Help There’s An Old Man Watching | And William's Coffee Whinge

After Jordan falls asleep in a meeting, William has his own bone to pick with feeling tired and filter coffee! The boys also decide which one of them is the most assertive and help with a dilemma involving an unexpected audience in the bedroom. -- Want more Sexted in your life? Join Help I Sexted My Boss Out Of Office for exclusive episodes every WEDNESDAY on Patreon! Just head to sextedmyboss.com/patreon -- Want MORE Help I Sexted My Boss?: https://sextedmyboss.komi.io/ -- FOLLOW Jordan North Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jordannorth1 William Hanson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/williamhansonetiquette TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@williamhansonetiquette If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike, and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Hi everyone, it's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial

• 1:14Speaker 01

  professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 1:31Speaker 02

  This is my good pen, right?

• 1:33Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  I got this pen in Spain and I can't get it anywhere else.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  Now write with it.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  It's a really good, it's called MP Rollpoint.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  Okay, I want to write with it, please.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Not just, I mean, it's a Spanish cleaning products. Spanish stationery. Isn't that a good pen?

• 1:47Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, it's a ballpoint.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  It's not, it's better than any old ballpoint. So don't let me lose it.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  This podcast is better than any old ballpoint.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  That's true. So don't let me lose it.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas like, how do you convince your work colleagues to come to Butlins with you? We've got to do it. He's such a good laugh.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  No.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Or, what to say to your partner when they want to conduct some oral exploration of non-traditional zones?

• 2:31Speaker 02

  And what should you do if you've accidentally sexed your boss? But we're not usually going to answer, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  No, we're not. Jordan North, radio presenter. I'm more passive aggression. You're more accents and impressions. I like that. It's from Nicholas. Thank you, Nicholas. Shall we have a drink?

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's have a drink.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  This week's toast goes out to Ryan and Amy via Katie, who messaged in to say, Dear William, Jordan, EPB, Chairman Erator Stuart, Gen Z Izzy, Jump Cut Jack, Social Joe, and good heavens, I hope I haven't missed anyone out. Crap, I forgot Diego.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  And Zoff.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  And Zofia. In fact, we're not going to do it.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  I'm a lion. It is okay. I don't want to. I'm nonchalant. Is he it?

• 3:13Speaker 00

  No, he's not.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  I'm nonchalant. It's my new favourite impression. You all right, Diego? Yes.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  He's called Rodrigo.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Oh, I've got the two in. Sorry, Rodrigo. Yeah. I'm a lion.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  They're very close. An OGG.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  I am a lion.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  An OGG and Deva here. I'm Katie, and I'm a Midlands gal living in Canada. It'd mean the world to me if you could start an episode with a toast to Ryan and Amy, my very dear friends who are getting married in the next few weeks. We went to watch you in Birmingham a few years ago, and I'm flying back to Blighty for the wedding, of course. They aren't getting a wedding gift from me, as I effing flew here, and flight prices are disgusting. So I know a shout out from you guys would make Amy's day on her wedding morning. Love you both and doodle doodle do to you, Katie.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Doodle doodle. Did I give a shout out to Katie? Did I give a shout out to the really nice guy on the train? He gave me loads of free vodka. Massive G and Deva.

• 4:07Speaker 00

  No.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Oh, I've got to remember, he came to see us in London, him and his fella and his dad. Oh, I'm so sorry if I forgot about that. I would have put it in my notes. Hang on. Oh no, I'm really sorry. Was it Ed?

• 4:23Speaker 00

  None of us, none of us can help you.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Pete, I'm so sorry. I met you and you gave me a few vodkas on the train. But anyway, to all wonderful G and Devas.

• 4:31Speaker 00

  This is to Ryan and Amy via Katie. All of you, up yours.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  One day, I'll tell you about the G and Deva I met in Amsterdam, when I'm ready for it. In fact, that could be the new Guinness joke. If you ever see me in the pub saying, where did you meet G and Deva?

• 4:49Speaker 00

  Are you going to tell me later?

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  Golly. Well, the mind boggles, doesn't it?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Not that bad. Just trying to.

• 4:57Speaker 00

  You're just trying to sex it up a bit?

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  Okay. Anyway, how are you?

• 5:02Speaker 02

  I'm good. Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  What's been going on?

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Fell asleep in a meeting this week.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I did a Donald Trump.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  But was it a boring meeting or were you just tired?

• 5:10Speaker 02

  It wasn't actually a boring meeting. It was quite interesting. And I did a full Donald Trump. I mean, I didn't shit myself, but I did a full Donald Trump.

• 5:17Speaker 00

  You built a wall?

• 5:18Speaker 02

  No, I fell asleep, a proper fell asleep. And it was awful. In with the boss as well. And the thing is, it was in the green room at Capital. And in there, it's that comfy, so it's where all the guests is. Sometimes we meet in there. And I just had a little cushion. And honestly, they were like, wittering on. I made my point.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Wittering on?

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Well, you know what it's like.

• 5:38Speaker 00

  You're doubling down on this, aren't you?

• 5:39Speaker 02

  And I just went, and my eyes went, no, no, don't. So I'm all set up. And then started slouching more and more. And for some stupid reason, I got a cushion, trying to help me up. And I proper fell asleep.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Did they notice?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. Everyone know, apart from boss and a few people. And Chris just went, what do you think, Jordan? I went, what? So I feel really bad. That's, oh, that's how I fell asleep at the barber's as well.

• 6:05Speaker 00

  Well, that's sort of understandable.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  When they washed your head. That's right. Therapeutic. And I thought, oh, oh, that's absolutely lovely. And I just nodded off then.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Well, that's, that's, that's okay.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  So other than that, I just said sorry afterwards. And I said, the boss of town said sorry.

