Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Jordan’s 2AM Cringe | And Is Wrestling Gay? About this episode What do you wake up at 2am randomly thinking about that still makes you cringe? Jordan has a long list, and it turns out that so do our G&Divas! Plus, Jordan questions the homosexual tendencies of wrestling, he ponders whether lollypop people still exist and William asks him where he stores his house keys.
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Transcript 0:01 Speaker 00 I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.
0:40 Speaker 01 Hello, GND'ers. You join us at a tense point because there's some drilling going on in the nearby office to where we are recording and it's very loud. We are assured that it will not be as loud for you, but it is quite loud for us.
0:56 Speaker 02 What's the noblest thing you went shut that curtain? Like a curtain's gonna stop this out.
1:00 Speaker 01 It... there it is.
1:03 Speaker 01 It's a soundproof curtain.
1:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, but that's not gonna stop a drilling sound, is it?
1:06 Speaker 01 Well, it might do.
1:07 Speaker 02 It's a bloody drill going through next door. Oh crap, well, one of us, one of us is after gonna go round and tell them.
1:15 Speaker 01 One of us?
1:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:17 Speaker 01 As the butch one now on this podcast, I think that'll be me. 'Scuse me, lads, how long you drilling for?
1:24 Speaker 02 Give you a drilling?
1:25 Speaker 01 Oh, please.
1:27 Speaker 02 Anyway, let's start.
1:33 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into a week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on and how our advice went down with you, our GND'ers.
1:45 Speaker 01 How are you, darling?
1:46 Speaker 02 I'm good. Yourself? You doing much this weekend?
1:48 Speaker 01 What am I doing this weekend? I've got an Englishman a social etiquette masterclass this weekend and then I'm going on my holidays.
1:54 Speaker 02 Oh, you're going on your jollies?
1:55 Speaker 01 Yes, indeed.
1:56 Speaker 02 Your hollybobs.
1:57 Speaker 01 Yeah. I don't call them hollybobs.
1:59 Speaker 02 No?
2:00 Speaker 01 No, I think it's very downmarket.
2:01 Speaker 02 You and Mikey going to Mount Olympus?
2:03 Speaker 01 We are, yes, hopefully. Taking up the Acropolis. We're going to Greece, for those that don't know.
2:09 Speaker 02 What am I doing this weekend?
2:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, what are you doing?
2:12 Speaker 02 Uh, I'm going for a few pints with Capital on Friday. Saturday, I'm doing the wheel.
2:18 Speaker 01 Nice, lovely.
2:19 Speaker 02 Recording. Although, a wheel, it's not gonna be the same without you.
2:22 Speaker 01 Can I, well, bless you. Can I, uh, so I was actually, uh... When you announced a few weeks ago, you just said in passing, you were doing the wheel. I thought, oh, I haven't been asked, but obviously I haven't been asked because I last appeared on the wheel with Jordan North. So obviously I'm never going to get asked again. Luckily, I did then get asked. I can't do it. So alas. I've done five series in a row. It's time for a break. I won't be doing this series.
2:45 Speaker 02 It's fine. You were on holiday. That's fine. Sunday, I'm going to Richmond.
2:50 Speaker 01 Richmond, what, sausages?
2:51 Speaker 02 No, that's a long story, but I'm going to, I don't know how. My next door neighbours, we met at, you know, the cocktail party.
2:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, Maureen or whatever she's called, Margaret.
3:01 Speaker 02 So the neighbours, their friends from there were really nice. They've invited to their house in Richmond.
3:07 Speaker 01 Lovely.
3:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:09 Speaker 01 That's a nice part of the world.
3:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, I've never been before.
3:11 Speaker 01 You've never been to Richmond?
3:12 Speaker 02 No, I've been to Richmond in North Yorkshire, Richmond Castle.
3:15 Speaker 01 It's so similar, actually.
3:16 Speaker 02 It probably is actually, because it's actually very affluent Richmond in North Yorkshire.
3:20 Speaker 01 It is, yes. Rishi Sunak's constituency.
3:22 Speaker 02 There you go. That's how you know. So.
3:25 Speaker 01 William Hague's before that.
3:26 Speaker 02 Well, just because it's affluent doesn't mean it's Tory.
3:30 Speaker 01 I know that.
3:31 Speaker 02 Just saying.
3:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:32 Speaker 02 You know.
3:34 Speaker 01 All right. It's not the rest is politics.
3:35 Speaker 02 No, I'm just saying. So, yeah, going there.
3:38 Speaker 01 Well, lovely. I hope you have a lovely time.
3:40 Speaker 02 Richmond before.
3:41 Speaker 01 You've just told us that.
3:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, in North Yorkshire. I went up Richmond Castle and Wendy had a funny day.
3:46 Speaker 01 She had a funny what?
3:46 Speaker 02 She, you know, you know, you go on your school holidays. I know it's always a parent that had to volunteer.
3:52 Speaker 01 Oh, on like school days out?
3:53 Speaker 02 Yeah. So Wendy used to volunteer because she did have a job. She brought up four children. Right?
3:58 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
3:59 Speaker 02 Okay. But she used to always volunteer for them. And anyway, she took us up Richmond Castle and she took a group up. And I was with her. So, you know, like you go up in like five, sixes. She had a funny turn at top. She had a look. She had a look. She fainted at top of Richmond Castle.
4:11 Speaker 01 Make it all about her.
4:12 Speaker 02 I know, yeah. Oh, oh, she'll hear that one. Sorry, Miss Marshall, I just had a really funny day at top, yeah.
4:20 Speaker 01 Oh, well, have a lovely time. Let us know what it's like.
4:23 Speaker 02 Thank you.
4:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:24 Speaker 03 Does that still happen on school trips where parents volunteer?
4:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think parents volunteer, yeah.
4:29 Speaker 01 Not sure if it happened in ours.
4:30 Speaker 02 She, I weren't a baker, I weren't up for sports there, but I'd always volunteer on school trips. She were a bus escort as well.
4:38 Speaker 01 Wherever you can pick up trade.
4:39 Speaker 02 She were a bus escort in Northern Ireland as well.
4:42 Speaker 01 Right.
4:42 Speaker 02 Which is weird, because.
4:44 Speaker 01 You're going up top.
4:45 Speaker 02 We used to get on a bus. Sometimes we armed guards to go to school and then, in, this was nineties in Northern Ireland.
4:52 Speaker 01 You weren't in a yellow bus, were you?
4:53 Speaker 02 No.
4:53 Speaker 01 No.
4:54 Speaker 02 But she were a bus escort as well.
4:55 Speaker 01 Was she?
4:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, so she used to like, come on, school bus for us.
5:00 Speaker 01 Well, how lovely.
5:00 Speaker 02 She used to volunteer in Crash in Tidworth as well, so kept herself busy.
5:04 Speaker 01 She did keep herself busy.
5:05 Speaker 03 Lollipop lady?
5:07 Speaker 02 No, she weren't a lollipop lady, but my mates' mum were.
5:11 Speaker 03 Was she in witness protection?
5:13 Speaker 01 Why would she be in witness protection?
5:15 Speaker 03 Isn't that what they say about lollipop ladies? They're like.
5:17 Speaker 01 What, they're all in witness protection?
5:18 Speaker 03 Criminals.
5:19 Speaker 01 Really?
5:20 Speaker 02 I've never heard that before.
5:21 Speaker 01 It's a very conspicuous job to do if you're trying to hide.
5:23 Speaker 02 I can imagine it and go, right, here's your house, here's dishwasher, what's that? Oh, that, yeah, that, that big lolly. So your job is, uh, also, because you got a free house and stuff, you've got to earn your keep. So just every morning, every afternoon, keep yourself busy. The, the hat's optional, but that's just you wear it so the ex-husband don't find you. And all that kind of thing.
5:43 Speaker 01 I just don't think if you're in witness protection, you should be standing in the middle of a road, dressed in high vis. I just think that's a very silly thing. If you work in witness protection, you probably can't.
5:53 Speaker 03 Or a lollipop lady.
5:54 Speaker 01 Or are a lollipop lady.
5:55 Speaker 02 Or a lollipop man. Lollipop man.
5:57 Speaker 01 Lollipop person. Uh, then let us know.
6:01 Speaker 02 Is it lollipop person now?
6:02 Speaker 01 I think so. You can be whichever gender.
6:05 Speaker 03 When, when was the last time you had a lollipop?
6:06 Speaker 02 I've not seen, do you know what? I've not seen, can we, if there's any gene divas that are lollipop people, can you get in touch? Because I've not seen one for years.
6:15 Speaker 01 Well, you need to go near a school.
6:17 Speaker 02 I'm not allowed, am I? That's a joke.
6:21 Speaker 03 I see two every morning, every morning.
6:22 Speaker 02 Do you? I've not seen a lollipop person for years. If you know.
6:25 Speaker 01 That's when you're dropping the kids off.
6:27 Speaker 02 G and D, G and D, if you're listening, Joe, get this one on. If you see any lollipop people, take pictures for us. We'll pixelate the faces out if the witness protection book, because we don't have the permission. You never see them anymore.
6:41 Speaker 01 I'm sure it still goes on.
6:42 Speaker 02 Some are really jolly and love the job.
6:45 Speaker 01 Hmm.
6:45 Speaker 02 I love when they put the stick out, go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Some are, right, miserable bastards, aren't they? There was one near me in Preston, right? Miserable get. But you're dealing with kids. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
6:58 Speaker 01 Kids can be absolute terror ways.
7:00 Speaker 02 Well, I'm like, I can press the button myself.
7:03 Speaker 01 Bless.
7:03 Speaker 02 Hmm.
7:04 Speaker 01 Anyway, a few episodes ago, Jordan, you talked about losing your trainers and having one return to you at the gym. So we asked for odd things our G and D'as have lost. Avina baked their house keys into a loaf of banana bread and found them three days later.
7:17 Speaker 02 Well, Avina's winning for me.
7:19 Speaker 01 I mean, how the heck do you drop keys in your batter? Why are your keys even in the kitchen?
7:23 Speaker 02 I've got new house keys after I lost mine. I'll have my fob as well, please, this week. Don't think, I know you're fobbing me off with my fob.
7:31 Speaker 02 You're still not giving me a fob to get in the building.
7:33 Speaker 01 Well, you're gonna lose it anyway.
7:34 Speaker 02 I have to be escorted in and out of the building.
7:36 Speaker 01 By your mum, actually. She's, she comes in, she helps out. She's the studio escort.
7:41 Speaker 02 I want my fob. Please.
7:45 Speaker 02 And I'm not paying 15 quid out of principle.
7:47 Speaker 01 Just before we, uh, continue with this, where'd you keep your house keys?
7:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:53 Speaker 01 What?
7:53 Speaker 02 It depends.
7:54 Speaker 01 What do you mean it depends? Do you not have a set place for it?
7:56 Speaker 02 No, in this way, I was, sometimes they're on the side, sometimes, usually they're in my pocket from the night before in a jacket.
8:03 Speaker 01 Well, that's stupid.
8:04 Speaker 02 Sometimes in the kitchen.
8:05 Speaker 01 No, you need a little place.
8:06 Speaker 02 I've got an air tag on them now.
8:08 Speaker 01 Well, you're still losing them.
8:09 Speaker 02 Hmm.
8:10 Speaker 01 You need one set place that they always go. We've got to draw a setback from the door. Because if it's too close, particularly if your car keys there, unless you have a Faraday box, which is the box that will wrap them in tin foil, uh, which is the thing that stops the, you know, ne'er do wells can sort of copy the signal from your car keys and clone your car keys if they're too near the front door. So you have to keep your car keys either in a Faraday box wrapped in foil or metres and metres and metres away from where your car actually is.
8:35 Speaker 02 That's morning life.
8:39 Speaker 01 Stan said, when I was younger, my mum got annoyed that I used to keep leaving my mobile phone lying around. So one day she thought she'd teach me a lesson and hide it from me. But the problem was, she forgot where she hid it. And to this day, 15 years later, it has never been found. My mum wonders if my dad used it for when he had his affair as his shagging phone, but I'd rather not think about that.
8:57 Speaker 02 Oh god, that's still lingering.
8:59 Speaker 01 Okay, well, she's dealt with that.
9:00 Speaker 02 How can you lose a phone, forget where you put it?
9:02 Speaker 01 You know, ring it and find out. Also, where do you live, Buckingham Palace?
9:06 Speaker 02 I know, yeah. How many rooms do you have?
9:07 Speaker 01 Yeah. And also, like, why is your mother annoyed that you've been keeping your mobile phone lying around? Surely by nature of a mobile phone, it's got mobile in the title. You are gonna move it around. You know, some days it's on the kitchen, some days it's on the sofa. That's just how it happens. You move it around with you.
9:21 Speaker 02 Okay.
9:22 Speaker 01 Just a thought. Stevie had a lost and found situation, went on a night out at uni, managed to lose my keys, wallet and phone, but somehow managed to acquire a massive calculator. Still can't remember where I got it from. Well, that's good. I mean, you probably can't use the calculator to do any of the above, but if you ever need to do your tax return, you're in luck. Emily lost her goldfish. I was cleaning the tank, so I put her in a tub with a lid in the kitchen on the floor. When I went to put her back in the tank, the lid was off and the tub was empty. I went looking around the kitchen floor to eventually find her across the other side of the room. She was fine, a little dusty, but I put her straight back in. This was around 14 years ago, and she's still going strong at 26 years old.
10:01 Speaker 02 Shut up.
10:01 Speaker 01 That is so good for a goldfish.
10:03 Speaker 02 That's like Nemo, or Nemo, whatever he's called.
10:06 Speaker 01 Nemo, not a goldfish, but...
10:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, a clownfish he was.
10:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, different type of fish.
10:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, but still, I'm just saying, like, that's a story in itself, that's...
10:13 Speaker 01 Oh, it is, yeah. Pixar on that.
10:15 Speaker 02 That's a Pixar movie, isn't it? Jeez. Did he not die? How long can goldfish stay out of water for?
10:22 Speaker 01 Well, he wasn't out of water, he was just, um...
10:25 Speaker 02 Flapping.
10:25 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
10:27 Speaker 02 He was.
10:28 Speaker 01 Lordy. Well, let's not get a goldfish in and test that. I don't think that's a good idea.
10:31 Speaker 02 I don't even have a goldfish. I have no pets at all. How sad's my life.
10:35 Speaker 01 You don't, well, I don't have any pets either. Lots of people don't have pets.
10:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, U's fine. I might get a fish.
10:40 Speaker 01 What do you mean U's fine?
10:41 Speaker 02 I might get a fish tank with some nice fish in.
10:43 Speaker 01 Oh, it's a lot of work.
10:45 Speaker 02 Is it?
10:45 Speaker 01 You've got to clean your tank out. I just don't think you.
10:49 Speaker 02 Spray some spray in or something.
10:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, not recommended.
10:52 Speaker 02 I might be that guy that has a fish tank. They were very in in the nineties.
10:57 Speaker 03 They are quite hard to keep clean.
10:59 Speaker 01 That's exactly what I've just said, and I just don't think you'll have the time or the patience.
11:01 Speaker 02 I, I think, I remember certain kids at school had fish tanks. I'm like, Christ, you're doing well. And they always had really nice lights.
11:10 Speaker 01 We used to have fish, uh, Noddy and Big Ears, I called them. I was young. They, they died. And my parents came down and saw that they were dead and were very worried because it's the first experience of death that I would have had at age four or five. And they were psyching out how they actually tell me. And they just, they were very factual about it, apparently. And I just went, oh, can we eat them for breakfast? So I didn't really seem to care.
11:34 Speaker 03 Little did you know you'd never eat fish?
11:36 Speaker 01 Exactly. You see, um, that was the last time I've ever wanted to eat fish was Noddy and Big Ears.
11:41 Speaker 02 Hmm. And what sort of fish are they?
11:43 Speaker 01 Goldfish.
11:43 Speaker 02 And what did you do with the tank afterwards? Just a bowl?
11:45 Speaker 01 Well, I think we just had a bowl. And as we all know, you are meant to have something that aerates the tank. So I think it was manslaughter.
11:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, but don't you need, don't you only half fill it so they can get up for air and stuff?
11:56 Speaker 01 Get up for air?
11:57 Speaker 02 They pop up for air.
11:58 Speaker 01 Well, yeah, they go to, however.
12:00 Speaker 02 You don't need it like a, do you need a full tank?
12:01 Speaker 03 I think that's, I think when they go up to the top, they're eating, not breathing.
12:03 Speaker 02 No, but you need like, I remember you don't fill the bowl up full because you've got to have a bit of air in there.
12:08 Speaker 01 But it doesn't matter how much air you've got, because there will at some point, the water will stop. So that wherever the water level finishes, they can go up for air.
12:14 Speaker 02 I don't want a fish. Fine. You've put me off it.
12:16 Speaker 01 Okay.
12:16 Speaker 03 Apparently goldfish can live up to seventeen to thirteen, seven to thirteen hours out of water if you keep them damp and wet. But 10 to 60 minutes.
12:25 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
12:28 Speaker 01 Now, we also talked about the random things that our GNDBers and we remember and regret at 2am. We've got a lot of stories sent in, so brace yourselves for some serious secondhand embarrassment. M said, "I was chosen to put the memorial wreath", gosh, already I'm loving this story, "down for Remembrance Day in my small village. Tripped over and knocked myself out in front of everyone, including all of my school friends. The embarrassment still makes me cringe to this day."
12:55 Speaker 02 Okay, that's not bad. Done way worse. Go on, obviously.
12:59 Speaker 01 Claire said, "I'm a recently promoted director, and when I met the new partner of our company, we'll call him Gary, I shook his hand and said, 'Hi, I'm Gary', rather than my own name. Gives me night sweats." Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about that. We've all, we've all done that. Jenny, "Miss you some slang. I used to think cream pie was slang for being pied off or rejected. I used to say it all the time, even in church."
13:24 Speaker 02 Oh, jeez.
13:25 Speaker 01 If someone got rejected, I'd say, "Oh, you've been cream pied there. Wow."
13:30 Speaker 02 Cream pies.
13:32 Speaker 01 Is not to do with being pied off.
13:34 Speaker 02 Ben, is it what, I know it's what I know.
13:37 Speaker 01 Do we need, is this another edition of William Reed's The Urban Dictionary?
13:40 Speaker 02 You know what cream pie is? Why are you asking me?
13:43 Speaker 01 Ben, go to your bookmarks folder.
13:46 Speaker 03 In my brain.
13:49 Speaker 02 What's the official definition?
13:51 Speaker 01 Welcome to our new new feature, Producer Ben Reads Urban Dictionary.
13:54 Speaker 03 The act of unprotected slash uncovered penile ejaculation and insemination inside the vagina.
14:02 Speaker 02 It's just normal.
14:04 Speaker 01 Doesn't, can I just say, that's very heteronormative, what you've just read. It doesn't have to be a vagina.
14:08 Speaker 03 Well, I'm reading what, um, what's in front of me.
14:11 Speaker 01 What, what is in front of you?
14:12 Speaker 03 They've got an example.
14:13 Speaker 02 Yours is a chocolate pie.
14:19 Speaker 03 Well, the second one does say inside of a vagina or anus.
14:22 Speaker 01 Thank you.
14:23 Speaker 02 Yours is chocolate cake.
14:24 Speaker 01 Right, would you like a help?
14:25 Speaker 03 The act of not pulling the penis out of the vagina or anus and ejaculate ejaculating inside. There is an example.
14:31 Speaker 02 It's just sex.
14:32 Speaker 03 Do you want an example?
14:33 Speaker 02 Yes.
14:35 Speaker 03 Female, it could be anyone. He came so much inside me, it felt like it was drooling out forever.
14:41 Speaker 01 I'm so sorry.
14:42 Speaker 03 The perfect cream pie.
14:44 Speaker 02 I'm so sorry to our listeners, even for us, that was.
14:47 Speaker 01 Jessica had a mishap working in a Swiss hotel. Very fancy. A family I built a rapport with suggested a group photo. They meant for me to take it, of course, but I misunderstood, got in the photo instead. And one of the actual family members had to take it with me in it. I think about this a lot and wake up in a in a cold sweat from time to time, wondering if someone in the world has a photo on a mantelpiece from a trip to Verbiere with a random receptionist front and centre.
15:11 Speaker 02 Oh, poor Jessica with the main character energy.
15:13 Speaker 01 I love that.
15:14 Speaker 02 That's so sweet, bless you.
15:16 Speaker 01 It's, we've had, we've had that before. We've talked about it before, where we'll be walking to the station together and they go, oh, hi, can I have a photo? And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they just hand you the phone.
15:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, how the tables have turned.
15:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:28 Speaker 02 I'm used to it now.
15:29 Speaker 01 It's, it used, well, remember going around Burnley? That happened to me. Remember the person in the meat market or whatever? We were Burnley Market. And she said, oh, can I have a photo? And she handed me the phone.
15:38 Speaker 02 You've never let that go, have you?
15:39 Speaker 01 No, no, no, I'm working through it. Header has a relationship based 2am shame. When I was 21, I matched with a guy on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and texted all the time. We also FaceTimed each other. We were constantly in touch on the phone. Eventually we said we loved each other and when we were abroad, we used to send each other postcards, so retro. I was so damn in love with this guy. After months of texting and phone calls, we decided to meet. We were going to rent bikes in a park. It was the first time we saw each other. Everything was going well. We kissed, held hands and biked around. Then suddenly he accidentally rode into a pothole. He fell. I got the biggest ick and panicked so much that I just biked away as fast as I could, leaving the poor guy on the ground.
16:18 Speaker 02 Shut up.
16:20 Speaker 01 You bitch.
16:21 Speaker 02 You loved this guy and you left him in a pothole. Izzy's agreeing with you, hey?
16:26 Speaker 01 I got home, blocked his number and turned off my phone. That was 10 years ago. We haven't spoken since. What header?
16:32 Speaker 02 What? How can he get the ick from, like, alright, you get the ick, but you kind of say, right, I'm gonna go home now and make sure he's alright? He give you the ick that much?
16:40 Speaker 01 You don't then try, no.
16:41 Speaker 02 I think there's something deeper there. You must not have liked him.
16:43 Speaker 01 Deeper than the pothole. Sam from Bristol almost had a help I sexually my dad moment. When I was 16, I was having a sick day from school. As any gay teenager, I spent a bit of my day having some alone time. Later on, my dad asked me to send him a recipe we had spoken about previously, and I accidentally sent him a dirty link. I still think about it to this day.
17:02 Speaker 02 Oh jeez. Oh jeez.
17:04 Speaker 01 And that was probably in the day when you couldn't unsend or delete messages once they were sent.
17:08 Speaker 02 Oh jeez, that's giving, oh.
17:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:11 Speaker 01 Well, it all goes on in Bristol. We've got more of your emails, messages and letters after the break.
17:16 Speaker 02 Oh god, that's a bad end.
17:22 Speaker 04 It's time. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Halloween!
17:30 Speaker 05 And you guys know we don't do Halloween by halves.
17:32 Speaker 04 Full costume, full prosthetics, full commitment. I'm a rat.
17:35 Speaker 05 And I'm the chef. It's our Ratatouille special. Ben, we're grabbing our broomsticks for the witches.
17:43 Speaker 04 We've got a spooky hotline caller.
17:45 Speaker 05 An update from our woman who was in love with the ghost of Prince Albert.
17:48 Speaker 04 And your tarot card dilemmas.
17:50 Speaker 05 Listen to our Halloween specials. Search for The Girl's Bathroom.
17:59 Speaker 02 Alright, Jeanne Deves, let's go back to some of your responses. What have we got? Please, William Hanson.
18:04 Speaker 01 Corinne has been in touch with a spoonful of yogurt wisdom. Hi boys, EBB and the rest of the Sexy Family. After listening to Jordan talk about not having a good yogurt spoon on a recent episode, he'll be happy to know that if he heads to Sainsbury's, they are now selling Muller yogurt spoons specifically made To get that last bit of yogurt out of the corners.
18:22 Speaker 02 Oh, fantastic.
18:24 Speaker 01 I just thought this would make him happy. P S. I have to get up at one thirty a m. for work, Jordan, so getting up at four a m. is a treat.
18:30 Speaker 02 Can I?
18:30 Speaker 01 It's four, four twenty, even later than four a m.
18:32 Speaker 02 Four fifteen nowadays. Can I, can I just say, actually, I haven't mentioned that in way over a year. Can I just say? But Ben, back me up here. Like, it was maybe it started off as a joke and everyone was like, oh, shut up. I probably haven't mentioned that for a while. So, you know, just, just saying. Also, um, please not that read the comments. Stop saying how knackered I look. Like, we know, I, I look shattered sometimes.
18:58 Speaker 01 I don't think you do.
18:59 Speaker 02 Oh, I have a couple of, I tell you about that Mel Gogovich one we did.
19:03 Speaker 01 Mel Gedroich?
19:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:05 Speaker 01 Well, you had just had your operation.
19:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:07 Speaker 01 Yeah. Um, well, I'm looking at that yogurt spoon, so it's.
19:10 Speaker 02 It's good.
19:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's sort of, it looks, if you imagine a normal shape of a spoon and then the right hand sort of, I say corner, spoons don't have corners. But the right hand area of it is in a slight point.
19:21 Speaker 02 Hmm.
19:22 Speaker 01 But a bit like cake forks, which have the thicker left hand time, I would say that this is only probably good if you're right handed.
19:28 Speaker 02 Okay.
19:29 Speaker 01 But if you're left handed, do they sell a left handed version?
19:32 Speaker 02 Is he digging a fucking tunnel in there? Is he trying to come through? Jesus Christ. All part of the fun.
19:39 Speaker 01 After discovering what supermanning is, you're so educational, Dave has been in touch to share a few more so-called super style positions. Hey guys, I was listening to your latest episode and thought I'd clear up a few slang terms you mentioned. Superman is when a man ejaculates onto someone's back and places something like a tissue there so it resembles a cape.
20:00 Speaker 02 Jesus Christ.
20:03 Speaker 01 Here's one more for you. The one eyed angry pirate refers to ejaculating towards someone's face, typically aiming for one eye.
20:09 Speaker 02 Weren't the one where you shaved your pubes and threw them on the face as well so they look like Blackbeard?
20:15 Speaker 01 Now I think that's just what you were doing.
20:16 Speaker 02 I got told that in school. There was like the angry pirate and then there was the another pirate where
20:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:22 Speaker 02 Jizzed in their eye and then shaved your pubes and threw it on the
20:25 Speaker 01 Now you've got a beard.
20:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:27 Speaker 01 Is that natural or is that pubes?
20:29 Speaker 02 This is not.
20:30 Speaker 01 Is that from years of people?
20:32 Speaker 02 This is all natural. This is all natural, my love.
20:35 Speaker 01 Okay, fine. Um, The Lion King, oh, I don't wanna know, involves ejaculating.
20:41 Speaker 02 My boss listens to this.
20:43 Speaker 01 Listened. Uh, The Lion King involves ejaculating onto a thumb, rubbing it into a partner's head and saying, is it time? Referencing the scene from Lion King.
20:53 Speaker 02 It's also.
20:54 Speaker 01 I don't know if that's.
20:55 Speaker 02 You're also, no, I, I know someone that's done that.
20:58 Speaker 03 What?
20:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, I genuinely do. And then it's Simba.
21:03 Speaker 02 I'm not mentioning names, but yeah, I know someone that's done that. And their partner.
21:09 Speaker 01 Hmm.
21:10 Speaker 02 Was, was not happy.
21:11 Speaker 01 No.
21:12 Speaker 02 It's the funniest thing ever. He told it.
21:14 Speaker 01 I don't think it's the absolute funniest thing ever, no, but it, it's horrific.
21:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
21:20 Speaker 01 Okay, well, we've all learned something.
21:21 Speaker 02 Cause you know how he goes like that?
21:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rafiki does that. Um.
21:25 Speaker 03 With a bit of clay, is it?
21:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, mud, muddy clay or something.
21:29 Speaker 02 A wrestler?
21:30 Speaker 01 Rafiki the, no, the monkey, the baboon. I think he's a baboon.
21:33 Speaker 02 Never seen it.
21:34 Speaker 01 You've never seen, yes, of course, we did this recently. We need to go and see it in the West End.
21:38 Speaker 02 Do you know, I'm thinking, who's the wrestler? Oh, I'm thinking of Rashiki.
21:43 Speaker 01 Right.
21:44 Speaker 02 And his move.
21:47 Speaker 02 His move, he used to, you'd like it. I should show him that.
21:51 Speaker 01 Why would I like it?
21:52 Speaker 02 What was it called? They just put their arse on your face and wiggle his smelly bum on your face. What was it called?
21:58 Speaker 01 I can see why I'm potentially, I might like it.
21:59 Speaker 02 Rashiki's, he's a big guy. Any other WWF fans refuse to call it WWF?
22:06 Speaker 03 I believe it's called the stink face.
22:08 Speaker 02 Stink face, yeah, Rashiki. It was very gay wrestling, come to think of it.
22:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:14 Speaker 02 Yeah. It was shaky. There's one with a sock.
22:16 Speaker 01 Freud.
22:17 Speaker 02 There's one in your sock in your mouth that the mankind used to do.
22:20 Speaker 01 Right.
22:21 Speaker 02 Yeah. He used to put a sock on his and shove it in your mouth. Mr. Socko, I think that was called. In fact, come to think of it, Rock Bottom. What was my favourite move?
22:33 Speaker 02 Hear me?
22:34 Speaker 01 Sometimes you don't need to say anything.
22:37 Speaker 02 The only way mine and my brother's love language is, is, you know, is we-
22:43 Speaker 01 For you, it's rock bottom.
22:44 Speaker 02 No, we just send each other memes of wrestling moments from the 90s. And it's hit my, my, my little brother's and my older brother's way of saying, you all right? I get at least two wrestling clips a week, sometimes forty ones as well. That's our love language, if you will.
22:59 Speaker 01 Well, that's nice.
23:00 Speaker 02 Memes of wrestling.
23:01 Speaker 01 Rock bottom.
23:03 Speaker 02 I had pictures of Dwayne Johnson all in my room. Even Triple H.
23:09 Speaker 01 After Jordan's-
23:09 Speaker 02 And the big show. It's so gay. Oh my God, wrestling was so gay.
23:13 Speaker 01 It is a little. It's definitely homoerotic.
23:15 Speaker 02 Well, well, it's the big show.
23:19 Speaker 01 What's that? Steve Wright? What?
23:21 Speaker 02 It's the big bad show tonight. I had all the figures and everything. Anyway.
23:26 Speaker 01 After your recent chat about dressing for nightclubs in the noughties, Mike has come up with a proper throwback for us. Dear William Jordan EPB and the rest of the amazing sexted crew, Mike here, a proper northerner, born and raised in Wigan and now living the dream in Chorley. Oh, yes. I wanted to write about Jordan's comments about what guys used to wear when going to nightclubs up north.
23:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, because I'd said recently, I'm jealous of what people wear now. You used to have to wear shit shoes and stuff. Go on.
23:50 Speaker 01 Hmm. Well, apparently you nailed it. He may be a smidgen younger than me, Mike continues, as I'm 46. A little bit, but he knows the score. If I was to say to Jordan, I'm wearing my rock ports, my Henry, Henri, Lloyd jeans and a Ben Sherman shirt.
24:05 Speaker 02 Oh, what a look.
24:06 Speaker 01 And I'm off to Tokes to listen to Free Jack.
24:09 Speaker 02 Mark Free Jack, legend. Mark Free Jack, good mate of mine, used to be a DJ in Lancashire area. He had a few clubs as well, still going, proper legend, used to work with him at Rock FM.
24:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:21 Speaker 02 He was that big of a DJ, people used to pretend to be him.
24:24 Speaker 01 And is that a DJ in the style, the traditional style, actually mixing or like you where you just press play?
24:30 Speaker 02 No, I, he was a radio DJ.
24:32 Speaker 01 Oh, a radio DJ. That sort of DJ.
24:34 Speaker 02 His Sunday night show, Rock FM was class.
24:37 Speaker 01 Love songs?
24:37 Speaker 02 No, it wasn't love songs.
24:39 Speaker 01 Late night love?
24:39 Speaker 02 He used to do classic cuts and floor fillers on a- Sunday. It was, it was class. But yeah, I, I know exactly what you're on about there.
24:46 Speaker 01 Well, Mike says that you would, if, if he said that about, um, toques and free Jack, you would absolutely know what, uh, he was looking like and where he was going.
24:54 Speaker 02 Tokyo Joe's.
24:55 Speaker 01 Anyway, oh, is that toques?
24:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:57 Speaker 01 Short for Tokyo Joe's.
24:58 Speaker 02 Yeah. But then it turned to larva ignite when I was.
25:01 Speaker 01 I've heard you talk about larva ignites. Yes.
25:03 Speaker 02 Great night in there, William.
25:05 Speaker 01 Uh, anyway, thanks for the hard work on the episodes. My week wouldn't be complete without you. Thanks again, Mike from Wigan, now in Chorley.
25:10 Speaker 02 Cheers, Mike and Wigan. That was a look. Uh, we talked about rock ports, no one had a clue what they were.
25:16 Speaker 01 Shoes, aren't they?
25:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:17 Speaker 01 Trainers.
25:17 Speaker 02 Very expensive shoes.
25:19 Speaker 01 Oh.
25:20 Speaker 02 Could say a bit chuffy, but I had them all throughout school.
25:24 Speaker 01 Doesn't surprise me. And finally, uh, Armour has messaged in with a correction for me. Oh, my favourite. Hello, sexy team. Hope you're well. On last week's Friday episode, William received a commemorative spoon, marking George VI and Queen Elizabeth's visit to Canada. William incorrectly referred to this as a state visit. Yes, I know, they're a Commonwealth country. As a king, was also king of Canada. This was in fact a royal visit.
25:48 Speaker 02 You're a dignitific expert.
25:51 Speaker 01 Yes.
25:55 Speaker 02 Don't worry, love, we all get things wrong.
25:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like your hair.
25:59 Speaker 02 I said food.
26:00 Speaker 01 Oh, the money's gone. Ish.
26:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:03 Speaker 01 It's, it's receding.
26:05 Speaker 02 Got to fade.
26:06 Speaker 01 Okay. Uh, anyway, also called a royal tour, when the visit involves multiple locations, a state visit is done by head of state, yes, to a foreign nation. As head of state of Canada, the king is not a foreigner and visiting is no different from visiting parts of the UK or outside London. Similarly, last year, when the king and queen visited Ottawa, they undertook a royal visit, while their visit to the US a few weeks ago was a state visit. All the best from another loyal G and Dva in Calgary. Armour. Well, thank you so much, Armour. Thank you for listening.
26:33 Speaker 02 We always love.
26:34 Speaker 01 So attentively.
26:35 Speaker 02 We love it when people correct William Hanson, so.
26:38 Speaker 01 And they are absolutely correct.
26:39 Speaker 02 At least he knows, you, you can take it.
26:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's time I probably tried something else rather than etiquette in my career.
26:45 Speaker 02 No, it's fine.
26:46 Speaker 01 No, no, it's fine.
26:47 Speaker 02 Don't be daft. You're very good at your job.
26:49 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you so much. Well, Armour, if you want a job. Let us name.
26:53 Speaker 02 Let's finish with our comment of the week. This can be from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials. So we just plough through the comments. I don't read them. We go through all the ones that tell me I look tired. And then we try to fit out the ones that don't comment on my appearance, don't we?
27:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:06 Speaker 02 That's how it works, isn't it?
27:07 Speaker 01 The honourable mentions, Scott commented on Spotify to say, as a 38 year old man, is anyone else glad fingering is still happening with the young ones? I feel like it's a lost art, something I mastered early on in my life.
27:19 Speaker 02 Listen, Mickey Flanagan's been going on about this for years, the demise of fingering. He thinks.
27:25 Speaker 01 Is it the demise or is it just actually as you get older, you're not really meant to talk about it?
27:28 Speaker 02 I think, what do you mean?
27:31 Speaker 01 Well, because you know, you start talking about your pension and your sciatica and that sort of thing. You don't really talk about, you know, oh, fingers not good.
27:39 Speaker 02 Can I just do another thing about nights out?
27:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, go on.
27:43 Speaker 02 Okay. And I've talked about this recently with a lot of friends. Okay. And I'm, I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying it's wrong. And it was all above board and it was all permission, but in clubs, when I was going on nights out, so many girls would get fingered on the dance floor, like so. It was a thing at uni and stuff.
28:01 Speaker 01 Same when I went out.
28:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was. And I, I don't know if it happens anymore, but like my mate would just come up and be like, do you want a drink? I'm like, yeah, I've just figured a bird on the dance floor. But all right. I think he fingered like three girls on a night out once. So I'm just saying, I think.
28:16 Speaker 01 Well, I hope it was with consent.
28:17 Speaker 02 I think once he started letting us dress casually, that was the demise of fingering in nightclubs. We're not clipping that up for the thingy.
28:27 Speaker 02 But just wanted to make that point.
28:28 Speaker 01 We also got a lot of comments on my parkour, parkour.
28:31 Speaker 02 Parkour.
28:32 Speaker 01 Video, including.
28:33 Speaker 02 The best video you've ever done.
28:34 Speaker 01 Well, thank you very much.
28:35 Speaker 02 Better than peas, bananas, the lot. That was brilliant.
28:39 Speaker 01 The view count says otherwise.
28:40 Speaker 02 I can't stop watching.
28:41 Speaker 01 Who thought it was AI? People thought it was AI. It was not AI. It was actually us. Shaun, off of Welby, commented on Instagram, "Do not try this at home. William has made this look easy, but the twirls against the wall is a deadly move, only to be used by professionals." Thank you, Shaun, for realising that, you know, I have trained for a couple of weeks for that. In fact, it's amazing. I actually got a friend, Adam, who actually now does a completely different job, but used to be a parkour instructor. So we're absolutely going to meet up. And instead of talking about theatre, he's going to teach me some parkour.
29:18 Speaker 03 Surely it's you teaching him at this stage?
29:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, true. We'll exchange some parkour moves.
29:24 Speaker 02 Why don't you teach Shaun Welby? Why don't you take her out?
29:26 Speaker 01 Yes.
29:27 Speaker 02 She's very busy, but between hosting Capital and this morning.
29:31 Speaker 01 It would help her get from Leicester Square to Covent Garden, because she could like, jump over, she could parkour there. She could be there, but she could actually save time.
29:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, all right. I'll pass your message on.
29:42 Speaker 03 You know what it reminded me of?
29:44 Speaker 01 Yes.
29:45 Speaker 03 You remember at the Olympics a few years ago where that woman did the breakdancing?
29:48 Speaker 02 From Canada?
29:49 Speaker 03 From, I think she was from Australia.
29:50 Speaker 02 New Zealand.
29:51 Speaker 03 Everyone ridiculed her.
29:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:53 Speaker 03 That just reminded me of that.
29:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know the one.
29:56 Speaker 01 Why would people be ridiculing me?
29:57 Speaker 02 It was a very funny dance.
29:59 Speaker 01 But our comment of the week comes from I on YouTube. This is my favourite. I found this. And this was commenting on one of our episodes. "William, I don't know for sure, but I am too sorry for the women who are sleeping with you. They are doing that by knowingly. They can't have a marriage ceremony publicly like the other women do. I would also do the same if I can have the man I love, whatever he is, but that's so pitiful just by thoughts. I am not a gay woman, but I like you." Well, I feel very-
30:26 Speaker 02 Who wrote that? AI? What is that?
30:29 Speaker 01 Just I. I feel very sorry for all the women I'm sleeping with as well.
30:32 Speaker 02 Oh, did they think you were?
30:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:35 Speaker 02 A man who sleeps with women?
30:36 Speaker 01 Because I'm now the butch one.
30:37 Speaker 02 You're not the butch, Ron.
30:38 Speaker 01 Hmm. We've done this before, but we're both as butchers each other.
30:44 Speaker 02 That's not true.
30:45 Speaker 01 Let's agree on that. Anyway, I love that comment, I. Thank you. A few people did just respond to it with like, "What on earth are you talking about?"
30:56 Speaker 02 Remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected] . We also love hearing back from the people we offer advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we'll speak to you on Tuesday.
31:15 Speaker 01 Goodbye.
31:15 Speaker 02 Bye bye.
31:24 Speaker 00 I'm Claire Buckley. In this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.
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