 Speaker 03 I've got to be honest, if I'm getting to Ryan...
5:25 Speaker 02 I won't stop it, but I will be very anti it.
5:32 Speaker 03 You'll know, you will know.
5:33 Speaker 02 That is my toxic trait.
5:34 Speaker 03 Ryan Gosling though, I just think because he's so hot, that is like on a very rare occasion, I wouldn't mind doing all the work. I wouldn't care if he was a dead fish.
5:42 Speaker 02 Of course.
5:43 Speaker 03 I'd just be happy to be with the dead fish.
5:44 Speaker 02 Of course, you're happy to be in the room.
5:47 Speaker 03 Okay, I'll tell you about the weird thing that I did, well, not a weird thing, a fun thing that I did today. There is, about 15 minutes from my mom's house, there is a sanctuary that they like save animals and you can go and like there doesn't seem to be any rules or regulations up there because they just, because they just let you in to pet all the animals. I petted, I petted a sea lion today. Have you ever touched a sea lion? I know, I couldn't bloody wait to see what it felt like.
6:13 Speaker 02 Can I guess?
6:16 Speaker 03 Yes. You love guessing. Joanna, imagine her as a child.
6:23 Speaker 02 Guessing, please. I just think it adds to things when you're involved, you know. I would say a sea lion feels like a kind of a sticky grape or something like I'd say there's a little bit of resistance there or like a maybe like a bristly, like, what's those badminton, what are the badminton balls that they use?
6:45 Speaker 03 Shuttlecock.
6:46 Speaker 02 I'd say it's like a sticky shuttlecock, the head of it, is it?
6:49 Speaker 03 No, it is not, but that is a ver- Joe, would you like to guess? I don't want to take it away from anyone.
6:52 Speaker 04 Yeah, I'd love to. Could I go for an extremely wet and slightly sticky, short haired Labrador?
7:02 Speaker 02 Oh.
7:03 Speaker 03 Oh, that is not far off.
7:06 Speaker 02 Oh, I'll go again.
7:08 Speaker 03 Oh, okay. Fantastic, I was hoping so.
7:12 Speaker 02 I would say, is it like one of those Sphinx cats if you dunked its head in gorilla glue?
7:18 Speaker 03 I've never petted one of them.
7:20 Speaker 02 Well, I mean.
7:21 Speaker 04 With glue on its head?
7:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, neither have I now, I'll be honest, but that's just where my imagination is taking.
7:25 Speaker 03 No, I would say, I'd say you got a bit colder there, Joe had gotten warmer, you've taken it back a bit chillier now, no?
7:31 Speaker 02 Okay.
7:32 Speaker 03 Will it tell you?
7:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:33 Speaker 03 Okay, fine. So it kind of feels like, imagine, you know, when your hair is really wet in the shower? Like it's full wet, full of water. It's like that, but if you put a little bit of oil on top of it.
7:43 Speaker 02 Oh, okay, that's, I think, I think me and Joe's suggestions are more interesting, but sure.
7:49 Speaker 03 Okay, sorry, John, I can't help how a feline, a sea lion feels.
7:53 Speaker 02 If I, if I was a sea lion, I would not be hiring you as my publicist, that's all I'm saying. There was very little flowering of the language there, it was, it was quite basic, I think you've undersold them. Anyway, go on.
8:03 Speaker 03 Anyway, I pet the sea lion, did not smell like fish, which surprised me. I wasn't, no judgement about the sea lions, but we all went in to pet them and you're, well, you're only allowed to pet one of them because the other two bite, but isn't that cool? And then I held it, and I held a snake, I know, I know I was there with the kids, but like they go, I let them, I let them hold them first, but then I held a snake and I touched an iguana, a great day was had.
8:25 Speaker 02 Well, thank you, David Attenborough, this is great feedback for us. Thank you for the nature walk.
8:34 Speaker 02 Can I talk about Bonnie Blue now, please?
8:36 Speaker 03 God, will we get it over with? Go on, tell me about it. You watched it. I knew you'd watched it. I knew you wouldn't have been able to help yourself.
8:42 Speaker 02 Do you want to guess what Bonnie Blue feels like in response to the sea lion? It's pretty much the same.
8:47 Speaker 04 Like an extremely wet, slightly sticky short haired.
8:51 Speaker 03 Fair, I'd say she'd be very sticky now, where I'd say very sticky.
8:54 Speaker 02 That was a good segue. So Vogue refuses to engage with any Bonnie Blue content. She's happier at petting her sea lions, but I, it's the podcast, the documentary is everywhere.
9:06 Speaker 03 Through just general osmosis. I know that her name is Tia Billinger. Thanks to Joanne.
9:11 Speaker 02 It's basically about all her kind of A Thousand Men and Me and that she wrote these A Thousand Men in a Day. And there's a lot of accusations of, so she's, she's a rage baiter. She's a troll. We know that, right? She does it on purpose. It's how she got the most traction to get all her money and she's making millions a month. And people are trying to diagnose her with their like, she's a sociopath. She's a psychopath. Blah, blah, blah. So having watched the documentary, I have a diagnosis for Bonnie Blue.
9:36 Speaker 03 Okay.
9:37 Speaker 04 Oh, good.
9:37 Speaker 02 She is a man.
9:41 Speaker 04 Oh.
9:41 Speaker 03 What?