• 6:21Speaker 00

  It wasn't you.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  It wasn't me. It's just, yeah.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  No, no, it was you. It wasn't them.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it wasn't them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So that's it. Fall asleep in meetings, not very professional, William.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  It's not very professional. Just don't make a habit of it.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  I won't.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  I think you can probably then get away with it.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Okay. What about you? What's been going on?

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Have you watched recently?

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Traitors. Bloody love it.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the, the shards.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Yes. I knew you'd like the shards.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  Well, there are a couple of reasons I like the shards.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Main character, your type. And I was watching it and I said, I bet you William fancies him.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  Well, Mikey wanted to watch it and I hadn't heard of it.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  I think it's amazing. Disney Plus. It's based in the eighties.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  Or Hulu if you're in America. Yeah, certainly eighties. Ryan Murphy.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Who wrote American Psycho.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  And Glee.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  No, not Ryan Murphy. The guy who wrote American Psycho, well, it's based on his book.

• 7:14Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah. So there is a book and it's, and I want to find the book. I want to, I think it's sort of, sort of loosely based on truth. It's sort of serial killings in LA. It's a great, great show for me to watch weeks before I go to LA. It's very comforting. And the ending, have you got to the ending?

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Terrible.

• 7:32Speaker 00

  I have never been more cross with a television show.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  I'm, I'll shut your hand on that, my friend. It's an amazing, but it's an amazing TV show, but that ending, you're like.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  What was the point of watching nine episodes?

• 7:45Speaker 02

  Don't give too, but I think they're going to do another set. Well, they better do another.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  They bloody well better.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  But then you never know these days if it's going to get renewed.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Literally, Mike and I wanted to throw things at the television.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  I was like, come on, you've edged this out for.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  Egged it out.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Edged.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Egged. Edged.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Edged this out for, yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  And, and it ends.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Don't give too much away, because it is, I would highly recommend watching it. It's brilliant.

• 8:11Speaker 00

  Just prepare to be disappointed.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  It's brilliant. But yeah, have you also, get on, and anybody listening to this, get on Widows Bay. It's absolutely fantastic.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  I was going to say this. Hi, guys.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  Hi, Ben. What's your fellow in it who won the two Emmys? Oh, he's Welsh.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  He's so good.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  He's so, he's proud that he's a British actor, because he won an Emmy for.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  Matthew Rees.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Matthew Rees.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Is that right?

• 8:38Speaker 02

  He's the only guy to win two Emmys in the same night. He won an Emmy for.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  The Beast in Me, I think. And he was the reason why I started Widows Bay. I loved him in The Beast in Me.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  I think he's brilliant. And he was in The Americans, which apparently is brilliant. Anyway, Widows Bay, bit scary.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Oh no, but scarier than the shards?

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's scary.

• 8:57Speaker 00

  Oh no.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  He'll put the willies up, you.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  Please watch it. You will love Widows Bay.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  I've just said I'm watching it.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Oh, right. Okay. Well, I don't listen to you. It's good, isn't it?

• 9:07Speaker 03

  I was watching it on my own after a couple of beverages.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  We should do a podcast about telly. I could talk telly for days.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  I could talk telly for days.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  No, well, Mike and I don't normally deviate from watching basically Frasier, The West Wing, or, well, to be fair, we've put into The Manaborn at the moment. We've put that in our full cycle.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  You still watch The West Wing?

• 9:31Speaker 00

  I love The West Wing.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  You still watch it? We've been talking about The West Wing for like nine years.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  We just repeat. We just finish the show and we just go back.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  I'm Downton. You know, there's.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Mikey watched Downton more than me.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  I've got a list of things.

• 9:42Speaker 00

  Rewatching The Crown, series three, better than I remember. Series four, it was the first Olivia Colman one.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, she got a bit of crap for that.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, she did. Well, because Claire Foy was so amazing, but the.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Olivia Colman's amazing.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, but Claire Foy was so amazing.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Do you remember when we had Sunday dinner behind her and you lost your shit?

• 9:59Speaker 00

  Behind who?

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Olivia Colman. She was sat behind us.

• 10:02Speaker 00

  I didn't lose my shit. I've never lost my shit in my life, other than, other than in Manchester, when I see Helen.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Put his knife and fork down. There's a few of us.

• 10:10Speaker 00

  You are going to utterly fabricate this.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  I don't want to alarm anyone, but I feel Olivia Colman is behind. Oh, it was Mikey, actually.

• 10:17Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  It was Mikey. Sorry. It was Mikey.

• 10:20Speaker 00

  You know me, I couldn't give two hoots who's who. But.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Do you remember when we met that big YouTuber and you hated her at the same place?

• 10:28Speaker 00

  Oh, that's very good reason for that.

• 10:31Speaker 00

  Um, yeah, but, uh, you make me sound like I've got problems with everyone.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  No.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  The only person.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Sorry, carry on.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  The only person I would lose my shit meeting would be the lead. I don't know his name. Name's not important. In the shards.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  Very good looking guy.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  I see.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  The only person you'd lose your shit at.

• 10:52Speaker 00

  Currently.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, but watch the shards. Watch, uh.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  Is it Igby Rigby?

• 10:56Speaker 00

  That's the one.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  Igby Rigby.

• 10:59Speaker 00

  I know.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  Igby Rigby?

• 11:01Speaker 00

  You'd change that, wouldn't you?

• 11:04Speaker 03

  If you met Igby Rigby.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Is he called Igby Rigby?

• 11:07Speaker 00

  Igby Rigby.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Sorry, Igby.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Igby Rigby, and does he?

• 11:12Speaker 00

  He can.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  And the author is Brett Easton Ellis.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  Just to round that off.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Get on, Gene Davis. But speaking of telly, right, Traitors, no spoilers, because the thing is with Traitors, people could be listening to this two years behind and your episodes behind. I went to a restaurant on Friday, my favourite restaurant.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  Right. And she actually said that when the Traitors is on, it affects bookings. Because there, at like half six, which is very.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  Is that why you managed to get a table?

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, no, because I, I, I wanted to be back for Traitors. It was on a Friday. And I was like, I went, I can't believe it's so busy on a Friday at half six. Nobody wants to eat at Friday at half six. You want to go at half seven, eight, don't you?

• 11:50Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  And she said it's because everybody wants to be back for the Traitors. And I was like, no way.

• 11:54Speaker 00

  Gosh.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  She said it genuinely affects bookings. Imagine being that popular of a TV show. That's amazing, isn't it?

• 12:00Speaker 00

  It's very amazing. Good on them.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  It was good. It, uh, it was this meal I was looking forward to all week, my favourite restaurant.

• 12:05Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  And, um, I, she run me deaf ear.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  So she come over, I had me, it's like an Italian New York. I had spaghetti. I get the same thing every time, prawn cocktail, spaghetti meatballs.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  Very Italian.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  And she, she started grating cheese and said, say when. I didn't hear and I just went, huh, yeah. And she looked at me again. I went, say when? I went, huh, yeah. And I just had a massive pile of grated cheese on me. It's kind of ruined it a bit. Oh, I like cheese as much as an X-Man, but not too much. And Parmesan's very sickly.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  Is it? Well, it is in that quantity.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  It was good.

• 12:39Speaker 00

  Oh, well, that's nice. Um, can we talk about filter coffee?

• 12:43Speaker 02

  I could.

• 12:43Speaker 00

  I'd like justice for filter coffee. It winds me up. I had to go to Kent a few weeks ago. Don't, don't ask me why. I went to Kent.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Oh, Kent.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  I was at St Pancras to get the, the train in the morning. It's seven o'clock, busy old time. Oh my God, the queue for the Eurostar with pre-registration went all the way around the terminal. I was so glad I was not getting on that.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  What's that mean?

• 13:03Speaker 00

  The pre-registration now with the EU going to EU passport control.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Oh God, what do they want now, the bloody? They're Tate bureaucrats. That's what they bloody are.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Anyway, I go into a coffee shop. I'll have a, a filter, please. Yeah. Oh, sorry, we're out. Or, oh no, we haven't done it. The coffee shop near me, same problem. Oh, we're at the. And that we can do you Americano. That's going to, no, it's not. That's going to take you longer. It's going to cost the restaurant or the cafe more in coffee, labour, time. Filter coffee is so straightforward. You just pump it out and then hand it over and off you go. You're in and out in like 20 seconds.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  Why don't you like Americano?

• 13:44Speaker 00

  I just find it, I, I'm getting better with them, but I find them too strong. Filters are much smoother, crisper. Let's, restaurants and cafes, start doing filter coffee because it is better economically.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Filter coffee at home.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Americanos, flat whites, when you're out. Same with tea. I'd never get a tea out. Maybe at morning at breakfast.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  No.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  I'd never get a cup of tea out. But you are right. You've talked about this before.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  I do. And it's just, it's, it's frustrating because you're like, you could, you could probably increase your margins, not by much. At the end of the day, it's coffee. But you could increase your margins a little bit more if you actually did filter coffee more. Or you said to a member of staff, right, pause, pause on the whole, you know, let's do oat syrup lattes with a squirt of vanilla that takes forever. And the margin is much smaller on. Pause, redo the filter coffee because for those who just want a coffee and they can add their milk at the station, it'll be quicker.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  I believe it's called batch brew.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  Well, it is in your part of London, yes. The rest of us call it filtered coffee.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  If you're gonna have.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  But in East London, they call it batch brew and stick an extra pound on it.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  If you, if, if, if, if I'm going, if you're gonna have a winch, can I have one?

• 14:49Speaker 00

  You go for it, yes.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  If you come down to London, I hate to be this guy.

• 14:54Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  And it is mainly tourists and people come down.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  But where are they coming down from?

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Well, wherever.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Your part of the world.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, no, just everywhere, right? If you get on the tube or you get on a train or public transport, move down. Right? Don't hang around.

• 15:09Speaker 00

  In the carriage.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, in the carriage. Because people hang around in the middle bit. Move right down the platform, right down, and then you can get people on.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  Just that's my winch for, for today.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  No, that's fine. Ben, do you want to get anything out, out of your system?

• 15:26Speaker 03

  No.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  There's somewhere else as well.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  Your local shop ran out of kombucha this week? No.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  No, all good.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  You know the everything store near me?

• 15:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Boss Man, open all hours, God sends. Genuinely don't know how he does it. I went in the other day and he didn't have it in.

• 15:41Speaker 00

  What?

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I forgot, but it's bugging me. Let me, it'll come to me. I've literally, do you know, I've gone there in me, I've told you, I've gone there in me flippers for a can, can opener and a bottle of vodka.

• 15:49Speaker 00

  In your flippers?

• 15:50Speaker 02

  In my slippers.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  What did it, have you even got in?

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Jordan's lost the plot.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  No, obviously, I call it the everything store. I don't even know his name. He calls me.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. He calls me, I just call him boss. He's a lovely guy. He's, and.

• 16:09Speaker 00

  Have you not bothered to learn his name?

• 16:10Speaker 02

  You know, coffee filters for your co- coffee drip machines?

• 16:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  He even had them in. Like, usually you've got to order them on Amazon. Oh, what did I go in for? And I thought he'd have them in. It was, some of those Sunday dinner I was making.

• 16:22Speaker 00

  Potatoes.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Bisto gravy.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  No.

• 16:26Speaker 00

  Yorkshire puddings, salt and pepper, mustard.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Black pudding.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Black pudding for Sunday dinner?

• 16:33Speaker 02

  I was doing Sunday brunch, they didn't have black pudding. It's the only time I've been in and not had it.

• 16:38Speaker 00

  Well, that is quite specific.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Black pudding. They've got everything in there. I really wanted black pudding on Sunday when I run go over. Anyway.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  Good. Well, that was a good pal.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  My brothers are staying this week as well.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Are they?

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're all coming up.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Lovely.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  They were down quite recently, weren't they?

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. It's like a frigging, honestly, it's like a hotel mine.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  Yes, it is.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Well, yeah.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  You're letting it.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Well, no, you know who's got involved?

• 17:02Speaker 00

  Wendy?

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 00

  Why's she got involved?

• 17:04Speaker 02

  I don't think it's right, your brother's staying in a hotel. Well, it's in Watford. Well, you know, it's not right. They can stop at mine.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  You need to be, you see, I'm, my therapist said to me at the, the end of my last session, which she said is an odd thing to say to me, given what I do, but she said, I need to work on being more assertive. Uh, so we're going to do that next session. And I think you need to be more assertive too.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  What does assertive mean?

• 17:27Speaker 00

  Um, uh, like, you know, stand up for yourself.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  To Wendy?

• 17:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  All right, you ring her then. Great, you ring her.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  Go on, give me, give me a phone. Give me a phone.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  Jordan needs to be more assertive.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  No, no, I'm going to be assertive for you. I'm going to say they can't stay.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  Why? Well, they can stay, they're family.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  You've clearly got an issue with it.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  I haven't. I didn't know they wanted to stay. They were going to book an hotel. I said, no, you stop at mine.

• 17:51Speaker 00

  Well, next time you need to say no to Wendy, I'll say no for you because I know I can practise being more assertive.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Do you want a roll call?

• 17:59Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  All right.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Role play.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Sorry, roll call. What's that?

• 18:03Speaker 00

  It's like a.

• 18:04Speaker 03

  Jordan?

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Okay, what am I, give me the scenario. What am I saying no to Wendy about?

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Uh, anything.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  Okay, how about, let's imagine Wendy's phoned.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  I haven't answered the phone because I'm busy.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:18Speaker 00

  The next time I speak to Wendy, she's going to bite my ear off.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you're not her son, she's not bothered.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  I'm going to pretend to be you, but as me, and you're going to be Wendy. This will make a change.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Ready? Ring, ring, ring, ring. Ring, ring?

• 18:31Speaker 00

  Ring. I've answered.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Where the bloody hell have you been?

• 18:36Speaker 00

  I'm sorry.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  I am your mother. I gave, oh God, no wonder I've got problems. I gave birth to you. She's not that bad. She's not this bad. Why didn't you answer the phone?

• 18:47Speaker 00

  I was busy.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Oh, you're out gallivanting in London now. I get it. Yeah. Too important for your family. Yeah.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  It sounds like you've got a real issue here.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Who's got an issue?

• 18:56Speaker 00

  You.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Who do you think you're talking to, gobshite? Who do you think you are?

• 19:01Speaker 00

  I was busy.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Well, I said, who do you think you are?

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Mother.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  No, I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you, I'll tell you what it is right now. Don't come on here, give me a big man on bloody phone because I'll come down there and you're still not too old for a bloody good hiding. All right?

• 19:17Speaker 02

  How's that bitch you're working with anyway?

• 19:20Speaker 00

  Well, I think Wendy needs to allow someone to have it.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Wendy doesn't need to say a word. Who are you like? Bloody soup and a.

• 19:28Speaker 00

  To, I'll probably just block a number. Yeah, I think it'd be a lot easier.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Right, should we do William's Etiquetology of the Week?

• 19:34Speaker 00

  Yes, we will. But before we get started, there's been great debate around the lyrics of Etiquetology of the Week. Now, Chairman Emeritus Stu was adamant.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  Great debate.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, masturbate.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  As in, how many?

• 19:47Speaker 00

  There's been debate.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's two people have said, yeah. Chairman Emeritus Stu was adamant it was, he'll give you manners, full stop, a subtle tweak, full stop.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  Two separate segments. Whereas literally everyone else.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  He'll give your manners a subtle tweak.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Well, literally everyone else in the audio always office said it's, he'll give your manners a subtle tweak, tweak line continuation.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Hmm, that's what I think.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Let's all listen. Let's hear the jingle again.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Just for clarity, he'll give you.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  Stu says it's, he'll give you manners, full stop, a subtle tweak, full stop. Everyone else thinks it is, he'll give your manners, no full stop, a subtle tweak.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Which would make sense, wouldn't it?

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. We'll have a listen. What do you all think?

• 20:51Speaker 00

  Now, I can hear, I can for the first time hear both sides.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's actually, he'll give your manners.

• 20:57Speaker 00

  He'll give your manners.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Your manners.

• 20:59Speaker 00

  But if this was being transcribed into an on-text graphic, which I'd imagine is where this stemmed from, it probably should be your manners, even if it said your manners.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Well, we put a. It's like when Jordan says like some sort of northernism, we just put the normal word in, in the subtitles.

• 21:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, those subtitles do me dirty. What do you mean?

• 21:22Speaker 03

  You're just short on words and that, don't you?

• 21:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  Um, well, we put.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  I just find it so weird to say, I'm going to the shop.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, to the shop, the subtitles would say to the shop.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  It feels so wrong.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  Well, that's fine. That's your, that's how you speak.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  I'm going to the shop. I'm not going to the shop, do you want to? I'm going to the shop. Would you want anything? That's like an extra millisecond of my life I've wasted.

• 21:45Speaker 00

  We've put a poll on our Instagram asking G and D'as what they thought, and here are the results. 12% said, he'll give you manners a subtle tweak. 7% said, he'll give you manners hyphen with a subtle tweak. It's definitely not that. 79% said, he'll give your manners a subtle tweak. And 1% said something else. So 79% are correct. Have we just thought of asking Stephen, who wrote the jingle, what he is singing? We have. And what has he said? We thought about it. Oh, you've thought about it? You just haven't done it? Okay, fine.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Well, that's good. Means they haven't, but they thought about it.

• 22:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, after this break, where I'm giving something a subtle tweak, when we come back, I'm going to talk to you all about Ottomans and Puffs.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 23:36Speaker 00

  Welcome back, G and D'as. It's time for my Etiquetology of the Week, where I'm going to give your manners a subtle tweak. And based on Ottoman chat we had recently, can you remember that?

• 23:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  No, well, we did. And you would say, what the hell's an ottoman? And I said, well, it's a, basically, it's a small square or rectangular footstool that matches or is part of a suite of upholstered seating furniture.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  It's a puff.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  An ottoman and a puff? Very different. I'm going to tell you the difference.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  It's a small puff.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 24:09Speaker 00

  They are usually fabric without legs and have a padded top. Your type, which is not deep buttoned. Some may have a lid that allows storage inside, and they're often seen at the foot of a bed. The term comes from the Ottoman Empire, whose capital was in the modern day Turkey. And historically, an ottoman was a low upholstered couch upon which you reclined. They were based on the sedia or the divan seen throughout the Ottoman Empire and what is now modern day Turkey. A sedia, however, went around the wall of a room, so almost like an L shape, like you get L-shaped sofas today. Whereas a divan was often a singular piece against a wall. Both were low wooden couches upon which loose cushions would be scattered and you would recline. A puff.

• 24:51Speaker 00

  Now you've sat up. A puff is also a small upholstered footstool. Hailing from France, the name comes from the French word pouf, which means being puffed up. A puff is deep buttoned, giving it a puffed up look, hence the name. And puffs tend to be small and dainty. So there we go. Different. A puff is like a small little sort of footstool that's puffier.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  And an ottoman.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  An ottoman is a longer bench.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  And you can lift them up.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Some of them.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Put your magazines under there.

• 25:19Speaker 00

  Or blankets, or towels, or whatever you want to put bodies, you know, whatever you want to put, you can, you can put there.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  So that's a puff.

• 25:27Speaker 00

  That's an ottoman.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  Right.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  And a puff is smaller.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  But I've got, I don't, when you next come to mine, because I've got a big puff.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  I think.

• 25:37Speaker 00

  Well, send me a photo and I'll tell you what it is.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  I'll send you a photo of my big puff and my little puff, and you can tell me which is which.

• 25:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  But I've got three puffs. I actually need a piano now. I know, it's four puffs.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  That is a very old.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Very funny. And it's also a very old reference. Oh, you won't get away with that now, would you?

• 25:57Speaker 00

  You absolutely would not.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  I have a house band called Four Puffs and a Piano.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  It was Jonathan Ross. He had a musical act on his show that would play on the guests, and they were called The Four Puffs and the Piano.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  They were great.

• 26:08Speaker 00

  I can't really remember watching the show, to be honest, so.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  They still go in Four Puffs and a Piano.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  Oh, they must.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  I bet you can book them for weddings. It'll probably be like Sugar Babes. It'll be like four or five different versions of it.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  Yes, Jade Ewan's probably one of The Four Puffs and a Piano now.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  Who?

• 26:24Speaker 00

  Jade Ewan.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  They're playing in London next month.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  Get away.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  Can we go?

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Can they record us a jingle?

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Don't put Stephen out of work.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, four, yeah, famed for Friday night with Jonathan Ross. They're, they're playing Fox and Furkin.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  Well, if we need a house band, we can get them. Next tour.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  I prefer an R and B band.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Before we get onto modern day dilemmas, tomorrow, we've got another Patreon exclusive episode.

• 26:49Speaker 00

  Ooh.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Ooh, no, you did it a bit early.

• 26:53Speaker 00

  I wanted to ooh early.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 26:54Speaker 00

  Mix it up. That's right. Premium members of our Patreon channel help I Sex to My Boss out of office. I've done it. Ooh. I've done it. I've done it. I went early. Plus the change. They get a brand new episode every Wednesday.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Last Wednesday, so I was tackle the most posh and common things related to autumn.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  So tomorrow's out of office episode is a reaction special, where we will be reacting to classic sexted moments from over the years and reacting to the various lovely and not so lovely comments left on our episodes. You can head to sextomypost.com/patreon to watch and listen.

• 27:25Speaker 02

  Did you do my bit there? Because you know, I was holding it in the yawn. That was very sweet.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  Oh, no, I just, I just went into autopilot.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. So here we go. What we've got?

• 27:36Speaker 00

  Okay, this is from anonymous. Dear William, Jordan and the team, I have a bit of a dilemma, and I'm not sure whether I'm being ambitious, selfish, or just slightly ridiculous. I've entered an Ironman. What's that?

• 27:46Speaker 02

  You'd be good at that, ironing.

• 27:48Speaker 00

  Oh, now I'm in.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  Bedding and clothes.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  And then the best ironer gets labelled the Ironman of 2026.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  Seems very gender specific. Why can't it be Iron Person?

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Well, you can, because Ironman is actually aimed at men to try and get more men into ironing.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 28:07Speaker 02

  Because even in 2026, most of the ironing is left to women.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  Which is wrong.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  So they have an Ironman competition. And it's like blokes ironing, seeing how they can get creases out and stuff. I think you'd be really good at it.

• 28:20Speaker 00

  Okay. Well, let's go back to anonymous. The problem is they haven't told their boyfriend yet. Now, we don't know what gender anonymous is, but presumably male because he's doing Ironman. He actually told me that he thinks I shouldn't enter one at the moment. I've been slightly unwell and I need to have surgery. And his view is that I've got the rest of my life to do an Ironman. So why put myself through it? You don't really have the rest of your life, do you, to do it? I don't think you do an Ironman at like eight.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  You'd be surprised.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:47Speaker 02

  Get yourself a good board.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  Okay. I completely understand where he's coming from, but I've gone and entered one anyway. So now I have two opinions. Do I tell him now, knowing he'll probably think I'm mad and potentially risk him hating the idea? Or do I keep it to myself for now? Have the surgery, get fitter and start training properly? And tell him once I'm further into the process and he can see that I'm coping with it. Sincerely, a potentially Ironman-sized secret. Well, I don't think there should be secrets between you and whoever you're in a relationship with, so I think you probably need to tell them.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, but maybe he's, he's just looking out for you. Because having an operation, you know, you do need your body to recover. And if you're training for an Ironman.

• 29:25Speaker 00

  It depends where the operation is on your body and how that's going to affect the ironing.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  Can you do an Ironman sitting down?

• 29:34Speaker 02

  No, you need to be full fit. So maybe if you have an operation, maybe it could be something you concentrate on after you're up. And then you get yourself.

• 29:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's something to get you through it.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  Unless you're having like a leg off or something, then probably best to do it.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Well, you could do, you could do the ironing sitting down. I've done that before. If you just lower the board and you can just sit there and watch the TV.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  Which works.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  But no secrets.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, no secrets, but he's, but he's just looking out for you. And maybe just have a think, it might be best to do it after you're up, when you're recovered, something to.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, get you through.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Get you through it and focus on.

• 30:06Speaker 00

  And spend this year sort of low-key training.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Subtly. This is from Poppy. Dear William, Jordan and the rest of the lovely sexted team. As a Gen Z person, I appreciate I'm potentially asking the wrong people for advice here.

• 30:19Speaker 00

  How rude. But my friends have been absolutely useless and you are quite literally my last hope. Thank you.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  What we're here for.

• 30:27Speaker 00

  My boyfriend has started using 'we' when talking about things he's very much doing alone. The other day, he said, 'We really need to stop eating so much cheese.'

• 30:35Speaker 02

  I do this.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  I was at work.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  I hadn't eaten cheese that day, hadn't even been in the house. The man had apparently sat there and eaten an entire block of cheddar by himself and decided it was a joint effort. And now he's doing it with everything. We really need to get better at saving money while ordering sixty pounds of Deliveroo. We need to drink less when I've had one glass of wine and he's three pints deep. We should probably start going to the gym when I haven't even seen him for two weeks. At what point do I tell him that we is actually just him and his terrible life choices? As we're long distance, I won't be seeing him for a while. So could you please help me compose a text that is jovial and loving, but also gets across the very important message of babe, I love you, but cut this shit out because it's getting on my tits. Love you both. I wouldn't do it via text.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  I, yeah, I wouldn't do it via text. Next time he says it, just say.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  Go, can we take a minute?

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Can I stop you there?

• 31:26Speaker 00

  When you say we, who do you mean?

• 31:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I think he actually saying we because he probably wants you by his side. It's actually quite cute. He wants you to, maybe wants you to, you need to say to him, it's not me that's spending money, it's you ordering takeaway. I think you need to give him a bit of tough love. Well, it's not me that needs to go to the gym because I go three times a week, it's you. It's not me that needs to stop eating cheese, it's you. But I will help you. I think that's, I think it's kind of a bit of a call for help maybe, wants, wants support.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  And stuff.

• 31:57Speaker 00

  There's clearly some issues going on.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  And then say, so if, if, if you want to get back in the gym, we will go together. If you want to spend less money, we will do that together. I will help you spend less money.

• 32:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  That kind of thing. Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 00

  Yeah. I think that's it. But don't do it via text, Poppy. I know you're long distance. You're just gonna have to wait.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  Do it on the phone, at least.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Face time.

• 32:17Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  Yeah. And say it with a smile.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  Kill them with kindness.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Exactly. And it'll be a bit of a shock to him.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  Yes. It could be the royal we, because sometimes I've said to people, we, meaning me, but I'm just sort of doing it a bit grandly. And that confuses people because younger generations have not heard of the royal we, or are not yet aware of it.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Awesome.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  You know, we are like, we are not amused.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. This is from Matt. Dear William Jordan and E P B, after a long dry spell, I decided to re-download Grindr to see if I could get some local action. To my surprise, a chap appeared who was after some quick no strings fun and was only a two-minute walk away. He said it was at a friend's house, so the assumption was he was house-sitting. So I headed over for some quick relief. He met me at the door and led me upstairs. All seemed normal until we entered the bedroom. He started undoing his trousers as I entered the room. He then uttered the word, 'It's okay if he watches, isn't it?' To my utter surprise and shock, he pointed towards an elderly gentleman in the bed. At no point had he asked or even hinted there being another person in attendance. I politely declined and asked if we could do it downstairs, to which, I think that's what he wanted, to

• 33:20Speaker 00

  which he seemed offended that I wasn't up for having an aging voyeur and proceeded to lead me downstairs. He then opened the front door and said, 'Sorry, mate, it was a bit of a deal breaker,' and showed me out. I walked home in complete shock. So what's the etiquette for when you're about to get down to business and you are surprised with an elderly voyeur? My friend suggested putting a blanket over him with a peep hole, but that just seemed a bit cruel. Yes. Thanks for the ongoing laughs, Matt.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  I mean, no, I think he could have said before.

• 33:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, you absolutely should have said, that other person should have said before.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Do you mind if we mate-watch us?

• 33:52Speaker 00

  Regardless of age of the voyeur, you would, you should flag in advance that you're going to be watched.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, you weren't in the wrong there. It definitely should have been, can we mate-watch?

• 34:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  In corner, in bed.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, you shouldn't just sort of spring it upon them.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  So he's gone round.

• 34:10Speaker 00

  He's gone round for a bit of, you know, nuky.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  And the guy's the same age as him?

• 34:14Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then in the corner is, is an older gentleman.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  In the bed?

• 34:17Speaker 00

  I mean, the, in the room, yeah, whatever.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  He's not even on a cuck chair, surely? No. If you're gonna do it, do it properly.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  I would say it's irrelevant whether he's in the bed or in the cuck chair or, you know.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  But surely if you're in the bed, then you're gonna be close to some of the action. Why am I getting visions of your man from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

• 34:34Speaker 00

  Or grandpa.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  All four. I bet you, I seen a meme about this. I bet that room fucking stunk. You know, all four of them in bed.

• 34:42Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  But yeah, why am I getting the image of all four of them top-tailing in bed? They were piss poor, Charlie's family, weren't they?

• 34:49Speaker 00

  Well, yeah.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Cheer up, Charlie. Remember his mum in Laundrette?

• 34:55Speaker 00

  In the laundrette?

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Have you seen Willy Wonka?

• 34:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, but not for a while.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  Which one? Where's the laundrette? She what? She works in a laundrette? She's a big, she knows. She does. The original, the old one or the new one? Yes, the old one.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Gene, Gene Wilder one?

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, she works in a laundrette. She's got a big spoon. She's going, cheer up, Charlie. The weather is.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Is this like you confusing Oliver and Mary Poppins, which is a continual thing?

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Right. It's one of my favourite films. He thinks he has a golden.

• 35:28Speaker 00

  I've never heard you mention it before.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  He has a golden ticket and she's working in a laundrette with a big thing. What's she doing then?

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Is it, are they in the house?

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Oh, I thought she works in a laundrette. No, she does. She works in a laundrette.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  Well, shall we, shall we watch that?

• 35:48Speaker 02

  It's what Cotton's character was based on. Cheer up, Charlie. What's the song? The weather is bright. Anyway, that's the image I've, I've got the image of Charlie's grandpa.

• 36:02Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  In bed with his little feet hanging out. Oh, you could have let him have a wank and watched. No, no, you're right. You need, you need permission.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  You need to create some boundaries.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:13Speaker 00

  This is from anonymous. I've just bought my first home.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  I'm a little tugging corner.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  What's the grandpa called? Grandpa Joe. Is it?

• 36:22Speaker 00

  Yeah. Correct. I think that is correct. Yeah. Hmm. You got that bit correct.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  It's your favourite film.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  Can you name the other children that went to the?

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Augustus, Save Some For Later.

• 36:34Speaker 00

  Augustus who?

• 36:35Speaker 02

  Gloop.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  Well done. What's the other one?

• 36:36Speaker 02

  Violet.

• 36:37Speaker 00

  Violet what?

• 36:38Speaker 02

  It's you. You're Violet.

• 36:40Speaker 00

  All regards.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Daddy, daddy. Veronica. Violet, she's turning violet, Violet.

• 36:45Speaker 00

  Veronica.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  And Monica?

• 36:48Speaker 00

  No, and.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  Not Veronica. Mike TV.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  Mike TV.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  I've been compared to Mike TV a few times in my life.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  In what way?

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Annoying kid. There's descriptions on Google of the different characters. Mike TV is described as a violent, aggressive boy obsessed entirely with watching television.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  No, that's not you. That's not you.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  It's not Veronica, by the way, just to.

• 37:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's Violet.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  Violet. There is Violet and there is one more who turns into the blueberry. Oh no, that's Violet. That's Violet. It goes, Violet, she's turning violet, Violet. It's a great film. William's trying to cheat here by getting. Now, don't tell me it's Veronica.

• 37:24Speaker 00

  No, it's.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  It's not Veronica. No, there's Violet, Augustus, Save Some For Later. He's the first guy, he gets caught in thing. In the chocolate.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  Yes. This is pointing to her shoe.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  All right, stop cheating. Oh, don't tell me. Both of you. This is like William.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  Veruca salt.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Veruca salt. It's like William with the New York Times mini crossword, just Googling the answers. Anyway, okay.

• 37:46Speaker 00

  That was once.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Cheer up. Is she not working in a laundrette? Is it in her house? Well, I never. Poor child, you were piss poor.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  Right, this is from anonymous. I've just bought my first home at twenty and I'm renovating alone.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Oh, get you.

• 37:58Speaker 00

  I have given family members a key, just in case.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 38:01Speaker 00

  However, they keep turning up to help me when I'm at work and doing jobs. I know this sounds helpful, but I have asked them to stop as I have an order I'm doing things in and it's not really being that helpful. How can I ask for my key back or make my point clearer? If they need to enter my house, they need to ask permission before doing so when I'm not there. Anonymous. Well, you either change the locks, that's step one, is what I'd do. And then they literally won't be able to come in. You don't give them another key. Or, again, you're assertive and you go, please don't come around unless you've asked my permission. Leave it at that. You've said please, you've made your boundaries perfectly clear, you're the homeowner. Ends.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Again, you clearly don't have any family.

• 38:40Speaker 00

  I do have quite a lot of family, actually.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Not like mine.

• 38:44Speaker 00

  Change the locks then.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  That would be, that would be insane. Yeah.

• 38:48Speaker 00

  What?

• 38:48Speaker 02

  I think, I think. Changing the locks?

• 38:50Speaker 00

  Well, no, I would say.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  Just ask for the key back.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, then ask for the key back. Or you say you can keep a key in case, you know, there's some medical emergency or, or whatever. Just don't come around without permission.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Just say, say either, can I have the key back? I need to give it to someone else. I need it as a spare. Or, the thing I find is you can be quite honest and brutally upfront with your family. Just say, you're doing me head in. I've got my own system going on here.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  I don't want you, if you want to come and help, come and help when I need help. Or if you're gonna help me in certain things, don't do your own thing. That's what I'd say.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. You just, just make, make your boundaries perfectly clear. And don't, and don't apologise for having boundaries either. It is your house. Your house, your rules.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Sorry, just to go back quickly to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and.

• 39:34Speaker 00

  Oh, for god's sake.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  The ongoing debate about whether Charlie's mother worked in the, in the, in the laundrette. Social Joe has just sent me an image that states that Charlie does visit his mother at the industrial laundrette. Thank you. Thank you. I wanted to correct that. Thank you, Joe. Thank you. He goes and sees her and she sings, cheer up, Charlie. Yeah, she's got the big spoon. She's stirring all the things.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  She's cleaning her own stuff. She doesn't work.

• 40:00Speaker 02

  She's in a bloody.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  Oh my god, this is gonna be the thing that ends the podcast.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  1971.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Well, maybe he does go, maybe he goes to see her in the laund, right. Well, it's been a while since I've seen it, but she works in a laundrette.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  No, sorry, Joe. Joe's like, you backed down too easy. We all watched the film.

• 40:23Speaker 00

  I have never seen this team so animated about anything ever.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Cheer up, Willie.

• 40:28Speaker 00

  So tense in the studio.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Come on, do another one.

• 40:30Speaker 00

  This is for, this is for Steph or from Steph? This is from Steph. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  Don't be facetious.

• 40:37Speaker 00

  No, I was just checking in case it was for Steph. This is from, for, to, about Steph. I'd love to hear your thoughts on a predicament I found myself in. My boyfriend and I cohabiting. Slag. Absolutely love.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  What does that mean? Cohabiting?

• 40:53Speaker 00

  Well, living in soon. Apps.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Oh, they live together?

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, but they're not married.

• 41:00Speaker 00

  Absolutely love our Ninja air fryer. Cobble slag. So much so, I believe we have overused it.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  Sorry Steph.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  I'm being funny. And unfortunately gave up on us at the last weekend. Because we were kindly gifted the air fryer, we have been unable to locate the receipt, warranty, or any proof of purchase, so are unable to get it fixed. My boyfriend's parents insisted on buying us a replacement as we recently looked after their dog for a week. I want to highlight that I would never ask for anything for looking after their dog. I love him to pieces. Anyway, when my boyfriend's dad brought round a Budget brand air fryer in which the settings are depicted with pictures of chicken, pizza and steak, it's safe to say it wasn't quite the caliber of air fryer I'm used to. I expressed my dissatisfaction to my boyfriend when his dad had left, and which resulted in a full-blown argument about me being ungrateful. My boyfriend's argument was that it cost

• 41:51Speaker 00

  us nothing, therefore I can't say I don't want it. My argument is that it's tacky, and I'd much rather kindly suggest to my father-in-law that we return it and there be with him to pick a more suitable one. What is the correct etiquette in this situation? Should I just put up or shut up? Or can I kindly and gently ask to select an air fryer I'd actually want to use? Many thanks.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  I think you'll have to put up and shut up.

• 42:14Speaker 00

  Yes, Steph, I would agree.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  I need a new air fryer. Mine's not the best.

• 42:19Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  I want a double drawer, a double drawer.

• 42:22Speaker 00

  You do need a twin drawer if you're going to...

• 42:23Speaker 03

  Why do you need a twin drawer?

• 42:25Speaker 00

  You can do two things at the same time.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  How much air frying are you doing?

• 42:29Speaker 02

  Do you not have an air fryer?

• 42:30Speaker 03

  No, and I already want one.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  You haven't lived, lad. You haven't lived. Honestly, the amount of time it's rescued, because you just come in and just quick tea. I do bacon in air frying and everything now. I think you're going to have to put up and shut up personally.

• 42:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think they have done a nice thing for you, and you need to acknowledge that regardless of whether it's the right one or not. You can't then go, oh, yeah, sorry, I actually like the more expensive one, because I'm going to assume that the one you want is maybe higher end, if it's Ninja, that's, I believe, that's the brand or the market leader. So you can't really do that.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I agree with William there. Or maybe, you know, keep that one, buy yourself a new one, and when they come around, just swap them.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Which is a bit of a pain in the arse.

• 43:15Speaker 00

  Or you could, if you really wanted to, and you probably don't need to do this, you could create some sort of ruse, like, oh, my other friend who works for Ninja gave me this one, it's a two drawer one, and seeing as it's two drawer and the other one you've given me is one drawer, we don't need it anymore. However, you did gift it to us, what would you like us to do with it? Would you like it? Would you like us to sell it and we'll give you the money? Blah, blah, blah. But you can't go, oh, sorry, well, it's got chicken, steak and pizza icons, and I want it to actually have button labels, I don't want it.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Are you offended by someone's snobbery?

• 43:45Speaker 00

  Yes, actually.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  You here?

• 43:47Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 43:47Speaker 02

  I think someone's out snobbed William Hanson.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  Well, it's not snobbed, it's just, it is slightly ungrateful, Steph. They've done a nice thing for you. And Steph, why didn't you go and buy your own replacement one?

• 43:59Speaker 03

  Right, well, thanks for listening so far, Steph, and I hope you find a new podcast soon.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Poor Steph. Started off by calling her...

• 44:06Speaker 00

  No, I was joking.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  He was joking, Steph, he was, he was only... She'll know, the Gene Devers has got a great sense of humor, she'll know.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  We hope.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. If not, we'll see you in court.

• 44:16Speaker 00

  I don't think I can be sued for any of that. Again, I hope.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  These days, this day and age, you know. Thank you for your questions and dynamics. Remember, you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday, or you can join us tomorrow for an exclusive Help by Sex and My Boss out of office episode on Patreon. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected], or you can DM us, we're at Sex and My Boss on the socials. Get in touch and we'll see you soon.

• 44:41Speaker 00

  Goodbye.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  Hi, everyone, it's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households, yet many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial

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