Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Who’s The CAMPEST?! | And Taking Advantage Of Jordan About this episode Jordan reveals the results from his latest ‘Jordan’s North Poll’ on towels and the G&Diva’s have inundated us with their most BORING work chats they’ve ever had. We also find out the meaning of the phrase ‘Burnley Wallet’ and the boys have a heated discussion over which one of them is the campest.
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Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] . You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
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0:30 Speaker 01 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
1:11 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into a week, random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful Jean Devers.
1:24 Speaker 03 How are you?
1:25 Speaker 02 I'm good. How are you? What are you doing this weekend?
1:27 Speaker 03 Well, I'm glad you asked. We've got, so The English Manor, which is my, the company I run, which is not the company I started, but we're celebrating this year our 25th anniversary.
1:35 Speaker 02 Oh, congratulations.
1:36 Speaker 03 Silver jubilee, if you will. And so we've got a dinner for English Manor staff, past and present.
1:42 Speaker 02 Oh, well, congrats everyone.
1:43 Speaker 03 Thank you so much.
1:43 Speaker 02 And how long have you owned the company for?
1:46 Speaker 03 Since 2019.
1:47 Speaker 02 2019?
1:47 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:48 Speaker 02 Oh, that'll be nice.
1:48 Speaker 03 Yes, it'll be lovely. And we're doing a few things this year to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We've got, we've got an event for charity in March, just before the tour for Macmillan Cancer Support. So if anyone wants to come along to that, by the way, theenglishmanor.com, come and support charity.
2:02 Speaker 02 I've never said this, but I'm very proud of what you've done at The English Manor. You've turned it, not that it didn't.
2:06 Speaker 03 Don't say you've turned it around. It was doing all right. Thank you very much.
2:08 Speaker 02 You've made it your own and it's.
2:09 Speaker 03 We've, we're a lot more efficient than we used to.
2:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, you've done really well. And I know how hard you've worked on that. And considering you started working from what, when you was like 18, younger?
2:18 Speaker 03 Uh, 19.
2:19 Speaker 02 19 and now you own it. So well done. Congrats.
2:23 Speaker 03 What are you doing this weekend?
2:25 Speaker 02 Well, do you know what? Whatever I want. Friday I'm working.
2:29 Speaker 03 Like every other bloody weekend.
2:30 Speaker 02 Well, no, Friday I'm working late.
2:31 Speaker 03 Any drag queens any weekend?
2:33 Speaker 02 No, no drag queens this weekend. Friday I'm working late. We're capital team. We've got something to record. So I think we might go out for, might have a few afternoon beers. Saturday.
2:41 Speaker 03 Saturday?
2:42 Speaker 02 Options are, options are limitless. I can go, I might go, no, I might go back to Burnley and watch us against West Ham. I might not bother. And then go and see some old friends and maybe stay at my mum's.
2:54 Speaker 03 Okay.
2:54 Speaker 02 Okay, so I'm thinking of do that. Or I might just chill at home and.
2:59 Speaker 03 Well, I know which option I'd pick.
3:00 Speaker 02 Um, watch a bit of telly and then, uh, oh yeah, and then Sunday, uh, I'm seeing Vic and Ariel for Sunday dinner.
3:08 Speaker 03 Lovely. At dinnertime or at lunchtime? Have you cleared that up with them?
3:12 Speaker 02 Uh, I think we're meeting at three, four, so.
3:14 Speaker 03 Oh, that's not, I mean, I've said this on the lunch podcast, that is not a time for, for lunch. I've said it on this, I think, for years.
3:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's gonna be a good laugh. If, if Katie was down, because Katie lives up north, doesn't she? She goes back up north after that show. Um, so these are, these are my friends from the old place. So, yeah, um, if Katie's there.
3:30 Speaker 03 Girls' lunch.
3:31 Speaker 02 It'd be right, good little girls' lunch, wouldn't it?
3:33 Speaker 03 Yes, it'd be gorgeous.
3:34 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. You've met Ariel?
3:36 Speaker 03 No. Oh, maybe briefly.
3:38 Speaker 02 She's a good laugh. So is Vic, but, um, she's, yeah. Hey, was you mean you're going home? Have another drink?
3:45 Speaker 03 Where's she from?
