355 - Can We Still Pass a Driving Test?

Andy surprises the boys with a driving test to find out who’s the best behind the wheel, triggering some driving test memories they’d probably rather forget. Plus, Extreme Empaths, and as applications roll in for the game show audience, the boys are genuinely moved by the lengths the people are going to spread the word about the poddy. Some applicants make the cut, and there are unexpected requests for Tip In Point stunt doubles! 1. Surprise driving test 2. Extreme empaths 3. The Price is Correct - ticket giveaways

• 0:02Speaker 00

  A Listener Production.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Activate your internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Sorry, still buffering. One.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  Ahoy to me band, Hamish.

• 0:27Speaker 03

  Ahoy, Andy. Types of saw?

• 0:30Speaker 02

  He's got it.

• 0:30Speaker 03

  Has he got it?

• 0:31Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 0:32Speaker 03

  This guy's good. He's got another one. He's got another first at bat.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Ahoy to me table.

• 0:39Speaker 03

  Ahoy.

• 0:40Speaker 02

  And I'm of course the circular and this is proof of the pudding. Hamish's new show Unskilled Adult comes out on Sunday and I was testing him. You can get on Stan, everybody.

• 0:51Speaker 03

  Always thinking of saws.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. And this is where someone who has just talked for a living had to go out and do all sorts of air tusk alike activities.

• 1:00Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  You've got to see this show. Jack and I are a part of it, but that's sold in a few weeks' time.

• 1:04Speaker 03

  You're on towards the end of the season. Save the best to last.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  I wanted to test you, Ham, to see if you'd learnt anything during your unskilled adult days.

• 1:12Speaker 03

  And you do own every tool available on earth now, having done the show. As the season goes on, shopping, because the whole premise of the show, yeah, is, you know, myself and then two people like yourselves who we don't know.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  People that wouldn't have got their hands particularly dirty.

• 1:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, often comedians have to open an envelope and whatever real job is in there from a real person have to be like, okay, how do we do that? Episode one, it seems easy. It's, you know, it's plan of boxes.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  But you need wood and you need to cut that wood. And how are you going to do that? How are you going to do it? And there's no TV magic. You just must figure it out.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  What kind of saw would you use, Ham?

• 1:52Speaker 03

  Turns out we need a drop saw. Did the guy, did the guy at the shop, did his eyes light up when he saw me buying all the tools for a job? Yeah, maybe. But you can, you can watch it all on Stan come Sunday.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  You've got, you've got to, you've got to start somewhere. Yeah, Unskilled Adult. We had a cracking fun with our episode. We'll talk about that then in a few weeks' time when it comes out. But yeah, this Sunday on Stan, everybody. Ahoy also to Will, who's in the UK. He went to hamishandandy.com to try and let us know what he's been up to.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Ahoy, boys. International podcaster Will here from London. I'm just walking around Australia's greatest export, Westfield Shopping Centre, and I thought I'd give you guys an update. So I recently broke my scaphoid, which required surgery, and decided to save a podcast so I could listen to it whilst they were cutting me open and drilling a screw into my bone. And honestly, I don't know what was more traumatic. The surgery or listening to Jack try and strategize designing a ballgame?

• 2:55Speaker 02

  There you go, Jack. You've been asking about how hard it is. It's obviously hard to listen to.

• 3:01Speaker 05

  I mean, you were very selective on the audio you chose from the day I had with my assistant. You know, you remember that was an eight hour day, so there was a lot not played on the episode where we actually came up with great ideas.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  So is this a surprise update, Jack, that the ballgame is imminent?

• 3:18Speaker 05

  It's no, no, not imminent.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  Sorry. I missed, I thought I heard you just say you came up with great ideas.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  The idea was for him to do more yard work. That was the great idea.

• 3:32Speaker 03

  Actually, I've got a great idea. The gutters. The gutters could use a clip.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  We must, we must move on.

• 3:39Speaker 03

  We must.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Guys, we are fresh off an exciting test I put to both of you and one that I think a lot of people would ponder in their own lives, how they would go. It's something most of us have done in our lives and, but you don't have to go back to it very often until you're very, very late.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  You never do.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Well, until you're late, late in life. Anyway, enough of the cryptic stuff. This was the challenge this morning.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Guys, we're out on the street. Neither of you know what's coming, but hand on heart, I haven't prepped, right? So this is going to be a comp though between the three of us.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  I'll reserve my right to believe you or not.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Well, you can ask Carlos, because what happened was at the pub with my mate Jaco. Yeah. I said, how are things? He said his daughter is getting ready to prepare for her licence. And I was like, oh my God, she's that old? He says, yeah.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  For a piece.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  For a piece. And I was like, I didn't think I'd even pass that now. I don't know what to do.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 05

  I failed my first one.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Well, guess what, Jack? You're about to go again.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  That's what we're doing.

• 4:42Speaker 05

  Our driving test.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  We're doing a driving test. I've remembered something that you meant to do, but I'm not going to say.

• 4:47Speaker 05

  I'm remembering an acronym, but I can't remember what all the letters stand for.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  We're going against each other and I'm not going to tell you guys. I don't think you would do this.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Well, there's one aspect that is a little different to our driving test is Thomas has agreed that the other two can sit in the back of the car as long as they speak quietly.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  Oh, so we can speak, but in hushed tones.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  But they can't, can they distract?

• 5:08Speaker 02

  No, not allowed to distract.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, he said that was fine. The driving instructor said it was fine if you asked to put our hands over your eyes.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Thomas takes this very seriously. The other thing is.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  Has he got the pedals on his side?

• 5:20Speaker 02

  He's got pedals, yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Oh, so it's a full driving instructor's car.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  He's got full control. He could stop.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Is it manual?

• 5:27Speaker 02

  It's not a manual. That's one thing I was keen to do, but they don't really have them anymore.

• 5:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, right.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  I can't drive one, so I'd be out already.

• 5:34Speaker 03

  I, I got my automatic licence and then bought a manual car and Andy had to teach me how to drive manual in a car park.

• 5:42Speaker 05

  So what if, whoever goes first, what if, like if I'm first, what if you copy some of my moves?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Well, that's the thing. That's the risk.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  We're not copying your moves, mate.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  I've got three bits of paper that will decide the order. Okay. What number?

• 5:56Speaker 03

  I'm a two.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  I'm first. I knew this.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Ah, yes. Good luck, mate. Good luck with your acronym.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Now, just so you know, I've instructed Thomas not to speak at all unless there's danger, but he is, he's quietly marking down all the things that we're doing and he will then reveal at the end everyone's scores for us to see who is the best driver according to a driving test instructor.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  I'm going to play very safe because.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  I'm in two minds here because I'm just sort of like, look, part of me wants to just go, this is how I drive. And if the system doesn't respect it, [BLEEP] the system.

• 6:35Speaker 03

  But I also know that am I trying to pass this by behaving?

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, if we see you going full fast into furious, I don't, I think he'll get on the pedals.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. He's not going to let me drift.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Nah, he won't let you drift.

• 6:48Speaker 05

  They don't, if you fail, they actually don't even let you finish the test. That's what happened to me. He said, pull over here. We've failed.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  Do you want me to instruct that? Like, is that fun? Like.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. If we fail immediately.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  You're out.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  You're out.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  What did you do?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  I got a bad bounce with some pedestrians at a zebra car.

• 7:10Speaker 05

  One bounced off the front of the car.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  He got back up.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  All right, Jaco. Good luck.

• 7:16Speaker 05

  Wish you luck.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  So Jack was first into the driver's seat and his instructor, and ultimately his judge, Thomas, started straight away with an orientating safety check.

• 7:28Speaker 06

  So just remember the test is around safety. Okay. So following all rules and road signs is what I expect. Usually before a driving test, I need to make sure that you understand how to use all the fundamentals of my vehicle.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  May I have the passengers in the back close their eyes so they can't copy me?

• 7:43Speaker 06

  Sure. They're going to hear you, so.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  I mean, how hard is it? It's just like, where's the steering wheel? It's like, we've been driving for 25 years.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  No, I think, I doubt this is where we'll fail. Okay.

• 7:53Speaker 06

  Look, the test is not supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be about safety. So nothing too complex. Okay. Signal left.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  Oh, he's panicked.

• 8:01Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Oh, immediate fail. Immediate fail. Immediate, immediate, immediate.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  I'm feeling pressure from the back. I'm feeling pressure from the back.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  Come on, Thomas.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Can I say, can I say my indicator in my car is on the other side?

• 8:17Speaker 03

  What? So what? You push it down to go left?

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Mate, you went the wrong way.

• 8:24Speaker 06

  Okay. Well, this is why we do it, just so you know. So when safe, you can start the car, reverse out and get to the traffic lights where we will turn left.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  And when he says turn left, Jaco, that's the other left that you have early on. Okay. They said they weren't going to talk.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  You don't have to indicate out of a park, do you?

• 8:44Speaker 06

  I will tell you at the end.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Good, Thomas.

• 8:48Speaker 06

  At the traffic lights, turn left.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Head check.

• 8:54Speaker 06

  That would have been better across the bike lane, but thank you.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  I think I did one. I, you were, you were looking the other way. I think. I think.

• 9:02Speaker 06

  Jack, I can see your eyes right here.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Yes, the instructor has his own little mirror on Jack as well, so I never noticed that.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's, he's all over Jack here. Jack.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Jack like a rash.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  Pressure here. He's a huge on Jack.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  So yes, while the pressure of being watched like a hawk by Thomas was big, let's be honest, there was more coming from the backseat.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  Ooh, a main road. Can he do it?

• 9:34Speaker 02

  You're definitely driving different, you know.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Look, you've never seen a man with his hands at ten and two so much. He's not let go of the steering wheel for one second.

