Side Stories: Unc Stories - How to be Unc 101

This week on Side Stories, it’s Oops! All Unc Corner. Welcome to Unc Stories - How to Be Unc 101, where the stories get longer, the advice gets louder, and everything somehow used to cost five bucks. Pull up a chair. It’s time to learn what it really takes to become “Unc”.

• 0:02Speaker 00

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• 0:44Speaker 00

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• 1:02Speaker 01

  There's no place to escape to.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  This is the last podcast. On the left.

• 1:07Speaker 03

  Side stories?

• 1:10Speaker 01

  That's when the cannibalism started.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  Side stories. Yes.

• 1:21Speaker 00

  All right. To begin today's chopped onk themed episode of side stories. I have decided to bring you in on very intimate process.

• 1:33Speaker 03

  Hold on, I'm trying to buy Bonnie Raitt tickets.

• 1:35Speaker 00

  I know, no, I know. But don't, don't, don't get me going. Don't get me too excited. Because I'm about to do what all of you are afraid to do.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  I'm about to do what you all are afraid to do. Now my blood pressure is probably going to be a little higher than it should be because I have had coffee already.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  You've had coffee and you're working on your blood pressure. I think that's one thing people don't understand.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  I'm working on it.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  He's working on his blood pressure.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  So let's see where it is. This is right. I shouldn't even done that. All right. So before we begin, can you hit me with my new pan flutes?

• 2:03Speaker 03

  You got new pan flutes?

• 2:04Speaker 00

  My, my Yoon brothers.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Where's my Moon brothers? You don't have it ready to go.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Hold on, Henry, Rob, please get the Moon brothers fast.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  No, it's supposed to be.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  You're supposed to give me my fucking move.

• 2:22Speaker 00

  Okay, here we go.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  You feel better?

• 2:26Speaker 03

  All right. And now Henry's checking his blood pressure. This usually takes a full minute. He is at more peace right now than he usually is. I will say that. I got my new Yeti. It's green. I like that it's green and it's cute. Really? The Yeti, there is no substitute to keep your drinks warm or cold than a Yeti. And this coffee, I actually poured this hours ago and it's still warm. So enjoy your life. How much longer you got on your blood pressure there? Oh, I'm sorry. I know. We're not supposed to talk during it. While you're talking about that, I guess I could mention, um, what do I got here? Oh, I got,

• 3:10Speaker 03

  here's some real onk stuff that I found. This is, um, 1986, uh, coins. Yeah, these are, um, these are dollar coins and 50 cent coins from the year 1986 that are, these are going to be worth money someday. So I got these, these are 40 year old coins that I brought in.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  131 over 70.

• 3:38Speaker 03

  That's not bad.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  Slightly elevated still, but you know, I mean,

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Henry, that's not bad.

• 3:42Speaker 00

  It could be worse.

• 3:43Speaker 03

  It could be a lot worse.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Welcome to onk stories. You're sitting here with Papa onk, Henry Zebrowski and baby onk, Ed Larson.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  I'm older than you.

• 3:55Speaker 00

  I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But we decided because we're going on break for a little bit. We wanted to give you guys like a look in to what our lives are really like.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Uh, and what we really deal with here. And I think that a lot of you, you're like, where's the stories? You guys just talk about stuff that doesn't matter. You're a bunch of old men just jabbering into microphones. And it's like, yeah.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. The thing is like, we understand, we, a better way to say it is, we get bitched at for being onks.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  And then we're like, oh, maybe we should try not to be. And then one day, Henry and I decided like, no, we are that.

• 4:39Speaker 00

  If I, I am not going.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  People are already listening to the show.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's too late for you. And also, I'm not going to pretend to be young. All right? I'm not, I'm not a neo-Nazi like Andrew Schultz.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  No.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  All right. I'm not fucking, I'm not going to start saying no cap.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  You could.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  That would be, and I should on God.

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  Bet.

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  That's over already, I think.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Bet.

• 4:59Speaker 00

  But the thing is, is that the key here is that we want to celebrate who we are.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  All right. Not who we think that you want us to be or what. And I think that's important for anybody that either is a onk, which is now I understand is a derogatory term, or anybody who wants to live an onk lifestyle.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Is it a derogatory term?

• 5:22Speaker 00

  In a way, yes. I know that onk is supposed to be like, it is cutesy from a younger perspective because they think they're so cute and they're right all the time, even though the young people can't fucking read and they vote for Nazis.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. Our now, our do, now as far as onks are concerned, are onks considered?

• 5:40Speaker 00

  I love this. I'm finally going to letting this go today. I don't got to worry about anybody's opinions today. It's on today.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  We're full on dude. We're full. We actually, we should be drunk.

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  God, I should be drunk.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  We should be drunk right now.

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  And, and

• 5:51Speaker 03

  It's a little early though.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  The only reason, just straight up. Cause like,

• 5:54Speaker 03

  If I was younger, I'd be drunk.

• 5:56Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, absolutely. If we were, that shows that's called responsibility. But technically, if we were real onks, we would have showed up drunk and we'd just drive home.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. No, no, no, no. Yeah. We, we'd make sure we gave our keys to someone to make sure we didn't drive home and then take those keys when those people weren't paying attention and then just disappear.

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  Just leave.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's real onk behavior.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what my father would do.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. Now, I don't know if I already asked this or not, because my brain's a sieve. Are onks childless? Like the, the stereotype onk?

• 6:26Speaker 00

  That's a good question. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  I feel like, I feel like real onk is childless because otherwise you're a dad, right?

• 6:36Speaker 00

  According to, according to AI, which I always agree with, it is, uh, onk is, you do not have to be childless.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  Uh, it says here, uh, they will call you as a younger people might still jokingly call you onk as a form of teasing or respect. It is about age and vibe. You reach onk status simply by being perceived as older, often anyone born before the year 2000, or even in their late twenties.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Before the year 2000.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  I'm going to put it this way. You guys in your late twenties, that's another thing. On corner right here. All right. Fucking, I love this.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  Shit about shit, dude.

• 7:14Speaker 04

  I think it was actually an admirable term from the urban community at one point.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  At one point, but we are not of the urban community, Rob.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  No.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  We are white men. Okay. So it's bad. It means bad things. But for us, I think the key is to remember, I am sick of you like, I'm sick of the post being like, I'm old, I'm almost 30. It's like, bro, that was when I had the first time I had money in my life. I was partying my fucking brains out. I was having the time of my fucking life at 30. Get out of your fucking house, you fucking useless losers.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  Honestly, 40 is better than 30.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  40 is better, but that's a secret.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, I just told everybody.

• 7:55Speaker 00

  I know, but they don't know. But they also, it comes with a lot of horrible shit.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  30 is kind of embarrassing.

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  See, you say 30 is kind of embarrassing. I think 20 is embarrassing.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  20, you know, you're too drunk and fucked up to even be embarrassed.

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  30, I was starting to finally sort of come online as a human being.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  People expect stuff out of you in your 30s.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  But the, but this idea of like, 30s are so mature. Like, yeah, maybe if you live in fucking Wichita, I, when I was 30, we weren't even, all of my friends had kids till like eight years later.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Right? We were having a great time.

• 8:27Speaker 03

  No, no, of our friends that didn't have kids to their 40s.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  I fucking had a great, great time. So that's why anybody was like, uh, did people calling anybody onk who's like 29 years old? You yourself are a moron.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  All right. You're a fucking moron.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  You could be an uncle at 29. Shit, you could be an uncle at 12.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  But you're not an onk until you're 41.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  I'm going to ask you, here's a question. How many times do we eat an egg salad?

• 8:53Speaker 03

  How many times a week?

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  I mean, I probably eat egg salad three times a month.

• 8:58Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 00

  That's it.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  That's it. Yeah, that's it. That's how much, that's how often I eat egg salad.

• 9:03Speaker 00

  So you're saying I'm eating a lot of egg salad?

• 9:05Speaker 04

  I think you do. Monthly basis. Henry's on a weekly basis.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Three times a month, three times a month.

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  You literally, that's it?

• 9:11Speaker 03

  Less than a week, less than a week, uh, less than once a week.

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  Buddy, I'm eating it.

• 9:16Speaker 00

  I'm eating it two or three times a week.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  Well, if I buy like a little thing of egg salad, then I'm eating it a bunch. But, or if I make it, I'm eating it a bunch.

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  Here's the thing is how much you make-

• 9:25Speaker 03

  You don't, you don't, you can't make egg salad for one sandwich.

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  You can't?

• 9:30Speaker 03

  You do that?

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Just for one sandwich?

• 9:32Speaker 00

  I don't even use a sandwich.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  How many eggs?

• 9:34Speaker 00

  Three to four.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  Three to four?

• 9:36Speaker 04

  He does small batch.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 9:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then I just eat that out of a bowl with a spoon.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Alright, now is it just eggs, mayonnaise, salt and pepper? You add some stuff to it?

• 9:45Speaker 00

  You know what I'm doing now?

• 9:45Speaker 03

  What?

• 9:46Speaker 00

  What I do is I get four eggs. No, I don't, I'm not big into dill.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  You don't fuck with the dill?

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Nah, I'm not big into dill. I do four eggs, then a shot of mayonnaise, uh, out of a shot glass. Um, shot glass out of a, literally, sometimes we'll use a shot glass. I use-

• 10:01Speaker 03

  So one ounce?

