Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help I Want My Boss's Sausage | And William’s Got BEER FEAR About this episode The boys are back in the studio after the tour and there's lots to debrief on. William's been out partying (again) and Jordan's been working on a couple of new impressions that we're still unsure about. The boys also tackle your modern-day dilemmas involving how to get over being in love with a well-dressed gay man and how to recover after accidentally asking your boss to stick his sausage in you.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
0:27 Speaker 01 There's something different about you.
0:30 Speaker 02 You said this to me a while ago, well, a few minutes ago. And then I asked you what and you said what? And I'm not going to let you say that.
0:35 Speaker 01 No, I'm not going to say that. I just think that there is something different about you. Can't put my finger on it, but I'll get there.
0:41 Speaker 02 Okay, you'll give it your best shot.
0:43 Speaker 01 I will. There's something, I can't, something's happened. I don't know. Something's different about you.
0:49 Speaker 02 Something has changed within me.
0:52 Speaker 01 Is this another musical song?
0:53 Speaker 02 Yes, Wicked, Define Gravity.
0:55 Speaker 01 But you hate wicked.
0:56 Speaker 02 I don't hate wicked. Not at all. It's not Poppins, but you know, it's all right.
1:02 Speaker 01 See, I would be great in wicked.
1:05 Speaker 02 Would you?
1:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06 Speaker 02 Who would you play?
1:07 Speaker 01 I don't love Green. Green loves me.
1:10 Speaker 02 Come on, you know what I'm gonna say. Gay.
1:19 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome to Help by Sexton by Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas like, what should you do if you're caught short and you have to use somebody's already used bog roll? Lot of comments from last week saying, why don't you just knock and say, can you bring in toilet roll?
1:40 Speaker 02 I know.
1:40 Speaker 01 Which if I was queuing, I'd be like, God, yeah. Well, I still, I think that's one of the most disgusting dilemmas of all time. Well, every single part of you misses being back on tour. And what should you do if you accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not your usual solution sluts, are we, William Handerson?
1:55 Speaker 02 No, we're not. It's Jordan North. I'm more Dover soul, you're more asshole. That's from Eddie.
2:01 Speaker 01 Oh, no, I'm taken, Eddie.
2:02 Speaker 02 You're not, you're a lovely artist. Who doesn't know? Anyway.
2:07 Speaker 01 I'm not gonna do that thing where I trample on your jokes.
2:09 Speaker 02 No, no.
2:09 Speaker 01 But who doesn't love an asshole?
2:12 Speaker 02 Okay, let's have, not a moment too soon. We'll have our gin and a bonnet, uh, two parts gin. No, hm, not after this week.
2:22 Speaker 01 William's had another big night out this week.
2:25 Speaker 02 Big bender.
2:27 Speaker 01 Tell everyone where you were this week.
2:29 Speaker 02 Where was I not? We'll get on to this.
2:30 Speaker 01 Oh, okay. All right.
2:32 Speaker 02 Um, yeah, it was not planned and, um.
2:35 Speaker 01 Freedom.
2:37 Speaker 02 I'm, uh, regret my life choices and really someone of my age needs to behave a bit better.
2:43 Speaker 01 So, you know, we're seeing like the new William that we're all here for, and we're not shit. Well, yes, Diva, we're all here for the new William in 2026, who's living his best.
2:51 Speaker 02 I'm trying to say the old William was lovely, all right?
2:54 Speaker 01 Yes, but he's a bit uptight, but, um, this new William is now going through phases of like having hangovers for the first time, going out midweek and now.
3:01 Speaker 02 Having anxiety, as I had last night.
3:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, now he's got his first ever beer fare. Welcome to the world.
3:07 Speaker 02 No beer was taken.
3:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know, but they call it beer fare. It's, it is the worst. I had it really bad a- after a wedding recently. I was like, aye. I was like, you know, dancing, giving people.
3:19 Speaker 02 Well, there's nothing wrong with dar- giving people what?
3:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, my number and stuff and.
3:23 Speaker 02 Hmm.
3:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, so it's fine. Um, who should we toast to?
3:26 Speaker 02 Well, I would like to toast not only all of our lovely audiences for our tour, which is now over, but actually all the people that worked on the tour that put that show on the road. Everyone from our own production team to the crew, to the backstage team, people at the venues, all gorgeous, wonderful people. And without them, we would not have been able to do the show. So this is to, to them.
3:47 Speaker 01 To everyone that helped put the show on the road. Can I just say as well?
3:49 Speaker 02 Hmm.
3:52 Speaker 01 Oh, I've got a kit today. Ooh, put hairs on your chest.
3:54 Speaker 02 You're actually drinking it.
3:55 Speaker 01 Those lads backstage on the Friday took the stage down.
4:00 Speaker 02 Yep.
4:00 Speaker 01 Two in the morning.
4:01 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
4:01 Speaker 01 Then went straight to Manchester from Glasgow.
4:03 Speaker 02 Yep.
4:04 Speaker 01 And put the stage back up at six a.m.
4:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, and they did the same Cardiff, London as well.
4:07 Speaker 01 Hmm. Do you know what I say they are? Erection specialists.
4:13 Speaker 02 Yes, they, they.
4:14 Speaker 01 I've been sitting on that joke all week.
4:16 Speaker 02 Been sitting on that erection all week.
4:17 Speaker 01 Yeah. Did you like that?
4:18 Speaker 02 I, George. Loved it.
4:20 Speaker 01 They are the erection.
4:21 Speaker 02 Literally the best joke you've ever done.
4:22 Speaker 01 They are the erection specialist. So, how's your week been?
4:25 Speaker 02 Um, it's been fine, but let's, let's just reflect on the tour and genuinely I've had the most fun doing that tour. Um, and actually I was really worried that our 2024 tour, we were never going to match or top.
4:37 Speaker 01 Worried about that.
4:38 Speaker 02 Yeah. And actually my brother said, and he, he was apparently also concerned, um, which was nice to know retrospectively, but, uh, he said that it was great.
4:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:47 Speaker 02 Cause well done us.
4:48 Speaker 01 My main worries, like the last tour was even, we were in theatres, which is more intimate.
4:52 Speaker 02 Hmm.
4:53 Speaker 01 And like, I think Palladium was our best night, wasn't it? Actually, we had a really good night in Manchester as well.
4:58 Speaker 02 I don't think we did a bad show.
5:00 Speaker 01 No, I don't, but it was a good tour. It was a really good skate and sketches and stuff. And I'm, and then the pressure of two years later.
5:06 Speaker 02 Yes.
5:07 Speaker 01 Coming up with another tour, but I felt like this one was made for arenas.
5:10 Speaker 02 It was made for arenas.
5:11 Speaker 01 And what I was so chuffed about was people that have never seen us before were like, what do you do?
5:15 Speaker 02 Yes.
