Help He’s Fist Deep In My Mum | And William Parkours?!

Who on earth could possibly go to the gym and lose only ONE of their shoes? Who has taken up parkour with aplomb? Who is missing out on a trip to Benidorm with the lads? Find out all the answers and more as William and Jordan solve your dilemmas, involving what you should wear in a nightclub and how to get over walking in on your boyfriend getting intimate with your mother. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hot flashes, rage crying, forgetting words mid-sent-ten. Yeah, we know. Menopause is a lot. Midi Health gets it. That's why Midi offers virtual healthcare specially tailored to women's needs. Built for women by women. Every symptom, every stage, every question. Visit joinmidi.com to get started today. That's join M I D I dot com. Individual results and coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  It's time.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  It's the most wonderful time of the year. Halloween.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  And you guys know we don't do Halloween by halves. Full costume, full prosthetics, full commitment. I'm a rat. And I'm the chef. It's our Ratatouille special. Then we're grabbing our broomsticks for the witches.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  We've got a spooky hotline caller. An update from our woman who was in love with the ghost of Prince Albert. And your tarot card dilemmas. Listen to our Halloween specials, search for The Girl's Bathroom.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas like what should you do when your partner starts giving you a randy smirk? Or how do you tell a thief the bag they've stolen from you contains nothing but a dead dog?

• 1:34Speaker 04

  We've all been there.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  And what should you do if accidentally sexed your boss? But we're not your usual solution sluts, are we, William Hanson?

• 1:41Speaker 04

  No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more etiquette for eating peas. You're more princess in the pea. Very true.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  I don't get that.

• 1:48Speaker 04

  That's from Jade. Princess in the pea? One of my favourite fables. Did you not do that?

• 1:53Speaker 03

  I do remember. Is that where?

• 1:55Speaker 04

  She slept on top of multiple different mattresses and there was one little pea at the bottom of the, because she was so sort of highly strung and princess-like, even under 40 mattresses, she could still feel the pea. And then they discovered it was a pea and they moved it and then she could sleep well, I think.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  What's the one with Rumplestiltskin?

• 2:17Speaker 04

  Well, that's a totally different, that's Rumplestiltskin. That's a totally different fable.

• 2:22Speaker 03

  What's the one where he turns a hair, sews a hair into gold?

• 2:25Speaker 04

  Rumplestiltskin.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Oh, it's the only fable I know, I think.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  Rapunzel? Or do you mean Rapunzel?

• 2:32Speaker 03

  No, Rapunzel let down her hair, didn't she? Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair. That was the saying from it.

• 2:39Speaker 04

  It was, yes.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  It's the quote.

• 2:42Speaker 05

  William could do that.

• 2:43Speaker 04

  Ben, can we just talk about, Ben is-

• 2:45Speaker 03

  He's got a new role today.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  Is sitting at Zoffia's podium. He's on work experience as a technician.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Zoffia, what's Zoffia's pub?

• 2:53Speaker 05

  Studio engineer.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  Studio engineer, so Ben's had to step, it's like the old days, this.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:59Speaker 05

  I, thank you, that's what I was gonna say, it's not stepping in.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  But in the old days, you didn't speak.

• 3:03Speaker 05

  No, I was behind a glass window.

• 3:06Speaker 03

  Having a nervous breakdown.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  At least now you just have the nervous breakdown in the same room as us, which is nice.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  You can feel the nervous energy, which is nice.

• 3:14Speaker 04

  Anyway, let's back to the format. This week's toast goes to everyone who ran the London Marathon.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  Including, back to him, producer Ben.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  He smashed it, did you see what time it got?

• 3:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're gonna talk about it properly in a minute.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Oh, great.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  I just want a drink.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Can I, who are we toasting to, Ben?

• 3:29Speaker 04

  Well, Emma also wanted to toast Ben, and she messaged in to say, hi guys, just to say, I hope producer Ben gets the best toast to date on the next episode record after today's marathon. What an incredible effort for such a worthy cause. Having lost a very dear friend to suicide, who was also my daughter's uncle and godfather, and many other friends, the latest just buried on Tuesday, passed, I could not be prouder to be a G and Dva today. Thank you to all of the Sexed Team for the heartwarming joy and laughter you bring to many lives each week. You have no idea of the impact it can have. Having found this podcast myself during a very low period in my life in 2023, the back catalogue most certainly saved me from a silence I could not bear to be in at the time. Much love to you all, and congratulations, Ben.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  So-

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Well done, Ben.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  Ben and all of your fellow marathon runners, Kat as well, this is to you. Congratulations. Oh, he's got his medal.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  Medal, wear it with pride, lad.

• 4:27Speaker 04

  It was weeks ago.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  He's got that.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  All right. It was weeks ago.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  That's class, that. See, what did you get? Did you get like 10% off at Boots? Or what's crack with that?

• 4:39Speaker 05

  There were a few, a few freebies, but I didn't, I didn't actually get to use any of them.

• 4:43Speaker 04

  The place we often go were offering on the marathon day, they were offering free roast lunches. And Ben said, oh, I won't be able to do one, but William, you can always come and get my medal. I thought, if I turn up, holding a medal, Dresden is huge, because I was working on that day. I do think they might see past that.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  Now, some people ran it in suits.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  Did they? Yes, well, some people ran it in Peppa Pig, the little Daddy Pig.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  No, it was Daddy Pig, don't really lose it.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Alright, sorry, yeah. Daddy Pig ran it.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  And one of your mates ran solo.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, he says hello. Hasn't seen you in a while.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Um, anyway, so is it heavy, your medal, Ben?

• 5:21Speaker 05

  Oh, it's a heavy, heavy medal.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  Right, is it, what's it made from?

• 5:24Speaker 05

  I don't know, actually.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  Well, if you're not.

• 5:27Speaker 05

  Brass?

• 5:27Speaker 04

  Brass.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  What are these things made from?

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Now, it is bronze colour, but does everyone get the same? Or if you're the winner, you get a gold one?

• 5:33Speaker 03

  It's brass, I hate how posh people speak sometimes. Brass. It's brass, but congrats, I'm proper proud of you. No, genuinely, mate, I am really proud.

• 5:41Speaker 04

  Can I actually see the medal? Could you?

• 5:43Speaker 05

  Oh, it says on it, actually, 100% recycled zinc. If anyone guessed zinc, then you're right.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  That's the one that science teachers used to burn in GCSE science and they'd get fucking mad at them.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, so then we got a medal.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  Don't look at the lights, it'll burn you! Um, Ben, I'm super proud of you. Tell everyone what time you did as well, because this is incredible.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, genuinely, in all seriousness, I know nothing about.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Not that it's about time, because it, some people do it in like six hours, which is fine, you did it. Go on.

