Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help I’m Going To Prison | A Letter From The Police About this episode It was bound to happen. The law catches up with us all eventually, and Jordan North is no exception to that rule. What none of us could have expected was for the law to barge in and confront him in the middle of the podcast!
Luckily for all of us, William and Jordan can still solve modern day dilemmas - even if one of them is in handcuffs. Expect everything from wearing your wife’s knickers to emergency tampon removals.
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Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected] . You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate, take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
0:33 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas like, is it ever okay to eat food in a supermarket before paying? No. Or what's the etiquette for using a fish knife to eat meat? Mmm. And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usual girthy gentlemen, are we? William Mahogany Cup Hanson?
0:59 Speaker 02 No, we're not Jordan Pocket Rocket North. I'm more Jane Eyre, you're more Jane McDonald. I like that. That's from Shaun.
1:06 Speaker 01 Apparently she's just done a series in Nashville.
1:09 Speaker 02 Yes, she has. Yes, she beat you to it.
1:12 Speaker 01 She's becoming somewhat of a national treasure, Jane McDonald. And can I just say, I used to watch her on The Cruise in 99 with my mum.
1:18 Speaker 02 Yes, so did I.
1:19 Speaker 01 Bear in mind, we're making this as a butch episode.
1:21 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:21 Speaker 01 But my mum used to let me-
1:22 Speaker 02 We started well.
1:24 Speaker 01 My mum used to let me stay up late to watch it because it was on at nine o'clock. It's called The Cruise.
1:29 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:29 Speaker 01 And she always used to come and go on a clear day.
1:35 Speaker 02 Certainly rhymes with day.
1:38 Speaker 01 And my mum used to let me stay up till I do, but this is a butch episode.
1:40 Speaker 02 This is a butch episode. And continuing that theme, we're going to do a slightly different variation on the gin and Dubonnet. In fact, we're not going to go near the gin.
1:49 Speaker 01 No.
1:49 Speaker 02 Because my friend Cameron was at a royal reception at Buckingham Palace last week for the 100th anniversary of the late Queen, Queen Elizabeth II.
1:59 Speaker 01 Same birthday as our brads.
2:01 Speaker 02 Indeed. And similar person. And both icons. And they served a daytime version of a gin and Dubonnet, which I didn't Dubonnet sprit, they didn't call it a Dubonnet spritz. And it was Dubonnet, tonic water, which we've got here, some rosemary and lemon.
2:23 Speaker 01 Oh.
2:24 Speaker 02 Now, I don't know the proportions.
2:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, it sounds good, that pal.
2:30 Speaker 02 So we're gonna have a go at making it. So it's still using Dubonnet.
2:34 Speaker 01 So we're not gonna have, for the first time ever?
2:37 Speaker 02 Not for the first time ever, Jordan, no, but for the first time.
2:39 Speaker 01 I was trying to be dramatic.
2:41 Speaker 02 Oh.
2:42 Speaker 01 Bro, for the first time in a while, we're not gonna have gin and Dubonnet, our signature drink. So what's it called? Oh, could you have not got cans? How garish.
2:55 Speaker 01 You've not got cans of tonic?
2:56 Speaker 02 No, this is all the supermarket had. I'm trying to make it look like the photo that I was sent.
3:04 Speaker 01 It looks like when my auntie used to make me vintel and put lemonade in it to make it fizzy vintel.
3:10 Speaker 02 Hmm. Right, put a lemon slice in.
3:12 Speaker 01 She's got a lemon in it. And what's that? A grass?
3:15 Speaker 02 It's rosemary.
3:16 Speaker 01 Oh, rosemary.
3:17 Speaker 02 And it's not, this is not just any old rosemary.
3:19 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
3:20 Speaker 02 This is rosemary from Social Joe's garden. Okay, so yours-
3:25 Speaker 01 Joe, do you grow your own rosemary?
3:27 Speaker 02 She says it's rosemary. It's probably for you arse, Nick Jordan, but we'll put that in and see if you survive the episode.
3:32 Speaker 01 Oh, why do you put it in like that? Is that how you do it? Just put a whole twig in?
3:37 Speaker 02 Branch, but yes.
3:39 Speaker 01 Are you sure?
3:40 Speaker 02 Shall we just take a photo of these?
3:41 Speaker 01 Okay. I just thought it come in jars.
3:45 Speaker 02 What, rosemary?
3:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:46 Speaker 02 Were you-
3:47 Speaker 01 There was a series on Auntie-
3:48 Speaker 02 Like that?
3:49 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, of course, you can get it like that.
3:50 Speaker 02 Jo wasn't convinced that her rosemary looked as aesthetic, so she then went to the supermarket and got some. Um, but I think homegrown is always better.
3:59 Speaker 01 Is that, is this the homegrown one?
4:01 Speaker 02 That's homegrown.
4:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's better. Nice one, Jo.
4:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:03 Speaker 01 I mean, we prefer it when you bring the Percy Pigs in, but-
4:07 Speaker 02 We'll accept rosemary.
4:08 Speaker 01 We'll accept rosemary for this week, but next week we do expect Percy Pigs.
4:12 Speaker 02 Right, let's, uh, let's try it. And we're going to toast. This week's toast is going to go to Sam and Alice, who messaged in to say, "Hi, boys. Can I get a cheers?" You mean a toast for myself, Sam, me, and my friend Alice. Other than that, it's going very well. We are walking 100K along the Jurassic Coast on the 16th and 17th of May for Alice's niece. She has cerebral palsy and we are raising money for her to have a power-steered wheelchair using eye gaze. We have been training hard and hope the podcast gives us a laugh and something to focus on when it gets tough and difficult along the way. Well, Sam and Alice-
4:50 Speaker 01 What an amazing thing.
4:51 Speaker 02 This is for you.
4:52 Speaker 01 This is for you, Sam and Alice. Let's try it.
4:57 Speaker 02 Oh, that's quite nice.
4:58 Speaker 01 Oh, that's fantastic. Oh, I'm back on it.
5:01 Speaker 02 You're back and you actually are drinking that.
5:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't know if I said this, said it on stage on tour, Jean Devers, but I've been a bit bored of gin at the Bonnet, it's been eight years. But this, this is fan- try, this is a garden drink, this. I mean, when you're out with lads.
5:22 Speaker 01 Oh, it tickles your nose. I mean, oh.
5:26 Speaker 01 I'm not even doing it on purpose, I promise you. Tickles, it tickles your nostrils.
5:30 Speaker 02 That is interesting. Does anyone else want to try some whilst we're here? Come on, producer Ben.
5:33 Speaker 01 Ben, come and try that.
5:35 Speaker 02 We'll make some.
5:35 Speaker 01 What, we're calling it?
5:36 Speaker 02 Well, I don't know what they, they just called it.
5:38 Speaker 01 Why don't we call it the Lake Queen?
5:39 Speaker 02 No, I don't think we can drink the Lake Queen.
5:40 Speaker 01 And a lot of cocktail bars, it's called the Queen Mother, isn't it?
5:43 Speaker 03 I think of Dubonnet sprits.
5:45 Speaker 02 Dubonnet sprits or a daytime Dubonnet?
5:48 Speaker 01 Daytime.
5:49 Speaker 02 D and D?
5:50 Speaker 01 D and D.
5:50 Speaker 02 D and T? Dubonnet and tonic.
5:53 Speaker 01 No, D and D, daytime Dubonnet. We'll go for that. That's fantastic.
5:57 Speaker 02 Jean Devers, try it, make it at home. It's tonic water, Dubonnet, most of, I would say most, more tonic water than Dubonnet. Ice, lemon, rosemary. Let us know what you think we should call it.
6:08 Speaker 03 It's, I would say it tastes like a Campari sprits, but it like touched sweeter. So somewhere between an Aperol and a Campari sprits.
6:15 Speaker 02 Thank you, Tom Gilby over there. Thank you very much. Um, the wine guy.
6:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, Helen.
6:20 Speaker 02 Oh, yes, Helen McGinn.
6:21 Speaker 01 Yes, she's great. All right, uh, how's your week been? How was Chez Paris?
6:27 Speaker 02 I'm not sure that's the right French, but yes, Paris Gay Paris, or as we just call it, Paris was, was very nice. Thank you. We had a lovely time. Beautiful weather.
6:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:36 Speaker 02 It was a little bit overcast when you actually looked online, but actually in reality, it was absolutely glorious. Um, I went to, as I said, I went to the Moulin Rouge.
6:45 Speaker 01 How was it?
6:46 Speaker 02 Camper's tits. Indeed, there were tits, which I thought, you know, because I've, I've made some considerable effort in life to go out of my way to avoid looking at breasts. Uh, it's not really my metier.
7:00 Speaker 01 Breasts are beautiful. They really are. You should start appreciating breasts more.
7:06 Speaker 02 Well, I mean, I've I've seen quite a few pairs and I've seen probably more pairs in the last, because there were like fifty to seventy dancers on that stage. I mean, it's huge, incredibly wide stage, not not a not a very deep stage. And actually, to be fair, they do an awful lot with the stage and different sets. And there's a water tank that comes up. They there are people on wires. There's, you know, it's a big old production. And it's been going for, you know, over a hundred years, not specifically in that in that place, but but because they had one that burnt down, etc. Um. But to be fair with the breasts, you tune you tune them out after a while and you sort of forget they're topless. And then eventually you just go, oh, yeah, she's not wearing any clothes.
7:42 Speaker 01 Is she? But they've fully got the baps out?
7:45 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
7:46 Speaker 01 Really?
7:47 Speaker 02 Very, you know, very, um, present.
7:50 Speaker 01 You'll be fine out on all of them, I didn't, and. You know, because I said the, yeah.
7:54 Speaker 02 Not if I have one little, I mean, I have several notes. Um, there were there were male dancers, which I was pleased to see, because I did think it might all be women.
8:07 Speaker 02 Quite clothed.
8:08 Speaker 01 Ah.
8:09 Speaker 02 I mean, they do towards the end start to discard some clothing, but I thought, you know, for a bit of balance, I would say, well, if you're making one get semi naked, I would let let the other get semi naked. It sort of reinforced to me how good our dancers were on the tour. I know we only had six, we didn't have seventeen or so. But sometimes maybe some of the choreography maybe wasn't in sync, uh, was my note. Um, they do do three shows a day. We only did one and we did four, but I just thought, hmm, I think I could have, you know.
8:38 Speaker 01 Just because you've done a bit of choreography at Pineapple Dance, you're just with the bonnets.
8:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was mine. And also, because obviously they're French, I assume they're all French, or it's a French production.
8:48 Speaker 01 Hang on, they did three shows a week.
8:50 Speaker 02 Three shows a day.
8:51 Speaker 01 And they're French.
8:52 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
8:52 Speaker 01 Bloody hell, fire.
8:53 Speaker 02 Hmm. Yeah, they're on a different contract to the rest of France. And I did think it they sort of looked as if they were taking it quite seriously. And I thought if that was Britain, we wouldn't really be taking it that seriously. We'd be doing it, but we do it with a bit of a twinkle. Whereas they all thought, you know, clearly it's the most important thing. And you could see that them sort of believing it, including.
9:15 Speaker 01 So I didn't know you were going to review the whole show.
9:18 Speaker 02 Well, I am.
9:18 Speaker 01 Okay.
9:19 Speaker 02 The um.
9:19 Speaker 01 Sorry.
9:20 Speaker 02 Including the performative microphones that they had because they're lip syncing to certain songs. There was a whole Gloria Gaynor section. Love that. But they've got sort of mics on to make it look like they're singing. But then when they turn around, they're not going into anything. There's no battery pack anywhere and it's clearly a lip sync. And also the track they have recorded to lip sync to. It's a slightly rubbish singer. So if you're going to lip sync and you're going to record the track, at least get a decent singer. Anyway, above that, we enjoyed it.
9:47 Speaker 01 Jesus, I've got to have the croissants, but I don't know if you've got time.
9:52 Speaker 02 I do strongly recommend if people are going to do it and I would go and watch it. Do the 11 o'clock show, which is the last show. They're all exhausted. Go pissed, order the half bottle of champagne each, get more pissed responsibly. Great fun.
10:07 Speaker 01 Okay, good. I would actually do that. I'm I'm I did say I've never been to Paris, so I've got a voucher.
10:12 Speaker 02 Oh, you've got to, you've got a voucher?
10:14 Speaker 01 For train.
10:14 Speaker 02 What, for Paris?
10:15 Speaker 01 From Trainline.
10:17 Speaker 02 Okay, does that work on the Eurostar?
10:19 Speaker 01 Right, yeah, yeah, I think so.
10:20 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've got to book it via Trainline.
10:23 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:23 Speaker 01 I got it for.
10:24 Speaker 02 Generally how vouchers work.
10:25 Speaker 01 I got it for my birthday, so it might be.
10:27 Speaker 02 Who gives a train voucher for your birthday?
10:30 Speaker 01 To be fair, it was Trainline.
10:31 Speaker 02 Right, okay, fair enough. If you were of like your your aunt's giving you a Trainline voucher.
10:37 Speaker 01 Well, for my side of the audience.
10:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:39 Speaker 01 I had a big piss up in back home.
10:42 Speaker 02 Yes, you did. I saw I saw the the photos and the videos.
10:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:46 Speaker 02 Nice, how was that?
10:48 Speaker 01 Well, it was um. I gotta be careful because she does listen. So I did, I did have plans on, uh, on the weekend. I was meant to be having sushi in Soho.
10:57 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
10:58 Speaker 01 Um, but Wendy then decided that we were gonna have a meal for my dad's sixtieth. Which was great because I actually knew her go back home. So we went back home.
11:06 Speaker 02 And you loved it.
11:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, I went out around Longridge. Um, we had a good few drinks.
11:11 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
11:12 Speaker 01 Uh.
11:12 Speaker 02 Any druts out?
11:13 Speaker 01 Pardon?
11:14 Speaker 02 Any breasts out, any lip syncing?
11:15 Speaker 01 Loads. Yeah, there weren't any singing, but I'll show you some proper top northern entertainment. I'll show you this and you describe it to our dream diva and obviously.
11:21 Speaker 02 Good, because this podcast used to have top northern entertainment. It doesn't anymore, so.
11:24 Speaker 01 It still has top northern entertainment. So we, we went in pubs. And you know those pubs where, uh, they do TikTok lives and stuff? And you think, is that just me?
11:35 Speaker 02 Pubs where they do TikTok?
11:37 Speaker 01 There's like, I'll, I'll be honest, there's like pubs in Wigan that are a bit rough and you can watch them on TikTok live. And I don't waste my Saturday evening. I'm obsessed. Have you not seen it? There's one in Bolton as well, like proper flat roof pubs. So, um, there's one, a bit like that. And so I'll show you this. Tell me what you can see.
11:59 Speaker 02 That's your dad being carried by, I can't quite see who the gentleman is.
12:04 Speaker 01 That's Rick.
12:04 Speaker 02 Rick.
12:05 Speaker 01 Um, he's on my dad's shoulders.
12:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:07 Speaker 01 Yeah. And then guess who had to get in on the act?
12:10 Speaker 02 Oh, oh, you, now your mum's on Rick's shoulders.
12:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:15 Speaker 02 Wow.
12:21 Speaker 02 She's having a good time, isn't she?
12:22 Speaker 01 Wendy was hammered. Oh, getting her out of taxi, bloody hell.
12:26 Speaker 02 How far away is Longridge from, uh?
12:28 Speaker 01 Well, they, they live near there now.
12:30 Speaker 02 Oh, I see.
12:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, we've got, trying to get her out of taxi like Bambi on ice. While shoving and going, me dad, you've never understood me, Graham. I was like, get her to bed. Get her to bed. Then I was thinking, right, I've, I've come all the way up. I like to have a little lion on a Sunday. That's my little treat to myself. Dad's no matter what time.
12:48 Speaker 02 You don't have a lion on a Saturday?
12:50 Speaker 01 Nah, Sunday.
12:51 Speaker 02 Why not? We can.
12:53 Speaker 01 We can, but I always wake up early on a Saturday, but Sunday I force myself to have a lion. Anyway, you know what dads are like. Dads in the bathroom, six thirty.
13:02 Speaker 02 Oh.
13:03 Speaker 01 Getting toilet lid up and down, in and out, you know, those noises that dads make in the bathroom.
13:10 Speaker 02 On behalf of all dads.
13:12 Speaker 01 And they have a piss for, no, this is all dads.
13:14 Speaker 02 No, it's not.
13:14 Speaker 01 It is all dads.
13:15 Speaker 02 My father has never made any noise.
13:17 Speaker 01 So this is all working class dads. And they have a piss for forty minutes. Sounds like.
13:21 Speaker 02 Forty, they should go to the doctors.
13:23 Speaker 01 Pissing for forty minutes, the flow on him trickles, then it fucking sprinkles out of the jet wash, isn't it?
13:31 Speaker 01 For fuck's sake. Top and tailing in box room with our Dominic, because he didn't go home. So I've had the worst night's sleep. I'm just nodding off.
13:41 Speaker 01 When did you wanna brew?
13:43 Speaker 02 Oh, for fuck's sake.
13:44 Speaker 01 When? I'm like, Jesus Christ, get me out. So I just, I woke up, got a quick shower.
13:49 Speaker 02 And then left.
13:50 Speaker 01 First train back to London. Yeah. But it was good. It was good to see him.
13:53 Speaker 02 Good.
13:54 Speaker 01 I had a really good night out.
13:55 Speaker 02 Well, you've ticked that box now, so you don't need to go out for the rest of the year.
13:58 Speaker 01 Hmm. But what else has been going on with you, apart from Moulin Rouge?
14:01 Speaker 02 Well, um, update on the gardener.
14:04 Speaker 01 What we called him?
14:04 Speaker 02 So, well, we hadn't settled on a name, but Jack, um, said to me, uh, that someone had sent in. I don't know who it was. Someone called Stuart, not Chairman Emeritus, I believe, has suggested that we call my quite dishy gardener.
14:19 Speaker 01 Oh, there's a bug on my iPad.
14:21 Speaker 02 There is it. There is it.
14:23 Speaker 01 Oh, what's that?
14:24 Speaker 02 Joe, is that from your garden?
14:26 Speaker 01 Oh, it must be from Joe's garden. Joe, I've never seen that in my life. It's like, it's like something from Men in Black.
14:32 Speaker 02 Jordan, it is the size of.
14:34 Speaker 01 Yeah. I don't like, what is that? I've never seen a bug like that get out on camera.
14:40 Speaker 01 Sorry to interrupt. Look, take a picture. What, can somebody help identify what that bug is?
14:46 Speaker 02 Hold it still. That's a caterpillar, darling.
14:48 Speaker 01 Is it? That's not caterpillar. Can I just flick it off there, I'm just saying.
14:53 Speaker 02 Don't flick it off onto the centre of the studio floor.
14:56 Speaker 01 That'll be a new Disney Pixar film now, that.
14:57 Speaker 02 Yes.
14:59 Speaker 01 Bug in the carpet.
15:01 Speaker 02 There's a bug in my rug.
15:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, there you go, bug in the rug. Go, run free.
15:05 Speaker 02 I like Bugs Life, the film. People didn't like it.
15:08 Speaker 01 I thought it was class. That and Ants came out around about the same times. Remember Ants? Bugs Life. Yeah.
15:14 Speaker 02 I'm just checking my dreams now.
15:16 Speaker 01 You'll be fine.
15:17 Speaker 02 Okay.
15:17 Speaker 01 Go on, get it down. You're a gardener.
15:20 Speaker 02 Yes, so gardener's come around, Stuart has suggested, and I'm gonna go with this name because I think it's hilarious. You'll only sort of get it if you've ever watched Gardener's World.
15:30 Speaker 02 Monty Dong.
15:34 Speaker 01 Uh, that's for, that's all the middle class laughs there in the studio. The middle class laughs.
15:39 Speaker 02 Monty Dong.
15:40 Speaker 01 The son of a wine merchant there. Laughing at that. I don't, I have no idea what that is.
15:46 Speaker 02 Do you not know who Monty Don is?
15:48 Speaker 01 Who's Monty Don?
15:49 Speaker 03 You know who Monty Don is?
15:50 Speaker 02 He's the most-
15:51 Speaker 01 I know who Charlie Dibble is.
15:52 Speaker 02 Dim, Dimmock.
15:53 Speaker 01 Dimmock.
15:57 Speaker 02 Charlie Dibble was in Trumpston, wasn't it?
15:59 Speaker 03 Sober.
16:00 Speaker 01 That's when I think of gardners. My dad, we're obsessed with her.
16:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course he was.
16:05 Speaker 01 The only show we watched as a family. Charlie Dimmock.
16:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, brought his water feature up nicely, didn't it?
16:10 Speaker 01 So who's Monty Don?
16:12 Speaker 02 He follows me on Instagram, actually.
16:14 Speaker 01 I thought he was that chef, if he's any good, will you send him my way?
16:17 Speaker 02 Well, he is excellent.
16:18 Speaker 01 Great.
16:18 Speaker 02 He's going to come back and, and do more for us.
16:21 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
16:22 Speaker 02 I did ask him whether he would go around to yours.
16:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:26 Speaker 02 I gave your address. He said no.
16:30 Speaker 01 Why?
16:31 Speaker 02 He says it's a bit far into London for him.
16:33 Speaker 01 Oh, shove it up your arse then. Monty Dong.
16:36 Speaker 02 He just prefers to service my area.
16:37 Speaker 01 Well, well, fine, I've been turning money away. All right then, he must be doing well for himself.
16:42 Speaker 02 He clearly is doing well.
16:43 Speaker 01 I would have paid for his parking and that.
16:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, oh, well, I paid for his parking too.
16:46 Speaker 01 Ridiculous, right. Living in London, right, even on your front street, you have to pay for parking. It'd be revolting like the French up north if that happened, honestly. I'd have to pay to park on my own drive.
16:58 Speaker 02 Okay, but no, he's done a lovely, he's done a lovely thing out front. And it turns out by my front door, I had a peony. And I didn't realise. And there's literally in the bed is a peony, which my favourite. What's a peony?
17:08 Speaker 01 I don't know any flowers apart from bluebells and daffodils.
17:13 Speaker 02 Peony, you will have seen them at their very appropriate weddings at this time of year. Let me.
17:17 Speaker 01 Pansies?
17:18 Speaker 02 Depends what weddings you're going to. You must know a peony. It's one of the most popular flowers.
17:23 Speaker 01 I've never seen a rose in here.
17:25 Speaker 02 It's not a rose, it's a peony.
17:27 Speaker 03 Jordan's too butch to know what flowers are.
17:29 Speaker 01 Too butch to know what flowers are. Yeah.
17:31 Speaker 02 It was made evidently clear last week. Yeah, anyway, so he's stripped back some of my bush and it's revealed a peony and it's beautiful.
17:39 Speaker 01 Right.
17:40 Speaker 02 He has. No, he has.
17:42 Speaker 01 Okay, well, does he have any gardener friends in my area?
17:45 Speaker 02 When he comes around next time, I'll ask him.
17:47 Speaker 01 You mean too far into London? I'm not far in.
17:49 Speaker 02 He, I, and he went, sucked in air through his teeth, went, that's a bit far. He literally likes to service my area and the area next door. So, sorry. I did ask, I genuinely asked, I should have recorded him, but I didn't. I thought of that afterwards.
18:06 Speaker 01 Okay.
18:07 Speaker 02 You know, last week you talked about canapes and how you don't like canapes?
18:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, sack them off.
18:11 Speaker 02 Well, so also last week, I was very lucky to be invited to Classic FM Live at the Royal Albert Hall, which I'm told is a bit like the Jingle Bell Ball. I'm told it's a similar vibe.
18:22 Speaker 01 Hmm.
18:23 Speaker 02 And I'm not going to say who it was, but one of your colleagues, presenter colleagues, was there. And there were little canapes going around beforehand. And they were on, it was like some artichoke-y thing, on one of those sort of porcelain Chinese spoons that you get for soup. And your colleague picked it up and said, oh gosh, you know, I don't really know how to eat this. And then some other people went, oh, if only there was an etiquette coach around to tell you how to eat it. And I was about to say something, they said, of course, William, you can basically say whatever you like, and we're just going to have to believe you. I don't think your colleague had heard that key bit, because I then made something up as to how you should eat the canape. And I said, you put it to the edge and then with your tongue flick the artichoke in. And your colleague genuinely. He did that.
19:08 Speaker 01 We're gonna have to tell me who it is.
19:10 Speaker 02 Kemi Rogers.
19:10 Speaker 01 Brilliant. She'll love that. Great.
19:12 Speaker 02 It was so funny.
19:14 Speaker 01 I can't wait to see her.
19:15 Speaker 02 It was so fun. We all, I went, no, Kemi, I had just made that up.
19:18 Speaker 01 That's great.
19:18 Speaker 02 So it did, it did, and it went through my head. Well, this is why George is my canapes.
19:22 Speaker 01 That's gonna give me a week of piss-taking to Kemi. Very good. Very good. She's one of the good ones.
19:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, she was, she was excellent.
19:30 Speaker 01 She's great.
19:31 Speaker 02 Everything else alright?
19:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, all good. I've noticed in the WhatsApp group that you've all got names and titles now.
19:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, how, how's that come about? Because yours, in the WhatsApp group, it says, but even when Joe replies and stuff.
19:44 Speaker 03 Shall we do a quick review of some of the names?
19:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:47 Speaker 03 So William Hanson Senior Creative Director.
19:50 Speaker 01 Yeah. Well, how have you got that?
19:52 Speaker 02 When, so when he replies, it comes up William Hanson, and then there's a little.
19:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:55 Speaker 02 Like a name strap.
19:56 Speaker 03 Jack Allen, Chief Content Officer.
19:59 Speaker 01 Who?
20:00 Speaker 03 Jump Cup Jack is Chief Content Officer. Social Joe is Head of SASS and SNAK. That fits.
20:06 Speaker 01 What are you?
20:08 Speaker 03 Um, I can't see me. I'm the boss, yeah.
20:10 Speaker 02 I think that's, that is an error as well.
20:12 Speaker 03 So it's, it's like a new AI feature where it just summarizes your role in the group?
20:16 Speaker 02 Izzy is the personality hire.
20:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:19 Speaker 02 Fair.
20:19 Speaker 03 That fits.
20:20 Speaker 02 Um, Stuart doesn't have anything, actually, so I think there is a glitch.
20:23 Speaker 03 Still computering.
20:24 Speaker 02 You don't have it. Yeah, so AI will now, uh, look, analyze the group chats and summarize the roles.
20:32 Speaker 01 Bullshit.
20:32 Speaker 02 No, no, and the contributions that people do.
20:34 Speaker 01 That's bullshit.
20:35 Speaker 02 And I think because you, and actually, Stu, that surprises me, because Stu contributes to that group, maybe, you know, lower.
20:42 Speaker 01 Go and, I, go and read my last few messages in the group.
20:46 Speaker 02 With pleasure. Skinny, flat, white, and brownies. I'll be five minutes, no fob. I'm not sure about the gooning clip. Bear with, I'll watch them when I'm off the tube. Three hours later, you were finally off that tube and watched.
21:01 Speaker 01 See, I do reply.
21:03 Speaker 02 Eventually.
21:04 Speaker 01 Do reply.
21:05 Speaker 02 Uh, for Kara, so I'm just reading your last few messages. I'm just having to scroll through quite a few.
21:10 Speaker 01 I was a bit, I was, I was a bit late.
21:11 Speaker 02 Nob!
21:13 Speaker 01 Oh.
21:13 Speaker 02 Is one of them.
21:14 Speaker 01 Oh, he's still going. What did I shout? Wrong group. Nob for?
21:18 Speaker 01 What did I shout nob in response to?
21:20 Speaker 02 Um, you had sent a picture of your Spanish plates.
21:22 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:23 Speaker 02 And I, uh, said, gosh, they're fun, aren't they? And then you'd put nob.
21:27 Speaker 01 Nob, because that's a nob reply. That was weeks ago. I, I was, at the time of recording, I did, I was actually early because I was, I pushed the recording back till 12:30 today. Yeah, because I had to go to a premiere to watch a film, not a premiere, a screening.
21:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:41 Speaker 01 And I was running late because I had a butty in my hand from Greg's.
21:45 Speaker 02 It was a sandwich from M and S.
21:47 Speaker 01 No, but let me explain.
21:48 Speaker 02 Oh, I see.
21:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was actually a butty from Greg's.
21:51 Speaker 02 Your honour.
21:52 Speaker 01 Because, uh, and then a guy, homeless guy asked, well, I assumed he was homeless, asked if we had any change.
21:58 Speaker 02 It was Ben.
21:59 Speaker 01 And then he said, I said, no, I have no cash on me, pal. And then he kind of eyed my butty and then made eye contact with me. And I liked seeing this as my good deed for the day. So I say, do you want my butty? And he said, yeah. So then I had to go and get another one from M and S.
22:14 Speaker 02 That's the most made up excuse for the fact you just bought a sandwich at M and S.
22:17 Speaker 01 No, I genuinely had.
22:18 Speaker 02 Oh, I had to keep a butty to your home in the sky.
22:20 Speaker 01 I ran in and got a chick, the chicken, what do they call it? The Mediterranean chicken one, the bat they do.
22:27 Speaker 02 I don't know.
22:27 Speaker 01 So I was a bit late, so then I had to go in M and S and get another one.
22:29 Speaker 02 Well, aren't you a good person?
22:30 Speaker 01 Well, yeah, I like to think that's my good deed for the day.
22:32 Speaker 02 Well done.
22:33 Speaker 01 So that's why I was a bit late today. I genuinely did give it him.
22:36 Speaker 02 Well, but the.
22:37 Speaker 01 He asked for the rest of my meal deal. I told him not to take a piss, but the point is.
22:41 Speaker 02 Lovely.
22:42 Speaker 01 So that's why I was a bit late.
22:43 Speaker 02 That was fine. We, we didn't notice. We were too busy downstairs getting your skinny flat white and your brownies.
22:47 Speaker 01 Speaking of messages on WhatsApp and stuff.
22:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:49 Speaker 01 Can we talk about the photo that you sent me of the aftershave?
22:53 Speaker 02 Well, we can talk about it in so many words.
22:56 Speaker 01 So I asked William if you remember a couple of weeks ago. Was it last week? Can't remember.
23:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, 14th of April was when I sent you the picture.
23:02 Speaker 01 I said, uh, send me a picture of that aftershave that you got. It's really nice. You know, I like the smells. Uh, and William sent a picture of the aftershave, but there was something in the background that is.
23:13 Speaker 02 I did keep it there to make you smile.
23:15 Speaker 01 Did you, did you know that that was in the background?
23:17 Speaker 02 Of course I did.
23:17 Speaker 01 Can I say what it is?
23:18 Speaker 02 No.
23:19 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
23:19 Speaker 02 They can guess. And we'll see what they think of us.
23:22 Speaker 01 Guess what you think was in the background and. Yeah.
23:26 Speaker 02 And I'll let certain people know.
23:28 Speaker 01 Did you keep that in? Because at first I didn't notice it.
23:30 Speaker 02 No, because the picture hadn't probably downloaded.
23:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, so the picture's not downloaded yet. You wait till it downloads the photo. Here it goes. So you did, it was genuinely meant to be in the background.
23:38 Speaker 02 I didn't put it there. I just.
23:40 Speaker 01 Was it yours?
23:41 Speaker 02 I'm not commenting on that either.
23:44 Speaker 02 Why do you want to know?
23:45 Speaker 01 Well, I don't. I just do.
23:48 Speaker 02 Perv.
23:48 Speaker 01 Was it yours?
23:49 Speaker 02 No.
23:52 Speaker 01 Okay.
23:52 Speaker 02 Yeah. Shall we go on to William's Etiquette Manager of the Week?
23:55 Speaker 01 Yes, please.
23:56 Speaker 02 So this is going to be all about Bogner,
24:01 Speaker 02 which came about because, I can't remember.
24:04 Speaker 03 You just said Baga Bogner.
24:05 Speaker 01 Baga Bogner.
24:06 Speaker 02 I said Baga Bogner and I said I would look into it and indeed I have. So after these messages, I'll tell you all about that.
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24:53 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask, what's next? I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
25:21 Speaker 05 It's William. William. The etiquette geek, his knowledge. Knowledge. Quite unique. He'll give you manners. Manners. Subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquette, Etiquette, Etymology of the Week. Cha cha cha, cha cha cha, cha cha cha. Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha.
25:40 Speaker 02 So, basically, it is widely believed by lots of people, particularly if you look at history TikTok, that George V, who was the king before George VI, and then Elizabeth II, and then Charles III, said "Bugger Bogner" and then died. Everyone thinks that they used to be his last words.
25:58 Speaker 01 Was that his last words?
25:59 Speaker 02 Well, I'm about to tell you.
26:01 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
26:01 Speaker 02 Funnily enough. So, Bogner, for those that maybe don't know, haven't heard of it, they don't live in Britain, or they do live in Britain, they've just still never heard of it. It's a fishing village on the south coast, and Bogner, and it was just called Bogner.
26:14 Speaker 01 Is it in Wales now?
26:15 Speaker 02 No, it's on the south coast of England. Became a fashionable spot from 1797, when Sir Richard Hotham began to develop a town which he named Hothampton. The new name did not catch on, and the town remained Bogner until 1929. And that is when George V spent time in Bogner to recuperate, following an operation on his lung. Now, the king lived at Craig Vale House.
26:42 Speaker 01 Sorry, how did they do operations on lungs in them days?
26:44 Speaker 02 Well, they did. I know, modern medicine.
26:48 Speaker 01 Surely it'd kill you then?
26:50 Speaker 02 No, he'd lived for six more years.
26:54 Speaker 01 They were doing operations on lungs in the 1700s?
26:56 Speaker 02 Yes.
26:57 Speaker 01 Are you sure that's right?
26:58 Speaker 02 Hmm.
26:58 Speaker 03 1920.
27:00 Speaker 02 1929.
27:01 Speaker 03 1929.
27:01 Speaker 01 Oh, I thought you were on about the 70s. Right, sorry.
27:04 Speaker 02 No, no, keep up. Anyway, so, because he was there in Bogner recuperating, it became the height of fashion. And having regained his health, the king returned to London, but in July 29, he granted Bogner the title of Bogner Regis, Regis meaning "of the king" in recognition of his time there. But, did he then say "Bugger Bogner" and then die? He was restored to health, and as I said, he lived until the 20th of January 19. 1936, on his deathbed at Sandringham, the king was supposedly told that he would soon be well enough to return to Bogner Regis. His famous reply was supposedly Baga Bogner, as he was still sore at how the town had cashed in on his visit. However, in Bogner's defence, you can't basically elevate it to Bogner Regis and then be a bit
27:48 Speaker 02 pissed off that it's now cashing in on your fame as monarch. I do think, you know, pick a lane.
27:54 Speaker 01 What a grumpy old son.
27:55 Speaker 02 Well, he was quite grumpy. He was a stamp collector, did you know that? That was his most interesting thing about him. Was he liked to collect? He was a philatelist. He collects, collected stamps. There are no primary sources for this. However, the official cause of death is chronic bronchitis. And you might know this because this is, this is reported as fact. We only learnt this sort of really in the last 20, 20 years or so, when certain diaries of the kings, the late kings' doctors were released. He died because his, the end of his life was brought forward. So he was on his deathbed and they basically killed him with an injection of morphine and cocaine at 11:55pm to ensure that his death was reported in the morning papers
28:37 Speaker 02 and not the more frivolous evening ones, which at the time you had two editions of the newspapers and said they basically killed him. And his doctor wrote in his diary that the king's last words were in fact, "God damn you", not "Baga Bogner". Maybe that's because the king realised what was about to happen.
28:55 Speaker 01 So they killed him off to make the morning papers?
28:58 Speaker 02 Yep.
28:59 Speaker 01 So he never said, so no wonder he said "God damn you".
29:02 Speaker 02 Yes, quite, because he realised.
29:03 Speaker 01 It could have.
29:04 Speaker 02 I mean, he was basically on his way out. I'm not saying that what they did was right.
29:06 Speaker 01 It could have been keeper, I heard.
29:07 Speaker 02 I think it was unlikely. His family around him, Queen Mary was there and the others, the one that abdicated, David and Bertie, who became George VI after the abdication.
29:19 Speaker 01 She called David or Bertie?
29:20 Speaker 02 He was, no, David and Bertie, two different people. So his actual name was David, the one that abdicated. Then when he became king, he was Edward VIII and then he became the Duke of Windsor. So it was a regnal name.
29:35 Speaker 01 So who's Bertie?
29:36 Speaker 02 Bertie was Albert, who became George VI.
29:39 Speaker 01 The Queen's dad?
29:40 Speaker 02 Yes. Because there's that whole thing in the crown, when the queen, she's in South Africa and she becomes queen. Uh, I think her private secretary, Martin Chatter, says to her, what is going to be your regnal name? What's your name going to be now that you're queen? And she said, well, Elizabeth. But you are entitled to become something else. Victoria was, I think Alexandra or Alexandria. And she chose Victoria.
30:03 Speaker 01 What would I be?
30:05 Speaker 02 What, if you were a queen?
30:06 Speaker 01 King, King Jordan's not got the same ring to it, has it?
30:10 Speaker 02 No, there is a king of Jordan, but the country.
30:16 Speaker 03 What would you like to be? It's your choice.
30:17 Speaker 01 Jack. It's a great name.
30:19 Speaker 02 It's a great name. It's not, it's not very monarch.
30:22 Speaker 01 All right. Richard. No, Richard.
30:24 Speaker 02 Jack isn't a monarch's name. Is Jack short for, are you short for anything?
30:28 Speaker 01 Harry, George, George.
30:29 Speaker 02 George.
30:30 Speaker 01 King George.
30:30 Speaker 02 Henry, I would suggest.
30:32 Speaker 01 Why?
30:33 Speaker 02 Well, Harry is short for Henry.
30:34 Speaker 01 I'd say King George.
30:35 Speaker 02 Okay.
30:36 Speaker 01 Georgie Porgie.
30:37 Speaker 02 Another George.
30:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:38 Speaker 03 What, which George, which number of George would Jordan be?
30:41 Speaker 01 How many, how many have been?
30:42 Speaker 02 George the Seventh, he'd be.
30:43 Speaker 03 George the Seventh.
30:44 Speaker 01 No, there's already been a George the Seventh, hasn't there?
30:46 Speaker 02 No, because the last George was George the Sixth, and then we've had Elizabeth and Charles. George the Seventh will be Prince George, if, when he, if, when he becomes.
30:55 Speaker 01 Has there been a Henry the Ninth?
30:57 Speaker 02 Nope.
31:02 Speaker 01 How's that? That was a good question, because everyone thinks of, well, he could have just been Henry the Ninth, and he was like, yeah, and he never got divorced, and he was very lovely to his wife.
31:09 Speaker 03 But it was Henry, that was the Hen, oh, Henry the Eighth.
31:11 Speaker 01 Yes, so technically, and Henry the Ninth was lovely.
31:14 Speaker 03 You could be Henry the Ninth, and you could have seven wives.
31:16 Speaker 01 There you go. There you are. Good shout. I'll be Henry the Ninth.
31:20 Speaker 02 Great, with all your wives.
31:21 Speaker 01 And beheaded divorce.
31:23 Speaker 02 What?
31:25 Speaker 01 It's beheaded, what is it? Beheaded divorce.
31:26 Speaker 02 Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.
31:29 Speaker 01 All right.
31:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:30 Speaker 03 What would William's name be? Is, are they, are you expecting William to be King William?
31:35 Speaker 01 King William.
31:36 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
31:37 Speaker 01 Hmm.
31:37 Speaker 03 Because it would be a bit weird these days to change a name, I think.
31:39 Speaker 01 You'd have to marry a girl, though, for possession.
31:43 Speaker 02 For what? Possession?
31:44 Speaker 01 Posses, what is it?
31:45 Speaker 02 Precedence?
31:46 Speaker 01 For so you can have an heir.
31:47 Speaker 02 Succession.
31:48 Speaker 01 Succession.
31:50 Speaker 01 So you'd have to dip it in at least once.
31:54 Speaker 02 Oh.
31:55 Speaker 01 So.
31:56 Speaker 02 You know, I think.
31:56 Speaker 01 Don't worry, you can have your little twinks on the side and stuff, because that all went on. That went on.
32:00 Speaker 02 We had, there's been, in fact, there's a great book called Queen James, which is all about James the first.
32:05 Speaker 01 So.
32:05 Speaker 02 His, his difference.
32:07 Speaker 01 I've seen Game of Thrones, it all went on. So you can, but you'd have to.
32:10 Speaker 02 You know, Game of Thrones isn't set in this country.
32:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you know, you can, you'd have to, they'd expect you to have two at least.
32:18 Speaker 02 Right.
32:18 Speaker 01 So.
32:19 Speaker 02 An air and a spare.
32:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:20 Speaker 02 Okay.
32:21 Speaker 01 We'd hold your hand throughout, it won't be that bad.
32:24 Speaker 02 Thank God you said hand.
32:26 Speaker 01 Air and a spare. Hey, Mikey can beat Jester.
32:31 Speaker 02 Oh.
32:32 Speaker 01 Oh Christ, who's knocking like bailiff, who paid the bills this week or something? Jesus.
32:37 Speaker 02 This is a lovely drink.
32:38 Speaker 01 It is, right. As soon as we've answered this door, we'll go to your questions.
32:41 Speaker 02 I will, um, try it again.
32:43 Speaker 01 Invisible man, tell him I can't see him.
32:47 Speaker 02 Well, why handing it to me?
32:48 Speaker 01 Oh God, oh no, don't open it, it might be your court thing, what do you do, where do you deliver your?
32:53 Speaker 02 Subpoena.
32:53 Speaker 01 Might be delivering your.
32:55 Speaker 02 That's in America.
32:56 Speaker 01 What?
32:56 Speaker 02 I don't think that's here.
32:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, they do, oh, oh, Mikey's doing divorce procedures.
33:03 Speaker 01 What is it? Is it actually just come through?
33:06 Speaker 02 It's from the Metropolitan Police Service, New Scotland Yard. Warning, I mean, it is actually addressed to you. Warning, illegal harvesting of native bluebells.
33:20 Speaker 02 Dear Mr. North, it has come to the attention of the Metropolitan Police Wildlife Crime Unit that during a recent after dinner walk, described by yourself as la pasageata, you committed a summary offence under the Wildlife and Countryside Act nineteen eighty one.
33:34 Speaker 01 Official one.
33:35 Speaker 02 Specifically, it is a criminal offence to intentionally pick, uproot or destroy wild native bluebells. These are protected species under Schedule thirteen of the Act. While we appreciate the aesthetic requirements of your quote unquote picky tea table settings, the conservation of ancient woodlands remains a priority for this service. Notice of cautionary.
33:55 Speaker 01 Oh shit, it is actually a proper letter.
33:57 Speaker 02 As this appears to be a first time violation, the Metropolitan Police are issuing this formal written warning. Be advised that local wildlife officers have been notified to monitor your future walk. Should you require floral arrangements for your east wing reading room, quote unquote,
34:11 Speaker 01 This is a piss take.
34:12 Speaker 02 We strongly recommend the Spanish bluebell, they've put it in Latin, I won't read it. As an invasive species, its removal is encouraged and would align with your public commitment to you never saying anything bad against the Spanish. Yours sincerely, Chief Constable Bell.
34:25 Speaker 01 That's amazing. That's fantastic. Great.
34:31 Speaker 03 You're in trouble.
34:32 Speaker 01 No, this is a piss take, innit?
34:33 Speaker 02 I think you're in trouble.
34:34 Speaker 01 This is a piss take.
34:35 Speaker 02 We told you that picking up flowers is illegal.
34:39 Speaker 01 I didn't know.
34:40 Speaker 02 Even though Wendy got you to do it as a child, you just basically, you know, admitted to doing it.
34:44 Speaker 01 I didn't know.
34:45 Speaker 02 It's historic and systemic.
34:46 Speaker 01 I'm going on a bat walk tonight in that park.
34:48 Speaker 02 You're going on a what?
34:49 Speaker 01 Bat walk.
34:50 Speaker 02 A bat walk?
34:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, look, I've not showed you.
34:53 Speaker 03 Remember Butch?
34:54 Speaker 01 Oh, sorry. No, I've seen it.
34:56 Speaker 02 It's a distant memory at this point.
34:57 Speaker 01 I went for my La Crafiaata.
34:59 Speaker 02 La Pata Diata.
35:00 Speaker 01 Right, and it says, and I said, "Join friends of", I won't say the park, it's near my house, "as we look for bats."
35:06 Speaker 02 Hamsterties.
35:07 Speaker 01 "The walk will be cancelled if there's rain. Email below if you'd like to check on the date. You need to, you don't need to, just turn up promptly. Well behaved dogs and children are welcome, under supervision. Dress appropriately for the weather and bring a torch." Apparently, there's loads of species of bats in that park.
35:21 Speaker 03 Are you sure that's an A, not a U?
35:24 Speaker 01 What?
35:25 Speaker 03 Is it not a butt walk?
35:26 Speaker 01 I'm not going for a butt, I'm going for a, right, sorry.
35:29 Speaker 02 Well, it's nice, you're busy, busy, busy.
35:30 Speaker 01 Could you imagine me in frigging prison?
35:33 Speaker 02 What are you in for? Arson. What are you in for, GBH? What are you in for? I picked some bluebells in the woods.
35:40 Speaker 01 They'd pass me like a box of chocolates at Christmas, wouldn't they?
35:43 Speaker 03 That'll Butch you up.
35:44 Speaker 02 Show us your rosebud.
35:45 Speaker 01 Fucking hell. Right, let's go on some listeners' problems and dilemmas.
35:51 Speaker 02 Yes.
35:52 Speaker 01 Remember, if you need help with something, get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to help, I'll keep that, to [email protected] .
35:58 Speaker 02 Yes, well done, Chief Inspector Bell.
36:00 Speaker 01 You can DM us, we're at Sex and My Boss on the socials. Who knocked? Who was it that knocked? Or you can write to William, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply? One of our luxury greeting cards of executive self-seal envelopes, here just on the website, sextedmyboss.com.
36:13 Speaker 02 This first dilemma is from anonymous, high sex team, long. Time listener, first time caller. I'm writing from the beautiful state of New Jersey in the USA. I go to the gym every day after work and use the locker room to change clothes.
36:25 Speaker 01 Oh, it's good that.
36:26 Speaker 02 I change my undergarments most days because I like to feel fresh going into my workout. I usually go into the bathroom to change because I get completely nude. My question is, is it appropriate to get completely nude in a gym locker room?
36:38 Speaker 01 Great question. I, I think this.
36:39 Speaker 02 I am a modest person and will likely still go into the bathroom, but I'm curious as to your thoughts. Love everything you do. Anonymous.
36:46 Speaker 01 See, I'm not one of those that likes to get naked, but then equally, I don't like to do the under towel dress because I think that just brings more attention to it. You can never get your boxers on right, that kind of thing.
36:56 Speaker 02 Hmm.
36:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:57 Speaker 01 Why are you looking at me like that?
37:00 Speaker 01 Why are you looking at me like that?
37:03 Speaker 02 No, uh, yeah, carry on.
37:04 Speaker 01 So what is the etiquette?
37:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I, I think, yeah, changing rooms, you are going to be changing in. If you are uncomfortable doing it in the open, you want to do it under the towel, fine, knock yourself out. Go into a loo, go and change in the loo or put your underwear on in the loo. Or in the, take them to the shower.
37:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, but then it all gets wet in the shower.
37:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends on what, whether it's open showers, cubicle showers, et cetera. Um, or do what I sometimes do, change at home, go to the gym, do my workout and then just go home and shower and.
37:34 Speaker 01 Well, some people can't. I'd say do it in the, uh, changing rooms if you can, but it's a quick change. So make sure you got your knickers or your boxers right because now it's worse than when you whip your towel off and then they're inside out and you've got one leg.
37:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:45 Speaker 01 And then you get caught and it's like, oh yeah, and you, someone comes in and goes, all right, George, like bollocks. Literally. So, yeah, but I, I don't think it's a changing room. You're going to see nudity in there, aren't you?
37:56 Speaker 02 Yes, I would, I would turn and face the locker generally. So, you know, you are shielding your, your modesty or protecting some modesty. I wouldn't sort of, you know, be open to the, the, show the whole changing room off. I think that would be a bit much.
38:10 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:11 Speaker 02 Um, this is from, continuing a theme, this is from Mr. Thong. Hi boys, I work for myself at home and have my own office. Every weekday, once my wife and kids leave for work and school, I go and raid the wife's underwear drawer. I pick out some panties, can't stand that word, I like, and put them on. Sometimes I'll work in just a-
38:30 Speaker 01 Sorry.
38:32 Speaker 02 Wears his wife's underwear.
38:33 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:34 Speaker 02 Sometimes I'll work in just the thong and t-shirt. Most days I'm happy to work away, wearing them under my clothes. I've been doing this for nearly six months and every time I'll make sure to change back before 3pm before my wife comes home. I can see where this is going. However, on a recent Friday afternoon, my wife arrived home early and explained that she had arranged for the kids to stay with her parents. So we have the rest of the day, just us, and gave me a randy smirk. Happy days.
39:00 Speaker 01 Oh, the old randy smirk.
39:02 Speaker 02 Go on, give us, give us your randy smirk.
39:04 Speaker 01 Is there any better than a smirk?
39:07 Speaker 01 Ben's already cringing.
39:08 Speaker 02 Go on, give a randy smirk to Ben.
39:11 Speaker 02 That'll make him run faster.
39:14 Speaker 01 It's the best sort of smirk though, isn't it? It's a bit like-
39:16 Speaker 02 Go on.
39:16 Speaker 01 Right. So the kids are staying up. Mum and dad's.
39:23 Speaker 03 Jordan's doing his best impression of the emoji with the slightly upturned smile.
39:27 Speaker 01 And you know what this one means? Like, so you've got like the normal randy smirk, then you've got the randy randy smirk.
39:32 Speaker 02 Oh, that's with two eyebrows going out.
39:34 Speaker 01 As you can do me up the arse.
39:38 Speaker 02 Okay. Anyway, randy smirk, et cetera.
39:41 Speaker 01 Don't clip that. It's not getting clipped.
39:45 Speaker 02 She then came over and started kissing me before sitting down in front of me for you know what. Now, feeling very tight down there, it suddenly dawned on me that I was still wearing her small cow inclined pants. I had to make an excuse that I was busy with work, to which she replied, "No problem, you just relax and enjoy. What?" Now I'm panicking, I had to lie and say I'd already taken care of myself during my lunch break. Could we pick this up later? This did the trick and I escaped unscathed.
40:08 Speaker 01 Oh god, you nailed it.
40:09 Speaker 02 Did I do the right thing? Maybe I should just let her catch me. For now, I will never know. We both love the show, okay. And you guys, take care. Regards, Mr. Thong.
40:19 Speaker 01 Mr. Thong, each their own. So we are not judging it at all. But it's probably best to start telling your wife that you're wearing her underwear.
40:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, I wouldn't wear anyone's clothes without permission.
40:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, probably best that you, you tell her. She might, she might be cool with it. And you won't be the first and you certainly won't be the last, my friend. So just say, look, I mean, I've been, I started six months ago, don't know, you know, it was, I'm doing it now. If you don't want me to do it, that's fine. I'll buy my own.
40:46 Speaker 02 Exactly. Communication is very important.
40:48 Speaker 01 She might find it a turn on.
40:50 Speaker 02 Precisely. You never know.
40:52 Speaker 03 You shared tops with Mikey, don't you, William?
40:54 Speaker 02 Mikey and I share tops, yeah, but not bottoms.
40:56 Speaker 01 Don't share bottoms. Do you share socks?
40:59 Speaker 02 We have done, yeah, although his feet are a bit bigger, but depends what it depends. Some, I don't get how socks are like, sometimes you buy socks in supermarkets or in certain shops, and they say one size fits all. I was like, well, how does that work? Because people have different, it's like having trousers, the one size fits all.
41:16 Speaker 01 Do you share boxes?
41:17 Speaker 02 No.
41:18 Speaker 01 No.
41:19 Speaker 02 Holly's message.
41:20 Speaker 03 Do you share thongs?
41:23 Speaker 02 No. Holly's messaged in with a story and dilemma. We'll come to the bonus.
41:27 Speaker 01 Do you share jocks?
41:31 Speaker 02 No.
41:32 Speaker 03 One size certainly doesn't fit all.
41:33 Speaker 02 No. We'll come to the bonus story in a moment, but first let's help with her dilemma.
41:41 Speaker 02 Could you not look at me and do your Randy smirk? Thank you very much.
41:43 Speaker 01 The double Randy smirk there.
41:45 Speaker 02 Dear William, Jordan, EBB and all of the Sexton team, I've been listening to your pod for a couple of years now. After introducing my mum to you, we had a fabulous evening seeing you in action recently in Cardiff.
41:54 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you. It was a wonderful show. I think the listeners were great.
41:57 Speaker 02 After seeing you live, I felt compelled to write in with a dilemma, plus an extra story that is giving Frank the freezer vibes. R I P Frank. Many years ago, I was dating a guy. John, Jordan's has blown a kiss at the painting of Frank behind him. Dating may be stretching the truth, to be honest. He was more of a hookup after a night out, although we never actually had full sex until this one day. He asked me out on a day date and we went out for lunch, then back to his to watch a film. Always going well. And back at his house, one thing led to another and we did the deed.
42:29 Speaker 02 Not long into having sex, I had the horrifying realisation that I had a tampon in.
42:32 Speaker 01 Oh, Jesus.
42:33 Speaker 02 Too mortified to say anything, I waited for things to come to a natural end for him at least, and excused myself to the bathroom where I attempted to retrieve it. Unfortunately, the string disappeared inside me, so although I could fill the tampon, I couldn't grip it enough to remove it. After a few minutes, I was sweating and in a slight panic after hearing too many toxic shock syndrome horror stories, decided I needed assistance. He was very sweet about it and did indeed remove it with me. I basically gave birth to the tampon on his bed.
43:04 Speaker 01 What a gentleman. What an absolute gentleman.
43:07 Speaker 02 He sounds a keeper. Funnily enough, we didn't go on a date again. Oh, and things fizzled out. Upon telling my friends this horror story, they all agreed I should have just excused myself and gone home to deal with the dilemma in private. It's been many years now, but I do sometimes wonder if they were right. So for any G and D'ivas that may find themselves in this situation in the future, and to calm my past anxiety, what is the etiquette when a tampon gets stuck during sex? Is this a personal matter to keep to yourself, or is it okay to ask for help? Well, you've come to the right place.
43:36 Speaker 01 You have. My worry is that the next letter is gonna be from the guy who said, "What's the hell when you go on a date and a girl?"
43:42 Speaker 02 I don't know. I think you did all right.
43:44 Speaker 01 Absolute gentleman. Would he not feel it? The tampon?
43:48 Speaker 02 Presumably not. I mean, it's not my area of expertise, so...
43:51 Speaker 03 It's just like a bit of fluff, a bit of extended fluff, isn't it? It's not like a sort of solid thing.
44:04 Speaker 02 Good to know.
44:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:07 Speaker 02 But I think you did the right thing.
44:08 Speaker 01 I think you did the right thing. Technically, he probably pushed it up further, so it's his responsibility, isn't it?
44:14 Speaker 02 Yep.
44:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:15 Speaker 03 Just glad she came to the experts.
44:18 Speaker 02 You've done my joke back. And now for a quick bonus story from Holly. A couple I know were holidaying in France with their elderly dog when sadly the dog collapsed in the street and died. They happened to be outside a Louis Vuitton store during a tragedy, and a shop worker who had witnessed the event came out to console them and gave them a Louis Vuitton carrier bag to put the dog inside.
44:40 Speaker 01 So you'd wanna go?
44:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:42 Speaker 01 I would wanna go like, "Babe, I'd choose to go Louis Vuitton bag, put me in one, wrap me in one of them, that'd be good."
44:48 Speaker 02 Shame it wasn't from Pucci. Anyway, sorry.
44:53 Speaker 01 I don't get that. Is that a brand? Oh, Gucci.
44:58 Speaker 02 I actually think there is a company called Pucci as well. Anyway, they gave them a Louis Vuitton carrier bag. They were making their way back to the hotel, trying to decide what to do next, when a man on a bike whizzed past them, grabbing their carrier bag and disappeared into the distance.
45:14 Speaker 01 He robbed a dead dog!
45:16 Speaker 02 They never did see the dog again, but trying to find a positive did admit that at least they didn't have to work out the logistics of bringing a dead dog through customs when coming home to England. Love the pod and I'm so thrilled for you all that the tour was such a success. Keep up the good work. Lots of love. Holly.
45:29 Speaker 01 Thank you, Tampon Holly. We appreciate that. That's a great story. It's gonna be one you next tell at one of your garden parties.
45:37 Speaker 02 Goes to, you might be at one, eventually.
45:39 Speaker 01 Well, it's not my fault I'm doing Doncaster races.
45:41 Speaker 02 Well, it is. You said yes to the booking. No, I love that story. It goes to show, as if you needed this anyway, don't steal.
45:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, there you go. Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexted.
46:05 Speaker 02 We'll see you on Friday.
46:06 Speaker 01 Goodbye.
46:13 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask, what's next? I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
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