9:42 Speaker 02 Yeah. Now, not, not in the traditional way of transitioning. I'm not saying she was originally a man and has transitioned. She has a male brain. She is, she is the Alan Sugar of riding. She doesn't give a fuck. She is a business bitch. She likes to see her bank balance go up the way I like to see my skin pigmentation go down. She is just money mad. There is no money enough. There will never be enough money. She has no friends. She said, well, she said she's kind of lost all her friends because she can't go out. She's afraid of getting like acid attacks in the street. She, there is no life outside of what she's doing, but she is just hyper focused. People are accusing her of being autistic and everything. I genuinely think she is just, she's actually just trolling women to get to men, if you get me.
10:26 Speaker 02 Like her whole thing is like, come down, I'll do what your wife won't do. And you can choke me in a glass box. And it's all very strange for women because we don't understand it because you don't see women who behave like that, that often. But she is, I don't think there's anything wrong with her per se, but I think she has a male brain.
10:46 Speaker 03 I think though, I, I, I think even if she has a male brain, I genuinely don't think that like she will have a happy life because of everything she's doing. She obviously doesn't already, she doesn't have any friends. She can't go out because she's scared of getting acid attack. How is that a happy life? It's not.
11:04 Speaker 02 Because this was my big takeaway from it. What makes her happy is money. She's like the Elon Musk of riding. It's all cash based. So she is absolutely happy out. There is nothing wrong with her. She's just not like us. She's not like a regular woman in the way that she's concerned with, you know, kind of being accepted into a female community, all that stuff. She does not give a shit. She is money, money, money, money, money. To the point where everything else, it's a very male way of thinking, in my opinion. She's a numbers guy. She's a business bitch. She's got a great work ethic, I can tell you that much. And I would, I would, I would recommend her for some sort of motivational speaking.
11:44 Speaker 03 I think that the whole thing is just too weird and too tapped. I think the fact that her family are involved in helping her do it is so fucked up that her mother is like singing proud about all that kind of stuff because it's just, it's just, I know, but it's just, do you know what? Do you know, I would hate it. Like I actually, I feel sorry for her because that's obviously started from when she was younger. If her own mother is doing that with her, like her mother, like how could you, how could you think that you're a good mother if you're going to allow something like that? And then your daughter's scared to go on the street because she's going to get acid attack. Even what she does, I don't think that she deserves to have to feel like that. I know she rage baits people, but to have to actually be that concerned about it, I just think the whole thing is
12:26 Speaker 03 just, I find it really sad. All of it to me is just sad.
12:30 Speaker 02 I think she's just an unusual person. I think she's just a different gravy. She beats her own drum. And I think the more that she aggravates women, because it's women she aggravates, men, men just think she's a whore or they'll riot her. Like they, it's women she's aggravating. The more women she aggravates, the less she gives a shit. And she'll say things like, I'm afraid of getting acid attack, but at least these fat women are getting off their couch. Like she's, it's like she's learnt by rote. It's like she did a masterclass by Andrew Tate or something and she, she's like, this is my job now. And she's making so much money, and this is a very unfeminist thing to say, but like her only overhead or her ankles, that's it. And, and the content guy that she's using, it's all going into her own bank account and she's absolutely thrilled.
13:14 Speaker 02 But you know, she was kicked off OnlyFans.
13:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:17 Speaker 02 And so she, her, her, her pay has had like a real drop because she was just getting too mad. They're like, not even we can get behind this fucking madness. And now the British government are thinking about kind of rebranding the whole barely legal genre of porn. Because even though I've, by the way, men have been riding girls with pigtails for fucking years. So I don't know why that she's getting the shit for that. But I was like, wouldn't it be hilarious and hilarious in a very dark way if she had to start doing ads? Like who the fuck, imagine after a gangbang, she's like wiping the cum out of her eyes and she's like, I built my website with Squarespace. Like I just don't know where she's gonna go. Is Emma Matras gonna be like, oh, will you tag me in that gangbang? It's not gonna happen. Do you know what I mean?
14:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, but that's why she has, she has a very short shelf life. Like this will only like she, her stunts aren't gonna be interesting to people anymore. This is such a short shelf life. That is why she's probably trying to earn as much money as she can, keep it all in her bank. Because what is she going to do after?
14:16 Speaker 02 How much money does she need? This is what I mean. She's that male business brain and like, forgive me if that's a very sexist thing to say. I don't think that women lack that, but she, there's a shame switch in her that just is not there. It's like a sensitivity that most women have, I think. It just isn't there for her. But you know what? Fucking go. Go Bonnie, go for it.
14:46 Speaker 03 Can you imagine the shame I would be in if I did that? My shame switch is just so horrendous that like if I did something like that, I'd be like, ah. I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to, I wouldn't survive it. I don't think I.
15:04 Speaker 02 If there was a TikTok of a lot giving me a hickey at latitude, I'd be like, I'm emigrating to Albania. You're never gonna see me again.
15:18 Speaker 05 Observe the North American dad. 50s, great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, dang, that's a good offer. The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him boss. He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.
15:53 Speaker 02 Have you had a cocktail?
15:55 Speaker 03 I've been drinking, no, I'm never drinking again, obviously. Don't bring it up.
15:58 Speaker 02 Okay, fine.
16:09 Speaker 02 Even when she's saying things that are supposed to be enticing, you'd see her in the documentary, she'll say something like, I can't wait to have my insides rearranged. And it is with,
16:19 Speaker 03 Oh, God.
16:21 Speaker 02 It is with the same kind of coldness that cabin crew would be like chicken or fish.
16:27 Speaker 03 I have to be honest with you. I am hungover today and this is, this is making me feel shame about something I didn't even do. I'm very anxious now.
16:37 Speaker 03 Are we done with Bonnie Blue?
