Help His Allergy Gives Me The Ick | And William Needs To Grow Up

Jordan is over the moon after getting the call-up to the England team for Soccer Aid, while William is facing the reality that it might be time to stop living his 20s in his 30s and grow up! Plus, the boys solve your modern-day dilemmas regarding when it’s appropriate to reveal your private train collection to a date, and whether having a nut allergy can be considered an ‘ick’. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Cheers to fall savings at Whole Foods Market, home of higher ingredient standards. This Halloween, share chocolates and candies made without that spooky high fructose corn syrup. Throwing a party? Make it easy with a berry chantilly cake. Ready to cook pizza? No antibiotics ever chicken wings. And sushi made fresh daily. Fall gatherings never tasted better. Save through November 3rd at Whole Foods Market.

• 0:27Speaker 01

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• 1:03Speaker 02

  Got some good bits for you today.

• 1:05Speaker 03

  Oh, do you? Makes a change.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  Cheeky bastard. Are we recording? Did you hear that, G and D this? Did you hear that? I was just, just doing me notes and mid-prepper the things I want to talk about in today's episode. I said, I've got some good bits today. He went, oh, that makes a change.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  Right, but we'll see if you've got any good bits for this episode.

• 1:25Speaker 03

  Probably, I don't know.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  That'll make a change.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sextred My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life. Answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to everyday dilemmas like, what should you do if you get probed in the wrong hole? Or how do you tell your mum the outfit she's picked for your brother's wedding is horrid? And what should you do if you've accidentally sexted your boss? But we are not your usual agony ants, are we, William Hanson?

• 1:57Speaker 03

  No, we're not, Jordan North. I'm more supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. You're more supercalifragilisticextremehalitosis.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  I told you I got tested. I was all good.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  What, for halitosis?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Oh, is that not it?

• 2:10Speaker 03

  No, that's for another thing.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Um, yes. Well, that's from Leah.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  You know, you know, the surgeon that took my teeth out.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Doctor Halitosis.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  No, it's called Halit. I kept calling him Helitosis, which is the bad breath one.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  Halitosis.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  And the surgeon was called Halitosis.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Such called Smith.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  No, he's called Doctor Halitosis.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Doctor Halitosis, yes. Well, don't get those confused. Um, let's do a toast. Um, fittingly, we're using still the Big Willie Distillery gin. This toast is to someone called Willie, but with an I E on the end.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  Give me a big one.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  You back on the drink?

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Um, oh, am I? Always unnerving. Um, after meeting my boss today, and it's like, it's just come from nowhere. It's like, what's? I'm sure it's nothing, but when your boss says, you want to have a chat this week? You're like, oh, oh, oh, what's happening?

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Co-op FM is coming a little bit closer.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Is this it? Well, I think it's George. So just give me a.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  Have a nice.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Bit of Dutch courage.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  And we get on and stuff, but now I'm thinking, he's really, really wanted to meet this week. Usually we just catch up in the office.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Well, good luck.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  You can't get sacked in a pub, can you?

• 3:17Speaker 03

  I think it would be wrong to do it in a pub. Yes. Tonerly, I don't think that fits. No.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  They won't, they won't sack you in a pub, would they?

• 3:24Speaker 03

  I mean, neutral ground. Your pass won't work, so you can't get back in the building, I guess. So.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Well, at least you're allowed back in the building.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  Well, yeah. Um, anyway, let's go back to this week's toast. It's to Willie. He messaged in to say, good morning, Willie and Jordan. Uh, it's my 60th birthday on Friday and I'd be grateful for a shout out on the podcast. I also have a mini dilemma. When attending your tour show in Glasgow, should I wear casual jeans and a T-shirt or come dressed in my kilt? Advice gratefully received. Regards, Willie.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  Willie, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna look, I know it's an audio first podcast, but I'm gonna look straight in the camera for this, because I want, I want Izzy to.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  You've never looked straight in that camera.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Right. Anybody like Willie that is coming to Glasgow, I want you all to come in your kilts. I want as many kilts as possible in Glasgow. I want so many-

• 4:09Speaker 03

  I am now thinking, why have I not got a tartan outfit for, it's too late to get my tailor to do anything?

• 4:14Speaker 02

  I want people, in that right, Stu? We want everyone turning up, all the lads.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Especially for you.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  What do you mean especially for me?

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Think of all the floppy cocks you'll be able to see on, on the, on the seats.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  It's quite cold in Glasgow.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Willie.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  We want, Willie, we want to see you.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Willie, we want to see you, Willie. Uh, Willie, happy 60th birthday. If you're coming to Glasgow and you're listening, I, I want all the lads to come in kilts, as many as possible.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  Yes. Now, at time of recording, it is World Book Day.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  Yay!

• 4:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  Happy World Book Day.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Happy World Book Day. Um.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Did you ever do it as a kid? I can't remember doing it.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  Yes, I went as an umpa lumper.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  There's a, there is, there is, I'm sure we might have shared it back in the day, but there is an adorable photograph of an umpa lumper.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Please find it, full circle moment, because you went as an umpa lumper and on stage with that spray tan.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  You're gonna look like that.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  I don't have phosphorescent green hair.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  I can't remember, I remember doing jeans for jeans day, but I don't remember doing it.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. We did chinos for chinos day. In my, uh.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Red chinos for.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, red corduroy trousers for red corduroy trousers day.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  But yeah, it's World Book Day at the time of recording.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Yes, and a few people have gone as me, which is very kind of, obviously, twice Sunday Times bestselling author. Um, and most notably, your lovely nephew, Lucas.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Who has gone as me, who's gone in a lovely blue shirt and some chinos.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  It's quite an easy costume to do, but what I think is genius is what they've done with the hair. They really-

• 5:39Speaker 03

  Well, so I don't really know what Lucas's hair normally looks like.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  It's quite curly.

• 5:42Speaker 03

  Oh, is it?

• 5:43Speaker 02

  I'm thinking they proper gelled it back and he looks, he looks very much like you, I think.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Oh, some canny, yes.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  He looks a bit older than I do, but he doesn't see on the face, Ollie.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, obviously. Yeah, he's a two-year-old child.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  He's a two-year-old child.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Two-year, and you're saying-

• 5:58Speaker 03

  A bit young for Boshocks.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  You're saying you look younger than, you've got better skin than a two-year-old child.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, I'm moisturised.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  Uh. No, he looks very sweet. I would have typed the shirt in. It's my own little note.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Just, but, you know, casual. He's got a little tote bag as well, hasn't he?

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, they got him a tote bag.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Which is lovely.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  And they put a little jumper around him.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  And he took his, um, book.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  He looks very smart. Talking of World Book Day, I'm not going to mention the, um, radio station in question, but another radio station, uh, went as Mary Poppins. They all dressed up as people from Mary Poppins, and lots of people sent it to me. Including one of the presenters went as a penguin. Now, I don't want to be that person, but the penguins aren't in the book. They're just in the film, and it is World Book Day. Just.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  You're talking about Heart, aren't you?

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Amanda and Jamie.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. Amanda and Jamie were fine. They were Bert and Mary. Ashley Roberts went as a penguin. Penguin's not in the book. A bit awkward.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  It's fine, just leave it there. That's the trouble with World Book Day. People sort of, you know, confuse the film and the book, and don't realise they're two separate propositions.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Have you heard, um, if you listen to The Rest Is History?

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Hmm. The one on Disney and Mary Poppins, yes. I have started listening to that.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  It's very good, because she, uh, obviously there's a film about it, but she hated the film.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  She did Save Your Mr. Banks. Very good, uh.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  But she, everything she was worried about happened. Like, they turned it into.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, the only thing she.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  The films are brilliant.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  The film is brilliant. It is a different proposition to the book. She's, she is a lot more, Mary is a lot more acerbic in the books than she is perhaps in Julie Andrews' portrayal. However, Mary Poppins Returns, Emily Blunt's portrayal of Mary is probably closer aligned to the book Mary. So when people go, oh, I don't like it. It's not the original Mary. It's like, no, no, you mean the original film Mary. Thank you very much. Um, there is also, talking of books, there is a very good book called Making Mary Poppins that I suggest people, uh, buy if they like all that, which is, which is good, seeing as we should promote books, as last week was World Book Day. Um, Jordan, Soccer Aid, the last ever Soccer Aid. Congratulations for being part of it. How do you feel? Twenty years, they've had a good run.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  So you and many other G and D'vans have been going, I've been called up for Soccer Aid, which is.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  Called up, it's not national flipping service, love.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  It is, you get a call up, you get a call, that's what you say, you get a call up for England.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  And to you?

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, in football.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Right.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  So look, this is a big, big honour for me, I'm absolutely buzzing, shitting bricks about it. Cause I'm gonna be on the same team as Wayne Rooney and, and what have you. The England's top goalscorer, which is mad.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Who else is on the team?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Angry Ginge, Paddy McGinnis.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  So who?

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Joe Marler.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  What?

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Angry Ginge.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Who's Angry Ginge?

• 8:37Speaker 02

  At YouTube. No, no. But it's, I'm, I'm buzzing, I like, I can't believe the reaction as well. And my dad, I don't know if you heard, my dad were like, when I told my daddy, like, well, you're, you're playing football, you're crap.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  And what position will you be?

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Left back.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Left back in the changing room. Um, I don't know yet, but we'll find that out when we do training.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Will it be 4-4-2 formation?

• 9:01Speaker 02

  I've no idea.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  4-1-3?

• 9:03Speaker 02

  I don't know, might play five at the back.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  Sorry?

• 9:06Speaker 02

  It depends, you've all been, it's like a Saturday night for you, that, five at the back.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  I'd, I, right.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  But I'm buzzing for it, I am, it's, it's been meant, and the reaction's been, I didn't expect so many, like, so many people like, mate, this is ace. So I'm, I'm a very lucky boy, um, I probably won't get called up next year, once they've seen me play.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  But they won't be, won't get renewed.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  No one will take it away from me that I have played in an England shirt on the same pitch as Wayne Rooney. So I just give me goosebumps, look, look at that, I've got actual goosebumps saying that, it's men, it's every, every boy's dream, isn't it?

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Not every boy's.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Not every boy's, but every boy that, that likes football, it's their dream to do this, you get to be, you get to be a footballer for a week.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  This is like you.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  For a week? Is it for a whole week?

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause you've got to do training and stuff.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Oh jeez.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  This is, my equivalent for this for me is like you being asked to be Mary on stage for a day.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  Well, talking of being Mary on stage, sexwithmyboss.com/live.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Why?

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Because I'll be a Mary on stage.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  You're Mary Poppins?

• 10:05Speaker 03

  No, oh god.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  We just get another plug in. No, but imagine if someone come up to you and said, I want you to be

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Mary Poppins, that's your equivalent, isn't it?

• 10:13Speaker 03

  It would be my equivalent, I'm right. And will you, what charity is it supporting?

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Soccer Aid, Unichef, sorry, Unichef.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  Unichef?

• 10:22Speaker 02

  No, Unicef.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  It's a service station, isn't it?

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Unicef.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  Unicef.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Which genuinely does great work across the whole world. And they've raised over a hundred million Soccer Aid since it started, twenty years ago. Robbie Williams started it.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Did he?

• 10:35Speaker 02

  And I've been to see it twice in Manchester, I've been a paying customer. I went with my mate Stewie years ago. And then I bought tickets when I, you remember when I lived in Manchester?

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  I went with Daryl.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 10:45Speaker 02

  I went with Daryl, was it Daryl? No, Daryl couldn't go, so I had to go with someone else from work. I think it was James, but I've been twice to watch it. So to be playing in it

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  is mental. And I'm under no illusions.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  And when is it?