• 6:10Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, I would echo that, but yeah, 3 hours 37 minutes.

• 6:14Speaker 04

  3 hours 37 minutes, that is incredible.

• 6:16Speaker 05

  The cat did it under four hours as well, she was.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  Yes, you completed it and then you waited for Cat to finish. Story of your life, uh, but you.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  That's good. And it's true.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  So a good 20 minutes later, story of your life.

• 6:36Speaker 05

  It was very hard.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  Story of his life.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  My legs just felt so achy afterwards.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Why, you get used to that.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  On the back of the medal, it says, "The iconic cutty Sark", okay, is on the TCS London Marathon route, just after six miles. Built in 1869, it was designed to be one of the fastest ships of its time.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  It's etiquetteology.

• 7:02Speaker 05

  Almost as boring as your etiquetteology.

• 7:04Speaker 04

  I'm going to burn your medal. We'll see if zinc does burn, okay?

• 7:08Speaker 03

  Can I have a look?

• 7:09Speaker 04

  Yes. Are you okay with me handing it over to Jordan, famous klutz?

• 7:18Speaker 04

  Oh, but he's biting it now.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  That's class, that, Ben. Should be proud of that.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  Oh, and it's actually got on the sort of band, the lanyard. No, don't throw it! Give it to Jack.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Cheers, Jack.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  It says finisher.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Anyway. Well, congrats, Ben. We're super proud of you.

• 7:34Speaker 05

  Thank you, I can feel that.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Who was it? What was the charity called that you ran for, again?

• 7:38Speaker 05

  Suicide and Co. They're very happy with everyone who donated. And yeah, again, I mean, the number of donations from GN Divas. And there was a GN Diva out there who had a "I am a GN Diva" sign. Kelly, I think her name was, which was nice to see. And lots of people shouting, "Ben", although there was no way of knowing if they were fans of me or just shouting my name because it was on my t-shirt. So I think I was waving at some people and they're like, "Why are you waving me back?" But it is a hard balance when you're like, "I want to say thank you for the people that came out."

• 8:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:09Speaker 05

  And yeah, and everyone who sent messages and things.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  Who, lad, who ran in less than two hours?

• 8:15Speaker 05

  Sarway.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Did you see him?

• 8:18Speaker 05

  No, he was a bit quicker than me.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 8:20Speaker 05

  Story of my life.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  He was class, him. He's broke a record, hadn't he?

• 8:23Speaker 05

  Never before two hours. I mean, that would be boring chat, but that was a big, a big sort of milestone that they didn't think would ever be possible.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  Did you see anyone doing a Paula Radcliffe?

• 8:33Speaker 05

  I didn't. Lots of people passing out, which is terrifying for someone with sort of mild to severe health anxiety, but yeah.

• 8:40Speaker 04

  The London Marathon's right up your street, really, isn't it?

• 8:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, perfect.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  Did you stop for a wee?

• 8:45Speaker 05

  I didn't.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  Oh, that'd be me. I'd need a wee.

• 8:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, the problem is with running a marathon is you constantly, I did have the constant feeling of maybe I do need a wee, but also I was like, "I just need to keep running. Just get through it."

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Just keep running.

• 8:57Speaker 05

  Just keep running, running, running. What do we do?

• 9:00Speaker 04

  We run.

• 9:00Speaker 05

  Run, run.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  What the hell is that? Some posh boy humour there?

• 9:04Speaker 05

  It's Finding Nemo.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  No, it's swimming.

• 9:07Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 9:07Speaker 05

  Yes! We adapted it.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  Oh, right. Okay.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  Just keeps coming.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  All right. Well, Ben, thank you.

• 9:14Speaker 04

  Shout out also to Gen Z Izzy and Mikey, who went to go and support producer Ben as well, because I was working, you were very busy and.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  My weekends are precious.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  No, that sounds like I was, I would love to have come down to see you, but I was, I had, I was away.

• 9:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Your lack of presence was noted.

• 9:34Speaker 04

  Okay. Right. Come on, boys.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  How's your week been?

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  What's been going on in the world of William Hanson?

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Well, you want to talk about this?

• 9:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, can, sorry to interrupt you there. Can, can you explain why you're in gym gear?

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Because I've come from parkour training.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Have you actually?

• 9:48Speaker 04

  As you know, this is my new hobby. Mikey said that I needed another hobby that was not work. Now that the tour's over, I need something to fill the void. And so I have naturally taken up parkour. I'll be honest, I'm a beginner. Okay? I, I think I have got an ability. It's not fully developed yet. I don't, I don't know what the London Marathon equivalent is of parkour, but I think it's a way to go until I'm there.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  It's French, isn't it?

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Parkour? Probably.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  I think maybe we should do an etiquette anthology on it next week, but I'm.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  Well, there's absolutely no etiquette with parkour.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Well, there's a history on it. I'm pretty sure it started on Thierry Henry's estate when he was a kid. Now, I've even massively made that up and it's bullshit, but I'm sure Thierry Henry had something to do with it.

• 10:34Speaker 04

  Okay. Nice.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  I think on the estate he grew up on in France, that's where parkour originated. I might have completely made that up.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  Well, I'll look into it.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  It won't be for next week because I've already got that.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  Pardon? It is French.

• 10:47Speaker 04

  It is French. But maybe, my gut is it's probably a little bit older than Thierry Henry.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  No, it's not really.

• 10:53Speaker 04

  How old's Thierry Henry? In his 40s?

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Yeah. So I don't think it's, I think it's only 30 years old because it's in Casino Royale. Because the Bond does in effect parkour. That's where I was first, and obviously blonde sort of hunk running. That's obviously where I was first inspired.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Okay, of course.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  By it.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. So you're gonna be the next James Bond?

• 11:13Speaker 04

  I can't say anything.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Don't.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  But I also thought with, with being in Jimkit, because I could have, I had, I did have a little bit of time where I could have changed. Last week, obviously, you were trying to do a butch episode and you spectacularly failed.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  That's not true.

• 11:27Speaker 04

  We've got the receipts and the video on socials of your butch montage.

• 11:33Speaker 04

  I thought, so thus I'm going to bring the butch this episode, mate.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Right, bro. So is that why you're in Jimkit?

• 11:38Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 11:39Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  I'll be honest, this is, this is not what I normally would wear, but I did put on a clean top.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  I don't know how I feel about you dressed like that. I'm not gonna lie.