16:38 Speaker 02 We're done with Bonnie Blue. But the more we push back on her, the more belligerent she will come. She is just an unusual woman. That's what I would say. That's my take on her. Okay, let's on to happier things. Come on, let's talk about Peppa Pig.
16:52 Speaker 03 Would you, uh, would you?
16:56 Speaker 02 Let me show you a rainbow, Vogue. And a cupcake.
16:59 Speaker 03 Well, would you like an update on the La Bonnie Dolls?
17:02 Speaker 02 Sure, yeah.
17:03 Speaker 04 Big time.
17:04 Speaker 03 So after, now I've only got two here, by the way. Just two of them. And you're not supposed to cut the tags off, so I hadn't before you judged me. But so Theodore has hounded me for, how long? For weeks and weeks and weeks about this La Bonnie Doll. And me and Sven made a bet, we were like, how long? Until he forgets about them. I had said a week, Svenny said two weeks. Two days. Two. So now I, now I personally have three Labubus because I just don't give a shit. Yeah, he doesn't give, he's moved on now. He's moved on. He has shown me a lizard on Amazon. Three days running and I said, Theodore, I can't, I'm not looking at the lizard again. I'm not looking at the lizard.
17:46 Speaker 03 Three days choosing a colour lizard that I haven't even said I'd buy him. So now we're on to the lizard and it's just, I can't, I actually can't bear it. He stopped beside me and I was like, get away, I'm not talking about the lizard. I am not. And then it's between a lizard and a dragon now. And he's not getting anything else ever again. He just gave up on the Labubu dolls. And now I have three. I don't even think I like them anymore.
18:09 Speaker 02 I'm in Margate. I've come to the seaside.
18:13 Speaker 02 And it is a Victorian prescription for people with a nervous disposition. I do suffer with my nerves, so I'm here. However, the Victorians also prescribed milk injections and arsenic. So I'm not saying it's going to work. But it is something I'm trying. And I do find the sea is very soothing.
18:31 Speaker 03 Calming, of course it is.
18:32 Speaker 02 It's very calming, isn't it?
18:34 Speaker 03 That's why Houth is so nice, you know?
18:37 Speaker 02 That's why Houth is so nice, yes. Well, I was only, I was only thinking about you today because Tracy Emin, the artist, she's kind of like the face of Margate. Yeah. Similar to you or kind of the face of Houth.
18:53 Speaker 03 Thank you. What, that's the best compliment you've ever given me.
18:57 Speaker 02 Tracy is very, she's very Margate focused. She's for Margate and she's very, she's mad about Margate and she's always like promoting Margate. And she's very involved in the community. No more than yourself and Houth.
19:08 Speaker 03 And Houth, yeah. Cannot get enough of the sea air. I am telling you, I went recording, I was filming something in Cornwall about a month ago. And I was in foul form before I went up. And then I went to Cornwall and I looked out the window at the sea and I was like, oh my God, I just needed to be by the sea. That was it. Changed, changed my mood.
19:26 Speaker 02 It's something about the ions or something. I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's very calming and good for respiratory issues.
19:33 Speaker 03 Respiratory issues, yes.
19:35 Speaker 02 Respiratory issues, which is great because I am vaping at the moment. So I just, I take a couple of puffs to vape. And then I, and then I breathe out the window and then everything is fine.
19:45 Speaker 03 You're vaping? What flavour?
19:48 Speaker 02 That's your concern?
19:51 Speaker 03 I wanna know what flavour, I'm interested to know.
19:54 Speaker 02 It's like I've relapsed.
19:55 Speaker 03 Really? What kind?
19:57 Speaker 02 Well, it's, it's anything, it's more minty, I like a, I like a kind of a mint. Anyway, that's not the point of it. Although, speaking of windows, before we came on, so I'm, I'm staying in this gorgeous hotel. It's kind of like seaside and very bougie and stuff and, and, but the windows are quite heavy on it. So I pulled up the window, but I couldn't get it to stay open and it's quite hot at the moment. So I put a coffee cup underneath it to keep it open. And then now, obviously because of the podcast and Joe doesn't allow outside sounds. So I tried to, I tried to keep the window open, take the coffee cup in. Anyway, sure didn't it fall out the other way? Smash onto the path outside and I was like, oh my God. Cause like, like I say, I suffer up my nerves. I was like, I've come tomorrow to relax and I'm after fucking killing someone.
20:40 Speaker 02 Looked out the window, there was a girl in shock underneath. I said, I'm so sorry. I said, well, that was very scary. I said, I'm so sorry. So I ran down, I should have just run home to be honest, but I ran down and no one was harmed, only the coffee cup, thank God. I was like, if that was out of the, if that was out of the Statue of Liberty now, someone would be dead.
20:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, but this, people have been put in prison for doing stuff like that, for throwing things off high buildings and killing people.
21:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, it was an accident, but I'd probably be in Rikers Island.
21:06 Speaker 03 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:11 Speaker 03 Okay, so Spenny has been scaring the shite out of me all week long because supposedly NASA have said that there is a spaceship, unidentified flying object, coming towards Earth. It started coming towards Earth 80 years ago when we first ever put satellite signals out. And then this, this spaceship picked it up and came straight towards Earth. It's been travelling towards us for 80 years and they don't know what it's doing. And they can't really, they've gotten a couple of pictures of it, looks a bit like a Christmas decoration. So obviously I think it looks lovely and it's meant to arrive in November.
21:51 Speaker 02 Just in time for Christmas.
21:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
21:54 Speaker 02 It's the Christmas, it's Santa. Are you sure it's not the new John Lewis ad? This sounds like very something like they would do.