• 9:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's really nerve wracking to do a driving test.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:48Speaker 06

  Turning right at the lights, please.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Okay. Do you think you've made any mistakes so far? I feel like I did a really quick head check that Thomas.

• 9:56Speaker 05

  Didn't see.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  So whilst they all initially agreed to stay quiet and not distract, the in-car chat had certainly lifted.

• 10:08Speaker 05

  Who's a better driver, you or Bianca? I think me because I've got more Australian driving experience where she's only been here. What would be a shortcoming of her? And what makes it, what is she doing that's more foreign? She doesn't love using the indicator.

• 10:25Speaker 06

  And the traffic lights. For me. Continue straight from the right lane. That's okay, you can do.

• 10:29Speaker 05

  Continue straight from the right lane.

• 10:31Speaker 06

  Correct.

• 10:33Speaker 05

  Um, she'll merge without an indicator.

• 10:36Speaker 06

  Okay, so this is your left lane.

• 10:39Speaker 05

  Sometimes.

• 10:42Speaker 06

  You only have three chances.

• 10:44Speaker 05

  Oh, this is the left lane.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  They're talking to me.

• 10:49Speaker 05

  Um, is this in the movie?

• 10:50Speaker 06

  You don't have to pull back, you know. Well, you have one strike left for disobeying me and you will fail.

• 10:56Speaker 06

  That is the rules of the test.

• 10:58Speaker 05

  No, can, please direct no more questions to me. Sorry, sorry.

• 11:01Speaker 06

  When safe, move into the right lane.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  I will, thank you, Thomas.

• 11:06Speaker 05

  I hope this car is not being a good Samaritan, so I'll wait for him to pass. Nice to see that indicator on because he certainly didn't use it when you merged into the left lane before. I felt like that was one lane coming through. As you were talking about Bianca not using her indicator.

• 11:23Speaker 05

  We've got a dead man walking here. We've got a dead man walking. No more distractions. Sudden death.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  He's hanging his bars for ages.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  And if Jack felt under pressure before, the next road they turned on to was not bringing back good memories.

• 11:39Speaker 05

  I'm also not proud of this, but this is the road where I lost my licence when I was 22. Really? Really? Yeah, I had to be point zero zero and I was point oh three, I think.

• 11:55Speaker 05

  No, no excuses for that. That is bad behaviour and it taught me a valuable lesson.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Jack's other haunting memory was of instantly failing his driving test at 18 by rolling through a zebra crossing with a pedestrian on it. And as luck would have it, as he came to the end of his test route.

• 12:14Speaker 05

  Your nemesis, the old zebra crossing, Jack.

• 12:20Speaker 05

  Why would he, why would he be going a full circle?

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Enter the, enter the roundabout with someone with the indicator on coming from the right.

• 12:28Speaker 05

  Why would he be doing a full circle?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  We didn't know, mate.

• 12:32Speaker 05

  And they're entitled to do a full circle. I feel unsafe.

• 12:37Speaker 05

  His eye, I could see his eyes were looking where he went.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  You have a passenger saying he feels unsafe.

• 12:45Speaker 06

  Nearly done, by the way.

• 12:47Speaker 05

  Thank you, Thomas. It's a nice car. As in, you're getting, you're going to fail. You're dead man walking.

• 12:55Speaker 00

  Jack did in fact safely make it back to the beginning without an immediate fail. So Hame jumped into the driver's seat, ready to go.

• 13:04Speaker 05

  Driver ready.

• 13:05Speaker 06

  Perfect. So when safe, let's reverse out and turn left at the traffic lights.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  No dramas.

• 13:16Speaker 05

  It's a nervous whistle. I know he's a regular whistle. That's got more confidence in that.

• 13:21Speaker 06

  Let's turn left.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Ooh. Yes, that's jolty. Yeah. That's very jolty back here. Exactly. Do you need, maybe we need a neck brace just for this jolty driver.

• 13:34Speaker 06

  Just take your notes, just bear with me.

• 13:36Speaker 05

  You won't need to.

• 13:37Speaker 06

  I already am.

• 13:42Speaker 00

  Hamish, like Jack, had some previous driving demons he would need to overcome to pass.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  Hamish was banned from driving on the caravan carriage because he had one day of driving and crashed the car.

• 13:55Speaker 05

  You can tell that it's not coming naturally to him.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  No, exactly.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  Could be a plant from Jack, this guy trying to jog across, be the jaywalker.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  You didn't really slow down for him. I would have given him a bit more space.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  Um, you'll notice that before I turn left.

• 14:10Speaker 05

  Another man.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  Before I turn left, I'm indicating to change the lane. Which I've called me a bit of a traditionalist. Always found it, it helps let other drivers know what you're up to.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  With Hame now feeling relaxed enough to throw a few bobs back at Jack, it became open slather from the backseat.

• 14:31Speaker 05

  Ooh. Wobbly. Car sick.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Get out.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  It's a strange feeling to sit in the back of a car and want so badly for the driver to be unsafe.

