Sexted Spelling Bee And Jordan’s Weekend Candle

Things get SAVAGE in today’s episode as Jordan North and William Hanson go head to head in a Sexted-style spelling bee - but who will come out victorious? We also discover Jordan’s latest weekend obsession. -- Want more Sexted in your life? Join Help I Sexted My Boss Out Of Office for exclusive episodes every WEDNESDAY on Patreon! Just head to sextedmyboss.com/patreon -- Want MORE Help I Sexted My Boss?: https://sextedmyboss.komi.io/ -- FOLLOW Jordan North Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jordannorth1 William Hanson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/williamhansonetiquette TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@williamhansonetiquette If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike, and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing.

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• 1:07Speaker 02

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• 1:46Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to our Friday episode, where we see how much extra content we can squeeze into your week. Random things that have been sent in, extra bits that have been going on, and how our advice has gone down with you, our fabulous G and D'ivas.

• 2:01Speaker 03

  Oh, get you changing the adjective. Lovely.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Fabulous.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  Fabulous.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  Wonderful.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Now, I can almost smell the sun cream on you because you have oiled yourself up, ready for your annual pilgrimage to Skegness, haven't you?

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Yes, going to Skeggy this weekend.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  Lovely.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  For a week. Yeah.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  You looking forward to it?

• 2:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a beautiful part of the world, very much so. Looking forward to it.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  Love all those sandy beaches.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, it'd be great.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  What, um, what books have you got, or are you not there yet?

• 2:30Speaker 00

  Oh, good question. I've got, um, well, I read a real long one on my last holiday. That was a thousand pages and it weren't that good. So I kind of stuck with it.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  I, you, I think you're too nice with books. I give up with books. If it doesn't, if it doesn't hold me within a hundred pages.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  It's alright, but I've got a few. I've got, um, Douglas Thingies new one, your man who wrote, uh, John of John, it's called.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  Douglas Stewart.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  Douglas Stewart, is it?

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Oh, uh, yeah, the one who did Young Mungo.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've got his one. Uh, I've got another one.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Micah's reading John of John now.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, who is he? I've got quite a few. I'll do a little recommendation. Hopefully I can bash through him. Maybe read one on the plane, train. Um, yeah. I actually need to think of my books. I've got a Donald Trump one as well.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  Oh, I mean, what more is there to say?

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Just annoy me on my holiday.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't want to be annoyed.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  Just wind me off, get me wound up.

• 3:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't do that.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  So yeah, what are you doing this weekend?

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Not an awful lot. I'm going to a dinner on Saturday at some friend's house, a friend's house, a little soiree.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  What friend were you not saying?

• 3:39Speaker 03

  Jonathan Miller-Smith, actually. Going to his house, yes. He's doing a, well, presumably it'll be outside because he doesn't like cooking inside.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  He doesn't like anyone, will he be like on plastic sheets and stuff in his house?

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Plastic sheets? It's not that sort of party.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  On his sofa, I imagine him having plastic all over his sofa. Like Raymond's mum in Everybody Loves Raymond.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  No, he's not that bad.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  No?

• 3:59Speaker 03

  But it is the only house I've ever gone to that makes me feel like I live in Onslow Days' house and just full of mud.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Does he, does he make you take your shoes off?

• 4:08Speaker 03

  No, no, he and I agree on that. You don't do that.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, obviously if it's covered in mud, yes, but if not, you can keep your shoes on.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  So he'll cook everything outside?

• 4:17Speaker 03

  It's got a whole alfresco kitchen area. Literally doesn't use the kitchen inside. Man is a psychopath.

• 4:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, he is. Oh, and he's got the cleaning product home, actually.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  You do need to take your cleaning product home.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Multi-use sauce.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  Multi-use sauce.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  Take that with, take that with you today.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  I've got to recommend Boston here. The M&S, I'm not saying it, the M&S multi-surface has gone viral. It smells like you're in a hotel when you spray it.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  It's meant to clean bacteria.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  But it's, it's my weekend multi-surface spray.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  I don't know, come on, you cannot have a weekday and a weekend. Germs are not somehow stronger at the weekend.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  Well, I know because it's a posh one, so I have it. It's a weekend treat. So, thank you very much. It's my weekend spray and then I just use, you know, your flash or your method during the week and I get me nice spray out.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Hang on, you're doing, hang on, method and chemical? I mean, are you doing chemical free or chemical?

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Oh, you're one of those people going, no, mix bleach and fairy liquid, shut up. Your house isn't going to explode. The mop bucket's not going to go through the ceiling, is it?