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Uh, May, end of May. I don't know, I'm shit with dates.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Oh, over the bank holiday, is it? Maybe, yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  I just hope I, I hope I don't like miss a sitter, that's my biggest worry. A sitter.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  What's a sitter?

• 11:11Speaker 02

  Miss a, you know, a sitter.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  Babysitter?

• 11:13Speaker 02

  No, like miss an open goal.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  Like, yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Okay, well, break a leg, do you say break a leg in football? No, what did you say?

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Have a good game.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Good game, good game.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Not a good game, no, have a good match.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Have a good match.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  Play well.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Will I be able to watch the highlights on Match of the Day?

• 11:32Speaker 02

  No, but it's on the telly and you can come along if you want.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Match of the Day, oh no, that's not on anymore.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  You can come along if you want.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  Okay, I can come along, oh, let me just see what I'm doing.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  As well, what is so liberating about it is people go, oh, have you got any tickets? And I'm like, no, it's for charity. Buy them. I wish.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  We should use that, we should use that with your mum and our show.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Oh god, don't get me started on the sex of the tickets. Oh, I've got the list. Uh, Stuart, I'm gonna send you the Help I Sexed My Boss tickets. Right, it's just, I might have gone to a wedding at the weekend and

• 12:05Speaker 03

  Oh for god's sake.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  gobbed off and offered.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Quite a lot of people ticket.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  Well, you just say I'm sorry, but they probably won't remember.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  I even give someone my number. Yeah, it's obvious, it's just so you. I went to, congratulations, Tom and Jen, who listen, by the way.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  Congratulations, Tom and Jen.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  I went to that wedding at the weekend.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  I got so.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  Did you wear your summertime ball suit or did you wear a different one?

• 12:27Speaker 02

  No, I went for a different suit, honestly, because I'm proper looking forward to it because I'm not seeing my mates from back home all week. I'm proper looking forward to it. And it was better than what I was imagined. It's just seeing all my old mates and having a laugh with them. And they took piss out of me and stuff like as well, you know, you're getting old. Some of these mates are on like second, third, fourth kids. Yeah, to now, one of them's had snip.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, told me all about it as well.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, so one of them's had snip. I'm being bought into getting a timeshare on a caravan and there's a few more to add to guest list. So, yeah, we're nearly there.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  Well, it sounds like a very productive wedding. A little update, after the second worst week of my life last week, yesterday, just before I came to meet you. I was rearranging some bins because some bin liners had been put into the wrong bin by someone else. And so I was sort of moving them over and also the recycling, you can't recycle in the bags. You have to empty the loose stuff into the bin. There I am, emptying this recycling bag into the bin. And what is looking at me covered in dust tearing up? My old passport. Absolutely delighted I was. Absolutely delighted. I do have a new passport now.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Why didn't you check the bit? That's the first.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Because it was not a bin in the house. It was like, it was a bin under loads of other bins. I'm not rifling through a bin like sticking in the dump.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Do you know how many bins I've been through in my life?

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Well, I should have you around.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  Bank cards, all sorts.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  Yes, but I am not you.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  I have been to all sorts of, I've been bloody tickets before now. I've been to, I've not been to passport, but I've been bank cards.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  Can I just say, no, no.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  I, I would do, I would check everywhere in the house and last thing I'd do is think, I better check the bin.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  But I, I have not been to the passport. I think it was, it fell into a bin by someone else.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  You, you.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Maybe someone who was overzealously dusting.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  You think it was your cleaner?

• 14:19Speaker 03

  It was a temporary cleaner. She's not coming back, not because of the passport. But that cemented it.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Anyway, absolutely delighted I was. My mother's positive spin was, oh, at least you got all your stamps. I don't care about the bloody stamps, the aggro I went through when I lost my passport. You know, of all the places I've been.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Well, do you keep your passport?

• 14:40Speaker 03

  You can do, yeah. I don't, I mean, I wasn't that fast. It's mainly sort of just America and other places.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it has been, it has been quite a tough week for you. Last week you weren't, you weren't.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  Oh, shut up. Oh, sorry. I thought you were waiting. Sorry. I thought you were going to be a bitch.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  No, I was gonna say last week you were very good, but you just, you could tell you were going through it a bit.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  That's very nice. Well, our friend Joe messaged me today. It was an excellent episode of Sexton last week. And I said, really? I said, I thought I was completely off the boil, but thank you, thank you very much indeed.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  Me? Yeah, I'm up and down, but that's, you know, that's the life of a performer.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  More of a simmer. Life of a performer. Life of a showgirl.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  That's the life of a showgirl. It is. Me, I'm up and down. You don't know. I thought, yeah, you, you're always on form.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  Oh, bless you. Thank you very much. Well.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  You're like, who's a good footballer that's always on form?

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Um.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  I said James Beattie.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  Thierry Henry.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, Thierry Henry had good form. I'm trying to think, who's, who's always on good form? This is not, I was even gonna say.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Maradona.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  Haaland? No, your man from Liverpool.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Michael Owen.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  No, defender from Liverpool.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  Uh, Steven Gerrard.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Oh, anyway, you're always on good form.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  Oh, bless you. That's very kind of you. Um, in other news, we were, we've recorded, in fact, you can listen to it now, I believe. It's, it's out this week. Um, we went to go and record Where There's a Will, There's a Wake with the lovely Margot Roych. And whilst we were recording that, we had this epiphany. And the more I think, think about it, I think we might be on to something. Question for Jean Devers. Am I the Queen Mother? Because the Queen Mother, all she did all day was host lunch and dinner parties, drink gin and a bonnet and martinis, watch Keeping of Appearances, and has surrounded herself with homosexuals.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  We were.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  It is basically, it is my life.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. So William was asking if he'd come back to someone. Who would it be? And you said the Queen Mother.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  And then I realised I don't need to come back as the Queen Mother because I already am.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  You are the Queen. I didn't realise. Did she upload it again?

