The Best A Bum Can Get?

This Week Joe Thomas and James Buckley discuss the peak era of gunging and Get Your Own Back! What is the correct etiquette of shaving your bumhole and ask 'what on EARTH is Piccalilli'?? Plus this week the Fact Boys explore whether crows hold grudges... GET IN TOUCH: Whatsapp us - wa.me/447822034330 http://wa.me/447822034330 Fill in our Fact Up Form - https://forms.gle/uzF6XWPqaA5aNTtN7 Subscribe on Youtube - www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos http://www.youtube.com/@JoeandJamesPod/videos Follow us on Instagram - www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod http://www.instagram.com/joeandjamespod Follow us on TikTok - www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod http://www.tiktok.com/@joeandjamespod (edited) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Hello, this is Susie Ruffel. And Maisy Adam. And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it? Only the best podcast ever. Yeah. A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel. Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too. Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. You just need to search Big Kick Energy. Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  You know, we need to go back to a more natural diet. You're like, all right, I'll leave.

• 1:10Speaker 03

  We're gonna start recording, yeah, let's go, let's go.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  We are rolling.

• 1:12Speaker 04

  I'm gonna, the mic's here. I don't know if you want to refer to me.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:16Speaker 04

  Feel free if you don't want to.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  No, we will be.

• 1:19Speaker 04

  Lily May said that you call her the queen.

• 1:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21Speaker 04

  Feel free to call me the court jester.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:24Speaker 04

  I think it's nice.

• 1:25Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Sure. That's the voice of Sadie, who will be filling in for Queen Lily May today.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  And.

• 1:31Speaker 02

  And we are in safe hands. We worked together, Sadie worked on sickness and in health, me and Claire.

• 1:37Speaker 03

  Nice one.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  So we're all good.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  And you're court jester, we're saying.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  I'm taking the title.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  So what are we then? If we're not the idiots.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  We're Privy Chamber. You know, the Privy Chamber is literally, it's basically the people who help the monarch go to the toilet. It's the Privy.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Didn't Henry VIII have eight of them? Well, weird.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  I imagine.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Or four of them.

• 1:57Speaker 03

  I imagine Henry VIII was like late Elvis in sort of toilet terms, like quite a big deal when he wants to go. I also imagine his diet was terrible. I bet he had no fibre.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  I think he had four.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  Four people to wipe his arse, or something like that. Was one, maybe one of them was wiping the other one's arse, so it was like a chain. Like, human centipede. Human centipede, but just a lot as mi- a milder version. Yeah. Didn't his body blow up or something? Uh, might have done. I mean, honestly, I. Apparently his body blew up. His leg, he had a hu- he had an abscess on his leg. That must have been. It really kicked up, didn't it? Yeah, without antibiotics, um, is, I remember when I was at school, my girlfriend at school was studying. She had a pussy leg. She had, she had a huge abscess on her leg and she was the king of England. Massive privy chamber though. That's a, do you what? Massive privy chamber on her. So you've missed.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, so, yeah, no, four men working in there at all times.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Just, I don't know, I don't know, man. How are we already on this? This is terrible. No, this is great. Okay, um, I, uh, anyway, none of that's true, but what is true is that she was studying to become a doctor or she was, she was studying, she was going to apply to do medicine. Right. And got in, in fact, and as far as I know, is now a doctor. And I remember she was reading this book about the history of medicine. And basically it said, until they invented antibiotics, all of it was basically pointless. It was like, none of this did anything. And then antibiotics comes along and it's like, that's the first time, really, like if you went to a doctor in the Victorian era, basically, might as well go to no one. Might as well go to a carpenter or something. It's just, it's just like, it's just a person. They might help, they might not, they might make it worse.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  They just would not wash their hands and stuff, would they? Was it like Florence Nightingale was like, was like, should we wash our hands? And they were like, well, how, why weren't they doing that? They just wouldn't. I was, she was, I think she was the first person. She was like, her big thing, her big first, well, not her big thing, her first. One of her huge interventions was like, shall we just wash our hands before we start rooting around?

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's clean the beds and stuff, clean things down. Yeah, no germ theory, germ, germs didn't, germs is really recent. Yeah. Like in, in human history, it's a really recent discovery. There's that bloke, John Snow, I think I spoke, spoke about before.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  It was, it was convinced when cholera, when there was like a few cholera epidemics in, in London.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  He was like, and they were just like, oh, it's bad air.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  They were just, what do they call it? Me and?

• 4:41Speaker 03

  Miasma.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  Miasma, yeah, they were just, they were cut like, it's, it's bad air.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Miasma. I love the fact that they just made, they, what I know is, they know it's a made up word. Cause they've just made it up. And then they're like, but it does exist. And you're like, but we know you just made it up. So how can it be?

• 4:58Speaker 02

  But he did, um.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Well, I suppose it's a name for an unknown, I suppose.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  There was this cholera epidemic that came out and he managed to pinpoint it to a, um. What do they call it? Water, um.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  A well.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  A well.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  In, uh, Broad Street in London. And, um. And he did like work, like, so he, he did, he got a map and he did like a graph.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  He would have had what, I think what they call a big wall of crazy on like in a detective show.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  But it would have actually been, it would have worked.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  The, um, he went from this, he worked out that it was this well because he. May put a sticker, it wasn't stickers at the time, but we, we, we put a little post-it note on every house that had a death in it.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  I love that you've revised it to post-it note.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  And it was like.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  They had that then.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  It was really concentrated and then it got lesser and lesser and less. And he was like, right, it's got to be here. It's got to be, there's got to be something about this well. There's something about this well, it's the water, like, and everyone was going, no, you're nuts.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  What proof have you got? And he kept like, he kept going back and getting more and more proof.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  And it wasn't until like after he died, when people were like, you know what, he was on, he was on to something.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  It was a bit of a shame when people get credit after they die, isn't it?

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he, um, he managed to work it out. And this, and they worked out, they looked at this well. That they did, while he was doing his research, he was like, do me a favour, right? I know you think I'm a nutter. Bum can you just tell people to stop using this well? Like put it out, take the, they took the handle off the well. Um, so people would stop using it and then the death stopped, right?

• 6:26Speaker 03

  That's amazing.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  What was, what had happened was this well was right next to like patient zero's house. It was a baby. And they were just throwing shitty nappies down a cesspit and the cesspit was leaking into the well. The baby had died of cholera, the baby had got cholera and then it was it was through her fecal matter. That then it then the whole um. The whole sort of uh everyone on that street was basically fucked. But he did, he he worked out, there was one, there was a workhouse that had no deaths, because they had their own. They had their own water thing and there was a brewery. Where none of the blokes died, because all they all they drank was beer. So he was just like, it's got to be this well, there's something about this well and this water that is killing people.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  But they just wouldn't, they were just like, no, it's miasma, it's bad air.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  You know why I think it is, I think it's because miasma or. It's it's a really good word, isn't it?

• 7:21Speaker 02

  It's great, isn't it? It's a good name for a band, for like a sort of um screamo.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Sort of like a Ramstein type of ba- band.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, or maybe sort of like.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  Shoe gaze, do you know?

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Speaking of shoes.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, are these all right still?

• 7:40Speaker 02

  They're fine, mate. We're past it, we've done the shoes.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  I'm gonna have to update them.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  But I will say, what you do um. You do knacker them out, like really quickery, where where did it quickery?

• 7:51Speaker 03

  I went to the.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Quickery, didn't that cause cholera?

• 7:57Speaker 02

  It did, yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  Um, they do, and actually, I do need to completely. Change all my shoes, they are leaking, we. I have the same day over and over again, like I went to the zoo yesterday, I always go to the zoo. And my shoes were leaking and I thought this is just any day in my life, I'm at the zoo.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  Shoes are leaking?

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Well, I've got some um.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  From the outside in?

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Right, okay.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  Soul in.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  I've got some.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  I thought, I was gonna go, I don't think that's your shoes, mate, there's something on all your, with the foot there. If there's something leaking, if your shoes are leaking.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, the veins of the shoe.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Have you ever worn seal skin socks?

• 8:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  They're waterproof socks.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Right. They're made from seal skins?