3:46 Speaker 02 Uh, Scotland.
3:47 Speaker 03 Scotland, lovely.
3:48 Speaker 02 Oh, and you think you'd take piss out of me. Especially you look like a Disney princess.
3:53 Speaker 03 Well, I basically am. Um, now. Hi guys. Hello, Ben.
3:56 Speaker 02 Oh, hi, Ben. How you doing?
3:58 Speaker 03 I'm going to see Live Aid the musical.
4:02 Speaker 02 Jesus, is that a thing?
4:03 Speaker 03 I've heard lots about.
4:04 Speaker 02 Give us your fucking money! Is that how he comes on? Geldaf?
4:07 Speaker 03 I'll let you know. What's it called? Just One Day or something? I'm not sure, but it was, it was a Christmas gift. Oh, lovely. From who? From my parents. Oh, lovely. Well, I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.
4:16 Speaker 02 I'd rather sharpening knives.
4:18 Speaker 03 In the interval. It'll be lovely.
4:20 Speaker 02 No, that sounds good. That sounds really good.
4:22 Speaker 03 At the Shrewsbury Theatre.
4:24 Speaker 02 Oh, there's a show I wanna go and see.
4:26 Speaker 03 Hmm.
4:27 Speaker 02 Oh, keep me in, because I'll get you to sort tickets for that.
4:29 Speaker 03 Oh, right, yeah.
4:30 Speaker 02 I'll pay you. What's the new show that everyone's going on about?
4:33 Speaker 03 Paddington.
4:34 Speaker 02 No, not that. Not Hercules. There's another one.
4:37 Speaker 03 No, won't be.
4:38 Speaker 02 There's another show that everyone's talking about.
4:41 Speaker 03 Operation Mince Meat.
4:42 Speaker 02 I've seen that.
4:43 Speaker 03 Um, that everyone's talking about. There's not really an awful lot on.
4:47 Speaker 02 Anyway, there's a new show and I'll keep.
4:48 Speaker 03 Beetlejuice that's coming up.
4:50 Speaker 02 I thought I'd go to that with William. My new thing for us, we're going to Spring, is to try and go out at least one night a week.
4:55 Speaker 03 During the week?
4:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:57 Speaker 03 Really?
4:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:57 Speaker 03 But you've got a radio show.
4:59 Speaker 02 No, but like, um, went out for a steak on a Monday and I was like, went, booked the table for six, was on for quarter past eight, was in bed for half eight, it was fine. So we're gonna try and do it more as, because otherwise you just get into a rut. Don't get me wrong, my favourite thing to do.
5:11 Speaker 03 Particularly when the weather gets a bit better.
5:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:13 Speaker 03 I think it's easier.
5:13 Speaker 02 So one day a week, so like.
5:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:16 Speaker 02 Yeah. And I can, and I've, I've worked out, I can, I can do something on a Thursday night, because I can always nap on a Friday afternoon.
5:23 Speaker 03 I thought you've, you've famously said on Thursdays, after you've, you know, endured this, you're, you, you know, you don't talk to anyone.
5:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I don't have to talk to you.
5:31 Speaker 03 Oh, well, can I come out for dinner? Oh, the, yeah, but hang on, the theatre, it was shut at seven thirty, it was at ten.
5:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's true.
5:36 Speaker 03 That would be.
5:37 Speaker 02 I'm trying to shine.
5:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:38 Speaker 02 But anyway, yeah, there's a show I wanna go and see.
5:40 Speaker 03 Well, I'm sure it'll come to me. Yeah, it'll come to both of us. Um, we need a jingle for this probably. The latest Jordan North poll results.
5:49 Speaker 02 Oh gee, if we had a listener that just could do jingles, one on Jordan North's poll.
5:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:55 Speaker 02 Was it Jordan's North?
5:56 Speaker 03 You can.
5:56 Speaker 02 I think it, I think it should be Jordan's North Poll. Poll.
6:00 Speaker 03 Jordan's North.
6:01 Speaker 02 Jordan's North Poll. Jordan North, because it's North Poll.
6:04 Speaker 03 We'll workshop some ideas before the jingle gets made.
6:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm not sure about that.
6:08 Speaker 03 Um, right, the results are in. After last week's dilemma about washing towels, we asked the burning question, how often do you wash your towels? Six percent of people, good for, I'm here for this, wash them every day.
6:22 Speaker 02 Oh, who's got time for that?
6:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:24 Speaker 02 It's only a bit of dead skin cells, you'll be all right.
6:26 Speaker 03 Uh, twenty nine percent, and I voted for this one, every few days.
6:32 Speaker 02 Not in a hotel.
6:33 Speaker 03 Uh, fifty one percent said weekly.
6:36 Speaker 02 Yep, do mine on Sunday, every Sunday.
6:38 Speaker 03 And fourteen percent, don't wanna be anything in their house, um, Anne Russell was probably part of this, said, less often. So less often than weekly.
6:48 Speaker 02 Poor Am Russell.
6:49 Speaker 03 No, poor Am Russell.
6:50 Speaker 02 You look out to be bloody rapsy Nesbit.
6:53 Speaker 03 Right, boring work chat, moving on to, you know, which is hilarious, we've just done, how often do you wash your towels? Ben, not the most vibrant chap at the best of times, it says here, I'm just reading it, I'm just reading it, you've written this. Thrilled us with his story of seeing our colleague Rodrigo at a bus stop. I saw Rodrigo at a bus stop.
7:13 Speaker 02 I was doing, I was putting a little bit of hairspray on last week. Getting ready for the record and Ben went to his hotel.
7:20 Speaker 03 You put hairspray, you want to fix that?
7:21 Speaker 02 Bear in mind, yeah, bear in mind Ben's a manager here now, so he's like a bit of a boss. So Ben was telling his whole team and they were being so polite, because you've got to reverse it. Rodrigo at the bus stop.
7:34 Speaker 02 Looked like he was getting a bit wet, what was it he said?
7:37 Speaker 03 He looked sad.
7:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, he looked a bit sad. Tired. There you go. I wanted to show that I was concerned for his welfare. Well, ring him then.
7:47 Speaker 02 Spread rumours about him.
7:49 Speaker 03 We asked.
7:50 Speaker 02 What do you mean, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead. Dead, he's not French, is he? We'll work on Rodrigo's accent.
7:59 Speaker 03 So Ben, brace yourself for the excitement that, and give us your thoughts on these, please, these are our G and D's boring work chats. When the conversation at Kiara's work runs dry.
8:08 Speaker 02 I'd say Kiara.
8:11 Speaker 03 All right, I'm going to say Kiara. When the conversation at Kiara slash Kiara's work runs dry, they talk about bin collection schedules. I'd be interested in that.
8:18 Speaker 02 I would, Wednesday's mine.
8:20 Speaker 03 Same.
8:20 Speaker 02 Oh, what the odds.
8:22 Speaker 03 Are loads getting emptied on the same day?
8:23 Speaker 02 I've just ordered some recycle sacks as well this week, run out of them.
8:27 Speaker 03 Recycle sacks?
8:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, we talked about this before, because where I live, you don't have recycled bins, you have to recycle sacks.
8:31 Speaker 03 On the street like New York.
8:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
8:34 Speaker 03 Jess can easily get 25, actually, talking of bins, no, stop, I've got more. So what I didn't realise, we get through, I don't know about you, but obviously we have general waste and recycling and also garden waste, as previously discussed.
8:47 Speaker 02 Human waste.
8:47 Speaker 03 Literally, it's in my diary for the day they start recollecting garden waste, because they don't collect over the winter. 15th of March, big day. Anyway, I think it's the 15th.
8:57 Speaker 02 Aren't we on tour then?
8:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, I'll have to get someone else to put it out. So we always were filling up the recycling, especially because you move into a house, you get new packages that arrive and people send you things. The recycling was always full days before it got collected, so it was overflowing. Who knew you can write to your council and request a bigger bin?
9:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, so we now have a slightly bigger recycling thing. It's changed my life. I'm so happy.
9:26 Speaker 02 I know. Did you not know that?
9:27 Speaker 03 I didn't know that. I thought you had to make do with with the standard wheelie bin size, but no, there's a bigger size.
9:32 Speaker 02 Can I just respect, what's his name's rant about? He got charged for his bins, didn't he? It's gone pretty viral. Your man from in between us, James. Yeah, James Buckley.
9:45 Speaker 03 Right.
9:46 Speaker 02 Got the bin wrung up and they're like, yeah, you're gonna have to. He's like, what am I paying council tax for? I was like, yeah, I agree.
9:51 Speaker 03 Hmm. Anyway, Jess can easily get 25 minutes out of petrol station preference based on availability of pay-up pump.
10:01 Speaker 02 Another good one, service stations. A lot of people like to chat about favourite service stations.
10:05 Speaker 03 Gloucester. Kirsten's boss showed her photos of his new pots and pans. You see, I would be interested in that. One person's boring is another person's quite interesting. Are they non-stick? Do they work on induction hob? You can have all sorts of chat about that. Lance has had a conversation about how many people have walked on the office carpet.
10:25 Speaker 02 There's no us of being in the office and you're trying to work, you're just minding your own business and someone goes, "How many people do you think have walked on this carpet?", which probably would be me, but.
10:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:36 Speaker 02 And when you're in a super fix and like getting it done, you think, oh, shut up.
10:40 Speaker 03 Beth's coworker shares without fail how many red lights they hit on their commute in. That is dull.
10:45 Speaker 02 That's, that's quite, that's quite good, actually.
10:49 Speaker 03 C has discussed their favourite highlighter colour.
10:51 Speaker 02 Yellow.
10:52 Speaker 03 Yellow. Better for your ADHD as well, isn't it?
10:54 Speaker 02 I can't read anything else.
10:56 Speaker 03 No.
10:56 Speaker 02 You know, if the, I can't read off a blank piece of paper.
11:00 Speaker 03 You at one point tried to make us print scripts on yellow paper.
11:03 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
11:03 Speaker 03 Because it was better for your ADHD. I've got a friend.
11:06 Speaker 02 That's better for dyslexia.
11:07 Speaker 03 Oh, is it about dyslexia? Ah, well, you know.
11:09 Speaker 02 That one does have a diagnosis.
11:11 Speaker 03 Dyslexia?
11:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:12 Speaker 03 Right. You've got a diagnosis for dyslexia. I didn't know that.
11:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, at uni.
11:17 Speaker 03 Did I? Oh, okay. I've got a friend who.
11:20 Speaker 02 I'll just whomp these. I'm not like, you know, I do need my wisdom teeth out. I'm not just gonna get a pair of players.
11:27 Speaker 03 Um, I, um, oh, can I take your wisdom teeth out for a bonus?
11:31 Speaker 02 I need someone to pick me up if I told you.
11:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, I've told you, give me the date.
11:34 Speaker 02 Okay.
11:35 Speaker 03 See if I'm busy. And I will genuinely happily do that.
11:40 Speaker 02 Why would you take advantage of me when I'm highly?
11:42 Speaker 03 I'm sorry.
11:43 Speaker 02 Not like that, but like record, like record me on the phone going, I love you.
11:48 Speaker 03 What, as in record you for content?
11:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:49 Speaker 03 Well, obviously I'd do that.
11:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's right. Knowing this, like, I'll get a fucking microphone on there. Like when I had that.
11:54 Speaker 03 And to be honest, it'll be the most sense you've made in seven and a half years. Orla and colleagues discussed their favourite pasta shapes.
12:03 Speaker 03 Now, where do you stand on friselli?
12:04 Speaker 02 I like the little bows.
12:06 Speaker 03 Campanelli?
12:07 Speaker 02 Is that what they're called?
12:08 Speaker 03 I think so. And you don't get a campan- no, no. Jack liked it. Rigatoni? Rigatoni? I love rigatoni.
12:20 Speaker 02 This is a really good episode if you're trying to fall asleep. What was that night?
12:23 Speaker 03 Georgia's team discussed what salad they'd be. Oh, what would you be?
12:27 Speaker 02 No, salad dressing.
12:28 Speaker 03 Oh, what salad dressing they'd be? You could be a salad as well. Could be a salad. Could be either.
12:32 Speaker 02 I'd be a blue cheese dressing.
12:34 Speaker 03 Well, because not everyone likes it.
12:36 Speaker 02 Bit, you know, fat, fruity and naughty.
12:41 Speaker 03 And veiny.
12:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:45 Speaker 02 What would you be?
12:48 Speaker 03 Caesar, like an emperor.
12:50 Speaker 02 Very good. That's a good one, that. What spice would you be?
12:53 Speaker 03 Oh, um, thyme. Because I've got thyme for everyone.
12:58 Speaker 02 Yeah. I'd be tarragon.
13:00 Speaker 03 Oh, tarragon's underrated. Yeah. I think they're both herbs, not spices.
13:04 Speaker 02 Oh, shut up. What would he be? Salt, the most boring.
13:09 Speaker 03 Salt, a glorious ingredient.
13:11 Speaker 02 Pepper.
13:13 Speaker 03 Also a good ingredient. Five spice because nobody likes.
13:15 Speaker 02 No, what would he be? What's a really bland herb or spice? Oh, thanks for that. That's a good one.
13:22 Speaker 03 Finally, there's a way to escape. Ally is a public transport driver precisely to avoid conversations with colleagues like these.
13:28 Speaker 02 Yep, exactly.
13:29 Speaker 03 Well, yeah, there we go.
13:30 Speaker 02 There you go. Right, let's go on to some responses, letters and all the other bits that we do.
13:34 Speaker 03 Adam has messaged in with a correction for me. Oh, goodie. Hello, boys. I listened to your episode. Help, how long should I give fillet show? Can I just say, do you know what I do every Tuesday morning? Or on a Monday, if I'm looking at Global Player? No, it's Tuesday evening.
13:49 Speaker 03 I, I open up the podcast app and I go, right, what's it called, the episode? And I go, right.
13:57 Speaker 03 And William makes a definitional error. He says biannual has two meanings, either twice a year or once every two years. That is not correct. Biannual means only occurring twice a year, whereas biennial, a different but similar sounding word, means occurring once every two years. Also, both lads question whether the fellatio question concerns either a male or a female recipient. Fellatio refers only to the oral stimulation of a male. The corresponding term for the oral stimulation of a female is cunnilingus. Flown with them. Well, thanks very much, Adam, for that. Yes, I was aware of the biannual issue. I think biweekly is maybe what I was getting confused with. But, and that said, I did look it up.
14:38 Speaker 03 Bi- biannual sometimes is thought to be... It's one of those sort of, almost like a minced oath, like we had with Fanny Adams, where it's sort of, it doesn't actually officially, but it's sort of over time has become to me. But yes, biennial is what a similar sounding word means, occurring every two years. So there we go. And Nen has messaged in with some oral-based educational tips. Dear fellatio fellas and cunnilingus chaps. Okay. In a recent Tuesday episode, you addressed the age-old dilemma of fair fellatio. I have a question that approaches this sensitive subject from another angle. It stems from an educational video titled, "Angel Teaching Her Grapefruit Technique", which one can stumble upon on YouTube.
15:22 Speaker 03 If this technique is not familiar to you, the four-minute video is an inaudible introduction to the topic. Professor Angel suggests one should blindfold their partner and surprise them with the learnings from her curriculum. My question is whether, get those blindfolds, my question is whether there is an established etiquette on whether this is an acceptable surprise, or if such suction crosses into the realm of the reprehensible. For context, such activity sans citrus is a well-established practice in my relationship. As vaginal vistas, or more correctly, vulva views-
15:55 Speaker 02 They've tried to be well clever in this latter, haven't they? So are Therese.
15:58 Speaker 03 Are not the gentleman's speciality.
16:01 Speaker 03 I trust this topic of fructus phallic pursuit will be met with exquisite inquisition. Warmest regards, Annette. Well, we'll have a lie down after your letter.
16:11 Speaker 02 I remember being in a pub once with a proper pissed archaeologist in a spot like this.
16:17 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:17 Speaker 02 I don't know what.
16:18 Speaker 03 I don't know what the letter is. I presume it involves a grapefruit and shoving it on.
16:21 Speaker 02 Basically, it's saying if you wanna.
16:23 Speaker 03 Have a nice time.
16:24 Speaker 02 If you wanna know, pick up your skills for oral sex, go and check out Angel Teaching a Grapefruit Technique on YouTube.
16:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:31 Speaker 02 Thank you.
16:31 Speaker 03 On Incognito, I hope you suggest.
16:33 Speaker 02 We will, we will.
16:36 Speaker 01 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
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17:44 Speaker 00 Most women have been there. Something feels off. You don't feel like yourself, yet your doctor says everything looks fine. Spoiler: it's your hormones. Midi is a virtual care platform built for women by women and offers specialized hormone care from trained clinicians. Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. It's not you, it's your hormones. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit. That's join M I D I dot com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.
18:17 Speaker 03 Now, look, I've got a letter. It's not handwritten, but it's in my pocket. And it's been sent in to us with some lovely sort of gem effect sticky things.
18:26 Speaker 02 Oh, very nice.
18:27 Speaker 03 From the lovely team.
18:28 Speaker 02 It's like one of my letters, that's cool. What?
18:32 Speaker 03 It's probably was, wasn't it?
18:33 Speaker 02 Little gems.
18:36 Speaker 03 It starts, Dear Jordan Willie Mee, P B and the rest of the brilliant team. I'm a loyal G and Dva from Switzerland. So you can imagine my delight when I heard last week's episode to Jordan's ode to Ovaltine. I am from Bern and I live very closely to the place where the product was first invented over 120 years ago.
18:51 Speaker 02 I suppose it was like Solfit or something.
18:53 Speaker 03 However, when I saw the picture of the Ovaltine that you posted on your Instagram, my heart sank. I had not been aware that British Ovaltine is very different from the Swiss Ovo Maltein. I thus immediately decided to run to my local store to buy you the original product and a small selection of their sweet treats for you to enjoy.
19:10 Speaker 02 Oh, bless you.
19:11 Speaker 03 In Switzerland, Oval Maltein's most famous slogan is, "You can't do it better with Oval Maltein, but you can do it longer." So I hope this helps that your fabulous podcast will continue for a very long time and it means the world to me and has helped me through some difficult times in my life. I adore you both and wish you all the very best for the upcoming tour. Love, Susie.
19:30 Speaker 02 Oh, thank you, Susie. Well, we got them before, so it was Susie that said that. And we've all had a bit of Ovaltine chocolate and stuff, haven't we?
19:37 Speaker 03 No, Oval Maltein.
19:38 Speaker 02 Oval Maltein, Chucker's one of them. Ben, I'll have one now.
19:41 Speaker 03 And there's a little etiquetteology that she's included.
19:43 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, fuck. I meant the other ones, please. So we've got some.
19:46 Speaker 03 Right, whilst you munch that, there's a little bit of an etiquetteology as to why it's called Ovaltine in Britain and Oval Maltein in Switzerland. In 1865, a Swiss pharmacist, Dr. Wanda, or Wanda maybe, don't mind me, was looking for a way of reducing high child mortality due to... Do you want to rustle that packet any louder? If I was sitting next to you in a theatre, I'd absolutely punch you in the windpipe.
20:13 Speaker 03 Right.
20:16 Speaker 03 Let's go back to childhood mortality. Due to malnutrition and started developing a malt extract. His son continued working on the formula until 1904, when Oval Maltein was first introduced onto the market. Oval Maltein took Switzerland by storm and subsequently also started being shipped to other countries. In 1909, Oval Maltein was introduced in Britain, but an error on the trademark registration form led to the brand being misspelled as Ovalteen. And it is still known under this name on the global English market today. Both products are very similar, but the Swiss Oval Maltein contains less sugar than the international recipes, and the original product can be purchased in Switzerland.
20:53 Speaker 02 Fascinating. Thank you so much, Susie. That's really kind of you to send stuff in all the way from Switzerland.
20:58 Speaker 03 That's very, very nice of you.
20:59 Speaker 02 Thank you.
21:00 Speaker 03 James has an invitation to extend to us regarding fanny. Dear Jordan, Big Willie, Producer Ben and the gang. To be fair, Big Willie was one of my nicknames at school, not for that reason. Thank you very much.
21:11 Speaker 02 Big Al, mahaggy, cock.
21:13 Speaker 03 I was in stitches last week, um, listening to last week's episode, as I actually grew up in the town of Alton, where William's favourite fanny was brutally murdered. Hearing about a local celebrity on my favourite podcast was fantastic, so I'm proud to say I already knew about the Fanny Adams story. If William does fancy a visit to Alton before recording an episode of his new true crime podcast, yes, I'd happily take him on a guided tour and show him the alleyway where the murder is alleged to have taken place. We'll begin with security, if we do that. It would be my absolute pleasure, and there's nothing I'd love more, to take a minor celebrity.
21:49 Speaker 03 Well, James.
21:50 Speaker 02 I love James.
21:51 Speaker 03 Up a damp back passage, wink.
21:54 Speaker 02 A minor celebrity. Brilliant.
21:56 Speaker 03 Love the podcast, keep up the amazing work. Best wishes, James.
22:00 Speaker 02 James, I might be funny, but if you're going to Alton, you're going to the Alton Towers.
22:04 Speaker 03 It might be somewhere different. Is that Alton as in Towers?
22:07 Speaker 02 Can we do a Sex and My Bus trip to Alton Towers? I've never been.
22:11 Speaker 03 Oh, no, I don't like it.
22:12 Speaker 02 I've never been.
22:13 Speaker 03 We need to go to Disney, go to a proper theatre.
22:15 Speaker 02 I'd love to take you up the oblivion.
22:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:19 Speaker 03 Right.
22:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've never been, so I've always wanted to go.
22:23 Speaker 03 Okay. Finally, Sam has messaged in to see if Jordan is familiar with a particular accessory from Burnley. Hey, boys. Jordan, have you ever heard of a Burnley wallet? Yeah, you've talked about it.
22:33 Speaker 02 It's on Phoenix Night. It's where you give them a Burnley wallet, and I've always wondered what a Burnley wallet is. I've never Googled it, but yeah.
22:39 Speaker 03 Well, here's the definition from Sam. The art of stretching the scrotum of the accused up to and just above the nipple, and thus causing it to tear, whereupon the valuables drop from the wallet. I'll use it in a sentence for you. That bastard fucked my board, so I gave the cunt a Burnley wallet.
22:56 Speaker 02 I mean, that was very strong language. We don't speak like that. So a Burnley wallet is where they stretch your bollocks up to your nipples and rip it.
23:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, drop your trousers.
23:05 Speaker 02 Shall we do it?
23:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:06 Speaker 02 Do it?
23:06 Speaker 03 Yeah. Can I give you a Burnley wallet?
23:08 Speaker 02 No, can I give you one?
23:09 Speaker 03 No. Or a Burnley wallet?
23:12 Speaker 02 Hmm, okay.
23:13 Speaker 03 Um, thank you, Sam. Um, let's, no, sorry. Thank you, Sam.
23:17 Speaker 02 All right, let's finish. Well, thank you. I've always wanted to know what a Burnley wallet is. Let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any, any of our socials.
23:27 Speaker 03 Before we get to our favourite one, and I submitted the favourite one this week, here are some honourable mentions. Libs commented, I only started listening at the start of the year, and Jordan has already convinced me that trifle in bed is aspirational lifestyle behaviour. I was literally at the gym listening and I had to go home via Big Tesco to get one. Life is all about balance.
23:45 Speaker 02 I agree, Libs. I agree.
23:47 Speaker 03 John commented on last week's episode, I'm sorry, William, but I completely agree with Jordan regarding the drink situation. As a good host, you should absolutely have a small assortment of standards, whisky, vodka, gin, rum, if you're going to offer your guests a cocktail. I've never dreamed of forcing gin on my guests, simply because that's what I drink, and a six pack of beer in the fridge wouldn't kill you.
24:03 Speaker 02 I just didn't want to, I fear I sounded rude last week, but like, you do, you, we've got those coffee table books, what is it, City Country Coasters, you call it, and they very do say you should always have the basics in. Vodka, whisky.
24:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I don't want to go, no one, no one has ever come to my house and asked for vodka.
24:20 Speaker 02 Just because you don't have vodka. Do you know what? I've got loads of vodka at mine, because it's on my rider when I DJ in it, so I'll bring you some.
24:27 Speaker 03 Lovely.
24:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, spot a Smirnoff.
24:30 Speaker 03 Oh, how classy.
24:31 Speaker 02 Or Absolut.
24:33 Speaker 03 Uh, I prefer capital.
24:37 Speaker 02 Good answer.
