Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Jordan FAINTS | And Sushi With Half Pints About this episode There are a few things that stress Jordan out: to-do lists, unread messages, a missing dressing gown belt. But you’ll never guess the reason that made Jordan FAINT! The boys also cover their big plans for Jordan’s birthday and why Producer Ben is the Voldemort of Help I Sexted My Boss.
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Hey, this is Penn and Kim Holderness from Laughlines.
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0:33 Speaker 02 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
1:00 Speaker 03 Sorry.
1:01 Speaker 04 Sorry, oh, sorry.
1:05 Speaker 05 So we're just, at the time of recording, we're just, William, I was admiring another Audio Always podcast.
1:10 Speaker 03 You were.
1:11 Speaker 05 This podcast, Joe and James Fact Up. Joe?
1:15 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:16 Speaker 05 Thomas?
1:16 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:17 Speaker 05 James Buckley?
1:18 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:18 Speaker 05 Something between us.
1:19 Speaker 03 Are they both off in between us?
1:20 Speaker 05 They film.
1:21 Speaker 03 I've never seen an episode in my life.
1:22 Speaker 05 Oh, it's the best. It is the best. It is the best sitcom. Like, it's so good. When I was, on a Thursday night, when that was on E4.
1:35 Speaker 03 E4.
1:36 Speaker 05 We used to pre-drink, watch Inbetweeners and then go out. You had to watch Inbetweeners at uni.
1:40 Speaker 03 No, you didn't. You don't have to do anything in life.
1:42 Speaker 05 Anyway, yeah, because look what happens when you don't do all that in your twenties and watch Inbetweeners and go out and get shitfaced in Liquid and Diva. You end up going out in your nearly 40s on a Wednesday with a load of twinks. Tell me who did it better.
1:57 Speaker 03 It's a Monday.
1:58 Speaker 05 Oh, there you go. Tell me who did it better. But it's a very good podcast. I'd highly recommend it. I was just telling Penn.
2:09 Speaker 05 Hello and welcome to our Friday episode where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on and how our advice went down with you, our wonderful Gene Devers. Thing is, Ben did start as, right?
2:23 Speaker 03 He did.
2:24 Speaker 05 As a bit of a, want for a better word, a bit of a lackey. And now he's like quite high up in audio always. So obviously we take the mick out of him.
2:30 Speaker 03 He's so far up there.
2:31 Speaker 05 And he's like actually an exec producer, which if you work in like a, in podcasting or radio or TV, an exec, to exec producer.
2:39 Speaker 03 But you'll always be a lackey to us.
2:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, an exec producer is very high, like you've done well for yourself, but you'll always be that boy with the top knot to us that lost a full episode once.
2:53 Speaker 05 So if he ever has a go at you guys, the rest of the team, they go.
2:57 Speaker 03 Can I just say, in Ben's, in Ben's defence.
3:00 Speaker 05 Inexcusable. I don't think I spoke to him for about four days after that. It's, oh look, it's bringing in PTSD.
3:05 Speaker 03 No, stop crying Ben. In Ben's defence, all the people that work on this podcast now, Ben used to do all of their jobs. Okay?
3:13 Speaker 05 Yes.
3:14 Speaker 03 And like a Horcrux, he has split himself off.
3:17 Speaker 05 Yes.
3:17 Speaker 03 Into all these different people. He is very much Voldemort of this podcast and everyone else are, you know, bits of Ben.
3:25 Speaker 05 Okay. All right. Anyway, moving on. How are you doing? What are you doing this weekend?
3:29 Speaker 03 Oh, let me think. I'm spending it.
3:34 Speaker 03 With you. And Ben and Stu.
3:37 Speaker 05 We are right. We're going away for the weekend and we're, we're, we're going to finish off, finesse the rest of the tour, the show.
3:45 Speaker 03 Yes, we are, which would be lovely.
3:47 Speaker 05 Yes.
3:48 Speaker 03 In fact, I'm, I'm driving Ben after this, which is why I've decided I should be nice to him.
3:52 Speaker 05 William came to my house last weekend and I know he's slightly distracted because he, he popped over and we was having a, like, we, we ended up having a real deep and meaningful. And I, um, you know.
4:03 Speaker 03 Conversation. Yeah. Not fuck, no.
4:12 Speaker 03 Not for a second we can't on the troughs.
4:16 Speaker 05 A DMF, is that what a DMF is? And then he went, and I'm still like, coming to like, I love a conversation. Let me just run by you the latest for the song at the start of the show. And I was like, oh, for God's sake, I've got Gillette Suckas at the only background. I'm trying to keep my eye on that and he's picking his up stepping down.
4:34 Speaker 03 We're not doing pop-ins.
4:35 Speaker 05 Yeah, I don't want to give it away. I don't want to give it away.
4:38 Speaker 03 Oh, I see.
4:38 Speaker 05 Yeah, so.
4:40 Speaker 03 I cheered you up.
4:41 Speaker 05 We're going away for the weekend, which at the time of recording, don't know how I feel about this. I'm going to be honest, you're all going tonight.
4:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:47 Speaker 05 Obviously Kat's not because she's out.
4:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:48 Speaker 05 But I'm coming the day after.
4:50 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:52 Speaker 05 So what are you going to do tonight?
4:53 Speaker 03 Well, because.
4:53 Speaker 05 Even though it's my birthday weekend.
4:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:55 Speaker 05 Is that main character? No, like a little bit, is it? Sorry.
4:58 Speaker 03 Well, how, how long do you want your birthday to go on for?
4:59 Speaker 05 Well, that's.
5:00 Speaker 03 Because your birthday is Saturday and today is Thursday.
5:02 Speaker 05 Just appreciate I'm working on Saturday on my birthday, same.
5:07 Speaker 03 Okay, you don't have to.
5:09 Speaker 05 No, we don't really to, we actually don't need to run through it.
5:11 Speaker 03 Well, because.
5:12 Speaker 05 That script needs tidying up.
5:13 Speaker 03 You have a.
5:16 Speaker 03 You have a weekend, you have a week off, off the back of it. Some of us are at work on Monday. We can't stay Sunday.
5:22 Speaker 05 I'm staying Sunday.
5:23 Speaker 03 I know, because you've got the week off. That's why we're going on Thursday.
5:26 Speaker 05 I'm, I'm hoping, in fact, no, I'm not. I'm going to, after this, I'm going to go get a nice bottle of whiskey. Oh, it's now better, is there? I'm not going to get a bottle of whiskey and go on a bridge or something. Bloody hell, you'll look to me like that and cry. I'm going to get a nice bottle of whiskey and take it away for the weekend.
5:41 Speaker 03 Well, they'll have whiskey there.
5:42 Speaker 05 When you all go and go back to my room and just drink whiskey and watch telly.
5:46 Speaker 03 Just sad little life.
5:49 Speaker 05 Wow, we're really missing out. Yeah, you are.
5:52 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:52 Speaker 05 Nice little Scotch whilst I have a bath. Anyway, so yeah, we're spending the weekend together.
5:57 Speaker 03 It'll be lovely.
5:58 Speaker 05 What are we doing on Saturday? Where we're going for?
6:00 Speaker 03 Writing.
6:00 Speaker 05 No, for, for meal.
6:01 Speaker 03 We're going for sushi.
6:02 Speaker 05 Oh, is that on the Saturday?
6:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:04 Speaker 05 Is it? Get in. I mean, no, I wanted to go for a burger. I did.
6:12 Speaker 05 Are we doing sushi on Saturday?
6:13 Speaker 03 Yes.
6:14 Speaker 05 Ah, you ponce, I want to go for a burger.
6:17 Speaker 03 No one's noticed.
6:18 Speaker 05 You're all right there, Ben?
6:21 Speaker 05 Actually, last time, just quickly, we went to that place. What are you assigned for? I was gonna say, I got you and cats into half pints. Now I sound like a right knob. I'm just rea- are you still on the half pints? No, just think, I'm not helping myself here. There's gonna be people listening, but I'm going for sushi and a meal. I prefer a demi.
6:42 Speaker 03 Okay.
6:42 Speaker 05 Half pint.
6:43 Speaker 03 Now, last week, we had a dilemma which made us look at yellow ice lollies in a completely different way. So, we asked for odd things people have kept in their freezers. Like a dog, for example, like your mother and your father.
6:56 Speaker 05 Oh, Asher's have turned up. You know, she's moved.
6:58 Speaker 03 They've turned up as you lost them?
7:00 Speaker 05 She thought she'd lost them.
7:00 Speaker 03 Why has she not scattered them already?
7:02 Speaker 05 She wants to keep them with her.
7:03 Speaker 03 Oh, okay.
7:04 Speaker 05 Don't forget, she brought them to Bradley's wedding.
7:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, that is weird. Had she thought about having them stuffed? Because lots of people do that.
7:11 Speaker 05 No.
7:12 Speaker 03 No? And then you can like sit there. No? Okay. Um, Jill had a duck they won in a competition, complete with head and beak. Okay.
7:23 Speaker 05 A dead duck? Get out.
7:25 Speaker 03 That's a bit weird.
7:26 Speaker 05 What was it?
7:27 Speaker 03 A duck.
7:30 Speaker 03 Jordan just dived under the desk.
7:32 Speaker 05 Duck.
7:32 Speaker 03 The old ones are the best. Natalie found a whole lobster in the communal office freezer, and no one has ever admitted it was theirs.
7:38 Speaker 05 Whole lobster? Oh, fancy.
7:41 Speaker 03 Gosh. George, oh, has a roadkill rabbit in a bag for life, ironic, for their friend who does taxidermy. I really hope there's nothing else in the fridge with that, because I think tax- taxidermists would say you would keep it separate.
7:58 Speaker 05 Yeah, and there's germs and, and George, like, that's, keep an eye on your mate. That's how Jeffrey Dahmer started, just saying. Not saying all taxidermists are the same.
8:07 Speaker 03 No.
8:08 Speaker 05 But, that's what he was into.
8:10 Speaker 03 There probably is a little bit. It's probably a stepping stone, isn't it? Um, there are also some sentimental souvenirs in freezers. Rowena's parents have their sister's first ever snowball in the freezer. She's 31.
8:23 Speaker 05 Shut up.
8:24 Speaker 03 What, so you've made one a, I mean, what a wet, what, I'm sorry, Rowena's parents, that's a bit weird. Like a lock, a lock of hair, the first tooth. Fine, I get it. Well, I don't really, I still think it's weird. But your first snowball? Oh, look, it's their first poo they ever did. Like, what, stop, it's just odd.
8:47 Speaker 05 I've got a nephew going through potty training at the moment, we get regular updates in the family group.
8:52 Speaker 03 It's lovely.
8:53 Speaker 05 It's cute, but the pictures we don't need.
8:56 Speaker 03 Oh, no.
9:00 Speaker 05 Yeah.
9:01 Speaker 03 Um, Sarah's mum.
9:02 Speaker 05 The other one, oh my god, he's fat little Buddha. I just wanna, he's got like little rolls.
9:08 Speaker 03 Oh.
9:08 Speaker 05 It's like one of those little Sharpie dogs. I'll show you a picture after. I just wanna, every time they put a picture in, I'm like, oh.
9:15 Speaker 05 So cute.
9:16 Speaker 03 Sarah's mum still has her dad's hip joint from 20 years ago, following his hip replacement.
9:19 Speaker 05 Jesus, who's keeping a hip joint? Do you reckon I keep my wisdom teeth for it? To ask you that. Should I bring them in?
9:25 Speaker 03 Oh, do they give them to you?
9:25 Speaker 05 I think so.
9:27 Speaker 03 You're having four, we could all have one each.
9:28 Speaker 05 I'll have one each and you can all have my wisdom.
9:30 Speaker 03 Ben, Stu, you and me, we can all have one.
9:32 Speaker 06 Like a Horcrux.
9:34 Speaker 05 Like a Horcrux.
9:34 Speaker 03 We could frame him, put one up behind us at the studio.
9:37 Speaker 05 Yeah.
9:37 Speaker 03 With our train kits.
9:38 Speaker 05 There you go.
9:39 Speaker 03 Oh, that's nice. I think that's actually quite a nice idea. Yeah. Um, Soph's mother-in-law had her boyfriend's
9:48 Speaker 03 foreskin in her freezer when he was circumcised as a baby.
9:51 Speaker 05 Is that religion, religious reasons?
9:53 Speaker 03 Could be religious or medical, but I, yeah.
9:58 Speaker 03 Okay.
9:58 Speaker 05 Does that come off in a cylinder or is it more like a cup? Is it like a long, is it still in the circle?
10:04 Speaker 03 Almost if you imagine, if you imagine like a hula hoop.
10:08 Speaker 05 He's circumcised. No, well, you said that.
10:11 Speaker 06 If I was, I would have.
10:13 Speaker 05 Well, there's not wrong with it, but you said that with like such, it's a cylinder.
10:17 Speaker 06 Have you not seen, is it not in Meet the Fockers or something? It's like, there's a.
10:21 Speaker 05 Oh.
10:22 Speaker 03 I would say it's like a, like a roller, not a roller, um, hula hoop. I would say it's like that.
10:27 Speaker 06 It's like an extra salty hula hoop.
10:29 Speaker 05 Do you know, a lot of American girls, yeah, don't like, like, find it weird, because most guys.
10:34 Speaker 03 Well, lots of Americans are.
10:35 Speaker 05 A lot of American size, uh, American are circumcised, cut, you'd say, wouldn't you?
10:40 Speaker 03 Yes.
10:40 Speaker 05 Is it uncut? No, cut.
10:42 Speaker 03 Cut, yeah.
10:43 Speaker 05 But yeah, a lot of, yeah.
10:45 Speaker 03 Well, you know, it's all, you know, personal preference, whatever. Depend, I do believe it's how it, it depends on the surgeon that's performing it and what they do. I think, I think that it's a bit of an art. Anyway.
11:01 Speaker 05 Okay.
11:01 Speaker 03 Let's do it next week for a weekend release.
11:04 Speaker 05 We're getting circumcised.
11:07 Speaker 05 Not my age.
11:08 Speaker 03 Oh, you can get circumcised at any age. Yeah.
11:10 Speaker 05 That's true.
11:11 Speaker 03 Um, get the scissors and I'll, I'll have a go.
11:16 Speaker 03 We've got to do something in act two of the show.
11:22 Speaker 03 But we could, yes, an extra centimetre each show. And by the time we finish in Manchester, it's all gone.
11:28 Speaker 05 Oh.
11:30 Speaker 03 Plus a few other random bits and pieces. Mark's four-year-old sister put a Tamagotchi in the freezer because it died and she didn't know you could restart it. Mel had a lion poo for their zoology masters project. And Arino had a hemorrhoid treatment tool, not theirs, their dad's.
11:47 Speaker 05 Oh.
11:47 Speaker 03 What's a hemorrhoid treatment tool?
11:49 Speaker 05 Oh, that'd be good. Oh.
11:52 Speaker 03 But hang on, what is that?
11:53 Speaker 05 Not that I've ever had hemorrhoids, but oh, that's, no one's ever told me that before.
11:57 Speaker 03 But Jordan, what is a hemorrhoid treatment tool?
11:58 Speaker 05 Well, it's just a, if it's cold, you can just on it. I'm not sure. I think it's like, I actually don't know, but yeah, because they can get very painful, I'm told.
12:09 Speaker 03 Yes, I'm told they can.
12:10 Speaker 05 So a little cold. I put spoons in fridge in my eyes.
12:15 Speaker 03 Oh, don't put them anywhere else.
12:16 Speaker 05 Yeah, good idea. All right.
12:18 Speaker 03 Oh, look, we're back to Edith and Doris. They starred in last week's role play of how to ask a friend to dispose of your rather personal items when you die. We asked what would be in our gene divas boxes of shame. There's nothing to be shamed about. Uh, Luke, well, he says, I take that back. Luke has an N-Dubs Greatest Hits CD. Na na na.
12:41 Speaker 05 They were great N-Dubs. They were, they were, they have, I urge anyone after this podcast to go on your Spotify, your streaming service and just put some N-Dubs on. They had some bangers, listening to N-Dubs, getting pissed on Glenn's vodka. I was blasting it out on one of those Sony Walkman phones.
12:57 Speaker 03 Hmm.
12:58 Speaker 05 Set me back. Obviously I was 18.
12:59 Speaker 03 I've got, I can't do it on this podcast, but if anyone stops in the street, ask me for my dappy from N-Dubs story. I've told you years, it was a couple of years ago. It's a good story. It's awkward, but it's good. Keely's diary would need to be destroyed, and then they'd be glad they were dead if anyone read it. It was like Kenneth Williams' diaries. You know, he was such a sort of happy-go-lucky person, presented.
13:22 Speaker 05 A film about that?
13:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, with Michael Sheen.
13:24 Speaker 05 Yeah, I want to watch it.
13:25 Speaker 03 And, you know what I mean? Yeah, Michael Sheen, not Martin Sheen, Michael Sheen. And then when they were published afterwards, he was absolutely vile about everybody.
13:33 Speaker 05 Was he?
13:34 Speaker 03 Can you imagine? Someone that's really nice in real life, and then they write their diary and they're vile. Can't, can't associate. Rosie has unsent love, my diary's been great for the last week. Rosie has unsent love letters they wrote to Louis Theroux when they were 10.
13:51 Speaker 05 Bloody hell. Yeah, he wouldn't want anyone finding them.
13:54 Speaker 03 Okay.
13:55 Speaker 05 Louis Theroux?
13:56 Speaker 03 Ree and their friend have an agreement that they'll destroy each other's phones. Okay, well that sounds a bit suspicious.
14:02 Speaker 05 Yeah. No, some of the memes I got sent.
14:05 Speaker 03 Jane's Kindle needs to be dealt with, as no one needs to know what they've been reading.
14:10 Speaker 05 All that, uh, fanfiction. That's what your man Rivals were about. That were fanfiction.
14:17 Speaker 03 Was it? What, Jilly Cooper?
14:20 Speaker 05 Not Rivals, heated rivalry.
14:21 Speaker 03 Oh, heated rivalry. What do you call Dame Jilly, the late Dame Jilly Cooper's work, fanfiction. Ally has half a wardrobe that need to be cleared, but they've already sorted a non-judgmental person to do it.
14:34 Speaker 05 See, I'd be a good friend to do it, because I would not judge you or the other man. I, if, to any of our friends that listen to this, anyone here, if you die, I'll sort out you, because I wouldn't judge. Genuinely.
14:44 Speaker 03 Yes, you would. Jordan, I say this with love, and this is why I like you. You are a judgmental SOB some of the times.
14:50 Speaker 05 No, I am not.
14:51 Speaker 03 Yes, you are.
14:52 Speaker 05 Give me an example.
14:53 Speaker 03 Not that I'm going into now.
14:55 Speaker 05 I do, I don't judge.
14:57 Speaker 03 You and I are very similar sometimes.
14:58 Speaker 05 Yeah, but I'm not, I'm not judgmental.
15:01 Speaker 03 Hmm.
15:01 Speaker 05 I'm too empathetic, if anything.
15:03 Speaker 03 Pathetic.
15:04 Speaker 05 Yeah, that as well.
15:05 Speaker 03 Gem has kept the condom from the first time they were 17.
15:09 Speaker 05 Ah, Jesus, what?
15:10 Speaker 03 Gem?
15:12 Speaker 05 I dread to think what that smells like.
15:16 Speaker 05 A condom.
15:17 Speaker 03 Well, well done you for using protection. Make sure you have a good system in place, however, because an anonymous G and Dva's grandfather has this arrangement with a friend, but his son got there first.
15:27 Speaker 05 Oh, what was in it?
15:29 Speaker 03 Oh.
15:29 Speaker 05 Oh, God.
15:30 Speaker 03 Well, yeah. And again, a box of shame. I don't like this shame.
15:34 Speaker 05 No, there's no shaming like in a...
15:36 Speaker 03 Unless it's illegal, you don't need to be, you don't need to be shamed for it. No, we've got more of your emails, messages and letters after the break.
15:49 Speaker 03 It's time.
15:51 Speaker 07 It's the most wonderful time of the year. Halloween.
15:57 Speaker 07 And you guys know we don't do Halloween by halves. Full costume, full prosthetics, full commitment. I'm a rat. And I'm the chef. It's our Ratatouille special. Ben, we're grabbing our broomsticks for the witches. We've got a spooky hotline caller. An update from our woman who was in love with the ghost of Prince Albert. And your tarot card dial letters. Listen to our Halloween specials, search for The Girl's Bathroom.
16:27 Speaker 05 All right, Jean Divas, thanks for sticking with us. And we've got some more of your responses now. What have we got, please?
16:32 Speaker 03 Yes, Ollie has messaged in with some advice for a Jean Diva who messaged us recently regarding sunbeds and protecting your private parts. Dear Sexto Team, I've just listened to one of your recent podcasts and heard the story of the ginger listener who, before getting on a sunbed, chose to cover his penis with a sock and then got kicked out after a passing bus reported that it looked like he was wanking into it. He wasn't. Having had UVB therapy as part of my dermatology treatment, I can confirm that official NHS instructions were to ensure my sensitive parts were properly protected. They advised two options for said protection, a jockstrap or sock. So the sock was the correct choice, even if the application was not quite so correct. Ollie.
17:13 Speaker 05 Why didn't he just wear his boxers?
17:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, wake your boxers up.
17:16 Speaker 05 Put your boxers on if you're gonna put...
17:17 Speaker 03 But also, I did a sunbed...
17:20 Speaker 05 The tan lines, you wanna see the tan lines are fit as well. You wanna see the comparisons?
17:23 Speaker 03 I did a sunbed once and they give you paper pants.
17:27 Speaker 05 Not always, not at all.
17:29 Speaker 03 Well, then I would then go to a different...
17:30 Speaker 05 You on a sunbed?
17:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, once.
17:32 Speaker 05 You'd need two days, you bloody hell. Don't do that, by the way, because you'll burn.
17:36 Speaker 03 Yes, and it's not good for...
17:37 Speaker 05 I did 15 minutes on the sunbed when I first went. I'm thinking it were 15 minutes in sun. Look like David Dickinson. And I were a pot washer. It were agony. It were absolute agony. They turned, and because they knew as well, they turned all fans off in kitchen, Tony and John. And turned all heat up and I passed out and faintly. True story, honestly. True story. I passed out. I was like, is it hot and humid, me? Oh, it can't be young Jordan.
18:02 Speaker 03 Dan and Kai have asked for some help in deciding on some particular pronunciations. Dear William Jordan, producer Ben, Diego and the rest of the Sexted team. My wife and I are having our usual tea and Sexted episode. We are fully up to date, so have resorted to playing a random old episode.
18:17 Speaker 05 So they have a brew and listen to us? Oh, that's sweet.
18:21 Speaker 03 We're currently listening to William and Jordan visit Alex Pelitz's hotel. Yes, the star.
18:25 Speaker 05 It was on, it was on, uh, well, usually I watch Escape to the Country, a brew. That's my little escapism. And it was on there.
18:31 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, Hotel Inspector. Uh, anyway, the episode was dated the 30th of January, 2024. When your discussion regarding the pronunciation of scallop, well, scallop versus scallop piqued our interest. This got me thinking, what is William's opinion on the correct pronunciation of the following? Tomato versus tomato. Tomato, we're British.
18:53 Speaker 03 Vase or vase, vase. Scone or scone?
18:59 Speaker 05 Scud.
18:59 Speaker 03 Thank you. Envelope or envelope? Ah, now this one's interesting. So technically, no, it is. It's fascinating, everyone. Technically, in British, it is envelope. However, I do. It's my killer's heel. I say envelope. I don't really know why, but I can't bring myself to say envelope.
19:20 Speaker 05 So it's on?
19:20 Speaker 03 It's envelop. That's a different, that's a different.
19:23 Speaker 05 Is it envelope or envelope?
19:25 Speaker 03 It's envelope.
19:25 Speaker 05 Right.
19:26 Speaker 03 But I say envelope.
19:28 Speaker 05 Okay.
19:29 Speaker 03 Is it aunt or ant?
19:32 Speaker 05 I say aunt.
19:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, you're northern. Aunt. Aunt. And now, now here we go. This is another one. Is it aunt or auntie? Aunt.
19:40 Speaker 05 You don't say auntie?
19:41 Speaker 03 No.
19:42 Speaker 05 Oh, that's so American. I say Auntie Linda.
19:45 Speaker 03 Aunt, aunt is not American. My aunt would be American.
19:50 Speaker 05 Aunt, auntie.
19:52 Speaker 03 Aunt.
19:53 Speaker 05 Do you still call your uncles and aunties by the auntie or uncle?
19:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, sometimes.
19:58 Speaker 05 I think, is that quite northern as well? Because my brother gets his little kids call me, they say Jordan, and they go, oh, it's Uncle Jordan to you. And I don't mind, but.
20:07 Speaker 03 I think it's maybe a respect thing because they're a child, but we're all grown ups now, so.
20:12 Speaker 05 No, I do. Our Lee still calls me Dad Uncle Graham. What you say, which is fucking weird. Do you not know that? I'm going to think of it. He goes, well, you have an Uncle Graham. I'm like, oh shit, yeah, he's your uncle, isn't he?
20:23 Speaker 03 And how old's Lee?
20:25 Speaker 05 A few years younger than him. No, our Lee will be what, forty two?
20:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, that I would.
20:31 Speaker 05 He's coming, oh, he's out of army now, Lee.
20:33 Speaker 03 Oh, that's nice.
20:34 Speaker 05 Yeah, got out of army now. He's coming to the show.
20:36 Speaker 03 Oh, lovely. On Wendy's guest list.
20:39 Speaker 05 Don't.
20:40 Speaker 03 I, I am, I am seconds away from texting her.
20:44 Speaker 05 I'm not, do you know what I've done? I've left it to Chairman Emeritus, Stu. I'm like, you deal with this.
20:50 Speaker 03 I, I am happy to do.
20:52 Speaker 05 Literally sent me, I'm not even joking, she's literally sent me the guest list on the back of a fag packet. How am I meant to, like, I'm looking at, I've got Lambert and Butler coming one night. It's honestly, anyway.
21:03 Speaker 03 And finally, Dan and Kai, data or data, data?
21:07 Speaker 06 I've got, I've got another one for you.
21:08 Speaker 03 Yes, go on, Ben.
21:10 Speaker 06 Because, hi guys. Um, I've, I, this is something that's happened to me and we were talking about it the other day. William, you've said Abba Voyage so much.
21:19 Speaker 03 Yes.
21:19 Speaker 06 That now I don't know what it should be, whether it should be voyage or voyage.
21:23 Speaker 03 Indeed. On BBC Lancashire on Graham Livers' show, there was a caller the other day who phoned in to say that she had been to Abba, and then she paused and she went, oh, I think it's, I think it's voyage, but I've been saying voyage because of William Hanson. I've even, yeah, I've even, I'm a hashtag influencer, have influenced how people in the North West say voyage.
21:44 Speaker 05 I can't say, is it voyage or voyage?
21:46 Speaker 03 It is Abba Voyage, but voyage sounds a bit more.
21:49 Speaker 05 Abba Voyage, voyage.
21:51 Speaker 03 Over the top.
21:51 Speaker 05 I can't say beyond. Is it beyond or beyond?
21:54 Speaker 03 Beyond? I mean, you couldn't say Valentine's Day.
21:57 Speaker 05 Beyond, voyage, oh.
22:00 Speaker 03 Right.
22:00 Speaker 06 I think it's quite iconic, just like changing a word, isn't it?
22:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
22:03 Speaker 06 It's like Nigella Lawson with.
22:05 Speaker 03 Mikrofave.
22:06 Speaker 06 It's just iconic. So maybe we should just like choose like random words to just start mispronouncing.
22:12 Speaker 03 Aber voyage, I think is iconic. Anyway.
22:17 Speaker 05 Quite expensive for what it is.
22:20 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm not commenting on the show, I'm just commenting on the pronunciation.
22:22 Speaker 05 I mean, I enjoyed it, but.
22:23 Speaker 03 Yeah. Considering my wife and I, this is Dan and Kai again, are from the Jolly North, it's option two for all of the above.
22:31 Speaker 05 Tomato, vase, scum. Yeah, all right, first.
22:34 Speaker 03 Um, keep up the fun podcast. All the best, Dan and Kai. Thank you. Helen has got in touch regarding Jordan mentioning Gola trainers.
22:43 Speaker 05 Gola.
22:44 Speaker 03 Gola trainers in a recent episode. Dear William Jordan and the Full Sexton team, I'm currently listening to a recent episode called Is Slapping Bums Butch? And can really relate to Jordan and his Gola trainers. This was also my life, along with hand-me-downs from older family members. I can't believe people wear Gola now and how expensive they are. You'd a hundred percent get slagged rotten in my scheme too.
23:05 Speaker 05 Scheme? I'm an estate, not a s- oh, yeah, it's Scottish.
23:09 Speaker 03 Ah, looking forward to seeing you guys in Glasgow. Kind regards, Helen. P.S. My gran had the over-bed rented sunbed. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:18 Speaker 05 Honestly, you, I had Gola trainers.
23:22 Speaker 03 Hmm.
23:23 Speaker 05 And I got the piss taken out of me. And I think I had a, I think I had a pair, a pair from Next as well, and everyone took the mick out of me. Because they were from Next.
23:32 Speaker 03 Why? What's wrong with that?
23:33 Speaker 05 Well, no, they weren't proper ones. But then, when my dad got a new job, guess who had Rockports in year eight?
23:40 Speaker 05 You don't know what Rockports are?
23:41 Speaker 03 No.
23:42 Speaker 05 You shitheads. You don't, right, for our northern listeners.
23:45 Speaker 03 Tell us what a rockhead is.
23:46 Speaker 05 Rockport was a type of trainers you had in the late 90s, early 2000s.
23:51 Speaker 06 Isn't that just a type of cheese?
23:52 Speaker 05 No, Google Rockport.
23:53 Speaker 03 I'm gonna do it now.
23:54 Speaker 05 Shoes now. Anybody watching this, right, they were very, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna use the words, they were quite chavvy, but I had.
24:01 Speaker 03 Is it R O Q U E or R O?
24:03 Speaker 05 It's Rockport shoes.
24:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, but Rock, R O Q, as in like?
24:06 Speaker 05 Just Rock.
24:06 Speaker 03 Rock four or?
24:08 Speaker 05 R O C K.
24:09 Speaker 03 R O C K.
24:10 Speaker 05 Rockport, I, anyway, I got piss taken out of me for having Golas.
24:13 Speaker 03 What colour were they?
24:14 Speaker 05 My dad got a new job. And bless him, he bought me a pair of Rockports. They had for two years.
24:19 Speaker 03 What colour?
24:19 Speaker 06 And they were good?
24:20 Speaker 05 They were black, and there was also the ones with the highlights on. No, they were like, no.
24:24 Speaker 03 Well, have a look.
24:25 Speaker 05 Look, I'll show you this. This is what you're wearing, like.
24:28 Speaker 03 Oh, my word. Well, describe it.
24:29 Speaker 05 So your trackies tucked into your white socks over your Rockports.
24:34 Speaker 05 Anyway.
24:35 Speaker 03 I got a new pair of brogues and Ashley was very jealous.
24:38 Speaker 05 Of course you were, but yeah.
24:39 Speaker 03 On a similar related level.
24:40 Speaker 05 Gola trainers. Now, Gola trainers, that's 200 quid.
24:45 Speaker 05 For a pair of trainers.
24:46 Speaker 03 Um, Ella's got in touch to share how he helped her on a first date. Dear William and Jordan, I just wanted to get in touch to say a big thank you for helping me get over some first date nerves. For a bit of context, my ex-boyfriend and I were together for four years before he left me completely out of the blue with no explanation. At the time, we were living in Canada together. I'm from West Yorkshire and I was left alone 4,000 miles away from home, feeling very broken and confused.
25:09 Speaker 05 Bloody awful. I don't remember. I do remember that. I do remember that.
25:12 Speaker 03 Fast forward a year and a half and I'm now back home studying paediatric nursing and can honestly say I've never been happier. I listened to your podcasts throughout all the difficult times and it never failed to brighten my day. After a much-needed push from some amazing friends, I recently decided to step back out into the dating world and went on a first date last week. Despite feeling sick to my stomach with nerves, listening to you both in the car on the way there brought me out of my little stress bubble. I can't thank you enough for all of the laughs over the years and somehow every week, your advice was just what I needed. Love, Ella. Well, there we go.
25:47 Speaker 05 Well done, Ella.
25:48 Speaker 03 I am so glad. I hope it went well for you. I hope you've got a second date.
25:51 Speaker 05 Well done, Ella.
25:52 Speaker 03 Or maybe even a third.
25:53 Speaker 05 Thank you. I'm glad. That's really sweet that we've been there.
25:56 Speaker 03 Been there to help.
25:57 Speaker 05 Been there to help. Uh, let's finish with the comment of the week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials.
26:03 Speaker 03 As ever, we'll do the honourable mentions. Graham commented, FAO, Jordan North. That's for the attention off. Uh, far be it for me to complain, however, can you please tell William to clean his frigging iPad screen? It's mingling. He is letting the gays down.
26:18 Speaker 05 I have seen a few comments about that.
26:19 Speaker 03 About my iPad screen? Well, yeah, whatever. It's the, it's the, yeah. I'll give it a wipe for you, Graham. Rachel on Spotify commented, how did we casually just skip past William's school culturing their own yoghurt? I think that's the most first world thing I've ever heard.
26:36 Speaker 05 What, did you make your own yoghurt?
26:37 Speaker 03 They had a sort of a, a special thing out the back where they cultured their own yoghurt.
26:41 Speaker 05 But there's cultured your own yoghurt, mate?
26:42 Speaker 03 Was sort of created.
26:43 Speaker 05 Why did you say you made your own yoghurt?
26:45 Speaker 03 We made our own yoghurt.
26:45 Speaker 05 Why did you say cultured your own yoghurt?
26:46 Speaker 03 Well, because that's the correct term for making yoghurt.
26:49 Speaker 05 Okay.
26:49 Speaker 03 It's a bio culture, isn't it? Am I right in saying that some yoghurts?
26:56 Speaker 03 Um.
26:56 Speaker 06 Do you have a psychology?
26:58 Speaker 03 No. Even I'm saying no to that. But our comment of the week goes to David, who after hearing about my newfound love of Kit Kats, commented, "We need William to slowly and seductively eat one whilst maintaining eye contact throughout with George." And on an unrelated note, next week we launch our, oh, I've just been thrown, I'm about to be thrown, oh!
27:23 Speaker 05 We shared a Kit Kat.
27:24 Speaker 03 Whacked me in the heart, Jack.
27:25 Speaker 05 We shared a Kit Kat together on Tuesday.
27:27 Speaker 03 We did, there's a video of me saying, "Feed it to me, bitch."
27:30 Speaker 05 I did, there is actually, we'll put it up on our socials, Joe, remind us.
27:34 Speaker 03 What am I meant to be doing here?
27:35 Speaker 05 I, he made me feed him a Kit Kat in a hotel room, which sounds dodgy, but did happen.
27:40 Speaker 03 Slowly and seductively eating one whilst maintaining eye contact with Jordan.
27:45 Speaker 05 Can't believe you've only just got into Kit Kats.
27:47 Speaker 03 Well, why don't you, you, you, you do a finger and I'll do a finger.
27:49 Speaker 05 No, you do a finger.
27:51 Speaker 03 We'll do it together.
27:52 Speaker 05 No, I want you to look at me.
27:55 Speaker 03 I can't, I can't.
27:57 Speaker 05 Just eating chocolate, look at me. Sorry if you've got, um, um, what's it called, hermaphrodite, yeah, whatever it's called.
28:05 Speaker 03 Misophonia.
28:06 Speaker 05 Misophonia. What's, what's the, oh no, that's weird.
28:12 Speaker 05 No, I'm not, sorry, well, if you're a hermaphrodite and you're a mis, no, what's it called? I never can say it.
28:18 Speaker 03 Misophonia.
28:19 Speaker 05 Sorry if you've got misophonia and you don't like jumping. Sorry if you, yeah. Oh, that's weird.
28:28 Speaker 05 That's fucking weird. Get it all in.
28:32 Speaker 03 Can't do it anymore.
28:33 Speaker 05 Okay, do you want me to finish?
28:36 Speaker 03 Thought you had.
28:39 Speaker 03 I finished.
28:40 Speaker 05 Can't believe you've just got into Kit Kats.
28:42 Speaker 03 I love a Kit Kat. This is everything I don't need to be eating before the tour.
28:46 Speaker 05 Uh, shut up. Remember, you look great, you look really good, told you that. When I seen you, by the way, just before we finished, again on the costume fitting, yeah, came in there, he was bare arsed back there last week, I literally seen William Manson's arse, big old mahogany asshole, that's what he's got. I literally seen his arse the other week, can we, can't have boundaries, because this fucking costume fitting, I walked in behind curtain, he's got his arse out. So let's just HR this.
29:16 Speaker 06 But did he have out?
29:17 Speaker 05 He had his arse out. And then he had to put on these granny knickers, which was so weird.
29:22 Speaker 03 They're called dance pants.
29:23 Speaker 05 Dance pants, my arse, your arse.
29:25 Speaker 03 You're in them.
29:26 Speaker 06 William's arse.
29:27 Speaker 05 William's arse. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. If you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected] . We also love hearing back from people we have for advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch. I must speak to you on Tuesday.
29:47 Speaker 03 Goodbye then.
29:48 Speaker 05 Goodbye.
29:56 Speaker 02 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate, take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the midpoint.
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