• 10:02Speaker 00

  Yep. Then, um, Dijon, and then I add, uh, gochujang.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  I'm adding some gochujang, it really adds to it, and I eat it as a way to try to get, because my doctor told me I'm supposed to be consuming a hundred ninety-five grams of protein a day.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  But then they also say that your blood pressure's really high.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  But it's not about, see, those two are not, they're not, uh, they're not, they are mutually exclusive. They are mutually exclusive.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  High blood pressure and egg salad are friends.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  According to my doctor, from what I seem to adjudicate, it's salts, right? So I don't put salt in it, and I don't react to salt. My sodium's real low, my sugars are real low.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 10:43Speaker 00

  Right? My cholesterol is wildly high, but technically, I just got my blood test done. Eating egg salad two to three times a week, right?

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

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  For about a year. I'm not even, I'm not even fucking exaggerating.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  No, this is fine.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  My cholesterol went down.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  Really?

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  And it went down?

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  My cholesterol went down.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  Just eating egg salad?

• 11:08Speaker 00

  I'm healing.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  What'd you cut out? What'd you replace the egg salad with? Just straight beef?

• 11:13Speaker 00

  Well, that was what I, the problem before is I think I was adding, or something, what was that?

• 11:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  And I know what it was, but it's not the egg salad.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  Certainly not the egg salad.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  According to evidence. If I have, was a, if I have a forensic-

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Salad healed you. I think it got you moving in the right direction, and then soon you're gonna have to cut out egg salad.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  If they take egg salad from me, I'm, I'm gonna go, I'm literally gonna kill people in a square.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Here's something that I realized about myself food-wise. I think, knock on wood, I think I'm immune to gout. Cause I should've gotten it by now.

• 11:53Speaker 00

  Oh no, buddy.

• 11:53Speaker 03

  I should be-

• 11:54Speaker 00

  Eddie, you not, you don't know the science now?

• 11:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 11:56Speaker 00

  Dude, we're free.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 11:59Speaker 00

  Gout's a genetic disease.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Well, my dad had it.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you didn't get the gene.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  I guess not. Yeah, no, cause I eat the fuck out of shrimp.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  See, it's not just, but it's not really shrimp. You know that, right?

• 12:09Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 12:10Speaker 00

  It's not seafood.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  It's beef and it's pork, the tam.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  High fats, it's creams, it's alcohol, and, but it does seem, like if you talk to some people from the research I've done, cause again, I should have, I should have gout.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  If it was based on shrimp and crabs and crawfish, my, my feet should be the size of watermelons.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  I eat a pound of shrimp about a week.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I could see, I eat about a pound of shrimp a week.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  I eat a lot of shrimp.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Probably more.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  And I eat a lot of eggs.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  I eat a lot of shrimp. That is, I think I eat a lot more shrimp than I eat. I think shrimp is my most consumed meat.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  It's my favorite meat. I pump it up into a wish-

• 12:45Speaker 03

  Maybe turkey's close.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  When you did that squid, you showed that shrimp sausage the other day, I was like, ooh, yeah, that's fucking good, dude. I love, you ever had shrimp sausage?

• 12:53Speaker 03

  I've had it once, but like, not enough.

• 12:55Speaker 00

  I love the sweet meat of a shrimp.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  It really is just perfect. It's the perfect protein.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  You ever had a shrimp burger?

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  God, I love a shrimp burger, dude. Shrimp toast?

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Oh, shrimp toast is unbelievable. When you grind up the shrimp.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  Grinding up shrimp is my favorite shit in the world, dude.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  That you can grind up the shrimp and it still cooks.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  People are fucking stupid, that's what that, that's why I do it.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  They are. You know, if you do wanna cook some shrimp, I suggest you use Chef Paul Promenade.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  So a part of what today is involving, just so you know, uh, you'd have to go over on Netflix, uh, that's just where the videos are, okay? I can't do anything about the fucking right now, okay? So what you're gonna do is you're gonna go watch it and you see what we're doing here is Eddie brought some of his most unk items to the table. Now, I do think that some of this is up for debate, because you're saying that the Chef Prudhomme spice blends are unk.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 13:48Speaker 00

  See, I will see-

• 13:49Speaker 03

  I, I go to the website. I don't buy this at the store.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  No, I go to the website, Eddie.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  I go to the website.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  I have the same thing in my house.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I order multiple different Cajun spices for different meats.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  I have the black and red fish spice, I have the shrimp spice, I have-

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Shrimp spice is good, I got the jerk spice.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  Do you have the salmon spice?

• 14:09Speaker 03

  No, I use this for the salmon.

• 14:11Speaker 00

  Salmon's good spice for salmon.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  I like the, I like the red fish.

• 14:15Speaker 00

  Try the salmon spice.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  I don't know, I'm pretty addicted.

• 14:18Speaker 00

  Try the salmon spice.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Do you have the poultry spice?

• 14:21Speaker 00

  I do.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Okay, good.

• 14:22Speaker 00

  I also have the pork and veal spice, which is really good on chicken as well.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Their hot sauce is really good.

• 14:28Speaker 00

  Really?

• 14:29Speaker 03

  And you know you can order sausage from them.

• 14:31Speaker 00

  See, this is the only question, is I do feel like we're gonna get some pushback on this, cause I think that this is also, we're heading into mom talk as well.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Oh, mom talk isn't, uh, isn't about Cajun season.

• 14:41Speaker 00

  Moms don't believe, site stories, l p o t l at gmail dot com.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  This is for the grill.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  I wanna know this-

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Moms cook in the kitchen.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  See, this is, no, I use this for-

• 14:48Speaker 03

  I cook outdoors.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  No, this is for the kitchen.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  I mean, I use it there too.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  I use it in the kitchen. I mostly cook in the kitchen.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Really?

• 14:54Speaker 00

  I believe, in many cultures, they say this, that cooking's extremely masculine.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  Oh, it is. I mean, well, you go to restaurants and all the cooks are men.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  But that's just because of sexism and misogyny of capitalism. Yeah, and cultural, culturally, though, it is concerning cultures. They view cooking as a very masculine activity.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd say that, I think, um, as far as cooking and kitchens go, in the kitchens I've been in, it's mostly men, but whenever I hire a woman, they're usually the best cook in the kitchen.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Of course, but then, but they normally can't handle-

• 15:24Speaker 03

  They want too many days off.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, cause they're all fucking, getting all, they're all getting fucking psychologically tortured all the time. Their fucking bodies are filled with-

• 15:30Speaker 03

  They care about their families.

• 15:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, all that kinda horseshit.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  And they wanna spend time with people they love.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Fuck that, dude, that's not unk. Uck is finding ways to not see them, dog.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, uh, sitting in the car too long.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  Oh, man, I sit in my new car?

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, you come home and you don't necessarily get out of the car immediately.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  I don't.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  And you just kinda sit there for a little bit, maybe make a call or just finish a song. That's unk behavior.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  I sit in silence.

• 15:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's good. Oh, I do that at home.

• 15:54Speaker 00

  Does anybody do, does anybody else have silence unk? I'm a full silence unk.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  I, I do a lot of silence at the house, looking at walls, uh, laying on my back on the floor, just looking at the ceiling.

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Sometimes I go for a walk, I don't listen to anything.

• 16:07Speaker 03

  Really?

• 16:08Speaker 00

  No music, nothing.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  See, I always got music on. I love blasting my bullshit, but I make my playlists. I make my jazz playlist, and I make my classic rock playlist.

• 16:15Speaker 00

  I feel like that's unk behavior.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  It is unk behavior.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  Cause it's like, I'm just starting to make playlists, but I haven't done it in quite a bit. I used to do it when I was a younger man.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 00

  But then I stopped, and now I'm doing it again.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Not to get too much into the show and tell, I mean, I guess I brought it all here.

• 16:29Speaker 00

  You did.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  I have this cassette player, but I did recently buy a Walkman.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  I know, which is like, we are really-

• 16:36Speaker 03

  I went back and I bought a cassette-only Walkman with the, with the headphones.

• 16:42Speaker 00

  I hate those ones.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Not the in-ear, no, the ones that sit on top of the, with the yellow, oh, with the yellow cushions. No, it looks great, I love it. And then, uh, can I show you the cassettes that I brought?

• 16:52Speaker 00

  Please see now, this is real, this is some real stuff.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, these are, I bought this at Midsummer Scream, I haven't listened to it yet, but it is the soundtrack to The Giver.

• 16:59Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Shout out to Screaming Mad George.

• 17:03Speaker 00

  Oh, really sad that he died.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  Passed away, passed away in February, we had no idea. This is the only movie he ever directed.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  It's classy. He also did, uh, what's his butts? Uh, you know who else died? Lead dude from Phantasm.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Really?

• 17:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  The big tall guy?

• 17:16Speaker 00

  No.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  The little guy that's stuck in his skirt?

• 17:18Speaker 00

  The main guy.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  The ball?

• 17:21Speaker 00

  The main guy, Reggie.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  I know, I know.

• 17:23Speaker 00

  The main guy, he died.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  He died?

• 17:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's really sad.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Not as sad, not as sad. Now, um, I mentioned this guy, um, on the upcoming episode of last podcast, I bring him up. But yeah, little Stevie Van Zant, his solo stuff, I got a lot of solos, so I want people to realize that buying cassettes isn't about just buying the stuff you like. It's about buying the stuff that you've never heard of from the people you like, and then you hold on to it, and you don't listen to it that much.