22:01 Speaker 03 Are you not, are you not even slightly worried?
22:04 Speaker 02 Is Lily Allen on it by any chance?
22:10 Speaker 03 No. I'm terrified. I haven't slept well the last two nights because I'm like, oh my god, what's gonna happen? But there's nothing that we can do.
22:19 Speaker 04 Nothing we can do.
22:20 Speaker 02 Space is mad. There's always bits cracking off and flying around up there, isn't there? It's like a construction site. It's like getting your kitchen done. I just wear a hard hat and hope for the best. Like, okay, look, I don't like to fact check fun stories because I think it's fun to think that we're on the receiving end of impending death at times because it kind of keeps things light, keeps things moving, you know? Always good to have a bucket list on hand. However, what I read was that the physicist who has put this narrative out there that it's probably aliens in some sort of, and a sinister alien, not a sane alien, is that it's almost like a drill that they're kind of saying, what if? And so other physicists are like, it's just the same as all the other comets flying towards us.
23:03 Speaker 02 It'll fucking crack off and it's not gonna hit us. But obviously we have previous trauma from the dinosaurs, so we're triggered. Because that was, that was a comet situation. But that there's no real evidence, evidence and sayings. But you know what? If it is.
23:19 Speaker 03 It might be.
23:20 Speaker 02 If it is, it is. My theory has always been that we're so, there's two ways of looking at this.
23:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:27 Speaker 02 Either we're so take a shit now as a civilization that they're like, now is the time because they'll invade and we're all just busy doing the apple dance or whatever, that we're not even gonna notice.
23:36 Speaker 03 I think, I don't think they're, I certainly don't think they're coming in peace. I think they're coming to obliterate all of us. I think that we're gonna restart. We've made.
23:43 Speaker 02 What if they are coming in peace though?
23:45 Speaker 03 Who travels 80 years to come in peace? Nobody.
23:48 Speaker 02 Space travel? I don't know.
23:51 Speaker 04 Second coming of Jesus Christ.
23:53 Speaker 02 Jesus could be Jesus.
23:55 Speaker 03 It could be Jesus. It's not, it's not Jesus. It's definitely aliens and they're coming and they're going. Listen. The world, the, the end of the world is a coming and it is happening in November.
24:06 Speaker 02 I just think there's something to be said for maybe they're coming in soundness. Could be coming in sexiness, you know? There was a time when Homo sapiens rode Neanderthals. Like, maybe it's a cross-species thing, you know? That's how we got labradoodles.
24:23 Speaker 02 I'm happy to ride them. If they're, if there's some sort of alien hinge, I'll sign, I'll sign up.
24:32 Speaker 03 They're going to be quite interesting, you never know.
24:34 Speaker 02 Cross species, you know, imagine me with fins and a tail.
24:39 Speaker 02 Why not? Like a lizard tongue, huh? Would you still hang out with me?
24:45 Speaker 03 No, no. Ah, you wouldn't, Jo. Come on, if she's going around with a fishtail, no one's gonna wanna hang out with her.
24:51 Speaker 02 Honestly, I'm a bit bored at the moment. If it was aliens arriving for Christmas, I'd be like, sound, let them turn on the Christmas lights, let's get the festive season going. What would you do, Vogue? What would you really, really do if you thought aliens were arriving in November, real aliens, and we didn't know if they were coming in peace, in crack, in sadness, we didn't know, we didn't know their agenda? What would you do? Would you tell the kids? Would you not tell the kids?
25:16 Speaker 03 I don't think I would tell the kids. I don't think I would tell the kids, but I would just basically, I wouldn't leave, I would just, I'd go on holidays for the rest of my time, because it's my favourite thing to do. So I would pack up, leave, go on holidays with all my family and friends, and then just kind of wait for it to happen and be somewhere nice and sunny or something like that, you know?
25:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's a good plan. Jo?
25:35 Speaker 03 If I'm going out, I want it to be in the sun.
25:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, and it certainly would be if it's via comet.
25:41 Speaker 03 It'll be hot, hot, hot.
25:42 Speaker 02 Hot, hot, hot. Bear by Vogue will be out of business pretty quick. They'll be now avoiding that time.
25:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:54 Speaker 03 What would you do, Jo?
25:56 Speaker 04 Well, I always would have said I'd probably just pop down to pub, but because I've got children now, that does have to change slightly, so I'd just look for one of the, one of the pubs that has a play area. So we'd just go to a pub with a play area.
26:14 Speaker 02 I really thought you were gonna say something much deeper there. I love that.
26:18 Speaker 04 No, it just means we need, it needs to be a pub with a play area.
26:21 Speaker 03 What about the rest of your family? You're just forgetting about them.
26:24 Speaker 04 Oh, they live a while away. I don't think we're gonna have an awful lot of time. When it, when it kicks off, we're not gonna have a lot of time. There's not gonna be time to be sitting in traffic.
26:32 Speaker 02 I'd say if it's
26:33 Speaker 03 It's not hard to invite them all, like for God's sake, I'm going on holidays with all mine, like just, just give them a text.
26:40 Speaker 02 I would say, Jo, I agree, if it took them 80 years to get here, they're really going to hit the ground running once they arrive, do you know what I mean? I'd say, they're not going to be fannying around, it's going to be, it's going to be an efficient takeover, I would say.
26:52 Speaker 03 Guys, this is your pre-warning, you can go and hang out with your family now, it's happening in November, don't say I haven't warned you. On the day of, you're off to the pub, would I text your family?
27:03 Speaker 02 Well, not a pub, not just a pub, a pub with a play area.
