Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help I’ve Got Mother Of Pearl Fish Cutlery | And Butch BBQ Chat About this episode There’s been a lot of role reversals going on lately. Jordan has been taking after dinner walks to admire the beauty of mother nature, while William is swapping his chintz era for a barbecue flavoured one. The boys are also on hand to help with dilemmas involving working with younger colleagues, eating in supermarkets, and the dos and don'ts of using fish knives.
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Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate, take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
0:33 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome to Help I Sexted My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas. Like, is it rude to ask to see the wedding table plan when you've been invited on your own?
0:49 Speaker 02 Yes, it is.
0:50 Speaker 01 Or does dry humping your virgin partner count as sex in the eyes of God?
0:55 Speaker 02 Have we had an answer from Lambeth Palace yet?
0:58 Speaker 01 Is that another letter to the Pope?
0:59 Speaker 02 No, Lambeth Palace is, by the way, oh, we haven't done a Pope update.
1:04 Speaker 01 Why, has he been in touch?
1:05 Speaker 02 No. Also, with the letters, I've just been getting another watch by Ben, because it takes me about three months to actually get round to, so I'm on a three month backlog. He potentially has got back in touch and it's just going to take me months.
1:18 Speaker 01 God, the Pope's letter could be in there, as you see.
1:19 Speaker 02 I mean, to be fair, I do look at the front cover of all of them and sort of look which ones are more important. And I have a feeling I know which ones are from, you know, Lucy and Sheffield and which ones from His Holiness.
1:29 Speaker 01 Well, when he's got back to us regarding, what is it?
1:32 Speaker 02 Contraception and rats.
1:33 Speaker 01 Contraception on New York rats. Ask him if it's all right as a virgin and religious person to dry hump someone.
1:40 Speaker 02 Yes. Okay, fine, I will. In the meantime, you write to Archbishop Sarah and the new Archbishop.
1:46 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:47 Speaker 02 Yeah. You do that.
1:48 Speaker 01 What do I ask her?
1:49 Speaker 02 What's the Christian position on?
1:51 Speaker 01 The Church of England?
1:52 Speaker 02 Hmm.
1:53 Speaker 01 All right.
1:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, what's the Church of England position on dry humping?
1:56 Speaker 01 Dry humping.
1:57 Speaker 02 Is that, does that count as sex?
1:58 Speaker 01 And what should you do if you accidentally sexted your boss, but we're not usual dilemma daddies, are we, William Hanson?
2:03 Speaker 02 No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more head massage, you're more headache. And that's from Joel. I like that, Joel.
2:10 Speaker 01 Slow weeks on the I'm more, you're more.
2:13 Speaker 02 I think that's good. Don't.
2:14 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, this at Joel.
2:17 Speaker 02 Well.
2:18 Speaker 01 Not just a diss at Jack.
2:21 Speaker 02 Are you coming for both producers today?
2:23 Speaker 01 No, I'm being nice, I'm being nice.
2:25 Speaker 02 This is nice?
2:27 Speaker 01 I'm being nice. Ben dropped a full bottle of Debonne and I've not said, "Alt, take the piss" yet. And when I say a full bottle, I mean a full bottle. I just kept quiet and finished my M&S salad.
2:38 Speaker 01 Did I or did I say anything?
2:40 Speaker 02 Well, you said nothing. You were freshening up at the time that it happened, but Ben came and went, "Oh, do you want some fresh D, William? You want some fresh D?" It was all jokey. And then it falls into his hand and smashes onto the studio carpet.
2:54 Speaker 01 You dozy bastard.
2:57 Speaker 02 And yeah, and so we all glass everywhere. There's a dog in the studio as well.
3:02 Speaker 01 Oh, he's on one today as well, Diego.
3:04 Speaker 02 Oh, is he? Here we go.
3:05 Speaker 01 Walked in with him. Started this big, massive fluffy, cute dog.
3:11 Speaker 02 I wouldn't call Diego fluffy.
3:12 Speaker 01 No, another one.
3:13 Speaker 02 Oh, another dog. Oh, I see. Sorry.
3:15 Speaker 01 Well, you're the best cute George. I'm the only cute dog in this building. That little bitch walks around like she owns the place. Calm down, he hates him, doesn't he? Yeah, I do, George. Big fat thing he is, walking around, strumming his stuff. All right, Diego. Body shame. He's cuter than you. That's all I'm gonna say. Oh, piss off, you're on one today. You can piss off. All right, Willie?
3:39 Speaker 02 Conversation Jordan and I were having earlier before we started recording is Jordan was like, "I'm not that camp really, am I?"
3:44 Speaker 01 No, that's me doing Diego.
3:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you do it so well.
3:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, because I'm a good actor.
3:49 Speaker 02 This week's toast goes to Sophie and her physio. Sophie messaged us to say, "Dearest William Jordan EPB, recently I was diagnosed with a degenerative autoimmune back condition, which is affecting my life, health, body and mental state in so many ways. But having discovered you boys after hearing you on Shag Maradonoid, I can only say my mood has greatly improved. I may not be able to walk without a crutch and I can't pick my daughters up anymore, but my God, I can still laugh and it's all thanks to you two. Even my husband pointed out how much happier I've been since I started listening to your podcast." I'm working my way through the back catalogue and I've made it to 2023 while still keeping up to date with new episodes as they come in. Thank you for all the laughs, for the huge boost in my mood and for keeping me smiling throughout everything. Also, a quick side note, my physiotherapist
4:33 Speaker 02 is also a G and Dva and we listen to the podcast whilst I do my exercises. Keep up the good work, you wonderful boys. Thanks so much. Sophie.
4:40 Speaker 01 Sophie, you keep on laughing, girl. Keep on laughing. You keep laughing.
4:44 Speaker 02 This is to you and your physiotherapist.
4:45 Speaker 01 There you go. I'm glad we did that, um, Shag Marid and I.
4:49 Speaker 02 I'm very glad we did it.
4:50 Speaker 01 We're in very, very different outfits today. So I think you look like Paddington Bear in that.
4:55 Speaker 02 Yeah. So we'll describe what I'm wearing for the listeners.
4:57 Speaker 01 It's a military core.
4:59 Speaker 02 Thank you.
5:00 Speaker 01 I think you look like one of those teddies that you dress up. I actually said when I walked in, why are you dressed like a Russian oligarch?
5:06 Speaker 02 Yeah. So it's a sort of a lightish navy, uh, cardigan with sort of a maruni red cuff and sort of detailing, sort of fastening buttons. Stuart says I look a bit like Cheryl Cole in Fight for This Love. Sophia said Paddington Bear. Jack, how did you, did you describe it earlier?
5:25 Speaker 01 Little soldier boy.
5:26 Speaker 02 Little soldier boy, yes. Um, I think it's Greatest Showman. We'll put it out and let's see what the, uh, the G and Dvas think.
5:33 Speaker 01 Get a picture. And I'm in. So I got sent this from Art of, it's a brand, right?
5:39 Speaker 02 Art of. I was at school with him.
5:41 Speaker 01 And I bet you were wearing anything like that. Art of, Art of, come along darling. Um, how cool is this? He sent me this out.
5:48 Speaker 02 It's not that cool.
5:48 Speaker 01 It is. It's like, uh, and like a nineties Burnley football training tops. This is what they wore in the nineties.
5:55 Speaker 02 Is that what they would've worn to training?
5:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, and you'd wear it if you was a sub and stuff. And it's like proper old school material. That'd be good for you then, wouldn't it? First of grade.