• 14:47Speaker 05

  You've had a pretty easy environment for your run, haven't you? It's exactly the same course you took, Jack. No, but it just, the lights changing at a really easy time.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  The story of Hamish's driving history includes some early lessons in a manual from Andy.

• 15:06Speaker 03

  I was in a car park with Hame, trying to teach him how to use a manual.

• 15:10Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  Was he good? To be, to be fair, he took it up very quickly. To be fair, I'd love.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  We drove home from Nana Wadding to St Kilda.

• 15:19Speaker 05

  Yes. Why did you go out to Nana Wadding?

• 15:22Speaker 03

  That's where you had to pick up the car. We bought it. Well, he can, Hame bought it, yeah.

• 15:25Speaker 05

  Wait, you bought a manual car without knowing how to drive a manual?

• 15:28Speaker 03

  That's all I could afford, it's a thousand dollars.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  But you didn't want to learn manual first before you bought it?

• 15:33Speaker 03

  I needed to snap that deal up.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  And I needed a car.

• 15:37Speaker 05

  So the first time you learned to drive a manual was in your new manual car?

• 15:42Speaker 03

  It wasn't new, it was 1988. 1988 Hyundai Excel. I followed you to your house first, or you might have followed me. Because, just for any emergencies.

• 15:53Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  Drove to your house, and you're like, yeah, I think you've got it. And I drove back.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  But you had an automatic licence, only?

• 16:00Speaker 03

  Yes, so I knew what I was doing in a car that had an automatic licence.

• 16:03Speaker 05

  Hear that, Thomas? He is admitting to driving.

• 16:08Speaker 03

  He's not a cop.

• 16:09Speaker 05

  A manual car on an automatic licence.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  He's just, he's Thomas, he's not a cop.

• 16:14Speaker 06

  Look, I didn't hear anything, so.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  He's admitting to driving on the wrong road.

• 16:18Speaker 03

  Are you going to citizen arrest me?

• 16:20Speaker 05

  He's just going to take it all into consideration.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  When I took my hands off the wheel there, I say, what's he going to do? And I made a gesture, like a hands up gesture. The car was completely under control.

• 16:30Speaker 06

  Yes, yeah, yeah. It's okay for you to, um, you know, just kind of relax a little bit.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  Can take both hands off the wheel with the car safe, no?

• 16:39Speaker 06

  Not when the car's rolling, it's probably best to always keep your hands on during a drive.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Car's rolling, we got him on one.

• 16:44Speaker 06

  But obviously it's just whatever is safe or what you think is safe in this drive.

• 16:49Speaker 05

  So do you need to write something down on your phone, Thomas?

• 16:52Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  As the test progressed, it became obvious that one of Hamish's tactics was to make enough comments about other people to try and take Thomas's focus off his driving.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  I was, I could stop there and it was safe to do so.

• 17:08Speaker 06

  Yes, whatever you think is safe is what I'm assessing. Your decision making is something that's very important.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. This guy made a decision to wear a white denim jacket. As if to highlight how important decision making can be on day to day.

• 17:24Speaker 05

  Thomas, would you downgrade him for that decision?

• 17:29Speaker 03

  I wouldn't say it's critical, but it's certainly an infringement.

• 17:33Speaker 06

  Just as long as you don't hit him, I'll be fine with that.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  Well, I can certainly see him.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  And as Hame approached his final corner, a pedestrian gave him his final test.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  Oh. I will allow her to pass, even though that's a jaywalker. And legally, I'm within my rights to take her out if I perceived.

• 17:54Speaker 06

  No.

• 17:55Speaker 03

  If I perceived her, if I perceived her as a threat, I could take her out.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  While Thomas took a moment to make some further notes about Hame's test, the boys huddled to discuss where they thought the leaderboard sat.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  I would say, going off Thomas's reactions, Jack's definitely coming last.

• 18:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think so.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Jack, there's some stuff that I, I was probably overdoing in mind, but just silently indicated, Thomas, did he notice that you weren't doing this?

• 18:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  He was jotting some stuff down. It's not a clean sheet.

• 18:24Speaker 05

  No, no clean sheet from past or jotting for you.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  May you mount a curve or run a stop sign.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Last into the driver's seat, Andy Lee.

• 18:33Speaker 06

  When ready, let's reverse out.

• 18:35Speaker 05

  Great. Good luck, Andy. Thank you. Well, all the guys, we're going to Falls Festival and all the guys are relying on me to get my licence for it. So let's hope it works out.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  You know what we didn't have back in our day, Hame? Yeah, how good's a reverse camera? I didn't use it just to stay authentic.

• 18:51Speaker 00

  Early on in the course, Andy made a bold choice with some encouragement from the backseat.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  Go around this guy, Andy's signing us up.

• 19:04Speaker 05

  Hey, I, I think that's fair, that he is lingering the car in front.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  It was a good move.