27:07 Speaker 03 I never knew there was pubs with players, probably because I never go into a pub, I've never seen a pub.
27:12 Speaker 02 Very Ireland in the 80s, I can tell you.
27:15 Speaker 03 I do, we had no play area in Ireland, I was out playing at Skips and collecting beer mats, that's what we did.
27:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, look at you, you're grand.
27:26 Speaker 03 I'm grand, I just can't, I, I'm triggered by pubs, that's why I can't go into them anymore, I spent so much time in them as a child, I'm like, God, not there again.
27:34 Speaker 02 In the 80s, they didn't care about keeping us entertained, they were like, go out there and roll on a barrel, do you know what I mean? It was like, yeah, throw the ashtray at your cousin like a frisbee, no one cared, it wasn't like they were building like monkey trees and all that shit. I think it's actually a really progressive sign that they're putting children play areas in pubs, I think it's great for the community in general.
27:52 Speaker 03 Well, to be honest with you, I'm sitting here playing Uno non-stop with my kids, I have to, they have to be permanently entertained by me and taken places and it's just
28:01 Speaker 02 Shit show.
28:02 Speaker 03 That never, never happened with me, ever, I don't think, I don't even know if I had any cards when I was younger, yeah, I had nothing, no toys, nothing.
28:09 Speaker 02 You only have to play Uno till November, Vogue, and then it's gates, so lap it up while you can.
28:16 Speaker 03 I've got to be honest, I'm pretty good at Uno and I've stopped letting them win as well, I'm like, nah, we're either playing or we're playing.
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30:00 Speaker 03 We're gonna see Joanne with a fucking balaclava on waiting to do Plani Blue next. She's mad about her.
30:06 Speaker 02 I'd notice those platform convers anywhere.
30:10 Speaker 03 I know that shiny metallic.
30:14 Speaker 02 Do you want to know what I would do if the aliens were coming?
30:16 Speaker 03 Yes, we would.
30:17 Speaker 02 I would shame.
30:18 Speaker 03 Oh wait, can we guess?
30:22 Speaker 02 I'd love you to. I'd, I'd know, I'd love you to. I'd love you to guess. And thank you for finally being involved in the podcast.
30:30 Speaker 03 She, okay, I'll do my real guess first. Well, to be honest with you, Joanne, what I actually think that you're gonna do is probably sit in your gap on your own.
30:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:39 Speaker 03 Looking at TikTok.
30:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:41 Speaker 03 And ringing your mom. But you might go home to your mom's house. There's potential to go home to your mom's house.
30:46 Speaker 02 Ah, I'd reckon I'd splash out of the Ryanair flight and go home to my mother. So I can watch TikTok there. Yeah, yeah. With her on her Finsta. If, if, if, if I knew that the time was coming to an end, I'd say my mother would have to eventually, she'd have to finally admit what her Finsta account was. I'd say she'd finally give you the details. And I'd wanna go home for that face to face. Yeah. Anything else?
31:08 Speaker 03 What do you think, Jo?
31:11 Speaker 04 I think she's definitely in the bath. If, whether you're at your mother's or not, you've run a bath.
31:14 Speaker 03 I wouldn't see her as a big bather.
31:16 Speaker 04 Glass of wine.
31:16 Speaker 03 You're not a big bath girl, are you?
31:18 Speaker 02 Oh, I love a, well, when I, when I have access to one, yeah. I'll dip a toe. Yeah, I find it very soothing.
31:23 Speaker 03 You'd have a bath in a hotel. There's, that's another thing that I just can't bear in hotels. I just can't, I don't think they clean the bath properly. And I was so sore after Gladiators. I was like, oh God, I'm gonna have to get into that bath. And all I could think about was who's arse had sat in it last. Really? It puts me off. I can't stand it.
31:42 Speaker 02 I never think about that.
31:44 Speaker 03 Honestly, I was, I was crippled after Gladiators. I was like, I haven't, I had no choice but to get in there. I tried to wash it with a cherry gel, but I was like, oh.
31:54 Speaker 02 How's the body now? How do you feel?
31:57 Speaker 03 I feel grand now. I'm, I'm all right. A few, a few cuts and bruises.
32:01 Speaker 04 Joanne, what would you actually do with the alien?
32:03 Speaker 02 I was saying I would, I would shave.
32:06 Speaker 03 Okay.
32:07 Speaker 02 Just in case that there is some sort of opportunity to seduce for survival.
32:12 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:13 Speaker 02 And I would duck.
32:14 Speaker 03 Duck.
32:15 Speaker 02 Yeah. Cause I reckon they're gonna land heavy.
32:18 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:19 Speaker 02 Do you know what I mean? I don't think it's gonna be a gentle. I think it's gonna be, it's gonna be hardcore.
32:24 Speaker 03 Do you know what I do hope? I hope they, I do hope they land, like in fairness, I want them to land and at least we get a glimpse of them. If they pull a dinosaur on us, we just won't even know what had happened. It would be like, like it would just, we would explode. So there'd be no crack to it. Do you know what I mean?
32:37 Speaker 02 Well, I, the dinosaurs were, and, and me and, and Theodore would know about this, cause he is a big dinosaur person.
32:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
32:44 Speaker 02 That the dinosaurs, it was, there was, it wasn't just one. Hit. It was a combination of catastrophic events. It was like there was a big comet. And then that caused loads of like tsunamis and sulfures and everything. They weren't just like knocked out in one go. Just for clarity.
33:00 Speaker 04 Blocked out the sun and stuff.
33:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, exactly. It was like an ongoing issue. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I think the more the merrier. That's what I think.
