Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Viagra For Hamsters!? | And More Niche Knowledge About this episode William’s been busy cleaning his skirting boards, and it’s getting Jordan VERY flustered.
The boys also dive into plenty of discussion regarding barnacle penises, belly button fluff, and the mystery behind giving Viagra to hamsters as they react to your niche interests and facts.
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Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.
0:01 Speaker 01 And Maisy Adam.
0:02 Speaker 00 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
0:05 Speaker 01 Only the best podcast ever.
0:06 Speaker 00 Yes.
0:07 Speaker 01 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
0:17 Speaker 00 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too.
0:18 Speaker 01 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
0:21 Speaker 00 Num, num, num, num, num. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. You just need to search Big Kick Energy.
0:27 Speaker 01 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
0:38 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode, where we see how much extra content.
0:43 Speaker 03 Why are you reading this like you're in year three?
0:46 Speaker 02 You're a horrible boy. You're a horrible, horrible human being. There, I've said it. Where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful Giandivas. You're showing your dentures, love. Come on.
1:06 Speaker 03 And you prefer it when I take them out.
1:09 Speaker 02 You okay?
1:10 Speaker 03 Well, I was, yes. Fine till I was called a horrible, horrible boy.
1:14 Speaker 02 You doing much this weekend?
1:15 Speaker 03 Just crying in a corner, probably. Yeah. No, I've got some family visiting.
1:19 Speaker 02 Oh, have you?
1:20 Speaker 03 Which should be nice, yeah.
1:21 Speaker 02 I'm having a chilled one, but our next door neighbour, who I really want you to meet.
1:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:25 Speaker 02 Fabulous. She's, how can I put this? She's in her later years.
1:30 Speaker 03 Okay.
1:30 Speaker 02 Is that nice? She's lovely.
1:32 Speaker 03 We'll have a lodge in common.
1:34 Speaker 02 We're going, I've been invited round hers for a cocktail on Friday night.
1:36 Speaker 03 Oh.
1:37 Speaker 02 How nice is that? And she sent it on really nice stationery.
1:41 Speaker 03 Lovely.
1:41 Speaker 02 So I replied.
1:43 Speaker 03 On your, on our smicent stationery. Well done.
1:46 Speaker 02 Dear, I won't say name. We would, I would love to be there. I'll see you there.
1:50 Speaker 03 Oh, you didn't reply in the third person correctly.
1:52 Speaker 02 Oh, do not. We're having cocktails on the terrace.
1:54 Speaker 03 Cocktails on the terrace at this time of year. Just don't care, do you?
1:58 Speaker 02 Look at me. Hello.
2:00 Speaker 03 Wow.
2:00 Speaker 02 I hope I don't get shitfaced. So that's what I'm doing. Just having a chilled one. What, we're touring, holiday and everything. It's just nice to chillax.
2:08 Speaker 03 Yes, especially after a holiday.
2:10 Speaker 02 I'll have a nice bath on Sunday. Are you a bath man?
2:14 Speaker 03 Um.
2:14 Speaker 02 Bath man.
2:16 Speaker 03 Oh, here we go. There's a sketch in that.
2:18 Speaker 02 Um.
2:18 Speaker 03 Bubbles.
2:20 Speaker 02 Saggy balls. Spunk.
2:22 Speaker 03 Like the three of us. I like, I prefer baths when I'm not at home. Cause at home, I just lie in there and I think about all the things I could be doing. Whereas in a hotel, when you've got someone else doing it for you, I'm like, yeah, this is nice.
2:32 Speaker 02 What, someone running a bath?
2:34 Speaker 03 No, no, no, no, no, no. As in, when you're in a hotel, someone else is doing the cleaning, someone else is cooking, providing the meals, because you're in a hotel. Whereas when I'm at home, I'm like, well, I could be doing the skirting boards.
2:46 Speaker 02 Who does skirting boards?
2:48 Speaker 03 Do you not clean your skirting boards?
2:49 Speaker 02 Once a year.
2:50 Speaker 03 Once a year? Forget you're on your knees every week, probably running down there going. Oh, I need to.
2:58 Speaker 03 Jordan is just gesticulating. A blowjob. What has got into you today?
3:03 Speaker 02 Oh, skirting boards are filthy. Well, don't matter.
3:08 Speaker 02 I, I need, probably do need to do my skirting boards.
3:11 Speaker 03 Yes, well, I'm right.
3:27 Speaker 03 Can we go for a break? Feel a bit hot.
3:30 Speaker 02 Anyway, come on, what have we got today then?
3:33 Speaker 03 Right.
3:35 Speaker 03 In one of our tour bus episodes, Jordan, you declared that horses are afraid of bridges, which is true.
3:42 Speaker 02 Thank you. Lots of horsey people getting in touch to say that.
3:46 Speaker 03 Claire Balding was on like a shot.
3:48 Speaker 02 Lots of horsey people have been got in touch. And you know you with a horsey people, do you know how I?
3:53 Speaker 03 The teeth?
3:54 Speaker 02 Stink of shit.
3:56 Speaker 03 Okay. And you also said that that's why castles have moats, not true. So we asked G and D V S for their niche knowledge. Uh, we got lots of animal facts, but unlike your moat theory, we have checked these ones. So Beth says that we always see our nose, but your brain just edits it out like a toxic X. So obviously our nose is in, I mean, I can see my nose now.
4:14 Speaker 02 Now I've made aware of it, yeah. Oh, is that true? Your brain edits your nose out.
4:19 Speaker 03 Well, it doesn't cause it's there. You're just looking forward past it. Well, we've checked this. So your nose is always within your field of vision, but you do not see it. Oh, no, it does. This is true. But you're not. Well, I'm seeing my nose. Maybe my brain.
4:33 Speaker 02 You don't see your whole nose, though.
4:35 Speaker 03 No.
4:36 Speaker 04 But when you, hi, guys. But like, you're not seeing it when you're just like looking. You can see it when you look, like, look at your nose. Everyone is now looking at their nose and you can see it's there. But then when you look normally.
4:46 Speaker 03 No, look normal.
4:48 Speaker 04 You can't see it.
4:49 Speaker 02 He looks simple.
4:51 Speaker 03 But apparently we don't see it because your brain ignores it through a process called perceptual filtering. Uh, our brains.
4:57 Speaker 04 We need that for Jordan.
4:59 Speaker 02 And Instagram.
5:00 Speaker 03 Your brain filters out this constant unchanging stimulus to prioritise new information, a phenomenon known as neurosensory adaptation.
5:07 Speaker 02 I like this. Do some more.
5:08 Speaker 03 Okay. Samuel says sharks are older than fire. Okay. Sharks are significantly older than fire. Sharks appeared roughly four hundred and fifty million years ago, while widespread land plants necessary to create oxygen-rich sustained wildfires did not appear until around sixty five million years later.
5:27 Speaker 02 That's a great fact.
5:28 Speaker 03 That's a good fact.
5:29 Speaker 02 You're gonna need a bigger boat.
5:30 Speaker 04 I don't know if I believe that.
5:30 Speaker 03 How do we prove that?
5:32 Speaker 04 I can't believe that.
5:33 Speaker 03 It's a bit like when they say, similar but different, London's oldest pub, or the oldest pub in the UK.
5:40 Speaker 04 I'm so with you right now.
5:41 Speaker 03 It's like, well, records weren't there at that point. So no one can verify that. You can be a very, very old pub.
5:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think I've been in about eight of the UK's oldest pubs. Yeah.
5:51 Speaker 04 It also winds me up when people say this is the best burger in London. I'm like, you have not had every single burger in London.
5:57 Speaker 03 No.
5:57 Speaker 04 So get over yourself.
5:58 Speaker 02 And also get out of London.
6:00 Speaker 03 How many burgers have you had, Ben?
6:02 Speaker 04 Not many.
6:02 Speaker 03 No.
6:03 Speaker 04 Not recently, at least.
6:04 Speaker 03 Famous vegetarian, of course. Committed. Holly says barnacles have the biggest penis. Oh.
6:12 Speaker 02 Do you want to finish that?
6:13 Speaker 03 No.
6:13 Speaker 04 His mind just stopped at that point.
6:16 Speaker 03 Holly says barnacles have the biggest penis to body size ratio of any animal.
6:21 Speaker 02 I call bullshit again.
6:21 Speaker 03 What's a barnacle? I thought a barnacle was the bottom of a bat.
6:24 Speaker 02 Cause you, that's definitely you.
6:26 Speaker 04 William is, William is the winner.
6:28 Speaker 02 Beow ma hag and a cock. By the way, I Googled, I don't know where I've got ma hag and a cock from, and I thought it was from Anchorman. Because he says rich mahogany, but I'm sure there's an outtake in Anchorman where he puts his leg on the table and says, that's just pure mahogany cock. But anyway, if anyone knows where I've got it from, or if I made it up.
6:46 Speaker 03 Now, because they are sea cell, sea cell.
6:49 Speaker 02 Cecil!
6:50 Speaker 03 Cecil.
6:51 Speaker 02 Cecil!
6:53 Speaker 03 Permanently attached to rocks or surfaces, hermaphrodites, they use a highly elongated penis, often eight to 40 times their body length to reach and inseminate neighbouring barnacles.
7:05 Speaker 02 With their permission, I hope.
7:06 Speaker 03 Well, I would hope so.
7:08 Speaker 02 Go in with, can you imagine, just there, like, on your lunch break.
7:11 Speaker 04 Stuck to a rock.
7:13 Speaker 03 I'm not sure a barnacle has a lunch break.
7:15 Speaker 02 Barnacles in your ear.
7:17 Speaker 04 It is a bit like, I've seen videos of this in my biology degree, and like, the penis is like, you know, those like wobbly people?
7:22 Speaker 02 I forgot you've got biology degree.
7:23 Speaker 03 Ben, being on Pornhub doesn't count as your biology degree, right?
7:26 Speaker 02 Go on, go on, give us some of your biology degree.
7:27 Speaker 04 No, it's just, it looks, you know, those like things, I think you get them more in America, those like blowy in the wind people things, like outside car dealerships, that, it's like, that's the penis, it's like.
7:35 Speaker 03 Could you come here on camera and do that impression? No, come on, it's funny.
7:38 Speaker 04 No, we'll put it on the carousel.
7:39 Speaker 03 Okay. Megan says that cats like the taste of earwax.
7:43 Speaker 02 Just because you fed your cat earwax once, Megan, doesn't mean that all cats like earwax.
7:48 Speaker 03 I think they prefer whiskers, if I'm honest. So earwax is salty, fatty and contains protein, so it acts as an appealing, savoury treat to them.
7:55 Speaker 02 Why does that fluff in your belly button smell of poo sometimes?
8:00 Speaker 03 Because you haven't washed.
8:01 Speaker 02 Is that just me?
8:03 Speaker 03 I think sometimes, no, it's probably because what drops, like, it drops down because particularly for you, just shit comes out of your mouth all the time.
8:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I don't think.
8:13 Speaker 03 This has just gone, what's going on?
8:14 Speaker 02 Okay. Next one.
8:16 Speaker 03 Alicia Not Dixon says Viagra can help hamsters overcome jet lag. How is a hamster getting jet lag?
8:28 Speaker 03 I don't think hamsters get jet lag.
8:30 Speaker 02 Viagra can help, but hamsters, oh, I'm telling everyone that next time.
8:33 Speaker 03 Come on, Tibbles, we're off to New York.
8:34 Speaker 02 What? It can help.
8:36 Speaker 04 I have this blue pill.
8:38 Speaker 03 So it can speed up their recovery from an eastward style time jump by up to 50%.
8:43 Speaker 02 Who's feeding hamsters Viagra?
8:45 Speaker 03 Who's taking hamsters on a long haul flight?
8:47 Speaker 02 If you're a scientist working on that project, cure cancer, don't be giving hamsters Viagra.
8:53 Speaker 03 No.
8:54 Speaker 02 And they probably shove them all in the cheeks anyway.
8:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, they probably don't swallow. The drug, and we're back to your skirting boards, the drug acts on a signalling molecule to help the hamster's internal body clocks adjust faster to light changes. It's unclear whether it will have the same effect in humans.
9:08 Speaker 02 I love this segment. Keep going. This is great.
9:11 Speaker 03 Amy says a male pig produces on average a half pint of sperm per ejaculation.
9:17 Speaker 02 I bet.
9:18 Speaker 03 And we fact check this, it can range from 150 to 500 millilitres each time, more for mature boars.
9:24 Speaker 02 Half a pint?
9:25 Speaker 03 Think of that the next time you drink a bottle of a fizzy drink. Yes, that's about, wow. Social Joe, your nemesis, says, your biggest op, to use Gen Z, said, if I have to corrupt my search results by checking this sort of thing, then I want to spoil your day too.
9:44 Speaker 02 Okay.
9:44 Speaker 03 There we go. Thank you, Joe.
9:45 Speaker 02 Half a pint?
9:47 Speaker 03 Ree and Heather said, you can't touch your elbow with your tongue and there's only one way to fact check that, so let's try it.
9:53 Speaker 02 And some are like, and then it's in it, 99% of people will try that. I'm close.
9:58 Speaker 03 No, you're not.
9:59 Speaker 02 I am.
10:00 Speaker 03 There's at least five inches there.
10:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'll work on that.
10:03 Speaker 03 Yeah. Can you stick your tongue out and touch your elbow?
10:06 Speaker 02 Oh, very good, very good.
10:08 Speaker 03 Schoolboy joke. Anyway, we did find a, oh, the, that is in.
10:11 Speaker 02 Your school thing, can you stick your tongue out and touch my elbow?
10:14 Speaker 03 Yes, head mark. Anyway, this is in.
10:18 Speaker 03 This is not true. This is impossible for roughly 99% of people, but people with exceptionally long tongues or highly flexible joints can do this. There we go. No one on the team can do it? No.
10:30 Speaker 02 No.
10:31 Speaker 03 We did find a few false facts, however.
10:33 Speaker 02 Go on.
10:34 Speaker 03 All of the above were true. Jenna said that guinea pigs can't jump, but they can actually clear obstacles of about 10 to 12 inches.
10:41 Speaker 02 So that's false.
10:42 Speaker 03 That is false.
10:42 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:43 Speaker 03 Anne-Marie, love her tune music, said that they'd heard women can't be colourblind, but had never checked. Apparently it's much rarer for women to be colourblind. It's around 1 in 200 women compared to 1 in 12 men, but definitely possible.
10:56 Speaker 02 So me and all four of my brothers are colourblind?
10:58 Speaker 03 Yes.
10:58 Speaker 02 And it's your mother's gene, apparently?
11:01 Speaker 03 Is it?
11:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:02 Speaker 03 Just blame the woman.
11:04 Speaker 02 So I think, but I don't, again, we probably should fact check that. Joe! Joe! For next week!
11:10 Speaker 03 Right. Okay. Now, Jordan, a few episodes ago, you said my keys were very butch, which apparently is off-brand.
11:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's the most masculine object that you own, I think.
11:21 Speaker 03 Okay.
11:21 Speaker 02 That and Mikey.
11:22 Speaker 03 Oh, bless. We asked our GNDs about their masculine or other off-brand objects and traits. Evie said, as a straight woman, I always say to my husband, I'm going for a slash. He hates it. Evie, I'd agree. I don't think anyone should be saying that of any gender identity.
11:37 Speaker 02 Evie, I'm not one of those lads who like, oh, I like women that drink pints. You be you, hon.
11:42 Speaker 03 No, I don't actually. I don't like men who drink pints either, just for balance.
11:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, to be fair.
11:47 Speaker 03 Amy has a flip phone case.
11:49 Speaker 02 Oh!
11:50 Speaker 03 They've used one since they were about 19. They're now 34 and get ripped for being an old lazy.
11:54 Speaker 02 I had a flip phone case when I was about 20, 21. I did, a Burnley one. Used to put all my cards in it. And I actually found it very handy, but now I see him. And it's always a mum in it.
12:07 Speaker 03 Or Jonathan.
12:08 Speaker 02 That's Jonathan, haven't they?
12:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:09 Speaker 02 Do you impression?
12:11 Speaker 03 No, I don't know.
12:11 Speaker 02 It's a my flip phone case. So Honda.
12:15 Speaker 03 Twan is a film and TV costume maker and gay, they've put here.
12:19 Speaker 02 Oh, okay.
12:20 Speaker 03 Just to clarify, because we didn't suspect. They have a drill with all its bits and a toolbox their dad gave them, which are very butch.
12:28 Speaker 02 That is, put some little sprinkles on it or something.
12:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, gay it up.
12:31 Speaker 02 Make it, yeah, put some sequins on it, gay it up and send us a picture. You'd be you, hon.
12:37 Speaker 03 Exactly.
12:37 Speaker 04 On the tool.
12:38 Speaker 03 On the tool.
12:39 Speaker 02 No, on the toolbox.
12:40 Speaker 03 Jamie can fit a kitchen, wow, and knit a scarf, layer patio, lucky patio, and bake a lemon drizzle cake, very verse.
12:48 Speaker 02 I bet many people are listening to that, find that quite attractive.
12:52 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:52 Speaker 02 Angabao, you can fit a kitchen and knit a scarf?
12:55 Speaker 03 Yes.
12:55 Speaker 02 Layer patio and bake a lemon drizzle cake?
12:58 Speaker 03 I think that's excellent.
12:59 Speaker 02 Find a man who can do both. Hold it, young man. That's amazing.
13:03 Speaker 03 Maximiliano, great name, great name, has been told many times that drinking a Guinness is not very gay, but trust them, they are.
13:12 Speaker 02 Can I just say?
13:13 Speaker 03 Never know with that name.
13:14 Speaker 02 Can I just, I think I mentioned this, didn't I? This was my own, not prejudice, that's a strong word, when we first went up.
13:22 Speaker 03 Yes, you have mentioned this.
13:23 Speaker 02 Up to the bar, after our first show in Cardiff, the dancers were there, all of them drinking pints of Guinness. And I was, I was shocked by that, and I shouldn't, I shouldn't, but they were all drinking Guinness.
13:34 Speaker 03 Mikey loves a Guinness.
13:35 Speaker 02 He does love a Guinness.
13:38 Speaker 03 Get your little mind out of your.
13:39 Speaker 02 Good show, George, do you want a pint of Guinness? I was like, bloody hell, lads, yes, yes, I do.
13:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:44 Speaker 02 Yes.
13:45 Speaker 03 Finally, it shocked people that Nate is a.
13:46 Speaker 02 From when they went up to the bar and ordered it. Excuse me, landlady, pint of Guinness, please.
13:51 Speaker 03 George must have just put his leg on me.
13:52 Speaker 02 They're not really like that.
13:53 Speaker 03 No. Finally, it shocked people that Nate is a huge fan of musicals and Disney as they look like a stereotypical metalhead. What does a stereotypical metalhead look like?
14:01 Speaker 04 Silver.
14:02 Speaker 03 Silver?
14:04 Speaker 04 Like metal.
14:05 Speaker 02 I was gonna say, and I don't want him to take it the wrong way, Jack's a bit of a metalhead looking.
14:10 Speaker 03 Jack's not a metalhead in any way.
14:13 Speaker 02 I could imagine Jack at an Iron Maiden concert.
14:15 Speaker 03 Okay, wow.
14:17 Speaker 02 He's very handsome.
14:18 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:19 Speaker 02 He's very handsome, but the tarts, the beard, if he had bigger piercings, no, he's not.
14:25 Speaker 03 I think a metalhead is shaved head, neck tattoo.
14:29 Speaker 02 Metalhead's really long ponytail, isn't it, actually?
14:31 Speaker 03 I can't see Jack, no.
14:33 Speaker 02 Sorry, don't cut Jack.
14:34 Speaker 03 Jack, you offend, stop crying. Are you all right? He's wiping a tear away. Providing that Jack doesn't deck Jordan during this break.
14:40 Speaker 02 A bitch, please. No, he'd knock me out. He actually would knock me out.
14:43 Speaker 03 We've got more of your emails, messages and letters after these.
14:49 Speaker 05 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
15:24 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
15:52 Speaker 02 All right, Jean Deves, thanks for sticking with us. Shall we go on to some listeners' responses, please?
15:57 Speaker 03 Yes, indeed. Kate has got in touch after we replied to her with some suggestions for her UK trip.
16:01 Speaker 02 Oh, I remember that.
16:02 Speaker 03 Dear William and Jordan, I wrote to you back in the fall.
16:05 Speaker 02 Fall.
16:06 Speaker 03 They mean autumn, seeking inspiration for a sexy theme holiday to London from the US. Very shortly after my letter was read out, you started hinting that you were going to be going back on tour and thus my travel dates were sorted. I just got home after a lovely weekend. I visited Claridge's and the Palladium, went up to the Sky Garden, popped into John Lewis, spent entirely too much money at Fortnum's, desperately hoping the box of Toffel Office biscuits makes it back home before I eat them all.
16:30 Speaker 02 I love.
16:31 Speaker 03 Had Sunday roast lunch at the very appropriate hour of 1pm. Well done.
16:34 Speaker 02 No.
16:35 Speaker 03 Yes.
16:35 Speaker 02 4pm. Perfect time for Sunday dinner.
16:37 Speaker 03 Got some picky bits and a Colin Caterpillar cake from M&S, had a Greg sausage roll and a drink at a local pub, strolled through Green Park, saw Titanic. Burnley were playing in London on Saturday afternoon, but frankly, I just couldn't be bothered. I like soccer about as much as William does. The highlight, of course, however, was Saturday night at Wembley. You were all brilliant. Unfortunately, I did not get to have my first G and D because the venue sold out before the show started, but I brought home a couple of bottles of D for later.
17:01 Speaker 02 Can I just say, we.
17:03 Speaker 03 You say every time to every fucking venue.
17:04 Speaker 02 I have been there, where I have seen the production team on the phone, I have seen emails saying you will need to get in quite a high number of Debonne.
17:11 Speaker 03 And then they go, but we've never sold Debonne before.
17:13 Speaker 02 We've never sold Debonne before.
17:14 Speaker 03 You will tonight.
17:15 Speaker 02 And the ones that do, can I just say, A, everyone's happy and B, they make money.
17:20 Speaker 03 Yep.
17:21 Speaker 02 So like, we, sick of saying it.
17:24 Speaker 03 I was a little embarrassed when my first letter was read out, afraid my idea to plan an international trip because of the podcast sounded a bit weird or OTT. But the reality was a great weekend in a beautiful city with some insider recommendations from a couple of guys who, after all these years, mostly just feel like friends.
17:38 Speaker 02 That's the biggest compliment.
17:39 Speaker 03 Thank you for sharing yourselves and your amazing friendship with the world. Love, Kate. P.S. I'd love to know if you'll ever tour in the US.
17:45 Speaker 02 Just, that's not dumb. I love the tour. I absolutely loved it, but. Stop all looking at me. It's not all on me.
17:53 Speaker 03 It is.
17:56 Speaker 02 Maybe one day.
17:57 Speaker 03 We'd all tour in, I mean, I'd tour in Burkina Faso if I had my choice.
18:01 Speaker 02 Who?
18:01 Speaker 03 Burkina Faso, it was a country. Uh, Jay the Gay has got in touch regarding antibiotics.
18:06 Speaker 02 That was his words, not ours.
18:07 Speaker 03 Yes. Hello, my favourite dilemma dad is firstly, I must say that I of course love the podcast and won't lie. I do fancy the majority of the team. E P B, I'm looking at you in particular.
18:14 Speaker 02 A lot of G and D'vas fancy, um, executive producer Ben, you know. You gotta say, a lot of them do fancy him.
18:21 Speaker 03 Good looking guy.
18:22 Speaker 02 We've got many blind listeners, though.
18:24 Speaker 04 It's the weekend hearing.
18:26 Speaker 02 It's the weekend, it's really not the weekend hearing.
18:28 Speaker 03 I was watching a few older episodes on YouTube and Jordan mentioned drinking on antibiotics. I wondered if you know why we don't drink on antibiotics and thought it would make a great etymology for the wonderful William to read. Who, when I first saw him on TV, I had to Google, is he gay or not? My gay dial was not as sharp.
18:45 Speaker 02 It was blunt as a bloody toothbrush if it weren't. Christ.
18:49 Speaker 03 The reason we don't drink on antibiotics is because the first major antibiotics were for syphilis.
18:56 Speaker 02 I've heard this before and I don't know if it's true.
18:58 Speaker 03 So the doctor would tell them not to get drunk and basically become a drunk slag. The town of Middlesbrough could do with that advice, by the way. But his words, not mine. So when, but they could. So when we.
19:09 Speaker 02 Heard this before.
19:10 Speaker 03 And Clitheroe. So when we say don't drink on antibiotics, it's tradition really, rather than actual medical studies. Although there are some you most certainly can't drink with. The majority you could wash down with a GND as the good Queen Mother would want you to do. Love the podcast, Jay, the game.
19:26 Speaker 03 We should just say, sex does not condone this. Always follow the advice of your doctor or a healthcare professional.
19:31 Speaker 02 I at Christmas got prescribed, you know, for my wisdom teeth. Some antibiotics. And these are the ones where you can't drink on. And it was a week before Christmas. I was like, well, and I've heard about these ones. I forget the name of them. They're really strong ones. Apparently if you drink on them, black sick comes up. And I thought they were just saying it and then I Googled it. So some you do need to follow the instructions. Cause I remember once I, and then I had to go back to him because I thought, well, penicillin will be fine. But then I went back to these and when I got them, the doctor was like, the dentist was like, don't drink on these. Like, yeah, fine, fine. I went to the pharmacist, the pharmacist assistant came out and was like, don't drink on these. And as I was leaving the pharmacist, the actual pharmacist come out, followed me out there and went, have you been told not to drink on these?
20:15 Speaker 02 I was like, yes, I get it. Don't drink on them. So just always follow the professional advice.
20:20 Speaker 03 And yet you still did.
20:21 Speaker 02 I didn't, no.
20:23 Speaker 03 Jodie has messaged us in the hope that we can wash her of her sin.
20:27 Speaker 02 You've come to the right place, my child. I heal you. I heal you. I'd love to have been a preacher in another life. Oh, happy days, oh, happy days, oh, happy days. When Jesus was, when Jesus, I would love to have been a preacher in another life.
20:46 Speaker 03 There's still time.
20:48 Speaker 02 Amazing grace.
20:51 Speaker 03 Maybe that's what you can do. Hello. Maybe that's what you can do when, you know, you're off the radio.
20:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:58 Speaker 03 You could become a preacher. Start your own little sort of church.
21:01 Speaker 02 But a good one, not one of those like with long beards outside Lidl. We're bored on, you know, with speaker.
21:10 Speaker 02 End up, world's coming. I don't know why you're buying all that, pal. End up, world's coming next week.
21:17 Speaker 03 Hello, William Jordan, EPB and the Sexer Team. I'm writing to publicly chastise myself for an incident that occurred at your Wembley show. My little brother Robbie bought me tickets to your show for Christmas, as we are both dedicated G and D'vrs. Unfortunately, it clashed with my best friend's 30th birthday, but I was optimistic I could do both. I, oh dear, I attended the bottomless brunch and left tipsy and in high spirits, ready to see the show. The next part is important for context. My brother Robbie is Gen Z and I'm a millennial. Robbie isn't a drinker like myself, of course, and our middle brother, Ben. It is safe to say, after last night, I understand why. I attempted to get Robbie to do shots of tequila with me in order to get him to loosen up.
21:55 Speaker 02 I can't do tequila.
21:57 Speaker 03 He accepted one shot, but I could not be placated and ordered more. Robbie very sensibly turned them down, so I ended up having three tequila shots on top of the large quantities of prosecco I had consumed at the bottomless brunch.
22:06 Speaker 02 It's a millennial trait. We shove shots down people's throats, and I don't know why we do it. I've learnt, I've learnt to get better at this, but it's how we grow up. It's like, shot, shot, shot. There was even an LMFAO song about it.
22:18 Speaker 03 Yes.
22:18 Speaker 02 Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, yeah.
22:21 Speaker 03 We entered Wembley Arena soaking up the atmosphere, ready to see your lovely selves on stage, when my tummy started to feel a bit funny. I made a mad dash from my seat to get to the bathroom, only to be sick all over myself. I was horrified. A very kind staff member helped me find my brother and took me back to my seat. Well, the aroma, I admitted, was noticeable, so we had to leave. I didn't want my fellow G and D'vrs experience to be marred by my sicky stench. So my dilemma is this: how do I even begin to say I'm sorry to Robbie for getting in such a state? He's the best brother a girl could wish for, and I'm plagued by guilt. Please help me get this message to him. I'm sure the show was fantastic. I'm gutted to miss out. You guys have brought me endless joy listening to your podcast every week. I even went to Benidorm on Jordan's recommendation, had a blast, and have booked a holiday to Malta, inspired by William and Ben's adventures.
23:06 Speaker 03 Lots of love to you all. Well, well done, Jodie.
23:09 Speaker 02 Jodie.
23:10 Speaker 03 At least you know you did a bad thing. Well, not a bad thing, a just a silly thing.
23:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was like, when you come to our shows, we have a drink, but we don't want you being bloody, we don't want you being like shitfaced where you can't enjoy the show. We learned that the hard way when we first went to Glasgow, when, literally after the interval, half the audience would kick down.
23:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:28 Speaker 02 Because they were hammered.
23:29 Speaker 03 I, you know, and it is really performed to.
23:32 Speaker 02 Not this tour, our first tour.
23:33 Speaker 03 It's really performed to like, get so drunk you throw up. That's like, really bad behaviour, so.
23:38 Speaker 02 Robbie? Jodie is really sorry for getting drunk on shots of tequila. She was a bit of a tit and she's really sorry, but forgive her because she's your sister and she loves you to bits.
23:49 Speaker 03 And she's going to take you out for lunch to say sorry.
23:51 Speaker 02 She's going to take you out for lunch to say sorry and next time we're on tour, she'll get the tickets.
23:56 Speaker 03 Emily has messaged in with a mini dilemma she experienced at our Cardiff show. Hi both, my wife and I bought tickets for my mother-in-law for the show. I'm going to be honest, I had no idea what I was in for, but as a lesbian who loves anything camp and queer, I was absolutely shocked at how much I love the show. I'm now a big fan of making my way through your podcast episodes.
24:14 Speaker 02 Welcome along.
24:15 Speaker 03 Anyway, my wife, who I love very dearly and was very excited for the show, mad, was loving the first half. But then in the second half, I'm afraid she fell asleep. Yep, that's right. She fell asleep at your show. I was mortified and kept trying to wake her. I think she had one too many wines. Anyway, what would you have done in this situation? Everyone was staring at us, me and my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law and I were furious at her. Picture included, FFS. Love from Emily, the camp-loving wife, Ruth, the wife who fell asleep, and Lindsay, the mortified mother-in-law.
24:44 Speaker 02 I mean, it's quite offensive if someone's falling asleep at our shows.
24:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:48 Speaker 02 I'm a bit annoyed too.
24:50 Speaker 03 No, but it was, she was falling asleep because of the alcohol, not because of.
24:53 Speaker 02 If it's red wine, it makes me very sleepy.
24:55 Speaker 03 Maybe she fell asleep, I wonder if she did fall asleep during one of your bits.
24:59 Speaker 02 I think that's what GND does to me, it makes me a bit.
25:03 Speaker 03 Lethargic, okay. But no, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
25:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, don't worry.
25:07 Speaker 03 These things happen.
25:07 Speaker 02 These things happen, it's, it's fine, as long as you've not fallen out.
25:11 Speaker 03 Talia has messaged in with a tale involving the Tube and Gen Zers after our show. Hi boys, on my way home from the London Live show, which was hilarious. The best part was the emotional ending in which you said your wonderfully kind words to one another, followed by an audience member shouting gay.
25:25 Speaker 02 Gay, best bit of the week.
25:27 Speaker 03 Anyways, I was on the Tube home and ended up speaking to a couple of Gen Zers. For context, I'm 36. I told them the title of the podcast and they were shocked and asked for more information. I explained that people write in with inappropriate dilemmas. They wanted an example. So I said, what would you do if you accidentally knocked over your mother-in-law's ashes? Would you hide the evidence and pop it back on the shelf or admit the incident? This started a big conversation. And which other passengers got involved. Safe to say, the majority would hide the evidence and pretend it never happened. So if you're, so if you receive extra listeners this week, it's because of me. Cheerio. P.S. Jordan, your jawline looked well fit at the show. Sorry, which of us has a better jawline?
26:04 Speaker 02 Oh, which of us has not actually spent any money on the jawline? Thank you. That's made my bloody day. Thank you. I wish you put your name on it.
26:13 Speaker 03 You've put your beard on to hide it.
26:15 Speaker 02 No, I haven't. I've got, oh, that's made my day.
26:18 Speaker 03 Well.
26:18 Speaker 02 Yeah. Mm.
26:20 Speaker 03 Talia.
26:21 Speaker 02 Mm. My brother said as well. Never, you know, we don't compliment each other. We're brothers. We're from the north. It's what Wendy. I mean, it'll look good on that show.
26:31 Speaker 03 Oh.
26:32 Speaker 02 How nice is that?
26:33 Speaker 03 Well done.
26:33 Speaker 02 Thank you.
26:34 Speaker 03 Tracy has a burning question for my live show. Hi, William and Jordan. OMG, your live show was amazing. I've only been at G and D for two years, but I'm proud to have been one. I have one question. William, I loved your showgirl outfit, but what did you have to do with your man bits? Or is Jordan describes that area as a mahogany cog?
26:51 Speaker 02 It's, it's, it's, they're called mahogany cock. Mahogany.
26:55 Speaker 03 Right. I have reviewed the photos many times and still cannot tell. I know drag queens tuck, not that I understand this as a woman, but is there something you did? And how on earth did you do this? How did you learn? The tour was amazing, but this is my one unanswered question.
27:08 Speaker 02 Have you ever seen the film Anaconda?
27:13 Speaker 03 All I will say in answer to your question.
27:15 Speaker 02 It were a four man job and they had to.
27:21 Speaker 03 Oh, God, he's on the floor.
27:22 Speaker 02 Grab it and then like duct tape it to back. And it was just, if you look closely, you can just see it popping out underneath his collar.
27:33 Speaker 03 All I say is a magician does not reveal his secrets.
27:36 Speaker 02 What did you do? Because it looked.
27:37 Speaker 03 I'm not going into it, Jordan.
27:39 Speaker 02 All right, fair, all right. I quite, sometimes it's good to have an air mist.
27:42 Speaker 03 When I come and do the skirting boards. Finally, a message from anonymous. Ben, do yours need doing?
27:47 Speaker 02 But I did notice when you came on as, I did notice when you come on as Wendy. Because obviously if you, if you weren't there, there's a bit in the show where, at the second part, I come on as Sarah, or Sarah comes on.
27:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:00 Speaker 02 And I'm dressed as Sarah and you come on as Wendy.
28:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:03 Speaker 02 In tight skinny jeans.
28:05 Speaker 03 Mm. Mum jeans.
28:06 Speaker 02 Mum jeans.
28:08 Speaker 02 Did notice a bit of-
28:10 Speaker 03 Oh, Jordan, why are we even looking there, you big old perv?
28:12 Speaker 02 I'm not a big old perv. I can't have this big old mahogany cock in my face.
28:18 Speaker 02 Let's move on.
28:19 Speaker 03 And finally, a message from anonymous. Hi, boys. I'm a relatively new listener, specifically after watching you guys on Please Keep Me Anonymous with Chris and Rosie. I'm going through the biggest breakup of my life, and I'm at that stage where being in a house on my own of an evening is the hardest right now. But I'm working through your back catalogue, and let me just say it's massively helping.
28:36 Speaker 02 Oh.
28:37 Speaker 03 Thanks for putting a smile back in my day.
28:40 Speaker 02 Thank you.
28:40 Speaker 03 Well, that's lovely.
28:42 Speaker 02 That's really sweet.
28:42 Speaker 03 That is so nice. Well, we are glad we help.
28:45 Speaker 02 Keepers on, reruns of Friends, Modern Family.
28:47 Speaker 03 Or Frasier.
28:48 Speaker 02 Plenty of red wine.
28:49 Speaker 03 Keep your appearances.
28:50 Speaker 02 Hmm.
28:51 Speaker 03 And be around with your friends.
28:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:52 Speaker 03 But also, you are allowed to feel miserable because it's unpleasant.
28:56 Speaker 02 It's a form of grieving.
28:58 Speaker 03 It is a form of grieving.
28:58 Speaker 02 I've said it before, say it again, it's tough.
29:01 Speaker 03 And also, for some perspective, when people say, "I'm going, like, it's the biggest breakup of my life", there could be a bigger one down the line, so I wouldn't worry.
29:08 Speaker 02 Well, you don't know.
29:10 Speaker 03 I always think that, you know, like, well, this actually could be a drop in the ocean.
29:12 Speaker 02 I generally think going through a breakup is one of the worst things.
29:16 Speaker 03 Hmm.
29:16 Speaker 02 Especially with a pet dying.
29:19 Speaker 03 It is. Well, is it? I don't know.
29:22 Speaker 02 Because at least if they died, you know they won't get with anyone else.
29:26 Speaker 02 It's the...
29:28 Speaker 02 You know, a life together.
29:29 Speaker 03 Okay.
29:30 Speaker 02 Well, I'm going, right, go on.
29:31 Speaker 03 Why did the pet die, guys? Took it on a long haul flight. Took your hamster on a long haul. I still think that's weird.
29:36 Speaker 02 Do hamsters even get jet lag?
29:38 Speaker 03 How do you know? Hamsters always think, "Oh, God, I feel a bit tired."
29:41 Speaker 02 Dave, your hamsters look a bit knackered. Yeah, we've just got back from Barbados. They're fucked.
29:47 Speaker 03 Melatonin didn't work.
29:48 Speaker 02 Have you tried Viagra? So what? Give him a couple of Viagra's, them lads will be fine in a day. Sure. Uh, right, let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socials. Obviously, I don't read any of the comments, William, so this is your...
30:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:02 Speaker 02 Area of expertise.
30:04 Speaker 03 Uh, the honourable mentions go to Daniel, who commented on the reel of the team on the tour bus to say, "Why is Mikey using that funny voice? We all know he's a builder from Yorkshire."
30:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know. I don't know why he put an impression on.
30:12 Speaker 03 Just does it to throw people off.
30:13 Speaker 02 So weird him doing that.
30:15 Speaker 03 And there were a lot of people, so many people to name, that learned from the video that Jordan's Mikey impression may not be completely accurate.
30:23 Speaker 02 That's not fair.
30:24 Speaker 03 But obviously, our comment of the week, we've mentioned it already, goes to the person who, after that heartfelt ending to our show at Wembley, where we talked about how much the podcast meant to us and how much we love each other, just shouted yay and got the biggest flipping laugh of the tour.
30:40 Speaker 02 That annoys you, doesn't it?
30:41 Speaker 03 No, it doesn't annoy me at all because it was very funny. And if you're going to heckle, we don't encourage heckling, but if you're at any show, but if you are going to heckle, make it funny.
30:49 Speaker 02 Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected] . We also love hearing back from people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch. See you on Tuesday.
31:07 Speaker 03 Goodbye then.
31:07 Speaker 02 Goodbye.
31:15 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the midpoint.
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