• 5:12Speaker 03

  You might intoxicate yourself.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Bit of fairy, just a bit and a bit of bleach, proper cleaner. I learnt that on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  Jordan, we need to move on from this.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  What with his mum working in the laundry? Um, so yeah, do you know, does anyone else have a, Joe? Joe, put up on socials for anyone else that has weekend cleaning products, stuff they use in the week and stuff they use at the weekend. Thanks.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  They do the same thing?

• 5:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  Because you might have cleaning products you only touch at the weekend because you only clean certain areas.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  I have weekend candles, do you? Is that just me?

• 5:50Speaker 03

  You are so special.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Thank you. I have candles that are like, the nice candles are light on a weekend and then the normal, like every day ones are light in the week. They're actually scented ones.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Right. What's your favourite scent at the moment? What's your weekend scent?

• 6:07Speaker 00

  Oh no, honestly, again, I know I am an ambassador, but the Kelly Hoppin candles at M&S. Kelly Hoppin.

• 6:12Speaker 03

  For god's sake, it's so dull.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  Kelly Hoppin number four is the best candle, honestly. And I know I'm an ambassador and I, and I do genuinely love being like working for M&S, but the Kelly Hoppin candles are my weekend ones.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  So which one do we get?

• 6:27Speaker 00

  Number four, but all of them are good. There's one.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  You don't want to smell Kelly Hoppin's number two.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  At what number did they start numbering those candles?

• 6:41Speaker 00

  I don't think, she has a number two. I don't know. I didn't think of that. Hmm. But I have weekend candle.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Right, good.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  And we can, you can.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  There is a number two.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  There is a number two!

• 6:54Speaker 04

  There is a number two.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Is there a number one?

• 6:56Speaker 04

  Hi guys.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  Hello Ben.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  Who is going to go and buy Kelly Hoppin's number two? I mean, there will be some sick perverts wanting to do that.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  Honestly, Kelly Hoppin's candles are fantastic. They're so good. Do you have weekend flowers?

• 7:09Speaker 03

  No, because my flowers last throughout the week. They get delivered on a Wednesday and they get changed on a Wednesday.

• 7:13Speaker 00

  Do you have them every week?

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  As, Jordan, as an ambassador, have you spoken to Catherine Turner? Have you?

• 7:21Speaker 00

  I met her. I know Catherine. She's ace. She's the one that's viral.

• 7:24Speaker 04

  Get her on.

• 7:25Speaker 00

  We can get her on.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Can we?

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, we'll get Catherine on. People are dressing up for us Halloween. Not that she's scary, she's beautiful.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Have you seen her, William?

• 7:33Speaker 03

  What?

• 7:33Speaker 00

  You've not seen Catherine Turner?

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Kathleen Turner, the actress.

• 7:37Speaker 04

  Catherine Turner.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  M&S, she's gone viral.

• 7:39Speaker 04

  Director of Product Development and she's like, hi, let's go into the store and have a look at all the goods.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  That's a great impression.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  You can do that impression to her if we have her on.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Do you love her as well?

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Look, I was obsessed the moment I saw her.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, I met Catherine.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Wait till you meet Cass and Shari, Laura. I've got to mention them all now because they're all.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  Hmm, go on, do them all.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  Just making up names now.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Alice. Um, oh, um, they're all lovely. Uh.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  Who's your least favourite?

• 8:09Speaker 00

  No, um, there's one. They're all nice. All the M&S team are nice. Stuart, obviously the boss. Get them all in there.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Stuart is in the CEO?

• 8:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I'm quite right.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean Stuart like that.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  Wow. Stuart began his career collecting trolleys at a Sainsbury's. That was my first job at Tesco.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Look at you now.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  I used to, my first ever job was, uh.

• 8:32Speaker 04

  CEO of banter.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  The CBO, Chief Banter Officer.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Shaw, Charlotte, Shaw. Sorry Shaw. Yeah, there's loads. Amherst as well. They're all lovely. There you go. That'll give me another year.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  In Tuesday's episode, Poppy came to us in a time of need, asking for.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Honestly, when I get sacked off the radio, I'll be fine, but when I get sacked as an ambassador, I'll be like.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  In Tuesday.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  Well, I won't be off the radio because I love that. I don't want to be sacked. I want all my jobs.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  There's always boom radio. In Tuesday's episode, Poppy came to us in a time of need, asking for help composing a text to her boyfriend, who has a habit of referring to himself as "we" to make himself feel better. We decided to text, probably wasn't the right move for Pops, but we do have a few texts from our G and D'ivas that they need our help responding to.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  So I'm going to get out my phone and we'll take it in turns to dictate to each other. I'll give us the scenario and we're going to create the text for the G and Diva to send.