• 8:46Speaker 03

  They're they're not, but I believe that they ape the qualities of seal skin.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:52Speaker 03

  And they're what's in a way, it's just plastic in a sock, I think.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  But they're all right. Uh, when I filmed the festival, uh, quite a lot of the crew were wearing seal skins.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  Because you, I mean, the thing is, they're not, they get soaking wet, the socks, but it doesn't permeate through to your skin. So you're basically going around, it's like wearing a, not a wet suit, because that famously does let water in. Like a dry suit for your foot.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Well, just those um, varroa socks that you can get for swimming. The kids wear.

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Yeah. I used to get terrible varroas. I used to shave them off. Do you know that? I would, I would, I but also, again, my razor etiquette is terrible. Did I tell you that when we did the first Inbetweeners film, Ian and Damon got me to shave the hairs around my asshole? They said, I've, I've, um, I've occasionally spoken about this on, sometimes I do these kind of in conversation things, and this is a story I've had to tell, but I've never, I've never said on here, but, but I will, when, when we did the first film.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  This is news.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Ian and Damon said, well, I mean, this is very strange. Ian and Damon said, okay, Joe, because of the nature of what we're filming tomorrow, we're gonna need you to shave all the hairs around your asshole tonight.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  And I did.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Hmm. Were, were they joking? Because you don't know with them too sometimes.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  I did it.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  And then the next day, on about three or four occasions, I'd go over to them and say, I did that thing last night, I've shaved my asshole. And they would go, what are you talking about, mate?

• 10:25Speaker 03

  I think it was a joke.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  But and it's only very recently occurred to me that I just used my own razor, like my Gillette razor.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  So much product placement now.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  They do.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  But, but, but also.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Well, it's the best a man can get, but carry on.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  It's the best a man can get. And, um, you know, I'm a man, so.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:41Speaker 03

  And like, I did.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  And you deserve the best.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  And I want the best, so so I got.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  Your anus deserves the best.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  It's the best a man's anus can get.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  And, uh. It's only recently occurred to me, as I say, that I I didn't like change, I just went back to shaving my face with it afterwards. I didn't change the blade.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  I don't know, man, would it make that much?

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Probably not. It's all the same DNA, isn't it?

• 11:02Speaker 02

  I assume you showered. I assume you showered and then shaved your anus. You didn't just go in dry.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  I think I showered and shaved.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  You've got to sort of let the follicles get.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Wet.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  And also, when I, but when I was a kid, I would shave my verruca off in a kind of masochistic frenzy. But that was just my dad's razor. I didn't, I think I didn't tell him I was doing it. I was just like.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  He could have got fucking verrucas on his face or something.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  I think I was just like, it'll get what he's given, you know, he didn't have to have me.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  I am, I've only had a verruca once.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  It's ultimately his fault.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  I had a verruca once when I was a kid. Even when I was a kid, I was like a bit germy, a bit sort of like.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  Germaphobe.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't like saying that because I don't think I'm a germaphobe.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  No, it's okay, I understand.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  But I don't, you know, I didn't like sharing bottles with people and stuff like that. Like all my mates would be like, sharing from the same water bottle when we were playing football and stuff and I'd just be dying of thirst going, I wish I'd brought my own one. Um, but I got this verruca and I was like, what the fucking hell is that? It was like, like.

• 12:05Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 12:06Speaker 02

  I was just like.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Who do I call? It's not the police.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Burst into my mum and dad's room. I was like, I don't know what's happened. I don't know, I don't know what the hell that is.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Um, and they were like, it's all right, it's a verruca.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  They are difficult to get rid of though, I think.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  They're, they're a complete.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Bazooka's okay.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Bazooka that verruca.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  That's what I ended up using. Yeah, I bazooked the verruca and I've got to be honest, that was like, gone.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  I never had any, like, I tried to use all sorts of things. I used to get a special verruca, well, I'd, I'd shave it off out of a kind of, I was a real masochist. I also had terrible spots on my legs.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  I think because I used to wear these polyester school trousers that really irritated my skin. And I used to get salt and rub it into the spots, not really because I thought it'd help, but just because I was like, I fucking hate this. I, I, I, it was like, basically I just sort of.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Some sort of weird purge.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  It was a weird sort of purge. I was like, I hate this.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  Do you flog yourself?

• 12:59Speaker 03

  I was bored and like, it was a bit like that. It was a bit like, what's that thing that they put round the leg? You know, that Catholics, well, all Catholics, but you could, to, to, to, um. To mortify the flesh, they wear a, uh, it looks like a garter, but it's made out of chain, spiky chains.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know what you're talking about, yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  Um, and it's just there to remind, to, to basically punish yourself all the time because you're, you know, a miserable sinner or whatever.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I might have to get into a bit of that.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  It, it'd keep you, well, should we do one episode where both wearing one?

• 13:32Speaker 03

  See if it's any better.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  See if I say yeah a bit less.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  And before we get into the podcast, because we still haven't even done the introduction yet, uh, we haven't spoke about, um, The Ricky Gervais Show yet, so I just wanted to.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, go on.

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Because we need to talk about at least once. I was thinking, and I'm still listening to it, I'm still like going through all the old episodes again.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  And I absolutely fucking love it, it's so good.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  It's, it's wonderful. It's amazing.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  I've got some stuff, and I, and I thought, and Joe's renovating his house at the moment.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  I, I am.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Because they always used to give their prizes with stuff that like.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  So funny.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  Cole Pilton found in the drawer and stuff like that.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  I know.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  I was thinking, maybe we should start doing a competition? Because I've got stuff that I need to.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  To win some of your old stuff.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Well, I've got stuff that I need to throw away, but they're like, it's sort of, I don't know, some of it's quite cool, like some of it's, um.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Well, Hannah accuses me of being a hoarder.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  I've been accused of being a hoarder.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  I don't think I'm a hoarder.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  I don't think I am a hoarder.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Hannah's a kind of, I think it's her who's got the problem. She, she, she blazes through the house like a sort of wind of fury and, and stuff just, just valuable stuff.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  Claire's the same. I just, I just think she's unfeeling. Because Claire is like, you've just got this weird emotional attachments and stuff. Like I'll find a pair of socks that have got like holes in them and I go, why don't I throw these away like yours, like my socks? And I go, no, I wore those on the day that we did this.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  I maybe do have slightly too much, but I think Hannah appears to have almost no attachment to anything.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  I I mean, in, I suppose it's salatry in a way. She's she's I could honestly, I think she would do one of those things where. You know when somebody just gives away everything or burns everything. Is it, you know, um. Like a Burning Man, isn't it? Didn't a guy give away all his possessions or something? The guy invented Burning Man. Something, but always sometimes you get these rich people who are like, I just don't want any of it anymore. It's gonna set it all ablaze.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, just say I'm fine.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  She'd do that.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, Claire would as well.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  Claire would. Her birthday.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  They should set up a festival together and it's to do and you bring everything you own in a big truck. And everyone has a truck and then together all the trucks just drive off the edge of a cliff.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, onto a fire.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Onto a fire.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  There needs to be a fire element into it.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Okay, well, they, I'm I'm in my mind, the trucks blow up when they explode. They blow up when they explode.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  They usually do, don't they?

• 15:50Speaker 03

  Sometimes they do.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Claire's got no, like, yeah, Claire's just so unsentimental. Uh, her birthday's coming up. And her friend said to me, oh, we should probably go out for her birthday, shouldn't we? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I suppose so. She went, um, where should we go? Um, what what restaurants does she like? And I went, none.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't know. We should just go there because because I was talking to her friend. I was like, we should just go there because we all like that place. So we should just go there. And uh, and then I told Claire, I was like, oh, by the way, we're gonna go here for your birthday. Your your mate's sorting it out. And she was like, oh, not really. She was like, last couple of times I've been there has not been that great. I went, well, she asked me, where do you like? And I was going, and I've never heard you go, I've never heard her say anything like, oh, that's my favourite restaurant, that is. And she started laughing. She was just laughing. I was like, I've never heard these words of like, I love that place. I really, I really, I really. I really enjoy going there. So I was just like, it doesn't really matter where we go.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, I mean, I, you've, I'm sure she did you go.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  It's in a couple of weeks.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  And it's a nice restaurant. It's a really lovely restaurant.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  I'm sure, yeah.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Like, it's really nice, but Claire's just, imagine being married to, imagine being married to the woman impossible to please. Anyway, shall we, um.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Shall we?

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Oh, shall you do, please, sir?

• 17:16Speaker 02

  Shall we say hello?

• 17:25Speaker 03

  Fact up again. Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Fact Up.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week we'll be bringing one another a fact we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. That's the rule.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  That's the rule.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  That's the rule. We'll also dig in to the weird things that you'd like to think are true, but you can't be bothered to do the research yourself in a segment we're calling Fact Check. And by the way, when we do fact check, our research is our brains, isn't it?

• 17:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, we.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  So we decide.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  That's research.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  We decide what is real.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  It's a sort of a pre-enlightenment research. It's like, what do I already know?

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  And why does it make sense with the other things I already know?

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Where does it fit in there?

• 18:07Speaker 03

  Is there anything I can get rid of?

• 18:08Speaker 02

  If you want to send, if you want to send us your facts, you're, that's how you're like, I remember, I think, I'm sure I've mentioned this on the podcast already. The way you told me, the way you described your brain, this was years ago, when you said your brain was basically a computer and it was a hard, it was a hard drive that wasn't finite. It had, it had a certain amount of gig on it.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  And some stuff you have to get rid of to then.

• 18:30Speaker 03

  I think that is what, I think that is what the brain's like. And I think that it has sort of, you know, RAM and ROM. It has the kind of, the, the, the kind of cold storage memory and then it has the working memory, which is, so you say when you're reading a book, right? In theory, you've read the whole book. So that's a bit like your, your RAM, but the bit you're reading at the moment is like the ROM. So you might remember one, I don't know, one or two sentences ago, maybe. But if somebody said what was five paragraphs ago, you wouldn't be able to do it. So it's, I think that's, that's what it's like. And the same with focus as well. You know, anyway, well, yeah.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Thanks, Joe. Anyway, our email is hello.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  That's part of the intro. Can we make that part of the intro? Just all of that?

• 19:11Speaker 02

  I'll keep getting called out for interrupting you. So I'm going to stop now and.

• 19:16Speaker 03

  I'm so sorry about that.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  You asked for it.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  You should, you should.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  All right. Hello at joeandjamespod.com is our email address. We've also got a WhatsApp number, 07822034330. You can also follow us on socials at joeandjamespod, where you can also slide into our DMs. And if you, oh, also, full episodes are on YouTube. Just search for Joe and James Fact Up. Okay, Joe. Now, let's get fact up.

• 19:49Speaker 00

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• 20:23Speaker 05

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• 20:55Speaker 06

  I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night: real crimes, ghosts, and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  How are you, James? Thank you very much for asking, Joe. You're very welcome. I'm good. It's an exciting week. Well, I know why, but perhaps you should tell our...

• 21:44Speaker 03

  Viewers and listeners, why?

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Thanks, mate. If you're watching this on the day of release, which is the 3rd of March, in a few days' time, I've got a little film coming out called Mother's Pride. Got the name wrong.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Got the name wrong. It's called Mother's Pride. It's a really lovely little film. It's just really nice. It's not going to win any awards or anything, but it's just, it's just a really pleasant film. And also this week, me and Claire are doing the Buckley's Live Show, where we've managed to...

• 22:17Speaker 03

  You've managed to somehow secure the services of some, a guy who's pretty difficult to...

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Because this guy is always working.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  The only way...

• 22:25Speaker 03

  In Hollywood.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  The only way you can get Joe Thomas to do something is if, like, you have to ask him.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, you have to ask him. Or not ask. Sometimes... One time, my brother went to me, "Oh, I've got a couple of mates who are getting married on the Isle of Skye next month", and I went, "Oh, I don't think I can come, man". He was like, "You're not invited. I was just telling you", so sometimes I try and get into stuff without even... But, yeah, I'm gonna be there, aren't I?

• 22:52Speaker 02

  But if you're listening to this on the day of release, there might be, there might be a couple of tickets to come and see me and Claire and also Joe at the Palladium.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. What does Palladium mean?

• 23:05Speaker 02

  It's got to be some sort of Greek, Roman...

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Sounds classical to me.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Sadie's looking out for us. That's a really good question.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  That is a good question, and I've got another one for you, once we've dealt with this.

• 23:19Speaker 04

  That can't be right.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  No, go on, what have you got? No, I want the one that...

• 23:23Speaker 03

  It was a word that was invented last year.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  I want the one that can't be right.

• 23:26Speaker 04

  The top one says, "The chemical element of atomic number 46",

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Polonium?

• 23:31Speaker 04

  It says Palladium, "A rare silvery white metal resembling platinum",

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Oh, maybe it is.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  And then if you go to the next one, it says, "A safeguard or source of protection", that sounds more right.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  That sounds more, that sounds more like it.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Alexander going, "Get to the Palladium", "Get to the Palladium, quick", He was good, wasn't he?

• 23:52Speaker 03

  James and Claire and Joe will look after us. He, yeah, Alexander the Great?

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  He conquered the known world? Is that Alexander the Great? Yeah, we're gonna do, actually that's not this episode, is it? It's the next episode we're gonna do some, we could do it this, no, we do it next episode.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Do it next, no, this episode.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  This episode is free form.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we'll get, we'll get to that.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  And another word that, um, I'm interested in, uh, the word piccadilly.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  That's hard to, that's a hard one.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  No one seems to know, it's just.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Also, what came first, piccadilly or piccolilli?

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Again, absolute madness going on in that bit of the vocabulary.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  I've never heard of piccolilli until I was like in my teens. And I think Partridge mentions it.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  Piccolilli, yeah, it's a sort of, it's very much.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  It's like a yellow pickle sort of thing, it looks grim, I've never tasted it, you know what I'm like.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  It's got bits of, it looks like if a load of vegetables have kind of had some sort of weird yellow oil slick over them.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  And they're like, oh god, it looks like, you know what it is, you know, in the nineteen, in the nineteen nineties there, there was a, a real thing about people being gunged.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  I was about to say, it looks like gunged.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  You know, get, get your own back, it looks like, it looks like a load of vegetables have been stitched up by their kids and they're like, gunged mum and dad and the cauliflower is going, oh no, I'm coming in gunged. That's piccolilli, it looks like punishment for parent vegetables.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  I think I do quite a good Dave Benson Phillips impression of it.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  Okay, go on. It's get your own back with me, Dave Benson Phillips. The get your own back, uh, the justification for gungeing the parents was always like, he always wakes me up to go to school and he's like, boo.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  They make me brush my teeth every night before I go to bed, you cunt, kill him.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  You fucking, you fucking paedophile, you fucking child abuser, trying to me feed them vegetables, get in there, hope you drown, hope you drown, you cunt. It was like, it was really unfair.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  You can see the kids, they're like, if it was up to me.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  There'd be a funnel going in their mouth.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  I know, it wouldn't just be gunged in there, it'd be poison, it'd rip the flesh in your bones, you fucking dickhead.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Trying to raise me. But yeah. Trying to educate me. Providing for me. I didn't know much about pickle lily. Um. Who knows a lot though. But you know, you know how weird I am with foods, right? Do you like it? I've never had it, like. Oh, so you said, yeah. Cause I'm one of those people where it is like, how do you know if you've not tried it? I am just like, I ju- I know, I just do. Because this happens to me a couple of times in my life, especially when I was a kid, mum and dad go, they go, yeah. And I go, well, no, no, I don't, no, I don't like that. And they go, well, you've never had it. And I go, well, no, I don't like it. They go, well, how do you know? I've never tried it. I tried it. I go, right, I don't like it. Yeah. You told you I didn't like it. I knew I didn't like it from looking at it. I knew I wouldn't like that. And also it's. I remember one time my mum used to make my packed lunch for me. I was in primary school. I must have been about seven. Yeah.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Little boy, tiny little boy, seven years old. Yeah. My mum would make her sandwiches and my sandwiches. She got them mixed up one day. I would only have plain ham sandwiches, right? She had ham and pickle. Okay. Right? Right. I thought it was gonna be significantly worse than that, actually, but. No, but I can't do pickle, can't be doing with that. No. I instantly knew, even at the age of seven, I was like, she's made a mistake here. She's given me her sandwiches and she's taken hers. And you were straight on the phone to Dave Benfica Phillips? Taken mine, straight on the phone. I was thinking, this bitch is getting fucking gunned. Right? But the Sally, lunch lady Sally, she was so stern and she was going, eat it, eat it.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  And I was going, no, this is a mistake. I don't eat this. I don't like it. My mum, these are my mum's sandwiches. She's put them in my lunchbox by mistake. She was going, you're not leaving until you've eaten. You can't go to play until you've eaten. Forced me to eat these fucking, and I was like gagging and stuff. Oh.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  Um, pickles, I can't have, I can't have that brown pickle. That's what it was. Yeah, Branston, I can't have that. I can't do it. It is weird. Also, I'm traumatised, cause like, cause of that situation anyway. It is weird. I can, and, and it's interesting with the.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  I do think there was a, there was a punishment at high school where you had to stand facing the wall.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  With your nose touching the wall. And I thought, this is like a prison thing.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Like, this is fucking crazy.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Corporal punishment almost.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  It's horrible.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  I remember one time I got sent to the corner for mucking about, uh, and the corner was by the door to the classroom.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  And, um, at some point during the lesson, I got sent to the corner and then she opened the door. Which sort of encased me in this sort of prison.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Prison.