6:05 Speaker 01 These can all piss off. But look how cool it is. It's the old Burnley badge.
6:08 Speaker 02 Not the subject I was gonna do, but funny still. Yeah.
6:10 Speaker 01 So we're, we're, we're dressed very differently.
6:12 Speaker 02 We are dressed very differently.
6:14 Speaker 01 It's like, it's like, it's like old us.
6:16 Speaker 02 Yes. Oh my God.
6:17 Speaker 01 It's like those when we first started.
6:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, when you were fully common.
6:21 Speaker 01 Me and my Burnley tap.
6:22 Speaker 02 Hmm. Nice, lovely.
6:24 Speaker 01 Just needs to start talking like. I seen another, oh, it was the other last.
6:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was when we played.
6:30 Speaker 01 When you played those YouTube clips. That's what, yeah. Hmm. That's, I was heavily on the piss at the time.
6:37 Speaker 02 I mean, like you're not now.
6:39 Speaker 01 Um, actually not. I'll get you.
6:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know, I'm, I'm, yeah, making up for lost time. Um, anyway, uh, I'm fine. Thank you very much. I would like to thank all the G and D'Vas for their suggestions for my, I say my gardener, soon to become your gardener as well, because they had a little message in the week.
7:00 Speaker 01 Oh, hello.
7:02 Speaker 02 I can't, what?
7:03 Speaker 01 Can he come on, you know, get his hoe out in my back garden?
7:05 Speaker 02 No, I didn't want to say on this podcast, because it can't be bothered with everyone giving me, but then I need my garden doing so if he's in. You don't have a garden.
7:12 Speaker 01 But still, it needs to do it. It needs patio and stuff.
7:15 Speaker 02 You show, you sent a picture of it. There are some leaves and I said, I can come and sweep them up in five minutes.
7:19 Speaker 01 I want to trim my bush at the back and stuff.
7:24 Speaker 01 Didn't your mum used to do that?
7:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:26 Speaker 01 My mum has never shaved my pubes, can I just say? Can I just put that on the, she probably would, you know, I've seen it all before. Come here, I spread your mouth cheeks, I'll do it.
7:36 Speaker 02 Well, I said, so the gardener, which we'll get on to what he's going to be called in a minute. I said, well, he hasn't actually done anything yet. So like, he's coming next week. Um, I will let him, you know, if, if I think he's good, then I'm happy to recommend.
7:51 Speaker 01 If he's willing to come into actual proper London and do my garden, then great, because I know you're way out, but.
7:59 Speaker 02 You are such a, I'm going to say such a rude word. I will ask him, because he is local to my area.
8:05 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:06 Speaker 02 So.
8:07 Speaker 01 So if you, if you're coming to proper.
8:08 Speaker 02 Could be a full day job.
8:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:10 Speaker 01 But I just, I want him to do, do me before summer and then I'll, I'll keep on top of it myself. Um, there's so much I want to talk about in this episode, actually.
8:19 Speaker 02 Okay. Well, shall we go on to some gardener names?
8:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, go on.
8:22 Speaker 02 Um, Big Ho Harry is from Gem. Maddie suggested Gary the Grower.
8:27 Speaker 01 Gary the Grower is good.
8:29 Speaker 02 Yeah. Uh, Abby suggested Strim Job Simon.
8:33 Speaker 01 That's more you, Strim Job Simon.
8:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I've got nothing to trim. I've got no verge.
8:37 Speaker 01 Oh my God, it's like being on the tour again. You know, when we were actually explaining and William's like, yeah, but it didn't happen like that. I'm like, don't matter. It's a funny story. Never let the truth get in the way.
8:49 Speaker 02 It's never stopped you.
8:50 Speaker 01 That's not true. That is not true. Strim Job Simon.
8:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, Long Hose Lee from Vince, Edging Eddie, Olivia, Seedy Simon from Jake. Now, I'm going to, we'll come back to that one. Plow me Pete from Orshun, Grubby Graham or Dirty Derek from Social Joe.
9:07 Speaker 01 Oh, see, that sounds like what the tabloids would have used in the 90s.
9:11 Speaker 02 And our very own Mikey, or my very own Mikey, suggested Grow For Me Greg.
9:15 Speaker 01 Good one, that, George. Yeah.
9:19 Speaker 02 So I was thinking of, I like all of those, I was thinking of something like Seed Me Sam.
9:26 Speaker 01 Seed Me Sam. No, I think Edging Eddie or Long Hose Lee or Strim Job Simon.
9:32 Speaker 02 Well, I'm gonna, some friends also sent me some suggestions. I'm going to, I'm gonna pontificate. And, and also maybe when he's there next week, it might come to me. Thank you for everyone who has suggested all of that. And if the gardener, the unnamed gardener is any good, I will send him round to you.
9:48 Speaker 01 Okay.
9:49 Speaker 02 So that's fine. What else has been going on in your life?
9:51 Speaker 01 Speaking of your garden, I cannot make your September soiree.
9:56 Speaker 02 No.
9:56 Speaker 01 No, and I'm absolutely gutted because it was an eye opener last time.
10:02 Speaker 02 So for those that came to our tour, you will know that I had been asked a few months ago now, if I would like to do a DJ set at Doncaster Races, wherever that is.
10:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:15 Speaker 02 And I said, okay, I'm an etiquette coach, you know, it's going to dry up eventually.
10:21 Speaker 01 Hey, there's lesser people than you that can do.
10:24 Speaker 02 Well, if Denise Walsh can do it, you know.
10:26 Speaker 01 Hey, what's wrong with Denise Walsh?
10:29 Speaker 02 No, nothing, but you know, and.
10:32 Speaker 01 I love Denise. She's doing DJ sets now, honestly. Look, if I can do it, anyone.
10:36 Speaker 02 Exactly, yeah.
10:37 Speaker 01 Denise Walsh has got musical.
10:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, fair. Yeah, exactly. Her son dated Taylor Swift. Her son's in a band, the 1976. And so, yeah, the, I sent some tracks, give them a bit of a steer as to what I would play, my musical choices, emphasis on musical. And it came back eventually and they said, no, they were going in a much different and cheaper direction. And they've booked Jordan.
11:03 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
11:04 Speaker 02 And hilariously, on the day that we are probably going to do our party, um, it's the day that Jordan is doing that Doncaster races and us can't come.
11:13 Speaker 01 I've got, I've got.
11:14 Speaker 02 Just cancel.
11:15 Speaker 01 No, I can't. I've signed, I've said yes now. This is a true story as well. They actually asked William and then I ended up getting booked for it.
11:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:23 Speaker 01 That's just the way of the.
11:24 Speaker 02 Just the way of the world.
11:26 Speaker 01 It's just the way of the industry. So now I'm, I'm missing your September soiree because I promised you last time I had such a good night. Are you getting caterers in again?
11:33 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
11:34 Speaker 01 The same ones?
11:35 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
11:35 Speaker 01 Oh, they're gonna make those little cheese and ham sandwich things?
11:38 Speaker 02 I haven't noticed them. I haven't done the menu yet.
11:39 Speaker 01 Oh, if they do, will you save me some?
11:41 Speaker 02 Save you some?
11:42 Speaker 01 I've been thinking.
11:43 Speaker 02 Ask me how many canapes I had at my own party.
11:44 Speaker 01 How many?
11:45 Speaker 02 One.
11:45 Speaker 01 Is that it?