5:16 Speaker 01 And we just like, well, this, yeah.
5:17 Speaker 02 And they got it.
5:18 Speaker 01 Hmm. Got it.
5:19 Speaker 02 Um, yeah. And it was lovely having that curtain and a lovely staircase.
5:24 Speaker 01 Chris Stark said he didn't realise how many lovely fans we had. People were so nice.
5:28 Speaker 02 Oh, Chris.
5:29 Speaker 01 Very warm.
5:29 Speaker 02 When I saw Chris after the show, when he came to, to Wembley, he nearly made me cry.
5:33 Speaker 01 Did he?
5:33 Speaker 02 He was so nice.
5:34 Speaker 01 He's lovely.
5:35 Speaker 02 He is lovely. Yeah.
5:36 Speaker 01 Yeah. It's great. It was, it was really good. Highlight for you? Highlight and low light. Let's do that.
5:41 Speaker 02 Well, if you haven't seen the tour, I'm sorry, you might have seen photos online. I think we'll win awards for that Kylie Minogue sequence.
5:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, there was a sequence where we all came on as Kylie and William was amazing.
5:50 Speaker 02 Eras of Kylie.
5:51 Speaker 01 Yeah. My, my plumes. Do it.
5:53 Speaker 02 My, my plumes.
5:54 Speaker 01 That's what I said.
5:55 Speaker 02 That, I did it in rehearsal. I don't know if I've actually done that on stage.
5:57 Speaker 01 You've, you've done it a few times.
5:58 Speaker 02 Okay. That was a sequence that I dreamt up on a plane, uh, last year. And I can remember looking up different eras of Kylie and went, yep, yep, yep. And this is the one I will be.
6:09 Speaker 01 Was that inspired by some Jingle Bell Ball?
6:12 Speaker 02 No, then coincidentally, then an announcer on the Jingle Bell Ball and I was like, fantastic. Man, I'm from heaven. Someone up there as a G and D. Um, so it worked very nicely and we rewrote some of the Kylie Minogue songs as a tribute to Gin and Dubonnet.
6:26 Speaker 01 It's down your throat.
6:28 Speaker 02 Which is in your eyes originally.
6:31 Speaker 02 Can't get you out of my mouth.
6:32 Speaker 01 Can't get you out of my mouth.
6:33 Speaker 02 And spinning around became guzzling it down. All songs about Dubonnet.
6:37 Speaker 01 You'll be up for an Olivier Award next year.
6:39 Speaker 02 Probably.
6:39 Speaker 01 I hope so.
6:40 Speaker 02 Yeah. Um, I was showgirl era Kylie. Admittedly, one of the less popular eras of, or not popular, although when I went to the lovely James for my spray tan. Um, well, both my spray tan had two ahead of the show and he said, so can I ask, why are you having this spray tan? Is it for a wedding? Is it, you know, going on holiday? And I said, well, I said, I have got to be Kylie Minogue, uh, over a couple of weekends. I said, James, if I say blue showgirl era, and he went, and he knew exactly which dress I meant or which outfit. We then had a whole conversation about Kylie Minogue's back catalogue. And I felt, yeah, great. Somebody gets it at last. Spray tans are great.
7:21 Speaker 01 Yeah. So that was your highlight. Showgirl Kylie, you coming on stage as showgirl.
7:25 Speaker 02 And being lifted by the dancers. When I get lifted.
7:28 Speaker 01 Big cheer.
7:29 Speaker 02 Big cheer. What's yours?
7:30 Speaker 01 Uh, my highlight for the whole tour.
7:34 Speaker 02 Of the show?
7:34 Speaker 01 Yeah. Ben's weekend earring. I just don't feel like Ben's weekend earring. He actually has an earring that he puts in at the weekend. I hasn't been given enough love, attention or support.
7:49 Speaker 03 Hi guys.
7:50 Speaker 01 Hello. Hi Ben.
7:51 Speaker 03 I think if you look at the YouTube comments of the last year episodes.
7:54 Speaker 02 Lots of earring.
7:55 Speaker 03 You'll realise there's a lot of earring chats, lots of mean comments.
7:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:59 Speaker 02 Oh.
7:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:00 Speaker 03 My lovely earring.
8:01 Speaker 01 Saying someone looks like a lesbian is not a fair comment.
8:04 Speaker 02 It's not fair.
8:05 Speaker 01 It's not. It's, it's really not. I actually like the earring.
8:08 Speaker 02 Especially when no lesbian would actually wear that earring. So, yeah.
8:13 Speaker 02 Had approval there.
8:16 Speaker 02 So.
8:17 Speaker 01 No, my highlight was.
8:19 Speaker 02 Can you remember anything?
8:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, just, just all of it. You know how et up I get? It's just amazing to be honest. It's just that bit where you.
8:27 Speaker 02 Are you relieved to not be doing any more dancing?
8:28 Speaker 01 Yes, I'm relieved to be not doing any more dancing, which has caused me so much stress.
8:33 Speaker 02 Did it?
8:33 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:34 Speaker 02 No. You stressed about the dancing?
8:37 Speaker 01 Come on, get it out now. Raise your ears, a safe space. Come on, I've been a nightmare. I'm the worst person to work with.
8:43 Speaker 02 You were, I couldn't, what were you more stressed about in all seriousness? Dancing or the lyrics?
8:48 Speaker 01 Both.
8:49 Speaker 02 No, but I'm.
8:51 Speaker 01 The lyrics.
8:51 Speaker 02 The lyrics.
8:52 Speaker 01 The lyrics. You can style dancing out if you don't know the lyrics.
8:55 Speaker 02 Well, can you?
8:56 Speaker 01 Yes, you can.
8:57 Speaker 02 Okay.
8:58 Speaker 01 Um, so that was a, that was a highlight.
9:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, and it's not like I wrote the lyrics a year ago.
9:03 Speaker 01 Low point the train back on Wednesday after the tech run.
9:06 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:06 Speaker 01 But, you know, we don't want to mention that.
9:09 Speaker 02 No.
9:10 Speaker 01 And we were fine after.
9:11 Speaker 02 We were, do you know, by the time we pulled into Euston, lucky old Euston, um, we, um, we were fine.
9:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, we were, we were. What was your lowest? Was it when you couldn't get backstage because you didn't have your pass and you tried saying to the guy, uh, excuse you? You literally picked the guy's pass up and went, that's my face on there.
9:27 Speaker 02 No, I didn't pick his pass up. I wouldn't do that. He didn't have one. Um, but, uh, I was in my dance pants, in my tights, topless, clearly not, literally, there was no bomb or weapon about my, well, well, there was one, but about my person.
9:43 Speaker 01 And then let me tell you, it's a weapon.
9:45 Speaker 02 Ready to explode. Anyway, and we.
9:46 Speaker 01 Absolute weapon.
