Help He Slaps His Mum’s Bum | And Jordan’s The Star ⭐️

As soon as the boys entered the studio, an argument erupted after Jordan found out William and Producer Ben had been invading his happy place (the gym). There’s also a selection of dilemmas that will be sure to go down in Sexted folklore regarding jam jars, slapping bums, and farts. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hi everyone, it's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  75% of women who seek menopause care don't receive it. The lying awake at 3 a.m., wondering what's happening to your body, ends now. Midi is virtual care built for women in perimenopause and menopause, with clinicians who specialize in women's health. Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. Midlife needs Midi. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit today. That's join m i d i dot com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Do you know, these exec producers just waltz around, leaving their coffee cups on our tables. Get in your seat, go on.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  Don't talk to my Ben like that.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Why, you being nice.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  Because that's my job.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Right. Are you ready to get your sat down? Yeah?

• 1:47Speaker 03

  Sitting.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Right, here we go.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to Help I Sexed My Boss, the podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of modern life, answering your 21st century questions and finding solutions to those everyday dilemmas like, what do you do when his nut allergy gives you the ick? Or, how do you tell your best friend that he needs to grow up and stop using the skull emoji?

• 2:12Speaker 03

  I'm going to now use the coffin emoji, thank you to everyone who suggested that.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Oh, don't, don't. And what should you do if you've accidentally sexed your boss? But we're not your usual Agniens, are we? William Hanson, the UK's leading etiquette expert and bestselling author.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  Oh, bless you, twice.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  You've got to get me in with someone, you can't just say capital, so go on.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  No, we're not Jordan North, Top of the Pops presenter and Capital Breakfast show host. I don't know, what would you like me to say? Oh, Soccer Aids Jordan North?

• 2:45Speaker 02

  That'd be fine.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  Yes. Are you captain?

• 2:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Is that Tom Hiddleston?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  I don't know, actually. I don't know.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Well, they've not divvied that up. What's your drawl ops?

• 2:56Speaker 02

  We'll find out, I suppose, on the day.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Okay, oh, fine. Anyway, I'm more ultrasound probe in a hospital, you're more anal probe in a UFO. It's from Liam. Don't think that really works, Liam, if I'm honest.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  I did watch a film once about people getting probed by aliens, and I think that might have happened to me.

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Right.

• 3:16Speaker 02

  I just, it's called The Fourth Kind. It's so scary. It's about these people that get abducted by, and sometimes I...

• 3:22Speaker 03

  Is this a film on the dark web?

• 3:24Speaker 02

  No, no, no, it's called The Fourth Kind. It's petrifying. It's about 15 years old, so I remember watching it at uni. And I remember watching it and thinking, I've had nights where I've woke up and thought, what the fuck happened there?

• 3:36Speaker 03

  It's not a UFO.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Honestly, I've had like, my ears throbbing, a sore arse, like, also, I don't know what's going on. And I genuinely think I might have been probed by aliens.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  It's gonna be one of those.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Whatever you're into.

• 3:52Speaker 03

  I've poured the gin to you already, and I would like to toast poor old producer Ben, whose legs are sore today after a hefty gym sesh. He's back from his holiday, being on the slopes with his wife. Probably gave you the ick. Ben, welcome back.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Sorry Ben for saying that the thought you skiing gave me the ick.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Hi guys.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 4:16Speaker 04

  I enjoyed that mention.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  He's got sore legs from the gym. Now he's joined my gym. You're at my gym. He's at my gym.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  I've said, I am, I'm actually quite cross about this. I went there first.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  No, you didn't.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Yes, I did. I've got the receipts.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  But I go all the time.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Doesn't make it your gym.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  It doesn't matter. It's everybody's gym. It's just, you know what he's like. You don't want to see.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  Anyway, as well now refer to it, our gym.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Do you know how I see it? When I lived in Manchester, yeah.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  Which was your city.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  No, when I lived in Manchester, I lived in Cheltenham and after six months I moved out because everyone I worked with was there at weekends. You don't want to see everyone you work with every weekend, do you?

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Anyway, how are you Ben?

• 4:53Speaker 03

  You don't go to the gym at the weekends. Not that gym anyway.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  I do.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  What? Our gym?

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, sometimes on Sunday.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Because I'm going to come to the one near you now on a weekend.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Ben, how are you?

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, really good thanks actually.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Say hi guys.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  He's already done it.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  I already said hi guys.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  We're tuning you out.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  Don't tell me how to do my job.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Why not? You tell me how to do mine.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  You need telling.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  You're okay.

• 5:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  What was the highlight of your skiing? Tell us. That's nice. Now, in other news.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  I have actually got, if I may, I don't want to sort of pipe up too much.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  No, no, fine.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  There was a moment that I think you might quite enjoy.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  Did you fall over?

• 5:34Speaker 04

  I don't know if you're aware of the meaning of the word après ski.

• 5:38Speaker 02

  It's a yogurt in it.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  It means after you've eaten your yogurt.

• 5:41Speaker 04

  It's after eating the yogurt.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  I've got them at home. Those posh yogurt.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, and when they're finished, it's après ski.

• 5:47Speaker 04

  So après, I think in French means after.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  It does.

• 5:50Speaker 04

  And ski means ski. So it's, it's used to describe the, the moment when you're skiing and it's after it. And so it's like the drinking, it's like the partying.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  People get on tables and things like that and you have a few.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  I'm not sure they do.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  They do where I've been.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Cat get on the slopes.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  What she got on the table, I'll tell you that much for a free.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  Whatever you like to do it Ben.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Don't make him blush.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  I'm blushing. So anyway, Kat and I had a good time. It was just the two of us and we'd had a few beers and it was lovely, like nothing too heavy, but we're at this bar and it was at the bottom of a, of a big ski slope. So everyone would like look at the ski slope and be like, oh, look at all the people coming back from their day of skiing. It's just like a nice little view, people watching. Anyway.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  You'd be sacked on Capital Park.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  There are, well, thank God this is a podcast. Yeah, we've played Sabrina Carpenter twice on Capital by now. There are stacks of like, like you have to store your skis. So you take them off and you put them on the stacks. And the stack that like Kat and I put our skis on was just like light, like metal, it turns out. So at the end of the drinking, we go over, go to pick up our skis. I put my hand on the ski and it's just directly in front of the, in front of the entire bar of people. The, the stack just completely collapses beneath me and all of everyone's skis goes flying down the hill. Like a good like 30 pairs of skis. Goes down the hill. Goes like a slight hill to the like into the bar.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  And skis are expensive, aren't they?

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then I go with it. So I'm on the floor.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  So that was. And if anyone's filmed it, let us know. Yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Brother, what was Kat doing?

• 7:35Speaker 04

  I mean, Kat was nowhere to be seen, obviously. Too pissed to remember.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Too pissed to remember, weren't she?

• 7:39Speaker 04

  Oh bless. Well, thank you for chatting. That's very amusing.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Was she in the corner or at the bar smoking a roll up and drinking a real ale? Cause last time we went out, that's where I found her.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Thank you, Ben. It's genuinely good to have you back. Hit me out. You know, if I text them, make out me for going to Skegness and what have you. The day I go skiing, the day I've lost touch with reality. I'll never, yeah. I don't, that's proper.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  It's May, isn't it?

• 8:06Speaker 02

  That's proper posh for me, skiing.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've, I've tried it a few times.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Wendy and Graham have been.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  Wendy and Graham have been skiing.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  She, uh.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  I'd love to see that.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  She got, she mixed stuff up, so we went to Florida. She was in bed.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  She makes something up? Gosh.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  We went to Florida.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  I was in your editor.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  We, um, she were in bed for two days because she got swamp fever. She just made that up.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  Right.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  I think I've got swamp fever. So I'm just going to stick this one out.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  A scaly creature with the teeth and the jaws.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  That's my dad.

• 8:40Speaker 03

  I was gonna say that was your mum, but anyway.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  And then when she went skiing, she got altitude sickness apparently.

• 8:47Speaker 03

  No, that's the thing. I've had altitude sickness.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  What, actual, you can get it when skiing?

• 8:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Oh, right. Oh, okay.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  I fainted and ended up in hospital.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  No, swamp fever, not a thing. Altitude sickness is a thing.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  I say it's posh. My brother actually used to ski for the army.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  Ski for the army? Sorry.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. If you're good at sports in the army, that'll be, you play.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  So why is an army doing it? What? In case what? Some country?

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Shit, I don't know.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Some country invades on the slopes.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  I thought you'd be skiing. I thought you'd be big on skiing.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  Um, no, no, I've, I've gone through it. First time when I was seven, I was fine for seven.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Seven?

• 9:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. Started young.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  I went Pontins.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  Right.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  When I was about eight and thought, this is.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  No, we went to Oberguggel in Austria.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  My life's peaked. My grandma's boyfriend got headbutted by a Scouser.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  Oh, right. No, okay. No, we had.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Split it up.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Lovely. Second time is when I got altitude sickness, age nine, fainted forwards on the concrete. Day one, hadn't even got skis on my feet, ended up in Innsbruck Hospital for three nights. Didn't then ski. Third time, got a stomach bug at Ashes Party the day before in Britain. Spent the whole week in bed throwing up. Fourth time, I decided to just to do the Apprais ski and read my Jeremy Paxman books. I was 14. And then my father and my brother got ill, so we cut the whole thing short and came home. So that was our. That was our potted history of skiing. I've never been back since.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Fair enough.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  But I would like to go and do the Apprais properly, but all that, go to the top of the hill, come down.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Hear me out. Help Isex and my boss go skiing.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  You just said.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  The day I go skiing, the day I've lost touch with reality.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. If we can get a sponsor, you know we'll be there, son. You know we'll be there. There we go.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  Help us sex my boss on the peace.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Uh, any, any potential clients listening, pitch for us. You went to thinking I missed out last year with Jet 2.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  Malta? Oh, if only you'd been asked.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Well, I did, but I couldn't make it work because I was busy.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  Right.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  So, yeah, any clients listening that wanna, yeah, we'll work with you.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  We'll be up and down those slopes.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  Yes, take Ben up the black run.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Let us see who stacks it. Anyway, well.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  There you go. How's your week been, my love?

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Yes, it's been fine. I've just, I'm hot off the Eurostar from Paris. I probably reek of garlic.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Today?

• 11:05Speaker 03

  Yes, this morning.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  You're not musky. I ate. Have you not showered since?

• 11:10Speaker 03

  It's only a train.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Everyone says get the train. It's a lot better.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  So much better.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  You're straight into Paris, aren't you then?

• 11:16Speaker 03

  Yes, you are. Yes, to the cardinal.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Ben and I probably love it the same thing.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Did you not, do you know what we was talking about Paris this week? So, you know, the La, La Louvre, love?

• 11:28Speaker 03

  De Louvre, yes.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  You know, is it a love?

• 11:31Speaker 03

  No, it's De Louvre.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you know what I got mixed up with on air this week? And then it turns out.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  I was meant, what's the famous painting there?

• 11:39Speaker 03

  The Mona Lisa.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Well, for some reason, it was on my mind. I said Whistler's Mother.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Hear me out. You know, from the Bean movie?

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, which I watched the other day. Fantastic film.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  So good. I remember doing a DJ gig years ago in a hotel and it went on ITV2 and I watched it. It was class. You know the Bean movie?

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Right, sorry, the DJ gig is not relevant in that story.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  Well, I was just in an hotel watching it. The Bean movie, it was one of the best gigs I had. The Bean movie, you know, Whistler's Mother is an actual real painting.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Yes, by Whistler.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  It has been hung in the Louvre.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, they've all, they've all been.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  You know, when he draws it, he goes, show me. He goes, ah! He goes, show me again. He goes, ah! And he draws a big, bold head on it.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Anyway, did you see Whistler's Mother?

• 12:18Speaker 03

  No, because I didn't go to the flipping Louvre.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  All right, okay.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  I was, I was too busy doing, you know, French book thing. Uh, and actually, I mean, classic, classic French versus English, as, as we will know, because we've done it, we did it for the sexed book. You go into Waterstones or Blackwells or any bookshop. And if you've, if they've got a copy of your book there, you know, you normally as the author go, would you like me to sign any? Because it helps sell books. That's what they like you doing. They put a sticker on it. Go into the lovely bookshop on the Rue de Rivoli, um, just off the Place Vendôme yesterday. See if they've got my book. Day of release. Delighted they had. Nice big pile of, you know, I must have had like 10 on the, on a table. And I find, eventually find a member of staff. And, um, I go, oh, hello. Um, you have, you very kindly are stocking my book. Would you like me to, uh, sign any? And he sort of

• 13:05Speaker 03

  looks at me and goes, I will have to ask my manager. So, all right. So clearly being in position. So I'm standing there. He goes slightly chipped away at that point. No enthusiasm. And then he comes back and goes, yes, but just three.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:20Speaker 03

  So, um, do you know what? I'm just trying to give you some business here, actually.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  It's the bloody French.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Yes. Anyway, Leguise so British de Pomme, yeah, it's out now. There are three signed copies in the whole of Paris. Yeah. Anyway, but it was very nice. Other than that.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  I want to go to Paris. I do.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  It's nice. Gay Paris, as I just call it.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  I'd like to get just three.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  Beautiful bookshop, actually. Lovely bookshop.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  So what time was that at the bookshop?

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Uh, seven o'clock.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  In?

• 13:52Speaker 03

  In the evening.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  So what? They'd probably opened at five and shutting in another hour? And then they'd strike at the weekend.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  No, but actually, you joke, my lovely publishers, Alba Michelle in France.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Have you seen the Mickey Flanagan sketch?

• 14:05Speaker 03

  I, um, I text the group to, there was a WhatsApp group, and I text them going, oh, look, I'm at the bookshop. They've got my book, et cetera. And of course, the French have a law, I think I've talked about it before, called the right, it translates as the right to disconnect, which came in in, I think, 2017, which means that

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Not against, to be fair.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  That you do not, like, once you're, if your contract, if you're nine to five, once

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Oh no, my boss has texted me at the virus. I will like cop. I will have got to the union and we will all strike. All of Paris. How dare the boss text me?

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Just like that, yes. No.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  So I text them at seven o'clock with this picture. Not a single person reads the message and literally one minute past nine French time this morning, they all respond.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  You can't write it up.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  I quite like.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  I quite like, I think I like.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  I'm here for it. I'm here. I am.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, but what happens if you work slightly different, you know?

• 14:53Speaker 02

  I know.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  What happens if it was urgent? Help, my leg's just fallen off in a plasendom.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Family time, I dare you text me. We're having snails for tea. It's the only thing we can catch.

• 15:07Speaker 04

  I was, I was gonna say, if someone does manage to pick up a copy of the book.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  Le guide so British de pomme, yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  Please do send in a picture, but I think we've put off everyone buying the book now.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  No, no, it's, do you know, they've done a lovely job of the book. It's, cause I can't read them. I mean, I say that, I can't read a word of French, so um. Could be full of errors. Could be in a blight of inside for all I know.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  To be fair, the few times I've been to France, everyone's been dead lovely, so that was just.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you're yet to go to Paris.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  There'll be two lads doing a podcast in French France now, taking the piss out of the Brits.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Oh, exactly.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:42Speaker 03

  Um, you all right?

• 15:45Speaker 02

  Can I be honest?

• 15:45Speaker 03

  Oh, here we go. Yeah, it's been three weeks, hasn't it?

• 15:49Speaker 02

  How did you know?

• 15:50Speaker 03

  Cause I can read your notes.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  I'm dying for a fag. Honestly, it's been the past couple of days of work.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  But you, well done. It's a dirty, disgusting habit. It's not good for you. And also I noticed, cause you used to get a lot of mouth ulcers, didn't you?

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 16:07Speaker 03

  Lots of people wrote in on something saying it's cause you smoke.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 16:10Speaker 03

  Mm hmm. Mouth ulcers, you know, you get a greater chance of them if you smoke.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  This is bullshit. Is it actually? Oh.

• 16:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, doctors back me up.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Are they actually?

• 16:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, so other than that, it's, it's just.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  I think you'll be, I don't know, I've never smoked in my life. A fag has never touched these lips, but if you. Push through, I think six weeks probably, and you'll be fine. And you'll be like, huh, can't remember. What's the longest you've gone before?

• 16:36Speaker 02

  This is the longest I've ever gone.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  Three weeks?

• 16:39Speaker 02

  No, actually, probably in lockdown, I stopped. Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  You can do it.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  You can do it.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  About, I think I stopped for about six months in lockdown.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  But this has been tough. And I went to a wedding the other week and didn't have on a wedding, which for me, cause usually at a wedding, I'm like, yeah, yeah, people.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Right, okay.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  But, yeah.

• 17:02Speaker 03

  Well, well done. I'm going to make sure on tour you don't succumb either.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  But that, so I always say, right.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  You always, they're famous for it.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Best three fags you'll ever have in your life is after a big meal, right?

• 17:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  After the first pint on a Friday, oh, that hits stiff, that's probably my favourite, and after a shag, right? Okay. I'd, I'd have been.

• 17:22Speaker 03

  Roll on next week.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  I'd have been great in the sixties, like, you know, and the thing is, I'm watching that love story at the moment, you know, the JFK Junior one?

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and what's her name? Besson, Caroline Basset, Basset, Basset?

• 17:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  And they're just smoking in it. I, I, and I even know that's a night.

• 17:38Speaker 03

  You should maybe watch shows that don't have cigarettes.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that's what's tipping me over the edge, but, um, I think on tour.

• 17:45Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  When we go for the interval, I have a little, that's a nice fag, but afterwards, when you've done the show.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  You're not allowed to.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  I'd put that in my top five. That and when you get off a plane on holiday.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  We, honestly though, disgusting habit, but that's when I've, that's what I'm really missing.

• 18:04Speaker 03

  Right.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 18:05Speaker 04

  Have you got any sort of reward for sticking to it? Like, we need, is there an?

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, what's the incentive to not smoke?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Don't know really, but it's one of them, it's true, like, I, I, I think I'm putting a bit of weight.

• 18:18Speaker 03

  Oh, for God's sake.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Can't stop eating. Cannot stop.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  Well, you're looking great on it, so I wouldn't worry.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Thank you. Anyway.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  I wouldn't worry.

• 18:26Speaker 04

  But it's, it's from that book, isn't it? The, what's the habits book?

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Alan Carr, Atomic Habits.

• 18:31Speaker 04

  Atomic Habits. It's like, you need to make, to break a habit, you need to reward yourself.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 04

  To make it as easy as possible.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Maybe, like, also, I think it talks about maybe, like, other people giving up things to help you. So could William give up?

• 18:45Speaker 03

  I'm not giving that up.

• 18:46Speaker 04

  Dominoes on tour.

• 18:48Speaker 03

  I will be, I, Ben, based on what I am wearing on this tour, I am absolutely not having Dominoes.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  You are, you're getting in your head about that.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  I will have it in Manchester when we're finished.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Papa John's personally.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  We're going four nights. You could have a Domino's a night.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  A Domino's a night?

• 19:03Speaker 04

  You're up, you're up, you're usually up having five guys.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  We.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Anyway, talk, talking.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  How many twinks have you got on your guest list this year? There's always some that I think.

• 19:12Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  Well.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  There's always loads that are hanging around. Honestly.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  Talking of five guys, we're going to talk about six guys, and that's the De Bonnetts, who I went to go and see on Monday.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Speaking of twinks.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  For dance rehearsals, just checked they were all okay.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  All good?

• 19:30Speaker 03

  Yes, all excellent.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  I was a bit miffed by that. I was like, why are you going down and not me?

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Well, I had to go for a costume fitting.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  I had to do that first, and they all walked in whilst I was still in it. I turned heads. That's all I'm going to say.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  Bet you did.

• 19:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  So all the dancers were there?

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, they turned up and Billy, our choreographer, and they started doing, I think they're dancing as we speak. They're doing a whole week of dance rehearsals, which is great. And then you and I have our dance rehearsal next week.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  What day's ours next week?

• 20:02Speaker 03

  Tuesday.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  I don't know if I'm coming or going at the moment. Is it?

• 20:05Speaker 03

  That's what people said about your dancing.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Is it? Is it Tuesday? Oh, I'm dreaded.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  It's Tuesday.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  We've got to film this, because honestly, you know, like when one of those pigeons foot goes and the wings clip, that'll be me dancing.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Right, well, that'll have more rhythm.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  So you went to see the dancers?

• 20:19Speaker 03

  Just checked they were all right.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  Because you're creative director, aren't you?

• 20:22Speaker 03

  Yes, I distributed who wore what costume as well.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course you did. And I was a bit miffed, because I was like, hang on, why aren't I in this meeting? And?

• 20:29Speaker 03

  Well, it's not really a meeting.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Well, why wasn't, I'm also co-creative director.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Well, then you should have shown up.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Actually, because you've got your own plaque. You've had this lovely letter in from Terry that says, Dear Jordan, William and team, I have enclosed a present for Jordan that should resolve the creative co-director saga. Enjoy. Loving the pod and general subject matter. Take care. Terry. Terry, thank you so much for sending this in. It's much obliged. I should reply with my lone letterhead paper.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Yes, you wrote that to Jordan, so he is responding. Okay, if it's addressed to Jordan, he has to reply.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  Can I use it on the?

• 21:03Speaker 03

  I'll bring you the cards, that's fine.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  I'll get the sex dead one?

• 21:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, right, okay. So Terry's put this together, and it's my own.

• 21:09Speaker 03

  Jordan North, star of show.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  So that will be mine, please, if I pop that there.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Sounds like it's something at Crufts, doesn't it? Love it.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Jordan North, star of show. There we go.

• 21:20Speaker 03

  Oh, well, thank you, Terry. Can I see Terry's letter, please? Where's he from?

• 21:24Speaker 02

  The real star of the show, right there.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  Monmouth, so I hope you're coming to Cardiff.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Start of show, Monmouth.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, Wales, yeah. Um, what else been going on? I've got a quick etiquette question for you, but what else?

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Oh, do you? Well, go on. Don't tease me like that. Tell me now.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Where are we? I've talked about it before.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Yes, we're in London.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  No, it's really riling me because I went to a pub on Saturday.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Um, reserving tables in pubs, but not for meals. So I went into two pubs, fair enough, the Six Nations were on.

• 21:54Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  But ev- I, I, I had a lighter at the bar, but it was weird because everyone else had reserved tables. I think if you go in a pub, you can't reserve it for drinks.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  Well, if a pub is offering that service, then it's fine.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Why? They do it for the World Cup. It's like, it's a pub, it's a public house, first come, first served. You get there, and I know I've ranted about it before.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Well, hang on, what do you mean by first come, first served?

• 22:16Speaker 02

  Six. Reserve for Rory, six. You can tell Six Nations is on. Reserve for Sebastian, six. Hattie, four. It's like, oh, come off it. It's annoying.

• 22:27Speaker 03

  When you say-

• 22:27Speaker 02

  And you don't do it up north and they want, the whole, I don't mind a couple of tables, the whole pub reserved.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  When you say first come, first served, what you mean is as long as you could get a table?

• 22:38Speaker 02

  Get in. And the thing is, you're sat there and you think, ah, well, they're not here, it's half two.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  Oh, I think if they, they should, if they're going to reserve tables, it should say Hugo two thirty or whatever. And if it gets to two forty five and they haven't shown up, goodbye.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  It's a pub. You go to the bar and say, I have two pints of Guinness. And then you sit down and you're like, oh, there's a seat there. Not reserved. Oh, yeah, no, it really, it really pisses me off. I think-

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Your life's very difficult, isn't it?

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I think, I, I think pubs shouldn't do it. Any pubs watching, I don't think you should do it.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Okay. Well.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Unless, but then I suppose if there's like a big-

• 23:11Speaker 03

  Unless you've reserved.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Because it is handy when someone res- I just don't know. It was just annoying. I went to two pubs on Saturday and couldn't get served.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Well, it really puts current events in perspective, so.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Well, that's the whole point of this podcast when it's going on, when, you know, World War Three is about to embark. We are escapism.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  We are escapism.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  And God help us if us two get called up. You in a trench.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  Hello, boys. Hello, soldiers.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Well, they'll, they'll find, they'll find something for you. Light relief, that'll be what you're called.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  Provided if they ask.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Oh god, they'd be like, private car, right? Light relief with William. Oh god.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna be private though.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  No, you're.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Lieutenant Colonel at least, yeah, thank you.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  I'd be corporal, Lance Corporal, because of age. Oh god, imagine us in World War III. Ben as well. Can't even carry a gun.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Full stove went through.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  I can't go over the trenches, I've done a run.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, sir.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  My legs hurt.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  My legs really hurt.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Leans up against the rifle straw, they all tip over.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  I'll be, I'll, I'll be Salmy, because they just, they ply you with cigarettes and that, don't they? Sorry, they didn't first world war, because of tobacco.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  I think, I think, I mean, look, I'm not.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Hospital error.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  I'm not Dan Snow, but I think warfare's come on a bit since the first world war.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  All wars are pointless, anyway.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  See you in the trench.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  See you in the trenches. Um, at the time of recording, you had the pussycat doles on your show this morning, I believe. Yes. What's happened to the rest of them? Can I just ask that question for pop culture? Because there were at 1.6. And now there, and then there were five, and now there's three. And I know they're getting old, and I wondered, have they died?

• 24:51Speaker 02

  Just, I think.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  Have they fallen out?

• 24:53Speaker 02

  I don't, I actually don't know. I didn't, we didn't, we didn't ask them that. They were great, by the way.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  I would have asked them that.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  They were great this morning, they were in.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Did you tell Nicole Scherzinger you didn't really find Sunset Boulevard to your taste?

• 25:04Speaker 03

  Because I would have opened with that.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  The term more faces than the clown, town clock.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  She come in and went, Nicole, I loved it in the city in Boulevard. I seen it in New York and it was fabulous. She's like, oh my god, thank you. You came to New York? I was like, yes, it was great.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  Came all the way for you.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:23Speaker 02

  That bit with blood, oh.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  It absolutely physically floored me. Come on, John.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  Not for me, preferred Tina.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  I said, no, I'm a Tina fan through and through, but you were more like Nicole Scherzinger than Nicole Scherzinger.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  Well, she wasn't playing Nicole Scherzinger. Norma Desmond.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  You were more like Norma Desmond than Norma Desmond.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  And it, yeah, I didn't tell her.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  No, that's a great shame.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  So they're back with a new single.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's called.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Club Masters or something, isn't it?

• 25:57Speaker 02

  No, it's called Club Song.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  Club Song.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  I might have called it nearly Club Sandwich.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  Right, okay. I played it this morning because I thought, oh, they're back. Better listen.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  They had bangers for days.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  They did when I grow up.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  I want to be famous, I want to be rich. And everyone, I want to have boobies.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  It wasn't boobies, it was groupies. Because they went like that with the boobs.

• 26:17Speaker 03

  Everyone says boobies?

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. I don't need a man.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  They had some.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  It's the title of a song. And was hot like me.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  Well, we jai ho. Is that all right nowadays?

• 26:30Speaker 03

  My favourite thing is Jane Macdonald doing jai ho.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  I mean, come on, she's done this.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  It's phenomenal.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  It's fantastic.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Probably not appropriate anymore, but it was a different, it was a different era.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  It was about two year ago when she did it.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Genuinely.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Well, time moves on. Hush, hush, where they break into I Will Survive at the end is a particularly good one.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  What's the one they did for Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

• 26:54Speaker 03

  Some Dog Millionaire, that was jai ho.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Jai ho. Just mad at uni.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Does it?

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. And, and Sean and Chris thought I went a bit laddy in front of them.

• 27:04Speaker 03

  You, laddy.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Actually.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  Thing is unlikely.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  What girls you're what? So go pussy cat dolls in here, aren't I? But they were lovely. Kimberley's lovely.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  And Nicole I've worked with before on Saturday Night Takeaway.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  Indeed, yes. And Ashley Roberts is obviously downstairs at heart.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Up, in every sense. Also, retro. Have you seen those rumours of the Crown coming back? Which they're gonna do all the Andrew Mountbatten Windsor thing, allegedly. These are the discussions. Now, I'm actually in the process of re-watching series one and two of the Crown.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  Which is brilliant.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  God, it was good. You forget how good series one and two was. And I'd just like to say, if the producers of the Crown are listening to this in any way, don't do it. A, that story is not over. And I don't think you can tell the story until you know the end. So it's far too soon. And also, the Crown series one and two were good because you have the sort of thirty year rule and all the documents are released and you've had lots of different accounts of all these events happening. If they want to do anything, go and do, you know, George VI, George V. Go backwards, not do the here and now. It's just my thoughts.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  That's a fair point. It was good though. It was a shame when it ended.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  Well, well, yes, but ended because it sort of reached now.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  So I don't think we need a series seven of it.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  It rolled three of them together, weren't it?

• 28:26Speaker 03

  It was, yes.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  I I interviewed Claire for you actually a few weeks ago.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  I know.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Has that gone out yet?

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Oh, is it? Okay.

• 28:33Speaker 03

  Hmm. No, it's very good. Anyway, so that's uh, that's all me. Anything else in your life?

• 28:39Speaker 02

  No, that's all me. I look forward to seeing the gym soon.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Yes, well, I've been going a lot.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  I believe.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  Jimmed in Paris as well, just to get in shape.

• 28:46Speaker 02

  One round shower to get wet, you honestly.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  Oh, shut up.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  You're good.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Have you also noticed? Can I uh, can I, have you noticed anything about that? I've realised this top sort of shows it off. Have you noticed anything about me?

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Chest.

• 28:57Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  You've got it shaved.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  I have not shaved. I have had it waxed. With an inch of my life.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  God.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  I look like a little baby chicken.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  You look like a pluck chicken, do you? Pluck chicken.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Although it is growing back quite quickly, which is a bit alarming. So maybe by Manchester, I might be back to my old save self, but um, hmm, I don't know how I feel.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Shall we do your etiquette methodology of the week?

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Yes, um, and inspired.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Sick of my mouth thinking of pluck chicken chest there.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  Why did you ask me to send you a photograph then?

• 29:32Speaker 02

  In your dreams, in your bloody dreams.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Um, inspired by producer Ben from a couple of weeks ago, where he attempted to uh, to do his own etiquette methodology. Um, I'm going to talk about Piccadilly. It's obviously one of London's busiest streets, also in Manchester, Piccadilly Gardens. Uh, but where did Piccadilly get its name from? And was there ever a circus? We'll tell you after this.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households, yet many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly a hundred and sixty years, so its customers can keep theirs.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Hot flashes, rage crying, forgetting words mid-sent-ten. Yeah, we know. Menopause is a lot. Midi Health gets it. That's why Midi offers virtual healthcare specially tailored to women's needs. Built for women by women. Every symptom, every stage, every question. Visit joinmidi.com to get started today. That's join M I D I dot com. Individual results and coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage.

• 31:26Speaker 05

  I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are gonna cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts, and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season with the lights off. So, as the night's drawing, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat, right? Get the candles lit in search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

• 32:06Speaker 06

  It's William. William. The etiquette geek. His knowledge. Knowledge. Quite unique. He'll give you manners. Manners. A subtle tweak. It's time for William's Etiquette Etymology of the Week. Cha cha cha, cha cha cha, cha cha cha. Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  All right, Jane Devers, thanks for sticking with us. It's time for William's Etiquette Etymology of the Week, all about piccolilli. Piccadilly, yes. We do want on piccolilli. No. I'm really into piccolilli at the moment. Right. On a ham sandwich.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  Originally a country lane running from present day Charing Cross towards Hyde Park, Piccadilly owes its name to a man called Robert Baker, who bought land there around 1610s, just after four o'clock. He was a tailor and built a fortune from selling one particular garment, as mentioned by Ben, a fashionable starch collar edged in pointed lace and those were known, or the actual, the pointed edges were known as Piccadilles, and the entire collar began to take on the same name, but technically it was just the pointed edges. Now, around 1620, 10 minutes later, Robert Baker built a house, joke I'm going to continue with, built a house and shop on his land, which soon became colloquially known as Piccadilly Hall. And this was basically a bit of a dig at the owner's success. So a barber's house got the name Shavers

• 33:21Speaker 03

  Hall, another entrepreneur was known as Tarts Hall, you can imagine what they did. And as early as 1658, the street, by now very fashionable, was described as the way to Piccadilly Hall. Now, following the restoration of Charles II to the throne, it actually got named almost something totally different. It was known as Portugal Street. Why? Come on, English history. Who was Charles II married to? Come on, everyone knows this. Catherine of Briganza, who was Portuguese.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  Was she Portuguese?

• 33:51Speaker 03

  She was Portuguese.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  She loved the Nando's, didn't she?

• 33:54Speaker 03

  Catherine of Briganza.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  I've heard that before, yes.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  She, um.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Even though Nando's is South African, she loved the Nando's, it's Portugal, yeah.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  Big Porto fan.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, she was. Yeah. But people had been so used to saying the name for where the road went to, to Piccadilly Hall, that the street soon became known as just Piccadilly. And the circus part dates from 1819 and simply refers to the circular nature of the road junction. And interestingly, Jordan, Piccadilly Circus was for many years known as a popular cruising area for gay men and was known as the Meat Rack. Today we call it Titanic. Anyway, Manchester's Piccadilly Station. No, Titanic is on Piccadilly Circus. Manchester's Piccadilly Station was renamed in 1960 when the station was rebuilt, taking its name from the nearby street, which copied the name of London's Piccadilly to make it seem fashionable. So London's Piccadilly was first, Manchester copied.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  Oh, Manchester Piccadilly.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  Manchester Piccadilly.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  Can you do one in a fortnight on Piccolilli? Please, please, because I actually don't know what Piccolilli is.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  I couldn't tell you. Can you do one on Piccolilli?

• 35:02Speaker 03

  I thought you were drawing it on sandwiches.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, please do one on Piccolilli.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  I don't think there's any etiquette, but I'll have a look.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, just say the history of it or something. Etiquetology is not even etiquette, it's just history, it's just you Wikipedia and stuff.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  It is absolutely not me Wikipeding stuff.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  So go on, do Piccolilli.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  Oh, do I need to look on Wikipedia now and tell you?

• 35:22Speaker 02

  No, do it in two weeks, we'll do one on Piccolilli.

• 35:25Speaker 03

  Why don't you do a joke about Piccolilli?

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Well, if I knew one, I'd tell you one.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  Well, you've got a week.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  All right.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  I bet there is a good Piccolilli joke.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  There'll be a good Piccolilli joke. Yeah.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  Anyway, we're on tour this weekend.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's happening, everybody.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  Indeed. Thank you so much to everyone who has sent in shout out requests, dilemmas, wild stories. Obviously, keep them coming. We are still looking for anyone who would be up for sharing a special moment on stage with us. We've had proposals in the past, a proposal, not plural, we had one proposal in the past. As I have said before, I think the only way to top it would be to have a live birth on stage. And Jordan, you showed me obviously the anatomy of a vagina a few weeks ago, so I feel like I'm basically a gynecologist now. I'm up to speed, I can help. We draw the line at C-section, that's not happening. But if you want to either pop the question to anyone or pop one out on stage, in Act Two, not in Act One, there's a lot going on, let us know.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  It's gonna be like Call the Midwife, this. Yes. So if that's you, then head over to sextedmyboss.com/contact, where you can submit any of your dilemmas, shoutouts, or even special moments. Just make sure you select the night you're joining us on the tour, so it goes to the right place. Now it's time for your questions and dilemmas. Remember, if you need our help with something, then get in touch. You can send your tales of trepidation to [email protected], or you can DM us, we're at Sex and My Boss on the old socials, or you can write to this man here, William Hanson, who in the fullness of time promises a handwritten reply on one of our luxury greeting cards with executive cell seal envelopes. The address is on the website, sextedmyboss.com.

• 37:09Speaker 03

  Lovely. Our first dilemma is from anonymous. Dear William and Jordan, I'm recently been back on the dating scene, and after the experience I'm about to share, I'm not sure I want to be anymore. I met a guy and went on a couple of dates. All seemed to be going well. The first time I went to spend the night at his place, let's just say one thing led to another, and we had our fun. No complaints there. On our first date, the shock came when, immediately after we finished, he announced that he was just going to go for a wee, except he never left the room. He reached underneath the bed and pulled out a glass bottle, about three quarters full of the most dehydrated piss I've ever seen in my life.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Oh, you're a dirty bastard.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  He then proceeded to put his member inside the bottle, with one foot up on the bed near my face and piss into the jar.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  That's not real.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  All whilst continuing a normal conversation with me, as if this is a perfectly standard thing to be doing. Like some kind of Victorian aged activity, he then proceeded to empty the jar out of the window. He also had a sink in his room and announced that if I didn't want to use the bathroom, I could pee in his sink. Charming, I know.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  I used to do that, you need to be fair.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  I had to stay the night, as this is a rural area.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  Not a bottle, I've not been dragged up.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  And I didn't have my own transport. He woke up multiple times the night to piss in the jar.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Who is Canal? How old is he? Sixty?

• 38:18Speaker 03

  I left the next morning and haven't contacted him since. So my question is, what is the etiquette for when your date seems to want to use anything other than a loo when having a woman around for the first time? Am I within my rights to continue ghosting him, or should I perhaps inform him that it's bizarre behaviour for a first night with a potential partner? Many thanks. I would say it's bizarre behaviour, even if you've been with them for years.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's bizarre behaviour. And it's entirely up to you. If you want to just leave it and forget about it now, but it might, it might just be worth a text saying, look, sorry I've ghosted you, but I was really freaked out, you know, when you-

• 38:48Speaker 03

  I wouldn't use the word freaked out.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Which saw a frigging old jam jar and started pissing into it whilst making eye contact with it.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  I'd maybe just say that was not cool.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  No.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Oh, that happened to me when I used to be a builder.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  What?

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Just working on an house and this-

• 39:04Speaker 03

  You were working on a house? I mean, John, you were a builder for about five minutes. Every time you talk about builder, you've been working on a different thing.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  I was for two years whilst I was at school, and then I did six weeks in the holidays after I left year 11 and realised it weren't for me. Thank you very much. The arts found me.

• 39:21Speaker 03

  The arse found you.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Or I found the arts. I remember working on this house, it was Saturday morning, and this student was still in bed, and we were like working around him, because the builder I worked for, he was mates with the landlord. And we were just working around him in bed, and then we had to move the bed, and underneath were just loads of bottles of piss. So this is quite common, I think, more than what is that.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  It's very common.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  Have you ever pissed into a bottle?

• 39:47Speaker 03

  No.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Even like on a car journey?

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Even on a car journey.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  Because I always get a Lucozade, because I, if it had to happen, because Lucozade have got a big rim, top tip there, or, uh, what's the other ones?

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Yazoo?

• 40:05Speaker 02

  No. And an Oasis bottle's good as well, because that's good for aiming. Don't do it in a Coke can, I nearly circumcised myself. And a Powerade bottle's good as well, because that's got a wide rim.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Well, that's good to know for the Glasgow to Manchester bus, isn't it? We've got all things covered.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  We've been stuck up.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  We've been stuck in traffic. But, you know, going back to anonymous's question, I would say you shouldn't go steady one, even if unless, you know, not in this instance, I would agree with Jordan, you send them a message to say, do you know what, it was really off putting when you did this. You know, I don't think we need to see each other again. You need to let them know, they need to know this is not okay.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  Does that, even if there weren't anyone there to do that?

• 40:48Speaker 03

  Especially on a first date, which, I mean, obviously, you shouldn't really, in my book, be, you know, on a first date, have a well, it's gone. Personally, you're big slag. The next dilemma is from Will, instead of love. We're not, well, we are. The next dilemma is from Will. Dear William, Jordan, Ben and the rest of the Sexton crew, I wanted to start by congratulating you all on your amazing podcast. It is one of the highlights of my week. I watched your last tour in the cinema with my friend Estella, and it certainly did not disappoint. Also, your crossover episode with Shaq Maradonoid was most enjoyable, as I've been listening to both podcasts for years, it was a joy to hear the people I listen to weekly come together and have a laugh.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Apparently, they had a similar dilemma to us.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  We might be mentioning it on Friday.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Got some evidence to back it up, though, I believe.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, we got the receipts. Now on to my dilemma. I have worked all around the world in various different jobs, from cafes to nurseries to sales promotions, and I've come across a problem, no matter where you go. Coworkers who always tell you what to do, even though it isn't in their job description. Most recently, there is a coworker who I get on with outside of work, but I've had to constantly remind myself not to say, "Ooh, act your wage", whenever they try to correct me within my job role. I know that a lot of the time, they mean well and only to help me and the company progress with great precision, but when I have people chipping in and thinking they can delegate when the boss has already told me how they want things done, it makes me feel like I don't know how to do my job at all.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  I've had conversations with coworkers in the past who have been confrontational when I've brought this up to them. However, my current boss has spoken with the most recent manager in my head, and luckily, they seem to have taken it very well. Do you know anyone who acts a bit above their station? And if so, how would you tackle the situation so you can get on with your work without constantly watching over your shoulder for people who think they own the company? I wish you an excellent run on your tour, and I'm sad to hear that it will be your last since Jordan's in it. Joking, obviously. Kindness regards, Will, originally from Shrewsbury, but now listening from New Zealand.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Well, forgive me here, I'm starting to think you're the problem if this is happening everywhere. I might be wrong and I hope I am, Will, but.

• 42:54Speaker 03

  It's an interesting take.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  If this has been throughout your career and people are telling you how to do your job, maybe you're not doing a good job. I hope I'm wrong.

• 43:01Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  Because obviously there's people that need to. I like that, act your wage.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, act your wage. Ben, any advice on this?

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Well, no, guys.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  As I read it, I thought of you.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  Why?

• 43:16Speaker 03

  Because you could be, you could, you could be the person that people, you know, you are very good at your job, but probably people might. You work with more people than we do.

• 43:24Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  So that's what's your advice?

• 43:26Speaker 02

  I'm their manager.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you have people that manage you, don't you?

• 43:31Speaker 02

  I do, yeah.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  So say I come in and told you how to do your job.

• 43:34Speaker 03

  I was thinking of Jordan and you, yeah.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  How would you?

• 43:38Speaker 02

  I don't tell him how to do his job.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  Ben, any comments?

• 43:42Speaker 02

  No comment. Go ahead. No, do you understand how no comment works? Oh, I thought you said, can I comment?

• 43:51Speaker 02

  I thought you said, can I comment?

• 43:53Speaker 03

  You'd be great on Newsnight.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  To me.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  Minister, no comment. No, go on.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  I would. I'd be like, no, go on, never mind, no comment. I'm a barnet. Um, well, I, I think just try not to let it get to you. I know that's a bit i-rolly to say, but.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  I think just, yes, thank you.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  So, yeah. Well, I guess a similar situation would be if you were driving a car and someone is a backseat driver.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, true.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  Which. This is quite annoying. Yeah.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Okay, thank you, I've got this.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, just, yeah, I think William's right there. If it's nice to say, I'm all right, I've got this. Oh, it's all right, uh, Big Boss Ben's told me how to do it.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  Hmm. Yeah, that's all you need to say.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  Big Boss Ben.

• 44:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, Big Boss Ben.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Big Bo- in your dreams.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  B B B.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  B B.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  This is from anonymous. Hello, William Jordan.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  Big Ben.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  Big Ben. That should catch on. Hello, William Jordan and the sexy team. My ex and I, let's call him.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, the clock.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  I didn't think, I saw Big Ben, but obviously you've got Big Ben.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  It's technically not the clock, it's the bell inside.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Don't, don't, don't, don't.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  What?

• 45:01Speaker 02

  That's so boring. That's icky.

• 45:03Speaker 03

  It's not boring, it's correct.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, but it's because, whenever you walk past there.

• 45:08Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  You always hear some Americans always go, technically, um, Big Ben's not the clock.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  How often are you walking past Big Ben?

• 45:14Speaker 02

  Every other day.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  What do you mean every other day? You live nowhere near it.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  Sometimes I like to get out and see it.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  And then some yank will be going, "Technically, the clock isn't called Big Ben, that's the tower." "The clock's..."

• 45:28Speaker 03

  No, it's the bell.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  The bell?

• 45:31Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  What's the tower called? Big Ben. No, you're wrong. The tower's called Big Ben, the clock's called something else.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  No, it's the bell is called Big Ben.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  Whatever. Whatever.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  My ex and I, we'll go back to anonymous, my ex and I, let's call him Chris, had been in a relationship for about a year. By this point, we were very comfortable with each other in the bedroom and knew what the other one liked, or so I thought. I'll start by saying I don't yuck anyone's yum. I'm very sex positive and up for trying different things, but it was his reaction to me trying this particular fetish that left me with my dilemma.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Oh god, here we go. Let me have a drink.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a farty girl, and I live by Shrek's saying of "better out than in", right? Okay. We were at the phase of our relationship where we would be comfortable expelling gas in front of each other. Instead of judgment, Chris would say how cute my toots were, often commented on them. Until one day, he plucked up the courage to say,

• 46:26Speaker 03

  "I'd like it if you could fart in my face, it'll turn me on."

• 46:28Speaker 02

  This is what happens when you start watching porn from a young age.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  This is what, you shouldn't, you shouldn't fart in front of each other.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  But this is fine, we're not...

• 46:36Speaker 03

  Not on purpose, anyway.

• 46:37Speaker 02

  We're not yucking someone's yum.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  I am. I was taken aback and brushed it off, thinking maybe he was joking, because I didn't see how a fart could be sexy. But in the weeks that followed, whenever I passed gas, he would turn to me and ask why I hadn't warned him, so he could position himself in a certain way.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Well, read it.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  I'm not going to read.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Read it!

• 46:55Speaker 03

  Bury his face in my crack. So eventually I realised he was serious and discovered that fart fetishes must indeed be a thing. I carried on breaking windows normal, and over time he became more and more frustrated at the wasted opportunities of having my bum gas blasted in his face.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  I didn't particularly want to, most of the time my farts didn't smell much, but on occasion I could produce some proper honkers.

• 47:18Speaker 03

  Until one day, I plucked up the courage and told him it was finally time I would treat him to a fart in his face since he wanted it so badly.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  To paint the picture, I was on the bed, rolled onto my front. Oh, I can't, I don't know if I can read this. This is so disgusting.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  Come on, I'm in here. I'm, I'm, I'm hooked.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Well, why don't you read it?

• 47:36Speaker 02

  No, come on. It's better in your voice.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  Nuzzled his nose into my arse like a pig hunting for truffles.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Sorry, so wait, wait, wait, wait. Read it properly. Come on.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  I was on the bed, rolled onto my front, and he nuzzled his nose into my arse like a pig hunting for truffles.

• 47:54Speaker 03

  If you do that again, I'm not going to continue. He got himself into position and with the gentlest of pushes, I released a huge trump for him to enjoy.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  He breathed in and I was shocked by his reaction as he jumped up. Jordan?

• 48:10Speaker 02

  It's like a 3D experience.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  As he jumped up shouting, "Ooh, that stinks."

• 48:17Speaker 02

  Well, he wanted it. You fuck it, I'm gonna replay this. Well, he wanted it, you freak. I mean- We're not yucking someone's own.

• 48:25Speaker 03

  Yes, Chris, you know what a fart is. It's my poo particles penetrating your nostrils. What were you expecting? A spritzer Chanel number five flying out of my bumhole? I was mortified. There had been about a sixth month build up to this moment from when he first asked me to fart in his face, and I'd mustered up all my courage to do it, and this was the reaction I got. There was just silence afterwards, disgust on his face. His face fart dreams crumbling before my eyes. I was left feeling disheartened, like I was disgusting. So here's my dilemma. What do you do in that scenario when someone's fetish doesn't turn out to be what they were expecting? We never really spoke about it again, but every time I would toot, there would be an awkward mist in the air, as, as well as other stuff.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  How much were you farting? You should get doctors.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Yeah. I ended the relationship a few months after that. Thank you for your advice and thank you for all of the laughs I've had listening to the podcast. Anonymous.

• 49:10Speaker 02

  Well, anonymous, um, I, I think he's one of those where he really wanted to do it and thought he'd be into it. And then when it actually came down to it, it, it, it wasn't, it wasn't for him. Maybe tell him to try a, a-

• 49:24Speaker 03

  Well, no, they're, they're over now, so.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, maybe he should have tried a less, you know, a lesser fetish, like feet or nostrils.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Hmm. What are your fetishes?

• 49:38Speaker 02

  What, what, I don't have any. What are yours?

• 49:40Speaker 03

  Oh, you don't have, shut up.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  I don't have any, and I'm not discussing this on a podcast, thank you very, on our podcast. What a, what a very intrusive question. I don't have any fetishes. What are yours?

• 49:52Speaker 03

  Good hygiene.

• 49:53Speaker 02

  Is that a fetish?

• 49:54Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 49:57Speaker 03

  More wouldn't say fetish, it's more just a requirement. You must be able to think of one. That's suitable for broadcast.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  I like being in a nappy and pissed on whilst drinking from a big bottle of milk, but other than that, I don't know if that's a fetish. Who isn't into that?

• 50:12Speaker 04

  We'll clip that up.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  Fetishes are quite dirty, aren't they? Like, what's the cleanest fetish? Like, obviously like pissing on, like, that's just...

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Feet?

• 50:25Speaker 04

  It depends how clean your feet are.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  But a fetish, and we're not kink shaming, fetish can range from anything, can't they?

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, some people like, you know.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  I used to watch, um, Dingo on Channel Four.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Kirsty Allsop?

• 50:38Speaker 02

  No, that's not, yeah, tie dye is my fetish. Um, what were we called? After Big Brother, it used to be on Channel Four, me and O'Ryan used to watch it with Sound Down.

• 50:48Speaker 03

  And that was your fetish with your brother?

• 50:49Speaker 02

  No, you weirdo, and that used to be all, all Europeans.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  Euro trash.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  Euro trash, yeah.

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  Our final dilemma is from Heather. Hello, William, Jordan and the whole Sexer team. A few years ago, I started seeing someone I once knew at school. We were reconnected during the Panny D, and that's pandemic. And as soon as all the lockdowns were over, we started to get serious. My dilemma began quite early on in the relationship. The first time I met his mother, to be exact. I'd been invited to the family home for dinner to meet his parents. It all went very well. Dinner was nice. They welcomed me warmly and I had a lovely time looking at childhood photos. All the things you'd expect from a close-knit, doting family. Around the time we were leaving, we were all gathered in the kitchen. His mum was bent over sorting some washing. In the machine when my new boyfriend slapped his mum's bum. Not in a sexy way, but a full-on wallop, accompanied by a loud "Wheee!"

• 51:41Speaker 03

  I stood motionless, shocked, awkward. He laughed. His mother laughed along with a bit of "Honestly, how many times have I got to tell you?" His dad seemed completely unfazed.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  That's, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm not a kink shamer, but that's-

• 51:54Speaker 03

  That's not a kink.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  That's fucking, that's incest.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:56Speaker 02

  That's fucking weird.

• 51:57Speaker 03

  It was clearly a common occurrence.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  My dad used to often slap me mum's arse, but that was fine.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  Well, I'm, I'm, okay.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  I remember once in Asda he did it, and like, or what, my mum would like bend down to get Tupperware out covered, and my dad would just go "Wheee!"

• 52:10Speaker 04

  Wasn't that just the Asda advert?

• 52:11Speaker 02

  But we-

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Well done!

• 52:15Speaker 02

  But like, we've talked about this before, like, it's a sign of love if you're a arse-

• 52:19Speaker 03

  I don't-

• 52:19Speaker 02

  You're slapped, aren't you?

• 52:21Speaker 03

  As long as they-

• 52:21Speaker 02

  You've talked about it before, you've got cat little slap on the arse.

• 52:23Speaker 04

  No, I haven't.

• 52:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, you did, you said it a few weeks ago.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  No, it's cat slaps Ben on the arse.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, either way, but that's fine, that's fine, that's a sign of love.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Well, as long as both parties consent.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, of, of course, yeah, in a relationship, and if, yeah, just a bit of fun. If she says, "Don't do that," I don't like it, you don't do it again.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Now, I can't, I'm gonna continue. Now, I can't say I've ever had a boyfriend with a particularly healthy relationship with his mum, and after the initial shock, I talked myself around, thinking that maybe this is what a healthy relationship looks like and I should shrug it off. Fast forward a few nights later, and my boyfriend did the same to me in the kitchen. I didn't hold back, I clearly had my mind made up, and before I even knew what I was going to say, I gave him an ultimatum. "It's my arse or your mother's, but you can't be slapping both. Stick that on a t-shirt." He seemed confused, but said he would only slap mine going forward. We carried on dating, moved in together, got engaged, and eventually things came to an end anyway. Funnily enough, a lot of our problems were actually down to his mother. Once we'd gone our separate ways, I mentioned the bum-slapping to my friends, and absolutely nobody thought it was normal.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 53:22Speaker 03

  My male friends were actually a bit disgusted at the thought of slapping their own mother's bottoms. So my question is, do you think slapping your mother's bum is weird? Yes.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  Would you, or have you ever done it?

• 53:31Speaker 02

  No.

• 53:31Speaker 03

  No. And how would you have handled this situation, just like you did? In hindsight, no pun intended, he probably just agreed to slap my bum, but continued spanking his mother's when I wasn't around anyway. I had hoped that my now- Very normal boyfriend who has a super normal relationship with his wonderful mum. Might book the live show as a surprise anniversary gift, but alas, no such luck. Maybe one day we'll break up with him. Love you, bye. You can also book your own tickets.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  You can get your own tickets, Emma. There's a few left. You better be quick though.

• 53:59Speaker 03

  Yes, come on.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Whilst this goes out, so.

• 54:01Speaker 03

  Girl power, do it yourself.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Just go get two tickets. If you don't want to come, bring them back.

• 54:04Speaker 03

  Just get one, yeah.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  Um, I think we summed that up. It's very weird to slap your mum's arse. I mean.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Who knew?

• 54:10Speaker 02

  Even the thought of it.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  It's disgusting.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. You just, you just don't, even you don't slap your mum's arse. You don't do old round there.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  With your mother.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  Do you hold hands with your mum?

• 54:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  As an adult?

• 54:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  No, not really. I mean, I may later on in life, when, you know, they're in a home, you might, you might do that to sort of guide them somewhere, but.

• 54:33Speaker 03

  I think it's probably okay when either you're very young or they're senile. But in between, no.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  I told you, didn't I? My mum at Christmas put me aside.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  And she said what?

• 54:45Speaker 02

  By the hand.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Oh, and told you about, yeah, put, yeah.

• 54:47Speaker 02

  I hope you're putting some money away. Said, I'm not bothered about your dad, you can look after him, but I do not want any of you pulling my knick though. I want you to pay. She went, I'm being serious now. And I was like, well, you're not even sixty yet, so you're fine. But anyway.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Is your mum not even sixty?

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Actually, no.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  No, but I, okay. Gosh, she had you young.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  Fifty-eight, fifty-seven is Wendy.

• 55:09Speaker 03

  Well, give out her date of birth on this, she'll be delighted.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  Sixty-six, World Cup baby.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  She's sixty-six, she's aged.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  Oh, she'll be sixty this year. Oh shit.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, two thousand and twenty-six. She'll be sixty this year.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  Gosh.

• 55:23Speaker 04

  We have literally just aged her.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  Right, she'll be going mad now. Sorry, she'll be fifty this year, seventy-six. There you go. Uh, thank you for your questions and darling Emma. You, you shit, I'll swing for you one day. Remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday. How old's your mum?

• 55:38Speaker 03

  Uh, forty-two.

• 55:40Speaker 02

  No, how old is she?

• 55:41Speaker 03

  I can't remember.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  And twenty-four hours before anywhere else on Global Player. And you can watch us on YouTube as well. We'll put the full episodes up, uh, on every release day. Just head to YouTube and search for Sexted.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  And we'll see you on Friday.

• 55:54Speaker 02

  Goodbye.

• 56:02Speaker 00

  Hi everyone, it's Katy Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs.

• 56:43Speaker 00

  Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 57:01Speaker 05

  I'm Claire Buckley, and this Halloween on my podcast, Pretty Scary, we are going to cover the stories that keep you up at night. Real crimes, ghosts, and aliens. Plus, the scariest movies to watch this spooky season, with the lights off. So, as the nights draw in, the pumpkins are carved, and somewhere in the dark, something is scratching at the window. It's probably just the cat.

• 57:31Speaker 05

  Get the candles lit and search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.