How to reclaim joy without seeking out newness

New gadgets, new apps, new experiences, new restaurants — we're constantly being told (and sold) that newness will bring order and meaning to our lives. But that drive for newness can take up our time and money in ways that don't align with our values and prevent us from enjoying the familiar. In this episode of Life Kit, journalist Eric Athas shares tips from his recent book, Saying No to New: Why New Things Are Stealing Your Time, Money, and Happiness—and How to Take Back Your Life. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit https://www.instagram.com/nprlifekit/?hl=en Sign up for our newsletter here. https://www.npr.org/newsletter/life-kit Have an episode idea or feedback you want to share? Email us at [email protected] mailto:[email protected] Support public media with NPR+ and enjoy perks for over 25 podcasts like this one. This show’s perks include sponsor-free listening and convenient playlists of popular help topics like personal finance, getting healthy, and more. Learn more at plus.npr.org http://plus.npr.org/. See pcm.adswizz.com https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences. NPR Privacy Policy https://www.npr.org/about-npr/179878450/privacy-policy

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• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:17Marielle Segarra?

  Hey, it's Marielle. You're listening to Life Kit. Back in the day, journalist and author Eric Athes considered himself an early adopter of technology. He was a big fan of Apple products.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  So much so that I would wake up early on iPhone release day and I would go to the Apple Store and I would wait in line, sometimes for hours. And once I got that new product, there was this rush of joy and excitement when I would first open that phone.

• 0:47Marielle Segarra?

  Not anymore, though. These days, when a new Apple product comes out, Eric looks at it through a totally different lens.

• 0:53Speaker 02

  I start to ask myself, is this something that I want? Is this something that I need? Is this going to improve my life? I might look at an Apple advertisement and think, what are they trying to sell me on here?

• 1:05Marielle Segarra?

  Eric just published a book called Saying No to New: Why New Things Are Stealing Your Time, Money, and Happiness, and How to Take Back Your Life. In this case, he says, it's pretty simple. He doesn't think a new phone will improve his life. He feels content with the one he has.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  It works for me. It does what I need it to do. It sends text messages and I can access email on it. I can take pictures of my kids. And that's really all that I need.

• 1:35Marielle Segarra?

  We're not just talking about tech here. Newness is the currency of marketing in general. Companies tell us that we constantly need new stuff, new experiences, new apps, new places, and that we should pay them to provide us with those things. Eric, who, by the way, used to work for NPR and is currently at The New York Times, says it's not that all new things are bad for us.

• 1:59Speaker 02

  And actually, there are a lot of really valuable new things out there. New products, new experiences, new technology. But because society and businesses have trained us to believe that new is always better, it's just very easy to fall into this trap of consuming new things without thinking. And that's where we can get into trouble.

• 2:22Marielle Segarra?

  On this episode of Life Kit, saying no to the wrong kind of new things. Life Kit reporter Andy Tagle is going to talk to Eric about our human need to pursue newness, how to slow down that impulse to buy new stuff, and the surprising joys of reinvesting in the familiar.

• 2:43Speaker 03

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• 4:15Speaker 04

  Can you tell me, Eric, why do we like new things?

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Well, actually, our brains are programmed to gravitate to new things, to explore new things. And you can trace this back to our existence. If you go back and think about our ancient ancestors, you can imagine them roaming the land, and it was very beneficial for them to explore new foods to eat and new territory. And finding new things, exploring new things for most of our existence has been a very useful feature of being a human. And you think about our lives. Everything that we know was once new. All of the skills that we learned were once new. And so it's actually a core feature of the human experience.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  And there's also research that has shown that when we encounter something new, we get a little shot of dopamine. And that dopamine pushes us to go explore those new things and to find rewards within those new things. And even to find that the newness itself is a reward. So we're really programmed and wired to go out and find new things.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  And what makes it so hard for us to resist that pull of newness?

• 5:25Speaker 02

  The marketplace is really set up to keep us coming back, to keep us buying new things. You can buy something late at night while you're dozing off to sleep. I don't know if you've ever had this experience, Andy, of getting a package delivered to you and you don't know what's in the package. I think we've all had that experience, right? Because if you don't have to think to make a purchase, it's all seamless and frictionless. It's so easy to buy things really quickly. I did this little experiment where I wanted to see exactly how quickly I could buy something.

• 5:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  I knew it was fast. So I got my timer out and I picked something really cheap, which was pens. And also something, like, we're always going to need pens. So I knew it was a good purchase.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  That's a good idea for the experiment. Okay, yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Put my phone on the table in front of me and hit the timer to start. Picked it up, and it took me 21.5 seconds to purchase pens that were, you know, will be here within 24 hours or something.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  Takeaway one: We humans are drawn to new things. As a means of survival, you know, new animals to hunt, new berries to harvest. And as a pathway to success: new lands to explore, new technologies, those new heels that perfectly complement your interview outfit. And as Eric sees it, that newness defines us. That is, you are who you are because of the new things in your life. The new experiences, foods, activities, hairstyles, stuff you discover, the ones you avoid, and the ones you embrace, all work to shape your view of the world and of yourself. So newness itself isn't a problem.

• 7:11Speaker 04

  But this overly accessible, overabundance of newness, where you can order a new something to your doorstep in under half a minute, well, there are a few problems with that.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  If we're constantly chasing new things, we can end up wasting a lot of our money, right? So that's sort of the one I think we feel most deeply or most easily, which is when you spend some money on something and it's something that you don't want or you don't need, well, that's money you can no longer spend on something else. But there's this paradox of new things and happiness, which happens because when we open something new, we do feel a sense of happiness. I think, you know, everyone can relate to this feeling of tearing open that new box or putting on that snazzy new outfit. But science says that joy, that feeling of joy and excitement, will never last. It's going to ultimately fade.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  And so if we're trying to get happiness and joy from new things, then we have to go back out to get something else new to feel that sense of happiness again. And that's where we get into this cycle where we're constantly chasing happiness by getting new things, but we're never going to be able to sustain that feeling. And where this gets us into even more trouble is that those new things may actually be in conflict with our ultimate happiness. So researchers have found that one of the big factors underpinning happiness is gratitude. And gratitude, of course, is you look around and you appreciate everything that you have.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Well, finding new things, buying new things, is all about what you don't have. And so we end up in this place where we are, if we're chasing new things, trying to find that sense of joy and excitement, not only are we never going to be able to sustain it, but we may actually be in conflict with our goal of achieving sustained happiness.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  Takeaway two, the onslaught of new things in our lives can be costly in more ways than you might think. Chasing too much newness can literally cost you, of course, like a hit to your bank account. It can also divert feelings of happiness or enjoyment because you're constantly on the hunt for that next new thing. Newness can steal your attention and your time. Hello, new game app on my phone keeping me up till 1:00 in the morning. And even opportunities. You ever like rack up one too many impulse purchases and then have to set out a social event or three until your credit card debt was under control? Luckily, there is a workaround. Eric, in the book, you suggest understanding your values to avoid harmful new things in your life. Can we talk about that? Can you give me an example of that?

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Sure. Well, when you're making choices about new things, the business is going to tell you all of the reasons why you should buy it. The way that you can help navigate this onslaught of new things, this onslaught of novelty that we live in today, is to start by really understanding what matters to you in life, what are your values, what do you care about? And actually write them down because there's a science behind this. Researchers have found writing down your values will help you make better decisions and can actually influence better behavior. So to give you an example of this, very simple, for me, I

• 10:36Speaker 02

  know that I don't want to be more connected into digital spaces. For me, my phone and my computer is actually more than enough. I actually want less. And so when I come across a product like, I don't know, let's say, AI-powered glasses, I can look at that and I can say, that's an easy one. I don't want a computer on my face. Maybe someone else does. And that's fine, because they may have different values, they may care about different things. Another one for me is, I live in New York City, it's very cold here. So for me, a new purchase that's going to keep me warm in the winter is almost always

• 11:17Speaker 02

  worth it. So a new winter hat or a new coat, most of the time is going to be worth it. So that's another way you can just, really just very quickly outline, what do you care about? And there's a really cool way of doing this. I learned this from a professor. Because that exercise of figuring out what you value can be kind of awkward. It's like, what do I value in life? It feels sort of abstract. So I learned this from a professor at the University of Minnesota. Her name is Valerie Tiberius. And what she said is, take the scientific approach. And what she means by that is, imagine that you're a scientist researching your own life. You're separating yourself and you're watching your own life

• 11:58Speaker 02

  and ask questions like, what does this person seem to be enjoying? What do they find fulfilling?

• 12:03Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Right? And then use that as a way into, okay, what are my values? What do I care about? What am I enjoying? Why do I make the choices that I make?

• 12:14Speaker 04

  Takeaway three, if you really want to say no to harmful new stuff, get clear on your values in writing. In the book, Eric defines values as the specific components of your life that you care most about and that must remain unchanged in the face of newness. So maybe start big picture here. Do you care about your career growth, travel, financial health? Great. Now, briefly describe why each of those things are important to you. From there, write down a few check-in questions that you can return to as a gut check. Does this new thing really serve me personally or professionally? If I buy this thing, how much longer will it take me to afford that trip I've been planning? Am I

• 12:58Speaker 04

  adding to my savings every month? Now, if you're wondering if this exercise is worth the trouble, consider this study Eric told me about. Participants were asked to complete a task and then told that they performed poorly. Afterwards, they were asked how much they would spend on some high-status item. Participants whose self-worth was threatened by their low score on the first task were more willing to spend more money on that item.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  And so what this shows is that when we're, particularly when we're feeling down about ourselves, when we've gotten some negative feedback, we may be inclined to use new shiny things, particularly expensive new things, as a stand-in for self-worth.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  But the same researchers also found that if participants were given an opportunity to reflect on their values and write about the things most important to them, they were then less likely to highly value those high-status goods.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  And what this research found is that if you can center your values around what you really care about in life, you're going to be less likely to go out and splurge on fancy new things.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  The bag of clothes that I need to donate, looking at me right over there, understand. Yeah, yeah, that resonates. That resonates.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 14:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. After the break, we'll talk the benefits of adding a little intentional inconvenience to your life and finding the beauty in old things.

• 14:29Speaker 03

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• 15:17Speaker 04

  Takeaway four, in a world where you're constantly being pushed toward all things new right this second, it can't depend simply on willpower or self-control. Instead, add some useful friction to your life. Build in barriers that make it harder for you to get new stuff.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  I write about something I call the new thing gap. The new thing gap is the time and distance between you encountering a new thing and you acquiring it. And as we talked about today, the new thing gap is down to seconds today. So you need to expand that new thing gap. You need to create more effort and more time in the places where you find you're acquiring a lot of new stuff. So if you have a favorite shopping app that you find that you're buying a lot of stuff from, and it's seamless, right? You've got one-click checkout. Well, maybe you delete the app from your phone, or maybe you remove your credit card information from that app. Another great trick is to create some rules for yourself.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  I interviewed someone who felt like she was constantly buying new makeup, and she was buying new makeup so quickly that she wasn't even using the makeup that she had. She had duplicates of things, and some of the makeup was expiring. And so what she did is she made a list of what she was allowed to buy, and she made some rules for herself. And that helped her be a little bit more conscious about when she was going out to Target or wherever she was going, she would think back to that list and say, like, is this something that I need? Or is this something that I have at home? I also spoke to someone who deleted their saved credit card information from her shopping account. And the few extra steps, she said, the few extra steps that required her to...

• 17:02Speaker 04

  So inconvenient. It's so inconvenient.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta get up, you gotta go get the card, and now you're adding minutes into that new thing gap.

• 17:08Speaker 04

  And just forget it. Yeah.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Another really easy tactic is you drop something in the cart, and you have a rule that you say, I'm going to leave that there for 24 hours. And what researchers have found is that when you delay something like that, when you say, I think I'm going to get this one later, they found that your interest in that thing will start to decline.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  Love that. Which tool do you find the most useful in your own life? Do you have a favorite at the moment?

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Well, I learned about this concept of persuasion knowledge. And persuasion knowledge is essentially the antidote to influence. And it works like this. A seller is trying to sway a buyer's choices. And that's the persuasion. Seller is trying to sway the buyer. The buyer knows something about those tactics. That's the persuasion knowledge. When the buyer has little persuasion knowledge, the seller has the advantage. And when the buyer has a lot of persuasion knowledge, the buyer has the advantage. So essentially, the more you know about how businesses are influencing you, the more of an advantage you have as a consumer.

• 18:26Speaker 04

  Sure, okay.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  And so to get back to your original question, which is, I have found it really useful and kind of fun to gamify this, where if I'm online or I'm out shopping in a store, I can start to spot, oh, what are the ways? Why am I interested in this product? So one of the big places where this, where I found this happens is at the, on the checkout page of a website or an app. And the checkout page, and if you've noticed, there's, might be like a countdown clock that says, save 25% if you make this purchase in three minutes or something like that. And that's a tactic that is meant to whip up stress and anxiety or limited supply available. That's another one. So when you start to see these, then, then you can realize, okay, I'm,

• 19:11Speaker 02

  they're trying to drive my choice. And now I can, I know that. And now I can actually make this decision for myself.

• 19:19Speaker 04

  Eric, so far, we've been talking about new purchases and new things. What about getting novelty from things we already have or from familiar experiences? I know in your book, you wrote about this study of people visiting a museum.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Right, so because we are programmed to be drawn to new things, we're, we're quick to just set aside old things and shove them into a closet or put them away. And what this research found was that, look, if we force ourselves to revisit old things, we may find that there's untapped enjoyment in those old things. And this study that you referenced, they had people go through a museum. And at the end of going through an exhibit, they said to them, hey, you know, if, if you were to go through that exhibit again, do you think you would enjoy it? And most of them said, no, we've already been through it. Why would we enjoy going through it again? So they predicted that they would get less enjoyment

• 20:19Speaker 02

  when they repeated this experience. But when the researchers forced them to go through it again, they came out of it and they said, actually, we enjoyed that just as much the second time. They discovered details that they missed the first time around. Or it just lights seeing everything again. And so you can apply that to your own life. You can look around your home at all the stuff that's been stashed in the back of a closet. For me, it's been board games. We have this stash of board games that every once in a while, I'll, I'll pull out an old board game and play with my kids. And it's true, it's just as fun as the first time around. You can also apply this to books and movies.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  Takeaway five. You might be surprised how much novelty you can find in the old and the familiar.

• 21:07Speaker 02

  And what's great about this, Andy, is once you realize this, you can relieve yourself of this obligation to always be going to the new thing. If you want to go to the restaurant that you, that you love, that's down the street, go do it, right? If you want to go travel to the place that you've, you've been to before and you feel like that, you know, there's more enjoyment to be found in this, in this city, go back and do that. And the idea here isn't, isn't to only go to old things, but rather to not feel like you always have to be spending money and time and attention on the new things. You can, you can fight against this bias that we have for novel experiences.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  And what this research found is that, and you may find that there's joy and, and excitement that's been hiding in plain sight the whole time.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Right. And, and novelty in rediscovering, like in going back to the, to familiar things in our daily lives, right? Like even just like taking a walk in your neighborhood.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  That's right. There's a surprising, you can get a surprising sense of novelty just by going back and, and re-experiencing things. Go back to that museum that you've been to before, you know, many, many times. Yeah, these researchers found that when people revisited these familiar experiences, they actually found that there was a surprising sense of novelty. This may also be if you're reading a book for a second time, you might find that, oh, I missed that detail that first time around. Or you're watching a movie again, I missed that detail. So you can, you can get novelty from familiar experiences. You don't have to always be spending money on the new things.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  Eric Ethes, thank you so much for your time. It's been a pleasure.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  Oh, thanks so much for having me, Andy.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Okay, let's recap. Takeaway one, newness isn't a bad thing. Humans are wired to seek new things. And our lives can often be shaped by the newness we encounter. Takeaway two, these days, we're inundated by new things. And acquiring all that newness can be a drain on a lot of different resources. Time, attention, opportunity, enjoyment, happiness. So takeaway three, to avoid saying yes to too many harmful new things, get clear on your values. I don't mean this in the abstract. I mean, write them down. Studies show a simple value writing exercise can be of real value to your life and your self-worth.

• 23:36Speaker 04

  Takeaway four, newness is a constant. So don't depend on willpower alone. Instead, building points of useful friction to increase the gap between wanting and purchasing. Finally, takeaway five, there's joy and novelty to be found in the old and the familiar. Old music, old recipes, old hobbies, old friends.

• 24:01Marielle Segarra?

  That was reporter Andy Tagle, and that's our show. We know you're busy, but you don't have to miss out on NPR stories while you're on the go. With the NPR app, your local station and your favorite podcasts are right there in your pocket, keeping you company, just like we always have. Get the NPR app in the App Store today. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Claire Marie Schneider. It was edited by Sylvie Douglas. Our digital editor is Malika Gharib, and our visuals editor is CJ Riechelmann. Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor, and Lauren Gonzalez is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Margaret Serino. Engineering support comes from Damian Herring. Fact checking by Andrea Lopez Cruzado.

• 24:46Marielle Segarra?

  I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening.

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• 25:14Speaker 03

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