11:46 Speaker 02 Yes.
11:46 Speaker 01 Can we, can we ban?
11:47 Speaker 02 I was too busy doing tours.
11:49 Speaker 01 Can we?
11:49 Speaker 02 That sounds wrong. Um, but yeah, because we, it was a housewarming.
11:53 Speaker 01 Can we ban canapes? I was at a do last night at the time.
11:56 Speaker 02 Why do you want to ban canapes?
11:57 Speaker 01 I was at a do last night at the time of recording, right? And, um, people going around with canapes. It's like, just, just get a big, just get a dresser or a, a, painter and decorator's table and just put it all on a table and we can go up and pick. I just, I find canapes awkward.
12:15 Speaker 02 Why?
12:16 Speaker 01 I don't know.
12:17 Speaker 02 You just take a little, I mean, they're only awkward if they're too big.
12:20 Speaker 01 I know. And then you've got to eat on your hand and thing and then get your drink there and then you're trying to.
12:24 Speaker 02 Why are you putting your drink on your arm?
12:25 Speaker 01 Food all over, people you're speaking to. And then the people come over and then they walk off, which bit of time you say thank you. So you always think like, well, they think I'm a knob. And then they think you're eyeing them up, but you're not. You're looking for food and then you're trying to make conversation with people and your eyes are wandering and they think, oh, he's one of them. He's looking for a more famous person to talk to. And I'm not. I'm looking for a bloke with canapes.
12:44 Speaker 02 Oh.
12:44 Speaker 01 Hmm.
12:45 Speaker 02 Okay. Well, maybe I'll consider doing something else.
12:48 Speaker 01 It was with Vernon Kay last night and he was on a fine form.
12:51 Speaker 02 Good.
12:51 Speaker 01 He was on fine, fine form. He wants to go for a drink with me. That's it.
12:55 Speaker 02 With me?
12:56 Speaker 01 You posh mate, bring him. Oh, he's funny, him.
12:58 Speaker 02 I met Vernon Kay, uh, in twenty fourteen. We did something for the NFL together. Obviously a natural fit.
13:06 Speaker 01 Yes.
13:06 Speaker 02 Um.
13:08 Speaker 02 I went for afternoon tea with him and Andrew Luck, who is a NFL person.
13:12 Speaker 01 Well, get Guinness, bring, bring your posh mate.
13:14 Speaker 02 Bring your posh mate. Yeah, anyway, we'll go for tea.
13:19 Speaker 01 Uh, so yeah, I'm sorry, I can't make your September.
13:22 Speaker 02 Well, if anything changes, and if we do go ahead with it on that day, you can come.
13:26 Speaker 01 Okay, speaking of canapes as well, yeah.
13:29 Speaker 02 Okay.
13:29 Speaker 01 And, and parties and stuff.
13:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:31 Speaker 01 Um, we're, we're getting into barbecue season.
13:36 Speaker 02 Yes, actually, I've got something to say about barbecue.
13:38 Speaker 01 So have I.
13:39 Speaker 02 Okay.
13:39 Speaker 01 I just think, uh, after coming back from Nashville.
13:42 Speaker 02 Hmm.
13:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:43 Speaker 02 Home of barbecue, really, or one, one of them.
13:45 Speaker 01 It's not so much to do with the food.
13:48 Speaker 02 Hmm.
13:48 Speaker 01 It's to do with the beers. Now, in Nashville.
13:51 Speaker 02 You've lost me.
13:52 Speaker 01 Right. You went into a bar and you get a beer and it's mainly in a, in a bottle. And the bottle is ice cold, like biting cold.
14:02 Speaker 02 Hmm.
14:02 Speaker 01 I am sick to the back teeth of going to a barbecue in this great nation. Or to a friend's house and they're giving me a lute warm beer. Even if it's been in the fridge all week. I went to my mum's the other week. She gave me a beer. She said it's been in the garage, it's fine. I went, no, it's not. We need, I want people to start putting.
14:21 Speaker 02 Uh, I would say most alcoholic drinks, but not wine, are better basically from the freezer.
14:26 Speaker 01 Sure. Thank you. Let's start putting, making it normal to put beers in the freezer before people come. Rotate it. Your beers aren't going to get cold enough, right? I've got, I'm, I'm, I'm lucky enough, I have a beer fridge. So I just put everything. No, it's just like a little fridge that I put my beers in. I've always wanted one. I invested in one. Best thing I ever did. Right? Put it in a beer fridge.
14:45 Speaker 02 Hmm.
14:46 Speaker 01 But when I've got people coming for barbecue and stuff, get them in the fridge. Don't put them in the fridge. Everyone clears the fridge out. Let's get them. Let's start getting ice cold beers. That's what I'm gonna say.
14:54 Speaker 02 That's how we'll sort this country out.
14:56 Speaker 01 I've come back from America and we've got ice cold beer and I'm sick of lute warm beers. So let's get ice cold, biting, like biting cold. When you touch it, thank you, I'm getting the. Preach sign from stuff over there. When you touch it, you want to feel the condensation on it.
15:10 Speaker 02 So where I was at last night for some martinis, obviously, and they, uh, they, I noticed their bottles of both gin and vodka and vermouth looked not just cold, but absolutely freezing. And they keep the gin, vermouth, vodka in a freezer and take it out when they need to. And apparently if it's over forty percent alcohol, it won't freeze.
15:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:32 Speaker 02 Which of course all of those are. Um, and that's what I'm going to start doing because I normally keep my gin in the fridge, but I'm going to pop it in the freezer.
15:38 Speaker 01 Pop it in the freezer.
15:39 Speaker 02 To make it apps, because I do think an ice cold martini is.
15:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, then that's why you shake it with your eyes. It's usually fine with your eyes.
15:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I think you can make it even, even, even, even colder.
15:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:47 Speaker 02 I'll get a temperature probe.
15:48 Speaker 01 Okay.
15:49 Speaker 02 So I'm.
15:49 Speaker 03 How cold can we go?
15:50 Speaker 02 Yes.
15:51 Speaker 01 How cold can we go? Could you go on how cold? So that's, that's my rant. That's what I want to change.
15:55 Speaker 02 That's your rant. Okay. Well, good. I think we'll.
15:59 Speaker 01 Ice cold. Let's get them in the freezer, right? Let's get them. Don't obviously leave them for longer than an hour.
16:03 Speaker 02 Open the freezer, move the dog, put, put some beers in.
16:05 Speaker 01 You're surprised when someone comes to your house or if someone's coming around and your beers aren't cold enough, get them in like half hour, forty minutes before. Ice cold.
16:13 Speaker 03 I, I wonder how long it takes to go from room temperature to like exploding in the freezer. Cause that is a risk, obviously.
16:19 Speaker 02 I think if it's over forty percent, it won't.
16:21 Speaker 03 I know if it's over forty, that's fine, but it like.
16:23 Speaker 01 No longer than an hour. Put a little time, put a little timer on your phone. That's what I do.
16:25 Speaker 03 Exactly. I want to know what that time is, like scientifically.
16:27 Speaker 01 Well, it'd be an hour.
16:31 Speaker 03 It'll be, it'll be bang on an hour.
16:34 Speaker 02 Sixty one minutes.
16:36 Speaker 01 Yeah. And I've been there, done that. I've left champagne in the freezer.
16:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, Mikey put, Mikey.
16:41 Speaker 01 Well, I did, my people.
16:42 Speaker 02 Mikey put Guinness in the freezer and it exploded. And it was on, it was on your fridge freezer when we just moved in. I was delighted.
16:47 Speaker 01 Oh, that had gone everywhere, I bet.
16:49 Speaker 02 Yes, it did. Still finding it. Off the back of barbecues. So I have said before, everywhere, including on this podcast, I like a barbecue. I don't love a barbecue. I always thought I will never own a barbecue because I can't be bothered to clean it. It's one thing. I've got too much other things to clean. But it's just not very me. You know, it's a bit much.
17:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:11 Speaker 02 If I'm honest, and it's not, it's not.
17:13 Speaker 01 It's why I love a barbecue.
17:15 Speaker 02 Of course. What I'm now thinking though, because obviously, you know, my programming's slightly changed in the last year or two.
17:25 Speaker 02 I've suddenly quite want a barbecue. I think I might get one.
17:29 Speaker 01 Can I, um, can I put you in touch with someone, please?
17:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, with the barbecue. I've already done my research. I know which one I want.
17:36 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, no, no, please, please, please. It's this lad. What he don't know about barbecuing isn't worth knowing.
17:42 Speaker 02 Well, I'm, no, okay, he can come and teach me how to do it. I mean, it's not difficult.
17:45 Speaker 01 You know him. I'm gonna put you in touch.
17:47 Speaker 02 Who?
17:47 Speaker 01 Chris Stark.
17:48 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, fine.
17:50 Speaker 01 Mm hmm. Seriously, the guy, he's got, he's got six barbecues.
17:54 Speaker 02 Six barbecues?
17:55 Speaker 01 He's got, did you not know this?
17:56 Speaker 02 Who needs six barbecues?
17:58 Speaker 01 We talk about it on air all the time. He's got more barbecues than kids. He checks on them in the morning when he gets up before he comes to work. That's all I'm gonna say.
18:03 Speaker 02 What a sad little life.
18:04 Speaker 01 I'm gonna put.
18:06 Speaker 02 No, I'm sorry, checking on your barbecues, okay? I used to rearrange my Beanie Babies every morning before school. That is not as sad as checking on your barbecues.
18:15 Speaker 01 Right, I'm gonna put you in touch with him. If you, you're buying your first ever barbecue.
18:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:18 Speaker 01 Right, he, he'll be in touch.
18:20 Speaker 02 Do you want to text him now?
18:22 Speaker 01 You can leave him a little voice note if you want.
18:24 Speaker 02 Okay, I'll, I'll do it, I'll do it in the break.
18:26 Speaker 01 Okay.
18:26 Speaker 02 I don't want like a big industrial thing.
18:28 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
18:29 Speaker 02 And there are, I mean, I've looked into some, good God. I mean, I.
18:32 Speaker 01 I regret getting a gas one.
18:35 Speaker 02 No, you see, I'm thinking gas.
18:36 Speaker 01 No, I regret it.
18:37 Speaker 02 Why?
18:38 Speaker 01 I wish I put my foot down more.
18:40 Speaker 02 Well, what do you want? Charcoal chips?
18:42 Speaker 01 Bought, bought one three year ago.
18:45 Speaker 02 But we've had a barbecue at yours and I thought it was very nice.
18:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, just want proper charcoal.
18:50 Speaker 02 I do stand by the fact that, I mean, barbecue's a very nice flavour, lovely. I can probably cook it better in an oven.
18:56 Speaker 01 No.
18:56 Speaker 02 I do think that anything is better in an oven.
18:58 Speaker 01 I hate all this, get it in the oven first. No, get it on the barbecue. You're gonna give people food poisoning. Well, cook it properly then.
19:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, you need your temperature probe.
19:07 Speaker 01 Yes.
19:07 Speaker 02 To check you've, you've done it.
19:08 Speaker 01 I'm, I'm planning a few barbecues this year. You've not been to one of my legendary barbecues, Ben. You're always busy.
19:13 Speaker 02 Legendary?
19:15 Speaker 01 Legend, people talk about my barbecues.
19:16 Speaker 02 They're all right, but it.
19:17 Speaker 01 People talk about my barbecues.
19:19 Speaker 02 Did anyone offer to put Botox in people's assholes at your barbecue? No.
19:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, but that was a soiree, not a barbecue.
19:26 Speaker 02 Oh, I see.
19:27 Speaker 01 You'll get well fed at my barbecue. I do everything.
19:30 Speaker 02 I did leave a little hungry.
19:31 Speaker 01 Chicken, cold sauce, salad.
19:33 Speaker 02 Cold sauce.
19:34 Speaker 01 Don't want any cold sauce. Salad, do it all. Hot dogs, chicken. Any vegetables? A few.
19:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, because he is a vegetarian.
19:43 Speaker 01 I don't do, I don't do, um, I don't do beef or all like that.
19:47 Speaker 02 Oh, no, I love, I love a bit of beef.
19:49 Speaker 01 That's a, that's an in- inside meat for me, that.
19:54 Speaker 02 In so many ways.
19:55 Speaker 01 I do beef burgers, but.
19:59 Speaker 02 Beef burgers on the barbecue are lovely.
20:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'll do them.
20:01 Speaker 02 I like beef burgers, sausages, steak. I will have chicken, but I would rather not. And oh, don't get me started on chicken on the bone. Chicken on the bone anywhere should be banned, but especially to barbecue.
20:11 Speaker 01 I like chicken thighs.
20:13 Speaker 02 No, no, I'm more of a breast man.
20:17 Speaker 01 Never thought I'd say that before.
20:19 Speaker 02 Personally. Anyway, so other than barbecue season, we're also getting into wedding season. And in between being served videos of parkour, I'm still training, by the way, I will come back to this. Zoffy, this is what you missed last week. I'm getting into parkour. It's my new hobby. Um, I am also being served, and I think it's a trend coming over from America, and I think it has started to sort of penetrate these shores. Wedding entrances. Have you seen these? So obviously the only real entrance at a wedding is the bride or the grooms or the brides getting married, you know, the, the main people.
20:51 Speaker 01 It's at the party.
20:52 Speaker 02 No, no, in the church, in the venue. But where, and I'm sorry to anyone listening that has done one of these, where the mother of the bride gets an entrance and a special music and does a dance down the aisle. The groomsmen come down and do a little poncy thing. And I just think it is absolute narcissism central. It is so cringe. You watch it and what's more fascinating, watching these videos is not just.
21:15 Speaker 01 Very American.
21:16 Speaker 02 Not just the people coming down the aisle, doing the entrance, but actually if you look at the people each side of the aisle watching it, you can see they're thinking, this is so awkward and cringe. That's more interesting than actually watching this. I'll often watch these videos twice. Please, everyone. You don't need a wedding entrance unless you are the person or people getting married.
21:34 Speaker 01 I was always up for them.
21:36 Speaker 02 Really?
21:37 Speaker 01 Look cool.
21:37 Speaker 02 They're not cool.
21:38 Speaker 01 And I was at a wedding where there was one and I was like.
21:44 Speaker 02 No, it's not. It's not nice.
21:46 Speaker 01 And the bride and groom always come and they always dance like that.
21:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's your wedding, it's your wedding day.
21:50 Speaker 01 For those listening and not, how can I pronounce that dance to do that thing with their hands where it's like?
21:55 Speaker 02 You're sort of, you're hand-drawn face.
21:57 Speaker 01 It's an ankle. Pump, pump, and it's all.
22:01 Speaker 02 Dancing the angled pump up.
