Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss What Is GOONING? | And Jordan’s Sexy Jet Wash About this episode Every day is a school day, and that’s no exception (even on this podcast) as the boys learn a brand new phrase from ‘Urban Dictionary’ that will take them right to the edge. They also delve into your responses concerning knowing your limits on a night out and why you are still using old tech.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] , and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] . You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Most women have been there. Something feels off. You don't feel like yourself, yet your doctor says everything looks fine. Spoiler, it's your hormones. Midi is a virtual care platform built for women by women and offers specialised hormone care from trained clinicians. Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. It's not you, it's your hormones. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit. That's join M I D I dot com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.
0:31 Speaker 01 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
1:03 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful G and D'vas.
1:16 Speaker 03 Looking forward to the weekend.
1:18 Speaker 02 I am actually, I am. What about you? What are you doing?
1:21 Speaker 03 I'm just having an at-home weekend and I think I'm going to do the garden. I'm going to stain the, when we moved it, the fence on one side is a bit of an odd colour. I don't like it. It's not very, it's like a bluish green. It doesn't look very natural. So I need to sort of get some testa pots and decide what colour I'm going to paint it because it does look a bit dull.
1:43 Speaker 02 I'm sorry, that was really boring.
1:47 Speaker 03 Well, go on. Excited for what you're doing this weekend. All going to go pub.
1:51 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, on Sunday.
1:52 Speaker 03 Well, that's hardly riveting, is it?
1:54 Speaker 02 Saturday, I'm going to take my dad to pub for his birthday.
1:56 Speaker 03 Right, it's the pub.
1:57 Speaker 02 Yeah. But I didn't need to go. I think I kept it short and sweet. I'm gonna take my dad because it was his birthday.
2:04 Speaker 03 Some people might be interested.
2:06 Speaker 02 I need to say actually happy 60th to my dad. 60 years old, my dad. Can't believe. I'm 36, he's 60 years old. How old would he have had me then?
2:14 Speaker 04 24. Hi guys.
2:15 Speaker 02 Was he 24 when he had me?
2:17 Speaker 03 Thank you, Carol Alderman.
2:18 Speaker 02 God, thanks Carol Alderman. Anyway, no, that sounds nice. Very wholesome spring weekend.
2:23 Speaker 03 Exactly. And hopefully the weather will be decent so I can be outside. I already did my wet and forget a few weeks ago, just to sort of bring the terrace back to life. So that'll be sort of.
2:31 Speaker 02 Oh, is that to clean the terrace?
2:33 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:33 Speaker 02 I need some, do you know I'm really into my jet washing at the moment?
2:36 Speaker 03 Well, jet wash it and then you have to treat it.
2:39 Speaker 02 Right. I needed to ask you about this. Is there something you?
2:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, wet and forget, there's something over here.
2:43 Speaker 02 Did I tell you that my jet wash brought all the boys to the yard? Right. Can I just say? If you, I got my jet wash in Feb.
2:54 Speaker 03 I'm sure that was the jet wash.
2:55 Speaker 02 I only used it for the first time, right? I started jet washing my front, yeah? The amount of blokes that came to just stop and watch. The fella that lives three doors down came, I got my can, kind of bitter. Pete from pub came to watch as well. Honestly, it was ice cold, thank you very much. I'm really into my jet washing at the moment.
3:17 Speaker 02 Honestly, I'm gonna, I might jet wash this weekend, now you've said it.
3:20 Speaker 03 Well, how, but if you did it a few, how often are you doing it?
3:22 Speaker 02 Well, just.
3:23 Speaker 04 Well, when the boys come to the yard.
3:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, honestly, you what? And then blokes just stop and watch go, are you getting on? Yeah. That'd be 12. No, bit of an amateur.
3:32 Speaker 03 Is yours one of those yellow ones?
3:33 Speaker 02 I got the intermediate one.
3:35 Speaker 03 The intermediate one?
3:36 Speaker 02 No, the beginners, sorry, the beginners one. I weren't allowed the professional one.
3:39 Speaker 03 Okay. You don't have much.
3:41 Speaker 02 So I could prove that I was responsible with the beginners one.
3:45 Speaker 04 I'm also jet washing this weekend.
3:47 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Can we come and jet wash together? I'd love to see you jet wash.
3:50 Speaker 03 How, how, sorry, how can you talk? How can you attack me?
3:53 Speaker 02 It's such a boy thing. It feels great. I'd never done it up until this weekend.
3:56 Speaker 03 Can I speak?
3:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, sorry.
3:58 Speaker 03 How can you say that painting fences is boring and you are doing jet washing club?
4:02 Speaker 02 Because jet washing's not boring. Jet washing club, yes.
4:04 Speaker 03 Oh my gosh.
4:05 Speaker 02 Any other keen jet washers listening that would like to join mine and Ben's jet washing club, do get in touch.
4:11 Speaker 03 It's sort of like a club for people that weren't picked for sport off winter and that was me, but I went off to do jet washing.
4:16 Speaker 02 No, jet washing is for the people that were picked for sport.
4:19 Speaker 03 No.
4:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was. It's great. It's thrilling. It's exhilarating jet washing. And honestly, but you believe, you'll not believe how many blokes just come to watch and go, ah, look at this amateur. Anyway.
4:32 Speaker 03 It's not difficult.
4:33 Speaker 02 Let's have a jet wash off.
4:34 Speaker 04 Jordan's jet wash.
4:35 Speaker 02 What's your jet wash?
4:37 Speaker 04 No idea. Stepdad's coming in.
4:40 Speaker 02 That's a power move.
4:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
4:42 Speaker 02 He's coming in.
4:43 Speaker 04 Father, father-in-law.
4:44 Speaker 03 Is he going to do it for you or are you using this?
4:47 Speaker 04 I hope that I can have a go on the hose.
4:49 Speaker 02 Oh, let him have a go. Have you used it before?
4:51 Speaker 04 I've never jet washed before.
4:52 Speaker 02 Oh, mate, I'm made up for you. I'm not, honestly, I'm buzzing for you. This is gonna be a really good weekend.
4:59 Speaker 04 And I'm gonna strim for the first time.
5:00 Speaker 02 Ah, pal, put it there.
5:02 Speaker 03 Do you have edges?
5:03 Speaker 04 Uh, no, sorry, not strim. I mean, cut the hedge. What do you call that?
5:08 Speaker 03 Cut the hedge. Trim the hedge. Bit of topiary.
5:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
5:12 Speaker 03 I think topiary would look lovely in your post code.
5:13 Speaker 02 I know, just be careful you with that jet wash with them arms.
5:19 Speaker 04 Jordan is gesticulating wildly.
5:21 Speaker 03 Yes.
5:22 Speaker 02 Anyway.
5:23 Speaker 03 Anyway, um, so recently, Jordan, I talked about going out for a few drinks and ending up home to get a taxi to pull over at 3:30 AM. Uh, so I could compose myself, shall we say.
5:32 Speaker 02 This was you, not me.
5:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:34 Speaker 02 Cause we're all reversals. I'm in bed now. It's nice, ready to clap. You're out in the piss every day of the week.
5:38 Speaker 03 It's not every day. So we asked the Gene Devers for times when they've discovered their limits, just to, I would hope make me feel a bit better. A lot of them were alcohol related and all show that we should be sensible and drink responsibly, including me.
5:51 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
5:52 Speaker 03 That's gonna be one of my May wishes.
5:56 Speaker 02 Are you joking? We're doing, lots of people around here like, I'm not drinking. We're going into silly season.
6:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, can I also say, do you know what I was thinking?
6:04 Speaker 02 Approbates, beers, ice cold.
6:07 Speaker 03 Do you know what I was thinking? When I didn't drink, okay, because I didn't drink for a, a lot of my life and even when I did, people were a bit judged out. Oh, come on, William, have a drink. Now I'm making up for it and now people are judging me for drinking.
6:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, true. You can't win. You can't win. You should hear what they say behind your back as well.
6:24 Speaker 03 Yes.
6:26 Speaker 02 Hmm.
6:26 Speaker 03 Hmm.
6:26 Speaker 02 Hmm.
6:27 Speaker 04 Is it alright? It's got a problem.
6:29 Speaker 03 I don't have a problem, I'm just having a lovely time. Um, Abby said, I threw up into my handbag at a work party in Soho, after having far too many and was so pissed, I carried my bag of sick back in the taxi, on the tube and back on the train all the way to Hemel Hempstead. My dad picked me up from the station, the first thing I said to him was, yes, before you ask, my bag is full of sick and no, I don't want to talk about it.
6:50 Speaker 02 Bless.
6:51 Speaker 03 You see, I haven't done that. Mainly because I don't have a handbag.
6:54 Speaker 02 I used to often go for a tactical sick.
6:57 Speaker 03 Tacky Chan, I believe it's referred to as.
7:00 Speaker 02 You need to stop hanging around with young people. It's embarrassing, because it is called that, you're right.
7:05 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's what I'm told it's called.
7:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'd go tactical sick, but then you've got to make sure you've got to get a mint or chewing gum. You've got a sick breath. I'd often, I, I went for tactical sick not that long ago, actually. Feel so much better afterwards.
7:18 Speaker 04 I never used to be able to burp.
7:20 Speaker 03 Because what you would bring up?
7:22 Speaker 04 No, just I couldn't physically burp. I was tacky seating or whatever you call it.
7:27 Speaker 03 Tacky Chan?
7:28 Speaker 04 Tacky Chan.
7:29 Speaker 03 Hmm.
7:30 Speaker 04 And it would enforce a burp.
7:35 Speaker 03 Okay.
7:35 Speaker 02 Hmm.
7:36 Speaker 04 It's like a, a wild belch because I just had so much air.
7:39 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, that, so again, now I have two pints, I'm like, hmm, it's pathetic.
7:47 Speaker 03 After a few drinks at our Glasgow show, Morven took your advice, Jordan, and sent a you up text to somebody.
7:53 Speaker 02 Oh, how did I say that in Glasgow?
7:55 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
7:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, we all know what a certain text after midnight means, saying you up.
8:00 Speaker 03 And he was indeed awake, unfortunately for him, as I then proceeded to throw up in his bathroom and then pass out in his bed, thankfully I didn't bump into his parents. Caris had a high art experience ruined by discovering their limits. They say for Halloween, my first year of uni, I drank a little before the pre-drink, it's never a good idea, and got too drunk.
8:18 Speaker 02 You pre-pre-drunk?
8:19 Speaker 03 That is a problem.
8:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:21 Speaker 03 Got too drunk at Prez.
8:23 Speaker 02 Prez.
8:24 Speaker 03 Prez, sorry.
8:27 Speaker 03 I am still new to this.
8:29 Speaker 02 You are still prees.
8:30 Speaker 03 I'm sorry.
8:31 Speaker 02 Or prinks, as we used to call it at uni.
8:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, pre-drinks. And then had to be, we at Manchester, we called it the pre-lash. I never did it, but I'm told that's what it was called. And then had to be put to bed by my flatmates after throwing up. I was hysterical and sobbing because we had plans to see Dick and Dom DJ at some club. So I kept repeating, no, Dick and Dom. My flatmates eventually put me to bed and went without me. Three years later, they still quote the video of me crying and sobbing where you can hear me say, I'm gonna miss Dick and Dom.
9:03 Speaker 02 You say that minus the Dom. When we put you to bed.
9:10 Speaker 02 Don't you?
9:14 Speaker 03 You believe in yourself?
9:16 Speaker 02 I am actually, and do you know what? I didn't do that and I was gonna save the job, but I thought, no.
9:19 Speaker 03 And hammer at home or?
9:20 Speaker 02 Leave it, leave it in, yeah.
9:22 Speaker 03 No, but then you talked about how good it is, so that's, that's good. This one is from Rachel, apparently it's me more.
9:26 Speaker 02 Are they still doing Circuit, Dick and Dom, fair play to them?
9:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:29 Speaker 02 Lovely lads.
9:30 Speaker 03 Uh, this is from Rachel, apparently it's very me coded. I never indulged in underage drinking in parks or fields. My one foray into the hobby happened when I was at Home Alone at seventeen and in the middle of a Downton Abbey re-watch. When I suddenly had a craving for a glass of balers. One turned into two, turned into ten, and my only memory of the night was shouting with indignation at the legal tribulations of Mr Bates loudly enough to be heard from outside and rolling around on my bed like I was wrestling with a bedsheet. A very executive bout of teenage rebellion. Rachel, that's lovely.
9:58 Speaker 02 Rachel, that's brilliant. The first thing I pissed was seventeen, watching Downton Abbey.
10:03 Speaker 03 It's fantastic.
10:05 Speaker 02 I got pissed off.
10:06 Speaker 03 Have you finished Downton Abbey yet? You were doing a re-watch, yeah?
10:09 Speaker 02 Frosty Jack's cider.
10:10 Speaker 03 Have you tried the Gilded Age yet?
10:12 Speaker 02 No.
10:12 Speaker 03 You need to.
10:13 Speaker 02 Just started House of Guinness. But the only thing is, you watch it midweek, could you not get into it? A lot of people said they couldn't. Could you not either, Jack? I'm only two episodes in, but I'm really liking it. But everyone from work says they don't want, they got a bit bored of it.
10:26 Speaker 03 Hmm.
10:27 Speaker 02 Uh, anyway, the other problem is, you watch it, you just really want a Guinness.
10:30 Speaker 03 Right.
10:31 Speaker 02 Hmm. It's like when I watched The Whale. Was it The Whale?
10:35 Speaker 03 What did you want then?
10:36 Speaker 02 Was it The Whale?
10:37 Speaker 04 You really wanted a whale?
10:38 Speaker 02 No, that guy choked on the subway. Was it The Whale? He choked on a subway, do you remember? Harrowing tea.
10:45 Speaker 03 I haven't watched it, no.
10:47 Speaker 02 He's a big fat guy.
10:48 Speaker 03 Brendan Fraser, isn't he?
10:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, he's, he's struggling with his mental health and he's obese and stuff and he gorges this.
10:55 Speaker 03 Subway.
10:55 Speaker 02 Subway, 12 inch sandwich and nail chokes there. It's an awful scene and all week. I was just like, I really want a subway.
11:02 Speaker 03 Recently, Gene Deva got in touch because their local cafe had been taken over by people working on typewriters.
11:07 Speaker 02 Oh, is this back again?
11:08 Speaker 03 So we asked about the older tech that our Gene Devers are still using. Sebastian, lovely, obviously with a lovely name like this, wears starched collars, button on braces and sock suspenders. Sebastian is 17. This should be encouraged.
11:20 Speaker 02 Well done, Sebastian. And when you meet a girl, they will be very.
11:26 Speaker 02 I hope they love it as much as you.
11:27 Speaker 03 Yes, and Sebastian, I'll tell you this now, your 30s are gonna be wild.
11:31 Speaker 02 Go on, Sebastian. Seriously, go on, that's ace. That's really good.
11:34 Speaker 03 Rebecca is an optician in Wales and had to send referrals to the hospital via fax. Beck still uses an old school Parker fountain pen.
11:42 Speaker 02 I've never used a fax. I'd love to use a fax machine.
11:45 Speaker 03 I'm sure we could find a fax machine.
11:47 Speaker 02 Can't you fax a picture of a woolly to another fax machine?
11:49 Speaker 03 You can fax, you can fax whatever you want.
11:50 Speaker 02 You can draw a woolly and then, I mean, I could do it now, but.
11:54 Speaker 03 I mean, it's a terrible waste of money to do that, but yes, you can fax whatever.
11:58 Speaker 02 Do you remember ringing the wrong number and getting through to a fax machine?
12:02 Speaker 03 Oh, and then blee, blee, blee, yeah.
12:05 Speaker 02 That was before Chat, Chat GPT. You could speak to R2D2. That was a shit joke.
12:15 Speaker 03 Oh, it was a joke, wasn't it?
12:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, because you know, lots of Gen Z's are like befriending Chat GPT.
12:19 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. Chat GPT.
12:20 Speaker 02 I can't say it.
12:21 Speaker 03 Chat GPT. Jeremy still uses a file of fax. That's nice. I have a proper diary.
12:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, I used to have a file of fax, a little kid one. Do you remember the kid file of fax?
12:31 Speaker 04 Do we need to explain what a file of fax is?
12:33 Speaker 03 So a file of fax.
12:33 Speaker 02 Do we have to explain what a file of fax is?
12:36 Speaker 03 It's a leather or?
12:37 Speaker 02 Do you know what a file of fax is, Zaf?
12:40 Speaker 02 Oh shit, we have to explain what a file of fax is. Christ alive.
12:43 Speaker 03 And you would buy all the different inserts to put in it.
12:45 Speaker 02 It's a leather notebook and then you, and it was like a punched hold diary, but you had notes and it had like, I remember.
12:52 Speaker 03 Contacts.
12:53 Speaker 02 My dad had all these maps of the world in his, but you had a kid one. It was called a kid of fax, I think. Sounds a bit weird. There was a kid, can we Google what it's called, the kid's file of facts?
13:04 Speaker 03 Probably just like a child's file of facts.
13:05 Speaker 02 Oh, I'd still love it. You'd love a paper diary. You always say that, don't you? A little pocket?
13:09 Speaker 03 I would, if it weren't for the fact that various people look, see my diary, one of them being bent over there, then it wouldn't, you know, your pocket diary is kind of.
13:16 Speaker 02 He's got, I forget, Stu, do you have access to my diary? No. Oh, I might have put something personally in my diary recently.
13:23 Speaker 03 Why don't, in future, you just put it in the diary as rearrange the bluebells?
13:29 Speaker 03 Come on darling, let's rearrange the bluebells.
13:30 Speaker 02 That's a good code.
13:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:32 Speaker 04 I know someone, a friend of a friend who put in, have more sex as like a, as like one of the day diary things.
13:40 Speaker 03 An all day event.
13:42 Speaker 04 An all day event, not me.
13:43 Speaker 02 All day event?
13:44 Speaker 04 Have more sex.
13:46 Speaker 03 Okay. Yeah. So that was a file of facts, basically. Um, Holly still uses cheques.
13:50 Speaker 02 I thought they were.
13:51 Speaker 03 Holly, but does the bank? I mean, you might as well, but.
13:53 Speaker 02 I thought they were out.
13:54 Speaker 03 Now, I think I have, I did get, I got a rebate thing from H M L C the other day for like three pounds and I got, that was a cheque.
14:01 Speaker 02 Did you cheque it in?
14:02 Speaker 03 You couldn't, you can now, on your banking app, you can take a picture of the cheque. So you don't have to go to the bank because none exist and you can just take a picture and it does it there and then.
14:10 Speaker 02 That's mad. I can't, I think I only ever written out a few, wrote out, written.
14:13 Speaker 03 Written.
14:14 Speaker 02 Written out a few cheques. Can't remember doing it. I always struggled with them.
14:17 Speaker 03 Hmm.
14:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:19 Speaker 03 Um, can you remember when you sent your tax return to that P R person?
14:22 Speaker 02 Don't.
14:24 Speaker 03 Every time I see him, I talk about that.
14:26 Speaker 02 Do you still see him?
14:27 Speaker 03 Well, occasionally we bump into each other.
14:28 Speaker 02 Did he look at it?
14:29 Speaker 03 He says not. I mean, I would have done. Charlie still uses headphones that you plug in. Does that count as old tech?
14:35 Speaker 02 So if I was back in, I listen to my wired headphones at night because I can't sleep with me and, because in bed I listen to my podcast, but I can't sleep with.
14:44 Speaker 03 Do you have a speaker?
14:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it's not fair for, so.
14:49 Speaker 03 All the others.
14:54 Speaker 02 So I put me, but I don't like to sleep with my earbuds in because I can't sleep in them properly.
14:58 Speaker 03 No, it is, yeah.
14:58 Speaker 02 And then you lose on it in the middle of the night. You wake up in morning cough and it pulls out your arse.
15:05 Speaker 02 God, I've lost an earbud. Oh, there it is. I actually had one in, like my arse, in between my toe once. So don't ask me how it got down there.
15:13 Speaker 03 Uh, finally, Matthew says that they are the old tech. The software upgrades are failing and the hardware's a bit shit. Oh, that's deep, Matthew. Gosh, we'll end on a cheery note.
15:23 Speaker 02 Right, this is.
15:24 Speaker 03 We'll go and cry and we'll come back with more of your letters, emails and messages after these.
15:31 Speaker 05 Scaling your business doesn't have to mean endless meetings or repetitive training. With Camtasia Pro, teams can easily transform their expertise into engaging video content. No professional editing experience required. By combining screen recording, editing, and AI-powered workflows into one simple solution, Camtasia Pro helps you train faster, onboard smarter, and easily document critical processes. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
16:07 Speaker 00 75% of women who seek menopause care don't receive it. The lying awake at 3 a.m. wondering what's happening to your body ends now. Midi is virtual care built for women in perimenopause and menopause with clinicians who specialize in women's health. Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. Midlife needs Midi. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit today. That's join m i d i dot com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.
16:38 Speaker 01 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask, what's next? I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges, and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the midpoint.
17:06 Speaker 02 All right, GND, thank you very much for sticking with us. Let's go back to some of your responses from recently.
17:14 Speaker 03 From recently. Jay has messaged in with a conundrum for us to solve. Hello, William and Jordan and the entire Sexted Crew. As an under 18 GND, I'm unable to drink GND along with the episodes. What do you recommend to those who are unable to drink alcohol who listen to the podcast? Thank you very much for providing us with an awesome podcast.
17:34 Speaker 02 Ribena, Vimto, Vimto.
17:37 Speaker 03 Anything.
17:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, don't drink alcohol.
17:39 Speaker 03 Water, tea. You don't have to drink gin and a bottle to be in GND.
17:44 Speaker 02 No, Vimto.
17:45 Speaker 03 But I guess Vimto is the same colour. And you could always pop an ice cream in.
17:48 Speaker 02 It's fruity like it as well, yeah. Get Vimto.
17:50 Speaker 03 Slice. Would lemon or orange go with Vimto better? I'm gonna say lemon.
17:56 Speaker 04 I think it'd be up to your own taste.
17:58 Speaker 03 Your own taste.
17:59 Speaker 02 It's so weird.
18:00 Speaker 04 Let us know, Jay.
18:00 Speaker 02 When I was flying back the other week, there was kids on the plane and I could smell Vimto. And I got home and ordered some. So now I'm really in my Vimto face.
18:12 Speaker 03 Matthew has messaged us from the home of KFC. Hello, William, Jordan and the rest of the team. I'm writing to you from my home in Corbin, Kentucky, in the USA.
18:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, little lady. Yeah.
18:23 Speaker 03 About three blocks from the original KFC.
18:26 Speaker 02 That's so weird. I lived near the original KFC in Preston. No, no, no, no, no. You laugh. Thee who mocks me. I don't know what you're all thinking. Ah, silly Nor-. The silly Northerners talking again.
18:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
18:40 Speaker 02 The first ever KFC was in the UK was in Preston.
18:44 Speaker 03 Was it?
18:45 Speaker 02 Oh, Fisher Gate, Frey Gate. And I used to live near it. And they're all Googling it. And I know I'm right.
18:52 Speaker 02 Also, I'd heard it's biggest bus station for many a years. Then.
18:55 Speaker 04 When did it open?
18:58 Speaker 02 I'm gonna say the early nine- doodle doodle doodle.
19:02 Speaker 03 Doodle doodle doo.
19:03 Speaker 02 I'm gonna say the early nineties. I'm gonna say 96.
19:05 Speaker 04 It celebrated its 60th year last year.
19:09 Speaker 02 1966. I knew there was a six in there.
19:12 Speaker 04 65.
19:13 Speaker 02 Oh, okay.
19:14 Speaker 03 Oh.
19:15 Speaker 04 In Fisher Gate.
19:16 Speaker 02 Thank you. There you are. Anyway, sorry, Matthew.
19:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, don't, don't, don't try and one up Matthew. He was the original in the USA, next about three blocks from it, no less. He was excited to hear us discussing the world's most famous chicken on what should be the world's most famous podcast. Jordan, thank you for spreading the word about my hometown's most well-known global export. William, I'm sorry you didn't like the chicken. All I have to say is bless your heart. He's not Irish, but he is now. P.S. Bring your tour to the States. Well, that would be nice. Matthew.
19:47 Speaker 02 Bless you. KFC's good. Big shout out to, what was the chicken I had in Nashville? Hattie, hattie bees.
19:55 Speaker 03 Hattie bees.
19:55 Speaker 02 Really good.
19:56 Speaker 03 In Bristol, we used to have, I never went, Miss Millers. I don't know if that was a thing.
19:59 Speaker 02 Dixie's Chicken as well you get in.
20:01 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:02 Speaker 02 Streets and stuff. A- Awa Lee, you know, who's in the army. Do you remember years ago, there was the flood in the lakes?
20:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:09 Speaker 02 And he got called out on Christmas Eve. And, um, like, they were still working on Boxing Day, helping all these people in Lake Districts with, um, the lakes, uh, with the floods. And anyway.
20:20 Speaker 03 The lakes are meant to be there.
20:21 Speaker 02 As a treat, all the troops got for free at KFC. And this guy from KFC.
20:27 Speaker 03 Mm hmm. The Colonel.
20:28 Speaker 02 Said, well, this guy from KFC come up this work and said, oh, thanks. He went, it's for free. He went, it's for free courtesy of the Colonel. And Awa Lee thought it was from his boss. So when he seen his CO, that week later, he went, cheers, like, KFC. They're like, sorry, what did you mean about Sergeant North? He went, KFC, you've got us in the lakes. He went, it went from me. And then he realised the Colonel.
20:49 Speaker 03 Hilarious.
20:49 Speaker 02 Was the Colonel.
20:50 Speaker 03 That's funny.
20:51 Speaker 02 Um, he tells the story a lot better than me.
20:53 Speaker 03 No, very good. Last week, we learned about the phrase gooning. And it seems my assumption that it had something to do with being a gooner, AKA an Arsenal Football Club fan, was incorrect. So according to the fine people at Urban Dictionary, uh, this is the definition. Gooning may be most simply defined as the state usually achieved after a prolonged edging session. Is that when you're doing sort of, is that the same as cutting in? Yeah. When you're decorating.
21:20 Speaker 02 Basically, it's wanking for ages, isn't it?
21:22 Speaker 03 Right. Well, all right. Don't, don't, again, don't usurp Urban Dictionary. When a man becomes completely hypnotised by the feeling radiating from his penis. Since the gooning state can only be achieved after edging, the man's penis will have become mightily aroused at this point, and every caress the male genitals are subjected to will trigger potent elation. As the man keeps edging and thus keeps experiencing intense pleasure, he enters a state of trance, where his mind intimately merges with his penis.
21:54 Speaker 02 Shut up. What a load of bollocks.
21:56 Speaker 03 The gooning state, where he and his penis become one. To be even more accurate, when the gooning state is achieved, the man's body becomes, for all intents and purposes, an appendage to his erection. Well, that next tour's written itself, hasn't it?
22:13 Speaker 02 So that's, I was right, it's just wanking for ages.
22:16 Speaker 03 It also goes on to say, there's more, I'm gonna edge you further.
22:19 Speaker 02 No, I've heard people do it for days, just sitting.
22:22 Speaker 03 For days? How do they have the time?
22:24 Speaker 02 For days wanking, or like, all day. I've read about, I think I read about it in the Sunday Times.
22:29 Speaker 03 I don't think you did read it.
22:31 Speaker 02 No, no, no, I did. It's like a craze in America that like, lads do, and they just sit all weekend in the room wanking. You do do it a lot when you're younger.
22:39 Speaker 03 Gooning is not a narcissistic manifestation. Narcissism is extreme selfishness with a grandiose view of one's own talents. Rather, gooning is closer to a meditation experience, where the mind and the body align, focused on a single thought or feeling, in this case.
22:57 Speaker 03 Okay, well.
22:58 Speaker 04 So what are you doing this weekend?
23:00 Speaker 03 Some people do Bikram yoga, others goon.
23:02 Speaker 02 Jet washing and gooning, Ben?
23:04 Speaker 03 Well, you surely can't do both at the same time.
23:07 Speaker 02 Oh yeah.
23:07 Speaker 03 You've got to focus on one.
23:08 Speaker 02 Imagine the pleasure of gooning and jet washing at the same time.
23:14 Speaker 04 In many ways, it's very similar practices.
23:16 Speaker 02 Wouldn't do it on the front.
23:17 Speaker 03 Similar end result.
23:17 Speaker 02 I'd only do it in the back garden.
23:18 Speaker 03 Oh yeah.
23:22 Speaker 02 Brilliant.
23:23 Speaker 03 And finally, anonymous message in after getting caught out by one of our legendary episode titles. "Hi, William and Jordan. I was very embarrassed when I picked up my new car today. The salesman was showing me how to work the car, connect my phone and do an initial setup. Phone immediately connects and a full screen display comes up, playing your recent episode, 'Help Can I Dryhump a Virgin?'"
23:46 Speaker 02 Oh no, we need to stop being careful with our titles, that's brilliant.
23:51 Speaker 03 Salesman.
23:51 Speaker 02 Oh, can you imagine?
23:53 Speaker 03 The salesman averts his eyes and says, "Oh, don't worry, my girlfriend listens to weird stuff like this too." Swaying between two thoughts, mortified and the absolute cheek of that comment. I've had, actually, my friend Harry, who came to our Cardiff show, he lives in America and obviously everything's valet parking in America. And he has often been listening to us, and it's been when you hand your car over to the valet, and it's inappropriate, and he says he's had some funny looks then.
24:16 Speaker 02 Really?
24:17 Speaker 03 Yeah. So it goes on. Do you listen to it in your car?
24:20 Speaker 02 If you've got an Uber and they've got porn on. Not on, but like, it's on the screen and stuff.
24:25 Speaker 03 No.
24:25 Speaker 02 Just me, okay.
24:26 Speaker 03 Is that an Uber XXX? Thank you very much.
24:30 Speaker 02 You are on fire today.
24:32 Speaker 03 I'm only keeping up with you.
24:34 Speaker 02 And now let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials.
24:41 Speaker 03 Before we get on to our favourite one, the honourable mentions as ever, Isabel commented on our YouTube to say, my mum always comments fire emojis on my posts.
24:50 Speaker 02 That's nice.
24:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, but to pretend what the post is, if it's Isabel in a bikini, I don't know, that might be, might be odd if your mum's doing that. Jordan, in our Instagram reel about going solo to a wedding, you said, there's always one legend at a wedding. And Amy commented to say, go solo and be that legend.
25:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, be that legend.
25:10 Speaker 03 Stick that on a t-shirt. I like that. Mr. Bileduct said, I love to expand my vocabulary as often as possible. Today I learned dry humping isn't a camel ride on a North African holiday. There we go. Can I just ask on the dry humping, what actually is dry humping? No, in all seriousness, is it what I think it is?
25:33 Speaker 02 What do you think it is?
25:34 Speaker 03 Just like rubbing up against somebody?
25:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, with your jeans on and stuff. It was all the rage when.
25:39 Speaker 03 You were younger.
25:40 Speaker 02 I was younger. Yeah.
25:42 Speaker 03 I just.
25:43 Speaker 02 You didn't, you don't do it like a dog. You don't dry hump the leg.
25:46 Speaker 03 Yeah, dogs, I can see dogs dry humping.
25:48 Speaker 02 You like, but I, why, why, why are you asking me? I've never dry humped.
25:54 Speaker 03 Right. And our comment of the week comes from Sophia on Spotify who said, as a bisexual, I can confirm that deciding whether you're in the mood for smooth or crunchy peanut butter is the perfect analogy.
26:04 Speaker 02 Thank you. Can I just say, of all the shit I have spouted out over the years, of all the nonsense I've talked, I think that's my best analogy. My relationship with peanut butter is how I imagine it is to be bisexual. And I'll say it again. Some days I wake up and I want crunchy. Other days I want smooth and I have both in the cupboard. I'm not a smooth or a crunchy. I like both. And that's how I feel like bisexuals feel. And I might be in a long relationship with smooth, but then every now and then me I'll wander to crunchy.
26:34 Speaker 03 Okay.
26:34 Speaker 02 And I might have to say, look, do you mind if this Saturday I have a bit of crunchy and not smooth? I genuinely, I have been thinking about this a lot since I've said it. And I think it's, I think it's a very intelligent analogy.
26:48 Speaker 03 The irony is most days you wake up and you want Nutella.
26:52 Speaker 02 I only like Nutella on my crepes.
26:55 Speaker 03 Right.
26:55 Speaker 04 On your shoes.
26:58 Speaker 02 Nutella on your shoe. What do you mean on your...
27:01 Speaker 03 What?
27:02 Speaker 02 That's what they call shoes.
27:03 Speaker 04 Crepes is a young person.
27:05 Speaker 02 For shoes. Crepes.
27:06 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm gonna start using that.
27:08 Speaker 02 Pancakes. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday. If you wanna get in touch about something that isn't a problem or a dilemma, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected] . We love hearing about it from people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll see you on Tuesday.
27:25 Speaker 02 You're not gonna say bye?
27:26 Speaker 03 Oh, goodbye.
27:28 Speaker 03 Dramatic pause.
27:35 Speaker 06 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
28:09 Speaker 01 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask, what's next? I'm Gabby Logan, and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges, and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
Previous Help I’ve Got Mother Of Pearl Fish Cutlery | And Butch BBQ Chat Next Help I’m Going To Prison | A Letter From The Police Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated