Side Stories: Muyuns & Monsters

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's biggest stories and weirdest news - Henry loves The Muyun Brothers, the boys announce their new song Gods in Leather by Mass for Trash (feat. Henry & Marcus), Gooners causing chaos at Dollar Stores across the US, School Shooter Defense Drones, The War Crimes of The Minions, The Hat Man of Massachusetts, Listener Emails, and MORE!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 0:42Speaker 02

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• 0:44Speaker 01

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• 0:53Speaker 03

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• 0:55Speaker 01

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• 1:01Speaker 04

  There's no place to escape to.

• 1:02Speaker 05

  This is the last.

• 1:05Speaker 05

  On the left. Side stories?

• 1:09Speaker 04

  That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories, yes.

• 1:23Henry Zebrowski?

  You like this?

• 1:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27Henry Zebrowski?

  This doesn't make sense to me that you like this.

• 1:29Speaker 07

  Like, his, his entryway to it.

• 1:32Speaker 05

  Was the Malaysian boys.

• 1:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, well, that's what you like about it.

• 1:37Speaker 05

  But I like that, but now I like the song.

• 1:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Is it an old song or a new song?

• 1:40Speaker 05

  No, it's a brand new song.

• 1:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, they did this version and they really.

• 1:42Speaker 05

  This is the better version.

• 1:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Now I understand.

• 2:07Henry Zebrowski?

  These poor bastards.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  By the way, he's just stepping around the room.

• 2:15Henry Zebrowski?

  They're gonna save up all their money to go to Emmerrio.

• 2:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Do you know?

• 2:41Speaker 05

  That's the closest I get, man.

• 2:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's the country music.

• 2:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, I don't know. I like that song. I like that song sung by the, the Malaysian triplet boys. Those are the Muyun brothers.

• 2:52Speaker 07

  I believe that's how it's pronounced.

• 2:53Speaker 05

  Those are the Muyun brothers. They're all the way from, uh, central Ohio, Malaysia.

• 2:58Henry Zebrowski?

  They should be called the Blooming Unyun.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  Well, this is just, they're only wearing the flower outfits for this one song. I've played this on the stream several times. It's the one video I send to our mutual friend Billy Wayne Davis over and over again.

• 3:11Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, okay.

• 3:12Speaker 05

  And now what's happened is I like.

• 3:15Henry Zebrowski?

  You've played this on the stream?

• 3:16Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 3:16Speaker 07

  You weren't there for that one.

• 3:17Henry Zebrowski?

  I wasn't there.

• 3:18Speaker 05

  He was the one he wasn't there for.

• 3:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, I was just like, man, I was like, I was like, I really do check out sometimes. I was like, wow, I was impressed by myself.

• 3:25Speaker 05

  No, no, no, you're, you're forced to.

• 3:28Henry Zebrowski?

  I make you at least acknowledge some of my little Asian men.

• 3:33Speaker 05

  But then I found myself liking the original song non-ironically. It went from the little Malaysian, because the Malaysian boys, the triplets are probably 30.

• 3:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  But they look like they're little toddlers, which is again, my favorite type of person.

• 3:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 3:51Speaker 05

  I like them better than any other type of person. I like you to appear as a toddler and be able to smoke. That is, if you can appear as a toddler, be able to smoke, have a conversation with me, and we can go drink together, you're my favorite person in the world. Having a little Malaysian boy, man, pop right up on my shoulder, like a parrot.

• 4:12Henry Zebrowski?

  You would love that.

• 4:13Speaker 05

  Nothing would make me happier than to have his little hooked feet.

• 4:16Henry Zebrowski?

  You can't buy one.

• 4:17Speaker 05

  Good.

• 4:17Henry Zebrowski?

  I, you cannot buy one, Henry.

• 4:23Speaker 05

  I will, I do understand the Muyun brothers need to be purchased as a group. And that is fine. I will provide the Muyun brothers. I have one room that they can stay in, which I'm certain will be far more luxurious than what they're used to. And I think that I could really show them the town. I think it'd be me, the Muyun brothers, fucking Tuchuki. We could go out there and just take over Los Angeles.

• 4:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Okay.

• 4:49Speaker 05

  At the Blue Note.

• 4:50Henry Zebrowski?

  You like it. It makes you very happy. Well, I need to go to the Blue Note again.

• 4:52Speaker 05

  We could book the Blue Note. Me and the Muyun brothers at the.

• 4:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Hold on a second. You're gonna do the Blue Note without me?

• 4:59Speaker 05

  Unfortunately, yes.

• 5:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Unfortunately, it's the Muyun brothers.

• 5:03Speaker 05

  Burn this building to the ground.

• 5:04Henry Zebrowski?

  This is about bringing the Muyun brothers. I'm gonna have to teach them the Ella Fitzgerald songbook.

• 5:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, you gotta take, you don't take them there. You take them to Tin Horn Flats.

• 5:13Henry Zebrowski?

  No, well, Tin Horn Flats does need the Muyun jump.

• 5:17Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 5:18Henry Zebrowski?

  So we'll see you guys over next week. So once I get the paperwork done for them, they gotta get their shots. And we do have to package them. I believe they do have to go underneath a plane.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  Oh, and the Ella Langley Choosing Texas video does star Luke Grimes from Yellowstone. I was correct.

• 5:33Henry Zebrowski?

  That's really interesting, because it also has another, uh, actual, like, uh, uh, uh, what's it? A cowboy rider, cowboy rider, a bull rider.

• 5:41Speaker 05

  A bull rider?

• 5:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, there's a guy in there who's a real bull rider. Then he talks about how he's like, you could deal men pretend to be from the country because they don't fold their hat right. And it's like, bro, just leave me the fuck alone. I'm from Los Angeles.

• 5:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, Wade Bowen, maybe? I don't know.

• 5:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Who fucking cares?

• 5:59Speaker 05

  Cowboys and bull riders.

• 6:00Henry Zebrowski?

  This guy. That's a real bull rider.

• 6:02Speaker 05

  That's real. Oh, yeah, they are. He looks like it.

• 6:04Henry Zebrowski?

  He is. He's a real bull rider. And he probably, honestly, he probably gave that little country lady the ride of her life.

• 6:09Speaker 05

  I don't know. I feel like he's got his mouth wrapped around Taylor Sheridan.

• 6:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yeah, he does. Gotta keep them warm in the cold. Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski. I am sitting here with the illustrious, immune to country music, Ed Larson.

• 6:28Speaker 05

  I love country music.

• 6:29Henry Zebrowski?

  You don't like the song?

• 6:30Speaker 05

  I don't care about the song. I need to, I need to learn about it more before I, I can't like something on my first listen.

• 6:36Henry Zebrowski?

  She's choosing Texas.

• 6:37Speaker 05

  I need to understand something a little more. I'm, so far, I don't really like it. But things grow on me, you know? I'm a Sturgill man.

• 6:44Henry Zebrowski?

  I know, but Sturgill.

• 6:45Speaker 05

  I like real country. I like, you know, this is.

• 6:47Henry Zebrowski?

  I like real country.

• 6:47Speaker 05

  No, but this is like pop country.

• 6:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I like, I very rarely.

• 6:51Speaker 05

  I'm not a Casey Musgraves. That's as far as I'll go, is maybe I'll listen to some of it.

• 6:56Henry Zebrowski?

  This, a part of me doing this.

• 6:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Is because my.

• 6:58Speaker 05

  I think this is great, by the way.

• 7:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, I need, I need some happier music. My therapist, I was talking with my therapist about my, not recent, but it seems to be overbuilding what we, I've seemed to be calling like rage episodes.

• 7:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:13Henry Zebrowski?

  That I've been experiencing on and off since I was born.

• 7:17Speaker 05

  So he puts the pissed in therapist.

• 7:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep. And what he told me this week was that anytime I think of something bad, right? If we're some bad, or like, let's say I'm deep in a violent fantasy about what I wanna do to various people that I consider to be villains around me in a circle, right? And then every time I wanna do something like that, when I want.

• 7:40Speaker 05

  Henry is the new Jim Enemey.

• 7:42Henry Zebrowski?

  We all know. The audience knows. The audience knows, yeah. And, um, when I fantasize out loud about what I wanna happen, right? And the, and the way I think that encounters will go, my therapist said, pause. When you go into this, because righteous anger feels good.

• 7:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:59Henry Zebrowski?

  Righteous anger feels good, but also afterwards I feel tired, Eddie.

• 8:02Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 8:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Because I'm all filled with righteous anger.

• 8:04Speaker 05

  You can't get mad all the time.

• 8:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I mean, you know, you can't, can't. I physically can't. So.

• 8:08Speaker 05

  You'll die.

• 8:08Henry Zebrowski?

  He says to turn to nice things. So every single time I experience pure rage, I'm supposed to then put on something that's really nice.

• 8:23Henry Zebrowski?

  It's my new pamphlets.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  So your therapist, when you complained and said you're going through fits of rage and thinking about murdering someone.

• 8:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Not murderer.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  You said you wished your hands were knives earlier.

• 8:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I said that. I always got an extended fun idea about how nice it would be if my hands were indeed blades and I could experience the cutting of the flesh on my own.

• 8:47Speaker 05

  You told this to your therapist and he said, think of something nice?

• 8:51Henry Zebrowski?

  He said, pet the dogs.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  Pet the dogs?

• 8:54Henry Zebrowski?

  He said, when you're in that headspace, you should pet the dogs.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  I feel like you have to fire this man.

• 9:00Henry Zebrowski?

  No, he's really good. Look at how much I'm healed already.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  Speaking of, that's what the dogs are healed.

• 9:09Henry Zebrowski?

  No, no, they're actually quite not trained.

• 9:11Speaker 05

  No.

• 9:12Henry Zebrowski?

  They do whatever the living fuck they wanna do.

• 9:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, I got a new puppy at the house. If anyone needs a fucking puppy.

• 9:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, he's trying to get rid of this dog.

• 9:18Speaker 05

  I gotta get rid of this puppy. So if anyone needs a puppy, he's real cute. His name's Murphy, and he was supposed to go to another foster house on Wednesday, and they were like, nah, you got it.

• 9:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, sure.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  And so, and so he just.

• 9:27Henry Zebrowski?

  There you go, Joy.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  He's living in my house and we're not, we're not a puppy house.

• 9:31Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, he's, he really just.

• 9:33Speaker 05

  We're not a puppy house.

• 9:34Henry Zebrowski?

  He's just squatting there.

• 9:35Speaker 05

  He's very cute. He's very, I don't know what he is. He looks like a yellow lab corgi mix, if I had to guess. But I still don't know what he is. Uh, but, uh, he's very cute. And I'd say for a puppy, he's very sleepy. And so I think that's very good. But, um, let's, let's move him on out.

• 9:54Henry Zebrowski?

  At gmail.com.

• 9:55Speaker 05

  Oh, let's take that back. Hamline dot editunes at gmail.com.

• 10:02Henry Zebrowski?

  And also, I have three Malaysian men that, that honestly lied about their age. And they really need to get out of my house. Actually, now that I have brought them over, I just found they are a little bit more mature than I want them to be, and they're leaving cigar ash everywhere. And they burnt, they burnt Natalie with the end of one of their stogies. And I said, they'll get asked to stop. They came in, they killed the fish, they ate its guts. They made a bunch of blood soup, and now I can't get them out of my house.

• 10:29Speaker 05

  They're not toddlers.

• 10:30Henry Zebrowski?

  They're not toddlers. They are full grown men. And I hope you love the song, Choosing Texas. Because it's the only one they know in English.

• 10:39Speaker 05

  I was thinking of like, you know, new plays on words when I was doing nothing and just thinking at the, looking at the wall.

• 10:44Henry Zebrowski?

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:45Speaker 05

  And if there was a diddler named Todd, would he be a toddler?

• 10:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Thank you. I feel like we can start the show now.

• 10:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Thank you. Yeah, now let's start. Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski. We've been warming up, getting ready to talk on this show. I am selling three Malaysian boys, men, for money, and I will split 10% of it with them to hopefully fund, they need a new, they need a home and they have to move as a group.

• 11:12Speaker 05

  And they, they need new shoes.

• 11:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 11:15Speaker 05

  They need new shoes.

• 11:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, because they were, they're tap dancing too hard.

• 11:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're very, they're very good. They're strong.

• 11:20Henry Zebrowski?

  They have a million. Followers on Tik Tok.

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Have a million followers on Tik Tok?

• 11:23Henry Zebrowski?

  They're crushing it.

• 11:24Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 11:24Henry Zebrowski?

  No, I love the Mu Yun brother. No, the Mu Yun brothers are unstoppable.

• 11:27Speaker 05

  You know who doesn't have a million followers on Tik Tok? You guys gotta get in there. You gotta go to L P O T L dot Kizwe dot com to watch the stream.

• 11:35Henry Zebrowski?

  We have a couple more days left.

• 11:36Speaker 05

  And you just wanna see our streams.

• 11:39Henry Zebrowski?

  It's PP.

• 11:40Speaker 05

  It's their PP show.

• 11:41Henry Zebrowski?

  J K Ultra Live at Oklahoma City Tower Theater is available at L P O T L dot Kizwe dot com. Go watch the stream. It's available till Saturday. They go and also check out our brand new single from our Halloween Sound Effects album, which we'll we'll be announcing a second pressing of soon, but you can go listen to Gods in Leather by the enigmatic band, Masse for Trash, anywhere songs are available.

• 12:03Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 12:04Henry Zebrowski?

  For streaming.

• 12:04Speaker 05

  And our wonderful, the wonderful, uh.

• 12:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Ash Gordon.

• 12:07Speaker 05

  Ash Gordon wrote the song.

• 12:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Sang the song with us.

• 12:09Speaker 05

  Sang the song and then they just had a child. Let's get some listens to get them some money for the child.

• 12:15Henry Zebrowski?

  The only way they're gonna make money and you know how much money they make off of Spotify.

• 12:18Speaker 05

  Yes. So please, let's get her these thirty cents.

• 12:21Henry Zebrowski?

  And go and check out Fred Jan's revolting repository of ghastly sounds, volume one and two, which will be coming back out.

• 12:28Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 12:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Very soon.

• 12:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 12:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Also, yeah, come see us at Midsummer Scream. There might be an announcement there.

• 12:32Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 12:33Henry Zebrowski?

  So we got, we got some stories. We got some stories.

• 12:36Speaker 05

  I love stories.

• 12:37Henry Zebrowski?

  I first wanna start with your story. This, this story about the dollar store.

• 12:44Speaker 05

  Oh, yes.

• 12:44Henry Zebrowski?

  I think that we should start with this.

• 12:46Speaker 05

  You call it my story.

• 12:47Henry Zebrowski?

  This is your story, your favorite story of the week.

• 12:49Speaker 05

  I, you know, well, I, it's not, it's not my favorite. It's, it's the most insane story that there is this week. Um, yeah, the, the dollar stores, don't go to dollar stores.

• 12:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Don't go to dollar stores.

• 12:59Speaker 05

  They're independently evil without this, but apparently, um, gooners are going in there and coming on the employees and they're coming on the patrons and sometimes the gooners are employees that are coming on the patrons.

• 13:11Henry Zebrowski?

  And so that's the problem is that not all dollar store employees are gooners, but all gooners are dollar store employees. So that's, it's hard to, it's hard to parse it sometimes. I do understand.

• 13:23Speaker 05

  Yes. They talk, they call themselves the Dollar Goonerals. There is like a weird, like Tik Tok trend of coming on people at dollar stores.

• 13:32Henry Zebrowski?

  So for the first thing is, we covered the first ever gooneral this year, I believe, in which a fellow member of the goon community died and a group of gooners and a gooness got together, a goonets, and they gooned publicly for this, this fallen comrade of theirs. And that was like the first time the public really heard the term gooning, which we know is long for masturbating.

• 13:56Speaker 05

  But I still like, don't totally understand gooning.

• 14:00Henry Zebrowski?

  It is all day masturbating.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  Sometimes it's coming when you need it to be. I feel like it's just a, a term that changes all the time.

• 14:07Henry Zebrowski?

  It is. You're right.

• 14:08Speaker 05

  I don't think there's rules to it.

• 14:09Henry Zebrowski?

  You're right. There is a term that's, cause what they're doing is it is a, uh, they're, they have a term that they're doing out there, cause this is very specific. Gooning, really, honestly, Eddie, gooning is just masturbating all day. It's either to come or to not fully come. Some guys come multiple times. It's just spending your entire existence thinking about masturbating and pornography. That is your whole, and they're, instead of them, they, the goal isn't them being losers, right? That's a identity. That's a thing that they're taking on.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  But the thing is, if you're doing this at home, goon for you.

• 14:44Henry Zebrowski?

  I mean, that's what we stand.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:46Henry Zebrowski?

  In your house. But that's the problem. So I also will say, maybe you shouldn't.

• 14:51Speaker 05

  No, you shouldn't, but also.

• 14:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Just jerk off the once.

• 14:53Speaker 05

  Keep them out of society. Keep them at home.

• 14:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, it's hard.

• 14:56Speaker 05

  That's kinda how I feel about it.

• 14:57Henry Zebrowski?

  So what these guys started doing, this is a thing, it's a trend amongst them. It's mostly a dollar, this is a Dollar Trees, it seems to be. Uh, they, they.

• 15:05Speaker 05

  It's in all three. It's a Dollar Trees, Dollar Generals, and over at Family Dollar as well.

• 15:09Henry Zebrowski?

  That's great. Um, I love jerking off at the Family Dollar.

• 15:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, Family Dollar is also owned by Dollar Trees, the same people.

• 15:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Nothing would make me happier than coming on a grandmother, a mother, and their grandchild all at once. I love a Family Dollar, but this, these guys go and they, it's, they do, it's called tagging, sharking, come sharking. That's what they call it, is when they come on people just outside.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Um, online forums, they have this, I love this idea of that they are in praise for being low inhibit.

• 15:37Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 15:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Which means that they're low.

• 15:39Speaker 05

  They wanna be worthless.

• 15:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. So they also have low inhibition. So they are, uh, they have lack of shame. And so they are praised amongst each other for showing lack of shame. This is a, uh, this is, uh, thing that the young men are struggling with.

• 15:55Speaker 05

  So it's weird because like this existed, you know, losers always exist.

• 16:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Masturbation has been around a long time.

• 16:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Sometimes there's been cocks and pussies.

• 16:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:05Henry Zebrowski?

  There's been people jerking them off and stuck and sticking stuff in them.

• 16:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I think just the readily available pornography is kind of like up this to the next level.

• 16:13Henry Zebrowski?

  You see, I feel on one hand, like, yes. I also feel on the other hand, it's, to me, it's more of the social thing. Cause there were, there has been this much internet pornography since day one.

• 16:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Pornography and UFOs are the two driving forces of the internet as we know it today. Those are the real, like the.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  I guess I agree with that.

• 16:33Henry Zebrowski?

  The used net groups that created that all original conspiracy theory thought came out of, and all of the, uh, the technology that's on the cutting edge was all used by pornography. Pornography was the ones that made Blu-ray win.

• 16:47Speaker 05

  They first.

• 16:47Henry Zebrowski?

  They were the one. They are the first ones to, honestly, pornography is supercharging the meta glasses industry.

• 16:56Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 16:56Henry Zebrowski?

  It is supercharging that, that industry.

• 16:58Speaker 05

  They love it too.

• 16:59Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, it's cause we, it is technology that allows them to shoot really intense POV scenarios, which is really great for gooners. But I don't think that it's just necessarily just the amount of pornography that's leading to gooners. It's the attention that public gooning gets them and how much of losers people have become.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  So I think the, the problem with the internet is more of, we're letting them talk to each other and find each other.

• 17:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, it always used to be a thing and guys used to masturbate, uh, collectively. We also know guys that do, uh, that traffic in CSAM. What they'll do a lot of times, which I, one thing I did not, I actually found interesting is they ship them in UNICEF envelopes.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  What?

• 17:44Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. They go and they take UNICEF envelopes and volunteer, like you give to, like, that's where they hide CSAM when they mail it.

• 17:51Speaker 05

  Really?

• 17:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. And so it is very, it's, I don't think that it's the proliferation. I just think that it's the idea that it become an identity. It's this idea that every single thing now has to be your literal brand.

• 18:06Speaker 05

  Yeah. But also I think the main reason that they're doing it at the Dollar General, at the Family Tree, at the Dollar Tree, at the Family Dollar, is because those companies are not holding anyone accountable.

• 18:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Exactly. Well, that's a part of.

• 18:20Speaker 05

  That is, that is the problem. Cause like, if you do this at a Publix, you'll get fucking beat to death.

• 18:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 18:25Speaker 05

  You know, but if you do this at the, at the Dollar General, no one, you report it and no one, it doesn't go unnoticed. Though like, they literally, there's women reporting this happening to them and then they'll go tell someone and then they'll hear, be like, ah, we got another one. And that's literally how they deal with this thing.

• 18:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. They don't care because they do think of it as a local issue and they don't understand that they are filming it and putting on the internet and then monetizing it.

• 18:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:47Henry Zebrowski?

  And that they're, they're also all egging each other on to do it. They're all like building groups and they're talking about doing it. They know which ones to hit. They know, they know the literal schedules.

• 19:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Of managers. They know where to go. They are, they've been, they orchestrate it. It's a part of the gooning.

• 19:06Speaker 05

  The thing with the business model of the Dollar General is that they eliminate employees more and more. And so that you will have a situation, there'll be a Dollar General in a not so great neighborhood and there'll be one employee locking up at night. It's extremely dangerous for that employee already. And now they're being targeted by come artists.

• 19:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, that's why we should probably get rid of all of the human staff. We gotta get rid of the human staff at these places and staff them with robots with artillery weapons.

• 19:34Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 19:35Henry Zebrowski?

  But this is the problem is that no one wants to deal with it. Nobody wants to deal with it. No one knows properly how to deal with it besides literally beating the living shit out of each one of them, which we should probably start doing.

• 19:44Speaker 05

  Also, I go to a Starbucks the other day. There's a cop in the corner watching security. How come there's no fucking security at the Dollar General where things are arguably much more dangerous?

• 19:54Henry Zebrowski?

  I saw, that costs a lot of money, Eddie.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 19:56Speaker 05

  They refuse to keep people safe at these places.

• 19:59Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, they don't wanna pay, cause it's a Dollar Tree and they have decided that also poor people deserve this type of atmosphere.

• 20:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:05Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the idea is that the, they know that poor people will have a hard time wanting to get involved and call the police and do all of these things because God forbid, they get pulled in.

• 20:15Speaker 05

  Fucking immigrant.

• 20:15Henry Zebrowski?

  Or a whole thing. So it's like, yeah, it all works. They have decided, this is a symptom of a systemic issue.

• 20:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:23Henry Zebrowski?

  This is not about porn.

• 20:24Speaker 05

  No, it's not.

• 20:25Henry Zebrowski?

  No, this is a bigger issue.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  This is a hole in society that has been unchecked for fucking many years. Dollar Tree, Dollar Stores have been ruining our fucking country for a very long time. They create food deserts. They move multiple in next to goddamn grocery stores in the middle of rural areas. They put the grocery stores out of business and then people gotta drive 50 miles for fucking lettuce that now has E. coli in it.

• 20:49Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, listen, hey, the pooper lettuce gives me time to spend. I love being alone and it's also really nice. I need to lose about 10 pounds and it's easy that way.

• 20:59Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 21:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Um, this is, but they're, they're saying they're taking steps.

• 21:03Speaker 05

  No, they're not.

• 21:04Henry Zebrowski?

  They're taking steps.

• 21:05Speaker 05

  They're doing something now that it's become national news, finally. This should have been national news a fucking year and a half ago when it started, but people have been too scared to report it. They've been underpaid. You know, I'm making fucking, what, $10 an hour? What's the minimum wage right now? And then you're just like, you're supposed to stop someone from jerking off on a grandma?

• 21:24Henry Zebrowski?

  That's like kind of what they're saying here too, which I think is, it's like, it's fucked. They're all like, as you could see, he was pleasuring himself for a while outside of the register. And then he went and he was jerking himself off over by the security officers. And you're watching video of staff making minimum wage or less.

• 21:42Speaker 05

  It's like a 15 year old girl sometimes.

• 21:44Henry Zebrowski?

  Literally just trying not to look at the masturbating man. That's what they're trying to do. They're not going to be police officers. I remember when I worked for fucking Borders, the way they talked about us trying to like, they're like, don't you even hesitate to tackle somebody running out of here with a book. And it's like, fuck you.

• 22:01Speaker 05

  It's a book.

• 22:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Fuck you. You got, got not doing jack shit.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  A book should be the one thing you're allowed to steal.

• 22:08Henry Zebrowski?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's what Eve did. That's what Eve did. That's how we got to this fucking place to begin with.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Like, Adam?

• 22:16Henry Zebrowski?

  This is all Eve's fault. Yeah. This is what all this was. This is from the very beginning. This is the kinda shit that happens on Subway. Like every day, you know, and like they just, people just don't talk about it. But subway's got cops. Yeah, true, but like sometimes they don't do anything. Do you know how many times that we dealt with cops, fucking, how many people jerked off at us? Yeah. You know, it's just one of those. But you see that, and that was before gooning. Yeah. They just did it for the love of the game.

• 22:40Speaker 05

  Those were, yeah, those guys that didn't know they were gooning.

• 22:42Speaker 07

  It was before it was monetized.

• 22:43Speaker 05

  They were like, hold on, there's a name for what I do?

• 22:45Henry Zebrowski?

  What do you mean? I do, I belong?

• 22:48Speaker 05

  There's a community?

• 22:49Henry Zebrowski?

  You mean to tell me, uh, there's somewhere for me to go?

• 22:53Speaker 05

  I need to get out of the sewers and join society.

• 22:56Henry Zebrowski?

  They're choosing gooning, I can tell. By the way, they pulled their penis out the room. They're choosing gooning. No, yeah, cause it's amazing. Yeah. So in that way, it does, it does give a home for them.

• 23:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. So if like, uh, if someone goes home on their lunch break and jerks off for the entire hour and doesn't come, is that going to have a gooner?

• 23:20Henry Zebrowski?

  That's what I would say.

• 23:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:22Henry Zebrowski?

  I have a three martini gooner.

• 23:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Gets you drunk to finish.

• 23:28Speaker 05

  I'm fucking terrified of this shit.

• 23:30Henry Zebrowski?

  Of course you're terrified of this shit because when it comes down to it, if some guy whips his dick out, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna freak out on him. I'm gonna throw shit at him. But then I'm gonna think about my dogs.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:40Henry Zebrowski?

  And before he's gonna, he's gonna pull out his penis at me, I'm gonna think to do fucking attack his penis, but the first thing I'm gonna think of, Mu Yun brothers wouldn't want that.

• 23:48Speaker 05

  No, you're right. The Moon Yun bro, the Goon Yun brothers.

• 23:51Speaker 07

  You don't even realize it till you're outside sometimes and you like look on your leg.

• 23:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh yeah. She, yeah. She got spattered with cum and she saw it into outside because she was just like, I couldn't be cum. And then she realized it indeed was.

• 24:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:01Henry Zebrowski?

  And that's why, you know, none of this is, none of this, no one deserves any of this.

• 24:06Speaker 05

  No.

• 24:06Henry Zebrowski?

  None of the staff deserves it. None of the people at the registers, none of the people at the fucking store deserve it. And it. They need to find the CEO of fucking Dollar General and tie him to a curb. Jerk off his knees. And fucking jerk off all over him. Nothing would make me happier. I honestly, if there was a place I could pay money to jerk off on the legs of a CEO of a dollar store.

• 24:30Speaker 05

  Oh my God, that would do so much for me.

• 24:32Henry Zebrowski?

  This guy on, they got a picture of him. Look at him.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, they got the back of him. They didn't get the real picture of him. Yeah, no, he fucking, it's been happening.

• 24:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Fucking crazy.

• 24:40Speaker 05

  They're like.

• 24:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Also, I hope it's him, right? I pray to God it's that guy and not some random man that happened to be there who had an itch on his belt. Cause that's the other problem too, is that you have to ca, that's the.

• 24:51Speaker 05

  That's an undisclosed man. It could be anybody.

• 24:54Henry Zebrowski?

  It could be anybody. You have to fucking catch them as they are coming, which is hard. Yeah. Cause you're in shock. If we can't get pictures of UFOs, how are we supposed to get pictures of gooners?

• 25:02Speaker 05

  Exactly. Well, at least they, you know, they, they don't have reflective things on them, you know, we, I think it's easier to get a picture of a gooner. I think, all right, body cams for everybody.

• 25:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, done. Done. Thank you. Thank you. I, I, I was trying to get him there.

• 25:18Speaker 05

  At least dollar store employees should have body cams.

• 25:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh God, that's, that's the most fucking dystopian shit. Honestly though, I will say if I see meta glasses anywhere near me, I'm gonna fucking slap them on your face. Don't you fucking.

• 25:32Speaker 05

  I can't tell.

• 25:33Henry Zebrowski?

  You can tell.

• 25:34Speaker 05

  I, I have, I don't know.

• 25:35Henry Zebrowski?

  Anybody that is wearing glasses that look like they're from, this is, this is the advice. They are glasses that look like they are from an LMFAO, uh, concert.

• 25:45Speaker 05

  I feel like anyone in glasses who chooses to walk up to me and start talking to me is wearing meta glasses.

• 25:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Then you tell them. They look like this. They look like fake party store glasses. So when you wear them, they look extremely like, they look like extremely cheap sunglasses.

• 26:00Speaker 07

  They always have the little, a little dot on the side.

• 26:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. And they're shitty. You can see the camera on there. They're trying, which is like, they're making more and more subtle every day.

• 26:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, Ray-Ban makes them? Yeah, Ray-Ban makes them. Oh, come on. Ray-Ban is. Ray-Ban's corrupt, man.

• 26:13Speaker 05

  Cheaper than normal Ray-Bans.

• 26:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, they are. That's aggravating. Yeah. Cause it's made out of plastic. It's a piece of shit. And guess what? How would they have a camera in it? How is it cheaper than a normal Ray-Ban? Because they make it out of cheaper material, Eddie. I don't need more companies to hate. I, I am, I am up to fucking here with companies I gotta hate. I'll give you a list of, honestly Eddie, I could give you a list. That's what I did. I looked up, there are certain things that I got into the realm of because I'm a man with no children. Where I looked up independent sunglass stores that have nothing to do with these big giant companies. I looked up, uh, independent clothing stores that have nothing to do with the giant clothing mills. Cause if it's $400, I might as well give it to some jerk off than Ray-Ban.

• 26:55Henry Zebrowski?

  But that's the thing. You give it to somebody who actually hand makes it. A lot of those places have a lifetime guarantee.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  Jerk off random sunglass person.

• 27:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. It's not your fault. Yeah. But you know what I mean? He knows. He's just, he's just striking out.

• 27:05Speaker 07

  Nothing to you.

• 27:06Henry Zebrowski?

  He's just lashing. That's where you gotta think. Jews in Texas, I can tell.

• 27:13Speaker 05

  I'm sorry. I'm actually, this is the new pamphlet. I'm sorry. You're starting to, you're starting to get me on it. Oh.

• 27:19Henry Zebrowski?

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• 28:23Henry Zebrowski?

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• 29:07Henry Zebrowski?

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• 30:31Henry Zebrowski?

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• 31:14Henry Zebrowski?

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• 31:21Speaker 05

  From your grave.

• 31:23Henry Zebrowski?

  All right, here we go. Let's, let's go with this. So this is an interesting, another interesting story I just want to bring to the forefront.

• 31:28Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 31:28Henry Zebrowski?

  And we'll get into this, which is a case that is currently going on in Hanover, Pennsylvania right now.

• 31:33Speaker 05

  All right.

• 31:34Henry Zebrowski?

  A local witch, by no other better term, Beck Ravenswood, that works at a magical store in called Serpent's Key in Hanover, is currently suing the state of Pennsylvania to get rid of their anti fortune telling laws.

• 31:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:53Henry Zebrowski?

  So this is, it's very, it's fascinating.

• 31:55Speaker 05

  So where, what are the laws from?

• 31:57Henry Zebrowski?

  So this is literally from the 1800s.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:00Henry Zebrowski?

  So this law is based upon the idea of anybody-

• 32:02Speaker 05

  Federman ain't gonna fucking help.

• 32:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Federman is, brains are fucking scrambled eggs and he's about to vote for Benjamin Netanyahu to be president.

• 32:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, no.

• 32:10Henry Zebrowski?

  He has no idea what's going on.

• 32:11Speaker 05

  He is the personification of a squaw.

• 32:14Henry Zebrowski?

  He's a Shrek. I don't know why we, why can't we, I'm just gonna put aside stories, lpo at gmail dot com. Why the fuck don't we have a Democrat run as a fake MAGA? Run as a fake MAGA and then flip on the inside. Is that so hard?

• 32:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:29Henry Zebrowski?

  Is that so fucking hard? But yes, the, this lady, so essentially Beck Ravenswood was the exact wrong witch to do this to. So there are several magic stores in this area, like around the world, like, and I should know for a fact, there's magic stores throughout Pittsburgh, some magic stores throughout Philly. I've been to them.

• 32:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:50Henry Zebrowski?

  And this place is interesting because it seems she was targeted by somebody local. So two police officers arrived to speak with Beck Ravenswood about how her establishment where she was doing tarot cards needs to be shut down for this illegal idea of paying someone, which is an old concept that they had about paying someone, it's illegal to pay someone to tell you the future.

• 33:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:13Henry Zebrowski?

  So in, in Pennsylvania- So, no. So that's the thing is that in real tarot, you're not getting a prognostication, you're not getting like, no one's telling you the future. They're not gonna fucking predict your future.

• 33:26Speaker 05

  If they are, they're stealing from you.

• 33:28Henry Zebrowski?

  They're lying to you. So a part of tarot is supposed to help you with problems, thought processes, like thinking about this, but it's really not-

• 33:37Speaker 05

  She looks cool.

• 33:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Designed, yeah, she's awesome. She, she's not, it's not designed to tell the future. There's ways to quote unquote do it, like through the, like, you know, if you go through the entire golden path, they think you could do, but also that's cra, it's required, that's a different type of tarot reading. You have to read for like a year and then it's like, it's like a whole process, but again, you're not paying money. And so a lot of people, at the time, they, it's like the idea of anybody, any kind of shyster doing, any form of fake fortune telling.

• 34:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Tarot cards are not that. So out of nowhere, these two police officers arrive at the Serpent's Key and talk with Beck Ravenswood saying, we've heard that you run an illegal fortune telling business here and we're here as friends to tell you you gotta shut down. And she's like, well, I'm gonna record her conversation. She's like, no, absolutely not. No, we're private citizens here and it's illegal for you to, for you to record us, which is not, it's not illegal.

• 34:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're cops.

• 34:30Henry Zebrowski?

  They're cops and they should have their body cams on and they didn't have their body cams on when they were talking to her because they thought they could intimidate her. So it seems, which is interesting-

• 34:38Speaker 05

  That's all mob shit.

• 34:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh yes, and there are many other stores in their neighborhood that didn't get the same attention.

• 34:44Speaker 05

  So they just wanted to shut down or are they trying to get money out of her?

• 34:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, they're trying to shut her down. They're trying to shut her down and I think it's larger because they don't like her. They don't like her personality and they think that she is annoying and they have decided that that's enough. And this is the problem, right?

• 34:58Speaker 05

  We can't just get rid of all annoying people. We've done it already.

• 35:01Henry Zebrowski?

  I wish we could. There's nothing I'd love better. I would love an, an anti annoying person. I wish we could do it, but the problem is that everybody finds somebody else annoying for different reasons.

• 35:11Speaker 05

  It's a matter of opinion.

• 35:11Henry Zebrowski?

  It really is.

• 35:12Speaker 05

  I find many people annoying that people love.

• 35:14Henry Zebrowski?

  I, so many, so many. And I, this person is now fighting the good fight because they're taking it all the way up to the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania to talk about whether or not we are going to get rid of this law because it's antiquated, because Beck is even coming forward and saying an actual, like, there is a, a middle way. It was like, we could do a thing where tarot card readers got a license.

• 35:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Where you pay a vig every year and you get your little medallion that says I can do it.

• 35:41Speaker 05

  Fine.

• 35:41Henry Zebrowski?

  Whatever you want, but then they better make all those other fucking bitches do it too.

• 35:45Speaker 05

  Oh, all the other tarot card readers.

• 35:46Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, which are, it seems that they, I honestly think a lot of it has to do with interpersonal issues in which someone knows a police officer.

• 35:55Speaker 05

  I think there's plenty of reasons to come after like shady like fortune tellers.

• 36:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 36:01Speaker 05

  But this isn't what's happening in this situation.

• 36:03Henry Zebrowski?

  If you're going to have a Christian bookstore, you can have a tarot bookstore.

• 36:07Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 36:07Henry Zebrowski?

  If you, if you take one down, then the other one goes too, because guess what's also a fucking lie and you pay money to?

• 36:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:15Henry Zebrowski?

  The church.

• 36:15Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 36:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Right? So you pay them money for nothing, so at least this, you get something out of it.

• 36:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, and if you put that bookstore in a church, do they pay taxes?

• 36:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Probably not.

• 36:25Speaker 05

  Of course not. The church I grew up in had a bookstore.

• 36:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, and guess where they get all that money?

• 36:29Speaker 05

  They bet they get all that fucking money.

• 36:31Henry Zebrowski?

  All that money.

• 36:32Speaker 05

  If I'm wrong about that, please write in, side stories, lpo at gmail dot com.

• 36:36Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't think so.

• 36:36Speaker 05

  I don't think I'm wrong about that.

• 36:37Henry Zebrowski?

  No, I don't think so. I think any profits are completely fine. They're not taxable. I have no idea how it works.

• 36:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Uh, but the, these guys are like, it's just in, it's, it's very interesting to see. This is why whenever we talk about satanic panic shit on the show, we're still like, it's still happening.

• 36:53Speaker 05

  Very much so.

• 36:54Henry Zebrowski?

  This whole thing is what we're, what the right has done is this idea of let's weaponize the government against everybody we don't like. And guess what that, that is?

• 37:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:06Henry Zebrowski?

  That's fascism that's gonna head towards genocide. Because then it just turns into this idea of this like, oh, because you've decided you don't like that person, that means it's wrong for, it's, that person's immoral.

• 37:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, and also it's like every time they just always refer to the fucking bible.

• 37:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, the bible's, bible's fake.

• 37:25Speaker 05

  It's a random book. It's, it's, it's, it's paper with words on it.

• 37:30Henry Zebrowski?

  It's an important-

• 37:30Speaker 05

  That's all it is.

• 37:31Henry Zebrowski?

  It's an important historical document that has nothing to do with my day to day actions.

• 37:36Speaker 05

  Is nothing to do with the goddamn law, that's for sure.

• 37:38Henry Zebrowski?

  And every single time I have to-

• 37:39Speaker 05

  Just because it's in there doesn't mean I have to fucking believe it.

• 37:42Henry Zebrowski?

  And this week's episode, we covered protherianism and it's the same thing. The reason why protherianism got as far as it did is because of our natural inclination in the United States of America to be polite about other people's religious beliefs and not immediately say, that's fucking stupid, you need to shut the fuck up because we wanna be open to people's belief systems. But the problem is, is that then it leads to stuff like protherianism in which enough people said it was real, that it caused enough fucking traction to get it, to kill five people.

• 38:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:14Henry Zebrowski?

  So it's, no idea's wrong. I don't believe in the, the concept of wrong ideas, but it's how we proliferate them and how we talk about them and how we, we need to, like, it's that idea of like, I'm just not taking you seriously just because you think you're fueled by Christ.

• 38:30Speaker 05

  Yeah. I can't stand churches. I would wish that they were all gone.

• 38:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Every church should be a public house for human beings to just freely enter. That's what it should be.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  I understand, but here's the other side of it. I think you have the right to exist.

• 38:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 38:45Speaker 05

  And so because you have the right to exist and just because I don't like you, doesn't mean that I don't think you have the right to exist.

• 38:50Henry Zebrowski?

  That's called new ones.

• 38:51Speaker 05

  I just think you suck.

• 38:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I just hate you.

• 38:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:54Henry Zebrowski?

  And I won't go anywhere near you. But guess what? This is the United States of goddamn America and you're allowed to do your dumb shit over there.

• 39:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:00Henry Zebrowski?

  So don't you fucking come and tell me I can't do my dumb shit over here. Fuck you.

• 39:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, keep it to your goddamn self.

• 39:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 39:07Speaker 05

  And then we got these motherfuckers, these, these crazy ass religious zealots trying to fucking come for the Minion movie.

• 39:15Henry Zebrowski?

  They're saying that the minions-

• 39:16Speaker 05

  It's so crazy.

• 39:17Henry Zebrowski?

  The minions used evil, like they use evil shit side of their, their like rituals or whatever and they just go, banana.

• 39:31Speaker 05

  So apparently, spoiler alert for the new Minion movie, but apparently in the new Minion movie, there, it's an old Hollywood movie, it's a prequel and they're trying to make, they're trying to come, because the minions were huge during the silent era, which is a hilarious concept to me. And then once it moves into the talkies, they like kicked out of the business of Hollywood.

• 39:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Can I honestly ask a question? What does that mean?

• 39:53Speaker 05

  What do you mean?

• 39:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Like, what is, what are you even describing?

• 39:57Speaker 05

  I'm describing the plot of the new Minions, the Monsters movie.

• 40:00Henry Zebrowski?

  But what, how did, how, what, so in the, in the original, where did minions come from? They came from the movie Despicable Me, right?

• 40:08Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 40:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Where they were his assistants.

• 40:10Speaker 05

  It's, I think they're slaves.

• 40:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Now, they're slaves.

• 40:13Speaker 07

  They came from a little island, I think.

• 40:15Henry Zebrowski?

  No, there is stolen, oh, the mu, you brothers did it. Of course they did. Of course they did.

• 40:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:21Henry Zebrowski?

  But this is my question, all right? So minions were the slaves of the guy from Despicable Me who were supposed to like, even though he had slaves. Right? He had, they were Steve Carell's slaves. They then were then independently actors?

• 40:32Speaker 05

  Back in the day, apparently. I haven't seen the movie.

• 40:35Henry Zebrowski?

  That doesn't make any sense. I thought that they were just slaves.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  At this point, it's just making random garbage for people to enjoy.

• 40:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Are the minions not actively serving the Nazis as well?

• 40:46Speaker 05

  They could have.

• 40:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Do they not a part of the pilgrims?

• 40:48Speaker 05

  They, I think, there's no way-

• 40:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Did minions help Stalin?

• 40:51Speaker 07

  Not slaves, apparently. They're volunteers.

• 40:54Speaker 05

  Oh, that's fucking, oh, I got-

• 40:55Henry Zebrowski?

  How much is he fucking paying them?

• 40:57Speaker 05

  Ask Django.

• 40:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Why are they all dressed the same?

• 40:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh, he volunteered to be like that. Oh, yeah, don't, yeah, they can't-

• 41:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Is that minimum wage?

• 41:04Speaker 05

  Don't listen to what they're saying.

• 41:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Does he lock the door to their fucking tap in at night? That banana means free him.

• 41:12Speaker 07

  So they, they, they actually did put some sort of a story element in it so that the minions were not around during the reign of Adolf Hitler.

• 41:18Henry Zebrowski?

  That is what-

• 41:20Speaker 05

  But now they're around during the talkies?

• 41:22Henry Zebrowski?

  That makes me angry.

• 41:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:23Henry Zebrowski?

  It just don't, you can't pick and choose. You can't pick and choose. They are evil or not.

• 41:29Speaker 05

  Them saying that they would have been Nazis.

• 41:31Speaker 07

  They were stuck in an ice cave between the years of 1812 and 1968.

• 41:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Then how are they making silent films?

• 41:37Speaker 05

  Oh my god, that is the, that is fucking, what, that is cheating.

• 41:42Henry Zebrowski?

  That's because they knew.

• 41:42Speaker 05

  Cheating.

• 41:43Henry Zebrowski?

  They knew they would be Nazis.

• 41:44Speaker 05

  You can't just take them out of Nazis.

• 41:46Henry Zebrowski?

  Available for the job doesn't mean they're not Nazis.

• 41:48Speaker 05

  Guess where else they'd be?

• 41:50Henry Zebrowski?

  In Afghanistan with Osama bin Laden.

• 41:53Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 41:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Guess the oil state B. They're definitely in ISIS.

• 41:56Speaker 05

  There are so many reasons.

• 41:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Seven, six, four.

• 41:59Speaker 05

  Well, if they were, if they were, they would have changed it to ISIS.

• 42:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Banana.

• 42:04Speaker 05

  I'm like

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Iko bato tati tutu.

• 42:07Speaker 05

  See, there's plenty of reasons to hate the minions without being scared of them summoning a Cthulhu baby.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  I hate the cheetah coco maga, I'm not a cheetah too. I hate the nonsense talk.

• 42:19Henry Zebrowski?

  It says, "They psychologically need to help evil people. They will suffer a form of depression if they don't."

• 42:25Speaker 05

  That's a great concept.

• 42:26Henry Zebrowski?

  That's really funny. It's like the candelabra from Beauty and the Beast, except for fucking, um.

• 42:32Speaker 05

  He's a rapist.

• 42:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Pol Pot, yeah.

• 42:34Speaker 05

  Lumiere, Lumiere is fucking raping those dusters.

• 42:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Those are good. There is a-

• 42:39Speaker 05

  How he never set one of them on fire either is beyond me.

• 42:42Henry Zebrowski?

  There is an expose on Netflix on its way.

• 42:45Speaker 05

  Dude, alright, so Lumiere sets a fucking duster on fire when he's fucking raping it, alright? They, and then the goddamn beast, who is a captor, alright?

• 42:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Keep it going.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  They falls in love with his, with his, uh, I guess prisoner bell, and then everyone gets turned back into human. That duster is covered in fucking burn scars.

• 43:09Speaker 05

  That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I think it's permanent fucking damage.

• 43:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I agree with you.

• 43:27Henry Zebrowski?

  You know, I agree with you.

• 43:28Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, you know, kill them all. So, don't listen to anyone who tells you not to see them. Don't go see the Minion movie because it sucks.

• 43:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Just, yeah, just don't see the Minion movie. I just feel like there's something else you could give kids these days except going.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  God, imagine-

• 43:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Is there not anything else?

• 43:48Speaker 05

  Imagine reading the script?

• 43:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you know, how many actors are just fucking, that's, I mean, it's a huge gig, though. I would, nothing, please hire me.

• 43:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Please hire me to go.

• 44:01Henry Zebrowski?

  I'll do whatever you want.

• 44:02Speaker 05

  You'd be a great minion.

• 44:06Henry Zebrowski?

  The cast, the cast and staff.

• 44:09Speaker 05

  Trey Parker's in it. Trey Parker is the head, he plays Gooney!

• 44:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Gumi.

• 44:13Speaker 05

  Gumi, okay.

• 44:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Trey Parker did that specifically.

• 44:16Speaker 05

  George Lucas is in it?

• 44:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 44:18Speaker 05

  He plays himself. Everybody, every director needs to be in a movie now.

• 44:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, they do. They're fucking bored.

• 44:24Speaker 05

  He did it like for his grandkids, I think.

• 44:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Trey Parker also did it because his kids begged him, because he said, "No one ever asked him to do anything," and they finally, they were like, they were like, "Should I do the Minion movie?" And his kids were like, "Minion! Minions! Minions!" And he's just like, "I made some of the most important cartoon characters of all time! Minions! Minions!"

• 44:43Speaker 05

  He's gonna make so much money.

• 44:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, he is. He's fine. Let's just say he's fine.

• 44:47Speaker 05

  He loves the strippers. There's baby Cthulhu.

• 44:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Get out of here.

• 44:54Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm already angry. You know what? I agree with the Christians. I agree with the Christians. I hate that fucking, I hate it. You're right. You know what? It is an abomination. I hate them.

• 45:03Speaker 05

  They're ripping off Lovecraft.

• 45:04Henry Zebrowski?

  They are.

• 45:05Speaker 05

  That is like, I mean, you're gonna talk about, I mean, he's racist.

• 45:07Henry Zebrowski?

  That's fun, though. But, yeah, he was, he was interesting.

• 45:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Alright, here we go. We got this next story. This comes off of what we were talking about, about this fucking, the concept of wearing a diaper to go to the front of a, uh, concert, like the front of a place, like, I had, I was shocked at how many people were fine with it.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  Well, we got a lot of people wrote in and said they did it.

• 45:36Henry Zebrowski?

  They like, that they do that, that that's customary. That it's like so common, that it's just like, everyone's like, "Yeah, people wear diapers all the time to the front."

• 45:44Speaker 05

  I totally knew this and you didn't, which cracks me up. And I feel like this is something that you would be, uh, in the level with.

• 45:50Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 45:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:51Henry Zebrowski?

  No, that's disgusting.

• 45:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, Bonapoo, man.

• 45:53Henry Zebrowski?

  That's disgusting to me. I'm also one of those, because I think I have a little bit of social anxiety, so I'm not, I don't like being up close, I like being in the back.

• 46:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:02Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't like being up front, I don't like feeling trapped in the front, that scares me.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  No, Henry only goes to like the celebrity ring on the side of the stage.

• 46:08Henry Zebrowski?

  I go to the, I do, I try to go to nor, I, it just-

• 46:11Speaker 05

  I think that's fine.

• 46:12Henry Zebrowski?

  I go there, but I also try to go below. I like go to the back.

• 46:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:16Henry Zebrowski?

  I like to be in the back, I just, I get scared in there. I don't like being up in the mix.

• 46:20Speaker 05

  I'm not trying to be in there, we're old, man. I'm out of the loop.

• 46:22Henry Zebrowski?

  It's not for me, man. I don't, I don't like getting hit. I'm mosh pitted, I did my time, I'm out. Yeah, I'm done. I'm out. But this is disgusting. This came from a band called, this, someone went to go see Devil's Kin in, uh, the sister city to my hometown, Dunedin, New Zealand, which I find interesting. Dunedin?

• 46:41Speaker 05

  Dunedin?

• 46:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Dunedin is technically the neighborhood right next to where, I'm technically where my fam- family is in Florida, and that is-

• 46:49Speaker 05

  I was wondering why I knew the fucking name.

• 46:51Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, Dunedin is the Scottish sister city, yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 05

  That's where I stayed. They drink hard in Dunedin.

• 46:57Henry Zebrowski?

  It's Florida. They, uh, they don't like their families.

• 46:59Speaker 05

  I went for breakfast in Dunedin at the most popular breakfast spot, and then the only way I could get in is if I sat at the bar, which is just like a table at the end of the fucking building.

• 47:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep.

• 47:09Speaker 05

  And, uh, they, I always saw them pouring those drinks. It was all vodka.

• 47:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Let's just say-

• 47:13Speaker 05

  It was, it was early.

• 47:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Let's say Florida's real loose with the drinking all day and driving concepts.

• 47:18Speaker 05

  Everyone was driving out of that place, everyone was drinking hard.

• 47:22Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, yeah.

• 47:22Speaker 05

  I never seen, I've worked in the bar industry for almost 20 years. I ain't never seen drinking like that.

• 47:29Henry Zebrowski?

  You know why? It's because you don't have the guts to take it upon yourself to get your family home safe, because those, those morning drinks don't count. It's, that's juice.

• 47:39Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 47:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Orange juice is in it, there's juice in it. You have pancakes.

• 47:42Speaker 05

  They're being healthy, they're getting their vitamin C.

• 47:44Henry Zebrowski?

  You're all fortified, you're ready to go. That's not alcohol in that way. Alcohol's different. For them, that sort of allows them to drive.

• 47:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's wake-up juice.

• 47:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes.

• 47:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:53Henry Zebrowski?

  It's because of the shakes from the night before.

• 47:56Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 47:56Henry Zebrowski?

  So, this person, this, someone who went to this concert in Devil's Kin, uh, Damien Radburn, he told stuff, they, they all realized they smelled this smell, it was a poo, it was a poo-like smell. Um, and they said that they were all in the front, and all of a sudden he noticed that a man in front of him did the patented, "I'm gonna try to shake it out, shake it out, shake it out," shook an active poo out of his pant leg, right?

• 48:24Speaker 05

  But how did it get everywhere? It had to have been loose.

• 48:26Henry Zebrowski?

  So it was real loose, and then he says, what he did was he watched the poop go. So the man said he was watching the whole thing happen. And he watched the guy shit out of his pant leg. And then he watched him try to kick the poo poo away.

• 48:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Smear it everywhere.

• 48:41Speaker 05

  Cause there's beer on the ground.

• 48:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep.

• 48:43Speaker 05

  He just mixes it in.

• 48:44Henry Zebrowski?

  It was wet. It was a wet lump.

• 48:47Speaker 05

  It's a concert.

• 48:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep. Cause, you know, he had got nachos, you're upset, and so parking was insane.

• 48:53Speaker 05

  And you can't go to the bathroom, it ain't gonna be a pretty one.

• 48:55Henry Zebrowski?

  No, nope, I didn't know that. For certain. And so he, uh, they then, people, everybody was stepping in it. And then it turned into a gigantic shit, like then the shit spread all over the floor, right?

• 49:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Cause everyone was dancing and singing it, to the point where the lead singer of Devil's Kin had to stop and say, "What the fuck is going on here? Why is everybody fucking, why is, what's the panic here?"

• 49:17Speaker 05

  Security came onstage and told them to stop.

• 49:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, because it was, uh, disgusting. And cause guess what then people started doing? Vomiting.

• 49:26Speaker 05

  Yes, on top of the shit.

• 49:27Henry Zebrowski?

  On top of the shit.

• 49:28Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 49:29Henry Zebrowski?

  And they're already smelly, cause they're from New Zealand.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, New Zealand people aren't that smelly.

• 49:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I've been seen at a concert.

• 49:35Speaker 05

  At a concert, for sure, yeah.

• 49:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, at a concert, they're smelly in there.

• 49:38Speaker 05

  I feel like they're kinda, yeah, they're kinda clean over there, in New Zealand.

• 49:42Henry Zebrowski?

  It was a metal concert.

• 49:43Speaker 05

  It was a metal concert.

• 49:44Henry Zebrowski?

  That's what I'm saying, they can get smelly in there.

• 49:46Speaker 05

  One of the women who saw the shit, uh, called it huge, massive. I hadn't seen one that big before.

• 49:51Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm proud of the guy. They, but I do find interesting about like New Zealand and Australia and stuff like that, they don't like naming the person that did everything.

• 49:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:00Henry Zebrowski?

  They don't shame you.

• 50:01Speaker 05

  Well, they're not guilty yet.

• 50:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I mean, when you like poo poo, they know who the guy who did it.

• 50:05Speaker 05

  I know who did it, but then, you know, you gotta go through the whole process.

• 50:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Of what?

• 50:08Speaker 05

  Court.

• 50:10Henry Zebrowski?

  For what?

• 50:11Speaker 05

  For fucking defecating in public, I don't know.

• 50:13Henry Zebrowski?

  They said he was in a, he said, they, they, there's gonna be no charges, cause they said they're, they're, it was a medical emergency.

• 50:20Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 50:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, the guy shit himself. The guy should never have gone to a concert, because I'm just gonna, I just dealt with this with Jackie, cause she had the dookie, the dookie flu.

• 50:29Speaker 05

  Uh-huh.

• 50:29Henry Zebrowski?

  And she's still going out and doing stuff. I was like, "No."

• 50:32Speaker 05

  You can't.

• 50:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Keep it at home.

• 50:34Speaker 05

  Last thing you want is an accident.

• 50:35Henry Zebrowski?

  If you have diarrhea, stay the fuck home.

• 50:40Speaker 05

  Well, sometimes light diarrhea is fine. Just kinda like a little squirt, it's okay.

• 50:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Home.

• 50:45Speaker 05

  I think a little, a little, some diarrhea is fine.

• 50:48Henry Zebrowski?

  Can I give a 42-year-old man's level advice and just tell you, "Just stay home"?

• 50:53Speaker 05

  I'll give you a 45-year-old's advice, and, uh, sometimes it happens.

• 50:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. You know, I honestly very rarely have diarrhea these days now.

• 51:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:02Henry Zebrowski?

  It's pretty great.

• 51:03Speaker 05

  It's because we're not drinking that much.

• 51:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 51:04Speaker 05

  It's, it's really all of it.

• 51:05Henry Zebrowski?

  God, we're such pussies.

• 51:07Speaker 05

  It's, it's the whiskey that really chops it all up for you like that.

• 51:10Henry Zebrowski?

  We're such fucking pussies.

• 51:11Speaker 05

  I know, that's what happened. But yeah, no, so they stopped the concert, they cleaned it up and then started again.

• 51:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, well, you know, again, show's gotta go on.

• 51:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, which I found to be very nice.

• 51:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I agree with that.

• 51:20Speaker 05

  Yeah. And then, you know, to stay, I know we're not getting the listener mail just yet, but I, there is one listener mail that's very similar to this.

• 51:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Just please.

• 51:27Speaker 05

  Someone, um, I, I, I saw this one, I had to flag it. Um, they're, they say, uh, they're pro concert diaper. This is one of our fans. They listened to us and they told us that they're pro con, they said they were, uh, attended the recent Pittsburgh show and they had a good time. They said they didn't wear a concert diaper to our show, which is thank you because it is kinda long.

• 51:47Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it's a theater.

• 51:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:48Henry Zebrowski?

  You know what I mean? Like when we perform in the theater, don't actively go to the bathroom in your pants.

• 51:53Speaker 05

  So they say in college-

• 51:54Henry Zebrowski?

  There's bathrooms.

• 51:55Speaker 05

  In college, I waited six hours in line to see Paramore and I was on a mission to be in the front. I wore an adult diaper for the line and the duration of the concert. Shockingly, I did have a girlfriend with me who was fully aware of the diaper. I didn't shit, but pissed a lot. And by the end of the show, there was some leakage.

• 52:15Henry Zebrowski?

  That is dis-

• 52:16Speaker 05

  We danced, made friends with another couple who had no idea they were partying with a bag of piss. I'm not a gross human anymore.

• 52:24Henry Zebrowski?

  You're not?

• 52:24Speaker 05

  But it was the best concert ever. I, I stand by the concert diaper.

• 52:29Henry Zebrowski?

  It definitely wasn't the best concert ever. It's Paramore.

• 52:32Speaker 05

  It's Paramore. Paramore's awful.

• 52:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Paramore, we're just coming out here, I'm just saying right now, I'm just, we're doing this.

• 52:37Speaker 05

  Cover yourself in piss, you don't do it for Paramore.

• 52:39Henry Zebrowski?

  If you're gonna cover yourself in piss, it better be for somebody who-

• 52:42Speaker 05

  Ozzy's dead, so I don't know who you do it for.

• 52:44Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm trying to think who I would cover myself in piss to see before they died. I think that the only person I would maybe, ah, nope.

• 52:52Speaker 05

  Zeppelin re- reunite?

• 52:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Absolutely not, no.

• 52:54Speaker 05

  I don't care about them anymore.

• 52:55Henry Zebrowski?

  No, they sound like shit now.

• 52:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Uh, I've seen The Who, they're fine.

• 52:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, I kinda seen whoever, everyone I wanted to see.

• 53:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Who'd I'd see, who I would remotely piss myself-

• 53:04Speaker 07

  I mean, I love Haley Williams.

• 53:05Henry Zebrowski?

  I know you're, well, you-

• 53:07Speaker 05

  But you like-

• 53:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Rob likes singers.

• 53:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, Rob likes-

• 53:09Henry Zebrowski?

  She's great.

• 53:10Speaker 05

  I, people keep saying her voice is wonderful, but like, so are opera singers. I don't listen to that, you know?

• 53:15Henry Zebrowski?

  She's not for us, Eddie. Let's just get off of this because people are gonna get angry and angry and angry.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  People angry sometimes.

• 53:20Henry Zebrowski?

  I know, I do too, but this is one of those where they're just gonna get angry and we are the type of people that this is just-

• 53:26Speaker 05

  It's definitely not for us.

• 53:27Henry Zebrowski?

  It's not for us.

• 53:27Speaker 05

  It's definitely not.

• 53:28Henry Zebrowski?

  You don't want us there.

• 53:29Speaker 05

  If I was there, I should be asked to leave.

• 53:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, I'm a bummer there.

• 53:33Speaker 05

  Ruin your time if I was there.

• 53:35Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm not supposed to be there.

• 53:36Speaker 05

  I've tried Paramore and boy, it, you don't want me there.

• 53:41Henry Zebrowski?

  You need para less.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  Oh, I need a whole bunch less.

• 53:43Henry Zebrowski?

  She ain't for me.

• 53:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:44Henry Zebrowski?

  She is not for me.

• 53:45Speaker 05

  It is, yeah, no, it's, yeah, it's, yeah.

• 53:47Henry Zebrowski?

  That's fine, but same time, let's go to the bathroom.

• 53:50Speaker 05

  You know what? I'm glad he fucking pissed his pants at that show.

• 53:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Honestly, if there was a place to ruin it, a time for everybody else-

• 53:57Speaker 05

  See, now that I'm, now I'm thinking about this, I'm going all, I'm going full circle. I'd say it's good, you go to like one of the, like Stagecoach Festival.

• 54:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Dude, that's exactly-

• 54:05Speaker 05

  I'm literally going straight, I'm gonna buy tickets for Morgan Wallen. I'm gonna sit in the front row. I am gonna actively fucking shit my pants in the front of the, front row Morgan Wallen and go, help! Help!

• 54:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, that's where this happened recently.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  Help me! So when Pete got paid on the Morgan Wallen, we covered it last week?

• 54:24Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, somebody got paid on-

• 54:25Speaker 05

  So now we just have to make it a thing?

• 54:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep. I think it's just what we do. All right.

• 54:29Speaker 05

  Morgan Pissing. We're gonna hire all the Gooners and we're gonna send them to Morgan Wallen.

• 54:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh my god, dude.

• 54:35Speaker 05

  Call it Oregon Bolin.

• 54:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, done.

• 54:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Done, side stories, LPOTL at email.com. We claim that. We claim that. That's ours. That's our idea. Gooners unite. Honestly, I do wanna get the Gooners together. I do also have other plans. If we could unite the Gooners, that's a voting block that we might need.

• 54:53Speaker 05

  I mean, they are united.

• 54:55Henry Zebrowski?

  If we could create Gooner-centered legislation-

• 55:01Speaker 05

  I don't know, man.

• 55:01Henry Zebrowski?

  That helps the Gooners.

• 55:02Speaker 05

  Well, their whole thing is chaos, though.

• 55:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, no, well, the idea is if we can give them-

• 55:08Speaker 05

  How, it would be bad to give them Gooning zones. Here's the problem. If someone says that, hey, you can come on me, Gooners, they immediately don't wanna know more. That's the problem. They wanna, they wanna come on innocent people.

• 55:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Actors that can act outraged-

• 55:24Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 55:25Henry Zebrowski?

  About being come'd on.

• 55:26Speaker 05

  But they secretly like it.

• 55:27Henry Zebrowski?

  They're, or they're just neutral with it as a job.

• 55:30Speaker 05

  So the Craigslist ad is looking for come-loving actors who could pretend that they don't love come.

• 55:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Looking for actors, all it needs to be is actors who can act like they don't mind being come'd on, or they're angry about being come'd on. That's it.

• 55:43Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 55:44Henry Zebrowski?

  Cause then it's really about, you don't have to put anything else in there. Cause then it could be your people that like it and then people who don't like it who just want money.

• 55:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:52Henry Zebrowski?

  We just- And they should be allowed to do that.

• 55:54Speaker 05

  We saw Pink Flamingos this past weekend, so you know.

• 55:56Henry Zebrowski?

  Pink Flamingos literally contains the DNA of every one of his other movies. If you don't like, Pink Flamingos, every other John Waters movie is a reverberation from Pink Flamingos.

• 56:07Speaker 05

  I'm glad Pink Flamingos exists. I hope I never see it again.

• 56:11Henry Zebrowski?

  I love it. I love it. I got right into it. I got right under his skin. He couldn't handle it.

• 56:16Speaker 05

  I hated it.

• 56:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I loved it.

• 56:18Speaker 05

  I, but I love them and I love the chaos that it, that it brings to the community.

• 56:22Henry Zebrowski?

  I love that movie.

• 56:23Speaker 05

  But yeah, no, and I'm glad I saw it because it's history, but man, I'm done. I, I, here's my thing about Pink Flamingos. If you really wanna see Pink Flamingos, you don't have to, go watch one of his better movies.

• 56:33Henry Zebrowski?

  I love Pink Flamingos. It's good to see. I thank you. I recommend it to everybody.

• 56:38Speaker 05

  Watch it with a group of friends.

• 56:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's the funnest way to do it.

• 56:41Speaker 05

  Watch it alone.

• 56:41Henry Zebrowski?

  I've watched it alone, but it's fun with a group of friends.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  That's the only time I've ever seen, I've never seen it with people. I've only ever seen it alone. If I saw it alone, I would've turned it off and like been upset all day.

• 56:51Henry Zebrowski?

  See, I watched that alone. I've seen Martyrs Alone, Welcome to a Dream. I love watching things alone that are horrific.

• 56:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:57Henry Zebrowski?

  That's my favorite.

• 56:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're gonna watch Solo tonight.

• 57:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, Eddie and I are getting together. We're gonna fucking hang out, get pizza and eat Solo. We're gonna mix that up.

• 57:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, go listen to-

• 57:07Henry Zebrowski?

  We're gonna see Solo together, Eddie and I. And then my next goal is for our next episode for movie signs, is that I just got-

• 57:13Speaker 05

  Movie stories.

• 57:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Movie stories. My next episode of movie stories, I'm bringing in, I got my 4K of Basic Instinct and Showgirls, and we're gonna bring all the boys together and I'm making stew again.

• 57:23Speaker 05

  Yeah!

• 57:23Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm gonna make stew and we're gonna watch Showgirls.

• 57:25Speaker 05

  I need fish stew this time.

• 57:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 57:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Fish stew and Showgirls?

• 57:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, make a diapino.

• 57:31Henry Zebrowski?

  What a weird mixture.

• 57:32Speaker 05

  It is weird.

• 57:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 05

  That is, that's a step too far.

• 57:34Henry Zebrowski?

  I wanna make it upsetting.

• 57:36Speaker 05

  Well, speaking of upsetting, it's, it's going where it's gonna be upsetting.

• 57:39Speaker 07

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• 58:11Henry Zebrowski?

  You've heard me talk about fast-growing trees, sure, but now it's trees.com. It's faster to say, faster to look up. That's how fast the trees are gonna come. It's just trees.com. It's the same trusted online nursery with a simpler name, just trees.com. That's just all it is. It's trees. That's all you gotta remember. They have all the plant, it's like a Brooklyn guy counting to the number three. Trees.com. They have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs and house plants. All grown with care and guaranteed to arrive healthy. Their arrive and thrive guarantee promises that your plants arrive happy and healthy. And honestly, it's nice because we do have some of the plants from trees.com.

• 58:54Henry Zebrowski?

  In the studio, they bring a lovely green atmosphere that is lovely to behold. And I've also seen the plants at Ed's house and he did a good job taking care of them. He hasn't murdered them yet. He hasn't eaten them like he's a brontosaurus. He allows them to exist in his home peacefully. And they're quite beautiful and they are fresh AF. Go get trees.com. Right now, they have great deals on planting essentials, up to half off on select plants. And listeners to our show get 20% off their purchase when using the code LEFT at checkout. Now's the perfect time to plant. Let's grow together. Use LEFT to save today. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.

• 59:36Henry Zebrowski?

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• 1:00:15Henry Zebrowski?

  And also these wonderful ads, because without SimpliSafe, people would be running into this building attacking me, not allowing me to read these ads. And thanks to SimpliSafe, I can read this ad for SimpliSafe, which I think is one of the best things they've ever done. And it gives me peace of mind. And that allows me to give you a piece of my mind. Join the more than 6 million people who entrust SimpliSafe with their home security. Right now, save 60% off with professional monitoring when you visit simplisafe.com/lpotl. Get simplisafe.com/lpotl. And when you order, please write in last podcast on the left in the checkout survey. It lets them know we sent you and it really helps support the show.

• 1:01:00Henry Zebrowski?

  SimpliSafe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 1:01:05Speaker 05

  Live from your grave. Um, yeah. What do you want to talk about? Cause I got this one story that I'm obsessed with and I just started reading about it and there isn't much to it yet, but.

• 1:01:14Henry Zebrowski?

  We both have those.

• 1:01:15Speaker 05

  Yeah. So why don't you go first?

• 1:01:17Henry Zebrowski?

  The Hat Man. The Hat Man. You like the Hat Man. The Hat Man is, uh, he is out of Narick, Massachusetts. This guy's been around for a while, uh, apparently. He's been around for at least a year plus. He's now identified as Hernan Villagrande Lux. He is from Massachusetts area and the reason why we know him is because he's a bit of a creepzoid. He's been known as the Hat Man. Some people are calling him a mime and you know, people that are calling him a mime are ignorant.

• 1:01:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, he's not a mime. He talks.

• 1:01:48Henry Zebrowski?

  He is actively not a mime. He does talk. If you think, if you say the words mime to me, I know for a fact you don't know what you're talking about. What he dresses as, as a mysterious Slender Man style character with weird, I want to say he has these weird paper like things glued to his face. They make him look white, like he has white makeup on, kind of like Smart School Boy nine, but it's not. It's stuff glued to his face and he wears a giant top hat and he has a cane. Now, the thing is at first people were thinking he was funny. He would do this like affectation of walking around and people were like, oh, he's being some interesting guy. He's, he's on the younger side.

• 1:02:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's very young.

• 1:02:25Henry Zebrowski?

  He's young and people would notice that they would follow him on Instagram and he would post all these weird photos of himself in this like makeup and this getup. He was walking back and forth creeping people out, but until then that was not a crime. It's not a crime just to be creepy.

• 1:02:39Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:02:39Henry Zebrowski?

  Uh, because then they'd get us all, wouldn't they? And so this guy then took a step farther. So what he was doing is, again, not a mime. He would go up to people while they were walking and he began to sort of make sexual advances. Um, he was rubbing himself on people while they were sitting at bar, uh, uh, bus stops, right? That was like a big, the one thing you do, drive by. And he's just hit him with a tip.

• 1:03:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Like you scraping across the shoulder blades.

• 1:03:06Speaker 05

  But he had his pants on.

• 1:03:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. And so then, um, which.

• 1:03:09Speaker 05

  Not that that makes it right.

• 1:03:10Henry Zebrowski?

  You're right, Eddie.

• 1:03:12Speaker 05

  And I'm, I'm just trying to like know the difference.

• 1:03:14Henry Zebrowski?

  There were steps because then.

• 1:03:15Speaker 05

  It's just, it's not as bad as Dollar Store Gooning.

• 1:03:18Henry Zebrowski?

  No, but then it increased. He would begin to remove his clothes in front of people. And so everyone was like, they didn't like that. And so the final step came when apparently he was removing his very heavy clothes because he has a tie on and his shirt.

• 1:03:31Speaker 05

  He rents tuxedos, it looks like.

• 1:03:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it looks like, or he has one tuxedo that he keeps by himself. He has a social media presence that's extremely disturbing.

• 1:03:39Speaker 05

  He has lots of nice clothes.

• 1:03:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, he has.

• 1:03:41Speaker 05

  Even his underwear is like, you could tell it's fancy.

• 1:03:44Henry Zebrowski?

  I think that you are extremely generous of, for him.

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

  I think that's nice underwear.

• 1:03:50Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't, Eddie.

• 1:03:51Speaker 05

  You know, well, I mean, he's wearing it, so that makes it bad.

• 1:03:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Can we play? Can we hear some of his voice there, Rob?

• 1:04:02Henry Zebrowski?

  So he does, he talked about drinking.

• 1:04:10Speaker 05

  I don't understand.

• 1:04:11Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't know. Someone will tell me what he said. But he is a, um, he's very creepy in the video, but what he was doing is was taking off his clothes, covering himself in cooking oil. Um, as you can see in that photo right there. So that's an example right next to it. As you can see, he's covered in oil.

• 1:04:25Speaker 05

  No, he loves the tiny shorts, um, covered in oil pictures in, um, at the park, which I'm guessing is the same park.

• 1:04:31Henry Zebrowski?

  And it seems that that is what he eventually got busted for, which was removing all of his clothing, cover himself in cooking oil and gyrating very closely at people. So he's been arrested, which is great. Um, they're going to do what they can with him, but now we have another villain on the scene. And I do find in, interesting that now we have a Smart School Boy nine.

• 1:04:52Speaker 05

  He's definitely inspired by Smart School Boy nine.

• 1:04:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Absolutely. We've got the Burbank Butt Sniffer. Yeah. We've got, uh, who just got arrested again. They don't know what to do with him. We have got, uh, the, uh, the hugger.

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Oh yeah. The, the guy.

• 1:05:06Henry Zebrowski?

  Piggyback Bandit. Uh, and the Hat Man now. And what I find interesting is that.

• 1:05:11Speaker 05

  There's the guy who dresses like a gimp and gets stomped on.

• 1:05:14Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. We have supervillain culture is big.

• 1:05:18Speaker 05

  Would you put the, the, the, the quiet man who stands in the middle of the road in this group?

• 1:05:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, the silent man. No, he's a folk hero.

• 1:05:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:26Henry Zebrowski?

  He's a folk hero. Yeah. He understand, he understand.

• 1:05:29Speaker 05

  He's not sexually assaulting anybody.

• 1:05:30Henry Zebrowski?

  Nope. No, no, no, no. He is just getting three hots in a cot from the local government.

• 1:05:34Speaker 05

  I didn't realize the rogues gallery is really.

• 1:05:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh no, it's building up. And that's what I'm saying is like, after we talked to the, the Brooklyn Devil and we know that it's hard to be a real life superhero. It's extremely difficult. It's, um, you know, it's a lot of liability. It's a lot of stuff and it's actually a non-consistent gig.

• 1:05:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. I imagine you'll probably get killed eventually.

• 1:05:52Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, but it does seem to be very dangerous. These guys are, where are our heroes? Now that Bonnie Tyler's dead.

• 1:05:58Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:05:59Henry Zebrowski?

  Where are our heroes that are going to come forward and are going to defend us from these people? Why isn't there a guy in a raccoon costume not chasing after this guy, beating the fucking shit out of him?

• 1:06:12Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:06:13Henry Zebrowski?

  That's what should be happening. I do find, I do think it's interesting though, that we're going to see, this is where I, we'll talk, maybe Brooklyn Devil will have him back on to talk about this. That I wonder if just like the Batman himself, if the jokers are going to actually need to, to inspire them to come out.

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  Now here's the problem with this guy. Is he actually committing a crime?

• 1:06:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes. He's being sexually aggressive at people and he's frauding them. He is touching them. He is now, he's now crossed into full criminality because he has touched people.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  Cause he's touched people.

• 1:06:43Henry Zebrowski?

  He has touched people and.

• 1:06:44Speaker 05

  Officially assault. Yeah.

• 1:06:45Henry Zebrowski?

  And the, the doing the flagrant sexual act in front of somebody is still considered assault.

• 1:06:51Speaker 05

  Even if you don't, even if your clothes are on?

• 1:06:53Henry Zebrowski?

  If I jerk off at you, just, I, we already covered this. The truth is, is that if there is an evidence that can state clearly enough that I was jerking off at you. Like if you.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  If your hand is in your pants.

• 1:07:05Henry Zebrowski?

  If your hands are in your pants for an extended period of time and you, and there are other extenuating circumstances like the appearance of ejaculate. Or the moans of pleasure. Or if I start going, he's choosing goon and you can tell.

• 1:07:22Henry Zebrowski?

  The way my penis is out in the room.

• 1:07:25Speaker 05

  And reading people's tarot cards.

• 1:07:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Then it depends. Just don't tell them what to do with themselves. You know, and you're fine as long as you have the medallion. If you have the medallion and you're not actively, like that's the key here. And then there'll be a psychic mafia and then that's where I come in. But there's a lot of people talking about the Hat Man. He has a whole subreddit. There is, there's been many sightings of him. He's now arrested. I think unfortunately this is going to mean he's going to do it even more.

• 1:07:52Speaker 05

  Oh yeah. Because he's got all this attention.

• 1:07:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Yes, from us.

• 1:07:55Speaker 05

  From us.

• 1:07:56Henry Zebrowski?

  And we'll have you on the show. Side Stories L P O T L at G I V O dot com.

• 1:07:59Speaker 05

  We will have the Hat Man on the show.

• 1:08:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Come on down to the show.

• 1:08:02Speaker 05

  He doesn't even speak English.

• 1:08:04Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm certain he can put a couple of words together.

• 1:08:09Henry Zebrowski?

  Right? We'll do one of those Google translates.

• 1:08:12Speaker 05

  Oh, well, I know you're looking for a hero and sometimes Henry, your hero isn't necessarily a man. It could be a flying robot.

• 1:08:21Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, flying robot.

• 1:08:23Speaker 05

  That's right. There's a Texas company. Oh my God. I don't even know. This is, this is just, I, I'm just learning about this now. There's a Texas company, um, that is making, um, school shooter defense drones and they're testing them out in Arkansas. And basically what these are, these are drones that fly around armed with bear spray and stop a school shooter.

• 1:08:48Henry Zebrowski?

  I want you to hear how, you know what that sounds to me? We're scared. I'm scared of kids with assault rifles and I don't want to get hurt. So we better send the robot in because I'm scared.

• 1:09:04Speaker 05

  They, this obviously it comes out of Texas and we know that in Texas there.

• 1:09:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Cops are weaker than children?

• 1:09:10Speaker 05

  Yeah. Because they had the Evaldi shooting where the cops refused to help and they're actively holding back the parents from helping themselves.

• 1:09:15Henry Zebrowski?

  I think it's really funny that they are using this as a way to get out of doing their jobs, their one job as a police officer. I love, I honestly love police officers. You know, I do, but your job is to get shot.

• 1:09:28Speaker 05

  Yeah. So the, the, um, the fast moving drones have the capability to spray pepper rounds and Blair loud sirens. They literally will like go up, they will fly up to a, a school shooter and say, put the gun down.

• 1:09:42Henry Zebrowski?

  I fucking, the next Dylan Klebold is just going to fucking shoot that out of the fucking sky.

• 1:09:47Speaker 05

  Yes. And so basically they say that they can respond with the, with these, um, pepper spray drones that are going to live in schools.

• 1:09:55Henry Zebrowski?

  That's, that is unbelievable. That is the dumbest.

• 1:09:57Speaker 05

  Instead of making any gun laws.

• 1:09:59Henry Zebrowski?

  Any form of gun laws. They've decided to just put army.

• 1:10:03Speaker 05

  Flying murder robots.

• 1:10:05Henry Zebrowski?

  Flying murder robots in schools because that's where they're needed the most. They need to protect themselves from the children. This is the, look, think about these fucking cowards.

• 1:10:16Speaker 05

  They say if the pepper spray bombs or the bear spray doesn't work, um, these things fly up to a hundred miles an hour and they can just hit the kid in the head with it.

• 1:10:23Henry Zebrowski?

  That's actually kind of funny. That's hilarious. That's funny. That's legit funny. Just fucking shoot him in the head with it. Or fly out his balls.

• 1:10:31Speaker 05

  Kamikaze drones.

• 1:10:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh hell yeah. We nailed them in the neck. That's hilarious. That's goddamn hilarious. This is the funnest day of my life.

• 1:10:38Speaker 05

  So in Arkansas where there is like basically no infrastructure.

• 1:10:43Henry Zebrowski?

  None.

• 1:10:43Speaker 05

  They have these flying murder robots in schools, uh, to keep us safe, uh, from ourselves.

• 1:10:51Henry Zebrowski?

  That is the bleakest, saddest thing I've ever heard in my, my life. That is so sad. That's so sad. And they are such fucking pussies, man. I cannot believe they don't have the balls to go in and protect, they just don't have the balls to go in and protect kids. They just don't want to do, they are so concerned about their own safety, man. They're so afraid that these cops are just so weak over there.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  They say that the drones can get, uh, to the shooter, uh, one minute faster than a, than an actual cop.

• 1:11:18Henry Zebrowski?

  Go fuck yourself.

• 1:11:20Speaker 05

  Which is, it's way more than a minute because the cops don't fucking show up.

• 1:11:23Henry Zebrowski?

  It's also in the school. Sure, yeah. So you put the murder robot in the school, then yeah, of course it's gonna respond.

• 1:11:28Speaker 05

  There's cops in the school as well.

• 1:11:30Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, put cops in there, but also do something. Do something!

• 1:11:34Speaker 05

  So it's an Austin tech company that made it and they have, and they manned the drones from Austin. So basically they're just sitting in front of a TV waiting for the drones to be activated and turned on. And then they fly the drones around the school and they have maps of the schools. So they know like where every room is and stuff like that. And they're just sitting, they're sitting there controlling it from states away.

• 1:11:56Henry Zebrowski?

  What pussies. You know what? I think it'll be, it'll be interesting to see what happens because Marcus was describing to me that they have now put three different, because Greg Abbott is like completely sold the state out. And so the, they put three different data centers around where Marcus's family lives. And they legitimately like the faucets are not working and it's all, it's like all the stuff's happening and it's just like,

• 1:12:19Speaker 05

  It's gonna become worse.

• 1:12:19Henry Zebrowski?

  I can't, I can't wait for Texas to be completely suck dry into an entire granite field. And you guys are gonna have to figure out what to do from there. And you're gonna have to figure out what to do with wheels, your fucking government. And what your fucking governor wheels is doing, alright, you gotta kick him out of the BK kids club. And you gotta fucking push him out of his chair, down onto the fucking ground and drag his fucking torso around back and forth until he gets to the fucking picture. Maybe take him out to one of those fields.

• 1:12:45Speaker 05

  Florida's putting $557,000 into the campus guardian angel pilot program.

• 1:12:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, good.

• 1:12:53Speaker 05

  So they're gonna be in Florida.

• 1:12:54Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, good. Honestly, it makes sense. Cool. That's also where they're pussies. Great.

• 1:12:57Speaker 05

  No, because this is obviously, yeah, Parkland, when the cop wouldn't go inside there.

• 1:13:00Henry Zebrowski?

  Yep, because they were scared. Because they have all the guns in the world, they don't wanna use them because god forbid some child with a bump stock AK-47 shreds them to pieces with those raining.

• 1:13:10Speaker 05

  Also, Parkland is cop land. I'm from around there. That's where all the cops live, is in Parkland. And for that to happen is the cops being too scared to stop the fucking shooters.

• 1:13:20Henry Zebrowski?

  It's because they, they just don't wanna, they literally just don't wanna deal with it. They don't wanna be put in physical danger.

• 1:13:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, I mean, there's a reason they work at a school and not on the real beat.

• 1:13:28Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, they're pussies.

• 1:13:29Speaker 05

  Yeah. So, uh, we need better cops.

• 1:13:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, we do.

• 1:13:32Speaker 05

  And not this.

• 1:13:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Not this. But at this point, we might as well just have the robots be the police.

• 1:13:37Speaker 05

  I mean, well, I mean, that's where we're going. That's the whole point of this.

• 1:13:40Henry Zebrowski?

  The Texas and Florida, the goal is to make it so no humans are policing anymore.

• 1:13:44Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, we all know that Texas is the first state to use a robot to kill someone.

• 1:13:48Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah. Big ups for them too. Big ups for the robots. It's huge.

• 1:13:51Speaker 07

  Did you see that recent body cam footage where there's like a standoff with the police and some shooter in a house? And then eventually like, like hours had gone by, like 12 or 14 hours and they weren't sure if he was still in there. So they breach a window and then they send a drone in and they find him dead from the shootout.

• 1:14:07Henry Zebrowski?

  That makes sense though. In a shoot, in that scenario, having a surveillance drone go in makes a lot of fucking sense. Like having surveillance drones, actually that's.

• 1:14:18Speaker 05

  Not weaponized robots that fly in schools.

• 1:14:23Henry Zebrowski?

  Like the goal is to have something that is leading the way into rooms.

• 1:14:27Speaker 05

  Running around with a broom pretending to be a fucking, you know, pretend like he's using a rifle with a broom and he's gonna get pepper sprayed, or someone's gonna hit him in the head with a 110 mile an hour robot.

• 1:14:37Henry Zebrowski?

  Or wait until one day, the proper person isn't there and there's some form of like LGBTQ trans meetup that someone's not gonna wanna deal with, and they're gonna use it against them. And that's what's going to happen. What's gonna happen is they're gonna use it at some point.

• 1:14:51Speaker 05

  The kids are gonna do a fucking walkout or something.

• 1:14:54Henry Zebrowski?

  And they're gonna use it on kids just for the sake of population control. That's next.

• 1:14:59Speaker 05

  Yes. So there we go. That's happening. Put it in the list. Enjoy.

• 1:15:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Um, P Diddy is in jail. Uh, he got, he got put in protective custody because he got into a fight over something. It seems that people are coming for P Diddy.

• 1:15:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, he's.

• 1:15:13Henry Zebrowski?

  He's not doing well in jail.

• 1:15:14Speaker 05

  Well, he keeps getting his release date pushed up. It was June and then April, now it's February. But now he got into a physical fight in jail. Will his release date get pushed back?

• 1:15:23Henry Zebrowski?

  No.

• 1:15:23Speaker 05

  No, probably not, because I'm sure he was just jumped. But he's in solitary confinement right now.

• 1:15:27Henry Zebrowski?

  No, they'll get him out soon. Trump is waiting to figure out. The only reason why Trump hasn't done it, uh, quickly is because he's black.

• 1:15:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, he probably doesn't have anything on him.

• 1:15:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I mean, no, he would have done it no matter what. He would have done it just for the lols, but he's, but he's racist.

• 1:15:40Speaker 05

  He called him a good guy.

• 1:15:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, because he likes what he's done. He doesn't like his race though. That's the problem. He's like, he's like, he loves his, he loves his, his attitude. He loves the way he treats women. He just doesn't like the fact that he's black. So.

• 1:15:54Speaker 05

  Do you know that, um, Bigfoots in Rhode Island don't have tits?

• 1:15:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Hmm, that disgusts me. No. No. How do you know this for certain?

• 1:16:02Speaker 05

  Uh, someone spotted a Bigfoot, uh, credible, um, credible sighting, apparently, um, class A sighting. I don't know what that means, but that's what it's called.

• 1:16:10Henry Zebrowski?

  It means you saw it real close.

• 1:16:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then, uh, so he, uh, he says that he saw a Bigfoot and, uh, he came face to face with it and it had really long arms and, uh, no tits.

• 1:16:19Henry Zebrowski?

  He is, yeah, I love how he made it. He said, "She's got no tits."

• 1:16:25Speaker 05

  He said, "There were no boobs."

• 1:16:27Henry Zebrowski?

  They're like, what is that even, like, why is the first thing he said? It's a visual sighting. That's in a class A Bigfoot sighting.

• 1:16:34Speaker 05

  If the females are that big, I don't wanna see the male. They got no boobs.

• 1:16:38Henry Zebrowski?

  Well, but then I understand how, how do you know it was a female if it didn't have?

• 1:16:41Speaker 05

  See, I feel like you should say it didn't have a dick before you say it had no boobs.

• 1:16:45Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, you'd be like, it had pussy. I saw its pussy.

• 1:16:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:16:48Henry Zebrowski?

  I saw its big crazy pussy.

• 1:16:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, you can't, don't, don't make fun of its chest.

• 1:16:53Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, like, whoa, hey, why are you doing this?

• 1:16:54Speaker 05

  Why an asshole like that?

• 1:16:55Henry Zebrowski?

  Come on, it's like, that's kind of the look right now.

• 1:16:57Speaker 05

  Tiny boobs.

• 1:16:58Henry Zebrowski?

  There's the big, the tiny boobs, big butt thing is like in now.

• 1:17:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:17:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, it's like a whole thing.

• 1:17:02Speaker 05

  I think it'd be great for Bigfoot.

• 1:17:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Technically, it's a part of the fucking Bigfoots. Thank you.

• 1:17:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, sorry about that.

• 1:17:07Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, but that's like, ah, you know?

• 1:17:09Speaker 05

  Yeah. So, you know, thank you for letting us know that the Bigfoots in Rhode Island.

• 1:17:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Ain't got tits.

• 1:17:14Speaker 05

  Top surgery.

• 1:17:15Henry Zebrowski?

  It ain't got tits. Where's the tits on that? I can't jerk off to that. Oh, I thought I could jerk off at something like this.

• 1:17:24Speaker 05

  But I can't. That's the whole story.

• 1:17:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, it's a great story though. That's it. That's the entire story.

• 1:17:31Henry Zebrowski?

  That's the entire story. Where are we at? Where are we at now?

• 1:17:33Speaker 07

  It's time, it's time.

• 1:17:35Speaker 05

  Alright, time for some listener emails.

• 1:17:38Speaker 07

  Alright, hold on, let me play you the song.

• 1:17:40Speaker 05

  You got a new one?

• 1:17:41Speaker 07

  I mean, you guys want a new one or you want the one from last week? You seem like you're really like.

• 1:17:44Speaker 05

  Do we have another reggae one?

• 1:17:45Henry Zebrowski?

  I don't know.

• 1:17:45Speaker 05

  I went through the one from last week. I went through the one we heard. I feel like it should go again. It was, it was one of my favorites.

• 1:17:51Speaker 07

  Alright, so that's, uh, that's the one from George in Loveland, Colorado. Here it is again.

• 1:17:56Speaker 05

  Thanks, George.

• 1:17:59Henry Zebrowski?

  Hey, that's not it.

• 1:18:29Henry Zebrowski?

  God damn it, he's correct. God, it's good.

• 1:18:35Speaker 05

  What are people talking about this week, Henry?

• 1:18:37Henry Zebrowski?

  So we asked a question. Can you die from penis blood loss?

• 1:18:41Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 1:18:42Henry Zebrowski?

  We got an answer.

• 1:18:43Speaker 05

  Sometimes I forget that I ask things.

• 1:18:44Henry Zebrowski?

  Isn't that great? See, I'm in a unique position to comment on the blood loss after loss of penis story from last week.

• 1:18:51Speaker 05

  I had my vagina cut off.

• 1:18:52Henry Zebrowski?

  I am Mr. Penis Guillotine. For context, I'm an orthopedic surgeon and have worked at busy trauma centers where we have seen all kinds of disasters and are trained on how to manage them. Some training, however, doesn't get you ready until you deal with what rolls in through the trauma bay.

• 1:19:12Speaker 05

  Ortho penis surgeon.

• 1:19:13Henry Zebrowski?

  Gotta be fun. If you're putting an elbow in it. For context, you have about five liters of blood in very few areas that you can bleed out from. Generally, you can lose about one liter from your chest cavity, another one liter from your abdomen. You can lose up to that in each thigh from femur fractures. It's difficult to lose enough blood from a cut unless it's through a big artery and lost at the scene. While cutting off your penis scrotum does not cause enough blood to die, it does create a story that you'll tell at parties for years to come, which brings me to my tale. A patient, let's call him Jeff, was a 30 something year old guy who just came back from a concert.

• 1:19:56Henry Zebrowski?

  He had done some party drugs, likely ecstasy, maybe some others. While trying to get ready for bed, he was just too horny.

• 1:20:04Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:20:04Henry Zebrowski?

  In his impaired state, he decided the best way to deal with this was to take his wife's hair tie, wrap it around his scrotum, hoping that the tight band would also cut off his urge to check it. He then took a nap by the toilet in the bathroom.

• 1:20:19Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 1:20:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Several hours went by and he woke up to his wife coming home. Now sober, Jeff looks down at what are essentially necrotic mummified balls. He panics and takes off the hair tie.

• 1:20:31Speaker 05

  Hammered.

• 1:20:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yeah. And his balls come, he takes off the hair tie and his balls come with it.

• 1:20:39Speaker 05

  That's so quick.

• 1:20:40Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, yeah. In a panic, not wanting his wife to see, he flushes them down the toilet and now passes out bleeding from where his manhood once was.

• 1:20:49Speaker 05

  But just the balls.

• 1:20:50Henry Zebrowski?

  Just the balls. Which is a bigger cut. Cutting now to Jeff being brought into the trauma bay. Normally, when there is a quote unquote amputation, they call every surgical subspecialty to see if they can reattach or salvage the body part. No one knew who covered ball amputation, so they activated the amputation pathway and called just about every doctor in the hospital to come see this poor man. While not losing enough blood.

• 1:21:16Speaker 05

  You gotta get a load of that every day.

• 1:21:19Speaker 05

  Listen, hey, hey, hey. I know we're really supposed to help him.

• 1:21:22Henry Zebrowski?

  You know, you know how you mostly work in kids cancer and stuff and how sad that is? Come downstairs for a second. I'll, this'll lighten it up.

• 1:21:28Speaker 05

  I got a little, little yuckster for you.

• 1:21:30Henry Zebrowski?

  I'm good. Come on, just have a laugh. I'll tell, I told him that you were, I told him you're a specialist in ball amputations.

• 1:21:36Speaker 05

  He said, yeah, we got a couple of yucks.

• 1:21:38Henry Zebrowski?

  One funny, one gross.

• 1:21:39Speaker 05

  Yuck.

• 1:21:41Henry Zebrowski?

  Ew. Well, not losing enough blood to kill himself. He did give multiple doctors a story to tell when people ask, what's the weirdest thing that you've seen someone how to hurt themselves? Well, his balls didn't make it, he did. I'm not sure if he had kids before this, but it seems like a good thing he has taken himself out of the future gene pool going forward.

• 1:22:01Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:22:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, man, lost that fucking, lost that shit, dude.

• 1:22:04Speaker 05

  That's crazy. Well, I mean, don't do that. Hair tie.

• 1:22:08Henry Zebrowski?

  Hair tie.

• 1:22:09Speaker 05

  Hair tie did it.

• 1:22:10Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, I've seen that before, though. I've seen people do that. There was that Sally Jesse Raphael story about the guy making himself a eunuch with a hair tie.

• 1:22:16Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:22:17Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, not a good idea.

• 1:22:18Speaker 05

  No, it's a horrible idea.

• 1:22:19Henry Zebrowski?

  Leave him alone. That's what I say, leave him alone unless you're a doctor.

• 1:22:23Speaker 05

  Seven liters of blood, that's it, huh?

• 1:22:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 1:22:26Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 1:22:26Henry Zebrowski?

  Just fucking seven big things of Faygo.

• 1:22:29Speaker 05

  What about like super fat people? Like if you're 500 pounds, do you have more blood?

• 1:22:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Side stories, LPOTL at gmail dot com. I'd love to know.

• 1:22:38Speaker 05

  I feel like you'd have to.

• 1:22:40Henry Zebrowski?

  We have this one last one. This is what you have to. I think, honestly, I agree. I don't know how. Yes, bigger people tend to only have a higher total volume of blood, according to Google AI. That does make sense. Google AI is hungry for blood.

• 1:22:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, these big fatties hoarding all the blood. Give me your extra blood. Hoarding the blood, you big boy. I see your flappy arms and now they're filled with succulent, succulent blood. Oh, you got a towel and a stick to wipe your butt. You're full of too much blood. Give me some of your blood. Can I chew on your love handle? I'm, I can chew on your blood handle. I lost my balls. I lost my balls in a hair tie incident. Give me your blood.

• 1:23:12Henry Zebrowski?

  Right this way, sir. Do you have a medallion for that?

• 1:23:17Henry Zebrowski?

  I'd like to comment on the atrocity that is old lady poop scenarios. I just want you to know right now, we're done with poop stories after this week for a while. We've hit our current moratorium.

• 1:23:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, don't send more poop stories.

• 1:23:28Henry Zebrowski?

  We did it, though.

• 1:23:29Speaker 05

  Send some blood stories.

• 1:23:30Henry Zebrowski?

  We go away for a while, then we come back, all right?

• 1:23:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too much after a couple of weeks.

• 1:23:34Henry Zebrowski?

  Now, I know no one asked for this, but it haunts me every time I go into a fast food bathroom and I need people to hear my story. Back in high school, at the young naive age of 18, I was a shift manager at a fast food joint. Wow, a manager.

• 1:23:50Speaker 05

  At 18?

• 1:23:51Henry Zebrowski?

  18 year old man. That's how lazy an owner is. Just being like, yeah, sure, you fucking do it.

• 1:23:55Speaker 05

  I mean, I was 16 and the only dude in Dairy Queen, I'll tell you that much.

• 1:23:58Henry Zebrowski?

  Wild what they let us do as kids.

• 1:24:00Speaker 05

  That's right. I stole a bunch of fucking ice cream.

• 1:24:01Henry Zebrowski?

  Of course, that's what happens. They just steal. They just steal things.

• 1:24:03Speaker 05

  You gotta watch people.

• 1:24:04Henry Zebrowski?

  Now, if it was my job to oversee the cleaning and closing of the store on a regular daily basis. We closed at 10:00, and by then we usually would have had both bathrooms deep cleaned with usually a quick wipe down after we closed. So around 9:50, 10 minutes until we close, and this little old lady walked in, hesitant to acknowledge us. She waddled to the bathroom, and I kind of forgot about her until sometime around 10:15. She walked back out and she said, "Goodnight." After the staff was done cleaning, it was my job to go through and make sure they did all their duties. We walked into the women's room to witness what I can only describe as a crime against humanity.

• 1:24:50Henry Zebrowski?

  I pushed open one of the stalls, and when I tell you the stall was covered in shit, I'm not lying. There was not an inkling of white on the porcelain. The floor and walls behind the toilet were completely covered in fecal matter. I looked at the employee I was walking in with and said, "Dude, you have to clean that." Technically speaking, hazmat has to come in, but you know, that doesn't really happen with the fast food restaurant.

• 1:25:20Speaker 05

  No, they don't go to Arby's.

• 1:25:22Henry Zebrowski?

  No, he looked at me with dead eyes and said, "I quit." I begged him not to, which resulted in me cleaning the toilet and him getting the walls and floor. That's my story. 12 years later, I still think of it. Old ladies should not be trifled.

• 1:25:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. Dude, I love that she was like, "Have a nice night."

• 1:25:41Henry Zebrowski?

  "Good night, everyone."

• 1:25:43Speaker 05

  Thank you for dealing with that problem.

• 1:25:45Henry Zebrowski?

  "Then you just, I don't have to buy anything to use the bathroom, right?" Oh, good. Excuse me.

• 1:25:52Speaker 05

  It's funny because I'm trying to figure out if she's a demon or an unfortunate woman.

• 1:25:57Henry Zebrowski?

  It's both. You could be a demon and unfortunate woman. That woman is cursed with whatever happened to her, and she did take it out on whoever she, she took it out on whoever was closest and had a toilet. And for that, I will say, that is where the demon guided her. That kind of where, I feel like that's like during the, the obsession part, when the demon is taking over, like her conscious part comes forward and be like, "I should put this in a bathroom instead of all over these church pews." Like, like, literally, like, that's her first thought, being like, "Oh, I should find a bathroom," and then she goes back and do, "Let's fucking do it on the floor. Let's do it on the floor. Come on, Deirdre, we never shit on the floor anymore. Show him your pussy. Show him your pussy. Piss the shit out of your pussy." You know?

• 1:26:42Speaker 05

  Okay. But when you work in restaurants, I think, least when it was for me in the 90s and early 2000s, I mean, this kind of thing, never this.

• 1:26:50Henry Zebrowski?

  2014.

• 1:26:51Speaker 05

  Never, yeah.

• 1:26:52Henry Zebrowski?

  That's how long 12 years ago, but his buddy.

• 1:26:54Speaker 05

  But I mean, I mean, I saw like lots of, like when I worked at Garfield's, I remember at the Harry Potter premiere, there was two shits on the floor. And I, like, I'm guessing it was children. And just like, it's like, people just go in and they fucking shit on the floor and the, you know, and it's weird because it's my only memory of that place. It's that horrible day where like I worked too hard and then like, you know, like, and then it's, it scars us.

• 1:27:16Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:17Speaker 05

  It's, it really does. Cause there's so many nice things happen there. I'm sure there were like nice waitresses or cooks that I was friends with, but all I remember is cleaning up the shit on the floor that day.

• 1:27:27Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's really amazing. So you're gonna live every day being the person that makes a memory for a lifetime for someone else. Or you can laugh knowing, "I know they'll be talking about that for a long time." As you go to the bathroom and you just go, "At least I'm living with something to laugh about."

• 1:27:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27:45Henry Zebrowski?

  And that's the most important part is that that lady did that horrible thing in that bathroom. And then it got to us.

• 1:27:51Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 1:27:52Henry Zebrowski?

  And we could share with you.

• 1:27:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, we'll help you spread your poo poo stories next month.

• 1:27:57Henry Zebrowski?

  Next month.

• 1:27:58Speaker 05

  Next month.

• 1:27:59Henry Zebrowski?

  Because we're done with poo poo stories for a while, but we.

• 1:28:01Speaker 05

  Unless a really good one comes through the real news.

• 1:28:03Henry Zebrowski?

  Because that's the problem is that that's what's going to happen.

• 1:28:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:28:07Henry Zebrowski?

  The next thing that's going to happen is that unfortunately, we're gonna see, like, like Trump is gonna shit his pants on the, like, on national stage.

• 1:28:16Speaker 05

  We'd have to cover that.

• 1:28:16Henry Zebrowski?

  And we'd have to cover.

• 1:28:17Speaker 05

  We'd have to cover that. But if someone, um, shits at someone at an offspring concert, we're not gonna cover that.

• 1:28:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Not doing it. So, but what we're not gonna be talking about shit is over at Midsummer Scream. Come and see us.

• 1:28:31Speaker 05

  Maybe a little bit.

• 1:28:32Henry Zebrowski?

  Maybe a little bit. We come down to Long Beach. It's the Long Beach. Come down. It's Sunday, August 9th. Last panel on the left, you can come by. It's the Long Beach Convention Center.

• 1:28:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:28:43Henry Zebrowski?

  Midsummer Scream.

• 1:28:44Speaker 05

  We went last year.

• 1:28:44Henry Zebrowski?

  We went last year, and I am not kidding, it is legitimately the best con in SoCal, one of the best cons in California I've ever been to.

• 1:28:51Speaker 05

  I didn't think I liked cons and I went to that and I was like, oh, we need to do this every year.

• 1:28:56Henry Zebrowski?

  It is so fun.

• 1:28:57Speaker 05

  Awesome.

• 1:28:57Henry Zebrowski?

  We're having our own booth. Come see our panel, last panel on the left. Go, come to the booth, get a shirt, grab a comic, bring something, get signed. We're gonna be there the entire weekend, but see us on Sunday, August 9th. That's when the panel is. Come on out. We truly, if you're in the south, if you're in the Southern California area, you gotta come. And you're a horror fan?

• 1:29:15Speaker 05

  It's a blast.

• 1:29:16Henry Zebrowski?

  It's huge.

• 1:29:17Speaker 05

  There's every horror fucking icon's gonna be there, and then they have like little like practice houses for all the haunted houses. It's really cool.

• 1:29:25Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:25Speaker 05

  I had a good time. And then hopefully we'll see, uh, David Dusmalchin again, and he'll let us into his like, he's, he has like the room over the convention center.

• 1:29:33Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, we look down on all of you.

• 1:29:35Speaker 05

  It's very fun.

• 1:29:36Henry Zebrowski?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 1:29:37Speaker 05

  That's gonna be fun. I'm gonna be in Chicago this weekend. Come see me on, um, the 31st at the Lincoln Lodge at 10:00 PM. That's gonna be a lot of fun. And then I got Dead Men Tell Some Tales, August 16th, the Dynasty Typewriter here in Los Angeles. That show's gonna be amazing. That's my Dead Disney show I do with my buddy Disney Dan. Henry's gonna come. He's gonna be the voice of Walt Disney. We're gonna have a fucking blast at this show. I really hope you all come out and see this. We've been working on this for over a year, and it is stupid. I'm going against D23. I'm gonna do the most vile Disney show I can during their giant festival.

• 1:30:13Henry Zebrowski?

  That's great.

• 1:30:14Speaker 05

  Fuck, fuck them for that. 9/11, I'll be in DC, 9/12 as well, but not as fun.

• 1:30:20Henry Zebrowski?

  Perfect.

• 1:30:21Speaker 05

  And then 9/27, Milwaukee, October 4th, Denver, lots of other shit coming out. Some Side Stories dates will be announced hopefully next week.

• 1:30:29Henry Zebrowski?

  I do think it's a great chill day to be in our nation's capital.

• 1:30:32Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 1:30:33Henry Zebrowski?

  I just love being on the road. I love it. Well, I'm glad you're gonna be out there and be safe.

• 1:30:38Speaker 05

  I will be safe. It's gonna be fun. I love, uh, I love it all.

• 1:30:42Henry Zebrowski?

  Oh, and go check out Bloodbath 77.

• 1:30:45Speaker 05

  That comes out on Thursday.

• 1:30:46Henry Zebrowski?

  It'll be out on Thursday. We'll be, we will be promoing and more. Go check it out. We have got, it is Bloodbath 77, Season 2 of our Vampire the Masquerade playthrough. And I think it's very, very dark.

• 1:30:58Speaker 05

  Dude, and when you're on there, just fucking chill out on that LPN TV YouTube page.

• 1:31:02Henry Zebrowski?

  Look at all the stuff.

• 1:31:03Speaker 05

  We got HGX 2, we got two seasons of that. This is the second season of fucking Vampire the Masquerade. It's all awesome. We're doing some crazy shit over there. And then go check out the other YouTube pages. Of course, we got The Brighter Side, Page 7, Nerd of Mouth, uh, Romanticy. They're all connected. Fraudsters, Foreign Report, fucking get in there, be a part of it, know us better, see our faces.

• 1:31:27Henry Zebrowski?

  See our faces.

• 1:31:28Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 1:31:29Henry Zebrowski?

  All right, fuckers. Hail Satan. We'll see you next week.

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