• 16:34Speaker 03

  Well, all, all her staff were, you know.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  And she didn't work and stuff, did she?

• 16:40Speaker 03

  I mean, she, she was queen consort, so yes, she did work actually, but then once, once her daughter took over in nineteen fifty-two, then um, yes, she, I mean, she did a bit, but sort of latterly, you know, all she did was, was throw lunch parties and dinner parties at Clarence House. Lovely life.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Didn't, didn't, didn't she have loads of debts when she died as well?

• 16:58Speaker 03

  She did, yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  And we're talking, was it, was it about a million or was it more a hundred thousand?

• 17:02Speaker 03

  It was, it was more, it was a lot of millions, I think.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Was it what, on horses and stuff?

• 17:07Speaker 03

  Mainly on horses. Now that's where the similarities end, because horses don't really do much for me.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  She bet on, she had over a million pounds in debt on horses?

• 17:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, good going, as it were.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Bloody Nora, fair play to her.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Anyway, so I do think, you know, in the right light, if I put a hat on and sort of had a little corgi next to me, I think I, I could sort of, you know, be an impersonator.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Well, remember that lovely folk, say I've got a bone to pick for you. Something's been happening a while now, and I just think we need to, we need to stop this and nip this in the bug. And this is coming from a friend who loves you dearly.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  Oh god.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  Okay, right, and it's just, it's some good advice.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  Oh, right.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Now, I know you're living your twenties in your thirties, right? We've established that over the past few weeks. You are at the moment living your best life. You're out more than cat. It, it's literally like I'm fab. You're out in Soho every week.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  I mean, okay.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  I'm not wrong, am I?

• 18:03Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Where were you the other night? Soho, thank you. All right. You're living your, you're doing now what you didn't.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  It's actually in the city of London, if you're, if you're referring to that particular incident.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  You're now doing what you didn't do in your twenties.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Babes. William.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Yes, darling.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Hon. Please stop using the skull emoji.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  The dead skull emoji.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  It's cool.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  We're thirty-six, use the laughing emoji, use the side laughing emoji. I'm sick of messaging you just going skull, my dead, you're not, you're not Gen Z.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  Gen Z, what, Izzy, what do you use? There we go.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  Skull emoji.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  I'm cool.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Wait, yes, please, right? You're an etiquette expert. You're thirty seven.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  But I'm also doing it slightly ironically.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  I, I've noticed and I, I've just so many ti- literally, we message most days and you'll just either reply with the dead emoji. Just put laughing, sideways laughing or laughing emoji.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  Or should I just type hilarious, which I always think comes across as, I haven't even laughed.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, you would find that, I'd find that thing good.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, well, I'm sorry.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Do you know what? If you wanna do it, do it. But I know you're hanging around with a lot of younger, cooler people at the moment and stuff, so I get it, you know?

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Don't hang around with me.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  I, I said bro the other day, because I'm in the gym all the time, so it happens. These people rub off on you. I say.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Well, you ask nicely. If you keep going into those showers, they will.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  I've started saying, I've started saying lunch instead of dinner. That, you know, it happens.

• 19:32Speaker 03

  We change.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Wouldn't you that have got me for saying that the other day? Yeah, Izzy said, "Ma, I went, oh, sorry, I went out for my dinner."

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Right. Okay, I will try and find, maybe.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  You don't like the mullet? I don't like the skull emojis.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  No, true.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  It's just how we are.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay. And we're both, we're both entitled to our opinion. I will try now, particularly when I message you or any group that you are in, I will try not to use dead.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Just.

• 19:57Speaker 03

  Which means, for those that don't know, the skull emoji is Gen Z sort of.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Laughing, dead.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm laughing so much.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  I'm dead.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  I've died. I've died laughing. Dead.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  And or Gen Z will say, "Oh, I can't babes, I'm dead," as in, "That was so funny."

• 20:12Speaker 03

  Is that right, Izzy? Yeah. Corpse, oh, corpseing. Well, corpseing is more, more of a stage term for when you're on, for example, if we're on a stage and you do something so, if you're doing something serious and then I sort of get the giggles, that's, and I laugh behind you, that's called corpseing. Upstaging in a way.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  Okay, well, I will stop using the skull emoji. Good to know. Also, Jean Divas, at some point this week, or maybe next week, Jordan and I just need to find a date. We're gonna do an Instagram live stream, aren't we?

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Yes, we are.

• 20:39Speaker 03

  Like it's twenty nineteen.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  We haven't done one in a while. I'd like to do one on a Friday ideally, but if you can't get that in, then we'll, uh, we'll, we'll get, we'll think of a date.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  We'll put it on our Instagram. So if you wanna join in and just have a little chat with us, send us a message. We will do that on our IG channels. Are we going to do that on our respective channels? Me on me, yours on yours, or this Exeter account? If we don't on the sex account, we've got, both got to be in the same room.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  How?

• 21:05Speaker 03

  What do you mean, how?

• 21:06Speaker 02

  Can't you add me on? You, you've got the.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  Well, I don't want to do sex with my boss and Jordan North. It's either got to be William Hanson and Jordan North, or the sex with my boss and we're both sitting next to each other.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I've not thought of that.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  No, didn't think it's ready to do. I think just do it as William and Jordan.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  That would be my suggestion. Can you do a three-way Instagram or not?

• 21:23Speaker 02

  No, let's do it as William and Jordan.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  Cause we could, if we could do three, we could have producer Ben, who by the way is not here, he's on holiday.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  He's skiing.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  Skiing.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Oh, guys, there's some going past on skis. Imagine him skiing. The thought of it just gives me the ick.

• 21:39Speaker 03

  What? You're, honestly, you're so harsh to Ben. I mean, says me, but you're.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Excuse me, you're, I'm actually friends with Ben. So are you, to be fair, but I'm actually off all this when we're not being pantomime. Were panto mean to him?

• 21:54Speaker 03

  Oh no, we're not.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, we are. But, yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  He wrote, he texted me this week.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Oh, that's nice.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Sent me a lovely picture.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Have you saved his number yet?

• 22:04Speaker 02

  Him and Kat.

• 22:05Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  On the slopes having a pint.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Cute. That's nice. Um, any more for any more?

• 22:11Speaker 02

  Uh, just quickly.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  Where are we with, um, buying house gifts for other people? Just, I don't.

• 22:18Speaker 03

  What, like a house or thing?

• 22:20Speaker 02

  But like ornaments and small ornament. God, do you know what you don't see these days? Ornaments.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Not enough ornaments.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  I grew up with ornaments. God help you if you kicked a ball in our, like, family's living room or my grandma's living room.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  You shouldn't be doing that.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  But like proper, like, you know, proper figurine ornaments. You don't see ornaments anymore, do you?

• 22:37Speaker 03

  No, obje d'art.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. What's haberdashery? What's that?

• 22:40Speaker 03

  That's handkerchiefs.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  What's, uh, accoutchery?

• 22:43Speaker 03

  What?

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Accoutchery.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  No, it's not a word. Accoutrement?

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's, no, no, no, let's, don't do haberdashery, I don't do ornaments.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  Knickknacks, bibelows?

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Uh, bric-a-brac.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Bric-a-brac.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Like, I don't think I'd buy you something for your home, cause what if it wasn't to your taste?

• 22:57Speaker 03

  No, I, yeah, I would say it's, it's like buying art. You don't want to.

• 23:00Speaker 02

  You should always avoid it, like.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Unless I've said I specifically want X.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  Then, yeah, I would avoid it.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  I do, I, yeah.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Why? Are you thinking of getting something?

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, just for someone for the house. And I thought, well, what if I buy this and they don't like it? And then they've got to do that thing where you've got to get it out every time.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  Or you give it, but you always put the gift receipt in.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Ah, okay.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  So they, they can just deal with it and not tell you. That would be what I would suggest.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  I'll be honest, I was recently given them. Gift and.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  And what was it?

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Right, this is gonna sound harsh, but I was recently given a lovely cushion for my grandma, but it wasn't to my taste.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  So now I'm thinking, God bless her.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  She's seen it on offer in, well, look, she's in a happy place pillow in TK Maxx. And but now I sound awful. Do I sound like a knob? Right. And I just think.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  I don't know why I'm gonna put that in the house. I've tried putting it everywhere. Now it's gonna be one of those things that I have to get out.

• 23:51Speaker 03

  There's room in my bin now I've taken.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Don't be horrible.

• 23:54Speaker 03

  What?

• 23:54Speaker 02

  That's my grandma, so I'm trying to find a place for it. But um, I just think, yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  Save the children.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  Do I sound like a knob?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  No.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  No.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  I would, you know, certain thing, you get given things, you're like, I don't want that. I've said this before, my friends, uh.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  I will not be next, it's my grandmother.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  My friends at school gave me two, two zebra finches.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  What are they?

• 24:16Speaker 03

  Birds, live birds for a birthday. Who gives live, who gives animals as a birthday present?

• 24:21Speaker 02

  So yeah, I seen this in TK Maxx, I just had to get it, yeah. And it's happy place, but it's, which I wouldn't mind, but it's just not the right.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  Hmm. Doesn't fit in. Lot of sequins.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  She knows you so well.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Anyway.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  So it just made me think, and then I thought, I've bought people loads of stuff for their house and they probably thought, okay, now every time Jordan comes out now.

• 24:46Speaker 03

  Those flying ducks you gave me for up my, up our wall, they've gone.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  I thought you liked them. No, okay.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  No, you got, actually for my housewarming, you got us a lovely candle, which is very nice.

• 24:58Speaker 02

  You can't go wrong with a candle.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Well, as long as you know they like that scent, because there are certain candles that I think smell absolutely horrid.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  Shit, is it joke of the week, Jolly Jordan, joke of the week?

• 25:07Speaker 03

  Jordan, that's how it works.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  No one tell me.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  Well, because, you know, for about, you were told for years, uh.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  When was that told, please?

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Tuesday.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Receipts?

• 25:18Speaker 03

  Open the group chat.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  My absolute favourite thing that you do, and this is, you know me, this is said with absolute love, is where you ask a question, you did this to Social Joe this week, and you went, "Which of these photos are you using, Joe?" You had asked that question the day before, and she had responded to it, and then you asked it again, and then you just literally scroll up one message and there is the answer. It's just very amusing.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  Okay, well, it's...

• 25:45Speaker 03

  You weren't listening, were you?

• 25:46Speaker 02

  I was listening, I was. I just, I know, Joe puts up with a lot.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  She does, she deserves a medal.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  I've got some jokes here.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Maybe she deserves a sequined happy place cushion. She can always think of you when she sits on you.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Okay. Do we do my jingle first or after the break?

• 26:01Speaker 03

  Honestly, I mean, do you ever listen?

• 26:03Speaker 02

  I can't remember.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  We do it before. I come after, you go before.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  Cue the jingle, please.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Oi! All right then, Gene De...

• 26:29Speaker 02

  You really are living your twenties, aren't you? All right then, Gene Devers, this one was sent from Shaun Ed on Instagram. Thank you, Shaun. "I recently had my penis in the Guinness Book of Records." And I'll tell you the punchline after the break.

• 26:43Speaker 00

  Cheers to fall savings at Whole Foods Market, home of higher ingredient standards. This Halloween, share chocolates and candies made without that spooky high fructose corn syrup. Throwing a party? Make it easy with a Berry Chantilly Cake. Ready to cook pizza? No antibiotics ever chicken wings. And sushi made fresh daily. Fall gatherings never tasted better. Save through November 3rd at Whole Foods Market.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  Hello, I'm Luke Jones.

• 27:12Speaker 05

  And I'm Poppy Damon.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  We love all the strange true crime stories that you might flick through on a newspaper and think, "Hang on a minute."

• 27:21Speaker 05

  And this is Strangely, a podcast where every week we bring you the weirdest, wildest stories ripped straight from the headlines or our notebooks from both sides of the Atlantic.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  From the stories that you almost certainly missed in the headlines.

• 27:32Speaker 05

  To the ones you did see and thought, that's odd, but never got to revisit again.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  If you like strange news.

• 27:38Speaker 05

  Unexpected twists.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  And stories that linger on way longer than they should.

• 27:44Speaker 05

  Listen and subscribe now. Search for Strangely wherever you get your podcasts.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Right then, Jean Devers, thanks for sticking with us. It's time for the punchline of Jordan's Jolly Joke of the Week. This one's from Shaun. He said, I recently had my penis in the Guinness Book of Records. Well, until the librarian told me to take it out. It's not that done.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  No.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  He sent a few in. He sent four in.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Oh, good.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  I got the name.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Oh, good. Sorry, I have to be upbeat.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  I've got the name Amy tattooed on my penis, but when I'm erect, it says Althertomochutty. It's a town in Scotland, apparently.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  Shaun says a bit of a theme to Shaun's jokes so far.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  I recently got my liquid Viagra mixed up with my Tippex. Ended up with a big correction.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Me and my friend were going to a fancy dress party. We dressed up as a pair of breasts, although we dropped out last minute. So he left me there looking like a right tit.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  I like the last one.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  But Shaun, I would talk to your therapist.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Look, it's only one more week until we start our tour. I am so excited.

• 28:50Speaker 02

  We're a week away.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  I'm so excited.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  I've got done. I'm starting to get nervous now.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  I'm 50p for 20p.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  If you're coming to one of our arena shows, remember we need your help because the show isn't just us. And mainly us, but it isn't just us.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  You guys.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, and me. We need you as much as you need us. Cardiff, London, Glasgow, Manchester, that's the order. Jordan, what do we need from them?

• 29:14Speaker 02

  All right, there's a few things we need. We need your dilemmas. And we also need a reason you deserve a shout out, or just a reason you should be up on stage with us. So if you've got a funny story, something that's outrageous that's happened to you, get in touch.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Yes, anything that's outrageous, that would shock or surprise us, that obviously you don't mind an arena full of people hearing all about. Or if you have a special moment in your life coming up that we could help you bring to life on stage, let us know. We've talked about, you know, the proposal we had in Sheffield at Crosswires. I am quite keen on having a live birth at some point. We could see what else we could do.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  What a mess of a live birth.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  Well, maybe just to the side of the stage.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Also.

• 29:54Speaker 03

  We don't want the dancers slipping on embryonic fluid.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  A few weeks ago, when we showed you a fanny.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Went a funny colour.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  I did.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  And people thought you were playing up to it.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  Can you imagine seeing a fanny with an head coming out of it?

• 30:05Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  A little baby's head.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  Well, I'd look away. I mean, maybe we just point that to the audience. Yeah.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Fair enough.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  I wouldn't. I don't want to see that.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  sextedmyboss.com/contact for any of these. Just make sure you select the night that you're joining us on tour.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  sextedmyboss.com/gynecology for any of those.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  sextedmyboss.com/contact. And yeah, if you're joining us on tour, so if it's at Cardiff, London, Glasgow, Manchester, get in touch and we might see you on stage.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  Yes. And when you go to that URL, select the night that you're joining us on tour. So, you know, we don't announce, oh, there's going to be a birth. And actually, it's not that night. We need to know which night you're coming.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Right then. Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, we have no idea what's coming up. So what have we got first, please, William?

• 30:46Speaker 03

  It's first dilemma is from Olivia. Hello, wonderful Sexted team. I have an etiquette question. I know you've had enough poo inquiries, but we need help with our workplace debate. We are mostly a group of girls who discuss things that are definitely far too TMI. As we were discussing poo samples, I stated the best way to collect the sample would be to cover the toilet bowl in enough loo roll and then collect said sample. However, my coworker said she wraps toilet roll around her hand and then catches her bowel movement before taking the sample from her hand.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  I've never thought of this.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  I think this is wrong, but she thinks this is far more efficient. So what is the etiquette on collecting your own poo sample? Thank you for all the laughs. I love listening to you all every week. Olivia.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Can't you do it in Tupperware?

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't you do it into a little sort of, yeah.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  I don't know. I've never had to do this and you shouldn't be embarrassed because like, doctors see this all the time. But how do you do it? Do you like?

• 31:37Speaker 03

  I think.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Get a bit in and then chop a bit off and put it in? I don't.

• 31:39Speaker 03

  Let's put it this way, Olivia, both of the examples that you have given, both yours and your friend's, I think are wrong.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you just, if possible, do it straight into tub. Whatever it is.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Tub?

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Well, I don't know. I don't know.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  You mean the loo?

• 31:52Speaker 02

  No, because you've got to take it in, haven't you?

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, but then you scoop it out.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  Do you ever, Gillian McKeef, use the look at people shit?

• 31:58Speaker 03

  I do, yes.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  What was that all about?

• 32:00Speaker 03

  I don't know. Such a funny old sausage.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:03Speaker 03

  Um, but yeah, I.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  I personally would do it straight in. If not, if not.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  Have you considered just asking a health professional?

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  Of which we are neither.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  My other top tip would be to cling film the top of the toilet and poo on it like that. I remember doing that for an April Fools prank. You've got to get the cling film really.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  How we laughed.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  No, no, no, you've got to get the cling film really tight. It looks like a floating ship. People are like, oh my God, what's going on? We did it with my dad years ago. He found it funny me mum then. Anyway.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  The point is, um, I'd do it on cling film.

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Well, there we go. Our next dilemma is from anonymous. Hi boys, I need some advice. So late last year, I came out of a 14 year relationship. In a moment of post dumping delusion, I decided I was that girl and went on a date two weeks later. Delusional behaviour. Yes, I know. Lesson learned. Never again. I'd rather be on my own if the kind of people available at this. Ick one. He has a nut allergy. I don't think that's an ick.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  See, is he right in it? A nut allergy is a very serious.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Yes, they are.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  Bloody annoying though. I bought a bag of Reese's cupcakes once. Flight to Spain, I thought I'll do that. Watch a place in sun. So I like to watch before I go on holiday to get me in mood. We're looking forward to me Reese's and it's. Tan I. Excuse me, somebody on this plane has a really serious nut allergy. So I was like, I've got me blue peanut butter cups. And I did ask. And I was told firmly to know.

• 33:25Speaker 03

  But equally, I've been on flights where they've announced that and then they come around and go complimentary nuts. And you go, sorry, you've just done an announcement.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  Circulation. It's very serious.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Sorry to anyone with a nut allergy.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  Yes, that Jordan North is not speaking on behalf of this podcast.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  So you certainly hasn't got a nut allergy.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  See you in court.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  A bloody win. You've got to prove me wrong bitch.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  Ick one. He has a nut allergy. I don't know why, but it just did something to me and made my vagina shrivel up.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Like the nuts if you'd have had them.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  I felt like I'd have to carry an EpiPen instead of lip gloss. The romance was fading fast. Anonymous, I don't think you're a very nice person.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  I do. I think this is hilarious.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  Second, he has asthma. Oh yes, hilarious.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  The poor sod.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  This is so, this is why I love our Gene Devers, because this is, let's be honest, some people listening to this now think this is really mean, but others will be like,

• 34:23Speaker 03

  It's very mean.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  This is exactly what your mate would say to you in a pub. If you were just a few and a few mates having a beer, he'd be like, right, I know, she'd be like, I know I sound like an absolute bitch, like a total cow right now, but anyway, go on.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  Again, nothing wrong with it, but why did I immediately picture myself fanning him gently during a light jog, him puffing on his inhaler and me on my vape, just to get through the situation?

• 34:43Speaker 02

  I could be friends with this Gene Dever.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  I don't think your lungs are any better if you're vaping, but the absolute final nail in the coffin was the conversation or lack of. The man looked me dead in the eyes and asked me my favourite colour.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Oh jeez.

• 34:54Speaker 03

  I said mine, he said his, baby blue.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, get rid.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  Say no more.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Get rid.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Do you know, I nearly wore a baby blue jumper today. Say no more, I made my excuses and left. 14 years I gave to a man and this is what I've come back out to. Nut allergies, inhalers and baby blue. So my dilemma is, am I being unreasonable or was the universe protecting me?

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Look, you're being slightly unreasonable, but that's fine hon.

• 35:17Speaker 03

  Because I'm sure you've got problems, anonymous.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  But, you know, and it is the universe protecting you and just get back out there, like just.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  I would say two weeks though after coming out of a 14 year relationship is too early to be dating.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Just get back out there when you're ready and you'll, you'll meet, you'll meet the right person. I know that sounds really obvious to say, but you will.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 02

  Very funny dilemma.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  I've got a friend who always asks his opening question on dates is, what's your favourite colour?

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Why?

• 35:42Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't think it's a particularly good question, but we, we tease him that that's.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  Mine would be film. I feel like I'd get to know your favourite film.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Like yours is Mary Poppins.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  That's like, and then that opens a big question because it'd be like, oh, and then you could say, I loved it.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  What did you think of Poppins Returns?

• 36:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, exactly. Robert, what was your favourite film?

• 36:04Speaker 03

  Oh, Interstellar, Mikey went to see there yesterday.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  See, that says a lot about you as a per- and I could chat to you about that, that's very interesting. I couldn't finish it personally, but that's because I'm thick. It's a bit long, favourite film. Love Actually, yeah, there you go.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Stuart?

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Hair spray.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  Gay.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  Is it really hairspray?

• 36:26Speaker 03

  No.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Fair play.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  He's saying no, he's nodding his head.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Ah, let's see, mine, Goodfellas.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Right.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Basic, yeah. There you go. So I'd ask him that.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay. Um, this is from another anonymous one. Hi, boys. I just want to start by saying how much I adore the podcast and thank you for always making me laugh even during the tough times.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  My bless you.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Now for my dilemma, what is the etiquette around remaining social media friends with your friend's ex?

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Good one. I can't believe you've not had this before.

• 36:53Speaker 03

  For context, my friend and his girlfriend have been split up for a couple of years. It was not a particularly amicable breakup and they are now blocked on all of each other's social media. I, however, remain a social media friend slash follower of the ex. My friend was, and I believe still is, aware of this fact and wasn't bothered about it when we discussed it a while ago. Should I actively unfollow slash unfriend the ex or keep things as they are, as it isn't harming anyone?

• 37:16Speaker 02

  I think this is a tough one. Unless your friend said, can you unfollow him?

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  Then I would. If you got on with this person.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  I think it depends on how they broke up. If it was some sort of awful, toxic breakup, I think you've got to, who do you want to be more friends with?

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Your, your friend or their ex?

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Deep down and on, it might annoy him a bit.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they probably have noticed.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  And, and they probably have noticed and if you unfollow them, unless you're really close, it kind of just sets the precedent like we're not meant to be in each other's lives anymore. So, uh, again, I, I wouldn't follow them if, if it had been messy and I was on my friend's side. But even though they said they're not bothered.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  I, it also depends on whether the ex, because sometimes I follow people regardless of whether I, how, how I know them, who don't really post. And then suddenly when they post, you go, who the heck's that? Um, so if they're a regular poster, I think you have more of a say in sort of unfollowing them. But if, if they really don't post, it's not really that much of an issue. Um, that said, question for you.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  There are a couple of people in your past life that I'm still following. What would you like me to do?

• 38:22Speaker 02

  I honestly don't care.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  I genuinely.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Because it genuinely goes through my head. When I say, again, they don't post very often. I'm like, do I unfollow?

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Let me out to be like.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  Well, it will, my follower count, well, my following count would drop by, right, eight. Um, so what, what would you like me to do?

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Well, can we not discuss this on the podcast, please?

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  But I'm genuinely not bothered, genuinely.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  Hmm. You tell your face.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  Apart from one. Right, we're not doing this. Come on. We're not doing this on the podcast.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  We'll do it afterwards.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  And we'll chat. This next one is from Olive.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  I'm not genuinely, I'm not bothered.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, clearly.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  No, I'm not, I'm not.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  No, I'm not bothered, I'm not bothered.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  Faith bothered. Um, this next one is from Olive. Hello, William Jordan, EPB. A few years ago, I had a situation ship slash friends with benefit arrangement with a guy I met at a club. Let's call him Sam. This didn't really go on for too long, if I'm honest. There weren't many benefits on my side of the deal. Things ended when his friend, let's call him Joe, admitted he had feelings for me. I told Joe that I wasn't interested in him and that I wasn't actually looking for a relationship in general. The guy I was sleeping with then told me it didn't feel right continuing things as he felt the reason I turned Joe down was because I had feelings for him, Sam. Very self-centered, I know. I told Sam that this wasn't true and that I didn't want a relationship with anyone at that point in time, just as I had told Joe. Later that night, I received a phone call from Sam at 3am. He proceeded to tell me about all the women he had slept with and listed them in the order of who gave the best head, the best handjob and the best overall shag.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  I didn't make the list, but that's okay, as he didn't make my list either.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Luckily, I'm now with someone who knows where the clit is.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Oh, go on, girl.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  My etiquette question is this. What should you do when someone you have slept with decides to rank the women or partners they've been with and you don't make the list? Best wishes, Olive.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  It sounds like you've, you've done well together.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, Olive. He, Sam sounds like a dick.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  He also sounds like he was very drunk when he called you at 3am.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  And also, if I.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Why are you answering at 3am?

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  Put your phone on silent, turn it off.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  But, um, no, the, what's the etiquette? There is no etiquette, you shouldn't do that.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  No, and also, I would say the fact that he felt the need to actually phone you and sort of list that in a really vindictive, toxic way, probably means that actually he does actually have some sort of feelings for you, because the opposite of, um, yeah, okay, I'm being told by Izzy, that by Gen Z cliques, what are these called?

• 40:49Speaker 02

  This one, this one's like clapping.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  Snaps, snaps.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  And this one's, no, like, okay.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  No, you need to describe what you're doing.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  She's gonna clip this up, I know. So, this one means...

• 40:59Speaker 03

  That's index finger and thumb going together.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  Like, that's clapping, isn't it? And then, what's that one? That's like, that's like slay.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Slay.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  So, the, the, your middle finger and thumb is like, yeah, girl, slay! And that one's clapping, like, yeah.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Right, and what's wrong with just clapping? Or indeed, language?

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Well, drag queens can't because of nails, and also...

• 41:22Speaker 03

  They can clap, like that!

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Apparently, it's, it can trigger some people, loud claps.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, the fact that he's phoned you up and felt the need to do that clearly shows he has got some sort of affection for you. However, get rid of him, block his number, don't speak to him, what a toxic individual.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  Top five shags, go.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  Um, you're at number three.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  We've met, that's not...

• 41:47Speaker 03

  Ben, two.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  Ben's above me!

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, on that occasion, and Izzy, number one. That's not happened.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  No, it's not.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  In any context, everyone. Oh, no, sorry, move everyone down, Mikey, number one, sorry.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  I'll kill you, you little shit! I'm a good shag, I'm a good ride, you know I am. Right, good ride.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Right, our final dilemma, crashing on. Hi, William and Jordan, how do I tell women about my model train collection? I spent a fortune on them. When I tell women about it, some like it, but with others, I think it's giving them the ick. Please help.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  That's from Rod Stewart. He's got a big train collection.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  He's got a big...

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Train collection.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Right.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  If you didn't know.

• 42:28Speaker 03

  Does he? Does he, really?

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Oh, come on, he's well known.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Rod Stewart is not well known.

• 42:33Speaker 02

  He has a big train collection.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  It's a little hornbee.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Is it Rod Stewart? I've never had that up, it is, it's well known, he's like...

• 42:39Speaker 03

  I did model railway club at school.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  Funny, did you actually?

• 42:42Speaker 03

  I was year seven, I then did stamp collecting, club, because I didn't want to do anything sort of possibly physical. And those were the options.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  Okay, well, look, Phoenix, I think... I personally think it's quite cute that you're into that.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  It's lovely.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Maybe don't tell them on the first date because your words not mine is giving some the ick. So it's 50 50.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. They need to get to know you outside of trains.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, but promise me this.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  If after the third date.

• 43:11Speaker 03

  If you get one.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  They come round and you take them into your garage to show them your train set. Please, for the love of God, Phoenix, don't wear the little hat.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Please, Phoenix.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  Honestly, Phoenix brings them round and goes, would you like to see my Pendolino? They're very disappointed when they get to see the model railway set.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Don't wear the little hat that all the train collectors wear. That's do that in your own time, but not in front of a girl because I reckon that would give many girls the ick. But also don't let them put you off. You be you, hun.

• 43:42Speaker 03

  Yes, exactly. They've got to love you for who you are.

• 43:45Speaker 02

  If you're into your steam trains like Rod Stewart.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 43:47Speaker 02

  Funny you didn't like him sailing. He used to be like, I am steaming.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Steaming drunk for a minute.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  I am steaming.

• 43:57Speaker 03

  Don't sing, we don't have the rights. Well, thank you for all those problems and dilemmas.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And of course you can watch us on YouTube as well. Put the full episodes up on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexton.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  We'll see you on Friday.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  Goodbye.

• 44:27Speaker 06

  I'm Claire Buckley and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts and aliens. Plus the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.