• 9:34Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Okay. So Bethan said, "My mother sent me the following text. Too busy to keep in touch? Kiss." Wow. "After I hadn't texted her in a couple of days because I've been crazy busy with work, how do I reply?"

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Sorry, mad busy. Heart emoji. Will ring this weekend or tomorrow if you're in. Love you.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Jordan's doing some fake thumb texting action.

• 10:04Speaker 04

  Jordan's doing a thumb war on himself.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  Right. Well, I know this is, this is sort of against, against the actual, um.

• 10:16Speaker 04

  Now he's giving Izzy the eye whilst he's doing the thumb war to himself.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  No, don't say that.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  I don't know what that is. Jordan's just flicking random fingers at me. I know this is slightly against the nature of the whole piece, but I actually wouldn't respond to that with a text.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  Don't humour it, because that's really passive aggressive.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  I get texts like that all the time.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, just make it correct. I would say that Bethan would just, when you get in touch, you're busy.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  You put the passive aggressive in passive aggressive. Come on.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  You just, you just don't, you don't engage with that.

• 10:53Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  You phone at the next opportunity and if it gets brought up, you can deal with it, but I wouldn't necessarily say anything. Or I didn't mind Jordan's draft that you did, but I wouldn't start with sorry.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  Or say, busy week at work, hope all is well. I'll call you as soon as I can. I'll call you at the weekend. But I wouldn't, I wouldn't feel the need to say sorry. Martha says, please, can you help me write a text to cancel a dinner with a pal? Got a few ideas. Who I've already cancelled three times. I just can't be arsed. I'll take this one.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  Hey mate.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Hey mate, having my fourth Covid jab.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  Get over that.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  In a few.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  Get the fuck. Are you still not over that? Six years ago and you're still not over that?

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Just for newer listeners, we should just reiterate what happened there.

• 11:42Speaker 00

  Oh my gosh, you do not let anything lie here. I might, what happened? I can't even remember. It was that long ago. I cancelled.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  I can't quite remember.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  I cancelled on you.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  With a fake phony excuse that we could all see through.

• 11:56Speaker 00

  I shut him up in my Covid jab and he already knew I'd already had me too.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. And can you remember what I did the next day? That we were having a photo shoot. Ironically, we were having that photo shoot for that poster that we were looking at. We were just looking at a photo before we started recording. We were having that one and obviously the Covid jab was, made your arm quite sensitive. And I knew which arm you had it in, because you know, it depends if you're left, right-handed. And I remember coming up to you, whacking you on the arm at the photo shoot and you did not flinch. I went, that's the proof.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  But I, you know, that's me being passive aggressive.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  And you're clearly over it.

• 12:30Speaker 03

  I'm so over it. No, I am over it.

• 12:32Speaker 00

  I'd just say, hey mate, both ends, let's rearrange.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  And maybe offer, but can you do next Tuesday?

• 12:39Speaker 00

  This is why the only time I'd love to have kids, you get out of all sorts having kids. Sorry, playing up, can't get a sitter, not feeling well. I've not seen them all week. I feel bad if I come. Oh, great excuse, having kids.

• 12:51Speaker 03

  Wendy, not that one.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Come on, you're a potato peeler.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Says, I've booked a holiday, forgot to tell my boss and now she wants me in the week I booked off. How the hell do I tell her?

• 13:01Speaker 00

  I'll do this. Sorry, can't do next week, got an operation, forgot to tell you, it's come up last minute. Send flowers.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  Hmm. Send flowers? You're requesting them to send you flowers?

• 13:17Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm going to go with the premise of the thing. I'm going to draft a text. Hello, but we'll call the boss Stu. Hello, Stu. Hope all is well.

• 13:28Speaker 00

  But if they're old, they might not be able to read text messages.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  I'll put it in a big font. Hello, Stu.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  Just because it's Stu. Hello, Stu. Hope all is well. That week you have requested me in, sadly, I am already.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  Again, I actually do think this is a phone call.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  Out in the country.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  On a pre-booked holiday.

• 13:55Speaker 00

  Oh, you're gonna lie and say, I put it through, did you not get it?

• 13:58Speaker 03

  Well, I thought I had flagged.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Apologies if there has been a communication breakdown.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  What can I do to prepare before I go? What can I do to help you before I go? How's that? You agree with that?

• 14:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  And Dan said, I slept with a guy a few days ago and he sent me a text saying, hey, Tom, had such a fun time last night. My name is Dan. What should I send back?

• 14:30Speaker 00

  Hey, had a really good night. Would like to see you again soon. Dan.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  And then they know it. And then when you get married and live happily ever after.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 00

  That'll be, you'll dine out on that for years. You will dine out on that for years. You know, we shagged and he thought I was called Tom. Oh, you bastard. It'd be great. Not stereotyping, but yeah.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  Or you could, let's say they're called Steve. You go, I had a really fun time too last night. Mark.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  No, I would, I'd just, I'd be like.