33:09 Speaker 03 Do I not think she's getting a date out of this? That's what's going on here.
33:14 Speaker 03 She's absolutely desperate.
33:16 Speaker 02 Guys, I can't talk. I'm up to the weather spoons with the Martian. Good luck. See you next week. He's got nineteen dicks.
33:25 Speaker 02 Bring in the girls.
33:31 Speaker 02 An octopenis is down the road. I've just matched them on Hinge. Good luck.
33:36 Speaker 02 I'm doing my kegels. I don't know how this one's gonna go. Imagine. Imagine me giving birth to a sea lion or something. Be great crack.
33:44 Speaker 03 At least you know what they feel like now. Won't be such a fright.
33:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, it'd be like skin to skin. I'd be like, no, I know exactly how this is gonna go because folk told me exactly how this is gonna go.
33:53 Speaker 03 Did you see Calvin Harris put up a picture of his wife Vic's placenta?
34:00 Speaker 02 And she had the baby.
34:01 Speaker 03 They had the baby, but it was like gorgeous. And she, actually, to be fair, it was in this gorgeous setting in Ibiza and she had a water birth. But he just said, like, you're looking through and it's like, oh, oh, and it's like, oh. Just a massive placenta. Go and look at it.
34:17 Speaker 02 Interesting.
34:18 Speaker 03 Yeah. She ate it.
34:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's what people do now. Yeah. The Martians will respect that.
34:26 Speaker 03 I honestly, I just, I.
34:28 Speaker 02 It's very Martian coded, I would say.
34:30 Speaker 03 It reminds me of liver, and I don't like liver, so I just can't imagine I would like. And I'd know that that's in my body then, do you know that way?
34:38 Speaker 02 I'm surprised you're not a placenta gobbler yourself, though, because you're big into protein.
34:43 Speaker 03 I know. I'm just not mad for the placenta, to be honest with you. It's just real bitter taste, a bitter taste.
34:48 Speaker 02 It's an acquired taste, I'd say.
34:49 Speaker 03 Very irony.
34:51 Speaker 02 I'd throw a bit of Tabasco on it.
34:52 Speaker 03 Treat it like an oyster, it might be all right.
34:58 Speaker 03 Do you know what I've been, I've dead, obviously I'm dead at my mom's house and, and so she keeps, my mom is a, did I tell you this? Her cereal shopping habits and she's just getting boxes of clothes sent here, right? Then I have to open the box of clothes, then I have to model the clothes for her on FaceTime. So she decides if I then have to repackage them and send them back for her.
35:21 Speaker 02 No.
35:21 Speaker 03 There's no, no free ride over here. She said she's sending my gift.
35:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's, yeah, no, no, that wouldn't be for me now. I remember I tried to sell some bits and bobs years ago. I tried to sell some bits and bobs on, what's the place that you sell bits and bobs?
35:36 Speaker 03 Vinted.
35:37 Speaker 02 No, they weren't posh bits and bobs. They were like normal bits and bobs.
35:40 Speaker 03 Deep.
35:42 Speaker 02 Deep pop.
35:42 Speaker 03 You did deep.
35:44 Speaker 02 I did deep pop.
35:45 Speaker 03 Did you get banned from not sending anything?
35:47 Speaker 02 For about three days I did deep pop, yeah. And I, and I was like, fuck all this noise. Like, one trip to the post office is enough for any human with, like I'm now, like I'm now identifying with, who suffers with their nerves. I was like, not a hope. And then you come home and you've made all of three shillings and your whole day has been spent packing up this rah rah dress and sending it off to Mallow. I was like, no, never again. Not doing it. So I understand your pain.
36:17 Speaker 03 You get the most insane, insane ideas.
36:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:25 Speaker 03 You think you're gonna sell something?
36:26 Speaker 02 I had no money. I, I was skint and I was like, I need to, and I, I had extra bits of clothes and I was like, right, well, the best thing to, everyone's, you know, sustainably selling.
36:37 Speaker 02 But like, look, I can understand any sort of repacking or unpacking now.
36:41 Speaker 03 You should, I'm gonna send you the message she sends me about packing it back up and where the sellotape has to go. I'm like, Sandra, I know where, and you know what she did then?
36:49 Speaker 02 Back in your box, pun intended.
36:52 Speaker 03 She literally, she's like, I just leave it up there with security. And I was like, there's no, there's no sticker on this. Like, you know the way you have to print off the sticker and put it on? I was like, I'll say nothing. And she told me she'd just leave it up there. I went up the other day to get one of my packages and I was like, oh shit, the box is still there. I was like, mom, did you not do something right? You know, you actually have to print something off and put it on the box. He said, oh, I, but I didn't know that I had to do that. So now I have to get all the packages and put the, put the sticker on the box so then it can get sent off. And that outfit was rotten. There's no, that won't even sell off on vintage if she gets it back. If it's not in the, in the right timeframe for a refund, rotten.
37:30 Speaker 02 Now, I hate to break it to you, but I have my three presidents.
37:33 Speaker 03 Oh, I thought you were gonna go back to Bonnie Blue. This is great. Okay, Fab.
37:36 Speaker 02 Hey, Radie.
37:38 Speaker 03 I'm really looking forward to this. Unless it's Bonnie Blue. If she, don't put her in.
37:44 Speaker 02 She's not in.
37:45 Speaker 03 Okay, go on. Oh, I'm excited.
37:48 Speaker 02 These are my nominations for the Irish presidency.
37:50 Speaker 03 Okay.
37:51 Speaker 02 One, kneecap.
37:53 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. That's a good one.
37:56 Speaker 02 Nothing, no, no one and nothing has brought this country together more than kneecap since Pint Baby. That is my professional opinion. Joe, as an outsider, you remember Pint Baby?
38:07 Speaker 04 I do remember Pint Baby. I'm, yeah, I'm well versed with Pint Baby.
38:10 Speaker 02 The only thing-
38:10 Speaker 03 Kneecap, what a choice. I wasn't expecting that. Great choice.
38:14 Speaker 02 The only thing-
38:15 Speaker 03 And just all three.
38:16 Speaker 02 All three, all three. And we'll stack them on top of each other in a raincoat. So you can't, you're not allowed to have three pres- like, and they're, and they're a little young because you have to be 35, but I was thinking, stack them on top and they look like one of those puppets from Machina's. And I think they'd be a great-
38:30 Speaker 03 Addition, agree.
38:31 Speaker 02 Addition. And they've, they're bringing back, they're refreshing the Irish language. I think it's, I think tic, tic, tic, tic, tic.
38:37 Speaker 03 Okay.
38:37 Speaker 02 Number two, the man who slipped on the ice.
38:41 Speaker 03 I was gonna say him, but then I just-
38:44 Speaker 02 Didn't.
38:45 Speaker 03 I didn't, because I was gonna say him and I was gonna say the treacherous, the treacherous Rhodes lady.
38:50 Speaker 02 Vogue, you didn't, so.
38:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, I did.
38:54 Speaker 02 You're out.
38:54 Speaker 03 I didn't.
38:55 Speaker 02 Because you know.
38:56 Speaker 03 I didn't think he deserved it.
38:57 Speaker 02 He's a real candidate and now you're embarrassed, you didn't consider him seriously.
39:01 Speaker 03 He absolutely doesn't deserve it and that's why I said no. And also, you can't go from kneecap, find their ears, to the, to the iceman, whatever. And Sutchi man is better than the iceman, he's brought more to this, to this country.
39:13 Speaker 02 You nominated your stepfather, I think I have free rein here.
39:17 Speaker 03 I listened back to the pod and you were going on about how much you were thrilled that it was Neil. So don't you dare turn on him now, you turn goat.
39:24 Speaker 02 I think what I mean is there are no realtor. The man who slipped on the ice in 2010. Now, the reason I am nominating him is because he is the biggest mystery. For anyone who doesn't know, it's very much, it does what it says in the tin. A man slipped on the ice in the back of a news report in 2010 during the big freeze in Ireland. And he really went for it and the fall was quite comical and exaggerated. It was, it was quite something and it was live on the telly and of course, Ireland latched on to it. It was like we'd won the Eurovision, we were thrilled by it. And then there was a man who had to find out who he was and he never came forward. He rejected his viral moment.
40:03 Speaker 02 I think it's important to note that the Irish presidential role, it's less boss, it's more just vibes, ceremonial. It's more like Michelle Obama vibes, do you know what I mean? It's like hospitality, it's a lot of hiring and buying, a lot of meeting and greeting.
40:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:19 Speaker 02 Okay, they don't set the law, they just set the tone, the vibe. It's a, it's a, it's a party planner, ultimately. So, the man who slipped on the ice, did you know there was a plaque installed in 2020 in the, on the 10 year anniversary of the man who slipped on the ice at the forecourt to commemorate this event? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this person has still not come forward. So the reason I would nominate the, the guy who slipped on the ice is because.
40:44 Speaker 03 I know, yeah.
40:46 Speaker 02 He's like Michael Collins.
40:47 Speaker 03 He'd be the most famous man in Ireland, that's why he doesn't want to come forward, he doesn't want his life to be ruined. He won't be able to do his shopping anymore.
40:54 Speaker 02 Exactly, he's like the Banksy of Ireland, he's just like, no, I don't want the fame, I don't want the recognition, I don't want the notoriety.
41:01 Speaker 03 I don't think I'd want that level of fame, it's too much.
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42:43 Speaker 03 Don't forget that we are on full video now. You can watch us on YouTube. And we have made an utter disgrace of ourselves today because we just couldn't, couldn't get things working.
42:52 Speaker 02 It's been, I would say, the traditional, I would say the official term is shit show.
42:56 Speaker 03 Anyway, enjoy the video.
42:58 Speaker 02 Enjoy the video.
43:01 Speaker 02 I have two more, which I, one of them was that I did think that maybe if we could AI Sinead O'Connor, I thought she'd be a great candidate.
43:09 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, she'd be good. Oh, yeah.
43:11 Speaker 02 She'd be very good for nostalgia. We, everyone loves her, obviously, posthumously, posthumously, as I say, because everyone, everyone always loves everyone, posthumously. But she laid out her position on most issues while she was alive. And I think if it's just a ceremonial thing, she'd be a great representation. I mean, she'd probably hate the job, actually, the more I think about it. But she'd keep the priest state. But.
43:36 Speaker 03 For that reason alone, I'll probably vote for her. Good. She's a good one.
43:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, she was ahead of her time, really. And but like I say, the more I think about it, actually, I think she'd actually hate her role because I think she'd hate that kind of formality.
43:47 Speaker 03 I don't know if she would because she's very patriotic and I think that she'd be great going around, going around to the White House and stuff like that. Yeah. Like really putting.
43:55 Speaker 02 She wouldn't go. Can you imagine? She wouldn't. She'd be she'd be setting fire to Trump's cars. But that was just something I thought in my mind with AI, what could we do with it? But then my fourth and final suggestion is a little wayward. Okay, so if you remove the need for Irish citizenship, just like a little kind of outside the box, I would nominate Lindsay Lohan.
44:16 Speaker 04 Oh.
44:17 Speaker 02 Now.
44:18 Speaker 03 Hmm.
44:19 Speaker 02 Reasons being, I haven't put my argument for it.
44:23 Speaker 03 I know, but I just feel like you you you kind of clawed it back with Sinead O'Connor there and you've had to let yourself down again.
44:29 Speaker 02 Well, we all know the lad who slipped on the ice is getting it if all four of these people are nominated. So these are just a token nomination at this point.
44:35 Speaker 03 Everyone would prefer the Sutcliffe man. He was he was a better option.
44:39 Speaker 02 Well, I actually contacted Point Baby and asked if he'd like to be involved. He said no.
44:44 Speaker 03 Why Lindsay Lohan?
44:46 Speaker 02 Lindsay Lohan. I find her resurgence and rebranding, I've written it down here, inspiring and comforting are the two things I've written down here. She used to go out with the DJ, folks, so she'd be big into you. And it means she knows how to throw a party and we'd finally get invited to the president's garden party.
45:03 Speaker 03 Do you remember when she was dancing in Ibiza? That was one of my all time favorite videos that I've ever seen of anyone. She was dancing up on stage. She couldn't have been having a better time.
45:13 Speaker 02 The woman can move.
45:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
45:15 Speaker 02 And no better person to meet and greet people coming in and out of Ireland. Also, can we just remember her Irish film, which was obviously twee and scarlet, but also one of the most watched films on Netflix in March 2024 was a huge success. Yet she never did us the disservice of doing an Irish accent. It was not her part. It was not her role. She doesn't patronize. She doesn't condescend.
45:38 Speaker 03 Okay, well, I could, you know, the only thing I would say about Lindsay Lohan, I was quite upset. I you know that I don't like when people pretend things that aren't true. When she said that she doesn't, she hasn't done anything to her face because her face, she has had such an amazing glow up and she looks brilliant. But it'd be nice for us to, I know that you said she's inspiring, but like. She's pretending that that was just from, from eating nice food and stuff.
46:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, but she's gonna, at the end of the day, she will be a politician, so she needs to know how to fudge the truth.
46:08 Speaker 02 I would also say, as a redheaded woman, and not to say, obviously, we know Ireland is a very diverse country, but the redheads, I would say, are underrepresented in Ireland, always have been, always will be, because of the genetic makeup of it. And why not get them some airtime? Why not platform a redhead? And also, remember she was called fire crotch by that people, they were kind of picking on her. And I actually think fire crotch is a great drag name. And I feel if Lindsay Lohan was present for it, she'd be very much involved in the queer culture.
46:38 Speaker 03 Who called her fire crotch?
46:41 Speaker 02 I think Paris Hilton was like bullying her and called her a fire crotch, suggesting that she had red hair down there vibes. And then it was used against her. I actually think she should take that and make it, and empower herself with it. And I could see her doing drag bingo and drag brunches in Dublin. She'd be down at the George. I think she's a great candidate. Plus, I think she'd, do you know what? I think she'd fucking take the job.
47:04 Speaker 02 And there you go. There are my four candidates.
47:07 Speaker 03 I do, I loved, remember when she was away on holidays and she was like basically trying to take this child, thinking the child was lost or something?
47:13 Speaker 02 Exactly.
47:16 Speaker 03 And then, and then she had, and then she had,
47:18 Speaker 02 She cares.
47:19 Speaker 03 She picked up that accent from being somewhere like for five minutes. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
47:24 Speaker 02 A musical ear, a musical ear. And she's gonna need it in Ireland. She's gonna need it. She's gonna need that musical ear. Ultimately, I think it has to be the guy that slipped on the ice. He cannot die without him knowing who he is.
47:36 Speaker 03 Ah, come on.
47:36 Speaker 02 Like Jack the Ripper shit. We need to know who he is.
47:40 Speaker 03 I think it has to be Michael Flatley, to be fair. Where this whole conversation had started, I do think that Michael Flatley would be the best choice. Imagine him dancing around like an American stuff, showing them how brilliant we are.
47:51 Speaker 02 Well, let's see who arrives on that ship in November. We might have a fresh candidate. You wouldn't know.
47:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, we'll see.
47:57 Speaker 02 Martin the Martian could be throwing his hat in the ring. Let's just say.
48:03 Speaker 03 I was looking up this thing on TikTok and there was a woman sitting there and she had about nine snails, full snails, all over her face, these big, massive snails. People are now getting snotty snail facials.
48:16 Speaker 02 I think the Korean women are punking the rest of us, I really do, because I think they're like, these European losers will do anything we tell them to do at this point.
48:24 Speaker 03 They will.
48:25 Speaker 02 And yeah, I think this is Ashton Kutcher vibes, I really, really do. Between the snails and the sperm and all that jazz, like, we'll be wanking Labradors off next and they'll be just laughing at us in their factories.
48:34 Speaker 03 No, they're lovely.
48:36 Speaker 02 They're like, they're so thick, they will do anything.
48:42 Speaker 02 That's it from us, thank you so much for listening. Always remember to like and subscribe if that's your thing, and if not, maybe think about why it's not, you know, support other women.
48:55 Speaker 02 I've been Joanne, she's been Vogue, that's been the producer.
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50:04 Speaker 06 Pebble is normally $399 a month per employee, already a no brainer for what you get, but right now, there's a limited time offer on their site that makes it even easier to get started. Go to hellopebble.com/sports before it's gone. That's hello, P-E-B-L dot com slash sports. Terms and conditions apply.
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