24:38 Speaker 03 Thank you very much. But our comment of the week comes from Shafiq on Instagram, who said the funniest part of the show is that William is the masculine one now.
24:47 Speaker 02 So when did, when did he start picking? And how is he masculine? He's masculine. That is masculine.
24:56 Speaker 03 Don't go that and stick your, stick your trifling finger in my direction.
25:00 Speaker 02 That is more masculine than me.
25:02 Speaker 03 Yes.
25:03 Speaker 02 This.
25:05 Speaker 02 This. He's camped on a row of pink tents, love.
25:09 Speaker 03 Shall, shall we, I've got a video of you from the costume fitting last week.
25:13 Speaker 02 Nobody needs.
25:13 Speaker 03 That might prove otherwise, alright? Oh. Throwing yourself back.
25:18 Speaker 02 I was playing up for the, I was trying to make my best friend laugh.
25:21 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:22 Speaker 02 That was it. I was just trying to make my friend laugh.
25:25 Speaker 03 You weren't even in the costume.
25:26 Speaker 02 Mask. Bitch, please. You don't know the meaning of that word.
25:29 Speaker 03 Even saying bitch, please is a bit, you know, fey. Anyway, before we finish.
25:34 Speaker 02 Who's fey?
25:36 Speaker 03 My favourite member of Steps. Before.
25:38 Speaker 02 See, that's mask.
25:41 Speaker 02 He actually knows members of Steps. I only know H.
25:58 Speaker 02 I've spat water all over myself then.
26:02 Speaker 03 Of course you do.
26:04 Speaker 02 I've spat water all over myself.
26:07 Speaker 02 I go, right, bitch, you know, I only know H.
26:11 Speaker 03 And thus proved the point. So.
26:18 Speaker 03 This is a message from Hayley that we would like to read. Dear William, Jordan and the team. There's something I wanted to contact you about for some time, so here goes. Back in 2022, my 16 year old son was in Great Ormond Street Hospital having a bone marrow transplant. It was one of the most terrific things to witness. During this period, I discovered help I sexted my boss. From that moment on, you guys became the light on some really dark days. Journeys back and forth to the hospital, long days in the hospital room, lonely walks around London. You were there by my side and always put a smile on my face. During this time, I met a dear friend whose daughter was going through the same thing. She thought I was some posh woman from the countryside. Chloe sounded like she was from EastEnders. Our worlds collided and we became the best of friends. This friendship always reminded me of William and Jordan.
27:02 Speaker 03 Devastatingly, I lost my son in March 2024 and Chloe lost her daughter in April 2025. During the many hours we spent in hospital together, we never knew we both shared a love for the podcast. It was only recently during one of our many conversations, we truly are therapy for each other, that we discovered that during periods of the day when we're alone and want something to take our minds off the reality of life, help I sex at my boss is our go-to. With that, we've booked tickets to see you in March at Wembley. Chloe from Surrey, myself from Norfolk. We're so looking forward to seeing you guys, but also to having a reunion ourselves. Thank you all so much for getting us through dark days, giving us a laugh and for the fantastic dark humour. We can't wait to see you. With love and best wishes, Hayley Burton.
27:47 Speaker 02 I can't. Only this podcast can go for me spare water, that's great.
27:53 Speaker 03 That's very nice.
27:54 Speaker 02 That's so lovely, thank you.
27:56 Speaker 03 No, don't, no, no, I get contagious crying.
28:00 Speaker 02 I'm not even gonna look at you. That's so lovely. Thank you for such, the most wonderful, beautiful message we've ever had. And I'm so sorry for both your losses.
28:08 Speaker 03 And we'll see you in March.
28:10 Speaker 02 You're gonna have to do the end bit now, I'm not doing it.
28:13 Speaker 03 Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch with something that isn't a dilemma or problem, you can drop into our DMs, send us an email to [email protected] . And we also, as you know, love hearing back from the people we offer advice to. So if that's you, please get back in touch and we'll speak to you on Tuesday.
28:32 Speaker 02 See you on Tuesday.
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29:17 Speaker 05 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate, take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the midpoint.
Previous Help He’s Got A P*ss Lolly | And Roleplaying As Old Ladies Next Help There’s A Fishy Smell | And William Gets Chintzy Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated