Help How Long Should I Give Fellatio? | And William Sees His First Fanny

Jordan’s been making brownies lately that have been so good even the local wildlife are wanting in on the action. Meanwhile, it’s a historic day for William as he is shown his first (and likely last) fanny. The boys also help with your dilemmas involving cleaning towels, lying about liking gifts, and how long is ‘too long’ to spend on fellatio? If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey, it's Adam Grant from TED's Rethinking Podcast. As businesses scale, success depends on how well knowledge is captured, shared, and kept up to date. Camtasia Pro turns teams' expertise into engaging training, onboarding, and documentation. No professional editing experience required. With the industry's best screen recording, video editing, and AI-powered workflows, you can train faster and boost operational efficiency. Get over $100 off your first year at camtasia pro.com and start building a smarter way to educate customers, onboard employees, and ensure valuable expertise is shared across teams.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Hello, I'm Luke Jones.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  And I'm Poppy Damon.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  We love all the strange true crime stories that you might flick through on a newspaper and think, hang on a minute.

• 0:44Speaker 02

  And this is Strangely, a podcast where every week we bring you the weirdest, wildest stories ripped straight from the headlines or our notebooks from both sides of the Atlantic.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  From the stories that you almost certainly missed in the headlines.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  To the ones you did see and thought, that's odd, but never got to revisit again.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  If you like strange news.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Unexpected twists.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  And stories that linger on way longer than they should.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Listen and subscribe now. Search for Strangely wherever you get your podcasts.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  Before we start the episode, I've offended William because I said if we were to eat each other, as in like a cannibal.

• 1:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23Speaker 03

  Which would be illegal, but like just saying, I think I'd be quite milky, dairy tasting, because I have a lot of cheese and dairy and milk.

• 1:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  Have a glass of milk every day before bed.

• 1:33Speaker 04

  Fascinating.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  I think you'd be just quite bland, like just when someone gives you chicken with no salt or pepper on it.

• 1:39Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:40Speaker 04

  Well, at least full of protein.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42Speaker 04

  Good for you.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  Good for you. I'm not saying you are bland, I'm just saying like looking at you.

• 1:46Speaker 04

  Unlike dairy, some people don't like it.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, there you go. There you are. All right.

• 1:50Speaker 04

  I'd describe your radio show as a bit like dairy.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas like, what should you do when you bump into Harry Styles in a Berlin sauna?

• 2:15Speaker 04

  Our friend Luke texts me to say, Harry Styles wasn't adjusting his abs in the Berlin sauna, but he was in point and shoot mode.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  Oh, good. Or whether you should use the downstairs or upstairs, Lou, when taking a dump at your friend's house, and what should you do if accidentally sexed your boss? But we're not usual fiasco fairies, are we, William Hanson?

• 2:38Speaker 04

  No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more packed suitcase, you're more packed lunch. That's from Hazel. Thank you very much.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  I'm gonna start making packed lunches.

• 2:47Speaker 04

  Really? Aren't you normally home for lunch?

• 2:49Speaker 03

  No, god, no.

• 2:50Speaker 04

  Really? Well, you go to the gym.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  I've just, I've just, literally, ran to Greg's at the time of recording, but then snuck past Kendall and Jonathan who work downstairs in the cafe, because usually I go and support local business and all that, but I didn't have time today, so I just grabbed a butter from Greg's. So I always feel bad, so I was smuggling it in. You know, you go to the kitchen as a kid and sneak biscuits upstairs.

• 3:16Speaker 04

  No.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Did you never do that as a kid? Yeah, I did.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  Like my mum said, I once ate like four selection boxes dinner.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  Different times.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Different times.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  We've poured the GND and this week's toast goes to Tia Jade, who works at the Utilita Arena in Cardiff and is making sure our tour posters are front and centre around the arena. She says, "I'm a venue steward at Utilita Arena Cardiff who works extra during arena setup. I'm coming to the show, I paid for my tickets, didn't request guest list, but will hopefully be working setup on the day and want to know what my chances are of meeting anyone on the job. One aspect of my job is also to do with posters, changing out old ones and deciding what ones to replace them with, and I'm making sure Sexton gets the spotlight it deserves."

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Tia, you're doing god's own work and...

• 4:01Speaker 04

  Thank you, Tia Jade.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  Thank you. And if you see us on the day of setup before the show, more than happy to get a picture, say hello. Obviously, don't make eye contact with William Hanson, those are the rules.

• 4:12Speaker 04

  Thanks very much. That's not true. Tia Jade, this is to you.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Tia Jade, thank you. And if you see us, of course, come up and say hello. Say you were here.

• 4:20Speaker 04

  It will be show one, though, we might be stressed. That's all I'll say. So just, I mean, we'll come and say hi, but just if we are a little bit stressed, that might be why.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, sure. If you hear bickering and me and William arguing, maybe just give us 10 minutes.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  We don't really bicker.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  No, we don't. How's your week been?

• 4:38Speaker 04

  Yes, it's been good. Lots to talk about. Traitors and Trifle Night.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  Oh, do you know, I think Traitors and Trifles should be our annual tradition.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  Well, on the basis we're getting about 400 series of Traitors a year now, we can make it, we can make it very regular.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, biannually.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Indeed. Biannual actually can mean two things. It can either mean every other year, or it can mean twice a year.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Oh, does it?

• 5:00Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  It's confusing.

• 5:01Speaker 03

  Is that your Metcallogh for the week?

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Nope, no, no, we've still got, we've still, it's a bit grisly, my Metcallogh this week, actually. If you're into fans of ho, if you're a fan of horror, or you like something a touch macabre, you're gonna love today's. That's all I'll say. Tease ahead. It's called a teaser head in the radio industry.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  I'm very much aware. My teasers will be studied on media studies courses in years to come. I'm nailing my teasers over the ads at them all.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  Are they?

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm really proud of them. Everything else bit shit still, but teasers.

• 5:30Speaker 04

  But you te, you can tease very well.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Spot on. It was great.

• 5:34Speaker 04

  We had a lovely time. Thank you for coming.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  We had meat, sir, which was delicious. I had a second pour. I was waiting for Mikey. Me and Mikey were eyeing each other. I was waiting for him to bring the second.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  Tell them all about meats. Let's start with the meat. Well, actually, hang on, let's start at the front door. The dress code, okay, you should be completely ignored. It was on the invitation. Cloaks and capes. We open the door to you, wearing our cloaks and capes. You're bloody not.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  They were in the cloaks and capes with their hoods up.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  We were doing it properly.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  Oh, what you like, huh? Yeah. And I, I forgot. And I don't have a cloak or a cape.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  I thought you said you did.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I couldn't find it since I moved house.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  So, yeah, they were there waiting at the door with cloaks and capes on.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  It's quite hot in those cloaks and capes waiting for you to arrive, surprisingly on time.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, we, we were on time.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. And we were in the pub before.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  Yes, I know.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Had a good few. No, I had two pints. Oh, fine. And then you made us a, a gin.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Gin martini, dry with a twist.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Dry with a twist.

• 6:35Speaker 04

  Yes, I said, you say to your guests, you go, how do you like your martini? And what I mean by that is wet or dry, and that means the amount of vermouth that's in it. If it's wet, there's more vermouth in it than if it's dry. And you go, vodka.

• 6:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:47Speaker 04

  So, no, I don't have vodka. I said, we're doing proper martini, gin.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Sorry, but I did find that, and I'm not criticizing here.

• 6:54Speaker 04

  No, no, here we go.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  But a host who doesn't have vodka in.

• 6:57Speaker 04

  I've never, I've never bought vodka in my life.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  But it's one of the staple, just because it's not, you don't drink vodka.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  My house, my rules.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Well, no, I disagree, and I think it's bad etiquette, if I'm honest. You come to my house, right?

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  I have got, you tell me any drink you make.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's not the Conor Bar, right? Don't shout out things you want.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  I am proud that in my house, we've got, if you want a Negroni, I'll make you a Negroni. If you want anything, like, I've got every potion going.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  I'll ask for creme de month.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  I'll easily make you creme de month.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Have you got it?

• 7:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, I actually have.

• 7:28Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 7:28Speaker 03

  I actually have.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  Do.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  I do, the last owner's left it in.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Well, Jordan, I mean, I'm not touching that.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  Well, you'll be fine. It'll be, hey, don't go off. I've got Bailey's in fridge from Christmas. I have got you sorted. And you went, how would you like your martini? I went, vodka.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  I went, no, it's gin, dry or wet?

• 7:45Speaker 03

  Oh, beers as well.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  Actually, we did have beer. You just didn't ask for it.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  No, it was cider, wasn't it?

• 7:50Speaker 04

  No.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  No, I'm not, I sound critical and horrible. It was great. That's why I went to the pub before. I thought, right, I'll have two pints now.

• 7:58Speaker 04

  We are not a beer household.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, but your guests might be. You know, etiquette and hosting is all about making your guests feel it.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  I can assure you, Jordan, most people that come to my house don't request beers.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Don't they not? Anyway, it was, it was beautiful. It was nice. We had a gin martini.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Yes, which was gorgeous.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  Which was gorgeous.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  And then we forced the meats to down you.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  You very, that was a big hit.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  It was. I really enjoyed the meats.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  I think you could be making that at home very easily.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  Had a bit of a.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Here we go.

• 8:27Speaker 03

  It was a great evening.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  I said to the team, he had a lovely evening. He loved it all, but I can't wait.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  Had a bit of tension when, I mean, I don't want to get involved, because it's literally when your parents argue, when someone forgot to put the vegetables on. So I don't know if it was William or Mikey, but we, there was a bit of tension there, and I thought, please don't.

• 8:46Speaker 04

  I wouldn't hardly call it tension. We just go, oh, gosh, we've forgotten to do any peas.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  No, it was meant to be veg, but apparently forgot to put it in. So we had peas, which I thought complemented it really well.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Well, there we go.

• 8:56Speaker 03

  And you're, you're.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, sweet potato was fantastic.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  Though I have to hand that to all my key, he did the entirety of the main course.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Okay, and the meats are spot on.

• 9:07Speaker 04

  Very good. We'll put the rest, it's a Nigella Lawson recipe. It's in a cookbook, it's online.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  And then we moved to the drawing room.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 04

  Sitting room, actually.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Oh, is that a sitting room?

• 9:16Speaker 04

  You've got to have a sitting room to have a drawing room. We only have a sitting room.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  I'm afraid.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Well, keep working, you'll get there.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  I know, I'm, I'm, I'm trying.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  And, and we watched Traitors and Trifle and it was the best Traitors final ever because of the trifle. The trifle was delicious.

• 9:29Speaker 04

  Forget what actually went on, on the television. It was the trifle.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  Oh, the trifle was absolut-

• 9:35Speaker 04

  My grandmother's recipe.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Tell her, I said.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  Well, I can't.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  You're more than welcome.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  Don't ruin it.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  That would be disrespectful.

• 9:42Speaker 04

  No, not after you've enjoyed her trifle.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  It was delicious. It was brilliant. I had seconds on that as well.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  You did? Yes.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  It was a cute evening.

• 9:49Speaker 04

  It was a cute evening.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  I do feel like maybe I was rude, but did I leave straight away? Yeah, I thought, because once, once the titles come up, I were like, dosh, Uber, Bosch, let's go.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  The second the winner was announced, I don't even think that, and, and music had, had played, the Uber app was open.

• 10:06Speaker 03

  I did, I don't like, it was about 11 o'clock, wasn't it? 10 o'clock, half 10. I'd been up.

• 10:11Speaker 04

  Five past 10.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  I'd been up, I don't like to, like, I'd been up.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  Exactly, you've been up early.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  I'd been up early and I just thought, right, I'm ready for bed now. And we, we talked and I just.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  And you'd had a busy day of meetings and things.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, so, yeah. Oh, I knew that we're gonna, I knew that we're gonna simmer. We're gonna brush that one. I might have missed a meeting on Friday because it's somewhere else popped up.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  So.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  It's fine, and it's fine.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 10:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, we took, we took minutes. We've sent them to you.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  I know, and then I'm gonna catch up.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  Any thoughts on them?

• 10:38Speaker 03

  Uh, I thought it was a very detailed email from Ben, who also sent it in the WhatsApp group.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  Yes, he did.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  And he's gonna fill me in.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  Two opportunities for you not to read it.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  He's gonna fill me in on the meeting afterwards. Um, and I, I will start sharing the stories and clips more on socials, so, ah, did read it. Thank you very much. Thank you. Ben?

• 10:58Speaker 05

  Hi, guys.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  Hi. You can fill me in on any-

• 11:00Speaker 05

  When I said that I was gonna fill you in after the show, it wasn't about that meeting.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 11:05Speaker 05

  How, how, I just, William always rolls his eyes at those jokes, but that is your bread and butter.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  That is your bread and butter.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  Without, without that sort of joke, you're nothing.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  We genuinely had a lovely evening. Thank you.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  Wow, I'm glad I turned up today.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  It's a really, really nice.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Good.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  The trifle, if you're making it again soon, let me know. Actually, when we go away.

• 11:24Speaker 04

  I can make it whenever. I can't, I can't take it to where we're going on holiday.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Why? We're not going on holiday. We're going away for a few days.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I still, I can't.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  And if H M R C you're asking, it's for the dog.

• 11:33Speaker 04

  It's not going to travel well in the car.

• 11:37Speaker 04

  So I can't.

• 11:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can put it in top away.

• 11:38Speaker 04

  If it's cream, darling.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Speaking of which.

• 11:41Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  You came to my house yesterday.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Yes, indeed.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. And we'll get into that, but I, I'd made brownies with my niece on Saturday.

• 11:51Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  So I had a brownie leftover for her.

• 11:53Speaker 04

  Delicious.

• 11:53Speaker 03

  You love my brownies.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  I do love your brownies.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm going to ask you a very personal question here.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Bear in mind, she listens and she's a big Jane Dean there.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  And it's not, it's not a competition, but Kendall, who works in the.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Cafe downstairs.

• 12:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  What did you say, cafe?

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  The cafe downstairs. And she makes brownies. Yeah.

• 12:12Speaker 05

  Who's about her?

• 12:13Speaker 04

  Okay, well, I'm going to answer this this way because you have got a gun to my head. Yours.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  No, Kendall's.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  They're very different.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  And also the brownie I tried of yours yesterday, and I'm saying this, I, I, you know, you, you flanked it when you offered it to me. Four days old. So, you know.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Also, I probably should have told you this before.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Oh, God, what?

• 12:34Speaker 03

  They, they might have been half eaten by a squirrel. So let me explain, right? Let me explain because this is, this is only in, only in my world.

• 12:45Speaker 04

  Nutty flavour.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Well, so I'm making brownies for my niece.

• 12:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  And, and to, on Saturday, she came to visit and, and to keep, uh, to keep her quiet, they need, she was ready to go home.

• 12:57Speaker 04

  Five days old.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  They'd not cooled down, so I put them outside.

• 13:00Speaker 04

  Oh, you twit.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  Just to cool down and jokingly said, right? And when there's a mangy old fox, so I was like, I need you to keep on fox watch. So she was, is so cute.

• 13:11Speaker 04

  How old is she?

• 13:12Speaker 03

  Uh, five. Six and I was like, keep on, Uncle Jordan will wash up, you keep an eye on if the fox comes.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  So. I'd have got her to wash up and you.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  And we were playing a little game, she kept shouting fox and there wasn't one there. So I was running out and going, go away, shoo, shoo, shoo. Yeah. And I was like shooing it with your tea towel. And I was like, God, kids as well, they don't do one or two, they do it for like 10, 15 minutes straight, don't they? About eight times she went, fox. And I was like, shoo, shoo, pretending to shoo away.

• 13:39Speaker 04

  It's the girl who cried fox.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  Pretending to shoo away a fox. And then I'm halfway through washing up and she goes squirrel. And I thought, oh God, another one. I promise you, I actually ran out and I had to shoo a squirrel away with a tea towel. It started clawing at the brownies. So cut that bit off.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Right, we hope.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  So, yeah, there was a squirrel.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  To like him as well.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  Well, whatever. I mean, had you not told me, I would never have known.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Do you know, on that same day, I made those brownies.

• 14:05Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  So I was chatting to my neighbour.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  And his daughter.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  And said to her, they were talking about running the marathon. And I said, oh, you're gonna have to keep your eye on, on, on your dad. And she was like, oh no, he's my husband. It was a terrible moment. And then I also got flashed by a, um, a drunken Scotsman on a line bike. So it was this, you know, when you think I've had one of those days.

• 14:28Speaker 04

  Wow. And that was all on the same day?

• 14:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. And people think I make stuff up.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  Any more context on the naked Scotsman?

• 14:33Speaker 03

  It was Burns night, or it was the night before and he was a bit dishevelled.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Did you see his haggis?

• 14:39Speaker 03

  I seen his bagpipes, I'll tell you that for free.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Did you have a blow?

• 14:44Speaker 03

  I did not, no.

• 14:46Speaker 04

  Did you at least sell him a ticket to Glasgow?

• 14:48Speaker 03

  I said, no. So I promise you, I was going to the shop to get the stuff for brownies. And Augusta Wind flew up and he was literally not wearing out underneath. And he went, sorry about that pal. And we're both laughing at each other.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  So do you live in Ballamorey?

• 15:03Speaker 03

  If it was any.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Dickens is going on.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  I know. If it was anyone else, it could have been Thingy, but because it was like, just a real funny moment and how he said, sorry about that pal, as he went off. It was really funny.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  Gosh.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  So it was quite the day.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Quite the day?

• 15:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:16Speaker 04

  What else is going on in your life?

• 15:17Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  Shall we talk about roughly, without going into too much details, while I was in your house yesterday? Actually, lots to talk about, even before the main event happened. You let me have a go on your darts board?

• 15:28Speaker 03

  I did.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Which is so in keeping with the rest of your decor, as I told you at the time.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  We will put the video up of William playing darts at my house. So basically, William came around yesterday because we've got a costume fitting for

• 15:40Speaker 04

  The tour.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  For the tour.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  He might have mentioned it, we're on tour.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Even though during the text, he said it's just absolutely necessary and a costume fit fine and didn't need any alterations, so.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Mine needed tweaking.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  Do it at your house then, but.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  But it was fun, it was fine. Basically, I only had one free afternoon this week. So I had loads of admin to do, got all my bits done and everything.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Smashing through my to-do list.

• 16:09Speaker 04

  Well done you.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  You turn up, did the fitting.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  Then we played a game of darts.

• 16:13Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. You played darts and for our wonderful, wonderful listeners right now.

• 16:20Speaker 04

  I play darts very well.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  William plays darts exactly how you imagined him to play darts.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  I'm on brand, I'm consistent.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. Have you ever seen the video of the camp referee?

• 16:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. William plays darts like.

• 16:34Speaker 04

  And I got most of them on the board.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, you hit the board.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  Yes, thank you very much.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  So we had a game of darts before the tailors arrived, didn't we?

• 16:42Speaker 04

  Indeed, yes.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  And it was very weird, William in, we don't want to give too much away about the costume, but William in my kitchen in his white fronts was not what I was expecting.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Well, I'll be honest, I don't normally wear this. There'll probably be more information that people need to know. I don't normally wear that type of underwear, but I popped, I found some and popped those on because I appreciated what I was wearing and they might be easier.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a lot seeing your kitchen. No wonder I didn't eat my tea last night. I actually didn't, I didn't finish my tea last night, no wonder why.

• 17:13Speaker 04

  Bangers and mash?

• 17:15Speaker 03

  No, I wasn't actually. What did I have last night? Ah, spaghetti bolognese, spaghetti meatballs. That is, yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  And what about the meatballs made you think of me?

• 17:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  So we came around. It was nice to see you.

• 17:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's funny when I do it because of timing.

• 17:32Speaker 05

  William, just every time I do an innuendo, he rolls his eyes so hard and then seconds later.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  It can't be out innuendled. Love, you'll learn that.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  But also, also, I do feel sorry for Ben because he's got to press his little button. So by the time he thinks of something and then he summons up the energy to press the button, moment's gone.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  You know what he said before? And I got a shout at that. Just was talking about Ben. He was speaking to, he went, um, Sin Rodrigo, one of the guys that works here. Sin Rodrigo at the bus stop.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  He looked tired. And I was at the table and I went, is that it? Is that all you're bringing? And he went, excuse me, I'm speaking to my team. And I just looked at Izzy and thought, that was, that was his old conversation starter. He looked tired.

• 18:18Speaker 04

  Right.

• 18:18Speaker 03

  Um, just going back to you being at my house. Thanks again for coming around and sorting it, working around me. I appreciate it. I genuinely do.

• 18:27Speaker 04

  Clearly.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  No, I genuinely do.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  The gratitude is palpable.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Honestly, you did me a favour there.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  The whole thing was 35 minutes.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  Okay. William did try some of my coffee from my moka pot. It was very strong, wasn't it?

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Very strong.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. Can we just now, um, can we now just, uh, launch, uh, something that we've not done something in a while, please?

• 18:57Speaker 04

  Which can I say, on the basis that we haven't done this feature for quite some time, haven't I got good? Okay. I've listened to the feedback and I've taken it on board.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Okay. So William Hanson's passive aggressive text of the week. This was, uh, on the morning I've said outfit.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  Fitting. Hi, Poppit. See you later. I'll get to yours for two slash two twenty five ish. So I can be there to welcome them to make it easier.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  I think I said two twenty, two twenty five.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Okay, two twenty, two twenty five ish. I can be there to welcome you if that makes it easier for you, if that suits. But yeah, all good. Thanks for coming to me. Appreciate it. William's reply, anything to make your life easier.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  That wasn't passive aggressive.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  That was, of all the years I've known you, the most passive aggressive text you've ever sent me. But then it gets better. On the said afternoon, oh, have you deleted it?

• 19:50Speaker 04

  No.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  You messaged saying, where did you put that?

• 19:54Speaker 04

  About Gail's.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. Then text me at quarter past two, which I didn't see, want anything from Gail's. Basically meaning.

• 20:02Speaker 04

  How is that passive aggressive?

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Basically meaning, I'm here. I didn't see it, unfortunately.

• 20:05Speaker 04

  It's at the other end of your road.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  You could have just said, I'm here.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  And I thought, I'll get myself a coffee because I've never liked Jordan's coffee. And another five minute walk down to you. Find you.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  But no.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Want anything from Gail's. Better than me turning up with a Gail's and you going, oh, you could have text me.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, fair, fair.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, quite.

• 20:22Speaker 03

  But you, but look, genuinely, thanks for sorting that out yesterday.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  It was great fun.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  I appreciate it. It was good.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  You were in your element. You were in your little element.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  I might have got in the moment in my costume.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  There are some lovely videos we can release after the tour.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was very much in my moment, but the meal was delicious and it was great to see you.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  Thank you. And thank you for your thank you letter as well, which I noticed was on the side in your house yesterday. And I went, is this for me?

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I need to post that. Take it.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  William and Mikey. So I took my own thank you letter off the sideboard, which was nice.

• 20:53Speaker 03

  What else been going on with you? It says here you've got a couple of things going on.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  Yes. This morning, delivery was imminent. I took possession at eight AM of our new sofa. Now, this is a controversial sofa because it has divided opinion. People either love it, and I mean really love it.

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Or they really hate it.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  Okay, you and I were on the sofa for Traitors and Trifle.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  We were.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  Traitors and Trifle. And it's a lovely sofa, but it was a bit, it was a bit low and it was quite bad for your back.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  It's quite small as well.

• 21:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, particularly for Mikey, who's six foot five. It was quite low and it.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  It's a lovely sofa.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  Lovely sofa.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  Lovely house.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  Beautifully soft, thank you. We found a better sofa, which not only is slightly higher and wider and taller, is a more supportive, it's a statement sofa. Okay, I will show you a photograph of this. All I will say to people, and maybe we'll share this on Instagram, maybe.

• 21:53Speaker 04

  If you are, the, the, the sort of the, the diagram of who likes this sofa, you only like this sofa if you're in your thirties and gay. So I'll be very interested to see your opinion.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 22:12Speaker 04

  Would you like to describe it?

• 22:13Speaker 03

  I'm getting the word.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Well, DFS have definitely still got a sale on. I'm getting the word Auntie Linda.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  Yes, auntie and grandmother are words that have sprung to mind.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Wow, that's, yeah, that's very eighties, nineties.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  Very nineties, yes.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Very ninety. I've not seen a sofa like that for donkey's years. That's ver- I grew up on sofas like that that we weren't allowed to sit on.

• 22:40Speaker 04

  These are, these are also things people have said.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Okay, are they back in or?

• 22:45Speaker 04

  Yes, chintz is back in.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  Who?

• 22:47Speaker 04

  Chintz. I appreciate that is, it's, look, the rug needs to change. The rug is.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  What is chintz?

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Like floral and sort of chintzy.

• 22:54Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 22:55Speaker 05

  Camp.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  Camp.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  Camp.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  Yes, and we're going to put a nice big piece of art above, above it. So the, the expansive wall is. And we're going to change the lamp. But basically, the sofa has meant that the entire room has to change. But it's a lovely sofa. It's got a lovely pelmet.

• 23:11Speaker 05

  Excuse me?

• 23:11Speaker 04

  Let me know if you want to know where to go.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  I tell you, I tell you what it's giving if people want to have an immediate look at what it looks like. It's the Luxury Podcast artwork.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 23:22Speaker 05

  As a sofa.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  Yes, actually, it does look like that. Chintz and floral.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  It's very high of a bouquet.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  You have to come around and sit.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  I'd love to come and sit on the new sofa. Thank you.

• 23:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, for the next Triters and Trifle. I can't say it. Traitors and Trifle.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  Traitors and Trifle.

• 23:36Speaker 04

  Well, also with my-

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Trifle and Traitors, isn't it?

• 23:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  Trifle and Traitors.

• 23:40Speaker 04

  Yes, Trifle and Traitors. We'll also put the recipe for my trifle somewhere on online, whether that's on Instagram in our newsletter. But if you want it, Granny's recipe will be available.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  That's very sweet. That's her legacy.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  It's also very easy to make.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 23:53Speaker 04

  It's not, it's not difficult. You've got to do it over a couple of days, but what do you mean, ugh?

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Fair play that you did that over a couple of days for me. That's really sweet.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  Now that, now, sorry, now that's barbed.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  What do you mean barbed?

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Fair play, you did that over a couple of days.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Well, no, I didn't know you'd gone to such effort. I just thought you'd whip it all up, you know, like when you make moose or something.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Other than the fact I'm making a trifle.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:15Speaker 04

  Hmm. Yeah, because you do your, you do your spongy fingers.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  We'll go to the recipe online.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  What?

• 24:25Speaker 04

  You're such a bitch.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  We got William's etiquette emology of the week.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  We do, yes. After these messages-

• 24:32Speaker 03

  That wasn't meant to sound sarcastic. I might have read some comments this week that people said it was a bit horrible about etiquette emology. I love etiquette emology. In fact, it was my idea for you to do it.

• 24:41Speaker 04

  There we go. Was it?

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  Recollections may vary. Anyway.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Actually, it actually was my idea. I said, we need more William in this podcast. And then we started doing etiquette emology.

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Anyway, after these messages, I'm going to tell you all about something that you queried. You had never heard of it, supposedly, on a recent episode. I'm going to talk to you about Sweet FA, Sweet Fanny Adams, after this.

• 25:15Speaker 00

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• 26:20Speaker 07

  The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask, what's next? I'm Gabby Logan, and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges, and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.

• 26:48Speaker 06

  It's William. William. The etiquette geek. His knowledge. Knowledge. Quite unique. He'll give you manners. Manners. A subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquette, Etiquette, Etymology of the Week. Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.

• 27:06Speaker 07

  Lovely. Okay, so this is what you've said on one of our recent Friday bonuses. I'm looking ripped and hench.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Don't ask me.

• 27:14Speaker 07

  Getting my way slowly to buff. How are you?

• 27:18Speaker 03

  I'm good.

• 27:19Speaker 07

  What are you doing this weekend?

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Well.

• 27:20Speaker 07

  Sweet Fanny Adams?

• 27:21Speaker 03

  Uh, who? I'm not the spot to them for ages.

• 27:25Speaker 04

  So you had no idea what Sweet Fanny Adams meant?

• 27:27Speaker 03

  No, I thought Sweet FA was gone.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  Well, there we go. This is why we're doing this.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Oh, great. This is a good one.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  This is why we're doing it. Thank you. And it's a bit grisly. So Sweet FA is now taken, as you thought, as a polite way of saying sweet for all, but actually stands for Sweet Fanny Adams. But who was Fanny Adams, I hear you ask? Fanny is on the tip of your lips. So.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  You're better than that, are you?

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Fanny was born in 1859 in Hampshire. Lovely Hampshire. Have you been to Hampshire?

• 27:59Speaker 03

  I used to live there.

• 27:59Speaker 04

  You used to live? Well, there we go.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  There's Tidworth in Hampshire. No, it's Wiltshire, isn't it?

• 28:03Speaker 04

  She achieved her fame, and we're using that, you know, in inverted commas, in 67, when sadly she was abducted, murdered and chopped into very small pieces, some of which were never found. Told you it was grisly. It's taken a turn.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  That's awful.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  We're basically a true crime podcast now.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  It's terrible. Poor Fanny.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  Oh, I've got an idea. The culprit, Frederick Baker, was soon discovered, tried and thankfully sentenced to death, and he was hanged on Christmas Eve in 1867. The phrase Sweet Fanny Adams emerged in 69, a couple of years later, when British sailors were given new rations of tinned mutton, lamb. Not finding it to their taste, macabre naval humour basically saw the tinned meat being referred to as Sweet Fanny Adams because the poor little girl had been chopped up. So it basically became an idiom then in the 20th century to mean nothing or very little. And then because, and it is what is called a minced oath technically, so another type of mince, in that people think Sweet FA means, but actually it's Fanny Adams.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. So she was a murder victim.

• 29:06Speaker 04

  She was a murder victim, chopped up into small pieces.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Terrible.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  Very terrible. But.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  Who's getting hung on Christmas Eve?

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Well, no one now because we've got rid of hanging since, well, not that long ago.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  You would think, oh, we'll leave that till New Year, wouldn't you?

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Well, you know, people had a work ethic back then.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  People have a work ethic. People work harder now than they've ever worked before. But I think anyway, but yeah.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  And also, so hang on, out of that entire story I've just told you, the bit that you are more thing is, why were they working on Christmas Eve?

• 29:36Speaker 03

  That's no.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  Not poor old Fanny.

• 29:38Speaker 03

  No, why were they doing a hanging on Christmas Eve? You'd think, oh bloody hell. If the boss said that to me, you'd think, oh, it's Christmas Eve, we want to get in a pub for half twelve. I've got to do an hanging day before Christmas. Surely, I know it was sixteen hundreds, but surely you'd think, oh, I'll leave that till New Year.

• 29:54Speaker 04

  Hmm. Well, that's why we hang stockings, because it reminds people of the bodies. It's not.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  But true crime podcasts are really big. Could I launch my own where we look at who Fanny Adams was, William Hanson's searches for Fanny?

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Looking for Fanny.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Looking for Fanny. Can we mock up that artwork and actually pitch it?

• 30:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, we'll put that on this week's.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  That's got Wondry all over it.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  We'll put that on this week's carousel and see if anybody is interested in William Hanson's.

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Williams in search of Fanny.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Searching for Fanny.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  Yeah. Sweet Fanny Adams with William Hanson.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Well, thank you for that. That was a very good etiquette, Molly.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Was that all right? Not really etiquette-y, but it was off the back of something you said. On Fanny. You see, I am a Broadchurch.

• 30:36Speaker 03

  I never thought I'd hear you use the term Fanny so much.

• 30:40Speaker 04

  No, I don't really use it massively. In many, in many contexts. Tried to avoid. Fanny doesn't normally touch my lips.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  I don't want to laugh, I'm annoyed at myself.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  You see, Ben, that's how you do it. Have you ever seen a Fanny? Have I? Yes.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Have you?

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, by accident.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  When?

• 31:00Speaker 04

  In an encyclopedia.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Hey, all these years I'm friends with him and he still fascinates me. He's still fascinating. So you're telling me the only time you've seen a Fanny is in an encyclopedia?

• 31:17Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  You've never seen it on porn or anything?

• 31:19Speaker 04

  No.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Or the telly or?

• 31:24Speaker 04

  No, I don't think so. Can't remember it.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  Can I show you a picture of a Fanny now and get your reaction? Or is that going too far?

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Can I actually?

• 31:34Speaker 04

  On the work iPad.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  Who else uses it? Oh, am I going to? Tell me if I'm going too far. What would one search?

• 31:43Speaker 04

  Genuinely, I actually am quite excited about doing a True Kind podcast. We'll do it after tour when I've got nothing on in my life. But actually, William Hanson's in search of fanny would actually be hilarious.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  All right. Well, this is a, this is a sketch of one. So it's technically not like.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  A sketch?

• 31:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, it's, it's not.

• 31:58Speaker 04

  I don't want an artist's impression.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  It's an image. So, so this is, this is a moment William Hanson sees, um, a fanny for, for, for real.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 32:14Speaker 04

  And people like that. Looks like the trans Pennine way, doesn't it? Look at it.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  So just, just for context, I'll show.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  You know what that is, don't you? That little bit there.

• 32:29Speaker 04

  Looks like a, a credit card holder I once had, if I'm honest.

• 32:32Speaker 03

  Do you know what that is? Cause there's an old joke that a lot of blokes don't know how to find that one.

• 32:36Speaker 04

  What?

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Okay, let's, we're going, yeah. Right. So we're going to listeners, problems, questions and dilemmas. Remember if you need our help with something, then you can get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected]. Are you all right?

• 32:48Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Have a, yeah. Can we get him some water, please? You can DM us at Sex and My, he's gone a bit green. I'm not even joking. I've sexted my boss on Chelsea. I come right to William, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards of executive salesy levels. They're just on the website, sextedmyboss.com.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  The gin mate.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Do you want it?

• 33:14Speaker 04

  Right. We have no idea what's coming up. As that last five minutes proved.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  Um, our first dilemma is from Andy. Dear William, Jordan, Diego et al, I've grown up using a fresh towel every time I shower. Gosh.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Oh, wow. You're living luxury.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Yes. Granted, I use hand towels to dry myself down for ease of laundry. Just get one big towel. However, my extended family looks down on me for doing so. I know what Greta's advice would be, ah, Greta Thunberg, but I simply cannot bear wiping my face with a towel that had been on my arse earlier that day. What is the correct practice in this regard? Andy in South Africa. Ah, South Africa.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  Well, you could just get.

• 33:54Speaker 04

  Do you not have a head towel and a body towel?

• 33:56Speaker 03

  One of my best investments were, so I change my towels every week. I think that's fine, isn't it?

• 34:01Speaker 04

  Twice a week.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 34:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, change them today, actually, if you want.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Oh, I do mine every Sunday. I put mint wash on Sunday.

• 34:06Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  But one of my best investments, get them on like Amazon, just get a load of flannels for like a tenner. And then you've got a fresh flannel every day. So I do a flannel and towel wash every Sunday. Because technically, I'm meant to, if you're.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would say for your face, fresh.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  In my drawer in the bathroom, I've just got a different.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  But Andy, from what it sounds like, is using flannels. So, you know.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  To dry himself.

• 34:29Speaker 04

  What's a flannel? Nine inches or so square to dry and several to dry his entire body. I would say that's a bit extreme.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  And not just Greta that has a problem with it. I think I have a problem with it as well. I have a head towel for my hair, for my face, for my décolletage. And then a body towel for the rest of me.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Okay. Yeah, I don't think you should be changing towels with that. It's not very good for the environment either, if you're washing them, maybe.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  And if you're clean and you've used soap or body wash, you should be relatively clean in all aspects of your body.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  But for your face, dry your face with a.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Head towel.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, or a hairdryer.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  Well, you could do.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  I gave myself the ick the other day. Like, this is when I know I need to shave my chest. When I was drying it with the air dryer, it looked like Austin Powers. It was a, I need to shave my chest.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  All right, next one.

• 35:21Speaker 05

  Towels come up in my house a fair bit at the moment because Kat wants new towels. But I don't think there's any point in you getting new towels until you know how to wash them properly without them getting crusty because our towels are quite.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  What's your fabric softener?

• 35:32Speaker 05

  Crusty. Well, this is where I get mixed messages about fabric softener and towels.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, but a little bit, but not a lot. You do need something. And do you have a tumble dryer or do you have a washer dryer?

• 35:43Speaker 05

  We do have a washer dryer, but I actually didn't know it was a washer dryer until it broke this week. It's still broken, actually.

• 35:48Speaker 04

  What do you mean you didn't know it was a washer dryer?

• 35:49Speaker 05

  I didn't realise it had that functionality.

• 35:52Speaker 04

  Did you buy it or was it inherited?

• 35:53Speaker 05

  It was inherited.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Can I just say?

• 35:56Speaker 05

  Previous owners, not from like a sort of.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Can I just say, we had the same argument. In our house and apparently the best temperature for towels is 60 degrees.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  To wash?

• 36:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:08Speaker 04

  Yes, and Russell disagrees, you know, wash it on cold, just look at it and it's clean.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  60 degrees, because I thought 90, apparently it's 60.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  Nice and bit much.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Put them to dry on the, on a rack and then put them in tumble dryer for like half hour, an hour to fluff.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Fluff them out, yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  Thank you very much, Ben.

• 36:28Speaker 05

  That's really helpful, but I do need my washing machine fixed.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  Our tumble dryer's broken down as well.

• 36:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Must be sweat in the air.

• 36:35Speaker 05

  That's why I smell.

• 36:36Speaker 04

  This next dilemma is from Jess, Dear William and Jordan, for my birthday recently, one of my best friends gave me a book of two books and a packet of luxury biscuits. Unfortunately, I've already read both books before. I have a long commute and get through audiobooks very quickly. I sent her a message thanking her for the gift, but she followed up by asking whether I'd read them before. So my dilemma is this, should I admit that I've already read them or lie and pretend to haven't and express how excited I am to get stuck in? I don't want to seem ungrateful. I'm just wondering whether a white lie is better in this situation. Many thanks, Jess.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  Jess, great, lovely.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  Lovely question.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Lovely question. I would tell a little white lie personally on that.

• 37:09Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  No, I've heard lots about them. Can't wait to read.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, can't wait. And then because technically you've read them.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, a couple of weeks later, loved it.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  I've just listened to a good audiobook at the moment.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  What was your audiobook?

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Really, really good one, but like, because you fall asleep, you miss it. So I'm like, I actually wish I properly read that.

• 37:28Speaker 04

  That's the thing, I couldn't listen to audiobooks.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  The Curious Case of Mike Lynch.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 37:33Speaker 04

  Is he related to Fanny Adams?

• 37:34Speaker 03

  No, he died on a yacht.

• 37:36Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  Hmm. It's a very sad ending, but you know, the fella, the billionaire, it's awful.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  Robert Maxwell?

• 37:44Speaker 03

  No, but anyway, it's a really good book.

• 37:45Speaker 04

  Another millionaire on a yacht accident.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Fascinating.

• 37:48Speaker 04

  Right, okay. Ben?

• 37:50Speaker 05

  That book dilemma happened to me because Jordan bought me the book, Catch 22, and I had to lie that I hadn't read it when I had read it. I'm sorry, Jordan.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  You shit house.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  No, I'm sorry, that was literally the advice you just gave her.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  Have you read it?

• 38:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, I already read it.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  Did you actually?

• 38:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, sorry.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Oh, well.

• 38:09Speaker 05

  I really appreciate it.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  All right then, truth be told.

• 38:12Speaker 04

  All right, here we go.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  There, I'm not just saying this, I forgot you going away and had the book in my bag that I'd just bought myself and gave it you as a present.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Thank you. So I'll have it back. And that is the truth. I panicked and thought shit. And I'd just been to the shop that day. I thought, oh, I'll give him that.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  Honestly.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Thanks, mate. I appreciate that. Have you already read it?

• 38:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, Diego's not happy, is he?

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Diego's happy.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Poor Ben. If Ben, if Ben, you know, is honest, you get cross. If Ben isn't honest with you, you also get cross. It's catch 22.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  This is from G. To my darling William, Jordan, PB and the gang, a rather urgent dilemma has been bestowed upon me and I would love your advice. It's very much an am I the arsehole situation. My boyfriend and I live in a tiny top floor flat with an en suite bathroom. We do have a sofa bed, but it's one that has been loaned to us by my boyfriend's friend who's in the middle of moving house. This will become relevant. That same friend is coming to London in two weekends' time with his wife and we're all meant to be spending the weekend together. However, his wife is, rather strangely, staying with a female friend, which means the husband now has nowhere to stay. He has presumed he can stay with us Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Here's the issue. I've never met this man. Our flat is genuinely tiny and my boyfriend thinks I'm being unreasonable for being uncomfortable with it.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  On top of that, I go to the gym on Monday mornings, which means I'd be trying to make a coffee in our open plan kitchen slash living room while a stranger is sleeping on the sofa. I'm also a massive introvert and after spending three days with them, I'd very much like to come back to my own space. How do I not come off as the arsehole here? Thank you.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Gee, I mean, it's your flat, so it's your rules. And also, three days is quite a lot to stay over. A night on the sofa, two max, but three is...

• 39:57Speaker 04

  No one's staying on my new sofa.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Hmm. You famously don't.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  No one would want to.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  By the way, when we went to your house, yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 04

  What?

• 40:05Speaker 03

  Just the fact.

• 40:05Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  No, no, no. The, it's only got one spare bed.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  No, it's got a new bed in it now.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 40:10Speaker 04

  Yes, bed arrived yesterday.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:12Speaker 03

  But I, I, I don't think that's unreasonable at all, especially if they've not got their own bedroom. If they're sleeping on the sofa and I think you need to say to your partner, look, can you maybe suggest that you can only stay for a night or two and you've got... Especially on a Monday morning. No one wants people late to and round on a Monday and a Sunday night when you're getting ready for work. Yeah, I agree with you, G.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think you just go, I'm so sorry, we can't accommodate, um, we can't accommodate overnight guests. Would you like me to look into some hotels?

• 40:36Speaker 03

  Meet in the middle and just, no, don't say that, that's really bad. Just meet in the middle and say, can you say to him, uh, are you all right to stop for a night or two or maybe find somewhere else just because we've got work in the morning? Which is perfectly fine. You don't want some-

• 40:47Speaker 04

  No, I would just go, I'm sorry, I've never, I've, look, I've never met him. Our flat is really small. We can't accommodate overnight guests. I think, I don't, I don't think it's unreasonable to say that.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  Anyway.

• 40:59Speaker 04

  Personally. Um, this dilemma is from anonymous. Hi, William and Jordan. I have a dilemma that I'm hoping you're both well suited to answer. How long should you spend?

• 41:10Speaker 04

  How long should you spend on fellatio before giving up and accepting defeat?

• 41:14Speaker 03

  Who's?

• 41:18Speaker 04

  My personal benchmark is the length of Frankie Goes to Hollywood seminal track, Relaxed, the extended version, which is a committed and enthusiastic seven minutes and 25 seconds. After which, if nothing's happening, then I believe it's time to gracefully step away.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  Which the BBC never banned, by the way. That was a big myth.

• 41:34Speaker 04

  Okay. Um, would love to get your thoughts on the matter, anon. Now, can I just ask a few questions? When they say before accepting defeat, meaning if after a fellatio, nothing, like, it hasn't led to anything else, fellatio is leading to other activities?

• 41:52Speaker 03

  I think it means still they-

• 41:53Speaker 04

  They've completed?

• 41:53Speaker 03

  They've, they've finished. I mean.

• 41:59Speaker 04

  And also, fellatio, just-

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Can we stop calling it fellatio?

• 42:03Speaker 04

  That's what anon has said. But does that mean just a penis or that thing you showed me earlier?

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, there's a, do you know what we need, that-

• 42:12Speaker 04

  Because also, I don't, I don't, as, as, might be a shock to people, I don't know anything about that thing you showed me earlier.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  We need to unpack a lot here. Is this fellatio on a penis or vagina?

• 42:21Speaker 04

  Do people with vaginas complete in the same sort of time as men or does it take longer?

• 42:26Speaker 03

  It does take a bit longer.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  Does it?

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  So what takes longer? Vaginas or penises?

• 42:34Speaker 03

  It all depends on your technique, right?

• 42:37Speaker 04

  Right.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  It all depends on the technique.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  But it depends what mood you're in. Sometimes you can complete on Fellatio during the ads of Emadel. Sometimes you can do it throughout a whole entire episode of Emadel.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  We have ITVX, so we don't get ads.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, there you go. So.

• 42:55Speaker 04

  It's a great show.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  It can all depend.

• 42:57Speaker 04

  Unsubscribe.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  Seven minutes, 25. I'd probably say, yeah, move on to something else then.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 43:05Speaker 04

  And it's not a lot I can contribute to this. It depends, because also some people, whether you're the giver or receiver, might really like it, whether it's seven minutes, 17 minutes, 70 minutes, doesn't matter. If you're having a nice time, carry on. But if one or both parties aren't, switch.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, pick up on the...

• 43:23Speaker 04

  Pick up on the... Talk to each other.

• 43:26Speaker 03

  It's gonna be, I'll be going...

• 43:30Speaker 03

  It's gonna be a mouthful of cock, innit?

• 43:35Speaker 04

  You could always, you know, withdraw and chat.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  All right, I'll pop that one back in. Go on, we'll do one more. Go on.

• 43:43Speaker 04

  There speaks to the voice of experience. Our final dilemma is from Matt. Hi, boys. Bit of an etiquette question for you here. Is there an accepted etiquette when it comes to drinking small bottles, around 500ml of carbonated drinks or fizzy drinks? I, as I imagine Willie would insist on calling them. Every day at the office, one of my colleagues decants their drink into a glass. No ice, no garnish, no extra. They simply pour the Coke into a glass and drink it from there. Is this the proper way of doing things? And are the rest of us common for drinking straight from the bottle? Or is this just unnecessary overkill when bottles are already designed to be a convenient, single-serving size? Thanks in advance for settling this debate, and I can't wait for the Manchester Show. Matt.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Well, I've got my answer. Have you got yours?

• 44:23Speaker 03

  No, you go.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  Decant. Bottles are there as means of storage and decanting. You do not drink from the bottle. Luckily, I, you know, the last time I drank from a bottle? Twelve months old. After that, I've managed to gravitate to glassware.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  I disagree.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  I think there's something a little bit Freudian about people who drink from bottles.

• 44:41Speaker 03

  I have a can of Coke Z with my tea every night and usually drink it from the can if it's cold enough. It's just easier, isn't it?

• 44:47Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  So I, I disagree. I think it's whatever. If you're probably in some households, yeah, straight into the, well, I never had fizzy pop.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  The exception would be if you're on a run.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  And you have a sports bottle, because it would be ridiculous to take a, you know, a highball tumbler. Or a water, like a, you know.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Is that your water bottle down there?

• 45:06Speaker 05

  There is, there is a bottle of, there is a bottle of water to William's right.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  Which would be an exception.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  It's, I don't know how that could be accepted.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  If you're in the office. Decant it into a glass.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 45:18Speaker 05

  Can I ask, I think drinking like a fizzy drink, a bottle, like a, out of a bottle, pouring it into a glass feels a bit like having a bath with no bubble bath. Like, it just feels a bit weird. Like, like.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Well, you do get rid of the bubbles if you pour it into a glass, particularly if it's a highball tumbler, because that's the fizz.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  Weird to just not have.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  No, I get it, but it's like.

• 45:37Speaker 04

  Listen.

• 45:38Speaker 03

  I like a bottle, when I have a bottle of beer at the weekend, I have it, I don't put it in a glass.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  Oh, how common.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Do you? So, yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 04

  He's slundered and didn't know his washer dryer was a washer dryer.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  In the summer, when I have my can of Coke Z with my tea, I'll probably have it in a glass because I just want a bit of ice.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 45:54Speaker 05

  Well, that's the thing. If you have it with ice, that feels okay.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:57Speaker 05

  If you're just going to pour it into a glass with no extra compliment.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  Boys, boys, don't want to be rude. Which of us is the etiquette coach here? Okay?

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, but we've proven this over years. A lot of you, it's a lot of bollocks.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Thank you for your questions.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Have you heard your radio show?

• 46:13Speaker 03

  Thank you for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, you can listen every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before, anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube as well. We put the full episodes up every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sex Nerd.

• 46:25Speaker 04

  All finished?

• 46:26Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Good. See you on Friday.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  Snap.

• 46:35Speaker 06

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• 47:06Speaker 00

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• 47:40Speaker 07

  The midpoint of life, a time to celebrate. Take stock and ask, what's next? I'm Gabby Logan, and on Life at the Midpoint, I'm joined by famous faces who share how they're navigating this stage of life, plus experts with advice on change, challenges, and everything in between. And I'm tackling your dilemmas and questions as we figure it all out together. Listen every Tuesday and Thursday. Search for Life at the Midpoint.