Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Jordan’s Drag Name | And William’s Silver Spoon About this episode William’s giddy after finding a silver spoon (and no, it wasn’t in his mouth), whereas Jordan is left rueing missed opportunities after failing to get ahead of the competition and invest in a padel court. The boys also tackle a new word from Urban Dictionary and stumble across the perfect drag name for our Jord.
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Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
0:34 Speaker 01 Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life
1:19 Speaker 01 can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.
1:39 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode, where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you. Our wonderful Jean Devers, you doing much this weekend, my sweet?
1:54 Speaker 03 Well, I've got another one of the Englishman's dining etiquette masterclasses.
1:57 Speaker 02 Oh, I'd love to come along to them one day.
2:00 Speaker 03 You don't have to ask.
2:01 Speaker 02 No, whatever. Sorry, that was a bit harsh.
2:05 Speaker 03 I've been fully booked for the last four years.
2:06 Speaker 02 Oh, fair enough.
2:07 Speaker 03 So, yours.
2:08 Speaker 02 I know, you've turned that business. I'm really proud of you.
2:10 Speaker 03 No, I haven't turned it around. It was doing very well before I took it over.
2:13 Speaker 02 No, you've took, don't be modest. You've took it to the next level. Congrats.
2:17 Speaker 03 Thank you very much. Um, what are you doing this weekend?
2:20 Speaker 02 So, you'll love this.
2:23 Speaker 03 Sushi?
2:23 Speaker 02 Maureen next door.
2:25 Speaker 03 Oh, she got you round for drinks, isn't she?
2:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, so, um, she slipped a note through the door. Letterhead of paper, like the one you got me.
2:32 Speaker 03 You see, I would now, I don't want to, don't want to be rude to Maureen, but I still would have posted it. Because I think it's nice, because then people know that you use first-class.
2:39 Speaker 02 She lives next door.
2:40 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:41 Speaker 02 Because, um, yeah.
2:42 Speaker 03 You know, I posted wedding invitations to our neighbours who lived in the same building.
2:46 Speaker 02 Are you joking?
2:47 Speaker 03 Because I think it's nice for them to know.
2:49 Speaker 02 Oh, for God's sake, you are. Anyway, so she, she went, she didn't, because she kept saying, because I seen her, I helped, um, we helped, I helped her shopping because she'd hurt her arm. So she kept saying, we need to get some, her arm bless. And she said, need to get some, um, dates in. So I really like this. She put a little letterhead of paper through the door.
3:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:09 Speaker 02 Said cocktails on the balcony. Gave us a time, I think it was an option. I was like, yes. So I'm having cocktails with Maureen.
3:17 Speaker 03 I'm free.
3:18 Speaker 02 She's lovely. She's sweet. So really, really sweet lady. Her husband died a few years ago. I hope she don't mind me saying that. She's really lovely, so, yeah.
3:27 Speaker 03 Oh.
3:27 Speaker 02 That's what I'm doing.
3:28 Speaker 03 What cocktail is she gonna make?
3:29 Speaker 02 I don't know, actually. Don't know. And then I got paddle on Sunday. We should have invested in some paddle courts. I did float the idea around to you last year, a couple of years ago.
3:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I don't, I don't want her to be responsible for running paddle courts.
3:41 Speaker 02 Well, because we honestly.
3:43 Speaker 03 I've already got enough to be worried about.
3:45 Speaker 02 You've got to pay a, to be a member so you can see the courts, like, a week in advance instead of three days in advance. And then it's like fifty or sixty pound to book a court. We could have, we won't be doing this. We'd be on a beach now, in Barbados or somewhere.
3:59 Speaker 03 Right.
4:00 Speaker 02 I did say that to you. I said, we should invest.
4:02 Speaker 03 Well, I'm sorry. Maybe we'll, you tell me the next business opportunity you've got and we'll, we'll give that a go. I'll take it more seriously.
4:08 Speaker 02 Okay.
4:08 Speaker 03 From you.
4:10 Speaker 02 Only fans.
4:13 Speaker 02 Okay.
4:14 Speaker 03 Fuck off.
4:15 Speaker 02 No, we're getting, I'm getting up at four o'clock in the morning. There's people selling pictures of their feet and they're fucking raking it in in Dubai.
4:23 Speaker 03 I'm not doing that.
4:24 Speaker 02 Okay.
4:25 Speaker 03 No, no, you know, no shame on those that do, but it's not for me.
4:28 Speaker 02 Okay.
4:29 Speaker 03 Not for me.
4:30 Speaker 02 All right.
4:30 Speaker 03 Um, come out a little bit of a little bit of post and I'm going to read this out now because there's no return address. So I can't write back to it, but a lovely little card that's come all the way from Canada. Um, saying, Dear William, I don't have a dilemma, but I have a gift for you. I found this spoon from a 1939 visit of George the fifth. George the fifth, not in 1939, it wasn't. Um, I think, sorry.
4:53 Speaker 02 Someone sent him a spoon.
4:54 Speaker 03 Sorry. It would have been, yeah, George, George the sixth and Queen Elizabeth, who became the Queen Mother to Canada. And I thought, who would enjoy this more than William? It needs a good polish and I suggest you use this as an opportunity to teach Jordan that skill. Uh, of polishing. Uh, thank you. Anything of yours you'd like me to polish? Thank you for all of your joy in the world. Best, Kate. Uh, an avid listener from Toronto. Uh, so there we go. Love a little, a ram.
5:26 Speaker 02 She sent the silver spoon. Was that silver to the one that was born in your mouth or?
5:29 Speaker 03 Oh, you've done that joke so many times. It's not, it's actually, is it silver? I think it's silver plate, but it's still very nice. There's no hallmarks on it, so I'm going to say it's silver.
5:38 Speaker 02 I'll take that. You can never have enough.
5:40 Speaker 03 No, you're not taking that. Thank you. It was sent to me.
5:42 Speaker 02 You can never have enough tea spoons. And do you know what?
5:44 Speaker 03 Typical northerner, take what's from the south.
5:48 Speaker 02 Let's brush over that one. That's a good yogurt spoon, that.
5:52 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:52 Speaker 02 Cause you never, they don't make, you know, they do like soup spoons and tea spoons.
5:56 Speaker 03 Yes, I am aware of that.
5:57 Speaker 02 And dessert spoons. When I have a yogurt, I have a yogurt every night after a tea because I'm a toddler.
6:03 Speaker 03 Little petty, petty flue.
6:04 Speaker 02 I do have a little petty flue actually, or if I'm feeling fancy, those fancy ones where they're checked on the front with a peach at the bottom.
6:11 Speaker 03 Still as butch as ever.
6:12 Speaker 02 What's the brand called? Anyway, and I always say, I often say, because the conversation is riveting in my house.
6:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:18 Speaker 02 I often say, do you know what? They don't do enough yogurt spoons, so I'm going to call that a good yogurt spoon.
6:24 Speaker 03 It's a 1939 state visit to Canada spoon.
6:27 Speaker 02 Perfect for a yogurt, that.
6:28 Speaker 03 Can I have that back, please?
6:30 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
6:32 Speaker 03 Thank you. We could share custody of the spoon. Give it to me, please. Thank you. Mine. She sent it to me. But now, now this is where next week we come in and sort of it's like the antiques roadshow because people have sent in so many spoons for you or objects.
6:46 Speaker 02 You know that whiskey decanter you got me?
6:48 Speaker 03 Yes.
6:49 Speaker 02 And I've smashed one of the glasses.
6:50 Speaker 03 From the Nutsford Antiques, actually, years ago, yeah.
6:52 Speaker 02 Would that be worth something?
6:54 Speaker 03 No.
6:54 Speaker 02 No? You said it was antique. Is it antique?
6:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, you can still be antique and not really worth much.
6:59 Speaker 02 Oh.
7:00 Speaker 03 Look at Stuart.
7:07 Speaker 02 That was good!
7:08 Speaker 03 Thank you.
7:08 Speaker 02 He is the eldest out of us, but he's not old.
7:10 Speaker 03 No, well, I don't know if he is.
7:12 Speaker 02 I loved how Stuart laughed at that. Come on, what else have we got?
7:15 Speaker 03 Okay, so, Jordan, supermarket snacking, which we talked about last week, it is a hot topic, let me tell you.
7:21 Speaker 02 Tell me I've not broke the law again, because if I'm in for picking flowers and supermarket snacking, I'm gonna get bummed all over G-Wink.
7:29 Speaker 03 More like D-Wink.
7:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:33 Speaker 02 You're on fire today, Mr. Hanson.
7:34 Speaker 03 Thank you very much. Last week, Jordan, you said there's nothing wrong with eating something before you pay for it in the supermarket.
7:41 Speaker 02 Sometimes you pay for the packaging.
7:43 Speaker 03 Which I said was completely wrong, caused lots of comments. We polled our Instagram followers, and 57% of people agree with me that adults eating things in supermarkets is totally wrong. Will said eating while shopping is just bad etiquette in general. I mean, how hungry can you be?
7:57 Speaker 02 Honestly, why not?
7:59 Speaker 03 Just eat before you go.
8:00 Speaker 02 No, because some of us have busy lives. There's not wrong with opening a pack of ham and just having a few bits of ham stuff.
8:08 Speaker 04 You should go to the supermarket having eaten.
8:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:10 Speaker 04 Because if you're hungry, then you will buy more.
8:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:13 Speaker 03 Or just eat it whilst you go round.
8:15 Speaker 02 Do not quote Gillian McKeef.
8:18 Speaker 03 McQueef.
8:21 Speaker 02 Gillian McQueef.
8:23 Speaker 03 I'm sure that's a drag queen.
8:24 Speaker 02 No, it should be. That's my drag queen name. I'm trademarking that. I'm Gillian McQueef.
8:30 Speaker 03 Can we just look that up? That might be a...
8:31 Speaker 02 I'm Gillian McQueef. Anyway, she used to say that on... What was it?
8:36 Speaker 04 You are what you eat.
8:36 Speaker 02 You are what you eat, because you won't get away with some of those. Fat families, who's in there?
8:41 Speaker 03 Yes.
8:41 Speaker 02 Hello, fat teeth!
8:42 Speaker 03 I'm in his book. Steve Miller's book. He did a book years ago, and he asked me for a quote and various guides, so I'm in it.
8:50 Speaker 04 Is that the writer of the show?
8:52 Speaker 03 He's the presenter. Steve Miller, the guy who presented Fat Families.
8:57 Speaker 03 Uh, Ia said, can you not wait four minutes until you've actually paid? Levitar, but Harry Potter, said it's, it's not acceptable. What if your payment method fails at the end and you're left with no other options to pay?
9:10 Speaker 02 Levitar, it's not acceptable. What if your payment method fails at the end and you're not left to pay? Sorry, Levitar, but you've annoyed me.
9:17 Speaker 03 What, by disagreeing with you?
9:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:19 Speaker 03 Only 21% agree with you, Jordan, that it's totally fine.
9:21 Speaker 02 It's fine, as long as you pay.
9:23 Speaker 03 Emma says, it's a Lancashire thing. We always had a mini can of drink when we're in Asda. Who else calls them birdie cans?
9:31 Speaker 02 True. My mum, I've said this before, my mum used to feed us like seals in trolley. The chuckers bloody turkey dinosaur meat, you know.
9:38 Speaker 03 Turkey dinosaur meat?
9:39 Speaker 02 No, the Billy, no, no, no, sorry, I got that wrong. The Billy Bear meat. Do you not remember when he used to slice it in front of you?
9:46 Speaker 03 They didn't do that at Waitrose. Jacqueline said, as long as you pay for it at the end, I don't care when you eat it. Key said, it's fully allowed. I used to work in Sainsbury's. They call it grazing and it's absolutely fine as long as you pay for it before you leave.
9:57 Speaker 02 And they do it now for kids. There's free, free fruit for kids in the trolley.
10:00 Speaker 03 22% of people say, however, that it depends. Some of the factors people mentioned were medical or pregnancy needs, fine. Eating something that is charged by weight, not fine. And whether you're a dick to the staff about it, not fine. Cheryl said, if my blood sugars drop, I have to get them back up. So always open the Jelly Babies while shopping.
10:19 Speaker 02 Thank you, Cheryl. There you go.
10:20 Speaker 03 I do, I'm going to look into the law on this, but I'm fairly sure a lot of people messaged me to say it is actually illegal.
10:25 Speaker 02 No, it's not. Have a day off. You can't, don't get me wrong, you can't go in to pick a mix and just grab a hand of flumps. And be like, I've had an handful of flumps. Cause they'll be like, well, how do I charge you for them?
10:38 Speaker 03 Hmm.
10:38 Speaker 02 But if you've opened a Tonic's tea cake and had one, you're fine.
10:42 Speaker 04 Just waiting for a knock at the door.
10:43 Speaker 03 Yes, next week.
10:44 Speaker 02 Mr. North, yeah.
10:46 Speaker 03 Um, last week also on the podcast, we learnt about gooning, which was nothing short of an eye opening subject for us all. Um, and lots of people seem to like hearing about it.
10:55 Speaker 02 It was in the Sunday Times, I'm sure, by the way.
10:57 Speaker 03 Gooning?
10:58 Speaker 02 I'm pretty sure, or was it? No, it weren't. It was Ben Zand.
11:02 Speaker 03 What?
11:03 Speaker 02 The documentary maker. Really good documentary. It was on his Instagram.
11:06 Speaker 03 Right. So with this in mind, we're starting a new feature, apparently with no approval from me, called William Reads from Urban Dictionary. Now, if you don't know what Urban Dictionary is, it's nothing to do with Susie Dent, let's put it that way. It's an online dictionary where you can find out the meanings to some of the more sordid words and phrases on the internet. Think gooning, space docking, wolf bagging, et cetera.
11:31 Speaker 02 Space docking, no idea.
11:33 Speaker 03 Well, if this feature runs for all the week, we might find out what space docking is. Now, we've got no idea which phrase the team has picked for me to discover today, so we'll dive in. This week's word, are you sitting comfortably by the way? Is supermaning. Okay, Jordan's doing like a Superman pose. Before we find out the meaning, what do you think it could mean, Jordan?
11:52 Speaker 02 Well, I'm thinking it's something to do with spunk, because I remember being told about, is it Spider?
11:58 Speaker 03 That's camp man.
11:58 Speaker 02 No, it was in Spider-Man.
12:01 Speaker 03 What, the fiddle walk with Tom Holland?
12:04 Speaker 02 I don't endorse this, but I got told this in, probably uni, maybe college.
12:09 Speaker 03 Right.
12:10 Speaker 02 So like Spider-Man is, I think it's called Spider-Maning.
12:14 Speaker 03 Well, I don't know what it is. Show them your web.
12:17 Speaker 02 When you, basically when you jizz, you get it on your hands and flick it on the face like Spider-Man.
12:23 Speaker 02 I don't know.
12:25 Speaker 03 Jeez.
12:26 Speaker 02 I don't endorse it.
12:28 Speaker 04 So what would that make, supermaning?
12:31 Speaker 02 Fisted, innit?
12:32 Speaker 03 Okay. Well, we'll find out after the break.
12:35 Speaker 02 Oh, forgot, is this now a thing? Oh, just when this podcast couldn't get any lower.
12:41 Speaker 02 I'm listening to The Rest Is History at the moment with Dominic Fingey and the book club that they do, Tilly. Yeah, well, that's more, that's more highbrow. You want to have this with Dominic and Tilly?
12:53 Speaker 03 You do on their Patreon, to be fair.
12:55 Speaker 02 Do you like 1984? Yeah, they do a really good review of that, by the way. I'd have that.
13:02 Speaker 03 They've picked some niche books.
13:03 Speaker 02 So that's like proper highbrow. I don't understand half the words they're saying, but still.
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13:47 Speaker 01 Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep
14:28 Speaker 01 theirs. Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.
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15:46 Speaker 03 Supermaning we were talking about before the break. Let's see if we got the definition right. Reading from Urban Dictionary. Supermaning is when someone with a willy lies flat on a public bin and said willy dangling down into said bin. Once you are balanced, you stick your arms out in front of you and your legs out behind you in a Superman position and let the piss fly out of you faster than Clark Kent.
16:11 Speaker 02 I've done that.
16:12 Speaker 03 I'll use it in a sentence. Jordan was arrested while supermanning in public because of urinating outdoors is illegal. Well, there we go. We've all learnt something.
16:21 Speaker 02 That works better than what I thought, and I think that'd be quite a lovely way to have a wee.
16:25 Speaker 03 What, on a bin?
16:26 Speaker 02 Just like...
16:29 Speaker 03 Why don't you go, when you go around to Maureen's house, you could Superman her bins?
16:33 Speaker 02 I'm not supermanning in Maureen's house. Have some grace and decor and place William Hanson.
16:38 Speaker 03 I think it would be fun.
16:39 Speaker 02 Why am I being all posh today?
16:41 Speaker 03 Or get on your bins later and send us a photo.
16:44 Speaker 02 Could do it on the toilet.
16:46 Speaker 03 Well, you could, but I think it's got to be, I think it's got to be a wheelie. I'm sorry.
16:50 Speaker 02 Zac Efron does that in film.
16:52 Speaker 03 Oh, and over to our Zac Efron correspondent, Jordan North.
16:56 Speaker 02 He does. Is it the one where, is it Bad Grandpa with Robert De Niro? It can't, his boner can't go down, so he has to...
17:04 Speaker 03 Right.
17:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, anyway.
17:06 Speaker 03 Okay. Paul's got in touch in need of some football advice.
17:09 Speaker 02 Oh.
17:10 Speaker 03 Yep, lad. Hi, William, Jordan, EPB, Diego and the rest of the Sexed team. At the age of 36, on Sunday, the 31st of May, I'm playing in my first ever charity football match as a goalkeeper at AFC Wimbledon's Plough Lane Stadium.
17:25 Speaker 03 Sounds nice. Alongside former Wimbledon players as well as other fellow Wimbledon fans. I haven't kicked a ball in seven years. I'm absolutely crapping myself getting prepared and training for the big day. Isn't this around the time that you're doing Soccer Aid?
17:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, don't.
17:40 Speaker 03 It's a bit like you, haven't kicked a ball in seven years and crapping myself. Does the soon to be cancelled, oh, does the soon to be cancelled Soccer Aid star Jordan North have any further advice on this dilemma? Love the podcast. Many thanks, Paul.
17:52 Speaker 02 Try not to overtrain before, because that's what I'm doing. You don't want to injure yourself.
17:57 Speaker 03 You're actually training for Soccer Aid?
17:59 Speaker 02 I'm.
18:00 Speaker 03 It's a charity knockabout match.
18:01 Speaker 02 Oh, oh, you've reminded me. I'm trying to get 10 lads together so we can have a five-a-side game. You should look for it. You are actually, right? So I think it's me, you, Eakin referee, Cal.
18:14 Speaker 03 Me?
18:15 Speaker 02 You can be cheerleader. Cal and everyone. Right, so I'm thinking in the next couple of weeks, just have a little kickabout. Yeah? Okay.
18:23 Speaker 03 Can I just do the tea?
18:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, you do the tea. Yeah, yeah. But my advice is.
18:30 Speaker 03 Or the oranges.
18:31 Speaker 02 If you're not very good, play, oh, you're being goalkeeper. You'll be fine as keeper. You'll be fine. So don't fucking help.
18:37 Speaker 03 Goalkeepers just sort of stand in the net for most of the time, don't they? They don't actually do anything.
18:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:41 Speaker 03 In my knowledge. Well, good luck. Break a leg.
18:44 Speaker 02 Break, no, don't, don't say that. Don't say that in football. It's one of the worst injuries.
18:48 Speaker 03 I say, oh.
18:49 Speaker 02 Oh.
18:50 Speaker 03 Why is it fine in the theatre then?
18:52 Speaker 02 What?
18:52 Speaker 03 Why is it fine in the theatre?
18:53 Speaker 02 Because that's your world. Don't bring it into our world. Don't say break a leg in football. Christ. Good luck. Have a good game.
19:00 Speaker 03 I don't know if I did it on Ben's sponsorship page for when you did the marathon or Cats. But normally when I donate to people that are doing running things, I always put break a leg, which I think is hilarious. Eve has got in touch to let Jordan know he's going to prison. Hello, boys.
19:17 Speaker 02 What for now?
19:18 Speaker 03 I work as an ecologist or botanist with a degree in plant biology, so I wanted to weigh in on Jordan and his flower picking.
19:24 Speaker 02 I'm sick of, right, I'm sorry for picking the fucking bluebells. I didn't know it was illegal.
19:29 Speaker 03 It is an offence under the Wildlife and Countryside Act, as amended, to pick any wild flower without the landowner's permission. Bluebells, however, are afforded additional protection. Bluebells are only, however, protected against sale, so as long as he had permission from the landowner and he hasn't sold them, he's not going to prison. So, did you sell your bluebells?
19:50 Speaker 02 I didn't sell them and they're still going strong, by the way.
19:53 Speaker 03 Did you have permission from the landowner?
19:55 Speaker 02 No, I didn't.
19:55 Speaker 03 Illegal.
19:56 Speaker 02 Right, well, I.
19:57 Speaker 03 Bye.
19:58 Speaker 02 I tell you what, when the council get back to me and they finally dropped off my bloody recycling bags that I've been trying to get from for three months, yeah? Then I'll, I'll ask them permission, yeah? It'd be different if I hadn't paid my pissing council tax, they'd be on the phone to me, wouldn't they?
20:11 Speaker 03 That's not really how the law works.
20:13 Speaker 02 Well, I don't care. Frigging, months I've been asking for my recycle bags.
20:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, but that doesn't mean to say you go around stealing bluebells.
20:21 Speaker 02 I'm not stealing bluebells. I thought it'd be nice for my side table in my kitchen.
20:25 Speaker 03 You are raping Mother Nature.
20:28 Speaker 02 Jesus, you'd be a good barrister, you know?
20:30 Speaker 03 Thank you.
20:30 Speaker 02 You would. Christ, I won't pick any more bluebells.
20:33 Speaker 03 Continuing a theme, an anonymous police officer has messaged.
20:36 Speaker 02 Oh, for God's sake, are you joking?
20:39 Speaker 03 To clarify the rules around eating food in a supermarket before paying for it.
20:42 Speaker 02 Right, also.
20:43 Speaker 03 I'd be interested to know this.
20:44 Speaker 02 Lock me up. Apparently I smuggled in toothpaste from America and that's illegal as well. Because it's really white, because their, their toothpaste is great. You're like, you're white.
20:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, because it's full of bleach.
20:55 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, and they're not allowed it here, but I took, bought a few and apparently you're not allowed to do that.
20:59 Speaker 03 You're going to be stopped at the border next time.
21:01 Speaker 02 Lock me up. We're dealing with this lot. It'll be like a bloody holiday camp. I am literally my mother. I have turned into my mother. That's what she used to say. Prison, it'll be a break from you lot. Don't, it's my biggest fear, going to prison.
21:14 Speaker 02 Right, anyway.
21:14 Speaker 04 You'd better stop doing things that are illegal then.
21:16 Speaker 02 Oh, a bit too, I picked a fucking bluebell. Technic, technic.
21:21 Speaker 04 That's what you'll be saying in prison.
21:23 Speaker 02 Do you know what I'll do? I'll, I'll, I'll be a martyr and an old G and D.
21:26 Speaker 03 You've been a martyr for years.
21:28 Speaker 02 They'll back me up and they'll be protesting out, free Jordan North, be like free Deirdre Rashid. Everyone will have t-shirts on.
21:33 Speaker 03 Gosh, it's like, it's like doing the podcast with Al Capone all of a sudden. Hi lads, I was just listening to your latest podcast when you talked about the etiquette behind eating something in a supermarket before paying for it. As someone who used to work in a supermarket, I can confirm it can be annoying if you go through the self-checkout as it goes in wait, but otherwise I never had an issue. However, as a current police officer, I can confirm, oh, it's perfectly legal.
21:56 Speaker 02 Thank you.
21:57 Speaker 03 The definition of theft is the dishonest appropriation of another's property with the intention to permanently deprive the other of it. Therefore, the theft is not complete until you choose not to pay for the item and since you always had the intention to and do pay for it, there is no theft and therefore it is not illegal. Love the podcast and keep up the good work. Anonymous. Oh, that's nice. He's so committed to that definition. He's kept himself anonymous.
22:21 Speaker 02 You know, like, you can tell you're in London, because you know, like, the dodgy people that used to sell, like, cheese and meat in pub and stuff and DVDs.
22:30 Speaker 03 No, but yeah.
22:31 Speaker 02 That I'm not endorsing. No. However, randomly, and I'm not even joking, a bloke jumped out of a van near my house this week. I promise you, I thought, well, this is it, Jordan.
22:42 Speaker 03 I thought you lived in a decent part of the world. It sounds like you everything.
22:45 Speaker 02 Well, no, this is what I'm saying. Well, so you run out and he was like, you have to any olive trees?
22:50 Speaker 03 Olive trees.
22:51 Speaker 02 And can I just say, they were the most beautiful olive trees, but I thought.
22:54 Speaker 03 Actually, in all seriousness.
22:56 Speaker 02 I don't want to get cancelled for dodgy olive trees. And I genuinely will, and I didn't ask, I asked him twice, I went to him and he scared over the question, so I think they were nicked. So I'm just saying, I do think about these things.
23:08 Speaker 03 In all seriousness.
23:08 Speaker 02 But I was tempted, but I thought, I can't be honest, losing my job over a couple of olive trees.
23:13 Speaker 03 In all seriousness, I am actually after an olive tree.
23:16 Speaker 02 Well, I've gone and spoke to this dodgy mum that's driving around my area.
23:20 Speaker 03 Right, well, if it comes to my part of the world.
23:22 Speaker 02 Imagine that.
23:23 Speaker 03 Yeah. Because next to, you know, where we have, there's like a, normally people have fences between houses, but they've got like some olive trees. And there's a gap where clearly there was an olive tree, but there isn't any more. And I've learnt that it was because a couple of years ago, before we bought the house. Um, next door had a water leak, so it infected the roots and thus the olive tree died, which is why there's a great big gap. And so we're just going to put an olive tree back in the gap.
23:48 Speaker 02 Well, if I see him, I'll, I'll, I'll send him your way.
23:51 Speaker 03 Thank you very much.
23:52 Speaker 02 You don't mind me giving him your address?
23:53 Speaker 03 That's absolutely fine. As long as they are legal, then I don't mind.
23:57 Speaker 02 William, I've clearly just stated they're obviously not legal.
24:00 Speaker 03 Well, we don't know that.
24:01 Speaker 02 Well, why is he gonna be just, if you need anyone, if you need cheese and meat, speak to me.
24:07 Speaker 03 I don't want, I don't want cheese.
24:08 Speaker 02 Not that she nicks him, she doesn't like this.
24:10 Speaker 03 Just back to anonymous's letter. So interesting what he says, he, she, they. The theft is not complete until you choose to pay for them. And since you always had the intention to do and pay for it, there is no theft.
24:25 Speaker 03 It's not complete, but it does sound like it's in progress. So I would say it is still not advisable.
24:31 Speaker 02 I won't pick bluebells and I won't eat sandwiches in supermarkets.
24:34 Speaker 03 Thank you.
24:35 Speaker 02 Christ, I might as well be a nun.
24:39 Speaker 03 I think we'd have to go some for that.
24:43 Speaker 02 What's that meant to me?
24:44 Speaker 03 I love being a bitch. And finally, Robert.
24:47 Speaker 02 Pass, William.
24:49 Speaker 03 And.
24:50 Speaker 02 Shut up and read the next question.
24:53 Speaker 03 And finally, Robert has messaged in to weigh in on Jordan's bisexual peanut butter analogy.
24:58 Speaker 02 Can I say loads of bisexuals have got in touch with me and said.
25:04 Speaker 02 Is this the same thing? They've said, I've never heard an analogy like it, but anyway, go on. Saying I've nailed it.
25:10 Speaker 03 Dear William Jordan, producer Ben, in a recent episode, Jordan compared the experience of bisexual people to sometimes fancying smooth and sometimes preferring crunchy peanut butter. As someone who is bisexual, I wanted to write in to let you know that he accidentally stumbled upon a well documented phenomenon experienced by many bi people. Often, people assume that bi attraction is evenly split between both the binary male and female genders. However, for lots of people, the level of attraction varies, sometimes favouring the smooth peanut butter and sometimes the crunchy. This is known as the bi cycle. And sometimes this preference can quite dramatically shift one way or another for a period of time. Also, for a lot of people, the bi label can encompass much more than just the binary male and female
25:53 Speaker 03 genders, so sometimes we may fancy some jam or marmalade as well. Personally, I'm very keen on lemon curd. You've lost us with this, I'm honest. Thank you for continuing to make us all laugh with your antics. Robert from, no surprises, Norfolk. So there we go.
26:09 Speaker 02 I got sent quite a few DMs. One of them is a lovely message. I think her name was Rachel. I think it was Rachel, it might be Rebecca. She said, I'm bi and I've never really thought about it as that. And it is. Some days you want smooth, some days you want, some months, I'll go months. This is how, that's what I reckon it's like to be bi. Months I'll be like, oh, crunchy. And then one day I'll wake up and like, I fancy a bit of smooth today. And that's what bi person do. They go, I fancy a bit of cock this morning. And then they'll have cock for two months and think, right, a bit of funny now. And that's what I'm like with peanut butter.
26:46 Speaker 03 Good to know. Thanks for sharing with the group.
26:50 Speaker 04 What's your peanut butter preference, William?
26:52 Speaker 03 Oh, I like, I like with nuts.
26:55 Speaker 04 Yeah. I've always, I've always nutty.
26:58 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
26:58 Speaker 04 Not country. Never smooth.
27:01 Speaker 03 We should, we should do a, we should all, like, you know, get together and, no, I can't.
27:07 Speaker 02 Go on, go on.
27:09 Speaker 03 The, the joke was nut butter. I'm not, I'm not, no.
27:13 Speaker 04 You want to make some nut butter together.
27:16 Speaker 02 Okay, right, let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials.
27:24 Speaker 03 Before we go to our favourite one, the honourable mentions, all linked to, Jordan, your story about mincing around the park illegally picking bluebells.
27:31 Speaker 02 I didn't mince around the park. I was on that Italian post.
27:34 Speaker 03 La passagiatà.
27:36 Speaker 02 Dinner tea walk.
27:38 Speaker 03 La passagiatà is a phrase that only I have learnt in the last week and I can say it already perfectly. You've been going on it for months and you still can't say it.
27:46 Speaker 02 La passagiatà. There you go. Anyway, I didn't mince bound.
27:50 Speaker 03 Hales commented on YouTube to say, "The Italian after meal walk is referred to as a fart walk in our house."
27:56 Speaker 02 Few people have said that because apparently you go, you know, just do loads of trumps.
28:02 Speaker 03 Gosh, well, it's lovely. Obviously, Jordan, when you told us about the park mince, I said, "I've had anal sex, but that's the gayest thing I've ever heard." Katie commented, "2018 William would never say such a thing."
28:12 Speaker 02 He would not.
28:13 Speaker 03 And comment of the week comes from Marion. What a lovely name Marion is, solid name, who said, "I'm currently a tourist in London and thought you should know that the big bus, City Tour Bus, announces all their stops with the same tune as William's passive aggressive text of the week jingle. Makes me laugh every time."
28:30 Speaker 02 Oh, so it's worse time to come.
28:32 Speaker 03 It is Royal Britannia. I mean, it's not, we don't own that.
28:36 Speaker 02 Oh, is it? Oh, whatever.
28:37 Speaker 03 Yes.
28:40 Speaker 02 That's bad that you've come for a tourist and it's Big Ben's broke, isn't it?
28:43 Speaker 03 What? Is this a joke?
28:46 Speaker 02 No, one of the clock faces is broken. Please don't go, "Big Ben's the name on the clock on the tower." We know, we're not bothered.
28:51 Speaker 03 It's the name of the bell.
28:52 Speaker 02 Whatever. But one of the clock's faces is broke.
28:55 Speaker 03 Oh, really? Broken?
28:57 Speaker 02 Like the oven in the kitchen. And when that goes, it fucks everything up. You're like, oh shit, what time is it? You're not the oven in the kitchen.
29:05 Speaker 03 Yes. Do you not have a clock on the wall then?
29:07 Speaker 02 No, everyone relies on the oven clock, don't they?
29:09 Speaker 03 Put a clock on the wall?
29:10 Speaker 02 No.
29:11 Speaker 03 Yes. You still, by the way, talking of clocks and kitchen timers, you still haven't sent me the link to that kitchen timer of yours I want.
29:16 Speaker 02 I haven't. Do you know what? If that was you.
29:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:19 Speaker 02 I mentioned to you, this is how lovely you are. I said, where did you get that coffee mug from?
29:24 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, the travel, the travel cafeteria.
29:26 Speaker 02 The travel cafeteria. And I said, send me the link. And do you know what happened? Next day, you got it sent delivered to me. How nice is that? Isn't that sweet? And he's asked me for two months for this kitchen timer of mine. I've still not sent him.
29:38 Speaker 03 My ex is still very badly coached because I just can't have anything to tell him.
29:41 Speaker 02 I love this art and shit house here. I can't even send him a link. Sorry.
29:46 Speaker 03 You'll miss me when I'm gone.
29:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, I will. That was very sweet. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected] . We also love hearing back from the people we are for advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll see you on Tuesday.
30:06 Speaker 03 Goodbye.
30:06 Speaker 02 Bye bye.
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31:47 Speaker 07 I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts, and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat. Right. Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.
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