• 19:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 06

  Let's turn left at the traffic lights.

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Your phone's just in front of you there if you need, Thomas. If you need to write something down for Andy's aggressive honing.

• 19:19Speaker 05

  It was just, you know, I don't know why you'd show me where the horn is if you don't think you can use it.

• 19:24Speaker 06

  Are the beeples just unnecessary?

• 19:29Speaker 00

  Again, pedestrians seem to be the most obvious point at which mistakes could happen.

• 19:34Speaker 06

  Turning right at the traffic lights.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Oh, jeez, very close to that guy. Wow, I feel unsafe.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  Yep, right at downtown. Fuck him.

• 19:49Speaker 05

  Don't leave the whip. No, that, that guy on the street flinched.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  After completing a hook turn, Andy now approached a roundabout with a pedestrian crossing on the exit, and the tension was high.

• 20:05Speaker 06

  How are you feeling? Good?

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Good. Yeah, I'm actually a little bit nervous that I didn't do the, uh, the hook turn right now, which is.

• 20:13Speaker 06

  Maybe you did, maybe you didn't, I don't know.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  And Andy just driving down to the end.

• 20:20Speaker 05

  That is textbook. That is textbook how I failed my licence first time round.

• 20:27Speaker 06

  That is a pullover.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  That's a pullover.

• 20:29Speaker 06

  That is a pullover.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  A pullover, he's a pullover.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  He's blown through.

• 20:36Speaker 05

  That's exactly what happened to me 20 years ago.

• 20:40Speaker 06

  That's a pullover.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Attempted murder, attempted murder.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  That is Thomas.

• 20:50Speaker 05

  You're not safe behind the wheel. We can't even have you return the car to the start of the test.

• 20:55Speaker 03

  Get out, lie on the pavement.

• 20:57Speaker 06

  If they're on the pedestrian walkway, you must wait for them.

• 21:02Speaker 06

  There is no safe gap if they're on there.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  Tried to kill two young women near South Melbourne markets.

• 21:11Speaker 06

  Thanks, Thomas.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Couldn't believe what you were trying to do, just to weasel in front, just sneak in front. You always bumped one of them out of the way.

• 21:17Speaker 06

  I was hungry. Get back to the seat. Yeah, when they're on there, you've got to wait for them to cross, yeah. So unfortunately, it is an immediate termination error.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  We have to terminate you.

• 21:28Speaker 06

  Cool.

• 21:29Speaker 05

  Do I need him to leave the seat because he's unsafe to be behind the wheel?

• 21:32Speaker 06

  You can drive back, but you technically still have your licence if you want to take back, or I could swap back.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  Oh, look, I think, I think I'll take this back.

• 21:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Well, I might get an Uber.

• 21:45Speaker 00

  So Andy was an instant fail. But how did the other two stack up? Time for Thomas to deliver his verdict.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  All right, the results. All right, so we know who was on the bottom. No, bronze medal. Oh, yeah. Bronze medal, still pony.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  Well, if you're disqualified, you don't get, you don't medal if you're disqualified.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  Pretty hard for a DNF to get a bronze medal. Is that true? You don't get a bronze medal? I came first, you're disqualified. Even the guys Bradbury was against had to kind of get up and slip over the line.

• 22:11Speaker 06

  Okay, so Jack, overall, your drive was really good.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  Don't worry about the good stuff. What did you do wrong?

• 22:15Speaker 06

  I think there was a few points just when coming out of this parking lot, you didn't signal out.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:21Speaker 06

  Also, at a traffic light, you have to stay behind the white thick line, which only Andy did. Everyone actually protruded over into the pedestrian walkway.

• 22:30Speaker 05

  Interesting. I thought it was more of a guy.

• 22:33Speaker 06

  No, not a guy.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  Closer, closer.

• 22:37Speaker 06

  But a good thing is you're the only one who did the whole turn correctly.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 22:40Speaker 06

  So staying to the left and only turning right when the right light turns green, not red.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  I feel like Jack didn't look at his mirrors before indicating a lot.

• 22:48Speaker 06

  Not all the time.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  You're bad. You have to, I remember that from the test, you had to look in your mirror before you indicated. I have strong peripheral vision. Just in the roundabout one, though, when Jack went into the roundabout and the car

• 23:00Speaker 05

  was indicator still on.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  The signal indicator was still on. He should not have got into that roundabout.

• 23:04Speaker 06

  Although that was the case, there was nothing bad that happened, so we can't.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  Thank God.

• 23:08Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 23:09Speaker 03

  Thank God.

• 23:10Speaker 05

  Hang on, it can't be like if nothing bad happened, so it's fine.

• 23:14Speaker 06

  That is, that is how it works.

• 23:15Speaker 05

  So nothing bad happened when I didn't hit the pedestrians.

• 23:18Speaker 06

  Only if it results in an accident or collision, should we say. It's like you can't really charge someone for murder unless they kill someone, right?

• 23:24Speaker 05

  Right.

• 23:24Speaker 03

  Attempted murder.

• 23:25Speaker 05

  Attempted murder.

• 23:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, but you get what I mean.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  No.

• 23:29Speaker 06

  Like sometimes the intention was, yes, so sometimes if you do a right turn, sometimes it could be a U-turn. But at that point, the, the, the.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  It's happened.

• 23:36Speaker 06

  It's more lucky than not.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Lucky. Well, thank God, because I didn't feel safe.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  So would both of them have passed?

• 23:42Speaker 06

  Yes, yes, definitely.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 23:43Speaker 06

  Definitely.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  Who had a higher score?

• 23:49Speaker 06

  It would be Hamish.

• 23:51Speaker 06

  Hamish did, had better driving behaviour, more observant on the road, more checking. Definitely checked his back mirror before slowing down at some times as well. So his observation on the road was much more better, which gave him better choices.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Eyes up.

• 24:05Speaker 06

  Good job, mate.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  As I said, pleasure driving with you. Bad luck, Jack. I actually was very scared and I knew you were in full control at all times.

• 24:14Speaker 06

  Good job, good job, mate.

• 24:15Speaker 05

  Thank you, Thomas.

• 24:16Speaker 06

  You did well, though, really good, really good.

• 24:17Speaker 05

  I keep my licence, only one of us loses our licence.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  For this time, although you have lost it previously, we don't know what can happen down the track.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  I've learned a valuable lesson and that will never happen again.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Hame, we're known as a podcast that we're people that have extreme empathy. So not just people, but things they can come here and share and feel at peace with it. So it's time to get into extreme empaths.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  I mean, we have empathy for how much empathy they have. We don't have their levels of empathy. Obviously, I think we kind of have a regular amount, but it's enough to welcome them kind of carrying this almost crippling amount of empathy that they have because they feel sorry for things that are not sentient.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly. Some might argue that I have a little less than regular.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  But I think I have a little more, so it does help the average. It helps smooth this out.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  I think you're right. This is from Irene, Ahoy Boys, extreme empath submission. She writes, I was going on a trip with my friends to the southern Highlands in New South Wales. We were travelling, we were travelling on the Hume Highway and had to take an exit onto the old Hume Highway.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Upon seeing the old Hume Highway sign, my friend felt sad because it had been demoted and is no longer the main Hume Highway. She felt that they should have named it Hume Highway Junior instead.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  The original and spectacular?

• 25:57Speaker 02

  The original would be better, wouldn't it?

• 25:58Speaker 05

  The original Hume Highway.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  Oh, gee, Hume Highway, yeah, always a chance to rebrand it. I mean, Trump's, Trump's gone on a rebranding scheme. Maybe we can ask him. Look, it's got nothing to do with America.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  So between Sydney and Melbourne, there's a thing called the Hume.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  We'd love you to sort that out for us.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  And this comes in from Cara.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  My friend does not like to pick her scabs because she feels sorry for her white blood cells. They've worked so hard to form a scab and now their work is ruined. She says, it's like messing with a bird's nest.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  They are pretty hard working cells.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  Megan.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  Do you know what I reckon that comes from? I had a book when I was a kid and it showed you how the body works.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  And most of it, like red and white blood cells were like little people and I think like scabs. Did you, did you have that book?

• 26:49Speaker 02

  I can see the illustrations of the red and white blood cells, yes.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  And like the gastrointestinal system was like, you know, had pulleys and ropes and stuff. And people with like empty stomach acids and things. So maybe same book, because I feel like I do feel like my blood cells have a personality, but I think it's from that book.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  From Megan at hamishane.com, 50% of the emails go to myself and the other go to Hame, so we can surprise each other. But this from Megs, she says, I have become an extreme empath.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  She's new to it. I got new toothbrush holders and they're upsetting me because it looks like the toothbrushes are hanging by their necks and being choked when I put them away.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  I've gone back to using the old toothbrush cup just so they look a bit more comfortable and they can rest every time.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  Stand up to all the brave.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  I kind of get it. I know, that one does resonate with me.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, Ando. This comes in from Reed, a reader.

• 27:55Speaker 03

  Says, hello, I want to draw your attention to something I would never have considered myself to be an extreme empath for, but I heard this story the other day. Please do yourself a favour and read this, the whole story. And you yourself may now sympathise for this object. The object in question is something called the Choloteka Bridge in Honduras.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  It's a 484 metre long bridge.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Big bridge.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  That's a big bridge.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  That's a big bridge.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Built in 1998, that famously survived a category five hurricane intact.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Only to be left standing over dry land because the hurricane shifted the river's course.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  And now the bridge has been decommissioned. So he did his job, only to be let down by those around him. Please find attached the image. All the best, Reader. And she's right, just there. And I think the road was destroyed too. So just the bridge is there by itself in a field.

• 28:50Speaker 02

  Then they can just send a road across the plains.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess they just moved the whole thing. The river got moved, the road was destroyed and now it's just, the bridge survived.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  I feel sorry for that.

• 29:01Speaker 02

  We've got time for one more?

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Let's do it.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  This is Darcy.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  Extreme empath in the wild. I'll often listen to the pod on my daily walk around the neighbourhood and came across this DIY message on someone's letterbox.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  It said, yes, junk mail.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  It's heartwarming stuff.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  I feel awful that I'd never considered how excluded junk mail may feel when it notices the no junk mail signs and this one person was welcoming them in.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Three weeks away from this.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  More and more applications to be in the audience come in. What are we approaching now, Ham?

• 30:03Speaker 03

  The number of applicants is approaching a staggering 50 million.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  People.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Approaching.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  Approaching.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Ever approaching, as it charges towards what some say is a lofty mark.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:17Speaker 03

  Which will require surely some outsourcing if we do hit the 50 mil to sift through the applicants. What we can say is the applications that are coming in, putting us ever, ever closer to the 5-0. 000000. We are loving the Mando. There's so many amazing applications coming in because we did stipulate to people, hey, look, we're going to be dropping many tens of thou. On prizes to really just say, we love you to the listeners of this show. Very, well, not, I mean, Mr. Beast obviously does millions, but very, very junior beast of us.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Junior beast.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Very trainee beast of us, just as really lavish people with, with, you know.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  But if you were to do a proportion of his earnings. Versus ours, I feel like.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  I think ours is more generous. Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right. I mean, he's dropping landos on people and we're giving them clay shooting target robots.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  But.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Proportionally.

• 31:15Speaker 03

  Proportionately means more from us.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  So we put more thought into the gifts. Hey, do you want to kick off with someone that could be a good applicant for an audience member?

• 31:24Speaker 03

  Look, I, I was moved by this submission, Ando, because we did say to people, like, if we're going to be doing all this, show us how you are getting more ears across our podcast. We can actually, we should be able to tell from the data by the end of the year. It would be truly amazing if there was a spike in listeners and it's actually worked.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  What do you think truly amazing? This is of course.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  That's what it's, what it's meant to do.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  Here's, this is from Emily. Love this. You know, she's in, in the ACT, so gonna have to make her own way there should she choose to accept the ticket. She's a midwife and runs birth education classes at the hospital and suggests listening to the Hamish and Andy podcast whilst labouring.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  Said because the, the serotonin and the feel-good vibes can help kind of distract the mind whilst the mum-to-be is going through labouring.

• 32:15Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  She did it herself as she laboured.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  And she, and recommended it.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Recommended it, worked well. She said it worked very, very well. And she does raise a good point too. She's like, you know, labours can go for many hours.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  So whilst it might only be one new listener, they could be burning through 20 eps.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  Great point. I mean, so really clocking numbers up due to the sheer time they are listening.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  So, I mean, she's not, she's not pregnant at the moment. Did she request a stunt double or is she, she happy to be pushed in the pool?

• 32:45Speaker 03

  Very happy to be pushed in the pool. Very happy to be pushed in the pool.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  She's in, she's in.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  She's not in the pool. We hope, we hope she's the prize winner, but she's in the audience.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Staying in the ACT, Australia's capital territory. Chloe, I'm a paramedic with the ACT ambulance service and I constantly have the HNA pod playing in the ambulance. The patients are a captive audience. Literally, they're constrained for safety.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  So this is two people that are using medical reasons to hoist this, the podcast upon people who are, have a large chance of either having an epidural or being sedated.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yes. If they're conscious enough, they enjoy the pod and they're getting the full experience. If they're not, at least subconsciously, might be sleeping. Chloe, you're in.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  They're gonna, they're gonna wake up and they're off the green whistle and they come out going, why do I have a real urge not to mention a certain man starting with the R?

• 33:48Speaker 02

  I don't know why I feel that. What a wild ride.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Ando, this comes in from a young man called Jason. And this is a great application for a couple of reasons. Number one, he is, he, he goes, look, I'm, I'm heavily, he heavily pushes the Hamish and Andy pod on social media. He says, look, he, he shares clips with friends, he forwards them on. A lot of the time it's unsolicited, but he really sort of sees himself almost as like a bit of a missionary, almost like just badgering people.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  He's an influencer.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Listen, he's an influencer. He's, I guess it's more than influencing to, it's sort of like pressuring people. So he's DMing people's stuff. He believes that some people have now listened to the podcast because they genuinely enjoy it. But others, he suspects, have started listening simply because it's easier than dealing with him. So they've like succumbed, succumbed to the pressure. And that's exactly the level of pressure that we want on people.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  Yes, like those people that, you know, definitely when you're overseas in a tourist area that tell you to come and eat out the front of this. So like, come in, come in, yes, free garlic bread. And you're like, all right.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Well, we're gonna eat anyway.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  I'm hungry.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  It's a tourist trap, but we're going in anyway.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  Here's the exciting bit, and this is why I've got him up on the line. A, with your permission, Ando, to tell him that he's coming.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  But B, he's requested a stunt double.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Oh, absolutely. Jason, ahoy to you.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Jase. Ahoy, boys. Ahoy.

• 35:09Speaker 02

  Jason, why do you need a stunt double?

• 35:12Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm coming from Sydney. Wanted to do a quick trip in and out. I don't want to get clothes wet. As I have to go back onto the plane back to Sydney. He's doing it to minimise luggage space.

• 35:25Speaker 03

  In the hope that he wins prizes and he can fill his suitcase up with the prizes.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  But know this, Jason, all people that request stunt doubles have to bring an exact replica of the clothes that they're in for the stunt double.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  I guess I can wear, I can wear two sets of clothes. I'll pass one on, leave it there, bring the empty suitcase for all the prizes to win. Okay, so you'll be coming in a very affordable wardrobe and just what, just leaving.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  When you say wear two pairs of, you think you're putting two pairs of jeans?

• 35:54Speaker 03

  No, I mean, you're bringing a bag, but you don't need to bring it empty. Can't you just bring your, your $10 jeans in, in the suitcase?

• 36:02Speaker 02

  I guess so.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  I'm glad we thought of this, mate, because you're gonna be wearing two pairs of jeans on the plane.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  Hey, Jason, you're in.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  You're in, Jason. You're in. Can't wait to see you.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  We only, we were only allowing how many?

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Two. I think we said two stunt doubles.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  I, I kind of thought they would be saved for like the elderly or people who really could.

• 36:25Speaker 03

  I haven't seen any of those applications. Very much everyone coming in is so proud of their swimming ability.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  I'd love to up our chances of using a stunt double because it's going to be random if he gets selected. So if it's only like two people out of 136 that.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  So you want more people requesting stunt doubles now?

• 36:41Speaker 02

  I think so. I think we want to.

• 36:42Speaker 03

  Do you want to boost it to 10?

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  And I think, you know how we were saying, okay, but that means we have to have 10 stunt doubles. It doesn't really.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  No.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  One bloke, like, because stunt doubles play men, women, tall, short.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Are we, are we giving?

• 36:54Speaker 03

  You look at some of the movies that, you know, it's very obvious to switch out for a stunt double. I don't think it needs to be that accurate to the body shape.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Quick thought, are we giving, giving people a plus one, aren't they, on the most part? For those with a stunt double, have requested stunt double, should they have to bring their own stunt double as their plus one?

• 37:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, that would save us a lot of effort.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  So find a friend who can, who does, does their own stunts. Okay, but then for Jason, for example.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  He doesn't, he doesn't want to get on the. Yeah, just like now he's got a wet friend on the plane.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  Now he's got a friend that's checking luggage. He'll be like, I'm not waiting for you. The whole point was I was going to carry on only.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  But he doesn't have to, he doesn't have to. He can, he can leave his friend there. That's up for him to settle.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  I think for the chance to win all these incredible prizes, Jason, it wouldn't kill Jason to find someone in Melbourne that could meet him there.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's true. Okay, okay, okay. Ruby, I want to put her forward as a potential candidate to be in the audience. She says, I'm Ruby. I'm a VCE English teacher in regional Victoria. When it comes to analysing texts, especially for Australian identity and informal language, I've been known to project videos of the pod and print written transcripts of the show for the kids to analyse.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  What a mess that would be.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Literally passing on the show to the next generation. She joins us now because I think that'd be an absolute mess for the students, as Hamish mentioned. Ruby, ahoy to you.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  Ahoy, ahoy, how are you?

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Is there a topic that has resonated most with, with your, your VCE students having to analyse this show?

• 38:27Speaker 03

  Um, they, we, I teach basically linguistics, right? And so we were analysing turn-taking and so they're analysing the way that Hamish tends to talk over Andy.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  Fail them.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  Which I thought was really funny.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  It's one take on it, but of course, as we're teaching the VCE, many takes are sometimes needed. One kid can hear something, another kid can hear something else. Exactly, exactly. And so I was like, you know, we've got to, we've got to analyse it from all, all points of view here. And that's, that's my job, you know? We've got to look at it objectively and.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Ruby, you're in.

• 39:05Speaker 03

  Not your awful endorsement of the team. I was, I was very proud for a moment at someone that did VCE English. Like, wow, I can't believe I'm being used as part of the syllabus. Now I'm being used as a not what to do, what not to do. But is there ever an argument to me to go, ah, Andy was sort of just droning on a bit there and it was,

• 39:24Speaker 03

  time to spice things up? I mean, I guess, I guess I analyse that you've got really good gusto. Yes, that's it. Because you've got to really look at the full 360 picture here. We're trying to have, keep people's attention. So sometimes it kills me to have to jump in on top, but I'm like, well, gotta do it. Gotta wrestle this thing back on track.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Thank you, Ruby, you're in.

• 39:45Speaker 03

  Thank you so much. Bye.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.