Pod Insights Help I Sexted My Boss Help I’m Not Charging Mum’s Vibrator | And William is HIGH Maintenance About this episode Who's more high maintenance out of our favourite podcast pair? The boys can't quite decide in the studio as tensions run high, though they do love each other really. Elsewhere Jordan prepares to have his wisdom teeth pulled out, a G&Diva's mum has an unexpected battery-changing request and EPB shares an embarrassing story from a session in the gym - except he wasn't the one left embarrassed!
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life. Plus, experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
0:33 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas. Mike, what should you do if you're accidentally sent out? You save a date for your Thursday wedding. I'll get some shit for that.
0:51 Speaker 02 Well, I think people can get married on whatever day of the week they want.
0:53 Speaker 01 So it's why are you being...
0:55 Speaker 02 No, I'm all for your wedding, your rules.
0:58 Speaker 01 Oh, hell, I'm getting a bit shit for that. Or how would you tell your friend that they don't have a fishy fanny? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we're not usually going to answer. Oi, William Hanson, UK's leading etiquette expert.
1:10 Speaker 02 No, we're not. Jordan North, radio presenter. I'm more high maintenance, you're more highway maintenance. That's from Stephanie. Also, I'd like to say, out of the two of us, I'm not the high maintenance one.
1:21 Speaker 02 Producer Ben, would you agree?
1:22 Speaker 01 For the audio, I'm doing my Gary Neville meme impression there.
1:26 Speaker 03 Hi, guys.
1:26 Speaker 02 Hello.
1:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, Jordan keeps on doing impressions of memes, which is slightly cringey.
1:33 Speaker 03 No, I'm joking. I love it, Jordan. I love the impressions. They make me laugh.
1:36 Speaker 01 He's come straight in, right? First minute there, two footed tackle, because I did say to him over our weekend away, and it was very harsh, and I had to apologise to his wife. I said, when you kiss your wife, it gives me the ick. Which is very harsh and not funny. So he's come straight. And I appreciate that. He's basically Roy Keened me. You know, when Roy Keane went back in and...
1:58 Speaker 02 Who's Roy Keane?
1:59 Speaker 01 Basically snapped Harland.
2:00 Speaker 02 Oh, I like their songs.
2:02 Speaker 01 That was keen. Don't matter. But I deserve that. So you've come two footed in there. Good on you.
2:10 Speaker 01 What were you gonna say anyway?
2:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, who's more high maintenance?
2:13 Speaker 03 Uh, I would say, uh, in different ways. You're both quite high maintenance.
2:19 Speaker 01 I'm, I'm not high maintenance at all. Like, all right, let's just bring up the tour. Uh, who's insisting that they're called creative director and?
2:29 Speaker 02 That's not called high maintenance, that's called correct billing.
2:31 Speaker 03 I think you're both lovely.
2:33 Speaker 02 Thank you, Ben.
2:33 Speaker 01 Thank you.
2:34 Speaker 03 But I also think that William's saying that people can do their wedding as they like it. When he sort of insulted people who just do like an evening do of their wedding. That's like a bad thing. It's just interesting.
2:44 Speaker 02 Just do an evening?
2:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:45 Speaker 03 I just mean who people who do an evening thing.
2:47 Speaker 01 Your whole.
2:48 Speaker 03 Your like whole thing is that that's a bad.
2:49 Speaker 02 No, no.
2:49 Speaker 01 Your whole brand's on telling people how to live and.
2:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, I, I think evening do's at reception, uh, weddings go on for far too long. But if people wanted to do it, that's fine. I can still say I think they go on for too long.
2:59 Speaker 01 Anyway.
3:00 Speaker 02 Um, I've already poured the G and D.
3:01 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm not allowed any alcohol.
3:03 Speaker 02 Oh.
3:03 Speaker 01 Apparation tomorrow.
3:04 Speaker 02 Yes, we'll come on to that. Um, well, you can toast with water. Our toast this week goes to Bobby who, no, it's not bad luck to toast with water. Don't get me started.
3:13 Speaker 01 And I'm high maintenance.
3:17 Speaker 02 Our toast goes to Bobby who messaged to say, I'm listening back to older episodes. And in 2022's Help, I Have Major Daddy Issues, it's the podcast's fourth anniversary. During the toast, William and Jordan toast to four more years, which would be 2026. So is this year the end of the podcast? Well, this high maintenance route might be. Is the tour your way of saying goodbye and going out with a bang? I hope not.
3:40 Speaker 01 No, no, no.
3:42 Speaker 02 Okay, it was about more of a fizzle.
3:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:45 Speaker 02 If anything.
3:46 Speaker 01 No, we're not, we've no plans to end. We'll end when you want it to end.
3:51 Speaker 02 What, you're looking at me when I say that, when I want it to end?
3:54 Speaker 01 Listen to us.
3:55 Speaker 02 Well, hopefully that'll be never.
3:57 Speaker 01 It'll.
3:57 Speaker 02 We'll still be doing this from our nursing home.
3:59 Speaker 01 We'll end when it's not funny anymore. We just keep repeating the same shit for the past few years. Good luck.
4:06 Speaker 02 To Bobby.
4:07 Speaker 01 To Bobby. Oh, shit.
4:09 Speaker 02 Hmm. No, you, you really can't drink that.
4:11 Speaker 01 I can't drink that.
4:12 Speaker 02 So how are you feeling? So for those that didn't hear last week, Jordan has his wisdom teeth out this week, tomorrow at time of recording. How are you feeling? Because it is a painful and intrusive procedure.
4:22 Speaker 01 I'm a bit nervous, is it?
4:26 Speaker 02 Yeah. I mean, you're having a surgeon use a carving knife to chop out four teeth.
4:31 Speaker 01 I've never been under before, on a general anaesthetic.
4:34 Speaker 02 Have you literally never been under general anaesthetic? Could you do, I got served a TikTok video, the general anaesthetic challenge? Have you seen it? Where you try and sing the Thighs Girls?
4:43 Speaker 01 TikTok on, no.
4:45 Speaker 02 And you see how far through the song you can get before the anesthesia kicks in?
4:48 Speaker 01 No.
4:49 Speaker 02 Please, it's hilarious.
4:52 Speaker 01 Um, yeah, I'm a bit nervous. I'm already, can't eat, can't eat or drink all day.
4:58 Speaker 02 Leading up to it?
4:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, because you, because the anesthesia, otherwise, you know, you won't, you'll wake up during the operation and you don't want that.
5:06 Speaker 01 Why?
5:06 Speaker 02 Are you allowed, are you allowed?
5:07 Speaker 01 Why the fuck have you just told me that?
5:10 Speaker 02 Well, don't eat or drink. I mean, just follow the instructions.
5:12 Speaker 01 Why would you wake up?
5:13 Speaker 02 Well, because if you have got other stuff, I believe this is how it works, if you've got other stuff in your body, you're not, it's a bit like alcohol. Alcohol, when you, when you drink on an empty stomach, you feel the alcohol more. When you drink and you've had a sort of five course meal or you've been eating all day, you do still get drunk, but you're not as drunk. So it's the same sort of thing, but obviously the anaesthetic is meant to knock you out.
5:34 Speaker 01 I thought it's so you don't wee and poo and stuff.
5:37 Speaker 02 Well, I'm sure that's a benefit, but if your body's half asleep, how long are you going to be under?
5:41 Speaker 01 About half hour, forty five minutes.
5:43 Speaker 02 Oh, fine. And then how long will you be, will you wake up sort of soon after or?
5:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, and then at least a couple of hours recovery and I can go home.
5:52 Speaker 02 Yeah. You're going to be hilarious.
