Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help I’m Sharing Soap With Strangers | And Speedo Season About this episode Would you accept a bar of soap from another gym member? Would you share a toothbrush with your partner? Would William look good in Speedos? The questions that William and Jordan find answers to are as varied as ever. Elsewhere there's an etiquettemology regarding a canine-friendly designer brand and a listener dilemma about flags.
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Transcript 0:01 Speaker 00 I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.
0:42 Speaker 01 Don't put that in.
0:44 Speaker 02 Why?
0:44 Speaker 01 I'm not having a podcast with my name on it with burping. I know we've done eight years. We're not burping.
0:51 Speaker 02 Right, for the record, I just did a big funny burp and Williams insisted on it being-
0:56 Speaker 01 And yet, nobody laughed.
0:57 Speaker 02 Williams insisted on it being cut out. Well, this is gonna be a fun episode, isn't it?
1:08 Speaker 02 Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss. I need to do another burp.
1:12 Speaker 01 Don't swallow. Burp inside.
1:17 Speaker 02 The podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Something like cat. Answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas like, is it ever okay to wear jeans in a nightclub? Or, how do you cope when you walk in on your boyfriend wrist deep in your mother?
1:37 Speaker 02 And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not your usual burpy boys, are we, William Hanson?
1:43 Speaker 01 Definitely not, Jordan North. I'm more Kleenex, you're more someone's dirty ex. How true. And that's from Joe. What?
1:51 Speaker 02 We've all had a pass.
1:52 Speaker 01 I don't actually, because Mikey and I were each other's first boyfriends.
1:55 Speaker 02 Oh god, you're so good, aren't you?
1:57 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:58 Speaker 02 So good. Um, okay, who are we toasting to?
2:03 Speaker 01 Uh, this week's toast goes to Tash, who got in contact with this message. "Hi, William and Jordan from New Zealand." She probably sent it in on a typewriter. Uh, "Just listening to the ice cold beer discussion." That was my, my plea. Ice cold beers, please.
2:20 Speaker 02 For the summer, I want us all to have ice cold beers. Get them in the freezer.
2:23 Speaker 01 And it reminded me of this advert a few years ago. You could call the number where you put your beers in the freezer and you'd get a call back 34 minutes later when they were ready. You're all set for the summer now, lads.
2:35 Speaker 02 Is that the perfect time for freezer beers? 34 minutes?
2:39 Speaker 01 Apparently.
2:39 Speaker 02 I would say 42 personally, but...
2:42 Speaker 01 It's much of a muchness. Uh, "Love the podcast, it's the highlight of my week. Regaling my golfer gal pals with some of the dilemmas is hilarious. Saturday afternoon meat raffles aren't quite the same anymore when the prize includes bacon," regarding wolf bagging, "especially after a few gins," or pussy juices, AKA Savvy B. All goes on in New Zealand.
3:08 Speaker 01 Makes sense to them in New Zealand. "Thanks to you all at Sexed for the Endless Laughs. Tash in New Zealand." Well, let's toast Tash.
3:16 Speaker 02 To Tash.
3:17 Speaker 01 Tash. In New Zealand.
3:20 Speaker 02 Uh, that burp's holding in now and it's...
3:24 Speaker 01 We'll get it out, but do it away from the microphone and we will cut it out. Oh god, that's strong.
3:32 Speaker 02 That can stay in. That was a cute burp.
3:35 Speaker 01 There is no such thing as a cute burp.
3:37 Speaker 02 Actually, do you forget that we are friends, but he does take some things quite serious.
3:42 Speaker 01 I don't, and I don't like burping, farting, don't like it.
3:45 Speaker 02 Burping...
3:47 Speaker 01 Expelling of any sort of gas from any part of your body.
3:50 Speaker 02 It's, you, you, sorry, pardon me. Pardon me.
3:54 Speaker 01 You're pardoned.
3:55 Speaker 02 Say, pardon.
3:57 Speaker 01 Say what?
3:58 Speaker 02 All right, that was, I don't mean to be rude. Hey.
4:00 Speaker 01 Hey.
4:01 Speaker 02 Hey, how's your week been, Flower?
4:02 Speaker 01 It's been all right, thank you, Petal. You say with your hands on hips, not looking camp at all.
4:09 Speaker 02 Stop camp shaming me.
4:10 Speaker 01 We, a few weeks ago, on one of our Friday episodes, we talked about, and you very sweetly brought it up, because I'd forgotten I'd even done it, because I'm just nice, I had sent you randomly, because you had said, oh, that travel cafetiere that I had, could I send you the link to it? And rather than sending you the link, I just sent you one.
4:29 Speaker 02 Which I thought was just, it was, I just remember at the time thinking, what lovely boy he is. He is, because I sent me the link to that, and then two days later, I think, in fact, I think it was a day later.
4:38 Speaker 01 It was the next day.
4:39 Speaker 02 It was the next day, it was at my house, and I thought, how lovely, how lovely.
4:42 Speaker 01 Exactly. And then, and you had also felt bad, because when I had come around to your house a few weeks ago, you had this lovely sort of digital twisty timer thing that you have for coffee, tea bags, whatever you're doing.
4:54 Speaker 02 No, it's when I'm making my brew, I have, you have to brew the tea bag for four minutes.
4:58 Speaker 01 That's fine, I do coffee.
4:59 Speaker 02 I always have it set, and I just press it as the kettle, and then it beeps when the tea.
5:02 Speaker 01 But then you can twist, it's circular, and you can twist it and adjust the time.
5:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:06 Speaker 01 And I had said, oh, could you send me the link for that? And you hadn't even sent me the link. And you sort of kept remembering, but then didn't do it. Cut to the next day after we record, I get home, Mikey goes, oh, Amazon's here for you. And I'm like, I haven't ordered anything from Amazon. And I go to open it up, and there, no note, but there was the timer. And I could have cried. It was so sweet.
5:27 Speaker 02 It's only a bloody timer.
5:28 Speaker 01 I know, but I went, he's, he's, yeah, that's, that meant an awful lot.
5:31 Speaker 02 It's only eight quid.
5:33 Speaker 01 Well, it doesn't matter how much it is, it's the, it's the act. And it was very sweet. And we have used it. In fact, we've turned off our smart speaker. We don't use that for the timer anymore. We now use your twisty timer.
5:42 Speaker 02 Did it make you cry?
5:43 Speaker 01 Didn't, no, no, it didn't make me cry. I almost could cry.
5:47 Speaker 02 How'd you put notes on Amazon? How'd you do that?
5:50 Speaker 01 Well, gift message.
5:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:51 Speaker 01 When you're ordering, is this, is this a gift? Tick. And then you can write.
5:56 Speaker 02 Get lost, that's not a thing.
5:57 Speaker 01 To William, you mean so much. Use this timer next time you're making coffee and think of me.
6:02 Speaker 02 I didn't know you can do that.
6:03 Speaker 03 Hi, guys.
6:04 Speaker 02 Hi.
6:04 Speaker 01 Hello.
6:05 Speaker 03 He could have put, to William, you're running out of time, from Jordan.
6:09 Speaker 01 Everything's running with him, isn't it? Honestly, give it a break. You did the marathon, we get it.
6:13 Speaker 02 It's quite a good gag, actually. Thank you. Oh, well, happy, I'm glad you liked your timer.
6:18 Speaker 01 I love my timer, and we use it all the time. So, thank you very much.
6:21 Speaker 02 You're more than welcome.
6:22 Speaker 01 Which got me on to thinking.
6:26 Speaker 01 Ages ago, possibly even not even this year, we were talking about laundry, almost became my other podcast. And I was talking about, um, I put in the wash sometimes with my white towels or white shirts, T-shirts, anything white really. I put in some, some Ace for Whites and it brings them back to life.
6:46 Speaker 02 I'm an oxy kind of gal, oxy crystals.
6:49 Speaker 01 Well, this is going to make this next bit quite awkward because you previously went, can you send me some of that?
6:52 Speaker 02 Oh.
6:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:53 Speaker 02 Sorry. Oh, oh, how sweet.
6:57 Speaker 01 So I did another order and I've got you some Ace for Whites.
7:00 Speaker 02 That looks good. So what do you do?
7:02 Speaker 01 Oh, now you're in, I thought you're an oxy kind of gal.
7:04 Speaker 02 Oh no, that looks class. So is that like bleach?
7:07 Speaker 01 Yes, be very careful with that because that is bleach. Don't, okay.
7:13 Speaker 02 Wow, I was think that's so.
7:14 Speaker 01 I've got a double bag here for you.
7:16 Speaker 02 That is so weird. I was talking to Shaun about this today. I was like, I'm going to start. Uh, Jimmy works on show, his jumper's white. I said, what happened? He said, he's fellow bleached his proper bleachers. So do you put it, do you put it in a bucket and then put the shirt in? Can you do that?
7:31 Speaker 01 Well, I believe you can probably do that, but what I would do is I put some in the pre-wash drawer.
7:35 Speaker 02 Oh, I don't know which one. Can I just put it in anyone?
7:37 Speaker 01 Put it in the pre-workout, which is your pre-wash. Send me a picture of your drawers and I will tell you which is the pre-wash compartment. It's, it'll be the one with a one. The normal detergent has two little sort of lines. Pre-wash has one. It'll be the smaller compartment, basically. Put it in there, set your machine to pre-wash.
7:55 Speaker 02 I'm sniffing that now.
7:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, that's your own fault. And then it will be fine.
7:59 Speaker 02 Oh God.
8:00 Speaker 01 And then it'll just do a 20 minute cycle in the bleach and it'll bring your whites back beautifully. That vest won't look that colour anymore.
8:08 Speaker 01 I don't think Troye Sivan was writing that song about Ace for Whites.
8:11 Speaker 02 Oh, right. And it, can I use that on my oxy crystals?
8:15 Speaker 01 I would just use one, one. I wouldn't start mixing chemicals because otherwise, you know, your, your house.
8:20 Speaker 02 People can mad on it. You can't use bleach and fairy liquid. You'll be fine.
8:24 Speaker 01 Well, I don't think you will be, so.
8:26 Speaker 03 I don't know.
8:26 Speaker 02 No, no.
8:27 Speaker 03 What's he saying in this space?
8:28 Speaker 02 It's a bit of, oh, he's fine. All right.
8:30 Speaker 03 We don't recommend that.
8:31 Speaker 02 Well, thank you. That's really, really kind of you.
8:35 Speaker 03 But now you're in some sort of gift war.
8:37 Speaker 01 We are in a gift war.
8:38 Speaker 03 Well, I've got one for you.
8:39 Speaker 01 Do you? Oh, we're gonna go.
8:42 Speaker 02 So, it's for you.
8:46 Speaker 02 I've one of those. No, all right, we're in a gift war.
8:48 Speaker 01 Giving me two fingers.
8:49 Speaker 02 Okay. I'll get you some oxy crystals.
8:51 Speaker 01 I don't want oxy crystals. I've got Aes for whites.
8:54 Speaker 02 So you just oxy action.
8:56 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:56 Speaker 02 Use them. Yeah. It's that bleach goes straight to me.
8:59 Speaker 01 Oh, don't blame me on the bleach.
9:01 Speaker 02 I'm getting a bit desperate. And I think I need your help.
9:05 Speaker 01 Okay.
9:05 Speaker 02 So you know Soccer Aid's coming up in a couple of weeks.
9:07 Speaker 01 I do, yeah. I've got it tattooed in my diary.
9:09 Speaker 02 I'm starting to get a bit nervous.
9:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would.
9:11 Speaker 02 Okay. Um, and I need to start getting a few games in. I want to organise a five-a-side match.
9:20 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
9:20 Speaker 02 And I've done it with lads here. Ben and Jack are on. I need to get a date. I can't find a five-a-side place, so should we just do jumpers in a park? Be a laugh, won't it?
9:30 Speaker 01 Now, hang on. Just explain to me what jumpers in a park?
9:32 Speaker 02 We should do jumper for goalpost. I just need a good kickabout for an hour. Yeah? And we're gonna have a pint afterwards, right?
9:39 Speaker 01 Sounds like hell.
9:40 Speaker 02 I never thought I'd say this.
9:42 Speaker 01 Hmm.
9:42 Speaker 02 It's very hard to get 10 mates together for football.
9:46 Speaker 02 Would you be up for being one of the, one of the men to play football? Are you up for it?
9:52 Speaker 01 What position would you like me in?
9:54 Speaker 02 Uh, whatever. I mean, you, have you ever played football before?
9:58 Speaker 01 No.
9:58 Speaker 02 Okay, that's fine. Would you be up for it?
10:01 Speaker 01 I'll, like, send me some dates.
10:03 Speaker 02 We'll stick you in net. It's fine.
10:05 Speaker 01 In fishnets?
10:06 Speaker 02 No, no. We'll put you in goal.
10:08 Speaker 01 Put me in goal?
10:08 Speaker 02 Or at back.
10:10 Speaker 01 That's how I like it.
10:11 Speaker 02 Yeah?
10:11 Speaker 01 Hmm.
10:12 Speaker 02 Okay. Would you genuinely be up for it?
10:14 Speaker 01 I would, I would. If it was, could we make it 45 minutes?
10:18 Speaker 02 Yes, fine.
10:19 Speaker 01 Just, yeah.
10:20 Speaker 02 Would you?
10:21 Speaker 01 Or 2020?
10:21 Speaker 02 Seriously, would you be up for a kickabout, Jack? You, we need to, will you help me sort it out? Because I'm starting, I can't go and play alongside Wayne Rooney and not have kicked a ball in a year.
10:31 Speaker 01 Oh, you'll be fine.
10:33 Speaker 03 Do you not get any training with the Soccer Aid?
10:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, do they not train you?
10:36 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, the thing is, I'm, I'm missing the first day of training for Soccer Aid.
10:42 Speaker 01 Oh, why?
10:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, because, um, it's, it, it's, they, they were like, so this is, it's, I've got quite a big announcement coming up. Yeah.
10:52 Speaker 01 Finally.
10:53 Speaker 02 So, um, and they were like, we really, really don't like, we have Hollywood actors and stuff. We really don't like you to, to miss, to miss the first day.
11:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:03 Speaker 02 And I explained why I couldn't make the first day training. And it wasn't something I could make.
11:10 Speaker 01 And did they go with that excuse or not?
11:12 Speaker 02 No, and even there, their top hon show at soccer, they were like, ah, fair enough.
11:18 Speaker 01 Okay.
11:19 Speaker 02 So I can't announce it now, but as soon as I am, I'll be telling our gene divas and yeah.
11:26 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
11:27 Speaker 02 It's quite big.
11:28 Speaker 01 My interest has peaked.
11:29 Speaker 02 Yeah. So that's why I need to get a couple of games in. So if you could help me out, that'd be great.
11:34 Speaker 01 Well, yeah, I mean, I've got a holiday coming up. So as long as we've done it, you know, if you could just do it around my holiday, that would be lovely. Unless you want to come on holiday with me.
11:41 Speaker 02 Speaking of which, right, I can't get a five a side court. I cannot for the life of me. Everyone's jumped on board. I can't get a bloody paddle court anywhere.
11:49 Speaker 01 Oh, your life is such a tragedy.
11:51 Speaker 02 What are you rolling your eyes for? You cannot get a paddle. Have you played it yet, Ben? I can't get a paddle court anywhere. I'm thirty. I need to start like.
11:58 Speaker 01 Oh.
11:59 Speaker 02 Need to start getting the exercise in.
12:00 Speaker 01 Thirty.
12:01 Speaker 02 We need to have a game of paddle.
12:02 Speaker 01 You're thirty six.
12:03 Speaker 02 All right. Cheers. Am I middle aged?
12:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:06 Speaker 02 Am I mid thirties?
12:08 Speaker 01 You are, you are definitely mid thirties.
12:09 Speaker 02 Am I late thirties?
12:10 Speaker 01 Next year you will be. Yeah, next year you will be.
12:13 Speaker 02 Oh, shit.
12:13 Speaker 01 Hmm. This year I will be, so.
12:15 Speaker 02 We can't be doing this in our late thirties.
12:19 Speaker 01 I mean, we shouldn't have been doing it in our early thirties.
12:21 Speaker 02 Willie jokes and stuff. My, can't we go on?
12:23 Speaker 01 Well, talking of which, I'm going to raise the tone. Guess, ask me what I did last night.
12:27 Speaker 02 Oh, what? I'm trying to think. What did you do last night, William Hanson?
12:33 Speaker 01 I went to a literature festival talk. I know, on a Wednesday night.
12:37 Speaker 02 A literature festival talk?
12:39 Speaker 01 Yes, I went, Mike and I went to go and watch Anthony Horowitz, who's one of our favourite authors.
12:43 Speaker 02 Oh, uh, Spy Kids. No.
12:45 Speaker 01 Spy Kids, Alex Rider.
12:47 Speaker 02 Alex Rider. I used to read them when I was younger.
12:49 Speaker 01 Yes, so did I. I now, he now does books for adults.
12:51 Speaker 02 I actually got charged because I never handed that back in and I'm frank.
12:54 Speaker 01 Do you know?
12:56 Speaker 01 Now, he didn't write Anne Frank.
12:57 Speaker 02 No, he didn't write Anne Frank.
12:58 Speaker 01 Anne Frank wrote Anne Frank.
12:59 Speaker 02 Anne Frank wrote Anne Frank. And I, I, I took them out. I took Alex Ryder out at school library and Anne Frank. Quite a different book. And I left them on holiday and got charged for it. My mum went mad.
13:11 Speaker 01 Right.
13:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:12 Speaker 01 Okay. Well, anyway, Anthony Horowitz got a new book out, a deadly episode. And I went to go and, uh, I obsessed with all his adult books. I mean, I liked his children's book as a child.
13:22 Speaker 02 Never read his adult book.
13:23 Speaker 01 And Mikey and I felt, oh, you'd love them. They're, they're good. Murder mysteries, crime. And, um, yeah, Mike and I felt very intellectual on a Wednesday night, pottering, it was sort of local to us. We potted on and went and watched a book talk.
13:35 Speaker 02 What was he like, Anthony Hor- Anthony Horowitz?
13:38 Speaker 01 Anthony Horowitz.
13:39 Speaker 02 Horowitz.
13:40 Speaker 01 Anthony Horowitz.
13:41 Speaker 02 Horowitz.
13:42 Speaker 01 Horowitz.
13:43 Speaker 02 Horowitz.
13:44 Speaker 01 Yes, well done. Uh, very good, very intellectual, lovely voice, good command of English, as you would hope. Uh, yeah, it was, it was very good.
13:51 Speaker 02 Okay. Cause some authors, like when you meet them, they can be very introvert, can't they?
13:55 Speaker 01 Yes.
13:56 Speaker 02 Or just bat shit. There's no in-between with authors.
13:59 Speaker 01 No, I wouldn't say he was bat shit. And also, the great thing is, for those that like his books, he does a series of books in a different series to the one that's just come out, uh, called the Magpie Murder series, the Susan Ryland series. And I thought he was only doing three. He has said that in a couple of years' time, there will be a fourth. I genuinely was so excited.
14:15 Speaker 02 Look at us, but see, this is good. This is, we're going to our late 30s.
14:19 Speaker 01 We're gonna talk about books.
14:20 Speaker 02 We should be more into books and I, conceptual, intellectual things.
14:25 Speaker 01 Yes.
14:26 Speaker 02 Yes.
14:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:27 Speaker 02 What other books did you read as a child?
14:29 Speaker 01 Um, well, young, young child, I loved The Worst Witch.
14:32 Speaker 02 I used to read them as well.
14:34 Speaker 01 Yeah. Was it Jill Murphy did The Worst Witch?
14:36 Speaker 02 Very similar to Harry Potter.
14:38 Speaker 01 Very similar, predated Ha- Harry Potter, actually. Um.
14:42 Speaker 02 Let's not get sued.
14:43 Speaker 01 What? We did.
14:44 Speaker 02 We can't.
14:45 Speaker 01 Well, they came out sooner. They came out earlier.
14:47 Speaker 02 Did you ever read, uh, read the series Unfortunate Events?
14:51 Speaker 01 No, I, no, I didn't do that.
14:53 Speaker 02 Lemonade Snicket?
14:54 Speaker 01 Yes, I liked, actually, Joanne Harris, author of Chocolat. Uh, I didn't read that one, but she did a great book called Gentlemen and Players. That's very, um, at the time was very, how do I put this? Modern. Today, very standard. But good book.
15:11 Speaker 02 I loved Hunger Games as well.
15:13 Speaker 01 Yes, they were books, aren't they?
15:15 Speaker 02 Yeah. I was about 21 when they came out, I think. What?
15:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, you would have been quite old when they came out.
15:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, but the films were great as well.
15:23 Speaker 03 What about Captain Underpants?
15:25 Speaker 01 Oh my god, I loved Ca- I mean, god, that is making you young, because I, I, I only like Captain Underpants by Dave Spiky, who, uh, was in, or Pilkey, Spiky?
15:34 Speaker 02 Dave Spiky out of Phoenix, eh?
15:36 Speaker 01 No, I mean, Dave Pilkey. Wrong, Dave. Yeah, in America, Captain Underpants was a whole thing. They had funny names. Can we look them up, please? Um, and, yeah, my aunt would always, she was a big reader, and they were sort of the right age for my brother and my cousin Anne.
15:50 Speaker 02 Hmm.
15:50 Speaker 01 And they liked Captain Underpants, but I always, always read them.
15:54 Speaker 02 Goosebumps, did you ever read them?
15:55 Speaker 01 No.
15:55 Speaker 02 Oh, they were good.
15:56 Speaker 01 I thought they were a bit common.
15:58 Speaker 02 How, uh, like, as a teenager, because everyone read Goosebumps.
16:01 Speaker 01 Not everyone.
16:02 Speaker 02 Me and my friends used to swap Goosebumps books.
16:04 Speaker 01 They banned it in our library.
16:05 Speaker 02 Were they?
16:05 Speaker 01 Hmm.
16:06 Speaker 02 No, they weren't.
16:06 Speaker 01 You were seen with the Goosebumps, they're like, no, get Hamlet in your hand now.
16:10 Speaker 02 Okay, well, look at you.
16:11 Speaker 01 What were some of the, uh, Captain Underpants?
16:14 Speaker 02 The books?
16:14 Speaker 01 Yes, they're great titles. I used to be able to do them verbatim. I can't remember them now.
16:19 Speaker 03 Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets?
16:22 Speaker 01 We saw Talking Lavatras, but yes.
16:24 Speaker 03 Captain Underpants and the Invasion of the Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies from Outer Space, bracket, and the subsequent assault of the Equally Evil Lunchroom Zombie Nerds, close bracket.
16:34 Speaker 02 That's not a title of a book, is it?
16:36 Speaker 03 Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants.
16:42 Speaker 03 Sounds right up your street.
16:43 Speaker 02 We're gonna move on from our high-end book talk. I just want to bring it back as, as we're going into the summer.
16:47 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:48 Speaker 02 Um, as you know, um.
16:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I can feel it.
16:50 Speaker 02 Do you know what's very in for the summer now? It's always been, it's been on the fringes.
16:54 Speaker 01 Hmm.
16:54 Speaker 02 For the past couple of years. Right. And now a certain person has worn this item, and I reckon everyone's gonna have them on. And I'd love to see you in them. Speedos.
17:08 Speaker 02 I think you live in your hot boy summer that you're having right now. You're in the gym, you know, you're looking great.
17:16 Speaker 01 Thank you.
17:16 Speaker 02 I think you should invest in a pair of Speedos and I'll tell you for why.
17:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
17:21 Speaker 02 So David Beckham's worn them now. Like I said, they've been on the fringes for a couple of years. The gay community, you know, they've had him for a good few years now. Yeah, and they're wearing them. I don't think personally I'd suit Speedos. I've, I've, stumpy legs, right? He could have, he could have a good body, but I think if you've got stumpy legs, you don't suit Speedos.
17:42 Speaker 01 I do have quite long legs.
17:43 Speaker 02 But we wore some in Benadorm, Ben and I.
17:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:46 Speaker 02 You outright refused.
17:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:48 Speaker 02 I remember I had a bit of a personality failure. Um, so I think summer, hot girl summer 2026, William Hanson in Speedos. I think you'd suit them because you're tall.
18:00 Speaker 01 Well, I do need, I do.
18:01 Speaker 02 And you're going on holiday.
18:02 Speaker 01 I do need to get some new swimwear. I have got one pair of swimwear at home, but I, you know, you can't go on holiday with just one pair of trunks. I need another, but they are trunks currently. I think I know what I'd like in terms of shape.
18:13 Speaker 02 Start with short shorts.
18:15 Speaker 01 Considered Speedos.
18:16 Speaker 02 Start with three inch short shorts, or is it five inch?
18:20 Speaker 01 They need to be longer for me.
18:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, three, fucking hell, tip will be hanging out, won't it?
18:26 Speaker 02 Actually, you in Speedos.
18:29 Speaker 01 Hmm.
18:30 Speaker 02 Um, no. Wow.
18:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:36 Speaker 01 My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
18:39 Speaker 02 Fucking willing them. Just try to send you, I think Ben, you'd suit, um, Jack, me and you, we ain't got the, it's not the shape. I'm not shaping, shaming people, it's the legs.
18:49 Speaker 01 But how tall are you, Jack? Six foot. He's six foot.
18:52 Speaker 02 You would, and it's not the shape because all.
18:55 Speaker 01 You're six three, yeah?
18:56 Speaker 02 All lads in, all rugby lads in Australia wear them. They love those budgie smugglers and they like them. Not that I've seen, I've been told. But, um, I, I'm just saying, I think summer 2026. So the Jane Davis.
19:08 Speaker 01 Would you just like me to buy some Speedos and send your picture of me in the Speedos? Would that satisfy whatever weird peculiar fantasy you've got going on in your head?
19:15 Speaker 02 Jane Davis, would you like to see William Hanson in some Speedos on his holiday? Get in touch.
19:20 Speaker 01 I've got a lovely new Panama.
19:22 Speaker 02 Who?
19:22 Speaker 01 Panama hat. You know, I took one to Benadorm, but I've upgraded.
19:25 Speaker 02 Oh, what have you done with your old one?
19:27 Speaker 01 I actually still have it if you want it.
19:29 Speaker 02 Your head's bigger than mine, isn't it?
19:30 Speaker 01 Hmm.
19:31 Speaker 02 Let's have a look at your head. I'd look like a knob with one of them on.
19:35 Speaker 01 They could put some sort of felt lining in the, in, in the, in the band inside, some sort of slightly.
19:40 Speaker 02 You can get for twenty quid on airport.
19:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, well.
19:42 Speaker 02 We've got a barbeque, a Skegness one round there somewhere.
19:45 Speaker 01 No, that's a, um, different type of hat. Yeah.
19:48 Speaker 02 That's a, that's an Ollie Merz hat, isn't it?
19:50 Speaker 01 It's a pork pie hat, trilby.
19:52 Speaker 02 A trilby that used to wear. Well, look, where are you going on holiday?
19:55 Speaker 01 Uh, Athens.
19:57 Speaker 02 You're going soon?
19:58 Speaker 01 Ish.
20:00 Speaker 02 You in Athens, in Greece with all those Greek gods and a pair of speedos.
20:04 Speaker 01 The Greek gods were quite some time ago.
20:06 Speaker 02 You will, honestly.
20:08 Speaker 01 I look like Hercules.
20:09 Speaker 02 You'll turn heads on that beach. That's all I'm gonna say.
20:11 Speaker 01 Okay.
20:12 Speaker 02 You'll turn heads. People will be peering down the bottom of their sunglasses. It'll be like a Coca-Cola advert from the nineties. I don't want you.
20:21 Speaker 01 Like a broken record.
20:22 Speaker 02 I'd be okay. So just do it.
20:24 Speaker 01 Okay, just do it. No, that's, that's Nike. Okay, fine. A speedo is a brand, isn't it?
20:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay.
20:32 Speaker 02 Trunks, swimming trunks, proper ones.
20:34 Speaker 01 Maybe where nothing at all.
20:36 Speaker 02 You have to, the only thing is with you though, we, um, do you remember those hubba bubba's that used to roll up?
20:42 Speaker 01 What?
20:43 Speaker 02 You know, like that hubba bubba that rolled up?
20:45 Speaker 01 What's a hubba bubba?
20:46 Speaker 03 A chewing gum.
20:46 Speaker 02 Chewing gum. It was like curled up, wasn't it? How'd you, on a, what's the, it's like, you'd have to do that.
20:51 Speaker 03 In a little thing, in a, yeah.
20:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, you'd have to do that with your knob.
20:55 Speaker 01 Oh.
20:56 Speaker 03 Or a wi- a fruit winder?
20:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, fruit winder, just.
21:00 Speaker 01 Still don't know what any of this is.
21:01 Speaker 02 Like an extension lead when you roll it in.
21:03 Speaker 01 Oh, I've got a hose like that. Do you know, can I talk about, I love my outside tap because in.
21:09 Speaker 02 Fuck it.
21:12 Speaker 01 In, uh, in my last place, I didn't have an outside tap. And when I would go and sort of, you know, water my pots, I had to carry the thing through the kitchen. And take the watering can and fill it up in the kitchen. I hated that. I've got a tap out the front and out the back now, and genuine, it's changed my life.
21:27 Speaker 02 Really? What, you're into your outside tap?
21:30 Speaker 01 Because I don't have to sort of schlep a watering can sort of from inside outside.
21:34 Speaker 02 I've got two.
21:35 Speaker 01 Two taps outside?
21:36 Speaker 02 And I've got one that you plug in and then you plug it in and it waters.
21:39 Speaker 01 A tap that comes out the wall?
21:40 Speaker 02 It wa- yeah, but then it goes around garden. Apparently it waters all flowers and stuff.
21:44 Speaker 01 Oh, like an oscillating one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:47 Speaker 02 Check me out.
21:47 Speaker 01 But that, that's more of an attachment to the outside tap. The outside tap just comes out the wall.
21:51 Speaker 02 I never thought I'd say this. Please can we do etiquetteology?
21:55 Speaker 01 No, because I've got one further thing to say.
21:57 Speaker 02 Go on.
21:57 Speaker 01 We've had him on this podcast previously, he sent us a voice message.
22:03 Speaker 01 Can you remember the lovely Ian, who is my favourite announcer at Tottenham Court Road Tube Station?
22:08 Speaker 02 Yes.
22:09 Speaker 01 Look up, look out and have a great day. I've met Ian now, he chased after me up an escalation, we had a photo, we'll stick it on our carousel.
22:17 Speaker 02 Oh, I thought you got a recording of him.
22:19 Speaker 01 No, we did, we played, well, we did that a few months ago now.
22:22 Speaker 02 Okay.
22:22 Speaker 01 But no, he was lovely, we had a lovely chat.
22:24 Speaker 02 What did he say?
22:25 Speaker 01 Just, you know, that, you know, he thought, he was on a flight the day before, he thought of me, that I could sort of teach some of the passengers, I won't say which airline, how to behave. And I said that generally, all my friends and family, when we hear his announcements, it's not just the look up, look out. It genuinely puts a spring in our step. Mikey loves it, I love it, we all think it's just, he is the best. I heard him this morning on the way in.
22:46 Speaker 02 What does he say?
22:47 Speaker 01 Oh, I can't remember, it was about normal service on whatever line, but it, it's just so much, so much joy. Because sometimes on train platforms or bus announcements, it's quite a monotonous voice and you sort of forget it. Or, or they're speaking too closely into the bike.
23:01 Speaker 02 Oh, they bark at you. Move down the train, move down the train, move down the train, please, move down the train, move down the train.
23:07 Speaker 01 But he does it with such elan. I just think we should, we should commend that. So thank you, Ian, for saying hello.
23:13 Speaker 02 What's etiquetteology this week, please?
23:18 Speaker 01 I've completely forgotten. Hold on.
23:21 Speaker 02 That's my job.
23:23 Speaker 01 What?
23:23 Speaker 02 Like, you always have them prepared.
23:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's fucking irritating, isn't it?
23:27 Speaker 02 What?
23:30 Speaker 02 Jeez.
23:31 Speaker 01 Oh, I know. I'm going to talk to you all about Poochie. Now, can you remember a couple of weeks ago?
23:36 Speaker 02 Poaching?
23:36 Speaker 01 No, Poochie, a few weeks ago.
23:39 Speaker 02 The lights.
23:40 Speaker 01 Just let me speak.
23:44 Speaker 01 As I said to you at the weekend, let me finish.
23:49 Speaker 02 Sorry.
23:50 Speaker 01 Thank you.
23:51 Speaker 02 Carry on.
23:52 Speaker 01 Can you remember a couple of weeks ago, we had a letter in from someone who had their Louis Vuitton bag stolen and actually had a dead dog in it?
23:59 Speaker 02 Yes.
24:00 Speaker 01 And I made the joke, it's a shame it wasn't Poochie, which you and a lot of other people thought I meant it was a pun on Gucci. And as I said, I think Poochie is actually a brand in itself, and I was right. So I've looked into who Poochie was. And I'm going to tell you all about it after these messages.
24:20 Speaker 04 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams. Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 Jeep Cherokee, a Carnival Cruise vacation,
25:05 Speaker 04 gift cards from DoorDash and Best Buy. You'll then play in the McDonald's app. Get your bag.
25:11 Speaker 05 No purchase necessary. 50 U.S. and D.C. Age 18-plus. See playatmcd.com for rules and playatmcd.com/amoe for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2. Chance for game ends November 8. Game ends November 22, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasker.
25:25 Speaker 06 Hello, I'm Joanna Fletcher.
25:27 Speaker 07 And I'm Marco Burchella.
25:28 Speaker 06 And this is Boots Off.
25:31 Speaker 07 We are friends who've spent a decade together, walking up mountains, across deserts, and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans.
25:39 Speaker 06 And something happens when you're out there, feet on the ground, surrounded by nature. The conversations just spill out of you.
25:46 Speaker 07 This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure.
25:49 Speaker 06 The adventures that lead to adversity.
25:51 Speaker 07 And how life can be one big adventure in itself.
25:54 Speaker 06 Listen every Thursday. Just search for Boots Off.
26:03 Speaker 06 It's William. William. The etiquette geek. His knowledge. Knowledge. Quite unique. He'll give you manners. Manners. A subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquette, Etiquette, Etymology of the Week. Cha cha cha, cha cha cha, cha cha cha. Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha.
26:21 Speaker 01 Toy. So Pucci, it's a fashion house, Italian fashion house, obviously, that's got nothing to do with Gucci. It was founded in 1947 by Emilio Pucci after a chance meeting with a fashion photographer. Holidaying in Zermatt and on leave from the Italian Air Force, a one-piece ski suit that Pucci had made for a friend caught the eye of a photographer. Now, on the back of this one image, Harper's Bazaar, the magazine, commissioned Pucci to design a ski wear story, which was published the year later, in 48. Pucci's sleek creations redefined sportswear, and when he left the Air Force, he established his own eponymous fashion house, which he based in Capri, which was at that time the home of the emerging
27:05 Speaker 01 jet set with the increase in aviation. And initially, designing swimwear only. Oh, it's come full circle. Maybe I could get some Pucci Speedos if they do them. Pucci soon moved into making his own signature silk scarfs, and the prints, still to this day, they're very bold, sort of geometric, strong use of colour, captured the era, particularly the psychedelic 1960s, think Austin Powers. And indeed Marilyn Monroe was buried in a Pucci dress.
27:34 Speaker 02 Get away!
27:35 Speaker 01 Pucci and Gucci, very different and nothing to do with Pucci's.
27:38 Speaker 02 How do you spell Pucci?
27:40 Speaker 01 Like Gucci with a P. P-U-C-C-I.
27:43 Speaker 02 And who, who, who, who came first, Pucci or Gucci?
27:46 Speaker 01 Probably, when was Gucci founded? Probably Pucci, actually.
27:51 Speaker 02 I reckon Gucci.
27:52 Speaker 01 No, I reckon Pucci.
27:53 Speaker 02 1947.
27:54 Speaker 01 Yeah. Gucci's 1921. 1921, so there we go, Gucci.
27:58 Speaker 02 I thought so.
27:59 Speaker 01 Gucci's more you, but different spelling.
28:01 Speaker 02 Gucci?
28:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:03 Speaker 02 I don't think Gucci. I'm high street, babe. I'm proud.
28:06 Speaker 01 What's that?
28:11 Speaker 02 An S.
28:12 Speaker 01 Shock. Shall we go on to the questions and dilemmas?
28:16 Speaker 02 Yes, now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected] . You can DM us, we're at Sex with My Boss on the socials, or you can write to William Hanson, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards with executive self-seal envelopes. The address is on the website, Sex with My Boss dot com.
28:37 Speaker 01 Our first dilemma is from Safia. "Hi guys, I'm a 27-year-old female and have recently started snoring so loudly that it's affecting my boyfriend's dreams. Recently, he has had dreams such as a brontosaurus roaring at him and a chainsaw being pulled to start, and these are brought on supposedly by my loud snoring next to him. His dreams are obviously majorly amusing but also rather embarrassing for me, and he often makes me sleep in a different room because I keep him up. What should I do? Safia." Now, this is quite close to him. All I can say is, and I speak from experience, and I won't go into it, earplugs.
29:15 Speaker 02 So are you the snorer or the...
29:17 Speaker 01 No.
29:17 Speaker 02 Is Mikey, is Mikey a snorer?
29:20 Speaker 01 He's never normally been, and he actually has always said he could never date a snorer. And I was like, well, good job, I don't have that policy.
29:29 Speaker 02 So has he been keeping, it's, it's, you get to a certain age, Jordy.
29:35 Speaker 01 It's very out of character for Mikey.
29:37 Speaker 02 Yeah. No, I'd have you down as a snorer.
29:41 Speaker 01 No, never snored in my life.
29:42 Speaker 02 I think we all, I, when I've had a few drinks, I'm, I'm like, fucking water hog.
29:48 Speaker 01 A water hog?
29:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, piss everywhere, snoring, and I'm not that bad, but, yeah.
29:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, earplugs would be a good...
29:56 Speaker 02 I don't like earplugs, you can't hear out.
29:59 Speaker 01 Well, that's the point.
29:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, it makes me feel like, what if you're getting burgled?
30:02 Speaker 01 Well, you won't know. Also, my earplugs, they just fall out after a couple of hours anyway.
30:06 Speaker 02 Separate bedrooms, maybe?
30:08 Speaker 01 Well, that's, that's what Safia's doing.
30:09 Speaker 02 Especially if you're young. That's never young. What, what age do you think it start, it's okay to sleep in separate bedrooms?
30:16 Speaker 01 Thirty-five.
30:17 Speaker 02 Do you reckon?
30:18 Speaker 01 Hmm.
30:18 Speaker 02 Okay.
30:19 Speaker 01 No, whatever, whatever age you want to be.
30:21 Speaker 02 I always think, give him a nudge.
30:24 Speaker 01 White noise machine.
30:25 Speaker 02 Get, get, yeah, get nudged, get kicked. Roll him, get him to roll you on your side, because usually if it's on your back, it's worse.
30:35 Speaker 02 Uh, or.
30:36 Speaker 01 No wonder you snore.
30:37 Speaker 02 Get him to put, um, AirPods in.
30:40 Speaker 01 Oh, you can't have AirPods.
30:42 Speaker 02 Or, or go and seek medical advice and you'd get one of those.
30:44 Speaker 01 Well, there is that.
30:45 Speaker 02 And they're really cool because it looks like you're on Top Gun.
30:48 Speaker 01 The sleep apnea masks.
30:49 Speaker 02 I have a problem. I have a problem. I think that's another one of my ailments, sleep apnea.
30:55 Speaker 01 Well, yeah, you've got it. This is from Charlie. Dear William Jordan and the Sexed Team, I'm recently engaged and as exciting as this is, I have one friend who's causing me grief. She is due to be married this year and when she got engaged two years ago, asked me to be her bridesmaid. This caught me off guard as I didn't think of us as being that close.
31:12 Speaker 02 We get a lot of this, don't we? People asking to be bridesmaids. They're not that, they're not that close.
31:17 Speaker 01 We had only really been friendly for around six months after meeting through our partners who are friends. I thought she was a nice girl, though not my kind of person, and she had a concerning lack of close female friends. In a panic and out of sympathy, I said yes. I didn't stand on business then, like I do now. I've spent a fortune on two different hen dudes themed outfits, beauty treatments, et cetera, and she has been difficult at best to get along with. I had planned to distance myself after the wedding, especially after she made a homophobic joke at one of the hens. And after being called out, told me it was just a joke and that she has a gay friend. I tried to wind down our communications as at this point I can't really stand her. However, now that we're planning our wedding, she has assumed that she will be my bridesmaid.
31:58 Speaker 01 I'm yet to decide if I'll even have any. And when I told her this, she brushed it off, saying it's her turn now.
32:04 Speaker 02 Oh, she sounds horrible.
32:05 Speaker 01 She sounds toxic.
32:06 Speaker 02 She sounds awful.
32:07 Speaker 01 So I have come to the experts for your opinion. How do I make it clear to her that she'll be lucky to even be my friend for much longer? Never mind my bridesmaid, without souring the relationship between my partner and her fiance, Charlie.
32:19 Speaker 02 You've gone on two endos with this girl. Oh, this is your.
32:23 Speaker 01 She sounds absolutely horrible.
32:24 Speaker 02 This is your area of expertise, I think, Mr. Hanson.
32:28 Speaker 01 Charlie, do you want to be friends with her going forward? If the answer to that question is no, don't ask her to be a bridesmaid.
32:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
32:34 Speaker 01 What, what is the, you haven't said one redeeming feature about this person?
32:38 Speaker 02 Don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, but be ready for how you're gonna take on the battle. Have a good response and just be like, yeah, I, I've got other friends that I'm closer with and, and if she says it's my turn.
32:50 Speaker 01 I wouldn't, I wouldn't say that. That's a bit, that's a bit much.
32:54 Speaker 02 Well, well, she sounds like a bit of a.
32:56 Speaker 01 She does sound like a bit, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't sink to that level and go, well, I've got other friends I'm closer with.
33:01 Speaker 02 Oh.
33:01 Speaker 01 I wouldn't say that.
33:02 Speaker 02 Okay.
33:03 Speaker 01 If you're not having bridesmaids.
33:04 Speaker 02 No, don't not have bridesmaids.
33:06 Speaker 01 If you want bridesmaids, have bridesmaids, but you shouldn't need to explain your thing. You just go, oh, I've, you know, these are the bridesmaids that I was always gonna have.
33:13 Speaker 02 Oh, what she's supposed to do, she says, well, why have you picked them and not me?
33:16 Speaker 01 Um, I'd just go, this isn't a discussion. Respectfully, so respectfully, it's my choice, but she does sound terrible and I don't think you should have her in your life.
33:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't think you ask her. Her saying it's my turn now, that's not how it works.
33:27 Speaker 01 Did she, well, the cynic in me is saying, did she actually invite you to be a bridesmaid for her because she's just always wanted to be a bridesmaid? Maybe because no one's ever asked her because she sounds horrid.
33:36 Speaker 02 Don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, but also don't not have brides. I wouldn't even invite her to a wedding.
33:40 Speaker 01 No.
33:41 Speaker 02 Don't not have bridesmaids because of her.
33:43 Speaker 01 But Charlie, look, get back in touch with us if actually she always makes you laugh. She's got a lovely heart. She makes a nice lemon drizzle. If there's anything that you particularly like about her, let us know. But I suspect the answer to that question is there isn't.
33:56 Speaker 03 Did you have any bridesmaids at your wedding, William?
33:58 Speaker 01 I had you.
34:00 Speaker 01 You look lovely in that dress.
34:01 Speaker 02 You didn't have any best man or anything, did you?
34:04 Speaker 01 Uh, no. My brother was MC.
34:10 Speaker 01 Uh, but no, we didn't have, uh, you couldn't get any better men than us, thought we decided. So, uh, we were our own best men. Okay. This is from Richard. Hello, William and Jordan. I have something of a vexilological dilemma. Oh.
34:25 Speaker 02 What's that mean?
34:26 Speaker 01 Flags. And I want, yes.
34:28 Speaker 02 As in pavements, stoning?
34:30 Speaker 01 No, flags as in.
34:31 Speaker 02 Oh, right. Oh, really? Is that what it's called?
34:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:33 Speaker 02 Flex what?
34:34 Speaker 01 Vexology. Well, I believe so, do I? My wife is some Canadian family. Her great aunt has a dual Canadian and British citizenship. She and her husband are very proud, yet understanding Canadian are coming to stay with us soon. I have both a Canadian flag and a Union flag, which I'd like to display during their visit. What's the etiquette around arranging multiple flags, which goes on top? Can one wrap two flags around their shoulders like you've just won an Olympic gold medal? Can you even drape a flag over a chair? Can you sit on a chair with a flag? If anyone knows, it's you guys, please help. I love the fact you've put guys there.
35:07 Speaker 02 So is this one of those myths, it's not called the Union Jack?
35:11 Speaker 01 We can do this as an etymology if you like. I would call it the Union Flag.
35:15 Speaker 02 Why not the Union Jack?
35:16 Speaker 01 Well, there is a belief, I don't think it's particularly true, that it's only the Union Jack when it's sea.
35:21 Speaker 02 Yes.
35:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:22 Speaker 02 Yes, the Navy.
35:23 Speaker 01 But I will look into that.
35:24 Speaker 02 No.
35:24 Speaker 01 We will come back to you.
35:25 Speaker 02 Okay, we'll look into that. That is a good one. Because I think it's a Navy thing. It's called the Union Jack at sea.
35:29 Speaker 01 In the Navy.
35:30 Speaker 02 In the Navy. So it's a Union Flag?
35:33 Speaker 01 Yes, but anyway, going back to the Canadian flag.
35:35 Speaker 02 Flags are quite fascinating.
35:37 Speaker 01 They are quite fascinating and some countries take it very seriously.
35:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, they do.
35:40 Speaker 01 In America, they have so many different flag rules.
35:43 Speaker 02 Really?
35:43 Speaker 01 So you can't, so you know in Britain sometimes.
35:46 Speaker 02 They have flags like outside every house in America, it's just the norm, isn't it?
35:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're much more patriotic, sort of outwardly patriotic than we are. Flags in America, you can't have stars and striped bedding, for example, or cushions.
35:58 Speaker 02 In America?
35:59 Speaker 01 There is a, I believe there is a law that prohibits you, whereas we do that all the time, you can buy a Union Flag bedding.
36:03 Speaker 02 Shit, I had Union Flag bedding at Union.
36:05 Speaker 01 Well, that's fine, there's no law against it.
36:07 Speaker 02 You can't have, that's not true.
36:08 Speaker 01 But in America, you can't, they like, if you are folded, you have to fold the flag in a certain way into a triangle. They're very, very respectful of their state symbols.
36:17 Speaker 02 Oh, okay.
36:18 Speaker 01 Whereas we're a bit like, oh yeah, put on bedding.
36:20 Speaker 02 Do you know who's got the best flag?
36:22 Speaker 01 Who?
36:22 Speaker 02 The Japanese. I think, you know, like some days when I'm trying to get out of here?
36:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:27 Speaker 02 And they're like, George, we just need you for 10 minutes to sign this off. And sometimes I'm in a bit of a rush, sometimes.
36:32 Speaker 01 Sometimes.
36:33 Speaker 02 And I reckon they had the, the, because the old Japanese flag was a bit different, but they just went, right. Here, we've got this, this, and go, what's that? White circle, red circle, white background, yeah, that'll do. I love it.
36:44 Speaker 01 It's very simple.
36:45 Speaker 02 It's very simple.
36:46 Speaker 01 Very clean.
36:46 Speaker 02 It's very simple.
36:48 Speaker 01 Um, so in answer to your question, Richard, having had a little tangent, do you need to let us know your favourite flag? Uh, we'll do that on socials. And, um, I would say you can't double, so you, with national flags, the Canadian flag, which is red, white with the maple, red maple leaf in the middle, and the Union Flag. Which hopefully most people know what it looks like listening to this.
37:07 Speaker 02 Great flag.
37:08 Speaker 01 You cannot double flag. So you sometimes you see examples of flag poles, you see it a lot in America, of one pole and you have one flag flown at the top and one immediately underneath. Double flagging would, it's called double flagging, would be fine if you were doing, let's say, the Union flag and then the St George's cross.
37:29 Speaker 02 Okay.
37:30 Speaker 01 That would be fine because you've got national flag and then in effect a regional flag.
37:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay.
37:35 Speaker 01 Or if you had the Union flag and Global's flag, your employer, for example, that would be fine because that's a corporate flag as opposed to a state flag, but you wouldn't have the Canadian flag and then the British flag on the same flagpole because that's wrong from a protocol point of view. They would have to be on identical height flagpoles.
37:55 Speaker 02 Okay.
37:55 Speaker 01 So I wouldn't drape it over a chair. I would probably fly the Canadian flag because you are receiving the Canadian family and I would sort of just keep your Union flag to one side. But I love the fact, Richard, that is the most important thing going on in your life and we're all here for it.
38:12 Speaker 02 It's cute.
38:13 Speaker 01 This is from James. Dear Dilemma Daddies, AKA William and Jordan and EPB, my girlfriend and I live in a first floor flat. We have someone beneath us and above. We are about to move out and have come to a dilemma. Do we buy our upstairs and downstairs neighbours a parting gift? Our upstairs neighbour has been so nice and we've had many a conversation when we've bumped into each other outside or on the communal landing. I'm not too worried about doing the same for downstairs as they've only moved in within the past month. My partner Shannon believes we should get something for both. I believe a friendly goodbye is sufficient should we see them before packing up and leaving. Many thanks for the highly entertaining podcast. James and Shannon.
38:52 Speaker 02 I mean, if you want to get people overthink gifts, there's no wrong with buying someone a gift. It's a lovely gift.
38:57 Speaker 01 If you want to do it and it feels right, do it.
38:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, you don't have to get the other one's one, but if you think something's right, do it. I always think that, you know, when you have to ask to get a gift, just buy it. If you want to buy someone a gift, buy it.
39:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, but if, if nothing else, if money doesn't stretch that far or you don't want to, what you can do is sort of the day before, knock on their door and just say some nice words. Thank you for being lovely neighbours. We've truly enjoyed getting to know you. This is our number and address for any, you know, forwarding mail. If you haven't done a redirect, don't get me started on. People whose house you buy and then they don't do afford, just got thoughts on that, been a year. And, uh, yeah, that's what you can say, you can just say nice words.
39:35 Speaker 02 What's an appropriate gift to buy someone that's leaving the house?
39:39 Speaker 01 Uh, homeware voucher. For their new house.
39:41 Speaker 02 Maybe some, uh.
39:42 Speaker 01 If you don't know their taste.
39:44 Speaker 02 Bleach?
39:45 Speaker 01 Bleach.
39:46 Speaker 02 That's what you got me.
39:47 Speaker 01 Ace for whites. Yeah, but I'm not buying that because you've moved house, I'm buying it.
39:51 Speaker 02 A bottle of wine?
39:52 Speaker 03 Olive oil.
39:53 Speaker 01 Olive oil.
39:54 Speaker 02 Do you know what? Do you know what? You are good, Ben.
39:58 Speaker 02 I think getting someone a bottle of olive oil is actually really nice. I think I've got a bit of an olive oil collection going at the moment. Yeah.
40:07 Speaker 01 You've to extra virgin.
40:10 Speaker 02 Not for a long time, love. But, yeah, that's nice. Little olive oil. Olive oil's very in at the moment. It is, you know, like gin had its time.
40:20 Speaker 01 Hmm.
40:21 Speaker 02 And then olive oil. You can buy night, because it used to just be crisp and frying. When I grew up, that's the only thing I knew about. Now I've broadened my horizons and I can get all different types of olive oil.
40:31 Speaker 01 Yes, you can.
40:32 Speaker 02 Hmm. The best olive oil I've ever got.
40:34 Speaker 01 Hmm.
40:35 Speaker 02 Do you know what? Vic Hope got me an olive oil gift.
40:38 Speaker 01 Of course she did.
40:38 Speaker 02 And it was, it was from, it was, she, yeah, it was nice.
40:42 Speaker 01 Where was it from?
40:43 Speaker 02 I can't, well, I think she did made it.
40:46 Speaker 01 She, I'd love a person who makes their own olive oil.
40:48 Speaker 02 She was, and it, it, I said, every time we have it, it was just going, hmm.
40:54 Speaker 01 Which is why she's blocked.
40:55 Speaker 02 She's applying a wine to go.
40:59 Speaker 02 But she got me a gift. Oh, yeah, I like that. Let's gift on, let's be more olive oil.
41:04 Speaker 03 Jordan, that is literally your point that you brought up on this podcast. That's where I come from.
41:08 Speaker 02 Well.
41:08 Speaker 01 You've talked about your olive oil collection before.
41:10 Speaker 02 I've never bought it as a gift for someone.
41:12 Speaker 03 You said you do.
41:13 Speaker 02 I've been giving them as a gift. Oh, I did. I got someone a olive oil. We had lobster on the front for Christmas.
41:20 Speaker 03 What, what about pick a lily?
41:23 Speaker 02 Again, I've been gifted that before. I have a little, like, little mini amper.
41:27 Speaker 01 I'll be honest.
41:28 Speaker 02 I've been gifted. I'll tell you what I've been gifted.
41:30 Speaker 03 Tell me.
41:31 Speaker 02 It was very nice, but they've all gone out now, out of date. But then if it's in a jar.
41:35 Speaker 01 What, what is it?
41:36 Speaker 02 Um, chutneys.
41:38 Speaker 03 Chutneys don't go out of date. That's the whole point.
41:39 Speaker 02 I know, it says best before, it's fine, innit?
41:41 Speaker 01 Best before is different from expiry.
41:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, it'll be fine, innit?
41:45 Speaker 01 Especially if you have an open dip.
41:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's totally fine.
41:47 Speaker 03 Bottle of Dubonnet?
41:49 Speaker 02 Bottle of Dubonnet.
41:51 Speaker 01 Um.
41:51 Speaker 03 Bottle of Lube?
41:52 Speaker 02 You, but Dubonnet is a good gift.
41:54 Speaker 01 You being given Piccadilly, I'll be honest, that's a regift. I can sense it, that you were given a regift.
42:00 Speaker 02 It weren't just a bottle, it was a few jars, it was Piccadilly, yeah.
42:05 Speaker 01 Well, it sounds lovely.
42:06 Speaker 02 I hosted a curry night and my friend Emma sent over afterwards.
42:10 Speaker 01 Hello, where was our invitation?
42:11 Speaker 02 This was a couple of years ago. She sent us.
42:14 Speaker 01 We've been friends for 14 years.
42:15 Speaker 02 Some chutneys to say thank you. It was nice, because chutney, curry.
42:19 Speaker 03 Did you have mango chutney available as part of the curry night? Was it like a sort of?
42:23 Speaker 01 Passag.
42:23 Speaker 03 Passag gift to be like, next time you'd better be this.
42:25 Speaker 02 No, we did, yeah, we, yeah. We always got mango chutney in my house.
42:29 Speaker 01 Our final dilemma is from Maeve, it's absolutely fascinating. Dear William, Jordan and the team, long time listener from Ireland, but my first time writing in. While listening to the Two Johnnys podcast recently, a dilemma came up that immediately felt like it required an expert opinion. Who better to ask than your good selves?
42:44 Speaker 02 If you said Maeve, is it not Meave?
42:46 Speaker 01 Maeve, I'd say.
42:46 Speaker 02 Oh, okay.
42:47 Speaker 01 A situation arose in a workplace gym before the start of the day. One man realised too late that he'd forgotten his shower gel. In a moment of desperation, he asked the person in the next cubicle if he might borrow some, someone he didn't really know, just recognised by sight. The reply came back, no, I've no shower gel, but I do have a bar of soap. So the question is, what is the correct etiquette here? Is it more polite to accept the offer in the spirit it was given despite the shared nature of the bar of soap with someone you barely know? Or is it better to politely decline on the grounds that some things, even when generously offered, cross an unspoken boundary? Crucially, how do you navigate this without causing offence? Kind regards, Maeve.
43:24 Speaker 02 Great. So a bar of soap, ideally if it's been up the crack of someone's arse, which you do with soap, don't you?
43:31 Speaker 01 Why, your shower gel?
43:33 Speaker 02 But you wouldn't, you wouldn't want to share someone's soap.
43:37 Speaker 01 Depends who's.
43:37 Speaker 02 So, um, you'd say, no, it's all right, thanks, you just have a wet one. It's just a wet shower, which I always think you smell worse if you've not used. I think if you've.
43:47 Speaker 01 You have to use some sort of cleaning product, yeah.
43:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think if you shower sometimes without shower gel and it's just water, you'd still smell them. Just say no, just laugh and I'd laugh it off and go, oh no, you're all right, or.
43:57 Speaker 01 Last time I used it, I came out in a rash.
43:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:59 Speaker 02 Or if you feel like you're gonna offend them, just be like.
44:02 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you. Hold it for a minute and then pass it back.
44:05 Speaker 02 But don't drop it.
44:06 Speaker 03 Do you use a bar of soap at home?
44:08 Speaker 02 It's been known.
44:09 Speaker 03 And you shove it up your arse.
44:10 Speaker 02 I don't shove it up my arse, but you know, when you do that, even now, it's the most dignified, like, you know, when you've got to do your bum crack.
44:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:20 Speaker 03 But I don't shove the bar of soap up my butt.
44:22 Speaker 02 But if you're doing it with things, you have the soap in your hand.
44:25 Speaker 03 I don't do that like that.
44:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:27 Speaker 01 What?
44:27 Speaker 03 I scrub it up and down my chest, get a bit of a lather up and then just move that about a bit.
44:31 Speaker 02 I do. See, I use a, um.
44:33 Speaker 01 That's too much, too much information, boys.
44:34 Speaker 02 I use a loofah or scrunchie.
44:36 Speaker 01 A loofah?
44:37 Speaker 02 Every morning and even, even I'm constantly going on holiday and buying them from Boots, you know, little scrunchie.
44:42 Speaker 03 Why, why do you keep buying them?
44:44 Speaker 02 But, why, because I always end up leaving them behind. Do you know, you need something to lather yourself up.
44:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, hands or water.
44:52 Speaker 02 No, no, no, you need a proper loofah. I bet you have a loofah, Izzy. You're a northern girl. You do, don't you? It's a northern thing.
44:58 Speaker 03 Kat has a loofah.
44:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, you do. But you never, you never loofah, you never loofah your bum.
45:03 Speaker 01 No.
45:04 Speaker 03 Why?
45:04 Speaker 02 Because then that's, you're doing your bum and then it's going over the rest of your body.
45:08 Speaker 01 Would you share a toothbrush? You've probably shared a toothbrush.
45:10 Speaker 02 I've done it at desperate times.
45:11 Speaker 01 Perhaps it would not. I've shared the body of a toothbrush and put my own head on it if my toothbrush, yeah, runs out.
45:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's fine.
45:18 Speaker 02 That's fine.
45:19 Speaker 01 Would you share a comb?
45:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think comb's okay.
45:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:22 Speaker 01 Not, not permanently, but you could do it as a one-off. Nail clippers?
45:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
45:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think that's fine. Uh, sponge or a flannel?
45:31 Speaker 02 Probably not a flannel.
45:32 Speaker 01 No.
45:32 Speaker 02 I'd share a toothbrush, but not a flannel.
45:35 Speaker 01 Towels?
45:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, if, uh, again, towels.
45:39 Speaker 03 In a crunch, in a crunch.
45:40 Speaker 01 I would share it with Mikey, but I literally wouldn't share it with anyone else.
45:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:43 Speaker 01 I love your speech, but I wouldn't share your towel.
45:45 Speaker 02 Why?
45:46 Speaker 01 I don't know.
45:47 Speaker 03 Duck butter.
45:48 Speaker 01 Oh Ben.
45:49 Speaker 02 I've got crabs.
45:51 Speaker 01 Well, not anymore.
45:52 Speaker 02 Never had crabs, thank you very much.
45:54 Speaker 01 Have you not?
45:54 Speaker 02 No, have you?
45:55 Speaker 01 No.
45:56 Speaker 02 Right. It's just head lice for your pubes though, it's not to be embarrassed about.
45:59 Speaker 01 Oh, is it?
46:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think so. Do you have to use the knitting comb to get them out? How do you get rid of crabs?
46:04 Speaker 01 The knits comb, not the knitting comb.
46:05 Speaker 02 Do that as your etiquetteology.
46:07 Speaker 01 I'm doing Union flags for god's sake.
46:08 Speaker 02 Well, do crabs instead, I wanna know how you get rid of them.
46:11 Speaker 01 That's, sorry, this is medical corner.
46:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, probably best going to doctors. Anyway, the bar of salt for me, always reminds me of Christmas.
46:20 Speaker 01 Hmm.
46:21 Speaker 02 Get an imperial leather at Christmas. No, does anyone else do that? You got the really nice posh imperial leather at Christmas, your mum would get it in, one with sticker on.
46:31 Speaker 01 Oh, I hate that.
46:32 Speaker 02 Do you know the one I mean?
46:33 Speaker 01 I do know the one you mean.
46:33 Speaker 02 The one with the black sticker on.
46:35 Speaker 01 Wh- why? It then catch, it then catches on you. No, no, no, no, I don't care where you get it, why has it got that sticker on it?
46:42 Speaker 02 It's just imperial leather, it's fancy.
46:45 Speaker 01 Okay.
46:45 Speaker 02 We'd get that, the Yankee candle, I'd think, oh, it's Christmas. Anyway, let's not wish the summer away. Um, I would decline it.
46:55 Speaker 01 Are you okay?
46:59 Speaker 01 It's been a long day for you, hasn't it, yeah?
47:00 Speaker 02 No, we're not digging up roads, but it's been, yeah, I'm fine.
47:04 Speaker 01 Bless you.
47:04 Speaker 02 I am fine.
47:06 Speaker 01 Okay.
47:07 Speaker 02 It's fine.
47:08 Speaker 03 He's still got a smile on his face, isn't he?
47:10 Speaker 02 I've still got a smile on my face, please can we stop commenting, not that, read the comments saying, George, you look absolutely knackered. I am fine.
47:17 Speaker 01 Okay.
47:18 Speaker 02 I am absolutely fine.
47:20 Speaker 01 Well then, finish us off.
47:21 Speaker 02 Put me on, in touch with your botox person, or better, yeah.
47:24 Speaker 01 On the face, Ollie.
47:25 Speaker 02 Just get me a big bulldog clip, the back of my head. Pull me forward.
47:30 Speaker 01 I need two of them.
47:31 Speaker 02 Thank you for your questions and dilemmas, remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player, and you can watch us on YouTube as well, we put the full episodes up every release day, just head to YouTube and search for Sexton.
47:45 Speaker 01 We'll see you on Friday.
47:46 Speaker 02 Goodbye.
47:55 Speaker 00 I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.
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