Auntie Joanna, Teeth & Bestiality (Again)

There's some VERY exciting news, IF you live in the UK (sorry non-uk listeners!) Plus, where will men NOT w*nk? What's Joanne given up? How did they make dentures in the olden days? All the good stuff. If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to [email protected] Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/ For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com Joanne's comedy gigs: www.joannemcnally.com This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  This is a Global Player original podcast.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  This is exciting.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  It is exciting.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  We've never done a competition on the podcast before, Vogue, but that is about to change.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  The prize is this.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Oh, it's you. On Saturday, 18th of October, 2025, just in case anyone was querying the year, you'll be coming to the Eventim Apollo in London with two tickets to my sold-out show, Penophile. Then you'll come backstage and have a drink at the Vogue night.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  You'll also, by the way, you'll also get a night in a hotel near the Eventim Apollo. And we're going to throw in £150 cash towards your travel costs.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  That's very generous of us.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Also, wait, oh, I'm sorry about this. Also, a ghosted merch bundle and a copy of Big Mouth thrown in. Why not?

• 0:57Speaker 01

  The competition is to help raise money for Global's Make Some Noise, which funds vital life-changing projects across the UK, delivered by small, local charities with the aim of making sure nobody is left facing life's toughest challenges alone.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  Projects tackle a wide range of issues, including bereavement, food poverty, domestic abuse, homelessness and loneliness.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  This is only open to residents of the UK aged 18 and over and who are based in the UK at the time of entry.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  For your chance to win, for you and a friend to grab a drink with us, then two tickets to see Joanne's Penophile show on Saturday, the 18th of October, 2025, at the Eventim Apollo in London, text GHOST, G-H-O-S-T, to 82200.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  By entering, you'll have the chance to make a voluntary £5 donation, which will be added to your phone bill. 100% goes to Global's Make Some Noise.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  You've got until 10am on Monday, the 13th of October to enter. Keep your phone handy, we may be calling you.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Standard network rates apply. You must be 18 or over to enter. For full Ts and Cs, including prize date restrictions, visit makethemnoise.com/win. So, text GHOST, G-H-O-S-T, to 82200.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  I went to go and get my flu jab last week and they sneered at me. I was far too early. I'm way too excited about getting it. And they were like, sorry, not available yet.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Do you mean early in life or early in the season? Because I would have assumed it was early in life. I thought they'd be like, come back when you're 58, 60.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  No, it's early in the season supposedly. I go to somewhere where you have to pay for it. So I don't put any pressure on the NHS if anyone wants to give it to me.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  And they refused to take my money. They wouldn't take the goddamn money.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Surely it's not even, what is it? It's September. Like, it's still hot outside. There's people in shorts and t-shirts and stuff. That's very organised. Although this is the woman.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  If it was on the go in July, I'd go, yeah.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  This is the woman who booked her panto tickets two years in advance, or certainly 12 months. Yeah. Jesus, I haven't booked my panto tickets this year. I'd be on my deathbed from tuberculosis and I'm like, fuck, I must get that flu jab. I'm always after the fact. Everything has to fall apart. Like, I had, I was on the road. I was in Plymouth. I was in between.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  Oh, I saw that.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Guildford and Plymouth. And one of my teeth started acting up. Remember I was saying to you, remember I was on the pod saying, anyway, turns out a filling had fallen out. But it was a temporary filling because I'm supposed to get a root canal. But obviously I haven't gone back to get the root canal. So I had to wait until everything fell apart. Then I had to get an emergency dentist in the middle of the night and look like a Bell's Pawsy for half a show. Because I won't do anything ahead of time. Whereas if that was you, Vogue, you would have had a full set of new teeth done within seven months to get a root canal.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  I mean, particularly when it comes to teeth, I am in there like, that's done. There's no waiting around for the teeth. Absolutely not. I even have, listen, I've got, I don't know if you're allowed to have it, but like, I've got a couple of prescriptions in the cupboard there, just in case. I have one for a UTI.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you need that. Women need that. Yeah, yeah.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  I meant to say to you, you know the way I like a bit of sci-fi, science, well, science is science, science fiction, science. They think they've invented something that can regrow teeth.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Careful where you put it.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  I mean, I, yeah.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? The other way when you tan and then your arms are, your hands are all brown and all. Imagine teeth going out of your palms or anywhere else.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  You'd be like a cat. Cats have spikes down there.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Claw in. I know, it's the penis that has the spikes.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  When I commit to my celibacy era, I will grow a set of teeth down there just in case I decide one night to give up my sexual pioneering. I'm like, no, no, it's no longer a safe space, like a rat trap. But yeah, the party they're saying they can regrow teeth, would that be great news?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  I don't know if it's the best news. Like, I'd prefer if they could regrow something like better.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Well, that's because you have teeth.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, but we don't need teeth. Like, I mean, can they work on growing something? Well, we do, but we don't absolutely need them. Like, I'd rather work on hearts or something.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Well, they are still working on cancer and all. Do you not remember your man? There was a Netflix series about him. It was very interesting. I watched it on a true crime doc a while back. And then now it's obviously, it's hit Netflix because all great things do. This female journalist who dated this doctor who was ahead of his time with heart surgery. And he was putting, what he was fixing, fixing in inverted commas, turns out he wasn't really fixing them. Like, kind of extra, kind of external bits and bobs, picky bits into people's. He was putting picky bits into people's bodies to help fix their hearts and stuff. But it turns out he was literally going down to the hardware store and like buying like.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  Valves and stuff.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Tubes and stuff, yeah. Putting them in, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like tapping away. But his argument is, I needed to push the boat because if you don't push the boat, you don't know what works. The family's argument was, you could have told us you were taking picky bits from the hardware store and now our family's dead. Anyway, yeah.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  Oh, they died, so it didn't even work. Jesus.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  No, it didn't work. No, no, no, it didn't work. None of them survived us, no.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Do you ever see those operations where doctors leave like teatels and shit inside patients?