• 28:30Speaker 02

  Right. And then she forgot.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Triangular room.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  And then she forgot I was there, sent anyone, everyone off for lunch. And I stood there for about half an hour, like, well, there, there was only about twenty minutes left of lunch. And there was a teacher gone by, went by and I just went, hello. They went, what are you doing in there? I was, I was sitting in the corner and I've, I've not had any lunch yet, I've not had any. So then I went to lunch and I was full fed some pickle and. Fucking grim school. People go, people go like.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Oh, why do kids not like school? We need to make, we need to make kids like school. That would, that's half the battle.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  I know.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  Especially when we were growing up. It was fucking awful. It was horrible.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  It was horrible. I, I, well, no, no, there's not, you know, there's lots of. My parents are both teachers or retired teachers, but like, I do think that, that there's sometimes, there's sometimes appear to be people who worked at schools who genuinely hated children. And you're like, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? Cause this isn't helpful, like.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  So your parents taught a bit older, right?

• 29:29Speaker 03

  They taught older, yeah.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  Um, I'm talking primary school. You get some real sinister fucking weirdos.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Also the, the sense of like, I'm, I'm not a fan of, I'm not a fan of like shaming children. I really think that's sort of horrible. And it's always the stuff that the adult knows actually isn't that bad. Like, I, I remember, I remember being at Cub Scouts once and this boy, one of the sort of, I was a little, like, little middle class boy. And what, and a boy had knocked on the door and tried to run away. And it was like, that's not that. And he was dragged in. And he had his head down. He had a hood on.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  And he was, and he, and, and basically.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Knocked on the door.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  You know, like knock down ginger or something. And they got him, they caught him.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  And they dragged him in.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, that's fair enough. That's all part of the game. That's, that's, you know, that's why you play knock down ginger.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  Okay, fine. But, but they were literally going to us, like the good little boys.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Make sure you do not become like this boy.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  It was horrible. They were basically going, he's going to hell.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  It was, it was really horrible. I thought, imagine being that boy, it's horrible.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  I was constantly, um.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  He's a child, he's a child.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  I was constantly called stupid.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  When I was, and I know that doesn't sound bad, but when you're a tiny kid in primary school, you're constantly, what are you doing, you stupid boy?

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  Why have you done that? So I was just like, oh, well, I am stupid. They keep calling me stupid, so I won't bother.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Hey Joe, we have got a voice note in from someone called Sam. I believe it's a would you rather?

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Little would you rather game?

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Okay, let's go for it.

• 31:06Speaker 07

  All right, guys. Love the pod. It's Sam here from near Preston. It's not facts that I'm contacting you guys in about, but it's a question that's really split my friend group that I would argue, you know, has some fact behind it. And the question is, if you were cursed, so every time you saw a dog, it attacked you and tried to kill you? Or every time you saw a bird, it attacked you and tried to kill you? So every dog in the world, every bird in the world, which curse would you choose to have? Thanks, guys. Keep the good work.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  Thank you, Sam.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  Remember that he said it's special group, so it suggests to me that there's more to this than meets the eye. Presumably the obvious answer is, I'll, I'll take the birds.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll take the bird.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  But, well, there you go, birds.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  And I'll draw your attention to a film.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  What's it called?

• 32:00Speaker 03

  Either the, it's called The Birds, isn't it?

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Right, Hitchcock film.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  Hitchcock.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's if you see them. He said if you see a dog.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  There's not, to my knowledge, a film out there called The Dogs by Hitchcock. And to me, that maybe is something that is worth just taking note of.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Cujo.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 32:22Speaker 02

  The film. Is that the Stephen King film?

• 32:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, but that's just one dog, isn't it?

• 32:27Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  So it's, it's sad if you've got a pet and, and, and, and I think we don't, you know, we don't have pet birds anymore because we're not Victorian sort of cartographers.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  My, my, my nan had a pet bird, had a budger.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  I feel like it's really old school having a pet bird.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  It seemed like the most miserable existence.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  It had a like, it was in a prison.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Oh, I know.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  It was in a prison.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  You see bird cages and you're like.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  In fact, I had a budger. I had a budgie.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  You had a budgie?

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had a little budgie. Oh god, I forgot all about this.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  It just flew away.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Well.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  It flew out the front door, it just went.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  I suppose they.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  My dad was like, my dad was like, well, that's that then.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  If I was a bird and I was in a cage and I once got free, I'd be like, I'm getting the fuck out.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  I cannot blame it.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  It did.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  I cannot blame it.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  I just fancy my chances more against a, a load of birds rather than one dog. Even just one.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  I imagine that. And they're not like zombies, are they? You, you can kill them in a regular way.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just snap their necks.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  Snap their necks.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  I've heard the only way you can stop a dog from attacking you is to stick a finger up his arse.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  Well, that's the story I'm sticking to.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  So you'll be really busy.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  Well, the story, the story I'm sticking to is I thought the dog was attacking.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  So why didn't you just use your finger?

• 33:59Speaker 03

  I panicked.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  I was holding it with both my hands.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  It's a good question.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  It's a good question.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  I'm interested that it's split. When he says it's split a friendship group, does he mean like irrevocably?

• 34:16Speaker 02

  You know what mates are like. It is just like, no, I'm not having, I'm not having that. Like, you can, like, this will, like, they say, like, there's this thing, I think, I think it might be misogynistic, but there is, it's like, oh, blokes, blokes with their mates are so more simple than girls. They're always bitching about each other and stuff and the, whereas blokes are just sort of like very easy and that. But then when you, when something like that, when a conversation like that happens at the pub.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  Some, does come to blows, like sometimes.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Um, I, no, I know, it's, and.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Especially if like, there's a couple of pints in the mix as well.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  I always feel that sort of, that football is a kind of irony free zone as well, even at the sort of five a side level. You're not allowed to joke.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  About.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  What happened to me? Do you remember we did that soccer six thing?

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  At Stamford Bridge, years and years and years ago.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  I do remember that.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  For a joke, we were playing.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Maybe bleep his name, I don't know. But we were playing, um, we were playing against.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  And I'm not good at football, I'm more known for being an idiot and being funny, right? And there's a crowd, there's a crowd of people that wanna watch celebrities, people off the television play football.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  And presumably their interest in us playing football is not that we're gonna be really good at football.

• 35:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  It's, it's funny to see us fall over and.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  We were waiting for a goal kick and I was marking him and we were, we were moving back and, and we were moving backwards. And I could see him walking towards me with his back towards me. So I just did that classic thing where I got down on all fours and he,

• 35:53Speaker 02

  and he fell over me.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  He fell over me.

• 35:56Speaker 04

  Is that called benching someone?

• 35:58Speaker 02

  Is that what it's called?

• 35:58Speaker 04

  So.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  And, uh, and then, and then he got up and he went, right, I said, you're fucking getting it, you cunt. I was like, what mate? I was like, what?

• 36:08Speaker 03

  That is, yeah, that is surprise, yeah, it's, I'm always amazed by the level of like, you go to play five-a-side football.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  The league I play in at the moment actually is rather, I seem to have made my way to a rather sort of gentle league. All the people we play against seem, seem quite nice, but like, I've played at various other levels.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  People like Coxey, who I know.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  There's Coxey and you know, it's nice.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  I can't imagine him fucking.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Well, no, my team, I've always played on teams that I've felt I might, although to be fair, some of the,

• 36:38Speaker 03

  people change, don't they? People who seem very normal go onto a football pitch and.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Well, fucking Morris is one of those.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you can't like.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  That was one of the worst days of my life when we had a little five-a-side tournament.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I remember that, yeah. Um, we played, um, uh, at, what's it called? Power League or something.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. What, with the in-betweens?

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that was right, yeah. It was, it was the one, I don't know if it's there anymore, it was the one, um, by Bethnal Green Road, um, the other side of Bethnal Green Road.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  I don't particularly enjoy, uh, this, a problem I have with five-a-side is I don't know why it's necessary to make it so that you can't shoot in the side. You know, they draw a circle around the goal.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  And you're not allowed to go inside. Now, I don't have, my skill set is, if anything, I'm quite good at dribbling. I'm all right at getting past people. I'm quite, I can like. I'm just gonna say this, I can drop a shoulder.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Right?

• 37:40Speaker 02

  He's wiling.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  But I don't have a powerful shot.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  And this game feels like it's been designed by people who.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  I know, but I mean, even if you don't have a powerful shot, the pitches are so small.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  I can't get it in.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Honestly, well.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  It's not what that dog said.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  Dog almighty.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  But no, we.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  Dog almighty.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  We did a little evening of playing five-a-side football. Was Ben Palmer there as well? Like, it was, it was.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  I think so. It was, it was cast, it was cast versus.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Crew or something like that, yeah.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  And. I do remember it being.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Ian Morris just turned.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  It was quite competitive.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Because he was like, like the ball would come to me and I'd go, mine? Like that. And he was like, no, you can't say mine. You cannot say mine.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  You're not allowed to say mine, that's true, because it's confusing.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  I was like, well, we're not.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Because you can't identify the voices of, oh no, you can. Oh no, you can. No, oh no, you can identify the voices of people.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  I remember him having a go at me for saying mine. I was like, I thought we were going for a beer after this and just like.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  At this level, and also the level of aggression that you get, like football, I always think that football's a wonderful game that is constantly borderline ruined by the spirit in which it's played. Like, so much fucking whinging. Like, if you like whinging, play football. Like, most, 50% of blokes' energy when they play football is spent like lobbying the ref. But like, he's done it again, ref, he's done it again. Like, it's constant. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up. This is primarily like a sort of diplomatic exercise. Like, he's saying, look at this now, look at this again, three times, just constant, shut up.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  I've been.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Shut the fuck up.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  And also, it can be quite violent.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  And it's violent. It's people you don't know, like calling you a cunt. You're like, what, what's going on?

• 39:22Speaker 02

  We've said cunt so many times in this.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  I know.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  What are you going with, dog or bird?

• 39:28Speaker 02

  And be careful what you pick, because this will, this will, this will destroy our friendship.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  Alright, Bird.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  Simon Bird.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Simon Bird.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  Does Simon Bird attack you?

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Every time you see Simon Bird, he attacks you. Okay, what I'm gonna say is, I choose Bird, but only with a caveat that it's every time I see a bird, it attacks me, not every time a bird sees me, it attacks me, because I see flocks of starlings, and they're several thousand strong.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they're like...

• 39:57Speaker 03

  And if they see me, I know, but that quantity, that quantity.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Oh, you could smack them.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  You could stun them, honestly, and then stamp on them while they're on the ground.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  I guess I could get inside a building.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  You could wear a big coat with a hood. They could swarm you and stuff, they're not gonna do any damage.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  A starling probably weighs... I don't know.

• 40:17Speaker 02

  Starling, actually, no, they're probably about...

• 40:19Speaker 03

  I mean, you're getting up to the point of a thousand... You're getting up to the point where, what's a tonne, a thousand kilograms, so if a starling weighs...

• 40:29Speaker 02

  You're thinking of like one of those swarms?

• 40:30Speaker 03

  You know, half a kilogram, 2000 starlings, like, they all land on you, there's like a tonne weight landing. I get the, I understand why this is tricky, but I'm gonna say, if it's every time I see a bird, I'll just try not to see any birds. Um, and it's easier to avoid seeing birds than to avoid seeing dogs.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  Uh, so if, if it's, as he phrased it, I'll stay with, oh man.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Go on, the fact, so do you wanna hear my fact?

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  Right, so there's no theme for this episode, so I've chosen a fact that uh, I just think is a good fact, and this is that, the first American to learn about the death of Stalin was Johnny Cash.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Is that a fact?

• 41:18Speaker 03

  Well, he says it's a fact.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  I've heard the story, because he was in the RAF and he was a radio operator, right?

• 41:23Speaker 03

  He was doing Morse, he was a Morse code, uh, person. And it's been queried a bit, and they're saying that, you know, he would have just been in Morse codes, he would have just sent it on and he couldn't speak Russian and so on, but uh, let's, you know, let's say that it's true.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  Uh, uh, it's interesting enough.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  It's interesting enough, I think, it's, it's two worlds that you don't think of as... Being connected in in that way. So this is nineteen fifty three, is it, when Stalin? Cash Starling. Cash Star- yeah, just a. There's the, there's the title.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  Ah, for the film. Really awful pun. Cash Starling. Yeah. To link to our bird thing. Yeah. Um, why is it, was it a pun on? Cash Sterling? Oh, okay. Oh, it's quite good. No, it's not good, is it? Well, there's. It's not, it's clearly not good. There's, there's Starling Bank as well. Is there? Yeah. How's that work? It's not got cash in it. I think, is it, I think, I think I'm right in saying that, is it a bank where the CEOs are female, which is very unusual? So they're like, we'll probably do a better job than men. Hmm. And I think actually they sort of maybe do. Yeah, I, I don't, I don't wanna sort of wade into this, but. You know, if it's up to me, what, between me and Claire, what we do with our money.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  Hmm. Yeah, well, you waste it on um nightshirts and so on, don't you? So. We'd be in a lot of trouble. I think Starling Bank have not invested in nightshirts. And that's their, that's their big. They should do. It's a booming industry. Big success. They're like, they pulled, they pulled out of nightshirts, that market entirely, and that's serving them very well. But um, so it's, so yeah, nineteen fifty three, so Johnny Cash, like, I've had quite a lot of singers seem to have been in the military. Well, it was when, um, yeah, it was just a, a time where. Did the military, everyone, a lot of people just were in the military. Yeah. But I think, I think the military may be also quite like putting on shows and reviews. Yeah. I think so. Yeah, who was that guy? When I was in the Footlights, who once performed at a naval college. Yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  And we had a joke about a cane, somebody having a cane, carrying a cane around, and they absolutely loved it. And we were like, that went down well. Yeah. And we found out afterwards, it's because their Commodore carries a cane. Around. And we, they thought it was some reference to their Commodore. So we stumbled upon a rich vein of uh, of sort of approval from these sort of naval students, uh, but actually it was a mistake. I'm sure they loved that. They were a very good audience, but I think maybe, and, and didn't like, um. What's face like um Spike Milligan, he had a military background, didn't he or something?

• 44:00Speaker 02

  I'll be honest though, like back in the day.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  There was a book, sorry.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  If you'd sent me Spike Milligan, I'd be like, oh, well, the other lad's got Melinda Messenger.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I do remember that we once visited.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  We went to Cyprus, didn't we?

• 44:14Speaker 03

  We went to Cyprus and they were pleased to see us.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:16Speaker 03

  But they were also saying, do you know any like, are there any female, do you know any women? Because we've got quite a lot of men here already. It's very nice to see you. It's very nice to see like two more, I know, four more blokes. But like, none of, we haven't seen any women for like six months at all.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  And it'd just be nice to like, to like see one, to like talk to one. And they, again, very, very pleased you're here, four more, four more men. But um, I do remember that. Uh, but they were, they were very nice just, weren't they?

• 44:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  It was fun.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  That was great. I really enjoyed that.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  They did the dance, didn't they? They learned the dance from the, from the first film.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, it was nice. That was a really, really good experience.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  I was mostly amazed by how young they were. They looked like, and probably were.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Sort of sixteen and stuff, I mean.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Well, I think they were a bit older than that. I'm sure there was a couple of sixteen year olds.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  But I think you've got to be young and fit if you want to really sort of.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  Well, that's the thing that I.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  I think you're, you're young and fit when you join the army and then if you want to carry on uh, and make a career out of it, you keep yourself fit.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  And you get used to that sort of thing.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  That's the thing when I always think about like, which obviously I do, because I'm a tragic man.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  You're gonna say conscription.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Would I, conscription or like, would I, would I, would I, would I go and volunteer? And I guess what I'm mostly thinking about is, would they actually want me?

• 45:35Speaker 02

  I'd be a detriment, man.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  I'd have to make sure that I got like fibre supplements and stuff because my, I've got a funny tummy and.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  Like, like if I was.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Really, I need like, I need a lot of sleep. I need, I'd, I'd have to be like, I'm gonna have to go to bed early and I'm afraid I can't do the watch. Because.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Like, I don't know how they give out.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  If I don't get to bed before midnight, like I'll be so grumpy in the morning.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  I don't know, I don't know how they give out the grenades or whatever when they're in the trench or, but if it's on a tray and everyone takes one. I, I, I don't.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  I'd trip over something, blow us all up or something like that.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  But, um, so there you go, Johnny Cash, uh.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  So the first person in the Western world.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  First American.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  First American.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  And you do think, yeah, you know, you've got this, this, this old dictator who's a product of the, you know, 1910s ultimately, still knocking about. And then meanwhile in America, it's Johnny Cash and it's a world that we can absolutely relate to.

• 46:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Rock and roll and, um, and I suppose it does speak to the, the cultural difference between those two spheres at that point.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  I'm not cutting him off.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  No.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  I'm not doing it. So keep getting told off. So we'll just let him carry on.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm at the limit of saying anything even vaguely pertinent.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  Right, Joe, it is time for fact check. Um, this is the part of the show where we read a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. Uh, we're gonna read out the fact. I think you've got it, Joe. Uh, and then during the break, me and Joe will have a little think and we'll decide whether it is true or false. Um.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  What's the fact?

• 47:18Speaker 03

  Okay, James.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  So this week's fact check comes from Sam, different Sam.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  Different Sam.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  Female Sam, so not, not voice note Sam.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  And she emailed to say, g'day, boys. Oh, okay. So got an Aussie.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Aussie on the pod.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  Absolutely. How are you going?

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, there's no way it couldn't. You're not, you're not allowed to say g'day unless you're Australian.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  Oh, well.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  Oh, no, hang on a minute. I've ditched myself up.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  I've just seen it as well, yeah.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  G'day, boys. Don't know why I said that. I'm actually from York in England.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Okay. Well, no, it's a nice greeting.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  I don't know, but it goes so confusing.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  I'm a pummy girl, but anyways, for the sake of this email, I'm an Aussie, as I do live in Perth, Western Australia. I see. Okay. I should have just read it. Out.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:05Speaker 03

  I'm Sam, by the way. Love the podcast. I've got a fact check that's gonna fact your brains out.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  My husband Steve told me that if you piss off a crow, that it will attack you for the rest of its life. And then that, then if that crow has babies, it will teach its kids to hate you too. So then those crows will attack you for the rest of their lives and so on. You'll basically have a Hitman sticker on your back for the rest of your life from a crow if you piss a crow off. Is this true or is my husband being a dick? Because I'm gullible as shit and believe dumb stuff he tells me. Happy fact checking. Love your work. Thanks again, Sam.

• 48:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  Love that.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Let's have a little break. There's been some adverts, I guess, and then we'll be back to let you know whether we think that is fact up. Fact or fact up? Is that what we're saying? I keep forgetting the rules.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  No, fact up is fact. Fact up is that's good.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  I thought, yeah.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  And then the real, the higher one is so fact it hurts. And I think we've never really established what it, what we say if we don't think it's true.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  Well, we'll find out.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  We'll find out.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  We'll find out altogether in a second.

• 49:20Speaker 00

  Hey, it's Adam Grant from Ted's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over a hundred dollars off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.

• 49:55Speaker 06

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Joe and James Fact Up.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. We were just fact checking on behalf of Sam, who wanted to know if crows hold grudges against people and pass the grudge on to their children. Initial thoughts, Joe?

• 50:51Speaker 03

  Crows are supposed to be more intelligent than perhaps we've...

• 50:55Speaker 02

  They're meant to be really good, like, puzzle solvers and problem solvers and stuff, aren't they?

• 51:00Speaker 03

  They can do the quick crossword, but not the cryptic.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  Can I chuck in some of the stuff?

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  That I think I know about this?

• 51:11Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  It's stuff that maybe I've heard or whatever, right? Or stuff that I might have created in my brain. There is a problem with magpies in Australia. There's a big magpie, they do like pick people and they'll hang outside your house and you have to run to your car. Or if you want to fucking ride a bicycle, you've got no chance, mate. They will hunt you down.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  So there is already a bird problem in Australia.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  When I was a kid, there was, my aunt and uncle and my cousins lived in a flat in Peckham, which is sounding a bit old, only fools and horses, but they did, right? And they got, for a while, they had a crow that would, when they left the building to get to their car in the car park, that would just constantly attack them all the time.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  So they can single out individuals? And this is perhaps where this...

• 52:16Speaker 03

  I did a gap year in Perth in Western Australia and the main thing about these, I believe they were crows or maybe ravens, they're similar, was that they were incredibly loud. From dawn, you just have like, "Ah, ah, ah", it's not a nice bird song, it's a kind of, it's a low, it's a guttural bleat.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  It's not a blackbird.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  No, no, it's not.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  We've got a couple in our garden.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  No, no, this is like, "Ah".

• 52:45Speaker 02

  I just stare at them. Claire thinks I'm a weirdo. Claire's like, "You're definitely like getting to your 40s", so just like, during the summer, if I'm sprinkling, if I've got the sprinkler on the grass, for some reason that, like in the evening, that sort of... I don't know if it, cause there's that thing about worms come to the surface if there's water or something, right?

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, and after it's been raining, you snails are.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  So then we get a lot of birds in the evening and I just, and there's, there's one particular blackbird that sits on the back of our fence and I just love it. Like I just really, it just makes me really happy. And she's like, you are fucking sad. You are, you are just proper in your middle age era.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  It is, yeah. Bird watching does seem to be a thing that clicks in.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  I bought a feeder and stuff.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  Oh, that's nice.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  I had to buy a special feeder, cause we've got squirrels as well.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Right.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  So I had to buy a special feeder that squirrels can't get into.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  Cause as far as I'm concerned, they're fine. They're thriving. They're doing absolutely fine.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  They're definitely doing fine.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  I just want the little, the little finches and stuff to be able to get to this bird feeder. I had to buy a squirrel proof.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  A squirrel proof one?

• 53:52Speaker 02

  Feeder.

• 53:53Speaker 03

  So what's that got wire on it or something?

• 53:55Speaker 02

  It's like a big dome. It's like a sort of dome and then there's a cage and yeah, there's, there's a lot to it.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  Um, but it broke, actually, I'm just remembering, it broke last year because I think a squirrel was trying to get into it. And snapped it off the branch. It was like probably hanging off of it and.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  So this squirrel was like, if I can't eat, no one will.

• 54:18Speaker 02

  Well, then it spilled out all over the floor and I'm sure he got these, it was also dried, what do they call it? Worm meal or something? Or mealworm? Mealworm.

• 54:27Speaker 03

  Oh, mealworm.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  It was basically dried caterpillars, I think that they're like.

• 54:31Speaker 03

  I think it probably is. So he basically had a sort of protein shake effectively.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  Um, but there is a little bit of this. I just don't know.

• 54:39Speaker 03

  I've, the, obviously the, the, the, the, the part where it feels like it's getting a bit stretched is this idea that it's handed down in the family.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Animals do that though. Animals do do that. Again, I think I'm getting my information from.

• 54:55Speaker 03

  Animals of Farthing Wood? Yeah.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  Either, either the podcast or the XFM show where they talk about learned behaviour and that monkeys with salt or something.

• 55:05Speaker 03

  Monk, yeah, it's possible for troops of monkeys to have a, to say, a culture to some extent.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  That was, that is handed down and it's not in the genes, it's learned.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  And like you say, the crow. It's up there on the.

• 55:19Speaker 03

  They're they're smarter than we than we have sometimes.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  Give them credit for.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  We.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  I'm gonna go fact, man. I I'm not gonna go so fact up it hurts.

• 55:30Speaker 03

  It's not so fact up it hurts, or so fact it hurts.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  But but again, I've heard similar stuff. I've had similar personal experiences with my family, my my aunts and my aunt and uncle in Peckham.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  I'm gonna go fact.

• 55:48Speaker 03

  Okay, it's fact.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  We go in fact.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  I'm gonna say it's fact.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Um, well, we've not got Queen Lily May here, um, but does the jester what?

• 55:59Speaker 03

  Jester.

• 55:59Speaker 04

  Call jester. So, yes, it's scientifically supported and studies have shown that crows can remember the specific human faces associated with a threat or negative experience for up to seventeen years. And they teach their offspring which people to basically attack and harass.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  So so it's if they've had an egg, so you need to do you they're like, you started it.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:25Speaker 03

  But it is amazing, like these family fuses, isn't it? It goes, it's like the, you know, the one's using the caplets or something, it's handed down. And it's lost, presumably it's lost in the midst of time, what the incident was that first.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  I wonder if you could, I wonder if you could change, change it to a more pleasant experience, like buy some seeds or something like that.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  A good experience.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  And just when they cut, when you leave your house and then you go, oh, here it comes. Maybe just hold out and just go, there you go. I'm a friend, I'm a friend.

• 56:53Speaker 03

  Offer the olive branch.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  Maybe get a dove to kind of intercede, bird of peace.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  The dove starts attacking you.

• 57:00Speaker 03

  If the dove's attacking you.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  What if you've slighted the dove in some kind of way?

• 57:04Speaker 03

  If the dove.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Because I bet they could. They seem like little pricks. I bet doves could have a could if you don't stroke them well enough or something.

• 57:12Speaker 03

  Although they're the bird of peace, I've I've never, yeah, I've never, I've never heard anyone say anything nice about a specific dove. I've heard nice things about it. It's basically a pigeon. Is it basically, well, I don't know. Let's say for now, it's basically a pigeon.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  And I've heard people say nice things about pigeons and about doves, be- beyond their status.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Depends what pigeon.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  They're a bit like pandas, aren't they, doves? They've, they've got this, they've got this one high profile job as like, sort of.

• 57:38Speaker 02

  Magicians.

• 57:40Speaker 03

  Assist. There's this kind of, yeah, but also is the bird of.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  Peace, yeah.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  The bird of peace, right? And the panda is kind of.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Well, it was Noah, wasn't it? He sent a dove out and he came back with an olive branch. Is that what it was?

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Oh, it did. And that was land, wasn't it?

• 57:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:53Speaker 03

  That was the end of the flood.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:56Speaker 02

  Is that right?

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  It seems right to me.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  Well, it's interesting by right. I mean, I think it's.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Oh, we don't have to look that up.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  It's right in my head.

• 58:06Speaker 03

  So what we're saying is the.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  Oh, it's fact.

• 58:09Speaker 03

  It's fact.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, we've actually just done that.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, we've done that, yeah.

• 58:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. So it's your fact now?

• 58:15Speaker 02

  Shall I do my fact, Joe? It's not that interesting, to be honest.

• 58:19Speaker 03

  No, I think, I think you, I think you should.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  Okay, so we were given free rein and I, I honestly, I think I fumbled a little bit. I could have gone anywhere and I was so excited. That we didn't have a thing.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  It's hard to not be constrained at all.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I was just like, oh, what can I talk about? And I, I did, I love space, absolutely love space. Don't understand much of it. It blows my mind.

• 58:41Speaker 03

  There's a lot of it about.

• 58:42Speaker 02

  There's a lot of it about.

• 58:43Speaker 03

  There's a lot about that.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  And I was coming up with some facts that I thought would interest you. And then I started going down a little. Rabbit hole.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  Where it just became a bit depressing. And I, and then I thought, and then I just thought, do you know what? That also suits us.

• 59:01Speaker 03

  I, yeah, I, do you ever use the thing where you, when you're small, where you would just imagine the idea of something going on forever? And ever.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 03

  And ever.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  It was weird, wasn't it?

• 59:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  Carry on.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Not hundred percent sure what that point was there, Joe, I'll be honest with you. But I'll do my fact quickly.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  It, it, there doesn't need to be that much of a reaction. It, I just have, um, what would you call it? Astrologically? Is that a word?

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, uh, pick the top.

• 59:30Speaker 03

  Well, astronomically.

• 59:32Speaker 02

  Astronomically, okay. Um, just picked the top five ways the world, the earth could be destroyed.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  That's what.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  But not through like manmade stuff, just stuff that we can't do anything about.

• 59:47Speaker 03

  I like that that's what.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  Like, not that it's just a nuclear war, like, but just like, we're just sat here on the planet and it's all outside stuff.

• 59:53Speaker 03

  No, absolutely not. I like that. There's, there's, there's too much of, you know, us ending the world. Let's have some, uh.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  In at number five.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  I love it. What is most likely or just?

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Um, I can give you.

• 1:00:05Speaker 03

  Best reviewed?

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  I can give you how likely it's gonna be actually. But in at number five, uh, solar evolution.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  The sun will eventually become a, a red giant star, right? Um, oceans will evaporate, evaporate, atmosphere will be stripped away, surface temperatures will become lethal. Uh, and then also there's a chance that the earth just might be swallowed entirely by this, by our own sun.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Probability, hundred percent.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  This is one hundred percent certain. It's, we've got five billion years to work out what we're gonna do about that. Um, but that's happening.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:47Speaker 02

  That will, the, the, the earth will no longer exist.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  Right, so number five.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Number five is the inevitable.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, mind you, you know, we had that really hot day in the seventies, didn't we? So, you know, yeah, we're saying, you know. Yeah, we used to call that summer.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, in at number four.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  Go on.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  Rogue black hole.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  Rascal.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  A rogue.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Wow, you're, oh, you're a little blighter.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  One that would turn up at the house.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  Just at the house, not on the door.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  I'm a bit down on my luck. Can you help me out? Yeah. I'll only, I'll only be here for a couple of nights.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  Oh, I know. Before you know it.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  He's got his feet on the coffee table.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  No, a rogue black hole or star, a rogue star, passing through our solar system.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  That would be pretty bad.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  It doesn't sound great, a black hole comes through.

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Um, if a wandering black hole or star passed close enough, planet tree orbits would completely destabilise. Obviously, we'd be tugged and pulled about. Um, earth could just be ejected deep into, into deep space.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  Bloody hell.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  Oceans and atmosphere could freeze, um, and the entire, the entire.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  Probably, probably would freeze, I imagine.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  The entire solar system becomes gravitational chaos.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  Um, the only problem about that one is it's not likely, it's not likely. There's a, that would be, that would be really unlucky. It'd be really unlucky if a black hole just sort of turned up.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  It sounds unlucky, doesn't it?

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  But there would be very little early detection, especially for a black hole.

• 1:02:25Speaker 03

  They don't phone ahead, do they?

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  That's the issue.

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  So even though it's really unlikely, we won't know about it until it's way too late.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Um, in.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  It sounds exciting.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  All right, we're in the top three now.

• 1:02:39Speaker 03

  Top three, here we go.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  Um, nearby supernova.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  The star goes into supernova, um, that would basically, basically be radiation apocalypse. Um, a star could be fifty light years away and explode. And that would be, that would be a bit of a problem. Um, we'd, we'd, the earth would be hit with a massive dose of radiation. Uh, the atmosphere would be changed chemically. Ozone layer, ozone would be destroyed.

• 1:03:13Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  We've only just started bringing that back, haven't we? I remember we were obsessed with the ozone layer in the nineties.

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  Big thing. It was almost like in the nineties, the ozone layer was like, if we just fixed the ozone layer, it would be absolutely cushy.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  Um.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  Turns out.

• 1:03:24Speaker 02

  Increased mutation.

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  Keep talking.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  And ecosystem failure. So I don't know, I don't know if it'd be a bit like suddenly everyone's got three arms and stuff.

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  What was that film, um, catastrophe, I think it's called, where everything's evolved?

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  Is that right?

• 1:03:39Speaker 03

  It's a really good film. Everything's kind of like supercharged. It's got Natalie Portman in it.

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  Never even heard of it.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  The bloke who did, is it Alex Garland?

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  Never, never heard of him.

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  Really? He did The Beach.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  It's really good. There's something happens. There's a thing called shimmer and then inside it, everything, things have kind of evolved, sort of ultra-evolved. And they've become kind of, sort of beautiful, but at the same time monstrous.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:04:04Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  Um, anyway, unlike an asteroid.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  Wandering into the system, um, it could sterilise large portions of the biosphere via radiation. Uh, and you would see the star brighten.

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  And then the radiation arrives later, which I assume. I suppose fifty, well fifty years later presumably. Yeah, if it travels at the speed of light. We can't travel faster, we've we've covered this. Yeah. Like, nothing's faster than light. No. So you've got fifty years. Um, depends how old I am. You might not even have to worry. If I'm already fifty, I'd be like. Forget it. Then I'd worry about my kids maybe. Yeah, I suppose so. Should never have had those, um.

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  Now we're getting to sort of a bit more. And what's the likelihood of that? Lo- not, not, not likely. Okay. Not likely, um, but now we're getting a bit more likely. Okay. But, uh, well, I'll say a large asteroid or comet impact. Okay. The reason why it's scary is that we know for a fact that that's a proven. Well. Planet killer. It, it did for the. For the old dinosaurs there. Them old dinosaurs. Um, there would be instant continent scale devastation, global firestorms, years of sunlight blocked by dust. Uh, collapse of global ecosystems and ocean chemistry disruption.

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  Um, even survivors of the blast usually die later from the climate collapse. So it can be like really slow and brutal. Uh, but the good news is, is that, um, asteroids and things like that are things that we're keeping an eye on, not we, not me personally. But we're actively sort of look, on the lookout. Yeah, we, yeah. In at number one. Uh, yeah, and that's fairly likely we're keeping lookout, okay, and number one, let's go. In at number one is. Can I try and guess? Go on, I think you'll get it. It, it's actually quite boring, but it's terrifying.

• 1:06:11Speaker 03

  Alan, so it's not the, so the one that everyone, not everyone, but the one that I knew about.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  There was.

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  Was the sun, eventually the sun's gonna expand.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  What is this?

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  But we've got some time, we've got some time on our hands, but.

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  Is it, is it just the kind of, that something happens to the structure of the earth, like there's just a massive earthquake in the core of the earth?

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  I suppose that would not be space.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  No, you're right. Okay, so it's not that. Oh, God. Oh, it's not aliens, is it?

• 1:06:42Speaker 03

  That's number, imagine if that was number one.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  It's not aliens.

• 1:06:45Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  It's not aliens. Gamma ray burst.

• 1:06:49Speaker 03

  What the?

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  They call that the universe's sniper rifle.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  A gamma ray burst is one of the most energetic events known to exist. If one occurred close enough and pointed at earth, the atmosphere chemistry would be.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  Who's pointing it at earth, though?

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  Well, we don't know.

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  So it is aliens?

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  Right, okay.

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  It'd be a freak accident. Really freak, really freak.

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  A gamma ray burst?

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  The atmosphere chemistry would be destroyed in seconds. Sorry.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  Ozone layer would vanish, solar radiation would flood the surface of earth. Mass extinction would likely follow rapidly. Zero warning. These beams travel at the speed of light. If it hits, it's already happened. Zero warning. There's nothing you can do about it. It's super, super unlikely.

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  But gamma ray bursts happen.

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  And when you do sort of consider the vastness and, you know, just random things have to happen for like, and there's, and there's so much chance for anything to happen in that when you're thinking about the whole of the universe. If we get like sniped by one of those gamma ray bursts, that's it. There's nothing that can be done.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  Gamma ray burst and travels at the speed of light?

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:12Speaker 03

  That's rapid, isn't it?

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  So I went through, uh, that was.

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  That's good. I love that that's one where you were given free rein.

• 1:08:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. But you know the.

• 1:08:21Speaker 03

  You came up with not one.

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  The only thing I'm, the one thing I'm really genuinely worried about is the um is the in five billion years time, the sun will expand into a red giant, right? Because we have as a species a track record of leaving stuff to the last minute.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  We do, I know.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Before, before Covid, it was like, for years, it was like, there could possibly be uh some sort of pan- pandemic or something like that. We should maybe prepare for that. And I do think we'll get to like a year before.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  The sun expands.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  We think it will never come up. Do you ever, do you ever get that thing where you um where you check into a hotel? And you're excited because you're going to a nice hotel and there's another family and they're checking out at the same time and you think, oh, look at them. Their holiday's over.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  And ours, and ours is just beginning.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Unlucky.

• 1:09:11Speaker 03

  And then you think, we'll never be in that position.

• 1:09:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean?

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  That will never happen to me.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, and that's humans, isn't it?

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  I mean, human beings still get hangovers. They'll be like, oh, I won't get a hangover this time. You're like, no, you will.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:24Speaker 03

  And that to me is why we haven't saw another planet. Because it's like, well, it's, you know, it's not happening literally this evening. If it was happening, do you what? If it was happening this, if the end of the world was happening this evening, we still wouldn't do it before noon, but we get to it at about two.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  And we think, I reckon we can sort it by five.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:41Speaker 03

  And then by 10pm, there'd be a panic and it'd be like, I've got other fucking kids to bed. Well, we haven't started, we should have started earlier. I said we should have started earlier. And then eventually we would just about manage to solve it at about 2.30am and we'd be like, that's late. But like, is it all right? And we'd have to negotiate, we had to email the end of the world saying, we got, sorry, it's late. We should have started earlier. Is this all right? And it'd go.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  We do.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  All right, fine. Fine. It was, it was gonna be midnight.

• 1:10:05Speaker 02

  We just scraped through.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  We just scraped through. Yeah, we'll stop it happening. Two and at 2:30 AM when it was gonna happen at midnight and they'll go, alright, fine.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Speaker 03

  And then we'll be like, thank God. And also, we wouldn't learn anything.

• 1:10:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, that's what I was about to say.

• 1:10:20Speaker 03

  Thank goodness for that.

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  No one will go, well, we've learnt a lesson there, haven't we?

• 1:10:23Speaker 03

  We've never learnt a lesson. We didn't, we learnt nothing. Well, take what we learnt from Covid. We had all these government ministries that were like underfunded, that we should have prepared more. And what we've done since Covid is we've closed all those fucking things down. Well, that was annoying. Stop, let's, let's pay even less money to the scientists now because they were irritated, they annoyed us. Because they were boffins and they were telling us stuff and it was irritating.

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  Oh, Joe.

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  We've learnt nothing. We've learnt nothing.

• 1:10:47Speaker 02

  Listen, I don't know about you, but I am all fact out.

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  I'm fact out. And can I just, you've been alright on this, but I've been fucking terrible in this one.

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  It's.

• 1:10:55Speaker 03

  You've told me that.

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Speaker 03

  You didn't notice any difference.

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  When we, when we were, when we had a little break there during the podcast, Joe says, I'm really sorry, I'm being really rubbish this episode.

• 1:11:03Speaker 03

  I'm being rubbish, honestly.

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  And I said, I don't know if this makes you feel any better or not, but I can't tell any difference. I think you've been really good.

• 1:11:09Speaker 03

  I was alright at the beginning, then I've tailed off a bit.

• 1:11:12Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:11:12Speaker 03

  But look, you never.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Hold on to your hat because we've got to film another episode straight after this one.

• 1:11:16Speaker 03

  I've got quite good fat for this one, actually.

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  Good. Right, listen, I'm all fact out, Joe. Listen, listen.

• 1:11:19Speaker 03

  I know it likes a fact anyway, but.

• 1:11:20Speaker 02

  What have we, what have we learnt today? We've learnt that, what was your fact, Joe? Oh, we learnt that Johnny Cash.

• 1:11:25Speaker 03

  Johnny Cash, first American to know about Stalin's death.

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  Was the first American to know about Stalin's death. We learnt that crows hold a grudge. And we've also learnt that the world's ending. So, thanks very much for listening or watching, wherever it is. We hope that you've learned something with us. We'll be back next week, armed with more facts, chats and crow attacks.

• 1:11:47Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:11:48Speaker 02

  Did you come up with that?

• 1:11:48Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:11:50Speaker 03

  Still good.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  Still good. Don't forget, you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense you'd like to get to us. Like, I did like that would you rather thing from Sam Elliott.

• 1:12:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was good. I liked that. More of, more of those. That was good.

• 1:12:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, keep those coming. Email us, [email protected]. Our WhatsApp number is 07822034330. Or you can follow us on social media, at Joe and James Pod, and you can message us there. And head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. That was a podcast. There we go.

• 1:12:21Speaker 03

  Hurry.

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  We've got another one to do straight after this. Yeah.

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:36Speaker 06

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.