• 15:02Speaker 04

  We're getting confused here.

• 15:03Speaker 00

  I'd be like, hey, really nice. Hope we can see you again soon. Dan.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Hope we can see you again soon.

• 15:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, the old man in the corner.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  Marquee, continuing your theme, says.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  That's a big tent.

• 15:21Speaker 00

  To do weddings.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  I was head to head with my work colleague.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  No, no. Not that I read the kind that they say. I love when Jordan makes a joke, his little proud face.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  Like a little dog waiting for nod of approval.

• 15:39Speaker 03

  I was head to head with my work colleague for a promotion and I got it instead of her. Help, how do I tell her?

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Probably, again, let HR tell her first, but.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, let.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  But you could then send a text to sort of acknowledge that you're aware of the awkwardness and to get ahead of it.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Hey, I believe HR have told you about the job. I really hope this doesn't come between us. For what it's worth, I think you would have been just as good, if not better.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Oh, I think that's being overly nice.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  But also, I can't turn this down. Need the money. Hope we can still carry on having a great work relationship. Love, big tent.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would just go, hi, I assume you've already heard the news.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  No hard feelings. I mean, it's easy for you to say no hard feelings when you're the victor.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  No hard feelings. Hope to see you around the office.

• 16:38Speaker 00

  I know loads of people this has happened to.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, it happens.

• 16:40Speaker 00

  And then when they, when they, when they mess up a little bit shit, you can just.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  But that should have been me.

• 16:47Speaker 00

  Well, it wouldn't have been me. I wouldn't have done it that way if it was me, which is fine.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  Well, yes, there we go. Hopefully, Jack, that was a worthwhile exercise there.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  That's good.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  Last month, we went back to school and we answered some sexted style SATS questions where we were revealed to be particularly gifted at spelling. Jordan spelt adjective with two Ds, for example.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  This time, producer Ben has put together a set of words for a sexted style spelling bee.

• 17:14Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  So we each have our own set of words and we'll take it in turns to spell them to see who comes out on top as sexted's best speller. So Ben, tell us how spelling bee.

• 17:26Speaker 00

  If I had one arm, you wouldn't have me playing rugby, would you? Would you?

• 17:31Speaker 04

  We said we wanted to do it.

• 17:32Speaker 00

  All right.

• 17:35Speaker 00

  Just saying.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  Do you want to do it? We can back out now.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  No, I won't. I'll do it. I'll do it. You'll be surprised. It's certain words. I can't spell appreciate or.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we appreciate that.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  The name Chloe. For Christ's sake, the name Chloe and Naomi, I cannot spell.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  Right. Ben, how is this gonna work?

• 17:51Speaker 04

  You've got three words each to spell. And just like in a standard spelling bee, you're allowed to ask for the definition and for the word to be used in a sentence if you'd like.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  To help you with.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Do we have whiteboards or anything?

• 18:03Speaker 04

  No, you're gonna say it out loud. So in spelling bees, they just, they just say it out loud.

• 18:07Speaker 03

  So he'll get a word and I'll get, but we're getting different words.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Fine.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  That's how it works. Because obviously if you had the same word, I'd just copy you.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, you wouldn't necessarily still get it right though.

• 18:18Speaker 00

  True.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  And before you spell the words, you must repeat it back. For example, if the word was cock, you'd say cock, C-O-C-K.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  I've never had any trouble with that.

• 18:29Speaker 04

  Well, good, because you're up first. Are you ready? Okay, William's first word is cunnilingus.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  Is what?

• 18:38Speaker 04

  Cunnilingus. Would you like it in a sentence?

• 18:42Speaker 03

  I'd like you to put, give me cunnilingus, Ben.

• 18:44Speaker 04

  Jordan engaged in cunnilingus as part of his intimate foreplay.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Cunnilingus, C-U-N.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  I. L-I-N-G-U-S.

• 19:01Speaker 04

  You missed out on N.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  I knew it was two N's. I would have got that right.

• 19:05Speaker 04

  Jordan knew it was two N's.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  I would have got that right.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  Jordan, are you ready for your first word?

• 19:09Speaker 00

  Yes, please.

• 19:10Speaker 04

  Jordan's first word is.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  P-R-tooth.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  That was good. Go on.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  Jordan's first word.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 04

  Flaccid.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  Would you like it in a sentence?

• 19:40Speaker 00

  Yes, please.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  I can't read this.

• 19:43Speaker 00

  Come on.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  I don't think, also, I've not written this and emeratus is spelt wrong in the sentence.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Emeritus.

• 19:55Speaker 04

  Emeritus, I can't even say it properly because it's not written right. Chairman Emeritus Stu went flaccid when he saw the latest capsule Ray Jars. Doesn't even make sense.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Fucking hell.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Ray Jars are.

• 20:09Speaker 04

  Ray Jars are the way that people monitor the listening figures of radio.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Listening figures radio. Flaccid.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  F-L-A-C-I-D. Flaccid.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Uh, once again, you're missing, you've missed out the double letter. You've both tripped up on, it's F-L-A-C-C-I-D.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  Two Cs in flaccid. You're not allowed to write them down.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  I'm writing your words down, so I think I'm allowed to do that.

• 20:34Speaker 00

  All right. Okay. Next up, Willie.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  W-I-L-L-Y.

• 20:41Speaker 04

  William's second word is nymphomaniac.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Oh, for fuck's sake.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  Which is a person with an unusually strong or constant desire for sex.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Is that what that is?

• 20:53Speaker 03

  Nymphomaniac.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  N Y M P H O M A N I C? No, A C.

• 21:08Speaker 00

  Oh, I would have got that again.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  I'm giving, I'm giving you that. You got that right. Well done.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  He got it.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  He got it!

• 21:14Speaker 00

  You can't give it him.

• 21:16Speaker 04

  He corrected himself at the end. I'm allowing a correction.

• 21:20Speaker 03

  Nymphomaniac.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  That was a quick, a quick enough correction.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 21:23Speaker 04

  Jordan, the second word is clitoris.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Can I have that in a sentence, please?

• 21:31Speaker 04

  This is, this is bad.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  We can't be doing, we're nearly forty. We can't be doing this.

• 21:35Speaker 04

  This is bad.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Come.

• 21:37Speaker 04

  No, just what I'm about to read is bad. Jump Cut Jack had absolutely no idea where to find the clitoris.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Who wrote these?

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Despite being remarkably confident about everything else. Gen Z Izzy has written these.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  Gen Z Izzy wrote these. This is brilliant. Right. Clit, yeah, Jack, not me. Clitaurus. Clitoris.

• 21:58Speaker 04

  And are you aware of the definition?

• 22:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  C L I T.

• 22:05Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:07Speaker 00

  Clitaurus. O R I S.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Clitoris.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  Well.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  Say it again.

• 22:18Speaker 00

  C L I T.

• 22:23Speaker 00

  O R I S. It might be.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  Yay!

• 22:28Speaker 00

  Go on. Never had trouble with that.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  You've never taken so long on it.

• 22:35Speaker 04

  Okay, William, your third and final word. We are at one-one going into, into the final round.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 22:42Speaker 04

  William's third word. Dyspareunia.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  What?

• 22:46Speaker 00

  Played up front for Stoke, I think.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  Could you put that in a sentence, please?

• 22:53Speaker 04

  After one particularly disastrous date with Kat, producer Ben was diagnosed with dyspareunia.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  Dyspareunia?

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Which then, reading the definition, is a pain that occurs during sexual intercourse, basically when a vagina is throbbing from a cocking. So I don't know if that's saying that I've got a vagina or it's just used in a completely wrong context.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  Why did you leave Izzy to write this?

• 23:14Speaker 04

  This is, it's falling apart at the seams.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  The fact that she yet said using a, a.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Dyspareunia?

• 23:20Speaker 00

  So it's basically your fanny hurts after sex?

• 23:24Speaker 03

  I can't work out if it's D I or D Y.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  Dyspareunia.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  No, can you say it again? You're not.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  Can't you just call it fanny throb?

• 23:31Speaker 04

  Dyspareunia.

• 23:33Speaker 00

  I can spell fanny throb.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  D, I'm gonna go D I S. No, dis, because it's like dysphonic. D Y, dis.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  Don't look at him for answers. Keep, look at me.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  Dyspareunia. D Y S P.

• 23:51Speaker 03

  Is it E or U?

• 23:54Speaker 03

  P U R, dyspareu, onia? I don't know.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  I'm afraid it's not the right answer.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  No. How do you spell it?

• 24:04Speaker 04

  D Y S P A R E U N I A.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 24:08Speaker 00

  Dyspareunia.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  Dyspareunia. It's an everyday word in East London.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Okay. Jordan's third and final word. Are you ready?

• 24:16Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:18Speaker 04

  Titillation.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  Have that in a sentence, please?

• 24:23Speaker 04

  William said he was only popping round for a cup of tea, but judging by the state of the bedroom, there'd been a fair bit of titillation before the kettle went on.

• 24:32Speaker 00

  Titillation. So what's that? Sex?

• 24:34Speaker 04

  The act of exciting or stimulating someone, especially sexually.

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Basically giving someone just enough temptation to get their attention without necessarily giving them the full experience.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  And you got it looking at me.

• 24:45Speaker 00

  Titillation?

• 24:46Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  Tit, is it titulation or titallation?

• 24:51Speaker 00

  Titillation. T I T A L.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Is it U? Titillate?

• 24:59Speaker 00

  U T I O N?

• 25:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  Is it T I O N?

• 25:02Speaker 04

  It's a double L.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 25:05Speaker 04

  And it's an A T I O N.

• 25:07Speaker 00

  A T, titillation.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  One-one.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  One-one. So it's a tie.

• 25:11Speaker 00

  It's a tie.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Yay! That's nice and fair. They were very, I thought they were going to be more everyday words, not.

• 25:18Speaker 04

  Well, it has to be a challenge.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, but not dyspareunia.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Okay, I've got William's fourth word.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  Tiebreaker.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Dog.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  D O G.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  D O G?

• 25:29Speaker 00

  That's.

• 25:30Speaker 04

  Which letter did you just say?

• 25:31Speaker 00

  G. I do always get mixed up with Gs and Js. D O G.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Gordon.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  There you go. I work. Right. Let's go to a break.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  Worth, worth.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  We'll do more of your correspondence and responses next.

• 25:47Speaker 01

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• 26:24Speaker 02

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• 26:58Speaker 03

  Welcome back, Sheen Divas. Apologies for how terrible we were at that. This first response comes from Harrison, who's dropped us a comment calling out Jordan's hangover chat. Can you do the maths on how many top five hangovers Jordan has had over the last few years? I'm sure there are at least twenty.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  That was in the top ten. That was rough that day. That one when, a few weeks ago, it was actually, yeah, when we came back in September.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:25Speaker 03

  But I guess a top five can always change as you go throughout your life. You know, ones can drop off, drop down, and, you know, can replace others.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  That was, that was a, yeah.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Well, the good news is the team have done some.

• 27:35Speaker 00

  Got kicked out of a club.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  The team.

• 27:39Speaker 00

  Well, not kicked out, I was just.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  You were there at closing time?

• 27:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. The team has done some digging through the past few years of sexted, and we've got the stats. Jordan has mentioned a top five hangover, or a near miss, in seven episodes. Two hangovers are repeat offenders: the Leeds tour show where Jordan walked on stage and said, "Hello Sheffield!", and a night out in Leeds in 2009.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  Oh, God, that was rough.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  Only time you name a new entry is the Kennington night out in August 25.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  Kennington?

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Yep. William even asks.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  Kennington? Where's Kennington?

• 28:12Speaker 03

  Oval. That, that area. South of the river.

• 28:16Speaker 00

  That must have been a party or something.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  William even asks if you actually keep a list, to which Jordan says he'll write one and post it. Of course, he never did. So Harrison, we can confirm there have been seven.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  All right, Harrison, you grass.

• 28:30Speaker 03

  So Jordan, shall we put this for the test? Once and for all, we're all desperate to know, what are your top five hangovers?

• 28:35Speaker 00

  Right, so.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  I'll write it down. Pass me a pen.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  Okay. I'll write it down. I can't remember them now.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  Just list them and then you can order them.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  So there's Leeds.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  After.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  Uh, night out in September.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  There's one after we beat Blackburn first time. Oh, rough. Four is Leeds 2009. And then five was, oh, whose wedding was it? It was a wedding.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  Right, so here's, here's the top ten. The top five, sorry.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Leeds is number, right. Number five was, whose wedding was it? Pilkey's wedding, January, but that might have been Covid, but at the time we didn't know what Covid was.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  We'll put it down to hangover.

• 29:24Speaker 00

  Four, Leeds 2009, fell over, scraped my face on pavement.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  Three, uh.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  When we beat Blackburn first time.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  Uh, at Ewood Park. I'd not eaten all day and I'd been, I think I ran piss. I'm not even bright. I think I ran piss for about fourteen hours. Maybe longer. Or maybe even longer. That was rough. And, and, and Guinness. Two, uh, no, I'm gonna put that at number, Leeds. So I'm gonna put after night out in September.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:59Speaker 00

  When I did that show.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:01Speaker 00

  A couple of weeks ago. Then I'll put Leeds 2009 up to second and then Leeds when we did the show.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Hello Sheffield, please.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  Hello Sheffield. That was rough that day.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  Well, there we go. We now have it.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  Into the canon.

• 30:12Speaker 00

  That was after we'd been to Dublin, wasn't it, that night?

• 30:14Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 30:15Speaker 00

  Oh, Dublin would be up there.

• 30:16Speaker 03

  No, you had done, you had gone to some party or stag thing.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, been at a stag do. Dublin. Oh, Dublin as well. Actually, I'll replace Dublin for the wedding.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 30:28Speaker 00

  That were rough, when we'd been on the piss all day in Dublin.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  One of my worst ones was the day after Jump Cut Jack's wedding. I was in bits.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Were you?

• 30:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. I didn't think I was gonna be able to get home.

• 30:41Speaker 00

  Really?

• 30:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, it's not worse. I like a ni, I like, don't get me wrong, I do like a nice Sunday hangover. It's like a, a coffee and a Lucasade and an Alka-Seltzer can kick it, and then going for a couple of beers. I like that little murmur one, but not one where you're hanging. It's usually when you've got to travel back.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  It's usually when you're on a train.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Oh, that'd make it worse, the notion.

• 31:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, actually, a couple of DJ gigs. Travelling back Newcastle when there were no chairs that time.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  Right, yes.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  And we drank vodkas.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:18Speaker 00

  Well, rough then. I'm like an old manic corner on a pub, wittering on.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Emma has an etiquetteology request for me. Hello, this is a formal request for an etiquetteology on the manners of slurping. Having recently been on trips to Japan and Korea, I was upset by the number of people slurping their ramen.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Do they slurp the Japanese?

• 31:36Speaker 03

  They do. I'd like to know why do they slurp, and is it the correct thing to do when in Asia? And C, should you be arrested for slurping in the UK? Thanks from a gal who gets upset when my mother slurps her tea. Emma. Well, I will look into this for you, Emma, but I can answer C now. Yes, in Western dining, we don't slurp. So if you slurp tea, soup, spaghetti, anything like that in the West, that is wrong.

• 31:56Speaker 00

  I don't slurp coffee, but I do slurp tea.

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Well, could you stop?

• 32:00Speaker 00

  Why is that? There's something about slurping those first few sips of tea.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Well, I, so in, in Asia.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  I don't slurp me coffee.

• 32:10Speaker 00

  One of life's mysteries.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  Well, in Asia, I would, from what I'm, and I'm going to research this properly, it's certainly not in all of Asia, in parts of Asia, the slurping is thought to be oxygenised by taking an oxygen with the noodle, for example, with the ramen, or if you're having noodles, it's supposed to heighten the flavour of the noodle or the ramen, et cetera. And so that's why they might do it in certain parts of Asia, I believe. But I am going to check that in a few weeks, I'll come back to you.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  Please, team, remind me, but I will be doing that.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. Daisy has come up with the perfect solution to your pantry moths problem. Dearest William Jordan and the wonderful Sexton team.

• 32:46Speaker 00

  Right, big bastards now. One were like a zeppelin the other day.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  You mean you haven't done anything about them?

• 32:50Speaker 00

  No, it's buzzing round, sink corner, like come near me, I'll fucking nut you.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  I discovered your podcast this year during a very difficult time, and I know I speak for many when I say you've been a real ray of light. Many a sleepless night has been chuckled away whilst crocheting, and many a blue day spent polishing a sink whilst snorting with laughter. So, gentlemen, I bring you the definitive solution to moths: microscopic wasps. Growing up in a large, beautiful but completely dilapidated house, I'm no stranger to pests. My grandmother tried everything from lavender to tea tree oil to waving a red cashmere sock out for clothes moths. I can confirm she was essentially just maintaining a large flock of pet moths. Then I discovered microscopic wasps. They are invisible, odorless, harmless to humans, and essentially act as tiny security guards for your granola and opera capes. They

• 33:38Speaker 03

  simply leave once the job is done. I've never been a fan of mothballs, so I'm fairly team microscopic wasp.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  What are these?

• 33:45Speaker 03

  What is it?

• 33:46Speaker 00

  Like getting a cap for mice.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  My, my grandmother, Annie, passed away early this year, and I'm devastated she never discovered your podcast because she would have been an ardent G and diva. She once recovered from a heart attack at 99 and immediately asked for a G and T. She entertained kleptomaniac royalty, attended Charles's garden party straight from the allotment, and lived to 100, receiving a telegram from the king. She had an incredible sense of etiquette, even if it was completely insane. I miss her greatly, but discovering Sexton has given me another source of weird, wonderful stories and etiquette rules I'll never understand.

• 34:15Speaker 00

  She sounds wonderful.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  Thank you for everything, and please look into the wasps. Yours in Diva, Daisy. Daisy, that's lovely. I still don't get how microscopic wasps work. Have we got some research on this?

• 34:26Speaker 00

  Why are you all tapping on your laptops?

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Where do you buy microscopic wasps from?

• 34:31Speaker 04

  Just dragonfly.co.uk.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Oh, there we go, there's a free ad for them. Do they have them in the everything store?

• 34:37Speaker 00

  I'll ask, he will.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  Is that everything?

• 34:39Speaker 03

  And so what, do you release them?

• 34:40Speaker 00

  Honestly, I'll go in the everything store near me and he'll have microscopics wasps. And if not, he'll say, I've got two in the window. Hey!

• 34:48Speaker 03

  Well, we'll look into it.

• 34:49Speaker 00

  It's like, those incest sticks, whatever they're called.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  Josticks, yeah.

• 34:53Speaker 00

  Incense, not incest sticks.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  No, we don't want incest. Keighley wants-

• 34:58Speaker 00

  Did I, did you ever, did you ever hear what happened on Capital?

• 35:01Speaker 03

  Have we gone from incest to capital?

• 35:03Speaker 00

  Because I was meant to say inset day.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 35:05Speaker 00

  I went, kids love incest day at school.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  Shit.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  I know. So mop over that one. It was on air that, September. Went, oh, most kids bad, some have got an incest day. Kids love that. It's an inset day. Anyway.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  And finally, Keighley wants to know how Jordan's feeling after having his crown stolen by Burnley's newest treasures. We've got a clip, I believe. Evening, I'm just wondering how Jordan is feeling having his Burnley sweetheart crown stolen by Donia and Gigi. Oh, yes, I see them on my TikTok.

• 35:40Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  Love you, bye.

• 35:42Speaker 00

  Uh, uh, is this, are these the two girls from the ice cream?

• 35:49Speaker 03

  Well, let's have a look at the clip.

• 35:51Speaker 05

  We've just come to the Annie salon. We're gonna get our hair done. We're gonna get our hair braided, just like we do when we're on holiday in Egypt. And we're gonna add some colour, and we can't wait to see what it looks like. It's Gigi going her hair on. I can't wait to see the finished result. You look lovely, Gigi. Thank you. So the back is done, and now she's just gonna start with the front of it. Looking beautiful, that, Donia. Thank you. This is our absolutely beautiful hair. Give it a twirl, Gigi. Ooh, I love it.

• 36:26Speaker 00

  They're great. I have seen clips of them. I wasn't aware they're from Burnley.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  No, they're from Burnley. Well, there we go.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  Oh, it's a beautiful accent, that, isn't it?

• 36:35Speaker 03

  Oh, it's like-

• 36:36Speaker 00

  It is. Makes me want to cry.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Do you know what we should do? We should do people from Burnley, Jordan, Donia and Gigi, reading Shakespeare. I'd like that.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  You could do that in a bonus.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. We could, we could do Midsummer Night's Dream. We could take it in turns. I'll be Oberon, king of the fairies. You can be Bottom. It's one of the characters.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Shall we go to Commenter of the Week?

• 37:03Speaker 00

  Did I hear a little titter from Stu there? It's not a laugh, it's a-

• 37:09Speaker 00

  All right, let's finish with our Commenter of the Week. This can be a comment from Spotify, YouTube, or any of our socia's, and Patreon as well.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  Yes. The honourable mentions go to Torsa, who on YouTube responded to my claim that the, I've only just seen this chat with Codswallop. I have to disagree with William. I have my phone on Do Not Disturb and don't get notifications, so when I get around to replying to someone, I generally have only just seen it. Mike W LGBTQ on YouTube said, I don't know if this has been mentioned before, or if it's just me, but is Ben's new look reminding me of Lewis Goodall from the newsagents?

• 37:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. He's had a glow up lately as well, old Lewis.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 37:48Speaker 00

  I say old, I think he's younger than me.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  I'll take that as a compliment.

• 37:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  But our Commenter of the Week goes to Myson325 on our Alamoode social clip, saying, I order pie pat Alamoode, but I really use the more sophisticated phrase, hold the ice cream.

• 38:06Speaker 00

  Pat Alamoode?

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 38:08Speaker 03

  Which is very nice.

• 38:09Speaker 00

  You think Alamoode should be?

• 38:11Speaker 03

  I think it's nice, bring it back. Or bring it over here, it's over in America.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Okay, if you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or a problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email to [email protected]. And if two episodes a week of Sexted isn't enough for you, then why not check out our Patreon channel, Help I Sex and My Boss Out of Office. Ooh, that's already got boring, hasn't it?

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Not the Patreon channel, just the Ooh.

• 38:34Speaker 00

  The Ooh, and for ad-free listening on there and an extra brand new episode every Wednesday, we also love hearing back from people we have for advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  We'll see you on Tuesday.