22:05 Speaker 01 A boom, boom, boom. I mean, say where you are. All right, you knobs. Don't leave me freaking hanging. We'll do that again for the edit. A boom, boom, boom. I'm here to say where you are.
22:20 Speaker 01 Thanks, Jack. All right.
22:22 Speaker 02 Um, Ben, this week, this weekend, you are doing your big marathon. How are you feeling? Tell us all about it. We're all ears.
22:33 Speaker 03 Feeling good.
22:34 Speaker 02 Well, we wish you very well.
22:36 Speaker 01 Never gets old. Never gets old.
22:40 Speaker 01 Seriously, good luck. Tell everyone, um, the link if they can sponsor you.
22:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's for Suicidal Care, isn't it?
22:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, as I've said, I think in previous episodes, blown away by the support already, like so many Gene Devers, um, donating. But, uh, yeah, the more the merrier. So justgiving.com slash page slash producer Ben.
22:59 Speaker 01 Justgiving.com slash page slash producer Ben. Even if it's like, like a couple of quid, it'd be great.
23:04 Speaker 03 A couple of quid, five, uh, whatever.
23:05 Speaker 02 You'd be grateful for anything, yeah.
23:07 Speaker 01 Anything.
23:08 Speaker 02 Should the worst happen and you're unable to run the marathon, what do you actually have to do with the money?
23:12 Speaker 01 I thought you were gonna say something else, then.
23:13 Speaker 02 What? No, no, but.
23:16 Speaker 01 Don't say it before someone's doing a marathon.
23:18 Speaker 02 No, because I never know, because that's one of.
23:19 Speaker 01 The worst thing to happen.
23:21 Speaker 02 Well, should the worst happen and you're not able to run the run?
23:24 Speaker 03 I have no idea.
23:24 Speaker 02 Because I've never done a marathon.
23:26 Speaker 03 I haven't put loads of thought into that if I don't get to do it. I'm sort of assuming that I will be able to do it.
23:31 Speaker 01 You know Daddy Pig's doing it as well. Don't worry, that's not off grinder. It's Pepper Pig's dad.
23:36 Speaker 02 Really?
23:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:37 Speaker 02 Doing the marathon?
23:38 Speaker 01 He's doing the marathon and I would absolutely love for you to be breathing out your ass and he just runs past you.
23:44 Speaker 03 Oh, wow.
23:44 Speaker 01 So would I. So would I.
23:47 Speaker 02 Well, okay. Well, good luck Daddy Pig as well.
23:50 Speaker 01 Good luck, producer Ben. Daddy Pig, and I'll, I'll give executive producer Callum a shout out.
23:55 Speaker 02 Is he doing it as well?
23:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's doing it as well.
23:57 Speaker 02 Oh.
23:58 Speaker 01 So I, I've got, I've sponsored you, but I've not sponsored him. So good luck. Good luck to him.
24:02 Speaker 03 Thank you so much. Yeah, I mean it's.
24:04 Speaker 02 And indeed, anyone, any G and E running it.
24:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, and any G and Evers as well. There you go.
24:08 Speaker 03 Yes.
24:09 Speaker 02 It'll absolutely bugger up the roads and the transport in London that day, but it's all for a good cause.
24:13 Speaker 01 It was the Manchester Marathon last weekend as well, and City playing Arsenal, so nightmare.
24:20 Speaker 02 You're right.
24:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:21 Speaker 01 Good luck.
24:22 Speaker 03 Thank you.
24:23 Speaker 01 Good luck, old lanky legs. You've got this.
24:24 Speaker 03 I've, I've, I've ran all over, haven't I? It's been linked to the, it's been linked quite nicely with the tours. I feel like it's been such a journey to get to this point.
24:31 Speaker 01 Can I just say, him doing the run on the tour was more stressful as a breakfast every morning. I, I had to order him some eggs benedict.
24:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, I had to do in Cardiff. I had to place him up something.
24:43 Speaker 02 Um, it's Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week, and I'm so looking forward to this because last week you said it was so good.
24:48 Speaker 01 I've got two. I think one I don't know if I've been able to do.
24:51 Speaker 02 Well, why don't you tell me and we'll see the reaction?
24:53 Speaker 01 Okay. And then I'll do.
24:54 Speaker 02 And if not, we'll stick on the next tour.
24:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what we do because on the tour we did jokes that have been, because you'll be, you will be surprised, G and Evers, little people behind the curtain, how many jokes get cut from the podcast.
25:06 Speaker 02 Anyway, whilst you're searching, here's the jingle.
25:25 Speaker 01 Right, it's just come to my attention that we can't do the joke that, um, I originally thought. So that's another one if you see me in the pub. Yeah, it's a good one though. Ben's laughing because he's seen it in my notes in my phone.
25:36 Speaker 02 I think probably the notes in your phone will probably find it in the joke.
25:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, it probably was. Ben just seen it and laughed. All right, this one's from George. It's a cracker, this one. Right. Uh, Georgie Allen on Twitter. A Scottish man walks into a bakery and asks, excuse me, is that a lemon pie or a meringue? And I said, crack. And I'll tell you a punchline after the break.
26:00 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate, take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
26:27 Speaker 01 All right, Jeanne Evers, thanks for sticking with us. It's now time for Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. A Scottish man walks into a bakery and says, "Excuse me, is that a lemon pie or a meringue?" And the baker replies, "No, you're nay wrong. It's a lemon pie."
26:44 Speaker 01 You don't get that one? I do get it, yes. "Excuse me, is that a lemon pie or a meringue?" And the baker replies, "No, you're nay wrong. It's a lemon pie."
26:58 Speaker 01 You don't get it? Or am I wrong? "Is that a lemon pie or meringue?" And the guy replies, "No, you're nay wrong. A meringue. Meringue. It's a lemon pie."
27:13 Speaker 03 I think it needs work in the...
27:15 Speaker 01 Right, well, I'll go back to the original one then. Sack it. Shall I just tell the other one? No.
27:20 Speaker 03 Sure.
27:21 Speaker 01 Shall I? No, I'm being given a no. Well, thanks to George Allen. I thought that was a cracker. It was. Very funny.
27:30 Speaker 03 No, it was a meringue.
27:32 Speaker 01 We are, uh... We've got a really good one about... Well, why didn't you do that one? A wheelie bin, but it's... I can't do it. Okay. So we'll add the... No, I know the one. We had the wheelie bin one. Yeah, you've done that for us before. My dad told it me all the day. Yeah. And it's one of those. He used to tell it me when I was like 10. We used to love it. And I got in to do it the other day when I moved pub, I went, go on, do your wheelie bin joke.
27:56 Speaker 02 You cannot do that.
27:57 Speaker 01 So funny.
27:58 Speaker 02 Um, just on a, uh, um, break feature, uh, it will be Bogner next week. Etiquette, Margery, bugger Bogner.
28:07 Speaker 01 Okay, great.
28:09 Speaker 02 Oh, okay. You were interested.
28:11 Speaker 01 I'd just like to hear some etiquette of it, not just the history of it.
28:13 Speaker 02 Well, we'll see what we can do.
28:15 Speaker 01 Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to help at sex and my boss dot com. You can DM us, we're at sex and my boss on the socials, or you can write to William Hanson, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply in one of our luxury greeting cards of executive cell seal envelopes. The address is on the website, sex and my boss dot com.