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Do you see that? It's like, how did you forget? I suppose it is a bit of a mumble jumble down there with intestines and shit the size of football pitches. It's like.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  A sponge here and there, I can understand, but like a stethoscope, you're like, come on now, I will sue. Did you see the story about the doctor recently? And it kind of, I was like, I don't know what the morals here are. The doctor who had a ride in the middle of a surgery.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  No, what do you mean he had a ride with who?

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Exactly, I know. I know, it's not, no, no.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Okay, that's okay then, that's okay then.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  With the Nista test. No, so he left.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  Once it wasn't the patient.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  It wasn't the patient. That's, yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  It's completely acceptable.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  If it wasn't the patient.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, Grant, why are we even talking about it?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Why are we letting, why are we always giving out about? Yeah, for God's sake, he could be in there 24 hours.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  He was nipping down to the hardware store to buy a bit of mop to put in the patient, to soak up the blood. So basically, he was having, this doctor, the surgeon was having it, he was a married man, of course, with kids. But he was having an affair with someone else who worked in the hospital and he left the surgery, mid-surgery. As you do, he's like, I need to go to the bathroom. So like, you know, sticker on pause kind of thing, I'll be back. And then bumped into his mistress in some sort of airing cupboard or a plantometer. And someone walked in and he had his pants down and he was tucking himself inside his mistress. But they were like, are you not supposed to be in surgery? So of course, then it all came out.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Kind of sexy, isn't it? No? Anyone else turned on? No?

• 7:51Speaker 01

  I, I wouldn't deny him, Matt, I wouldn't. Just go to the loo, I don't care, I'm asleep.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  You know, it's not like, it wasn't in the room and he was.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Sorry, you're saying you'd let somebody leave your operation, you'd be like.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  I'm like, give me a break. Yeah, I'm wrecked to getting dragged around from the insides by you. Just, I'd like a little breather as well. Go and do what you need to do. Do what you need to do, yeah, release yourself. I do feel that men are focused more. Yeah, exactly. After he's, well, anyway, so yeah, so they're kind of saying, they don't know what to do with him really because he hasn't broken any law, it's just kind of bad form.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Public indecency.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Well, I think he's, he's been outed anyway, so obviously he's more tired.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  I think, yeah, I think that would be embarrassing, but I think when men get caught wanking on cameras. And it always happens where they're wanking in the wrong face. I was reading a book and I actually thought it was real because I forgot it was a book. About a guy being caught in his office wanking. I just think it's, I just think it's really embarrassing to be caught wanking by anyone for a man, like anyone. Imagine your wife walked in, Joe, it's just like, it's so shameful.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Donna Porter had a book, The Cows, I think.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  The cow, cow, yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  The cows, which was about a woman caught masturbating on a train. So women do it too.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  I think people do it everywhere. I read an article the other day that suggested, especially, I mean, it was about men. They do it everywhere.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  Men, men do.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  In hedges, because, like, people who work outdoors, just all over the, in other people's houses and work.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  I can hold off till I'm in private. I can just, I feel like I can hold off. I can. I don't need to, like, it would be too humiliating. It would be very difficult for me to come back from something like that because I'd be so embarrassed.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  I think we can, a woman can, can hold off, Jo. I think that's the, I think that's ultimately the difference.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  So can a man, in fairness. You're just grim that you just want to get it out everywhere.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, is it like a scratch, Jo? Is it like an itch? What's it like? Is it like when I had rosacea? Is it like when I had eczema around my eyes? Is that what it's like?

• 9:57Speaker 03

  The way that the article put it suggested that there's just no waiting and there's, and, and, and why be ashamed? I think, you know, if you're in a hedge, then that's why.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Ah, come on. If you're outside in a field, come on, just be a bit ashamed. Just fucking wait till you get home.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, shame, shame's not a bad, bad thing to do.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  No, shame's important. It kind of keeps society together, really.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  And leave the sheep and the horses alone, men. Sickos.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Leave them alone. They don't see that either.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Sickos. Christ. Anyway.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  Before we go into bestiality, which is, you know, one of my favourite topics.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Actually, I would like to deep dive bestiality, to be honest with you, because I don't know that much about it. It's strange.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  It's people shagging animals. That's what it gets now, right?

• 10:40Speaker 02

  No, I know, I know what it is, but like, I'd like to, I'd like to understand the science behind their minds.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  They're just lonely.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Why? I don't understand why you would choose to have sex with your dog.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Ask them. Get one on Never Live a Town. Get one on this.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  Joe, I'd like, I'd like a man who has had sex with a horse on this podcast next week, or I quit. Okay?

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Absolutely fine.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Let's go for Louis Theroux. Yeah. Get one of your mates on, Joe.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I'm gonna do a whole show about bestiality, I think. Do you think, who could I pitch it to? Channel 4 would take it. I reckon Channel 4 would take that.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Big time.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  I'd lose my job on the rain.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, you might be, you might be doing the carpet at the NTAs, but like, fuck that, who cares? You're shining a light on bestiality and I think that is, you're doing God's work. I think that's way more important.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  It's my calling in life, really. It truly is.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  This is the first time that you've actually had your hair make it done for the pod. Remember we said we were gonna do it every time now you've actually seen?

• 11:58Speaker 02

  So Joanna called over to my house yesterday.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  And that, that, those poor children, Vogue.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  Those, thank God I went down. For reference, I'm not drinking at the moment, so I'm back in family mode. So I went down to visit the children to remind them who I am.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Well, you did, you actually came down to save me because I was like, Joanna, I've been with them all weekend on my own. I've been to three parties. I've been to swimming, gymnastics. Please take me out for a walk.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. She needs to be saved. I was like, I'll knock in for you. Do you remember Elska, the way you'd knock in? But like, you coming out? So I knocked in for her, brought her out. But when I went into the house, the second I went in, Theodore was in full mode of, Joanna? I was like, if you want something from me, Theodore, calling me Joanna is not gonna get a feel of.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Mommy won't let me have a snake, Joanna. Will you tell mommy to let me have a snake? And Joanna's like, yeah.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  I wanna be the sound aunt, do you know what I mean? I was like, yeah, what you need? I'll get you a snake. What you want, a rattlesnake? What you need?

• 12:57Speaker 02

  He was like, do you think Aunt Joanna would get me a snake? I'm like, no, she wouldn't because I would give out to her. And he was like, well, how would she know? I was like, I've known her a long time. I've known her longer than you.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  I was just, do you know when kids ask you for things, you don't see them that often, you wanna be sound? But I also don't wanna interfere with parenting and I know that children shouldn't have snakes. But, but I, I agreed to it anyway, so I won't be down. I, I won't be going down for a while.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  She, she, she, she as well.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  She grabs a bear out of that face.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  She, she said hi to Joanne and then she like, she was on this thing called a ditty car and she kind of scooted over to me and she goes, "Why is Joanne's hair black?" And I was like, "What?" And she's like, "Why is..." And I was like, "Ask her." And she goes, "Why is your hair black?"

• 13:41Speaker 01

  I said, "Do you want me to dye my hair blonde again, like your mama?" And she said, "Yes."

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Yes. And then she said it to me again last night. She was like, "Will Joanne's hair go, not be black anymore?"

• 13:54Speaker 02

  She doesn't like your hair colour.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  She hasn't hit her emo phase yet. Well, the second she hits her emo phase, me and her are gonna be thick as thieves. She's in her Barbie phase at the moment.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  She only like, long blonde, that's all she wants. Do you know what, do you know what she did today? She came to Run Club. I couldn't believe my eyes.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  She got off her arse?

• 14:11Speaker 02

  She ran the entire way and at the end of it, yes, and at the end of it, and one of her friends was like, oh, she, like, kind of laughing that she, she was there as well, because it is kind of interesting to know that she'd be at Run Club. And he was like, "You, oh, I don't know if you'll be able to do it, she, she, I don't think..." And she beat him.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  You see, you don't know. We thought we had a lazy drag baby, but maybe we have a fitness sporty baby.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  Ah, well, no, at the end, she said, "I don't want to go to Run Club again."

• 14:38Speaker 01

  I don't blame her.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  But we'll see. I promised her a pair of running shoes and she might want to go then.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  I have a new mantra in life. Do you want to hear it?

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  I just keep saying it about everything. And I keep saying it to people, like Amber was like to me, she went out on Friday and she's like, "Oh, will I go out on Saturday?" And I was like, "Yeah." "You could get hit by a bus. I could get hit by a bus." It's all I say now. I'm like, "Oh, I don't want to do that, but I could get hit by a bus." "Oh, I shouldn't have champagne at a kid's party, but I could get hit by a bus."

• 15:08Speaker 01

  A bus, yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  So that's what I say about everything.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Hopefully you do and then everything you do will have been worth it.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  I hope I'm not manifesting. Does that mean I'm manifesting? You touch wood. I don't want to be, but I'm just like, I'm wondering, I'm such a busy bee at the moment. I go, I'm being very social. And I'm like, it's, it's all down to, "I could be hit by a bus."

• 15:28Speaker 01

  You could be, and you, and you could, well, you genuinely could be hit by a bus. That's the truth of the matter.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  And I cycle.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  There's loads of buses where you live.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  There's loads of buses. You're always on your phone. "Excuse me, don't out me."

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Speaking of phones.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Joanne asked us to tell us. Now, obviously, I don't know how to do things like this, so I just type in screen time, yeah?

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Mine had social entertainment and then I had business 1%. And I don't know what it's taking business as.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  What's your social, Joanne?

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Daily average. Actually, I don't think it's that bad. Nine hours, seven minutes?

• 16:14Speaker 03

  Seems a lot.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  I, I'm single with no kids, folk. I've nothing else to do. I've no purpose.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  So it was nine what?

• 16:24Speaker 01

  19 minutes.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Is that just the social?

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Nine hours, seven minutes.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  No, it's not just social.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Oh, no. Okay, okay, okay. So average now is entertainment, five hours, 41. Social, one hour, 49. That's actually not that bad.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Social's not that bad. I thought you'd be worse with the TikTok, to be honest.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Productivity and finance, 25 minutes.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, but Joanne, your business dealings are on social, so.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  That's so true. You're my business dealer. What are, what are your, what are your quals?

• 16:55Speaker 02

  I'm 438 average.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  What? Oh, my God, I hate myself. Why am I on it for nine hours a day?

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Because you're on tour, because you're on tour and you're in a car. That's honestly why. I'm not just trying to make excuses for you. But when I'm filming a TV show and I have loads of hanging around and I'm on train loads, it's like fucking seven hours. It's never nine.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  Nine hours, Jo. It's not, I'm not well. How many hours in a day?

• 17:24Speaker 02

  I'm not well. Uh, my worst is when I'm. If I'm hungover, I could be 15 hours. Not, not, not 15. If I'm hungover, I could be seven hours that day. Nine is impressive. You in the middle, if that helps.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  What are you on WhatsApp?

• 17:41Speaker 01

  I'm up at 100. Like, as in, it's maxed out.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  It's, it's, it's kind of spasming here now. It's, WhatsApp is at 100.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Hours?

• 17:52Speaker 01

  I don't know. It just says 100. Gmail, 38. Hinge, nine. Thread, six. TikTok, six. Hinge, nine?

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Okay, no, I have to.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  That's because I'm off to drink and I'm trying to, so I'm like, I might as well try and meet someone.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  I have to be honest with you. So most of the time, I'm six hours. This is a good couple of weeks for me. Most of the time, I'm six hours. So I will admit that.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  God, I need to get off. Let's all get off our phones. Let's all try and cut an hour. Let's try and cut an hour. Let's try and cut. Get off your phone and let's try and cut an hour off that. Jesus Christ, I feel bad now. I feel bad. I could get, I could get hit by a bus and I'm just on my phone the whole time.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  But being on your phone is gonna up the chances of you getting hit by a bus. Yeah. I don't have time to get hit by a bus. I'm on my phone too much. I don't have time to go out and get hit by a bus.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  I'm like, no, now I'm uploading, so.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Oh, tell me a bit about your week. We never do that anymore. I'd like to know.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  What about my week? Well, I'm on the dry. Now, this is, this is big news now in fairness, especially when it comes around the touring. It's very boozy, very wet.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  I chose the worst time to go on the dry, but I'm so proud of you.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  I woke up one day and I, I woke up one morning and I was hungover and I lost my phone in the flat. Is this my rock bottom? I don't know. It seems quite intimate. I lost my, I know, yeah. You'd want me to be like puking in a bin or something, yeah.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  This seems actually totally fine.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  I realised it had gone too far when I lost my phone.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  I lost my phone in the flat, but it was gone for like a solid 20 minutes.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Your phone ran away from you because it was so tired.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  I'm sober, folk. I have nothing else to do. Quick, I just coming. Those fucking ants. The buttons are just burnt out. They've just melted into the back of the phone. Yeah, my, I woke up, I'd, no, that was what happened. I burnt my thumb off from scrolling.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  My thumb, my fingerprint is gone. It's like, you can't be on that. I lost my phone in the flat and I was so annoyed at myself because I'd like brain fog from drinking on the tour the night before. And I just got so frustrated with myself and I, and I took me, I'd say 20 minutes to find the phone. And that, I weirdly, I don't know why, that just snapped me. I was like, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of my own shit. I'm just sick of it. So, yeah, so I was like, right, no more booze, no worries for a month. And then I was like, oh, giving up booze for October, Joanne, groundbreaking, forgetting. Because I was like, I was online being like, I want to be accountable. I'm off for the month. And someone goes, so you're doing so for October like everyone else. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Sorry, no, I'm sorry, my birthday's, we're doing my birthday, you can't, you said you were already doing it till then.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm doing a month and I'm also, I'm in the Apollo this weekend and I know for a fact I'll end up having a glass of something after the Apollo for sure. But like, but I'm not doing.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  The Apollo, come on.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  It's the Apollo, but I'm not doing what I was doing, which was excess. I'm not doing that anymore. I, I feel like, I genuinely feel like I've turned a corner. I don't know why, I don't know where it's coming from, I really do. And then a friend of mine was like, oh god, are you gonna make, not drinking, being your, for a month, being your health personality? And I was like, yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  No.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  It's the only way, no, do you know what the really sad part of being on the dry? Firstly, realising how often you tip away when you're on the road.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  Like. Yeah.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  The amount of time you just go, no thanks, no thanks, no thanks. And I feel, I'm sorry now, I feel bad on my fellow Lushes to say this, I feel unreal. I do, I feel unreal. But I will say, it's.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  I'm not the only smoke bitch here.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  No, I find it, I find, after show, I find it, like I'm white knuckling it.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  I'm like, I have to tell Kylie, I was like, take the wine out of my dressing room, because whenever I go into a dressing room, there's a bottle of wine there on, on ice. Take it out and like, Garell said, if he saw me having a drink after the show, he'd slap it out of my hand and slap my face.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  I do think that you've chosen a really difficult time to do it, so I think that you're doing really well because of that, especially because of that. And I think even I would want to have a drink after a show.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  You know what it's like, you know what I mean?

• 22:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's very hard.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  But also, I have to take responsibility for myself and, you know, like, I'm gonna be touring, hopefully for the next 30 years of my life. So there's, it's always, there's always going to be an excuse. I needed a really girthy circuit breaker. That's what I needed and I'm having a circuit breaker and I. I feel amazing, but I don't know, like, but yeah, anyway, I'm not, I'm not gonna make a huge big deal out of it. She says, I mean, just made a massive deal out of it.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  I don't think you are, but I do think there's a lot of people that are just trying to drink a little bit less. And it does, like, I, I like getting pissed. I do like going out and drinking, but it really makes me feel terrible. It makes me feel terrible about myself for days. It doesn't make me feel good, even though I like doing it at the time. I think just doing it more in moderation, like, like, what are they called? The ones behind us, millennials? Or what are they called?

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Gen Z, Gen X, Gen Zers.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, they're all at that.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  Well, I definitely, I think, living on your, anyone I know who lives on their own would say that they think that they have bad habits around booze. Not everyone, some people don't at all. But I think if you live on your own and you're single, there is alcohol is, it's like a little pal, almost. It becomes like your mate. You're like, I shall watch a TV, have a glass of wine, blah, blah. And so I'm just trying to break those habits.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  You know?

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Well, we're very happy for you. Well done. You've never looked better.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  Thank you. I do look good, don't I? Now, I have had my hair made professionally done. But yeah, that's just no drinking. Nothing to do with live Davey being here for two hours this morning.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Nothing at all.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Oh, I saw you. I was like, oh, great. I have to record with her later.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  That's my life with you. Hardly. Every day with my Pinot Coors is all face.

• 23:49Speaker 04

  Shaq here. What's it like to buy a car from Carvana a hundred percent online and get it delivered to your door? Let me tell you. Your car is here, Mr. Shaq. Thank you, Mr. Carvana guy. Can't wait to take it for a spin. Only the best for you, Mr. Shaq. Hey, have you always been so big, tall and handsome? Not always. I was 6'10" once. Seven days to love it or return it, Mr. Shaq. Not that I would. You never do. No, I never do. So buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. See our seven day return policy at carvana.com.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Did you see what I did last week? I got up to loads of stuff.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  I was at London Fashion Week. Mm-hmm, I went.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Did you go?

• 24:33Speaker 02

  I went, I was at London Fashion, only one thing though.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  But I still, but I still went.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  I, can I tell you something before you forget?

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  I'm at the point in my life I've realised, and that you bring up London Fashion Week, and I hate to cut across you, but you've reminded me of something. I've started, you know when you're young and you're like, you're, you're, you're quite self-conscious when you're young and you wouldn't, you don't want to look like a fool or whatever. Yesterday, I was, I was cycling around town and I parked my bike and I was walking around and I realised I still had my helmet, right? So I still had my helmet on and I was like, wow. Like, there was a time I wouldn't even wear my helmet on the bicycle because I was like, I'd rather die than be seen to be wearing a hideous plastic bowl on my head. Whereas now, 42, I'm literally wearing it to save myself having to carry it, like I don't give a shit. And so I was walking through, um, London town.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  They do, they do make cooler helmets, I'm just saying. I'm not, I'm listening, you choose what helmet you want, but you've chosen, it's a strange, Yoshi. No, what's your man's name?

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Oh, you don't think mine's cool?

• 25:34Speaker 02

  I think you look a bit like Toad.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  So you'd rather I die, Vogue, is that it?

• 25:43Speaker 02

  I was just surprised in your choice of helmet when I saw it yesterday.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Wow. A lot of shade coming through with a little mini micro camera there.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  I might get one of those ones that you wear around your neck and it explodes if you crash, it just kind of comes to fruition.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  But I was plodding around in the helmet anyway, and I was plodding through London and I realised I was walking through a London Fashion Week event. I think it was the H and M event. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, God, everyone's so cool. And then I realised I was that L one walking past the camera where these two, like Olsen twin types were getting into it and I walked past wearing my cycling helmet.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  In my gym gear with my backpack on, with the wires all coming out of it as they usually do. And I was like, oh my God, I'm, this is such a middle-aged moment. And I'm kind of looking back at the camera because I'm being nosey. Do you know what I'm kind of like trying to see what it is and all, and they're all like wearing these kind of like rubber outfits and like huge.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Well, I actually saw you outside and I just didn't think it was the right time to say hello, but I did, I saw you.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  I thought I saw you, yeah. Vogue, Vogue!

• 26:51Speaker 03

  I don't know her.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  No, honestly, I don't know who she is.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  But I didn't even feel like a loser there. I met my friend Karina, who's been my stylist since I was like 17. And I met her and we were just having a nice time at the party and it was, everyone was nice, the clothes were lovely and I had a great time. And then I went home an hour later. Because I don't know what everyone else does.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Fashion known stays or whatever. So, well, I want H and M to know that when I do appear in your background footage, A, I want to be, and B, the helmet was ironic, okay?

• 27:23Speaker 01

  I know, I know fashion, okay? It's just, I just, I was caught out on that day.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  We'll be catching her on a micro scooter next. Wait, you wait. She was slagging me about the micro scooter. You're gonna want one. They do leons. The scooter, the scooter, the push scooter that I have.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  I don't know about that, Joanne. The helmet would suggest otherwise, okay?

• 27:44Speaker 01

  My next motor transport is a mobility scooter. I want to, I want to start a gang called the Pino Wheelers, but no one's listening to me.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  I am not easily appalled. I'm not squeamish. Anyone who's seen the inside of my fridge knows that.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  There's nothing in there.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  There's some, there's some gouts in there.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  That's rotten.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  I'm taking the piss. What I mean is, I'm not scared, I'm not scared of a bit of culture on a top of yogurt, you know, in, in the field. Like, I have a morbid fascination. I once took out my own stitches with the gold hoop backstage in the stand in Glasgow out of my foot.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Oh, no. Oh, God, remember the foot? Oh, that's the worst injury I think that I've ever known of.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  It was awful. Garret said it was like watching someone pull out their own tooth. I was like, I had to pluck out the stitches. Remember I stood in a gin glass? Anyway. Um, but when I read the story about Elton John wearing his own kneecap.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  As a necklace and a brooch, I felt physically sick.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  And that comes from me.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  Have you seen it?