9:48 Speaker 02 And I'm, I've come off the stage, taken my outfit out. I'm trying to get backstage to our dressing room, which I can see. And he goes, excuse me, do you have your pass? I was like, well, obviously I don't. I mean, where do you think I put my pass?
10:00 Speaker 01 Had you just come off stage?
10:02 Speaker 02 It was the sound tech, yeah, but not for the show.
10:05 Speaker 01 Have your pass? You've got to have your pass.
10:07 Speaker 02 And I, and on the wall is all these menus. They have like, they change them every day with what the passes look like, et cetera. And on the access all areas pass for us, it's lovely. They've put our faces, lovely. I'm on, and I was like, well, you see that, that person? I was like, that's me. And I was saying it in a jokey way.
10:21 Speaker 01 You literally did. My face is my pass.
10:23 Speaker 02 I did not quite say that.
10:24 Speaker 01 Do you know who I am?
10:25 Speaker 02 I said it in a. Knowing way, and he was like, you still need your pass. So I then, half naked, then have to go back on to the stage to get someone to get me a pass.
10:32 Speaker 01 He only, was only doing his job.
10:34 Speaker 02 He is.
10:34 Speaker 03 Would you rather someone just let anyone through? You could have been any Tom, Dick or Harry.
10:38 Speaker 01 Well, speaking of which.
10:40 Speaker 02 Oh, here we go.
10:41 Speaker 01 Every Tom, Dick or Harry was in that dressing room throughout the whole weekend, which we don't mind. Had we have been stricter podcast hosts, then maybe we would.
10:50 Speaker 02 I think half an hour before the show, there was nobody other than us and him.
10:53 Speaker 01 The interval, we had Freddie backstage pouring gin and tonics because it was free.
10:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:58 Speaker 03 Well, William needs to have a word with viral Freddie.
11:00 Speaker 01 Well, yeah.
11:01 Speaker 02 Control my, my team.
11:03 Speaker 01 Your team, yes.
11:04 Speaker 03 It's no one else.
11:05 Speaker 01 Team Twinks, get them sorted. Christ, there are enough of them.
11:09 Speaker 02 But one of them is my husband, who I think is allowed.
11:11 Speaker 01 He's a twonk.
11:12 Speaker 02 Oh.
11:13 Speaker 01 Is he? Is that right?
11:14 Speaker 02 I don't know. He's just Mikey.
11:15 Speaker 01 He's just Mikey.
11:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:16 Speaker 01 Um, but yeah, I meant.
11:18 Speaker 03 Well, Mikey did actually feature on a social clip that we posted from the tour bus and that shocked a lot of our.
11:26 Speaker 02 It is, it is still amazing. How many, eight years in, how many people, every time Mikey appears either on my story or on a sexter thing, people go, what? You mean, he's not a builder? No, he's causing not a flipping builder.
11:39 Speaker 01 He went, ah, what was his line? Tell me his line.
11:41 Speaker 02 I'm passing the phone.
11:42 Speaker 01 I'm passing the phone to someone who asked me to come round and bedrock. He went, hello, my little flower pots and all, Dean Jeevers, Jean Devers, Mikey, whatever, all Dean Jeevers, um, I'm passing, how'd you bloody do this? Now hang on. Oh, wait there, glasses on, end at nose. I'm passing phone to, uh, to person, what am I saying? What am I saying? What am I saying?
12:06 Speaker 02 Bedrock.
12:07 Speaker 01 I'm passing my phone to a person who asked me to come round and bedrock.
12:11 Speaker 02 Who? I had to text Mikey. What does that mean? Or was it you?
12:14 Speaker 03 It's like chill.
12:15 Speaker 02 I don't understand it. Yeah.
12:15 Speaker 03 It's busy Izzy asking.
12:17 Speaker 01 Is she Gen Z Izzy or busy Izzy?
12:19 Speaker 02 She's Bitbike. She has, she has two labels because one is just not enough.
12:23 Speaker 01 But a low light as I was recording the episode on the tour bus and.
12:27 Speaker 02 I thought it was gonna be you.
12:28 Speaker 01 So sick. I got motion, I never get motion sickness.
12:30 Speaker 03 Some people's favourite ever episode.
12:32 Speaker 02 Yes. Oh no, great app.
12:34 Speaker 03 So I'm gonna keep working you to the bone.
12:36 Speaker 01 Great app.
12:37 Speaker 02 You still don't understand my Andrew Lloyd Webber joke. I did, but never mind.
12:40 Speaker 01 No.
12:40 Speaker 03 You're gonna be like Elvis Presley.
12:42 Speaker 01 I don't, yeah. And you are the Colonel.
12:45 Speaker 02 You're gonna be found dead on the loo with a. Bit of meat in your hair.
12:48 Speaker 03 William had his first ever KFC as well.
12:51 Speaker 02 Did you? Well, I didn't at the time of recording.
12:53 Speaker 03 In the tour bus on the second trip you did.
12:55 Speaker 02 Oh, okay. Yes, I did. I loved it. Oh, great. I absolutely hated it. You can edit it accordingly. I already felt ill and I wasn't eating processed food. Shut up. You'll be fine. We've got to say you, thank you to everyone that come and see us. And just in general, if you didn't come and see us, just for all, all the long loving support. Yeah, generally it, it means an awful lot that we are, we are able to do that. And I hope you had a lovely time.
13:21 Speaker 03 I think it's fair to say before we move on, obviously there'll be a lot of people who haven't been able to come to the show for whatever reason. So there is more to come and we are hoping to sort something so that you can get all these references.
13:34 Speaker 02 Yes, we also have had lovely Joe Wilmot around with a camera following us every step of the way. It's like being a Kardashian. I know. You, you open the loo door and he's there. Hours of footage backstage talk. I, I think it's got to be chopped down 30 minutes. It's got to be a six part series. It's going to be like the Beckham documentary by the time it's finished. He's got a big anamorphic lens that he's been filming us on in widescreen. It's about what? Spinal tap. Oh, I haven't watched that. No. But yeah, there's going to be a whole, whole doc about putting on the show. I need, I want a bit of. Edit approval. Yeah, edit approval. Well, yes, especially because he's filming me doing my quick change. Yeah.
14:12 Speaker 03 How many times did Jordan remain wearing his microphone as he went to the loo in sound check? Like, do we, should we get a count on that?
14:19 Speaker 02 Well, they stick a mic on you. And you forget it's there. I know you need a wee.
14:22 Speaker 03 And then all you can hear is.
14:25 Speaker 03 And everyone can hear it on stage.
14:26 Speaker 02 Nowhere. Every time I go for a wee, I have to trump. Oh. And that never used to be a thing.
14:32 Speaker 03 Isn't that just a thing?
14:33 Speaker 02 Is it? It's not new. Never used to be a thing. Control your pelvic floor. No, no, I'm so sorry. Maybe if I'm at your eye.
14:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, the, the other, what was really nice last night, actually, at the time of recording, I went to Titanique, AKA The Meat Rack, see a previous episode. You went to Titanique? I did go to Titanique again and. You ever in? Some G and D'ivas were there, who also came to our show at Wembley. And they said very nice things about my, the Kylie sequence. Thought they'd like it.
15:05 Speaker 01 Well, how nice is this? On Sunday morning, I got up and went to a coffee shop and went for a little walk. Found a coffee shop near where I live.
15:14 Speaker 02 It's not hard.
15:15 Speaker 01 And there were two G and D'ivas in there. I, I forgot. I know Daryl was one of it. Daryl and his boyfriend. And they flew in from.
15:23 Speaker 02 Do we have gay listeners?
15:24 Speaker 01 They, they flew in from Copenhagen to come and see the show that night. And they sent me and got a picture. Daryl, I'm so sorry.
15:31 Speaker 02 Tack to them.
15:32 Speaker 01 I forgot your lovely partner's name and I'm really sorry, but thank you. No, let's not be. They were, they were lovely and they'd flown in and they were flying back that day. Flew in to watch it.
15:42 Speaker 02 And I feel bad actually for the G and D'ivas at Titanic. I didn't get your names, but I was also desperate for the loo. So it was, we were sort of trying to talk about my legs and the Kylie costume and I also needed to.
15:50 Speaker 01 You were born to be on the stage.
15:52 Speaker 02 Oh, bless you.
15:53 Speaker 01 I'm worried about what you're gonna do now for the next few weeks. I think you're gonna be on a bit of a come down.
15:57 Speaker 02 Well, that Kylie costume, it's mine now. So I've said to Mikey, you know, if we're not to have a candlelight supper, I could, you know.
16:03 Speaker 01 Bloody right, we will.
16:04 Speaker 02 No, no, but I could.
16:05 Speaker 01 Get that on.
16:06 Speaker 02 Whilst, whilst we're clearing main course.
16:08 Speaker 01 My, my plume.
16:11 Speaker 02 Whilst we're clearing main course, I could go and like just pop into it and then serve pudding in it.
16:15 Speaker 01 I think.
16:15 Speaker 03 And what about the costume?
16:18 Speaker 02 Offer up something sweet for the boys.
16:19 Speaker 01 And, and, and he's, he's happy to have my Kylie costume if you want.
16:23 Speaker 02 But it's not gonna fit him, is it?
16:24 Speaker 01 I was, uh, 2000's Kylie.
16:26 Speaker 02 Yes, you were. And the can't get you out of my head look.
16:29 Speaker 01 Can't get you out of my head. I was really genuinely worried about Skidmark.
16:32 Speaker 02 Of course you were. You wanted to crawl all over the floor at one point. And I said, it's a white costume. We've only got one of them.
16:37 Speaker 01 I got right, right into it.
16:39 Speaker 02 Don't do that.
16:40 Speaker 03 I just think, I always feel as well, like, obviously, this is a very rare opportunity for us to bring the G and D'ivas together into one room. And that's always just like such a special feeling. And I also, obviously I did my EPB thumb runs.
16:51 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:52 Speaker 02 As well. Yes, you did.
16:53 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:53 Speaker 03 I've got some names.
16:54 Speaker 02 Okay, go for it.
16:55 Speaker 03 For my run.
16:56 Speaker 02 Do shout out.
16:57 Speaker 03 Kofi, Richie, Maria and George in, in London. That was nice.
17:01 Speaker 01 Don't forget our Ryan as well.
17:02 Speaker 03 Yep, your Ryan.
17:03 Speaker 01 My brother went and met you.
17:03 Speaker 03 Izzy came along in Manchester. Mikey was, um.
17:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:07 Speaker 02 Mikey loved it, yeah.
17:07 Speaker 03 He was in Cardiff.
17:08 Speaker 01 It was, it was good. Also, there's a little moment where Ben comes out dressed as Kylie as well.
17:13 Speaker 02 Yes.
17:14 Speaker 01 And, um, he went really in on himself and I thought it's because I took the mick out of him on stage. I thought I'd like offend him. Like, are you all right? Did I go too far there? And he's like, no, I'm just, it's the first time cats see me like this and it's always a bit of a worry. And he was genuinely.
17:27 Speaker 02 But it won't be the last.
17:28 Speaker 01 Genuinely really worried, wasn't he?
17:31 Speaker 02 Oh.
17:31 Speaker 01 Oh, and she loved it.
17:33 Speaker 02 I've barely seen her since.
17:34 Speaker 01 No, I mean, that note new there, I heard she was a bit like quite into it.
17:40 Speaker 02 Hmm.
17:40 Speaker 01 Just saying, take that wig and hot pants home.
17:43 Speaker 02 He has time for Jolly Jolly. No, no, can we, can we talk about, and it happened, I can't remember which of the shows it happened in. Uh, but the, um, we spend years planning this tour.
17:53 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
17:53 Speaker 02 Biggest laugh of the night on that night where you and I are having our very nice sentimental moment. And.
18:00 Speaker 01 I was slightly annoyed, but also it is brilliant.
18:02 Speaker 02 And with, and it actually is recorded and we'll get, cause our friend Chris filmed it, just was happened to be filming at the time that it happened. And we're saying lovely things about each other.
18:10 Speaker 01 A moment where we say lovely things about each other.
18:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:12 Speaker 01 How much we love each other and how, how good friends we are and how, I couldn't imagine you being in my life, that kind of thing. Very deep, wasn't it?
18:18 Speaker 02 You couldn't imagine me being in your life?
18:19 Speaker 01 Can't imagine you not being in my life. And it's very deep to the point where we've got a whole arena in the palm of our hands.
18:24 Speaker 02 I normally.
18:25 Speaker 01 Hear a pin drop.
18:25 Speaker 02 Oh, we have them in the palm of our hands. And I, I start to get emotional normally, you'd get emotional, but I really was getting emotional that particular evening. And, uh, it goes quiet and someone just shouts from in the distance, gay. Brought the flipping house down.
18:39 Speaker 01 It was the biggest laugh of the night. It was a heckle and someone just went, gay. The whole arena erupted in laughter. I think we've been planning jokes and skits for the best part of two years and that gets the biggest bloody laugh. But I won't have it any other way.
18:52 Speaker 02 No, wouldn't have it any other way.
18:54 Speaker 01 Gee and Diva's got the best laugh. That's how it is. At the time of recording, why don't you tell everyone where you were on, uh, Tuesday night? Freedom.
19:01 Speaker 02 Well, I was in Soho, I was in several places.
19:04 Speaker 01 Soho in London.
19:05 Speaker 02 Soho in London as opposed to New York and.
19:08 Speaker 01 Or Manchester.
19:09 Speaker 02 There's no Soho in Manchester.
19:10 Speaker 01 Piccadilly, I know, sorry.
19:13 Speaker 02 And just low key went out for just some drinks with some friends. It escalated. I ran into Danny, one of our debonnets.
19:20 Speaker 01 One of the dancers, the debonnets.
19:22 Speaker 02 And we continued to party into the night until 3am. I was in a taxi with Danny and his friend Virginia going home because we live in the same sort of direction. Did Danny have to get the taxi to pull over for me?
19:36 Speaker 01 Yes, he did. Excuse me, driver, pull over, please.
19:39 Speaker 02 Oh, it's like he's here.
19:40 Speaker 01 William, we're gonna do a new impression. It's Danny the dancer. I love it.
19:43 Speaker 02 You need to work on that one. By the way, if Danny is listening to this and he doesn't know, Jordan's impressions are notoriously shit.
19:47 Speaker 01 Driver, pull over, will you? All right, you're white, so pull over, right? He's gonna be sick here. Right, I'll rub his back, don't you worry.
19:56 Speaker 02 So that happened.
19:57 Speaker 01 I've got you, William, don't you worry, love. Don't you worry, geezer.
20:01 Speaker 02 Jordan's impressions, Danny, also go on for quite a long time.
20:05 Speaker 01 He's not from London! He's from Essex.
20:08 Speaker 02 Yes, but that's not, like, stepping time is London.
20:10 Speaker 01 When I first met him, I went, aye, I didn't expect him to be from Essex. And he went, what's happening, girl, you're white?
20:16 Speaker 02 He is from Essex.
20:17 Speaker 01 I didn't, I know, but I didn't, I didn't know. What's happening, girl, you're white?
20:20 Speaker 03 I'd ask if he held your, um, if he held your hair back, but there's.
20:28 Speaker 01 You're choosing water, eh, Paul?
20:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, you are. I'm gonna win.
20:31 Speaker 03 All the shit you've given me over the years.
20:33 Speaker 02 Anyway, he was very nice and, um, I can't remember getting home, but never mind.
20:36 Speaker 01 What time did you get in?
20:38 Speaker 02 Four.
20:39 Speaker 01 On a Tuesday? Who even are you? On a Tuesday?
20:42 Speaker 03 I wonder the difference between William falling asleep and Jordan's alarm going off.
20:47 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Twenty minutes in it, probably.
20:49 Speaker 01 Oh, my God, you went to bed when I was getting up?
20:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:52 Speaker 01 Shit.
20:52 Speaker 02 And my alarm went off and I went, nope, have another hour.
20:55 Speaker 01 About six?
20:56 Speaker 02 No, no, no. Well, I think I'd set it for 7.30. I set it for 7.30 before I went out.
21:01 Speaker 01 I'd miss Lorraine for that, honestly. When I used to go out, if I ever went out in the week, I was up until halfway through this morning.
21:10 Speaker 02 Well, anyway.
21:11 Speaker 03 To be fair, you did send a picture sort of at the early hours of the morning into the WhatsApp.
21:15 Speaker 02 Danny sent that in the group.
21:16 Speaker 03 And then you did, you said, hi, boys, at like 9am. I was like, I did not expect to see that, hi, boys, for a while.
21:24 Speaker 01 Was it a voice recording?
21:25 Speaker 02 No, no. No, I did send a note about some, a note for the show, but that was later.
21:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was a bit like when you had to cancel.
21:31 Speaker 02 There are photos.
21:32 Speaker 01 I absolutely got to be canceled.
21:37 Speaker 04 As you can see, I have no voice.
21:40 Speaker 01 That's William cancelling his show.
21:41 Speaker 04 Can we just make sure the curtains are at the correct height and come up within 10 seconds of the intro? Please.
21:49 Speaker 02 It's just because I care.
21:50 Speaker 01 No, I know.
21:52 Speaker 02 Anyway, there are, if Social Joe's listening, I hope she is, at some point, there are photos from that night. Whether we allow them to be shared on the carousel remains to be seen.
22:00 Speaker 01 Can we, speaking of which, when are we gonna have the chat and rein Social Joe in a bit? Because I feel like she was.
22:07 Speaker 02 Because she absolutely nailed you in that video.
22:09 Speaker 01 And for the whole tour.
22:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, that's.
22:12 Speaker 01 Just even bits where you weren't there.
22:14 Speaker 02 She's an excellent social character.
22:15 Speaker 01 She is. She scares the shit out of me and she likes having that power over me. She literally said, before I went on stage, walked past me and went, "Don't fuck it up."
22:27 Speaker 01 Williams hit the mic off in shock. And just walked off. And I was like, she's in my head. She's in my head. Why would you say to someone before they go on stage when you know they have terrible stage fright, "Don't fuck it up"?
22:39 Speaker 02 Excellent.
22:40 Speaker 01 She's just, I, I love her, but I think we need to rein her in a bit. I can't be, I'm, I'm Ben in this relationship with me and Social Joe.
22:49 Speaker 02 You're Ben? Why is it in getting?
22:50 Speaker 01 And then she said, "I'm passing the phone to her."
22:52 Speaker 02 Thirsty little bitch.
22:53 Speaker 01 That's how she's living it. She's a thirsty little bitch.
22:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:56 Speaker 01 "All right, Joe, no one told you I had to say that." It's like, I know I came up with it myself.
23:01 Speaker 02 Right, shall we go to Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week?
23:03 Speaker 01 We shall, we shall. Yeah. Okay. Happy Easter, buddy. Oh, we're in Easter? I don't know what the crack is. It's early this year, isn't it? It's early this year.
23:11 Speaker 02 Yes.
23:12 Speaker 01 And when I get back, I'll tell you all about Nashville.
23:14 Speaker 02 Yes, of course. Yes, your holiday. Here's the jingle.
23:34 Speaker 01 This one's from Stephen Rose on Insta.
23:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:38 Speaker 01 "Hi, Jordan. Quick Jolly Joke of the Week for you. Two condoms walked past a gay bar and I'll tell you the punchline after the break."
23:45 Speaker 02 Back to Tuesday night.
23:51 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate, take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the midpoint.
24:19 Speaker 01 All right, Gene Devers, thanks for sticking with us. It's now time for the punchline of Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. Two com-doms walk past the gay bar. One turns the other and says, "Do you fancy going in there and getting shitfaced?"
24:40 Speaker 02 Wow.
24:44 Speaker 02 Good joke.
24:47 Speaker 01 Do you like that, man?
24:48 Speaker 02 I do, yes.
24:49 Speaker 01 You like that, man?
24:49 Speaker 02 It's right up my street. And also, great, delivered a zinger, one. No notes.
24:55 Speaker 01 If I get the right laugh, the right moment, I'll leave it. You've always got to leave them laughing.
25:00 Speaker 02 Okay. He chases the high.
25:02 Speaker 01 I do chase the high.
25:03 Speaker 02 Well, well done. In future, that's the note. We all just laugh. If it's not funny, just give them a big reaction.
25:11 Speaker 01 Thank you. Am I looking a bit washed out?
25:13 Speaker 02 No.
25:13 Speaker 01 Not putting any makeup on today?
25:14 Speaker 02 No, you look fine.
25:16 Speaker 01 Just got a bit of spray tan on still from the tour.
25:18 Speaker 02 It's fine.
25:19 Speaker 01 So I'm like, I don't want to go in looking like...
25:21 Speaker 02 Death warmed up.
25:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:23 Speaker 02 No.
25:24 Speaker 01 No, you're fine. Okay. Remember, we have no idea what's coming up. We are reading and hearing these for the first time, just like you.
25:30 Speaker 02 Lovely to read them and not get motion signals at the same time.
25:32 Speaker 01 And if you do have any questions and dilemmas, and you want our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected] . You can DM us, we're at Sex with My Boss on the socials, or you can write to William, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply on one of our own luxury greeting cards with executive cell seal envelopes. The address is on the website, sexwithmyboss.com.
25:53 Speaker 02 Our first letter is from Tony. "Hello, beautiful Jordan, dashing William and quirky producer Ben and team."
25:59 Speaker 01 Quirky.
26:00 Speaker 02 "I would like to say how much you have helped me bring a smile to my face on very hard days. You helped me get through a rough period in hospital late last year and I am so grateful I found your podcast over lockdown."
26:10 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you.
26:10 Speaker 02 "Anyway, I hope you can help. I have been working in a pub for the past three years. I used to work with someone who turned out to be a massive asshole." And blamed me for the failure of his past relationships and basically called me easy. Bearing in mind, this man is 38 and I'm 21. Nothing happened between us besides some innocent flirting, but he was also dating someone else. When he got fired, I confronted him and he decided to be childish and blocked me. I'd moved past it, but recently I reached out to him again through my friends' social media. Despite him painting a bad picture about me to everyone we work with, he helped me through a lot and I'd like to be civil with him again. Part of me wants the nice friendship that we had back, but the other part never wants to speak to him again after he slagged me off. Any advice you would give me would be greatly appreciated. I can't make decisions, so now it's up to you guys. Love
26:55 Speaker 02 your podcast so much and I promise I'll listen to anything you say.
26:58 Speaker 01 Tony.
26:59 Speaker 02 Dye your hair blue.
27:00 Speaker 01 No, Tony, it sounds like you're going through it, especially with this guy. It sounds like you probably still like him a bit, but...
27:06 Speaker 02 I think you more than... He turned out, quote unquote, "He turned out to be a massive asshole" and blamed me for the failure of his past relationships and called me easy. And you still want to be his friend?
27:12 Speaker 01 Be nice!
27:14 Speaker 02 No, but I'm com- I'm sorry.
27:15 Speaker 01 Tony, just, I think you've got to ignore him.
27:18 Speaker 02 I think you've got Stockholm syndrome.
27:19 Speaker 01 Sack him off. I promise you, over time, time's a great healer. You will not be bothered.
27:24 Speaker 02 No.
27:24 Speaker 01 Don't message him again. If he reached out to you, then maybe you reconcile.
27:28 Speaker 02 Reconcile?
27:29 Speaker 01 Reconcile. But I'd leave it. Don't message him again. Don't use your friends' social media as well.
27:34 Speaker 02 Hmm.
27:34 Speaker 01 Just leave it. I know it's easy to say no, just leave it. Full stop. If he gets back in touch with you, maybe you go there, but just leave it. He's made it very clear.
27:42 Speaker 02 Tony, you can do better.
27:43 Speaker 01 Hmm.
27:44 Speaker 02 And have some self-worth.
27:45 Speaker 01 Don't dye your hair blue either. I don't think you'll see it.
27:47 Speaker 02 I might. You never know. Work for Mrs. Slocum. Amarge Simpson.
27:52 Speaker 01 Oh, homie!
27:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, exactly.
27:55 Speaker 01 Well, oh, homie.
27:57 Speaker 02 It's my Amarge Simpson. I've never done my Amarge Simpson impression before. Vaguely accurate impression.
28:05 Speaker 02 Okay, don't overdo it.
28:06 Speaker 01 Oh, homie.
28:08 Speaker 01 I can't believe I've never done my mindset one before.
28:11 Speaker 02 Oh, we'll hear it for the next four years then. This one is from Drew. Dear William, Jordan and the Sexed Team, I'm a British fella, living and working in New Zealand as a builder.
28:20 Speaker 04 Oh, you poor thing.
28:21 Speaker 02 I started listening in September and have caught up on the whole back catalogue as of March. I'm very self-employed and work long days. My dilemma is when I go to the local cafe to grab a coffee, I often encounter a group of people on typewriters.
28:34 Speaker 01 What are you in there? Is this good night sweetheart?
28:36 Speaker 02 Well, they say New Zealand is like Britain in the nineties, but I didn't realise it was to that extreme. I like to have a sit down coffee with my wife in the cafe, but the racket made by up to 12 people smashing typewriters more than disturbs the peace.
28:49 Speaker 04 The fuck is this?
28:51 Speaker 02 Living in Bletchley Park, as well as the racket, do you know what that is?
28:55 Speaker 01 No, I didn't get that reference.
28:57 Speaker 02 You've got so much shit, because you didn't know who Isambard Kingdom Brunel was, by the way, on the chat bus.
29:00 Speaker 01 I know. My mum's not, I got a laugh from Jack as well. What does Bletchley Park?
29:05 Speaker 02 Enigma, the Enigma Code.
29:07 Speaker 01 Oh.
29:08 Speaker 02 Alan Turing.
29:09 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
29:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, all that. As well as the racket, they occupy at least half the tables in this small cafe. My wife appreciates and encourages the artful practice. I compare it to if Mikey, the lads and I, off site, took up half the cafe and were smashing our hammers on the table. This could potentially be irritating.
29:25 Speaker 01 Yes.
29:25 Speaker 02 The typewriters are also enormous, so only communal tables are occupied. To me, a cafe is a place to sit down with a coffee or a brew, have a bite and chat. Please, can you settle this? I can't believe I'm about to read this. Is it good etiquette for half a lovely cafe to be taken open with typewriters? Or is this an artful practice but should be allowed?
29:42 Speaker 01 I mean, is this a thing in New Zealand? Do you just take your portable typewriters at cafes?
29:47 Speaker 02 I didn't, I mean, I know you can move typewriters.
29:49 Speaker 01 Bye. Let me get my New Zealand out.
29:51 Speaker 02 Do you not have an iPad?
29:52 Speaker 01 Bye, but I'm gonna go to the cafe and, uh, I'm gonna go to the cafe and, no, because South Africa's safe Africa.
30:01 Speaker 02 What are you doing?
30:02 Speaker 01 I used to work with a lad that used to do top 10 at 10 on Rockefeller, Stuart, and he used to go to top 10 and 10. Bye, but I'm gonna go to the cafe and, uh, gonna take the typewriter and write a letter for, for your mother.
30:13 Speaker 03 Someone needs to research Jordan.
30:15 Speaker 01 Who does that?
30:16 Speaker 02 That holiday cannot come soon enough. How many people, like, it's not just one typewriter, it's, did you say 12?
30:23 Speaker 01 Must be the local typewriting club, which don't go on Wednesdays when they get together.
30:27 Speaker 02 Up to 12 people, like, I'm so confused by this letter. Half of me wants to go and see it. Can you send a photo, please, Drew, of Typewriter Club?
30:35 Speaker 03 Maybe the problem is that Drew doesn't know what a laptop is.
30:40 Speaker 03 And he thinks-
30:41 Speaker 02 Is typewriter like a New Zealand word?
30:43 Speaker 03 He sees a laptop, there is a laptop, but he sees typewriter.
30:46 Speaker 01 Oh, so maybe, maybe it's not an old fashioned ding.
30:50 Speaker 02 I mean, I tell you what we should talk about-
30:51 Speaker 01 Did you ever get a typewriter by your older brother when you were younger?
30:54 Speaker 02 I'm sorry?
30:54 Speaker 01 Get cheese on your neck.
30:56 Speaker 02 Well, no, because I don't have an older brother.
30:56 Speaker 01 Pin you down, go ding and slap you, ding.
31:00 Speaker 03 Cheese on your neck?
31:01 Speaker 01 No, knees on you.
31:02 Speaker 02 Oh, right, no.
31:04 Speaker 01 I, I just think if it's annoying you that much, maybe don't go to the cafe on Typewriter Club.
31:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm sure there are other cafes in New Zealand.
31:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:10 Speaker 02 Another time, let's talk about people that work, use laptops in cafes. I feel that's a discussion.
31:15 Speaker 01 Maybe do an etiquetteology on it.
31:17 Speaker 02 No, there's no etiquetteology on that.
31:19 Speaker 01 No, there is, because that's what it is. Now etiquetteology has turned from actual etiquette into just you, Wikipedia in history. You're not Dan Snow, you're William Hanson, know your brand.
31:30 Speaker 02 Do you know what I'm going to do for my next etiquetteology?
31:32 Speaker 01 Type.
31:32 Speaker 02 On request of you, no. You wanted pick-a-lily, I'm doing pick-a-lily.
31:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, all right.
31:37 Speaker 02 All right?
31:38 Speaker 03 Acceptable.
31:38 Speaker 02 Most, most of them are ones that you go, do an etiquetteology on that.
31:42 Speaker 03 You know, New Zealand is the place that all the billionaires have got their, like, layers, so if the world ends that they can-
31:48 Speaker 02 They're layers? What are they, blow felt and you only live twice?
31:51 Speaker 01 Literally, that's what they've got. They know something we don't. I don't want to freak you out now, Jim Davis, but-
31:56 Speaker 02 Oh, God, here we go.
31:57 Speaker 01 Tax are rich, right.
31:58 Speaker 03 They've got, they've got these massive, like, underground bunkers in New Zealand with, like, loads of cans of baked beans, ready for a disaster.
32:06 Speaker 01 Hines as well, proper ones.
32:07 Speaker 03 Have you seen 2012?
32:09 Speaker 02 What, with Hugh Bonneville and Olivia Colman?
32:12 Speaker 02 Very good show.
32:13 Speaker 03 That's a BBC sitcom. I'm talking about the Hollywood movie.
32:16 Speaker 01 I think Drew from New Zealand, just don't go on the days of doing typewriters, or maybe look at a different cafe if it's...
32:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:23 Speaker 01 People tapping away is quite annoying.
32:24 Speaker 03 Or bring your hammer.
32:26 Speaker 02 Bring it, yeah.
32:27 Speaker 03 Your building hammer.
32:27 Speaker 01 Just go, "Shut the fuck up!" And just bash them.
32:31 Speaker 02 Go to the cafe down the road where they're all doing Morse code. This is from Claire. Dear William Jordan and of course producer Ben, I'm writing in on behalf of my dear friend Claire, absolutely not me, obviously, who is facing what can only be described as a deeply confusing, emotional and frankly logistical situation. Claire used to work very closely with her ex-boss, a fabulous, charismatic, impeccably dressed gay man, who she maintains was the full package. Aside from the minor technicality that he was, you know, gay. Now, despite this glaring incompatibility, Claire cannot seem to get over him. It's been months, possibly years. She's dated, she's tried to move on, she's even downloaded apps she doesn't understand. Grinder. But no one quite matches up to the man who quite literally was never an option.
33:13 Speaker 02 The problem is twofold. She's emotionally attached to someone she never actually had. She suspects what she misses is less him and more the way he made her feel, seen, fabulous and slightly intimidated in a good outfit. So her question is, how does one get over a man who was never remotely available in the first place? And more importantly, how does she stop comparing every straight man to someone who fundamentally does not fancy her? Is this heartbreak or just outstandingly poor judgement?
33:38 Speaker 01 Oh.
33:39 Speaker 02 Oh.
33:40 Speaker 01 Don't really know what to say to that one.
33:42 Speaker 02 No. Claire, poor Claire. I mean, at least you-
33:45 Speaker 01 Can you not put some poo ones in?
33:47 Speaker 02 Oh, that's just gone just way. Oh, that's good. Um, yeah. I feel really sorry for Claire.
33:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a bit crap that, Claire.
33:55 Speaker 02 You are just gonna have to move on. I mean, that is literally it. There is no way, I can't give you any advice on how to do that.
34:00 Speaker 01 Can you still be friends with this fabulous gay man?
34:02 Speaker 02 I'm sure you can be. And I think a lot of gay friends that have straight female friends, you know, you can, you can acknowledge it. You can go, "Do you know what? It's such a shame that you're gay." I don't think that's, that's a problem. I think most gay guys would be very complimented by that.
34:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, try, do try. You've not got poor judgement if he makes you feel fabulous.
34:23 Speaker 02 No.
34:23 Speaker 01 Hmm.
34:24 Speaker 02 No, exactly. But yeah, I would just move on and-
34:26 Speaker 01 Try to move on.
34:28 Speaker 02 Try to move on.
34:28 Speaker 01 And, and keep going. I know dating sometimes like pulling teeth, but keep going. Because once you've pulled those teeth, you've got rid of the root and the abscess. That won't hurt your heart and make you die. It will.
34:44 Speaker 02 You're a dentist now.
34:45 Speaker 01 You can tell I'm ready for a holiday.
34:46 Speaker 02 Yeah. Is that too Claire's? No, Claire is writing about herself.
34:51 Speaker 02 This next dilemma is from Charlie. Hi guys. So I've never cheated on anyone before.
34:55 Speaker 01 Oh god.
34:55 Speaker 02 Here we go. But recently I've been separated from my partner due to work. I'm deeply in love with him, but lately I've been seeking his physical side and have met a guy who is like him in every way, including his penis and height. I never thought I would find the best sex of my life with one man, yet alone two. Help me. Do I keep both in secret until I'm reunited with my partner? Or do I get rid of one of them now? If so, which one? If I'm left to my own choices, it'll come down to feet and inches to choose. Well, wow. Charlie, I'd like to say probably your loyalty, not probably, definitely your loyalty is to your partner. If you still love your partner, then yes, your loyalty is to them and you have to nip it in the bud with the other one.
35:37 Speaker 01 Yes.
35:38 Speaker 02 Had, I would say though, if subconsciously you had this, or more consciously, had this affair with other person, anonymous, is that a subconscious signal that actually you're not as happy in that relationship? Or were you just purely wanting a bit of sex and you were, because you were away for work? Doesn't make it right if that's not your agreement and that's not what you should be doing. But I'd ask yourself some big questions and work out what you want. But you are trying to, literally, I'm using this phrase knowingly, you are trying to have your cake and eat it.
36:14 Speaker 01 So yeah, I think you need to be loyal to your partner, maybe stop.
36:20 Speaker 02 Yeah. And I don't know if, I don't know how committed you are with your partner, if you've got a house, whether you have kids. I don't know. I don't know if you're gay or straight on this. You could, Charlie, could be anything. I would ask yourself some big questions.
36:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:32 Speaker 02 Our final dilemma is from Phoebe. Hi boys. I recently took a more senior role at a new company. And in my first few weeks there, I thought I had learnt a new phrase. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
36:43 Speaker 01 Oh, I say that all the time. It was that panda, weren't it, off the advert? Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Was it the Boddings advert? It was a panda that you say.
36:51 Speaker 02 That was Melanie Sykes.
36:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think it was Melanie Sykes then. Am I getting too mixed up? Stick a fork in me, I'm done was an advert. I think it was Melanie Sykes.
37:02 Speaker 02 Um, so a new day rolls around and I was in a meeting at work with my senior directors. Something had happened on a Teams call and they were all saying they were fed up and so done. So I thought this was the prime time for me to use my new phrase. I unmuted my microphone and with confidence exclaimed, stick a sausage in me, I'm done.
37:22 Speaker 02 After around 10 seconds of silence, I realised I said this phrase slightly incorrectly. And one of the directors replied saying, thank you for that, anyway, and moves on.
37:31 Speaker 01 Oh, that sounds brutal.
37:32 Speaker 02 That does sound brutal. I was mortified and ended the call immediately. So how do I salvage my reputation at work after implying that I want one of my directors to stick their sausage in me? Thank you in advance, love you both. I would say, Phoebe, I wouldn't say that implies that you want one of your directors to stick their sausage in you.
37:47 Speaker 01 It's definitely stick a fork in me, maybe just a little email.
37:50 Speaker 02 It's because you're meant to prick sausages. I think that when you cook them, that's where you're.
37:54 Speaker 01 Stick a fork in me sausage.
37:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:56 Speaker 01 Oh, no, that's even worse.
37:57 Speaker 02 Because.
37:57 Speaker 01 Whatever you're into.
37:59 Speaker 02 Because, can you remember Anthony Worrall Thompson?
38:02 Speaker 01 Yes.
38:03 Speaker 02 He had a whole range of sausages and genuinely there was a picture of him with, with the sausages on a piece of cutlery and underneath it said prick with a fork. And everyone was like, is that an instruction or is it a slur on Anthony Worrall Thompson? Discuss. But, uh, you are meant to, to stop sausages bursting out, prick them. So I can see where in her head she has.
38:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think you just a little email saying, I'm really sorry, I was meant to say stick a fork in me, I'm done. Not stick a sausage in me, I'm done. Isn't that like, I remember someone hid the sausage mixed up or something. I think it was my mum.
38:36 Speaker 02 She still walks funny.
38:37 Speaker 01 Was it find the sausage or hide this? I know, yeah, this lad, I know, went, oh yeah, he was trying to be, he was trying to be like, oh, Larry, yeah, we're gonna go upstairs and have a game of find the sausage. We were like, hey, tiny cock. And he was meant to say hide, it's hide the sausage in it. So yeah, that was the story.
38:55 Speaker 01 Like I said, I'm ready for a holiday.
38:57 Speaker 02 Well, thank you for your questions and dilemmas.
38:58 Speaker 01 I've been on really bad form today.
39:00 Speaker 02 No, no, no, fine. But it's actually before we say thank you, um, Phoebe, I would just say the more of an issue you make it, the more of an issue it's going to become.
39:06 Speaker 01 Send a little email and just say.
39:07 Speaker 02 No, I wouldn't even bother.
39:08 Speaker 01 To say it's been playing on my mind, I'm sure he'd say, don't worry, I've not made a second thought of it. Here's a written warning, but I've not made a second thought of it. Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember you can listen to, do you know Princess Diana was my age when she died?
39:24 Speaker 02 Are you worried that you're gonna die?
39:25 Speaker 01 No, I just said dilemmas, it made me think of Diana.
39:30 Speaker 02 Well, you're our own people's.
39:31 Speaker 01 She was only thirty six when she died.
39:34 Speaker 02 I know, she's very young, it's very sad.
39:34 Speaker 01 Same age as us.
39:35 Speaker 02 Hmm? You're thirty six?
39:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:39 Speaker 02 I know, it doesn't look it, does it?
39:41 Speaker 01 That's mad, isn't it? Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and twenty four hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sex Dead.
39:56 Speaker 02 There are three of us in this podcast.
39:58 Speaker 01 Do they, do they look like a Saturday Night Live?
40:02 Speaker 02 Live?
40:02 Speaker 01 He was brilliant. What was his name? It's got really good reviews. I'm still to watch it.
40:09 Speaker 01 Paddy Young. He was brilliant. It was like.
40:12 Speaker 03 Well, I was a bit upset because obviously that's Cat's impression as well. I think we've talked about this in the podcast.
40:17 Speaker 01 Can I just say, you need to get your wife on that show because she'll be brilliant. Cat's impressions are actually second after mine, but oh. Brilliant.
40:26 Speaker 03 I've told her, she needs to.
40:27 Speaker 01 No, I agree.
40:28 Speaker 03 She can go far in this industry.
40:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, it'll probably break her though, but her impressions are great.
40:35 Speaker 02 Anyway, we'll see you on Friday for our weekend release.
40:37 Speaker 01 Goodbye.
40:44 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the midpoint.
Previous William's KFC Review | And Jordan's Northern Problem Next Viagra For Hamsters!? | And More Niche Knowledge Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated