Jordan Loses His SH*T | And Wendi’s Coffee Table Books

Jordan North reaches breaking point during a fiercely competitive game of Guess the ’90s Children’s TV Theme, as one innocent theme tune sends him into complete disarray. Meanwhile, the boys are faced with another mystery from the Sexted universe as they attempt to piece together the clues and work out exactly whose coffee table is whose. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected], and for more Sexted fun sign up https://sextedmyboss.com/newsletter/ to our free VIG&Diva newsletter. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Help I Sexted My Boss is presented by William Hanson and Jordan North. It is an Audio Always http://www.audioalways.com/ production. If you want to get involved you can email us mailto: [email protected]. You can follow us and DM on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sextedmyboss/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sextedmyboss, and watch the latest episode every Tuesday and Friday on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/c/SextedMyBoss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  William and Jordan will be with you in just a moment, but first, here's one for your queue. Vicky Patterson has taken on a huge charity challenge, getting from Newcastle to London by kayak, bike and on foot. Now she's on her podcast Get a Grip with a proper, honest, blisters and all debrief. If you need a nudge to step outside your comfort zone, then this is the one for you. Once this episode's done, search Get a Grip and get it playing.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Hi everyone, it's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households. Yet, many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs. Ask a financial

• 1:14Speaker 01

  professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  But was he set up? Wanted at, led to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.

• 1:54Speaker 04

  You're not going to end up down in prison, are you, kiddo?

• 1:56Speaker 02

  I'm J C Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to our Friday episode. This is where we see how much extra content we could squeeze in, random things that have been sent in, and how our advice went down with you, our gene divas. You good?

• 2:24Speaker 05

  Yes, I'm good, thank you. I'm off to Chicago, one of my favourites, this is this weekend.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 2:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:30Speaker 00

  I'm off to Ibiza.

• 2:31Speaker 05

  Lovely.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Very nice.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Different we are.

• 2:33Speaker 05

  Indeed.

• 2:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:34Speaker 05

  All that jazz.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  I'm going to watch Calvin Harris.

• 2:37Speaker 05

  Calvin Harris.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  Calvin Harris at Ushuaia.

• 2:40Speaker 05

  Right, well, that sounds my idea of hell, but I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.

• 2:43Speaker 00

  No. Do you know what, with Ibiza, you can do, but you can do the big late nights, but also you can just chill and go for a nice meal.

• 2:48Speaker 05

  Well, you can, you can do that most places.

• 2:50Speaker 00

  Do a bit mixture of both.

• 2:52Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Might be seeing Dom Della, but he's on at half two. And even for me, on the first night.

• 2:58Speaker 05

  Didn't he do Trigger Happy TV?

• 3:00Speaker 00

  No, that was Dom Jolly.

• 3:01Speaker 05

  All right.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  But that is on at half two, and that means that I would have been up for 24 hours.

• 3:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 3:09Speaker 00

  At the time. So, because obviously I'm up at four.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  You will be a joy the next day.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  I know. Well, I know.

• 3:15Speaker 05

  I don't think that's worth it.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  No.

• 3:17Speaker 05

  No.

• 3:17Speaker 00

  So we'll see how we go.

• 3:18Speaker 05

  Well, you have a lovely time.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  Thank you. You have a lovely time, too.

• 3:21Speaker 05

  Thank you. Do you need anything from America?

• 3:24Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Run out of?

• 3:25Speaker 00

  I will send you my.

• 3:27Speaker 05

  Run out of your paracetamol.

• 3:28Speaker 00

  I will send you a list.

• 3:30Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  And I will obviously pay you good money for the good stuff.

• 3:35Speaker 05

  Plus VAT.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Plus VAT.

• 3:37Speaker 05

  You need to pay me for the, actually, they don't do VAT in America. You need to, well, not quite. You need to pay me for the gas still.

• 3:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I need to pay you for the gas.

• 3:44Speaker 05

  Yes. In fact, maybe I'll hold on to your lifetime supply of paracetamol until you've paid me.

• 3:49Speaker 00

  I do need a couple of bits from Duane Rea, whatever you call it.

• 3:52Speaker 05

  Duane Rearde?

• 3:52Speaker 00

  Duane Rearde.

• 3:53Speaker 05

  Okay, fine.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  Wherever you're going. Thank you for asking.

• 3:56Speaker 05

  Do they have Duane Rearde in Chicago? They'll have CVS, who I do the other podcasts with.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  They've got really good doughnuts, what they call the Doughnuts Place.

• 4:04Speaker 05

  Duncan?

• 4:04Speaker 00

  No, the other one.

• 4:06Speaker 05

  Krispy Kreme?

• 4:07Speaker 00

  No, it's proper famous Chicago doughnuts chain. It's really good.

• 4:11Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 4:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, try it. Get really nice, big, tall coffee and a doughnut for breakfast.

• 4:17Speaker 05

  Oh, not for breakfast. I've already had a battered sausage this week. I'm not having that.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  What's it called, Jack?

• 4:22Speaker 05

  Chicago Doughnuts.

• 4:25Speaker 00

  I went, when I went to Chicago, I loved Chicago.

• 4:27Speaker 05

  There's a few that's come up.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 4:29Speaker 05

  Stan's Doughnuts, Doughnut Vault, Dough Right Doughnuts, Fire Cake Doughnuts, Dat Doughnut.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  I think it's Stan's. I think. All right. You'll see a load of them. They're good.

• 4:39Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  What have you got for us then, please?

• 4:41Speaker 05

  Last week, we discussed how much a coffee table can reveal about a person.

• 4:44Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  You were, in fact, you were very anti-coffee-table books. Like, who comes, who comes round and reads a coffee table book?

• 4:51Speaker 00

  Well, they're just ornaments, aren't they? Books are there to be read.

• 4:54Speaker 05

  Well, you can read coffee table books.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  They're more ornamental, aren't they?

• 4:57Speaker 05

  They're, as I said, they are a way of telling the world who you are.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  Like ornaments?

• 5:04Speaker 05

  A bit like ornaments.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Don't see many. I bet you're a man who has ornaments, don't you?

• 5:07Speaker 05

  Not like figurines and that. I'm not quite there. I'm not that old.

• 5:10Speaker 00

  You never see ornaments anymore.

• 5:12Speaker 05

  My granny used to have.

• 5:13Speaker 00

  Oh, my grandma had loads. And she used to dust, when she dusted, it was a full military operation.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  She was always dusting her knickknacks, wasn't she?

• 5:20Speaker 00

  It's always figurines and stuff, like women in big, long dresses and stuff. You never see ornaments anymore. My mum used to have ornaments, but she probably doesn't now.

• 5:29Speaker 05

  No. Yeah, they've gone out of fashion.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Yeah. What happened to ornaments? Bring back ornaments. That's what I say. It's a great word, ornament. Did your mum ever say you're not a useless ornament?

• 5:38Speaker 05

  No. So Jump Cut Jack has created a selection of coffee tables from the Sexton family. And now it's time to put our detective skills to the test and guess whose is whose. So we need to match up these names to the coffee tables. The names of the candidates are Jonathan Vernon Smith, who I present the Luxury podcast with.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  I think I have the burger. James Hansen.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  Whibley, whippity, whippity, woo, LBCs darling.

• 6:05Speaker 05

  Hello. No, rag on. Sarah Hansen.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  Hello, darling. Hello. How are you, my darling? It's been a while, you know. I've not, I've not been on the podcast for a while. I am currently in rehab. That is why.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  Wendy North, I guess that's me. Oh, God, what does she say?

• 6:23Speaker 05

  You're not a useless ornament.

• 6:25Speaker 00

  Very good.

• 6:26Speaker 05

  And EPB.

• 6:28Speaker 00

  Hi, guys.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  Yes, executive producer.

• 6:30Speaker 00

  Sorry, my, yeah. Cat wants me to be more rad, so I'm down at Boomtown. I'm having a lovely time. I bought some new flip flops, but they're not quite flipping or flopping how I was hoping. They're more flipping. There's not much floppy. Cheers, Ben. Thanks.

• 6:48Speaker 05

  Table one has Cards in a Wooden Box, Fred Elwell, RA, which means Royal Academy or Royal Academision, A Life in Art, The Many Faces of Jonathan Yeo.

• 7:01Speaker 00

  Who's Jonathan Yeo when he's at home?

• 7:02Speaker 05

  He was an artist, I believe.

• 7:05Speaker 00

  What did he draw?

• 7:05Speaker 05

  So do we think that's Jonathan Vernon Smith, James Hansen, my mother, your mother, or executive producer Ben?

• 7:13Speaker 00

  I'm gonna say executive producer Ben on that one.

• 7:16Speaker 05

  Okay. Well, I tell you what, let's not reveal the answers yet. Let's go through all of the coffee tables, and we'll see if any of our answers change.

• 7:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 7:23Speaker 05

  So we think table one, Ben.

• 7:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:26Speaker 05

  Table two, How to Win at Housework, The Bluffers Going to Etiquette, and The Pet Gundog Puppy. I mean, I absolutely know who that is.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  What's, what's the pet gundog puppy?

• 7:40Speaker 05

  That's Jonathan Vernon Smith.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Because also How to Win at Housework is one of the books that has on her bookshelf in the opening titles.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  Does he have it?

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Well, I have it as well. So, yes.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  Do you have all those books that she has?

• 7:50Speaker 05

  I do, yes.

• 7:51Speaker 00

  All the etiquette ones as well?

• 7:52Speaker 05

  The Moira Bremner etiquette book, yeah.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  Oh, do you have all of those books?

• 7:56Speaker 05

  Age 18, I decided I would buy all of those books in the, in the Keeping Up Appearances opening titles. I did, and I cannot find it. So please, no one ask me to find it. My brother and I recreated the opening titles of Keeping Up Appearances.

• 8:08Speaker 00

  Oh, my God, that would be brilliant.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  The books and then falling over. The only thing we didn't do was the caterpillar up the rose, because we couldn't find a caterpillar. But yeah, I wish I had that, because I would be playing you that now.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Your mum and dad's acting when you came out must have been.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  I had come out by that point, actually.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  Oh, good.

• 8:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  Next one.

• 8:36Speaker 05

  Table three, Soho House Magazine, The Illustrated World of Coco Chanel, and Abaton Magazine. Abaton Magazine.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  Have you actually asked these people?

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, these are actually what is on.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Have you asked my mum?

• 8:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  When?

• 8:50Speaker 05

  I've got her number. We've all got Wendy's number. Abaton, oh, Abaton Magazine is an architecture magazine. Oh.

• 9:01Speaker 00

  Oh, I know who this is. Oh, that's really sweet. That's my mum. That's Wendy North.

• 9:05Speaker 05

  I think that is Wendy North.

• 9:07Speaker 00

  I, she bought that world of Coco Chanel when she last come to London.

• 9:11Speaker 05

  Of course she did.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  When she went, she went, she popped in Harrods, and my dad was fuming because it cost about £50.

• 9:17Speaker 05

  Table four.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  I just remembered. She come in, she said, he's a miserable bastard. I went, why? She went, look, you'll appreciate this. And I went, oh, it's lovely. My dad was there with his face on.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  Table four, Bond Cars, The Definitive History.

• 9:34Speaker 00

  Oh, Soho House Magazine. You gave her that.

• 9:36Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  When you last took her.

• 9:38Speaker 05

  There we go.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  There you are.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  Still got it. Table four, Bond Cars, The Definitive History, James Bond Destinations, and Drax Enterprise Corporation Coaster. That is my brother.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  What's Drax Enterprise?

• 9:49Speaker 05

  Drax Enterprise is the villain's Hugo Drax in Moonraker, and they did a little, it's the villain, and he's got a coaster, common of Drax Enterprise.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  James, I know you're listening, but I'm sorry, but that is so fucking patric.

• 10:06Speaker 05

  James.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  That is the most partridge thing I've ever, ever.

• 10:14Speaker 05

  He'll be delighted to be compared to Alan Partridge.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  We might have him on at some point, so you can tell him that through his face.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  We should get him on.

• 10:24Speaker 05

  Yeah. And table five, I wonder whose table this is. Glastonbury, Lonely Planet, epic runs of the world, Jesus, and Normal People, The Scripps.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  Right, so that's Ben.

• 10:36Speaker 05

  That's Ben.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  And then we're gonna go table one is your mum.

• 10:38Speaker 05

  So table one is my mother.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  The many faces of Jonathan.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  Jonathan, yeah. Actually, to be fair, as I read it, I did think that's out. I think I might have seen that on my mother's coffee table.

• 10:47Speaker 06

  You, a hundred percent.

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Got it right.

• 10:49Speaker 06

  So maybe we made it a bit too easy for you.

• 10:52Speaker 05

  Oh, we just know our friends in Flanders quite well.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  What's Abboton magazine?

• 10:56Speaker 05

  It's an architecture magazine. Did your mother into architecture?

• 11:01Speaker 00

  I think Wendy's.

• 11:02Speaker 05

  Did she buy it thinking it was erections of another sorts?

• 11:06Speaker 00

  I think she's, um, I think.

• 11:09Speaker 06

  She curated that response of books.

• 11:13Speaker 05

  I think that's a kind of curated coffee.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  She's definitely got them, but she's missed a lot out there. She still goes mad at me now because she don't want to work.

• 11:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, she hasn't mentioned Take a Break.

• 11:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was just gonna say, you know, when I used to work at Rockefeller, that was Bauer Radio.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  And Bauer owned all the magazines like Heat. I used to get all the free ones and take them to her every week. You know, all the, all the ones that come in the pack, you can get the multi-pack ones. So I used to get them, used to have them in the coffee table away. So. I know girls, you say, yeah, take them for your mum, George. She still says every time I say, oh, oh, I do miss you working for Rockefeller and all those three magazines I got. I'm like, cheers, thanks. It's been about 15 years, but cheers. It's probably not been that long actually, 10 years.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  No, you'll get better one day.

• 11:54Speaker 00

  Twenty four, 20, oh no, yeah, 20, 10 years ago I would have left.

• 11:59Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  No, that can't be right.

• 12:02Speaker 05

  Let's, let's not worry too much about it now. During the Sex at Capital barbecue at yours, Jordan, last week, there was a certain amount of friendly competition, shall we say, between the two camps. Emphasis on camp, during a game of beer pong. You, Jordan, were the impartial referee. So you and I didn't get to have our own heated rivalry moment. Oh, what a shame. So inspired by a mention of the classic TV show, Dazeal and Pasco.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  We're going to test our knowledge on 90s television theme tunes.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  Oh, I hope that's on next. I can't remember the theme tune for that, but.

• 12:36Speaker 05

  No.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  This is my speciality, this.

• 12:39Speaker 05

  You've set, you've set that bar very high.

• 12:41Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm gonna shit you at this.

• 12:43Speaker 05

  Okay, we will hear a clip from a classic TV theme tune. I hope they're BBC. Um, the first one to know the answer has to hit the bell in front of us. There we go. Pop it in the middle. Now, is that actual middle? Because if it's closer to you, you're at an unfair advantage. Best of five, we will see who wins. Do you understand the rules?

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Yes, I understand the rules.

• 13:04Speaker 05

  Here is the first clip.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  This is the Evergreen Forest. Quiet, peaceful serene. Jordan.

• 13:17Speaker 05

  Is that a TV, is that a YouTube band?

• 13:19Speaker 00

  I was gonna say Land Before Time, but it's not. It's, um, The Snorks, The Snorkles. What they called, the little raccoon thing.

• 13:27Speaker 06

  It's The Raccoons.

• 13:28Speaker 00

  Yes, The Raccoons.

• 13:29Speaker 05

  They were literally called The Raccoons?

• 13:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 05

  Never heard of that programme in my life. Okay, well done, point to Jordan. He got there eventually. Here's clip two.

• 13:39Speaker 00

  Bastard!

• 13:40Speaker 05

  That was me.

• 13:40Speaker 06

  That was Willie.

• 13:42Speaker 05

  Well, I'm going out in a hunch. Goosebumps.

• 13:46Speaker 06

  Correct.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  Ah! Let's hear the full tune. Let's hear the full one.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  This was a little dog.

• 13:56Speaker 05

  I'd never watched Goosebumps either.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  Never watched it? Did you have a read of it?

• 13:59Speaker 05

  Didn't read them.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  What?

• 14:01Speaker 05

  I was too busy doing Midsummer Night's Dream.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  They were best. Oh, oh, oh, that's the dog.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 14:08Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, you missed the best bit. Beware, you're in for a scare.

• 14:14Speaker 00

  Right, if I lose this, I'm fucking live it.

• 14:17Speaker 05

  One each. Here's clip three.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  Don't push my hand away, little bitch.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  These are hard.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  Jordan.

• 14:39Speaker 05

  Look, quick.

• 14:42Speaker 00

  I was gonna say Rosie and Jim, but it's not.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  That is not Rosie and Jim. I don't think Jordan's got it.

• 14:48Speaker 00

  Wait.

• 14:49Speaker 05

  Brum.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  You didn't press the button.

• 14:52Speaker 05

  Well, I won't. Brum.

• 14:54Speaker 06

  Brum.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  Oh, for fuuuck.

• 14:57Speaker 05

  There we go. One, two to me, one to you. Two chances to win.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  Do you have any shows that working class kids watched?

• 15:04Speaker 05

  You got The Raccoon. Goosebumps. See, how, you can't get more working class than Goosebumps.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Don't bring class into this.

• 15:12Speaker 05

  Oh, excuse me?

• 15:13Speaker 00

  It's typical you, that. Don't bring class into this. It's nothing to do with class. Right, come on.

• 15:20Speaker 05

  Here's clip four.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Jordan, Round the Twist.

• 15:26Speaker 05

  Correct. Oh, what was Round the Twist?

• 15:28Speaker 00

  Keep it on, keep it on. You never, you never watched Round the Twist, Little Ginger Boy?

• 15:33Speaker 05

  No.

• 15:34Speaker 00

  Have you ever, ever felt like this? When strange things are happening, are you going around the twist? Have you ever, ever felt like this? Wait, another. Strange things happening, are you going around the twist? Have you heard the word about the jiggle and spider? It wiggled and jiggled and something inside her. Oh, God, you had the best bit.

• 16:00Speaker 05

  Gay.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Have you ever, ever felt like this? Right, two all. All to play for.

• 16:06Speaker 05

  All to play for.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  Here we go. Turn it up, blast it up.

• 16:09Speaker 05

  Here's clip five.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  Poddington peas.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  Garden. Ah!

• 16:16Speaker 05

  Correct.

• 16:16Speaker 00

  Fuck! Keep this on, turn it up. People, they call them Poddington peas. Fuck! The Poddington peas.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  Bastard! Sorry. We should do another round of that. Right.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  What, if you should lose again?

• 16:33Speaker 00

  Right.

• 16:34Speaker 05

  We'll be back after these.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Hi, everyone. It's Katie Couric. And on my podcast, Next Question, we love stories about how women are taking control of their lives. They are increasingly leading financial decisions in their households, yet many say they don't feel fully prepared for the long-term financial choices ahead. Real confidence comes from knowing your financial future is protected, whatever happens. Pacific Life has helped generations protect what matters today and prepare for tomorrow with life insurance and lifetime income solutions. It's a promise Pacific Life has kept for nearly 160 years, so its customers can keep theirs.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Ask a financial professional about how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Annuity, Phoenix, Arizona.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  But was he set up?

• 17:54Speaker 07

  Wanted, I fled to fall of two cops.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  You're not gonna end up going to prison, do you, kidlet?

• 18:04Speaker 02

  I'm J C Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  Welcome back, Jane Beavers. Um, sorry, my tism.

• 18:17Speaker 05

  A little John McEnroe moment here.

• 18:18Speaker 00

  My tism was showing there. Um, I do apologize for my unruly behaviour. I wanna play that again now until I win. I'm like one of those child.

• 18:27Speaker 05

  I'll be here till Christmas.

• 18:28Speaker 00

  Right, let's go to the responses. What have we got then, please?

• 18:31Speaker 05

  Anonymous has found the perfect response to the dreaded, so when are you settling down question for last week. Following the dilemma in Help, I've grown a moustache about being asked when you're having kids. I'm a single 34-year-old woman and a certain demographic, women over 55, I'm looking at you, seem to think it's okay to constantly ask why I've not settled down with someone. It doesn't seem to occur to them I may not want to. At a wedding last summer, I was asked so many times that I started responding with, I don't need another half, I'm a whole person by myself, and when I have an itch, I have a good friend who will scratch it for me. No strings attached.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  Go on, girl. Where did you get your car from? My swan girl.

• 19:06Speaker 05

  I took, I took immense pleasure in their shocked, horrified and embarrassed reactions, so I'd encourage anyone in a similar position to try the same. It was a very enjoyable experience. I'd like to think it might even teach those people a lesson to butt out, although I doubt it.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  Well, good on you. Faz, faz, faz.

• 19:23Speaker 05

  I remember a couple of years ago, I was, not long after Mike and I got married, we were at some party or something. And again, broad range of, of people there from different age ranges, and someone, an older person. So, and I, I know they meant well. I should just point out, I know they meant well. And they went, oh, and they were asking how long we've been married. And they said, so, with like two men, I mean, how does it work when you get married? Who walks down the aisle first? Who's waiting at the, who's waiting at the altar?

• 19:53Speaker 00

  So now it's quite.

• 19:54Speaker 05

  I know, but it's just like, oh. And I can remember being a little bit terse at the time because it just sort of ever so slightly irked me.

• 20:02Speaker 00

  What did you say?

• 20:02Speaker 05

  And I just, we both walked down together actually at the same time because a gay relationship is all about equality. And actually, a lot of the traditions go back about 70 years. So they're not as old as some people think they are.

• 20:13Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 20:14Speaker 05

  Thank you. I'm being given snaps by various people in the studio. Is that called snaps?

• 20:18Speaker 00

  Well, I, I think that was just a, was it a, by a girl, a woman or a man? Yeah, it's just what an old woman had asked, isn't it?

• 20:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:25Speaker 00

  Could have been worse.

• 20:26Speaker 05

  Oh, no. Oh, trust me, could have been worse.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  Who's the pulse man and who's the pulse box?

• 20:33Speaker 00

  Heard that before.

• 20:34Speaker 05

  We're UPS.

• 20:37Speaker 05

  This is from Will, who has not only been cheating on the Capital Breakfast Show, he's now been caught stealing from one of its presenters. I owe Jordan a pint if I ever see him in the pub. I shamelessly stole one of his cleaner jolly jokes this morning, and it helped me win a mini-competition on the BBC Radio 2 breakfast show to make Elaine Page laugh. Dame Elaine Page, that is. So, Jordan, you're welcome. I would have listened to your breakfast show, but you didn't have Elaine Page on. So unfortunately, you lost me to Sarah. I hope you will understand. Here is said joke.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  Will in Salford, I bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day. When I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  Yay! Hey, ting.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  Beautiful. Now, that is quality breakfast radio.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  I love Sarah. I won't, I won't hear a bad word.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  It's nice to have a fun northerner on breakfast radio.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  I, I, I won't hear, I, when I, I love Sarah and I, I make it no secret, I've got like, she used to write little stuff down in her notes.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  What, and you'd read her notes?

• 21:46Speaker 00

  I'll never forget.

• 21:47Speaker 05

  You had a go at me for reading your notes?

• 21:49Speaker 00

  I'll never forget. She made me laugh once on radio. She was talking about healthy breakfast and she went, I've just had a whisper and a Scotch steak. And it always made me laugh. Which I probably said on this podcast before I nicked it.

• 21:59Speaker 05

  I think I'll stick to that.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  So fair play. I'll give you that.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  Stick to Greg.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  Charming. I won't hear a bad word said about us, Greg as well, to be fair, so. Try me. Give me another present. I like them all. I genuinely do. Everyone thinks we're all rivals. We're actually not.

• 22:14Speaker 05

  No.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  Chloe, um, from Kiss.

• 22:19Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  She's great at, uh, socrade.

• 22:22Speaker 05

  We all know it's about Graham Liver, anyway.

• 22:24Speaker 00

  Oh, it's Graham Liver, Radio Lancashire. Great guy. Everyone thinks we're rivals. We all, we all know each other.

• 22:30Speaker 05

  You can, you can know each other and still be a rival.

• 22:32Speaker 00

  You can still be rivals, but we don't like, none of us hate each other.

• 22:36Speaker 05

  No, no, life's too short. Anyway, Nas is saying, Wagwan from Trinidad, where one man has-

• 22:43Speaker 00

  Say that again, sorry?

• 22:43Speaker 05

  Nas is saying Wagwan from Trinidad.

• 22:46Speaker 00

  Nailed it.

• 22:46Speaker 05

  Where one man has taken it upon himself to become Texas's newest international ambassador.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  What does Wagwan mean?

• 22:52Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 22:54Speaker 05

  What's going on, I believe?

• 22:55Speaker 00

  Oh, it's a crack.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  Greetings from the Caribbean, as they say in America. Hey, boys. This message is twofold. Firstly, I just wanted you guys to know that you have a huge following in Trinidad, largely influenced by my partner. He's been a one-man promotional tour of the Sexed Pod to all our friends. Having gone to school in England, he's into all things UK, the humour, the etiquette, and of course, the Yorkshire roast in Camden Market. He got me hooked on your pod and now I can't imagine getting through my everyday routine without a current or back episode playing. It's his birthday on Friday, the 14th of August, and I'd love it for you to give your one-man marketing machine, Stephen Look Tong in Trinidad, a big cheers with your G and Ds. Keep the jokes coming. Your other fan in Trinidad, Nas. Well, we're a bit late, but I hope you had a lovely birthday.

• 23:38Speaker 00

  We're a week late and we, we don't have G and D on the Friday episode, so happy birthday for a couple of weeks ago.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  But we're raising something to you.

• 23:45Speaker 00

  Yes, we are. Happy birthday from the UK to Trinidad.

• 23:49Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 23:50Speaker 00

  Beautiful, the Caribbean. Beautiful.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  Amy has got in touch regarding our recent Disney villains conversation. Dear William Jordan and the wonderful Sexed team, as a massive Disney fan, in particular Disneyland Paris.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  Can you read it out, this letter as a fellow adult who likes Disney?

• 24:05Speaker 05

  What does that mean?

• 24:06Speaker 00

  As a massive Disney fan, in particular Disneyland Paris, I was excited. It's a bit Wendy this, isn't it?

• 24:14Speaker 05

  It is, yeah.

• 24:14Speaker 00

  Go on, carry on.

• 24:15Speaker 05

  I was very excited to hear it being discussed on my favourite podcast this week. I feel the need to join in the discussion. In regards to the villain chat, unfortunately, Jordan, William is right, and Gaston is officially counted as the villain in Beauty and the Beast. I believe also social media agreed with me. However, in my opinion, the real villain is how disappointingly ugly the prince is after he turns back from the beast. I would take the beast any day, to be honest.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  That's bestiality.

• 24:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. In case you're wondering, my favourite villain is also Maleficent after the live action remake they did, although honourable mentions go to Yzma, Emperor's New Groove, never seen it, who has, Captain Hook and Mother Gothel.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Oh, Captain Hook's a good one.

• 24:55Speaker 05

  Yes. Mother Gothel from which film? Think about your hair, think about your hair. Tangled. Um, thank you for taking the time to listen to me.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  I'm not ginger.

• 25:09Speaker 05

  Neither was, neither was, um-

• 25:11Speaker 00

  That's brave.

• 25:11Speaker 05

  Rapunzel.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  Who's the Scottish one?

• 25:14Speaker 05

  That's Meridol.

• 25:15Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 25:15Speaker 05

  Tangled is Rapunzel.

• 25:18Speaker 00

  I have really thought I was into Disney.

• 25:20Speaker 05

  No, clearly not.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Zorb would be my favourite villain.

• 25:22Speaker 05

  Zorb, Zorg.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  Zorg.

• 25:25Speaker 05

  From Toy Story 2.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  But he's in all of them. I'm trying to think of what else.

• 25:29Speaker 05

  Don't think Zorg is.

• 25:30Speaker 00

  He gets a mention in most of them. Anyway, go on.

• 25:32Speaker 05

  Anyway, thank you for taking the time to listen to me geeking out over Disney. I vote that more Disney chat should be included in the podcast. I don't need to be asked twice. P.S. I need to address the biggest ick from William over this whole thing. I can't withstand when people say Disney Paris. It's Disneyland Paris, William. Please correct this in future. Thanks in advance.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 25:52Speaker 05

  Jordan's giving me a very undisneyland Paris gesture.

• 25:57Speaker 00

  The best thing, you know, when something, you know, when you've lost an argument, when you do this gesture and you go.

• 26:03Speaker 05

  What, you'd stick your teeth out?

• 26:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 05

  Right. Okay.

• 26:06Speaker 00

  So it's Disneyland Paris.

• 26:08Speaker 05

  Okay, it used to be called Euro Disney.

• 26:10Speaker 00

  Did it? Yeah.

• 26:10Speaker 05

  But then that didn't stick.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  Disneyland Paris. There's Disneyland and Disney World in America.

• 26:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, and some people say there is a difference because it's Disneyland because it's got LA in it, because it's in LA, and Disney World because it has OR and it's in Orlando, but that's not why it's called that.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  I, I went to Disney World then.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  You did? Yes, with the, was it Make-A-Wish Foundation? No, I know, it was.

• 26:32Speaker 00

  It was.

• 26:32Speaker 05

  What was it called?

• 26:33Speaker 00

  Very grateful. I think it was When You Wish Upon a Star.

• 26:36Speaker 05

  When You Wish Upon a Star, that's the one. Very Disney, very related. And things have been getting ugly in the Audio Always office. We should just say Audio Always is Chairman Emeritus Stuart's company, who produced this podcast and many others. This week, as a great debate has been sparked regarding our corner shop chat. Hey, guys. After Jordan's big up the corner shop chat, it sparked a surprisingly heated debate in the Audio Always office about what actually constitutes a corner shop. I think we can all agree that a Sainsbury's local or Tesco Express is not a corner shop.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  Completely agree.

• 27:09Speaker 05

  It's simply supermarkets that have been shrunk down and put on a diet. But what about branded premier shops?

• 27:17Speaker 05

  Any idea?

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think we can class them as corner shops. It's huge. They, they're like everything stores. They've got everything in them. Uh, I would class a premier and some Londis as them as well. Because technically, my one's a Londis, but it's just one bloke, boss man, nicest fella, and he must, he must work 18-hour days, Monday to Sunday. Proper, proper good bloke, backbone of this country.

• 27:43Speaker 05

  Is a newsagent a corner shop? If not, what exactly is the difference? What happens if the shop isn't actually on a corner?

• 27:48Speaker 00

  I mean, mine is on a corner, to be fair.

• 27:50Speaker 05

  Is it the name, the content, the size, the location, or just a certain vibe that makes a corner shop a corner shop?

• 27:55Speaker 00

  It's a vibe.

• 27:56Speaker 05

  Please settle this extremely important debate for us. Lots of love, Team Audio All Slays. Gosh, well, you can tell it's August and most things are off, can't you? I've got nothing else to talk about in the office.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  I think it's the vibe, but usually it's like independent ones. Some of them have really punny names. Uh, but you, ours is technically a Londis, but I just call it the everything store. The only thing in the year that I've moved there, the only thing they've not had once was the eclipse glasses.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  That, you know, the solar eclipse of the week.

• 28:31Speaker 05

  Can I just say how boring that was?

• 28:32Speaker 00

  No, I.

• 28:35Speaker 05

  There's another one next year.

• 28:36Speaker 00

  Can I just say it's the only time where I wish I didn't have the moustache? Because I was in the park and there was this lad, right? Let me explain. And, and there was a lot, and he had the glasses with his girlfriend. I assumed it was girlfriend. And there were loads of people around him and he was sharing the glasses and everyone was going, oh my God, that's amazing. So I kind of like shuffled up next to him.

• 28:56Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  Hoping he'd spot me and go, do you want to have a go? But he just-

• 29:01Speaker 05

  With the glasses.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  But I was just stood there and he didn't say, oh, for about five, 10 minutes.

• 29:05Speaker 05

  What's that got to do with your moustache?

• 29:07Speaker 00

  Well, I just think the moustache looked a bit pervy, a bloke in a park on his own trench coat at the time as well. So, um, a, a, a corner shop's a vibe and it's usually a bloke. And when you go in, says, yes, boss. And you for some reason go, yes, boss.

• 29:19Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 29:20Speaker 00

  And he'll say, he said to me the other day, little cheeky gatty was. He said, I've got those Reese's chocolates you like. I went, go on then, I'll have some. They went out on a date two days later, but fair play.

• 29:33Speaker 05

  I must argue that when you bought them.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  Fair play.

• 29:36Speaker 05

  Well, I hope that gives you all something to talk about in the office. There's obviously a lot going on.

• 29:42Speaker 00

  Yes, boss.

• 29:44Speaker 05

  I don't think I've ever considered it.

• 29:45Speaker 00

  They, they, they see you at your best, worst and best, those guys. See you when you go in in a, in a tuxedo maybe, and a suit before a wedding, getting some bits, a bottle of water and chewing gum for train, and they'll see you, uh, Saturday night going in for a vape and a frigging buzz ball.

• 30:02Speaker 05

  Which we don't endorse.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  Cherry fizz and a buzz ball, don't judge. It's been a hard week. Go on then, I'll get a bottle of wine as well. Have you got any anniversary cards?

• 30:15Speaker 00

  Right, let's finish our comment of the week. This could be a comment from Spotify, YouTube or any of our socials. So what have we got, please, William?

• 30:23Speaker 05

  Firstly, Sophia Carpete, Carpete, Pate, Carpete, Pate, on Spotify, said, Sophia, the bisexual who confirmed peanut butter was a great analogy. Is it a good description? Yes, but Jordan, you need to move on now. It was good, but it wasn't groundbreaking.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  Sorry, I don't bring it up. I'm just, I'm, all I'm saying, Sophia Carpete, that, um, is, I've just had many from the bisexual community message me about it. That is all. And as far as analogies go, I think it was the best.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  I'm happy to move on. Also, people going, you're always going about getting up, right? This is another thing. I just want to put this on the record. I haven't mentioned what time I get up for ages. Go back, listen, I reckon it's a good year. So just saying.

• 31:17Speaker 05

  Auntie Bev's White Claw on YouTube said, can we have a new segment called Ben's sarcastic comment of the week? No.

• 31:24Speaker 00

  No.

• 31:25Speaker 05

  Uh, but our comment of the week goes to Andy Painter on TikTok, who said, is Jordan auditioning to be a character in the game of Guess Who? Lol.

• 31:35Speaker 05

  As regards to your moustache.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  Give us some glasses. That'd be good. Give us your glasses. Where's your glasses?

• 31:39Speaker 05

  Don't have any.

• 31:40Speaker 00

  If I had some glasses on with this, I would look like a character from Guess Who with a shoulder up. I've never played Guess Who.

• 31:45Speaker 05

  Oh, I used to love Guess Who.

• 31:46Speaker 00

  I've never played it.

• 31:48Speaker 05

  It's a good game, good game.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  I wouldn't know how you played it.

• 31:51Speaker 05

  Um, lovely.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  Right, remember you can listen to new episodes every Tuesday and Friday and 24 hours before anywhere else on Global Player. Also, if you want to get in touch about something that isn't a dilemma or problem, drop into our DMs or send us an email. We're [email protected]. We love hearing back from the people we have for advice to. So if that's you, get back in touch and we will see you on Tuesday. Goodbye.

• 32:18Speaker 01

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• 33:17Speaker 02

  1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  They said, you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.

• 33:32Speaker 02

  But was he set up? Wanted, had fled to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.

• 33:41Speaker 04

  You're not going to end up going to prison, are you, kidlet?

• 33:43Speaker 02

  I'm Josie Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.