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  I think it looks kinda stunning. There's diamonds all over it.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  Well, it's as, like, Elton, you should not have enough icebreakers, like, with all your career shit and all that you need to be wearing your kneecaps. Come on.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  Well, maybe he just really rates himself and didn't wanna find any of himself chucked in the bin, I reckon.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  It's fame gone mad. If I was wearing my tonsils as earrings, people would, they would, like, people would say something, do you know what I mean? But he gets away with it because he's Elton John.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  It's a bone, though, so I feel like a bone's slightly different. Like, I nearly got a necklace made out of my breast milk, but Amber threw it out. Stupid asshole.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Good work.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Might never get any more. I was gonna, okay, fine. It's only breast milk.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Do you know that saying where they go, oh, look in the mirror and take off one piece of jewellery? Take off your breast milk brooch and he needs to take his kneecap off. Just go down to care accessories like everyone else.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  I just don't know, because I have a necklace that has all the kids' fingerprints on it, and last week, it's from a brand called Philippa Herbert. She's amazing, so I wanna give her a little shout out. But I bought, I bought, I bought one last week for Winston. So I got, like, they send you a pack and I did Winston's. Paw. He's still alive, by the way, he's still alive, but I have his paw. His paw's gonna be on a necklace.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Well, that's, that's, that's different. That's not trying to turn your cartilage into couture fashion. That's different. That's a memory. That's, that's different. I just feel like if I was rocking around with my appendix as a brooch, if I wasn't Elton John, people would be like, oh, she's insane. She's obviously smearing her bedroom walls with her own feces at night. There, there's a certain, there's a certain, like, megalomania to it. And I love Elton John, but I just, there was something, and like I say, it takes a lot to make me recoil. And I, and I recoiled mentally. Physically, I did nothing. I didn't move at all, as I tend not to, but mentally, there was, there was a mental recoiling. I was like, ah, Elton, that's too. I said to myself, I said, that is too much. Very rarely say that.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  I mean, I just, I'm not, I just think it's Elton John, so he can do what he wants.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  That's the thing. We haven't reached Elton John status. We may never reach that status. Like, if Madonna, I don't know, if Madonna, I don't know, pulled, just hung anything on her necklace, she'd be kind of fine with it. Wouldn't even have to be her own body part. She could like, get a body part of like, I don't know, her current boyfriend and just pop it around her neck. No one would bat an eyelid. It's Madonna.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  When I woke up from having my wisdom teeth out, I asked for them and they said, they said no. They flat out refused. Yeah, they said no, you can't have them. Now, I think they were like, look, they're already in sin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it okay to keep baby teeth and not adult teeth? Why is adult teeth weird? Baby teeth can keep. Everyone's fine with that.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  I mean, I feel like you keep stuff like that for a while and then you're like, God, oof, why did I keep it? Like, my mom still has Alexander's teeth, obviously, because he was the ray of sunshine. Doesn't have any of our teeth. And I'm like, what are we gonna do with Alexander's rotten little baby teeth? Like, who wants to see them? Remember I was saving the umbilical cord? It was just like this long scab sitting in my, in my syringe.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  I forget if it's because it's to do with your children, that you're like, oh, this is sweet in a way?

• 31:58Speaker 02

  I threw the scabs out. And did you, when they pulled out your wisdom teeth, you asked, they were probably like, who the fuck does she think she is? Elton John?

• 32:05Speaker 01

  As Yorick Rassus. Yorick Rassus, blood pouring everywhere because it just opened my mouth. Do you know the first, do you know the first set of dentures? Teeth, I mean, if you're into that kind of thing, they have, like, the dentures and braces have a very interesting history. So they used to go around, the soldiers who were killed in World War I, or the French, what, Revolution, all that stuff. They'd go around and pull the teeth out of soldiers. Yeah, dead soldiers. And then they'd make-

• 32:34Speaker 02

  Oh my God, that's desperate.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  Fake teeth, like a set of fake teeth with them. They'd all be individual dead people's teeth. Yeah, and then they said sometimes they'd be pulling-

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Do you know how hard it is to pull a tooth out?

• 32:42Speaker 01

  I know. Sometimes they'd be pulling teeth out and they were saying the soldiers weren't fully dead yet. So imagine you're lying there on the war field. War, whatever, war zone. What's it called? Warfield? Warland?

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Battlefield.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Battlefield. And you're dying anyway. You're in significant pain. And then some prick comes along with the pliers and pulls your fucking teeth out.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  That's grim.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  And everyone's like, thanks for your service.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  They have those dentures, there's museums that they have those dentures in. Yeah, I know.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  And you'd have to take out the whole mouth because you couldn't just have an array of different people's teeth. You'd have to do a full mouth. Ah, a full mouth.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  I'm pretty sure I've seen Marie Antoinette's braces in a museum, but I could be making that up. But I know she had terrible teeth and before she married your man Louis, they put braces on her to try and fix her mouths. Google her there, Jo.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  Jeez, how bad were her teeth? Because loads of them, everyone had, everyone had bad teeth in those days.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you know, like, there was no such thing as dentists, except you just ripped them out.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  My, my. No. Marie Antoinette's braces made from metal horseshoe shaped arch invented by Pierre Fauxchar are not known to be in a museum.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Maybe not the museums you can get into, Jo.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  All right, okay, fine.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  God, it's usually me who does the fake news.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  I'm operating on a higher level.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  The only artefacts of her body are her hair and her death mask.

