Episode 680: Q&A III

This week on Last Podcast on the Left, we’re answering your questions and immediately regretting the decision. We’re talking behind-the-scenes stories, final meals, dream podcast guests, and the kind of deeply specific questions that can only come from years of listening to this show... You asked. We answered. Some things probably should have remained private.

• 0:02Speaker 00

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• 0:45Speaker 00

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• 1:02Speaker 01

  There's no place to escape to. This is the last.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  On the left.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:23Speaker 00

  I have to talk today, okay?

• 1:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  Are you doing your exercises?

• 1:29Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Is this your James Hetfield exercise?

• 1:44Speaker 00

  Welcome to Last Podcast on the Left. I'm leading today's episode. I'm doing it. I'm taking the reins.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  Taking the reins.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  I'm taking it back because today, we're not in the studio, sure, but we are.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  What are you talking about? We're here.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  We are, we are here.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  You're doing a bad job right up top.

• 2:00Speaker 00

  Fuck you dude. I don't want you to just thrust upon me, bro.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  You're lying on camera.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  You're thrust upon me, bro. Okay? I'm never this guy.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  So today we decided to do a Patreon Q and A episode because you guys are so curious about us and we're just, we're such so like mysterious, unknowable artists that we thought it's time for us to part the curtains for the very first time and explain to you what we're like personally.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, yeah, people have no idea.

• 2:31Speaker 04

  You son of a bitch.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Fuck you dude. This isn't my job. How am I supposed to be doing this? Hi, I'm Henry Sprowsky and I'm sitting here with former major host of the show, Marcus Parks.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  Former, cool. Yeah, I'll, do I get paid the same?

• 2:44Speaker 00

  No.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  We're bumping you down.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  All right, fine. Less stress.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  And I have as little responsibility as always.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  And I'm Ed Larson, I did it for you.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  Thank you, Mr. Digital Arm, Ed Larson. This is going really well.

• 3:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  I'm really glad that I'm in charge.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  So what I have is a bunch of questions in front of me.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  I hope some of them are sad.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  They are. There's a lot of sad ones, there's a lot of inappropriate ones, and there's a lot of ones that make me angry.

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  But those are, but I also think there are good ones.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  And so we're going to do a big mix of all of them.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  Nice, nice.

• 3:21Speaker 04

  So number one.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  You want me to start?

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Start.

• 3:23Speaker 04

  Or do you want to, do you want to tee up something?

• 3:25Speaker 03

  I have nothing to talk about. I talk to you all day, every day. This is the only thing I need to do.

• 3:31Speaker 04

  You are caught up on my life. I am caught up. I know every story, I know every moment. So first of all, first question, what's your guys' worst fear?

• 3:43Speaker 03

  Prison.

• 3:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, prison. Definitely, yeah, definitely prison.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  Prison for sure, you know, that I definitely dream about going to prison a lot, but I definitely like, I'm scared of really bad, of getting hit by a car or falling really hard. I really, I think, I think like that's how I'm going to die.

• 4:03Speaker 00

  I feel like you could work on falling though.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  No, not like while I'm walking, like off of like a, something off the side of something or, you know, you lean and it doesn't have the support you think it does and you just go and stuff. I really think it's going to be a noopsie dude that takes me out because I get kind of reckless when I'm happy.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, you have to really be very careful.

• 4:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I am afraid of my own potential.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  That's why I just want to fully embrace it. I want to fully embrace it because I honestly, I need to leave some for the rest of you.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I remember one guy quit our old sketch group Murder Fist because he said it was getting too successful.

• 4:41Speaker 00

  I do remember that.

• 4:42Speaker 04

  And then I was just like, I have no money.

• 4:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, what do you mean? What are you talking about?

• 4:48Speaker 04

  I work 80 hours a week before I do this.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I make no money.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  What sort of complex did that guy have where he had to be that hated?

• 4:56Speaker 04

  I don't know, it was wild.

• 4:57Speaker 00

  He's, it was a problem. It was a problem. But I honestly though, I think the thing I'm most afraid of is what I'm currently dealing with, which is a thing that I think a lot of guys my age are afraid of, which is the doctor.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, what the doctor's going to tell you.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  I'm afraid of the impending bad news. I'm afraid to know, but I know that I'm supposed to. And I'm literally fighting through generations of being afraid of the doctor. My father was afraid of the doctor. My, I never met my paternal grandfather at all because he died when my dad was 10. Every Zebrowski died of alcoholism or heart attack.

• 5:38Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 5:38Speaker 00

  Before they all reach a, an old age. My father is the oldest Zebrowski in like six generations.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  Really? And he was going for it.

• 5:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  You know? That's a good sign though, you're trying to live.

• 5:54Speaker 00

  Except, you know, but then I busted open my penis top.

• 5:58Speaker 04

  But you're still eating berries.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm eating fucking berries, but my dick and balls are black and blue and not in the fun way.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  I think it's good that your dick and balls are black and blue because now you know your limits. You were going too hard at the gym for too long.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can tell. So let's go to the next question. That's the worst part about being like this, is that the more you work out, the way I'm shaped.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  You just look more like a tree stump.

• 6:21Speaker 00

  I just look fatter and fatter, I just look bigger, I look like a giant rock, which is what I want to be.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  Well, that's actually good because that gives you fucking low key like able to wreck somebody.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  That's what I want to do.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  No, what you've got, you've got 1930s circa strong man body.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  That's, that's what you have.

• 6:35Speaker 00

  I am the same measurement. I'm not even joking. Shoulders, tits, middle section, waist. Literally one size.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  You're the only guy at the gym that uses the barbells with the big round circle waist at the bar?

• 6:51Speaker 03

  So do you bring your own handlebar mustache or do you rent the ones they have there at the gym?

• 6:56Speaker 00

  I normally rent them and I'm a size niner.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  You don't have enough rope at this gym.

• 7:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got it all right.

• 7:05Speaker 04

  Where's all the rope?

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Where's all my rope?

• 7:09Speaker 03

  You can only bring me two tiny laces to sit on each end of my dumbbells and I can lift them all afternoon.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  What's your favorite beer?

• 7:18Speaker 04

  Favorite beer, really?

• 7:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  That's what these people want to know.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  I know, I'm just kind of going through some light, I'm going to go through light and heavy.

• 7:24Speaker 04

  I'm really into Italian Pilsners. I love my Italian Pilsners, I think they're delicious, the Moretti's is perfect.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  My favorite beer, it's called Sundays. It's, it was only available in Brooklyn, but can't get it out here. I used to drink it in Brooklyn all the time, but yeah, Sundays.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Best beer ever made, Spotted Cow.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  But I would say the beer I drink the most is probably 805.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  I really thought you were going to say Adolf Hitler.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  No, he honestly was a teetotaler.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  I also like the big Grolches, the large ones that have the pop top.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, those are great.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love Polish beers and Czech beers. I like a good, you know, Pilsners, light lagers.

• 8:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, IPA can go fuck a duck.

• 8:05Speaker 03

  Fuck a duck, yeah, I don't like IPA.

• 8:08Speaker 00

  If there was a fascinating or mysterious, of all of the fascinating, mysterious events we have covered here at Last Podcast on the Left, which is the one you wish you could have witnessed with your own two eyes?

• 8:19Speaker 04

  Ooh, can I go first?

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Go ahead.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  That guy shooting all those little goblins coming out of the trees to his house.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Hopkinsville Goblin Case. Fuck yeah dude, that's a good one Eddie. That's a really good one because like what happened there?

• 8:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  Guess I would have liked to see JFK get shot.

• 8:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, me too.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  I watch the Zabrujko film just to relax.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  I want to see the other angle.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  I want to see the other angle.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  Get shot if you're on the other side.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  That is true.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Or you're shooting.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  I would, but, or if there was something that crashed in Roswell, I'd like to see the crash.

• 8:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  That'd be fun. Maybe, hmm, yeah, I think, okay, JFK getting shot.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. You know what, I take it back, me lie.

• 9:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, that mysterious event. What an incredibly spooky story.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  A mysterious event that, it's not like there were photojournalists there.

• 9:15Speaker 00

  Very mysterious.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  Very, very mysterious for an entire trial that outlined everything that happened from every angle, talking to every person in detail.

• 9:26Speaker 00

  I would like to see what happened at the Dyatlov Pass.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, that'd be cool.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  It is the story of a group of hikers that went up, I believe, was it Russia?

• 9:36Speaker 03

  It was Russia.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  It was one, yeah, it's like, and they essentially.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Maybe Ukraine, like Soviet state.

• 9:41Speaker 00

  It's a, in that area of the world, they go, they go, they go hiking and essentially they're found in a mysterious state where, you know, like some of them have no clothes and they're like up against a tree, one person of their tongue removed, and there's a bunch of different theories. Obviously now they're saying there is a, we're going to do a redo on that.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, we are.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  We are absolutely going to do a redo on it because there's like some new answers, but I would love to have been there that night doing it to them.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  Mine was so innocent. Mine was about goblins.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is about goblins. This is about goblins. No, because we don't know what hap- legitimately seems it was a natural thing.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  Versus like, anything. But there's a lot of UFO connections on that kind of shit.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, or even cryptic connections.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, which would be kind of fun. Um, have any of you guys seen each other's penises?

• 10:30Speaker 03

  Um.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Surprisingly, no.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  No, I've seen everything around your penis many, many, many times.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  I've seen every part of- I've grabbed Henry's naked ass plenty of times.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  But I don't think I've actually seen your penis.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've, I've seen you holding your penis naked onstage more times than I can count.

• 10:50Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  And your little butt.

• 10:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, I used to throw you out onto stage naked.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  But yeah, no, that was, I, I was usually, I'd like grab some of your back hair or like your tush and toss you onto stage.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  Just so you'd rock it out there faster.

• 11:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I've never seen Marcus's fully nude.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Mm-mm.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  And I've never seen you nude.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  We even live together.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I just saw you. I've seen everything around your balls. I've seen your balls. I've seen just your balls.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  Have you?

• 11:16Speaker 00

  You've showed me just your balls.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah. That's cool.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  But I haven't seen the penis.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  You don't remember that.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh, yeah. No, I don't. We, I mean, there's so many years. I remember one time I showed you just above my penis because you asked me about a sore that you had.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  And then I had the same sore and I was like, you mean like this one?

• 11:33Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  That's called fat man. That's fat man socialized medicine. And you have to understand that.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  What's the funniest smell you can think of? I just saw that one.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  Um, cotton candy vomit.

• 11:48Speaker 04

  Wow. All right, funniest smell I can think of. If you have one, go. I'm still thinking. I'm trying to.

• 11:56Speaker 00

  Clown breath.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  Clown breath? That's my cologne.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  That's not.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  That's my fucking cologne.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  Worst part of a clown.

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Clown breath.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Come closer. Funniest smell? Yeah, I guess, uh, it would have to be circus themed, I guess. Um, I guess the other two were. Cotton candy vomit.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 04

  Clown breath. I guess that makes sense. But funniest smell? Oh, Bigfoot's dick.

• 12:20Speaker 00

  Great, thank you.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  Thank you. Winner, winner. Wow.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  Um, what are you guys' white whale vinyls?

• 12:28Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  That's the thing. At this point, I have found my white whales. I found, um, that they have recently got, um, uh, first pressing a maggot brain.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  And actually, I found two in the same store. I found both and I bought one for Henry to start off his new vinyl collection.

• 12:45Speaker 00

  It was nice.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was at, uh, Permanent Records here in LA, which is fucking amazing record store.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  Oh, that is awesome. I, there's one record I used to have that I lost like through time and I want back really bad. It was the Rhythm Devils, um, which was the, uh, the drum section of The Grateful Dead doing their version of the Apocalypse Now soundtrack.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 13:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I don't, I gave it to a friend when I like was homeless for a little while, but I never got it back and I've never seen it anywhere ever. And I like got it for like $2 at a record store in Tallahassee. And it was really cool. It was all clicks and stuff like, you know, like when he's playing the, the boat, you know?

• 13:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 04

  Apocalypse Now. It's like, it's like that the whole time. It's really cool. And, um, it's gone and I miss it and I, uh, I hope to see it again sometime. Also, the first, um, Felice album, uh, Felice Brothers album, uh, Tonight at the Arizona is really hard to find on vinyl.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  And there's, uh, those Darlins, um, that, you know, they only made so many of those and I really love them. And I can listen to those on Spotify and stuff. So I'm not like completely devoid of the music.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  But my biggest white whale was, uh, the Bushwick Gospel Singers. I couldn't find, I was like friends with the band. I wanted to hear it again. It got stripped from online and I was calling them and none of them had CDs and stuff. And then finally, uh, Zoe, John Moreno's wife, uh, who's in the Bushwick Gospel Singers, uh, she found a CD, sent it to Julie and Julie got a vinyl pressed for me.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  Aw, that's great.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  I love that. I remember, yeah, the Bushwick Gospel Singers. Calman used to play, uh, shows with them all the time.

• 14:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were the best.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were amazing. Yeah, and my other white whale that I found was Suicide's first record, first pressing of that.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, and, and.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Can't believe a band named Suicide had a second album.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, they had four.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  Oh. You see, there's always unsuccessful attempts.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  What's yours, Henry? What's yours? Honestly, I don't know yet. I'm not really there. I am kind of like, you guys are deeply obsessed within the world of music and know what you want, where I still feel like I'm very much still discovering.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  And I. You gotta find your lane.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  My favorite music is stuff like, I'm kind of like a song guy and I'm still discovering quite a bit of stuff. So I feel like, you know, now that I'm deep into jazz, I really like that. But I'm not like, I'm not yet into the world of vinyl where I can even really understand the difference between the various vinyls when I listen to them.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  I can't either personally, you know? I mean, like, obviously if one is a crackle and another one doesn't, that's obvious.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  That's different.

• 15:12Speaker 04

  You know, but like, I just didn't, I just like them.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Like, I don't know the difference between, like, that's like one of those things where I get hung up on that, uh, you guys know, like, I don't know what the differences between all the pressings are and why one's good versus one's not as good or like.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  Thin, flimsy ones aren't good.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, the thick ones are the, like, the audiophile.

• 15:31Speaker 04

  The 180 gram new ones are always good, but then they're.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  Well, not always.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  They're recorded from digital rather than from tape usually, and that's the problem.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  Yes, because that's the main issue, the new, because the old ones, because like someone, I think you guys both said to me a really good axiom for vinyl buying is buy vinyl from when vinyl was peak.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, when it was, but what you want is you want, like, if you're buying albums from the 60s, 70s, uh, and 80s, like, those are mixed to sound good on a record.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Uh, but if you're buying like 90s stuff, buy CDs because those were mixed to sound good on CDs. And then, you know, once you get to modern day, it doesn't fucking matter.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  We specifically, though, produced our Halloween s- sound effects album for vinyl.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  Uh, tack on question for this. What was the first record or, uh, cassette or CD you guys bought?

• 16:18Speaker 03

  Heh, the first, uh, cassette I ever bought was The Addams Family Rap by MC Hammer.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  Fuck, yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  It was the first cassette.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  The Addams Family.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, that was the first, uh, cassette single I bought. Uh, the first record I ever bought was actually here in Los Angeles. I was 14 and it was a, a bootleg of, uh, a bunch of Guns N' Roses demos.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  Uh, from way back, from the Appetite for Destruction, uh, sessions. I still have that record.

• 16:43Speaker 00

  Fuck, yeah. I knew that's worth some money.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, and the, uh, first CD I bought, I believe, was, uh, the Woodstock 94 double CD.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  Yeah. Mine was Boys to Men.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  No, I take that back. Stone Temple Pilots, Purple. That was the first CD I ever bought.

• 17:00Speaker 04

  Oh, hell, yeah. First CD I ever bought was Simpson Sing the Blues.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  That was the second tape I ever bought.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So funny.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  That was the first, that was the first full cassette album I ever bought.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  Oh, hell, yeah.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, right after the cassette single.

• 17:14Speaker 04

  And then I remember one day I was like, told my mom I was starting to get into hip hop and she was down for whatever I wanted. You know, she like, she just wanted to make me happy. I was an only son. And, um, and so she was like, she was like, all right, you have $50. She took me to a place called Peaches, great record store at Boca. And she was like, all right, get any albums you want. I'll make sure you get them because of parental advisory. And then I got, uh, Two Live Crew, Sports Weekend, uh, Cypress Hill Black Sunday, Snoop Dogg Doggy Style, and Dr. Dre the Chronic.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  And I was 12.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  And it was awesome. Wow, yeah, yeah. You're the hardest little boy in the whole store.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I had, by 10, I had already like, I knew all of those albums by heart because my brother had all of them. And I would take his CDs and make tapes, uh, when he was like out hanging out with his friends.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Did you see Boys to Men, Henry? Yeah, Boys to Men.

• 18:04Speaker 04

  Coolie High Harmony or, um, the one with, "I'll make love to you when you want me to."

• 18:11Speaker 00

  I was a very romantic little boy.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  My very first cassette tape was the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack. And then Boys to Men, I loved, I loved, uh, that was like when I was really into, oh, what else? Like, well, Sublime.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 18:27Speaker 00

  I think Sublime was a big one. And Garbage. Garbage, that first album, I think I purchased because I was sexually transfixed on Shirley Manson.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Understandable.

• 18:37Speaker 00

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• 23:00Speaker 00

  So this next question is, uh, this is a harder question. And I like it, but it's a complimentary question, but also I'm interested in the subject.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  You started off with a couple of fucking softballs.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, so this is one that's complimentary, but also a thing I literally struggle with as a business owner and creator. So for you guys who are business owners, self-promoters, industry disruptors in this world of this current day and age, how has our perspective changed from the beginning of creating a company, LPN, which was around 2017, to now? Like, what exactly has changed? How do we stay vaguely relevant, which I would call us? How would you say, um, any, like, how do we not completely sell out?

• 23:54Speaker 03

  Hmm, well, I mean, the philosophy has always been to talk about and to make things that we think are good and things that we think we're passionate about. Because once you start chasing relevance or anything like that, you're fucking lost. The moment you start chasing all that, you are absolutely lost. Like, you can make stuff that is, you know, within, I guess, the zeitgeist, and you can kind of see like what people are making, but it always has to be like through your filter. The biggest difference between when we started this thing, and that's the thing, LPN started in 2017, but LPN came from Cave Comedy Radio.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, which was basically, uh, money from fucking, from an old corrupt business owner, yeah.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  But that was like 2010, you know, like that, that was like, I, yeah, started that way, way, way back in like 2010. And I was actually talking to somebody about this on Friday, is that even in like 2012, 2013, we were telling people like, there's too many podcasts. Like, you're never gonna get noticed, because there's already, there's too many podcasts. There's hundreds of them.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  It's impossible, it's impossible. And that's the biggest difference between when we start, even 2017, 2016, and now, it's just the volume of podcasts. It's, because now there are millions upon millions and there's-

• 25:11Speaker 00

  It is harder than ever to work with our heads down like we used to, to be honest. That is the hardest part, I think, of the current landscape, is that it used to really be, which is still mostly my philosophy, is that all innovation is born from a vacuum, almost. That like legitimately, you have to bury yourself in the work so fulfilled, so fully, that you are then just of the work.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  Oh, that was certainly my philosophy for, forever, my entire life.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  But the problem now is that when everybody's on your dick, right? Like, everybody's doing the same level of content and have different levels of support and have different systems. So like, then it's just more like, on something, we do struggle, I struggle, with the idea of, how do we make sure we're keeping our stuff different from everybody without me consuming everybody else's stuff, so it doesn't enter into my brain when I'm making my stuff?

• 26:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's the hardest part. Because that's why I had to stop listening to all comedy podcasts. Because eventually, I understand Rob Williams more than ever in a way, because I don't really write, I don't write my material. I'm sorry to shock you. But I don't really write my comedic material.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  You don't write it out, you mean?

• 26:22Speaker 00

  No.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  Like, because the way you said it made it sound like you have a writer hidden somewhere.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  Oh, my God, Morty Zaperstein is a genius. He came up with so many different ways to say "come". I love this guy. But no, I don't write my, like, when I come up with comedy bits, it's more like key words and little phrases and stuff. But I, I don't write my stuff down, right? I don't write out jokes. And Rob Williams was kind of in that way, in terms of, I'm improvising all day, all night. That's what I do. So on some level, if there are jokes floating around in the back of my head that I have watched another comedian do, it is not out of, literally, it's not out of evil, it's out of total desperation that I will literally just grab whatever's in the fucking quiver and throw it out.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  So that's why I don't listen to other comedy shows. So I have to figure out how to stay in my lane, which is, it's a constant balancing act.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  I've never listened to a comedy podcast that I wasn't actively producing.

• 27:21Speaker 00

  Well, you don't got to, well, you shouldn't.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, no, no, I never, I never did. And it only recently started like actually listening to podcast podcasts, just because I'm driving so much here in LA. But I've always taken the idea that it, how you kind of stay fresh is you take influences from other mediums. Like, you know, you, when you like are making a story or like make, like, for example, like on NoDogs, like what we'll do is we'll, if we're, like, when we did our replacement series, we were watching The Wire. And so we kind of would watch The Wire and use that medium as inspiration for like storytelling and how to, you know, tell a story with a whole bunch of different characters and a bunch of different things going on at once.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  And then take inspiration from that, or take inspiration from movies or from music or anything like that. And when all these inspirations and all these influences like cross together, then you have something that's kind of new.

• 28:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's fucking, that's really nice. I, um, you know, you guys, no, I don't really listen to any podcasts. I don't even really listen to our podcasts. It's, it's not, your podcasts aren't for me. But I look, it's weird, because I came in here to like work with you guys on your thing. And I always felt like when I joined, my job was to support y'all as artists and make y'all shine the best way possible. Because I come from the school of, and this kind of happened by accident, when I stopped wanting to be a cook for the rest of my life, I looked at, not necessarily like the entertainment business, but I looked at comedy as a career. And so I do what I can to like be, have as many hats as possible in this comedy business.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  And that's why now I'm trying to do all these other weird things. I'm doing stuff with musicians now. I'm trying to do this Disney thing now to just stay relevant and just keep, you know, keep my brain moving and doing as many things as I can. I always like to say I'm in the comedy business, I'm not in the entertainment business. I'm not trying to be a writer on a TV show, but I do want to be a comedian for the rest of my life.

• 29:24Speaker 00

  How do you feel about three years in?

• 29:26Speaker 04

  Three years into this? I love it. Is, I hope the job never ends.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  It better not.

• 29:31Speaker 04

  But I, you know, I feel like be three years in now. I mean, if something, God forbid, did happen, I have a great thing on my resume. And I feel like I would be able to get a job somewhere else if I had to. And I think that's a, that's a beautiful thing.

• 29:44Speaker 00

  Like at the big fat man whorehouse?

• 29:46Speaker 04

  I don't, if they're hiring.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  Do you well at the big fat man whorehouse?

• 29:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've always thought of myself as being in the entertainment business. Cause that was what all I've ever really wanted to do is just to be in it. Well, actually, all I ever really wanted to do is just radio. Just being on radio, like if I, if I had my druthers, I'd be doing a drive time shift on FM radio station, playing my own music, you know, five days a week.

• 30:08Speaker 04

  I mean, that's the fucking dream.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  That's the dream.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  But there's no money in it.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  No, no, no, I would have to pay them.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  I mean, that's what I'd like to get back to like one of these days. Um, but yeah, for, for me, like comedy was a total, like it was an accident. Like getting into comedy was a coincidence. I was just applying for writing jobs and the Onion happened to be hiring people for Onion Radio News.

• 30:29Speaker 04

  It's so crazy. The Onion was like your first job in New York.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, yeah, I was working.

• 30:34Speaker 04

  Everyone's like life goal and you just fucking got it immediately.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Well, it was because they were looking for a guy who knew how to do radio. And I was the only person who applied to this writing internship who had radio experience.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Amazing.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. So they, they brought me on. Um, and yeah, that was 2006 and that's where I met some of the first people that, you know, got me into like the sort of comedy scene and that, and it was just, the only thing that I knew how to do was radio and the only people in entertainment in New York that I knew were all comedy. So I just had to go in that direction. Uh, and that's just the direction that brought me to this place here.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. I always think like, one thing I learned early on and the, the greatest perk to doing this business and being in comedy is we always say it's a, I was backstage pass to the world. And you know, everyone wants to meet you. Everyone wants to show you their fucking weed farm. Everybody wants to show you like all the cool stuff. They want to bring you backstage at the zoo. You know, like it's always like the coolest shit in the world. And I think that, um, I've seen things that I never thought I would see. I've been to war zones. I've been to Africa, you know, and it's just, uh, comedy has done a lot for me and I'm never going to give up on it.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  It's pretty great. It can be. Not psychologically, but it can really be great. I, I would actually like to speak to the idea of someone talking about like how to not sell out. Cause I will say, the one thing that I, I, I'm going to toot or I'm a toot my own horn. Hoot, toot, toot. And say that we have so far successfully navigated entirely selling out. And I think the reason why we've gotten to do that is because of you. Because we had a mandate of a bunch of people listening to us that allowed us to make a bunch of very good decisions that kept, keeps us above certain things, which is really nice. And these are the lessons I'm going to tell you right now, which is always own your IP.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  Never let any, never sell it. Never sell your IP unless they're backing up the money truck. Right? But you never sell that IP. You hold on. You hold, what?

• 32:33Speaker 04

  I said, you own my IP.

• 32:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, I do.

• 32:37Speaker 00

  Own as much IP as possible. But the, uh, I think the goal really is to, you have to have certain fundamental non-negotiables, which is we had to have creative control, no matter what.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  At all times.

• 32:51Speaker 00

  At all times. Everything is under our, every single choice we've made is our choice.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  Um, there are contractual business things that we have been forced to do then because of having to not sell out. But that's work. That's the difference.

• 33:05Speaker 03

  Why don't we, let's say everything that we say is our choice, but everything we've had to do over the years, we've had to do some contractually obligated things.

• 33:13Speaker 00

  Well, because then I do.

• 33:22Speaker 00

  That's the part of it. But it's like, it's important to understand that like, I think a lot of times people look upon us as a giant, like it's funny because on one hand, I think some people view us as a giant, like corporate entertainment monolith. And then I think sometimes I look at all of us and I'm like, we are barely holding on by our fucking fingernails. We are three fucking morons that are just barely holding this together, that are just trying to keep every, like the hardest part is knowing that you're a stone fat idiot and you're looking at a wonderful employee that's trying to have a child and you want to take care of that person. And that fucking is just like, you're like, oh, oh no. So when you start, those are, those are the things I would say affect some of our decision-making

• 34:06Speaker 00

  in terms of the business choices that we have made. But creatively, that is the only thing that we can, that is not the only thing we can control, but is the main thing that we can control. And that's what we're going to do no matter what.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  Well, and we've always, um, the philosophy from the beginning has always, always, always been long-term thinking. It's like never, never give up the short term for the long term. You know, this has always been a long game. From the very, very beginning, it's always been a long game. I'm a very patient man.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  There's so many people who've made millions upon millions upon millions of dollars that I see like comedians on the road, just like struggling to get a hundred people in the audience so they can make a couple grand to just pay their fucking rent. And it's wild.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:47Speaker 04

  And so it's like, keeping the job is the most important thing in this business.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Keeping the job, keeping the audience and keeping the respect of the audience.

• 34:55Speaker 00

  That's the key is that so our jobs are to make sure we don't disappoint. So we are trying to not disappoint you.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  No.

• 35:01Speaker 00

  As much as humanly fucking possible. We're just talking to the audience.

• 35:03Speaker 04

  But we also got to do what we love. And I feel like that way to not disappoint the audience is to do what we love. If you only listen to the audience, that's when you get, um, the newest Star Wars movies.

• 35:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  You know, and like.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  I, cause this is my fun opportunity to say, I love all of you, but the audience is completely incorrect. I love you and it's not, and it's not your fault. You don't know what you want. Our jobs are to show you what you want. That is our job. So sometimes just understand we're doing it because we want to do it and that's how it's going to be. You don't want it the other way. We're not going to sit here and do, we're not going to sit and be like, well, if we're Harry Potter houses or some fucking horse shit, I don't know what you fucking, everybody's wrong.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  I, I would, I would admit that a little bit. It's, it's not necessarily us showing them what they want. It's us showing them what we want and what we think is good and seeing if they agree.

• 35:55Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  And, and that, and that, and that's really all we can do. Cause it's like disappointing the audience. Like, yeah, I, I know certain choices.

• 36:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, we make them angry. Sure.

• 36:03Speaker 03

  You're definitely going to disappoint the audience. I would say it's more like the idea is like, I don't want to let, let anybody down. Like that, that's what I'm always thinking about. I just, I just don't want to let anybody down.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  If Neil Young can't make Reactor, no one can make anything.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  I, um, I, every show I've led on the, on the, on last podcast has been something I've been passionate about. Something I love. And so I feel like if I tried to work on something that I hated, it would be awful and you would be able to tell immediately.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  Immediately. No, it'd be, it'd be the worst. You'd sound bored. You wouldn't have that, like the hoot spoke. People feel passion. They, they feel authenticity. It's a sixth sense, uh, that a lot of, not everyone has it, but most people do. And I think our, our audience that absolutely has it.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:43Speaker 00

  Here's a little production question. I, you know, I was saying none, but this is interesting. Are there specific joke hook points?

• 36:52Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 36:53Speaker 00

  Like when Marcus works.

• 36:54Speaker 03

  Hundred percent.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  Like when you're writing, like the goal is to feed, I know you always talking about feed us meat, but like how direct are the joke hit points? Like hook points?

• 37:04Speaker 03

  For me, that, that's, it's, uh, sort of a producer brain that I have working because there are certain things that it's like, I could see a joke coming from that. I don't know what the joke is. I don't know what the bit is, but I could see, it's sort of that idea of, uh, hanging out with your friends. And, and it's almost like, um, I mean, I wouldn't call it a jukebox. Uh, but it's, you know, if you're ever like, like, like, I wonder what my friend would say about that. I wonder what, I mean, I wonder what they would think about that. And it's just, and, but the thing is about it is that you have to know the strengths of the people that you're working with. You have to know what they're good at. So if I, you know, see, uh, um, an opportunity for a funny scenario, a funny back and forth,

• 37:48Speaker 03

  uh, that can happen between the two of you or between any, any of us. Cause it's the things, we don't know how it's going to happen before it happens. Uh, and it's just setting it up for, uh, the possibility of it. And if it doesn't, if nobody picks it up, that's totally like, I move on. Uh, there have been certain times like I've said something, I was like, no one's going to, no one's going to comment on that? Like that's, we're just going to move right back.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  All right, that's how it is. I love when occasionally you'll warn us too. Like that always helps me get my head in the right spot. You know, cause sometimes I don't want to get in your way. I don't want to get in Henry's way. You know, cause like, you know, I learned that in Roundtable. It's like you sometimes like, you know, there's so many people talking. Sometimes you, if, if you got a joke in your head, you gotta let it go.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 04

  And then, you know, I'll do what I can to try to find a way to like bring it back, but not always. You know, it doesn't always work. So I, you know, you just gotta let a lot of shit go, which always breaks you hot.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, it does.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  But, uh, but I do like when you're like, hey, I need a, let me do some Lyndon B. Johnson dick jokes. You know, like that helps.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, that, I only ask that when I know it's going to be funny. Like when I know, like I've got a good idea and I like, and I know it's a good idea. Uh, cause you, you know, you always know when it's like, oh no, this is, this is going to be great and people are going to like this.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  And not to contradict what I just said, uh, a couple of moments ago, but I also like an assignment. You know, as much as I like using like what I like, what I'm into is, is like a big thing for a whole episode. But I also like when someone's like, do something on this. Cause I can really bust it open once I have a directive and would see what people want.

• 39:21Speaker 03

  And that also, like the, the way that I do it, it also keeps the show like fun and fresh for me as, um, like I'm almost an audience member. Cause I want to see what y'all are capable of. I want to see what you come up with and I'm excited every week. Be like, I'm, I wonder what they're going to come up with this. Uh, so yeah, it, it keeps me coming back. Um, and yeah, it's really fun.

• 39:44Speaker 04

  Hell yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  But you just, but that's the other thing too, is that you have to be with very talented people, very funny people for that to work.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  What do you think your job would be? If we didn't do this.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  I mean, I'd be in the restaurant business. It's the only other thing I'm qualified to do. I don't have a degree. I don't even have an associate's degree. I got a high school degree, but you know, I'm pigeonholed into cooking or comedy. You know, that's the only thing I have any experience in. So I would be in restaurant management and I would probably be an alcoholic.

• 40:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  God, I don't know. I, I, I mean, I, you know, I always said my backup plans were either history teacher, like history professor, or because then it would be great because then I'd have more than a fucking week to, to learn things.

• 40:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Uh, I could, uh, and to really like know them, like I'm supposed to be some sort of fucking expert. Like I could really dig into it, dig it deep and, you know, spend years with a subject, which would be fucking incredible. Um, or a funeral director. Uh, that was also another, um,

• 40:45Speaker 04

  Really?

• 40:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  That's a hard job, man.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Well, it was more like more, more, like mortuary assistant.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  I think you'd still be great at mortuary assistant. I know a lot of cool people that are in the business too, you know?

• 40:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. But yeah, McFerrin that, that, um, does moderation work for us here. Uh, they, um, I, I helped them get through mortuary sciences school back, you know, when I first moved to, to New York and I found it fascinating. It was great. It's just the hours are crazy. You know, you've always, you know, you got to be called in at any time, but I mean, honestly, if, uh, things didn't work out with us, I probably would be a cog in Sirius XM somewhere.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  I always thought that, um, I'd be a good EMT, just because whenever,

• 41:25Speaker 03

  You'd be a great EMT.

• 41:26Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, dude.

• 41:27Speaker 04

  Yeah. Whenever someone like slices their hand open at work or whatever, I was always the guy fixing it and stuff like that immediately.

• 41:33Speaker 00

  You know what's funny?

• 41:33Speaker 04

  Getting them back to work.

• 41:34Speaker 00

  Natalie's like that, and I think it comes from her mom being a nurse. Like she is, like, not to be, she's just one of those, it's like, but when I got hurt, she like snaps in action.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:46Speaker 00

  You did a really good job.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  What about you?

• 41:48Speaker 00

  Obviously, um,

• 41:50Speaker 04

  Backing borders? Oh no, it's closed.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck. Fuck. You know, like, I will say, yeah, I'm not a podcaster, but I still feel like I literally don't know what my other functions would be.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  You have to be an entertainer.

• 42:05Speaker 00

  I don't know what my other functions would be as a human being. I was a terrible employee. I was a bad student. Uh, I was very good at all the stuff, right? I passed IB because I was good. I can talk my way pretty much out of anything.

• 42:21Speaker 04

  What's IB?

• 42:22Speaker 00

  That's the, it's a big, I got into a very pow, it was a very like fancy, uh, educational program that I was in in high school.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 42:31Speaker 00

  So it's the international baccalaureate. So like, I did like, I was like, obviously very good at improv because I just made shit up to my teachers and they passed me. And then I was like, but I had one of those, like, it was hard. Like, I don't know what I would do because I had so many real teachers that said to me, you're not going to use this. Like, you know, they, they would literally tell me, you're not going to be doing math or science. And it's like, now I understand, like, that's semi insulting, but also they were right because they're like, you have no, you're like not here, you know? And I'm like, huh? You know, like, cause I wasn't there. Yeah.

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like when I would go back home and tell people like, yeah, you know, yeah, I moved to New York or LA and they go like, that makes sense.

• 43:19Speaker 00

  Fuck you.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  It's like, yeah, we always figured you'd end up somewhere like that. It's like, oh, thanks for telling me I never belonged.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We always thought you were a little queer.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  That's what it was going for.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  I remember one time in high school, cause I was such a bad high school student as well, but I like, you know, I did all the pep rallies. I hosted all the stuff. I was in drama.

• 43:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, you were like me. I was politically important.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. I helped the school run.

• 43:42Speaker 00

  You know, I was, I won a bunch of awards. It was all, oh, yeah, yeah.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  Whenever the school needed to make a speech in front of a bunch of other schools, I was the guy that called, even though I didn't know how to read.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  Dude, it's so funny, dude. I was the worst student. I was like the face of the class. I spoke at like all the graduation ceremonies. I was one, I was the number 664 out of 666 students in my class.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  I remember one time my English teacher who knew I was smart and, but saw how little I had respect for school. She told my mom to come to class and see how I showed up to class. And that day I showed up worse than ever. I showed up no books, no pencils, no shoes.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  That's fucking amazing. Oh my God, Eddie. Oh my fucking God. Just so frustrating to see you fucking, just a primate.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  I just, I bullshit and manipulated my way through all of high school and, and then ended up being valedictorian. But just 12 people, you know, like, it was just 12 of us. Uh, yeah. And Julie was right behind me, but, um, yeah, yeah. Definitely talked my way into that one. Um, and then it just went on. Yeah. Went on from there. Cause I also was fired from so many jobs. Worst, worst fucking employee.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  Very bad employee.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. Honestly, I, at this point, maybe I'd be just, you know, one of those guys that just works at the record store and plays in a band quite a bit, just sort of, you know,

• 45:07Speaker 03

  counting out the years. Not really accomplishing much, just fucking just going for it.

• 45:12Speaker 00

  Where was that guy? The guy that we met, the future you, the alt you. We actually met the alt you.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  In Grand Rapids.

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Captain Bizarro.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  The guy that ran Captain Bizarro's who's just like, man, you guys are fucking just so busy, man.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  And I was just like, it's cause you are, you are so not busy, you might be dead. You might physically be dead.

• 45:35Speaker 04

  Everything you sell in the store is decades old. That's how little business you have.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  He was about to like close the store for an hour to go get a chicken parm.

• 45:43Speaker 00

  I love him.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  I get it. I get it, man.

• 45:46Speaker 00

  We did it. No, but those are the people that keep our company, country fucking running. I love those people.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  I love them so much.

• 45:51Speaker 04

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• 47:49Speaker 04

  Oh no, it's my favorite thing in the world. It's Quince. Oh, I look good. I mean, I feel good. You know, it's been a while since I wanted to look at myself in the mirror and Quince really helps me with that. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see myself in that beautiful cashmere Quince sweater and I think, dang, everybody's gonna want this. I better take it off because I love my wife. You gotta get that versatile jacket. You gotta get the perfect T-shirt and you know who's got it? Oh, it's Quince. Quince has got it.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  If you come to one of the shows, you'll probably see me wearing Quince. If you can't guess which part of my clothes are Quince, I'll give you a pinch. That's right. Quince for a pinch here over at Last Podcast on the Left. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. I like the cashmere. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Last Podcast on the Left. It's the best way to support the show. Quince, it makes you look like a prince.

• 49:16Speaker 00

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• 50:01Speaker 00

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• 50:48Speaker 00

  Main, another, here's a easier question. Best food city we've performed in? Worst food city we've performed in?

• 50:55Speaker 04

  Uh, worst, Charlotte.

• 50:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Um, best, uh, I guess Dallas was pretty bad food-wise also.

• 51:02Speaker 00

  You know what?

• 51:02Speaker 04

  Well, no, I went to that soul food restaurant that was pretty fucking great.

• 51:05Speaker 00

  You know what blew my mind food-wise was when we did Rochester at Radio Social?

• 51:09Speaker 04

  Yes! Radio Social was-

• 51:11Speaker 00

  Radio Social!

• 51:12Speaker 04

  Really put it out there for us.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  Extremely good food. They gave us, what was it, duck legs?

• 51:17Speaker 04

  They gave us so much food, we couldn't even fucking deal with it.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  That place was fucking great!

• 51:22Speaker 04

  Oh, you know what was kind of the best meal of the whole tour? Marcus missed it unfortunately, was Steiner Ranch.

• 51:28Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  That was a religious experience. That was, uh, I mean, well, we also, like, my buddies, the GM there, shout out Jason Bailey, but, um-

• 51:37Speaker 00

  Bailey?

• 51:38Speaker 04

  But he, like, they were opening bottles of wine that, like, I don't even know, like, stuff that my palate shouldn't have been allowed to eat it.

• 51:45Speaker 00

  Sick, belly hurt.

• 51:48Speaker 04

  We were, like, ill the next day because I never eat so much fat.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:52Speaker 04

  And it was, like, it was unbelievable.

• 51:54Speaker 00

  And they were, like, describing, they have, like, they joked because that was, like, it's one of the most evil restaurants we could have gone to, too, because it's like Greg Abbott's favorite restaurant.

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. You're surrounded by the worst of the worst.

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Pure evil, but, wow, they eat good.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, we had our own patio.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's pretty fucking great, dude.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Catalmin's in Oklahoma City.

• 52:13Speaker 00

  That was awesome! Catalmin's was awesome!

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, because it tastes, it tastes like steak, uh, like my, uh, okie papa I used to make, and, and I never thought I'd taste steak like that again after he died.

• 52:23Speaker 00

  Also, you remember that place, where did we go to in New York? The prime rib place that we went to?

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Down in the basement, yeah.

• 52:28Speaker 00

  Oh, my fucking god, what was that place called? That place was fucking awesome!

• 52:31Speaker 03

  Can't remember. Uh, also, you remember that meal that we, me and Carolina had in Denver, that place that had all of the-

• 52:37Speaker 00

  The old meat, the old style meat.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Old style meat, yeah, it's all a bunch of weird meats, and it's really fucking good.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  I love that kind of shit. Palm Desert, real bad.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  Mmm.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Real bad food there.

• 52:46Speaker 00

  Well, that is because of the, uh, we already-

• 52:48Speaker 04

  You're in the desert.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  Contact in the desert. That is by far the worst food I've had in any performance venue that I have ever been-

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Humboldt has really bad food.

• 52:56Speaker 00

  Humboldt was specifically-

• 52:58Speaker 04

  But you don't expect them to have food.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  But that one place that we ate wasn't bad. That one place that we went to eat when we were in Palm Beach.

• 53:04Speaker 04

  Oh, you mean over at the-

• 53:05Speaker 00

  The other resort?

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Where we met the chef who was there.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  Tommy Bahama?

• 53:08Speaker 00

  The Tommy Bahama, it was fine!

• 53:10Speaker 03

  The chef is a listener.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  I don't like going to restaurants that are known for their shirts.

• 53:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can't go to a shirt-based restaurant! And I love shirts! I love shirts, and you can't trust them!

• 53:22Speaker 03

  You are right, though, Charlotte is consistently, every time I've gone to Charlotte, is like, this is the worst meal I've had all year.

• 53:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 00

  Charlotte, I had a pretty good sandwich.

• 53:31Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:32Speaker 00

  Literally, so I can't really say it. I, I do believe that, uh, it was a pretty good sandwich.

• 53:36Speaker 04

  Dude, remember that sandwich in Urbana?

• 53:38Speaker 00

  Woo!

• 53:39Speaker 04

  Man, that was fucking good!

• 53:41Speaker 03

  That was special.

• 53:42Speaker 00

  We stopped at a place that made its own porketta.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 53:45Speaker 00

  Randomly, and that's just Ed's sandwich sense, this is fat man spider sense.

• 53:48Speaker 04

  I can find a sandwich in any town.

• 53:49Speaker 03

  True.

• 53:50Speaker 00

  What is the name? I'm looking for this place in New York.

• 53:53Speaker 03

  And I will also admit, every time we go to London, uh, the meat pies that I have there, I'm the happiest boy in the world.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  I loved it, it had great food. I don't know what everyone's talking about for all my life.

• 54:01Speaker 00

  It's changed.

• 54:01Speaker 03

  It's, it's my favorite, because it's got my favorite things in the world. Meat pies and Indian food. And that's London.

• 54:07Speaker 00

  It is Fort Charles Prime Rib was the name of the place we went to in New York.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  Ah, Fort Charles, yeah, okay.

• 54:12Speaker 00

  Four, number four, Charles. Literally one of the best pieces of meat I've ever had.

• 54:16Speaker 04

  It's so funny, because they like the show, they're fans of the show, and they're like, usually, like, sometimes they're like, "Oh, we'll take care of you, come in." They're like, "We'll let you have a reservation."

• 54:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  "Thank you, thank you."

• 54:26Speaker 03

  And they gave us a dessert at the end.

• 54:27Speaker 00

  Someone actually asked you-

• 54:29Speaker 03

  Oh, and one more thing, the best Indian food meal I've had on the road was in Bristol. Uh, I had chicken vindaloo there. It was the hottest thing I've ever eaten in my life. I was down for two days.

• 54:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, I remember that.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  After eating that, it was, fuck, it was incredible. I did, but I did not regret it. It was one of those times when the heat was absolutely worth the pain that I went through over the next two days.

• 54:51Speaker 00

  One of the single weirdest things I've ever eaten was in Manchester, where accidentally I was looking up all these things, I was looking up kind of like, "Oh, what's the best in Curry Row? What's the best place to go?" So I was like, "Oh, there's this new fusion place, it's Indian-Italian." And I got, it was Indian chicken parmigiana, and it was American cheese on a fried piece of chicken with the quinoa sauce over it. And it tasted like cartoon throw-up, but not bad. You know what I mean? It didn't taste bad. It just was the weirdest single combination of flavors I've ever had. And when the UK gets into the fusion world, that's when they need to kind of roll back some of the efforts.

• 55:34Speaker 00

  Because I went to a couple other fusion places in the UK, and that's not really, I think that the UK, what I found my, my favorite kinds of foods in the whole area are the stuff that's right down the pipe. You're like, "We're a pie shop, we do pies."

• 55:46Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 55:46Speaker 00

  "We're a steakhouse, we do steaks."

• 55:48Speaker 04

  That was what my father always taught me, is like, if you go to a place and it's Jimmy Steaks, don't get the shrimp.

• 55:53Speaker 00

  Do not be a difficult person. The reason why they call the other thing, because they barely sell those other items. Someone actually asked here specifically, "Why British food, Marcus?"

• 56:02Speaker 03

  It's in my DNA.

• 56:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  I, I think it really is, because I didn't, I actually didn't know, uh, because, yeah, you know, I've said it many times, yeah, I did the 23 and me, and it's 86% British.

• 56:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, you have Bobby face.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's, it's, I'm, but like, British through and through, and I actually didn't know that. I just went to England and every, when we went to England for the first time, it was the first time I'd ever left America. It was, um, it was, uh, to 2016, October 2016, I believe, it was in the middle of Brexit, right before the election of Trump. Uh, but we were there, and everything that I ate was the most delicious thing I've ever had. Uh, I just, and, and I just loved it. There was something about it. I had an iron brew for the first time, I was like, "This is the most delicious soda I've ever had." I had a meat pies, like, why are not all meats baked in pies? Uh, why, uh, I, I had fish and chips, it's like, why don't we do this constantly?

• 56:59Speaker 03

  Why is this not everywhere all the time? Why, why, why did this great culinary tradition not carry through?

• 57:06Speaker 00

  Because we kicked them out of our fucking country for a goddamn reason! Woo, woo, woo!

• 57:11Speaker 05

  Someone else asked here, "What would your last meals be?"

• 57:14Speaker 04

  Last meal?

• 57:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, if you guys had to choose what your last meal was.

• 57:18Speaker 04

  All you can eat from crawfish boil.

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Yeah! Um, honestly, I'd probably have a big old chunk of wagyu. Is this for when I'm being executed?

• 57:27Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 57:28Speaker 00

  If I'm being executed, I want a big old pile of wagyu, so I fucking have so much runny-ass diarrhea, they have to scrape it off once, once I'm done caked, I'm fucking being electrified to death.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  Hmm, that's a tough one, because I would, I, it's between two things. I would either go with, uh, a real nice lamb vindaloo, or maybe a lamb, uh, Rogan Josh.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  You love lamb.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  I love lamb. Um, or a steak and ale pie. Like, that, that's a big steak and ale pie. I think the steak and ale pie, because the, the Rogan Josh, um, might mess with my tummy a little bit.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  Uh, and I want to be comfortable when I die, I want to feel like nice and full, and a, a big, nice steak and ale pie, uh, and iron brew and some, uh, crispy chips.

• 58:12Speaker 04

  Okay, I like that.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  Like, oh, I have prong cocktail chips, I'd say, yeah.

• 58:16Speaker 04

  Yes, mm, yeah, I just want all the fucking crawfish and shrimp I can eat, man.

• 58:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, you, yeah, you're a giant.

• 58:23Speaker 04

  When are we gonna go to New Orleans? How have we not done New Orleans since I've been a part of the show?

• 58:27Speaker 00

  We'll go there, just because New Orleans is a spe- Special place that I don't want to sully with work.

• 58:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:31Speaker 00

  I do really kind of feel like, and also I have found with, you know, transparency, when we don't come to a place because we don't sell a lot of tickets there. So normally the reason why we didn't come to Vegas, we kind of crack Vegas with side stories, which we're gonna try again.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, we gotta play to the locals.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  New Orleans, we always kind of struggled to sell tickets because why in the living fuck would you see a live podcast in New Orleans?

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Go anywhere else, go see jazz, go to the, be in the city.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  Just wa- literally walking the streets of New Orleans is more entertaining than I'll ever be in my life.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz I didn't get New Orleans until I went, uh, without doing work.

• 59:17Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 59:17Speaker 03

  When we went for your birthday, cuz every time I like, I had this kind of ideas like, I don't really like New Orleans that much. And the reason why I didn't like is cuz every time I was going.

• 59:26Speaker 00

  Hotel room.

• 59:26Speaker 03

  I was in this, this city of fun and, and joy and debauchery and I had to fucking work the entire time. And it's horrible to be in a place, it's horrible to be in New York or in New Orleans and have to work the entire time.

• 59:38Speaker 04

  I feel the same way about Miami. I really want.

• 59:41Speaker 00

  Well Miami is.

• 59:42Speaker 04

  Miami to be a great town for comedy and it's just never will be.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  Nobody likes doing comedy.

• 59:48Speaker 04

  Everyone's naked in the street. Why would you fucking go inside?

• 59:51Speaker 00

  It is notorious for having the worst comedy audiences in the entire fucking country.

• 59:55Speaker 03

  Unfortunately, I will have to say right now, like we did Miami once and it is never going to happen again.

• 1:00:00Speaker 00

  No, we.

• 1:00:02Speaker 00

  We'll do Florida, we're gonna do Florida.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  No, Florida, Florida, yes, but, but Miami, that was, remember that was the show where I was chugging Sudafed on, or chugging Dayquil on stage.

• 1:00:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I also remember that was the show too, that was like the tour where every show was solely sold out, but Miami.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, Miami.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  It was Miami and Vegas.

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, and Miami, Vegas and Atlantic City.

• 1:00:24Speaker 00

  Oh yeah.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  I hope I never go to Atlantic City again.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  We, oh, we won't.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  No, we won't. No, we, we did Caesar's and it was half empty. So it's like those.

• 1:00:33Speaker 04

  I wanna play Jersey.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  Oh yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  But I don't wanna do Atlantic City. Side Stories might do Jersey too, so we might try it. I would love that, man. We need to do more Jersey. Jersey's one of the most densely populated states in America. I don't know why we don't go there.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Oh, cuz we go to New York.

• 1:00:48Speaker 04

  Nah, fuck that.

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  I have one question, just cuz I wanna manifest this so badly. Um, if we could get a pinball machine for the studio, which franchise would it be based on?

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  Uh, we'd get the Lord, we'd get the Lord of the Rings pinball machine, the one that was put out a few years ago, uh, the one that where you can actually go through every single level. I've actually beaten it. It's the only pinball machine I've ever beaten and I actually was talking to Carolina about this not two weeks ago.

• 1:01:12Speaker 00

  I know, don't get Natalie started too. She wants a pinball machine. It's like, our house cannot become a fucking Fuddruckers.

• 1:01:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  Holden's studio, or Holden's room up.

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  He doesn't need any more distractions.

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, he'll use it and it'll be annoying.

• 1:01:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:25Speaker 04

  I would like, um, there is a, I think I've seen this once, uh, maybe many years ago, there's probably like one or two of them that exists. But, uh, Adventures of Ford Fairlane, uh, pinball machine would be wonderful. I've seen it when I was a kid and I've, it's been, uh, that's my white whale.

• 1:01:41Speaker 00

  That's amazing. Um, all right, what are you, okay, oh, uh, what are, what are your day to day workdays like?

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  Uh, I work Sunday to Thursday, um, because it is, um, yeah, because we record on Thursday. I used to work Monday to Friday, but I was always useless on Friday after, you know, the crunch that it takes to get the show, uh, every day, out every week. Uh, so yeah, it ends on Thursday. Um, yeah, Sunday and yeah, I work, uh, like half the time on no, or it's, uh, it's like a little less than half on No Dogs and then the rest on Last Podcast. And it's just, you know, doing research, research and then Wednesday is writing the script. Uh, the first draft of the script, uh, Thursday morning I wake up, I write the, the second draft of the script immediately.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  Uh, do the, the third dra- like do a third draft, just like a read through at the end to fix any sort of like grammatical things or any sort of like stuff that just sounds awkward. Uh, and then we go straight in and record and that's every single week.

• 1:02:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, Mondays is a lot of business for me. Mondays I do correspondence. I try to get stuff done at my house. We've been recording a lot of extra shows recently, so a lot of that'll go into Monday.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Speaker 00

  Tuesday, Side Story Stream. We prep for Side Stories, record, do all the kind of stuff we kind of need to do, either shoot promos, do all kind of stuff during the day on Tuesday. Uh, then we do the stream, then Wednesdays is become, you know, we've been doing a lot of movie stories. My main, that used to be my main big old get everything ready for Last Podcast day, which I normally still do, but I try to sprinkle it throughout the week. And then Thursday, clear out to do Last Podcast. And then Friday, I go to therapy and then, uh, everything else that falls into it, we're there.

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, um, I, I look at life right now as like, there's always something to do. Uh, there's never a moment when I'm like truly, truly relaxed. I mean, I'm looking forward to our vacation. Uh, that's coming up, but the, uh, I, you know, it's always something to do and especially now that I've been doing my own standup. Uh, you know, there's lots of like, you know, that's a lot harder to sell tickets to when it's not the big show, obviously, and so I gotta do a lot of promotion. I gotta do social media, which I fucking hate.

• 1:03:54Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:03:54Speaker 04

  And then, um, then a lot of it is, you know, the road. A lot of it's fucking sitting in airports.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59Speaker 04

  And then, and then I try to have a life and, uh, I don't, I'm not the same as you guys. You guys work all night sometimes, you go, go home, like you're always studying and shit like that. I have to turn off.

• 1:04:12Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:04:12Speaker 00

  Okay, I turn off.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  I turn off too, yeah.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, but I, I, I think I, I need it more than both of you. I don't know why, but like, cuz I feel like you guys.

• 1:04:20Speaker 00

  My hobbies are more evil than yours.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  That's what it is. You actually, this is your hobby also.

• 1:04:26Speaker 00

  Yes, I am already ensconced in a lot of the topics already.

• 1:04:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, and, and usually I, I will like turn off at night. It's just, there are certain times like when a subject get, when I fall in love with the subject, uh, for a brief period of time, uh, that's when it'll be, you know, I, I'm all day, all night, like I'm reading and watching and absorbing and, and cuz it's like I want, there's something in my brain switches on and says you have to understand this, like you have to try as hard as you can to understand everything you can about this and, and that, and that's fun and, and relaxing for me, but most of the time I do, I switch off at around like six.

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  When I feed the dogs.

• 1:05:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, traveling's the hardest, but it's also my favorite and so it's a weird catch 22.

• 1:05:10Speaker 00

  I love being other places. I hate the process of traveling.

• 1:05:13Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just been a lot of that lately and, uh, I, I just, uh, you know, music soothes the soul.

• 1:05:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:21Speaker 00

  Um, my, uh, next question, where will be, where will the world be in 20 years?

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  I mean, either gone or thriving.

• 1:05:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:30Speaker 00

  That's a big 50 50.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  Actually, I'm gonna, I'll split the difference, decaying.

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Decaying?

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:36Speaker 03

  I had no idea.

• 1:05:37Speaker 04

  It don't look good.

• 1:05:39Speaker 03

  I don't know. Yeah, it's, it's, it's gonna be a lot more, you know, horrible weather events, but I don't know, maybe we'll figure something out to, to turn shit around. I don't I have no idea, but it doesn't seem like we're turning things around.

• 1:05:50Speaker 04

  Man, I just watched Total Recall and Robocop in one day and I'm not, I don't have a positive view on life at all.

• 1:05:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:56Speaker 04

  All that looks way more, more realistic than anything else.

• 1:05:59Speaker 00

  I really feel like the way humans work is there has been, technically there has been way worse periods of time than now. We are in a.

• 1:06:09Speaker 04

  Long time. I used to say the 60s were worse, but we're right in it.

• 1:06:12Speaker 00

  We are in the least violent period of humanity ever.

• 1:06:17Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 1:06:17Speaker 00

  So we are in a, there is a way forward. So that's how I, I think because of that fact, there's a way forward. And I think because a lot of what we're dealing with is esoteric, mixed with things that actually need, we need help on. And if we did have one pro-social, Trump-like figure that went and wanted to go in and become like a new FDR-style person, which I think could very well happen considering the rise of the Democratic Socialist Party and how much that's kind of gaining some traction. And the idea that if there was one giant disruptor person, that's really all American, unfortunately, that's how America kind of works in a way.

• 1:06:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 00

  For us, we can kind of get back on the right track if we have one guy that, or I'm some sorry insane man. We have one person that can come in an almost dictatorial style fashion and set everything back, right? And fix it and go and put all the EPA stuff back in, all this kind of stuff. And then I just think that humankind is almost cursed with an adaptability.

• 1:07:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:22Speaker 00

  And I think that we will be surprised how much we will live and thrive through. And that it actually takes quite a bit to destroy us.

• 1:07:33Speaker 04

  I know, but I'm looking at it, man. I'm watching everyone get dumber. I'm watching everyone of my friends get.

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  No, everybody's, everybody's, you are correct. We are as a society at a low stock because I do believe everybody is dumber and angrier than they've ever been.

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  To have to remember shit.

• 1:07:48Speaker 00

  But I also think that we're gonna see. There is going to be pendulum. There is always pendulum swings.

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:55Speaker 00

  Then or what? So I think we're already seeing the younger generation. The younger generation is ready to crucify Sam Altman. Be like literally like the the alphas. The youngest generations understand what's going on. Zoomers are gonna have to hit that wall. You're all gonna hit the same wall that we all hit, right?

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  You all, everybody has a big ol' fucking gigantic awakening when you hit forty years old. I'm sorry.

• 1:08:18Speaker 03

  Zoomers unfortunately have a really hard road ahead of them.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  They are, you're about, you're screaming towards a lot of problems, but I do think that it's, again, it's social. I think the big things are gonna come that are gonna destroy a lot of stuff are weather.

• 1:08:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I mean.

• 1:08:32Speaker 00

  I think the weather is the thing that is going to really fuck some shit up.

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, that, that to me is what makes me not so, um, optimistic about the next like twenty, fifty years. Cause we're way past the point of doing anything. Like, we passed the point like years ago. So we're, we're, we're way past the point of doing anything about it. Uh, it's just something I have to not think about.

• 1:08:53Speaker 00

  You can't.

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  Cause if you start thinking about it, it's the, the existential terror of all of it. Cause it's, the thing is that we are in the least violent, like on a macro, on a micro level. Like, yeah, personally, we're not killing each other anymore. We're not shooting each other. You know, it's not as violent as it was. But the problems that we have ahead of us are existential. And the more AI centers take our water, take our land. And, and, and they're going to cause us all to die of dehydration and.

• 1:09:22Speaker 00

  And stupidity.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  And stupidity.

• 1:09:24Speaker 00

  But I, I also think you'd be surprised. I think we're gonna be surprised at. We're just not gonna die, right?

• 1:09:34Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:09:34Speaker 00

  Things are all gonna happen.

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:36Speaker 00

  Humans are still going to be alive.

• 1:09:38Speaker 03

  You're gonna live the last twenty years of your life in a fucking hospital bed.

• 1:09:41Speaker 00

  But that's not necessarily true. I do, uh, it's not even, I actually view it, it's not really optimism. I think it's a part of the human. Uh, it's how we work as a society. I think that we're going to.

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  Survive in anything.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  Just like how Zoomers are gonna hit a wall, our society's gonna, it hits walls. So we're going to, there will be a point when the environment. We're gonna have to lose a city and then everyone's gonna be like, oh, we need to change everything.

• 1:10:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, we'll lose Miami.

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  I think that is what.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  Mentioned earlier.

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  Honestly, we'll lose, lose New Orleans first.

• 1:10:14Speaker 00

  But we're gonna lose a city. That is what's gonna happen. And that's gonna, everyone's gonna be like, oh, wow, this is actually real. This isn't fake. This isn't. And I think that the more esoteric things become real, we will then be, we'll be interesting to see how we then respond. Because I think then there will be big changes. And then, yeah, sure, a lot of the damage will have been done.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:34Speaker 00

  But you'll be surprised how we can continue to live.

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 00

  And that it is very possible then, if we, almost in an accelerationist way in my mind. If, if this is what we're doing, let's fucking get to that fucking burnout point already then. If you, let's see what you do then. Let's see. They're in control right now. The bad guys are completely in charge.

• 1:10:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Speaker 00

  And we are seeing how they run things. So if you like it, you can go vote for more of it if you want.

• 1:11:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:04Speaker 00

  Or you could look and realize that we are drown, we're not drowning, we're suffocating.

• 1:11:08Speaker 03

  The world will be there long after human beings.

• 1:11:11Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, the earth is great.

• 1:11:13Speaker 03

  Nowhere.

• 1:11:13Speaker 00

  There is fine.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  Is like, no matter how much we fucked it up, we'll die off and a million years will go by and it'll fucking heal and everything will be fine. You know, but I, I, the thing, I had an existential crisis the other day, just thinking about all the garbage I've created personally. Yeah, I think about that. And just like I've made enough garbage that would fill up like ten of these buildings, at least. I think that. At a minimum. I think of that once a week. It really fucks with me. Now that I'm forty and I just keep taking these giant bags out and every week and I'm just like. I've made a lot of this.

• 1:11:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:47Speaker 03

  You know, and like, and I know, and I try to keep it conservative and I know what I've made is insane. So the amount of trash that's on this world is terrifying to me.

• 1:11:57Speaker 00

  Which is why we have to build a giant nuclear reactor on moon where we can burn all the trash. Thank you. What I, what I.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  Actually don't think it's a bad idea. What I hope is that we are going towards a, like, a sort of Star Trek storyline. Because, you know, in the Star Trek storyline, you know, it's, this is around the time in the Star Trek history. That shit just completely falls apart, that starts falling apart. I think like World War Three happens in twenty twenty-six. Uh, in the Star Trek universe, like, and we're past the bell riots and, and all that. Cause it's, this is around the time that Ameri, American society specifically. Starts just completely falling apart. There's a, a world war, there's a nuclear war, and then, you know, Ameri, humanity sort of rises from the ashes. Uh, again, uh, when, you know, warp is created and so on and so forth. But that's, but I also noticed.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  I look at Star Trek because, you know, Star Trek, the technology is so simple. You know, it's like these pads and it's just words.

• 1:12:53Speaker 00

  Job stuff.

• 1:12:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's just pads and words and, you know, there's not a lot of surveillance. Is it, it, I, I'm watching it now and I'm thinking like. We are starting to see how harmful having a fucking entertainment box in our pocket. Everywhere we go, this like dopamine box, how harmful it is, how horrible it is. And I could see a future where we have to say like, we can't have this. Like, we can't, we can't have these things anymore because it's just humanity can't, it, we. Will entertain ourselves to death.

• 1:13:27Speaker 00

  If you're gonna make your home smart, you don't, no longer need to have the phone anymore. And I feel like that's a part of what, that is going to happen. I do believe the, the, my, I do believe we're gonna head into a form of. Highly technological Luddite world.

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  So very much so.

• 1:13:43Speaker 00

  There's gonna be like a mixture of the two, where people themselves will not be necessarily engaging with technology twenty-four seven. But, but in technology will be around them that will be available, that they can use, that has all of these capabilities. Like, why would you need a phone if technically you can send an email from a refrigerator?

• 1:14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. You know what I was just thinking? You know what it is where we're at right now? Remember that old joke, if I could suck my own dick, I'd never leave the house?

• 1:14:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:08Speaker 03

  That's what humanity's doing right now.

• 1:14:09Speaker 00

  Right now.

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  We're all sucking our own dick constantly. And, and that's why nothing feels good and everything's kind of like vaguely unsatisfying.

• 1:14:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're in a, we're in the novelty zone. And I think with the novelty zone is going to, it brings about a lot of stuff. So I, I. Uh, again, it's not optimism. I feel like we're just like chained to our fate of survival.

• 1:14:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:30Speaker 00

  And there's really no, we're gonna, that's the, the issue is that we're not gonna die. The issue is that we're gonna live. And then we have to keep going. And so that's the, that's gonna be, and then it's gonna, we have to take it from there. Um, I guess we could, I mean, we're pretty close here.

• 1:14:48Speaker 03

  Do, uh, do one more, do one more.

• 1:14:50Speaker 00

  Um, someone is just how flat is Henry's ass, really? I actually have some meat there now, but I have to stop it cause I was doing squats.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  We had some really, really awesome guests on the show the past couple of years. Who's like your dream guests on the podcast, dead or alive? Man, you know, my dream guest used to be Robert England. And now, and now we hit it. So now I gotta think of a new one. Give me a second. Um, you guys go first.

• 1:15:12Speaker 00

  Dead or alive.

• 1:15:13Speaker 03

  Dead or alive?

• 1:15:14Speaker 00

  L Ron Hubbard is the only person in all of last podcast, all of the people that we've covered. That I still honestly think would be the funnest guy. Like, I think that L Ron, if you were like, unlike all the other ones, I think Alister Crowley would have been a bore. I think Anton LaVey was a fucking kind of a schmuck. All these other kind of things. I think L Ron would have been hilarious.

• 1:15:39Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Uh, Manson.

• 1:15:41Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:42Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. You'd wanna talk to him?

• 1:15:43Speaker 03

  Dude, Matt, right, like interviewing Manson, it, it's like riding a bull. Like, it, it would be like the, the interview equivalent of riding a bull.

• 1:15:52Speaker 00

  Cause sometimes, he, sometimes like a conscious little Manson pops through in those interviews.

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  Like, if you could find, like, the angle and find the way for him to try, like, to, like, if you make him feel safe. And make him feel like he can be like vulnerable with you. It's, it's, that, that's interviewing Manson, yeah, it's riding the bull of, of interviews. And, and if you could get it, if you could get him to get into like specifics and keep him from going off. Into philosophy and keep him from going off into anything that's like way out, out there where he's just talking about. I'm just a man who's being a, you know, a martyr. You know, like, if you get him to talk specifics. Then you have something great, cause he is an enter, very entertaining person.

• 1:16:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:39Speaker 03

  And I just love to, I, I'd lo, I would have loved to have looked into Manson's eyes. Maybe Oppenheimer. Weird. Cause of his regrets and stuff like that. And it's just fucking, who knows what that man really knew. Like, like the, the wealth of knowledge that was just inside of his fucking head.

• 1:16:56Speaker 00

  Not Dan Marino?

• 1:16:57Speaker 03

  I, I've talked to Dan Marino.

• 1:16:59Speaker 00

  Oh, wow.

• 1:17:01Speaker 03

  I don't wanna really, guys, I, now, I'm not trying to drop names.

• 1:17:05Speaker 00

  Eddie, when did you talk to Dan Marino?

• 1:17:08Speaker 03

  When I was a child.

• 1:17:09Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  A child, I talked to Dan Marino. It's been many years.

• 1:17:12Speaker 00

  Did he sign your isotones?

• 1:17:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, he signed a, a, a piece of loose leaf paper I had.

• 1:17:17Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:17:21Speaker 03

  No one would. Will you sign my homework?

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  I had that same experience when I was 14 with Rob Zombie.

• 1:17:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 03

  I was visiting my aunt here in Los Angeles and we were at Universal Studios and he was there planning that year's Halloween Horror Nights and we passed by him and I just said like, I think, I think it was Rob. At the time, White Zombie was my favorite band.

• 1:17:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:41Speaker 03

  I think that was Rob Zombie and my aunt was just like, go fucking chase him down. And so I ran back and chased him. Hey, Mr. Zombie, Mr. Zombie.

• 1:17:50Speaker 04

  Which is a great thing to call somebody.

• 1:17:52Speaker 03

  It really was. Yeah. And he was getting into a limo and I was like, can I have your autograph? And he's like, yeah. And I was like, I don't have any paper. And he goes, parking attendant, go to the parking attendant. And so like, I sat and waited for me at his limo while I ran to the parking attendant and was like, sir, can I have a piece of paper and a pen? And he gave it to me. I ran back and he signed it like, you know, Rob Zombie. He's like, there you go, kid.

• 1:18:19Speaker 04

  Oh, that's sweet.

• 1:18:21Speaker 03

  It was, he was extraordinarily sweet to a 14-year-old fan that would have been in 97 or something like that.

• 1:18:27Speaker 04

  You know who I'd want to talk to, but it wouldn't be good for the show? Just like for my own personal, I'd love to like, sit down and have a nice, long, like, dinner with Steven Van Zandt. That's my boy.

• 1:18:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, that would be fun.

• 1:18:39Speaker 04

  That's my boy. I fucking love him. I think that would be, nothing would make me happier.

• 1:18:42Speaker 00

  Oh, if it had nothing to do with the show, I think the person I would want to just sit and have a conversation with would be, I'm trying, like, first things in my mind, like, is a, somebody like, uh, William Friedkin.

• 1:18:57Speaker 04

  Oh, man, William Friedkin would be so much fun.

• 1:19:00Speaker 03

  I'm in the middle of the William Fried, or I just finished the William Friedkin chapter in Easy Riders and Raging Bulls.

• 1:19:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:08Speaker 03

  God, what a dick.

• 1:19:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's funny.

• 1:19:11Speaker 03

  No, he's very funny, but the, holy shit. Fascinating man.

• 1:19:16Speaker 00

  Especially now that you're following Paul Verhoeven. Paul Verhoeven's completely insane. I love how fucking insane he is. I love him so much. Um, and I, I'm trying to think, is there anything else here? What's your favorite snack?

• 1:19:30Speaker 04

  Favorite snack? Deli meat, just like sliced turkey.

• 1:19:35Speaker 00

  That's my buddy.

• 1:19:36Speaker 04

  Just a half.

• 1:19:36Speaker 00

  We gotta work on the salts.

• 1:19:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:39Speaker 03

  Cherries.

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  Oh, wow.

• 1:19:40Speaker 03

  I just sit, I'll just sit and eat, like cherry season is wonderful for me and, you know, it's only half the year, but I'll just sit and eat just cherries after cherries after cherries.

• 1:19:48Speaker 04

  With the pits in them?

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  I spit the pits out. I actually get a highball glass and I put the stems in the peg.

• 1:19:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, that's good for you. That's right. Cherries are great. Oh, also peel and eat shrimp.

• 1:20:00Speaker 00

  I mean, if I could eat peel and eat shrimp all day, man, I wouldn't stop, dude. I'd be pink. We're doing fucking flamingos, dog.

• 1:20:06Speaker 04

  You are pink.

• 1:20:07Speaker 00

  My favorite snack is hard-boiled eggs. I'm not even joking. I eat, we'll talk about it. You're gonna see it on this week's Side Stories, but yeah, I eat a lot of hard-boiled eggs.

• 1:20:18Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Well, this has been nice, guys.

• 1:20:20Speaker 03

  What is it with you and Carolina? There's these things that the two of you share.

• 1:20:24Speaker 00

  I love eggs.

• 1:20:24Speaker 03

  You're both hard-boiled, this morning she ate four hard-boiled eggs for breakfast.

• 1:20:28Speaker 00

  That's what I eat for breakfast.

• 1:20:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. Eggs, where's my eggs?

• 1:20:33Speaker 04

  Eggs, eggs, eggs.

• 1:20:35Speaker 00

  I was just, because Jackie would have been so good in that part.

• 1:20:38Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:20:38Speaker 00

  And playing flamingos, Jackie really was like, she didn't really appreciate it when we're all watching it together and I was explaining to Jeff being like, this is who Jackie's supposed to really be. You were wrong. You ruined her life.

• 1:20:49Speaker 03

  She's supposed to be Edith Massey.

• 1:20:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:52Speaker 03

  Do you think she's supposed to be Edith Massey or specifically the Egg Lady?

• 1:20:55Speaker 00

  The Egg Lady.

• 1:20:56Speaker 04

  The Egg Lady, yeah.

• 1:20:57Speaker 00

  He's ruining that for us.

• 1:20:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:00Speaker 00

  So hail Satan and this has been wonderful and we love your curiosity.

• 1:21:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, Hal Gene, thank you so much for listening and for being cool.

• 1:21:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, hail little Steven. I love you, buddy.

• 1:21:10Speaker 00

  Love you, little Stevie. I think, I think the new teeth look great.

• 1:21:14Speaker 04

  The old teeth were fine, but the new ones?

• 1:21:16Speaker 00

  Wow, crystalline.

• 1:21:18Speaker 04

  I would love to eat with your mouth.

• 1:21:20Speaker 00

  I would love to use his teeth as plates.

• 1:21:22Speaker 03

  And I want to say thanks to little Steve for giving Lenny Kay a DJ job, because I love Lenny Kay's show on little Steven's Underground Garage.

• 1:21:31Speaker 00

  I don't know if he hires anybody there anymore.

• 1:21:33Speaker 03

  I don't know, but I love Lenny Kay. It's coming up. We have the electric proof. It's 1968.

• 1:21:41Speaker 00

  Honestly, finally you're playing.

• 1:21:42Speaker 03

  I had too much to dream last night. Let's go.

• 1:21:46Speaker 00

  You know, at least that's a good song. I hate when Underground Garage, quote unquote, plays nothing but Rolling Stones and the Beatles. And it's like, it's not underground.

• 1:21:55Speaker 03

  That's why you gotta listen to Lenny Kay's show. It's the nighttime show.

• 1:21:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, he actually picks the songs, probably.

• 1:22:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:22:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, Lenny Kay, oh man, I used to always see him at the record fairs and record stores in New York, but I never got the, I never had the hoots but to go up and say hi.

• 1:22:09Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 1:22:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you know, you don't want to meet musicians most of the time.

• 1:22:13Speaker 04

  I saw little Steven once and I was actually listening to little Steven's Underground Garage while I saw him walking his dog and I didn't say hi and it haunts me to this day.

• 1:22:20Speaker 00

  It should. We'll have to find him.

• 1:22:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, we'll see what I can do.

• 1:22:23Speaker 00

  Bye, little Stevie.

• 1:22:25Speaker 03

  See you later, all you cool cats.

• 1:22:31Speaker 06

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