• 17:49Speaker 00

  See, Eddie is really good at that. That is a thing I don't really understand. Like, Eddie will, Eddie's got a deep knowledge of bands, and you know what their names are, and you know their side projects.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like to do that, because there's always like one, at least one good song on all these albums. This one, you love, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons Greatest Hits.

• 18:08Speaker 00

  I mean, they're really good songs.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  They're really good songs.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  They're really good songs. Frankie Valli retired and then unretired.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  Because he knows the second he's not have a show to do, he's gonna die.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  No, he, that is exactly what's gonna happen to him.

• 18:19Speaker 00

  But don't we wanna just let him go? Doesn't he wanna go?

• 18:22Speaker 03

  No, Frankie's holding on for dear life.

• 18:24Speaker 00

  Frankie Valli looks like he is trapped in a dying Evangelion machine. Like, he looks like he's in a, he's a die, he's in a dying Mecca.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  He wasn't shot in the head by the mob a long time ago, and so he's gonna keep living.

• 18:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  Here's, I think, the ultimate unk cassette. Um, it's volume, uh, I think, volume three of Nuggets. Nuggets, volume three. This is, this is true unk.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  See, Nuggets was like, Nuggets went from, cause this is an example, I think that what we're seeing here, Eddie, is that Nuggets, when we first discovered Nuggets as our friend group in our mid twenties, it was like, cool at the time to be young and into psychedelic sixties music, right? Cause it kinda felt like a-

• 19:09Speaker 03

  Well, that's what we thought, cause we were doing it.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  And we were on a lot of drugs and we're having a great time. We were cool then. And then, it's funny, cause to me, it went away, then it came back, and then all of a sudden, now I'm back there, listening to that music, but now- Now I'm as old as musicians playing it.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Yeah. See Nuggets is a very important compilation, in case you don't know of garage rock. And, and basically there is nothing that holds these songs together.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  None.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  But, um, they are amazing. It's a great compilation. There's multiple albums, um, but just some of the, um, some of the albums we got, we got Lies by the Knickerbockers. Uh, we got Sugar and Spice by the Cryin' Shames.

• 19:51Speaker 00

  Oh, that's actually a good song.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, this is, they, they really good. I feel good. I feel bad. By the Lewis Clark Expedition. I mean, these are songs you really can't find anywhere else. Let Her Dance by the Bobby Fuller Four.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Well, these are all the.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  That's a special song.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  These are all musics, these are all musics that Natalie makes me shut off. And that's how you know it's unk music, because your wife won't like it. And that is the whole point of this. The whole point is.

• 20:14Speaker 03

  Red Rubber Ball.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  I know that.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  It's about the sun.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  It is. He's, he had his eyes closed at the time. So it just interesting because it can't, the thing about unk is that it has to kinda make somebody else angry.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, you have to be, it has to be slightly antagonistic.

• 20:38Speaker 00

  Why though?

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Cause you gotta show everyone that you're better than them.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  I, but I feel like it's.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  No matter what I do, I'm better than you.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  See, I feel like you say it's better than them and it's more to me, it's like, I survived.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  I survived. You could start to see why as guys get old. The one thing about hitting this stage of life is that I can start to see why some guys get worse as they get older. Because it's easy to see, oh man, everything's kinda like, I'm, I'm scary to some people. Like I'm frightening.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:12Speaker 00

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• 25:36Speaker 03

  You know, honestly, I recently was spending some time in Seaside Heights, New Jersey, trying to have a decent time out.

• 25:42Speaker 00

  Stop bragging.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  And, um, I realized that the people, when I was younger, I used to be scared of the youngsters. And now that I'm older, I'm scared of the men slightly older than me.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  I don't like men.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 00

  I don't wanna be anywhere near men.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  It's weird, which is anti unk.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  It is, but you say this, but I feel like that's new unk. Because a part of what I don't wanna do, I don't, I, I'm not, we're not big sports guys anymore.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  No, even though I do have my couple damn Marino things here.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  You have to have that.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's.

• 26:14Speaker 00

  These are about the toys.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  That some unks have. Natalie, I was like talking with her about my unk stuff and what should I bring in? She's like, you don't have any really toys. I was like, I don't. But I have a blood pressure machine.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  You have a blood pressure machine. Yeah, and I have this, um, cream that I'm supposed to be using that's still in the packaging.

• 26:29Speaker 00

  What is the cream for?

• 26:30Speaker 03

  Um, I got these, like my elbows are getting a little, a little, uh, chafed here. Um, and so I, I gotta put this cream on and I, I used one of them and it went away, but now it's starting to come back and I gotta use the cream again. This cream, unfortunately, it's called, um, ah, Jesus, Tramcineclone. I don't know. Who gives a fuck? It's what they told me to take, but I gotta like wash my hands immediately after using it.

• 26:54Speaker 00

  Yes, it's a hormone cream.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's really fucked up and it's really intense, so I don't use it as much as I should.

• 26:58Speaker 00

  You do have.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  You had some, not even opened, right?

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Well, I had other, other ones. They gave me three of these.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I've used one of them and then I stopped because it healed, but now it's coming back.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  You know what's really, um, sad is to, when you type unk into the internet?

• 27:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  And there's all these articles of the worst people that you've ever seen talking about they are, uh, like it's, it's from a almost academic point where they're like, this is why your child is calling you unk. And it's makes me.

• 27:34Speaker 03

  No.

• 27:35Speaker 00

  Sad for other people our age.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, you guys don't know shit about shit.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  If you guys can't know, like, listen, I know, I hear the new slang and the best part about the new slang and stuff like that is that anytime I want to, I can go and learn the new slang and then I can use it on you as a younger person to destroy it. I can take it.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  Absorb your culture, mirror it back to you, and that makes it less good.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, old people ruined emojis.

• 28:09Speaker 00

  Oh my God, it's hard.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Were the kids thing and they owned it and then we wanted to talk to the kids, so we started using, using emojis.

• 28:16Speaker 00

  And now we're the only ones using the emojis.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:19Speaker 00

  And now people make fun of us for using the emojis and it's like, learn to read.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:24Speaker 00

  Why you can make fun of me when you learn to read.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  Stop tapping the table.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  No, I will not.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  I brought three other cassettes. I just wanna mention what they are. The Dicky Betts Band. You know who Dicky Betts is?

• 28:35Speaker 00

  No.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  He was part of the Allman Brothers and then he got kicked out and, uh, so he started his own band.

• 28:39Speaker 00

  Great.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  Um, someone actually made me a cassette of The Brighter Side. Look at that. Isn't that cool?

• 28:44Speaker 00

  That is true unk status.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  That is true unk status. I have a cassette of myself.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  That is amazing.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  And then Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Ragged Glory though.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  That's a, ooh.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  It's a bad album.

• 28:54Speaker 00

  It's a bad album.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  But Uncle John, or, um, no, Father John, a great album.

• 28:59Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  A great song.

• 29:00Speaker 00

  Great song.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  Great album. Now, this isn't his best work, but Father John is great. Mansion on the Hill is good.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is all stuff that like Natalie would pick up the, if you put that in that little recorder, she'd pick it up and she'd throw it out the window.

• 29:12Speaker 03

  White Line's good, but fucking up, you wanna like it because it has the word fuck in it, but it's not that good of a song.

• 29:17Speaker 00

  No, it's just very bad. See, I was kinda figuring out like, well, so what's my unk stuff?

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, what is your unk stuff?

• 29:23Speaker 00

  Well, I feel like the most upsetting thing I have, it would be considered that.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, because of who you are.

• 29:30Speaker 00

  Well, it's because of who I am and also because unks are, I think, the one purpose we're supposed to serve, especially as childless men. To other people with children eventually, is we're supposed to be the people that your children come to when they've done something illegal.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  Um, the things that they come to us for when they want something illegal.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Experience, yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  When they wanna see something scary, when they wanna see something that legitimately will make them kind of upset, but also they're highly interested in. And I figure that would be a good thing for me. I feel like I could fit into that role very easily.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  And a part of it is because I still, I, I brought the, the only thing I've never shown on the show.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  I've never shown this on the show.

• 30:16Speaker 03

  And it's a show appropriate?

• 30:18Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  Okay, cool.

• 30:19Speaker 00

  It's more than show appropriate.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 30:21Speaker 00

  It is my, uh, OG John Wayne Gacy, uh, drawing that I have.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  So I have a real.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  He drew that.

• 30:28Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  John Wayne Gacy touched that paper.

• 30:30Speaker 00

  Yes. So this is John Wayne Gacy's drawing. I have this in a drawer in the back of my house.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Too.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  Usually his stuff's like, kind of like, kind looking.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Well, it's fake. It's all done paint by number stuff. This is something he actually scrolled on with his own hands.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Wow, and he did this in prison?

• 30:47Speaker 00

  No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  I didn't know if he had art beforehand.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  No, no, no, this is from prison. This is from prison. This was given to me for my 30th birthday, speaking of.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  This was given to me by Shane Morton for my 30th.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  That's unbelievable. Is that worth money?

• 31:02Speaker 00

  I have no idea.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  I guess it's only worth, what it's on the back there?

• 31:05Speaker 00

  It's the authentication.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Authentication of John Wayne Gacy authentication?

• 31:10Speaker 00

  It came from a specific, uh, uh, Chicagoland. It was in, it was the first Chicagoland exhibition by convicted serial killer John Wayne Gacy.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  So what do you do with that thing?

• 31:19Speaker 00

  It just sits in my drawer.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Just sits in the drawer? Cause you can't put it up.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  No, Natalie doesn't want to see it.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  I don't want to see it, but it's interesting.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  There's a moratorium on serial killer memorabilia in my home now.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:28Speaker 00

  I cannot have it. I have that. And the only other piece I have that-

• 31:31Speaker 03

  She know you have that?

• 31:31Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  Oh no, she died. I told her.

• 31:33Speaker 03

  It sits in a drawer. It's not allowed to come out.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  It's in my office.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  It's in your office?

• 31:37Speaker 00

  And then I-

• 31:37Speaker 04

  It's worth somewhere between 2,000 and probably 10,000.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  Really?

• 31:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. That's what it's, that's what it looks like from, from what I'm seeing with his other-

• 31:44Speaker 00

  Sitting right here.

• 31:45Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 31:46Speaker 00

  It's not going anywhere.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  How much for the little Stevie Van Zant cassette?

• 31:50Speaker 00

  Hmm. The only other thing I would bring up, well, cause I also have Charles, I have some origami from Charles Ng.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  What?

• 31:57Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Now, all right, you're gonna hate this. Who's Charles Ng?

• 32:03Speaker 00

  Don't make me do it.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Oh, you're the voice?

• 32:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  No, I'm not asking for the voice. I, I just don't even know what he did.

• 32:10Speaker 00

  He's circular.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  Serial killer?

• 32:12Speaker 00

  He worked with Leonard Lake. He was a very funny guy that was a serial rapist murderer that worked with a man that faked, he had, we went to Vietnam and he kept women in cages. He was a big fat guy. He was truly, um, an absolute crazy person.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  And he-

• 32:29Speaker 03

  He looks crazy.

• 32:30Speaker 00

  So he was born in Hong Kong and, uh, Charles Ng, uh, legitimately had the, a cartoony ridiculous accent and he was a ridiculous human being. They said he worked for a moving company and he, he would like practice doing spin kicks and jump kicks and all this kind of stuff. He loved America. He was like one of those guys.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 32:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  All right.

• 32:51Speaker 00

  It's interesting.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  Is he still alive?

• 32:54Speaker 00

  I actually think he is still alive.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  Wow. These guys never die, dude.

• 32:58Speaker 00

  No, dude, it's cause in fucking prison, they just sit and they read.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, we've been waiting for-

• 33:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's still alive.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  We waiting for so many of these guys to die. Whenever I hear about, cause these people are such like, not, legend's the wrong word, but like myths, you know, like David Berkowitz is still alive, right? That's crazy to me.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  They have vaguely good healthcare where they're at.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Been in prison for like 50 years.

• 33:18Speaker 00

  You start watching what they eat.

• 33:20Speaker 03

  That's wild.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  Isn't that crazy? That you just gotta start watching what you eat, dude. It's all in your, it's all in your diet.

• 33:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's just too much salt?

• 33:26Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  They don't let them have salt?

• 33:28Speaker 00

  No, they have no flavors.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  What, so can I see the origami? Can you pull it out?

• 33:31Speaker 00

  I didn't, I forgot it.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  You forgot?

• 33:33Speaker 00

  I forgot it.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Now does it look like a little bird?

• 33:35Speaker 00

  Yes, it made a little crane.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  It made a little crane?

• 33:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Where do you keep that?

• 33:39Speaker 00

  It's like in, it's like on, underneath this. I just like forgot to bring it.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  Well, you can't put stuff on top of it. It's origami.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  It's flat.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  It's flat?

• 33:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  So it came flat?

• 33:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  It didn't come where you can like?

• 33:49Speaker 00

  No, I could. If I took it out, but I don't want to touch it.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  Wow. And did he do the origami for prison?

• 33:55Speaker 00

  He did the origami. Yeah.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Really?

• 33:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  God, I think it'd be hard for him to do it, those fat little fingers.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  No, you get good at it. You got a lot of time to practice.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  You know, not every, not every origami master's got thin little paper thin fingers.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  I'm surprised he didn't stab it a bunch.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  I, we, I wish he did. He also, um, they, we didn't get, uh, I gave away the, when, uh, what's his name? That really gross guy gave us all the weird photos of his hands and feet and coffee.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. Yeah. What's his name again?

• 34:23Speaker 00

  Oh, man.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  Rob wanted to keep it. I made, I made us give it away to the museum of death.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I forget who that was. It was a serial killer. It was another serial killer.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  A fan of the show apparently and he drew us.

• 34:34Speaker 00

  He was told by a fan of our show to look us up.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Wasn't it Hayden Clark or something like that?

• 34:39Speaker 00

  Yes, it was Hayden Clark. Hayden Clark.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you want to see that stuff, there is some at the museum of death in Los Angeles and we, he gave us enough stuff where they were able to send some to New Orleans as well.

• 34:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, which is honestly pretty sweet.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. So we're in the museum of death. I thank him for that?

• 34:57Speaker 00

  I feel like this is the last bastion of this age, right? Where we were into true crime. When I was into true crime was when there was no true crime comedy. Right? We were one of the inventors of the fucking genre.

• 35:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:11Speaker 00

  And we, uh, for good or for bad. And I remember looking at the, like, when I was into it, everything was the most intense, splatter filled, gross, faces of death, most exploitive you've ever seen anything be.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  And we loved it. And part of it is what I miss of that is a little bit of the just morbid interest. Right? Like that's what I like. I have a morbid interest in the topic. I understand it's a tragic story and it's involving somebody's loss of life, but I also am interested in why criminals do what they do. And I'm interested in the details of these crimes.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  All right.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  So that's why I'm full on it. And I think any other way to be about true crime, you're lying to everybody. I feel like if, I feel like more exploitive is my full uncle opinion.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 00

  To make everything about the victim, because then you're just exploiting, it's grief porn.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  So what point are we doing grief porn versus learning about crime?

• 36:11Speaker 03

  I think people should go watch How America Killed My Mother.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  Yeah. And that is great. That's great grief porn. You can jerk off in that hardcore, watch your dad, it's big old tears, it's big wet tears.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Two pound tears, man. That's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that, um, so I'm looking at some of the stuff on the table. There's stuff I want to talk about here on the table, but we also, we have some research done for, I had, I like put out, I was like trying to figure out, what do we want to talk about in the unk episode? And I tried to think of what's the most unk news story?

• 36:43Speaker 00

  Of all time.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  Of all time.

• 36:44Speaker 00

  Besides Joey Chestnut being let off parole to go eat hot dogs at the New, the New York hot dog, uh, competition. I feel like that's an extremely unk story. I feel like the story of the, uh, no arms, no legs cornhole man.

• 36:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:58Speaker 00

  Um, becoming a racist murderer is a great unk story.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  A great unk story.

• 37:02Speaker 00

  But there are famous unk stories.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then I, I had our boy who is, I'm gonna say honorary unk, cause he has two kids. So I'm gonna call him honorary.

• 37:11Speaker 00

  He's, he's unkish.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. Pat Barker, he's been working for us. He's doing really wonderful work.

• 37:17Speaker 00

  Yes, he helps us with research here.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  And, uh, he's a hilarious comedian and I love him to death, but I was like, and he's a specialty is baseball. He has a great baseball podcast. Go check it out.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  He does. And he is a sports historian.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's sports historian. So I was like, you know what? Write me up a little something on when Randy Johnson, uh, killed that bird.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  Now, for those of you that don't remember, and you should, if you're our age, or if you're not, it's, it was a big story.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  It was, it was basically Randy Johnson, he's the biggest, physically biggest, scariest baseball pitcher of all time.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  They would call him the big unit?

• 37:55Speaker 03

  The big unit. That's right. He could throw the ball faster and harder than anyone.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  And he was frightening.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  And he was, and he played forever. He played like 20 something years. He was amazing. And then this man who throws the ball harder than anyone else, threw a fastball. And at the time, while the ball was coming towards the plate, a bird came through and the ball hit the bird perfectly before it got to the fucking home plate and the bird exploded.

• 38:23Speaker 00

  The bird exploded. It was huge and we all loved it. I, I, I feel like I wonder if this is the same as when I was discovering, when I was trying to describe to an employee at the gym, who Paulie Shore was. And I was saying all these different keywords. I thought they'd know. I mean, it was like, you know, mountain on grindage.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, nothing.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  Nothing. And then having to realize that that Paulie Shore was actually only famous, famous, famous, famous, for like three years.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  I'm gonna say five, but yes.

• 38:54Speaker 00

  But in that time period, he was a big part of our one age group.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  But no other age group. And I wonder if Randy Johnson-

• 39:01Speaker 03

  America loved him because of son in law.

• 39:04Speaker 00

  But I'm saying of our age group.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  Older people liked him too.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Somewhat.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  I know my father hated Adam Sandler.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was, you know, which they're wrong about now because he's the ultimate unk.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  He don't even wear pants.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Oh, no. He is the, he's almost, I, he's almost to the point where he is irresponsible.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Woo, there it is. Look at this bird.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  So yeah, now we're looking at, so he exploded this bird. It truly is a-

• 39:31Speaker 03

  I love animals. This is just a freak of nature.

• 39:34Speaker 00

  It's just an amazing thing that happened.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  It could have happened to anyone, but it happened to the guy who throws the ball the hardest. All right. It was a spring training game and Johnson was pitching for the Arizona Diamondbacks against the San Francisco Giants. The batter was Calvin Murray. He didn't have a very long career, but his nephew is an NFL quarterback, Kyler Murray. So most of his fame comes from people knowing, uh, doing cool stuff while he's around.

• 40:02Speaker 03

  The catcher who called for the fastball, Johnson threw it and a bird, perhaps a thrill seeker, perhaps suicidal, perhaps just unaware of his surroundings, flew right in front of it and was immediately killed. Nobody knew what the fuck happened, dude.

• 40:19Speaker 00

  That's so, so what happened after the fact?

• 40:22Speaker 03

  The, well, the reason this whole thing is so cool is because not only is that a one in a trillion shot, but it has been delivered by arguably the most intimidating pitcher of all time. Johnson nicknamed the big unit because he was six, 10. All right. And he also threw around a hundred miles an hour. Remember he was in, um, what was that movie? Little Big League?

• 40:46Speaker 00

  Little Big League.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was in Little Big League. Um, he was so tall and his arms were so long, he actually released the ball closer to home plate than the average sized pitcher.

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  Which made the hundred mile an hour seem closer to 110 because they had less time to see where the ball was going.

• 41:05Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  He had long flowing eighties rocker hair and when he pitched, it was just a whirlwind of hair and limbs and the ball came rocketing out and it basically impossible to hit. So, if the bird had been killed by a run of the mill middle reliever, it would not have nearly been as viral of a clip today. This was just perfect.

• 41:26Speaker 00

  Yes, that is fucking, so what, did they stop the game?

• 41:30Speaker 03

  Well, apparently Jeff Kent, um, who's also a Hall of Famer, um, was, uh, was put in the Giants dugout when it happened. Kent was the, was a great second baseman. He was also kind of a prick and no one really liked him and that was, the feeling was mutual. Kent hated everyone.

• 41:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  He was an avid hunter. So a dead animal on the field was one of the few moments of his baseball career that provided him actual joy.

• 41:56Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, he loved it?

• 41:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was the first responder for the dead bird. He walked out on the field, picked it up, sang in an interview that the bird's breast was blown out. He looked at Johnson, nodded in admiration, wanting to share a bro moment, but the big unit wanted none of it and just stared Kent down as to say, get off my field.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  God, he's gay, he's gonna go fuck.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, Kent returned to the dugout and threw the bird away, although he admitted later, he considered getting a taxidermy with a baseball lodged in his chest and asking, and asking Johnson to sign it. I'm sure that wouldn't have gone very well.

• 42:34Speaker 00

  That's awesome.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Anyway, the ump called it a no pitch and he kept playing the game. Johnson went on to be the last 300 game winner in MLB history and it doesn't really talk about the bird incident.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:49Speaker 03

  He became a photographer.

• 42:51Speaker 00

  Oh, he doesn't talk about the bird incident?

• 42:53Speaker 03

  No, cause it's like one of those things where it's like, everyone wants to bring it up.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  Of course, you know, just give a, come up with a pat answer and give it, which is, which is more traumatizing, his bird incident or Fabio's bird incident?

• 43:04Speaker 03

  Oh, Fabio's.

• 43:05Speaker 00

  That's another great ump story.

• 43:07Speaker 03

  Because this is cool. That like ruins your roller coaster experience for the rest of your life.

• 43:12Speaker 00

  Well, and he also had to go get plastic surgery.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, Fabio, one of the classically beautiful men who used to be the guy, long hair, big chiseled chest. He was on the cover of all the romance novels back in the day and he was at a Six Flags, I believe, or Knott's Berry Farm.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  I never knew his last name.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  And they were opening, what is it?

• 43:31Speaker 00

  Lanzoni.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  Oh, and he was very nice. And he was on, he was opening a roller coaster. They hired him to come be the celebrity to ride the roller coaster first. And while he's riding the roller coaster, a bird hits him in the face and breaks his nose.

• 43:44Speaker 00

  My favorite part, did you see recently that Christopher Nolan was allowed to ride the Fast and Furious, the new roller coaster?

• 43:50Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 43:51Speaker 00

  He just is such, it's just so funny to shut down the whole thing to bring this fucking goober on there. Cause like, I love Christopher Nolan, obviously, but he's like dressed like a goon and he's like, you could just see this like dumpy one man sitting alone on the roller coaster.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  He probably doesn't even want to do it.

• 44:04Speaker 00

  He rode it once on the back, once on the front.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  And then he left.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  And then he left.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  Now he's barely, never gonna ride it again for the rest of his life.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  He can't go anywhere.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, the, also the logo for Randy Johnson's photography studio is a dead bird.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  That's, see, that's, so he does acknowledge it.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  He acknowledges it in a way.

• 44:23Speaker 00

  He acknowledges it, that's fine.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Yes, um.

• 44:25Speaker 00

  Wow, Fabio did, not as much as I remember.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  No, he was basically known for the cover of romance novels.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  He was a, his biggest part, it seems, was in Bubble Boy and, and then he also did a Zoolander and he was in Dude, Where's My Car? That was all time period, this is all high, high, height of our time period. I also did not know he was in The Exorcist III.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  Oh, interesting.

• 44:49Speaker 00

  That's fascinating.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  I can see that.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  And he had two music videos that he was in. He was in the music video, I Kissed A Girl by Jill Sobel.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course he was, he was in some chick music.

• 44:58Speaker 00

  He did a good job. You know, it's like, we used to have a lot more, like now we have a lot more talentless celebrities.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 00

  But I liked our, I, our old ones.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  They used to have to have charisma.

• 45:12Speaker 00

  They used to have to do something.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, they used to have something going on. Um, so I'm looking at this, one of the things we want, I wanted to bring up today was just, all right, everyone talks about Woodstock 99 and the disaster that was.

• 45:23Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Um, but when's the last time you looked at the lineup for Woodstock 94?

• 45:28Speaker 00

  Woodstock 94 sounded like it was a blast.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, Woodstock 94 is pretty on the point. I'm just gonna go through some names. We got Blues Traveler, we got Live, Sheryl Crow, Collective Soul, Candlebox, uh, Violent Femmes.

• 45:42Speaker 00

  Dude, you know what I'm loving though?

• 45:43Speaker 03

  What?

• 45:43Speaker 00

  Recent times, Alice in Chains fucking supremacy, man.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 45:48Speaker 00

  Alice in Chains is finally getting recognized.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  Really?

• 45:51Speaker 00

  I think for the very first time ever in a generation, since then.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 00

  No one's been out and it took, it took Ryan Coogler.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, he loves them.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  Seal's favorite band. You saw that video?

• 46:02Speaker 03

  I saw that video, yeah, yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  Seal's favorite band, but it's cause Ryan Coogler said that when he was working in the Bay area, he had to get to know, he had to work with a lot of white people.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 46:12Speaker 00

  Right? And he was saying like, after a while, he's like, I needed to know something about these white people. Kind of like how Patrice, Patrice O'Neal talks about how like.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  Radiohead, Neil Young.

• 46:22Speaker 00

  Yes, and how important he realized, and it's, he was correct.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  So he said it's like our blues.

• 46:26Speaker 00

  It's like white people's blues.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  That's what Ryan Coogler said about Alice in Chains is that he started listening to Alice in Chains. He was like, oh, this is where your emotions are.

• 46:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  And also, I'm sure there is like blues in it, cause it's rock and roll, but I will say Alice in Chains might be purely white music.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  It is, uh, I would say a good representation.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  Of white culture.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, it really is.

• 46:52Speaker 00

  Is Alice in Chains more than all, any of the other ones?

• 46:54Speaker 03

  I think Alice in Chains is the best unplugged album.

• 46:57Speaker 00

  Yes, it is.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  I love the Nirvana.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, absolutely.

• 47:00Speaker 03

  But I think the Alice in Chains unplugged albums, the best unplugged.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  And he was almost too high to do that album.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  Unplugged albums used to be, MTV used to have these, they would take these rock bands.

• 47:10Speaker 00

  Rock bands. Rock and roll is a genre of music that involves guitars, it's guitar forward and it's guys going saying stuff like, it's songs about the style of music itself. That's what I love about rock music, it can be about anything, but it also can just be about rock music.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And so basically unplugged was stories about the songs, but they would play acoustic guitars instead of electric guitars.

• 47:36Speaker 00

  And we were like, oh my God, wow, how intimate is this?

• 47:39Speaker 03

  I've never heard it like this before.

• 47:41Speaker 00

  Ever once. And now I'm like, wow.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  Lyrics to Nirvana now.

• 47:44Speaker 00

  I had no idea, cause, but also because of unplugged, that's where I learned about, uh, Man Who Owns the World and, uh, The Meat Puppets.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. Also, um, going back to, uh.

• 47:56Speaker 00

  Talk about a fucking, talk about white culture.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:58Speaker 00

  Meat puppets.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  Meat puppets.

• 48:00Speaker 00

  Meat puppets are big time, that is.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Well, they're kind of, they kind of started grunge.

• 48:05Speaker 00

  Hey baby, I.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  Them and Tab.

• 48:07Speaker 00

  No, Neil Young is proto, is Neil Young is the proto grunge.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  I got Neil Young and Crazy Horse.

• 48:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 48:13Speaker 03

  Not Neil Young, regular Neil Young. Neil Young with Crazy Horse is grunge. Without Crazy Horse.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  Keep on rocking in the free world was like the last big, like that was his last big, that was like a rock anthem that he made.

• 48:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, you brought up, um, one of his albums in the last.

• 48:30Speaker 00

  Reactor.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Reactor's a great album. I love Reactor. When's the last time you listened to Reactor? Surfer Joe and the Sleaze?

• 48:38Speaker 00

  This is some.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  Surfer Joe and the Sleaze is fucking, is unbelievable, dude.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  Deeply on top.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  The one thing I wanted to bring up about, uh, Woodstock 94, they had techno. They had, you, you think your EDM music is fucking special? It sounds exactly the same as it did in Woodstock 94.

• 48:58Speaker 00

  Well, we came from a time period when, when all of that was also, I remember that was really coming up on MTV and that was like, you know, the Chemical Brothers.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Apex Twin.

• 49:07Speaker 00

  Apex Twin, uh, what was the other one?

• 49:10Speaker 03

  Been out hard, bet. Been out hard.

• 49:14Speaker 00

  That might be Moby.

• 49:15Speaker 03

  Fat boy slip.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  Ever since the day we left.

• 49:21Speaker 00

  Have you seen that cut? I hate Moby. We have personal beef with Moby.

• 49:25Speaker 03

  Oh yes, we do.

• 49:26Speaker 00

  That's a long story that I don't even know if I can really, I don't want to get into right now. I have personal beef with Moby.

• 49:30Speaker 03

  Some good young sex to Moby though. So I always have some.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  What?

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:34Speaker 00

  This is now for the setting.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is, when you, when you talk about the sex you had at 17.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  It's very unfair.

• 49:43Speaker 00

  Parents went out of town, I blasted that Moby play.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  Been out hard.

• 49:46Speaker 00

  And we had a sexy evening.

• 49:48Speaker 03

  Been out hard.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  And they're just like, so you want fucking watch apocalypse now?

• 49:55Speaker 03

  I gas.

• 49:57Speaker 00

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• 54:15Speaker 00

  Live from your grave. Here's ultimate unk. I took this out of my travel suitcase. I always carry an ankle brace and a yarmulke, because you never know when you're gonna need it. You know, I always make sure I have those things with me. Do you bring a yarmulke with you everywhere you go? Just in case, you never know. In case I gotta go to a shiva. Because if you go to like a bar mitzvah or a wedding... If you gotta go to a shiva, get a blanket. Very nice, I like that. No, but like if you go to a, like a bar mitzvah or something, or a funeral, there's always, they're gonna give away, this actually, I got this... Eddie, whenever you randomly on the road and someone says, "Hey, you wanna crash this bar mitzvah with me?" Not a bar mitzvah, a shiva. Bar mitzvahs will have the fucking thing for you. If you're going to a shiva, you know you're going ahead of time. Not always.

• 54:59Speaker 00

  Not if I'm in New York and there happens to be a shiva, someone's dead and you're in New York. You just looking for time? No, you just... You trying to do minutes at these things? You gotta go visit. The Jewish people, they take a week, you know, and they... But they bury you immediately, I thought. Yeah, but during that next week, you sit around and you go visit the family, you bring food, and you reflect. It's actually very beautiful. I know, I love it, I'm making fun of shiva. No, no, no, but this, this is a special yarmulke. You know where I got this yarmulke? Mount Sinai Memorial Parks, it's sitting in the side with the phone number. But I got this from, uh, this is from Bob Saget's funeral. That's great, Eddie. Yeah, I remember that. Honestly, that is deeply unk. That is a deep unk cut. And that he has a yarmulke from Bob Saget's funeral. And you don't understand what that's like, guys.

• 55:42Speaker 00

  You'll never understand what that's like, you're fucking 30 years old. You never know what that's fucking like. Your heroes suck. Our heroes are great. Your heroes fucking blow. Our heroes are awesome, alright? And they're dying! They are dying. They're fucking dying by the buckets and we like it. I got a Leon Russell statue that I bought. Alright, so let's, we should... It is really funny. And you remember when the man over double-charged us, and then I didn't know what to do? So the man at the, at the, that's like very unk, so some of our more unk activity, yeah, some of our more unk activity is... Going to recording studios on the road. I'm wearing a t-shirt that Henry bought me from Stax. Yeah, we go to educational things on the road to fill our time, right? Like, we go, but... Presidential libraries.

• 56:27Speaker 00

  We're smart, but we get stoned, right? So it's still fun. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I go in there fucking hoping I see something that's not there. Yes, but still, it's a lot of municipal buildings, old historical societies, and old recording places. And then we went to the, uh, the church where Leon Russell is, like, there's his whole thing, and then the man that, uh, shouldn't have been working the, should not have been working the cashier. He told us that several times. Absolutely, he's like, "I don't know why they put me here." And then they kept, um, he kept double-charging me, and I just gave him the money. Yeah, that's nice. Because that's, because I knew I could, and it's for Leon Russell, and I also didn't want to make him have to go through the whole process again, because I'm also, as I get older, I lose patience.

• 57:11Speaker 00

  I made him do it again. You're smart, because he really double-charged you. He really... You bought the statue. I bought the statue, so there was like that, it was, it was very expensive. Yeah, it was like $220. We were all like, "What the fu, what?" And it was just like, "Let me..." You ever see one of those guys who has an eye patch, but the eye for some reason still works, and he like opened, "Hey, let me look at it all closer. Let me look at it closer." That's an unk. Yeah. Um, I brought some reading material, I got Sinbad's funny, funny, funny, funny book. I'm actually really sad, because one of the best gifts my family ever got me, I never got to get. What? Because, you know, Natalie and my family really understands that they have amongst them a man's getting older.

• 57:56Speaker 00

  So there are things you have to get from me that are different. And so they understood that the only thing that I wanted on the face of the planet was front row tickets to see Sinbad. Yeah. And they had bought me front row tickets to see Sinbad. And then he got sick. He got that, he had the stroke like a week before the show. Ah. And that was supposed to be a big deal for me, because Sinbad is... I got to sit front row and see, uh, Rickles. Oh, wow. That was awesome. I, a thing about me that I think is a bit uncoated, is that I actually love, there are some of my favorite comedians in the world are the old clean guys. Yeah. Like the guys, I, some of my... Well, it's true talent. My favorite comedians, truly, like, if you are really list my favorite comedians,

• 58:40Speaker 00

  it would be unfortunately, you know, I mean, I can't say it anymore. Bill Cosby is why I'm a comedian. Yeah. Because of me, not, not the latter half of his career, but the old stuff, you know, but when I didn't know. Yeah. But Sinbad, it's a... Sinbad? Sinbad's special. John Pennet? John Pennet's unbelievable. Oh. But he is, he's not as clean as you remember. No, he's not, he's not, but he did accents, you wonder where that shit came from, right? Kevin Meany? Yeah. Kevin Meany? Kevin Meany's incredible. Go back and watch Kevin Meany clips, right? I was trying to show them to Natalie, she's not into it. That's how I know it's good. It's because when he's going there, I mean, like, "I don't care, I don't care, you don't like my jokes, I don't care."

• 59:25Speaker 00

  He's the best. Um, Brian Regan. Brian, you love Brian Regan. I love Brian Regan. I've never actually seen his comedy. Brian Regan makes me laugh harder than any comedian ever. Really? No comedian has gotten more laugh-out-loud moments from me than Brian Regan. See, I give that to John Pennet. I mean, that's also, he's perfect. Yeah, Moe Anderson for me, honestly, and Richard Lewis. See, I watch, Brian Regan's the only comedian that I watch his specials over. Him and Patrice O'Neal. I've seen Elephant in the Room, probably the most all-in-one, the most I've ever seen. And Elephant in the Room was also the first time, because I was with my ex when that came out. And I remember it came out on Comedy Central Live, and we happened to be in a hotel room,

• 1:00:10Speaker 00

  and I was like, "Oh my God, it's Patrice O'Neal, it's, it's starting right now." And I turned it on, and she got so fucking angry. Well, of course. But I was like, "This is incredible." It was like, I was just like, "This is fucking great." It was one of the first time I've seen one of those, where he was, because Patrice O'Neal gave me the great axiom, just saying like, straight up, as a comedian, if 50% of that room doesn't actively dislike you, you're not doing your job. Yep. But I don't think, I think he was a bit off of that. I'm trying to go for about 30%. He liked his numbers way higher than we like our numbers, but I feel like if you never make anyone upset, then what are you really doing? You're not doing anything. Yeah, you're not saying anything. But Brian, but again, unless you're somebody like, oh, Kevin Meany, Brian Regan, that

• 1:00:53Speaker 00

  has never offended anybody once on stage. God knows what they were like in real life. But in, but they have never offended anybody once on stage, and it's because their comedy writing is so fucking good. It's fresh, yeah. Because it's the only time we, we only really hyper-offend if we fail. That's always the jo, the goal is to make you laugh. Yeah, well, you gotta talk about uncomfortable things, or else what are we fucking talking about? There are also some things that it's like, at some point, we're gonna have some, I'm just gonna have some opinions that I, uh, that aren't great. Yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  Short Stories by Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women, figure that was appropriate.

• 1:01:30Speaker 00

  God, that's fucking just deeply homosexual.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  A member, uh, American Splendor.

• 1:01:35Speaker 00

  Harvey Pecar is deeply uncoated. And if you even know who Harvey Pecar is, you're an unk.

• 1:01:43Speaker 03

  Drawn by Crumb, by R. Crumb drew this too.

• 1:01:45Speaker 00

  Oh, yes.

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  They are, uh, if you know who Harvey Pecar is, if anybody knows the fact that he was kicked off the David Letterman Show, then you're an unk.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, um, Cream Magazine, new Cream Magazine, I just started getting Cream Magazine again.

• 1:02:00Speaker 00

  What's in it?

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  They're talking about music.

• 1:02:03Speaker 00

  But like, uh, what music?

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  I mean, it's what, it's about new shit, really, to be honest with you, and then they got some good stuff from the old bands, too.

• 1:02:09Speaker 00

  I love, you know, I love Amo and the Sniffers.

• 1:02:11Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I don't think they're in this issue.

• 1:02:13Speaker 00

  Like, yeah, Viagra Boys.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  I bought this because I want to read it and I never touch it.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  Yep, that's how it is, that's called unk life, that's unk life.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  I gotta, I gotta want to fly through this stuff because I brought it in here, might as well fly through it. Eddie Vedder gave me this Zippo.

• 1:02:25Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  And it says E V on it.

• 1:02:27Speaker 00

  It's his own initials.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  It's his own initials.

• 1:02:29Speaker 00

  So he has those made and you sit around his house.

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  And then he hands it around to people when they, when you come by the studio.

• 1:02:34Speaker 00

  That's really fun, dude.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  I got some sneaker wipes.

• 1:02:36Speaker 00

  See, that's the thing we didn't talk about. So right now, I'm currently wearing Solomons.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Solomons, yes, see, I got, I got my Hocus.

• 1:02:44Speaker 00

  You see, you got Hocus, people talk about unk shoes, so I get hit up, I kind of stopped doing the shoe collecting thing.

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Be, only because.

• 1:02:55Speaker 03

  You run out of space.

• 1:02:56Speaker 00

  Not only am I running out of space, but Natalie was like, only men care about this.

• 1:03:00Speaker 03

  Oh, man, when I went to Chase's house, he had a full room for shoes.

• 1:03:03Speaker 00

  I mean, he's a bachelor, bachelor.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Wow, I was very impressed.

• 1:03:08Speaker 00

  He is a bachelor, bachelor, bachelor, and he also is, he doesn't have what I'm not, you see, I'm getting out with the DVDs.

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're going hard in the DVD paint.

• 1:03:16Speaker 00

  Hard in the 4K paint, dude.

• 1:03:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:18Speaker 00

  And so I'm kind of backing off on the shoes, but the Solomons are supposed to, I wore, I wore, I bought these because they're supposed to be the new Hocus.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:03:27Speaker 00

  Because Hocus have stopped making the good colorways.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, that's really aggravating.

• 1:03:31Speaker 00

  They're going back to normal ass boring colorways.

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  I like all the crazy colors, that's why I was so in for it.

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  What's the point of not having the crazy colors, I can get any shoe that looks like that, right? So Solomons are really great, they have these Xip ties, but I've got more compliments on these Solomons than any Jordan I've ever worn.

• 1:03:46Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:03:47Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  Are they comfy?

• 1:03:48Speaker 00

  They're great.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  Should I do it?

• 1:03:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:50Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 1:03:51Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  I'll try it out, how much are they usually?

• 1:03:53Speaker 00

  I think they're like 120.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  120, that's a good number for a shoe that's not fancy.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  If I'm doing, the most I spend on a pair of shoes is $300.

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, see, I, I don't like going over 2, and that's like, I, if it's over 2, I, I feel weird.

• 1:04:07Speaker 00

  If you're doing, I, I feel like if you're spending, if you're in the shoe reselling and you're getting your shoe buying at that level.

• 1:04:14Speaker 03

  Collector, collector.

• 1:04:14Speaker 00

  Well, I stopped.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  Because I realized, oh, because it was like, you do hit a point where you're like, ah, I gotta really put some money into this if I'm gonna do it.

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:25Speaker 00

  And it's like, why am I doing this? Why am I spending this money?

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:04:28Speaker 00

  Especially just because Natalie doesn't care. And I'm trying to dress older now. See, I feel like as an unk status, I'm trying to find new ways to dress that are slightly more age appropriate, but are not boring.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  Dude, the day I finally figured out that you could own nice underwear and your life just improves immediately.

• 1:04:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, or nicer socks.

• 1:04:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  I mean, fucking forget about it, Stance, great brand for socks.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  Also, you know what happened to us in our 40s?

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:04:59Speaker 00

  Chains.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:01Speaker 00

  Chains and jewelry.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  I li, I'm into it.

• 1:05:03Speaker 00

  You know, I, and I've been talking a little bit about this on the road because people have asked me this.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  Busted my watch back out.

• 1:05:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, my watch, huh? I, uh, never wore a watch before, now I wear a watch, it helps me not look at my phone. I started, uh, getting accessories on my body to find new ways to enjoy myself.

• 1:05:21Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:22Speaker 00

  Because I felt gross. And then I started wearing things that maybe not feel as gross.

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:28Speaker 00

  This is the only thing you can do.

• 1:05:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, it helps.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  It does.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  Also, we had shitty clothes our entire life.

• 1:05:35Speaker 00

  All I did was dress like fucking shit.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  I, I don't, I didn't have closed-toed shoes until like a couple of years ago.

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm trying to up my game, and I think that's like a big deal, like Natalie says this, I do think there's a little bit of a, dude's got, you kind of have to take it upon yourself.

• 1:05:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:54Speaker 00

  Like, yes, we all want, I think with unks, this is a cry to unks, there's a cry to unks everywhere, which is like, yes, comfort is important. It is important. But I also think viability within society requires you to stretch yourself just a little bit. I think that you need to kind of go for some stuff. I go and I see, some of the fashions I see on men my age out here are fucking tragic.

• 1:06:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:17Speaker 00

  No one's even trying anything.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, I wore an all leopard like jumpsuit, and I know that's obnoxious.

• 1:06:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  But I remember some guy came up to me, we went to a bar and he was like, came up to me and he's like, I tell you, I hate your fucking outfit, like that, like, you know, and I, you know, I don't care, he's a horrible shitty old man, but I remember looking at him, he's just wearing Walmart clothes.

• 1:06:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's because you're.

• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  I know you might not like my outfit, but you are dressed like shit.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  Well, it's because they're so jealous of your ability to feel anything.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:48Speaker 00

  They're so jealous of your ability to express yourself, even though we still have the crushing weight of society pressing down on us.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  Also, look right over there, that's my hot wife, where's yours?

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  Exactly, it's how it always is, it's how it always is. And it's because it seems to be hand in hand with slightly giving a fucking shit about what you look like.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:10Speaker 00

  Like, obviously, we're not the handsomest guys in the fucking world, right? But it's about what you do with it.

• 1:07:16Speaker 03

  That's right, you still, that'd be nice.

• 1:07:18Speaker 00

  And the key is, we were talking a little bit with the Q and A, what I started to understand about fashion, this is the thing, all right, I'll talk into this thing. The, the, what I started to understand about how to dress myself was that I started taking the movies we watch and think about the characters I liked in the movies and connected to, and thought about pieces they wore and how I could get something that looks like that.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  Dude, Robert Loggia in Scarface is like the ultimate. That is like, nothing, no one looks better ever.

• 1:07:52Speaker 00

  You know what I was just watching that kind of made me want to go get another watch? A small, not an expensive watch, but another type of watch, was, uh, Itchy the Killer. And you look at these guys that are, uh, in the, like, guys from like the 80s and 90s in Japan. Like, I love all the Japanese clothing, like all that kind of crazy, like, cool, like, open suits, like big suits, like that kind of style, like.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  Roped buttons.

• 1:08:15Speaker 00

  But it's like, no, no, no, no, like, traditional, like, 90s cut suits, but they're kind of bigger and they're really casual, and they kind of like dressed, like, they have an undershirt tucked into pants mixed with like, and it just looks great.

• 1:08:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 00

  And it's like, that's the thing, it's like, that's how I started to understand how to, how to dress myself, because I was so lost at to like, how do I choose what to do and, and, and what to get? And I started to realize like, oh, look to other things, like, look to art.

• 1:08:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  Like, literally, like paintings.

• 1:08:45Speaker 03

  What are you into, yeah.

• 1:08:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, look at stuff that you are outside of your purview and see other things and you can start, you'd be crazy, not only what inspires you, but also, a lot of shit's available.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  Yeah. You know what I've been to that, uh, fashion wise, that's been hard for me, is I want to evolve into this, but I'm scared to. Um, and so I'm wearing this headband right now, which is just a scar, I've been starting to do this because I've started sweating through my hats.

• 1:09:09Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:09:10Speaker 03

  And so, and I'm, so I don't want to, I wear this, but I know I'm gonna sweat or, you know, just fun like this. But like, if I'm on stage, I've been wearing this more because I've been sweating through my hats and putting rings on my hats, but I don't.

• 1:09:20Speaker 00

  You wash your hats.

• 1:09:21Speaker 03

  It's, you, you fuck them up every time.

• 1:09:23Speaker 00

  See, I actually, I think that's because you have more structured hats than I do.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:26Speaker 00

  Because I just wash my hats.

• 1:09:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, you can fuck, yeah, and then, yeah, the sweat ring sometimes doesn't even come off when you wash it.

• 1:09:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  I did a full load of, of hat washing and it went fine with some of them and I had to throw some out. Um, but I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to move into the next genre of hats.

• 1:09:42Speaker 00

  I, uh, hats.

• 1:09:44Speaker 03

  I have some bigger hats for like vacation.

• 1:09:47Speaker 00

  Yes, ma, man, men in hats are a delicate dance.

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  And I think men with hats are.

• 1:09:55Speaker 03

  Like, I don't want, like, I want like a paperboy hat, but I also, I think that I would just look like a weird thug.

• 1:10:00Speaker 00

  You know what it is, is that Natalie, Natalie's made certain requests.

• 1:10:05Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:10:06Speaker 00

  And she said, number one, don't golf.

• 1:10:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  She's like, that will make you unfuckable.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  I mean, well, golfing sucks.

• 1:10:12Speaker 00

  But basically, she's just saying like.

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  Unks love golf, though.

• 1:10:14Speaker 00

  They do, they do, and I don't despair, I don't despair, I don't disparage them, I don't, I really don't.

• 1:10:20Speaker 03

  Well, it's good to keep them all somewhere.

• 1:10:21Speaker 00

  Well, also, I, I hate, I hate, like, I don't like all the greens and all that kind of shit, but I also like, I do understand it's good for guys to have a thing to go do that's physical as a group. It is good.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:34Speaker 00

  The idea of having the sport, it just, we hate the way that they do golfing courses.

• 1:10:39Speaker 03

  It's elitist.

• 1:10:39Speaker 00

  And it's like, it just sucks, and all that sucks.

• 1:10:41Speaker 03

  And it's bad for the environment.

• 1:10:42Speaker 00

  So I'm not against the sport of golf, I'm just about around, I'm upset about everything else attached to it. Uh, but we, uh, uh, the, we're not into golf.

• 1:10:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:52Speaker 00

  That's not what we do.

• 1:10:53Speaker 03

  No, I hate it.

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  But I do get it.

• 1:10:55Speaker 03

  You know what we do do? We do this.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  Whoa, it's a shotgun shell that holds a bunch of joints.

• 1:11:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.

• 1:11:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:06Speaker 00

  So also to end up, one thing we did want to, do we want to even talk about this, Eddie?

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  I guess, I mean, kind of. It feels weird, but you know, it's also, you know, it's fun.

• 1:11:15Speaker 00

  Well, the only thing we wanted to bring up was the fact that Erica Leniak hit OnlyFans.

• 1:11:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're into older chicks.

• 1:11:20Speaker 00

  It's the only thing I thought was really interesting is about how like they're all kind of jumping on OnlyFans now. We're all like, it's, and I think it's cool.

• 1:11:27Speaker 03

  Erica Leniak, um, famous, um, if you saw the Beverly Hillbillies movie, she was, she was in that, she was

• 1:11:33Speaker 00

  Under Siege.

• 1:11:33Speaker 03

  Under Siege, she jumps out of the cake.

• 1:11:36Speaker 00

  Shannon Elizabeth from American Pie.

• 1:11:38Speaker 03

  Very beautiful woman.

• 1:11:39Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. She's looking good.

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  But even she's a little young.

• 1:11:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's a little young for my taste.

• 1:11:44Speaker 03

  She's a little young.

• 1:11:45Speaker 00

  She's no Susan Sarandon.

• 1:11:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, no. Oh my God. I saw Susan Sarandon at a High Times party once. She showed up hot as fuck. It was like, dude, she had this like 22 year old piece on her arm, dude. And she was just like walking that dude around. I was just like, I was like, that's what I'm fucking talking about, dude.

• 1:12:02Speaker 00

  All these ladies, I love it when they're like that. I just like, I mean, I think it's good. I think it shows us, it shows that there's life ahead.

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  Can I give you an unk present, but you gotta promise not to, not to, it's for you. It's an unk, it's a, it's a true unk present.

• 1:12:14Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 1:12:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, just open it up and that's for you. Yeah. Oh yeah. You're gonna love this. You're gonna love this. And here, Rob, you can have some old mushrooms.

• 1:12:22Speaker 00

  Oh, hell yeah, man.

• 1:12:23Speaker 04

  Awesome.

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  Oh, I haven't seen one of these in fucking

• 1:12:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, fucking butterfly knife, dude.

• 1:12:28Speaker 00

  Fuck yeah, dude.

• 1:12:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, a real one. I don't even know if they're legal.

• 1:12:31Speaker 00

  Nah, where'd you get it?

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  I got it in Arizona.

• 1:12:33Speaker 00

  Thank you, Eddie.

• 1:12:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it in Arizona.

• 1:12:36Speaker 00

  Fucking stab.

• 1:12:37Speaker 03

  Those mushrooms are old.

• 1:12:38Speaker 00

  Don't eat those mushrooms.

• 1:12:39Speaker 03

  No, you should eat those. They work fine. And then, uh,

• 1:12:42Speaker 00

  You could steep them in tea.

• 1:12:43Speaker 03

  Yes, do the tea, do the tea. And I got a Little Feet concert poster here and a matchbook from Old Ebbett Grill.

• 1:12:50Speaker 00

  See, that is, that is the most unk thing that are on this, on the stand.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  Somebody did send you guys, someone who works in a prison sent you guys a bunch of prison stuff, which is kind of unk for some reason.

• 1:12:59Speaker 03

  What do you mean, like merch?

• 1:13:00Speaker 04

  Like, well, no, like suicide proof, uh, forks and knives, uh, some like, uh, toothbrushes and toothpaste from prison.

• 1:13:08Speaker 03

  I'll need those for the road.

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  But they also included some Mitchum for you, which is very unk.

• 1:13:11Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:13:12Speaker 00

  Whoa, did they get Mitchum from prison?

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  Mitchum's got, wait, hold on. Is this still, all right, good, it's still sealed. A spit, oh, that you put on.

• 1:13:22Speaker 00

  We had a spinner.

• 1:13:23Speaker 03

  Do you know that all the prison stuff, it's done by, um, it's, the company's called Bob Barker and Bob, and they make all of this prison stuff. I will say, the one thing I do miss from jail for the jail clothes was, um, the, the, the slides. Jail slides are actually kind of comfortable. Hey, go ahead and try and spit on me. Actually, this would be great for you on stage.

• 1:13:47Speaker 03

  It works.

• 1:13:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, it really works, man.

• 1:13:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, it really works. It's all over me.

• 1:13:55Speaker 03

  Well, I think that's a great way to end the show.

• 1:13:57Speaker 00

  This is really great.

• 1:13:58Speaker 03

  Oh, man, this is

• 1:13:58Speaker 00

  I'm gonna really need this.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I can't wait for unk, uh, 2027.

• 1:14:02Speaker 00

  We're gonna come back, we're gonna do this again.

• 1:14:04Speaker 03

  I can't wait till we turn into grampus.

• 1:14:06Speaker 00

  It's like, I mean, the only

• 1:14:08Speaker 03

  With Uncle's Gramp? Oh my God, I'm excited.

• 1:14:11Speaker 00

  With Uncle's Gramp, Uncle's Cramp, that's for fucking certain. That's when I'm gonna be fucking, ready to commit suicide. But I gotta say, what a great episode, Eddie. I love you.

• 1:14:20Speaker 03

  I love you too. Have a great vacation, buddy.

• 1:14:23Speaker 00

  You too.

• 1:14:24Speaker 03

  You deserve, and you also brought in the Necronomicon, just so people know.

• 1:14:27Speaker 00

  Well, that was just being, the Necronomicon is just what holds John Wayne Gacy. Ed, uh, uh, Shane made this.

• 1:14:33Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 1:14:34Speaker 00

  So that's what holds it.

• 1:14:35Speaker 03

  It looks really good.

• 1:14:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, he did a good job.

• 1:14:37Speaker 03

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:14:37Speaker 00

  Well, hail Satan, everyone.

• 1:14:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, hail Leon Russell, Dan Marino, um, uh, Neil Young, Harvey P. Carr, Ernest Hemingway, Sinbad, uh, all the great unks in the world.

• 1:14:47Speaker 04

  Donna Mills joined OnlyFans at 85 years old.

• 1:14:50Speaker 03

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:14:51Speaker 00

  Knott's Land.

• 1:14:52Speaker 03

  Rock and roll.

• 1:14:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:54Speaker 03

  I wanna pay to watch or go to heaven.

• 1:14:58Speaker 00

  Turn my penis into a knot.

• 1:15:00Speaker 03

  Show me the tunnel of light.

• 1:15:04Speaker 03

  Bye, everyone. See you soon.

• 1:15:05Speaker 00

  See you soon, everybody.

• 1:15:11Speaker 05

  Hi, it's me, your gutters. I want to start by saying I'm fine. Everything is totally fine. There's just, there's a lot of debris up here and I, I've been managing it mostly on my own for about eight months now. And I just thought maybe you could find someone on Angie to clean me up. You don't have to make it a whole thing. It doesn't need to be a whole thing. I just, I could really use your help.

• 1:15:35Speaker 06

  Your gutters have waited long enough. Find a pro at Angie.com.