• 11:48Speaker 04

  Why not?

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Because it's a bit weird, isn't it? Because you're prim and proper now. You really are.

• 11:53Speaker 04

  Still, I've got my legs crossed and a lovely sort of neat cross.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  And I, and I, I, I, I wasn't not butch last week. It's just, there's a few things.

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Oh, it goes right up your nose.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  It was, wasn't that bad.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  On a clear day.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  I was Jamie McDonald. This is a legend, right? And I won't hear a bad thing said about on this podcast.

• 12:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Right? Just saying.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  But you weren't very butch last week.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  Or indeed for the last eight years.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  That's not true.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  Hmm?

• 12:22Speaker 03

  That's not true.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  It, Jordan, it's fine to switch roles from time to time. How are you?

• 12:28Speaker 03

  Good. I've just been to see Devil's Way Prada. It's so good.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Devil's wears Prada.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  It's.

• 12:35Speaker 04

  It's not the unofficial spin off.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  Did you like the first one?

• 12:37Speaker 04

  I rewatched it the other day in readiness for the new film. It's quite fun.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, the second, I think the second one's really good.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Fashion is horrific in the first one. It's really dated now. Yeah. And that's the trouble with, with, if you follow fashion is it looks nice then, but then you look back 10 years later, you're like, what was I thinking?

• 12:53Speaker 03

  It was 20 years ago.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  Well, I know, you look back 20 years ago and you think, what the hell was I thinking?

• 12:57Speaker 03

  That's why I call you old money because it's just stayed in, looks good all the time, doesn't it?

• 13:02Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Old money.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  You just, just wear the same thing. I mean, I've worn the same thing since I was four.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Jumper, Ralph Lauren shirt.

• 13:08Speaker 04

  I have never normally worn, I'm in such, such a lot of synthetic fibres now.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  That kind of thing. Yeah. Speaking of fashion, I think this sums up my look.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Your look today or just in general?

• 13:17Speaker 03

  I think I look all right today. Thank you very much.

• 13:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it's nice, sort of beige-y cardigan.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  A string vest.

• 13:24Speaker 04

  A string vest, laid back.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, they are actually.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Especially that onesleeve with a cardigan over them.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  Basically, yeah. Um, the gym, I went into yesterday.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  My gym.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  Our gym.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  Mine.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Got my kit out and I was like, oh, my trainers aren't in there. So I went to reception and I went, were any trainers handed in yesterday by any chance? And he went, yeah, New Balance. I said, yeah.

• 13:47Speaker 04

  You know, I think you should have said the brand, not them, personally.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  And he said, they have, but only one. And I thought, what do you mean? He went, there's just one. So he went and just passed me one. And I'm like, that just sums up my life, just sums up my life. Not the fact, no, they've not been handed in. He went, yeah, one. So I'm, we're going to do a fucking hop.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  And also, what's the other person going to do with one shoe?

• 14:08Speaker 03

  So, uh, who's like, uh, why has only one shoe been handed in?

• 14:12Speaker 04

  It's not your brother, is it, that's taken them?

• 14:17Speaker 03

  No, because he still puts a shoe on his fake foot.

• 14:20Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, fine.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  But what is the point of?

• 14:23Speaker 03

  It's a plastic one.

• 14:24Speaker 04

  Hmm. Well, maybe, keep asking and maybe the other shoe will get handed back in.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  My luck. Speaking of which, all my brothers are in Benidorm at the moment.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  Are they? Poor old Benidorm.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  For Ryan's fortieth.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Where are you?

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Here. Couldn't go due to work commitments. And I was strongly advised from the North Women not to go either.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Because of, because of last time.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  What happened last time? When we went?

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Went for Bradley stag do dinner.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  Four days before I started Capital Breakfast, which was not advisable. And I really wanted to go. There was thirty paratroopers and.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Whatever would we have done?

• 15:03Speaker 03

  Not because of that, just because there was, there's thirty paratroopers going, all my brothers, all my brothers mates. I feel like I've got massive FOMO.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  So, yeah, I might, I'm thinking of just getting a flight out there and surprising them.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  No. Really? Are they there for the entire weekend?

• 15:19Speaker 03

  No, for a whole weekend. I feel like bad, but I've got work.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  No, don't feel bad at all. You know, you can't go to everything.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  You can't.

• 15:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, that, that is life.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  You can't please everyone. How about you?

• 15:30Speaker 04

  Or thirty paratroopers.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  How's your week been? What have you been up to?

• 15:34Speaker 04

  Well, last week I was very much enjoying. I know we don't do politics and this isn't politics because the monarchy is above politics. I thought the King and Queen's state visit to America was phenomenal.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  Mic drop.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  I mean, to be fair, it's still going on at times of recording, but the main bits are sort of finished. I think he's played it brilliantly.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  That is.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  His Majesty the King.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think he's been great.

• 15:53Speaker 04

  Did you, did you watch any of his speeches?

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  Belter after belter. It's like, get him on SNL.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  I know. The one about, you'd always be speaking French.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Great line.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  Or my favourite, which has been under.

• 16:05Speaker 03

  There's a lot that went under.

• 16:06Speaker 04

  Under clipped was where he said something about, he was talking about Artemis two, the space mission. He went, or as we would call it in my family, Artemis the second. Hilarious, really funny, solid joke, clever, intellectual joke.

• 16:18Speaker 03

  It's good.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  So, yeah, good on him.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  Best one, to be fair, but.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Well, I liked it.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  So it's fine. What was your favourite one?

• 16:25Speaker 03

  He said, um, what was it now?

• 16:28Speaker 04

  250 years ago when America was founded, or as, or as we say in Britain, just the other day. Great. I mean, just so funny. You'd never get the Queen doing jokes.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  I say, I see you've got a new east wing.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, redeveloping the east wing. We had a go in 1814.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, we tried to burn it down. Brilliant.

• 16:45Speaker 04

  So funny.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  It's great. It's what you want.

• 16:47Speaker 04

  I think that was the only way you could do that state visit is play it for laughs. Don't take it too seriously. Play it for laughs. It's, it's brilliant.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was really good.

• 16:56Speaker 04

  So, well done, King. What else would he have been up to on the state visit? Well, he went to New York, did all that, did ground zero, did.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  It's mad because obviously he went to ground zero and he would never have been before because you can't just go to it like a normal tourist, can you? I hope he went to the museum. It's bloody brilliant. Well, no, I don't mean like that. It's, I, I, it's tragic. It's horrible. You pick up a phone and you hear a voice note.

• 17:19Speaker 04

  No, I know.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Highly recommend anyone going. Like, it's really, I don't want to say good, but it's, it's harrowing. You should go.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  Uh, in October and it was.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 04

  Mikey did actually a very nice photograph, but it, it's, it was.

• 17:32Speaker 03

  I hope him and Camilla got to go look around museums. Probably one of the best museums I've been to. Is it a museum? Would you call it a museum?

• 17:38Speaker 04

  Yeah. Memorial, maybe memorial museum.

• 17:41Speaker 03

  Museum you can go into.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  I'd, next time I see him, I'd tell him to go Nashville.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Well, maybe that'll be the next.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  I'll be like, next time you're going, Charles, take Camilla and go to Nashville.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  Your Majesty.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  Your Majesty. Get a little.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  Cowboy hat.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  Camilla, can I have a go on the Buckingham?

• 17:57Speaker 03

  Can I actually tell you about, you know, Chris Starks in Anne?

• 18:05Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  At the train station.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. You talked about this the other day.

• 18:07Speaker 03

  And he heckled her.

• 18:08Speaker 04

  He heckled the Princess Royal.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Capital breakfast, Your Majesty. And more people.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  Your Royal Highness.

• 18:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, more people were annoyed that he called her Your Majesty. She's Royal Highness, isn't it? Yeah. What do you think of that?

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Heckling, anyone, royal or not.

• 18:21Speaker 03

  Well, she was just walking by.

• 18:24Speaker 04

  I mean, I, I mean, good on Chris. I mean, God loves a optimist. I don't really think the Princess Royal. Like, your show's really good, don't get me wrong, just not convinced it's for the Princess Royal.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  You never know. What are you on about? I mean, I love her to bits. Again, I won't hear a bad word said about her. Beth Rigby, you got any answers to the questions, poor minister? She's constantly heckling.

• 18:43Speaker 04

  That is an elected representative of the people, as opposed to a member of the royal family.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Are you gonna, are you gonna resorting, poor minister? Beth, were you Bob? Calm down. I love her, by the way. It's my favourite political. I've got quite a few political correspondents that I like.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  Because, yeah.

• 18:58Speaker 04

  Give us your top three.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Okay, easily. Right, I'm gonna say Beth Rigby.

• 19:05Speaker 04

  Lovely.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Chris Mason.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  Joe Pike.

• 19:08Speaker 04

  Of course, my favourite.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  Go to bed with most nights now. Listen to him.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  On his, on the old newscast.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  When, and when him and Chris are on together, oof, honestly.

• 19:23Speaker 04

  Him and.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Oh, keeps me up. Um, big shout. I'd also, would you still class Laura as a political correspondent?

• 19:35Speaker 04

  Uh, I wouldn't say correspondent, but she's a political commentator.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  And who else I'm gonna?

• 19:40Speaker 05

  What about your matelesses, your so pals?

• 19:44Speaker 03

  John Sople, Emily Maitlis, but that goes without saying. I texted.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  In fact, so much so, he didn't say it.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Well, no, they're, they're not political correspondents, are they now? They're podcasters. I'm talking about old.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  If anything, now they're light ent.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  I'm talking about old school, political correspondent.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  I'm sorry if I've missed you out. Uh, who else?

• 20:03Speaker 04

  You can't just, Jordan, I only asked for top three. You're just doing that classic, let's try and please everyone. And name absolutely everybody.

• 20:10Speaker 03

  But Beth Rigby, something about her.

• 20:12Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  It's the Bob.

• 20:15Speaker 04

  Maybe you should try, you're not happy with your hair, maybe you should try Bob.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  When Beth Rigby interviews Rachel Reeves, you can't tell the difference. Yeah, it's Bob on Bob. It's great.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Does Rachel Reeves have a Bob?

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Course she has a Bob.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  I don't think she has a Bob.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  She does.

• 20:30Speaker 04

  I don't think she does.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  She does. This is political talk. Who's your favourite political correspondent?

• 20:35Speaker 04

  It's just Joe Pike.

• 20:36Speaker 03

  Joe Pike, yeah. Friend of the show.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Friend of the show, yeah.

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  Um, lovely. Well, there we go. Gene Davis, let us know your-

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Are you gonna whiz our Prime Minister? Beth, leave him be. You're outside his house.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  I've got calluses.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  I do, from look, from all my parkour. Look at that.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  That's because you're lifting weights. Look at mine.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  Well, and also doing parkour.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  You get something like that, son.

• 20:59Speaker 04

  They're not calluses, that's just your foundation that's rubbed.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  That's calluses, that's from weight, weightlifting. I've been in four times this week, thank you very much.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  And the gym.

• 21:10Speaker 04

  It's too easy. Um, my, uh, my hairdresser, talking of the Princess Royal, my hairdresser's very worried about, uh, about where she's gonna be going on a holiday. The other day, she, I was in, having my hair done, uh, next to her Royal Highness, and, um-

• 21:24Speaker 03

  For those who don't know, um, William has the same hairdresser as Princess Anne.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  And, uh, she, uh, my hairdresser, who, who is hilarious, uh, well, I don't have, need probably a name for her now, because I'm not gonna give her a real name.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  What about, uh, Hairspray Hannah?

• 21:41Speaker 04

  Hairspray Hannah? That'll fine.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  No, no, no. Is she, is she an elderly?

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Blow Dry Brenda.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  Blow, Blow Dry Brenda.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  Blow Dry Brenda. Uh, yeah, she, uh, she went, have you seen? I went, sorry, have I seen what? She often starts a conversation like that, you have to sort of guess. And, uh, she said, travel ban, can't go anywhere. I went, you mean because of, because of the war in the Middle East? She's like, yeah, can't go anywhere. I said, well, you can go to an awful lot of places. And then she gets out her phone and she brings out Facebook. She's seen a post on Facebook. She's going through it, she's like, look, Afghanistan, can't go there. Scrolling, Belarus, can't go there. Burkina Faso, banned. Haiti, can't go there. Niger, can't go there. I was like, why? Did you have plans to go to any of these countries? You can't go anywhere. It's ridiculous.

• 22:32Speaker 03

  Well.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  I was like, well, you could go to Europe, you could go to America, go to Singapore. But no, she's very worried.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  I, I actually quite like our, this Strait of Hormuz, is it?

• 22:44Speaker 04

  Strait of Hormuz?

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  I'll have a go.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  Has actually.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  Sort that out.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Has actually got people involved in politics, particularly northern women, AKA Wendy, who has not got a political bone in her body.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  She votes and stuff, but she's not like politically, you couldn't, like, you could speak to my dad about, mum's not bothered. But when I went round over a week, she went, my settee, it's not gonna be for another six weeks now, she's fuming. She's proper pissed, it's the only time.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  Where's she ordered a sofa from?

• 23:12Speaker 03

  I don't, sheen or something, I bloody know.

• 23:15Speaker 04

  Why? Has it come via the Strait of Hormuz?

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, basically. So she's fu, she's, she's, it's the only time she's keeping up today.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  She not buying British?

• 23:22Speaker 03

  I had news at 10 on the other day, see if there are any news on it. I'm like, they've got a report on Wendy's settee. Like, it's the only time she's ever been, I'm wrong, she went, anyway, still no news on my settee. I'm like, there's a war going on. It's like, yeah, I've been watching news, you know, they're bloody useless, no updates. It's the only time she's been interested. So it's kind of good that it's bringing.

• 23:46Speaker 04

  It's now a favourite sofa.

• 23:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  But yeah, can't, she's got Sudan, can't go there. She kept, I was like, Brenda, you can't, you can't be having any serious plans to go to any of these places. And you know, when you, you're not sure if people are actually doing a bit, or they're actually quite annoyed. Anyway, then she announced, this was a few weeks ago, that she was instead gonna go to Turkey. And I had to get the FCDO advice up and go, it says do not go to Turkey. I think they have changed that since. So she's not going anywhere. On a holiday.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  She not go Turkey?

• 24:14Speaker 04

  You couldn't at the time.

• 24:16Speaker 03

  Funny enough, I've been thinking people's teeth have been looking bad of late. That'll be why.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're all out of business now.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  I'll keep you up to date with Wendy's settee.

• 24:24Speaker 04

  Oh, do, please. Cause she could always go to the same place I got my sofa from. Would she like my sofa? Not as in, would she like it to have it? Would she like a separate sofa that is the same?

• 24:34Speaker 03

  She's seen it, but I won't tell you her comments. I was gonna, I was gonna tell you at the time.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Go on. I don't care, cause I.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  She want me to know what she said?

• 24:44Speaker 04

  Was this pre or post the tour?

• 24:47Speaker 03

  Pre.

• 24:47Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Does he do it for effect?

• 24:54Speaker 03

  That's what she said.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  Would you like to reply?

• 25:03Speaker 04

  Well, at least Wendy, it's not crushed velvet.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, anyway, I will keep you up today.

• 25:09Speaker 04

  Good.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Do you do it for effect?

• 25:11Speaker 05

  Do you think on the sort of tracking, like every tracking or something, it says straight to our moose?

• 25:17Speaker 04

  Hamouse.

• 25:18Speaker 05

  Hamouse?

• 25:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  She's fuming about a settee.

• 25:21Speaker 04

  Um, shall we go to Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Oh, is it me?

• 25:24Speaker 04

  It is you.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  Well, whilst you're preparing a joke, here's the jingle.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  Oh, gosh, this Ben's on. This is great. Go on. Wait. Here's the jingle.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  Oh, Ben, you've lost your touch. Years ago, years ago, Ben used to do all this.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  Well, years ago, we didn't use to have jingles. There we go.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  AJ sent this one. Uh, big fan of the podcast. This is AJ in Forestodene. Somebody told me that evaporated milk mixed with urine can bring people back from the dead.

• 26:15Speaker 04

  Urine.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  Urine. And I'll tell you the punchline after the break.

• 26:22Speaker 06

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• 26:55Speaker 00

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• 27:26Speaker 07

  Hello, I'm Luke Jones. And I'm Poppy Damon. We love all the strange true crime stories that you might flick through on a newspaper and think, hang on a minute. And this is Strangely, a podcast where every week we bring you the weirdest, wildest stories ripped straight from the headlines or our notebooks from both sides of the Atlantic. From the stories that you almost certainly missed in the headlines. To the ones you did see and thought, that's odd, but never got to revisit again. If you like strange news. Unexpected twists. And stories that linger on way longer than they should. Listen and subscribe now. Search for Strangely wherever you get your podcasts.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  All right, Gene Devers, thanks for sticking with us. It's now time for Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week, courtesy of AJ in the Forest of Dean. Somebody told me that evaporated milk mixed with urine.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  I just say it. Urine. Urine. You must have said urine before. I just said piss, don't I? Well, then say piss. No, because it's part of the joke. We'll say it right then. Yeah, how'd you say it? Urine. Urine. Forget the E on the end. Urine. Urine? Yes. Didn't, like, urine-gella? Ur-e. Oh, yeah. Like, oh, urine. All right, okay. You've said that before.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Don't out-joke the Jolly Joke of the Week, please. Somebody told me that evaporated milk mixed with urine can bring people back from the dead, but I don't believe in wee incarnation.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Jeez, not sure it was worth the build up.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  That was good.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  Excellent. Shall we go on to the questions and dilemmas?

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's do it. Remember, if you need our help with something, get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected]. You can DM us, we're at Sex and My Boss on socials. Or you can write to Ullim who in the fullness of time, promises a handwritten reply in one of our luxury greeting cards of executive cell seal envelopes. He addresses on the website, sextedmyboss.com. Whilst we're doing church notices, just a little one, we're doing a special episode with JVS.

• 29:27Speaker 04

  Jonathan Bernand Smith, who I do the luxury podcast with.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  You do the luxury podcast. So Help I Sexed My Luxury Podcast is coming very soon. Oh, that's the title of it.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  Yep, that is the title I texted Jack the other day with, so copyright.

• 29:40Speaker 05

  I think it's Sexed The Luxury Podcast, rather than My Luxury Podcast.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  No, Help I Sexed The Luxury Podcast.

• 29:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's not what you said, but yeah.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  You can shut up, you prick.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  If you've got any questions that you want to ask.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, get them in as well.

• 29:54Speaker 04

  It's going to be very odd for me, that.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  It's going to be very odd.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Where are you gonna sit?

• 29:59Speaker 05

  It's like having peanut butter, smooth and crunchy, all at the same time.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  Somebody stopped me in the street last week. Said, by the way, I'm a bisexual and just to let you know that that peanut butter analogy was spot on.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Never happened.

• 30:14Speaker 05

  That's not true. That's not true.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  I keep telling everyone that. I think it's brilliant, my analogy of bisexuals.

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Okay, well, you keep telling yourself that. Our first dilemma is from Caitlin. Hi, boys. I'm a 21-year-old biology student about to finish my degree. And last Friday, I went out clubbing with friends to celebrate surviving weeks of dissertation stress. While I was out, I met a guy with cochlear implants, which felt quite special to me because I wear hearing aids myself.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  What are cochlear implants?

• 30:44Speaker 04

  They're sort of the ones that, implants that, they're like hearing aids, but they're, they're worth it.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  I'm gonna have to get an hearing aid.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, which felt quite special to me because I wear hearing aids myself. It's rare to meet people around my age who understand that experience. I offered to buy him a drink, he said yes, and it was actually a really nice moment. However, his friends immediately started chanting that we should kiss, which completely threw me off. In my very drunk state, my brain short circuited. And I thought he was cute and seemed lovely, but I suddenly became convinced that they all look like freshers on their first night out.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  That's so rude, just because one person's got hearing aids and another one has, you don't go kiss, kiss, kiss.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Instead of doing the normal thing and asking his age, I panicked and just walked away. So now I've effectively bought a man a drink, then vanished like a socially anxious fairy. I'm currently in the fetal position, lying in bed with a brutal hangover, replaying this and questioning all of my life choices. So my dilemma is, what is actually an acceptable age difference when approaching someone on a night out? Was I overthinking it or right to be cautious? I feel like I'd judge a friend for flirting with a fresher, but also don't want to be weirdly rigid about it. Have I massively overreacted or just saved myself from a potentially awkward situation? Thanks. Well, Caitlin, I would say your friends, as Jordan said, are completely in the wrong for being so belacent about it and shouting in front of both of you, kiss, kiss, kiss.

• 32:01Speaker 04

  And of course you're going to feel awkward for that, especially if you, you know, you've had a couple of sherries and you feel a bit merry.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, look, first of all, I think I have done way worse when I'm drunk. Stuff from fifteen.

• 32:12Speaker 04

  Tell us.

• 32:13Speaker 03

  Stuff from fifteen years ago that I'll just be nodding off to sleep. I've got my podcast on, newscast.

• 32:18Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  I've got.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  Joe and Chris in bed.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  Coming in my ears and I'm there. And I'll just remember something from a night out fifteen years, years ago. So you've, you've nothing to worry about.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Okay. Um, second thing is you're 21, he was obviously a fresher. So even if he was 18, at the time, that feels like a massive age difference. It really isn't. So you put me at the right thing, but you might have overreacted. But honestly, it's not the worst thing in the world to do drunk. I've had a kebab out, I've been in Wigan before now. Honestly, like, you know.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  I mean, I know I am living my twenties in my thirties, but I'm never going to get to the stage where I'm eating kebab out of a bin in wig and all otherwise. And you can stick that on a cheese.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  Weren't as bad as Magaluf, what happened. It was still the best and worst thing I've seen.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  What?

• 33:03Speaker 03

  My mate pissed off the balcony into my other mate and it was amazing.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  Into your other mate?

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Well, it was like, kind of, he tried to catch it in a cup. It was clever.

• 33:12Speaker 04

  It's a bit like, I don't know if you sort of, I don't know if any of our G and Ds have ever had this, but sometimes, and this, I assume this doesn't happen in the straight world. But in the gay world, where sort of, sort of mums or friends of mums, when they discover you're gay, maybe the first time you come out, they go, "Oh, my friend's son is gay too, you must meet", as if to go, you know, you can date. And they just think gay plus gay equals relationship. And it's not how it works.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  In this instance, person with hearing aid, person with hearing aid, they're of course gonna, you know, live happily ever after. It's not necessarily how it works. Do you not get that?

• 33:53Speaker 03

  No, no, yeah, if two people, because when I used to wear my hearing aid, it used to get interference all the time. Honestly, if I went too near a telly or an antenna, something with two, you can hear them whistling sometimes. You can hear my dad's go, you can hear my dad's whistling.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  Does your dad have a hearing aid?

• 34:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  Oh, mine does too.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  Um, he doesn't wear, he needs to wear it.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, I've never seen your dad with a hearing aid.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  He needs to wear it, but he's like me. But sometimes you can hear them whistling. So if two people with hearing aids kiss, will it do that?

• 34:19Speaker 04

  Maybe you can maybe switch it off before you kiss. Sometimes, sometimes when I used to hug some of my great aunts who wore hearing aids and you got quite close to it, it would go.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, make a noise. Yeah. Anyway, this next one is from anonymous. Dear William and Jordan, a male perspective, please.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  You've come to the right place, love. Yeah, here you go, darling, how can we help you?

• 34:39Speaker 04

  Bro. My husband of 16 years went to a strip club with friends at the weekend and paid £125 for a lap dance.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  Oh, is that how much it is now? I mean, is that how much it is for a lap dance?

• 34:51Speaker 04

  I'll give you one for a hundred.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  It used to be a place in Preston.

• 34:56Speaker 04

  Your bedroom. We've talked about it and he's apologetic, but I'm so hurt and feel disrespected.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  Perfect tense, still going. And you're all in Preston, again. It was perfect tense, another one.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  What's the etiquette for when you want to rip his head off for paying for a dance from another woman, from a scorned wife?

• 35:10Speaker 03

  Ah, look, this is, I mean.

• 35:12Speaker 04

  It's an awful lot of money to pay for anything, let's say a lap dance. You don't, you know, it's not even like a dress or something you can get multiple uses from.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  I think, look, if you are, if you've got a, one thing to be annoyed about is paying £125 for a lap dance. What a waste of money.

• 35:28Speaker 04

  How much would you pay? What's it going right for a lap dance?

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Pay for a lap dance. Someone to rub their arse on your face. Get that for free, thank you very much. But they don't, they don't even do, oh, they're not even like.

• 35:41Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 35:41Speaker 03

  Like, I've watched that film with Jennifer Lopez in. Yeah, I don't, I genuinely don't know what people, I, I, I don't, I don't wanna lap, I know it's somebody's, I don't, you can't do, they just, like, their arse gets there and maybe touches your thigh a bit. But yeah, I don't think, I think you've got a reason to be angry for paying £100. If you're married and you've got kids and especially

• 36:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, what are you more?

• 36:03Speaker 03

  Times being pretty tough. £125 could have been a decent night out.

• 36:06Speaker 04

  What are you more annoyed about, paying for a lap dance or paying that much for a lap dance, or the lap dance itself?

• 36:11Speaker 03

  She's probably more annoyed about both, because secretly, I think, I might be wrong here, Izzy, you might have to back me up, as the.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  Head of lap dancers.

• 36:21Speaker 03

  Um, I think most girls, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I think most girls are like, I'm not bothered about going to a lap dance club, but secretly probably are a bit.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, Izzy's not being.

• 36:35Speaker 03

  No, because like, they know what's on at stag do's and stuff.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  What do you think's going on in Benidorm right now?

• 36:41Speaker 03

  Hey, don't be a grass on the North Brothers, they're all married.

• 36:44Speaker 04

  I'm on their close friends, I've seen it.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  They will not be doing that, thank you very much. They're, they're good lads, they love their wives. They'll be doing everything else, but they will not be doing that, thank you very much. You're not a bro if you're saying stuff like that. Grass.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  Grass.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  Shut up. Thanks, fine.

• 37:03Speaker 04

  This one is from another anonymous. Dear William Jordan and the amazing sext team, I found myself towards the end of last year becoming quite fond of a girl at the place where I work. Let's call her Daisy. I gave her my number and suggested we go for a coffee sometime. I heard nothing. We were still very friendly at work, but she never broached the subject of coffee. Six months later, I decided I would try again and said to her, "Hey, the offer still stands if you want to go for a coffee sometime", to which she replied, "Thank you", and walked off. I sort of took this as a polite no and decided that nothing would come of it. Fast forward a few weeks, I met up with a friend from the past, Sally. She's also recently divorced, so we both have similar situations. We found ourselves in a confusing situationship, both agreeing that neither of us are dating other people and it's nice to have the company. I had told a few people at work about my situation with Sally,

• 37:48Speaker 04

  but equally made it clear that it wasn't an official thing. Last week, another colleague casually mentions to Daisy that I'm seeing Sally, at which point Daisy apparently bursts into tears. I'm unsure how to proceed. I'm liking my current situation with Sally, but equally, my heart yearns for Daisy. And now I'm left feeling that if indeed Daisy does like me, then any attempt to strike up something between us will not be possible now she knows about Sally. I'm hoping that you'll be able to share some sort of wisdom to help me navigate this tricky situation. Kind regards, anonymous. Daisy's sending out some very mixed messages here.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was gonna say, first of all, she said no and then yes again six months later. So it's worth a second try. I think, I think you've got to go with Sally. But if your heart, I think, stick with Sally. Because Sally can wait, she knows it's too late. Alright, I don't know, I forgot the rest.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Well, I was gonna do a Daisy Daisy, give me an answer too.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Oh, very good.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  Thank you very much.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  See, this is why, this is why this works.

• 38:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  Isn't it? This is why this works. But if your heart yearns for her, I think it's a cards on the table chat. Right, what's crack here? Because I'm seeing Daisy, but I've always liked you. Just tell me now. Is there nothing there? Because crack on. But if you do want to go for a coffee and maybe there is something there, as tough as it sounds, I'll sack Sally off because I...

• 39:06Speaker 04

  And you can, no.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, and yeah. So if you're really heart yearning for it, one last chance, cards on the table. Love's complicated. It's a complicated thing, my friends.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  I would...

• 39:17Speaker 03

  What? Yes. You do alt for love. You do alt when you're in love.

• 39:24Speaker 04

  I'd do anything for love.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  Why do you always cringe at me, talking about love?

• 39:28Speaker 05

  It's like those memes you send me on Instagram about love. Jordan started sending me some memes.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  Whatever love is.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  Were they bad, them memes? Oh my god.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  They cringe.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  They weren't. Shut up. Right. No, because now people are going to message Ben going, if you're sending your memes, you need to report. It's not workplace, it doesn't matter. Nothing there.

• 39:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, anonymous, I would say to Daisy, when you see her, if you do, if you are still, you know, serious about Daisy, you'd like to go, Daisy, I hear you've been upset that I'm seeing Sally. First of all, Sally and I, it is just a situation, if it's not serious. Respectfully, I have suggested that we go for coffee and you didn't seem too keen, which is fine if you're not keen, but if you are, please let me know and let's set a date for us to go for coffee and I'd love to get to know you better. And then if Daisy is still going to burst into floods of tears, not give you an answer,

• 40:24Speaker 04

  what can you do?

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  Daisy doesn't have a right to be annoyed. This is from Cam, Dear William and Jordan, I'm a 25-

• 40:31Speaker 03

  Mitchell! Lily!

• 40:33Speaker 04

  I'm a 25-year-old gay man.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry. I've got an impression of Cam from Modern Family.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  One day after what was an absolute nightmare at work, I get home and see my boyfriend's car in the driveway.

• 40:44Speaker 04

  I think to myself, OMG, he's surprising me after not seeing each other in over two weeks due to our work schedules. So I cheer up a bit, do a little giddy skip into the house and fling the door open to the living room. I walk in and find my, oh wow, this is not going where I thought it was going to go, find my boyfriend and my mum in the living room together.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Oh, I can't read that, Jack.

• 41:07Speaker 03

  No, it's not another one, is it? What, what?

• 41:10Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  It's not his boyfriend, because, no, my mind's going somewhere else. Go on.

• 41:14Speaker 04

  You'd think this would be a wonderful greeting, but in fact I was faced with my mum laid on her back and my boyfriend wrist deep in her.

• 41:25Speaker 04

  Ho. Ho, indeed, that's what I'm thinking. Now, several months have passed, but I cannot speak to either of them. Correct? Am I overreacting by throwing my boyfriend out and refusing to talk to my mum whilst I save up to move out? No, you're not overreacting at all. Or do I accept his apology and try to move on? His excuse that he was giving her a pelvic examination? However, he is a receptionist at a local college.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Love you both so much. I'm just so sorry, Cam.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, Cam, that's awful. It made Jeremy Karl wince, that. My mind did not go there, because I'm obviously gay, so I was thinking, so was he...

• 42:05Speaker 04

  And also, like, both, like, I'm sorry, I'm actually, I'm sorry, I'm actually, the more I think about this, I am so sorry, Cam, that in your life, your boyfriend is going to have an affair, full stop. Then it's with your mother, so already your boyfriend is a duplicitous little shit. But then also, your mother thinks, somewhere in her mind, I'll just hook up with my son's gay lover.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  Sounds like a daily...

• 42:29Speaker 04

  Get rid of both of them!

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, try and move out as soon as you can. You're not in the wrong.

• 42:33Speaker 04

  Oh, sorry, I've gone really hot, the more I think about that.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Sounds like a Daily Star headline, that, doesn't it? Jeez, you poor bug, Cam, move out as soon as you can. I'd even look at moving in with friends.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  And also to do it in your own house! And to be wrist-deep.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  What was he, was he fingering?

• 42:49Speaker 04

  I don't think it was fingering.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  I think it was.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  More than that.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  That's terrible. Go on, do one more. Poor Cam.

• 42:57Speaker 04

  Our final dilemma is from Archie. Dear William, Jordan and the Sexton team, I've been a frequent listener of the podcast and hope you guys can help solve a dilemma or argument between my sister and I. My sister and me. We were arguing about what is socially acceptable for boys and girls to wear to a nightclub. My air of expertise.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  You've never been to a nightclub, have you, Rob?

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Yes, I have now. I said that girls have more options, i.e. jeans, shorts, dresses, and she disagreed. I said it's not socially acceptable for a boy to wear shorts or joggers to a nightclub, and realistically, it was only jeans. What would you say? Thank you for always making us laugh. Archie.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  Archie, I, I agree, you can't go to a nightclub.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  You definitely can't go in shorts and joggers.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  But people, can I just say, nightclub dress, right? In London, and I've, this is like the working-class northerner in me, because we, we are brought up, if you're going out, you get dressed up. You go out in, and remember when we went? Tonight out, what was it?

• 43:48Speaker 04

  When did we go on a night out?

• 43:49Speaker 03

  We went out in Manchester, because basically in London, no one really dresses up to go out. They'll just go out in shit trainers and jeans to an I-club. They will, like, it's certain areas, unless you go on like a Mayfair and stuff like that. But where I'm from, you go on a night out, even now, my dad will say-

• 44:06Speaker 04

  They get a bit overdressed.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  Well, we dress up. We go out in Manchester or Liverpool, the girls dress up, they make effort, I'm not saying they don't here. Not all of them. Essex, they do.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  What we call the sparkly top brigade.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Jeans and a nice top.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  I'm gonna put jeans on. But even now, like, if it said to me, do you wanna go to pub? I have to, I, I, even though I'm in decent gear, there's something in me where I think I have to go upstairs, brush my teeth and go and put something new on, to go to pub. And you're the same as he, aren't you? You're living your London life now. So it's different areas, but I think, yeah, I don't, I would never personally go to a nightclub. Not that you'd catch me in a nightclub these days. Oh no, I went out recently, in jeans and a, I, I wouldn't go in shorts and joggers.

• 44:47Speaker 04

  No, I wouldn't, I mean, I wouldn't leave the house to go anywhere in shorts and joggers unless you're going for a jog or going to the gym, that would be fine.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  And little millennial rant here, the shit we used to have to wear to go on, you wouldn't get in a club without shoes on. You had to go out on a Wednesday or Thursday, you could. Honestly, you'd, you'd have to go out in a shirt, wouldn't you? To get in a club, and you, you'd have to wear jeans and fucking pointy winkle pickers. Looking like a shit member of Razorlight.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  Now, you go out in jeans, people, now, kids dress how they should do, teenagers or young, young, young twenty-year-olds. We used to have to wear a shirt just to go out in Preston, Harvard night.

• 45:26Speaker 04

  Can I just give Archie some other things that he could wear on his bottom half that aren't jeans? You could wear a chino, a moleskin, an action slack. You've got different options, a nice sort of cord, corduroy number. That would be fine. Definitely not shorts and joggers, please. Jeans and a nice pair of jeans.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  Jeans and an arse top. That's my motto for everything. Just gonna wear, it's what girls say to each other. Just gonna wear jeans and an arse top.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Jeans and an arse top.

• 45:53Speaker 04

  And a decent pair of. If you're gonna wear trainers, a decent pair, or a brogue.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Do you remember when you're back on, no, don't wear.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  I've worn a brogue to a nightclub. I wore some nice sort of suede loafers last time I went out.

• 46:05Speaker 03

  Do you remember, all I'm gonna say is, do you remember when Freddie and, was it Percy?

• 46:10Speaker 04

  Uh, Peter, yes.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Peter, but you got the nick. He met me and some friends in a nightclub and they turned up. And they were the only ones, bless them, in chinos, Ralph Lauren and brogues.

• 46:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  Which is fine in certain areas of London.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  I think you could, I think that's what arches should wear. You've got to raise people to your standards rather than sinking to theirs.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  Do you remember when you went to that private members' club that you're in? And you said, oh, they've recently just allowed trainers, that's why I've invited you. I was like, cheers, charming.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did say that, yeah.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Yeah. I was like, oh, cheers. Anyway.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  You looked very nice in there.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  We should do that again soon.

• 46:44Speaker 04

  We should do that again. Well, once I'm back from a holiday.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, we'll get a day.

• 46:47Speaker 04

  In a few weeks, we'll get.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Bring lurky out as well.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  Yes, Ben and I are going to go on a night out together.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  Sorry, Izzy, they might have relaxed the dress code, but you're so long, getting in.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  She's from Clivera, that's a laugh. See, she knows there were no arms in that. She's not gonna go to HR.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  Talking of dress codes, do you notice, Izzy, for my parkour, I'm not wearing, um, I'm not showing my ankles. And I did that just for you, because Gen Z don't like ankles on show.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  We've got sketches on, haven't we?

• 47:15Speaker 04

  I do. Also, can I just say my legs are normally hairy, but because I had to shave them for Kylie, uh, they're sort of in a slight weird state at the moment.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  Just for anyone watching on YouTube that was wanting to know.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube as well. We put full episodes up every release day, just head to, uh, YouTube. You head to YouTube in search of Sexted.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  That's where you watch us on YouTube, is YouTube.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  YouTube?

• 47:45Speaker 04

  YouTube. Yeah, if you want to watch us on YouTube, go to YouTube.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  That's what, what are you saying?

• 47:50Speaker 04

  Just what, if you wanna see us on YouTube, go to YouTube.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  I just said that.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  Just head to YouTube, search Sexted, you can watch us on there.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:58Speaker 03

  Put us on your telly.

• 47:58Speaker 04

  On YouTube.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  Is he a gaslighter or something? Right. Goodbye.

• 48:04Speaker 04

  Goodbye.

• 48:11Speaker 08

  Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee, a Carnival Cruise Vacation, gift cards from DoorDash, and Best Buy. Feel the play in the McDonald's app. Get your bag.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  No purchase necessary. 50 U.S. and D.C. Age 18+. See PlayatMCD.com for rules and PlayatMCD.com/AMOE for info on playing without purchase by mail by November 2nd. Chance card game ends November 8th. Game ends November 22nd, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.

• 48:43Speaker 09

  I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts, and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.