5:55 Speaker 01 I'm so nervous.
5:55 Speaker 02 Oh darling. And then have you?
5:58 Speaker 01 Have to think about it.
5:59 Speaker 02 What's the aftercare? Have they advised you to sort of like lots of ice cream, soft foods, et cetera?
6:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's got loads of yogurts in and stuff.
6:07 Speaker 02 Okay, great. Well, I've got a little gift for you as well, which we have previously mentioned. You asked me, I said I was going to get some for you, but I held off deliberately for this week because I thought it would come in useful.
6:16 Speaker 01 Is it Nanny's Trifle?
6:18 Speaker 02 Grandma, Granny's.
6:20 Speaker 01 Granny's Trifle, that would have been good.
6:21 Speaker 02 It would have been good. I could, I could whizz one round to you, but that doesn't travel very well. It's some shrooms. Cheese, that nice cheese we had in France when we went for
6:30 Speaker 01 Oh.
6:32 Speaker 02 There we go.
6:33 Speaker 01 So what?
6:34 Speaker 02 That we, yeah, it's very cheesy. Yeah, it's pungent.
6:37 Speaker 01 Thank you.
6:38 Speaker 02 Pleasure. He's clearly elated.
6:41 Speaker 01 I can eat that.
6:41 Speaker 02 Well, it's soft. I wouldn't eat it. I wouldn't eat it off, off the block itself.
6:45 Speaker 01 That's really nice. Thank you.
6:46 Speaker 02 Maybe carve a little bit, keeping the shape of the triangle of the cheese.
6:50 Speaker 01 Smells cheesy, that.
6:51 Speaker 02 Funny that, yeah.
6:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I can't remember it smelling that cheesy.
6:55 Speaker 02 Well, it was 2018, Jordan. It's a French cheese, soft milk cheese.
6:59 Speaker 01 Stop throwing me cheese around.
7:00 Speaker 02 You threw it to him.
7:01 Speaker 01 Thank you. I'll pop that there. Thank you. That's greatly appreciated.
7:04 Speaker 02 It's delicious cheese.
7:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've got dairy leaves in as well.
7:07 Speaker 02 Well, that's like a nicer version. What a lovely weekend away we had for your birthday slash to finish preparing for the tour.
7:14 Speaker 01 We did. It worked out well. We did our final run through.
7:18 Speaker 02 Well, not final, I'd like to say.
7:19 Speaker 01 We did our, like, final writing bit. It's all pretty much written now.
7:23 Speaker 02 Written?
7:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:25 Speaker 02 Written?
7:26 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
7:26 Speaker 02 Our tour, written?
7:27 Speaker 01 Well, we know what we're doing.
7:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:29 Speaker 01 Not going to go on and blag it.
7:30 Speaker 02 No.
7:31 Speaker 01 We were practising bits.
7:33 Speaker 02 Jordan wrote, you know, hello Cardiff.
7:35 Speaker 01 That is not true.
7:37 Speaker 02 And then, no, I do the re- hello Manchester.
7:39 Speaker 01 That is not true. That, because that is not true, because you went through a sketch that I've wrote and you nailed it. I was very, very happy.
7:46 Speaker 02 Thank you very much. I, um, I did like, there was one photo that Ben took of the entire rehearsal process. I'm sure it'll go on our carousel. And having looked at it, I think it looks like you're checking the time. I'm there in some nice lovely sort of butch pose, butch and manly pose. And you're, you're looking at your wrist.
8:01 Speaker 01 It was, it was four hours. So we started at 12.
8:06 Speaker 02 Hmm.
8:06 Speaker 01 We got to 10 to four.
8:08 Speaker 02 Should I just say the show isn't four hours, everyone?
8:10 Speaker 01 It was, it was my birthday. We'd been through it and then we were like editing bits and then we were like pretending to be on stage and practising bits, which I love, by the way. Generally, out of everything we do.
8:18 Speaker 02 You're great.
8:19 Speaker 01 I love. But I did start, I did say I'm edit room. I was like, look, it's 10 to four. I've been here four hours. It's my birthday and it's ridiculous. I'm not at a pint yet. I said, you've got 10 minutes.
8:28 Speaker 02 So you said that and then you think I'm hyped and it's.
8:31 Speaker 01 And then everyone agreed and then you started prancing and I thought, right, you've got seven minutes. And no matter where we are, I am going for a pint and we did and it was great.
8:40 Speaker 02 It was very much like that last rehearsal we had in January where there is a, there is a window, like you're like a little countdown to a bomb exploding.
8:48 Speaker 01 This is the thing, you and everybody else are saying you need to like look after yourself, you're working too much, protect your own time.
8:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:56 Speaker 01 What's the, what's the phrase that helps assist yourself?
8:58 Speaker 02 You've just been to the spa in the morning. I mean, I don't think you were.
9:00 Speaker 01 Well, no, this was, this was at the start of January. What was everyone saying? What's that phrase that everyone says?
9:05 Speaker 02 Don't burn the candle.
9:06 Speaker 01 Protect your energy and all that kind of thing. So it's the first Saturday afternoon year, I'd been ill for three weeks over Christmas and I said to the team.
9:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:15 Speaker 01 I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave at five if that's all right.
9:19 Speaker 02 Jordan, we would love to if you had left at five. It was four.
9:23 Speaker 01 It was four. I left at four. So fair.
9:25 Speaker 03 I think, I think there's something for Jordan, which I appreciate. Protect your time or protect your space is your saying that Jordan has to arrive 10 minutes late and he has to leave 10 minutes early.
9:35 Speaker 02 Yes.
9:35 Speaker 03 And that's completely fair enough.
9:37 Speaker 01 Thank you. Wind your neck in.
9:39 Speaker 03 And we do love each other.
9:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:40 Speaker 02 We do, we do love each other.
9:42 Speaker 01 It was a real nice weekend. Where we stayed, William was bragging, like William was insisting he doesn't get special treatment. And we walked into one bar on Friday night and literally as he walked in and took his cape off.
9:54 Speaker 02 No, I've said a cape, just to go with it.
9:56 Speaker 01 The guy who, cloak, sorry, your cloak.
9:58 Speaker 02 Cloak cape, yeah, whatever. Hunting green, Austrian hunting green.
10:01 Speaker 01 The guy who works there came, Jacob came straight in and handed him a drink straight as soon as he walked in and went, your drink's ready for you.
10:09 Speaker 02 Which was very kind of him.
10:10 Speaker 01 We got loads of work done and it was, it was really good. I stayed an extra night because I did, I'm off the radio this week at time recording, so staying extra night got bloody hammered. Hammered on Sunday.
10:21 Speaker 02 Lovely.
10:21 Speaker 01 When I left you because we had a.
10:23 Speaker 02 What would you, what were you drinking?
10:25 Speaker 01 Well, put it this way, we started, we went for Sunday dinner just before you left.
10:30 Speaker 02 What do you mean? You had, you had Sunday lunch with us?
10:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, no.
10:33 Speaker 02 So you went and tried another one?
10:34 Speaker 01 No, I'm saying with you. So I had a. You're annoying me today. Um, I had a, what are they called?
10:43 Speaker 02 Can we record a podcast when he's under general anaesthetic?
10:46 Speaker 01 What, what, you and Cat were on?
10:49 Speaker 03 Bloody Mary.
10:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, so I had a Bloody Mary.
10:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:51 Speaker 01 Then two Guinness. Then I went to main bit red paper and two more Guinness and a gin and tonic.
10:57 Speaker 02 Oh my gosh.
10:58 Speaker 01 Then I went for a nap and I went back up.
10:59 Speaker 02 See why?