28:36 Speaker 02 Our first dilemma is from Ryan. Greetings from Lindesburg, Kansas, Little Sweden, to William, Jordan, Ben and the entire Sexed team. Thank you for the many hours of laughs and enjoyment I've had listening to antics on my farm here on the Great Plains. I have a first world dilemma that only William can answer. I recently purchased a beautiful Edwardian mother of pearl handled fish set for 12 that I'd love to use for the candlelight suppers my partner, James, oh, shock, he's gay, and I host.
29:02 Speaker 01 Did you chat when we said we need more? I hope there's a couple of poo ones today.
29:07 Speaker 02 No.
29:09 Speaker 02 However, like William, I won't eat anything that lives in its own filth. Thus, fish is never served at our house. Will I be committing a massive etiquette faux pas by using a fish knife as a dinner knife for meals that don't require cutting? Or will I be relegated to only using the forks? Uh, I know you can solve my dilemma. And then he puts presumably in Swedish, tuk, soul micket.
29:31 Speaker 01 Took me socking.
29:33 Speaker 02 Tuck soul micket, which I think means thank you. Um, I would say, um, oh yeah, you can't, I wouldn't use fish cutlery for things that aren't fish. I mean, I wouldn't use fish cutlery for fish, to be honest. Just a normal knife and fork will do it. But, yeah.
29:47 Speaker 01 So why has he bought fish cutlery if he doesn't serve fish?
29:50 Speaker 02 Because they look very pretty. Fish cutlery, you know, they might be a bit common, they might be a bit naff, but they, especially, um, mother of pearl handles must look very beautiful and they do sort of pep up the table a bit.
30:00 Speaker 01 But he's not going to serve fish for what a waste of money.
30:02 Speaker 02 Hmm. You could, you could perhaps, oh, I was gonna say you could do a salmon mousse or something, but.
30:09 Speaker 02 But then you're not going to want salmon. Scallops, can you do scallops like I can? That's what I'd say, maybe. You could do, they're quite soft. But no, I mean, I wouldn't. But go and find some, or you could maybe sell them off again. And then.
30:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:25 Speaker 02 But no, I love that level of question though. So can we have more of those, please?
30:29 Speaker 01 More of them.
30:30 Speaker 02 You won't stick that in the episode title, I know.
30:33 Speaker 01 Help, I need it.
30:34 Speaker 02 Help, help, what do I do with my mother of pearl fish cutlery?
30:36 Speaker 01 There you go, it's the name of the episode.
30:38 Speaker 02 Okay. You're gonna do that just to spite me now, aren't you? Yeah.
30:45 Speaker 02 This is from Han. Dear William and Jordan, et cetera. Hello, et cetera. Um, I'm twenty-two and this year I went back to university. My course is very hands-on, so I spend ten AM to five PM, five to six days a week with the people on my course.
30:58 Speaker 01 Oh my God, what are you studying? Who's doing that much at uni? I didn't do that much in a month at uni.
31:03 Speaker 02 No, they're probably doing a science-based degree is what I'm suggesting.
31:06 Speaker 01 I have a mate, Owen, did, he's trained to be a pharmacist. To be fair, he was in.
31:10 Speaker 02 Exactly.
31:10 Speaker 01 Monday to Friday, nine to five. There's a lot going on. Did you as well?
31:14 Speaker 02 He did, he did science, didn't he? He did biology.
31:16 Speaker 01 Honestly, I only went in on Tuesdays and Fridays.
31:20 Speaker 03 And it put you in such good stead, didn't it?
31:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:22 Speaker 01 That, to be fair, my third year was like pretty intense, but.
31:25 Speaker 02 Really? My, my God, I got less and less intense as we went through.
31:29 Speaker 01 No, mine was.
31:30 Speaker 02 I had like three contact hours by the end.
31:32 Speaker 01 Really?
31:33 Speaker 02 It was ridiculous. I mean, I was very grateful because I was also working as an etiquette coach. So.
31:38 Speaker 01 Anyway.
31:38 Speaker 02 Anyway, back to Han. The only problem is that a lot of my coursemates are eighteen and sometimes it feels like I'm living in a different world. I know four years is not a lot, but for the last four years, I have been working with people ten plus years older than me in a bar. So I grew up pretty quickly. I find it really hard sometimes not to get frustrated at the behaviour of some of the people I'm with. As in the grand scheme of things, the problems they complain about are trivial. I also suffer from really bad anxiety in busy and loud places, so the loud and excitable nature of the group does sometimes stress me out. I am also from Lancashire, so having a northern upbringing compared to the, to my friends' mostly southern upbringings just adds another level to the differences.
32:15 Speaker 01 Is this me writing it?
32:17 Speaker 02 I know that, well, not. Anymore. I know they can't help being young and I was the one who chose to go back into that environment. So really, this is only my problem. But what advice would you give this situation so I do not lose my mind anymore than I already have? I came to your show in Wembley in March with my mum and had the best night I've had in a long time. So thank you. Many thanks. Han.
32:35 Speaker 01 Oh, Han.
32:36 Speaker 02 Han. You know. Going like, you're not going to be able to change your friends. They're going through their lived experience, which is at eighteen, not an awful lot. I mean, you are only twenty-two. So I mean, I wouldn't say there's a massive chasm of an age difference. I would, no, no, I would say up to, under twenty-five. There is a key difference between most of those ages up to twenty-five. However, they're not going to change. You're probably not going to change them. So if you don't really like it that much, I would go and find some other friends similar age to you.
33:05 Speaker 01 I, I, uh, think there's a, it doesn't sound it, but yeah, William's side. Try, don't worry if you don't make friends on Unicor. So I know it can be a bit lonely, but try and make friends at a bit older. Maybe get another bar job if you've got time. It doesn't sound like you've got much time, but weekends and stuff and you can make friends there. But, um. Like I remember being twenty-one at uni and all first years did be heading.
33:24 Speaker 02 Hmm, hmm.
33:25 Speaker 01 I'm like, where are you going? None of them went pub. They all started going to the gym, drinking coffee. I'm like, come on. That's when I knew it was coming in.
33:32 Speaker 02 Coffee?
33:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:34 Speaker 02 I think coffee's been in for a while.
33:35 Speaker 01 No, I said, that's when I started, was talking about this recently.
33:38 Speaker 02 Did you discover coffee?
33:39 Speaker 01 No.
33:40 Speaker 02 Is this another one of Jordan?
33:41 Speaker 01 We were rehearsing for our tour.
33:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:44 Speaker 01 And I just whipped up a coffee on the machine for Stu and you were all really impressed. It's because at uni in third year, I had to learn how to make coffee. I used to work at student union bar, didn't I?
33:53 Speaker 02 Well, okay.
33:53 Speaker 01 And we went from pouring pints to making coffees. That's why I had to learn to do it. Anyway, and I was fourth then, first year. So it doesn't sound like there's a big gauged gap. But at the time it feels like it's just try and make friends your own age if you can.
34:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, exactly.
34:07 Speaker 01 And don't worry about uni mates anyway, because you never really stay in touch with them, do you?
34:11 Speaker 02 I do.
34:13 Speaker 01 Oh, you do? All your mates now are?
34:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:15 Speaker 01 I don't. Oh, Dana still and Joe, no, and Kat.
34:21 Speaker 01 Quite a few, actually.
34:22 Speaker 02 Well, there we go.
34:23 Speaker 01 Oh, Callum, who I see every morning.
34:26 Speaker 02 Yes.
34:26 Speaker 01 We went to uni together. Yeah, I was actually quite, oh, Lee as well. Oh, yeah, it was quite a few.
34:30 Speaker 02 The list goes on. This is from Ellie. Dear William, Jordan and the Sexton team. I'm a new listener and have been binging old episodes of the podcast over the last few weeks. I did not expect to experience a dilemma so soon that I could write in about. The other day I was in Starbucks on my own when I had to use the facilities. That is to say, to have a shit.
34:47 Speaker 01 I hate doing it.
34:48 Speaker 02 Here we go. I try not to poo in public, but this was unavoidable. Bear in mind that the loos in this particular branch were gender neutral slash accessible. So there were no cubicles. It was only after I had finished that I had realised there was no loo paper.
35:02 Speaker 01 Oh, no, not the one.
35:03 Speaker 02 I frantically looked around for anything to use as a substitute, but there was nothing. This was not the kind of situation where I could get away with not wiping. I knew if I pulled up my underwear, I would certainly get shit on them as well as on my jeans. My next plan was to peer around the door without pulling my jeans up to see if there was anyone nearby in the cafe who could help. Unfortunately, there was no one. Finally, I resorted to Googling the telephone number for this particular Starbucks.
35:25 Speaker 01 Very good.
35:26 Speaker 02 Enterprising. I sat on the loo spam calling the shop. I could actually hear the telephone ringing from the loo. It wasn't until the fifth call that a staff member answered. I politely asked if he could bring me some loo roll, which he then passed to me through the side of the door.
35:39 Speaker 01 Amazing.
35:40 Speaker 02 So my question for you is this, what is the correct way to deal with a lack of loo roll after pooing? Was I right to spam call the Starbucks? Kind regards, Ellie. Ellie, I think that's very enterprising.
35:49 Speaker 01 Applause for Ellie. We've no, we've no advice there. You've nailed it. And anybody else listening, I think that's a great thing to do and just keep ringing.
35:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, I didn't know that actually Starbucks had a publicly available phone number for each branch.
36:00 Speaker 01 I have said this before and I'll say it again. Can we just go back to having cubicles in toilets and urinals? You walk in now, it's all single ones.
36:08 Speaker 02 I hate urinals.
36:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know, but you walk in and they just stink.
36:12 Speaker 02 You do.
36:12 Speaker 01 People's shit and you're going in for a week. No, I think I that well, I. Proper to and can we go back to pubs and cafes and restaurants, right? When the a new one opens now, we've got two toilets between the whole restaurant. I don't mind the gender neutral one, something like that. I'm I'm I'm woke, I live in London, yeah, not having a go at it. You just need to have many. Just need, we need bigger, massive toilets. Let's get back into that.
36:38 Speaker 03 Ice cold beer.
36:39 Speaker 01 Ice cold beer and a.
36:40 Speaker 03 Toilets.
36:40 Speaker 01 Proper toilet. Yes. Oh my god, am I getting, oh my god, am I getting old? Yes.
36:44 Speaker 03 Well, Jordan, you did get stuck in the the stairwell of the hotel, so you had a similar experience to this one.
36:49 Speaker 01 Oh, don't get me, do you know what? That's a rant for next week. Yeah, we can't have any more rants. Wind me up, next week I'm gonna talk about the lack of diversity for claustrophobics, right? I don't need diversity. What's the word? Uh, facilities? Last, the lack of facility, in fact, I'm gonna start a group because we are. It's ridiculous how you cannot take the stairs in anywhere these days. I'll rant about it next week, in the hotel. Tune in. They go, well, there's no stair access. And I go, well, legally, there should be because you need a fire escape. Well, you need a key for that. Well, I think you should open it, please. And also, it should be open. I'll have to get the manager. I'm claustrophobic, Darren. And then I got lost in.
37:29 Speaker 03 I thought I thought it was hap- the the rant's happening next week.
37:31 Speaker 01 Well, it's happening now. I got lost in a stairwell in Cardiff. I had to ring you guys to come and get me, because I couldn't get out. Ended up in a bloody hairdressers.
37:41 Speaker 01 All because I wasn't getting a lift.
37:42 Speaker 03 And you didn't even get your haircut.
37:43 Speaker 01 I know, and still, and still we have that. It's going next week. Completely. Well, I'm getting a, the the mullet is, I'm getting a. I've got a picture of what I want. I'm gonna show you, try not to laugh, sorry, I'll go, that's it. I'm gonna get this, but the only, the only picture I can find is in, and we'll put it up on our, we'll put it up on our socials. Send it in now, yeah. The only picture I can find is an A I of Pep Guardiola, but that's what, that's the haircut I want. Show me.
38:12 Speaker 01 I'll put it up.
38:13 Speaker 02 Well, that's what you've got now, darling.
38:15 Speaker 01 No, it's it's a burst fade, it's called. So that's what I'm getting. But the only picture I can find, what I want to show to Ollie, my barber, and we'll put it up, is is this AI version of Pep Guardiola. And he's like, stop sending me that. I'm like, I want my hair like that. He's like, is Pep Guardiola AI?
38:31 Speaker 02 I think you should just have your hair like you did a couple of years ago, pretty much.
38:34 Speaker 01 Oh, skin fades are out.
38:37 Speaker 01 Skin fades are out. Anyway.
38:38 Speaker 02 Burst fades are in. How about not worrying about what's in and what's out and just have what you would like?
38:42 Speaker 01 Because that's what I do when I like.
38:44 Speaker 02 Okay, fine. Well, then, fair enough. Um, but Ellie, I think full awards for being very enterprising. That is the correct etiquette. It was not. I also thought that story was going to go somewhere else. It didn't.
38:55 Speaker 01 You nailed it, Ellie.
38:56 Speaker 02 It was good. And next time we're in a Starbucks pushing out a grande, we'll know what to do.
39:03 Speaker 02 This is from Sam. Hello and best wishes to the Sex and Teen. My wife and I are having a discussion about eating and or consuming items from the supermarket before you purchase them. My wife thinks it's acceptable to eat an apple slash chocolate bar, et cetera, before it's reached the checkout, as long as the barcode is scanned and paid for at the end. I, however, think the complete opposite. Is it right to eat items you haven't paid for yet when you're at the supermarket? Go well and cheers. Sam.
39:25 Speaker 01 Absolutely. I do it all the time.
39:27 Speaker 02 Absolutely not!
39:28 Speaker 01 Absolutely. We've talked, I remember.
39:30 Speaker 02 No!
39:31 Speaker 01 Yes, it's fine as long as you pay for the wrapper. It's fine. It's stealing if you don't pay for it. I do it all the time. I do it all the time in a big shop.
39:38 Speaker 02 Right, well, if the Daily Mail are listening, there's your headline.
39:40 Speaker 01 No, I have a big shop butty and then I put the wrapper in there. I do it all the time. I don't know what the laws are of it. But as long as you pay for the wrapper, I do it with drinks as well.
39:49 Speaker 02 You don't, you're sorry.
39:50 Speaker 01 Have you seen mums do it with kids at the shop?
39:50 Speaker 02 You don't go into Chanel and try on a little black dress and wear it out and then pay for it at the end.
39:55 Speaker 01 You do exactly that. You try the dress on if it's for you. You have it.
39:57 Speaker 02 But you don't then walk around the shop.
39:58 Speaker 01 And you go into a perfume shop and you try the perfume.
40:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay, but, okay, okay, Chanel was a bad example. With a dress, if you don't want it, you take it off, you put it back on the hanger. You can't take a bite of a quote unquote butty and then go, hmm, not for me. I'll pop it back.
40:11 Speaker 01 I do it all the time. I think it's bad.
40:12 Speaker 02 What, and then pop it back on the shelf?
40:13 Speaker 01 As long as you pay for the wrappers.
40:14 Speaker 02 You are what is wrong with this country.
40:15 Speaker 01 Do you know what I got done for as well?
40:17 Speaker 02 You are sick.
40:18 Speaker 01 Apparently you can't pick flowers in parks. I I know what you're gonna say here. I picked some bluebells. I don't have any.
40:30 Speaker 02 I want to pick some bluebells with my basket.
40:36 Speaker 02 You're like Red Riding Hood, aren't you?
40:40 Speaker 01 He's gone redder than the logo. So I was going for, what, I was going for, you know, the Italians, I've been talking about on radio this week, you know, the Italians go for a little, um, post, you know, post tea walk. It's called La Graffiate or something, La Spagiate. Can we just Google what it's called quickly, Italian walk? Right, hang on. Ben, what's he called? Passagiatte. La Passagiatte, something La Passagiatte, just having a walk. And I'm in a park and it's a beautiful spring day. I pick some bluebells, bring them home.
41:12 Speaker 02 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
41:15 Speaker 01 I went like flouncing through the park.
41:17 Speaker 02 I am so, so sorry.
41:22 Speaker 02 I'm gonna, Jordan, I say this with love, I've had anal sex, but it's the gayest thing I've ever heard.
41:34 Speaker 02 Even I have not reached the level of gay to pick bluebells in the park when I'm on my Italian walk.
41:44 Speaker 01 What a quote. I've had anal sex, but I've never done anything that gay. Right, let me finish, I picked me bluebells, I thought they looked lovely, I went like. And I went on and put them in.
41:56 Speaker 02 Lovely in a vase.
41:56 Speaker 01 Put them in the milk bottle.
41:58 Speaker 02 Okay, let's go now.
41:59 Speaker 01 Okay.
42:00 Speaker 02 Hmm.
42:00 Speaker 01 Right, anyway, mentioned it on the radio, they text me, it's illegal. My mum used to send me a big roundabout all the time to get daffodils. So anyway, Sam, I think it's fine to do that, but don't go picking bluebells in the park. How is that? Have you just got an image of me on a basket like Red Riding Hood?
42:15 Speaker 02 Yes, it's so funny.
42:17 Speaker 01 It's been one of those episodes today, right, go on.
42:20 Speaker 02 Our final dilemma, but sorry, going back to this, Sam, I'm with you, Jordan's with your wife.
42:25 Speaker 01 Can we find out, can we check what the law is on that? Yeah, let's do a legal, let's do a legal read on that. I wanna hold up in court.
42:31 Speaker 02 No. Our final dilemma is from Livy. Hello, boys. I have a dilemma and I'm interested to see what your, what I imagine we very different opinions are. When eating at a buffet style restaurant, how many plates is it appropriate to eat? While writing this, I'm travelling to Fuerta Ventura, all-inclusive, and don't want to be that person who goes out for food too many times. Thank you for all the live laugh loves. Please don't. Yours always, Livy.
42:52 Speaker 01 Right, Livy, first of all, can we start now trending? Everyone just writing in with live laugh loves.
42:56 Speaker 02 No, don't.
42:57 Speaker 01 That's amazing.
42:58 Speaker 02 No.
42:58 Speaker 01 Me personally, it's an all you can eat buffet. It says it on there, all you can eat, although in Disney and stuff now, have you heard what it's called? All you care to enjoy.
43:08 Speaker 02 I like that.
43:09 Speaker 01 Have you not heard what the, exactly, like, a lot of American places now aren't calling it all you can eat.
43:14 Speaker 02 All you care to enjoy.
43:15 Speaker 01 All you care to enjoy or something like that. So, I, I, it's Shauny, do radio with, who I've half Jake, takes tinfoil.
43:24 Speaker 02 No, I wouldn't do that.
43:25 Speaker 01 Buffets, makes himself a full baguette at breakfast, wraps it up and then he's got a little baguette for lunch. So I wrap it in a napkin personally.
43:35 Speaker 01 But yeah, I, I think it's, oh, don't worry, go up as much as I'm trying. I prefer to go up in small doses rather than pile it on your plate. I think when you've got it all piled on your plate, it looks a bit, bit common.
43:46 Speaker 02 Hmm.
43:47 Speaker 01 So just up and each to their own.
43:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, I would say less is more. It's okay, as long as the buffet is still open, then that's fine. And as long as you're not depriving other people of it, you know, it's not just a buffet just for you. So as long as you're not the only one having the lasagna and you're eating so much of it, no one else can have it. That's when it would become slightly problematic. But yeah, I think if it's an all you care to enjoy buffet, then that's not a problem.
44:11 Speaker 03 Jordan earlier downstairs at the cafe, there were three brownies left. He was adamant he was gonna take all three.
44:16 Speaker 01 Don't wind me up. You're on a frigging wind up today, you. We're gonna fall out. Your hair looks smart like that, but yeah, we're gonna fall out. He said, there was, this is me being caring, right?
44:27 Speaker 02 Well, caring for yourself.
44:28 Speaker 01 No, there was three brownies left, Kendall's famous brownies.
44:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:32 Speaker 01 Yeah. And I said, we'll take two. And Ben went, well, they'll free. And I went, well, no, somebody else might want that. And we never eat them all here anyway.
44:37 Speaker 02 Don't say that.
44:39 Speaker 01 So, and then he went, no, they're free. So that's why I have fed Jack one before.
44:45 Speaker 01 Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. It's been a good episode today.
44:47 Speaker 02 I think so.
44:48 Speaker 01 Fun. Uh, remember you can listen to new episodes every Tues-
44:52 Speaker 02 Sorry, just my joints.
44:54 Speaker 01 That bell's for me, not you.
44:56 Speaker 02 What bell?
44:56 Speaker 01 That's what teachers used to say. You were packing up and we're not finished yet.
44:59 Speaker 02 Sorry.
45:00 Speaker 01 Remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else.
45:04 Speaker 02 We had the chapel bell.
45:06 Speaker 01 Did you actually? What was your bell? Did you not have a bell?
45:08 Speaker 02 Chapel bell.
45:09 Speaker 01 Was it actually?
45:09 Speaker 02 It was manually done by the Verger, yeah.
45:11 Speaker 01 The Virgin?
45:12 Speaker 02 No, the Verger. Looks after church.
45:14 Speaker 01 You had a person ring the bell?
45:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, sometimes I was allowed to pull the bell. Cause I've said this before and on Sunday, bizarrely, the Verger's day off was a Sunday, which I think is a very odd day for anyone that works in the church to have off.
45:25 Speaker 01 That's your busiest day of week, yeah.
45:26 Speaker 02 Exactly. And so I was the school campanologist. And I would go and ring the bell.
45:32 Speaker 01 The campanologist?
45:33 Speaker 02 Campanologist, bell ringer.
45:36 Speaker 02 I was.
45:36 Speaker 01 That's gayer than picking bluebells.
45:38 Speaker 02 It's not. It really isn't, Jordan.
45:40 Speaker 01 Uh, you can watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up every, uh, release day. So just head to YouTube and search for Sexto. Goodbye.
45:47 Speaker 02 Goodbye.
45:55 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate, take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the midpoint.
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