• 34:02Speaker 01

  Kneecaps.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  What's her death mask? What's that mean?

• 34:05Speaker 01

  They used to, before they had photos, they used to mould people's faces when they died. So they'd have like an image of them dead. Wasn't that right? Is that right?

• 34:16Speaker 02

  I don't think I want anyone to see me dead.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Oh, I'll be, I'll be getting a death mask off you, don't you worry. To keep the podcast going.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  The bus got her in the end.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm like, she's there, look at her waves. She's quiet. She just has a lot of news this week. She's fine.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Just the way Joanne likes it.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Let's say to you.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  Finally.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  What's a death mask, Jo?

• 34:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right. It's a plaster wax or metal cast made from the face of a dead person to preserve their appearance.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  No. That's very morbid now.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  I think that it's very like, I just feel like, I was having this conversation with my cousin and Amber in a group chat. And we were just thinking, like, I don't know if I want everyone to see the body. You're not in your best state of mind. And like, I don't want anyone touching me when I'm not there.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  You do, you, people, I think it's part of the closure. I think people need to see the body if you're in good shape, which you are, Vogue. If you want.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  I always get a fright to see the body, though.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  I'll drag your cadaver over to John Belton for a last session.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  That would actually suit me.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Get the abs popping. Yeah.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  And now the fairway fellow who comes started spray tans, we are sore tits. I'll just chuck you up in the treadmill for a while.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  I'll just drag it along.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  Shaq here. What's it like to buy a car from Carvana 100% online and get it delivered to your door? Let me tell you, your car is here, Mr. Shaq. Thank you, Mr. Carvana guy. Can't wait to take it for a spin. Only the best for you, Mr. Shaq. Hey, have you always been so big, tall and handsome? Not always. I was 6'10" once. Seven days to love it or return it, Mr. Shaq. Not that I would. You never do. No, I never do. So buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. See our seven day return policy at carvana.com.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Next week I want to talk about the vagus nerve, if that's okay.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Isn't it the vagus nerve?

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Oh, that makes sense.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  I wanted to talk to you about something that you actually sent to the group of the couple who in 1999 were divorcing each other and they had to sit in the courtroom and they had a beanie baby collection worth $5,000 but couldn't split it themselves. So had to do it in front of a judge. I imagine that that was, that you actually had to drag. I really don't think they should get divorced because if there's two people who love beanie babies that much, I mean, you're not going to find anyone else.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  The fact, like if you have found someone as weird as you in that situation, I would, I would go to a therapist and I would make that work. They're on their hands and knees in court separating what looks like a thousand beanie babies.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  What could have, what could have torn them apart? I just don't understand it because there is nobody else who would.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  I'm get, maybe someone set fire to their troll collection or.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  I just don't know.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  Their Sylvanian families got lost in the, something, something else toy related.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  But it's like that Jell-ycat, do you see Jell-ycat? And people are queuing for hours, two and a half hours to buy Jell-ycats in the UK. They're those, like, Ossie has those of the bunnies, he loves the little bunnies. And, but like, just new Jell-ycats that come out, full adults are buying these teddy bears.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  I'm happy to say I know nothing about the Jell-ycat community, but I will say, Vogue, now that you've brought it up.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  I know what you're gonna say, I didn't want to, it's embarrassing for you.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  It is embarrassing for me, I've done a full 180, I'd be the worst politician in the history of my time. Remember how certain I was about, I was so critical of the Labubu thing and I was like, they're just landfill, it's fucking nonsense. Wow, wow, wow, to say I've turned a corner.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Now, I'm now, I've now tried to start introducing them into my work so I can write them off as a tax expense.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Did you buy real ones or have you? Well then, I'm sorry, can you just please stop calling it a Labubu, it's not a Labubu, it's a LaFufu. That's not a Labubu. You cheap bitch.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  I could, I bought it out of a service station on the M3.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  It's not a Labubu, it's a LaFufu. And if you were slagging me off, and if you hadn't been such a cow about my Labubus, I would give you a real one.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Vogue, it's 2025, if my Labubu wishes to identify as a real Labubu, it has the right to do that.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  You're a Fufu on stage.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  If you're looking for paperwork, et cetera, well then, you are a fascist.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Have you seen?

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Have you seen the outfits that you can get for them? Well, I don't know if you can get them for LaFufus, but I know you can get them for Labubus.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  I, no, I haven't, I, I, what, what?

• 39:15Speaker 02

  A Labubu clothes, Labu, they all get clothes, yes. I'm gonna get my Labubu clothes just to annoy you.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  I stuck a Labubu on a spatula.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Le fo fo, le fo fo.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  And look, because it's, folks, stop, stop being such a snob about it, please.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  I'm not being a snob, but you just have to be honest about it.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  The, the head goes around, look, because it's, because it's a Le Booboo, it's, because it's, um, a Le Booboo from a petrol station, it's not a Le Booboo from the real Le Booboo website.

• 39:42Speaker 02

  Thank you, thank you, because I can't work like this.

• 39:45Speaker 03

  And you just forced, you forced that stick up there?

• 39:48Speaker 01

  I stuck a spatula up its arse, yeah. I was doing a fake therapy session this morning for some actors and, um, I felt this kind of added a certain amount of pizzazz to the event. And like I said, now I can write it off for tax.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, entirely.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  Anything you see me carrying around in a work capacity, I'm trying to write off for tax, whether that be Vogue or a house.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  I need this for work.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was when I was, my ninth Le Booboo, I was like, okay, Joanne, we're gonna have to try and write some of these expenses off. Stick a spatula up its arse, bring it to work. Ta-da.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  They're very cute, though. I just, I mean, do you know, you're like, Joanne, just fucking, you know.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  I'll give you, I'll give you one of ours.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Adopt an orphan or some shit, yeah. Louis Vuitton are bringing out designer, designer Le Booboo's. When I saw that couple splitting up the Beanie Babies, I said that could easily be me in Vogue in 10 years' time. Easily, yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Two more things I wanted to tell you about, because when I saw those people, there were two farmers once, right? This is a cow custody case, um, for people divorcing, right? There was two farmers in Romania, and they went to court over who owned a cow. And the cow got brought into the courtroom.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Uh, uh, oh, no, no, no, no, and asked to walk to their da, mummy and daddy? Yeah, and it moved and walked to one of the farmers and the judge ruled in the, that farmer's favour. Do you know, I, I used to, I used to do that game at one of my exes with our dog. I'd be like, come here, come here, Rocco, come to me, come to me, to see who the dog liked more. Don't ever do that with Spencer, because like, they don't even know he exists.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  It's not really a win. It's not really a win there. Yeah.

• 41:24Speaker 02

  They'd actually get frightened if you started calling them. They'd be like, oh, what's going on here?

• 41:28Speaker 01

  They're like stranger danger, stranger danger. I can understand though, if you're in a relationship, a long-term marriage and stuff, and you, something that you, that's why I always feel like couples who share pets and then you're kind of dropping pets up and down and then the new relationship's involved and it's all a bit of a pain in the arse. You're better off owning everything by yourself and staying alone. Again, I keep saying it.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  What? Because of pets? Because of pets?

• 41:52Speaker 01

  If you buy something together that is sentient as such, and then you share it, and people are obviously very attracted, whoops. Because you were fucking talking about PCI earlier. Attached to their pets.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  There was another judge, right in 2012 in Texas, two feuding neighbours were told by a judge to hug it out and they refused. And then the judge made them shake hands and say, have a nice day. So that's a bit of courtroom drama for you.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Sorry, speaking of courtroom drama, did you see the 89-year-old woman who was arrested for murdering her roommate in her nursing home with a part of her own wheelchair?

• 42:28Speaker 02

  I actually removed that from the notes because I thought it was too depressing.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  See, this is what happens when Vogue's in control. She takes all the good shit out.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  I just thought, oh God, that's a bit dark.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  I was wondering where my main story went.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  I was like, Pete, that's a bit, that's a bit dark.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Can I look it up and see what's happening?

• 42:52Speaker 02

  I think she was 99, but I know somebody who was taking an older woman for dinner at this event and she hadn't been invited by the older woman. But this woman was 92 and then she went and she saw another woman who was like 88 and she goes, oh, I didn't know that bitch was here. And the person taking them for lunch was like, oh my God, still at the age of like,

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Still going for each other. I suppose anyone can drive you mad at any age, really.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Ah, listen, like just because you get older, it doesn't mean you go all zen and Dalai Lama. If anything, I'd say you get even hardcore.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, more hardcore.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  You know, you get hard. Woman 95 charged with killing 89-year-old roommate in nursing home. And do you know what the problem here is? I realise, my reaction is ageist. Why can't old people kill? Do you know what I mean? Why can't an old woman kill? She should, she has the same right to kill as everyone else has, which is no right at all. But I mean, I mean, the instincts are clearly still there. A witness found the suspect washing her hands in a room splattered with blood.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Sorry, Vogue, I know you took this out of the notes. In a nursing home, I found it, in a nursing home in Coney Island, Brooklyn.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  I mean, it's just, uh-uh.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  They're checking her mental health.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, it's, uh-uh.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  According to the criminal complaint, a wheelchair inside the room where Miss Crastoff died had been partially disassembled, and one of its footrests was on the floor covered in blood.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  The other footrest, the complaint said, was outside the room on the ground below their window. Premeditated, is this premeditated wheelchair murder? Well, she would have had to have taken the wheelchair apart to kill her one.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Jeez, Louis, you think you know somebody?

• 44:28Speaker 01

  Seagate, the nursing home, has been the subject of several lawsuits in recent years.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Wrongful death, negligence, statutory violations, avoidable injuries, infection, COVID-19, et cetera, blah, blah. I'm telling you, this is why we need to set up the Pino Wheelers, so no woman who doesn't have to go to a nursing home, going to rebrand the nursing home, join the Pino Wheelers.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  I'll make sure that you're never in a nursing home, and you make sure that I'm never in a nursing home, Jo, I'm sorry, we can't look after everybody, it's each. I need to know, I need, I'll look after you, I'm much younger than you, so I will look after you.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Thank you, Vogue, how kind.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  I see myself up in court for killing your part of a crutch.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  And they used to be such good friends.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  That's it for this week, make sure and get in touch if you want to, the email address is [email protected]. I've been Joanne McNally, she's been Vogue Williams, and Jo Ashwell.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  Nothing to add, that was great, fantastic.

• 45:56Speaker 00

  You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle, no negotiation, no guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means, by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  Still haven't started? Hey, better late than ever. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.