11:00 Speaker 01 Backed up bar and had two Negronis.
11:03 Speaker 02 Okay.
11:04 Speaker 01 Then I had two more pints. Then I went back to room, room service.
11:08 Speaker 02 Do you want to talk about anything?
11:09 Speaker 01 And quite a lot of whiskey.
11:10 Speaker 02 I was so rough.
11:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, do you think we are starting to create a sort of unhealthy relationship with alcohol with both of you?
11:16 Speaker 02 I was so rough next day. Okay.
11:18 Speaker 01 Couldn't even finish my bacon pot in the morning.
11:20 Speaker 02 You did though, on the Sunday, manage to work out in the gym, didn't you? Do some, do some wakes and stuff. You know what's coming.
11:30 Speaker 01 Forgot.
11:30 Speaker 02 Now, I wasn't there for this bit, but there were witnesses, including producer Ben, who I shall now throw to, to tell one of my favourite Jordan North stories.
11:40 Speaker 03 Hi guys. I feel like I'm talking quite a lot.
11:43 Speaker 01 I forgot about this.
11:43 Speaker 03 Apologies to people that don't like listening to me.
11:45 Speaker 01 This is so cringe. Ah.
11:48 Speaker 03 Jordan and I decided to go to the gym together on Sunday morning and I'm not really a gym goer. We are now gym bros. Obviously you've never been to the gym with Jordan.
11:55 Speaker 02 No, I'm famously banned.
11:57 Speaker 03 But I have been in the gym. And I was there. I feel quite self-conscious. I've got, I've got a runner's frame. Um, don't love the gym, but I was doing my exercises.
12:05 Speaker 01 I said to him as well, like, that's only in your head. No one sees you when you walk in the gym and think, what's he doing in here?
12:10 Speaker 03 He did all those sort of kind words, but the crux of the issue came when I was doing some of my exercises and Jordan sauntered over to what I believe is called the bench press.
12:22 Speaker 02 Now, describe what a bench press is for those like me who don't really know what it is.
12:25 Speaker 01 The big bar that you do to do.
12:26 Speaker 02 So you're lying on your back.
12:27 Speaker 03 You're lying on your back.
12:28 Speaker 02 And you push up. Is it assisted?
12:30 Speaker 01 No.
12:30 Speaker 03 No, so you can get those machines where they sort of, it's like assisted for you and they lock. So if the weight is too heavy for you. The bar locks and then it won't land on your chest.
12:40 Speaker 02 Well, it only locks if you twist it.
12:42 Speaker 03 Right.
12:42 Speaker 02 Certainly the one at my gym.
12:44 Speaker 03 Okay.
12:44 Speaker 02 Because I actually do do that on occasion.
12:46 Speaker 01 We do the same one.
12:47 Speaker 02 But he was unassisted.
12:48 Speaker 03 He was unassisted and he was going confidently towards the bar, the, the bench press. Um, and so it had massive, like the biggest looking weights on either end.
13:00 Speaker 02 What, what were you lifting?
13:01 Speaker 03 I think it was 25 each or something like that, maybe a bit more.
13:04 Speaker 01 25 kgs.
13:05 Speaker 03 I think it was 25 kgs and then 10 as well. So I think it was like 70 kilograms. It was a lot, a lot of weight to be fair.
13:11 Speaker 02 It was a new gym.
13:12 Speaker 03 Jordan thought that he could hack it. Anyway, and obviously in my head, I'm thinking, God, I hope no one's looking at me and laughing. But this was just about to start for me because he lifts off the weight and immediately just cannot hack it. So it lands on his chest and he's like squealing away like a little piggy across the gym. And I've got headphones in, I'm like, what on earth is going on?
13:34 Speaker 02 That legs will go.
13:36 Speaker 03 Legs are going. And I'm going.
13:41 Speaker 02 Hilarious.
13:42 Speaker 03 Luckily Mikey was there to save the day.
13:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:44 Speaker 03 I'm quite comfortable with the fact that fight or flight, I am flight. Not one part of me sure.
13:49 Speaker 01 You just stood there and laughed.
13:52 Speaker 03 Well, I didn't laugh immediately because I was like, oh, this is a bit awkward.
13:56 Speaker 02 Do you think everyone in the gym noticed?
13:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, the girl next to me left because she were laughing. And she walked out and there was another lad.
14:03 Speaker 03 I only started laughing because then obviously Jordan sat up and sort of the shame started to drain through him.
14:09 Speaker 01 In my defence, it's because it was new and I thought.
14:14 Speaker 01 And yeah, I don't know what I, I.
14:16 Speaker 02 What do you normally lift?
14:17 Speaker 01 That, but I think it's because it wasn't, wasn't an assisted one.
14:20 Speaker 02 Okay.
14:21 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:22 Speaker 01 And I burnt my shoulder.
14:23 Speaker 02 You see, oh, because.
14:24 Speaker 01 It was very, I was, I, I was, if, if Mike had not been there, you, I would have walked out.
14:28 Speaker 03 I was just, the horror is because we were slightly separate in the gym, I just started cackling when you started laughing. And obviously then it looked like I'm the complete dickhead because it just looked like I'm laughing at the random bloke.
14:39 Speaker 01 But then we were looking, every time we looked at each other, we burst out laughing.
14:42 Speaker 02 What did you just say?
14:44 Speaker 01 What did you just say?
14:47 Speaker 03 I just said, it looks like I'm laughing at the random bloke who used to be on the TV.
14:57 Speaker 01 I knew that comment would come back to bite me.
15:00 Speaker 02 Hilarious.
15:01 Speaker 01 He went, it was bad. He went to kiss a cat this weekend. I'm like, you kissing your wife gives me the ick. And then I had to apologise because I realised it was a bit harsh.
15:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, very harsh.
15:10 Speaker 01 Anyway.
15:12 Speaker 02 But it's always funny in the gym where something goes wrong, I mean, within the realms of not injuring yourself to the people that are taking it all a bit too seriously. And I do, and I say this with love, Jordan, you're probably one of those people that take the gym quite seriously.
15:25 Speaker 01 Not really.
15:25 Speaker 02 Hmm.
15:26 Speaker 01 No, I don't take it. I like going. I like being in a routine, but I don't take it seriously. I'm not like you.
15:33 Speaker 02 Do you make annoys when you're doing your weights?
15:35 Speaker 01 Not really, no.
15:36 Speaker 02 Good, fine.
15:37 Speaker 01 And I listen to podcasts. Most people listen to music.
15:39 Speaker 02 Some people don't listen, some people raw dog.
15:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:42 Speaker 02 And they don't, they don't listen.
15:43 Speaker 01 Do you listen to show tunes?
15:44 Speaker 02 No, because I have Jacket Up Joel, so I'm talking to him. So I don't, that's it. Mike has started going to Jacket Up Joel.
15:50 Speaker 01 Christ, he gets around a bit, doesn't he?
15:52 Speaker 02 Jacket Up Joel, yes, he does. Now, can I talk to you about something that I think is semi-controversial? And I've noticed more and more, people who list their dietary requirements in their Instagram bio.
16:03 Speaker 01 Who's doing that?
16:04 Speaker 02 More and more people.
16:06 Speaker 01 How?
16:06 Speaker 02 What, what do you mean how? They just type it into their bio?
16:08 Speaker 01 Is this, because I get it if they're saying vegan.
16:11 Speaker 02 Why?
16:12 Speaker 01 Well, you.
16:12 Speaker 02 How is it relevant on Instagram? We're not feeding you on Instagram, are we?
16:15 Speaker 01 But.
16:16 Speaker 02 It's not a restaurant.
16:16 Speaker 01 I get it if they're saying veggie, vegan, like.
16:19 Speaker 02 No, it's not, it's not an identity.
16:21 Speaker 01 But I don't understand if you're like allergic to nuts, you wouldn't put that in.
16:26 Speaker 02 Well, it's no different, it's no different. Unless you are.
16:29 Speaker 01 So is that what you're saying? It's people that are going veggie or vegan?
16:30 Speaker 02 I saw the other day, lactose intolerant was in their bio, it was like, you know, accountant, live in Brighton, lactose intolerant.
16:40 Speaker 02 What do you do? It's Instagram. We're not, we're not giving you cheese in any form. Why do we need to know that?
16:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, I can understand that. I get that. So they're putting it on the bios.
16:50 Speaker 02 I get if you are a chef or you're a blogger about lactose free food, fine. But on the three or four examples that I'm seeing with increasing, um, increasing sort of prevalence, they're not. They're just doing that almost as if to signal, I am high maintenance and I'm going to make it a problem. And it's your problem now. I just can't stand it. And it's annoyed me more. It has saddened my mind as something. And I think your Instagram bio, if you're using it for work, it can talk about work things. If you're just using it socially, I don't really think it needs to say anything because your friends know who you are.
17:27 Speaker 01 I might just put through now just to annoy you. Likes Pardon Peppers, but Pardon Peppers don't like me.
17:33 Speaker 02 Padron.
17:33 Speaker 01 Padron. Is that what they're called? Yeah, we've talked about this before.
17:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:37 Speaker 01 I really, yeah, talk, yeah.
17:39 Speaker 02 Okay.
17:40 Speaker 01 We had some at the weekend.
17:41 Speaker 02 No, but I wouldn't say that's a dietary requirement. Also, it's the same people that put that they like coffee or they like gin in their Instagram bio.
17:46 Speaker 01 Gin lover.
17:47 Speaker 02 Gin lover. No, get a life. Tea drinker. Oh, great.
17:50 Speaker 01 What's, what's wrong with that? You've got to put in about yourself.
17:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, but that's not, that, I would say that's fairly standard. It'd be like drinks water.
17:58 Speaker 01 There's not wrong with tea drinker. If people put vegan, that's fine.
18:03 Speaker 02 No.
18:03 Speaker 01 Because then I liked, and then I'll know, I thought, well, if I have them round for tea.
18:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, but I'm sorry, but in what world are we looking at where we look at someone's Instagram to get their dietary preferences?
18:12 Speaker 01 Well, why not?
18:14 Speaker 02 No.
18:14 Speaker 03 In Jordan's bio.
18:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:16 Speaker 03 He has radio at Capital Official, breakfast Monday, Montefraie, six to 10 a.m. So where do we sit on putting your work times on your bio? Should I put?
18:29 Speaker 01 Janice HR, nine to five, work from home, Tuesday, Thursday.
18:33 Speaker 02 In fact, I would be interested to know from Gian Divas, what's the most ridiculous thing you've seen in an Instagram bio? Whether it's your friend, whether it is.
18:40 Speaker 01 Social joke.
18:41 Speaker 02 Your colleague. What, what has annoyed you about other people's social media? You don't have to give us their handles. You can if you want. We can have a laugh as well. But what are the most annoying things?
18:52 Speaker 01 All right, we'll get that up.
18:53 Speaker 03 Can I read out William's, um, bio from Instagram?
18:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:56 Speaker 02 Yeah. A teacup and saucer in a world of mugs.
19:00 Speaker 01 There you go.
19:01 Speaker 02 Thank you.
19:01 Speaker 01 Thank you.
19:02 Speaker 02 It's funny, it's, there's more.
19:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's more and stuff.
19:06 Speaker 02 Go on, plug the book.
19:08 Speaker 01 Speaking of your book.
19:10 Speaker 02 Oh god, there we go.
19:10 Speaker 01 This book, I read when we were over the weekend, they had a little coffee table book. And I read it in your spare room, you should put books, like, in for guests and all that, having a guest. Oh yeah, that is a nice idea. So I've put like, uh, Help, I Sex and My Boss book in there.
19:28 Speaker 02 Lovely.
19:29 Speaker 01 I've put like a movie book in there, put that Modern Family book in there.
19:32 Speaker 02 Oh yes.
19:33 Speaker 01 I've put Just Good Manners in there.
19:34 Speaker 02 Oh, thank you. That's my latest book that Ben was just about to plug.
19:37 Speaker 01 My guests can, if anyone comes, I thought, yeah.
19:40 Speaker 02 Lovely.
19:40 Speaker 01 I think that's quite nice.
19:41 Speaker 02 I think that's lovely, a bit of collected literature. Maybe, can I make a suggestion? Cause that's four books.
19:47 Speaker 01 Yes.
19:47 Speaker 02 You probably want to put a fifth, cause I would say generally things are better in odd numbers, and maybe put in a fiction.
19:53 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
19:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:54 Speaker 01 You think, what, like a novel?
19:56 Speaker 02 That's fiction, yeah.
19:57 Speaker 01 Right. Can I show you something?
19:59 Speaker 02 Of course you can.
20:00 Speaker 01 That's doing the rounds at the moment, and I want to know if this is real.
20:03 Speaker 02 Could be anything.
20:04 Speaker 01 If this is real or not.
20:06 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:06 Speaker 01 Okay.
20:07 Speaker 02 It's not, it's not anything that's going to make me jump.
20:08 Speaker 01 No, it's Antiques Roadshow.
20:10 Speaker 02 Right.
20:10 Speaker 01 Right, it's doing the rounds at the moment. Is this real or not?
20:14 Speaker 02 I, did I not think of this?
20:18 Speaker 04 Well, it's not actually from a statue, it's a personal item from the late Victorian period, and we'll leave it at that.
20:25 Speaker 01 Is that AI or is that real?
20:27 Speaker 02 I think that's real.
20:28 Speaker 01 So she took in her grandad's?
20:30 Speaker 02 It's, so it's a hand, it's a bronze, or it looks like bronze, hand, sort of upright, fingers together.
20:37 Speaker 01 It's like this, but Victorian.
20:39 Speaker 02 Jordan is holding the rubber fist.
20:41 Speaker 01 That we got sent in.
20:42 Speaker 02 Although I would say that our rubber fist, the fingertips are closer together, whereas on the Antique Roadshow thing. But I'll ask Stephen Moore, our friend, if that is real.
20:51 Speaker 01 Is that real? She took in an ancient? Antique Pfister.
20:55 Speaker 03 We'll put in a picture on the carousel for those.
20:58 Speaker 01 Yeah. That can't be real. Is it?
21:00 Speaker 03 So personal item, obviously.
21:02 Speaker 02 I mean, I can't imagine the BBC on Antiques Roadshow airing that. That's the only thing that makes me think it.
21:07 Speaker 01 Think it's AI.
21:08 Speaker 02 Think it's, or if it's, or it was filmed for comedy, a comedy sketch or something. I don't know if it's AI, but it could have been on French and Saunders or something like that.
21:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, facts.
21:18 Speaker 02 Final bit of turf thing, just, I forgot to ask, we did mention it over the weekend. I assume it's been a couple of days since you've actually did. Have you got in touch with Kylie? As previously mentioned, you were gonna talk to her at the Jingle Bell Ball.
21:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, right. Something to do list.
21:32 Speaker 02 And you forgot, you were then going to interview her. I think you forgot.
21:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:36 Speaker 02 We're doing arenas, we need something big. I think Kylie Minogue.
21:40 Speaker 01 All right, I'll ask. Is Kylie Minogue, though?
21:43 Speaker 02 You can but ask.
21:45 Speaker 01 Do you want her for every night?
21:48 Speaker 02 Ideally, yeah.
21:49 Speaker 01 I mean, look, I said.
21:50 Speaker 02 If she, I mean, if she doesn't want to do Glasgow either, I mean, fine.
21:53 Speaker 01 What do you mean, I?
21:55 Speaker 02 Skip over that one. We'll do something instead, you know, get the Crankers or something. But, um, yeah.
22:02 Speaker 01 The Proclaimers.
22:04 Speaker 02 We should ask.
22:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:05 Speaker 02 She's probably not doing much.
22:06 Speaker 01 It's not gonna happen, but I'll ask.
22:07 Speaker 02 Okay.
22:08 Speaker 01 Okay, it's on my to-do list.
22:09 Speaker 02 You, use your contacts. You gonna add it onto your to-do list?
22:14 Speaker 01 Do you know any chimney sweeps in London?
22:17 Speaker 02 Oh, there's Bert.
22:21 Speaker 01 I've spelled Minogue.
22:22 Speaker 02 M-I-N-O.
22:25 Speaker 01 I'll sort that out. Will you, do you, I wanna, I've got, I wanna light me fire, but it's not been, I don't wanna set me house on fire.
22:32 Speaker 02 It would be preferable not to do that.
22:35 Speaker 01 So I wanna, do you, I want a chimney sweep, it's on my to-do list.
22:40 Speaker 02 Could you not just find us a small child?
22:42 Speaker 01 Like, with a little neckerchief on and a stick.
22:45 Speaker 02 Over the rooftops.
22:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, like Bert. Oh, I have Gavna. I want him to be like that. You put the kettle on, sweetheart, and I'll have a lock up your chimney.
22:56 Speaker 01 Sounded a bit like Linde La Hughes then, didn't it?
22:58 Speaker 02 You did. Talking of comedy, it's time for my favourite feature. It's Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. Here's the jingle.
23:20 Speaker 01 What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangarooot?
23:26 Speaker 02 I don't know, Jordan. Will you tell us after these?
23:28 Speaker 01 I will tell you the punchline after the break.
23:32 Speaker 05 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
24:07 Speaker 05 It's time. It's the most wonderful time of the year.
24:11 Speaker 06 Halloween!
24:15 Speaker 06 And you guys know we don't do Halloween by halves. Full costume, full prosthetics, full commitment. I'm a rat. And I'm the chef. It's our Ratatouille special. Ben, we're grabbing our broomsticks for the witches.
24:28 Speaker 06 We've got a spooky hotline caller. An update from our woman who was in love with the ghost of Prince Albert. And your tarot card dilemmas. Listen to our Halloween specials. Search for The Girl's Bathroom.
24:44 Speaker 01 All right, Jane Nevers, thanks for sticking with us. It's Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangarooot?
24:54 Speaker 02 I don't know, what is the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroo?
24:56 Speaker 01 A kangaroo's a kangaroo and a kangaroo is a Geordie stuck in a lift.
25:02 Speaker 02 That's fun. Nice, clean fun.
25:03 Speaker 01 Kangaroo. A kangaroo.
25:06 Speaker 02 A Geordie, for those that don't know, is someone from Newcastle.
25:08 Speaker 01 I, um, seen that and I don't know if I've not credited someone with it, so apologies, but I seen it online. Um, it's been doing the rounds, so.
25:16 Speaker 02 Was it a Les Dawson?
25:17 Speaker 01 No, it might be.
25:20 Speaker 02 Well, don't worry about it. I mean.
25:22 Speaker 01 Uh, let me have a look. I've got another joke here.
25:24 Speaker 02 Oh, good. I'm being enthusiastically positive about this segment after reading some comments on YouTube.
25:31 Speaker 01 Okay, uh, that's all I've got for today then.
25:33 Speaker 02 Oh no, that's fine.
25:34 Speaker 01 That was good, wasn't it?
25:35 Speaker 02 You should, oh please, do another one.
25:37 Speaker 01 No, it's fine.
25:38 Speaker 02 Okay.
25:38 Speaker 01 Always keep them wanting more.
25:40 Speaker 02 Yes.
25:40 Speaker 01 Always keep them laughing. Always keep them wanting more.
25:44 Speaker 02 Okay.
25:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:45 Speaker 02 Could it maybe, talking funny, could you record like when you've got all your, when you've had your four wisdom teeth taken out? And you're in serious pain and you can hardly talk. Can you record some voice note jokes for us to play out?
25:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, sure.
25:58 Speaker 02 That would be hilarious.
25:59 Speaker 01 If, uh, if I don't make it after tomorrow.
26:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:03 Speaker 01 Will you get everyone to come up and turn and do a jolly joke of the week?
26:08 Speaker 02 Oh.
26:09 Speaker 01 Just like the best ones.
26:11 Speaker 02 Li- everyone in the congregation?
26:12 Speaker 01 Tell you what to do. I tell you what to do. In the congregation, do all the.
26:15 Speaker 02 In the what?
26:16 Speaker 01 Cong- what's it called?
26:17 Speaker 02 Congregation.
26:17 Speaker 01 I can't be arsed with this in Valentine's again. In the congregation,
26:22 Speaker 01 we get everyone to come up and do all the jolly jokes that have been banned.
26:24 Speaker 02 Did you do that for me?
26:26 Speaker 01 All the jolly jokes that have been banned.
26:28 Speaker 02 Right, you want to offend the congregation as well, do you?
26:30 Speaker 01 That have been cut.
26:31 Speaker 02 Hmm.
26:32 Speaker 01 Cause I can't get cancelled because I'm dead.
26:34 Speaker 02 Well.
26:34 Speaker 01 They're not that bad.
26:35 Speaker 02 There's some very, very famous dead people that got cancelled, yeah.
26:38 Speaker 01 But just do all the jokes that got banned. There were two, two that all got cut.
26:44 Speaker 02 Fine.
26:44 Speaker 01 Yeah. Stuart will have a list somewhere.
26:46 Speaker 02 Yeah. Okay.
26:47 Speaker 01 Hmm.
26:48 Speaker 02 Deal.
26:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:49 Speaker 02 Um, lovely. Well, thank you. Thank you for that jolly joke of the week. Very, very much enjoyed it. Ten out of ten.
26:54 Speaker 01 Thank you. Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected] . You can DM us at Sex and My Boss on the socials. Need to get my teeth in. Or you can write to William, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards of executive self-steal envelopes. The address is on the website, sextedmyboss.com. And remember, we have no idea what's coming up. We're reading these dilemmas for the first time, just like you.
27:26 Speaker 02 Our first dilemma is from Katie. Doesn't even start with a Dear Liam and Jordan, just goes straight in. "I recently decided it was time to go on my first hinge date. I'll spare you the details of the date itself because what I really want to share with you is an unfortunate outfit mishap I had on said date. As a girl, you try on lots of different outfits when getting ready, especially for a date, and I wanted to look..."
27:47 Speaker 01 Excuse me, I'm just girls.
27:51 Speaker 02 "And I wanted it to look just right."
27:52 Speaker 01 I went on a night out recently.
27:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:54 Speaker 01 Was told there was loads of Gen Z's there.
27:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:59 Speaker 01 God, did I know what to do where.
28:02 Speaker 02 What, as in?
28:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:03 Speaker 02 You didn't know what to wear. What did you wear?
28:05 Speaker 01 Because I don't like casual. I like smart casual. So I don't like just going out in London.
28:11 Speaker 02 You see, I've changed you.
28:12 Speaker 01 People just go out. No, people just go out in jeans and a t-shirt. For me, that's not going out.
28:17 Speaker 02 Tell you what annoys me, Katie, we'll come back to your list in a minute, is where you see the, in a heterosexual couple, the girl all dressed up.
28:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:26 Speaker 02 Often a body con dress, hair blown out, she put a tan on, gorgeous. And then the guy's in a t-shirt.
28:33 Speaker 01 Couldn't agree more. And he's in a t-shirt and like scruffy vans. And I think, you took hours to get ready and let him go out like that.
28:40 Speaker 02 Hmm.
28:40 Speaker 01 Surely you'd say, babe, go and put those nice...
28:42 Speaker 02 Or, no, no, okay, hang on. Why are you blaming the woman? Hang on, stop. Equally, he should see that she has put in a lot of effort and go, do you know what? I'll put in a little bit more effort.
28:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you know what lads are like.
28:55 Speaker 02 No, that doesn't excuse it.
28:57 Speaker 01 You know that shirt your mum got you for Christmas that I liked you? Go and put that on and then.
29:01 Speaker 02 And tuck it in. Don't have it untucked.
29:03 Speaker 01 Right, anyway, go, sorry.
29:05 Speaker 02 Back to Kate's letter. As a girl, you try on lots of different outfits when getting ready, especially for a date. I wanted it to look just right. I got to trying on my shoes and I tried on two different pairs of black ankle boots. Decided which pair looked best and rushed out of the house onto the tube. It was only when I was three or four stops in that I discovered that after I decided which boot looked best, I never took the other one off and replaced it with the other half of the pair. So here I was, sat on the tube, wearing one lace boot and one Chelsea boot. I didn't have time to go home and change, so I decided I just had to roll with it.
29:37 Speaker 01 Go on.
29:38 Speaker 02 Embarrassed, I warned my date, this was the case, he thought it was funny. And when we met, it was a great icebreaker. The date was good, but we decided we weren't going to see each other again. I've found myself wondering since if, when the next date comes up, do I do the same? As someone who's always worried about a first date being awkward, is it good to wear two shoes? So you always have an initial icebreaker. This is a bit like me the other day. I realised I'd gone through the whole day, one glove was navy, one glove was black. The embarrassment. It's only when I took them out of my bag and I put them away in my glove box, did I go, oh, not the glove box of the car.
30:12 Speaker 01 Is that why it's called a glove box?
30:13 Speaker 02 Yes, because that's where you kept your driving gloves.
30:15 Speaker 01 Oh.
30:16 Speaker 02 Yeah. But I have a glove box inside in the wardrobe.
30:19 Speaker 01 You have an actual box in your wardrobe for gloves?
30:21 Speaker 02 Yes.
30:22 Speaker 01 How, what a, what a day you had.
30:25 Speaker 02 I know.
30:25 Speaker 01 People must be talking about you.
30:27 Speaker 02 Yeah. I think it's quite a good idea.
30:29 Speaker 01 I don't, I think what you did there, you nailed it. You nailed it first time, you owned it. But if you did it second time around, it's, it, the people.
30:36 Speaker 02 I think it shows personality.
30:38 Speaker 01 People can see through if you're not being authentic and.
30:41 Speaker 02 If you do it all the time.
30:42 Speaker 01 Yeah. And gen- and not genuine and stuff. So I, I think you nailed it first time. Maybe you used that story as a, an icebreaker, went, on my last day.
30:52 Speaker 02 Oh no, because then it makes you sound, you don't like.
30:54 Speaker 01 Oh, they'll know. On my last day, don't worry, nothing happened. I went, yeah, I'll do it like that.
30:58 Speaker 02 Well, clearly nothing happened because, you know, you're on another one with someone else.
31:01 Speaker 01 But I, I don't think you'd do it again, but you, you owned it, always own it.
31:05 Speaker 02 I would also, I'm surprised that she didn't feel that the shoes were different because I would be able to feel.
31:10 Speaker 01 I've never done it before. I always have my fly undone.
31:15 Speaker 02 If you always.
31:17 Speaker 01 Sometimes I just, my brain says check and I look down and go, oh.
31:21 Speaker 02 It's one of, one of the things I always check when I'm standing on stage about to go on with you. I always check my fly.
31:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:27 Speaker 02 Just one of my little routines.
31:28 Speaker 01 You don't check mine though.
31:29 Speaker 02 Well, you're normally standing the other side of the stage. So I can't really do that.
31:33 Speaker 03 I, I do think that Katie's predicament is a good lesson in sort of owning up to your mistakes.
31:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think own it.
31:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:39 Speaker 02 I think it's absolutely fine. If you were, not that either of us go on dates, but if you were going to go on a date and you had to wear two different shoes, what would you wear?
31:46 Speaker 01 Uh, I don't know. Probably, probably two different trainers.
31:50 Speaker 02 I mean, that's a bit dull.
31:51 Speaker 01 Did I ever tell you about a mate of mine who at uni put, this is the biggest fashion faux pas I've seen.
31:58 Speaker 02 Okay.
31:59 Speaker 01 Put a T-shirt on.
32:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:00 Speaker 01 Yeah. And.
32:02 Speaker 02 That's pretty bad.
32:03 Speaker 01 It had just a massive jizz stain there. They wiped it and then not washed it.
32:07 Speaker 02 And when you say a mate.
32:08 Speaker 01 I promise it was a mate.
32:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
32:09 Speaker 01 He was, I won't tell you his name. He's just.
32:12 Speaker 02 Pilks?
32:12 Speaker 01 He was, no, no, he was from uni. He was a scruffy guy at the best of time. I've actually got a picture on my Facebook of it.
32:19 Speaker 02 You don't have a Facebook.
32:20 Speaker 01 I know. So it's probably gone into the abyss now, but I tagged him on it, being a good mate, that him.
32:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:25 Speaker 01 That's the, yeah, could be worse. Anyway, let's go on to the next one.
32:28 Speaker 02 Our next dilemma is from E. Hi, William, the very handsome Jordan and the rest of the sexy team. I'm a gay man from Cheshire and I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to dating and relationships. In the bedroom, I identify as a side. Now, do we all know what a side is? Do we need clarification?
32:44 Speaker 01 Yes.
32:45 Speaker 02 Is a shaking your head. So a side is someone who doesn't generally enjoy penetrative sex, either as a top or a bottom. So they just everything sort of bases, if we're going to use that sort of rather base analogy, uh, one, two and three, but not four. That is a side. I don't enjoy, oh, they continue. I don't enjoy topping or bottoming and find that being a side is what feels most natural and comfortable for me. My concern is that when I start speaking to or meeting suitable daters, they may be put off if they're looking for a relationship that includes penetrative sex. I worry they might not understand why I feel the way I do. At the same time, I'm very mindful that any relationship should consider the feelings and needs of a partner too, and it's important to me. I'd really appreciate some advice on how to approach this in terms of dating and communicating with other guys.
33:30 Speaker 02 Looking forward to your tour on my own in Manchester. Lots of love, E.
33:35 Speaker 01 Oh, don't worry about coming on your own. You'll make friends. We always say that.
33:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, you will.
33:39 Speaker 01 You always say that.
33:40 Speaker 02 Um.
33:40 Speaker 01 And if you're on tour. And you see someone on their own next year.
33:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, make friends, chat with them. Even if they're not, have a chat with the people next to you. You might, Mike, one of Mike's best friends, he met at Wicked, funnily enough, years ago when he was pre me. And they're still in touch now because he just spoke to them at Wicked. So you can make great friends.
33:58 Speaker 01 There you go.
34:00 Speaker 02 Well, I mean, look, if you're using certain dating apps, you can, I mean, I wouldn't list your sexual preferences on any sort of dating app. But most people do on certain ones. So you could, you could have it there and then at least you have disclosed it from the get go. But actually, I would say if you've bonded with someone and you're having a nice time on a date, potentially wearing on shoes, then it doesn't, it doesn't, it comes up later.
34:23 Speaker 01 I think it can be hard, but as William always says, communication is key.
34:29 Speaker 02 Thank you.
34:30 Speaker 01 If you say that from the start, should be fine.
34:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:33 Speaker 01 Yeah. And just like chuck in, be like, look, I don't top or bottom, but I'll give you a best hand job this side of Manchester. Throw it in, big yourself up.
34:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:42 Speaker 01 What I can't do with my tongue ain't worth knowing. That kind of thing. Sell yourself.
34:45 Speaker 02 Anyway, enough about your dating profile.
34:48 Speaker 01 Sell yourself.
34:49 Speaker 02 That's weirdly his Instagram bio.
34:51 Speaker 01 Yeah. What I can't do with my tongue ain't worth knowing. So yeah, just big yourself up.
34:56 Speaker 02 Well, I'm sure we've talked about this before. It's no longer there, but in Manchester, when we used to live, when you were coming back from like Chedle and you, and sort of Manchester Airport way, and you were going up whatever that road is into the city centre. There used to be a, one of those sort of car washes, you know, human car washes, where they descend upon you with all their buckets and chams and all that. And they do, rather than, you know, the machine.
35:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:18 Speaker 02 And it says the best hand job this side of Manchester. And it always used to make me laugh.
35:22 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
35:23 Speaker 02 And I drove past it recently and it's, they've rebranded.
35:25 Speaker 01 Oh.
35:25 Speaker 02 It's a great shame. This dilemma is from Lucy. Dear our George, Willie, EPB and the rest. Two nights ago, I attended my brother in law's 30th birthday party at our local cricket club to set the scene. At a cricket club.
35:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, you've never had like 30th or?
35:42 Speaker 02 I've had a 30th, you were at it.
35:44 Speaker 01 And aunties do it like a cricket club or a social club.
35:46 Speaker 02 No, mine wasn't Sky Garden.
35:48 Speaker 01 Oh God, I've had, I've had many, many a good night at New Longton Cricket Club. I've had many a 21st, 30th, New Year's Eve there.
35:56 Speaker 02 To set the scene, me and my best friend decided to get quite drunk beforehand since we are both skint and didn't want to pay a fortune on doubles all night. I had three buzz balls, whatever that is.
36:07 Speaker 01 Can we try two of them next time we're in? I wanna try these buzz balls that everyone's on. Are they the balls?
36:12 Speaker 02 What the dickens is a buzz ball?
36:14 Speaker 01 Oh my god. They're like, I've never seen them, but everyone apparently just drinks them.
36:17 Speaker 02 Is it like a sweet?
36:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's like an alcoholic drink.
36:21 Speaker 02 A drink, okay.
36:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, it comes in a ball, it's like a yogurt pot.
36:24 Speaker 02 Like a, like a alcoholic patty-fu-lu. Anyway, she had three buzz balls and her friend had two. In case you aren't aware, although I bet Izzy has had a few in her time, these are the Viagra of pre-drinks. A very small round bottle come can of what I can only describe as the sweetest, most alcoholic saturated drink known to man. We arrived at the party rather steaming and a man I've never met approached us. It turns out he's a very good friend of my sister and my two brothers-in-law. All of them warned me to stay away from this man due to his promiscuous reputation. To quote Lucy, "I know what you're like and he's even worse." Despite that, we got chatting and had a bit of flirty banter all night as he bought me and my friend a few drinks and shots. Fast forward a couple of hours when my friend and I are the only ones on the dance floor,
37:08 Speaker 02 throwing shapes to Proud Mary, "Love really hurts without you" and all the rest.
37:12 Speaker 01 Oh, this is a proper 30th, this. "Love really hurts without you." Ah, get Louie van Drossen and you're laughing. Ah, proper 30th. I'm going to a wedding back up home soon, he's gonna be like that.
37:23 Speaker 02 Oh, I see this man whisper something to...
37:28 Speaker 02 I see this man whisper something to my aunt's fiance. I later found out that he said something along the lines of, "Oh, I'm gonna fuck her later." My aunt's fiance. Well, later that night, his statement manifested into reality. Somehow, my friend and I ended up at his house having a foursome with him and another man.
37:46 Speaker 02 It was mine and my friend's first foursome.
37:47 Speaker 01 Not cricket clubs I'm going to, but anyway.
37:50 Speaker 02 And although we both had fun, I'm now faced with the dilemma of ever attending another family member's birthday party, knowing two participants of my first ever foursome will most likely be there. Earlier today, I found out that nothing is sacred anymore and the news has spread very quickly. Thankfully, my sister isn't angry at the news, but I'm not sure how I'd feel if two close friends of mine had a foursome with my younger sister. I probably wouldn't love it. So, boys, please advise, do I hold my head up high and try to find the funny side in all of this, or do I just order an STI test and bury the whole thing deep within my subconscious? Thanks for always giving me the best laughs. Any advice would be fab. Lucy.
38:22 Speaker 01 Oh Lucy, that's, that's not nice that people know about that, because everyone's entitled to a private life and stuff. So that is pretty tough that it's going around. It sounds like this guy's a bit of an arsehole if you've been telling other people. That's not nice.
38:36 Speaker 02 I mean, I would say from an STI, whether you've had a foursome, a threesome, a twosome, you need to be doing that anyway.
38:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, get an STI test anyway. But yeah, don't, just own it. I think you've got to own it. Don't talk about it, but just don't, yeah. What is it? You shine light on shame and it doesn't...
38:51 Speaker 02 Oh, I don't know that one.
38:52 Speaker 01 John Robinson, but not from the...
38:56 Speaker 02 That's John Robbins.
38:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, anyway. So just, just kind of own it. And do you know what? It'll always be worse in your head than what it is.
39:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it is unfair that that's...
39:05 Speaker 01 It's unfair that it's getting around, but just don't like go in and go, yeah, I had a foursome. But people might talk behind your back, but they won't say it to your face. So just own it. Don't be, don't be ashamed by it. There'll be people talking about you that have done worse. Is that when we're having a foursome? What is it? A foursome?
39:23 Speaker 02 Was four people?
39:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, but were they in the same bed or like?
39:27 Speaker 02 Well, I don't, if they're in separate rooms, that's not a foursome.
39:30 Speaker 01 Yeah. So was it even a foursome?
39:32 Speaker 02 I presume, presume it was. I would say you've all got to be in the same, you know...
39:35 Speaker 01 Fuck it now, let's try some of these bus balls, whatever they're called.
39:38 Speaker 02 That's interesting.
39:41 Speaker 02 Why are you saying that now after a weekend away?
39:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:44 Speaker 03 Isn't a threesome called Eiffel Towering?
39:47 Speaker 02 That's if you do a certain position.
39:49 Speaker 03 Right.
39:49 Speaker 02 I believe.
39:50 Speaker 03 What about if you're a foursome?
39:52 Speaker 02 I think that's the Arc de Triomphe.
39:54 Speaker 01 That's the what?
39:55 Speaker 02 The Arc de Triomphe.
39:57 Speaker 01 Big London Bridge in it, that one.
39:59 Speaker 02 It could be, but that's not very French.
40:04 Speaker 02 London Bridge is in London, not in Paris.
40:06 Speaker 01 Tower Bridge, it'd be actually, wouldn't it?
40:08 Speaker 02 Yeah. Yes, actually, London Bridge is just flat. Yeah, Tower Bridge is the one.
40:12 Speaker 03 So Tower Bridge would be a foursome.
40:13 Speaker 02 Yeah. Our next dilemma is from Louise. So I have a disaster. I'm going to Paris this weekend. So I have a disaster of a situation which reminded me why I chose to say single. I live in terraced housing and I'm polite with my neighbours. I don't know their name and it didn't seem to be a problem as we only passed by some short pleasantries in passing. I know they are married and have kids, but that's it. So I took in a delivery for my neighbour as they weren't home. They were some roses, which I presumed were for Valentine's Day. Normally when parcels are delivered, they collect them when they get in, but this time they didn't. So I knocked on the door with the parcel for my neighbour, which had a card on it with their name on it. Let's say the name is Caroline. I didn't think much of it until the next minute I saw my neighbour chucking out black bin bags filled with clothes, shouting at her husband to call his side piece Caroline.
40:57 Speaker 02 It turns out the flowers the husband delivered were mixed up with the flowers intended for the mistress.
41:01 Speaker 01 Oh, it all goes on.
41:03 Speaker 02 What is the etiquette for collecting parcels for your neighbours without standing up on an episode of Jerry Springer? Any advice for future interactions with said neighbour? I don't think that's anything on you.
41:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't think you did all wrong there.
41:14 Speaker 02 That's not on you, Louise.
41:15 Speaker 01 I mean, if you'd known that she wasn't called Caroline, you could have took one. No. Maybe not.
41:21 Speaker 03 I think she's saying she didn't know that.
41:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, you didn't know the name.
41:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. Just, you're not to blame there.
41:28 Speaker 02 No.
41:29 Speaker 01 You're not to blame. It's a mad, mad cock up on his part, though.
41:34 Speaker 02 Quite, in so many ways.
41:35 Speaker 01 Mad cock up. Yeah.
41:38 Speaker 02 And if you're going to send flowers to both your wife and your mistress, one of them should be hand delivered.
41:42 Speaker 01 Yeah. Do you think?
41:44 Speaker 02 It's a joke.
41:45 Speaker 01 I don't get it.
41:47 Speaker 02 I'm not endorsing that.
41:48 Speaker 01 I, yeah, I, it reminds me of when I worked in local radio, you always got the competitions mixed up.
41:54 Speaker 02 I mean, that's, that's slightly different from having a mistress.
41:57 Speaker 01 Tickets out to like, family for Farmer Ted's.
42:01 Speaker 02 What's Farmer Ted's?
42:01 Speaker 01 No, it was like, no, it weren't. There was some water park in Southport.
42:04 Speaker 02 Hmm.
42:05 Speaker 01 No, it weren't. It was Farmer Jay's and then there was Farmer Geddon, which was like a scare.
42:08 Speaker 02 Farmer Jay's is the cafe around the corner.
42:11 Speaker 01 Oh, it was somewhere. Anyway, I got mixed up and these kids ended up going to this scare park and what then.
42:16 Speaker 02 I'm sure they had a lovely time.
42:16 Speaker 01 Easily done.
42:18 Speaker 02 Our final dilemma is from Chris, Dear William and Jordan, I live with my mother. This is important context. Uh, we were having a completely normal dinner, sausage and mash. Nothing suggestive, nothing charred.
42:28 Speaker 01 Second favourite tea?
42:30 Speaker 02 What's your first?
42:31 Speaker 01 Gobi Fash.
42:32 Speaker 02 Oh.
42:32 Speaker 01 I'm actually having sausage and mash tonight.
42:35 Speaker 02 Oh.
42:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:36 Speaker 02 Sausage and mash might be quite a good one for you to have a few days into your, you know.
42:39 Speaker 01 Tonight, because I thought I'll have one of my favourite teas.
42:41 Speaker 02 In case you die.
42:43 Speaker 01 Well, that and that, and I'm not allowed to eat, I'm not, tomorrow.
42:47 Speaker 02 Midway through, she said, while you're here, can you change the batteries in something for me? I assumed the remote. It was not the remote. Without embarrassment and at full conversational volume, she clarified it was her vibrator.
42:58 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ.
42:59 Speaker 02 She did not bring it to the table. She simply stated it as a fact and offered me a pair of disposable gloves. Disposable gloves. There was no humour, no awkwardness, just logistics. It just needs new batteries. I declined. She seemed mildly put out. We continued eating.
43:12 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ.
43:13 Speaker 02 I would like to reiterate that I live in this house. This is now part of the atmosphere. So my question is, is this healthy, modern openness or is there a boundary here that should remain battery operated and private?
43:22 Speaker 01 Yes, the latter.
43:23 Speaker 02 I now feel differently about both sausages and Duracell. Yours, who came for bangers and left with boundary issues. Chris, love it.
43:30 Speaker 01 Chris, your mother should not be asking you to, I mean, she's clearly frustrated and can't work it out. So she's just thought, I'm gonna buy the bullet here.
43:36 Speaker 02 Also, I don't, how difficult can it be?
43:40 Speaker 02 Surely you just twist the bottom?
43:43 Speaker 02 Twist the bottom and pop the batteries in.
43:45 Speaker 01 Chris, she's, yeah, I, I think she's overstepped the mark. Why would a mum just, why would a mum go and buy a new one?
43:52 Speaker 02 Or some of them are USB charge, you know, rechargeable.
43:54 Speaker 01 Are they?
43:55 Speaker 02 I'm told.
43:57 Speaker 01 Are they?
43:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:59 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
43:59 Speaker 02 You know, they're, they're, they've got a battery built in. You can't access it.
44:02 Speaker 01 Okay.
44:03 Speaker 02 Like a mobile phone.
44:04 Speaker 01 Right, sure.
44:07 Speaker 01 Well, yeah.
44:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, I would, I, I know why you are worked up and upset by that, Chris.
44:11 Speaker 01 I would be too.
44:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:13 Speaker 01 If your mother asks you to change the battery.
44:15 Speaker 02 Oh, don't go there.
44:16 Speaker 01 Exactly. And me too.
44:17 Speaker 02 I'd, I'd leave the planet.
44:19 Speaker 01 I wouldn't want to know.
44:20 Speaker 03 Well, Sarah Hansen, William's mother, doesn't know how to turn on a shower, does she?
44:24 Speaker 02 No, she doesn't know how to turn on her shower.
44:26 Speaker 01 They have a DVD player that's in Russian.
44:29 Speaker 02 They do. Oh, you do listen?
44:30 Speaker 01 Of course I do.
44:31 Speaker 02 Oh, bless you. They're currently on a cruise around South America.
44:33 Speaker 01 I know. They sent me a lovely birthday message last week.
44:35 Speaker 02 They did send you a lovely birthday message that Mikey filmed when we were FaceTiming.
44:38 Speaker 01 So sweet.
44:39 Speaker 02 And my father in law also texted the group to say they have, they just circumnavigated Cape Horn. It's like, you haven't done anything. You've been lying there whilst, you know, having spa treatments. You, you have, you've, you're on a cruise. You haven't, anyway, God bless them.
44:51 Speaker 01 But yeah, I do, I do think, Chris, that your mum's overstepped the privacy boundaries.
44:56 Speaker 02 Yes, absolutely.
44:57 Speaker 01 Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube as well. We'll put the full episodes up on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexton.
45:13 Speaker 02 We'll see you on Friday.
45:14 Speaker 01 Goodbye.
45:20 Speaker 05 Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over a hundred dollars off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.
45:54 Speaker 00 The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask what's next. I'm Gabby Logan and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.
Previous Jordan FAINTS | And Sushi With Half Pints Next He Unfollowed ME? | And Jordan’s Got The Itch Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated